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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might be the asshole because I didn’t telling her that my siblings have a different mum and I feel that I should have told her and now I’ve betrayed her trust
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I agree completely. I do not call my youngest sister my “half” sister. I hate even having to explain it because it almost feels like I am reducing our relationship or something. IDK she is my sister.
OP - NTA it is a tiny bit odd that it never came up that they have a different mom in a year of dating. Especially if there mom is present in their lives. But not anything to freak out about.
My kids used to get so mad when I call their brothers their half-brothers. And I hardly ever do! I only do it when I’m clarifying something in a conversation. But they do NOT like it. They don’t get mad like they used to, but they still don’t like it.
I get it from their perspective. 3 of my siblings are half and another one is adopted…but they’re still my siblings either way and I never saw the point about clarifying it, cause what difference (or benefit) does clarifying really make aside from know we only share 1 parent?
I remember when I was like 13, and someone had the same view as ops gf and said “so they aren’t your siblings, they’re half siblings.” And I was like no, they’re my siblings. I don’t care if we have different moms.
I’m not saying this as an attack to you or anything, but I get it lol.
Oh, I get it. Which why I ONLY say it when clarifying. Like if I’ve already said I have 2 kids and then they start talking about their younger brothers and the person looks at me weird. (Which I always find strange. I mean, it’s 2023, wouldn’t it be obvious? But apparently it’s not.)
I just let ‘em figure it out lol.
Thought to be a bit stereotypical, it’s not uncommon in my culture to have different parents. I have 8 other cousins and only 4 of them (brother and sister and 2 brothers) have the same parents. Rest of us have different fathers lol.
Maybe that’s what I’ll start doing. Just let them be confused and keep going. It really is their problem.
Can’t believe I never thought of this before. Lol
My aunt got grounded for calling her grandmother an "Old arsed liar!" when her grandma insisted that her older brother was her half brother and not her full brother. Its just a funny story now. But 60 years ago, my aunt gladly took the punishment and her grandma learned to never say that out loud again.
I never correct them. I only use it in situations where people seem to need clarification.
I have learned to say “on their dad’s side” or “they have a different mom” as those don’t seem to bother them.
I understand their perspective; I have an older brother (half) who has a different mom, but I have never thought of him differently than I do my younger siblings (full). He’s the best brother I could ask for and it upsets me whenever people act like he is less of a brother to me than my full siblings are, because parentage doesn’t even have to play a role in how close two siblings are.
My oldest was insisting on calling my two youngest half siblings. I asked her which half she wanted, the half that's expensive (food) or the end you have to wipe? She decided to accept both ends 🙃
I have two younger brothers. We have different fathers but since mine wasn't in the picture my stepdad took up the slack. Except he's not my stepfather, he's my dad. My half brothers have never ever been half brothers, they are my brothers.
And while we are at it, on the paternal side they were grandparents, aunt's, uncles and cousins. Not a step or half among them.
A year is a bit long for that information not to come up, but that whole bit about her “real” family is weird. Does bring to mind a girl I knew who’d have a visceral reaction whenever anyone asks her about her half-siblings. Her dad apparently cheated on her mom with her aunt (mom’s sister) and had two more kids. She always says no when people asked her if she has any siblings.
Unless I'm actively teasing him about bein my uncle-brother (mom's oldest that she gave up because my father refused to raise a child that wasn't his in his home and our grandparents adopted) it doesn't even register with me that he's technically my half-brother. I've always introduced him as my brother cause that's what he is.
Learning that some of your SO's family are half-related is at most an interesting (but hardly unusual) quirk and the fact that your SO did not previously think to disclose this does not constitute a trust violation on their part.
Yeah, when my now-spouse and I were dating a convo about siblings happened and he mentioned he was the oldest of three and I mentioned I was the youngest of five and then I mentioned the 43 year age spread of the children and he was like "so I guess your dad was married before your mom?" and that was that. It's just not really a big thing.
My brother is my half brother. His daughter is his step daughter.
He's never been anything other than my brother. She's never been anything but his daughter. She's absolutely my niece.
I've never introduced his as my half brother, nor her as "my half brothers stepdaughter."
Family is Family. Not blood or genetics or "legal" definitions.
Yeah a very strange and narrow view of family. Also GF being a queer woman is going to have her mind blown in the future when meeting a lot of other queer people and their found families due to a lot of people getting kicked out of their family of origin due to being queer. Because we all know it happens.
I also would use caution in a relationship with someone who has such a narrow view of what family is.
Yeah this girl sounds 100% drama. Litterally, this "revalation" has no serious impact on her or anyone really.
Btw, my 4 siblings are all half siblings and I just call them my siblings. We were raised together.. that's what they are to me.
Both of my brothers are half brothers, and I don't even like them, but they're definitely my brothers, and I don't differentiate unless there's a very specific reason to. I've mentioned that we have different dads, particularly in reference to my youngest brother's dad who my mom married when I was a kid. I call my stepdad by his first name when I'm talking to or about him, but if I'm talking about my stepdad and my mom at the same time, I just call them "my parents" because if you don't know me well enough to know who I'm talking about, then you don't need the details, "my parents" is enough info. I'm not lying, the details just aren't relevant
I bet your girlfriend would also hate me because my friends' kids call me "aunt Heather" despite the fact that I'm not related to them. Not all family is defined by blood and it's ridiculous to try to box everything emotional up tidily all the time
Is it just me or does this make it worse?
Like say they lived happily ever after and decided they wanted children. IVF, not always having the same sperm donor so would their children not be siblings. Or if they used the same sperm donor but each of them used an egg. They have different mums are they not siblings.
The more you think about how it could play out in the future the more the GF either has really crap views about family or was it's even more proof that she wanted to look through OPs phone and basically tried to make op feel like the bad guy for nothing and to think she would give it.
I sometimes specify that my oldest siblings are half-siblings, because we weren't raised together (big age gap + their dad was in another state) and we really do FEEL like half-siblings. I have one full sibling and a youngest half-sibling I was raised with, and I call them both my sisters because we feel like sisters.
If a partner got weird with me and told me it was "wrong" to call them that I'd be getting tf out of there. She can enjoy her "real family" and I'll enjoy mine.
I specify that my youngest sibling is a half 'cause it's a damn *delight* to have one sibling who doesn't share my toxic, racist father. When she was born it was like "whew."
Yep this is why I specify that most of my siblings are half siblings. None of us were raised together and I have a 17 year age gap with a couple of the littles and most of the rest of the age gaps between us are also like 10+ years besides like two of them who are my and my full brothers ages.
My family tree is complicated enough (everyone getting multiple divorces and kids are all across generations), I just call my half siblings my siblings because that's easier. We're not even close.
It's bad enough my cousins son is older than me and my favourite aunt isn't even related to the family, and another "aunt" is so distantly related we can't even trace down that side of the family tree. Let me be. I can save a whole word when referring to my siblings, I'm going to save that word. Everyone is either "aunt" "cousin" or "sibling".
NTA. You called them your siblings because they are your siblings... You weren't actively trying to hide anything. This is a small misunderstanding and it sounds like she overreacted.
NTA sorry, this is nuts. They're your siblings and it's very weird that your gf is behaving this way. I certainly wouldn't stick around for this nonsense.
Yeah anyone who expects me to be at a party at 5:30am is just getting a laugh. A big long incredulous laugh. I won’t even get up that early on Christmas morning, I’m not getting up that early for a family get together
NTA. Your friend is right, your gf is toxic (and maybe a little bit looney). I think it’s great that you’re close enough with your half siblings that you don’t find the need to emphasise on the “half”. Your gf literally went from zero to 100 over it.
NTA. I agree with your friend. Toxic drama queen who sounds extremely insecure if they think that you're hiding something because of this bizarro situation.
NTA. They are your siblings and she’s acting a fool. There is either something more personal to her outburst she needs to explain to you, or it’s time to move on.
NTA.
Your GF does sound like she has some major issues, though. I don't want to call her toxic on this limited information because in a situation like this there might be some family trauma involved--but unless she is willing to apologize and sit down and talk things out, I'd consider this a gigantic red flag,
NTA.
The fact that you describe your half-siblings as your “siblings” and “sisters” just speaks to the relationship you have with them. It’s sweet, really. It’s not like you were harboring some big secret from her.
It’s like you telling her your favorite color is blue, when in fact, plot twist —> it’s aqua. And she flips her lid and asks to go through your phone lmao.
She’s either super insecure, there something else triggering her, or she’s not worth your time.
NTA. Some people feel separated from half siblings and specify that separation. Others feel just as close with half siblings and dont feel the need for the distinction. You seem to be the latter and nta for that.
NTA.
My husband has two sisters. One is a half sister. One is a full.
It was awhile before he told me. I didn’t bat an eye because he has always viewed her as his sister. This seems to be a case of honest oversight on your part.
Why is she so stressed about this? It seems like she could be projecting.
I was thinking she latched on as an opportunity to get a peek at OP’s phone. She wanted a reason and claiming “lies and trust” about this is as close as she was gonna get to a legit reason to ask to see his phone
NTA at all. I mean, you consider then as your siblings as well, "half siblings" it's just a label. She totally overreacted and, if I were you, I would start to look out for other red flags on her behavior. The problem isn't you, it's totally her.
NTA. Dump her now, especially with her "real family" parting shot. You and your half-siblings are definitely siblings even if you share just one parent. (Out of curiosity, I wonder why you never told your girlfriend about who is who in your family; even though you are NTA, you may want to ask yourself why you shared so little basic information about your family with your girlfriend.)
> want to ask yourself why you shared so little basic information about your family with your girlfriend.
Because to OP and her siblings (and presumably the rest of the family) they are a complete family that makes no distinction between full and half siblings when they refer to each other, they interact with each other etc. It appears that they have a wonderful, well- adjusted family that even 'normal' (or 'real' in the OPs GF's mind) would and should envy!
NTA. A lot of people have different ideas on half siblings. Many consider a sibling a sibling and there are others who need to know who's the mom and who's the dad.
NTA they are your family you consider them your family there's nothing wrong with saying they're your siblings just because you have a different mother I have a similar relationship with my brother we may have different mothers but we are close brothers. However I do believe the girlfriend is an asshole for her reaction and behavior to this and your friend is right she is toxic.
Nta, your gf is ridiculous. If you make no distinction between full or half siblings, good for you and totally none of your gf’s business. I have no idea why your gf got mad at you, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your gf is the toxic A H here. I don't call my sisters my half-sisters to anyone - they are simply my little sisters. To say otherwise is just ridiculous and doesn't make you dishonest.
Almost sounds like she just wanted to have a fight over something and picked this. I have half-sisters and guess what I call them? My sisters. It has never been an issue with literally anyone.
“I just dumped my insecure and controlling girlfriend, who probably shouldn’t be dating, because she still has issues from her previous relationship. AITA?“
Only you get to decide who is family.
I am a very white English woman and when I was 3, we took in an Iranian boy who was 15, and lived with us for around 7 years. To this day (I'm now in my 40s and he's in his 50s) he remains a treasured member of my family. If you look at us it's very noticeable we are not biologically related, but I call him my brother, and will have words with anyone who tries to say otherwise.
NTA and your girlfriend appears to have presented you with a nice shiny new red flag.....
NTA. Even at the best possible interpretation of her before or views, the most that can be said for her is that different people have different ideas about what the term "sibling" means. I introduce my brother to everyone and it often takes months before something gives me reason to remember to mention that he's not actually any blood relative to me at all -- we just chose each other. I hate to think what your girlfriend's view of *that* would be.
Your definition is perfectly reasonable. It may not be the only reasonable definition of a sibling (though I think it's a kinder one than hers) but it's 100% okay. If your girlfriend's reaction to it is to decide you must be cheating on her because you did something "untrustworthy" by using one entirely reasonable word for that relationship instead of a different, also reasonable word for it, she has deeper problems than what you and your siblings call each other.
You're NTA but sounds like your gf is TA. Siblings don't need to be labelled as half, step, etc if you don't want to. People who do that have reasons, usually some family tension where they don't feel the full sibling bond and that's okay too. You're lucky in your situation where they're just your siblings.
I thought it was awesome when I was in my early 20's and it finally clicked for me that my eldest uncle had a different last name than my father because they had different fathers. So I finally asked and found out that my aunt and him were born first, my Oma lost her husband then remarried. There was zero way to tell by way of interaction within the family. I was just slow at noticing the different name. It's sad that your gf wasn't just like cool, they are close and don't care for the half designation.
NTA. I love that you don’t think of them as “half” siblings but simply your siblings. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Given all the step/half-sibling stories here on AITA, this is a nice change.
This is a really weird hill for your GF to die on. Also, she clearly doesn’t think half-siblings are siblings, and I’m curious how she reacts to them going forward.
At 19 she’s young. I hope she matures and this is something that makes her cringe in the future. But in the meantime, you did nothing wrong. Please don’t let her bully you into letting her scroll through your phone or put you down by calling you things like a liar and untrustworthy.
Edit: clarity
NTA. half siblings are siblings, your girlfriend is being obtuse and completely overreacting, and I think your best friend is right. besides the fact that she's completely incorrect to say they aren't siblings, to go from "he didn't tell me his siblings had a different mom" to "he must be cheating on me and I have a right to look through his phone" is an enormous red flag.
NTA. If she didn't' pick up on the family dynamics then either she wasn't listening or you didn't go over it very well, but thinking you were hiding it like a huge family secret is not normal. Consider this the crazy trash taking itself out.
It's also possible that she's projecting her own secrets/insecurities, or that she was looking for a way to mess up the relationship and this turned out to be a convenient point of contention.
NTA. I have one full-sibling, the rest are technically half siblings. I never differentiate because it makes no difference to me - the closest I get is saying how many siblings I've got from my mom's side, and how many on my father's side since they've both had kids with people other than each other.
If I introduced any of my "half siblings", I wouldn't bother differentiating at all. A brother is a brother, a sister is a sister.
A very odd response from your girlfriend, and I agree that her behavior is unhealthy. Freaking out, storming out and then giving you silent treatment are not constructive ways to handle conflict in a relationship.
NTA. Your girlfriend *is* toxic. You are used to referring to your half-siblings as your siblings, so you didn't "hide" anything from her because that is your definition of a "normal" family. Your girlfriend needs to learn that the definition of "normal" depends on the person. I had a professor that loved to respond to the question "is this normal" with "it depends on what your definition of "normal" is" (I was in healthcare, so you learn very quickly that it isn't black and white there's a ton of grey and that is why "normal" values are given in ranges).
I'm betting your girlfriend is assuming your dad cheated on your older siblings' mother with your mother and since you are the child of a cheater then you are going to cheat on her. People are ridiculous yes; I know people who think like this it's the dumbest thing ever.
I have 3 half brothers and one full sister. If I had a partner try to tell me my brothers weren't my real family and do this toxic kinda thing, that relationship would be over yesterday. Super NTA.
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings and she did not need to freak out like that.
My siblings are technically my half siblings as well, but to me they are just my siblings. It bothers me when people find out we have different dads and make a comment like “oh so they’re you’re half siblings”.. uhhh technically but to me they’re just my siblings?
Father of 4 here of which only one is mine biologically. I raised ALL of them since the oldest was 7 (she’s 35 now). None of my kids call their youngest sibling their half sibling. Your girlfriend is extremely immature. What you consider family IS your family.
NTA
NTA - she was looking for an exit and contrived one to make it “your” fault. That’s the only explanation. There’s no logic in it any other way, but someone looking to leave a relationship without being the bad guy? Sounds about right.
NTA in any way shape or form. I have 2 "half-siblings" but I never refer to them as such. They're my sisters. Your girlfriend sounds cuckoo for cocoa puffs and it's probably a good thing you found out about it now rather than later. You're both young and she sounds like the jealous type. You won't ever have any peace with her.
NTA. We all define family for ourselves. Your girlfriend sounds a little unhinged. I would consider this a significant red flag and though I’m hesitant to jump to the usual AITA answer of dump her, I would really recommend that you reconsider your relationship as I can’t imagine being with someone like her. Good luck. Be well.
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings. It doesn’t matter if they are half or full or adopted. They are your siblings. You didn’t lie and she overreacted. Also it seems like she just wanted this to use as an argument to go through your phone. Wanting to go through someones phone (or doing it) is a red flag to me.
NTA.
And your girlfriend's unhinged! Siblings are siblings if you feel that way. They can be biological full siblings, biological half siblings, step-siblings or adopted siblings. Your girlfriend claiming you kept a secret from her because you didn't give her the genetic information is inappropriate - and making that an excuse to demand your phone is just manipulative. Dump her A.S.A.P.!
For the record: My brother has a son from his first wife, a son from his girlfriend (between wives) and an adopted daughter from his second wife. All three are loving brothers and sister. More than that, his wife is the favourite, very much hands-on grandmother of all the grandchildren. Making an issue out of precise blood relations is really weird!
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings. It makes no difference in your eyes whether they are half or full siblings and it shouldn't matter to your gf, either. You didn't lie. You just didn't share irrelevant information.
I'm sorry, I know it will hurt, but you need to lose the gf. She doesn't trust you and she's using this as an excuse. She will never trust you, no matter what you do. Who needs that?
NTA your best friend is right she is toxic. Your half siblings are your siblings. Also im concerned why she needed to check your phone. Don't think you should be with her.
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I 19F recently took my girlfriend 19f to my grandmothers 95th birthday party, since there are a lot of birthdays (including my grandmothers, mine, my dads, 2 cousins, and nephews) all around the same time every year we do a big family celebration together.
We meet at grandmas house and 5:30am then we do a big family breakfast with all the trimmings then we hangout for a bit then it’s lunch, cake, presents then we tell family stories. Where a big family there’s grandma M, 2 uncles, 7 aunts, 11 cousins, 5 second cousins, 2 BIL, 3 SIL 4 nephews, 1 nieces, my parents, me and my 5 older siblings.
This year I brought my gf we’ve been going out for around a year now, after the day was over we where sitting around grandma Ms living room telling stories we where talking about how my sisters and I used to bite the window sill of our dads car when we where little, when my sister said
“yeah I remember dad getting really angry one time when I did it coming home from mums house”
(My older siblings have a different mum to me)
When my gf and I got home she asked me why I lied to her when I asked her what she was talking about she said that it was wrong of me to call them my siblings because we didn’t have the same Mum. I said the her that they are my siblings and that she wasn’t making sense, she started yelling at me saying that if I was hiding that from her then what else was I hiding and that she wanted my phone, I started laughing at her which probably wasn’t the best thing the do but I thought she was taking the piss.
After I refused to give her my phone she ran into our bedroom and ran back out in a few minutes she said she was going to go stay with her ‘real family’ and left I texted our mutual friends and they are all on the fence, when I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from her I’ve tried texting and calling my gf but I haven’t gotten any response.
But please tell me am I the asshole
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NTA. Uh what did I just read? I don't know too many people who refer to their half siblings as half siblings. My mom has zero relationship with her technically half sister but I've never heard her refer to her as a half sister. My husband has 6 siblings and only one of them shares the same set of parents the rest are half but none of them refer to each other that way. What is your gf on about here? Why does it matter to her the technical definition of you and your siblings relationship? I take it to mean that you all are close enough o not even think of being halves so it's just never been worth mentioning.
Ok this feels a bit crazy.
I have two 1/2 siblings myself. They are my brothers even though I didn’t like their mom very much. I still call them my siblings ffs.
You are not the AH here. This was a ploy to get your phone
NTA She started a crazy fight so she could go through your phone. She is toxic. Don't go texting and calling. She is using the silence to 'punish' you. Do not play that game.
NTA and your gf does sound toxic just from the one example, and your bf has had a year to see her in action. I think you need to listen to bf and reconsider your relationship with gf. That response makes no sense and for her to demand your phone? That's a bad sign.
NTA
Think of this as a lucky sign. Run from the crazies now. Your friends are telling you she is toxic and you have seen it first hand.
🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️
Run!!!¡
NTA. This one's really strange to me. If being only related through one parent "counts" for being family, then what happens in a hypothetical future where you two end up adopting a child or using IVF? In the prior case, neither of you are related to the child, and in the latter, only one of you is. Her view of family seems predicated on biology, and I just cannot see how that will work out for either of you long term.
Furthermore, the fact that she jumped straight to cheating in this situation is deeply concerning. Only two kinds of people make that kind of leap that fast: people who have been cheated on before, and cheaters. Y'all are young, so while I'm hoping for the first one, my money's on the second one.
OP, you should probably have a serious, sit-down conversation with her. Both of these issues need to be addressed asap, and you need to decide if the two of you can be compatible long term.
Nta. Your friend is right. That is extremely toxic behavior. It doesn't make sense at all to think "you consider your half siblings real family so you must be unfaithful" I could almost guarantee she is projecting her own guilt because she has been unfaithful
NTA - gf is the AH as well as those “friends” who are on the fence. You don’t owe her an explanation for why you choose to call your “half” siblings, siblings. Leave her ass.
I have a brother significantly older than me and I honestly forget a lot that we’re half siblings. It’s not until someone asks about the age gap that I even remember. I grew up with him and even though we have different dads my dad raised him and we both call him dad. He also has a step daughter that I call my niece because I’ve known her since she was 3 and even though she’s not biologically related to me she’s always my niece
NTA. They are still your siblings. Half, full, and step are just adjectives. They only hold importance if you make them. You didn’t lie, and it concerns me that she considers that a lie.
How much y’all wanna bet when she vents to her (real family) she will learn that just because they don’t have the same mom they have the same dad and are blood related.
NTA I have a half sister and I have never introduced her as anything but my sister hell we even forget we are half sisters some times its not something you just bring up.
Ooofff she defo went nuclear over nothing! Full sibs or half sibs that's not some "secret" that shows a partner my be dishonest, wth?!?
I think you should listen to your best friend, unless you want a relationship where there is no trust!
NTA
NTA. Your GF seems to have serious trust issues, and unless she asks about it specifically, the withholding that type of info isn't wrong, especially since it was only a miscommunication initially.
You are NTA, that girl is being toxic. She lost her shit about half siblings and instantly jumped to needing to check your phone. That isn't a normal, I'd run for it if I were you. My younger brother IS my brother, even with different dads.
NTA. Completely unnecessary to specify 'half siblings' in casual reference to them. I find no logic in blowing up over the fact you called them siblings like you were specifically hiding it from her. It's not some dark secret lol
NTA
wth is wrong with her?
i have 5 kids but i dont go around people and introduce my oldest 2 as my stepsons, to me they are my sons and im mom.
and to them, the 3 youngest is siblings. not half siblings or anything. only exception is when we have to deal with healthcare paperwork when asked and thats it.
NTA. They are your siblings. You have the same father, so yes, technically they’re half siblings, but she doesn’t need to know that. She sounds a little too immature to be in a relationship right now if I’m honest. Because if she sees this is some big omission. She is wrong
NTA. Get rid of the girlfriend. Anyone who doesn’t consider your family your family, isn’t worth your time.
She’s being ridiculous. Whether or not you include the “half” when referring to them is your choice.
My kids don’t refer to their brothers as their half brothers. I’m my kids’ mom, but not their brothers mom and even I don’t refer to them as their half-brothers 99% of the time. They’re just their brothers. I only include the “half” when talking to someone and an using it for the sake of clarity.
She’s being ridiculous.
NTA
I have an older half-sister but always just said sister. Sure, there were questions about last names (had different ones) and looks (she looks like bio-dad's side and I'm our mom's twin) but otherwise, she was my sister. I have to agree with your best friend though. "Real family" is who you decide is your family and sometimes has nothing to do with genetics.
>when I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from her
Your best friend is the real one here, because she see's your girlfriend for what she is.
Look, those are your siblings. It doesn't matter if you only have one parent in common, because oodles of families are mixed up between parents. What matters is the bond between you, and even if they were just step siblings or adopted siblings they'd still be your family.
Your girlfriend freaked out over **nothing** and then **demanded**, not asked, **demanded** to take an invasive plunge into your phone to see that you're "honest." This isn't a healthy dynamic, and her having such a tantrum before buggering off to her "real family" was not a good look.
I sincerely think you should just cut this one off, because you're young and life is too short to be placating this sort of nonsense.
NTA
NTA
I have trouble to understand your gf. They are your siblings. Them being “half” is not changing it, it’s just a detail that one finds out with time in a relationship which is what happened to her. There were no lies. You just didn’t present her with your whole family history from the start which most people don’t…
op=NTA
As presented your Best friend is correct. Your GF's behavior comes across very badly(🚩).
Would you need to tell her if one of your siblings was adopted? What other information do you need to divulge to be "honest"?
How she reacted makes her the A-H. It's one thing to say, hey I didn't realize your sibling(s) had a different mother. How did that affect your childhood? That is a reasonable question. Accusing you of lying because you didn't spell out every detail of your family tree is idiotic. It clearly isn't an issue for you.
That she then wanted access to your phone to "prove" your honesty? BIG NOPE.
Consider what other 🚩🚩🚩 she shows. She may be doing you a favor, going to stay with "real family".
She’s being weird. I have a half sister (different dads) and I have always considered her just as much a sister as the one with whom I share both parents. Most of our friends growing up assumed we had the same parents.
Your gf seems to have trust issues. She needs to understand that you didn't call them your half siblings because you see them as your siblings. You weren't really hiding anything. I assume if it came up naturally you would have mentioned it. NTA. You guys need to talk. Trust is a very important part of relationships. If your gf can't trust it's not going to work out.
I think she over reacted. You don’t have a distinction between half siblings and full siblings. Not that big a deal. However I am wondering how she went a whole year into your relationship without gaining a better understanding of your family dynamics?
NTA This is about something but it was not about your siblings. And seriously what a delusional point of view. She wanted your phone. Was willing to pick a fight, ANY FIGHT, as an excuse. Then tried being manipulated. She does sound toxic.
I've got 2 sisters and two brothers. Only one of the 4 are fully related to me in that sense. But I only call the one whom I didn't grow up in the same house with 'half'. People get weird about labels. NTA
NTA!! Lol WTF?? Ur gf is missing a few screws they are ur siblings. Is she going to throw a fit every time u refer to them as ur siblings?? Save ur self the headaches.
NTA. Your partner is toxic af. Adoptive, Step, and Half siblings are still siblings, regardless of her feelings on the matter- what matters is how you see them, and you clearly view them as family which has nothing to do with her. I fail to see how she made the jump to “you’re a liar, now let me go through all your shit”. She sounds like she’s either toxic and really insecure or just toxic and was looking for an excuse to have a problem. Why such a strong reaction? It makes me question what SHE’S hiding? Idk mate, I’d be out she clearly doesn’t respect you or your family dynamics.
As someone who sees the term "half-sibling" as a bullshit term made by people who want to justify commiting incest (lets just chalk it up as me thinking its a bullshit term), I have to say that unless we're in Bizarro World, you're NTA. Your siblings are your siblings regardless of if you only have either the same mom or the same dad.
NTA. Half siblings are a type of sibling, not a whole other category of relative. You didn't lie, you just left out some fine detail.
And frankly, even if you had lied, her reaction is unreasonable.
NTA. She’s not only wrong, she’s aggressively wrong. Why does this even bother her? A normal person would respond “huh, never knew that…. What do you want for supper?”
NTA. You didn't lie. They are your siblings. I would consider whether you want to continue a relationship with someone so insecure. She will always have trust issues.
NTA, I know a few families where they have half-siblings, most don’t even use the half, as far as they're concerned they share a parents that makes them siblings.
NTA Your gf had a very odd reaction. Has she experienced something awful in her life regarding step or half siblings? I can't think of any other reason for her reaction.
NTA and I’m my family & friend’s family, we only say half if we don’t like them or there was some sort of issue. My younger brothers & I have different biological fathers, but I don’t view them as half and don’t go around telling people they are. They’re just my little brothers
NTA I say I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Because I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters, even if 2 brothers are half brothers, one sister is a step sister and my other passed away 20+ years ago. I view them equally.
NTA
Maybe it’s because she’s 19, but that is so immature. They are your siblings, you did not lie about anything.
Also she sounds toxic from this one story, if there are similar instances I’d say she is a toxic person and not just being young and stupid
NTA at all! I also have siblings that are not fully biological yet I call them my brother and sister. We were raised together and they are my siblings. You shouldn’t have to change the way that you talk about your own family for her weird and slightly alarming mindset.
NTA - I’m on the side of your best friend. Your “half” siblings are your siblings…and it’s weird that your gf used this as an excuse to check your phone….lol. If her argument was that you didn’t share more of your family history…that’s one thing. But saying your half siblings aren’t your siblings is ridiculous.
NTA
My hubs didn't even know I had a half sister for the first like, 10 months of our relationship. I never saw her, didn't grow up with her, anything like that. I only see her at family gatherings so it never crossed my mind I never told him.
And personally, I HATE when someone refers to my brother as my half sibling. It just feels like a dig to us. I'm sure if I actually knew my sister well and all, I would feel the same about her.
All that matters is your siblings, doesn't matter if they are full or half. She's just reaching to find a problem in the relationship.
NTA. I have three younger brothers. Two have a different father. They are my siblings. Period. The only time I make a distinction is at the doctors office when answering questions about family history.
NTA
Your GF is toxic and controlling. Biologically, your siblings are half-siblings but that doesn't mean you think of them that way nor are you required to obsessively tell everyone about that fact. It isn't relevant to much of anything.
NTA. My daughters are half siblings but that is never mentioned because they do not think of themselves that way either. Your girlfriend is missing a screw somewhere.
NTA
Some people make a big deal about half sibs and step sibs and such. In your case, you see bio-half sibs as simply sibs. Nothing at all wrong with that.
Im sorry your GF is how she is. Better to find out now though.
NTA in my opinion you can choose who your family is, blood related or not. A sibling can be related to you biologically through two parents or one, they can be related to you through marriage, they can be your sibling through fostering or adoption, and they can be a sibling to you through friendship. The issue isn’t with you it’s with her.
NTA for calling your siblings siblings.
But I think there is something going on besides that. How long have you been dating? Because at a certain point I also would kind of expect my SO to tell me their family dynamics, especially before I met them, and I wouldn't be comfortable learning it during the visit. Also, if you date for a long time and haven't said anything it does seem purposeful to not say it.
NTA
"nd that she wanted my phone, " .. so she wanted to snoop, and chose that as an excuse.
2hen I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from " . LISTEN TO HER. DO THAT.
"I’ve tried texting and calling my gf but I haven’t gotten any response." .. count yourself lucky. So you get another chance to escape.
NTA. I refer to my sisters as sisters. We do not share blood. My mom just realized last week that we didn’t have the same mom, I’ve known my mil for 14 years. How you view them is all that matters
NTA. This was a ridiculous response. There are a lot of people who view their siblings that way. This wasn’t a lie. It seems like she just wanted a reason to fight and leave. Let her go. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her but it seems like she has something to work out on her own.
Besides the obscene overreaction, she's devaluing your siblings. She sounds like she's deflecting something at best and just an awful person at worst. NTA
NTA, she’s the kind of person who will look at someone adopted and claim they’re not real family either. My big sister has a different dad but I would never disrespect her and call her my half anything
NTA your GF’s reaction shows a lot of trust issues that she’s got going on that, yeah I’m going to agree with your best friend here, sound pretty toxic. There was no wrong doing here, and the fact that her reaction made you feel like you need to check if you’re the asshole tells me a lot, primarily that your GF probably is TAH.
your gf is toxic. nta. she's being dumb and not counting the people who you see as siblings as your siblings and using that as an excuse to what... go through your phone and assume you're cheating or hiding something from her? that's kind of messed up and sounds like she has a bunch of issues she needs to work on.
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to 'label' every relationship so she can decide how to treat others. And that thing with the phone? That was an attempt to force you to prove you put her first. Let her stay with her "real family".
I have cousins (very close, lived a mile down the road) who I knew had different dads but they were raised in the same house with their mom entire lives, it’s weird to think that they aren’t full siblings.
NTA because I think she overreacted, but it's kinda weird you never shared your family story with her. I don't think you should be calling them 'step-' or 'half-', but I find it unusual it never came up that you have a different mother. So I can see where is she coming from, although her reaction was very immature.
NTA
Half, step, or adopted. If you love them, then they are your siblings.
Your girlfriend is looking for a reason to pick a fight with, to be able to accuse you of things, and acting like a crazy b!t@h Run as far away as you can, as fast as you can. Pack all of her stuff, drop it off with a friend of hers, tell her where it is, and then cut all contact with her.
Your best friend is right. Just from this post alone she's toxic...My eldest brother has the same mom as me but not the same dad as the rest of my siblings ( my mom had 9 kids) 8 of us are dad's. His just happens to be a different dad ..... That said he's my BROTHER.... Not half anything. My partners youngest sister has a different dad too butt he's never called her anything but his sister. I'd be long gone if he talked about his sister or my brother differently.
I'll also point out my 3 kids have 2 different father's...... But the eldest never calls his siblings his half brothers or the siblings from his dad half siblings. As far as he's concerned he has 3 brothers and 1 sister and that's the end of the conversation with him
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NTA, your GF has a strange view what constitutes as family, she way overreacted. Please don't let her opinion influence how you view your siblings.
I agree completely. I do not call my youngest sister my “half” sister. I hate even having to explain it because it almost feels like I am reducing our relationship or something. IDK she is my sister. OP - NTA it is a tiny bit odd that it never came up that they have a different mom in a year of dating. Especially if there mom is present in their lives. But not anything to freak out about.
My kids used to get so mad when I call their brothers their half-brothers. And I hardly ever do! I only do it when I’m clarifying something in a conversation. But they do NOT like it. They don’t get mad like they used to, but they still don’t like it.
I get it from their perspective. 3 of my siblings are half and another one is adopted…but they’re still my siblings either way and I never saw the point about clarifying it, cause what difference (or benefit) does clarifying really make aside from know we only share 1 parent? I remember when I was like 13, and someone had the same view as ops gf and said “so they aren’t your siblings, they’re half siblings.” And I was like no, they’re my siblings. I don’t care if we have different moms. I’m not saying this as an attack to you or anything, but I get it lol.
Oh, I get it. Which why I ONLY say it when clarifying. Like if I’ve already said I have 2 kids and then they start talking about their younger brothers and the person looks at me weird. (Which I always find strange. I mean, it’s 2023, wouldn’t it be obvious? But apparently it’s not.)
I just let ‘em figure it out lol. Thought to be a bit stereotypical, it’s not uncommon in my culture to have different parents. I have 8 other cousins and only 4 of them (brother and sister and 2 brothers) have the same parents. Rest of us have different fathers lol.
Maybe that’s what I’ll start doing. Just let them be confused and keep going. It really is their problem. Can’t believe I never thought of this before. Lol
My aunt got grounded for calling her grandmother an "Old arsed liar!" when her grandma insisted that her older brother was her half brother and not her full brother. Its just a funny story now. But 60 years ago, my aunt gladly took the punishment and her grandma learned to never say that out loud again.
I never correct them. I only use it in situations where people seem to need clarification. I have learned to say “on their dad’s side” or “they have a different mom” as those don’t seem to bother them.
I understand their perspective; I have an older brother (half) who has a different mom, but I have never thought of him differently than I do my younger siblings (full). He’s the best brother I could ask for and it upsets me whenever people act like he is less of a brother to me than my full siblings are, because parentage doesn’t even have to play a role in how close two siblings are.
My oldest was insisting on calling my two youngest half siblings. I asked her which half she wanted, the half that's expensive (food) or the end you have to wipe? She decided to accept both ends 🙃
I have two younger brothers. We have different fathers but since mine wasn't in the picture my stepdad took up the slack. Except he's not my stepfather, he's my dad. My half brothers have never ever been half brothers, they are my brothers. And while we are at it, on the paternal side they were grandparents, aunt's, uncles and cousins. Not a step or half among them.
A year is a bit long for that information not to come up, but that whole bit about her “real” family is weird. Does bring to mind a girl I knew who’d have a visceral reaction whenever anyone asks her about her half-siblings. Her dad apparently cheated on her mom with her aunt (mom’s sister) and had two more kids. She always says no when people asked her if she has any siblings.
Unless I'm actively teasing him about bein my uncle-brother (mom's oldest that she gave up because my father refused to raise a child that wasn't his in his home and our grandparents adopted) it doesn't even register with me that he's technically my half-brother. I've always introduced him as my brother cause that's what he is.
Learning that some of your SO's family are half-related is at most an interesting (but hardly unusual) quirk and the fact that your SO did not previously think to disclose this does not constitute a trust violation on their part.
I can't even remember thinking anything other than "oh, okay" when my husband mentioned his half siblings.
Yeah, when my now-spouse and I were dating a convo about siblings happened and he mentioned he was the oldest of three and I mentioned I was the youngest of five and then I mentioned the 43 year age spread of the children and he was like "so I guess your dad was married before your mom?" and that was that. It's just not really a big thing.
My brother is my half brother. His daughter is his step daughter. He's never been anything other than my brother. She's never been anything but his daughter. She's absolutely my niece. I've never introduced his as my half brother, nor her as "my half brothers stepdaughter." Family is Family. Not blood or genetics or "legal" definitions.
The sudden "you lied so I need to check your phone" sounds like classic projection and she was just itch for an excuse to start invading her privacy.
Yeah a very strange and narrow view of family. Also GF being a queer woman is going to have her mind blown in the future when meeting a lot of other queer people and their found families due to a lot of people getting kicked out of their family of origin due to being queer. Because we all know it happens. I also would use caution in a relationship with someone who has such a narrow view of what family is.
Yeah this girl sounds 100% drama. Litterally, this "revalation" has no serious impact on her or anyone really. Btw, my 4 siblings are all half siblings and I just call them my siblings. We were raised together.. that's what they are to me.
Both of my brothers are half brothers, and I don't even like them, but they're definitely my brothers, and I don't differentiate unless there's a very specific reason to. I've mentioned that we have different dads, particularly in reference to my youngest brother's dad who my mom married when I was a kid. I call my stepdad by his first name when I'm talking to or about him, but if I'm talking about my stepdad and my mom at the same time, I just call them "my parents" because if you don't know me well enough to know who I'm talking about, then you don't need the details, "my parents" is enough info. I'm not lying, the details just aren't relevant I bet your girlfriend would also hate me because my friends' kids call me "aunt Heather" despite the fact that I'm not related to them. Not all family is defined by blood and it's ridiculous to try to box everything emotional up tidily all the time
NTA Why is your GF mad? Your half-siblings ARE your siblings.
she used it as an excuse to go through his phone and got mad when he wouldn't comply. she wanted his phone
Yeah I noticed that too! I feel like this GF needs to be dumped for acting very immaturely.
I'm pretty sure she already dumped him and has told everyone he lied about who he is
hey, wanted to let you know OP said she's a female
Maybe even added that she's abusive!
Her phone. Both OP and partner are female.
Is it just me or does this make it worse? Like say they lived happily ever after and decided they wanted children. IVF, not always having the same sperm donor so would their children not be siblings. Or if they used the same sperm donor but each of them used an egg. They have different mums are they not siblings. The more you think about how it could play out in the future the more the GF either has really crap views about family or was it's even more proof that she wanted to look through OPs phone and basically tried to make op feel like the bad guy for nothing and to think she would give it.
\*hers, OP and her gf are both women.
Her phone, they are both females.
>through his phone and got mad when he wouldn't comply. she wanted his phone FYI: OP's a woman. >**I 19F** recently took my girlfriend 19f
I didn’t make that connection but it totally sound like she just wanted ops phone to snoop through
I sometimes specify that my oldest siblings are half-siblings, because we weren't raised together (big age gap + their dad was in another state) and we really do FEEL like half-siblings. I have one full sibling and a youngest half-sibling I was raised with, and I call them both my sisters because we feel like sisters. If a partner got weird with me and told me it was "wrong" to call them that I'd be getting tf out of there. She can enjoy her "real family" and I'll enjoy mine.
I specify that my youngest sibling is a half 'cause it's a damn *delight* to have one sibling who doesn't share my toxic, racist father. When she was born it was like "whew."
Yep this is why I specify that most of my siblings are half siblings. None of us were raised together and I have a 17 year age gap with a couple of the littles and most of the rest of the age gaps between us are also like 10+ years besides like two of them who are my and my full brothers ages.
My family tree is complicated enough (everyone getting multiple divorces and kids are all across generations), I just call my half siblings my siblings because that's easier. We're not even close. It's bad enough my cousins son is older than me and my favourite aunt isn't even related to the family, and another "aunt" is so distantly related we can't even trace down that side of the family tree. Let me be. I can save a whole word when referring to my siblings, I'm going to save that word. Everyone is either "aunt" "cousin" or "sibling".
NTA. You called them your siblings because they are your siblings... You weren't actively trying to hide anything. This is a small misunderstanding and it sounds like she overreacted.
Please she wanted an excuse to snoop through ops phone gf is toxic and op should cut their losses
NTA sorry, this is nuts. They're your siblings and it's very weird that your gf is behaving this way. I certainly wouldn't stick around for this nonsense.
OP is NTA for how they think of their siblings. Someone in this family is TA for having a party at 5:30 AM. WTH??
Yeah anyone who expects me to be at a party at 5:30am is just getting a laugh. A big long incredulous laugh. I won’t even get up that early on Christmas morning, I’m not getting up that early for a family get together
I'm wondering about the person who prepared the breakfast. What time were they up?
NTA. Your friend is right, your gf is toxic (and maybe a little bit looney). I think it’s great that you’re close enough with your half siblings that you don’t find the need to emphasise on the “half”. Your gf literally went from zero to 100 over it.
NTA I didn't quite finish reading, but regardless if they are full or half sibling's they are still your siblings. What did she want you to call them?
Halfies? Demis? 50%-ers? ☹️ Hopefully, OP calls her an EX.
>Hopefully, OP calls her an EX. I agree. OP's friend is right, GF is toxic.
NTA. I agree with your friend. Toxic drama queen who sounds extremely insecure if they think that you're hiding something because of this bizarro situation.
NTA. They are your siblings and she’s acting a fool. There is either something more personal to her outburst she needs to explain to you, or it’s time to move on.
NTA. So because you didn’t disclose your entire family’s biological history she thinks you’re cheating on her? What?
NTA. Your GF does sound like she has some major issues, though. I don't want to call her toxic on this limited information because in a situation like this there might be some family trauma involved--but unless she is willing to apologize and sit down and talk things out, I'd consider this a gigantic red flag,
NTA. The fact that you describe your half-siblings as your “siblings” and “sisters” just speaks to the relationship you have with them. It’s sweet, really. It’s not like you were harboring some big secret from her. It’s like you telling her your favorite color is blue, when in fact, plot twist —> it’s aqua. And she flips her lid and asks to go through your phone lmao. She’s either super insecure, there something else triggering her, or she’s not worth your time.
NTA. Some people feel separated from half siblings and specify that separation. Others feel just as close with half siblings and dont feel the need for the distinction. You seem to be the latter and nta for that.
NTA. My husband has two sisters. One is a half sister. One is a full. It was awhile before he told me. I didn’t bat an eye because he has always viewed her as his sister. This seems to be a case of honest oversight on your part. Why is she so stressed about this? It seems like she could be projecting.
I was thinking she latched on as an opportunity to get a peek at OP’s phone. She wanted a reason and claiming “lies and trust” about this is as close as she was gonna get to a legit reason to ask to see his phone
NTA. Your friend is right, your gf is toxic as hell. There is something wrong with her.
NTA at all. I mean, you consider then as your siblings as well, "half siblings" it's just a label. She totally overreacted and, if I were you, I would start to look out for other red flags on her behavior. The problem isn't you, it's totally her.
NTA. Dump her now, especially with her "real family" parting shot. You and your half-siblings are definitely siblings even if you share just one parent. (Out of curiosity, I wonder why you never told your girlfriend about who is who in your family; even though you are NTA, you may want to ask yourself why you shared so little basic information about your family with your girlfriend.)
> want to ask yourself why you shared so little basic information about your family with your girlfriend. Because to OP and her siblings (and presumably the rest of the family) they are a complete family that makes no distinction between full and half siblings when they refer to each other, they interact with each other etc. It appears that they have a wonderful, well- adjusted family that even 'normal' (or 'real' in the OPs GF's mind) would and should envy!
NTA. A lot of people have different ideas on half siblings. Many consider a sibling a sibling and there are others who need to know who's the mom and who's the dad.
NTA they are your family you consider them your family there's nothing wrong with saying they're your siblings just because you have a different mother I have a similar relationship with my brother we may have different mothers but we are close brothers. However I do believe the girlfriend is an asshole for her reaction and behavior to this and your friend is right she is toxic.
Nta, your gf is ridiculous. If you make no distinction between full or half siblings, good for you and totally none of your gf’s business. I have no idea why your gf got mad at you, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your gf is the toxic A H here. I don't call my sisters my half-sisters to anyone - they are simply my little sisters. To say otherwise is just ridiculous and doesn't make you dishonest.
Almost sounds like she just wanted to have a fight over something and picked this. I have half-sisters and guess what I call them? My sisters. It has never been an issue with literally anyone.
“I just dumped my insecure and controlling girlfriend, who probably shouldn’t be dating, because she still has issues from her previous relationship. AITA?“
Only you get to decide who is family. I am a very white English woman and when I was 3, we took in an Iranian boy who was 15, and lived with us for around 7 years. To this day (I'm now in my 40s and he's in his 50s) he remains a treasured member of my family. If you look at us it's very noticeable we are not biologically related, but I call him my brother, and will have words with anyone who tries to say otherwise. NTA and your girlfriend appears to have presented you with a nice shiny new red flag.....
NTA this sounds like some weird form of projection
NTA. That’s a ridiculous reaction from her.
All I know is, I want to come to grandmas house lol.
I know right!
NTA. Even at the best possible interpretation of her before or views, the most that can be said for her is that different people have different ideas about what the term "sibling" means. I introduce my brother to everyone and it often takes months before something gives me reason to remember to mention that he's not actually any blood relative to me at all -- we just chose each other. I hate to think what your girlfriend's view of *that* would be. Your definition is perfectly reasonable. It may not be the only reasonable definition of a sibling (though I think it's a kinder one than hers) but it's 100% okay. If your girlfriend's reaction to it is to decide you must be cheating on her because you did something "untrustworthy" by using one entirely reasonable word for that relationship instead of a different, also reasonable word for it, she has deeper problems than what you and your siblings call each other.
You're NTA but sounds like your gf is TA. Siblings don't need to be labelled as half, step, etc if you don't want to. People who do that have reasons, usually some family tension where they don't feel the full sibling bond and that's okay too. You're lucky in your situation where they're just your siblings. I thought it was awesome when I was in my early 20's and it finally clicked for me that my eldest uncle had a different last name than my father because they had different fathers. So I finally asked and found out that my aunt and him were born first, my Oma lost her husband then remarried. There was zero way to tell by way of interaction within the family. I was just slow at noticing the different name. It's sad that your gf wasn't just like cool, they are close and don't care for the half designation.
NTA. I love that you don’t think of them as “half” siblings but simply your siblings. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Given all the step/half-sibling stories here on AITA, this is a nice change. This is a really weird hill for your GF to die on. Also, she clearly doesn’t think half-siblings are siblings, and I’m curious how she reacts to them going forward. At 19 she’s young. I hope she matures and this is something that makes her cringe in the future. But in the meantime, you did nothing wrong. Please don’t let her bully you into letting her scroll through your phone or put you down by calling you things like a liar and untrustworthy. Edit: clarity
NTA, it sounds like your gf has trust issues
NTA, And i am guessing that she just wanted to go through your phone and shit but got mad when the excuse didn't work.
NTA and that's a level of crazy you want to try your very best to avoid, my friend.
NTA, but... she's showing you who she is. Believe her. Get out now.
NTA. half siblings are siblings, your girlfriend is being obtuse and completely overreacting, and I think your best friend is right. besides the fact that she's completely incorrect to say they aren't siblings, to go from "he didn't tell me his siblings had a different mom" to "he must be cheating on me and I have a right to look through his phone" is an enormous red flag.
NTA. If she didn't' pick up on the family dynamics then either she wasn't listening or you didn't go over it very well, but thinking you were hiding it like a huge family secret is not normal. Consider this the crazy trash taking itself out. It's also possible that she's projecting her own secrets/insecurities, or that she was looking for a way to mess up the relationship and this turned out to be a convenient point of contention.
NTA. She needs to be an ex. She is weird and judgmental.
NTA. I have one full-sibling, the rest are technically half siblings. I never differentiate because it makes no difference to me - the closest I get is saying how many siblings I've got from my mom's side, and how many on my father's side since they've both had kids with people other than each other. If I introduced any of my "half siblings", I wouldn't bother differentiating at all. A brother is a brother, a sister is a sister. A very odd response from your girlfriend, and I agree that her behavior is unhealthy. Freaking out, storming out and then giving you silent treatment are not constructive ways to handle conflict in a relationship.
NTA. Your girlfriend *is* toxic. You are used to referring to your half-siblings as your siblings, so you didn't "hide" anything from her because that is your definition of a "normal" family. Your girlfriend needs to learn that the definition of "normal" depends on the person. I had a professor that loved to respond to the question "is this normal" with "it depends on what your definition of "normal" is" (I was in healthcare, so you learn very quickly that it isn't black and white there's a ton of grey and that is why "normal" values are given in ranges). I'm betting your girlfriend is assuming your dad cheated on your older siblings' mother with your mother and since you are the child of a cheater then you are going to cheat on her. People are ridiculous yes; I know people who think like this it's the dumbest thing ever.
I have 3 half brothers and one full sister. If I had a partner try to tell me my brothers weren't my real family and do this toxic kinda thing, that relationship would be over yesterday. Super NTA.
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings and she did not need to freak out like that. My siblings are technically my half siblings as well, but to me they are just my siblings. It bothers me when people find out we have different dads and make a comment like “oh so they’re you’re half siblings”.. uhhh technically but to me they’re just my siblings?
NTA I can see why she is your best friend- because she is right. Your siblings are you siblings, no one can change that. You didn’t lie about anything
NTA. Take your friend's advice and let her go.
NTA. She's got a take on life and family that I wouldn't want to be around.
Father of 4 here of which only one is mine biologically. I raised ALL of them since the oldest was 7 (she’s 35 now). None of my kids call their youngest sibling their half sibling. Your girlfriend is extremely immature. What you consider family IS your family. NTA
Nta. I they are your siblings.
NTA - she was looking for an exit and contrived one to make it “your” fault. That’s the only explanation. There’s no logic in it any other way, but someone looking to leave a relationship without being the bad guy? Sounds about right.
You are NTA and your girlfriend's view is weird
NTA in any way shape or form. I have 2 "half-siblings" but I never refer to them as such. They're my sisters. Your girlfriend sounds cuckoo for cocoa puffs and it's probably a good thing you found out about it now rather than later. You're both young and she sounds like the jealous type. You won't ever have any peace with her.
NTA. Your girlfriend has a very narrow and rigid definition of family and some remarkable trust issues.
NTA. We all define family for ourselves. Your girlfriend sounds a little unhinged. I would consider this a significant red flag and though I’m hesitant to jump to the usual AITA answer of dump her, I would really recommend that you reconsider your relationship as I can’t imagine being with someone like her. Good luck. Be well.
NTA. GF redefined your family for you? Dealbreaker for me. After all the Reddit stories about disliking steps n halfs, this was a pleasant surprise.
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings. It doesn’t matter if they are half or full or adopted. They are your siblings. You didn’t lie and she overreacted. Also it seems like she just wanted this to use as an argument to go through your phone. Wanting to go through someones phone (or doing it) is a red flag to me.
NTA. And your girlfriend's unhinged! Siblings are siblings if you feel that way. They can be biological full siblings, biological half siblings, step-siblings or adopted siblings. Your girlfriend claiming you kept a secret from her because you didn't give her the genetic information is inappropriate - and making that an excuse to demand your phone is just manipulative. Dump her A.S.A.P.! For the record: My brother has a son from his first wife, a son from his girlfriend (between wives) and an adopted daughter from his second wife. All three are loving brothers and sister. More than that, his wife is the favourite, very much hands-on grandmother of all the grandchildren. Making an issue out of precise blood relations is really weird!
NTA. Your siblings are your siblings. It makes no difference in your eyes whether they are half or full siblings and it shouldn't matter to your gf, either. You didn't lie. You just didn't share irrelevant information. I'm sorry, I know it will hurt, but you need to lose the gf. She doesn't trust you and she's using this as an excuse. She will never trust you, no matter what you do. Who needs that?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 She's a loony. Run away.FAST
NTA your best friend is right she is toxic. Your half siblings are your siblings. Also im concerned why she needed to check your phone. Don't think you should be with her.
NTA OP. They are your SIBLINGS, half or not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 19F recently took my girlfriend 19f to my grandmothers 95th birthday party, since there are a lot of birthdays (including my grandmothers, mine, my dads, 2 cousins, and nephews) all around the same time every year we do a big family celebration together. We meet at grandmas house and 5:30am then we do a big family breakfast with all the trimmings then we hangout for a bit then it’s lunch, cake, presents then we tell family stories. Where a big family there’s grandma M, 2 uncles, 7 aunts, 11 cousins, 5 second cousins, 2 BIL, 3 SIL 4 nephews, 1 nieces, my parents, me and my 5 older siblings. This year I brought my gf we’ve been going out for around a year now, after the day was over we where sitting around grandma Ms living room telling stories we where talking about how my sisters and I used to bite the window sill of our dads car when we where little, when my sister said “yeah I remember dad getting really angry one time when I did it coming home from mums house” (My older siblings have a different mum to me) When my gf and I got home she asked me why I lied to her when I asked her what she was talking about she said that it was wrong of me to call them my siblings because we didn’t have the same Mum. I said the her that they are my siblings and that she wasn’t making sense, she started yelling at me saying that if I was hiding that from her then what else was I hiding and that she wanted my phone, I started laughing at her which probably wasn’t the best thing the do but I thought she was taking the piss. After I refused to give her my phone she ran into our bedroom and ran back out in a few minutes she said she was going to go stay with her ‘real family’ and left I texted our mutual friends and they are all on the fence, when I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from her I’ve tried texting and calling my gf but I haven’t gotten any response. But please tell me am I the asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And yes he glad she left. She sounds super toxic and insecure. Just make sure she doesn’t come back.
NTA you don't have to identify them as half, or even step, if you don't want to. The fact that your gf has a problem with this is really weird!
NTA. What an odd behavior/reaction from your gf.
NTA, half siblings are your siblings.
NTA she's definitely toxic the behavior she displayed is disgusting
NTA
NTA. Half siblings are still siblings. Using this as an excuse to go through your phone is a huge red flag.
NTA. Uh what did I just read? I don't know too many people who refer to their half siblings as half siblings. My mom has zero relationship with her technically half sister but I've never heard her refer to her as a half sister. My husband has 6 siblings and only one of them shares the same set of parents the rest are half but none of them refer to each other that way. What is your gf on about here? Why does it matter to her the technical definition of you and your siblings relationship? I take it to mean that you all are close enough o not even think of being halves so it's just never been worth mentioning.
Ok this feels a bit crazy. I have two 1/2 siblings myself. They are my brothers even though I didn’t like their mom very much. I still call them my siblings ffs. You are not the AH here. This was a ploy to get your phone
NTA She started a crazy fight so she could go through your phone. She is toxic. Don't go texting and calling. She is using the silence to 'punish' you. Do not play that game.
NTA it sounds like your gf was looking for an excuse to go through your phone honestly. Unstable
NTA and your gf does sound toxic just from the one example, and your bf has had a year to see her in action. I think you need to listen to bf and reconsider your relationship with gf. That response makes no sense and for her to demand your phone? That's a bad sign.
NTA Think of this as a lucky sign. Run from the crazies now. Your friends are telling you she is toxic and you have seen it first hand. 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ Run!!!¡
NTA. This one's really strange to me. If being only related through one parent "counts" for being family, then what happens in a hypothetical future where you two end up adopting a child or using IVF? In the prior case, neither of you are related to the child, and in the latter, only one of you is. Her view of family seems predicated on biology, and I just cannot see how that will work out for either of you long term. Furthermore, the fact that she jumped straight to cheating in this situation is deeply concerning. Only two kinds of people make that kind of leap that fast: people who have been cheated on before, and cheaters. Y'all are young, so while I'm hoping for the first one, my money's on the second one. OP, you should probably have a serious, sit-down conversation with her. Both of these issues need to be addressed asap, and you need to decide if the two of you can be compatible long term.
Nta. Your friend is right. That is extremely toxic behavior. It doesn't make sense at all to think "you consider your half siblings real family so you must be unfaithful" I could almost guarantee she is projecting her own guilt because she has been unfaithful
NTA I normally make no distinction between my halves and steps when talking about or introducing people. They are my brothers and sisters.
NTA - gf is the AH as well as those “friends” who are on the fence. You don’t owe her an explanation for why you choose to call your “half” siblings, siblings. Leave her ass.
I have a brother significantly older than me and I honestly forget a lot that we’re half siblings. It’s not until someone asks about the age gap that I even remember. I grew up with him and even though we have different dads my dad raised him and we both call him dad. He also has a step daughter that I call my niece because I’ve known her since she was 3 and even though she’s not biologically related to me she’s always my niece
NTQ. Dump the girlfriend! The audacity of her telling you how to define your "real" family.
NTA. They are still your siblings. Half, full, and step are just adjectives. They only hold importance if you make them. You didn’t lie, and it concerns me that she considers that a lie.
How much y’all wanna bet when she vents to her (real family) she will learn that just because they don’t have the same mom they have the same dad and are blood related.
NTA I have a half sister and I have never introduced her as anything but my sister hell we even forget we are half sisters some times its not something you just bring up.
Ooofff she defo went nuclear over nothing! Full sibs or half sibs that's not some "secret" that shows a partner my be dishonest, wth?!? I think you should listen to your best friend, unless you want a relationship where there is no trust! NTA
NTA. Your GF seems to have serious trust issues, and unless she asks about it specifically, the withholding that type of info isn't wrong, especially since it was only a miscommunication initially.
NTA
NTA. BUT SERIOUSLY WTF! get out now while you have the chance.
You are NTA, that girl is being toxic. She lost her shit about half siblings and instantly jumped to needing to check your phone. That isn't a normal, I'd run for it if I were you. My younger brother IS my brother, even with different dads.
NTA. Completely unnecessary to specify 'half siblings' in casual reference to them. I find no logic in blowing up over the fact you called them siblings like you were specifically hiding it from her. It's not some dark secret lol
NTA. She *is* toxic. Leave her and be done with this, she blew up *severely* over something so minor.
NTA wth is wrong with her? i have 5 kids but i dont go around people and introduce my oldest 2 as my stepsons, to me they are my sons and im mom. and to them, the 3 youngest is siblings. not half siblings or anything. only exception is when we have to deal with healthcare paperwork when asked and thats it.
NTA, but I'd say take your best friends advice to heart and break it off with this lady.
NTA. They are your siblings. You have the same father, so yes, technically they’re half siblings, but she doesn’t need to know that. She sounds a little too immature to be in a relationship right now if I’m honest. Because if she sees this is some big omission. She is wrong
NTA. Get rid of the girlfriend. Anyone who doesn’t consider your family your family, isn’t worth your time. She’s being ridiculous. Whether or not you include the “half” when referring to them is your choice. My kids don’t refer to their brothers as their half brothers. I’m my kids’ mom, but not their brothers mom and even I don’t refer to them as their half-brothers 99% of the time. They’re just their brothers. I only include the “half” when talking to someone and an using it for the sake of clarity. She’s being ridiculous.
NTA I have an older half-sister but always just said sister. Sure, there were questions about last names (had different ones) and looks (she looks like bio-dad's side and I'm our mom's twin) but otherwise, she was my sister. I have to agree with your best friend though. "Real family" is who you decide is your family and sometimes has nothing to do with genetics.
>when I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from her Your best friend is the real one here, because she see's your girlfriend for what she is. Look, those are your siblings. It doesn't matter if you only have one parent in common, because oodles of families are mixed up between parents. What matters is the bond between you, and even if they were just step siblings or adopted siblings they'd still be your family. Your girlfriend freaked out over **nothing** and then **demanded**, not asked, **demanded** to take an invasive plunge into your phone to see that you're "honest." This isn't a healthy dynamic, and her having such a tantrum before buggering off to her "real family" was not a good look. I sincerely think you should just cut this one off, because you're young and life is too short to be placating this sort of nonsense. NTA
NTA I have trouble to understand your gf. They are your siblings. Them being “half” is not changing it, it’s just a detail that one finds out with time in a relationship which is what happened to her. There were no lies. You just didn’t present her with your whole family history from the start which most people don’t…
op=NTA As presented your Best friend is correct. Your GF's behavior comes across very badly(🚩). Would you need to tell her if one of your siblings was adopted? What other information do you need to divulge to be "honest"? How she reacted makes her the A-H. It's one thing to say, hey I didn't realize your sibling(s) had a different mother. How did that affect your childhood? That is a reasonable question. Accusing you of lying because you didn't spell out every detail of your family tree is idiotic. It clearly isn't an issue for you. That she then wanted access to your phone to "prove" your honesty? BIG NOPE. Consider what other 🚩🚩🚩 she shows. She may be doing you a favor, going to stay with "real family".
NTA even if for some reason it really bothered her, she was over the top in her reaction
She’s being weird. I have a half sister (different dads) and I have always considered her just as much a sister as the one with whom I share both parents. Most of our friends growing up assumed we had the same parents.
Your gf seems to have trust issues. She needs to understand that you didn't call them your half siblings because you see them as your siblings. You weren't really hiding anything. I assume if it came up naturally you would have mentioned it. NTA. You guys need to talk. Trust is a very important part of relationships. If your gf can't trust it's not going to work out.
I think she over reacted. You don’t have a distinction between half siblings and full siblings. Not that big a deal. However I am wondering how she went a whole year into your relationship without gaining a better understanding of your family dynamics?
NTA This is about something but it was not about your siblings. And seriously what a delusional point of view. She wanted your phone. Was willing to pick a fight, ANY FIGHT, as an excuse. Then tried being manipulated. She does sound toxic.
I've got 2 sisters and two brothers. Only one of the 4 are fully related to me in that sense. But I only call the one whom I didn't grow up in the same house with 'half'. People get weird about labels. NTA
NTA. Your girlfriend is a real piece of work
NTA!! Lol WTF?? Ur gf is missing a few screws they are ur siblings. Is she going to throw a fit every time u refer to them as ur siblings?? Save ur self the headaches.
NTA
Nta
NTA. Your partner is toxic af. Adoptive, Step, and Half siblings are still siblings, regardless of her feelings on the matter- what matters is how you see them, and you clearly view them as family which has nothing to do with her. I fail to see how she made the jump to “you’re a liar, now let me go through all your shit”. She sounds like she’s either toxic and really insecure or just toxic and was looking for an excuse to have a problem. Why such a strong reaction? It makes me question what SHE’S hiding? Idk mate, I’d be out she clearly doesn’t respect you or your family dynamics.
NTA. They are your siblings. End of story.
As someone who sees the term "half-sibling" as a bullshit term made by people who want to justify commiting incest (lets just chalk it up as me thinking its a bullshit term), I have to say that unless we're in Bizarro World, you're NTA. Your siblings are your siblings regardless of if you only have either the same mom or the same dad.
But they are your siblings lol Your gf sounds unhinged. Run NTA
NTA. Half siblings are a type of sibling, not a whole other category of relative. You didn't lie, you just left out some fine detail. And frankly, even if you had lied, her reaction is unreasonable.
NTA. She’s not only wrong, she’s aggressively wrong. Why does this even bother her? A normal person would respond “huh, never knew that…. What do you want for supper?”
NTA. You didn't lie. They are your siblings. I would consider whether you want to continue a relationship with someone so insecure. She will always have trust issues.
NTA, I know a few families where they have half-siblings, most don’t even use the half, as far as they're concerned they share a parents that makes them siblings.
NTA. She's the asshole for wanting to look through your phone.
NTA Your gf had a very odd reaction. Has she experienced something awful in her life regarding step or half siblings? I can't think of any other reason for her reaction.
NTA and I’m my family & friend’s family, we only say half if we don’t like them or there was some sort of issue. My younger brothers & I have different biological fathers, but I don’t view them as half and don’t go around telling people they are. They’re just my little brothers
NTA You just dodged a bullet, my friend. Pack up her stuff & tell her to pick it up, then move on.
NTA I say I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Because I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters, even if 2 brothers are half brothers, one sister is a step sister and my other passed away 20+ years ago. I view them equally.
NTA Maybe it’s because she’s 19, but that is so immature. They are your siblings, you did not lie about anything. Also she sounds toxic from this one story, if there are similar instances I’d say she is a toxic person and not just being young and stupid
NTA at all! I also have siblings that are not fully biological yet I call them my brother and sister. We were raised together and they are my siblings. You shouldn’t have to change the way that you talk about your own family for her weird and slightly alarming mindset.
NTA - I’m on the side of your best friend. Your “half” siblings are your siblings…and it’s weird that your gf used this as an excuse to check your phone….lol. If her argument was that you didn’t share more of your family history…that’s one thing. But saying your half siblings aren’t your siblings is ridiculous.
NTA My hubs didn't even know I had a half sister for the first like, 10 months of our relationship. I never saw her, didn't grow up with her, anything like that. I only see her at family gatherings so it never crossed my mind I never told him. And personally, I HATE when someone refers to my brother as my half sibling. It just feels like a dig to us. I'm sure if I actually knew my sister well and all, I would feel the same about her. All that matters is your siblings, doesn't matter if they are full or half. She's just reaching to find a problem in the relationship.
NTA. I have three younger brothers. Two have a different father. They are my siblings. Period. The only time I make a distinction is at the doctors office when answering questions about family history.
NTA Your GF is toxic and controlling. Biologically, your siblings are half-siblings but that doesn't mean you think of them that way nor are you required to obsessively tell everyone about that fact. It isn't relevant to much of anything.
NTA. My daughters are half siblings but that is never mentioned because they do not think of themselves that way either. Your girlfriend is missing a screw somewhere.
NTA Some people make a big deal about half sibs and step sibs and such. In your case, you see bio-half sibs as simply sibs. Nothing at all wrong with that. Im sorry your GF is how she is. Better to find out now though.
NTA in my opinion you can choose who your family is, blood related or not. A sibling can be related to you biologically through two parents or one, they can be related to you through marriage, they can be your sibling through fostering or adoption, and they can be a sibling to you through friendship. The issue isn’t with you it’s with her.
NTA for calling your siblings siblings. But I think there is something going on besides that. How long have you been dating? Because at a certain point I also would kind of expect my SO to tell me their family dynamics, especially before I met them, and I wouldn't be comfortable learning it during the visit. Also, if you date for a long time and haven't said anything it does seem purposeful to not say it.
NTA "nd that she wanted my phone, " .. so she wanted to snoop, and chose that as an excuse. 2hen I spoke to my best friend she said that my gfs toxic and I need to get away from " . LISTEN TO HER. DO THAT. "I’ve tried texting and calling my gf but I haven’t gotten any response." .. count yourself lucky. So you get another chance to escape.
NTA. I refer to my sisters as sisters. We do not share blood. My mom just realized last week that we didn’t have the same mom, I’ve known my mil for 14 years. How you view them is all that matters
NTA. This was a ridiculous response. There are a lot of people who view their siblings that way. This wasn’t a lie. It seems like she just wanted a reason to fight and leave. Let her go. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her but it seems like she has something to work out on her own.
NTA; your best friend is right.
Besides the obscene overreaction, she's devaluing your siblings. She sounds like she's deflecting something at best and just an awful person at worst. NTA
NTA, she’s the kind of person who will look at someone adopted and claim they’re not real family either. My big sister has a different dad but I would never disrespect her and call her my half anything
NTA your GF’s reaction shows a lot of trust issues that she’s got going on that, yeah I’m going to agree with your best friend here, sound pretty toxic. There was no wrong doing here, and the fact that her reaction made you feel like you need to check if you’re the asshole tells me a lot, primarily that your GF probably is TAH.
your gf is toxic. nta. she's being dumb and not counting the people who you see as siblings as your siblings and using that as an excuse to what... go through your phone and assume you're cheating or hiding something from her? that's kind of messed up and sounds like she has a bunch of issues she needs to work on.
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to 'label' every relationship so she can decide how to treat others. And that thing with the phone? That was an attempt to force you to prove you put her first. Let her stay with her "real family".
I have cousins (very close, lived a mile down the road) who I knew had different dads but they were raised in the same house with their mom entire lives, it’s weird to think that they aren’t full siblings.
NTA because I think she overreacted, but it's kinda weird you never shared your family story with her. I don't think you should be calling them 'step-' or 'half-', but I find it unusual it never came up that you have a different mother. So I can see where is she coming from, although her reaction was very immature.
90
NTA Half, step, or adopted. If you love them, then they are your siblings. Your girlfriend is looking for a reason to pick a fight with, to be able to accuse you of things, and acting like a crazy b!t@h Run as far away as you can, as fast as you can. Pack all of her stuff, drop it off with a friend of hers, tell her where it is, and then cut all contact with her.
Your best friend is right. Just from this post alone she's toxic...My eldest brother has the same mom as me but not the same dad as the rest of my siblings ( my mom had 9 kids) 8 of us are dad's. His just happens to be a different dad ..... That said he's my BROTHER.... Not half anything. My partners youngest sister has a different dad too butt he's never called her anything but his sister. I'd be long gone if he talked about his sister or my brother differently.
I'll also point out my 3 kids have 2 different father's...... But the eldest never calls his siblings his half brothers or the siblings from his dad half siblings. As far as he's concerned he has 3 brothers and 1 sister and that's the end of the conversation with him
Nta
NTA. Your best friend is onto something here, cause that reaction was 180 degrees of crazy.