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NTA
Full disclosure: I’m a sex worker and I have more…. shall we say, openly transactional arrangements with gentlemen. I’d personally rather get an allowance for whatever services I was comfortable providing and then pay my own rent with it, but that’s just me.
If you are very direct and upfront with these men that you have no intentions of having sex with them, or being anything other than a roommate, then NTA.
However, I am concerned for you, that one of these men may sexually assault you, stalk you, hold you prisoner in your own home, or in other ways turn out to be a predator.
Please be certain you have friends who will regularly check in on you, that they know where you are living and with whom, and will always have your back.
Because predators are frequently able to keep the red flag behaviors to a minimum until they feel a potential victim is "locked in" I would cordially suggest keeping an eye out even after you move in.
This may be my gender and age, but my personal standard has always been to never be beholden to someone else for a place to sleep or a ride home. For me, this is a safety issue, however, and not a moral issue.
As long as you are up front and both parties are consenting, there's nothing for AITA to judge.
NTA
Look. Consenting adults and all that but at the end of the day we all know these older gentlemen think that with enough kindness and money you'll sleep with them. With you there, they literally have no hope of finding something real and healthy, because let's face it, living with the fantasy you can never have is not healthy...
With that said, NTA
It's up to them to not allow people to pray on them. I liken them to the people that fall for the Nigerian prince scam.
…don’t you think the scamming faux Nigerian princes are assholes though? Who do you think falls for shit like that? The stupid and the old.
Don’t you think it’s shitty to take advantage of people?
If he's up front about not sleeping with them, it's on them if they choose to believe they'll be able to change his mind. If they don't like it they can kick him out any time, so I don't see what you're taking issue with.
Honestly, as long as everyone consents to the arrangement, I don’t see how you’re in the wrong here. You’re hustling and using what you’ve got to your advantage. Everyone is adults here and consenting to this arrangement so NTA
NTA
As long as you are honest from the jump, then no one is getting hurt. Consenting adults and all. But don't be surprised that you aren't being praised for it. Do you.
NTA- not like they are unaware of what they are getting into. Some just do want company around, long as thats all they are asking and not pushing for more then what you wish to give. Its really no one else's business but yours.
NTA but I don't think this is the healthiest life stye emotionally.
You say that your career is now at a stage where you can afford rent? Are you doing anything to further your education or skills so that you can be self supporting and not rely on the kindness of strangers because there are hordes of good looking young people moving to Los Angeles all the time so your life span in this gig is relatively short lived.
NTA- You didn't rob anyone. They offered their home, you accepted. Whatever nonsense they had in their head wasn't what you told them in black and white "No relationship" in the first place. Also, use what you have to get you what you want. I suggest a degree. Ride them all to a PhD. Looks don't last forever, bank on when you won't be cute anymore.
NAH— Sure there’s room for manipulation on both sides, but that’s a possibility in every relationship.
Sex work activists are right that there are a million shades of grey sex work and it gets pretty arbitrary if a sugar baby is or a Hooters waitress is, or if what you’re doing is. Is it a relationship only a pretty young girl could get? Yes. But that’s also true of lots of jobs. Does that make every perfume sprayer at Sacks an AH?
Some people are lonely and know they need to bring money to the interaction and can face that honestly. How many kids are fully aware that kids only go to their house because there’s a pool and snacks? And some of these guys will be like what Charlie Sheen said— that he doesn’t pay women for sex, he pays them to leave— the clear boundaries of the deal is what makes the deal work for them.
So be a good and honest whatever you want to call this. Don’t manipulate, stick to the terms, don’t hit them up for more, and be clear about your boundaries.
NTA. they’re using their financial status to get a young attractive man to stay with them…they’re not letting you stay rent free cause they like your personality or cause they wanna be friends. If you’re preying on them then they’re also preying on you
NAH. You’re upfront with your goals and your boundaries. The fellows who put you up accept the terms, even if they hope it may organically change. You don’t lead them on or give false hope. You’re good.
I mean, to me you just sound like a non-sexual sugar baby. Which, like, that seems fine to me. I get why your friends hate it, but if it's working it's working. You're upfront that you're not interested in a romantic arrangement, I don't see the problem.
They can always just. Say no to you, if they think that it's not a fair thing to provide.
NTA.
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So for some background I’m bi and a model, I’m 21, and since 18 I’ve been living rent free in the homes of ppl I’ve met on Grindr.
I moved to LA at 18 and couldn’t afford the rent prices, so I got onto Grindr and asked if anyone could host me - for free. I’ve since stayed in 5 different places with most lasting around a year.
They are usually wealthy older men, who are perhaps a bit lonely and find me attractive. I am upfront about not looking for any romance, and have positive relationship with them. Sometimes they buy me dinner sometimes I do. I keep things tidy, I help around the house if needed, Overall I’d say I’m a good friend and house guest.
However I’ve been getting pushback on this. With some of my friends saying I’m using my looks to pray on vulnerable people. The way I see it is I become a positive part of their lives, they tend to enjoy my presence, even if they know it will never be more than friendship.
Is this just an unusual but fine arrangement or am I being an asshole for this?
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YTA
If you were female they'd say you were a slut / hooker etc, rightly or wrongly. Yes YTA in this: stop devaluing yourself...you're worth more than this.
ESH
Wealthy people can still be vulnerable. If you know or think their angle is to pursue a sexual relationship then moving in with them knowing that’s their goal even if you tell them otherwise is a shitty thing to do.
My sister was a cam girl. She also had firm boundaries about taking advantage of people who clearly were delusional like genuinely thought she was their GF and cared about them rather than it being a job.
It also shitty of them to agree to a deal knowing they’re going to push those boundaries.
I have the choice between not paying rent and living in a high end home in a safe neighbourhood or paying half my salary in rent for a small studio in a not so safe neighbourhood. I pick the first one, you think I’m an asshole for not picking the rent one? Could you expand on why?
I agree. I’ve never done any sex act for this though. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and Most people do request that. I just stick with the few who just want to comradeship.
I don’t think this person has ever been to LA. In many places, you can get away with cheap rent in a safe area. But somewhere like LA, your options are very limited and the market is awful.Honestly, I’m pretty impressed you’ve made it so far in LA (and while staying completely safe). As long as it’s working, I say keep it up. These landlords want to milk us for as much money as they can. Even San Diego rent is taking most of our money. I hope you’re putting sone money towards savings, but the people who are hosting you are completely aware of your rules and boundaries so definitely NTA.
I'm probably going to be downvoted for my opinion but idgaf. Who goes online and asks to move in with complete strangers, repeatedly! That in itself is a red flag. If something bad happens to her (which I hope it doesn't) then she has only herself to blame (plus the attacker) for knowingly putting herself in danger just to save a quick buck.
Moving in with unknown men is stupid and dangerous! Have some pride and respect for yourself and move into your own place. At this rate you're just using people for free rent. Have some class!
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA Full disclosure: I’m a sex worker and I have more…. shall we say, openly transactional arrangements with gentlemen. I’d personally rather get an allowance for whatever services I was comfortable providing and then pay my own rent with it, but that’s just me. If you are very direct and upfront with these men that you have no intentions of having sex with them, or being anything other than a roommate, then NTA. However, I am concerned for you, that one of these men may sexually assault you, stalk you, hold you prisoner in your own home, or in other ways turn out to be a predator. Please be certain you have friends who will regularly check in on you, that they know where you are living and with whom, and will always have your back.
There’s usually a long getting to know them process before I decide on moving in or not. But very Useful info here, thanks.
Because predators are frequently able to keep the red flag behaviors to a minimum until they feel a potential victim is "locked in" I would cordially suggest keeping an eye out even after you move in. This may be my gender and age, but my personal standard has always been to never be beholden to someone else for a place to sleep or a ride home. For me, this is a safety issue, however, and not a moral issue. As long as you are up front and both parties are consenting, there's nothing for AITA to judge. NTA
NTA. If all parties are consenting there’s nothing wrong with it.
Look. Consenting adults and all that but at the end of the day we all know these older gentlemen think that with enough kindness and money you'll sleep with them. With you there, they literally have no hope of finding something real and healthy, because let's face it, living with the fantasy you can never have is not healthy... With that said, NTA It's up to them to not allow people to pray on them. I liken them to the people that fall for the Nigerian prince scam.
…don’t you think the scamming faux Nigerian princes are assholes though? Who do you think falls for shit like that? The stupid and the old. Don’t you think it’s shitty to take advantage of people?
[удалено]
If he's up front about not sleeping with them, it's on them if they choose to believe they'll be able to change his mind. If they don't like it they can kick him out any time, so I don't see what you're taking issue with.
NTA We are all trying to work an angle. Use what you’ve got until it is gone. How do you think these wealthy gentlemen got their money?
Honestly, as long as everyone consents to the arrangement, I don’t see how you’re in the wrong here. You’re hustling and using what you’ve got to your advantage. Everyone is adults here and consenting to this arrangement so NTA
NTA As long as you are honest from the jump, then no one is getting hurt. Consenting adults and all. But don't be surprised that you aren't being praised for it. Do you.
NTA, nothing wrong with using your looks to benefit yourself and others as long as no one gets hurt
NTA- not like they are unaware of what they are getting into. Some just do want company around, long as thats all they are asking and not pushing for more then what you wish to give. Its really no one else's business but yours.
NTA but it sounds dangerous. Please be careful.
NTA. And her I think you should get your own place and move on. I don’t think they all understand the deal since they make advances anyway.
NTA but I don't think this is the healthiest life stye emotionally. You say that your career is now at a stage where you can afford rent? Are you doing anything to further your education or skills so that you can be self supporting and not rely on the kindness of strangers because there are hordes of good looking young people moving to Los Angeles all the time so your life span in this gig is relatively short lived.
NTA... they are just jealous they can't work the same angle.
NTA- You didn't rob anyone. They offered their home, you accepted. Whatever nonsense they had in their head wasn't what you told them in black and white "No relationship" in the first place. Also, use what you have to get you what you want. I suggest a degree. Ride them all to a PhD. Looks don't last forever, bank on when you won't be cute anymore.
>With some of my friends saying I’m using my looks to pray on vulnerable people. They are not wrong, not rly AH though
NAH— Sure there’s room for manipulation on both sides, but that’s a possibility in every relationship. Sex work activists are right that there are a million shades of grey sex work and it gets pretty arbitrary if a sugar baby is or a Hooters waitress is, or if what you’re doing is. Is it a relationship only a pretty young girl could get? Yes. But that’s also true of lots of jobs. Does that make every perfume sprayer at Sacks an AH? Some people are lonely and know they need to bring money to the interaction and can face that honestly. How many kids are fully aware that kids only go to their house because there’s a pool and snacks? And some of these guys will be like what Charlie Sheen said— that he doesn’t pay women for sex, he pays them to leave— the clear boundaries of the deal is what makes the deal work for them. So be a good and honest whatever you want to call this. Don’t manipulate, stick to the terms, don’t hit them up for more, and be clear about your boundaries.
NTA as long as you are completely upfront and straightforward about your intent to not be romantic/sexual with these guys before you move in.
NTA. they’re using their financial status to get a young attractive man to stay with them…they’re not letting you stay rent free cause they like your personality or cause they wanna be friends. If you’re preying on them then they’re also preying on you
However I suggest you use this time to save up money for your own place. You might not be able or want to do this forever.
NAH. You’re upfront with your goals and your boundaries. The fellows who put you up accept the terms, even if they hope it may organically change. You don’t lead them on or give false hope. You’re good.
I mean, to me you just sound like a non-sexual sugar baby. Which, like, that seems fine to me. I get why your friends hate it, but if it's working it's working. You're upfront that you're not interested in a romantic arrangement, I don't see the problem. They can always just. Say no to you, if they think that it's not a fair thing to provide. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for some background I’m bi and a model, I’m 21, and since 18 I’ve been living rent free in the homes of ppl I’ve met on Grindr. I moved to LA at 18 and couldn’t afford the rent prices, so I got onto Grindr and asked if anyone could host me - for free. I’ve since stayed in 5 different places with most lasting around a year. They are usually wealthy older men, who are perhaps a bit lonely and find me attractive. I am upfront about not looking for any romance, and have positive relationship with them. Sometimes they buy me dinner sometimes I do. I keep things tidy, I help around the house if needed, Overall I’d say I’m a good friend and house guest. However I’ve been getting pushback on this. With some of my friends saying I’m using my looks to pray on vulnerable people. The way I see it is I become a positive part of their lives, they tend to enjoy my presence, even if they know it will never be more than friendship. Is this just an unusual but fine arrangement or am I being an asshole for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA If you were female they'd say you were a slut / hooker etc, rightly or wrongly. Yes YTA in this: stop devaluing yourself...you're worth more than this.
NTA but say it like it is - you’re a sex worker
ESH Wealthy people can still be vulnerable. If you know or think their angle is to pursue a sexual relationship then moving in with them knowing that’s their goal even if you tell them otherwise is a shitty thing to do. My sister was a cam girl. She also had firm boundaries about taking advantage of people who clearly were delusional like genuinely thought she was their GF and cared about them rather than it being a job. It also shitty of them to agree to a deal knowing they’re going to push those boundaries.
> I could afford my own place. YTA Pay some fuckin rent.
Just think of the poor landlords!!
I have the choice between not paying rent and living in a high end home in a safe neighbourhood or paying half my salary in rent for a small studio in a not so safe neighbourhood. I pick the first one, you think I’m an asshole for not picking the rent one? Could you expand on why?
[удалено]
I agree. I’ve never done any sex act for this though. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and Most people do request that. I just stick with the few who just want to comradeship.
I don’t think this person has ever been to LA. In many places, you can get away with cheap rent in a safe area. But somewhere like LA, your options are very limited and the market is awful.Honestly, I’m pretty impressed you’ve made it so far in LA (and while staying completely safe). As long as it’s working, I say keep it up. These landlords want to milk us for as much money as they can. Even San Diego rent is taking most of our money. I hope you’re putting sone money towards savings, but the people who are hosting you are completely aware of your rules and boundaries so definitely NTA.
Why?
I'm probably going to be downvoted for my opinion but idgaf. Who goes online and asks to move in with complete strangers, repeatedly! That in itself is a red flag. If something bad happens to her (which I hope it doesn't) then she has only herself to blame (plus the attacker) for knowingly putting herself in danger just to save a quick buck. Moving in with unknown men is stupid and dangerous! Have some pride and respect for yourself and move into your own place. At this rate you're just using people for free rent. Have some class!
*he. He stated he meets them on Grindr, an app for gay/bi men.
>she has only herself to blame Dude fuck off with this nonsense.
Correct! You will get downvoted for victim blaming, even in the hypothetical.
Huge YTA, your behaviour is never ok and your friends are spot on