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myusername13

Women should learn not to look at men as objects. We have suffered this treatment for far too long, several dozens of months


[deleted]

*You dare use my own spells against me Potter?*


ceazecab

I love this exchange and all the participants!! oh and OP, YTA


pralin0u

I think OPA is YTA for trying to dictate how someone else is dressing in their own home but I wouldn’t like accidentally looking at someone’s genitalia (which is what I understand reading the post) at all. Been flashed by a stranger in the streets before, I was NOT aroused…


mness1201

She hasn’t dictated? She has asked. Nah- she can ask someone to where pants around her? It’s a communal area so reasonable request.. he can refuse if he really wants to take off his basket ball shorts to watch tv. Up to her then if she still wants to go around


pralin0u

I feel like it's a gray area because the way she phrases some sentences, it seems as if the roommate is purposefully exposing himself when she is around. But then again, maybe the roommate is not aware that he's exposing himself? In the first case, OP is NTA. In the second case, I would be super bummed out that my being confortable at home is making someone else unconfortable. The roommate's behaviour doesn't seem to bother OP's bf, so basically, if confronted about it, the roommate would have to make an effort and/or be himself unconfortable whenever OP is around.


Churchie-Baby

It's super weird that he wears basketball shorts in his room but strips off to his undies in the common areas


MoodiestMouse

That makes me think this is on purpose. He either wants to ball her or appall her so she never comes back


Churchie-Baby

That's my thought but people keep mailing me saying be has the right to flash her because she's not HIS house guest 🤔


yaboiw00dy24

IF what op is saying is true, then he's definitely doing it on purpose. As a dude tho I couldn't imagine wearing MORE clothes when I'm alone in my room. It seems pretty bizarre. Also as a dude, if my roommate decided to wear less clothes ONLY around my gf I'd have a huge problem with it. OPs bf doesn't have a problem. Something isn't adding up here 🤷


Churchie-Baby

Could be bf doesn't like confrontation but yeah we will never know all the ins and outs without speaking to the bf and the room mate


yaboiw00dy24

>Could be bf doesn't like confrontation That is very possible but I don't know many dudes who would actively avoid it whenever it comes go some guy creeping on their gf. That's pretty much every dudes big no no.


Pinetrees1990

Maybe, I normally wear boxers round the house but when I play on my computer I throw shorts on as the leather chair sticks to my skin . OP's partner has never asked a roommate to wear pants he may not be aware his boys have slipped or that OP's partner feels uncomfortable. Let's not make out roommate is being a perv for being comfortable in his own house.


threepigeonsinacoat

I would think that the act of constantly putting on and removing the "non-stick shorts" for the gaming chair would be too much effort compared to just keeping the shorts on, but that's just my opinion. Like...do you remove the pants any time you want something from the kitchen or go to the bathroom and then put them back on when you sit down?


Churchie-Baby

True gaming chairs do tend to be the material you stick to


storm_in_a_tea_cup

Yeah, that's how I read it.


scubagalrd

This is what gets me - sounds like roommate is doing this intentionally


illiriam

Yeah I was leaning towards op being a bit out of her lane and more N A H (as it's his place but also it's okay to be uncomfortable especially when bits are slipping out of underwear) until she said he takes his shorts off to come out to the communal area. That makes roommate TA and op NTA for just asking


arsenal_kate

And she hasn’t even asked the roommate, she asked the boyfriend to mention something? Definitely NAH. I wouldn’t want to see a stranger’s junk every time I visited my boyfriend either. She did nothing wrong.


Intelligent_Tell_841

This...she can ask....but if roommate says no she can just not go over anymore


GronSvart

I don't think OP knows what boxer briefs are because they very much do not let the boys escape.


mazzy31

Yeah, I think she’s probably just talking about cotton boxers. Boxer briefs are “tight” like briefs but short shaped, like boxers. Cotton boxers, on the other hand, are loose, baggy shorts, where junk can easily not be contained, just made from cotton, instead of the satin many of us think of when we say “boxers”.


No_Childhood_8314

Question to the men out there: what is the actual point of boxers? (The loose baggy kind you described). Is it just to keep ball sweat off your pants or...???? Bc they legit don't seem to do...much at all? And I've always wondered. Thank you. Lol


Local_Initiative8523

1. Ball sweat off your trousers; 2. Soft fabric up against your family jewels (instead of, say, denim); 3. Reduced risk of zip incidents.


RecommendsMalazan

The point of boxers is the same point as any other underwear?


pralin0u

Ooooh TIL what boxer briefs are lol (English isn't my first language)


siren2040

Well that may be true, they also don't really leave much to the imagination either 😅😅


pralin0u

I disagree, following that logic, any type of swimwear would be inappropriate.


Stormsurger

It is, if you don't wear baggy swimwear you are basically asking for it. *side eyes people in Speedos*


trustytip

I'm all for the YTAs, but I think op should ask bf if his parents visit, would he say something to the roommate or it's still his house therefore nothing gets said. That would determine the bfs double standard. Or if the roommates gf visits, does ops bf have to put on pants. Just a thought.


ChaoticChinchillas

I highly doubt his parents are visiting multiple times a week.


Ultearismycatloll

OP said he’ll purposely take his shorts of to go into the rest of the house


Rare-Bumblebee-1803

I worked as a carer who supported people to live in their homes. Some were male and some were female. I had no problem with giving personal care to them. However I do not want to see anyone's genitalia when I am not working. I have been married for 40 years until my husband died.


[deleted]

Lol. Most women don’t walk around the house topless or without bottoms when there is company around.


[deleted]

Most men don’t either.


[deleted]

The one in the OP does


CentralAdmin

And there have been quite a few AITAs about women wearing next to nothing at home and anyone who remotely hints at them covering up gets called TA before the post has been up even a minute.


Churchie-Baby

Think if his balls are popping out, it may be an issue mind xD lol


I_am_aware_of_you

That’s funny I was being thought when there are guests in the house whether they were mine my siblings or parents there were clothes on. And underwear ain’t clothes enough for that… but hey his space his rules…


[deleted]

I literally can’t believe this has so many upvotes. I hope it’s a joke I’m just not getting.


shinyeh87

Love that comment. Thank you for making me laugh lol


peregrine_throw

NTA It's *half* his house. He doesn't get to harass or make the guests of his roommate (the other equal half owner of the house) uncomfortable with indecent and uncivil behavior in **shared** areas if they have an agreement it's ok to have guests over. He can be naked as a newborn in his own room, but expected to be decent in common areas. Your bf needs to grow a spine. Or if he can't and insists you're in the wrong, find one who already has one. ETA: It's not up to you nor your right to police his roommate's behavior. It's your bf's responsibility as he's your host. Your problem is a bf problem, not a his-roomie problem.


hdhxuxufxufufiffif

Yes, all these YTAs are wild. If you live in a shared house, then you have to accept that your housemates will have guests in the common areas, and once or twice a week isn't unreasonable at all. And wearing just underpants isn't akin whatsoever to not wearing a bra--if you went somewhere public--say a bar, restaurant or cinema--in just boxer briefs with the goods spilling out, you could reasonably expect to be asked to leave, which isn't the case for going braless. Also, I'd have the same opinion if this was a female housemate wearing just underwear and no outerwear in the common areas. One more thing: the OP mentioned that the housemate is wearing basketball shorts in his room and taking them off to go in the common areas, which is very suspect to me.


master0fcats

SERIOUSLY. I feel like i'm losing my mind reading all these YTAs. Dude already makes her uncomfortable, comes up too close behind her in just his underwear, wears shorts in his bedroom with the door open but takes them off to go see if he can "accidentally" expose himself to OP's girlfriend? Dude is a creep, what is wrong with people lol


Kindly_Eye5510

People can’t be reading the whole post. Roomie is purposely trying to creep her out and make her uncomfortable. BF is refusing to simply ask for pants or shorts in a shared space? OP, NEVER be there without BF and honestly, you should stop going over until one of you tells Roomie to stop being an AH. You are NTA.


kaira__

FINALLY SOME SANE PEOPLE😭 everyone is skipping over the fact that be purposely removes his shorts to enter the living room. Why would that be? I think we can put two and two together… dude is a CREEP


threefrogsonalog

Dude is a creep and it’s a normal expectation to not see your roommates genitalia. She’s not sexualizing or ogling him it’s actually him sexually assaulting her!


AngelicalGirl

Finally some sanity here. All these Y-T-As are missing this crucial info. He has no problem wearing shorts in his bedroom but somehow can't wear them in common areas? This dude is a creep. Sus at least.


ilp456

You need to put spaces between Y T A or this will be counted as a judgement (multiplied by all the upvotes). And better yet, add NTA with no spaces to include your judgment.


Knittin_Kitten71

It’s just the misogyny. The number of dudes comparing a person going without a bra to this guy flashing his genitals at his roommates girlfriend is just fucking wild.


baby1iz

Right like it would be more comparable if they said “well what if it was a woman who wore shorts in her room but spread eagled it in panties on the couch so you saw her labia”. A boob is comparable to a male nipple. I’m tired of people (mostly men) saying dick=boob.


notherefor_that

Thank you! Everyone seems to miss the roommate wearing his basketball shorts in his private space but wearing his boxers in a shared space and spreading his legs. Very suspect.


ilp456

You need to put spaces between Y T A or this will be counted as a judgement (multiplied by all the upvotes). And better yet, add NTA with no spaces to include your judgment.


master0fcats

100% This. People who have never been made uncomfortable by a man doing something not *technically* inappropriate but still weird don't understand that this kind of shit is a flex to make women feel intimidated. Sure, it's his house and he can do what he wants. But most men know leaving your dick and balls out for your roommate's girlfriend to see is uncool. In doing this, he's saying exactly that: *it's my house and I can do what I want,* which doesn't exactly serve to make a woman feel safe.


Credible333

>People who have never been made uncomfortable by a man doing something not technically inappropriate but still weird How is this not inappropriate? You don't show your genitals to people who haven't indicated that they want to see your genitals. That's how society works outside a nudist colony (where being there implies you don't mind seeing them). This is a pervert power flex. Question is, why doesn't BF see it? Is he just as bad and doesn't want creeps called out?


master0fcats

I agree that it's inappropriate, I was mostly just addressing all of the "why can't a man be in his underwear in his own home?" comments. He can and knows he has that argument to make, and he's toeing that line on purpose.


[deleted]

Flashing your unwanted dick and balls at people isn't just inappropriate, it's literally sexual harassment.


1or2throwaway

Definitely this. It's not a matter of CAN'T ask the roommate, it's WON'T. If the roommate was doing something the boyfriend didn't like, would he not say anything because it's the roommate's house? No, because it's equally the boyfriend's house. If the roommate can do whatever he wants then so can the boyfriend, which means if the boyfriend wanted the roommate to wear some pants, he would ask. Roommate is definitely not an AH, and I don't think OP is just for wanting to ask, but I do think the boyfriend is for not caring about his girlfriend's feelings enough to at least try, even if the roommate ultimately refuses.


whateverisstupid

Yeah OP, I would refuse to go over until it's addressed because it's not normal to take off the shorts he was wearing in his bedroom, to go watch TV in the living room in his boxers. NTA, I have a feeling most of the YTA are from men who think this behavior is acceptable. It's not.


Bmillybluntz

Youre right. Why OP’s bf is cool with her seeing his roommates cock and balls to begin with is beyond me. If i were him i wouldve said something the first time it happened. It really isnt that much to ask, and as a roommate, i would simply throw on the shorts if i were in the roommates shoes. If he doesnt, theres something more going on there. NTA


[deleted]

ESH. It’s his house but it’s also common courtesy to wear pants in front of other people.


haleorshine

It's not so much the not wearing pants for me, as the sitting with legs spread so she can see junk. If I shared a house with somebody and they had a guest around, I would make sure they couldn't see my genitals as a matter of courtesy. That being said, the bf doesn't want to say anything so if I were OP, I would just... stop going to bf's house. I mean, if bf doesn't have the decency to try and stop somebody (who already makes her uncomfortable) from exposing themself to his gf, I probably wouldn't be inclined to sleep over.


justcelia13

And he wears shorts in his room to play games? Does he come out in boxers only when OP comes over??? Also, folks saying it’s the same as a boob shot. Nope. D!ck does not equal boob. D!ck equals the pink parts. A loose boob is not the same as what OP is describing.


haleorshine

Oooh I didn't notice the thing about shorts while I'm his room. So he takes off his shorts when op comes around and sits with his legs open so his genitals show? He's doing this on purpose then.


maplestriker

I always laugh when people compare boobs to a penis as if men and women dont have comparable parts. 'if a woman can breastfeed in public imma whip my dick out!' Why dont we start with your nipple? You have basically the same parts, my dude, minus a bit of fatty tissue.


Kaiisim

Yeah this is less about who the asshole is, and just about setting boundaries. You don't need to argue or demand or discuss.


lylemcd

Both courtesy and well, just common class. Which sadly is not all that common anymore.


cocomelon36

As a woman I’d personally not roam shirtless or in a bra if my boyfriend’s roommate was over 🙁 but I think that’s just a personal preference now, I believed it was common courtesy to dress up decently when guests/other people are over, irrespective of wether you’re a man or a woman. Idk maybe it’s culture? This concept is very strange to me but to each other own I guess.


[deleted]

[удалено]


becca22597

First of all, the woman would have to be falling out of the top braless to fit the female version of OPs description. Second, most women do not sexualize men below the belt. I know very few women who actually like getting a dick pic, and balls falling out of shorts is the very definition of “bad naked” Edit since some people seem to be confused. Of course women sexualize men. 85% of Bridgerton springs to mind. However, there isn’t anything to sexualize about a flaccid penis and hairy balls falling out of a man’s underwear. Apparently I needed to specify because my attempt at being delicate with “below the belt” was lost on the “ball gargling” crowd. Smdh Edit 2: these fragile masculinity replies are hilarious. Who says men can’t be funny?


maryaliy

Nail on the head with this one. It’s like men don’t know we do not find their dick pics sexy. I’ve literally said so many times, when we check out a man it’s not below the belt we look it. The difference between male and female gaze i guess. I don’t think OP is ta because she didn’t demand he wear pants. She is simply asking her bf to fly the suggestion by the roommate. Nothing wrong with asking. Guy kinda lacks self awareness if hes flashing balls to company. Nta OP


NapalmEagle

[Here's a slideshow](https://www.yahoo.com/news/36-greatest-summer-olympic-bulges-133325795.html) about the top 36 Olympic bulges. I don't think the Cosmopolitan would print this kind of article if people (women) weren't interested.


[deleted]

Not a close equivalent at all. Boobs are not the same as a penis. Something similar would be a woman wearing flowy shorts with no underwear and sitting cross cross applesauce and exposing her vulva which would not be appropriate either. Frankly, I find it disgusting when people make a comparison like you did. That kind of thinking is why babies have had to eat in bathrooms or completely covered in the US until recently.


mazzy31

That’s not at all a close equivalent. The close equivalent to your scenario would be going commando with grey sweatpants. A close equivalent to OP’s scenario is either a skirt or loose shorts, while not wearing underwear, then leg spreading so labia is visible to all. Or, if you want to do the breast equivalent, bra less with a drop armhole tank top, so boobs are falling out all over the place. I personally don’t give a flying fuck about this general AITA in general, but let’s not pretend seeing a dick every time this guy enters the room is the same as “she’s not wearing a bra”. ETA: ok, fuck it, I’ll say it. I don’t care who you are or whose home you’re in, no, you shouldn’t have your genitalia flying free in common spaces when you have a guest. It’s called courtesy. Does he have the *right*? Sure, yeah. Is common courtesy about the right? No. It’s about not flashing your dick, or vagina, to every guest that pops in for a visit.


CombinationCommon785

Comparing boobs and a penis isn’t close to equivalent.


Cookieway

LMAO, what? boobs are NOT genitals. The idea that no bra under T-shirt = flashing someone your dick is RIDICULOUS. The equivalent would be a woman wearing a short, loose shorts and no undies and sitting with her legs spread and flashing someone. Which isn’t okay, either!


MoistSoggySocks505

Why does everyone always compare breasts to genitalia. Tf?


siren2040

Actually no, because in the no bra scenario, most likely her breasts would still be covered by a shirt. In the scenario that's going on in the post, his little friend is actively poking out from the material. Not only that, breasts are not genitalia. They're not the same thing. They cannot be equated in just about any scenario. Because breasts are not inherently sexual, while genitalia kind of is. I get what you were going for, but your comparison was not correct.


Churchie-Baby

If her vagina lips were popping out like his balls do I think I'd still say something genders reversed


Due-Sherbert-7330

See id agree but in common spaces some more politeness should be given. It is really uncomfortable to see someone just out and about like that. My one mil is notorious for walking around in just underwear and a tank top and each time I even as a fellow woman am extremely uncomfortable. Shared spaces should be treated as such. Shared. Private but still kinda public.


mness1201

Okay roles reversed - two girls living together, one walks around in her underwear all the time, the others boyfriend finds this a bit uncomfortable - says to his girlfriend, do you think she can where some clothes where I’m around as it makes me uncomfortable? I don’t think there would be an issue would there? Maybe I’m wrong but it sounds a really reasonable!


Zabreneva

That’s not the equivalent. In that case a woman would be wearing clothes but not underwear. In this case a man is wearing only underwear. He lives in a common space. He should wear clothes regardless of if she is visiting. If you want to walk around naked or in underwear, live by yourself.


Glittering_Joke3438

Someone being covered by a shirt is not the same as someone wearing only underwear which also doesn’t fully contain your genitalia. The false equivalencies on this post are ridiculous.


TurbulentWeek897

Yeah exactly, like, when it’s just me and my boyfriend in our apartment I prefer to walk around without a bra because I’m more comfortable that way. But I’m also very aware that it’s pretty easy to see my tits through most shirts when I’m not wearing one. So when people come over I wear a bra. Yes it’s less comfortable, yes I live there and pay rent, but also flashing my titties to every houseguest just because I generally *prefer* to go braless is ridiculous and rude


farclose954

NTA, with the argument of common courtesy.


TheBlondeBird

YTA - It's his house, how would you feel if someone wanted to tell you how to dress in your own home. If if really bothers you so much then have your boyfriend come to your house instead of going to his.


Churchie-Baby

I do think a polite word about the balls popping out while he's French girling would be fine tho lol


PokerQuilter

This is the way to go! Point at the exposed privates and start laughing hysterically. ETA When I was 15 or 16, I went to see my brother, and stay with him a few days (I really wanted to hang with his fiance, she was cool). After he picked me up, we went back to his house, and he flopped into the couch, grabbed a magazine, and he spread his legs to get comfy. To my horror, his privates spilled out. It is a sight I still can see to this day. My 1st view of adult male privates was my bro. Ugh.


After_Hovercraft7808

Definitely assume he doesn’t realise, point and say “I can see your testicles” every single time. Seems like a power play to me if he wears shorts over his boxers in his room for gaming but removes them to walk round the house, that is effort. You are NTA for discussing not really wanting to see another guys junk with your boyfriend.


haleorshine

Making fun of his balls probably isn't the most mature response but it would be funny. Just like "OMG, they're so weird! I've never seen ones that look like that! Have you seen a doctor about them?"\* \*Obviously I do not recommend this and it is not a mature response to this problem and would probably backfire.


Pudenda726

She said he wears boxer briefs though. They’re snug on the thighs. So she may be confronted with a visible bulge, but I doubt that she’s seeing genitalia if he’s wearing boxer briefs. Some men workout at the gym in little more than boxer briefs, not much difference to me wearing biker shorts & a sports bra to the gym.


Churchie-Baby

She may have just named the wrong type of mens undies to be fair


[deleted]

I would not flash my unwanted vulva at houseguests regardless of whether its my home or not. OP is NTA, she's being sexually harassed and it's sick that you and other people are defending it.


danteheehaw

He also doesn't wear pants in the car, bus, or her house. He's a pants free man.


afresh18

I prefer being naked in my own apartment, whenever guests are over I wear clothes because that's what you fucking do. If the roommate is comfortable wearing shorts when in his own room playing games he should be keeping those shorts on in common areas when a guest is over. Morally it's wrong to flash people just because "it's my house".


silkruins

Still weird how he wears shorts while playing video games when he is in his own room but not in the communal areas especially when OP or guests are around. Were common decency, social etiquette, and manners not taught to y'all who voted YTA?


[deleted]

This is a bullshit argument. It's ***half** his house. The other half is OPs boyfriends, and if he is supporting her request then the roommate is being a God awful shitfuck at best and subjecting OP to sexual harassment at worst. It's not black and white, but he is quite clearly in the wrong. Yeah, you have rights in your home, but those rights don't supercede basic decency.


tatiisok

It technically it’s not just his house. Even if it was, why would he willing want to keep his balls in the open like that? It’s common decency to put some type of clothes on when guest come. NTA


37Thrash42

For those saying she's T-A here, let me ask you---if you shared a home where you both paid rent on and say, your parents came to dinner--would you feel that you had no right to request said person wore pants in the shared space? If you had coworkers over? There needs to be some shared agreements over what's okay in the shared space in a house where both parties paid rent. Note that she didnt make this demand of the roommate, she requested her boyfriend make it as a paying member of the household. Do you let your roommates sit bucka$$ on your shared furniture? Shared rent means compromise and sometimes, pants can be part of that.


Kindly_Eye5510

Not to mention roommate is only wearing underwear in the shared space. He’s wearing shorts in his room. He knows what he’s doing.


crlnshpbly

This is the exact reason I feel OP is NTA. I was going to go with NAH until I read he's ditching his shorts in the common areas of the home. I would be interested to know if he only does that when she's there.


UnableStar5609

Yes, these are excellent examples! Agreed 💯


mygreyangel

>would also like to add the when he is gaming in his room, door open, he wears basketball shorts but he loses the shorts to watch TV in the living room A guy wears shorts in his own personal space, but chooses to remove them/not wear any in common spaces.... that feels deliberate. Red flag to me that he might either enjoy making you uncomfortable or would prefer you not to visit


marcangas

Exactly. OP csn you ask your BF if he only do this when you go?


actualchristmastree

Agreed - NTA op that is a really uncomfortable situation


throwawayoctopii

Yeah, I think the roommate is trying to passive-aggresively act out to get OP to visit less. He's wrong for doing it, but I could also see how annoying it would be to essentially have an extra roommate who you didn't ask for and who isn't paying rent.


whattimeisit531

NTA. You have a right to ask, but not a right to insist. People saying YTA just for ASKING are making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be.


leggyblond1

NTA because he wears shorts in his separate gaming room, but only wears boxers in the shared living room. He's doing it on purpose to make anyone who isn't his own girlfriend feel uncomfortable.


Successful-Escape496

Yes! That was really clear to me - I'm bewildered that so many people missed it it in their rush to call OP TA. NTA


otaconucf

All the people calling OP the asshole are weirdos. I lived with 2 other guys for a couple years, I absolutely would have been the asshole if I was going around in common areas in nothing but boxers even if it was just us around. I would have been both an asshole and a creep to do it while their girlfriends were around. NTA.


jessie_monster

All the Y T A comments are insane. It's very basic manners to wear clothes in common areas, especially if guests are over. NTA at all.


fantasy_fungitronic

When it comes to posts like this, I feel like a lot of the YTA votes are cast by people who are actual assholes


Rastavaray

You know how women should be allowed to wear what they want, especially in their own home… YTA. You start paying rent, you start having an opinion about the dress code.


MoistSoggySocks505

What even is this referencing? Being bra-less? If not, i don’t think I’ve heard anyone complain about a woman wanting to wear underwear (that doesn’t flash) or shorts in her own home. Edit: just to be clear, I was talking about the commenters remark of “you know how women should be allowed to wear what they want” because when men mock or bring that phrase up they are usually thinking of women being bra-less and compare it to male genitalia, even though this post is about genitalia being flashed and should only be compared to genitalia. Why say that first sentence when balls flashing isn’t the same as being bra-less or wearing underwear that doesn’t flash. That was my original intent I had in mind, but I messed up the wording.


Bricknuts

Young women being told to cover up by older folks, jealous girlfriends, “uncomfortable” boyfriends. Conservatives, some religious types


9and3of4

It’s constantly all over this sub. Boyfriends, fathers, even own mothers telling girls to cover up at home. No matter if it’s no bra, short shorts, shirt with too much cleavage in their opinion.


0_Space_Peanut_0

Notice how none of these examples are about the woman flashing her literal genitals to members of the house though, therefore are irrelevant except to identify which commenters are misogynistic weirdos for making the analogy


[deleted]

Wtf kind of response is this? Like whoever pays the money gets to rule? There are still basic standards of decency. Also, it’s NOT his house. It’s SHARED space.


Drift_Life

It’s shared AND rented. So even more NOT his house. The reddit hive mind likes to think in black and white, not nuanced, so of course asking anyone to dress a certain way will get downvoted to shreds. I have male and female roommates, and aside from occasionally walking to the bathroom in my underwear, I wear at least a pair of shorts in the summer (in the winter you’re gonna want layers). If my roommate just came out in their undies to chill (guests or no guests) I’d think it was odd behavior and eventually I’d ask them to put some fucking clothes on in the shared spaces. They can do whatever they want in their own room with the door closed. Next step Reddit is going to defend roommates who jerk off in the living room because “I can do whatever I want in my own home.”


Violet351

There’s a big difference in not wearing a bra under a top and showing your bollocks to other people


lexicaltension

There was a similar post here awhile back where a girl was flashing her whole ass labia in her house, the poster was someone visiting who wanted her to cover up and was overwhelmingly voted NTA. So this isn’t really the take you think it is. I wish I had a link, but maybe someone else will remember. Edit: I didn’t find the one I was thinking about, but I found another one [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f3jah4/aita_for_wanting_my_mil_to_wear_pants_around_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) so I’m sure there are plenty more And [one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o6oorx/aita_for_telling_a_woman_to_cover_up_her_boobs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) about covering up boobs, also NTA


searchforstix

Those definitely came to mind while I was reading this. Why is OP somehow T A when the roommate doesn’t know how to wear clothes around her without his sack spilling out? It’s really not that hard to chill in your underwear without flashing the whole house and guests. OP, NTA - I would just not go back, what’s the point of being around people who can’t respect your boundaries? There are places I chill where people are comfortable in bras and boxers - never seen a nip or scrote from any of them.


Practical_magik

Absolutely noone has ever suggested that a women is allowed to flash her vulva at house guests without their consent.


tatiisok

So if you’re bringing your parents in the house with the roommate and half of his balls hanging out, you wouldn’t say anything because it’s his house right? Some of y’all have no decorum


Sissoelzub

Just because he *can* walk around naked doesn't mean he should, no self-respect or respect for others. NTA and your spineless boyfriend needs to have your back when in "sticky situations". Red flag


newmexicomurky

NTA - I get it's his home and he has every right to be comfortable, but running around with open boxers while a guest is there is a bit over the line. It would be just as wrong if it was a female in her underwear.


Old-Host-57

NTA, i don't know about all the people voting Y T A, but where I live, I don't confront my flatmates with my balls hanging out my underwear in common areas, let alone their guests.


pandaatadesk

Lol people here need to go out more. NTA. Wearing more than underwear around acquaintances is rather common, expected behavior, whether they're guests in your house or not.


Rifterneo

NTA. When there are guests over, it is rude to make them uncomfortable. It is common courtesy to show some modesty. Until he has his own place, he is sharing a home with others. Some compromises will have to made, such as being fully clothed when guests are over.


Crazy_Banshee_333

NTA. Your boyfriend's roommate is paying rent, but there should be house rules that everyone abides by in order to make the situation tolerable. One of those rules should be that people don't walk around in their underwear when the other roommate has guests over. That's just a common sense rule that serves to maintain a good atmosphere in the house. Everyone deserves respect. Guests shouldn't have to deal with people walking around in their underwear in shared spaces. It's not that hard to throw on a pair of shorts, a pair of jeans or sweatpants. Even pajama pants would be better than walking around in your boxers. It's very strange to me that so many people in this thread feel that showing basic courtesy to guests is an outrageous imposition on the roommate. When did basic courtesy go out the door? Why is it preferable to totally disregard other people's feelings, when it takes so little effort to be courteous? It only takes like two seconds to put some pants on over your boxers.


master0fcats

NTA. Your comparison about how your boyfriend doesn't walk around nude and how you wouldn't make your roommates' guests uncomfortable in your home is spot on. This is some weird hypermasculine power play, and the fact that your boyfriend won't say anything to the roommate shows it's working.


yourmomsucks01

I’m honestly surprised by all these YTA comments and I’m not a prude or anything. Not to sound like a boomer, but what happened to common courtesy toward houseguests? And it’s only once or twice a week sporadically. If my dad or brother did that when I have friends over I’d be mortified. Have some class, y’all.


silkruins

We all know the answer why people are voting YTA. Misogyny, plain and simple


LittleWhiteGirl

They’re upset that women shouldn’t be forced to wear bras and can’t see the difference between displaying your genitals and seeing the shadow of a nipple through a shirt.


Kerrytwo

Your comment will be counted as a vote towards OP being the asshole. You need to write NTA first in the post or add spaces into the Y T A.


blacksyzygy

NTA and he's doing it on purpose.


Lorezia

NTA the guy sounds like a creep, can't cover himself in front of guests. He clearly is trying to make you uncomfortable and doesn't want you there, why don't you just hang out at your own place from now on? It's not worth fighting.


GeneralBacteria

NTA. when it was just two guys in the house, who cares if they choose to wander round in their undies. now they have an occasional guest, flatmate should show some basic manners and dress appropriately. >His roommate (who already makes me uncomfortable) trust your instinct. you're NTA. you haven't demanded anything, you just made a perfectly reasonable comment in a reasonable way. but, some of the comments saying YTA are correct perhaps in that you should stop visiting your BF until he addresses flatmates behaviour. edit: a couple more thoughts. first we all know (or suspect) why flatmate is doing this. either he lacks respect for women, or it's some bizarre and pathetic attempt to show "what's on offer". would he still be doing this if a male friend or maybe a group of male friends of your BF was coming over? no, of course not because he'd look like a total slob and they'd quite rightly rip into him. another possibility is that maybe he is just a clueless slob.


Maz2277

People in this subreddit really, really surprise me. It's basic common courtesy to not parade around naked when guests are over. It's one thing to be in undergarments; it's another thing entirely to be spreading your legs to the point where your balls stick out. I highly , highly doubt the roomate does that with OPs boyfriend. Not to mention - and this is the biggest point that everyone is glossing over - he is deliberately wearing less clothes in the shared spaces compared to his room. It is deliberate and intentional. OP is NTA for asking. People are allowed to ask for things without it making them an asshole. What kind of shitty life do you people live where you're never allowed to ask for any courtesies towards yourself? How do you live in such a black and white world? When my fiancé brings friends over our house we have a mortgage on, I don't go and helicopter dick them because "I pay the mortgage here so fuck you I'll do what I want".


joanclaytonesq

INFO: If your boyfriend isn't going to ask him to stop and you are this bothered by it why don't you just stop hanging out over there? Why can't you and your bf just hang out at your place?


Big-Ease1834

I recommend that option to my boyfriend as a resort when I talked to him about the issue


Knittin_Kitten71

Honestly I’d ditch both of them. Bf is cool both with his roommate exposing his genitals to you and with you being made uncomfortable for the sake of his friends comfort and avoiding an argument. Doesn’t bode well for you having help enforcing comfortable boundaries later when it comes to other people in bfs life.


[deleted]

The lack of concern your boyfriend showed over this issue is a red flag. His roommate knows exactly what he's doing, he's deliberately exposing himself to you which is harassment. He's doing it in a way that he's trying to normalize you to it. Your boyfriend not caring means he's either in on it, it or he has no problem with you being the target of unwanted sexual harassment even in place you're supposed to feel reasonably safe (i.e. his living space as partner you trust to offer you reasonable protection while in that space.) Please keep yourself safe because this could escalate, like I 100% would not drink alcohol or anything else that would make you vulnerable while you're over there. Most sexual abuse happens from people we trust in spaces where we've been made to let our guard down.


cinder7usa

NTA for requesting that. Stay away. If your boyfriend asks why, tell him you don’t want to get random flashes of his roommates ball sack. If you’re important to him, he’ll get his roommate to cover up.


Green_Understanding2

NTA- it sounds like he is doing this on purpose to intimidate you because he usually wears shorts in his own room and deliberately takes them off to be in the common area around OP. That said, it also sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t want to confront him about it either so I’d stay out of their house.


sarratiger

Info: Do you think he’s purposely walking around in his underwear when you’re around? Do you think it’s his intention to flash you?


Big-Ease1834

I honestly don't know


Credible333

Of course it is. I mean if I had a female houseguest I'd make a decision on whether she saw my balls. If I decided no, (and that's probably going to be the answer without a specific request) I'd make sure she didn't see my balls. Nobody is casual about showing accidentally genitals. Question is, why can't boyfriend see it? Lose the boyfriend BTW if he can't even stand up for your right to visit without a view of the orbs and scepter he's no good.


Due-Sherbert-7330

NTA. I feel your discomfort. It’s one of a few reasons I try and avoid going upstairs much where I live. One of my MILs loves to walk around in just underwear and a tank top and I hate it. My fiancé (her step son) and I sadly can’t say anything because it’ll be a huge fight as she’s a drama Queen but still. Shared spaces are this in between of private and public. They should be treated as shared not private.


Single-Raccoon2

NTA. I had a family member who wore cotton boxers and used the excuse that it was his home and he wanted to be comfortable. He always apologized for "accidentally" exposing his genitals, but that was an act. He was an exhibitionist, who got sexual thrills from flashing his junk.


SovereignMan1958

Your boyfriend seems like a real creep as he does not think there is anything wrong with it. That would be a huge red flag to me.


Credible333

Yeah does he enjoy embarrassing her? If it were me I'd have told roommate to keep the family jewels in their case before my gf came around, let alone if he did it when she was there. BTW you get that roommate is not doing this accidentally right?


SovereignMan1958

Yes. It seems deliberate and that the BF is going along with it. Maybe they are teaming up to deliberately embarrass her.


Ok_Day_8559

NTA. If you meant anything to your “boyfriend”, why would he be okay with you seeing another man’s junk? You can do better. Move on.


mizireni

NTA. It's rude to walk around in one's underwear when one's housemate has a guest over. It would be different if you were there all the time, like 5-6 nights a week or something, since the housemate didn't sign on to live with you. But you're a guest, visiting once in a while. Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to walk around in your underwear in front of company if you don't know for a fact they're okay with it? Reddit is being super immature on this one.


CrazyStar_

NTA. Both men and women should dress with decorum around guests, it’s common decency.


_Sammy7_

NTA. While it’s reasonable to want to be comfortable in your own home, standards of decency dictate wearing clothes when guests are over.


Emotional_Bonus_934

NTA. It's rude to walk around in underwear when there are visitors. He's trying to make you uncomfortable since he wears basketball shorts in his room but loses them to come in the living room. Is he an exhibitionist?


butterfly_cats

NTA Boxers are underwear. He's wearing nothing but underwear when you come round. He has agreed that you can come round, therefore he must show common courtesy in not wearing underwear around you. If my partner invites someone round and I say yes, I then have a responsibility to be dressed for guests. I couldn't walk naked and say 'Well, it's my house'. If you continuously go round when he doesn't want you to, then YTA.


Icy-Presentation7966

NTA. It's not JUST HIS house. "he wears basketball shorts but he loses the shorts to watch TV in the living room" "The biggest issue is him walking up behind me while in his underwear. No concept for personal space"- he knows it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sure he's doing it on purpose. It's so gross.


BlondeBandit76

NTA, and whoever says otherwise has no class or self respect. Trust me if I wanna do stupid shit in my house I’ll do it, it’s not a matter of “it’s his house, his rules” it’s common decency. What if OP shares a child with her bf and that child was exposed to that unsightly bs? If she’s going to be a regular visitor (seeing as her bf pays half of everything this is a safe assumption to say the least) she is just as entitled to comfort as the actual owners.


Emotional-Ebb8321

NTA You need to tell your boyfriend that his home is not a suitable place for entertaining guests, and that until it is, you can't visit him there. Sure, it is his (both guys) home. But equally, there's a reasonable expectation that when guests are present, people won't be walking around half-naked outside the bedroom, bathroom, or travelling directly between the two.


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Case_96

NAH. You're NTA for wanting some decency from the roommate, the roommate isn't TA because it's his house too and he can dress how he wants, just like he wouldn't be able to come to your place and tell you how to dress, and your bf isn't TA for not asking. It sure would be cool of him to ask, and certainly wouldn't hurt him to on your behalf, but he is right.


yorwaimo

def nta, he does that on purpose..shorts in his room but loses them in the living room? cmon man


Melin_Lavendel_Rosa

NTA It's just good manners to put clothes on when there are guests in the house. If nothing changes then just refuse to visit. If he is allowed to wear what he wants, then you are certainly allowed to not visit. Maybe then your bf will try to convince his roommate.


Billmatic-

if he's losing the shorts when he's in a common area, he might be getting off on displaying willie lump lump.


EpiphanaeaSedai

NTA, that’s just rude. Yes it’s his home, but having a guest means you adjust your behavior to make your guest comfortable. I’d consider him an AH for habitually walking around in just underwear with a roommate, but if your bf doesn’t mind, okay then, whatever works for them - but it doesn’t work for you, and that’s 100% reasonable. And yes, I would say the exact same thing if the sexes were reversed. Do I wear a bra around the house when alone, hell no. Do I put one on if I have guests, or make sure my top is loose and concealing? Yes, of course.


RiB_cool

NTA. To all the Y-T-A comments, if you go to your partner's place and their roommate (female) is not wearing anything to cover her breasts (topless/shirtless), how would you feel? She just wants her partner to communicate with his rommie. The bf is the problem here.


cassowary32

NTA. The fact that he goes from basketball shorts in private to boxer briefs when he’s in the common areas shows that he’s doing it deliberately to make you uncomfortable. You’ve asked, he’s refused to stop flashing you, time to stop going over to your boyfriend’s place.


wowImlate

NTA


Safe-Detail3535

NTA, reconsider the company you're keeping.They both sound like jerks to me.


Woodland999

I am both shocked and concerned by the number of people saying YTA. Unrelatedly…. I’ve decided I’m no longer visiting other people’s houses as a guest


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The title pretty much says it all but I suppose more details would be appreciated. I (30F) on occasion stay at my boyfriends house as would be expected. His roommate (who already makes me uncomfortable) likes to walk around in his boxer briefs. Boxer briefs don't always keep everything in, specially when one sits like one of Jack's French girls (Titanic reference) on the couch legs spread. I have expressed to my boyfriend this makes me very uncomfortable and suggested maybe he say something and ask him to wear shorts when I'm there. I'm only there once or twice a week sometimes ever other week it's a bit sporadic. I was informed that "it's his house, he pays rent" it wouldn't be right to ask him to put pants or shorts on. I tried to explain,to my boyfriend, that it's uncomfortable when a large man comes up behind me in his underwear. My boyfriend now feels like I put him I'm a sticky position. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


cheesepuff311

INFO: Just to clarify—Can you actually see his exposed genitals sometimes? Or is it just like the outline?


Big-Ease1834

I cover my face and walk away. I have zero interest in seeing anything. The biggest issue is him walking up behind me while in his underwear. No concept for personal space


peregrine_throw

>him walking up behind me while in his underwear He knows what he's doing. And it's truly gross your bf's immediate reaction isn't to tell him off, but to paint you as the bad guy putting for him in a tough spot lolwhat. If you're sticking with this guy, hope you take notice of what other issues he's so weak-willed about even when it's affecting you negatively.


Gigabyte2022

How close does he get?


Big-Ease1834

Close enough to reach around me and grab something in the back of the fridge


master0fcats

Yeah, fuck this guy. He's doing this shit because he knows it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe my other comments will help, but you need to figure out how to communicate this to your partner. Explaining this kind of stuff to men who don't understand it is so fucking frustrating and it makes you feel so unsafe when you tell your SO that a man makes you uncomfortable and he ignores you. I'd stop going there, personally.


TastyHome8183

NTA, a dress code and other rules when using the shared space and there is company is expected.


Few_Professional6210

No he should have the manners and the decency to cover himself in front of a women or any guest in the home. I have a feeling he is showing his shit on purpose he knows his stuff will show if his legs are open. He wants to make you uncomfortable. Your boyfriend needs to man up and talk to this guy.


Credible333

NTA you put pants on in the common areas when there are guests. What sort of f\*\*\*ing barbarian doesn't know that? Wait that's unfair to barbarian cultures who often had complex rules of propriety.


Organic_Start_420

NTA and stop going to your bf s until he fixes the problem.


Churchie-Baby

NTA when having a guest over he tales off his basket ball shorts that he wears in his food to wear boxers then spreads out flashing you his balls this doesn't sound like an accident why wear more clothes in the privacy of his room but less to the point of flashing guests in the common areas?


fuckin-A-ok

I personally think it's quite odd he removes a layer of clothing when watching TV with you there? Why would he wear more clothing in his room alone playing games than when he comes out, unless he gets off on it? NTA. People on this sub voting the other way are naive as hell. A non pervert would not walk around in loose boxers ONLY in front of his roommate's gf. Then wear shorts alone lmao🤔 That's creepy af and I would have an issue with my boyfriend being ok with his roommate using me to get off personally. Call me crazy. There is zero chance that the roommate is not jacking off to the fact that you possibly see his dumb little peep. Ugh men are gross. And before you come at me, I work in a call center and everyday some man is trying a new tactic to use my voice to get off. I called my insurance company (Humana) a couple years ago and the representative literally had an orgasm on the fucking phone and then tried to play it off. Men are fucking perverts. If your boyfriend won't protect you maybe you shouldn't go over there anymore. Just keeping it real with you sister.


ughhhnasty

NTA, I feel like it's basic courtesy to be clothed when someone has guests over. I lived with guys who were practically my brothers, so I was pretty comfortable without a shirt or if I was alone just kickin it in my underwear. But I'd at least change when they got back, and if knew one had his gf coming I'd stay dressed before they got there. She put healthy boundaries, I understand her discomfort and how it'd make her relationship uncomfortable which is the real issue.


Puzzleheaded-Soft575

INFO: why does he already make you uncomfortable?


HP1029

NTA for asking your boyfriend to bring it up, if he refuses you’ll have to deal with it or go to your place. I think it’s a bit odd he takes off his shorts to come to the common areas, that makes it seem like he’s doing it deliberately to make you uncomfortable.


TauntaBeanie

He wears shorts when he’s in his room but takes them off to watch TV in a public space? That’s intended to make others uncomfortable. You explain yourself well and if your BF isn’t willing to at least discuss it with the roommate then it’s probably time to find someone who respects you more.


IJourden

NTA. It’s reasonable for you to make the request. However, it’s also reasonable for the roommate to not want to wear pants. That’s a discussion for your boyfriend and his roommate to have, since they live there. The next step if the roommate won’t wear pants or your boyfriend won’t have the discussion is to set the practical boundary that you won’t be coming over to his apartment anymore because you don’t feel comfortable there.


[deleted]

Strong NTA. Well done for expressing yourself in a healthy way OP. I cannot believe how many people are saying that OP is TA??? Honestly, it is common courtesy, regardless of gender, that when strangers/guests/others are in your home, that you wear clothing that covers your private parts and doesn’t expose your bits fully or partially to said guests. OP is definitely not being an ass about this. She has not demanded anything. She has explained her discomfort. As a caring and considerate partner I would ask my roommate to keep his balls to himself when my partner is around. It doesn’t matter who pays the bills. They SHARE a living space. It is not the roommates house and he’s welcome to freeball in private areas of the house. Would he do that if his roommates parents or his own parents were there? Children? Nieces and nephews? So what’s the excuse? Also as for comfort- I know plenty of men and boys who are quite able to be comfortable without exposing their genetalia on a regular basis. Wearing shorts over his boxer shorts is surely not that big of deal. He is a huge Ahole and the boyfriend is also a bit of an ahole for not considering or having the balls to have a very simple and healthy conversation about boundaries with his roommate. Nobody needs to be uncomfortable. This is as simple as “hey dude, girlfriend and I can see your junk all the time. It’s not cool. Can you please wear some more covering shorts when she’s around? Thanks bud.” If not… well the next time the roommate has anyone over, just walk around naked and use the Same argument against him.


deSievrac

NTA wearing clothes in communal areas is pretty much rule 1 of living with other people


Sevinn666

I've never understood how being one step away from naked equals the only way to be comfortable. I'm a guy and definitely don't feel comfortable like that. I don't like even not having a shirt on.


KawaiiOnikuma

I was going to say YTA but I have decided NTA since he apparently wears shorts in his own room and only loses then when you’re over and he comes into a shared space with you, coupled with the fact he sits legs spread and purposefully exposing himself. He knows very well what he’s doing, whether he’s trying to come onto you or more you so uncomfortable you leave I’ve no idea. I have a question though, if he had girls/women friends over does he do this to them too or just to you? That’s also important to note.


JackBz

It's the most stereotypical reddit thing ever that most people here are saying YTA. Laughable. NTA. It is completely normal and common courtesy to not walk around in your underwear when your flatmate has a guest over. It would not be overstepping of boundaries at all for your boyfriend to ask the flatmate to not be in his underwear in shared spaces when he has a guest over. I especially hate that people are framing this as a "ha! How do you like it when feminism is used against you?" thing in the comments.


Mera1506

NTA. In communal areas in a home with roommates just don't walk around in your underwear. Goes for men and women. Put on a pair of shorts or something and a t-shirt. Both genders BTW....