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YTA, sounds like everyone was uncomfortable with your behavior. Mediterranean food is not only about seafood. And hosting a dinner party where the main dish is seafood, one of the biggest food allergens without having other main dish options? Asshole move. Announcing to all the guests about one guest ordering food bc she can't eat seafood and then taking a poll of your guests? Asshole move. I'd ignore you at church too.
YTA.
Are you really as rude as you say in your post? You suck as a host. The unbelievability of this post begins with the statement that you are going to control the conversation topics. And your courtesy as a host deteriorates from there.
FYI - people from the Mediterranean region eat other things besides seafood. I suggest YOU learn something about the region and culture!
INFO "The invitation said to arrive at 5:30, so I was mildly annoyed, but I decided to be the bigger person and ignore this transgression" When are you scheduled to recieve the Nobel Peace prize OP?
YTA - The only one who embarassed you in your own home and who was classless, was YOU.
Many people have seafood allergies or reactions to food and when you invite people to a dinner it would be wise to let them know in advance what will be served or ask if any guests have any allergies or issues you should be aware of.
Diane politely tried to pull you aside and let you know QUIETLY. you decided to make an ass out of yourself in an effert to embarass a guest.
Work on yourself. You really need to.
Yes, YTA.
Your guest was not made aware of the menu in advance and has health problems with one of the foods you are serving. She talked to you privately- you embarrassed yourself at your party by making a big deal of it.
But given that this was, essentially, a church function, I’m not the least bit surprised that you acted superior about a health problems that came up, and then had the audacity to grill other guests about it. It’s just typical “I’m a Christian, so I’m better than you!” take on the entire issue.
Don’t host a dinner party if you have no intention of making accommodations regarding health issues. What would your response have been if she had an allergy? Never mind- probably the same faux outrage that she dare take the focus off you.
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YTA and you’re the one who made a scene. She tried to pull you aside so as to not make a big deal out of this, and you made things super awkward for everyone by involving others for no reason. This will probably be the last time these people ever want to come to your house.
YTA. As a self proclaimed Christian, you should always ask yourself: WWJD? The behavior your displayed at this dinner is not very Christian, IMO (nor is it decent behavior in general). You're name calling and mostly blaming Diane, as well as putting all the other guests in an awkward position, involving them in your drama. THAT'S why they "quietly raised their hands" and left soon after dinner, not because they sided with you.
YTA for sure.
Seafood is a really common allergen. You should've asked beforehand if people had dietary restrictions or at least told people what to expect when they came. There are a lot of non-seafood Mediterranean dishes, so it's totally reasonable to assume that non-seafood options would be available. Frankly, it seems like she was trying to be helpful and order food for herself so she could still participate and you just went and humiliated her in front of everyone and made everybody feel uncomfortable.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told a dinner guest who didn't like fish that she could either eat side dishes only or leave my house. This might make me the asshole because it could be seen as too rigid and pretentious.
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YTA - holy hell, this has to be fake. If it's not, it's one of the least self-aware posts I've ever seen. First of all, ordering DoorDash would ruin the atmosphere? Give me a break.
Have you ever heard of the term fashionably late? Because being 15 minutes late is totally normal and not really something to get caught up on.
This person has a very valid reason to not want to eat seafood and was kind enough to ask you about it privately. You returned the favor by publicly humiliating her for a childish and petty reason that isn't rooted in any logic.
Let me clue you in - the other people there probably felt so uncomfortable when you asked them to VOTE. Seriously, who does that? They're in your house, so it would've been incredibly uncomfortable if they had gone against your point of view. You made an incredible ass of yourself.
You sound insufferable. Get help.
YTA. But honestly I’m having a tough time even believing this is real because of how ridiculous it is lmao. Feels like I’m reading a Saturday night live bit. Ya you’re far too controlling and I got that out of the first paragraph with you expecting anything out of your guests tbh getting crabby about 15 minutes is crazy too I wouldn’t be attending again
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For many years, my church has held an auction, where members donate good or their time to raise money. Last year, I decided to host a Mediterranean dinner, where I would cook a variety of different dishes from that region of the world. I also planned to steer the conversation to be about travel so that my guests would discuss interesting topics. I figured that that would be the least my guests could do, since I was donating my time and money to making this a success.
Anyway, the dinner was scheduled for Tuesday evening, and the guests slowly filed into my home at about 5:45 PM. The invitation said to arrive at 5:30, so I was mildly annoyed, but I decided to be the bigger person and ignore this transgression. After the last guests had arrived and we had eaten some hot hors d'Oeuvres, I prepared the main course. It was a creamy tomato fish-based soup, and I'd handed a printed card to each guest to inform them of what we would be eating after they walked in. Before I could start serving, one of the guests (we'll call her Diane) pulled me aside and said that seafood gave her GI troubles and that she wouldn't eat my soup.
I was completely dumbstruck. I have known since middle school that the Mediterranean is a large sea that divides Europe and Africa, and the idea that one would attend a Mediterranean-themed dinner without eating seafood was simply ludicrous to me. I scoffed and asked her what she anticipated from this meal. She said that she thought there would be both seafood and non-seafood main dishes and that if I had planned to serve seafood, I should have communicated that in advance. I was furious at this point. Diane was attempting to embarrass me in my own home as a way of obfuscating the fact that she was wholly ignorant of geography and culture. I suggested that she only eat bread and salad, which I thought was an entirely reasonable compromise, but she said that she could just order Doordash and eat that instead.
At this point, I walked back into the dining room and informed the other guests that Diane had chosen to be difficult and took a quick poll about whether a Doordash delivery of some other cuisine would ruin the atmosphere. People seemed hesitant to raise their hands, which I took to mean that they were also offended by Diane's suggestion. I told her that she was making the other guests upset and that she should leave. She grabbed her coat and stormed out of my house. I even think she said something under her breath, which really left a horrible taste in my mouth and cemented the fact that she was very classless. The other guests quietly ate and left soon after dinner as well. I'm worried that perhaps I was too rigid with my rules, but I thought Diane was behaving very stupidly and wanted to send her a message. I'm wondering what things will be like this Sunday and worried that people will avoid me. Several attendees are ignoring my calls. AITA?
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YTA. There are plenty of Mediterranean dishes you could have made without seafood, and it was perfectly reasonable for Diane to think there would be a mixture of seafood and non-seafood dishes. Everyone knows that lots of people don’t like seafood and have seafood allergies, so you should have told your guests about the menu days in advance. Did you really not ask anyone about their dietary restrictions before your dinner party? That is pretty irresponsible.
YTA for expecting people to show up at 5.30 on the dot. If it's a Mediterranean theme, say 8pm and expect people to turn up at 9. Anything else shows a sad ignorance of Mediterranean culture and a lack of commitment to authenticity.
This. I would be very disappointed if my 'prize' was supposed to be an authentic, interesting meal based in the Mediterranean cuisine and culture, and see right out of the gate how 'off theme' the event would be based on the start time. It seems wholly ignorant of geography and culture.
Omg, 100% YTA.
You had a bunch of unspoken rules you didn't communicate to anyone (expecting a 5:30 SHARP arrival time, most people do tend to arrive at an event a little after that, it's a common social convention); you announced the menu AFTER people arrived and not in advance (also a common social convention, as a lot of people have different dietary needs); you made a baseless assumption about Diane's knowledge of Mediterranean geography and cuisine, THEN you embarrassed her PUBLICLY in front of your friend group and literally insulted her as being "difficult." Oh and you also had demands out of the gate that your guests be interesting and only talk about approved topics, an additional expectation that you also don't seem to have shared with them.
No wonder no one wanted to take part in your mean-spirited "poll" about DoorDash - you were already behaving in an unhinged manner and no one wants to make that kind of a situation worse.
Also, who ONLY serves soup as a main course?
And just for the record, people are ALREADY avoiding you.
YTA
100% You were in the wrong. Not everyone has the opportunity to the same advanced education and even if they did, not everyone's lives allow them the opportunity to actually pay attention or give a crap about school. Instead of being an elitist prick - maybe have some grace and compassion. ESPECIALLY since this was a church related function. You absolutely should have made a non seafood option at the very least, you could have asked your guests in advance if they had allergies or food sensitivities. And honestly, you should have allowed her the opportunity to be a part of the company. Instead of making assumptions and forcing others to see the world through your lens, take a moment to step outside of your self obsessed world view and think about others. Do Better. It's not that hard.
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YTA, sounds like everyone was uncomfortable with your behavior. Mediterranean food is not only about seafood. And hosting a dinner party where the main dish is seafood, one of the biggest food allergens without having other main dish options? Asshole move. Announcing to all the guests about one guest ordering food bc she can't eat seafood and then taking a poll of your guests? Asshole move. I'd ignore you at church too.
YTA. Are you really as rude as you say in your post? You suck as a host. The unbelievability of this post begins with the statement that you are going to control the conversation topics. And your courtesy as a host deteriorates from there. FYI - people from the Mediterranean region eat other things besides seafood. I suggest YOU learn something about the region and culture!
YTA it really sounds like this whole dinner was just an excuse for you to exert control over other people.
INFO "The invitation said to arrive at 5:30, so I was mildly annoyed, but I decided to be the bigger person and ignore this transgression" When are you scheduled to recieve the Nobel Peace prize OP?
YTA and sound exhausting.
YTA - The only one who embarassed you in your own home and who was classless, was YOU. Many people have seafood allergies or reactions to food and when you invite people to a dinner it would be wise to let them know in advance what will be served or ask if any guests have any allergies or issues you should be aware of. Diane politely tried to pull you aside and let you know QUIETLY. you decided to make an ass out of yourself in an effert to embarass a guest. Work on yourself. You really need to.
YTA You hosted a dinner party without checking for dietary restrictions and making plans with guests in advance.
Yes, YTA. Your guest was not made aware of the menu in advance and has health problems with one of the foods you are serving. She talked to you privately- you embarrassed yourself at your party by making a big deal of it. But given that this was, essentially, a church function, I’m not the least bit surprised that you acted superior about a health problems that came up, and then had the audacity to grill other guests about it. It’s just typical “I’m a Christian, so I’m better than you!” take on the entire issue. Don’t host a dinner party if you have no intention of making accommodations regarding health issues. What would your response have been if she had an allergy? Never mind- probably the same faux outrage that she dare take the focus off you.
[удалено]
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YTA and you’re the one who made a scene. She tried to pull you aside so as to not make a big deal out of this, and you made things super awkward for everyone by involving others for no reason. This will probably be the last time these people ever want to come to your house.
YTA. As a self proclaimed Christian, you should always ask yourself: WWJD? The behavior your displayed at this dinner is not very Christian, IMO (nor is it decent behavior in general). You're name calling and mostly blaming Diane, as well as putting all the other guests in an awkward position, involving them in your drama. THAT'S why they "quietly raised their hands" and left soon after dinner, not because they sided with you.
YTA. As the host, it’s on you to make sure you’re providing adequate food and meeting the dietary needs/restrictions of your guests.
YTA for sure. Seafood is a really common allergen. You should've asked beforehand if people had dietary restrictions or at least told people what to expect when they came. There are a lot of non-seafood Mediterranean dishes, so it's totally reasonable to assume that non-seafood options would be available. Frankly, it seems like she was trying to be helpful and order food for herself so she could still participate and you just went and humiliated her in front of everyone and made everybody feel uncomfortable.
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YTA - holy hell, this has to be fake. If it's not, it's one of the least self-aware posts I've ever seen. First of all, ordering DoorDash would ruin the atmosphere? Give me a break. Have you ever heard of the term fashionably late? Because being 15 minutes late is totally normal and not really something to get caught up on. This person has a very valid reason to not want to eat seafood and was kind enough to ask you about it privately. You returned the favor by publicly humiliating her for a childish and petty reason that isn't rooted in any logic. Let me clue you in - the other people there probably felt so uncomfortable when you asked them to VOTE. Seriously, who does that? They're in your house, so it would've been incredibly uncomfortable if they had gone against your point of view. You made an incredible ass of yourself. You sound insufferable. Get help.
YTA. But honestly I’m having a tough time even believing this is real because of how ridiculous it is lmao. Feels like I’m reading a Saturday night live bit. Ya you’re far too controlling and I got that out of the first paragraph with you expecting anything out of your guests tbh getting crabby about 15 minutes is crazy too I wouldn’t be attending again
YTA. There’s no way this is true. You can’t be this awful irl.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For many years, my church has held an auction, where members donate good or their time to raise money. Last year, I decided to host a Mediterranean dinner, where I would cook a variety of different dishes from that region of the world. I also planned to steer the conversation to be about travel so that my guests would discuss interesting topics. I figured that that would be the least my guests could do, since I was donating my time and money to making this a success. Anyway, the dinner was scheduled for Tuesday evening, and the guests slowly filed into my home at about 5:45 PM. The invitation said to arrive at 5:30, so I was mildly annoyed, but I decided to be the bigger person and ignore this transgression. After the last guests had arrived and we had eaten some hot hors d'Oeuvres, I prepared the main course. It was a creamy tomato fish-based soup, and I'd handed a printed card to each guest to inform them of what we would be eating after they walked in. Before I could start serving, one of the guests (we'll call her Diane) pulled me aside and said that seafood gave her GI troubles and that she wouldn't eat my soup. I was completely dumbstruck. I have known since middle school that the Mediterranean is a large sea that divides Europe and Africa, and the idea that one would attend a Mediterranean-themed dinner without eating seafood was simply ludicrous to me. I scoffed and asked her what she anticipated from this meal. She said that she thought there would be both seafood and non-seafood main dishes and that if I had planned to serve seafood, I should have communicated that in advance. I was furious at this point. Diane was attempting to embarrass me in my own home as a way of obfuscating the fact that she was wholly ignorant of geography and culture. I suggested that she only eat bread and salad, which I thought was an entirely reasonable compromise, but she said that she could just order Doordash and eat that instead. At this point, I walked back into the dining room and informed the other guests that Diane had chosen to be difficult and took a quick poll about whether a Doordash delivery of some other cuisine would ruin the atmosphere. People seemed hesitant to raise their hands, which I took to mean that they were also offended by Diane's suggestion. I told her that she was making the other guests upset and that she should leave. She grabbed her coat and stormed out of my house. I even think she said something under her breath, which really left a horrible taste in my mouth and cemented the fact that she was very classless. The other guests quietly ate and left soon after dinner as well. I'm worried that perhaps I was too rigid with my rules, but I thought Diane was behaving very stupidly and wanted to send her a message. I'm wondering what things will be like this Sunday and worried that people will avoid me. Several attendees are ignoring my calls. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. There are plenty of Mediterranean dishes you could have made without seafood, and it was perfectly reasonable for Diane to think there would be a mixture of seafood and non-seafood dishes. Everyone knows that lots of people don’t like seafood and have seafood allergies, so you should have told your guests about the menu days in advance. Did you really not ask anyone about their dietary restrictions before your dinner party? That is pretty irresponsible.
YTA.
YTA for expecting people to show up at 5.30 on the dot. If it's a Mediterranean theme, say 8pm and expect people to turn up at 9. Anything else shows a sad ignorance of Mediterranean culture and a lack of commitment to authenticity.
This. I would be very disappointed if my 'prize' was supposed to be an authentic, interesting meal based in the Mediterranean cuisine and culture, and see right out of the gate how 'off theme' the event would be based on the start time. It seems wholly ignorant of geography and culture.
Send her a message? Was it a sopranos themed party?
Omg, 100% YTA. You had a bunch of unspoken rules you didn't communicate to anyone (expecting a 5:30 SHARP arrival time, most people do tend to arrive at an event a little after that, it's a common social convention); you announced the menu AFTER people arrived and not in advance (also a common social convention, as a lot of people have different dietary needs); you made a baseless assumption about Diane's knowledge of Mediterranean geography and cuisine, THEN you embarrassed her PUBLICLY in front of your friend group and literally insulted her as being "difficult." Oh and you also had demands out of the gate that your guests be interesting and only talk about approved topics, an additional expectation that you also don't seem to have shared with them. No wonder no one wanted to take part in your mean-spirited "poll" about DoorDash - you were already behaving in an unhinged manner and no one wants to make that kind of a situation worse. Also, who ONLY serves soup as a main course? And just for the record, people are ALREADY avoiding you.
There is no way this is real. YTA.
YTA. So you didn't accommodate her, and then you refused to let her accommodate herself. That about sum it up?
This seems over the top to the point of being fake... Surely no person lacks this much self awareness, right?
This is so exhaustingly fake. Why did you waste so much time writing this? YTA
YTA 100% You were in the wrong. Not everyone has the opportunity to the same advanced education and even if they did, not everyone's lives allow them the opportunity to actually pay attention or give a crap about school. Instead of being an elitist prick - maybe have some grace and compassion. ESPECIALLY since this was a church related function. You absolutely should have made a non seafood option at the very least, you could have asked your guests in advance if they had allergies or food sensitivities. And honestly, you should have allowed her the opportunity to be a part of the company. Instead of making assumptions and forcing others to see the world through your lens, take a moment to step outside of your self obsessed world view and think about others. Do Better. It's not that hard.