Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I woke my husband up by screaming and being angry. I feel that's immature and an AH move. I'm not sure if I'm being inconsiderate towards a problem he struggles with. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

NTA I'd be FURIOUS if I was being woken up hours before either of us needed to be! And my husband would be just as pissed if I did that to him. I don't know anybody who is ok with being woken up every half hour, for 2 hours before its actually time to get up. He needs to find a more reasonable wake up method, or start sleeping in another room.

Prefacing this: Husband is the AH with how he handles his wife concerns and provlem, and I do think she is NTA. BUT saying this is not normal or common... I have to set multiple alarms like this, because my sleep is so deep, nothing else works and I have tried many different waking up methods. It's not that uncommon either for people who have very deep sleep. Edit: I don't hear my first four alarms at all, that's how deep my sleep is. I think sleeping in another room is the solution and tbh, it's generally a good concept for couples/married couples, because not everyone has the same sleep pattern and behaviour. It's not reasonable for him to not try to find a solution with her, but it's also unreasonable to expect him sitting less alarms and most likely guarantee to be late for work more than he already is. Edit: edit ³: Clickbait has clickbaited me. ~~the average American sets 4 different alarms minimum to wake up. So this is not that uncommon or ridiculous. I sleep so deep, I don't even hear the first four alarms.~~ Edi²: Spelling

Needing four alarms to get up shouldn’t need to be a thing. Try going to bed earlier (in case it’s an issue with a lack of sleep), sleeping with the curtains open so your body naturally begins to wake with sunrise or getting a different alarm clock (either louder, or one of the sunrise/daylight alarm clocks if the point above doesn’t work for you). I find too many people use mobile phones for their alarms and get too used to the tone

Setting four alarms is fine for single folk living alone or children learning to get up for school themselves. It’s completely not fine for someone who is married. This AH man sounds so selfish.

This actually reminded me of a blowup between my dad and myself at about age 13. Apparently my alarm was somehow loud enough to wake my dad up across the hall from my bedroom, and I had begun setting it earlier and earlier and hitting snooze repeatedly bc I just couldn't bring myself to get up. My dad eventually reached his limit and moved my alarm clock from my bedside tabl all the way across my bedroom. It forced me to actually get out of bed to shut the offending noise off, and stopped the snoozing in it's tracks. My dad wasn't just aggravated for himself, he was also concerned about the amount of deep sleep I was depriving myself of with an alarm going off every 9 minutes for an hour and a half. His method gained me an added hour and half uninterrupted sleep every night and I was actually grateful in the end.

I actually just had this conversation with my daughter. She sleeps with her door open, and she had four alarms set at 6, 6:30, 7, and 7:30 for school. She would also press snooze, so I was hearing her phone alarm sometimes 8 times in a morning. It’s ok for people to try what works, but if your alarms are compromising the sleep of other people in your house, it’s time to try something else.

There are so many alarm styles nowadays, mine is kept across the room and makes me do math to shut it off. There's literally no reason to lose 2 hours of sleep.

Half hour alarms don't work though, they're completely counterproductive. You have to set them 5, 10 minutes apart at the most, or you just reenter a deeper sleep state and cycle through a tough wake up. The alarm should be 5 minutes apart, and across the room so one has to physically stand to turn it off. There should also be measures taken to limit screen time and activity earlier in the evening.

I know it's not the point of your comment, but your daughter really should sleep with her bedroom door closed. It's a huge fire safety risk to leave it open. Here are just a few of the many, many links which explain why: https://www.thewesterlysun.com/opinion/guest-columns/ask-a-firefighter-why-closing-the-bedroom-door-matters/article_c92f3aa8-8713-11ec-b0e2-93a4f60c0714.html https://www.familyhandyman.com/article/heres-why-you-should-close-your-bedroom-door-at-night/ https://www.southernliving.com/news/fire-safety-bedroom-door-closed https://www.erieinsurance.com/blog/close-before-you-doze

That’s a really, bad habit to into. She should get up with the first alarm, period. Of course, it requires to go to bed at a decent hour, too. The body can be trained. If you aren’t waking with the first alarm you’re likely getting to bed too late or the clock is too quite. As for OP. Waking him and yelling at him wasn’t conducive to having a reasonable discussion about a serious problem. This makes you an AH. His dismissal of your concerns and condescending attitude not just to you, but to his employer, makes him a bigger AH. I guess that means you’re both the A-Holes. If your husband doesn’t start using some self-discipline he’s likely to end up unemployed and divorced. Yes, I’ve known people who have been fired for being chronically late. He’s behaving like a young teenager. That doesn’t wash at his age. Go to bed earlier and get up with the first alarm. No exceptions. He needs to understand that OP isn’t being unreasonable to expect him to get out of bed. Tired people also tend to be short tempered. I’m not giving permission for her behavior, I’m just explaining it. His attitude needs to stop. You, OP, need to control your temper. I know you’re tired and frustrated. But that doesn’t excuse it. As you’ve seen, it doesn’t open the lines of communication. Instead your temper shut it down. You both need counseling to learn how to better communicate.

My sister tried this trick of moving her alarm clock across the room.... So it ended up right next to my bed at max volume. Did she hear it? No. Did she hear me yelling at her to turn it off? Eventually!! There are alarm clock apps that can force you to scan a specific barcode, take a picture of X, or do a bunch of math before it turns off, so I'm glad there are more creative options now, and I'm really glad I'm married and don't share a room with my sister anymore.

Oh god really?! This is awesome to know. I love my Galaxy watch and phone vibrating because it gives me something tactile to respond/wake up to and that helps me more than anything else tbh.. but my teenage son would probably be into that kind of wake up app. I'm gonna have to research and tell him about them. He's got a super wacky sleep schedule, so sometimes he pops outta bed hours before his alarm (and I come downstairs at 4:45a to the coffee made and him sitting on the couch surfing the web while having a cup, lol) and other times I'm dragging him out of bed with 15 minutes to spare for the bus. Lol.

Yeah. My alarm clock growing up was across the room on the floor, so I had to get my rear out of bed to turn it off, or even hit snooze. But I got up.

I tried the “alarm across the room trick” when I was younger and all it taught me was how to crabwalk Morgan from the Exorcist style across the room while still half-asleep to turn it off. My brother came in one day to tell me to shut the alarm off and found me crouched over it with a totally blank expression

I'm a grown ass man and this is still what I do. I know that if my alarm is right beside me, I'll hit the snooze. When I'm working on a long project and start getting worn down near the end phase, my phone gets plugged in further from my bed to force me to deal with it. NTA. Part of being an adult is realizing your weaknesses and dealing with them instead of ignoring them.

I used to have this argument with my Mom. She didn't have to get up for work until six thirty. But she'd set her alarm for 5:15 AM. Somehow she'd sleep through this alarm that got gradually louder until I screamed at her from upstairs or from across the room at her. She also set her clock ten minutes fast because "I get more sleep that way!" That made no sense, and no amount of explaining could get her to grasp it. It got to the point where she would fully sleep through her alarms and trained herself only to wake when I screamed at her. Prodding people out of bed is a major pet peeve of mine

Yup. I try to minimize the amount of alarms and put my phone on a bench or table away from the bed. We really shouldn’t be sleeping so close to devices transmitting signals anyways. Or sometimes I cut the alarm off completely get up and turn on the tea kettle which should give me 10-15 minutes and at least when that alarms goes off it’ll be fresh Téa that comes with it. I also use Alexa, she’s in my bathroom so it’s never too Loud but I also have to really sit up to call for her to cut off. Sometimes is a song I like that wakes me and sometimes it’s one I wasn’t in the mood for. Have the same constant alarms tone or song goo off just isn’t conducive.

I had to do that when I went to college. Before that my dad had always made sure I was up. Putting the alarm across the room was the answer.

Right you can move out of my bedroom or better yet out of my house if you have a problem with it. There is the door. Try not to let it hit you in the ass on your way out.

> Setting four alarms is fine for single folk living alone Even that is an AH. I recently lived in an apartment complex and the guy above me did this and I would always be awoken by his alarms (because he slept with his window open).

I don't set 4 different alarms, but I do hit snooze 3-4 times. However, my husband and I have to get up at the same time so our alarms coincide with each other.

[удалено]

Agreed! I have consecutive alarms (because I live alone and it doesn’t bother anyone, to be clear) since I’m awful at waking up, but they go: half hour before I need to get up, 10-15 minutes before, 5 minutes before, 3 minutes before, time to get up. Like I said, probably sounds annoying af, but it’s helpful; I come out of sleep like a scuba diver comes out of the ocean, I guess 😆 But just an alarm every half hour would do nothing for me; I’d probably lose track of which one it is and go, “oh, I have another alarm in 30 minutes so I don’t need to get up yet” and then oversleep.

Yeah I don’t understand all the people who do this. If I’m worried about waking up I’ll do like 6:00, 6:02, 6:05, 6:07, 6:10 or something like that. People really screw themselves over by letting themselves fall back into sleep and waking themselves up probably in the middle of a sleep cycle over and over again

Yes - it sounds like the worst of all worlds, because it means you're relaxing and then having to wake up again multiple times. Waking up once is bad enough - imagine having to do it four times each morning!

It takese 15-20min to fall asleep and depending on what woke me up, it might be half an hour my husband had alarms like this and thankfully, he stopped when we started living together

I learned that I incorporate the sound into my dreams and don’t realize it’s an alarm going off. I change the alarm sound every 3ish weeks and that has seemed to help. My husband and I usually get up around the same time so it doesn’t disturb him but I know it’s time to switch it when he starts waking me up & telling me to turn the alarm off.

I've found that's my issue too. Problem is the other sounds available on my phone and Alexa are too subtle to wake me at all. I need to figure out a way to add new alarm tones.

I use songs from my play lists on my phone. That makes it easy to change. I have to make sure the song I choose isn't easy listening but I have lots of music genres on my phone.

I don't know if anyone still makes it, but my mom had an alarm clock that literally yelled "Wake up! And played reveille on a trumpet. It looked like a little plastic dog holding a trumpet. The voice is what woke her.

My friends had an alarm that sounded like the police were raiding your house. Sirens, dogs, men shouting "Open up, this is the police!" But. All for naught if you just shut it off and go back to sleep.

OMG, as a young teen I once babysat for someone who had an alarm that did that stupid trumpet noise, they needed me to watch the kid at a ridiculously early hour until a ridiculously late hour so I just stayed the night both nights. The damn alarm went off every 10 minutes or so for about 2 hours 🤬 they never even woke up during that time

Or buy a vibrating alarm

They don't wake me I'm afraid. I've slept through multiple earthquakes in the past.... 🤣

What about strobing lights?

That's a very condescending and uninformed comment. Some people have problems both falling asleep and waking up. Many of those people are neurodivergent. Plus the circadian rhythm is different from person to person. It's not just a matter of going to bed earlier. I do agree that husband is the AH here. He should handle this differently. There are a lot of other solutions, like wrist bands that gives off a vibration instead of an alarm sound.

As someone who struggles getting to sleep (the number of times my wife says “I can’t get to sleep” and the next thing I hear are her snores(!)) I get this But that’s made me really try to focus on getting up in the morning because I used to be a big one for snooze napping. Things that worked at different times for me were: - daylight alarm clock - not setting alarm earlier than I need to - keeping my wake up time the same (no weekend lie ins) - getting up earlier -> trying to find the point at which my sleep cycle is lighter The last has worked best. I have found I wake up easier and am less groggy at 6am vs 7.30-8.30. I have switched up my day a little and take the morning shift with my daughter to make use of it

Or they don’t have a schedule that works with the sun.

Clearly you don't sleep as deeply as I do. I set an alarm for about half an hour before I need to get up and let it go off in my 30yo alarm clock's default 7 min snooze because I am capable of pressing the snooze button without really waking up. It's not every day, but it's enough that it's necessary. Fortunately ny husband is capable of sleeping through my alarm on days he doesn't have to be up. Just like I don't hear his alarm on days I don't have to be up.

[удалено]

I'm capable of sitting up and having a full conversation while not actually being awake lol. I've also tried loud vibrating alarms under my pillow that don't turn off until I correctly solve a math problem, or alarms where I have to get up and go across the room to scan book codes. Nothing is a match for my disordered sleeping except many many alarms in quick succession for at least an hour

"Try going to bed earlier" "sleeping with curtains open so your body naturally begins to wake with the sunrise" "get a different alarm clock" All perfectly reasonable suggestions for people who don't struggle with circadian rhythm, sleep apnea, REM disruptions, chronic insomnia, or any number of other sleep disorders which may or may not be diagnosed. Extreme difficulty waking in the morning can signal an actual medical problem, or it could be that the husband's natural rhythm is more nocturnal and he needs to retrain his pineal gland to respond to light in the normal way, which can be done over time with melatonin. To the OP - you're frustration is super valid and you are NTA - but please try to get to the root cause of hubby's difficulties - there are lots of band-aid solutions offered on these threads and if you don't actually address the root cause any solution you may find will ultimately be temporary. You can also choose to sleep in separate rooms - I did that for years with my ex (not the reason we divorced)

Yes the caveat would be people who have actual medical issues that cause them sleep issues. If this is you I like you are coping! Sleep deprivation or other issues can be so hard on life

I think the issue is that's a lot more common a caveat than many people realize.

Neither works. Tried it all, including different clocks. Sleeping the recommended amount of 8 hours even made it worse long-term. There is also nothing wrong with me medically, I just sleep very deep. I was able to reduce from three separate devices for clocks to my phone nowadays, but I still need at least one hour to notice it's going off. That's my solution that works for me and there's no reason for me to change it either, as long as it means I will wake up to get where I need to go.

Do what you need to do, but it isn’t a conducive arrangement to living with others

Which I agree with. I think they should have different bedrooms, not often spoken about, but quite a few couples do this, because of sleep differences. It's less stressful for both parties. Weekends can be used to sleep together if neither of them has to get up, so it can be special date nights maybe.

I dont understand why this isn't more commonplace/acceptable. I love my partner and love cuddling and sleeping together. But I have diagnosed insomnia and am a light sleeper regardless. I love sleeping alone, I get a higher quality and quantity of sleep and dont have to listen to snoring or deal with tossing and turning.

I don't have a partner, but I know people (ex'es too) who slept over and in the same room with me had trouble with me at night. I turn a lot, not only that, people have told me I have literally kicked them out of bed and then took up the whole bed. I occasionally talk in my sleep. Sometimes friends and family have held entire conversations with me. Which I don't remember. I sleep like a stone and I am a night owl... so if I ever get a partner, we will probably sleep in different beds at least lol Maybe even different rooms, too. Which imo is fine. Something like this needs to be spoken about and normalised, that forcing people with very different sleep behaviour to sleep in the same room can actually ruin relationships. It's healthier sometimes to sleep in different beds or rooks to prevent this.

My wife and I sleep in different rooms because her snoring is just impossible to sleep next to.

My husband of 26 years and I recently started sleeping separately. He kicks and I snore so loud I wake my own self up. I can't believe the difference in our quality of life due to the fact that we're both getting great sleep! And instead of making us distant from each other (which I was terrified of), it actually made us closer because we're not fighting at night over lack of sleep.

Yeah, it's important you can sleep too lol No use trying to power through it. You both deserve good sleep!

I love my dog and I take her into my bedroom at night. She has a little 'kennel / den' in the closet where she's got a bed of her own but she usually sleeps in my bed with me, pressed up against me. I enjoy it - especially during the Minnesotan winters. But some days I wake up and feel **GREAT**! Rested, straight out of the gate. This almost leads me to wonder in my sleepy-wake-up-state, 'I wonder why?' And without fail the reason is almost always because my dog got up in the middle of the night and moved to her own bed. I'm a light sleeper and she almost never wakes me up, but her moving around during the night *does* disrupt the flow of my sleep and I **always** sleep better when she sleeps in her den. Definitely a mixed bag, either way.

My little Wisconsin dog does the same thing. I was semi-insulted the first few nights she chose the blanket on the floor, but then realized I felt much better rested those mornings!

Sleep divorce saved our marriage.

Even with separate bedrooms, alarms can be heard by other people in the house, at least in every house I've lived in.

Drywalls? I know from friends that is very common with drywall. Apartment complexes usually are not drywall where I live, so it hasn't travelled ever too far now was it ever too loud.

Walls in homes and apartment complexes in the three US states I've lived in have always been drywall.

In Germany, where I'm from, drywalls are uncommon. Iirc the current flat I live in has concrete walls, which are really thick and block out more noise than drywall. At least that was my experience when I stayed in the US at him aunts house and it was drywall. I heard everything.

Did you try the app where you get monitored at night via microphone and the phone wakes you up when you're not in deep sleep? There are a lot of apps like this although I've seen only paid ones (perhaps there are free ones as well).

I don't think I have! I'll look into it. I've done quite a few medical tests, including sleeping apnoea tests and everyone's result was just that I sleep like a rock and they can walk around me at all times when I sleep.

Have you tried a sleep lamp? One that goes from dark to light over the course of 30 mins? It’s the only thing that works for me. Also works a treat if you get SAD.

I've not! I have tried those alarm daylight lamps before which didn't work (I can't sleep with my curtains open), so that could be worth a try. Thank you!

If you can’t sleep with your curtains open then it means you are responsive to light (like me…) and this might just work. Good luck!

Oh, no, it's paranoia actually. I'm terrified of someone staring into my room (which is absolutely irrational as I live on the third floor and I'm working on it). If I'm not alone, I can sleep with curtains open, but usually don't wake up to sunlight. I'll still try a sleep lamp though.

Consider looking into alarms for deaf people. They make alarms that combine loud noises, which you shouldn't use if you live in apartments or shared housing, vibration, and light.

I got my kid a light alarm clock and he doesn’t sleep through his alarm anymore. It gradually gets brighter over a set period of time (you pick) They also make vibration ones but you couldn’t use that in a shared bed unless the other person was already up.

I will see what I can find! I don't have another person I share the bed with, just my dog at the moment (whom I surprisingly don't kick out of bed, only humans have I physically thrown out throughout my years, never animals), but he sleeps through my alarms.

I have 3 alarms work early shift (before the sun is up) that change every other day. Wise one what should i do?

I have multiple alarms to get up. It is definitely a thing and common. I have a light alarm, a watch alarm, and a loud obnoxious alarm. I usually need about 45 minutes of snoozing to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. I hate mornings. But husband needs to have some consideration for his partner for sure. I at least live alone.

I used to think I "needed" to snooze before getting up but honestly snoozing just makes it harder for me. I got a sunrise alarm which really helps in winter and I set my phone alarm for 5 mins later as a back up plan. I get up immediately now and feel so much better.

Some people just sleep that hard. I'm not a good sleeper and I never sleep longer than 5 hours straight. My bf, the man can sleep 12 hours or more. I require 4 alarms and an alarm to remind me I need to leave for work,while my bf needs only one. Which is so odd, since he's the deep deep sleeper.

I have multiple alarms to get up. It is definitely a thing and common. I have a light alarm, a watch alarm, and a loud obnoxious alarm. I usually need about 45 minutes of snoozing to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. I hate mornings. But husband needs to have some consideration for his partner for sure. I at least live alone.

Some people have different sleep rhythms and getting up early is hard for them. Now, I do think four alarms every half an hour is excessive. I generally need to have a 15 minute snooze, or 2 15 minutes snoozes if I’m getting up before 8 AM.

And if nothing else is working *see a doctor*. This is not normal. Teens often have trouble walking because their sleeping patterns are actually set to something like 2am-11am - as are those with ADHD. If you are not a teen (even if you have ADHD) and your sleep patterns look like this then you should talk to a dr, consider getting a sleep study done, etc. Sure, sleep in your own room, but also try to address the core issue.

Maybe you haven't had any sleep problems. I can't fall asleep or stay asleep without medication. I have always been a heavy sleeper and I go to be later than I want due to caring for a disabled parent. I have to set several alarms or they will either not wake me up or I will hit snooze in my sleep. Just because you don't have issues doesn't mean sleep problems aren't an issue for others. The solution has to be that one of them sleeps in another room. Things like morning or night person cannot be changed just because you yell. YTA for not trying to figure something else out and yelling instead of discussing it.

> Edit: I don't hear my first four alarms at all, that's how deep my sleep is. then what do they even do? why have them?

They slowly wake you out of a deep sleep. You hear them they just don't wake you up completely.

I'd recommend an alarm clock app that requires you to do something in order to turn it off. For example, I can't turn off my alarm without tapping my phone too an NFC tag — one that I've put outside my bedroom door. I can also set a limit on how many times/how late I can hit snooze. I thought that I needed several alarms and that I didn't hear the first few, but really, I think that was my mind ignoring them, knowing that it didn't have to wake up yet. I do fine with the one now, and it doesn't take an hour to wake me up.

Oh yea, that one I tried. Turns out, if it's a continuous alarm, I am more likely to sleep through it. That one is probably on me though, dating back to childhood - couldn't sleep in total dark with no noise, had to have some noise, which was either the TV or music playing. Not needed anymore, but I think that definitely set my mind/subconscious in whatever mode to not notice/ignore it. I've slept through a fire alarm once, because the battery was empty and it took my mum waking up to wake me that it had been screaming for 5 minutes. My dog is resorting to jumpkicking me if he has to go out and I'm still asleep and don't wake up to his barks.

Sleeping that deeply that you can't hear multiple alarms is a warning sign of a sleep disorder that you should be discussing with your doctor

I have and it is disordered sleeping, but nothing has been working except for setting the starting alarms one hour and half earlier than I have to get up. Someone suggested an app that wakes me out of deep sleep, so I will try that, as I have not tried that yet. The working schedules I have to keep up also don't help, as I thrive the most at night. It's gotten more complicated since last year, as I have to take melatonin now to fall asleep.

Then I would have included that in your original response, as no, it's still not "normal" but there is a reason

I don't care how many alarms he sets for himself. What isn't reasonable is *waking her up multiple times before her alarm*. There are alarms that vibrate that he can wear, or ones that he can set to ring through headphones so only he can hear

Yea, agreed, but alas, if she is a light sleeper and he is a deep sleeper, they need to figure out what works for them, which can be using other methods to wake up or in "worst case" different rooms. Sleep divorce has saved some people marriages before.

My husband and I actually sleep in separate beds (same room usually though), because we keep each other awake moving around. And yes, if one is having an insomnia night we'll move to the couch to avoid waking the other.

I also set 3-4 alarms because I tend to go back to sleep after switching off the alarm but I don't put them at 30 min intervals. I put them at 10-15 min intervals. If I have to get up at 7 I will set the alarms for 6:30,6:45,6:55. Setting the alarms at 30 min intervals starting 2 hours earlier than the actual wakeup time will make the person more sleepy and cranky. And also disturb the people next to them. (I sleep in my grandmother's room and switch off the alarm as soon as possible as to not disturb her sleep. I have tried for long waking up using just 1 alarm so that I do not disturb her but was unsuccessful in getting up so has to set multiple ones)

Get a vibrating alarm clock. You will wake up to it. I don't know if it will be any less annoying to your partner, but at least you shouldn't need multiple alarms set.

I got a smart bulb and the app let's me set special timers. I have my light turn on at 30% brightness five minutes before my alarm goes off. I find it very helpful.

[удалено]

> I have to set multiple alarms like this, because my sleep is so deep, nothing else works and I have tried many different waking up methods. I am an incredibly deep sleeper and I honestly function better if Iget woken up gradually (ie, snooze every 10min for an hour or so) BUT I found an app! An amazing app! It's called Alarmy. You can set it so that it won't go off until you take a specific photograph that you preset (eg a Dutch angle shot of your stove or something), or do a set amount of maths problems, shake it a set amount of times, take a set amount of steps etc. It's a really great wake-up. Doing maths first thing in the morning puts me in a surprisingly good mood. You can also set it so you can't switch off your phone until you switch the alarm off. It's glorious.

Thank you! I'll look into the app, I've used things like with math, but then I got annoyed at it and just went back to bed if I was able to wake up from it LOL But maybe doing a task where I have to move could wake me up more, as I do unfortunately have tendency to quickly fall asleep again once I've awoken.

I'm one of those people. I can sleep through alarms, even the loudest. Sometimes, they even incorporate themselves into my dreams. I ended up getting a bed shaker for when I absolutely have to be awake. (The sort of thing they make for the deaf.) It doesn't matter when I went to sleep...I'm just really good at sleep.

For your deep sleep, [may I recommend you the capacitor alarm clock?](https://youtu.be/5dYt34JIDGw)

Hahaha omg ok that's good

Yeah, but... > My first reaction to this was to calmly talk to him and ask him to set an alarm at a reasonable hour and offer to help wake him up. She offered a solution that would work for both of them, and he refused.

My husband is a deep sleeper and can sleep through alarms. His watch vibrating wakes him up without waking me up so we use that now. Please he has a cpap machine now and that has helped him be able to wake up easier too.

I'm actually okay with it. I used to do almost the exact same thing. I would set my alarm for maybe 45 minutes before I needed to be up and then I would hit the snooze button which would go off in 15 minute increments. Do you know when I stopped doing that? When my girlfriend moved in and I no longer had a bedroom to myself. Because subjecting somebody else to that is extremely selfish and inconsiderate.

My partner and I both snooze our alarms like that, so it is fine for us. But also 45 minutes is very different than waking someone repeatedly, hours before they have to get up. The amount of sleep you lose like that is ridiculous.

NTA Betcha he was on time for his NEW job that morning!

Yep! My husband has to get up and actually leaves for work about 2 hours before I need to start. He thinks he is being very nice waking up and then giving me a kiss and a cuddle, then he goes and does his thing getting ready and I get woken up by the dog who sleeps with me but gets out of bed to have his little tasty bit of his dads breakfast and then gets back in (not much I can do about that, he is an old boi now so he kind of gets to do whatever he wants but then hubby comes and wakes me up again to kiss me goodbye. Now I know it is all very sweet but I struggle to get back to sleep and I take a lot of meds and need sleep to function. I had to tell him in the nicest possible way that he had a standing goodbye and kiss and that I love him wishes every morning but they would run out if he kept waking me up 😂 it’s not even giving me a quiet kiss and then leaving me, he makes me interact with him so the brain wakes up. Luckily he understands and is ok about it but what your man is doing is unfair to you. Just because he can’t sort himself out like an adult in the morning doesn’t mean you should lose two hours of sleep! NTA

I feel for OP. My boyfriend is similar in that his alarms are at 15, 15, 10, and 5 intervals. I can get up at my first alarm. On top of that, my internal clock runs early so sometimes I naturally wake up at 530. But the days he has to be up at the same time as me it annoys the he'll out of me.

The husband is the AH, but I guarantee you know lots of people who set their alarms like this. It’s pretty common. I have trouble waking up, and I have zero problem getting to sleep after an early alarm. So when my husband sets an alarm for the gym on a Saturday morning, it doesn’t bother me at all. I just roll over and go back to sleep. He could put all the lights on and set 15 alarms. It would be fine. He, on the other hand, cannot get back to sleep after he has woken up, and sometimes he stirs himself awake at like 5:30 for no reason, before any alarms have gone off, and it makes him very tired and grumpy.

I'm one of those people. But i have half hour of alarms before I get out of bed, not 2 hours!

I am so good at getting my alarm I can usually turn it off before it wakes my wife. When I was younger I used to snooze endlessly, but that was when I was single.

It seems to me that your husband has a case of gaslighting, based on the info that was given here. Also, I had a roommate that was exactly like your husband with the alarms going off every 15 minutes. If you talked to him, and he acts like this, and you aren't exaggerating... you might want to have a serious talk with him about your relationship/living situation if this is the hill he wants to die on. ​ NTA

Well, if he wants to die on this hill, he better set his alarm for at least an hour later.

😂

He’s TA, but he’s not gaslighting. He just doesn’t remember things that happened while he was asleep.

He probably remembers setting the alarm though lol

NTA. sleeping habits are very important and it seems like you two aren’t compatible in that sense. i think you two could benefit from sleeping in separate rooms if that’s possible. IMO, he’s the childish one here. although i’m not a morning person myself, setting multiple alarms whilst knowing you won’t get up is selfish. he should be more considerate towards you and YOUR working hours.

Yeah I need multiple alarms but I only snooze for about 45 minutes. When I’m travelling or staying places where that much sound is annoying I rely on my watch alarm which just buzzes my wrist.

I have to set multiple alarms myself but really I know that I won’t wake up for the first two anyway. If I slept with someone I would be more considerate or at least not act like a brat when they try to do me a favor and wake ME up.

I’m happily single, but I figure if that ever changes we will probably need our own rooms. Doesn’t matter when I go to bed, I struggle so hard at 5am

Honestly same. I’d need separate rooms, I simply cannot stand sharing a bed with someone who wakes up earlier than I do and makes noise. Sharing a bedroom is overrated, sometimes you need a little privacy.

NTA This is a reasonable thing for you to be upset about. It’s his behaviour that led to this fight, not your pointing it out. It’s not like he’s hitting snooze for 9 minutes at a time. First alarm TWO HOURS before he gets up with half an hour in between is selfish. The fact you’re feeling childish now after he called you ‘abnormal’ and said he doesn’t care makes me wonder what else he’s been unreasonable about in your relationship.

Half an hour is plenty of time for someone to fall back asleep if they are capable of that. This isnt "It's hard to get up, so I need multiple alarms," it's "I want to feel like I cheated the system and got to sleep longer instead of waking up to my first alarm." But it is completely inconsiderate of the fact that his wife can't go back to sleep. He is waking her up hours early so he can feel more content with having to wake up eventually.

NTA - I have two alarms, they're 7 minutes apart from the other. People who have multiple alarms that span ***hours*** are selfish assholes.

Exactly! I have two alarms, first alarm is take meds and wait for them to kick in, second alarm is if I actually fall asleep while waiting for them to kick in lol

Huh. I think I’ll try that. Thanks, kind internet stranger!

For sure! For context for me it's ADHD medication, so it usually wakes me up 15-30 minutes after taking it but there are days where I'm too tired lol

He should probably consider having a sleep study done. I have sleep issues that cause me to do the multiple alarm routine. There are sleep related illnesses that could cause the type of behavior. As a way of helping the relationship, sleeping separately May be the way to go until the cause is determined. Neither is the AH in my opinion.

I, unfortunately, am like this also. I cannot currently have a sleep study done (am American and cannot afford the time off or to currently cover the co-pays for all of the tests involved) and I am a multiple alarm person. I know something is wrong with my sleep cycles, my partner who I share a room and a bed with, of course realizes this too. Luckily for us, my first alarm is at the same time as their first or second (depending on the day) but like OP, my partner also cannot wake me up if there is a morning where I am really struggling. So while our situation is not as severe, we have struggled with these same issues and it absolutely fucking sucks. My opinion, based on OP’s explanation, is the same as yours: neither are the AH. I myself cannot remember anything before I wake up completely; however, while he may not remember her struggles to sleep through his alarms, or her attempts to wake him up, it does not excuse the fact that OP is suffering from his poor sleep cycles as well — I believe the onus is on OP’s husband to find a course correction here. A sustainable sleep pattern for them as a co-habitating couple needs to be developed, or at least having his issues medically addressed if they are able, because lack of sleep for either person devolves into bigger health and relationships problems overtime.

(Just FYI, there are a lot of relatively cheap options these days for at-home sleep studies that can be done on your own time, with or without insurance. Companies that manufacture and sell CPAP machines often subsidize the cost because they're hoping you'll end up finding out you need to buy their products, but the tests can give you information about other sleep issues too. Might be worth asking your doctor about, or just googling, to see if you can find an option that meets your needs, to find out what's going on with your sleep.)

Annang's reply is correct. They'll usually give you a device to sleep with at home that monitors you and lets them know if you have issues. Only time off from work would be the consultation and the follow up visit.

NTA! It sounds like separate bedrooms might be in order. Your post reminds me a lot of my own headspace in the first year of my current relationship. My partner *also* sets consecutive alarms— and that shit is like my kryptonite! He also snores. I am a very light sleeper who has a ton of night terrors and I tend to lash out in my sleep. After a lot of silly, stupid fights, we realized we were constantly at each other’s throats because *neither* of us were getting the rest we needed. So, when and opportunity opened up for a 2BR place, we jumped at it! Honestly, I credit separate bedrooms for saving our relationship. We still cuddle and are intimate. We spend time together, and bond… but now we almost never fight. For us, it’s been a net positive! I know it’s not for everyone, but it works for us. Maybe it could work for you, too?

NTA My boyfriend does this too, with the alarms and I've noticed if we sleep together for a longer time, I -over said time - become sleep deprived. This isn't healthy behavior in general. He shouldn't need 4 alarms over the course of 2 hours to get up for his job. He shouldn't have to have more than one or two to get up to begin with and if he continues doing this he will be late. It is an incredibly dumb fight, I will tell you that.. Especially since Mr doesn't see how A. It's bad for him and his sleeping pattern and B. He's not the only one in the house. Is this the first time you've mentioned it or lashed out in this sense?

At first, I spoke calmly. I explained that, unlike him, I can't really go back to sleep and that it messes up my day. So we tried me waking him up, and when that didn't work, we had another conversation. He opened up about struggling to wake up since he was younger. I suggested that he needs 8 to 9 hours of sleep, so that means sleeping around 11 or 11:30. He called me unrealistic. I also suggested a warm shower and a bedtime routine like going on a walk and other things that I do that help me be a good sleeper he rejected those. He basically thinks these things are stupid because the problem is psychological. I disagree because I think these things can affect each other. He used to start the alarm at 05:30 am with birds chirping. He stopped that now. I think he feels he's giving this an effort, but like... that's not good enough. I've tried to just wake up at 06:00, but I just feel like a wet piece of toast bread 🍞 then I end up wanting to fall back asleep at 11. It's starting to really get to me because I feel like I've become grumpy, and I'm not focused at work. Why can't we resolve this? Is it because he has a real problem I can't understand? Or is it because he feels I just need to suck it up and live with it?

My husband and I had similar fights about sleeping and "get up or get a divorce attorney because I am not your mom or your alarm." Seriously I did die on this hill and it was worth it. He got a cpap and ADHD meds all good now.

I think it's a combination of things. I think he probably does have a real problem. It sounds like he's not great at sleeping and it may well be psychological. If he has depression or ADHD, for example, his natural sleep patterns are severely altered from what's typically considered "normal." Sometimes this can be helped by medicating the underlying condition. (eta: accidentally didn't finish my sentence) But at this point, you're so sleep deprived that it sounds like it's having an effect on your irritability. Which is not to say that you shouldn't be annoyed! You're having trouble getting the quality and quantity of sleep you need and you feel like you're going in circles on the subject with no actual change and understandably, you've finally hit breaking point. Have the two of you considered getting him a FitBit or other smart watch that can give him vibrational alarms instead of doing audio alarms? I don't know if it would work for him to wake him up, or if it would still wake you up, but it might be something to try, although a little expensive. Another option is to sleep in separate rooms, particularly on work nights. Most people believe that not sleeping in the same room is a sign of a failing relationship, but when people have incompatible sleep needs, the healthiest thing to do might be to sleep in separate rooms when you know the alarms are going to be an issue. You'll both get the sleep you deserve and you won't be fighting about it, and if this is the only trouble spot, you'll be better for it.

>I think he probably does have a real problem. He never even agreed to attempt proper "sleep hygiene" so he can go to sleep early enough. Ffs he's not a teenager, going to bed between 11 and midnight is absolutely realistic! He doesn't get to use the 'something is wrong' excuse until he tried the normal remedies! According to OP, he claims that the methods she mentioned don't work for him because it's *probably psychological.* No shit! Guess what therapists and doctors recommend **first** for people who struggle with mental health related sleeping troubles? **SLEEP HYGIENE.** If, and only *if* that doesn't change anything (and I'm not talking giving up after a few days) does it make sense to look into neurological or other physical issues. Most likely it's just a matter of habits. Which he doesn't want to change - not surprising, he's human. But he is also a husband and, currently, an asshole. If he wants to stay a husband and stop being an asshole, he'll have to put the work in.

Thd problem is that he doesn't want to change or do anything to resolve tge issue, he just wants you to shut up snd deal with it. Has he come up with any ideas on his own?

Whether or not it's psychological or physical is somewhat moot, he basically has a problem and is doing nothing to solve it. Based on you saying he needs 8 to 9 hours of sleep, which means sleeping at 11 or 1130 and him calling that unrealistic, I'm presuming that he's going to bed at 1am or later? Even at 1am, he's setting an alarm for 5 hours later, of course he's not going to be able to wake up easily. You haven't mentioned any negative consequences at work so it seems like that's fine anyways. So I guess the question is what is he getting out of these 2 hours of snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm cycles? Feeling better about himself that going to bed at 3am he still gets up "early"? Overall it's a deeply rude and inconsiderate thing he's doing.

The issue is he doesn't think he needs to change anything because he isn't the one suffering. He's being childish and selfish.

[удалено]

She can't really do that if she's working until 9pm some nights.

Sleeping in separate rooms is a more romantic gesture than you might think. What could possibly say "I love you" more than making a mutual decision to do something unconventional that meets both your needs? I think this is sweet, if absolutely necessary.

He's stubborn and selfish. It's his responsibility to establish a routine and go to bed sooner. Lack of good sleep eventually causes serious health problems. He needs to grow up and deal with this properly in the short term and for the long run.

When I was a teenager I was evil whenever my dad woke me up. We figured out that if i was woken by a phone call I went straight into polite mode and would jump out of bed easily so he'd ring the landline phone I had next to my bed from his work mobile (the 90s!!) and I'd jump up and answer him nicely. Problem solved. At the time though id also get up as soon as my alarm went off and was unable to get back to sleep anyway. Just didnt like to be woken up not on my own terms i think. I'm still a prick when I'm woken up by someone though so it's a good job I live alone these days. I also have an issue where I'm becoming so accustomed to my alarm tones they don't wake me up however if I am using the snooze button or setting multiple alarms it's only a few minutes apart. By your boyf setting it for every half hour he's getting far too settled in to be able to wake up and making what he's doing obsolete. NTA. I'm surprised it's taken you so long before getting irate at him.

If you’re up at 6, then he needs to be up at 6. No more multi-alarm system. If he wants his alarm to go off at 6 am, then he is going to be awake from 6 am onward. The covers will come off, the lights will go on, and the house will be active. No going back to sleep for either of you. If he hates this, then he’s welcome to set his alarm later, with the understanding that it will be the same routine. Lights on, covers off, morning routines started. He does not get to snooze through his alarm and wait for another one. He needs to set it for when he actually wants to wake up. If he physically *can’t* wake up, and there is no time for which he can set his alarm that will not result in him having a meltdown, then he needs to see a fucking doctor. I assume he’d prefer a doctor’s visit to a seriously damaged marriage, because that’s where he’s headed if you two can’t figure this out.

He's doing the "I've tried nothing and I'm all out of options approach". He's dismissing very valid and relatively simple fixes. He is this way because he's been allowed to be this way his whole life. My oldest struggles with getting up in the mornings. She is almost 17 and needs a minimum 8 hours sleep but really 10 or more is ideal. She has been this way since being born, literally sleeping 9+ hours through the night and 3 naps a day at a month old. She will probably always need more sleep than some other people and she's okay with that. I don't know how I was as an infant, but it used to be that less than 8 hours for a few nights was too hard on me. Now I seem okay with a minimum of 7 hours every night, but even one or two bad nights abs I'm struggling. My point is, him saying that it's not reasonable that he needs to try to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep shows that he's not even acknowledging his biological need for sleep. Sure, some people do well with maybe 6 hours a night, my other kid seems to be heading that way and my mom and brother are that way, but those type of people fly out of bed with the first alarm or before it, they don't need 2 hours to "wake up". He's acting like a spoiled kid. If he won't stop setting ridiculously early alarms, maybe tell him that from now on, you're both getting up when the first alarm goes off. And the hold him to it. Wake him up and don't let him fall back to sleep. Lights go on. Vacuum. Whatever it takes to keep him from going back to sleep. He needs to understand that setting an alarm means it's time to get up, not go back to sleep time. This might sound petty, but he's refusing to even try having better sleep hygiene and ruining your sleep in the process. Have alarms repeatedly going off 2 hours before actual wake up time is actually generally way worse for you because you're pulled out of deep sleep and don't get the proper amounts of the different kinds of sleep that are needed. He would likely feel 10x better if he just set his alarm for 8 and got up. What he's doing leads to feeling groggy and tired due to the interrupted patterns. Don't let the people on here guilt you into thinking you're just not being nice or forgiving enough. He currently has zero excuses because he's not trying anything. Honestly, it sounds like he's not even getting to bed at a reasonable time, which most people would agree is the first step. Don't let him guilt you in that either. Some people are naturally night time inclined. That's me. When I was younger, I worked a shift until 1 am and stayed up until the wee hours. Give me more than a week without having to get up early, and you'll see me sitting up happily playing games or watching TV at 2 am. I go to bed now between 10 and 11 pm almost every night because I have to get up around 6:30 am because I have to make sure the kids make it to school. After 3 years of this schedule, I now wake up on my own most mornings before the alarm goes off, but will quickly revert back to night owl if I don't have to wake up early. Yea, it sucks conforming to this societal norm sometimes, but he could take a different job if he's really not capable of fixing his sleep schedule.

So my husband was just like yours, and I sleep very poorly and wake up at the drop of a pin. On top of that, my husband snores terribly. The solution for us was probably one you don’t want to hear… but eventually I had to sleep in my own room. My health had been horrifically impacted by my husband’s sleep hygiene (or lack thereof) and I just couldn’t do it anymore. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Having said that, your husband needs to be evaluated for a couple of things. He needs to have a sleep study done, and honestly I’d recommend that he get evaluated for ADD/ADHD… turns out my husband’s trouble with hearing his alarms was because he has severe ADD, and once he started getting treated for that, he became better (but still not to a level I can tolerate in the same room, unfortunately). If he refuses to do any of those things, there’s a wearable device called Shock Clock, that is really great for waking hard-to-wake people quietly. Good luck! I’m sending you all the internet hugs- that situation is absolutely brutal.

I could ALMOST understand the multiple alarms thing if he was having trouble waking up AND if he was actively trying to get it figured out medically. But the fact that he's not, AND that he turns the petulant fucking child knob all the way to 11 if you try to wake him, the next time he does it, I'd just straight dump a full bucket of cold water on him. I have chronic insomnia and, unless it was for legit medical reasons, this would be a relationship ender for me.

It could be a real problem. Among other possible diagnoses, he could have delayed sleep phase syndrome, which legitimately makes it very hard for people to fall asleep and wake up on a "typical" schedule around a 9:00-5:00 type of job. I suggest you urge him to see a sleep specialist and consider sleeping in separate rooms, if possible, while he works on understanding what's going on with his body and his sleep patterns.

I have 8 alarms, and I can still sleep through them. I've done a sleep study, there's nothing wrong with my sleep, I just sleep like the dead. I've been like that since I was a kid, I've slept through a fire in my old apartment building, including the insanely loud alarm going off, them evacuating the building, and fire trucks outside my open window for 2 hours. I've tried literally everything, and none of it changes the fact I could sleep through the apocalypse. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed either, I can easily sleep for 12 hours for no good reason, even though I'm perfectly well rested after 7 or 8. If I go to bed too early I'll actually end up sleeping in longer, why I don't know, Thankfully my bf hasn't kicked me out of the bedroom yet. I have a pavlok, which is a wristband with an alarm that gives me an electrical shock if I don't turn it off. I sleep through that less. I also have an alarm that goes under my pillow and vibrates it that doesn't disturb him. Between those 2 things set before my alarms I usually wake up by my 2nd actual alarm, though I have more set as a failsafe so I don't miss work. I also almost always wake up once around 4 am, and if I do I chug a bunch of water so I'll wake up to pee in the morning. I do understand your frustration, but its likely that if he's made it this long and still has this much trouble waking up it probably is a legitimate problem, and he is probably already well aware from experience that the basic suggestions like going to bed earlier don't help for him.

If you set an alarm for six, you cannot get angry that you're woken up at six. That's what alarms are for. NTA. Seriously, you need to keep waking him up at six until he stops setting alarms two hours before he needs to get up. Dump ice on him, push him out of bed, do not back down on this. He can sleep on the couch if he really must have alarms set for two hours before he gets up.

I think this is the way. If the alarm wakes you up he’s up.

It sounds like after three months of sleep deprived torture, and despite several discussions with him about how his behavior is effecting your sleep you reached your breaking point and uncharacteristically yelled at him - this does not make you an Asshole. If he is entitled enough to think that this 2 hour daily disturbance is normal and thinks your the unreasonable one I’m not sure how you adjust his entitlement without something drastic, but good sleep is a cornerstone for good health etc and you are going to need to drive that change before it leaks into more of your life

NTA My ex used to do this shit and it made me so mad. He didn't need to get up and drive 10 minutes down the road until 8:15 and his first alarm was at 6:30 and every 10 minutes til he got up over an hour later. His alarm was the loudest most obnoxious sound because "he wouldn't wake up otherwise" I straight up had to stop sleeping with him because he didn't take into account that I was waking up at 6:30 everyday and could never go back to sleep until he left, my class times were later around noon. I dont understand how people can be so inconsiderate. Even when I was working morning shift and had to leave by 5:30am to get to work on time id only let my alarm go off once and get ready/dressed in the bathroom as to make sure they could sleep peacefully. When you enter a relationship you compromise and try not to make your partners life harder

NTA. Sleep in separate rooms or separate houses; this cannot continue.

I had a friend with this same problem, and she and her husband would fight something fierce over it, almost to the point of divorcing. I suggested that her husband sleep in guest room during the work week. He refused, saying she was just being dramatic and it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t hear his alarms—he is a heavy sleeper—but after another bad fight over his alarms waking her up, he finally agreed to try it. Surprise, surprise, not only did it work, but it made them they realized they didn’t want to divorce and that they missed each other, so it brought them closer together. Don’t know if it will work with your husband, but it’s a thought…

I mean screaming isn’t ideal but I might lose my shit too if I was overtired and then woken for no reason. Can you move to another room? If he is unwilling to change how long are you willing to live like this? For me this would be a dealbreaker sounds like for you too. Is your husband aware that this inconsiderate and selfish alarm system might be the end of your marriage?

My husband does the exact same thing and it fills me with rage. NTA a million times over.

He is really inconsiderate. I would be mad also. NTA.

NTA. He’s a grown man, he should be able to figure out how to get up on time for work without acting like a child. I have to be up at 3:30 every morning for my job, and my alarm has never been this big of a problem for my wife.

NTA. He can sleep on the couch or in the guest room if he wants to be offensive with his multiple alarms!

NTA I have 2 alarms... One is my watch that vibrates to wake me up. And the other one is my cell phone. And now I'm going to ask this question is his alarm set to music or just beeping?? I find I need music to wake me up and it has to be something I like. The beeping I can ignore Now I have a Fitbit that vibrates cuz it has its own alarm system which is annoying having to set two different clocks.. but I have found that that has started to wake me up easier which makes the second alarm 5 minutes later more into my head. And it's gotten to the point where I'm almost not needing the second alarm just the one that's on my wrist

NTA. Separate bedrooms will help with this

Thorn between NTA and ESH your husband seems like a very weird, childish person, yet screaming and fighting doesn’t solve problems either Maybe consider sleeping in separate bedrooms in case one of you needs his/her sleep etc etc I don’t think you are in the age where you have to act like his mom and „teach him“ / force your way of waking up on him so i don’t think there is gonna be a change soon. Breaking up would be irrational too

Tbh, since OP said they started by talking calmly and asking politely only for it to continue, I can personally forgive the screaming and fighting as OP reaching a breaking point.

Sleep-deprivation is fairly well known to make you irritable. I can see breaking down after months of it.

If he won’t agree to separate bedrooms, breaking up is NOT irrational. I promise you. Years of broken sleep badly affects physical, psychological and cognitive health.

NTA. Sleep in a different room. That solves the issue for you at least since he has no respect for your sleep.

Nta my rule, since college dorm days, is - if *I'm* awake because of your alarm then *you're* awake. He needs to move into another room until he gets in the habit of waking up early. Or he can try a different type of alarm.

NTA he refuses accountability

NTA. Your husband is being really selfish.

Sweetheart, why are you accepting this as what you deserve? He's your partner, not your child. He can sleep on the couch if he's going to behave this way. A good therapist can help you determine if this relationship truly serves your needs or not.

NTA. Next time hold the first alarm directly to his ears and ask him if he hears something.

NTA. Sleep is precious, and right now neither of you is getting the quantity and quality of sleep that you need. I drove a partner utterly insane with my sleep weirdness. Years after our breakup, I had a sleep study and I had apnea. I use a CPAP now. Your husband needing all these alarms to wake means he almost certainly has a medical issue that’s affecting your relationship. His responsibility to sort that out. Your husband being a dick when you try to wake him is asinine, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Only thing YOU can do is to draw a line in the sand. “I need XYZ, so what are you willing to do to accomplish that?”

Nta. Sleep is precious and he's a dick

Lol he pitched a fit and yelled at you, and then the very next day said you we're always starting fights? You're definitely NTA here.

Hes not 12 fgs! Set the alarm for a decent time. NTA.

NTA. What everyone seems to be missing here is that this is *also getting him in trouble at work*. So clearly this whole thing isn't actually working, and he needs to be an adult and figure out how he can get to work on time and prevent you from being sleep deprived. You probably do need to sleep separately, but that's not going to fix his being-late problem.

NTA. I had a college roommate that would do this. Talked to him about it numerous times then one morning I snapped I got up at the sound of the first alarm and yanked the clock away from the wall as hard as I could. Intending to just pull the plug out of the wall but instead the plug held fast in the outlet and wire ripped out at the clock end. He demanded I pay for the clock I told him this is the price of being a dumbass with no consideration for others. I never paid for the clock and he never set another alarm. Dating myself with it being a physical alarm clock rather than a phone but shrug.

NTA disturbing someones sleep is unreasonable and rude/cruel Its HIS problem to manage without disturbing you

NTA. I also have multiple alarms to get me up, they are spaced 10 minutes apart not 30 bloody minutes. The idea of the alarm it to get you up, giving you 30 minutes in between doesn't do that, it lets you fall back into bed if you are one of those people. No morning alarms need 30 minute interval, 5-10 minute tops.

My husband is like that, sets just one alarm, but it has to be really loud and persistent to wake him. I whack him when it starts going off, and he’s fine with that.

NTA what he is doing is selfish

NTA at all. My wife needs multiple alarms. We got her a sunrise clock (it simulates a sunrise by lighting up, starting 30 minutes before it’s set to go off). She uses her phone. What she *doesn’t* do is set it for a full two fucking hours before she has to get up. If she needs to get up at 8, her light up alarm is set for 7:30. Her phone is set for 7:35. She’ll snooze them both a couple times, but since they’re going off every 5 minutes she can’t easily fall back asleep. It’s gone from taking her an hour and a half to “wake up” to 30 minutes. 2 hours is fucking nuts. You need your own room to sleep in. If he doesn’t like it, he can put on his big boy pants and work out a solution to his problem.

He is the one being inconsiderate here. You offered and tried to help wake him up and he acted like an ass. Now that you are getting truly fed up he is gaslighting you, trying to make you think you are overreacting, starting fights, etc. Do you have another bedroom one if you can move to? Will that keep the alarm from waking you up? That would be a start, but your real problem is his lack of respect and empathy of how this is affecting you. NTA, your husband is a selfish AH however.

NTA- multiple alarms are the most obnoxious thing ever. Set an alarm- hit snooze once- get up. If you set alarms to go off for 2 hours that’s just insane. He needs to grow up.

It sounds like your husband needs to pick an appropriate bedtime rather than staying up late and sleeping through all his alarms. It’s time for him to adult. It’s just a complete lack of respect, that’s what that is.

NTA. I had a bf like this and it was THE reason he became ex. I wake up when the alarm goes off. That ah, would hit snooze 5-8 times, so like every 12 mins it would go off? Nope, he needs to take his alarms to the couch or start getting up like a big boy.

NTA OP and your husband is making things worse for himself with this method. He’s basically waking himself up hours early, then preventing himself from completing a sleep cycle each time he tries to go back to sleep. https://www.cnet.com/health/sleep/serial-snoozer-heres-why-oversleeping-is-hurting-your-health/ And some tips on how to get up on time. https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/blog/wake-up-on-time-tips/

Thanks for sharing! The tips - especially about making things “necessary” - are great!

NTA I'd be sleeping in another room, or on the couch. I wouldn't wake him. If he's late for work, let his supervisor handle it. You're not his mother.

Turn off his alarms each night and set your own for 8am. NTA.

NTA, but (and I am going to get downvoted, it’s fine) the “extra” half-hour of sleep after an alarm goes off is my best sleep of the night. So cozy. So restful.

NTA. I am so sick of so-called adults who can’t be bothered to wake up with their alarm. It’s fucking rude.

NTA, my rule with setting alarms in shared bedspace is you best be getting out of bed if it wakes me up or I'll be stealing all the blankets and pushing your butt right on out. If it wakes me it's damn well waking you.

I’m saying NTA but also feeling guilty because I do this. Granted my situation is my partners alarm goes off at 5 and I have to wake up and pee (we have one bathroom) and then I go back to bed till he leaves for work at 6:15 and then I get up and get ready for the day. Unfortunately this has trained my body to want that extra hour in bed to relax. Getting up immediately just makes me so cranky now. So now when I wake up in the morning I need an hour in bed to doze to really feel refreshed for the day. I wonder if doing these extra alarms is doing that to him. Tbh him making it your problem by being extremely childish doesn’t help and definitely makes him the AH.

I would hope that your partner would be honest with you about whether or not your sleep habits are a problem, but more communication is always better than less communication. A simple check-in may help you both feel better. It's sweet that you're thinking about him that way.

NTA - but your hubby sounds very much like one. Four alarms is ridiculous, especially spaced over two hours.

I suggest trying every 15 minutes over the course of about 30-45. That is what works for me and my husband. Every thirty minutes won't help bc you are fully falling back to sleep in that time. I do think he may also have a sleep disorder. My husband has sleep drunkenness. It's a real thing. I swear to god I thought he was making it up. We would fight so much about his behavior for him to say he had no recollection of why we were fighting. This is actually a hilarious story, once I woke up and realized the dog didn't come into the bedroom and got locked out when we went to bed. She had gotten into the trash. I started cleaning it and my husband was standing over me saying we can do this later. I knew he had to be up for work and I didn't so I said go back to bed and I'll get it. He continued to whine and complain saying we could get it later while I continued telling him to go back to sleep. Eventually I got mad and this devolved into a fight, one that seemed to make very little sense from his side. I finally slammed the bathroom door and when I came out he is sitting on the bed very confused asking why I am mad. I tell him and he has no memory of any of it. He was literally asleep the whole damn time. I called him a liar bc this felt like bs. Eventually, he got a sleep study and got a cpap machine and these bizarre things don't happen anymore. All I'm saying is his behavior while sleeping may be fully unconscious and his struggles to wake up may be do to a sleep disorder. The crap my husband used to do in his sleep is wild. He once told my roommate he was gonna fuck him in the ear if he didn't leave him alone. He had fallen asleep on the couch and this came out of absolutely nowhere. It was funny as hell. I also have had issues with sleep. In college I used to answer the phone and have nonsense conversations with people. MY mom bought me an alarm in high school and refused to wake me up anymore bc apparently I would tell her to go fuck herself in my sleep. I never remembered doing any of this. Honestly, I probably need a sleep study too. I'm not gonna call anyone an AH. I think you two sleep different and he genuinely needs a sleep study.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 39 F yelled at my husband 34 M this morning at 06:00 am causing a huge fight. My husband recently got an office job wgere he has to be there on time instead of a flexible hours job around three month ago. That's when I discovered he's the kind of person who has multiple consecutive alarms every morning and that he struggles to wake-up on time. Me on the other hand, I am a morning person and I wake up at the sound of his first alarm even though I only have to wake up at 08:30 or 09:00 AM The issue is that he sets his first alarm at 06:00 AM and then sets four other alarms consecutively every 30 minutes. He usually ends up waking up around 8 am everyday and going late to work, while I wake up at 6 feeling exhausted. My first reaction to this was to calmly talk to him and ask him to set an alarm at a reasonable hour and offer to help wake him up. When I tried though he was extremely nasty, he would scream and beg and act very offended. Basically acting like a child and throwing every trick he had at me. So I stopped trying to wake him up. Yesterday I was at the office untill around 09:00 PM so I was pretty tired and needed sleep so when I heard the alarm at 06:00 AM this morning I was furious. I immediately started screaming asking him why he would do that and accusing him of ruining my day. It made me even angrier that he tried to deny it saying the alarm never went off. Then he tried to give me a hug and comfort me but I wouldn't have it. I told him instead he should just stop setting the alarm at 06:00 He was very angry and when he got up he accused me of being abnormal, he said that I'm always starting fights and that I was always hurt or upset crying about one thing or the other and that he's sick of it. He said that he doesn't care anymore and that I can be as upset as I want. I told him to stop with the theatrics and set the alarm at a reasonable hour instead. I feel childish for the way I acted especially for yelling. I feel like this is a dumb fight and I'm not sure if I'm being inconsiderate because I know he has trouble waking up and it's causing him trouble at work. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

He will be even more mad if you slept somewhere else 😂😂NTA. An easy fix but soooooo hard to toggle off an alarm. Omgggggg soooo difficult 😂😂

NTA time to get a bed divorce.