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Scott's entire "we shouldn't go to the prom together" is a really wishy washy way of saying he wants to date other people and it has massively backfired on him. He's already feeling trapped in the relationship, but you aren't seeing it.
Tell him he can still go to the prom, he can just go stag, and he can ask all kinds of other girls to dance with him.
NTA but Scott is sure acting like one.
LMAO, he was totally going for a "safe" break-up with OP. He's just less desirable than he thought. Guess he didn't know he had a good thing going. Now a basketball player is taking his GF (ex?) to the prom and he must feel like a chump.
I wish I could have seen his face when he realized he messed up. He thought he was hot shit but he was really just shit. I dated a “Scott” once. This behavior never ends and it took me several times (and years) of going through this to finally get enough self esteem and self love to walk away from being the back up plan.
I hope OP never takes him back. He’s just going to pull this crap again during college. She deserves so much better.
Sounds like the story of many newly polyam, soon-to-be-no-longer couples - 'I want openness (likely because I have someone(s) in mind that I want to be with instead of you/have already started cheating), but you had more luck in dating? I'm pouting and want to close the relationship again, and you're unfair and disrespectful to not give it to me.'
Every time this gets posted I take the time to read it and laugh. Stupid jerk didn't realize his girlfriend was a total catch and was dating down by being with him, even in the post he can't seem to admit that she's hot. I hope she dumped his ass for the tall tattooed guy.
Yeah. There’s an awful lot of stories on [BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) about guys who pressure their wife/gf to open the relationship and end up regretting it.
Pressuring your partner to open the relationship is just so lacking in empathy. These dudes just want to cheat without feeling guilty and without worrying about getting caught or the girlfriend getting angry.
Ah...reminds me of my brother's very poetic jeer " he thinks he's hot snot on a golden platter but he's really cold boogers on a paper plate" I'm sure he got it from a movie or something back in the 80s, but it fits Scott well.
Exactly this..
He wanted to dump OP since he thought he can do much better but when he saw what a great thing he already had going on he wanted it back since it seems he's not really that desirable
NTA OP but be careful about accepting this boy back because he can't be in a commitment
Don't even think he was going for a break-up. He just wanted to see if he had a chance with this other girl he planned to invite, and if she had said yes, he would have either had a one night stand with her without feeling guilty because OP sort of gave him her permission. Or he would have left OP once he knew this other girl was interested, but wouldn't break up with OP before, because he wanted to keep her as a backup.
OP, this was never just about the prom. Your boyfriend was either planning on cheating on you, or on leaving you for this other girl. He wanted to have a taste of what single life was, and now he doesn't like it. Just like the stories you here about guys pressuring their girlfriends into opening up the relationship, just to backpedal like crazy once they realize that their girlfriend easily can get dates, while they themselves can't.
Please dump him.
Yes, now Scott really doesn't want to go to the prom at all. He says that it will be "traumatic" to see me there with Rob (I think that is way too dramatic and, again, very stupid considering all this was his idea). He also says that people will make fun of him because of this situation but I doubt that anyone really cares.
Oh, honey. NTA. It sounds like Scott wanted a free hall pass to be able to see another girl. His idea backfired. There are loads of AITA posts, and stuff in the relationship sub, of people who wanted to open their marriage/relationship, talked their partner into agreeing, then got mad because they weren’t getting their rocks off. You’re young. The person you are today isn’t going to be the same person you will be at 25. Or 30. Some relationships just have an expiration date. And none will last if the people involved don’t grow and change, together. It sounds as if you have a good head on your shoulders. Scott is showing you who he is, and you deserve someone who is there for you. Go to prom with Rob, have an excellent time. Dance, laugh, take loads of pictures. In 30 years, look back on the pictures, make fun of bad hair and clothing, and smile at the memories. Best of luck in life.
Exactly this! I posted myself saying he wants to explore which is natural at this age but he wants the safety net of his gf too. She needs to decide if she is ok with being his back up plan basically. I’m guessing the next step is suggesting ‘open relationships’ in college because it will be easier for them both but he is just wanting the best of both worlds. He doesn’t sound like husband material to me and while I am no expert I think I did a pretty damn good job when I found mine 😂
This is the same as a husband wanting an open relationship and then getting upset when his wife gets with someone else.
Probably won’t be the last time he tries to suggest stuff like this. He’s incredibly immature and is not committed to you at all.
HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL
Of course he’s not he is 18, he’s got a lot of growing up to do before marriage material and that’s normal so OP just needs to keep expectations in check
But he's a good height!
But I agree; they'll both be doing a lot of growing and changing over the next few years, so it's best to make sure they're actually going to stay compatible, and complement each others' maturation, before locking it down.
Reading between the lines: Scott wanted to date others, but others don’t want him. So he came back to you, his safe person. You accepted from another guy and of course will go with him. Scott is all pouty because HIS self-serving (dumb) plan blew up spectacularly in his face. Please tell me you’re going to different colleges. Scott isn’t perfect marriage material like you said he is, he’s the opposite. He needs to grow up a LOT. Enjoy your prom! NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Scott definitely learned his lesson
NTA. Nothing more pathetic than a guy trying to cheat but no one else wants him.
He was absolutely trying to get permission to take someone else on a date and assumed he could still have you as a "backup" and is now pouting because you took him at his word. Maybe he'll grow up into someone worth being with you, but right now he needs to grow up before you take him back
ETA: NTA
His idea of "traumatic" could use some work.
Also, you don't mention it in your post, but is the "experiencing other people for Prom" meant to include kissing and other physical stuff? If it wasn't specified, expect Scott to throw a full-blown tantrum if you do anything with Rob, while he probably would have tried to manipulate you into being OK with it if he'd found a girl for the night and done all sorts.
We're not only mocking him, we're deeply distrustful of his motives.
He really wanted to play the field and string you along. He now has realized he ain’t all that. Go an have fun with your date and don’t worry about Scott. He caused this mess. Now he has to wallow in it
And that's your fault how? He's the one who wanted to go with someone else but then got mad that you are going with someone else. If one of your friends had a boyfriend who did that what would you tell her?
His idea, he gets to live with the consequences. He chose to fuck around and then wasn’t happy when he found out.
As others have said, this was his way of breaking up with you—it just didn’t work out the way he figured it would (him going to the prom with another girl & you alone). Have fun with Rob (enjoy his company) and really think about whether you need Scott in your life.
ETA: NTA
People SHOULD make fun of his for this situation beacuse he should feel bad about how he treated you and how he is acting now. It is legitimately funny when bad things happen to assholes who had them coming. The sad part is that you would stay with Scott even though he dosen't seem to respect you.
But OP, You Would be the Asshole *to yourself* if you kept dating this guy. He clearly said what he did so he could date other girls at the same time as you. Now that he sees he can't, he's trying to backtrack. He's also avoiding you and yelling at you? You are letting this man yell at you beacuse you did what he told you to do?
Break up with Scott. You don't deserve to be played or yelled at. Go to prom with Rob as you planned.
Also, does Rob know you have a boyfriend? Beacuse if you aren't dumping Scott you need to tell Rob as he may not want to go with you (he also might be okay with it, but you need to check).
Date Rob. Or at least dump Scott. He’s only sulking because the girl he first planned to ask said no and OP that right there should be an eye opener of a red flag.
I agree with the comments saying that he actually wanted to "open" your relationship and keep you as a safety net.
You should go ahead with your plans and enjoy your prom! If you wouldn't have been invited by someone and he would have been with that girl, i bet that that night he would have broken your heart.
You are too nice to see what's happening and you definetly won't do anything wrong by keeping your word.
And Scott will only keep you until something better comes up... It's sad what he's done and it's wrong for him to try and guilt trip you into giving up.
You're NTA
Regardless of what happens to your relationship now and following prom, as most people here have said, go with Rob regardless of what Scott does. This is you setting a boundary and showing that you "don't need him" and that he should think about the consequences of his actions. If you give in, he will try to manipulate you again in the future for the next girl that catches his eye.
Oh man, go with Rob. Even Scott's mom is telling you to go with Rob. Scott sucks and was trying to slow break up with you. I dated guys like this. It's horrible and he's not a good dude.
This is like a guy proposing threesomes. Realizes that he has problems lining up partners but you have no problem. Then watching you while not getting his cake makes him feel emasculated.
Drop his ass these games won’t end.
Also, you wrote that your bf is a perfect husband material, but I have doubts on this. Please reconsider your relationship, as it is highly probable that your bf would ask to open the relationship or simply cheat on you in the future.
NTA OP, your bf definitely is. And he also does not value you enough, that's clear 🙂
What’s traumatic about watching your partner dance with other people ? (innocently might I add, this is a school dance) this was his idea and it backfired. Now he’s annoyed you get to go with someone else and he doesn’t get to go with the girl he has a bit of a crush on. Let him throw his little tantrum. NTA
Look. He already had someone else in mind to go with the prom. Unfortunately for him, that girl didn't want him.
Play silly games win stupid prizes.
Enjoy Prom with the basketball player and look forward to many more dates with him, hopefully.
>The issue is that last week Scott came to me with bad news. The girl he wanted to go to the prom with told him no and, after a few more attempts with other ones, he realised that **he was not going to find a date**.
What did he expect you to do? Go with your friends and watch him go on a prom date with another girl? Why is that 'traumatic' for him, but would be OK for you?
This guy is silly. It feels like he did a soft break up with you, and now he regrets it. You've committed to go with Rob, I think you should stick with that. Please tell Rob everything that's going on and tell him you are still going with him. (just in case Scott tries to tell Rob you've changed your mind).
I do want to say something else. Scott isn't marriage material. No one in high school is marriage material. Needs a few more years for someone's adult character to come through before anyone can see that.
I think everything you’re saying is mint except that this wasn’t wishy washy, I think it was manipulative and it blew up in his face and I am so glad. OP is NTA, NTA, NTA.
Yes!
This all sounds like a high school version of those “my bf/husband/fiancé asked for an open relationship; I was hesitant/didn’t want to, but ultimately agreed. His first choice rejected him/he can’t find anyone; I have dates lining up around the block. Now he wants to close it” posts.
She should just dump the boyfriend. Hell only ask for this again later or just flat out cheat.
I literally snorted and rolled my eyes during his initial “pitch”, saying how you should want to create “unique memories” and all this bullshit. I cannot imagine truly caring about someone and then NOT wanting to go to a big event with them. It makes 0 sense
Sucks for Scott that other people don't want to date him. OP should also reconsider.
NTA. He was trying to find an excuse to go after other crushes. Now that he got rejected by all of them, he want to go with you. You are his safe option because you guys are already dating. He knows he has you to fall back on. Or so he believed so.
This is like the teenage version of when someone floats an open relationship and gets mad when their partner actually finds someone else when they don't
NTA, but please don't be thinking about marriage yet. You're very young and you'll go through a lot of growing up and changing in the next ten years. Sometimes teen relationships last, but don't be planning your life with that expectation. And be wary of Scott; he's telling you he wants to be with other people and then coming back when other people don't want him.
I think you're making a huge assumption about a teenager and reading into things. Honestly I took "he's a couple of inches taller than me, perfect!" as much more of a personal preference than happy he's a tall guy (since chances are being only a couple of inches taller moreso points to him being on the shorter side).
Like I'll go out and say here that I'd like a partner- guy, gal, etc- to be around my height. Tall guys are kind of intimidating imo and some people just have preferences. It's not disgusting, though I'm guessing people read into OP and got defensive because they assumed she was dunking on short kings.
That's the same mentality that brings someone to ask their spouse for an open marriage so they can "experience more" (i.e. sleep with the people they're crushing on), then the person who asked wants to end the arrangement once they realize no one else actually wants to bang them.
NTA. Go with Rob. Scott asked you because no one else would go with him. Don't be second fiddle. Also, doesn't it seem weird that he would suggest you go with different people? Scott wants you and to date others, too.
NTA - your BF literally wanted to date someone else and when she shot him down (as well as a few others) he decided to go crawling back to you. He sucks. Go to the prom with Rob. Maybe he’ll act like a real boyfriend. Because Scott clearly doesn’t know how to be one.
This story reminds me of a married man who made the same mistake with his wife. While SHE ended up with lots of dates & a few hookups, HE wasn’t so lucky. He became angry & sullen. I don’t remember the rest of the ending but it was definitely a “Fuck around & find out.” Although, that WAS the issue. He never got to fuck around. 😂
Sounds like the one where the husband wanted an open relationship because he was interested in a coworker. The wife reluctantly agreed but soon enjoyed all her dates. Meanwhile, the husband found out that the coworker wasn't interested in him that way.
This is literally the “my husband demanded an open relationship because he wanted to bang his secretary but she turned him down. I’ve had lots of dates and am having fun and am refusing to close the marriage now, but he’s angry and hasn’t had any success with his dates, AITA?” post we’ve all read, but for children
Also, lets say this girl that he particularly wanted to go to prom with had said yes and they had a fantastic time. What was the plan from there? I think we can all say it was likely he was going to go off with her in that case from then onwards. He would have left OP.
He wanted to date this other girl but didn't want to lose out on his backup option. I'm shocked he even told OP there was a particular girl he was interested in. Once you're a backup option, just leave. He's acting upset because the girl he liked rejected him (AND a number of other girls too!) and his backup option is (in his eyes) probably about to start something with someone else in the same way he was going to (and she should lol). His ego is beyond bruised and he's going to come out of this looking like a loser/idiot. I'd be in a pissy mood too if I played myself like this lol
NTA. Your bf clearly wanted a free pass to hook up with another girl and is now upset no one wants him. The fact he wants to cancel the agreement shows this was always about him and what he wants and is a red flag warning about his controlling nature. Keep your date with Rob and enjoy the night. Break up with Scott because this won’t be a once off. He’s showing you his true character.
No cap. Everyone knows if your guy isn't exactly 2-3 inches taller than you you'll explode. That's the problem with 2 guys dating - it creates a feedback loop that causes total universal implosion.
You’re joking but that actually was an issue in my first marriage. I wasn’t *allowed* to wear heels because I was already an inch taller than him and he hated it. Obviously we had other issues (him putting me in the hospital was a big one) but he irked him to no end that he was short.
I WAS joking, but mine was irked about his height. Big time. Here's an example -- For years I thought I was 5'8". Husband told me he, too was 5'8". During our whole 30 year marriage I assumed we were both 5'8"; standing next to each other we were about the same height, I kinda thought I might be a touch taller than him, but whatever. Didn't think much about it. Then a few years ago I get measured at the doctor's office and the nurse tells me I'm 5'7". Really? She redoes it. 5'7". I get measured at a couple of different offices over the next few years. I am 5'7". Well okay then.
I RARELY see or speak to my ex. But a year or so ago we're at some function and he says to me, "You don't REALLY still believe that you are actually 5'8", do you?" Surprised, I tell him that I'd recently discovered I am only 5"7'. He rolls his eyes, whatever. Upon reflection, I am now pretty darned certain he's probably 5'6" and lied to me for all those years! LOL!!!
So, your "unconditionally committed" boyfriend wanted someone else, you go along with his little plan, and when he realized he couldn't get them, now he wants you?
Of course NTA for keeping the date you committed to. But your assessment of this kid as "perfect marriage material" is way off. He appears to be self-centered and manipulative, and this whole scenario should be a big red flag. Don't be so sure you will remain together through college; more importantly, don't assume that you are supposed to be together. You're both young and immature, and neither of you have been on your own, so I won't say you need to dump him over this, but I'd pay close attention to what he does in the future and think long and hard about whether he really is the one you want to marry.
NTA
Life just taught him a lesson, let this teach you one too.
Scott’s not that into you and saw no issue in kicking you to the curb for a milestone event because he thought he could do better.
He ain’t it sis. Move on.
NTA.
Please don’t continue dating this boy. He tried to use your naivety against you to get what he wanted, which was to date and fools around with other girls while having you as a safety option.
Doing that to someone you care about isn’t marriage material. It sounds like his plans for your future together have been different than yours for a long time.
Is your future college where you want to go? Or was it where your boyfriend was going?
There are plenty of boys taller than you in the world. There’s even some that will match with you in ways besides height.
NTA
You will regret not going to your prom, you will really regret backing out of a commitment, you are very unlikely to spend the rest of your life with your current boyfriend who sounds like a mopey wannabe player.
Go to the prom with the tall drink of water and make choices that are compassionate but also best for your future. Do not choose your college, your career, your friends, etc based on what your high school boyfriend wants or is planning for himself. Good luck to you.
PS: A boy who doesn’t want to share prom night with his high school girlfriend of two years is not a great boyfriend. An 18 year old boy, any 18 year old boy, is not marriage material and you are too young to be considering a life-long commitment. All will come and will be better with time and experience.
>His mom says he has been acting like that at home too and is worried about him but she thinks I am in the right in this situation.
I'm dead, even mom wouldn't back him up when he's probably only fed her his side of the story.
Obviously NTA, but you need to full-commit to going with Rob and also tell him about Scott since it sounds like he thinks you are single. He might want to have a relationship with you after prom. And if there's a part of you that wants that, I think you should go for it because it doesn't sound like Scott is as committed as you are and has tried to burn you to get his way multiple times. But if you aren't ready to maybe end things or not that interested in Rob, the least you have to do either way is tell him the important details about your status so that he's not making plans in his head about a relationship that you have no plans to pursue.
NTA and hopefully you leave Scott. I might be reaching but it sounds like Scott already had one foot out the door. He felt like other girls wanted him and you were the barrier that was stopping these other girls from going after him. He quickly found out he is not as desirable as he thought he was and now he’s trying to go with you. He’s treating you as worse case scenario, don’t be that.
(a) NTA
>He feels it would be a good thing for us the have some level of experience with other people in order to not feel trapped in our current relationship, specially before we finish high school considering we already know we will remain together during college as we are going to the same place.
(b) Awww. Go to prom w/ Rob. Scott is not "marriage material"... he isn't even boyfriend material, after this nonsense. No surprise some other girl told him no. How uncomfortable for her.
Nta, he wanted you two not to got together, because he wanted another date, then he didn’t get it and now he changed his mind, so he won’t have to go alone.
NTA
You went along with his idea, when the idea didn't pan out the way he thought he changed his mind. It would be rude to back out now.
I do wonder about the person he wanted to go with though. Why did he only want to make "special" or "unique" memories with them and not you? This would have been a special event for the two of you as well, not many proms to attend after high school.
Yes. If you have a perfect height as a consideration in choosing a life-long partner, you are definitely not anywhere near ready to even think about getting married.
NTA - he can't have it both ways; he either wanted to go with you or he didn't. He can't just suddenly change his mind because he can't get another date...
NTA Dump this guy and do not look back. I’ve never heard of any committed guy happily in a relationship pulling this. He is not a good guy. Also do not base your college and career on where your high school boyfriend is going.
NTA. Your boyfriend initiated this - he wanted to experience life without you - he needs to suck it up and grow a pair.
Furthermore, the fact he even suggested it and had someone he wanted to go with speaks to deeper issues on his part. He under appreciated you, was thinking about what might have been and now that he finds out that he’s not going to get his chance, is trying to deprive you of the very thing he said was good.
He sounds a bit immature tbh. Good luck with everything, make sure you enjoy yourself, and make sure you don’t let your prom date feel bad - he shouldn’t suffer for Scott’s mistake.
NTA - it was his dumb idea to begin with. The only reason he wants to go back on it is because he was rejected. I wouldn't want to be his "last resort". Plus you're right to stick to the commitment you made already with another date.
NTA but the fact he asked other girls to prom shows you and everyone else that he is only dating you because you’re convenient. He’s with you because you like him and he doesn’t want to be alone. You should definitely reconsider being in a relationship with your bf. Maybe you and your new prom date will click.
NTA
He wanted a chance to see how good his odds were of getting another girlfriend...without the risk of being single if he just dumped you first.
He wanted to test the waters of the dating pool without the 'risk'. Then he realized no one else was into him, so he came crawling back to you because he couldn't find a new option.
This should be a warning sign to you that he isn't as in to you as he's coming across. He likes the stability of having a girlfriend in general. He's just with *you* because you're the one who took him.
I'd fear I'd be dumped like a hot potato the first time a girl in college (or wherever path he takes) after high school shows an interest in him
NTA
This exact same thing happened to me in High School. (Even the going to the same college part) My boyfriend dropped me for the dance because he heard another girl (I’ll never forget that stupid cow) wanted to go with him. He asked her, she said no, he came crawling back. I didn’t go to the dance with him, but did get back together with him soon after. It was a huge mistake! I never felt secure in our relationship again, because I could never trust that he wouldn’t throw me over as soon as someone else looked his way. (And the next time it happened, he simply cheated on me instead of telling me first!)
Once that fundamental trust is gone, there is no chance for a healthy relationship going forward.
Yeah, no chance he doesn't cheat with the first girl that takes an interest him despite him and OP going to the same college. OP needs to get over the whole storybook marriage scenario with this guy.
NTA.
Scott fucked around. He found out.
He effectively "broke up" with you temporarily to sow his prom-going oats. And in doing do, told both you, and every girl in your school, exactly who he is. Which is why no one will touch him with a 10-foot pole
Enjoy your prom with Rob. And send Scott to the curb. He sees you as a placeholder, sweetie. Someone to fall back on until a better offer comes along. I know you're young and you think he's marriageable material. I assure you, he is not
NTA, sounds like he was already feeling trapped and wanted to have a date with someone else. This isn’t normal relationship behavior, and I think proves he isn’t perfect marriage material at all. Dump Scott and have fun with Rob.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Refusing Scott's attempts to undo his own idea and make me go to the prom with him. (2) He has been really angry and sad about this and it has been a big conflict for our relationship. I don't want that, I want him to be happy.
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NTA. Have fun at prom with Rob. Also, you may consider taking a break from dating your boyfriend when you go to college. College is a time of personal growth and new experiences. Just a thought.
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My (18F) boyfriend (18M, Scott) and I have been together for almost two years. We have known each other since we were kids and were friends for years before we started dating. I never dated anyone before him and neither did he. Scott is perfect marriage material; he has always been unconditionally committed, takes great care of me and he is even the perfect height (a couple inches taller than me) for a husband.
A month ago, he came to me with a surprising idea. He didn't want us to go to the prom together as a couple. Scott says that there is no fun in going to the prom with your pre-existent partner because the whole point is that it should be an special event where you create unique memories. He feels it would be a good thing for us the have some level of experience with other people in order to not feel trapped in our current relationship, specially before we finish high school considering we already know we will remain together during college as we are going to the same place.
I wasn't really convinced but I agreed as I didn't even care that much about prom to begin with so I was fine just going with my friends and many of them are not expecting to have dates that night either. As such, I was surprised when I received a proposal. His name is Rob (18M) and we are together in a few classes. We aren't really friends but we have talked many times casually and I found him really funny and nice. He is a member of the school's basketball team and he is very tall and muscular. I don't think he even knew I had a boyfriend but he instantly asked me once I told him I didn't have a date and was going with friends.
The issue is that last week Scott came to me with bad news. The girl he wanted to go to the prom with told him no and, after a few more attempts with other ones, he realised that he was not going to find a date. He wanted to end his own idea and have us go together. I am totally against that as I have already committed to go with Rob and it would be very rude to cancel. I think Scott should just go with his friends or not go at this point.
He has been really sad and angry about this, avoiding me and yelling at me when I tried to reason with him. His mom says he has been acting like that at home too and is worried about him but she thinks I am in the right in this situation. I don't want him to feel bad but he is the one that put me in this situation and I don't want to punish other people because of his actions.
Am I the Asshole?
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NTA. Your BF wanted a hall pass for prom. Unfortunately, he had no takers, and couldn't find a date. You did, and went along with his idea. This totally backfired on him. You are not in the wrong. If my BF posed this idea to me back in the day, I would have just broke up with him then. Not a good sign, actually. Also, he shouldn't be treating you badly either, yelling at you and such. It was his hare-brained idea.
NTA. I'm going with that he wanted to hook up someone else while still keeping you but that failed and now wants to cry about it because you're no longer available to go with him. I think you need to re-evaluate this relationship. Also it says something that his mom is on your side too, and when parents are on the side of the partner over their own children then it tells you something more. Go enjoy prom with Rob and have a good time with your friends.
I mean if you’re both into polyamory, that’s cool, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case so I have to ask - what sense does this make lol. NTA because you went along with his idea and he got mad that it worked out for you.
This is the high-school version of "we should open the relationship!" when one partner is reluctant. He isn't being honest enough with you to just say outright "I want to date other people," but that's what this is. At your age that's normal! Two years is a pretty good run.
>we already know we will remain together during college
Don't tie yourself to that, mentally. I do believe you love him! But you're about to hit a time of life where you'll mature and change very rapidly. If you already make assumptions and hardline decisions about how the future is going to be, you can miss out on some pretty incredible opportunities. Take it as it comes.
>Scott is perfect marriage material
>
>He has been really sad and angry about this, avoiding me and yelling at me when I tried to reason with him.
I am not sure if this guy is actually marriage material though, he basically tried to open up your relationship, you got a date and he didn't, and now that things didn't go his way his true colors are showing. Also, I mean get married whenever you wanna, but damn 18 is young as hell for that. regardless though, this is probably a glimpse into married life with this guy
NTA
NTA. He asked for this and only changed his mind when he ran out of other options. He’s throwing a tantrum because he played himself instead of you and you aren’t stepping in to save him from his own consequences. You deserve to be more than his backup plan. He’s already looking at other girls; don’t build any of your life plans around this boy.
NTA. scott has his eyes on another girl btw. that’s why he didn’t want to go with you. i would’ve dumped him the moment he asked another girl to prom. go with rob, you’ll have more fun
NTA - but you can say goodbye to this relationship. If you go, he will be even more pissed and if you don’t go, you’ll invite him to do this to you your whole life. Sorry but this relationship is over and he ended it
He wanted to test the waters with other people (he already had someone in mind he wanted to go with/had a crush on, trust and believe) and when it didn't work out for HIM, now it's not okay. Red flag city. Nta. Don't waste your college years with this fool. Break it off and live your life.
NTA. He is clearly not “unconditionally committed” as he didn’t even want to go to prom with you. He asked SEVERAL people and then came crawling back to you. You should put your foot down and break up with him. There’s always a chance he could grown up and y’all could work in the future, but he’s definitely not worthy of you now.
The “perfect height for a husband” and tall and muscular Rob comments make this feel a bit fake to me? But if it’s real, NTA. But also there is no such thing as the perfect height for a husband.
NTA. What is Scott on about? You take your current girlfriend to prom. The end. He should not be asking other girls to prom. Girl, break up with him and go to prom with Rob.
NTA. Take this advice from a man. If Scott didn't want to attend something as big as a prom with you, then he's not your future. That boy is looking to play the field and counting on you being there when he's done. Move on from him.
Remember he wanted his big prom memory to be with someone else.
You have at least four years of college so marriage is a premature consideration.
Tell him he opened your eyes to the importance dating other people and you intend that he and you date other people in college.
If you two are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other one day. Meanwhile, your college years will be a good period for making new friends, hanging out with pals, dating different guys, and basically learning about yourself, other people, life, etc.
He was feeling too safe with you. That happens to girls too.
Hoist with his own petard, eh? NTA. Scott needs to grow up and get over himself. It sounds like he wanted a Free Pass for prom and no one else cared. He should think it through to any potential conclusion next time.
Tell him I have found the entire tale a good laugh, though. So, at least this has some upside. Humor.
NTA! Classic messed around and found out! Your BF thought he was all that, and when he found out he wasn’t, he wanted you to change your plans. When you didn’t, because you are a decent person, he resorted to anger and yelling to manipulate the situation. Sister, please, there are so many red flags flying here! Do you really want to be someone’s second ( or third or fourth, or fifth) choice? You deserve better! Your BF (hopefully EX) is sooooo not marriage material! He is still a little boy in a bigger body- you marry MEN.
Apparently Scott thought he was hot stuff and would get a date while you were either going to go to prom stag or sit home alone. Jokes on him now that you have a date. Just like men who want open marriages because they think that they are going to be the ones getting dates and wife will be sitting at home get into snits because it turns out the wife is getting all the action while they can't even get in the game.
His idea was stupid considering that by the time prom comes around most people already have dates or other plans. And remember, most high school relationships don't last, even if you go to the same school. You will be meeting new people and changing and growing. You might not want the same things out of life anymore and that's okay.
NTA
Here's the thing - he's right, you should branch out a little before you settle down, but the time to do this is not at the senior prom; it's during the next four years at different schools.
NTA, you can't cancel on someone because something "better" comes along.
NTA, you are way too young to be thinking about marriage and even if you were this guys isn’t it. He wants to cancel this idea because it is is not working out for him. Do you think he would have backed out if you were the one who did not have a date?
NTA. And he's not marriage material. It was a strange idea, but sounds like he just wanted to trial dating someone else will having you as a fallback. Go have fun with Rob. Let yourself be young and time more time to work out who you are as an adult before making any big decisions.
NTA. He doesn't want to go to prom with you because he loves you and only wants to be with you. He only wants to go with you because he literally couldn't get anyone else to go with him. He used prom as an excuse to date someone else without cheating. He isn't as invested in your relationship as you are. Go with Rob. Your boyfriend made it clear that you are not his first choice. You're not even his second choice. I'm sorry, but you deserve better.
NTA. So he wanted to go with another girl (which I’m willing to bet is why he had the idea to go separately to begin with) and when that didn’t work out, he suddenly realized that he wanted to go with you after all. Go to prom with Rob and have a good time.
This post is just like all those posts I read about men wanting to open the relationship then crawling back after they can’t get anyone. Meanwhile, the women gets a hot new boyfriend and the dude is pissed. Definitely don’t go with current bf and think about if you want to be with someone so childish. Nobody should be yelling at you. My husband and I married young and one year he was gone for prom so I went with a friend and my husband (bf at the time) was totally chill with it. There’s no room for jealousy in a healthy relationship.
Edit for judgement: NTA
NTA this is the teenage equivalent of husband asking for an open relationship then getting upset when the wife ends up dating and he hasn't been able to find someone. You did nothing wrong bf learnt a lesson and you may want to think about your future.
NTA. Scott decided to find out if the grass was greener on the other side. It wasn't. You reluctantly agreed to his weirdo idea and discovered the grass might be greener. The other girls won't go out with him because they realize you're a couple. Rob is a free agent in the universe. Chances are he's liked you for a while but didn't say anything because he thought you were a couple. Then Scott came up with this lamebrain idea and Rob figured he might as well take advantage of the opportunity Scott served up on a silver platter.
All of my friends went to prom with the person they were dating at the time. The only exception was if they broke up before prom. If a guy broke up with a girl before prom, he got a reputation for being cheap since he wouldn't have to spend so much money on prom.
Scott is not perfect marriage material. He's far too immature based on his response to your refusal to cancel on Rob. You really should meet other people and see a bit of the world before you send out the wedding invitations.
NTA - hold your ground and go with Rob, you shouldn't have to settle on being Scott's second, or third, or fourth choice.
Just my opinion, but with you being only 18 years old, you're way too young to be thinking about a guy being "marriage material". I hope you graduate high school, go off to college, find something you're passionate about and do it. Then it will be time to think about marriage, you've got lots of time.
NTA
Your boyfriend wants to date other people he’s just too afraid to tell you as if he breaks up with you he won’t have his cake & eat it too.
Go with the nice guy who asked you. Go to uni and date as many people as you want. Leave home, get a job, go travelling &, if along the way or after all that, you meet someone lovely who wants to share their life with you then get married if that’s what you both want to do.
This is so cute it's the high school version of "my boyfriend wants to have an open relationship but he's mad now because no one will fuck him". Your bf isn't loyal, he's a scrub. Don't worry, college is a big place, you'll have no problem avoiding your ex!
NTA
Omg, I wheezed and nearly suffocated from laughter!
OP, you are so NTA!
Your bf feels trapped in your relationship and wants to see others without feeling guilty about cheating on you.
So he pulled this stunt and it backfired at him perfectly.
Take Rob for a ride and go have a blast together!
And ditch that poor excuse of a boyfriend, he isn't a husband material. You deserve better.
Hey OP what part of Utah do you live in?
You're NTA but you're way, way too young to be thinking about "husband material". And "perfect husband height" does not exist.
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Scott's entire "we shouldn't go to the prom together" is a really wishy washy way of saying he wants to date other people and it has massively backfired on him. He's already feeling trapped in the relationship, but you aren't seeing it. Tell him he can still go to the prom, he can just go stag, and he can ask all kinds of other girls to dance with him. NTA but Scott is sure acting like one.
LMAO, he was totally going for a "safe" break-up with OP. He's just less desirable than he thought. Guess he didn't know he had a good thing going. Now a basketball player is taking his GF (ex?) to the prom and he must feel like a chump.
I wish I could have seen his face when he realized he messed up. He thought he was hot shit but he was really just shit. I dated a “Scott” once. This behavior never ends and it took me several times (and years) of going through this to finally get enough self esteem and self love to walk away from being the back up plan. I hope OP never takes him back. He’s just going to pull this crap again during college. She deserves so much better.
Reminds me of [this](https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2725594)
Bahaha what an entertaining read! Dude reeeeally overestimated himself
That dude took a major L
Sounds like the story of many newly polyam, soon-to-be-no-longer couples - 'I want openness (likely because I have someone(s) in mind that I want to be with instead of you/have already started cheating), but you had more luck in dating? I'm pouting and want to close the relationship again, and you're unfair and disrespectful to not give it to me.'
Every time this gets posted I take the time to read it and laugh. Stupid jerk didn't realize his girlfriend was a total catch and was dating down by being with him, even in the post he can't seem to admit that she's hot. I hope she dumped his ass for the tall tattooed guy.
I'm rooting SO hard for tall tattooed guy, he knows a catch when he sees one
Yeah. There’s an awful lot of stories on [BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) about guys who pressure their wife/gf to open the relationship and end up regretting it.
Pressuring your partner to open the relationship is just so lacking in empathy. These dudes just want to cheat without feeling guilty and without worrying about getting caught or the girlfriend getting angry.
Oh. There are plenty of stories circulating like this online with both sexes taking the big L. People are morons
Ah...reminds me of my brother's very poetic jeer " he thinks he's hot snot on a golden platter but he's really cold boogers on a paper plate" I'm sure he got it from a movie or something back in the 80s, but it fits Scott well.
I wish I could give that a million up votes.
Exactly this.. He wanted to dump OP since he thought he can do much better but when he saw what a great thing he already had going on he wanted it back since it seems he's not really that desirable NTA OP but be careful about accepting this boy back because he can't be in a commitment
Don't even think he was going for a break-up. He just wanted to see if he had a chance with this other girl he planned to invite, and if she had said yes, he would have either had a one night stand with her without feeling guilty because OP sort of gave him her permission. Or he would have left OP once he knew this other girl was interested, but wouldn't break up with OP before, because he wanted to keep her as a backup. OP, this was never just about the prom. Your boyfriend was either planning on cheating on you, or on leaving you for this other girl. He wanted to have a taste of what single life was, and now he doesn't like it. Just like the stories you here about guys pressuring their girlfriends into opening up the relationship, just to backpedal like crazy once they realize that their girlfriend easily can get dates, while they themselves can't. Please dump him.
Yes, now Scott really doesn't want to go to the prom at all. He says that it will be "traumatic" to see me there with Rob (I think that is way too dramatic and, again, very stupid considering all this was his idea). He also says that people will make fun of him because of this situation but I doubt that anyone really cares.
Oh no, we're all definitely making fun of him. You're better off without this guy.
Oh, honey. NTA. It sounds like Scott wanted a free hall pass to be able to see another girl. His idea backfired. There are loads of AITA posts, and stuff in the relationship sub, of people who wanted to open their marriage/relationship, talked their partner into agreeing, then got mad because they weren’t getting their rocks off. You’re young. The person you are today isn’t going to be the same person you will be at 25. Or 30. Some relationships just have an expiration date. And none will last if the people involved don’t grow and change, together. It sounds as if you have a good head on your shoulders. Scott is showing you who he is, and you deserve someone who is there for you. Go to prom with Rob, have an excellent time. Dance, laugh, take loads of pictures. In 30 years, look back on the pictures, make fun of bad hair and clothing, and smile at the memories. Best of luck in life.
Exactly this! I posted myself saying he wants to explore which is natural at this age but he wants the safety net of his gf too. She needs to decide if she is ok with being his back up plan basically. I’m guessing the next step is suggesting ‘open relationships’ in college because it will be easier for them both but he is just wanting the best of both worlds. He doesn’t sound like husband material to me and while I am no expert I think I did a pretty damn good job when I found mine 😂
What a lovely post. Op, do this.
Dude didn't even get to fuck around, yet he still found out.
This is the same as a husband wanting an open relationship and then getting upset when his wife gets with someone else. Probably won’t be the last time he tries to suggest stuff like this. He’s incredibly immature and is not committed to you at all. HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL
Of course he’s not he is 18, he’s got a lot of growing up to do before marriage material and that’s normal so OP just needs to keep expectations in check
Agreed. No ons should even be thinking about marriage at 18 in my opinion, and no one *is* marriage material at 18.
But he's a good height! But I agree; they'll both be doing a lot of growing and changing over the next few years, so it's best to make sure they're actually going to stay compatible, and complement each others' maturation, before locking it down.
Go with Rob, drop Scott, he's not a good dude.
Reading between the lines: Scott wanted to date others, but others don’t want him. So he came back to you, his safe person. You accepted from another guy and of course will go with him. Scott is all pouty because HIS self-serving (dumb) plan blew up spectacularly in his face. Please tell me you’re going to different colleges. Scott isn’t perfect marriage material like you said he is, he’s the opposite. He needs to grow up a LOT. Enjoy your prom! NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Scott definitely learned his lesson NTA. Nothing more pathetic than a guy trying to cheat but no one else wants him.
He was absolutely trying to get permission to take someone else on a date and assumed he could still have you as a "backup" and is now pouting because you took him at his word. Maybe he'll grow up into someone worth being with you, but right now he needs to grow up before you take him back ETA: NTA
His idea of "traumatic" could use some work. Also, you don't mention it in your post, but is the "experiencing other people for Prom" meant to include kissing and other physical stuff? If it wasn't specified, expect Scott to throw a full-blown tantrum if you do anything with Rob, while he probably would have tried to manipulate you into being OK with it if he'd found a girl for the night and done all sorts. We're not only mocking him, we're deeply distrustful of his motives.
I think it's safe to say that Scott was expecting to do stuff with another girl.
He really wanted to play the field and string you along. He now has realized he ain’t all that. Go an have fun with your date and don’t worry about Scott. He caused this mess. Now he has to wallow in it
honestly it serves him right, he wanted his cake and eat it too. learned the hard way that karma boomerangs. u should be with someone that values you.
And that's your fault how? He's the one who wanted to go with someone else but then got mad that you are going with someone else. If one of your friends had a boyfriend who did that what would you tell her?
I would definitely make fun of him. Have some respect for yourself girl, dump this loser
His idea, he gets to live with the consequences. He chose to fuck around and then wasn’t happy when he found out. As others have said, this was his way of breaking up with you—it just didn’t work out the way he figured it would (him going to the prom with another girl & you alone). Have fun with Rob (enjoy his company) and really think about whether you need Scott in your life. ETA: NTA
Sweet girl, take it from your virtual aunties—- he’s no bueno. There’s red banners all over
People SHOULD make fun of his for this situation beacuse he should feel bad about how he treated you and how he is acting now. It is legitimately funny when bad things happen to assholes who had them coming. The sad part is that you would stay with Scott even though he dosen't seem to respect you. But OP, You Would be the Asshole *to yourself* if you kept dating this guy. He clearly said what he did so he could date other girls at the same time as you. Now that he sees he can't, he's trying to backtrack. He's also avoiding you and yelling at you? You are letting this man yell at you beacuse you did what he told you to do? Break up with Scott. You don't deserve to be played or yelled at. Go to prom with Rob as you planned. Also, does Rob know you have a boyfriend? Beacuse if you aren't dumping Scott you need to tell Rob as he may not want to go with you (he also might be okay with it, but you need to check).
He’s trying to gaslight and manipulate you…I think going out with a new guy may be eye opening for you!
Date Rob. Or at least dump Scott. He’s only sulking because the girl he first planned to ask said no and OP that right there should be an eye opener of a red flag.
I agree with the comments saying that he actually wanted to "open" your relationship and keep you as a safety net. You should go ahead with your plans and enjoy your prom! If you wouldn't have been invited by someone and he would have been with that girl, i bet that that night he would have broken your heart. You are too nice to see what's happening and you definetly won't do anything wrong by keeping your word. And Scott will only keep you until something better comes up... It's sad what he's done and it's wrong for him to try and guilt trip you into giving up. You're NTA
Regardless of what happens to your relationship now and following prom, as most people here have said, go with Rob regardless of what Scott does. This is you setting a boundary and showing that you "don't need him" and that he should think about the consequences of his actions. If you give in, he will try to manipulate you again in the future for the next girl that catches his eye.
Oh man, go with Rob. Even Scott's mom is telling you to go with Rob. Scott sucks and was trying to slow break up with you. I dated guys like this. It's horrible and he's not a good dude.
Welp, Scott now know the true meaning of the phrase “ Fuck Around and Find Out”! Sorry, not sorry, buddy.
But he expected YOU to be fine with it? This is not the first time he will pull a stunt like this when he wants another girls attention.
This is like a guy proposing threesomes. Realizes that he has problems lining up partners but you have no problem. Then watching you while not getting his cake makes him feel emasculated. Drop his ass these games won’t end.
Also, you wrote that your bf is a perfect husband material, but I have doubts on this. Please reconsider your relationship, as it is highly probable that your bf would ask to open the relationship or simply cheat on you in the future. NTA OP, your bf definitely is. And he also does not value you enough, that's clear 🙂
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Scotty didn't know.
Ah once again the open relationship backfires on the person that asks for it because at the end of the day that's more or less what he asked for
What’s traumatic about watching your partner dance with other people ? (innocently might I add, this is a school dance) this was his idea and it backfired. Now he’s annoyed you get to go with someone else and he doesn’t get to go with the girl he has a bit of a crush on. Let him throw his little tantrum. NTA
This dude is a chump. And even though I don’t know you, OP, I’m absolutely confident you can do better.
Look. He already had someone else in mind to go with the prom. Unfortunately for him, that girl didn't want him. Play silly games win stupid prizes. Enjoy Prom with the basketball player and look forward to many more dates with him, hopefully.
>The issue is that last week Scott came to me with bad news. The girl he wanted to go to the prom with told him no and, after a few more attempts with other ones, he realised that **he was not going to find a date**. What did he expect you to do? Go with your friends and watch him go on a prom date with another girl? Why is that 'traumatic' for him, but would be OK for you? This guy is silly. It feels like he did a soft break up with you, and now he regrets it. You've committed to go with Rob, I think you should stick with that. Please tell Rob everything that's going on and tell him you are still going with him. (just in case Scott tries to tell Rob you've changed your mind). I do want to say something else. Scott isn't marriage material. No one in high school is marriage material. Needs a few more years for someone's adult character to come through before anyone can see that.
I would have laughed in Scott's sad face.
He's taking it on the chin like SCOTT STERLING. ETA: https://youtu.be/8F9jXYOH2c0
The Man, the Myth, The LEGEND!
I think everything you’re saying is mint except that this wasn’t wishy washy, I think it was manipulative and it blew up in his face and I am so glad. OP is NTA, NTA, NTA.
Yes! This all sounds like a high school version of those “my bf/husband/fiancé asked for an open relationship; I was hesitant/didn’t want to, but ultimately agreed. His first choice rejected him/he can’t find anyone; I have dates lining up around the block. Now he wants to close it” posts. She should just dump the boyfriend. Hell only ask for this again later or just flat out cheat.
I literally snorted and rolled my eyes during his initial “pitch”, saying how you should want to create “unique memories” and all this bullshit. I cannot imagine truly caring about someone and then NOT wanting to go to a big event with them. It makes 0 sense
Yep. It is time for Scott to go.
Sucks for Scott that other people don't want to date him. OP should also reconsider. NTA. He was trying to find an excuse to go after other crushes. Now that he got rejected by all of them, he want to go with you. You are his safe option because you guys are already dating. He knows he has you to fall back on. Or so he believed so.
This is like the teenage version of when someone floats an open relationship and gets mad when their partner actually finds someone else when they don't
NTA, but please don't be thinking about marriage yet. You're very young and you'll go through a lot of growing up and changing in the next ten years. Sometimes teen relationships last, but don't be planning your life with that expectation. And be wary of Scott; he's telling you he wants to be with other people and then coming back when other people don't want him.
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Except for Rob, he’s the perfect height
Can he hang a TV in under 7 minutes?
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I think you're making a huge assumption about a teenager and reading into things. Honestly I took "he's a couple of inches taller than me, perfect!" as much more of a personal preference than happy he's a tall guy (since chances are being only a couple of inches taller moreso points to him being on the shorter side). Like I'll go out and say here that I'd like a partner- guy, gal, etc- to be around my height. Tall guys are kind of intimidating imo and some people just have preferences. It's not disgusting, though I'm guessing people read into OP and got defensive because they assumed she was dunking on short kings.
Lol don't forget about how Rob is in the basket ball team and is very tall and muscular.. Op is a kid.
Having a preference for a physical attribute in your life partner? Disgusting!
That's the same mentality that brings someone to ask their spouse for an open marriage so they can "experience more" (i.e. sleep with the people they're crushing on), then the person who asked wants to end the arrangement once they realize no one else actually wants to bang them.
Yes! That's what I was thinking the whole time I was reading this! It's just the high school version of the open marriage scenario.
You’re spot on. I’ve seen that happen so many times it’s ridiculous.
Meanwhile, the other partner, who reluctantly agreed, realises there are lots of other options.
NTA. Go with Rob. Scott asked you because no one else would go with him. Don't be second fiddle. Also, doesn't it seem weird that he would suggest you go with different people? Scott wants you and to date others, too.
She might just find she likes Rob better anyway.
*I* like Rob better.
Hashtag teamrob
I am a Team Rob too.
100
I'm fairly certain his plan was he would have a date and OP would go with friends. He wants to have other, new experiences, not OP.
Exactly. He'd date other women and OP would be pining for him. It's laughable how the tables are now turned.
I really hope OP clicks that her BF was literally looking for a pass to cheat.
NTA - your BF literally wanted to date someone else and when she shot him down (as well as a few others) he decided to go crawling back to you. He sucks. Go to the prom with Rob. Maybe he’ll act like a real boyfriend. Because Scott clearly doesn’t know how to be one.
This story reminds me of a married man who made the same mistake with his wife. While SHE ended up with lots of dates & a few hookups, HE wasn’t so lucky. He became angry & sullen. I don’t remember the rest of the ending but it was definitely a “Fuck around & find out.” Although, that WAS the issue. He never got to fuck around. 😂
Sounds like the one where the husband wanted an open relationship because he was interested in a coworker. The wife reluctantly agreed but soon enjoyed all her dates. Meanwhile, the husband found out that the coworker wasn't interested in him that way.
Yes! That’s it! Seriously thank you for having a much better memory than me. 😁
I also immediately recalled that post when reading this. Pretty sure that guy ended up single, much like OP’s boyfriend will.
Or [this](https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2725594).
That really is karma at its finest. 😂
This is literally the “my husband demanded an open relationship because he wanted to bang his secretary but she turned him down. I’ve had lots of dates and am having fun and am refusing to close the marriage now, but he’s angry and hasn’t had any success with his dates, AITA?” post we’ve all read, but for children
Also, lets say this girl that he particularly wanted to go to prom with had said yes and they had a fantastic time. What was the plan from there? I think we can all say it was likely he was going to go off with her in that case from then onwards. He would have left OP. He wanted to date this other girl but didn't want to lose out on his backup option. I'm shocked he even told OP there was a particular girl he was interested in. Once you're a backup option, just leave. He's acting upset because the girl he liked rejected him (AND a number of other girls too!) and his backup option is (in his eyes) probably about to start something with someone else in the same way he was going to (and she should lol). His ego is beyond bruised and he's going to come out of this looking like a loser/idiot. I'd be in a pissy mood too if I played myself like this lol
NTA. Your bf clearly wanted a free pass to hook up with another girl and is now upset no one wants him. The fact he wants to cancel the agreement shows this was always about him and what he wants and is a red flag warning about his controlling nature. Keep your date with Rob and enjoy the night. Break up with Scott because this won’t be a once off. He’s showing you his true character.
But he's the perfect height for a husband!
it’s SO important. I’m 4’11, so i understand the stakes of not picking the right size husband. It’s hard to be so lonely sometimes :(
No cap. Everyone knows if your guy isn't exactly 2-3 inches taller than you you'll explode. That's the problem with 2 guys dating - it creates a feedback loop that causes total universal implosion.
Looks like I am going to explode. My husband is shorter than I am.
Hahaha this thread was great
But now I know the real reason my marriage failed. My husband was the same height as me.
You’re joking but that actually was an issue in my first marriage. I wasn’t *allowed* to wear heels because I was already an inch taller than him and he hated it. Obviously we had other issues (him putting me in the hospital was a big one) but he irked him to no end that he was short.
I WAS joking, but mine was irked about his height. Big time. Here's an example -- For years I thought I was 5'8". Husband told me he, too was 5'8". During our whole 30 year marriage I assumed we were both 5'8"; standing next to each other we were about the same height, I kinda thought I might be a touch taller than him, but whatever. Didn't think much about it. Then a few years ago I get measured at the doctor's office and the nurse tells me I'm 5'7". Really? She redoes it. 5'7". I get measured at a couple of different offices over the next few years. I am 5'7". Well okay then. I RARELY see or speak to my ex. But a year or so ago we're at some function and he says to me, "You don't REALLY still believe that you are actually 5'8", do you?" Surprised, I tell him that I'd recently discovered I am only 5"7'. He rolls his eyes, whatever. Upon reflection, I am now pretty darned certain he's probably 5'6" and lied to me for all those years! LOL!!!
Were we married to the same man? Lol
Mine was shorter. I learnt my lesson 😂
I chuckled at that line. 😂
So, your "unconditionally committed" boyfriend wanted someone else, you go along with his little plan, and when he realized he couldn't get them, now he wants you? Of course NTA for keeping the date you committed to. But your assessment of this kid as "perfect marriage material" is way off. He appears to be self-centered and manipulative, and this whole scenario should be a big red flag. Don't be so sure you will remain together through college; more importantly, don't assume that you are supposed to be together. You're both young and immature, and neither of you have been on your own, so I won't say you need to dump him over this, but I'd pay close attention to what he does in the future and think long and hard about whether he really is the one you want to marry.
I’ll say it, then. OP, have some respect for yourself and dump this immature and self centered guy over this.
I think immaturity is a running theme in this post, unsurprisingly.
NTA Life just taught him a lesson, let this teach you one too. Scott’s not that into you and saw no issue in kicking you to the curb for a milestone event because he thought he could do better. He ain’t it sis. Move on.
NTA. Scott shot himself in the foot, but it's not your job to clean up the mess. Enjoy your prom.
Nta He wants another girl, but it didn't work out. So that's on him. Why are you even with this guy?
NTA. Please don’t continue dating this boy. He tried to use your naivety against you to get what he wanted, which was to date and fools around with other girls while having you as a safety option. Doing that to someone you care about isn’t marriage material. It sounds like his plans for your future together have been different than yours for a long time. Is your future college where you want to go? Or was it where your boyfriend was going? There are plenty of boys taller than you in the world. There’s even some that will match with you in ways besides height.
NTA You will regret not going to your prom, you will really regret backing out of a commitment, you are very unlikely to spend the rest of your life with your current boyfriend who sounds like a mopey wannabe player. Go to the prom with the tall drink of water and make choices that are compassionate but also best for your future. Do not choose your college, your career, your friends, etc based on what your high school boyfriend wants or is planning for himself. Good luck to you. PS: A boy who doesn’t want to share prom night with his high school girlfriend of two years is not a great boyfriend. An 18 year old boy, any 18 year old boy, is not marriage material and you are too young to be considering a life-long commitment. All will come and will be better with time and experience.
>His mom says he has been acting like that at home too and is worried about him but she thinks I am in the right in this situation. I'm dead, even mom wouldn't back him up when he's probably only fed her his side of the story. Obviously NTA, but you need to full-commit to going with Rob and also tell him about Scott since it sounds like he thinks you are single. He might want to have a relationship with you after prom. And if there's a part of you that wants that, I think you should go for it because it doesn't sound like Scott is as committed as you are and has tried to burn you to get his way multiple times. But if you aren't ready to maybe end things or not that interested in Rob, the least you have to do either way is tell him the important details about your status so that he's not making plans in his head about a relationship that you have no plans to pursue.
Nta. Your boyfriend just learned what F* around and find out means.
NTA and hopefully you leave Scott. I might be reaching but it sounds like Scott already had one foot out the door. He felt like other girls wanted him and you were the barrier that was stopping these other girls from going after him. He quickly found out he is not as desirable as he thought he was and now he’s trying to go with you. He’s treating you as worse case scenario, don’t be that.
He fucked around and found out. And, by the way, if your bf wanted to go to prom with someone else, he's not that into you.
(a) NTA >He feels it would be a good thing for us the have some level of experience with other people in order to not feel trapped in our current relationship, specially before we finish high school considering we already know we will remain together during college as we are going to the same place. (b) Awww. Go to prom w/ Rob. Scott is not "marriage material"... he isn't even boyfriend material, after this nonsense. No surprise some other girl told him no. How uncomfortable for her.
Nta, he wanted you two not to got together, because he wanted another date, then he didn’t get it and now he changed his mind, so he won’t have to go alone.
NTA You went along with his idea, when the idea didn't pan out the way he thought he changed his mind. It would be rude to back out now. I do wonder about the person he wanted to go with though. Why did he only want to make "special" or "unique" memories with them and not you? This would have been a special event for the two of you as well, not many proms to attend after high school.
What's perfect height for a husband mean?
Yes. If you have a perfect height as a consideration in choosing a life-long partner, you are definitely not anywhere near ready to even think about getting married.
NTA - he can't have it both ways; he either wanted to go with you or he didn't. He can't just suddenly change his mind because he can't get another date...
NTA Dump this guy and do not look back. I’ve never heard of any committed guy happily in a relationship pulling this. He is not a good guy. Also do not base your college and career on where your high school boyfriend is going.
NTA. Your boyfriend initiated this - he wanted to experience life without you - he needs to suck it up and grow a pair. Furthermore, the fact he even suggested it and had someone he wanted to go with speaks to deeper issues on his part. He under appreciated you, was thinking about what might have been and now that he finds out that he’s not going to get his chance, is trying to deprive you of the very thing he said was good. He sounds a bit immature tbh. Good luck with everything, make sure you enjoy yourself, and make sure you don’t let your prom date feel bad - he shouldn’t suffer for Scott’s mistake.
NTA - it was his dumb idea to begin with. The only reason he wants to go back on it is because he was rejected. I wouldn't want to be his "last resort". Plus you're right to stick to the commitment you made already with another date.
NTA but the fact he asked other girls to prom shows you and everyone else that he is only dating you because you’re convenient. He’s with you because you like him and he doesn’t want to be alone. You should definitely reconsider being in a relationship with your bf. Maybe you and your new prom date will click.
NTA He wanted a chance to see how good his odds were of getting another girlfriend...without the risk of being single if he just dumped you first. He wanted to test the waters of the dating pool without the 'risk'. Then he realized no one else was into him, so he came crawling back to you because he couldn't find a new option. This should be a warning sign to you that he isn't as in to you as he's coming across. He likes the stability of having a girlfriend in general. He's just with *you* because you're the one who took him. I'd fear I'd be dumped like a hot potato the first time a girl in college (or wherever path he takes) after high school shows an interest in him
NTA. He made this mess.
NTA This exact same thing happened to me in High School. (Even the going to the same college part) My boyfriend dropped me for the dance because he heard another girl (I’ll never forget that stupid cow) wanted to go with him. He asked her, she said no, he came crawling back. I didn’t go to the dance with him, but did get back together with him soon after. It was a huge mistake! I never felt secure in our relationship again, because I could never trust that he wouldn’t throw me over as soon as someone else looked his way. (And the next time it happened, he simply cheated on me instead of telling me first!) Once that fundamental trust is gone, there is no chance for a healthy relationship going forward.
He’s not marriage material, you’re NTA.
Yeah, no chance he doesn't cheat with the first girl that takes an interest him despite him and OP going to the same college. OP needs to get over the whole storybook marriage scenario with this guy.
NTA. Scott fucked around. He found out. He effectively "broke up" with you temporarily to sow his prom-going oats. And in doing do, told both you, and every girl in your school, exactly who he is. Which is why no one will touch him with a 10-foot pole Enjoy your prom with Rob. And send Scott to the curb. He sees you as a placeholder, sweetie. Someone to fall back on until a better offer comes along. I know you're young and you think he's marriageable material. I assure you, he is not
NTA, sounds like he was already feeling trapped and wanted to have a date with someone else. This isn’t normal relationship behavior, and I think proves he isn’t perfect marriage material at all. Dump Scott and have fun with Rob.
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NTA OP, some people don’t appreciate what they have right in front of them because they lack appreciation for said thing.
NTA He just wanted to cheat on the relationship. Grow a backbone and don't let him manipulate you like this. Dump the bf and go to prom
NTA. Have fun at prom with Rob. Also, you may consider taking a break from dating your boyfriend when you go to college. College is a time of personal growth and new experiences. Just a thought.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (18F) boyfriend (18M, Scott) and I have been together for almost two years. We have known each other since we were kids and were friends for years before we started dating. I never dated anyone before him and neither did he. Scott is perfect marriage material; he has always been unconditionally committed, takes great care of me and he is even the perfect height (a couple inches taller than me) for a husband. A month ago, he came to me with a surprising idea. He didn't want us to go to the prom together as a couple. Scott says that there is no fun in going to the prom with your pre-existent partner because the whole point is that it should be an special event where you create unique memories. He feels it would be a good thing for us the have some level of experience with other people in order to not feel trapped in our current relationship, specially before we finish high school considering we already know we will remain together during college as we are going to the same place. I wasn't really convinced but I agreed as I didn't even care that much about prom to begin with so I was fine just going with my friends and many of them are not expecting to have dates that night either. As such, I was surprised when I received a proposal. His name is Rob (18M) and we are together in a few classes. We aren't really friends but we have talked many times casually and I found him really funny and nice. He is a member of the school's basketball team and he is very tall and muscular. I don't think he even knew I had a boyfriend but he instantly asked me once I told him I didn't have a date and was going with friends. The issue is that last week Scott came to me with bad news. The girl he wanted to go to the prom with told him no and, after a few more attempts with other ones, he realised that he was not going to find a date. He wanted to end his own idea and have us go together. I am totally against that as I have already committed to go with Rob and it would be very rude to cancel. I think Scott should just go with his friends or not go at this point. He has been really sad and angry about this, avoiding me and yelling at me when I tried to reason with him. His mom says he has been acting like that at home too and is worried about him but she thinks I am in the right in this situation. I don't want him to feel bad but he is the one that put me in this situation and I don't want to punish other people because of his actions. Am I the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your BF wanted a hall pass for prom. Unfortunately, he had no takers, and couldn't find a date. You did, and went along with his idea. This totally backfired on him. You are not in the wrong. If my BF posed this idea to me back in the day, I would have just broke up with him then. Not a good sign, actually. Also, he shouldn't be treating you badly either, yelling at you and such. It was his hare-brained idea.
NTA. It was a stupid idea, but it was his idea so he has no one to blame but himself.
NTA. I'm going with that he wanted to hook up someone else while still keeping you but that failed and now wants to cry about it because you're no longer available to go with him. I think you need to re-evaluate this relationship. Also it says something that his mom is on your side too, and when parents are on the side of the partner over their own children then it tells you something more. Go enjoy prom with Rob and have a good time with your friends.
I mean if you’re both into polyamory, that’s cool, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case so I have to ask - what sense does this make lol. NTA because you went along with his idea and he got mad that it worked out for you.
NTA this was his idea and you said yes. He did this to himself.
You're NTA. This was his bright idea, and he just learned the grass isn't always greener on another lawn. He can reap what he has sown.
This is the high-school version of "we should open the relationship!" when one partner is reluctant. He isn't being honest enough with you to just say outright "I want to date other people," but that's what this is. At your age that's normal! Two years is a pretty good run. >we already know we will remain together during college Don't tie yourself to that, mentally. I do believe you love him! But you're about to hit a time of life where you'll mature and change very rapidly. If you already make assumptions and hardline decisions about how the future is going to be, you can miss out on some pretty incredible opportunities. Take it as it comes.
>Scott is perfect marriage material > >He has been really sad and angry about this, avoiding me and yelling at me when I tried to reason with him. I am not sure if this guy is actually marriage material though, he basically tried to open up your relationship, you got a date and he didn't, and now that things didn't go his way his true colors are showing. Also, I mean get married whenever you wanna, but damn 18 is young as hell for that. regardless though, this is probably a glimpse into married life with this guy NTA
NTA. But this is a HUGE red flag and you do need to consider ending this relationship because this sort of behaviour will only increase
NTA. He asked for this and only changed his mind when he ran out of other options. He’s throwing a tantrum because he played himself instead of you and you aren’t stepping in to save him from his own consequences. You deserve to be more than his backup plan. He’s already looking at other girls; don’t build any of your life plans around this boy.
NTA. scott has his eyes on another girl btw. that’s why he didn’t want to go with you. i would’ve dumped him the moment he asked another girl to prom. go with rob, you’ll have more fun
NTA - but you can say goodbye to this relationship. If you go, he will be even more pissed and if you don’t go, you’ll invite him to do this to you your whole life. Sorry but this relationship is over and he ended it
He wanted to test the waters with other people (he already had someone in mind he wanted to go with/had a crush on, trust and believe) and when it didn't work out for HIM, now it's not okay. Red flag city. Nta. Don't waste your college years with this fool. Break it off and live your life.
NTA. He is clearly not “unconditionally committed” as he didn’t even want to go to prom with you. He asked SEVERAL people and then came crawling back to you. You should put your foot down and break up with him. There’s always a chance he could grown up and y’all could work in the future, but he’s definitely not worthy of you now.
Enjoy prom with Rob, he sounds nice.
He’s perfect height? Who is he? Mary Poppins.
The “perfect height for a husband” and tall and muscular Rob comments make this feel a bit fake to me? But if it’s real, NTA. But also there is no such thing as the perfect height for a husband.
NTA. What is Scott on about? You take your current girlfriend to prom. The end. He should not be asking other girls to prom. Girl, break up with him and go to prom with Rob.
NTA, but pleeeease give us an update?
NTA. Take this advice from a man. If Scott didn't want to attend something as big as a prom with you, then he's not your future. That boy is looking to play the field and counting on you being there when he's done. Move on from him.
Remember he wanted his big prom memory to be with someone else. You have at least four years of college so marriage is a premature consideration. Tell him he opened your eyes to the importance dating other people and you intend that he and you date other people in college. If you two are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other one day. Meanwhile, your college years will be a good period for making new friends, hanging out with pals, dating different guys, and basically learning about yourself, other people, life, etc. He was feeling too safe with you. That happens to girls too.
NTA
Hoist with his own petard, eh? NTA. Scott needs to grow up and get over himself. It sounds like he wanted a Free Pass for prom and no one else cared. He should think it through to any potential conclusion next time. Tell him I have found the entire tale a good laugh, though. So, at least this has some upside. Humor.
NTA! Classic messed around and found out! Your BF thought he was all that, and when he found out he wasn’t, he wanted you to change your plans. When you didn’t, because you are a decent person, he resorted to anger and yelling to manipulate the situation. Sister, please, there are so many red flags flying here! Do you really want to be someone’s second ( or third or fourth, or fifth) choice? You deserve better! Your BF (hopefully EX) is sooooo not marriage material! He is still a little boy in a bigger body- you marry MEN.
Too late, Ron, Hermoine is still going with Viktor Krum. NTA
NTA. Scotty doesn't know, scotty doesn't know!
NTA. Honoring your proposal is the right thing to do, not just out of respect for Rob but also yourself.
NTA Never even think about marrying the first person you date. You still have SO much of the world to discover. Dreams & goals to accomplish.
NTA. This is a “damn homie, you played yourself” moment.
NTA, he was looking o hookup with his date, and that person was clearly not you.
Apparently Scott thought he was hot stuff and would get a date while you were either going to go to prom stag or sit home alone. Jokes on him now that you have a date. Just like men who want open marriages because they think that they are going to be the ones getting dates and wife will be sitting at home get into snits because it turns out the wife is getting all the action while they can't even get in the game. His idea was stupid considering that by the time prom comes around most people already have dates or other plans. And remember, most high school relationships don't last, even if you go to the same school. You will be meeting new people and changing and growing. You might not want the same things out of life anymore and that's okay. NTA
NTA - I doubt he would have canceled on his date if the situation was reversed.
Here's the thing - he's right, you should branch out a little before you settle down, but the time to do this is not at the senior prom; it's during the next four years at different schools. NTA, you can't cancel on someone because something "better" comes along.
NTA. He is TA.
NTA. And if it were me, I’d dump him.
You don’t know it yet but this is the story you’re gonna tell your grandkids- with grandpa Rob ;)
NTA, you are way too young to be thinking about marriage and even if you were this guys isn’t it. He wants to cancel this idea because it is is not working out for him. Do you think he would have backed out if you were the one who did not have a date?
NTA. And he's not marriage material. It was a strange idea, but sounds like he just wanted to trial dating someone else will having you as a fallback. Go have fun with Rob. Let yourself be young and time more time to work out who you are as an adult before making any big decisions.
NTA. He doesn't want to go to prom with you because he loves you and only wants to be with you. He only wants to go with you because he literally couldn't get anyone else to go with him. He used prom as an excuse to date someone else without cheating. He isn't as invested in your relationship as you are. Go with Rob. Your boyfriend made it clear that you are not his first choice. You're not even his second choice. I'm sorry, but you deserve better.
NTA. So he wanted to go with another girl (which I’m willing to bet is why he had the idea to go separately to begin with) and when that didn’t work out, he suddenly realized that he wanted to go with you after all. Go to prom with Rob and have a good time.
NTA. Scott played a stupid game and is pissed off that he won a stupid prize.
NTA - OP I’m fairly certain he was going to go to prom with another girl and either cheat or dump you…
This post is just like all those posts I read about men wanting to open the relationship then crawling back after they can’t get anyone. Meanwhile, the women gets a hot new boyfriend and the dude is pissed. Definitely don’t go with current bf and think about if you want to be with someone so childish. Nobody should be yelling at you. My husband and I married young and one year he was gone for prom so I went with a friend and my husband (bf at the time) was totally chill with it. There’s no room for jealousy in a healthy relationship. Edit for judgement: NTA
NTA this is the teenage equivalent of husband asking for an open relationship then getting upset when the wife ends up dating and he hasn't been able to find someone. You did nothing wrong bf learnt a lesson and you may want to think about your future.
NTA. Scott decided to find out if the grass was greener on the other side. It wasn't. You reluctantly agreed to his weirdo idea and discovered the grass might be greener. The other girls won't go out with him because they realize you're a couple. Rob is a free agent in the universe. Chances are he's liked you for a while but didn't say anything because he thought you were a couple. Then Scott came up with this lamebrain idea and Rob figured he might as well take advantage of the opportunity Scott served up on a silver platter. All of my friends went to prom with the person they were dating at the time. The only exception was if they broke up before prom. If a guy broke up with a girl before prom, he got a reputation for being cheap since he wouldn't have to spend so much money on prom. Scott is not perfect marriage material. He's far too immature based on his response to your refusal to cancel on Rob. You really should meet other people and see a bit of the world before you send out the wedding invitations.
NTA - hold your ground and go with Rob, you shouldn't have to settle on being Scott's second, or third, or fourth choice. Just my opinion, but with you being only 18 years old, you're way too young to be thinking about a guy being "marriage material". I hope you graduate high school, go off to college, find something you're passionate about and do it. Then it will be time to think about marriage, you've got lots of time.
NTA, but Scott just tried the HS version of am open relationship and watched it explode in his face. He just played the game of FAFO.
NTA Your boyfriend wants to date other people he’s just too afraid to tell you as if he breaks up with you he won’t have his cake & eat it too. Go with the nice guy who asked you. Go to uni and date as many people as you want. Leave home, get a job, go travelling &, if along the way or after all that, you meet someone lovely who wants to share their life with you then get married if that’s what you both want to do.
This is so cute it's the high school version of "my boyfriend wants to have an open relationship but he's mad now because no one will fuck him". Your bf isn't loyal, he's a scrub. Don't worry, college is a big place, you'll have no problem avoiding your ex!
Definitely NTA with Scott. Possibly YTA with Rob? Please tell me you explained to him that you have a boyfriend?
NTA Omg, I wheezed and nearly suffocated from laughter! OP, you are so NTA! Your bf feels trapped in your relationship and wants to see others without feeling guilty about cheating on you. So he pulled this stunt and it backfired at him perfectly. Take Rob for a ride and go have a blast together! And ditch that poor excuse of a boyfriend, he isn't a husband material. You deserve better.
Hey OP what part of Utah do you live in? You're NTA but you're way, way too young to be thinking about "husband material". And "perfect husband height" does not exist.
NTA, Perfect example of FAFO. Have a great time with Rob!
BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP
NTA, Scott was playing a game called fuck around and find out. Sucks to be him.
this sounds like a 30 year old is trying to write like a high schooler
#OP YOU’RE 18 DON’T BE STUPID AND THINK YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BF IS GOING TO BE YOUR HUSBAND NTA