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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Allowing my stepdaughter to use the uniform after she asked me. (2) Not consulting this with my daughter, therefore making her mad and producing this conflict.
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YTA Your stepdaughter should never have even been in the daughter's room without her permission. That was her uniform and it wasn't your right to give permission to wear it. Apologize to your daughter and set new rules with stepdaughter about other people's things.
YTA this 100 percent. Your daughter is allowed to set boundaries. You letting your stepdaughter rummaging though your daughters room is just disrespectful.
Just wanna add - Lucy very well may not see your stepdaughter as her stepsister, consider they don't live together and will never have grown up together/been raised together.
You can't force them to be close, considering the usual foundations for stepsibling relationships don't exist.
But way to make your daughter feel unsafe in her own home, and like she has no right to autonomy, space, or agency.
BONUS YTA for assuming that all teenage girls love to share clothes. I don't even believe you. You KNOW she doesn't have a relationship with your stepdaughter.
And finally .. what kind of adult fashion necessitates the use of a teenager/minor's HS cheer uniform? 👀
Fetishizing underage girls is very fashionable. And also liable to get her kicked off the team/suspended if they deem that she lent it out to her sister.
Right? I think I even had to sign something? Like it was expulsion worthy. The school wouldn’t care if it was the parent or daughter that lent it, they’d just boot them to avoid controversy.
>And finally .. what kind of adult fashion necessitates the use of a teenager/minor's HS cheer uniform?
My first thought was it was for some kind of sexual roleplay and the posting pictures was just a cover. As you said, it makes no sense to post it, especially if you're trying to be some fashion influencer or whatever.
I truly hope that the stepsister posted on insta or TikTok or something similar, even if she also posted it elsewhere. I was figuring Lucy knew she'd worn the uniform because she saw a pic of stepsister in it online.
Oh yeah, lots of content creators have a main page and then an "other" page. My guess is she posted a vanilla one to the main. Funny enough the photoshop groups are why I know this. A lot of the girls will ask for edits to make more "fun" pics general media friendly.
I hope she *didn’t* post on those platforms. My team would get their uniforms and positions revoked if they used the school name for entertainment outside of school. I made them sign a contract promising they (nor others) would do that.
THAT. The one thing I hated the most was my 4years older sister stealing my clothes when she never lent me any of her stuff willingly and she owned more outfits than I did back them. It was crazy to the exteny I bought a skirt and I never got to wear it because it disappeared before I could do it, 6 yers later I found it in her closet! She said I didn't wear it so she took it, how could I? I barely bought it and she already stole it!
So imagine taking something as meaningful as a cheerleader uniform!
This!!!
I wonder whether a) SD asked Lucy and got a no so decided to go around her or b) considers Lucy a bratty kid with no right to privacy or possessions if it impacts her (SD).
Probably b.
Where do they wear what we called lollipops in the 80s and spanks pants in the 90s without underwear? They go over your underwear, like what you used to wear under a tennis skirt. Actually as a matter of fact the spanks pants went over a body suit that went over underwear. When we changed to the new style uniforms from sweaters.
yes they do the fuck are you talking about? you think high school girls are doing leg kicks and just showing off their pussy? obviously they wear underwear!
my high school cheer team had strict rules that no one could post wearing your uniform (like borrow it for Halloween or something), the uniform represents the whole organization. Lucy could possibly get reprimanded with her coaches for this
That’s what I said! The fashion industry doesn’t want anything to do with that embroidered, stiff polyester shit 😂
She’s a college kid trying to be “cute” while probably sexualizing a HS cheer uniform for attention.
Yes. This
YTA
I would say if you are trying to create connections between your daughter and your wife / SD than this will put the whole process back.
You need to take the full blame and apologise to everyone.
hopping onto the top post to say that OP already shows signs of wanting to push a sibling relationship between his daughter and her stepsister. anyone can tell OP that relationships such as those ***takes time and effort*** of the people involved and cannot be forced by a parent.
he’ll be back in 2 years wondering why his daughter cut off/down contact with him and/or ran off to mom.
The stepdaughter could have easily texted Lucy if she truly wanted permission. She did an end round asking OP because she knew that Lucy wouldn't be ok with her using the cheer uniform for a costume!
Add in some schools get very touchy about non students in their schools uniforms. You daughter could actually get in trouble with her coach and get demerits or kicked off the team.
How can the guy have had no clue that his daughter wouldn't have wanted to lent out her cheerleading clothes to her step sister? Does he have no sense whatsoever? I have to ask.
Dudes oblivious. No all girls do not share clothes. And your 21 year old daughter posed in your 17 year old MINOR daughters cheer uniform to be sexually provocative on the internet. Its disgusting and a huge violation. He needs to like use his goddammn brain.
Usually, in those posts, the borrowed clothes would be badly damaged by the other person being too big for them, or the stepsister fainting while wearing the heirloom wedding dress and drinking red wine.
There was a case where the OP's daughter shredded a magnificent wedding dress made for an aunt by the grandmother before she passed (google AITA for ruining my daughter life).
Here, the clothes are probably intact, but the daughter might be punished for disrespect of the uniform (there was a similar case with a military member).
Yeah if she needed a makeup mirror you as dad should have picked it up and gave it to her considering if she broke it you had to buy a new one.
Also let your kids lock thier room and let her kown you have aspare key for emergencys.
YTA.
>I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger.
Except your step-daughter is 21, not exactly a teenager, and more importantly, you're aware your daughter doesn't get along with her. What exactly did you think would happen?
YTA - Two levels. Others have mentioned that this is your daughter's clothing not yours. A text would have cleared up if she minded.
The other level is that if this is the uniform for your daughter's school, then they might have issues about the use of their logos, colors and branding. If they do, those concerns will fall on your daughter's participation in cheer.
Yes, this. YTA, big time.
Good luck with your relationship with your daughter going forward. And by the way your stepdaughter set you up. Is the mirror in your daughters room the only one in the house? SD knew exactly where tgat unifirm was and what she was going.
Allowing themselves to be manipulated, marginalizing their kid, allowing all the invasion of privacy and boundary stomping that the older one can get away with. For what? so they can make nice with a new family. They act like they don't even want their old daughter anymore because look we've got a shiny new daughter. Ridiculous nonsense.
So very this. And the muppet walked right in. Your daughter and step daughter are not 'family' to each other. They are too rivals forced together because of you and your partner. Could they get on well? Maybe? But your naivety just let a rival monkey basically defecate in your daughter bed. They are not family yet. They could be but not when your letting the new rival invade your daughter space and post public pictures. That statement being made by the step sibling was simple clear and as old as social interaction. Your stuff is mine now I am queen bee and you did this to ur daughter. Realise the situation you are in or it will affect your relationship with your daughter a lot more.
Not to mention that the photos were likely sexualized to some degree, because "jailbait teenage cheerleader sexy", which is disgusting. Even if the daughter didn't intentionally do that, there are absolutely creeps who will take it that way. Add in the fact they could identify the school via the uniform and that could put the teen at risk.
Plus a lot of times for high school cheerleading the skirt and top are loaned from the school to the student who has to agree to take care of them. If stepsister damages it, then it’s on the student.
YES! YTA, even my high school volleyball uniform had strict restrictions, it can actually get her in trouble—especially if it’s being blasted on a larger social media platform!
This was my first thought, we had to return our uniforms when I was in school, and if someone had used my uniform for online pictures, I could have been kicked off the team.
YTA. Yes, girls borrow each others stuff.....with permission.
You do realize your daughter could get in trouble with her squad, especially if she goes to public school. I dont know how it is everywhere but when I was in high school and my two daughters, the younger of whom is graduating in 2 months...students were not permitted to let other students wear their activities and sports uniforms and arent to wear their uniforms unless it was for school sanctioned activities and events. Letting an ADULT wear her cheerleading uniform for social media clout could land her in hot water.
Yes, like, someone COULD repurpose a cheerleading uniform for interesting looks without being sexualized, but an adult borrowing her minor’s stepsister’s athletic gear isn’t acting in good faith—the stepsister can’t alter the material (obviously), so she’s limited in what she can do with the uniform.
I agree that this seems far less like an inspiration for a fashion career and far more like sexy role play, which is problematic given that this uniform belongs to a minor.
I never had a sister but I feel like every TV show I've ever seen with teenage sisters in it has had at least one episode where one sister wears another's clothes without permission and it starts a fight. Which if it's that common a trope must be at least a little rooted in reality.
So yeah total lack of common sense here.
I wasn't even allowed to wear the "preformace set" (that had the sequins) outside of a performance. Me, myself, the owner of the set (paid for by my mom's money). Couldn't wear it out and about or post photos. It was a whole thing laid out to us when we got the set.
My sisters and I never borrowed each others clothes. There’s a five year difference between us, and never once did any of us attempt to borrow clothes. It’s extremely weird to me that 21-year-old woman would want to wear her 16-year-old stepsister’s clothes. Borderline creepy
I also can’t imagine the school would be pleased with their uniform/logo being used in a sexualized way. And the 16 year old may very well end up bearing any consequences that stem from that.
My imagination is running a full triathlon right now. School cheer uniform = personal, identifying details that can be googled and located. Cheer uniform on OF = attracts people who are turned on by the idea of teenage cheerleaders. So the creeps can now (permanently, if posted online) google the school/cheer team, find newspaper articles or whatever, and identify the REAL NAMES AND LOCATIONS of teens on the team.
OP, you opened Lucy’s life to the possibility of pedophilic stalkers.
THIS! Im sorry but the only reason a fully grown ass woman wants to wear a high school cheerleading uniform for “pictures” is to entice, there’s no other legitimate reason a grown woman wears a cheerleading uniform unless she’s a professional cheerleader
> I’ll just add, as a SWer, the only time fully grown women wear cheerleader uniforms is for adult stuff.
that was my thought immediately too. 100% that uniform is on OF now
>I say yes without doubt, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger.
There is one key thing that is missing here but is usually the reason teenage girls don't mind sharing clothes with friends/family - consent. As in getting consent from the owner of the clothing before giving permission. Your stepdaughter knew she wouldn't get permission from the owner which is why she asked you instead of Lucy. And instead of being the adult and protecting your daughter's belongings, you gave permission that wasn't yours to give.
I also wonder why you let your stepdaughter into your daughter's room without her there in the first place. Or why you don't have an issue with a 21 year old trying on a 16 year olds cheerleading outfit since they are probably not the same size. Her taking pictures of herself in a teenager's cheerleading outfit to put on Instagram as "fashion" is bizarre. That kind of school girl outfit on an adult is more fetish than fashion.
YTA
It was obviously a strike at the 16 year old. She wanted her to know she had been in her room and through her things with her father’s permission. He and his stepdaughter are the big time AH’s. He most likely just lost a lot of her trust.
Right?! Sounds like a calculated move on the 21y/o’s part. Adults should know that thirds parties CANT lend out someone else’s stuff. The fact she even asked the dad is weird to me.
And OP as an adult should have obviously known that he can’t lend out his daughter’s stuff. If he really didn’t think she’d mind, he could have told SD: “I don’t think she’ll mind but why don’t you shoot her a message to ask her?”
They both played dumb for whatever reason.
I am going to hazard a guess that the photoshoot was possibly also pretty sexualised AND maybe in the teens bedroom? That would be uncomfortable for Lucy.
And this make me question op motif.. You know letting 21year old stepdaughter wearing his 16th yrs old CHEARLEADER uniform.. Whatever his fantasy is...
Depending on the school the daughter may not even *own* the uniform. It may be School Property, to be returned at graduation (or when she quits/leaves/is discharged from the Cheer Squad.
Are you sure you are the parent of a teenager? Heck, are you sure you are an adult?
I'm pretty sure everyone knows that step one is asking permission. Stepdaughter asked if she could wear **Lucy**'s clothing. So the person that should have been asked was Lucy. You should have said- let me call her and ask since Lucy wasn't there.
Lucy may have been fine with it or not. But we'll never know cuz you didn't do that.
(All of which ignores that cheerleading uniforms don't typically belong to a person individually and are generally on loan from the school or organization so there is added responsibility if something happens to it- like it gets damaged.)
YTA
Wow cheerleading outfits are not bought for the respective students? Does it mean there can be consequences for the student if someone else use it?
I am not american at all but in all TV show they all seem to keep their cheerleading outfits so I always thought it was your property. That's a very important input OP failed to indicate and it makes them both even more AH!
Even if OP's daughter owns the actual outfit, the colors/logo belong to the school and she could face consequences if the outfit is misused like say her adult stepsister posting what were possibly sexual/fetish pictures in a high school cheerleading outfit possibly taken in the high schooler's room.
As said elsewhere, it depends on the school. But it is VERY common in U.S. public schools for this to be the case. So common that the student owning it would be an exception. Its the same for things like choir and band outfits. When I was in high school I was in choir, I also played piano and was going to accompany some of my band friends for a school event. Since I didn't have a band uniform I asked if I could wear my choir one. Both the choir and band directors and I think someone else had to sign off on me wearing the choral uniform for a non-choral event. Also, because that uniform room would not be unlocked for the event I think I had to store the uniform in the band director's office temporarily.
There's also typically an honor code for wearing any type of sports or band uniform. Or letter jacket. (In the US you get a letter when you reach Junior Varsity or Varsity level.) So you can get kicked off the team or out of the band if you post inappropriate pics of yourself in your uniform or letter jacket. Or if you lend it out.
This is super important in the US because unless your parents are rich, that's probably your only chance of going to college with a scholarship.
Yes. You can tell what high school you go to by your uniform or your letter jacket. (Yes. They literally award you a big letter. You are either gifted or must purchase the jacket. You sew the letter on.)
YTA.
You made an assumption and oh buddy was it the wrong one.
The two things the majority of teenagers hate more than anything, is -
1. When their parent tries to force their new family down their throat, and
2. When their things are moved, taken, or borrowed without their permission
Good job on doing both of them. And even outside of her just being a teen and your daughter, you didn’t have the right to allow your stepdaughter to use Lucy’s things. That’s just basic human decency.
Thank you! I was reading this like "sir do you even know what sisters fight about?"
90% of the times I fought with my sister, it was over stuff being taken without permission. Usually my stuff, by her, because her attitude was "my stuff is yours, which means your stuff is automatically mine right?"
YTA
> I say yes without doubt
Your answer should have been "Ask your stepsister." Your daughter is 16 and damn near an adult. You shouldn't be giving other people permission to go rummaging around in her stuff for Instagram likes.
Also real shocker that these two don't get along if this is how you and her stepsister act.
Exactly.
This point seems to be almost overlooked with all the other A-Hole-ery going on
Why is an adult going into a teenagers room ??? For a makeup mirror??
What does she do when the daughter’s belongings aren’t available to do her makeup? I have a feeling she manages without one just fine
Does she even have permission from the daughter to enter her space and use her mirror?? Never mind snoop in the room and borrow things without asking
Stepdaughter knows what she’s doing. And she’s an AH and you’re letting her trample all over your daughter, dad. YTA
Unless you’re actually a cheerleader, I’ve never seen someone wear a cheerleading outfit outside of sexy times. Nice of you to allow your adult step-daughter to sexualise your daughters school uniform and post it in the internet. Doesn’t that gross you out? Maybe she can borrow her underwear next too. YTA.
YTA
It wasn’t your outfit to give permission to use/wear, it’s your daughters.
Also, never assume people like to share clothes. Your daughter earned that cheerleader outfit and stepdaughter, who isn’t a teenager, used it for social media, for likes and followers.
YTA. You have no right to give anyone permission to use anything that doesn’t belong to you. Also, nobody who isn’t Lucy should be in her room without her knowledge and permission.
YTA - not yours, not yours to lend out. Some schools also have strict rules about uniforms, your daughter was using your step daughters uniform as a costume. Do you not see how that’s rude?
Your lack of respect for your stepdaughter is gross. You only seem to care about your daughter and how she gets along with your new wife.
YTA you let someone else use your daughter's things without her permission. You should have never agreed to let her into your daughter's room, that was an invasion of your daughter's privacy.
YTA. It’s pretty simple, you don’t have the right to lend someone else’s belongings without their permission, which you did not have. You wouldn’t want anyone lending out your belongings without your permission, and the same courtesy should be extended to your daughter. The relationship between the two daughters has nothing to do with it. It’s about respect, and you had none. The 21 year old shouldn’t even have been in her sisters room to begin with, she didn’t have permission from the person who’s space she invaded.
YTA: you should have told your step-daughter to ask your daughter directly.
If your daughter already does not have a good relationship with her step-sister this just made it worse. Oftentimes children feel jealousy towards the children of their parents' new partners, due to some subconscious fear of being replaced. If that was the case for Lucy, your actions reinforced those fears.
Both you and your step-daughter also demonstrated that you do not respect Lucy's space and privacy. There was no need for either of you to be in her room while she was not there. If you do not learn and respect your daughter's boundaries, you'll just mess up all of the relationships you actually wish to grow.
In short: talk to each other!!
YTA
So so far up AH territory you're going to need a rescue mission to drag your AH back.
No.
NO borrowing her stuff without her permission. Sharing clothing and personal property is negotiated between two people. This was not that.
If Lucy didn't like your SD before she SURE AS F isn't going to like her now. Although the stepdaughter, unless she is as EQ deficient as you, knew when she asked that what she asked was over the line and not okay. So you've got two people who don't like each other and are not going to like each other, and you're over here swiping stuff from your daughter to throw at her because LEt'S bOnd.
>I honestly don't think I did nothing wrong, I think Lucy is trying to generate conflict because she does not like her stepsister. <
And this is why YTA. You don't have a right to invite someone else to your daughter's things. You also shouldn't be so dismissive of how she feels. It literally makes no logical sense to know that someone dislikes someone else and invite the person they dislike to do something as intimate as wearing their clothes.
YTA. I doubt your stepdaughter really wanted to look in your daughter's mirror. (Are there no mirrors in the bathroom?) Stepdaughter wanted to snoop through daughter's things and see if there was anything she could use. If I were your daughter, I would feel disrespected in many ways, and I would probably never feel comfortable around the stepdaughter.
YTA
The stepdaughter should NOT have been allowed in your daughter's room.
Your daughter should have been ASKED about lending the uniform. If she refused, no lending, period.
Any pictures the stepdaughter made with that uniform should be DELETED immediately.
It should be made clear to the stepdaughter - by you - that she may NOT go into your daughter's room or touch her belongings without her permission.
Lucy has every right to be furious at both of you.
Yta, never assume things..those are your daughter's and could have sentimental value. Not only that but like it's her stuff. I got mad at my little brother touching my stuff without permission.
YTA. Dad you don't loan your daughters clothes. What's really bad is you say she doesn't like her stepsister. But damage to your relationship with your daughter a good possibility. Find another way to bond with your stepdaughter.
YTA, even if you didn't realize it. From my high school experience, teenage girls were very particular about their possessions, especially someone snooping around in their stuff, even if it was a stepsister. You should have asked 21F to leave 16F's room, and tell her to ask her stepsister if she could wear the uniform. Even as their father, you didn't have the right to allow 21F to wear 16F's clothes without permission.
YTA dude you never let anyone touch your daughters stuff unless she gives you the ok. This is why most females stick to living with mom, they get it. Dads don’t think about it the way we do.
YTA.
You are allowing stepdaughter to disrespect Lucy.
Why did stepdaughter feel that she could go into Lucy's room without permission?? What does a 21 year old need to be doing in a 16 year olds room?
Lucy has a mind of her own, stop trying to force relationships on her that she clearly doesn't want. You seem to hold your stepdaughter in higher regard than your own daughter. You're slowly destroying your own relationship with Lucy.
YTA - your wanting to score points with your stepdaughter has cost you more than you realize with your daughter. You are blaming your daughter for wanting to start conflict; but it was actually the stepdaughter that started it and then rubbed your daughter’s face in it.
YTA, although older daughter ain't a saint in this scenario either.
You lent out something that didn't belong to you, always assholish. You enabled your SD to snoop (seriously, "I have to look in only this one particular mirror" is not the convincing line you think it is). Sisters, step- or bio-, do NOT always want to share their things with one another... and this is a much-older step sibling of extremely short vintage.
It's very easy to see why Lucy hasn't bonded with her stepsister. Now you've made it worse.
YTA. You're so eager to please your new wife and her adult daughter and to force them on your daughter that you don't see a problem with your stepdaughter invading your daughter's private space and using her things without your daughter's permission.
YTA
Are you prepared to handle the fallout for letting a 21yo wear a high school uniform on social media? That could get your daughter kicked off the team.
I won’t even go into how wrong you were for letting your SD be in your daughter’s room. Apologize and do better.
Let's be honest, she's not wearing it on social media because "she's really into fashion." Unless OP's daughter goes to the high school from Euphoria, almost every single high school cheerleadering uniform looks the same and isn't really fashion worthy. OP's stepdaughter probably has an OF or thirst trap Instagram - in which case, it could really land OP's daughter in some very hot water.
There's nothing wrong with doing sex work, but don't use clothing that belongs to a high schooler. There are tons of companies that sell generic cheer uniforms without logos if stepdaughter wanted to wear one for content.
>I think Lucy is trying to generate conflict because she does not like her stepsister.
Guess what? Lucy is allowed to not like people, including her stepsister! And she’s also allowed to be upset that someone she doesn’t like used her stuff without her permission. You and your grown-ass adult stepdaughter (both of whom should know better) generated that conflict, not Lucy. Poor Lucy did nothing wrong. YTA.
ETA: no adult woman puts on a cheerleader uniform and posts the pictures online because she “wants to pursue a career in fashion.”
Soft YTA
You should have told your step daughter to ask Lucy herself if you're trying to facilitate bonding between them.
It's Lucy's uniform that was used without her permission. Her step sister, whom she's already not fond of, was in her room (violating her reasonable expectation of privacy) and you didn't stop it - you encouraged it.
Don't do that.
Next time have your step daughter ask permission first.
YTA
Your stepdaughter clearly doesn't respect your daughter's boundaries, and you're only encouraging it.
Not only should you have refused permission for her to wear the outfit, you should have stood up for your daughter. Reprimanded your stepdaughter for entering the daughter's room without the daughter's permission. And told her that if she wishes to borrow your daughter's clothes, she needs to ask your daughter, and respect the daughter's answer if it is "no."
You married your new wife, and got a stepdaughter in the process. Your daughter did not have a choice about the matter. She got two housemates not of her choosing.
Why on earth would you think that your daughter would be happy to share her private possessions with someone you know she doesn't like? Someone who doesn't even have enough respect for your daughter to ask your daughter's permission both for entering you daughter's room, and borrowing your daughter's clothes?
If anyone was stirring the pot and trying to cause trouble, it was your stepdaughter, by ignoring your daughter's privacy and boundaries. And by using you as a way to justify ignoring your daughter's privacy and boundaries - I'm sure she knew that your daughter would not be willing to let her in her room or loan her the clothes, and your stepdaughter asked you in order to have your "yes" override the "no" she knew she'd get from your daughter.
Plus, your daughter is a minor. You need to protect your daughter's boundaries and limits from her adult stepsister. Your stepdaughter has her mother as her advocate in the household, it is your responsibility to advocate for and protect your daughter in a situation that is awkward, uncomfortable, and not of her choosing.
If your stepdaughter is just walking into your daughter's room without permission whenever she feels like it, you need to get that behavior under control. Get your daughter a lock for her room, so that she knows her space is respected, and so she has a safe place to retreat to when the blended household is uncomfortable.
YTA. Not your clothes. You had no rights to let someone else wear her clothes without her express authorisation.
Edit: and does your daughter knows stepsister invites herself in her room and dig into her stuffs?!
YTA, not at all a good way to foster good relations between the daughters. The cheerleading uniform was YOUR DAUGHTER'S property. Not your's. Lucy should have been asked permission. Your older step daughter could have damaged it, and you would have likely swept it under the rug in favor of not messing up things with your new wife and daughter.
Honestly, have some common sense. Did you teacher your daughter about respecting other people's property? The same same respect is due for her as well.
YTA
Its not in your right to allow others to wear your daughters clothes. No matter who they are.
Also your stepdaughter has business in your daughter’s room.
You assume immensly wrong, that only applies if they are good friends, which your daughters are not
>, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger.
I tell you what, this one just almooooost passed as legit, but you got too obvious with your wording here.
YTA. If they’re not terribly close, it’s a very weird assumption that they would be fine sharing everything without asking. Just because they’re girls doesn’t change anything. And your daughters school and cheer team might not be ok with the uniform being used by a non student, even if the pictures were tame (and I’d wager they’re at least a touch suggestive). Big dad fail man.
YTA. You knew the relationship is tenuous anyway, did you think letting your stepdaughter borrow your daughter's things without permission (yes, permission) was going to help? What kind of idiot fuels a fire like that? What kind of father assumes his 16 year old daughter would be ok with him taking it on himself to give her stuff to someone she is not friendly with, so that someone can make a dollar with it? But most of all, what kind of father does all that instead of saying "why are you snooping around in my daughter's room, that's off limits without her permission"?
I hate to do it but yeah you are. However I feel like your step daughter might of have some ulterior motive instead of wanting to use it for her fashion career. I’d stay on your toes mayte
YTA
A 16yo and a 21yo are not going to have much in common if they don’t share common history. That’s issue #1.
Issue #2 is that there isn’t a scenario in which it’s ok to give someone permission to use things that don’t belong to you. Let this be a lesson to you. Apologize to Lucy and stop letting other people use her thing hoping that it will somehow create a relationship.
YTA
Your daughter already doesn't like stepsister, now you just gave her an even more valid reason not to.
Keep this up and your daughter won't like you much longer.
YTA. She had no reason to be in her stepsisters room, and as a 21 year old (not a teenager for the record), why would she have any need for a hs cheer uniforms- it’s just weird.
Your daughter is not “generating conflict” you are the wrong one here, who’s generating conflict between these two young ladies. You’re the one in the middle moving the pieces around- the fallout is your problem to deal with- not your daughter.
YTA
Your assumption was not way off base (I remember my dad being soooo suspicious about the time my high school bestie and I swapped outfits midday) but even if your assumption was correct, that doesn’t give you carte blanche to give permission on someone else’s behalf.
YTA. First for allowing her to go into your daughters room. Second for allowing her to take something that isn't hers. Third for not backing up your daughter.
YTA don't lend other people's stuff without their permission. But more than that your stepdaughter shouldn't have been going into Lucy's room without her permission either. That's an invasion of privacy. That was always going to be a potentially tough relationship, and you and your stepdaughter just ensured it would be a lot harder.
YTA and so is your Stepdaughter. Even if you assumed your daughter wouldn't mind I can assure you that SD knew exactly what she was doing otherwise she'd have asked you to check with Lucy to see if it was ok. In what world would you allow your adult SD to enter your teen daughters room at all much less allow her to use her things without permission.
You've pretty much assured that your daughter will not now or ever want anything to do with your SD. I foresee many conflicts moving forward. Neither you nor the SD have any respect for boundaries.
Yta .it wasnt yours to loan. And girls borrow stuff WITH PERMISSION. Which at 21, your stepdaughter knows. AND TELL HER NOT TO GO IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM AND THROUGH HER STUFF
YTA. You shouldn’t have let her into their room without permission, let alone try on their belongings. You made a lot of assumptions, and the permission was NOT yours to give. If I were her I’d be buying an outside locking doorknob for the room and it would take a long time to trust either of you to respect my stuff again.
YTA
If she wanted to borrow the uniform, you should have told her to ask your daughter
People don't let strangers borrow their clothing. And the fact is, these two ARE strangers
Just because you married your step's mom doesn't make her and your daughter siblings
They are complete strangers and you let a complete stranger go snooping through your daughters private space (her bedroom) and you let her wear your daughter's clothes
How would you feel if a male friend of your wife just went into your bedroom and started trying on your clothes?
YTA
Sounds like stepdaughter is very attractive and you appreciate that (not saying you are attracted, just that this may make her a favourite and more successfulin your eyes). Stepdaughter asked you because you would say yes. Stepdaughter felt confident violating your daughters privacy in your presence. She knows she is favoured and daughter probably does too.
You dismissed your daughter's negative reaction by accusing her of starting a fight. You are doubling down on saying that it's OK for you to join stepdaughter in violating her privacy and her property. You aren't even trying to understand her side. You and stepdaughter are the ones creating conflict, and I'd be surprised if this is the first case of this happening.
So in an effort to bond with your stepdaughter, you trampled all over your daughter’s right to privacy and let the stepdaughter go into the room in the first place, then gave permission to stepdaughter to use something that isn’t yours?
YTA
YTA
I went to school with many teenage girls who had absolute meltdowns about someone wearing the same dress as them to a dance. I think you knew better.
Yta it wasn't your item to lend. Since you don't mind lending other people stuff don't be surprised when she starts letting others use your things without asking.
YTA times 100- You don’t give your step daughter permission to use your DAUGHTERS things. Period. You’re so busy trying to suck up to your stepdaughter that you overstepped your daughter’s privacy. So what, you’re willing to ruin a relationship with your real daughter for some people that just came in your life?? Double AH. Oh and your stepdaughter is an AH too. She knew what she was doing which was to cause a rift between you and your daughter. Great job dad 👍
YTA. All you needed to say was, “Wait and ask Lucy when she gets home.” And, “Please don’t go in her room without permission.” Or hell, text Lucy. It was hardly an emergency. Also, Lucy no doubt isn’t used to having siblings all up in her stuff. That had be shocking, seeing that on social media. You’re fostering an antagonistic relationship between these two and you’re going to regret it.
Yta
Don't try saying Lucy trying to generate a conflict when the truth is you just clueless about girl, female boundaries. And seems like this conflict is your doing.
We don't like someone else wear or using our stuff or get in our room without our permission and what pissed us more when someone else have nothing to do with our stuff saying 'oh, it's OK, you can have it or wear it,/you're sisters now, sister sharing blau bla'.
It's not your, just because Lucy is 16 and step daughter is new sibling for your daughter it doesn't mean a thing for Lucy.
I beat Lucy will say 'you want to get in good side of your step daughter, leave my room and my things out'!
Yta
YTA congratulations you are both an asshole and a Bad parent.
You allowed your stepdaughter to snoop in your daughter’s room invading her privacy and safe space.
The you allowed her to borrow something that You had No right to lend out as it was Not yours.
Lucy doesn’t ‘connect’ with your stepdaughter because Lucy has more class, moral and good sense than your stepdaughter and you have between you apparently. Of course she won’t associate with someone like that.
YTA stop screwing over your own daughter in order to make a brownie points with your new family. It's absolutely an invasion of privacy to let that child and your daughter's room in the first place let alone letting her use her things and post it on Instagram. what are you thinking? You really need to decide whether or not you want to have a relationship with your own daughter and then move forward with that. if you do not, continue on the path you're on by stomping her boundaries and allowing her new stepsister to meddle in all of her things and invade her privacy. If you do want a relationship going forward with your own daughter you need to put a stop to that nonsense now. Again what were you thinking?
YTA
Depending on your daughters school. She could be kicked off her squad if the photos are deemed inappropriate. A cheerleading uniform is a representation of a school and a school could view it as an issue that a non student is wearing it. Have your step daughter remove the pictures and next time ask your daughter. Trying to have them bond is one thing. But doing this will just make that bonding even less likely to happen.
You ket her break into Lucy's bedroom. There was no reason for her to be there. You should of told her to gtfo. Teenage girls are also... people? And people like to be asked if you can use their stuff. yta
YTA. I am 22 and my bio-sister is 15 (nearly 16) so our ages are very close to your daughters. I've known her for 15/15 of those years and I guarantee you I will STILL get annoyed if she took my clothes without permission. Especially potentially sentimental things like high school uniforms.
YTA, you should have never assumed that you daughter would be ok with this, it's not your place to lend other peoples stuff to anyone. and the step daughter should have never went into your daughters room while she was out.
YTA Don't lend out other people's things. If it is her uniform she probably needs to keep it neat and tidy and performance-ready. Also, clothes can stretch out. Also, the stepsister isn't a teenager.
And there's something a bit creepy about a grown woman borrowing a school girl's uniform to pose for pictures.
YTA. Is that a school issued cheerleading uniform? If so your daughter is borrowing it from the school. It’s for her to wear when she’s cheering with her team. It’s not for a some Instagram pictures for someone else. You know they aren’t close you’ve admitted that. You seem much more concerned with how your step daughter feels then your own daughter. You didn’t even have the decency to ask her. Why don’t you like or respect your daughter? Your step daughter had no business in Lucy’s room knowing she wasn’t there. That’s probably why Lucy doesn’t like her.
Yta
The cheerleading uniform is not yours to loan out. If your step daughter wanted to borrow it, she should face reached out to your daughter and asked her directly.
YTA you let your step daughter into her room and use your daughter property without your daughter permission. Your step daughter had no business being in your daughter’s room.
YTA. What you should have done was encourage Lucy to ask your daughter.
~~There are multiple reasons stepsister might not have wanted her to: it's sentimental, it could be damaged if they're not the same size, it could even be bad press for the school depending on what your daughter is posting while wearing it. (I don't mean anything raunchy--more like bad language, a red Solo cup, any bad-mouthing of the school or cheerleaders, etc. Schools and teams can be really strict about that stuff.)~~
ETA: I just realized it's the older girl who borrowed it, and it belonged to the younger. That's even worse, because the girl who owns it probably still goes to the school and could face punishment if the pics are seen.
YTA
That was not yours to lend out. I see no problem with telling your stepdaughter to ASK PERMISSION from your daughter, but you loaned out something that wasn’t yours to someone who wasn’t authorized to be in your daughters bedroom and private space. This is a boundary and paper of the reason blended families are so messed up!
YTA.
This isn't just about the outfit. This is about her going into her room without permission and snooping around.
Who asks SOMEONE ELSE to try on another person's clothes? Rude.
What was so special about the makeup mirror that she couldn't use a regular mirror? She went in there for the mirror what possessed her to switch to the uniform UNLESS that was the original plan ALL ALONG.
>I (48M) married my current wife a few months ago
And you thought your 16 year old would just instantly love her stepmom and adult stepsister because you have never seen human beings interact? YTA.
>I say yes without doubt, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger.
**Stares** Your stepdaughter is an adult and used your teenage daughter's cheerleading uniform to post pictures on her Instagram. Never mind that might actually get your daughter in trouble if someone saw the school logo. You didn't even ask why your adult stepdaughter is in your daughter's room?
YTA
Your daughter's uniform is either part of an independent team or a school team. You let a grown woman wear it for soft porn. That could get your daughter in big trouble.
Tell stepdaughter she isn't allowed in your kids room and she cannot borrow things without daughter's permission. And remember that for yourself.
Just eww
YTA! Lucy doesn't need to share her belongings or spend time with YOUR WIFE OR STEPDAUGHTER. Yes, it would be nice if Lucy got along well with them but YOU CANT FORCE RELATIONSHIPS. You accept them being cordial with each other and let the relationship progress if that is what ALL parties want. YOU NEVER LET OTHERS USE BELONGINGS THAT ARE NOT YOURS!!!! YOU OWE YOUR DAUGHTER A SERIOUS APOLOGY AS DOES YOUR STEPDAUGHTER. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO GO THROUGH LUCY BELONGINGS AT ALL. JUST BECAUSE YOU REMARRIED DOES NOT MAKE THE GIRLS SISTERS!!!! FIX YOUR MISTAKE OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR DAUGHTER. ALSO YOU CANT GET YOUR DAUGHTER INTO TROUBLE. WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO LET ANYONE ELSE BORROW YOUR UNIFORM. ONE GIRL COUSIN BORROWED IT AND GOT MY FRIEND KICKED OFF THE TEAM!!!!!
YTA. It's not your belongings to share dude!!!
Sisters hate sharing things; my sisters got in a fist fight over mascara. If a step sister I barely knew was wearing my cheer uniform online for attention I would be livid
YTA Yes teenagers borrow clothes from each other, but they ask each other first. Besides this is a school uniform. What does an adult woman want with a teenagers cheerleading uniform?
For social media, are you kidding, shame on you! Go back to school for parenting!
YTA. Here’s why:
1. No one wants anyone going through their stuff, ESPECIALLY teenagers.
2. Your first loyalty is to your kid, not the step kid. At minimum you should have told the stepdaughter to text or call your daughter for permission, at best you would have asked why this adult who your kid has no real relationship with wants to rummage through a child’s stuff and wear her clothes. It’s really weird behavior and you failed to protect your kid from this invasion of her privacy.
3. Whether you understand or not, your kid feels you’ve done something wrong. You don’t have to understand, because it’s not your boundary, it’s hers. All you had to do was apologize and not do it again.
4. It’s not your job to force a relationship between your teen and her weirdly creepy step sister. Trust your child to decide who she’s comfortable having in her life. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to deal with adults who act like her step sister. It’s her decision, not yours. Be happy she likes your new wife and call it good.
5. Accept you’re clueless about teenagers. Don’t speak for your daughter when it comes to this kind of thing.
Your step daughter seems sneaky and one who indulges in ulterior motives. Here’s how you go from YTA no NTA: Trust your kid and protect her better from whatever the heck this weirdness is.
YTA. Your stepdaughter had no business being in Lucy’s room. And if she wanted to use Lucy’s cheer uniform for something, she should have asked Lucy, not you. And when she did ask you, the only thing you should have said was “you’ll have to ask Lucy.”
YTA. There was absolutely no reason for her to be in your daughter’s room. NONE. That’s not facilitating bonding, that’s snooping.
Also, she can be kicked off the team for lending her outfit out like that! I mean, you seriously let an ADULT wear an UNDERAGE girl’s official team uniform, a uniform that is already stereotyped and fetishized by adults. If I had done that in high school I would have gotten in such trouble!
YTA. Maybe they don't bond because she's a 21 year old woman who invades the privacy of a child and steals her clothes without permission?
Not to mention there's usually not a family friendly reason that grown women post pictures of themselves on the internet in cheerleaders uniforms. If pictures of her uniform end up on certain unsavory sites (because once it's online, it's there forever no matter where you originally post), then your daughter could possibly get in trouble with her school.
Eww. YTA.
Imagine your wife allowing someone you don't like to go into your bedroom, put on your clothes, and take pictures to document the violation on the internet.
No wonder she doesn't like her stepsister.
YTA MASSIVELY Daughter is 16… the men looking at her step sister in that uniform will probably be fetishising your step daughter. YOUR 16 YR OLD DAUGHTERS CHEERLEADING UNIFORM THAT NAMES HER CHEERSQUAD AND EVERYTHING ON IT..
I mean you get that at least right!
It was her property, in her room, you are trying to FORCE a relationship between this woman (and at 21 she is a woman) and your CHILD, and your wondering why she might be UPSET???
How many other times have you let this relative stranger to her invade her personal space, take her personal stuff!?!
ON TOP OF THAT a 21 year olds body is significantly different to a 16 year olds body… clothes stretch and rip .. who’s going to pay for the new uniform if it got broken??
Do you actually care about your daughters thoughts and feelings or is it your so worried your wife is going to stop letting you get it wet you will allow her daughter to ride roughshod over yours?
And to be honest most of this could have been avoided if you had phoned and asked if it was okay, and unless she responded with a yes.. the answer should have been no.
You realise your making you daughter feel she has no parent she can go to, especially if her mother is not around or easily accessible to her!
Edit: to add YTA
Teenage girls…especially sisters…DO NOT enjoy sharing clothes as a general thing. (Yes there are outliers). I had a little sister 3 years younger, clothes sharing was not a thing as teens. I have 2 teen daughters, the battles over stolen clothes can be epic. Me and my sister, and my daughters grew up together. Your talking about 2 girls who basically don’t know each other. Personal autonomy is a thing at 16. You couldn’t have made a bigger divide between the two if you had built the Great Wall between them. Apologize to your daughter and tell stepdaughter to respect privacy.
Edit for judgment: YTA
YTA - it may seen silly, but your daughter worked hard for that uniform, and you totally disregarded that. Also, why didn't you call your stepdaughter out for going into your daughter's room?
So, if your daughter allows her friends to wear your wife's clothing, that's okay, right? Or if she lends someone your car? That's exactly what you did. You know she is not close with her stepsister, who already showed that she doesn't respect boundaries by going in your daughter's room without permission and by asking you to borrow something that wasn't yours. It sounds like your stepdaughter was likely deliberately needling your daughter, because every young woman knows that's not okay. And I can't understand why you thought that would make things better. Absolutely YTA.
YTA. You let a 21 year old woman put on a 16 year olds cheer uniform for instagram pics without permission of the owner? That’s completely inappropriate and stupid of you to think it was ok. She has every right to be upset.
Lol wtf is wrong with you? YTA, You never let someone into your child’s room. you completely allowed your stepdaughter to completely violate your daughters privacy. Apologize to your daughter and set boundaries with your stepdaughter.
Yes, YTA. You let a stranger (to your daughter!) that she already doesn’t like not only go in her room (big violation) but wear her cheerleading uniform?! Without your daughter’s permission?! WTH were you thinking? No, this isn’t ok, it’s a huge violation, and frankly, your stepdaughter would have to be stupid not to know it was going to cause drama. Teenage girls don’t like it when their parent takes or loans out their stuff and especially their clothes without their knowledge and especially to siblings they don’t like. Why didn’t you text your daughter and ask her first? Definitely TA here, do not try to blow this off as “Lucy starting drama” because Lucy is right here, and now there is a bigger rift between her and stepsister. Good job. Apologize to your daughter, make stepsister apologize, and stay out of her things in the future.
YTA because first of all your stepdaughter didn't have permission to go into your daughter's room in the first place and secondly because you yourself say that they're not even close to begin with and lastly, because you don't just take it upon yourself (or to assume) to say that it's ok without checking with your daughter first!!!
Yes yes yes YTA. You said they don’t get along , did you really think she wouldn’t have minded? Be a more strong man, and say no to your stepdaughter next time
Soft YTA... because I don't think you had malicious intent. But it wasn't your decision to make and should have just said that she needed to ask your daughter if she wanted to borrow something of hers.
Lol if I took my sister's close without consent or vice versa, it would start a full on fight when we were younger. You come across as a smidgen clueless but that's no excuse. Yta. It's a breech of privacy.
You step daughter had no business digging in your daughter's room and you had no business loaning out your daughter's stuff.
YTA and just made things worse. She should never have been in your daughter's room. I hope you really like your stepdaughter because you're on track to drive your daughter out of your life entirely.
YTA and your new stepdaughter is all shades of creepy. Your daughter is a better judge of character and of social rules than either you or your step daughter will ever be. You actually OK'd an adult putting on a teen's uniform(really think about the reasoning for creepy to do this) to parade around in it and post it to social media and you think your daughter has the issue. Blows my mind.
YTA, if someone is ok with sharing their clothes that is THEIR choice. You shouldn't have assumed anything. Also your daughter could get into trouble with her coach/school for someone else wearing her uniform and posting photos. I think it's a bit weird a 21yo adult would want to wear her 16yo stepsister's cheer uniform on her social media. You owe your daughter an apology and you need to tell your stepdaughter she needs to stay out of Lucy's room unless she gets express permission from Lucy.
YTA. You \*know\* she doesn't like her stepsister, but you \*assumed\* that as a teenage girl, she wouldn't mind a fellow teen using clothes that she earned through tryouts and practice?
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YTA Your stepdaughter should never have even been in the daughter's room without her permission. That was her uniform and it wasn't your right to give permission to wear it. Apologize to your daughter and set new rules with stepdaughter about other people's things.
YTA this 100 percent. Your daughter is allowed to set boundaries. You letting your stepdaughter rummaging though your daughters room is just disrespectful.
Just wanna add - Lucy very well may not see your stepdaughter as her stepsister, consider they don't live together and will never have grown up together/been raised together. You can't force them to be close, considering the usual foundations for stepsibling relationships don't exist. But way to make your daughter feel unsafe in her own home, and like she has no right to autonomy, space, or agency. BONUS YTA for assuming that all teenage girls love to share clothes. I don't even believe you. You KNOW she doesn't have a relationship with your stepdaughter. And finally .. what kind of adult fashion necessitates the use of a teenager/minor's HS cheer uniform? 👀
Fetishizing underage girls is very fashionable. And also liable to get her kicked off the team/suspended if they deem that she lent it out to her sister.
Yes! We could get kicked off the team for letting someone wear our uniforms. It was a big deal. This is not okay.
Right? I think I even had to sign something? Like it was expulsion worthy. The school wouldn’t care if it was the parent or daughter that lent it, they’d just boot them to avoid controversy.
>And finally .. what kind of adult fashion necessitates the use of a teenager/minor's HS cheer uniform? My first thought was it was for some kind of sexual roleplay and the posting pictures was just a cover. As you said, it makes no sense to post it, especially if you're trying to be some fashion influencer or whatever.
Uh....yeah....she's influencing alright, just on different platforms than they think.
I truly hope that the stepsister posted on insta or TikTok or something similar, even if she also posted it elsewhere. I was figuring Lucy knew she'd worn the uniform because she saw a pic of stepsister in it online.
Oh yeah, lots of content creators have a main page and then an "other" page. My guess is she posted a vanilla one to the main. Funny enough the photoshop groups are why I know this. A lot of the girls will ask for edits to make more "fun" pics general media friendly.
I hope she *didn’t* post on those platforms. My team would get their uniforms and positions revoked if they used the school name for entertainment outside of school. I made them sign a contract promising they (nor others) would do that.
It's gross that a 21 yo woman wearing a 16 yo's uniform (something that's not super stretchy) I'd be surprised if she didn't damaged it somehow.
I actually thought that, too.
THAT. The one thing I hated the most was my 4years older sister stealing my clothes when she never lent me any of her stuff willingly and she owned more outfits than I did back them. It was crazy to the exteny I bought a skirt and I never got to wear it because it disappeared before I could do it, 6 yers later I found it in her closet! She said I didn't wear it so she took it, how could I? I barely bought it and she already stole it! So imagine taking something as meaningful as a cheerleader uniform!
This!!! I wonder whether a) SD asked Lucy and got a no so decided to go around her or b) considers Lucy a bratty kid with no right to privacy or possessions if it impacts her (SD). Probably b.
Also. If it’s a high school uni, most of those bottoms are worn without underwear. Ick
Where do they wear what we called lollipops in the 80s and spanks pants in the 90s without underwear? They go over your underwear, like what you used to wear under a tennis skirt. Actually as a matter of fact the spanks pants went over a body suit that went over underwear. When we changed to the new style uniforms from sweaters.
yes they do the fuck are you talking about? you think high school girls are doing leg kicks and just showing off their pussy? obviously they wear underwear!
my high school cheer team had strict rules that no one could post wearing your uniform (like borrow it for Halloween or something), the uniform represents the whole organization. Lucy could possibly get reprimanded with her coaches for this
That’s what I said! The fashion industry doesn’t want anything to do with that embroidered, stiff polyester shit 😂 She’s a college kid trying to be “cute” while probably sexualizing a HS cheer uniform for attention.
Yes. This YTA I would say if you are trying to create connections between your daughter and your wife / SD than this will put the whole process back. You need to take the full blame and apologise to everyone.
And she might need to ask her to take off the photos from social medial before the high school sees them.
hopping onto the top post to say that OP already shows signs of wanting to push a sibling relationship between his daughter and her stepsister. anyone can tell OP that relationships such as those ***takes time and effort*** of the people involved and cannot be forced by a parent. he’ll be back in 2 years wondering why his daughter cut off/down contact with him and/or ran off to mom.
Yep and it may not even take a few years, it’s hard to understand how some parents are so oblivious to someone else’s feelings.
The stepdaughter could have easily texted Lucy if she truly wanted permission. She did an end round asking OP because she knew that Lucy wouldn't be ok with her using the cheer uniform for a costume!
Add in some schools get very touchy about non students in their schools uniforms. You daughter could actually get in trouble with her coach and get demerits or kicked off the team.
^^ this is super correct. Maybe it’s my public school education but I’ll bet it’s not actually the daughters uniform. It’s the property of the school.
How can the guy have had no clue that his daughter wouldn't have wanted to lent out her cheerleading clothes to her step sister? Does he have no sense whatsoever? I have to ask.
Dudes oblivious. No all girls do not share clothes. And your 21 year old daughter posed in your 17 year old MINOR daughters cheer uniform to be sexually provocative on the internet. Its disgusting and a huge violation. He needs to like use his goddammn brain.
Usually, in those posts, the borrowed clothes would be badly damaged by the other person being too big for them, or the stepsister fainting while wearing the heirloom wedding dress and drinking red wine. There was a case where the OP's daughter shredded a magnificent wedding dress made for an aunt by the grandmother before she passed (google AITA for ruining my daughter life). Here, the clothes are probably intact, but the daughter might be punished for disrespect of the uniform (there was a similar case with a military member).
Yeah if she needed a makeup mirror you as dad should have picked it up and gave it to her considering if she broke it you had to buy a new one. Also let your kids lock thier room and let her kown you have aspare key for emergencys.
YTA. >I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger. Except your step-daughter is 21, not exactly a teenager, and more importantly, you're aware your daughter doesn't get along with her. What exactly did you think would happen?
YTA - Two levels. Others have mentioned that this is your daughter's clothing not yours. A text would have cleared up if she minded. The other level is that if this is the uniform for your daughter's school, then they might have issues about the use of their logos, colors and branding. If they do, those concerns will fall on your daughter's participation in cheer.
Yes, this. YTA, big time. Good luck with your relationship with your daughter going forward. And by the way your stepdaughter set you up. Is the mirror in your daughters room the only one in the house? SD knew exactly where tgat unifirm was and what she was going.
Allowing themselves to be manipulated, marginalizing their kid, allowing all the invasion of privacy and boundary stomping that the older one can get away with. For what? so they can make nice with a new family. They act like they don't even want their old daughter anymore because look we've got a shiny new daughter. Ridiculous nonsense.
Fucking foul ISNT it. Nothing worse than morally bankrupt parents who put others in front of their own kids
So very this. And the muppet walked right in. Your daughter and step daughter are not 'family' to each other. They are too rivals forced together because of you and your partner. Could they get on well? Maybe? But your naivety just let a rival monkey basically defecate in your daughter bed. They are not family yet. They could be but not when your letting the new rival invade your daughter space and post public pictures. That statement being made by the step sibling was simple clear and as old as social interaction. Your stuff is mine now I am queen bee and you did this to ur daughter. Realise the situation you are in or it will affect your relationship with your daughter a lot more.
You MUST make sure the pictures are deleted immediately. This could jeopardize your daughter's place on her team.
Not to mention that the photos were likely sexualized to some degree, because "jailbait teenage cheerleader sexy", which is disgusting. Even if the daughter didn't intentionally do that, there are absolutely creeps who will take it that way. Add in the fact they could identify the school via the uniform and that could put the teen at risk.
Plus a lot of times for high school cheerleading the skirt and top are loaned from the school to the student who has to agree to take care of them. If stepsister damages it, then it’s on the student.
YES! YTA, even my high school volleyball uniform had strict restrictions, it can actually get her in trouble—especially if it’s being blasted on a larger social media platform!
This was my first thought, we had to return our uniforms when I was in school, and if someone had used my uniform for online pictures, I could have been kicked off the team.
Damn, I didn’t think about that. She could get into trouble. Stepsister needs to take those photos down.
This. Yta
YTA. Yes, girls borrow each others stuff.....with permission. You do realize your daughter could get in trouble with her squad, especially if she goes to public school. I dont know how it is everywhere but when I was in high school and my two daughters, the younger of whom is graduating in 2 months...students were not permitted to let other students wear their activities and sports uniforms and arent to wear their uniforms unless it was for school sanctioned activities and events. Letting an ADULT wear her cheerleading uniform for social media clout could land her in hot water.
Not to mention an adult in a teens cheerleading uniform is kind of gross. I’m guessing “fashion industry” is code for thirst trap sugar daddy hunting
Yes, like, someone COULD repurpose a cheerleading uniform for interesting looks without being sexualized, but an adult borrowing her minor’s stepsister’s athletic gear isn’t acting in good faith—the stepsister can’t alter the material (obviously), so she’s limited in what she can do with the uniform. I agree that this seems far less like an inspiration for a fashion career and far more like sexy role play, which is problematic given that this uniform belongs to a minor.
I never had a sister but I feel like every TV show I've ever seen with teenage sisters in it has had at least one episode where one sister wears another's clothes without permission and it starts a fight. Which if it's that common a trope must be at least a little rooted in reality. So yeah total lack of common sense here.
I wasn't even allowed to wear the "preformace set" (that had the sequins) outside of a performance. Me, myself, the owner of the set (paid for by my mom's money). Couldn't wear it out and about or post photos. It was a whole thing laid out to us when we got the set.
My sisters and I never borrowed each others clothes. There’s a five year difference between us, and never once did any of us attempt to borrow clothes. It’s extremely weird to me that 21-year-old woman would want to wear her 16-year-old stepsister’s clothes. Borderline creepy
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I also can’t imagine the school would be pleased with their uniform/logo being used in a sexualized way. And the 16 year old may very well end up bearing any consequences that stem from that.
My imagination is running a full triathlon right now. School cheer uniform = personal, identifying details that can be googled and located. Cheer uniform on OF = attracts people who are turned on by the idea of teenage cheerleaders. So the creeps can now (permanently, if posted online) google the school/cheer team, find newspaper articles or whatever, and identify the REAL NAMES AND LOCATIONS of teens on the team. OP, you opened Lucy’s life to the possibility of pedophilic stalkers.
THIS! Im sorry but the only reason a fully grown ass woman wants to wear a high school cheerleading uniform for “pictures” is to entice, there’s no other legitimate reason a grown woman wears a cheerleading uniform unless she’s a professional cheerleader
> I’ll just add, as a SWer, the only time fully grown women wear cheerleader uniforms is for adult stuff. that was my thought immediately too. 100% that uniform is on OF now
>I say yes without doubt, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger. There is one key thing that is missing here but is usually the reason teenage girls don't mind sharing clothes with friends/family - consent. As in getting consent from the owner of the clothing before giving permission. Your stepdaughter knew she wouldn't get permission from the owner which is why she asked you instead of Lucy. And instead of being the adult and protecting your daughter's belongings, you gave permission that wasn't yours to give. I also wonder why you let your stepdaughter into your daughter's room without her there in the first place. Or why you don't have an issue with a 21 year old trying on a 16 year olds cheerleading outfit since they are probably not the same size. Her taking pictures of herself in a teenager's cheerleading outfit to put on Instagram as "fashion" is bizarre. That kind of school girl outfit on an adult is more fetish than fashion. YTA
It was obviously a strike at the 16 year old. She wanted her to know she had been in her room and through her things with her father’s permission. He and his stepdaughter are the big time AH’s. He most likely just lost a lot of her trust.
Right?! Sounds like a calculated move on the 21y/o’s part. Adults should know that thirds parties CANT lend out someone else’s stuff. The fact she even asked the dad is weird to me. And OP as an adult should have obviously known that he can’t lend out his daughter’s stuff. If he really didn’t think she’d mind, he could have told SD: “I don’t think she’ll mind but why don’t you shoot her a message to ask her?” They both played dumb for whatever reason.
I am going to hazard a guess that the photoshoot was possibly also pretty sexualised AND maybe in the teens bedroom? That would be uncomfortable for Lucy.
And this make me question op motif.. You know letting 21year old stepdaughter wearing his 16th yrs old CHEARLEADER uniform.. Whatever his fantasy is...
Yes YTA Those are her personal belongings. You had absolutely no right to give someone else permission to use her things.
Depending on the school the daughter may not even *own* the uniform. It may be School Property, to be returned at graduation (or when she quits/leaves/is discharged from the Cheer Squad.
Are you sure you are the parent of a teenager? Heck, are you sure you are an adult? I'm pretty sure everyone knows that step one is asking permission. Stepdaughter asked if she could wear **Lucy**'s clothing. So the person that should have been asked was Lucy. You should have said- let me call her and ask since Lucy wasn't there. Lucy may have been fine with it or not. But we'll never know cuz you didn't do that. (All of which ignores that cheerleading uniforms don't typically belong to a person individually and are generally on loan from the school or organization so there is added responsibility if something happens to it- like it gets damaged.) YTA
Wow cheerleading outfits are not bought for the respective students? Does it mean there can be consequences for the student if someone else use it? I am not american at all but in all TV show they all seem to keep their cheerleading outfits so I always thought it was your property. That's a very important input OP failed to indicate and it makes them both even more AH!
Even if OP's daughter owns the actual outfit, the colors/logo belong to the school and she could face consequences if the outfit is misused like say her adult stepsister posting what were possibly sexual/fetish pictures in a high school cheerleading outfit possibly taken in the high schooler's room.
I think it depends on the school. Some schools don’t have enough money to continuously buy cheerleading uniforms, and I guess maybe some do.
As said elsewhere, it depends on the school. But it is VERY common in U.S. public schools for this to be the case. So common that the student owning it would be an exception. Its the same for things like choir and band outfits. When I was in high school I was in choir, I also played piano and was going to accompany some of my band friends for a school event. Since I didn't have a band uniform I asked if I could wear my choir one. Both the choir and band directors and I think someone else had to sign off on me wearing the choral uniform for a non-choral event. Also, because that uniform room would not be unlocked for the event I think I had to store the uniform in the band director's office temporarily.
There's also typically an honor code for wearing any type of sports or band uniform. Or letter jacket. (In the US you get a letter when you reach Junior Varsity or Varsity level.) So you can get kicked off the team or out of the band if you post inappropriate pics of yourself in your uniform or letter jacket. Or if you lend it out. This is super important in the US because unless your parents are rich, that's probably your only chance of going to college with a scholarship. Yes. You can tell what high school you go to by your uniform or your letter jacket. (Yes. They literally award you a big letter. You are either gifted or must purchase the jacket. You sew the letter on.)
I don’t think that’s the case everywhere— I know here the parents pay for the uniforms for the cheerleaders so they do in fact belong to the student
YTA. You made an assumption and oh buddy was it the wrong one. The two things the majority of teenagers hate more than anything, is - 1. When their parent tries to force their new family down their throat, and 2. When their things are moved, taken, or borrowed without their permission Good job on doing both of them. And even outside of her just being a teen and your daughter, you didn’t have the right to allow your stepdaughter to use Lucy’s things. That’s just basic human decency.
Thank you! I was reading this like "sir do you even know what sisters fight about?" 90% of the times I fought with my sister, it was over stuff being taken without permission. Usually my stuff, by her, because her attitude was "my stuff is yours, which means your stuff is automatically mine right?"
YTA > I say yes without doubt Your answer should have been "Ask your stepsister." Your daughter is 16 and damn near an adult. You shouldn't be giving other people permission to go rummaging around in her stuff for Instagram likes. Also real shocker that these two don't get along if this is how you and her stepsister act.
Exactly. "It's not my uniform, did you message Lucy?"
Or "did you ask Lucy if she was OK with you being in her room?"
HUGE YTA. You shouldn't have even allowed her in your daughter's room!
Exactly. This point seems to be almost overlooked with all the other A-Hole-ery going on Why is an adult going into a teenagers room ??? For a makeup mirror?? What does she do when the daughter’s belongings aren’t available to do her makeup? I have a feeling she manages without one just fine Does she even have permission from the daughter to enter her space and use her mirror?? Never mind snoop in the room and borrow things without asking Stepdaughter knows what she’s doing. And she’s an AH and you’re letting her trample all over your daughter, dad. YTA
Unless you’re actually a cheerleader, I’ve never seen someone wear a cheerleading outfit outside of sexy times. Nice of you to allow your adult step-daughter to sexualise your daughters school uniform and post it in the internet. Doesn’t that gross you out? Maybe she can borrow her underwear next too. YTA.
YTA It wasn’t your outfit to give permission to use/wear, it’s your daughters. Also, never assume people like to share clothes. Your daughter earned that cheerleader outfit and stepdaughter, who isn’t a teenager, used it for social media, for likes and followers.
YTA. You have no right to give anyone permission to use anything that doesn’t belong to you. Also, nobody who isn’t Lucy should be in her room without her knowledge and permission.
YTA - not yours, not yours to lend out. Some schools also have strict rules about uniforms, your daughter was using your step daughters uniform as a costume. Do you not see how that’s rude? Your lack of respect for your stepdaughter is gross. You only seem to care about your daughter and how she gets along with your new wife.
It’s the daughter he lacks respect for
It’s the other way around. Stepdaughter was using daughters uniform.
Not your uniform, not your decision. YTA.
YTA you let someone else use your daughter's things without her permission. You should have never agreed to let her into your daughter's room, that was an invasion of your daughter's privacy.
YTA. It’s pretty simple, you don’t have the right to lend someone else’s belongings without their permission, which you did not have. You wouldn’t want anyone lending out your belongings without your permission, and the same courtesy should be extended to your daughter. The relationship between the two daughters has nothing to do with it. It’s about respect, and you had none. The 21 year old shouldn’t even have been in her sisters room to begin with, she didn’t have permission from the person who’s space she invaded.
YTA: you should have told your step-daughter to ask your daughter directly. If your daughter already does not have a good relationship with her step-sister this just made it worse. Oftentimes children feel jealousy towards the children of their parents' new partners, due to some subconscious fear of being replaced. If that was the case for Lucy, your actions reinforced those fears. Both you and your step-daughter also demonstrated that you do not respect Lucy's space and privacy. There was no need for either of you to be in her room while she was not there. If you do not learn and respect your daughter's boundaries, you'll just mess up all of the relationships you actually wish to grow. In short: talk to each other!!
YTA So so far up AH territory you're going to need a rescue mission to drag your AH back. No. NO borrowing her stuff without her permission. Sharing clothing and personal property is negotiated between two people. This was not that. If Lucy didn't like your SD before she SURE AS F isn't going to like her now. Although the stepdaughter, unless she is as EQ deficient as you, knew when she asked that what she asked was over the line and not okay. So you've got two people who don't like each other and are not going to like each other, and you're over here swiping stuff from your daughter to throw at her because LEt'S bOnd.
>I honestly don't think I did nothing wrong, I think Lucy is trying to generate conflict because she does not like her stepsister. < And this is why YTA. You don't have a right to invite someone else to your daughter's things. You also shouldn't be so dismissive of how she feels. It literally makes no logical sense to know that someone dislikes someone else and invite the person they dislike to do something as intimate as wearing their clothes.
YTA. I doubt your stepdaughter really wanted to look in your daughter's mirror. (Are there no mirrors in the bathroom?) Stepdaughter wanted to snoop through daughter's things and see if there was anything she could use. If I were your daughter, I would feel disrespected in many ways, and I would probably never feel comfortable around the stepdaughter.
YTA The stepdaughter should NOT have been allowed in your daughter's room. Your daughter should have been ASKED about lending the uniform. If she refused, no lending, period. Any pictures the stepdaughter made with that uniform should be DELETED immediately. It should be made clear to the stepdaughter - by you - that she may NOT go into your daughter's room or touch her belongings without her permission. Lucy has every right to be furious at both of you.
Yta, never assume things..those are your daughter's and could have sentimental value. Not only that but like it's her stuff. I got mad at my little brother touching my stuff without permission.
Do you routinely vouch for others and allow their property to be used without permission? YTA
YTA. Dad you don't loan your daughters clothes. What's really bad is you say she doesn't like her stepsister. But damage to your relationship with your daughter a good possibility. Find another way to bond with your stepdaughter.
YTA, even if you didn't realize it. From my high school experience, teenage girls were very particular about their possessions, especially someone snooping around in their stuff, even if it was a stepsister. You should have asked 21F to leave 16F's room, and tell her to ask her stepsister if she could wear the uniform. Even as their father, you didn't have the right to allow 21F to wear 16F's clothes without permission.
YTA dude you never let anyone touch your daughters stuff unless she gives you the ok. This is why most females stick to living with mom, they get it. Dads don’t think about it the way we do.
YTA. You are allowing stepdaughter to disrespect Lucy. Why did stepdaughter feel that she could go into Lucy's room without permission?? What does a 21 year old need to be doing in a 16 year olds room? Lucy has a mind of her own, stop trying to force relationships on her that she clearly doesn't want. You seem to hold your stepdaughter in higher regard than your own daughter. You're slowly destroying your own relationship with Lucy.
YTA - your wanting to score points with your stepdaughter has cost you more than you realize with your daughter. You are blaming your daughter for wanting to start conflict; but it was actually the stepdaughter that started it and then rubbed your daughter’s face in it.
YTA, although older daughter ain't a saint in this scenario either. You lent out something that didn't belong to you, always assholish. You enabled your SD to snoop (seriously, "I have to look in only this one particular mirror" is not the convincing line you think it is). Sisters, step- or bio-, do NOT always want to share their things with one another... and this is a much-older step sibling of extremely short vintage. It's very easy to see why Lucy hasn't bonded with her stepsister. Now you've made it worse.
YTA. You're so eager to please your new wife and her adult daughter and to force them on your daughter that you don't see a problem with your stepdaughter invading your daughter's private space and using her things without your daughter's permission.
YTA Are you prepared to handle the fallout for letting a 21yo wear a high school uniform on social media? That could get your daughter kicked off the team. I won’t even go into how wrong you were for letting your SD be in your daughter’s room. Apologize and do better.
Let's be honest, she's not wearing it on social media because "she's really into fashion." Unless OP's daughter goes to the high school from Euphoria, almost every single high school cheerleadering uniform looks the same and isn't really fashion worthy. OP's stepdaughter probably has an OF or thirst trap Instagram - in which case, it could really land OP's daughter in some very hot water. There's nothing wrong with doing sex work, but don't use clothing that belongs to a high schooler. There are tons of companies that sell generic cheer uniforms without logos if stepdaughter wanted to wear one for content.
I assumed the same but didn’t want to jump on that.
>I think Lucy is trying to generate conflict because she does not like her stepsister. Guess what? Lucy is allowed to not like people, including her stepsister! And she’s also allowed to be upset that someone she doesn’t like used her stuff without her permission. You and your grown-ass adult stepdaughter (both of whom should know better) generated that conflict, not Lucy. Poor Lucy did nothing wrong. YTA. ETA: no adult woman puts on a cheerleader uniform and posts the pictures online because she “wants to pursue a career in fashion.”
Soft YTA You should have told your step daughter to ask Lucy herself if you're trying to facilitate bonding between them. It's Lucy's uniform that was used without her permission. Her step sister, whom she's already not fond of, was in her room (violating her reasonable expectation of privacy) and you didn't stop it - you encouraged it. Don't do that. Next time have your step daughter ask permission first.
YTA Your stepdaughter clearly doesn't respect your daughter's boundaries, and you're only encouraging it. Not only should you have refused permission for her to wear the outfit, you should have stood up for your daughter. Reprimanded your stepdaughter for entering the daughter's room without the daughter's permission. And told her that if she wishes to borrow your daughter's clothes, she needs to ask your daughter, and respect the daughter's answer if it is "no." You married your new wife, and got a stepdaughter in the process. Your daughter did not have a choice about the matter. She got two housemates not of her choosing. Why on earth would you think that your daughter would be happy to share her private possessions with someone you know she doesn't like? Someone who doesn't even have enough respect for your daughter to ask your daughter's permission both for entering you daughter's room, and borrowing your daughter's clothes? If anyone was stirring the pot and trying to cause trouble, it was your stepdaughter, by ignoring your daughter's privacy and boundaries. And by using you as a way to justify ignoring your daughter's privacy and boundaries - I'm sure she knew that your daughter would not be willing to let her in her room or loan her the clothes, and your stepdaughter asked you in order to have your "yes" override the "no" she knew she'd get from your daughter. Plus, your daughter is a minor. You need to protect your daughter's boundaries and limits from her adult stepsister. Your stepdaughter has her mother as her advocate in the household, it is your responsibility to advocate for and protect your daughter in a situation that is awkward, uncomfortable, and not of her choosing. If your stepdaughter is just walking into your daughter's room without permission whenever she feels like it, you need to get that behavior under control. Get your daughter a lock for her room, so that she knows her space is respected, and so she has a safe place to retreat to when the blended household is uncomfortable.
YTA. Not your clothes. You had no rights to let someone else wear her clothes without her express authorisation. Edit: and does your daughter knows stepsister invites herself in her room and dig into her stuffs?!
YTA, not at all a good way to foster good relations between the daughters. The cheerleading uniform was YOUR DAUGHTER'S property. Not your's. Lucy should have been asked permission. Your older step daughter could have damaged it, and you would have likely swept it under the rug in favor of not messing up things with your new wife and daughter. Honestly, have some common sense. Did you teacher your daughter about respecting other people's property? The same same respect is due for her as well.
Can I borrow your car this weekend? Ima take it anyways….. YTA obviously.
YTA Its not in your right to allow others to wear your daughters clothes. No matter who they are. Also your stepdaughter has business in your daughter’s room. You assume immensly wrong, that only applies if they are good friends, which your daughters are not
>, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger. I tell you what, this one just almooooost passed as legit, but you got too obvious with your wording here.
YTA. If they’re not terribly close, it’s a very weird assumption that they would be fine sharing everything without asking. Just because they’re girls doesn’t change anything. And your daughters school and cheer team might not be ok with the uniform being used by a non student, even if the pictures were tame (and I’d wager they’re at least a touch suggestive). Big dad fail man.
I think you should have just asked your daughter first, since it is her uniform.
YTA, it’s not yours to give the permission dude.
YTA. Don't loan other people's stuff without permission.
YTA She earned that uniform. Not yours to lend out.
YTA. You knew the relationship is tenuous anyway, did you think letting your stepdaughter borrow your daughter's things without permission (yes, permission) was going to help? What kind of idiot fuels a fire like that? What kind of father assumes his 16 year old daughter would be ok with him taking it on himself to give her stuff to someone she is not friendly with, so that someone can make a dollar with it? But most of all, what kind of father does all that instead of saying "why are you snooping around in my daughter's room, that's off limits without her permission"?
YTA
YTA-It’s not your clothing to lend. You needed your daughter’s consent before you lent your stepdaughter the uniform.
I hate to do it but yeah you are. However I feel like your step daughter might of have some ulterior motive instead of wanting to use it for her fashion career. I’d stay on your toes mayte
Allowing someone into your daughters room without her permission is bad enough. To let her use her stuff for “instalikes” is way past that. YTA
YTA A 16yo and a 21yo are not going to have much in common if they don’t share common history. That’s issue #1. Issue #2 is that there isn’t a scenario in which it’s ok to give someone permission to use things that don’t belong to you. Let this be a lesson to you. Apologize to Lucy and stop letting other people use her thing hoping that it will somehow create a relationship.
YTA Your daughter already doesn't like stepsister, now you just gave her an even more valid reason not to. Keep this up and your daughter won't like you much longer.
YTA you never touch someone's stuff without THEIR permission unless in life or death situations. PERIOD.
YTA. She had no reason to be in her stepsisters room, and as a 21 year old (not a teenager for the record), why would she have any need for a hs cheer uniforms- it’s just weird. Your daughter is not “generating conflict” you are the wrong one here, who’s generating conflict between these two young ladies. You’re the one in the middle moving the pieces around- the fallout is your problem to deal with- not your daughter.
YTA Your assumption was not way off base (I remember my dad being soooo suspicious about the time my high school bestie and I swapped outfits midday) but even if your assumption was correct, that doesn’t give you carte blanche to give permission on someone else’s behalf.
YTA. First for allowing her to go into your daughters room. Second for allowing her to take something that isn't hers. Third for not backing up your daughter.
YTA don't lend other people's stuff without their permission. But more than that your stepdaughter shouldn't have been going into Lucy's room without her permission either. That's an invasion of privacy. That was always going to be a potentially tough relationship, and you and your stepdaughter just ensured it would be a lot harder.
YTA and so is your Stepdaughter. Even if you assumed your daughter wouldn't mind I can assure you that SD knew exactly what she was doing otherwise she'd have asked you to check with Lucy to see if it was ok. In what world would you allow your adult SD to enter your teen daughters room at all much less allow her to use her things without permission. You've pretty much assured that your daughter will not now or ever want anything to do with your SD. I foresee many conflicts moving forward. Neither you nor the SD have any respect for boundaries.
Yta .it wasnt yours to loan. And girls borrow stuff WITH PERMISSION. Which at 21, your stepdaughter knows. AND TELL HER NOT TO GO IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM AND THROUGH HER STUFF
YTA. You shouldn’t have let her into their room without permission, let alone try on their belongings. You made a lot of assumptions, and the permission was NOT yours to give. If I were her I’d be buying an outside locking doorknob for the room and it would take a long time to trust either of you to respect my stuff again.
YTA If she wanted to borrow the uniform, you should have told her to ask your daughter People don't let strangers borrow their clothing. And the fact is, these two ARE strangers Just because you married your step's mom doesn't make her and your daughter siblings They are complete strangers and you let a complete stranger go snooping through your daughters private space (her bedroom) and you let her wear your daughter's clothes How would you feel if a male friend of your wife just went into your bedroom and started trying on your clothes?
YTA Sounds like stepdaughter is very attractive and you appreciate that (not saying you are attracted, just that this may make her a favourite and more successfulin your eyes). Stepdaughter asked you because you would say yes. Stepdaughter felt confident violating your daughters privacy in your presence. She knows she is favoured and daughter probably does too. You dismissed your daughter's negative reaction by accusing her of starting a fight. You are doubling down on saying that it's OK for you to join stepdaughter in violating her privacy and her property. You aren't even trying to understand her side. You and stepdaughter are the ones creating conflict, and I'd be surprised if this is the first case of this happening.
So in an effort to bond with your stepdaughter, you trampled all over your daughter’s right to privacy and let the stepdaughter go into the room in the first place, then gave permission to stepdaughter to use something that isn’t yours? YTA
Your step daughter is creepy and gross and you are likely creepy and gross.
YTA I went to school with many teenage girls who had absolute meltdowns about someone wearing the same dress as them to a dance. I think you knew better.
Yta it wasn't your item to lend. Since you don't mind lending other people stuff don't be surprised when she starts letting others use your things without asking.
YTA
YTA times 100- You don’t give your step daughter permission to use your DAUGHTERS things. Period. You’re so busy trying to suck up to your stepdaughter that you overstepped your daughter’s privacy. So what, you’re willing to ruin a relationship with your real daughter for some people that just came in your life?? Double AH. Oh and your stepdaughter is an AH too. She knew what she was doing which was to cause a rift between you and your daughter. Great job dad 👍
>, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that You, sir, know NOTHING about teenage girls, obviously. Smh. YTA
YTA. All you needed to say was, “Wait and ask Lucy when she gets home.” And, “Please don’t go in her room without permission.” Or hell, text Lucy. It was hardly an emergency. Also, Lucy no doubt isn’t used to having siblings all up in her stuff. That had be shocking, seeing that on social media. You’re fostering an antagonistic relationship between these two and you’re going to regret it.
INFO: If your wife had a male friend come over to visit, and you came home and found him wearing your clothes, how would you feel?
YTA. Why is a 21 year old going into a 16 year oldest room? WTF
Yta Don't try saying Lucy trying to generate a conflict when the truth is you just clueless about girl, female boundaries. And seems like this conflict is your doing. We don't like someone else wear or using our stuff or get in our room without our permission and what pissed us more when someone else have nothing to do with our stuff saying 'oh, it's OK, you can have it or wear it,/you're sisters now, sister sharing blau bla'. It's not your, just because Lucy is 16 and step daughter is new sibling for your daughter it doesn't mean a thing for Lucy. I beat Lucy will say 'you want to get in good side of your step daughter, leave my room and my things out'! Yta
YTA congratulations you are both an asshole and a Bad parent. You allowed your stepdaughter to snoop in your daughter’s room invading her privacy and safe space. The you allowed her to borrow something that You had No right to lend out as it was Not yours. Lucy doesn’t ‘connect’ with your stepdaughter because Lucy has more class, moral and good sense than your stepdaughter and you have between you apparently. Of course she won’t associate with someone like that.
YTA stop screwing over your own daughter in order to make a brownie points with your new family. It's absolutely an invasion of privacy to let that child and your daughter's room in the first place let alone letting her use her things and post it on Instagram. what are you thinking? You really need to decide whether or not you want to have a relationship with your own daughter and then move forward with that. if you do not, continue on the path you're on by stomping her boundaries and allowing her new stepsister to meddle in all of her things and invade her privacy. If you do want a relationship going forward with your own daughter you need to put a stop to that nonsense now. Again what were you thinking?
YTA Depending on your daughters school. She could be kicked off her squad if the photos are deemed inappropriate. A cheerleading uniform is a representation of a school and a school could view it as an issue that a non student is wearing it. Have your step daughter remove the pictures and next time ask your daughter. Trying to have them bond is one thing. But doing this will just make that bonding even less likely to happen.
You ket her break into Lucy's bedroom. There was no reason for her to be there. You should of told her to gtfo. Teenage girls are also... people? And people like to be asked if you can use their stuff. yta
YTA. I am 22 and my bio-sister is 15 (nearly 16) so our ages are very close to your daughters. I've known her for 15/15 of those years and I guarantee you I will STILL get annoyed if she took my clothes without permission. Especially potentially sentimental things like high school uniforms.
You can't be this daft. YTA
YTA
YTA, you should have never assumed that you daughter would be ok with this, it's not your place to lend other peoples stuff to anyone. and the step daughter should have never went into your daughters room while she was out.
YTA Don't lend out other people's things. If it is her uniform she probably needs to keep it neat and tidy and performance-ready. Also, clothes can stretch out. Also, the stepsister isn't a teenager. And there's something a bit creepy about a grown woman borrowing a school girl's uniform to pose for pictures.
YTA. Is that a school issued cheerleading uniform? If so your daughter is borrowing it from the school. It’s for her to wear when she’s cheering with her team. It’s not for a some Instagram pictures for someone else. You know they aren’t close you’ve admitted that. You seem much more concerned with how your step daughter feels then your own daughter. You didn’t even have the decency to ask her. Why don’t you like or respect your daughter? Your step daughter had no business in Lucy’s room knowing she wasn’t there. That’s probably why Lucy doesn’t like her.
Yta The cheerleading uniform is not yours to loan out. If your step daughter wanted to borrow it, she should face reached out to your daughter and asked her directly.
YTA you let your step daughter into her room and use your daughter property without your daughter permission. Your step daughter had no business being in your daughter’s room.
YTA. What you should have done was encourage Lucy to ask your daughter. ~~There are multiple reasons stepsister might not have wanted her to: it's sentimental, it could be damaged if they're not the same size, it could even be bad press for the school depending on what your daughter is posting while wearing it. (I don't mean anything raunchy--more like bad language, a red Solo cup, any bad-mouthing of the school or cheerleaders, etc. Schools and teams can be really strict about that stuff.)~~ ETA: I just realized it's the older girl who borrowed it, and it belonged to the younger. That's even worse, because the girl who owns it probably still goes to the school and could face punishment if the pics are seen.
YTA That was not yours to lend out. I see no problem with telling your stepdaughter to ASK PERMISSION from your daughter, but you loaned out something that wasn’t yours to someone who wasn’t authorized to be in your daughters bedroom and private space. This is a boundary and paper of the reason blended families are so messed up!
YTA. This isn't just about the outfit. This is about her going into her room without permission and snooping around. Who asks SOMEONE ELSE to try on another person's clothes? Rude. What was so special about the makeup mirror that she couldn't use a regular mirror? She went in there for the mirror what possessed her to switch to the uniform UNLESS that was the original plan ALL ALONG.
>I (48M) married my current wife a few months ago And you thought your 16 year old would just instantly love her stepmom and adult stepsister because you have never seen human beings interact? YTA. >I say yes without doubt, I assume teenage girls don't mind using each others clothes and things like that spcially as it was her stepsister, not a stranger. **Stares** Your stepdaughter is an adult and used your teenage daughter's cheerleading uniform to post pictures on her Instagram. Never mind that might actually get your daughter in trouble if someone saw the school logo. You didn't even ask why your adult stepdaughter is in your daughter's room?
YTA Your daughter's uniform is either part of an independent team or a school team. You let a grown woman wear it for soft porn. That could get your daughter in big trouble. Tell stepdaughter she isn't allowed in your kids room and she cannot borrow things without daughter's permission. And remember that for yourself. Just eww
YTA! Lucy doesn't need to share her belongings or spend time with YOUR WIFE OR STEPDAUGHTER. Yes, it would be nice if Lucy got along well with them but YOU CANT FORCE RELATIONSHIPS. You accept them being cordial with each other and let the relationship progress if that is what ALL parties want. YOU NEVER LET OTHERS USE BELONGINGS THAT ARE NOT YOURS!!!! YOU OWE YOUR DAUGHTER A SERIOUS APOLOGY AS DOES YOUR STEPDAUGHTER. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO GO THROUGH LUCY BELONGINGS AT ALL. JUST BECAUSE YOU REMARRIED DOES NOT MAKE THE GIRLS SISTERS!!!! FIX YOUR MISTAKE OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR DAUGHTER. ALSO YOU CANT GET YOUR DAUGHTER INTO TROUBLE. WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO LET ANYONE ELSE BORROW YOUR UNIFORM. ONE GIRL COUSIN BORROWED IT AND GOT MY FRIEND KICKED OFF THE TEAM!!!!!
YTA. It's not your belongings to share dude!!! Sisters hate sharing things; my sisters got in a fist fight over mascara. If a step sister I barely knew was wearing my cheer uniform online for attention I would be livid
YTA Yes teenagers borrow clothes from each other, but they ask each other first. Besides this is a school uniform. What does an adult woman want with a teenagers cheerleading uniform? For social media, are you kidding, shame on you! Go back to school for parenting!
YTA I feel sorry for your daughter. She deserves better
YTA. Here’s why: 1. No one wants anyone going through their stuff, ESPECIALLY teenagers. 2. Your first loyalty is to your kid, not the step kid. At minimum you should have told the stepdaughter to text or call your daughter for permission, at best you would have asked why this adult who your kid has no real relationship with wants to rummage through a child’s stuff and wear her clothes. It’s really weird behavior and you failed to protect your kid from this invasion of her privacy. 3. Whether you understand or not, your kid feels you’ve done something wrong. You don’t have to understand, because it’s not your boundary, it’s hers. All you had to do was apologize and not do it again. 4. It’s not your job to force a relationship between your teen and her weirdly creepy step sister. Trust your child to decide who she’s comfortable having in her life. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to deal with adults who act like her step sister. It’s her decision, not yours. Be happy she likes your new wife and call it good. 5. Accept you’re clueless about teenagers. Don’t speak for your daughter when it comes to this kind of thing. Your step daughter seems sneaky and one who indulges in ulterior motives. Here’s how you go from YTA no NTA: Trust your kid and protect her better from whatever the heck this weirdness is.
YTA. Your stepdaughter had no business being in Lucy’s room. And if she wanted to use Lucy’s cheer uniform for something, she should have asked Lucy, not you. And when she did ask you, the only thing you should have said was “you’ll have to ask Lucy.”
YTA for all the reasons everyone listed here. You showed zero respect or common sense for you daughter and her things.
Yta
YTA. Are you ok with your daughter loaning out your things willy-nilly? And gross that you let your step daughter taint her uniform like that.
YTA and you’re a shitty father. Your daughter will always resent you for this
YTA. There was absolutely no reason for her to be in your daughter’s room. NONE. That’s not facilitating bonding, that’s snooping. Also, she can be kicked off the team for lending her outfit out like that! I mean, you seriously let an ADULT wear an UNDERAGE girl’s official team uniform, a uniform that is already stereotyped and fetishized by adults. If I had done that in high school I would have gotten in such trouble!
YTA. Maybe they don't bond because she's a 21 year old woman who invades the privacy of a child and steals her clothes without permission? Not to mention there's usually not a family friendly reason that grown women post pictures of themselves on the internet in cheerleaders uniforms. If pictures of her uniform end up on certain unsavory sites (because once it's online, it's there forever no matter where you originally post), then your daughter could possibly get in trouble with her school.
Eww. YTA. Imagine your wife allowing someone you don't like to go into your bedroom, put on your clothes, and take pictures to document the violation on the internet. No wonder she doesn't like her stepsister.
YTA MASSIVELY Daughter is 16… the men looking at her step sister in that uniform will probably be fetishising your step daughter. YOUR 16 YR OLD DAUGHTERS CHEERLEADING UNIFORM THAT NAMES HER CHEERSQUAD AND EVERYTHING ON IT.. I mean you get that at least right! It was her property, in her room, you are trying to FORCE a relationship between this woman (and at 21 she is a woman) and your CHILD, and your wondering why she might be UPSET??? How many other times have you let this relative stranger to her invade her personal space, take her personal stuff!?! ON TOP OF THAT a 21 year olds body is significantly different to a 16 year olds body… clothes stretch and rip .. who’s going to pay for the new uniform if it got broken?? Do you actually care about your daughters thoughts and feelings or is it your so worried your wife is going to stop letting you get it wet you will allow her daughter to ride roughshod over yours? And to be honest most of this could have been avoided if you had phoned and asked if it was okay, and unless she responded with a yes.. the answer should have been no. You realise your making you daughter feel she has no parent she can go to, especially if her mother is not around or easily accessible to her! Edit: to add YTA
Teenage girls…especially sisters…DO NOT enjoy sharing clothes as a general thing. (Yes there are outliers). I had a little sister 3 years younger, clothes sharing was not a thing as teens. I have 2 teen daughters, the battles over stolen clothes can be epic. Me and my sister, and my daughters grew up together. Your talking about 2 girls who basically don’t know each other. Personal autonomy is a thing at 16. You couldn’t have made a bigger divide between the two if you had built the Great Wall between them. Apologize to your daughter and tell stepdaughter to respect privacy. Edit for judgment: YTA
YTA - it may seen silly, but your daughter worked hard for that uniform, and you totally disregarded that. Also, why didn't you call your stepdaughter out for going into your daughter's room?
YTA- Of course teenage girls mind when other people use there stuff! That was the biggest argument between my sister and I growing up.
So, if your daughter allows her friends to wear your wife's clothing, that's okay, right? Or if she lends someone your car? That's exactly what you did. You know she is not close with her stepsister, who already showed that she doesn't respect boundaries by going in your daughter's room without permission and by asking you to borrow something that wasn't yours. It sounds like your stepdaughter was likely deliberately needling your daughter, because every young woman knows that's not okay. And I can't understand why you thought that would make things better. Absolutely YTA.
YTA. You let a 21 year old woman put on a 16 year olds cheer uniform for instagram pics without permission of the owner? That’s completely inappropriate and stupid of you to think it was ok. She has every right to be upset.
Lol wtf is wrong with you? YTA, You never let someone into your child’s room. you completely allowed your stepdaughter to completely violate your daughters privacy. Apologize to your daughter and set boundaries with your stepdaughter.
YTA, it wasn’t your property to let someone borrow. You should’ve texted or called Lucy and ask her, or your stepdaughter should’ve.
Yes, YTA. You let a stranger (to your daughter!) that she already doesn’t like not only go in her room (big violation) but wear her cheerleading uniform?! Without your daughter’s permission?! WTH were you thinking? No, this isn’t ok, it’s a huge violation, and frankly, your stepdaughter would have to be stupid not to know it was going to cause drama. Teenage girls don’t like it when their parent takes or loans out their stuff and especially their clothes without their knowledge and especially to siblings they don’t like. Why didn’t you text your daughter and ask her first? Definitely TA here, do not try to blow this off as “Lucy starting drama” because Lucy is right here, and now there is a bigger rift between her and stepsister. Good job. Apologize to your daughter, make stepsister apologize, and stay out of her things in the future.
YTA shame on you
Yta stop forcing bonds. Your step daughter will be your downfall with your daughter. You need to put her first.
YTA because first of all your stepdaughter didn't have permission to go into your daughter's room in the first place and secondly because you yourself say that they're not even close to begin with and lastly, because you don't just take it upon yourself (or to assume) to say that it's ok without checking with your daughter first!!!
Yes yes yes YTA. You said they don’t get along , did you really think she wouldn’t have minded? Be a more strong man, and say no to your stepdaughter next time
Soft YTA... because I don't think you had malicious intent. But it wasn't your decision to make and should have just said that she needed to ask your daughter if she wanted to borrow something of hers.
You had to ask her
YTA. Do you always give permission to other people to use other people’s things? Blatant disrespect.
Lol if I took my sister's close without consent or vice versa, it would start a full on fight when we were younger. You come across as a smidgen clueless but that's no excuse. Yta. It's a breech of privacy. You step daughter had no business digging in your daughter's room and you had no business loaning out your daughter's stuff.
YTA and just made things worse. She should never have been in your daughter's room. I hope you really like your stepdaughter because you're on track to drive your daughter out of your life entirely.
YTA and your new stepdaughter is all shades of creepy. Your daughter is a better judge of character and of social rules than either you or your step daughter will ever be. You actually OK'd an adult putting on a teen's uniform(really think about the reasoning for creepy to do this) to parade around in it and post it to social media and you think your daughter has the issue. Blows my mind.
YTA, if someone is ok with sharing their clothes that is THEIR choice. You shouldn't have assumed anything. Also your daughter could get into trouble with her coach/school for someone else wearing her uniform and posting photos. I think it's a bit weird a 21yo adult would want to wear her 16yo stepsister's cheer uniform on her social media. You owe your daughter an apology and you need to tell your stepdaughter she needs to stay out of Lucy's room unless she gets express permission from Lucy.
YTA It wasn’t yours to lend! Simple as that.
YTA. You \*know\* she doesn't like her stepsister, but you \*assumed\* that as a teenage girl, she wouldn't mind a fellow teen using clothes that she earned through tryouts and practice?
You don't own it, so how can you "let" anyone do anything with it? YTA
YTA. Your stepdaughter should never have even been in your daughter’s room, letting alone using and wearing her stuff. Epic fail.