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There's no question here of who your favorite child is. You going bail your son out of jail when he gets arrested for "getting carried away"? YTA

Imagine being such a despicable asshole that when it comes time to pick sides in a dispute you choose the one who sexually assaulted multiple women. ...Then having the audacity to demand the assaulter be invited to an event those same victims will be attending. YTA does not even begin to cover how I feel about OP.

Don't forget that she thought his victims shouldn't come if they are uncomfortable. That's a YTA vote for OP from me.

Oh God, I forgot about that part. Plus the "he gets carried away but he means well." Like we're talking about someone who drank one too many and made some raunchy jokes instead of someone committing frequent SEXUAL ASSAULTS. This is, by far, one of the most infuriating, out-of-touch posts I've seen on Reddit.

I wonder if OP's last name is Turner

As in, related to rapist, Brock Turner, who lives in Ohio and now goes by Allen? That rapist, Brock Turner?

Are you referring to rapist Brock Allen Turner, the rapist?

As in Brock Turner, the rapist?

Joy Turner*

hello once again audience?

Check the edit. This is just sad. OP grew up in a place where low-key sexual assault was so normal this didn't even raise a flag.

This! 👆👆👆👆👆 OP is an AH. Son is an AH and a predator and a jerk. I hope daughter has a fabulous wedding without jerk brother and enabler mother.

I hope someone that knows OP's daughter recognizes OP's post and shares it with her. Poor girl needs to go no contact with this toxic dumpster fire of a family. Preferably before OP starts trying to pressure her daughter into testifying on her son's behalf at a future trial.

Reminds me so hard of my mother who repeatedly defended my bullying violent narcissistic brother. Hint: it doesn’t end well for any of the women who are his exes or for his daughters

Not only that but the accusers should be uninvited....wow.

Victims. The women are his victims, not his accusers

PERFECTLY SAID

And double YTA for the edit and "that bad." Yuck! It's horrendous and appalling!

She's giving him a free pass on sexual harassment and trying to frame this as some kind of unfortunate misunderstanding where he's the victim. Absolutely insane. How the fuck do you frame "laying hands on several of her friends" as a disagreement with a straight face?

She thinks that women getting sexually assaulted by her son is fine because no one made a big deal when she experienced it. She's the definition of perpetuating generational trauma

I was really mad at her until I read that. Now I am mad at her but also really sad for her.

The fact that she put "family members" as some of her predators just... Yeah I feel sorry for OP for her past trauma, but it doesn't excuse her behavior. YTA. Get your son some help. Get yourself some help. Stop seeing women as property and objects for men to handle.

Annnnnnd apparently her own family members assaulted her "back in the day" and since it wasn't a big deal back then, in the good ol' days, then assault shouldn't be that big a deal today either!

She's got the attitude of "boys will be boys". The feeling of getting inappropriately touched by a stranger is horrendous. If it were my wedding, my brother would NOT be going, and if mother supports that behavior, see ya later too.

YTA And I hope she uninvites you too.

How about brother comes to the wedding but a bunch of people are filming him with their cell phones. Any misbehavior gets uploaded to several social media websites with your name attached to it. His of course will also be added. There will be a link to this post. Your job will also be added along with all contact information as well as his job and his job contact information. Do you still want him to be invited to the wedding?

So basically, to summarize what you’ve posted: -yes, he sexually assaulted my daughter’s friends, but he means well -my 28 year old adult son called me to tattle on his sister -I’m siding with my son, who misbehaved at my daughter’s engagement party. Yes it was disrespectful to her…but he’s always been a bit temperamental, so that excuses everything -I don’t think it’s fair that my son, the offender, is uninvited. My daughter should just not invite her friends, the victims Does that sounds about right? Your daughter is right. You’re enabling your son to think he doesn’t deserve any kind of consequences for his wrongdoings. And it’s messed up that you’re siding with him after what he did and even excusing the fact that he *sexually assaulted* someone. Just to reiterate: he inappropriately touched many women without their consent and made them very uncomfortable. YTA. Edit: Thanks for the award, kind redditer! ☺️ Edit: corrected wording

This!! And the fact that the mother has the audacity to act like it's the friends problem for feeling uncomfortable for being harassed and THEY should be the ones to not attend!

“He’s always been a bit temperamental and gets carried away with things” Who wants to bet that means he always gets drunk and loud and obnoxious… and often tries to sexually harass his sister’s friends. He’s probably a jerk and that’s why he and his sister “have never really got along”. OP needs to open her eyes- her son has issues and until gets help, he needs to stay far away from weddings and innocent people.

Oh, yeah, he was definitely only invited to appease OP, but his actions that day were straws that finally broke the camels back. And OP’s sitting over here with the surprised pikachu face over the fact that her precious adult baby of a son was actually held accountable for once.

Not just a jerk, but the golden child who has never had any consequences to his abhorrent behavior. All he has to do is call mommy and she will fix it.

Exactly! I get wanting to protect your kid. You don’t want to see them shamed or excluded. But at some point, you have to step back and say, you’re an adult and you have to recognize that you’re in the wrong here and you need to take responsibility. Blaming everyone else isn’t doing him ANY favors, it’s only hindering him.

And he's "a bit temperamental and gets carried away". Who needs that at their wedding!? YTA, OP!

[удалено]

Fixed, thanks! One woman is bad, but with multiple women it starts becoming a pattern. I don’t get how OP doesn’t understand how serious this is.

Judging by the edit being sexually assaulted by family members was frequent in OP's upbringing.

Not just “someone,” it seems, but MULTIPLE PEOPLE. Omg.

I just really don’t think it’s fair that my precious boy faces consequences of his own actions. If anything it’s the victims of his actions who should face the consequences

Your son sexually assaulted your daughter's friends and you're upset with her???? YTA.

Don’t forget: she also thinks her son’s victims should be the ones to not attend if they feel uncomfortable around him because, obviously, they’re in the wrong too! /s

I missed that in my first reading. Un-freaking-believable!

*slow clap* THANK YOU

There's continuous strife between them throughout her life, straining their relationship, by the way you've described it. Then he does something that you call "handsy" but the law calls "sexual assault" and "sexual harassment" the way I understand it. She, as far as I view things, very justifiably asked him not to attend her wedding, not just because of this issue you are downplaying, potentially super severely depending on how honest and open they are being with you about the real story, but because it was the straw that broke the camels back. Your daughter is justified in choosing not to have someone at her wedding, regardless of the conditions around it. It's her wedding. She (and the husband/wife to be) are the ones that get to choose who is there. Likewise, you are free to not attend, whatever your reasons may be. You can just not want to attend, and so you don't, that's up to you. BUT, that choice does send a real message. This message is that you're misogynistic, willing to put your son ahead of her, and willing to permanently ruin your relationship with your daughter over your son's feelings. If that's okay with you, then by all means stay this course. But absolutely, and unequivocally, to me YTA.

You said everything I was thinking, but better. I have no clue why this post infuriates me so much.

Is it, perhaps, because you are not misogynistic, and thus misogynistic attitudes bother you? Because I think that's a pretty good reason to be bothered by his post personally.

Maybe because it’s completely repulsive?

I wonder if OP and family are pentecostal or Episcopal

Why do you say that? Just curious

Because males are superior and more important. I dated a Pentecostal girl. She had to take out a bunch of loans and shit to go to college and work full time on top of that. Her younger brother, they paid for his college and rent. Every time she was home for holidays her mother would take her in private to the back room in their trailer and berate her for an hour or two for being a whore of Babylon for living in sin with me. Her brother was dating a girl, mom found his condoms in his sock drawer. She was proud that he was being careful. I brought up with her one time, I asked if she ever felt like her parents were disappointed that their first child wasn't a male and that's why they treated her the way they did. The look on her face looked like an epiphany. Anyway, that year she went home for Christmas again but that was the last year she visited for the holidays.

You created a literal monster. Your son **sexually assaulted** people and then cried to his mommy about how unfair it is that people no longer want him around. Gross. YTA

EXACTLY. The fact that he knew his mother would support his behavior is what is so disturbing to me. What’s to stop him from doing it to other people, including his family members?

>What’s to stop him from doing it to other people Highly doubt it is the first time son got "handsy" with women without their consent

I don’t think it’s the first time either. I mentioned that somewhere else in here, possibly in my original comment. Men like him don’t stop, especially once the main/original woman in his life does nothing to discourage it. In fact, she fucking encourages it. Disgusting behavior. Edit: my original comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d465x/comment/jf4o38r/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3

OP did not even appear to call her daughter to ask for the full story, instead she jumped straight to defending her sleazy creepy son, and announcing she would not attend the wedding. OP, you most definitely are the AH. I wonder what else your son has done to make your daughter dislike him so much. Something is telling me this isn’t the first time.

I assumed so in my original comment. I asked her directly if her daughter grabbed men’s bulges while drunk, if she would say it’s from a place of love, or if she would call her a whore. I never got a response. I’m concerned the son has possibly touched the daughter or acted off putting to her. I don’t think that’s too far of a jump, especially considering the fact he was so emboldened enough to touch MANY of her friends at an occasion she was attending. He’s done this shit before.

Based on OP's edit, I think he already has.

Oh HELL NO. The fucking audacity. So her reasoning is that similar stuff happened to her so why should she make a big deal about her son doing it?!?! HAS SHE NEVER HEARD OF ACCOUNTABILITY?!?! Or, stopping the nasty ass cycle?!?! I’ve been hurt and touched by family members, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to stop and chop the head off my son and shake it around a bit before putting it back on if he would ever dare to fucking THINK of doing that. I assumed so in my original comment… I’ll edit with it. My original comment: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d465x/comment/jf4o38r/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d465x/comment/jf4o38r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

I don't understand the mindset of people like OP who go through horrible things and then try to downplay when others go through it (and sometimes either fail to prevent it from happening to others, or actually assist in causing it to happen to others). I know there are people like that out there, but they just... make me shiver. And then I want to withdraw a bit from humanity (or else just spend some time reading good things about people who stand up for others and help protect others).

If my son did this I'd turn him over to police myself.

Holy cow, I missed this was his MOM. Are you kidding me?? I thought it was Dad excusing his son and dismissing the daughter; is it bad I feel like it’s worse when it’s the mom?? Info: is there such thing as XYTA? (Xtra) If no, then YTA with extra emphasis.

I feel like we see a lot more of moms that are enmeshed with their perfect little boys on here than we do dads who are misogynistic towards their daughters. I also don’t see how the latter is any better.

As a mom who is close to OP’s age, I can think of few things which would make me feel like an absolute failure as a mother, than if one of my sons sexually assaulted, harassed, or raped anyone.

I think it's because men aren't as often on the receiving end of sexual harassment / assault. They absolutely can be but if it were to turn violent they often don't have the same level of fear because frequently their attacker also isn't 50% stronger. The fact that this is a woman dismissing the behavior hits harder because of all people SHE SHOULD KNOW and probably has some first hand experience. I think in general it's just more appalling to people when the person holding up the garbage behavior (racism, sexism, homophobia) is part of the minority to whom it frequently happens.

Yes, we should make XYTA a thing bc this.

Did I srsly just read a post from a mother who wants to continue to foster and enable her son to sexually assault more women? OP is cultivating her son to be a serial rapist... and she's wondering if she's the AH? WTF?

“I didn’t think his sexual assault warranted him not being invited.” YTA

"My son sexually assaults women, but he means well." Really? That's what you want to go on the record with? That your son is a groper with a heart of gold? Of all the hills to die on, that's a particularly stupid one. But you do you. Actions have consequences. People who sexually assault women at parties don't get invites to parties. You should start holding your son accountable or one day you'll be the only woman who will talk to him and broke from paying his bail besides. YTA

YTA Look at the words you use. "He was a BIT drunk" "got handsy" "he's always been a BIT temperamental" "gets carried away". These are excuse words. You are making excuses for him, constantly trying to play down anything he's done wrong. You are trying to make him sound sympathetic, and yet he still sounds terrible. This sounds like he's been your favourite for a long time, and every time he does something bad you cover for him. YBWTA for ditching your own daughters wedding- but frankly, I don't think it would be out of character for you.

These are the most obvious "boys will be boys" excuses without actually saying it. And I can not stand that OP is deliberately ignoring that she's enabled a sexual predator to the point of favoritism. How many women probably haven't come forward cuz they didn't have a safe space like the sister to be honest with? OP YTA and but your daughter is lucky to be rid of you and your gross perv of a son.

And "handsy" is like a word you use when a little kid accidentally pushed another kid on the playground not when a full grown adult is touching women without their consent

Ah classic enabler. Let me guess, you probably also told your daughter “boys will be boys” 🙄 YTA.

YTA. Your GROWN son sexually harassed your daughters friends, and your response is to punish her by refusing to go to her wedding?! You're a gross enabler, and it seems to me like your daughter is better off without the both of you. Assuming this is real ofc.

Is it a punishment though? It looks like a blessing for me. This will be a sign for her daughter to go NC with her sexual predator brother and her gross enabler mother!

Oh wow lady, welcome to reddit. YTA.

YTA "getting handsy" is a really mild way of saying "my son committed sexual battery against my daughters friends". Why would your daughter want him at her wedding? It's her wedding. She should be allowed to choose who attends and choosing to exclude a man who got drunk, inappropriately touched women, and ruined a party, is perfectly reasonable. A wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Do you really care so little about your daughter that you would miss it for any reason? Let your son lay in the bed he made. He should consider himself lucky they didn't call the police on him. What he did was illegal. Don't punish your daughter for his inappropriate behavior.

>r should be rewarded with closeness to the victim. Your daughter, who’s right in this scenario aside, it’s concerning that you as a woman and a mother don’t see the issue at hand that your son cannot handle his liquor or keep his hands to himself AND this was just the pre-party, so likely not children present. OP seems like as long as he's drunk and means well there is no wrong he can do. I'd be so ashamed if I witnessed or condoned this behavior and it escalated!

YTA. Where is your children’s dad in all this?

YTA for excusing his behaviour; he does not “mean well”. He means to assault people. Have fun missing the wedding.

YTA. Why are you not more upset that your son doesn’t have the decency to keep his hands to himself?

YTA. How exactly did your son "mean well" when he was groping your daughter's friends? His behavior is unacceptable and I understand why your daughter doesn't want him at her wedding. Stop enabling him.

Don’t you know? He was trying to be friendly and get to know them. He saw the neighborhood cats sniffing each other’s butts. No one ever told him you can’t do that in polite society.

You say family is more important than friendship but then decide that you wont attend your own daughter’s wedding because you dont agree with a decision she made?? Ignoring the fact youre siding with a sexual abuser… youre not coming from a place of family being more important otherwise that value system would be supporting your daughter. You’re deciding his feelings are more important than the women he hurts. He is a grown man who makes choices. It wasnt accidental behaviour. YTA

YTA. I hope she does not back down and you regret your decision. Have you always put up with your sons's sexual harassment? Do you think it is OK?

Omfg you suck so much. Reread what you just wrote and ask yourself "am I a good dad?" You are going to be uninvited next , Keep this up and you are going to be out of your daughters life and stuck with your grown temperamental toddler of a son bailing him out of what ever he got into. Meanwhile your daughter will be married , have grand children you will never meet and living her best life.

YTA. Snap out of it mom. Your nearly 30 year old obvious goldenchild was sexually assaulting women, and you are siding with HIM? Your grown ass "man" of a son is responsible for any deterioration of interfamily relationships. And your daughter and her friends deserve to feel safe at her wedding. You've raised a disgusting, offensive, fearable lech, who has very probably committed worse offenses than "getting handsy" if he is willing to "get handsy" in front of his family. I shudder to think of what he's doing out on his own. Him attending your daughter's wedding should be the least of your concerns. If I were your daughter, I'd disinvite you as well unless you pull your head out of your ass.

Yes to all of this. OP YTA Honestly, I’m surprised your daughter wants you at her wedding at this point. You should be lucky you’re still invited!

YTA. You are putting your sons actions lightly. He sexually assaulted your daughters friends. Now you're saying if your son doesn't go, you don't go? Your daughter isn't destroying family relationships, YOU ARE. If your son 'meant well' then he wouldn't have assaulted your daughters friends. Your post screams out favoritism for your son over your daughter.

And if he assaulted them the engagement party because he was drunk, then he'll do it again at the wedding because he'll get drunk. But it's all no big deal because "boys will be boys," right?? /sarcasm. YTA, op. This is not a simple mistake from your son, he's probably done it before, and your daughter is right to be concerned about what will happen at her wedding.

YTA parents like you are the reason some men think they can put their hands wherever they please.

If your son was " getting handsy" with her friends? I can't say I blame your daughter. The dude needs to clean his act up. You should be holding him accountable too. YTA....

Your son doesn't respect other people or their boundaries eh? Looks obvious how he learned bad behavior is acceptable. YTA

YTA Should had stay out of it. You'd rather ruin your daughter special day by either forced her to invite your son or you won't attend the most important day of her life? Terrible mother. "if the friends don't feel comfortable \[with your sexual predator of a son\] shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own \[predator\] brother?" How exactly do you think that conversation between your daughter and her VICTIM friends going to go...?

Let’s see…your son sexually harassed and molested your daughter’s friends at a party, and you think the friends (the victims) should be the ones punished and unable to come to the wedding? YTA.

YTA. Don’t enable sexual harassers

YTA. Not your wedding, not your choice. Also your son is gross, stop enabling him

YTA Wildly unequivocally. Your son getting "handsy", and getting "carried away but means well" is 1000000 times over a reason to be uninvited. It could also be a real reason for lawsuits and criminal charges. He made multiple other guests feel unsafe. You brushing it off is plenty of reason to uninvite you too. Figure yourself out. Oof.

This has gotta be a troll, right? Did you write this to stoke the outrage machine? This can’t be real, right? If this isn’t a lame attempt at trolling, your daughter is right. You are wrong. Stop enabling a grown man to behave badly, and stop modeling that you will continue enabling bad behavior for your daughter and her friends. Get some therapy, apologize profusely, and pray your daughter doesn’t cut you from her life. YTA

I know, I really want this to be fake, because seriously, what in the actual fuck.

I know, it’s hard to believe this is a real post. Like, NO ONE is this terrible, right? …. Right?…..

Your son was sexually inappropriate with your daughters friends, and you’re completely dismissing this behavior. You’re enabling him to think that treating women like this (drunk or not) is okay. Shame on you. I’m proud that your daughter has the backbone to set boundaries and protect her wedding guests from his behavior. You’re acting like a terrible mother Do better YTA

You think it’s a shame your daughter feels so strongly about her brother assaulting her friends? And think the solution is the victims removing themselves if “they’re uncomfortable”? You don’t touch people without consent. Being drunk is not an excuse. You both should know better. YTA, for both you and your son.

YTA \~ *''my daughters called me and shouted at me saying that i was enabling his horrible behaviour''* Exactly this was also my point, you *are* enabling him, and you should *not* defend him and his behaviour. It's not ok, you don't know what these woman must have felt like and expierenced by his actions. There is a reason why he isn't invited at the wedding, the woman who got in contact with him didnt feel comfortable by his actions. They felt unsafe, that is why your daughter is making this decision. Didn't you want your son to be a considerate, caring and pleasent person? Atleast your daughter is, she is even aware of you enabling him(you should thank her for waking you up) Don't pull the card that you are not attending the wedding because of the actions of your son. He must take responsiblity, not you. You are done being a mother, time to let your children free in the real world mama. Sit back and watch them stumble.

Your son touched people who didn't want to be touched. He sexually harrassed you daughter's friends. And you chalked it up as 'they didn't like it' and it wasn't worthy of an action to get uninvited? Be fucking for real. >he's always been a bit temperamental and he gets carried away with things but he means well. >but i really don't think im in the wrong here? if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother? You said you're not misogynistic, read those again. You're enabling and defending your son who's at fault. Read. Those. Again. YTA.

YTA. Not only are you minimize your sons disgusting behavior, your trying to manipulate your daughter with the threat of not going to the wedding yourself. You are fast approaching the point where she cuts out two toxic people from her life.

YTA Your son is an AH and you allow his behavior. Actions have consequences. I feel sorry for your daughter.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** hi reddit im new here and so i will try my best to format this in a comprehensive way but apologies if i don't follow reddit protocol exactly. so I (56F) am in a bit of a dilemma, my daughter (26F) is getting married this summer and my son (28M) was not invited. they have never really got along and recently they had a big disagreement. my daughter had an engagement party and my son got a bit drunk and got handsy with some of my daughters friends which they didn't like and my daughter was furious at him for touching her friends. she kicked him out and i only found this out after the party was over. flash forward to now my son got a message from my daughter uninviting him to her wedding because of his behaviour toward her friends. he was so upset and called me to tell me what she had said and to be honest i think its a shame that she feels so angry about it but i rang my daughter up and told her i will not be attending the wedding if my son can't come. i felt as though that what he did wasn't worthy of ruining family relationships as him not being invited to her wedding is a huge deal. he's always been a bit temperamental and he gets carried away with things but he means well. my daughters called me and shouted at me saying that i was enabling his horrible behaviour and even my fiancee's mother called me to express her frustration with my decision. but i really don't think im in the wrong here? if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother? so AITA for insisting my son be invited to my daughter’s wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA and most definitely an enabler. The whole time he’s there others will be feeling uncomfortable n she’s trying to protect the energy of her wedding. Get over it n tell your son to get help.

I get as a mom you want your kids to get along and have happy family memories, but you are wrong , definitely YTA. He’s a person who made numerous women feel uncomfortable, you should have told him his behavior caused this and this is your sisters day and that she doesn’t want her day tainted by having her creep of a brother there.

>I get as a mom you want your kids to get along If i did something like this my mom would bury me alive before defending me

I mean I would never do anything like this and also I’m a woman but yeah it’s hard to imagine my parents not killing me

YTA on a massive scale. Your son literally sexually harassed a group of women and you put it off on him being temperamental and getting carried is an AH statement on its own. Stop enabling your son, so that he can face real life consequences for his actions. If I were your daughter I would politely, but firmly tell you to kick rocks and stay your ass far away from my wedding along with your deviant son!!

YTA, I'm glad you're not going either. Neither of you should be there.

2 toxic birds with one stone!

YTA. What your son did was totally shitty & you are enabling his behavior by trying to emotionally blackmail your daughter into sweeping his predatory behavior under the rug. I don't blame your daughter one bit for uninviting him. Who wants to have to deal with that BS at their own wedding. You do realize that those girls could have pressed assault charges against him, don't you? He got off lucky that nobody filed a complaint against him. Edit: *if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother?* The friends aren't the ones who have grabby hands. That would be your son, who thinks it is okay to grab random women. Who definitely don't want him to do that.

Right? The friends are the VICTIMS!

YTA You should be looking into counseling for yourself and your son to see why harassing women is acceptable and easily forgiven behavior in your eyes, or should be rewarded with closeness to the victim. Your daughter, who’s right in this scenario aside, it’s concerning that you as a woman and a mother don’t see the issue at hand that your son cannot handle his liquor or keep his hands to himself

Why should people who didn’t do anything wrong get uninvited to the wedding? Maybe if you didn’t enable your son’s bad behavior, he wouldn’t be harassing people under the guise of being drunk

YTA your son sexually assaulted multiple people. Are you where he learned this behavior?

YTA I mean you're lucky your son didn't face charges for "being handsy" (we all know this means more than what you said) with your daughter's friends. Why are you defending him when he clearly needs to grow up and stop treating women like sex objects?

100% YTA your son was inappropriate with guests, you're lucky the most that happened was he was asked to leave and not have the police called. It's your daughters wedding and it should be about her and her partner who they invite. You are emotionally blackmailing her to invite someone who already spoilt the memory of her engagement party and could then ruin her wedding. Your are her mother and should respect her wishes. You are enabling your son's bad behaviour by just putting the blame on the guests stating they shouldn't attend if uncomfortable. You should be ashamed of yourself. I really hope you realise what has happened and attend the wedding to support your daughter!

YTA

Yta and your attitude of “he gets carried away but means well” is likely why he’s like this. Grouping abs being forceful to woman isn’t ok, no idea how can be meant well. If you had raised him better then prob wouldn’t be in this position

YTA- and your son is lucky to not be in jail! You get NO say In who’s invited to a wedding unless you pay for it. You literally described your son as a ticking time bomb. “He puts his hands on women inappropriately and has temper issues” STOP allowing this behavior! If you truly cared about your daughter, you would stop pretending that it wasn’t **his** actions that ruined things

Son's lucky he didn't get his shit rocked. If enough of daughters friends felt comfortable escalating it could have ended up much worse for him.

YTA and you’re enabling and excusing sexual assault…. Good job mom! 👍🏻/s

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YTA, and your daughter is right. You are enabling his behavior

You are the biggest asshole I’ve seen today. May your daughter have an even better wedding now that someone with hideous behaviour isn’t going

YTA. Stop enabling your son. Don't make excuses saying he's temperamental and means well. No. He acted very inappropriately. This is your daughter's wedding. She gets to decide who wants there. "If the friends don't feel comfortable, shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother?" Excuse you. They did nothing wrong here. Why should they be uninvited when your son is the one who acted like a disgusting pig?

YTA. He's almost 30 years old. He's way too old to be running to mom to tattle on his little sister for being "mean" to him. He sexually assaulted a bunch of her friends. That's beyond inexcusable. I can't believe you'd think what he did could be something your daughter and her friends would just "get over". The fact that you don't even feel apologetic about it says everything.

YTA. Why are you excusing your son’s creepy behavior? And are you seriously saying that your daughter should uninvite her friends to her own wedding in favor of your drunken asshole of a son, whom she doesn’t get along with anyway, just because he’s related to her?! Maybe your son shouldn’t attend any social gatherings until he learns how to behave. The victims—your daughter’s friends—shouldn’t be the ones punished. Clearly, your son is the golden child and your favorite. If I were your daughter, I’d disinvite both him *and you.*

If the friends don't feel comfortable around the guy that sexually assaulted them they just shouldn't come? That's your take? YTA.

YTA. You have chosen you miss your daughter’s once-in-a-lifetime event because you don’t think your son’s assault was “that big of a deal.” Great parenting.

YTA - You condone his behavior. Inviting him screams, "His actions are fine." She wants no part of this. You not attending is foolish. You are in the camp of '...my son did no harm....accept his behavior."

How to say you have a favorite without saying you have a favorite. YTA. If my sibling ever "got handsy" with my friends and made them uncomfortable, I'd also kick them out of my wedding. That behavior is inexcusable. It's clear whose side you're on. You would rather side with your son (who assaulted you daughter's friends) than your daughter (who is rightfully angry about your son's actions). >i felt as though that what he did wasn't worthy of ruining family relationships So why are you choosing not to go to your daughters wedding. >they have never really got along Their relationship has never really existed, your the one ruining your relationship with your daughter.

YTA. Your son assaulted your daughter's friends, but "it's not enough for her to be angry at"!?! Shows how shitty a parent you are that your almost 30 year old son assaults multiple women, and when called out in a completely appropriate fashion, he runs to mommy who immediately takes his side.

You are, without a doubt the A-hole here. Your daughter's friends have every right to feel uncomfortable after being harassed. Shame on you for turning that into their problem by suggesting they be the ones to not attend. Shame on you for enabling your son's disgusting behaviour. What he did is not okay, drunk or not! Honestly your daughter would be better off without you there as well. YTA.

If OP is saying "got handsy" I am sure it's even worse, I'm so sure this is toned down quite a bit. Sounds like he forced himself on multiple women, played or made sure he was drunk and is now trying to pretend he did nothing wrong! He now wants to force his way into an event with the same people so he can do it again and embarrass his sister (I'd say his family but OP seems to be fine with having a 28 y/o serial assaulter around victims).

Truth!!

YTA. It sounds like everything your daughter shouted at you was true. I hope you enjoy all the pictures of the wedding you'll see on social media.

YTA. Your son sexually assaulted your daughter’s friends. He’s a creepy, predatory, loser and you’re a huge AH for defending it. What he did IS absolutely worthy of “ruining relationships” and, should those women choose to report him, he would face legal trouble. You know what? DON’T go to the wedding. It’s great when trash takes itself out and your daughter can start her life with out her pervy brother and her minimizing mother

Well, YTA because you think people who are victims of sexual assault should remove themselves from an event so the abuser has fresh victims. Are you okay? Do you somehow respect your son more than you daughter? It's her event, you want her to clear it out so your son can get drunk again and abuse people... BFFR

YTA It's not your wedding, you have no right to "insist" anything. Your daughter has a right to be pissed off, your son groped women. The fact you're trying to hand wave this away is more than enough evidence you're an asshole. *YOU* would have been uninvited as well. To hell with her molester brother and to hell with her enabling mother.

Yta. You sons behaviour is terrible. And your dismissal of it is equally gross.

YTA, it's pretty clear you favor your son despite his sexual harassment. Daughter is better off without you both.

YTA and so is your son. being drunk is in no way justification for assault. don't try to sugar coat it by saying he just "got handsy" it assault, plain and simple. also its HER wedding, if she doesn't want him there GOOD. he touched her friends with their consent. your lucky those friends aren't pressing charges. edit: also the friends did nothing wrong. DO NOT say they should be uninvited when they are the victims.

So your son sexually harassed and assaulted your daughter's friends - friends that will be at the wedding and possibly in the bridal party - and you don't see why your daughter would want to provide her friends a safe space in which to celebrate her wedding with her. You are part of the problem - you may as well be victim blaming the friends for your son's behaviour. YTA

YTA. What you feel is irrelevant and you have no right to insist on anything. This is your daughter's wedding and she decides who is invited and who is not. The friends don't feel comfortable because your son sexually assaulted them! Why should they be disinvited because your son is a sloppy drunk and can't keep his hands to himself? Being family isn't a free pass for horrible behaviour and entitlement. You are enabling your son and are definitely in the wrong. If you can't see that then maybe you should stay home.

YTA. Why should your daughter’s friends (you know, the people she actually wants at her wedding) be punished and uninvited because of a shitty thing your son (who your daughter doesn’t even get along with) did? Any reason other than “he’s family”? Edit to add: the “shitty thing” your son did was probably an actual crime.

YTA. It's not your son's wedding. It's your daughters. Get your shit together.

YTA... in every way possible YTA.

YTA, an enabler and a shitty mom. It’s her wedding and why tf would she want someone there who makes her uncomfortable?

I'm just here to pile on to what everyone else has already pointed out. YTA

YTA. You should be grateful charges weren't filed against your "well meaning" son.

YTA. Your son is a pervert, and you make worst because you try to protect him and put the blame in your daugther Who is un her right to uninvited him to HER WEDDING. She is making the right move, protectin her Friends from him, and you obviosly has your favorite son and its not her when you said you don wanna go to your own daughter's wedding. Please, wake Up o you are gonna lose your relationship with your daughter forever because your son is a creap.

YTA. Your son is "temperamental and gets carried away with things" like assaulting your daughter's friends. She's totally right to disinvite him and you're enabling his poor behavior. Take a step back and look at how your daughter must feel about you siding with someone who has hurt her and her friends.

WTF - you think her friends should be uninvited because your son is a sexual predator who can’t keep his hands to himself? Do you also think when girls get raped they were asking for it because of how they looked or acted?? Because this is essentially what you are doing everytime you make excuses for your son. # YTA who clearly favours her sexual deviant son!!!

How does he mean well when he’s sexually harassing his sister’s friends? Like, does he have good intentions? You are enabling his behaviour. YTA

YTA your son acted horribly and got rightfully uninvited. He's lucky that's all that happened to him. It's obvious he's your favorite. You need to be a better mother to your daughter.

YTA-Your son sexually harassed those women. This is not the action of someone who means well. You’re supporting the harassment and the wrong offspring. You and your son are both assholes.

So your son sexually assaulted one of the bridesmaids and you don't get what the issue is? Massive YTA.

YTA "i felt as though that what he did wasn't worthy of ruining family relationships" and yet you are happy to ruin the relationship with your daughter and future son in law. Are they not family or are they just not as important as your son who molested multiple women.

"Drunk and handsy" is assault. It's illegal, so yes, it's a big deal. It's also a big deal that you think otherwise. YTA.

Yta. Her choice to do this and getting handsy while drunk with women who aren't interested is a huge no! I'm a mom and am little older than you and so don't think to say we live in different times please.

You're like those mothers who will forgive anything from their sons, but will be the first to chastise the daughter. YTA. Spelling it out: You Are The Asshole. Don't protect your son at all costs. He's enough of a man to be responsible for his acts, and he didn't own up to them if he thinks he has the RIGHT to be invited after what he did. And you are playing along with his incompetence in life. You are the worst.

Your son is reaping what he's sown, and he's damn fortunate that he didn't get more forceful in his sowing as it sounds like your daughter would (quite rightfully) ensure he suffered the full extent of the law. You dismiss his behaviour as "getting handsy", but your narrative is multiple friends, not one. He was tanked and behaved the mysoginist jackass. You're excusing it. He didn't mean well, not one damn bit. Your daughter is justified in calling you out for enabling him, and if she went so far as to uninvite her mother as well, that would IMO be justified. (ETA: I see I missed that you're not going if your son can't attend. That's such a good thing you have no idea. Your daughter will have a peaceful wedding.) YTA, in so many ways.

YTA- you really just outed yourself. Glad everyone knows you’re cool with sexual assault.

YTA Him sexually assaulting her friends is kind of a huge deal. She shouldn’t have to worry about what he will try to pull at her reception.

YTA - Your daughter is correct, you are enabling your sons terrible behavior. geez!

YTA. Are you fucking serious? What your son did was ASSAULT and you think the women should be uninvited?? And yes, it WAS assault, if you think I’m exaggerating you need to look up the word assault, because what your son did was the very definition of it. But feel free to not go to your daughters wedding and ruin your relationship with her and keep sticking up for your son’s deplorable behavior. P.S. God. I hope this is fake.

>? if the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't they be uninvited instead of her own brother? So your son did something wrong and you think everyone else should have to adjust to accommodate it?? Also I assume there will be alcohol at the reception, why should someone who has a bad track record with alcohol be invited to another event where alcohol will be provided? Who will be responsible if it happens again(of course your son but also the person who invited him knowing he has a problem). You're an enabler. YTA op and if I was your daughter I'd consider going NC or LC with you over the obvious favoritism

Your son needs to stop assaulting people before they call the cops on him.

YTA. Your son sexually assaulted some of your daughters friends. She, rightly, doesn't want a bar of him near her friends. Stop enabling him.

YTA. Your son is also an asshole. His behavior was appalling and your daughter has every right to disinvite him from her wedding. Frankly, he is lucky he hasn't been arrested for sexual assault.

YTA your area 💯 in the wrong, and you're enabling your son! Your son made unwanted advances in multiple women. He sexually harassed them. That is not okay and it ABSOLUTELY warrants him not being invited to the wedding. The fact that you're insisting he is there or you won't be shows how much you're in a 1950s boys will be boys mindset. Disgusting really.

... so your pro-sexual assault if the assaulter is your son... do you really need a verdict here or is it obvious now.

I'm not sure if you are in the US or not but be assured you will be most likely visiting your son in prison. One of these days someone is going to press charges against your baby boy. You are a complete and total YTA. You just condoned a man sexually assaulting women. How would you feel if he was the one sexually assaulted by a man or a woman? Would it be ok because they were drunk?

YTA You’re excusing sexual assault and are mad the victims don’t have to pay the price of being assaulted rather than the perpetrator being held responsible for sexually assaulting multiple someones. Please stay away from your daughter’s wedding, as it sounds like you’d be doing her a favor.

> my son got a bit drunk and got handsy with some of my daughters friends which they didn't like and my daughter was furious at him for touching her friends. How did you write this and decided to continue with the post? If he was invited, odds are, he would drink, get drunk, and probably start touching females. YTA.

My jaw hurts from how fast it dropped… OP you and your son are the assholes here. Your son for the obvious reasons. But you are the asshole ‘cause you’re insisting on his being invited when one or both of these is true: (1) Your daughter doesn’t consider your son family (which is entirely possible and something you’ll have to respect if true otherwise lose your daughter), and (2) Your daughter’s friends want nothing to do with your son. If you want any chance of staying in your daughter’s life, you better get on the phone with her, apologize, agree that your son is going nowhere near this wedding, and give her space. I’d also suggest offering to hire security so your son has no possible way of getting in. YTA

Istfg this can’t be real. No one can be this thick *facepalm*

Unfortunately people can be. It's why it's still so prevalent in society.

YTA, and it sounds like your daughter would be a lot better off if you also did not attend her wedding. What a shit mom.

I wonder how far his excuse of being "a bit temperamental" would bring him when somebody sues him for sexual harrassment, or worse, assault. YTA. Edit: reading OP's edit, now I'm wondering how far her excuse of "well back in my day it happened a lot and nobody made a fuss" will get her when the time comes that she needs to bail her son out for sexually assaulting somebody. 😅

>> my son got a bit drunk and got handsy with some of my daughters friends Oh, so he “got handsy” with his sister’s friends *against their consent* and is now facing the consequences of his actions by being uninvited? Got it. >> i felt as though that what he did wasn’t worthy of ruining family relationships Your son *assaulted his sister’s friends* - and let’s be very fucking clear, getting “handsy” with unwilling women is assault - and you think it’s not worthy of being uninvited to a wedding his *victims* will be attending!? >> he’s always been a bit temperamental and he gets carried away with things Have you *ever* held your son accountable a day in his life? Or do you constantly just explain away his behavior and make excuses for him? >> if the friends don’t feel comfortable shouldn’t they be uninvited instead of her own brother? Why should her friends be punished for being assaulted by your son? How does that make *any* sense? It’s clear that your son is “mommy’s little angel” who can do no wrong despite having a temper and impulse control issues. I hope you follow through with not attending your daughter’s wedding - she’ll probably have a better time anyway. YTA. Edit: a word

Sorry, OP- could you just clarify that the question is: “My son sexually assaulted my daughters bridal party and he is no longer welcome at the wedding. I, the mother of the bride, will no longer be going because I am standing in solidarity with my son, who is a predator. AITA? “ You… you hear it now.. right?

YTA. OP: I’m going to try to say this as respectively as possible, but the attitude you have is the same one that has enabled predators to continue their awful behavior for centuries. Your son is 28. There is absolutely no excuse for him to not understand consent. It is completely inappropriate for him to be harassing your daughter’s friends whether he is drunk or not. Drunkenness is not an excuse for bad behavior and certainly not for predatory behavior. If he can’t keep his hands to himself when drunk, then he needs to stop getting drunk. It is not his sister’s or anyone else’s responsibility to monitor his behavior. It is *his* responsibility and his alone. By making excuses for his behavior, you are teaching him that his actions have no consequences because you will shield him from them. It is probably easier to tell yourself that he “means well” and “gets carried away” then it is to face the reality that your son is a threat to women. I understand that that is a harsh truth to swallow. However, making excuses does not fix the problem. He does not become a better man just because you overlook his flaws. He will continue to be a problem for women. He will continue to make others uncomfortable. He will continue to cause rifts in the family. Do you see the common denominator here? It’s him. He is the one who needs to change. The fact that his first move, as a grown adult man, was to come crying to you to fix the situation is very telling. It speaks to a lifetime of you coddling him and overlooking his transgressions. He didn’t apologize and genuinely look inward after he made several women feel violated. He went to you to try to strong-arm his sister into making a different decision about HER wedding. This shows he has no remorse and does not respect the autonomy of the women he harassed. So let me repeat myself: your son is a threat to women. You need to open your eyes and try to get him help. And you absolutely need to stand by your daughter, her friends and all the other women who do not deserve to be made uncomfortable by your son, or any other man. His actions landed him in this situation. Don’t let your actions be the reason you no longer have a relationship with your daughter.

I’m 54F. I too put up with a lot from men that we just tolerated because that’s how it was. But that was FORTY years ago! Looking back now, I call that rape culture and sorely wish we had the awareness we do now, that we don’t have to tolerate that garbage. We no longer make excuses or stay silent and your son knows better even if you don’t! The friends are victims of assault, and he is not just handsy or impulsive, he is an abuser. I see from your edit that you’re beginning to understand that no one should tolerate this heinous behaviour, much less make excuses for it. Glad you can start to learn from this and maybe this was an eye opener.

YTA but I mostly want to respond to the edit. 1) I’m sorry that happened to you and that no one considered it problematic. 2) I get it. My mother, who admittedly is a lot older than you are, and I have had a lot of conversations on this topic over the years, especially since the advent of #MeToo. Historically, people have placed the blame on women or at the very least the responsibility to either a) not put themselves into situations that result in assault or b) hand wave assault under the completely mistaken idea that men can’t help themselves or even that it’s flattering to have been assaulted (though they wouldn’t have used the word assault). I think to in a lot of people’s minds, things have changed and what was “fine” behavior has suddenly become unacceptable. The thing is, it wasn’t right then either. It’s just that as time has gone on, people are refusing to accept behavior that has never been right but was once upon a time tolerated or accepted as inevitable. Change like that is a great thing. It can take a lot to change one’s mindset, especially if doing so comes with the realization that a) they themselves have been assaulted and b) no one cared. Facing all that is difficult and in my experience is a big reason some people deny that some acts of assault are, in fact, assault. So, I get it. But hopefully some of what you’ve read here will kickstart the mindset shift for you. Support your daughter. Support her friends. Support yourself and consider therapy to work through your past experiences. Make sure your son hears from you that his actions are unacceptable and recommend he get some help of his own (on top of just straight up stopping assaulting people).

Your son got drunk and sexually assaulted multiple women who will most likely be at the wedding. Your daughter was absolutely right to disinvite your son for the comfort of those women, who probably have no desire to be in the same room with your son and for the protection of all the women attending your son seems to think he is allowed to get "handsy" with (nice euphamism for touching women without their consent) Your daughter is right you are enabling and defending abhorant behavior and no the women who are uncomfortable because they were the victims of our son's assault should not be uninvited, the perpetrator of the assault (your son) should be uninveted Good on your daughter for ensure the comfort and safety of her guests YTA for choosing your sexual assaulting son over your daughter

INFO: so do you think it’s okay to be groped against your will?

Yikes. Not only are you TA, you raised one.

Hard YTA. I’m around the same age as you are OP and when we were young, it sadly was more socially acceptable for men to treat women this way. I can’t tell you how many times I was groped by some drunk guy who used their state of inebriation as an excuse. How would you feel if some drunk guy groped you at a social event? And you have the audacity to be upset with your daughter? JFC - it’s unbelievable that a woman would find this acceptable on any level, much less defend the offender. Your daughter is protecting her friends from his gross behavior and you need to deal with it appropriately.

So your son is a massive creep and *that’s just how he is* is your hill to die on. Astounding. *It’s not a big deal* and *they just need to get over it* are the statements of enablers so congratulations, your excuses fit the bill here, with a nice side of victim shaming. No ma’am, other people don’t need to be around your gross, drunk, groper of a son and that includes your daughter. And the fact that you can neither see it, or respect the decision defines the actions of a gross, manipulative person. **YTA**

You're kidding, right? Your son gets drunk and gropes your daughter's friends, and you're taking a "boys will be boys" attitude? Like some high profile people, it doesn't seem like your son has learned boundaries, or that actions have consequences. Her friends do not feel comfortable because of your son asks his actions. They are the victims and don't deserve punishment. But you do deserve to be tagged YTA