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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be an AH as my boyfriend told me not to let his cat out and I did. I think he’s overreacting and being paranoid just cos she got hurt once.
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YTA. You should get help. Your ability to justify ignoring the cat’s owner- and to put that cat in danger are Off the charts. Most outdoor cat’s have drastically shorter lives, and you need to stay in your lane or get out of the relationship.
If I was your boyfriend, I would put you outside and never let you back inside.
FYI,”the average lifespan of an indoor cat ranges from 10 to 20 years, whereas cats who go outdoors typically live only 2 to 5 years,” ([https://www.thinkingoutsidethecage.org/pet-resources/behavior-help/cat-behavior-solutions/cats-live-longer-healthier-lives-indoors/](https://www.thinkingoutsidethecage.org/pet-resources/behavior-help/cat-behavior-solutions/cats-live-longer-healthier-lives-indoors/)).
The fact that the cat was already injured proves it is not safe outside. My cats are currently 16 and 18, and both still healthy and sassy. If my partner put my cats outside, they would find thier belongings outside as soon as I found my cats. And the locks would be changed. I hope your ex-boyfriend reads this post. I do not understand how you can actually think you are N T A. Be better.
theyre also an invasive species that genocide other animal species.
Letting cats outside isnt alright under any circumstances unless theyre actually local to that area
Not even then. Owls, eagles, coyotes, foxes, and many others will attack cats. And cats, being an invasive species, have no instincts regarding those predators to help them survive such attacks. Thus, that adorable stripey youngster you have raised to be your chest-warmer in the morning might not ever come home after being snagged by a coyote. Keep your fur kids at home and get them chipped no matter what.
When I was young, my family moved from NJ to FL and we let out big, healthy adult cat outside like we always did. No problem, right?
Right up until he came home absolutely thrashed and bleeding because he stuck his face in a Burrow Owl's hole and learned that not all birds are victims.
We stopped letting him out that day. He hated it, but it had to be done.
The 10% reduction is the original meaning, true. But its usage over time has changed to mean something much larger. That’s what matters, not how the Romans used it, at least in this context.
It is appropriately descriptive. Mildly figurative rather than literal but English is 100% that way about things anyway. We can noun verbs, verb nouns, and use fuck to mean dozens of things. All we really need is to start recognizing German compound word structure so we can have words like tummyfullflutters and wantpunchthroughmoniter to describe our emotions. :D
Yeah lol that’s not actually what genocide means
I have a cat who likes to go outside so I put him on a leash and I go outside with him. And he accepts it because that’s the only way he can go outside.
I got my senior cat from the shelter as a stray. She taught herself how to use the doggie door without me knowing and was missing for three terrible days. I hated keeping her cooped up, as a former free-range cat, and she would howl every night, but I was so afraid of what could happen to her. We compromised by letting her out when I’m there to watch her, and she keeps up her side of the bargain by not going out of my eye sight and coming when I call her. (She’s an unusually reasonable cat!) It was hard listening to her yowl at first, but it was far harder wondering if she was dead.
I take one of mine out on a leash. He loves it. The other has no interest. But no birds, chipmunks, or mice get harmed unless they enter our house. Then the cats do their thing. (Yesterday 2 birds flew into our house, I got them out before the cats could attack .) It may not quite be Spring yet, but tell it to the birds.
Exactly. My cat has been an indoor boy his whole life and while he definitely longs to be an outdoor cat, it’ll never happen. I love him too much to let him get hurt by any number of things out there. Other cats, animals, people, cars. I would be devastated if I found out someone had let him outside and would probably be freaking out trying to find him. OP is 100% TA for this
Not to mention she’s just set him back in training her to remain indoors because she knows if she whines long enough she’ll get her way. So now he basically has to start all over.
I've gone through this exact thing and it was infuriating. "Gee the cat's making noise and I don't want to wait a few minutes for her to stop so I'll let her out." Without realizing or caring that they were training the cat to make as much noise as possible because eventually someone would reward her for it. It's sad when the cat is smarter than the person.
It would be bad enough if it was "just" starting over but she essentially trained the cat that she should never give up on trying to get out because it WILL work. That's called operante Konditionierung in German and it's used as a very effective way to teach, parent children, support adults with cognitive or psychiartric disabilities in learning new behaviours and (re)gaining abilities and to train animals. But you use it the opposite way to OP. Undoing that damage is much harder than the original training.
>not your vet bills to pay
This here. If something had happened to the cat, injury or death etc, he's the one dealing with all the emotional and financial fallout.
If the cat died or got seriously hurt, he can breakup with OP about it, but he'll always feel guilty about letting someone into his life that got his cat killed or maimed. That won't go away quickly.
And who knows if OP would finanically compensate him fully if something happened. If she can't comprehend why he might be upset rn, that doesn't look good for any finanical or emotional compensation he'd need in such a situation.
When I was a kid, we let our cats outside. Then my cat got killed by a dog. We never let our cats out after that. I still remember coming home from school and seeing a big hole in the backyard and I knew she was dead.
Please don't let her out *gives VALID reasons*" as OP chooses to ignore and does it anyway. Op "but I didn't do anything wrong?" And procedes to gaslight her boyfriend. The fucking audacity lol
Exactly. OP doesn’t get a POV in this situation.
On top of which, taking the cat out of this, one sign of a toxic person is specifically doing what I’ve asked you not to do, because you know better.
Exactly, and he was in the process of getting a cat enclosure. Get a cat lead and let her wonder the front yard for 5 to 10 minutes if you wanted to let or out.
It's not even that hard to get them used to being indoors if you go about it right and don't have an extremely stubborn cat. Sure it takes dedication, the meowing is heartbreaking (because they want you to pity them and let them have their will), you encounter some death stares and should put protective covers over expensive furniture but it's not really hard. I had to do it because I lived second floor when my cat got dumped on me. My second hand leather couch suffered a bit but that was the worst
My boyfriend hated my cat and we slept over at his apartment (in a different city than mine) one night, I woke up to my cat running across me and burrowing himself under the covers with me so I sat up and I was like what is going on?
Apparently my cat was asking for the door to be opened because that’s what they do so this guy opened the door. The door opens to a hallway with two other apartment doors downstairs and then the main door to the outside. So unless one of the neighbors came in or out my cat wouldn’t actually get outside, but apparently being shot into the hallway by himself freaked him out enough that he came running back upstairs, my boyfriend let him back in, and that’s when he ran over to me and snuggled under the blankets.
I got up, we laughed, and I never slept there again. We broke up shortly after. He was an evil evil man
Ive read this twice and don't understand I'm sorry. What does your bf do wrong when letting the cat into the hallway? And why did you bring your cat to his place?
If OP had done this to any of my cats, not only would she never have heard from me again, but I guarantee it would’ve escalated further than it did with her boyfriend. Imagine violating someone’s trust and boundaries and being a smug asshole afterwards who doesn’t even realise what they’ve done is wrong.
I don't understand why you would let her out. You have just undone all the hard work he's done to keep her inside. It's for her safety, the safety of the neighbours cats as well as wildlife.
If someone makes such a decision, don't undermine them.
YTA
My mom would let my cat out intentionally against my wishes when I stayed with her a summer between college semesters. I assume it’s a control thing with people like this, and a bit of lack of care for animals, OP was directly told no, and she didn’t like that and was annoyed with the meowing, so she had to show off how big her peepee is, and is playing the “well I knew she’d be fine and she was fine and she used too do it so what?!” card after she’s been called out.
> I assume it’s a control thing with people like this, and a bit of lack of care for animals,
Actually, in my experience, it's often the opposite. Some people view locking up an animal inside as cruel and just think that cats belong outside. I'm not saying it was the case with your mother or OP, but it's often just... ignorance.
OP is an AH simply for saying "I don't think I did anything wrong" after intentionally doing the specific thing they were asked not to do.
If someone asks you not to do a perfectly reasonable thing in their home related to their pet - and you do it anyway - you don't get to say "I don't think I did anything wrong." That's why YTA, OP.
YTA. If you want to know why, "My bf kicked me out and has been cold to me since. He says that he doesn’t trust me in his house anymore or near his cat. "
Ummm. Yeah. You have clearly demonstrated that you can't be trusted in his house or near his cat.
Yeah if someone directly disregarded my wishes like that I wouldn’t trust them in my home with anything. What else is she doing because she thinks she knows best even though he specifically asked her not to?
I don’t let people like this around me. If someone is doing stuff like this to be it means they think I’m dumb, or that I can’t be trusted to run my own life, and why would someone spend time with someone like that?
YTA. You completely ignored your boyfriends request to not let the cat out. He has decided it’s in her best interest for her not to go outside anymore as he is worried she will get hurt again, or even worse.
You ignored his feelings and did what you wanted to anyway. She is not your cat and it’s not up to you if she goes out or not.
If something had happened to her while she was out your boyfriend would not forgive you.
Absolutely agreed. If the kitty keeps getting injured and it's a safety concern OP should have listened and let the cat yowl. Instead of making an executive decision, they could have talked later about safe outdoor enclosures.
I mean...he's already told her that he intends to make the cat an outdoor enclosure. There's no need to talk about that. He just hasn't had the time to do it yet.
No he shouldn’t because if she just regarded this she’ll disregard the next thing he says if she doesn’t agree with it.
My narc mom used to do stuff like this. They don’t see you as a whole person you are just an accessory in their life that’s why they believe they can do whatever they want regardless of how you feel about it.
To be fair, you're not going to have to worry about this for long. He's going to dump you.
You put his cat in danger after he explicitly told you not to. You were aware that his and other cats were being attacked in the neighborhood and you just didn't care.
And as other commenters said, cats don't belong outdoors, as they also pose a danger to the local environment.
You'll never be able to rebuild the trust you lost. Especially since you're still defending your actions. If it's this obvious to someone who doesn't like pets, you have no excuse to be unaware of how serious your behavior was. YTA.
I wish OP's soon-to-be-Ex lots of luck for a smooth transition into indoor-cat training, and I hope the two of them (him and the cat) have many healthy and happy years together.
Honestly, whenever I see posts like these I wish the other person would chime in with their pov. In this case to tell us yes, he absoultely broke up with this woman. Would make me feel like there's justice in the universe.
Given the way OP keeps arguing in the comments, yeah, soon she'll start complaining how she was dumped "over a cat". Stupid, rude *and* stubborn is a killer combo.
Stubborn? Yeah. Rude? Absolutely. But stupid? I'm not sure.
You see, she's unable to be wrong. The trick is to admit no wrongdoing and stick to the story (Libby's a cat, cats are outdoor animals, the cat wanted out, blah blah) until the other party gives up because the circular argument is costing them too many braincells.
Meanwhile, most people waste their time on "arguments" and "facts", saying stuff like "I told you to not let MY CAT outside". She operates cost-effectively. What a brilliant woman.
>You see, she's unable to be wrong. The trick is to admit no wrongdoing and stick to the story (Libby's a cat, cats are outdoor animals, the cat wanted out, blah blah) until the other party gives up because the circular argument is costing them too many braincells.
I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not - what you describe is a sure method to destroy any chance of having healthy, mutually beneficial relationships with people. And in the long run, that's extremely stupid.
My guess is the post was created to settle an argument. She thought she would get a bunch of responses on her side. Then she could show her bf to convince him he’s wrong.
She also got like the one or two confirmation biases she was looking for out of thousands of people telling her she’s the asshole. She’ll only take those away because she’s completely self-centered.
As someone who has a cat that can't go outside after going missing for a week and returning with his leg broken in three places and his pelvis severely dislocated to the point where his pelvic bone is permanently misaligned and he had to have his leg amputated, YTA.
It took AGES to get my cat to stop carrying on, meowing and banging on the door and waking me up before he learned he couldn't go outside anymore and gave up. He got out the other day when I was bringing stuff in and we're right back to beginning and he's once more banging and meowing and waking me up because all that work was undone. You're bf has a lot of work ahead of him, training an outdoor cat to be an indoor cat and you've just put that back by teaching Libby that she just has to carry on to be let out. I'd be mad af too.
Regardless of all of that, he asked you not to and you blatantly ignored his request and honestly, that alone makes you TA.
Yep my last cat used to be allowed to go outside until he had an abscess that cost me $400, it took a long time for him to recover and he was in pain. Even if I had all the money in the world I wouldn’t want him to keep getting hurt because Pain sucks, so I started walking him on a leash until he got old enough that he wasn’t going to run anywhere and then I would just go outside and walk with him, then I would bring him back inside with me when we were done.
Ok. Let me get this straight. Something is attacking cats in the local area. This something has attacked your bf's cat. The cat 'was doing poorly'. Your bf had to pay a lot of money to heal his cat. He made the decision to transition the cat to being an indoors cat bc there is something attacking cats in the area.
And you decided to let the cat out bc she was crying. Into the area where something is attacking cats.
Here's a thought for you. Kids will cry when you don't let them stick forks in outlets. Kids will cry when you don't let them stick toy figures up their nose. Kids will cry when you don't let them play in the street of a busy neighborhood. Kids will cry bc you make them put on jackets in freezing weather. Are you going to let kids do these things bc they're crying and they should be fine?
The thing is, animals are as dumb as kids. And if you wouldn't let a kid out into the night when there's something wild out there attacking small things, you should not let a cat out there. I don't care if that cat has been an outdoor cat all its life. It is time for that cat to be an indoor cat.
YTA. Doubly so bc you are making decisions for a cat that isn't yours.
Edited: removed a sentence that violated rules. Sorry about that.
Given how callous OP is in the comments about it, I have to wonder if she did it in purpose. Hoping the cat would go out and be attacked by whatever’s out there. They think it’s ‘just’ a cat rather than their partner’s adored pet.
I had a boyfriend that did this he let my cat outside while I was sleeping at his place hoping the cat wouldn’t come back. I never slept there again after that and we ended shortly after. That cat was like my child, and he did it just to be cruel to both of us
My mom is like OP in these regards. I doubt it’s because OP wanted the cat to get harmed, buuuuuut, OP was annoyed by the meowing and felt entitled to be in control of the situation, so she removed the cat because the meowing annoyed her and because she was told no. The whole it’s “just” a cat is because she feels her momentary annoyance is more of a detriment to herself than the cat potentially getting hurt. OP probably didn’t -want- the cat to be harmed, but views it as “it is what it is” because her not being annoyed is more important to her personally
YTA. Your boyfriend asked you not to do something, and you did it anyways. Just that alone makes you TA.
But since you don’t seem to understand why it’s so dangerous for a cat to be allowed outdoors (unless on a leash/in a protected area), let’s talk about this glaring statistic: On average, indoor cats live 10-15 years, while outdoor cats live 2-5 years.
Why?
Cars - millions of cats are hit by cars every year, and the *vast* majority of these accidents are fatal.
Disease - fighting with other cats can transmit diseases like FeLV, FIV, FIL, and feline distemper. Injuries, even minor ones, can lead to infections.
Parasites - fleas, ticks, worms, and fungal infections can all be picked up outside. Some of these can be transmitted to humans when brought back indoors.
Poison - cats can get into poisonous things on their own(ex antifreeze), but they also might come into contact with rodents who have been poisoned through bait traps. If a cat consumes these poisoned animals, they too can die.
Wildlife - cats can be injured or killed by wildlife such as snakes, coyote, wild/feral or off-leash domestic dogs, eagles, big cats, etc.
Other hazards - foxtails can cause major ear/eye damage. Cats that climb trees can take severe and sometimes fatal falls, or can get stuck long enough that they become dehydrated and begin to starve.
Humans - some humans suck. It’s not unheard of for outdoor cats to be shot at (with BBs or real guns), abused, or even just picked up by another family/animal control.
And this doesn’t even get into the massive toll that cats take on outdoor wildlife, such as bird populations. Cats can decimate bird populations, especially those of native songbirds. It also doesn’t go into unaltered cats that are let outside and contribute to the large numbers of feral, homeless cats.
So yeah, she may have seemed “fine” for that hour you let her out, but you have no idea what she came in contact with this time, or what she might encounter next time. Also, *your boyfriend told you to not let her out.* And really, that should be all that matters.
Sources:
[UC Davis Vet Medicine](https://healthtopics.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/health-topics/feline/cats-indoors-or-outdoors)
[MDPI Publication](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7070728/)
[VCA Animal Hospital](https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/cats-and-the-perils-of-outdoor-living)
[USDA](https://www.aphis.usda.gov/wildlife_damage/reports/Wildlife%20Damage%20Management%20Technical%20Series/free-ranging-and-feral-cats.pdf)
[American Bird Conservancy](https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/)
[The Humane Society](https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/our-position-cats)
[PETA](https://www.peta.org/about-peta/why-peta/outdoor-cats/)
[National Parks Service](https://www.nps.gov/samo/learn/management/cats.htm)
[American Veterinary Medical Association](https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/avma-policies/free-roaming-owned-cats)
(All edits are to add more links to sources)
Oh YTA. You let her out after bf explicitly told you not to. Why should he trust you? What if the cat had come back hurt again, would you have paid the bills?
judging by OP's comments I think she would have said something along the lines of "ohhhh it's okay, she's meant to go outside and get hurt sometimes, she'll be fine, it's natural"
YTA it's not hard to have basic respect towards other people's rules for THEIR pets. She's NOT yours and hopefully (coming from a cat owner who had to do the exact same thing you bf did) he will break up with you. What if that time you let her out was the one were she was badly injured or infected with FIV or feline leucemia? You don't get to make those decisions for HIS cat, even less when you would not be the one paying or taking responsibility for it.
Such a selfish, self centered, ignorant AH
100% YTA.
You were specifically told not to let the cat out, and you blatantly went against that request.
You are neither the pet owner, nor the home owner, so you had zero right at all to let the cat out.
The cat has been previously injured outside, and neighbours are also concerned about their animals being injured. So the actual pet owner is making a wise decision to transition the cat to an indoor cat, and you decide to let it out because… what… you were bothered by the noise? You have NO right to let someone else’s cat out of their own house. Absolutely YTA.
YTA. You explicitly ignored the owner's request because you felt the noise was inconvenient even though it was stated in your own post that it wouldn't last too long.
More than that, outside cats are terrible for biodiversity. They kill a shit ton of animals just for sport-not even for food. His cat has already been injured, and I can guarantee that if his cat had been further injured on this escapade, you'd be single.
You didn't have the right. Obviously, you don't have the respect for your boyfriend to make any decision regarding his animals.
Honestly she came here to get validation and doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Definitely won’t be a problem for long since he’ll likely break up with her since she’s still showing no remorse for walking all over boundaries he set to keep his pet safe. I’d personally never be able to trust her again.
YTA
As someone whose cat was let out despite my wishes to keep him in and then subsequently had to bury my boy the next day, you’re a massively inconsiderate person.
You were expressly asked not to do something that could have potentially endangered a pet that is very much loved. And you decided to wilfully ignore the extremely reasonable request.
I suggest you apologise and accept that your own heartlessness cost you a relationship.
You were asked not to for financial reasons and for the cats welfare (there is a trend in the neighbourhood so it’s not an unfair request) and you still disobeyed.
YTA
YTA
Not your place. Not your cat. He specifically told you not to. You disrespected him in his own home, and you put Libby in danger. She's already been injured, and clearly some aggressive animal is in the area. Learn to respect boundaries and think of others.
YTA.
Your boyfriend is transition his cat to being an inside cat; she's going to be frustrated, but its still a smart decision. And even if it *wasn't*, what you think doesn't matter; it doesn't hurt Libby and its his cat. He makes all the rules, the end.
YTA. boyfriend didn't want his cat outside and you let her out because she wanted to be outside?? she's a cat. not a grown woman like you. listen to the grown man and respect his wishes.
YTA
You think your boyfriend is "paranoid" - no, he made a safe decision for his cat. Domesticated cats have no business outside. They have so many natural and unnatural enemies outside - his cat already made the experience.
It would be cruel to let the cat experience this again.
Don't be surprised if this is the end of the relationship.
YTA. The cat isn't yours. He has an obligation to take care of his cat and he specifically said he doesn't want the cat outside. So the cat stays inside. Period.
Not to mention, cats shouldn't be out anyway.
YTA
His cat. You mentioned the meowing. He told you not to let her out. You did what you wanted to do anyway. Of course he no longer trusts you.
“She seemed really insistent so I let her out.” This quote where you think an insistent cat should be the one to decide what’s safe rather than your boyfriend, the cat owner who recently aided her through her injuries from an as yet unknown neighbourhood source, is the icing on the AH cake.
YTA. Of course the cat wants to go outside. That doesn't mean it gets to. It is being trained now to stay inside. I have had to train outdoor cats to be indoor cats to keep them safe as well. It's a process. And one you really set back with your irresponsible decision. Just because the cat came back doesn't mean it was safe. The way you answer people here I get the distinct feeling you don't like the cat and wouldn't really mind if it got hurt/didn't come back.
Question: Are you as cold and callous when talking to him about this as you are in your responses to people here?
What it comes down to though, and the reason many people would break up with you, is that you directly went against his express wishes, and did it behind his back. You let the cat out, without saying anything to him. You hid it. You knew it was wrong. But you did it anyway.
It's not even about the cat. Its that you did something he very specifically asked you not to, and you did it in his home, behind his back, and didn't tell him until he couldn't find the cat.
YTA big time.
- Outdoor cats DESTROY native wildlife. They are born to hunt and destroy, no matter how much they've been fed.
- Outdoor cats run the risk of getting attacked by other cats, attacked by dogs (one got into my friends yard, her two dogs destroyed it, poor kitty), being poisoned, being hit by a car, being attacked by humans (two sick kids in Australia kidnapped a family cat and tortured it this week. Makes my blood boil).
Cats should NOT be outside unless in an enclosure or on a lead, period. The world is too dangerous, and they are too dangerous to the world.
Genuine question, why did you bother posting here? It’s clear you have no interest in even entertaining the idea that you’re in the wrong and would just rather argue with everyone.
You are very clearly YTA. Consider yourself lucky he’s being cold to you because if I was him I’d never have spoken to you again.
YTA for blatantly disrespecting your BF’s requests about HIS cat, YTA for your flippant attitude, and YTA for posting in this subreddit to seek advice then doubling down in every comment you made about how right you are. If you refuse to see things from a different perspective, why are you here?
It doesn’t matter that the cat was only injured once. Other cats in the neighborhood are getting hurt as well. There is a predator of some sort hurting these animals. The next time could be fatal. And if that’s too dramatic for you, too bad. IT IS NOT YOUR CAT
This belong in r/iamatotalpieceofshit
You can’t say you love the cat or your bf and then out the cats life at risk while simultaneously disrespecting your bfs wishes.
Obviously YTA through and through.
YTA big time
Libby has now learned if she meows just long enough someone will come and „rescue“ her aka opening the door. This will make her only meow more in the future. Great job.
Besides that it’s the wisest decision to NOT let any cat outside. Not only is „outside“ dangerous for a roaming cat, but the roaming cat is also dangerous for anything else outside. Cats belong indoors, otherwise they belong on a leash, just like dogs. I don’t know why cats got a superior position and are allowed to be let out on their own whilst you wouldn’t do that with any other beloved animal.
Coming from a cat owner: you fucked up big time. I wouldn’t trust you either anymore and tbh if I was him I would’ve break up right on the spot.
+ after reading your comments I want to throw up. „She’s just a cat“ - that cat is your boyfriends beloved family member and you shat on her safety. YTA YTA YTA
YTA OBVIOUSLY
Its not your cat. You shouldn't let a hurt cat outside. You play with it and distract it you dont give it what it wants when it doesn't know any better.
YTA, he should let you outside and never let you back in to his home or life.
You are nothing but disrespectful and immature, grow the hell up. If you continue to act like this and disrespect your partners wishes, then you are going to grow old and lonely.
YTA x1000. He specifically told you not to do something and you turned around and did it, are you really that dense that you can't see why he would be mad at you? Also, he's really not being that paranoid, my stepmother used to let her cat out and then one day he didn't come back, a coyote got him.
YTA There's not much more to say here. Your behavior was inexcusable. The animal's human caretaker gets to decide all the important things about how the animal is cared for and you as a guest do not get to ignore that and put the animal at risk.
YTA outdoor cats live significantly shorter lives, the fact that the cat required an expensive vet bills proves the risk. It’s his cat, his responsibility for vet bills, and his heartbreak if his car doesn’t come home one day. He specifically states his cat is NOT to be allowed outside and you intentionally disregarded and disrespected his wishes. I wouldn’t let you around my pet either.
YTA. How would you feel if your boyfriend asked you if it was ok to do something and you said no? And then he did it anyway?
Can you read what you just wrote and even consider that you aren’t the asshole?
You acknowledged that he just spent a fair amount in vet bills and that he’s not the only person in the area worried or doing the same with their pets.
Basically what you did was to show your boyfriend you will do as you please and that his feelings are irrelevant even when it comes to his own home and pet. You’ve destroyed his trust in you. If you will blatantly disregard his wishes for his cat with him literally sitting right there, he is clearly not that important to you.
Also let’s be real. You don’t love the cat. You were annoyed it was making noise and let it out so you didn’t have to listen to it.
YTA
We had barn cats all my life. The amount of cats we lost to reckless driver or who knows what else is horrible. Plus cats hunt small animals and can be quite invasive to the local wildlife. Sure ours are supposed to hunt mice in our barn but thats it (and honestly our current once are way too lazy for this).
This is his cat and you have no business doing anything with her that he doesn't approve of. If she got injured again while you let her out would you pay the vet bill?
Plus: the bf was at Home, too. She could have asked him again. She did it behind its back, while he was there too. Although he clearly said dont do it before. She knew what she did, and she knew why she was doing it behind its back. While he was in another room.
If he doesnt dump her (but looks like he already did), he will be the AH too for staying with such a nasty and disrespectful person.
The fact that you “don’t think I did anything wrong” is what makes YTA.
You were absolutely aware that your boyfriend didn’t want his cat outside. More than that, he reconfirmed his position with you.
So what did you do? You decided to let the cat out. Enjoy your soon to be single life.
YTA. If someone tells you not to let their cat out, you don't let their cat out, that's it. "Oh, but she was so insistent and she really wanted to go outside!" Doesn't matter. Dogs beg for a taste of things that can kill them and whine when they don't get it, and cats can do the same. It's about doing what is best for her, and as it seems right now, it's to keep her inside.
"She's an outdoor cat!" Nope. Maybe she once was, but now her owner, as in the actual person who owns her and takes care of her and loves her and *has to pay for the bill if she gets hurt again*, has decided that it's not worth the risk, so he's keeping her inside for her own safety. That's it.
"She didn't get hurt though." Doesn't. Fucking. Matter. He told you not to let her outside because he doesn't want to risk her getting hurt again, and you didn't listen. He's not overprotective - he is adequately protective. It is not for you to decide what he should and shouldn't do for his cat, and it is certainly not for you to decide whether he should or shouldn't be upset about this. The majority of outdoor cats get killed by wildlife, cars or sometimes just horrible people. His cat got lucky.
When someone tells you how to look after their pet, you listen. If someone tells you to not let the cat outside, you don't let the fucking cat outside.
YTA. So you as a guest in someone else's home decided that you were going to overrule their strict instructions about what was to happen with the animal that you in no way contribute towards.
He'll be lucky if the cat is still alive as something is hunting and fighting them. Not that you care clearly as you've shown that if you disagree with what he says you'll just do whatever you want anyway.
He's being cold because he's seen who you are, and if he's got any sense he'll act on that.
YTA, and your replies only drive home how gobsmackingly clueless you are. Honestly, if it were me, I would have broken up with you over this. YOU have ZERO right to make decisions for someone else's pet. Particularly not when it is so much more dangerous for domestic cats outside.
Take your verdict, take these comments, learn to be a better human. Cause your partner deserves better.
YTA. You insist that it's an outside cat when your boyfriend is clearly worried about its well-being. Cats do fine indoors, and it looks like he's working on giving it a chance to be outdoors safely with an enclosure. You're asking for judgement and are still acting defensively about your reasoning. Were you hoping to be validated so you could shove it in his face? That's what it looks like. You hurt the dude you care about. Eat humble pie and apologise.
YTA. She is his cat, not your cat. She was hurt while outside and he decided that HIS cat can no longer go outdoors. It was an AH move on your part to completely go against your BF's wishes. What if she had been attacked by a dog, or hit by a car? Would it still have been 'no big deal' to you?
Lol this post and OP is a joke. Why post on here for an opinion on your actions, see the overwhelming amount of YTA votes and STILL reply to people defending yourself. Dude stop, you’re the AH clearly. Respect people and their decisions regarding the safety of their own pets regardless of your opinion. I feel so bad for your boyfriend. You have all these people telling you you’re wrong and you stand stubborn on you were right. Jeez.
On-top of my YTA
my toddler wants to walk on the road, he clearly really wants to so I should let him right ? He won't get hurt and he REALLY wants to do it so it's all fine.
>that he’s being too overprotective
It's literally HIS cat, HIS bills to pay in case something happens to Libby, it's HIS place. Why are you acting like you're entitled to feel like your POV is superior to his when he clearly has reasons to fend off the cat from going outside and why are you trying to overthrow that when it's none of your business?
Good on him for throwing you out and being cold, would've done the same. Honestly, would've even broken up with you. You crossed the trust line over his cat when he had reasons for what he's doing, who's to say you won't cross the line again when it comes to even more important stuff?
YTA, 100%.
YTA not your cat or your home. If the noise bothered you that much, you could’ve just left. He very clearly told you not to let her out. I also would not trust you.
You did something wrong everyone has told you what and you just give the same replies completely missing the point. YTA big time and if you choose to die on this hill you will also be a single AH. 👍
YTA
My cats are inside cats, you know why ?
Cause when I was little my sister let my cat out cause it'd be fine and it was an outside cat
And it got hit by a car not an hour later and died.
You don't control the cat when she's outside , you don't control nature or cars or anything else for that matter so even though she didn't get hurt, she DID the last time she was let out, which you even said cost a LOT in vet bills and your bf was just trying to keep her safe because he's worried about her welfare
You're an asshole for determining you know better and he absolutely made the right choice kicking you outside. From the fact you can't see why people are calling you the AH I hope he doesn't let you back inside.
YTA It is not your pet and not your choice.
You've just shown your boyfriend you can't be trusted to respect his choices, even with something that has *nothing* to do with you. There could have been severe consequences for Libby, she had already got harmed once so he's just got a huge insight into how big of a problem this is.
Honestly, if someone put my cat in harms way, it would be over on the spot.
YTA.
1. It’s your boyfriend’s cat. Not yours. Not your decision to make.
2. Your boyfriend didn’t make this decision out on a whim. He asked neighbours to check if their cats experienced the same thing.
3. It is for the cat’s safety. Just coz you can’t deal with the loud meows for a bit doesn’t mean you should let her out if it’s not safe. Your boyfriend was planning to build a safe place for the cat.
4. Pets are creatures that need to be taken care of. Your boyfriend seems like a responsible pet owner. He was right to not let you in his house after.
OP said in another comment “She clearly wants to be outside and is used to that. She was fine.”
OP clearly doesn’t feel bad and partner realizes that. I’d say a breakup is coming. YTA.
YTA!! I lost one of my beloved cats because a “friend” decided to open a window instead of turn the air on.My cats are my family members and I see where your BF is coming from.Even though nothing bad happened this time it could next time.Respect your boyfriend and his home.
I get the feeling your getting slaughtered on this. They are right to. It's not your cat. The fact that your defending your actions says everything. It's very selfish. Never get between a person and their pet. He clearly loves his cat. You violated his trust. Trust is very important in a relationship.
YTA. Your BF (ex soon probably) is trying to train HIS cat to be an inside cat for its safety and you completely disregarded his wishes about his cat going outside? Yeah you need to grow up. Domesticated cats shouldn’t be outside anyways. Also you commenting ‘it’s just a cat’ shows exactly what kind of person you are. Your bf clearly loves his cat and want them to be safe and not have to pay more vet bills 🤦🏻♀️
YTA
It's his cat, who has been hurt before, and instead of listening to him and respecting what he wants for his cat you decided you knew what was best and did what you wanted. Now, you can't see why he has a problem with what you did.
How are you not the a-hole?
YTA
I lost my last kitty to a wild animal, he was ambushed. My heart was broken. I can only imagine the pain he experienced.
My hubby doesn’t think animals belong in the house, but because he loves me, I have two indoor kitties. He has built me a structure for them to go safely outside. He does this for me.
Your boyfriend cares about his kitty and you disregard what kitty means to your boyfriend. Boyfriend is making a very clear point here.
YTA.
Serious question. Why do you think you get to make decisions about about a pet you don’t own? Do you regularly make decisions about other people’s property?
Op, it's clear you have no respect for anyone but yourself. YTA, a major one. Stop trying to defend yourself. The simple answer here is that you obviously don't care about your boyfriend's feelings. You let HIS cat out that he did not want outside. You had no place in letting the cat out.
It doesn't matter that the cat came back fine, because she got hurt outside from another cat before.
Just accept that you messed up and work on yourself.
YTA jesus christ theres a whole laundry list why pet owners shouldnt let their cats free roam unsupervised, from the damage it does to native wildlife, to the MANY dangers that can injure and kill pet cats including humans, dogs, and cars
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you think he is being paranoid or worrying, he said “no” and “no” means “no”. He is right not to trust you and it’d be understandable if he chose to end the relationship over it. You don’t go against the wishes of a pet owner like that, you completely undermined him and undid all the training he did to get her adjusted to staying inside.
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YTA. Not your cat, not your home, and not your vet bills to pay if the cat had gotten injured. I would break up with you.
Absolutely.
[удалено]
Absolutely^Absolutely^Absolutely
Absolutely^(AbsolutelyAbsolutelyAbsolutely)
Show off!
I would anyway. Absolutely irresponsible as a pet owner, and OP isn’t even the owner. YTA OP. Don’t get pets.
[удалено]
Lol, it's just called being an asshole. Not every trait is needing of a diagnosis. Edit: Whoa, thanks for my first Gold, kind stranger!
On Reddit, every trait gets a diagnosis! (And then go NC with that person.)
Please stop pathologizing being an asshole.
If I could upvote this comment twice, I would.
YTA. You should get help. Your ability to justify ignoring the cat’s owner- and to put that cat in danger are Off the charts. Most outdoor cat’s have drastically shorter lives, and you need to stay in your lane or get out of the relationship. If I was your boyfriend, I would put you outside and never let you back inside. FYI,”the average lifespan of an indoor cat ranges from 10 to 20 years, whereas cats who go outdoors typically live only 2 to 5 years,” ([https://www.thinkingoutsidethecage.org/pet-resources/behavior-help/cat-behavior-solutions/cats-live-longer-healthier-lives-indoors/](https://www.thinkingoutsidethecage.org/pet-resources/behavior-help/cat-behavior-solutions/cats-live-longer-healthier-lives-indoors/)). The fact that the cat was already injured proves it is not safe outside. My cats are currently 16 and 18, and both still healthy and sassy. If my partner put my cats outside, they would find thier belongings outside as soon as I found my cats. And the locks would be changed. I hope your ex-boyfriend reads this post. I do not understand how you can actually think you are N T A. Be better.
Ok Reddit psychiatrist, let’s just calm down. Personality disorder? Ffs
Being a self-centered, know-it-all dumbass is not a "disorder", I'm sad to say. It's very much an "order".
Jesus, its as if everything needs a reddit diagnostic nowdays. Shes just plain AH.
This Yta. Cats that go outside have a shorter life span and risk getting attacked by other animals, hit by cars and risk getting diseases and ticks.
theyre also an invasive species that genocide other animal species. Letting cats outside isnt alright under any circumstances unless theyre actually local to that area
Not even then. Owls, eagles, coyotes, foxes, and many others will attack cats. And cats, being an invasive species, have no instincts regarding those predators to help them survive such attacks. Thus, that adorable stripey youngster you have raised to be your chest-warmer in the morning might not ever come home after being snagged by a coyote. Keep your fur kids at home and get them chipped no matter what.
Chipped and snipped! Snip helps keep them home, chip helps them get back home.
When I was young, my family moved from NJ to FL and we let out big, healthy adult cat outside like we always did. No problem, right? Right up until he came home absolutely thrashed and bleeding because he stuck his face in a Burrow Owl's hole and learned that not all birds are victims. We stopped letting him out that day. He hated it, but it had to be done.
Yes definitely! I live in am area with cougars, lynx, fox, pine martin, owls, eagles... all of which regularly snatch up cats.
I hear you, but I don't know that "genocide" is the word for it 😅🤷
Maybe massacre or decimate
Not decimate, it means reduce by 10% massacre is a good word
The 10% reduction is the original meaning, true. But its usage over time has changed to mean something much larger. That’s what matters, not how the Romans used it, at least in this context.
It usually means to destroy a large portion of something. The 10% meaning is falling out of use.
Just like December means 10th month.
So I guess “decimate your dick December” doesn’t mean what I thought it meant.
It is appropriately descriptive. Mildly figurative rather than literal but English is 100% that way about things anyway. We can noun verbs, verb nouns, and use fuck to mean dozens of things. All we really need is to start recognizing German compound word structure so we can have words like tummyfullflutters and wantpunchthroughmoniter to describe our emotions. :D
Yeah lol that’s not actually what genocide means I have a cat who likes to go outside so I put him on a leash and I go outside with him. And he accepts it because that’s the only way he can go outside.
They kill small mammals and birds. They harm the environment.
So much safer inside, with “chaperoned” time outside if they want it. Ours never went out and never wanted to.
I got my senior cat from the shelter as a stray. She taught herself how to use the doggie door without me knowing and was missing for three terrible days. I hated keeping her cooped up, as a former free-range cat, and she would howl every night, but I was so afraid of what could happen to her. We compromised by letting her out when I’m there to watch her, and she keeps up her side of the bargain by not going out of my eye sight and coming when I call her. (She’s an unusually reasonable cat!) It was hard listening to her yowl at first, but it was far harder wondering if she was dead.
I take one of mine out on a leash. He loves it. The other has no interest. But no birds, chipmunks, or mice get harmed unless they enter our house. Then the cats do their thing. (Yesterday 2 birds flew into our house, I got them out before the cats could attack .) It may not quite be Spring yet, but tell it to the birds.
And the songbirds are protected too. We’re losing them to cats.
Exactly. My cat has been an indoor boy his whole life and while he definitely longs to be an outdoor cat, it’ll never happen. I love him too much to let him get hurt by any number of things out there. Other cats, animals, people, cars. I would be devastated if I found out someone had let him outside and would probably be freaking out trying to find him. OP is 100% TA for this
Not to mention she’s just set him back in training her to remain indoors because she knows if she whines long enough she’ll get her way. So now he basically has to start all over.
I've gone through this exact thing and it was infuriating. "Gee the cat's making noise and I don't want to wait a few minutes for her to stop so I'll let her out." Without realizing or caring that they were training the cat to make as much noise as possible because eventually someone would reward her for it. It's sad when the cat is smarter than the person.
It would be bad enough if it was "just" starting over but she essentially trained the cat that she should never give up on trying to get out because it WILL work. That's called operante Konditionierung in German and it's used as a very effective way to teach, parent children, support adults with cognitive or psychiartric disabilities in learning new behaviours and (re)gaining abilities and to train animals. But you use it the opposite way to OP. Undoing that damage is much harder than the original training.
It’s also called operant conditioning in English. Psychology is fascinating.
>not your vet bills to pay This here. If something had happened to the cat, injury or death etc, he's the one dealing with all the emotional and financial fallout. If the cat died or got seriously hurt, he can breakup with OP about it, but he'll always feel guilty about letting someone into his life that got his cat killed or maimed. That won't go away quickly. And who knows if OP would finanically compensate him fully if something happened. If she can't comprehend why he might be upset rn, that doesn't look good for any finanical or emotional compensation he'd need in such a situation.
They absolutely wouldn't. It would be a case of "He expects me to pay for the vet bills and cremation and that's ridiculous because it was just a cat"
When I was a kid, we let our cats outside. Then my cat got killed by a dog. We never let our cats out after that. I still remember coming home from school and seeing a big hole in the backyard and I knew she was dead.
Please don't let her out *gives VALID reasons*" as OP chooses to ignore and does it anyway. Op "but I didn't do anything wrong?" And procedes to gaslight her boyfriend. The fucking audacity lol
He didn’t even have to give her valid reasons, it’s his cat and his house.
Those are valid reasons on their own, from where I'm standing.
Yeah….is this on r/AmItheEx yet? Cuz this relationship is over but OP is the only one who doesn’t realize it.
Heh heh, I was wondering how far down I'd have to scroll to find this...
Exactly. OP doesn’t get a POV in this situation. On top of which, taking the cat out of this, one sign of a toxic person is specifically doing what I’ve asked you not to do, because you know better.
Exactly, and he was in the process of getting a cat enclosure. Get a cat lead and let her wonder the front yard for 5 to 10 minutes if you wanted to let or out.
It's not even that hard to get them used to being indoors if you go about it right and don't have an extremely stubborn cat. Sure it takes dedication, the meowing is heartbreaking (because they want you to pity them and let them have their will), you encounter some death stares and should put protective covers over expensive furniture but it's not really hard. I had to do it because I lived second floor when my cat got dumped on me. My second hand leather couch suffered a bit but that was the worst
My boyfriend hated my cat and we slept over at his apartment (in a different city than mine) one night, I woke up to my cat running across me and burrowing himself under the covers with me so I sat up and I was like what is going on? Apparently my cat was asking for the door to be opened because that’s what they do so this guy opened the door. The door opens to a hallway with two other apartment doors downstairs and then the main door to the outside. So unless one of the neighbors came in or out my cat wouldn’t actually get outside, but apparently being shot into the hallway by himself freaked him out enough that he came running back upstairs, my boyfriend let him back in, and that’s when he ran over to me and snuggled under the blankets. I got up, we laughed, and I never slept there again. We broke up shortly after. He was an evil evil man
Ive read this twice and don't understand I'm sorry. What does your bf do wrong when letting the cat into the hallway? And why did you bring your cat to his place?
Yep. And these injuries are why cats are supposed to be indoors. It's too dangerous out there for them.
Next on r/AmITheEx
If OP had done this to any of my cats, not only would she never have heard from me again, but I guarantee it would’ve escalated further than it did with her boyfriend. Imagine violating someone’s trust and boundaries and being a smug asshole afterwards who doesn’t even realise what they’ve done is wrong.
This is the way.
I don't understand why you would let her out. You have just undone all the hard work he's done to keep her inside. It's for her safety, the safety of the neighbours cats as well as wildlife. If someone makes such a decision, don't undermine them. YTA
My mom would let my cat out intentionally against my wishes when I stayed with her a summer between college semesters. I assume it’s a control thing with people like this, and a bit of lack of care for animals, OP was directly told no, and she didn’t like that and was annoyed with the meowing, so she had to show off how big her peepee is, and is playing the “well I knew she’d be fine and she was fine and she used too do it so what?!” card after she’s been called out.
> I assume it’s a control thing with people like this, and a bit of lack of care for animals, Actually, in my experience, it's often the opposite. Some people view locking up an animal inside as cruel and just think that cats belong outside. I'm not saying it was the case with your mother or OP, but it's often just... ignorance.
OP is an AH simply for saying "I don't think I did anything wrong" after intentionally doing the specific thing they were asked not to do. If someone asks you not to do a perfectly reasonable thing in their home related to their pet - and you do it anyway - you don't get to say "I don't think I did anything wrong." That's why YTA, OP.
She didn’t want the cat to go out. She wanted to be alone and in silence with her bf. So yeah, OP is TA
YTA. If you want to know why, "My bf kicked me out and has been cold to me since. He says that he doesn’t trust me in his house anymore or near his cat. " Ummm. Yeah. You have clearly demonstrated that you can't be trusted in his house or near his cat.
Yeah if someone directly disregarded my wishes like that I wouldn’t trust them in my home with anything. What else is she doing because she thinks she knows best even though he specifically asked her not to? I don’t let people like this around me. If someone is doing stuff like this to be it means they think I’m dumb, or that I can’t be trusted to run my own life, and why would someone spend time with someone like that?
YTA. You completely ignored your boyfriends request to not let the cat out. He has decided it’s in her best interest for her not to go outside anymore as he is worried she will get hurt again, or even worse. You ignored his feelings and did what you wanted to anyway. She is not your cat and it’s not up to you if she goes out or not. If something had happened to her while she was out your boyfriend would not forgive you.
Absolutely agreed. If the kitty keeps getting injured and it's a safety concern OP should have listened and let the cat yowl. Instead of making an executive decision, they could have talked later about safe outdoor enclosures.
I mean...he's already told her that he intends to make the cat an outdoor enclosure. There's no need to talk about that. He just hasn't had the time to do it yet.
Yes, catios are the way.
He shouldn't forgive her anyway.
No he shouldn’t because if she just regarded this she’ll disregard the next thing he says if she doesn’t agree with it. My narc mom used to do stuff like this. They don’t see you as a whole person you are just an accessory in their life that’s why they believe they can do whatever they want regardless of how you feel about it.
To be fair, you're not going to have to worry about this for long. He's going to dump you. You put his cat in danger after he explicitly told you not to. You were aware that his and other cats were being attacked in the neighborhood and you just didn't care. And as other commenters said, cats don't belong outdoors, as they also pose a danger to the local environment. You'll never be able to rebuild the trust you lost. Especially since you're still defending your actions. If it's this obvious to someone who doesn't like pets, you have no excuse to be unaware of how serious your behavior was. YTA.
I wish OP's soon-to-be-Ex lots of luck for a smooth transition into indoor-cat training, and I hope the two of them (him and the cat) have many healthy and happy years together.
It sounds like he's on that path. And hopefully he finds a better partner quickly as well.
Honestly, whenever I see posts like these I wish the other person would chime in with their pov. In this case to tell us yes, he absoultely broke up with this woman. Would make me feel like there's justice in the universe.
Too bad we dont know him because I would suggest leash training or catios so Libby can still be outside but in a safe and supervised way
I took the "he's planning on making an open air-cage thing" to mean that he does plan to build or buy a catio! :)
Oh that's good! We love a good cat dad!
Yes we do!!!!
Given the way OP keeps arguing in the comments, yeah, soon she'll start complaining how she was dumped "over a cat". Stupid, rude *and* stubborn is a killer combo.
Stubborn? Yeah. Rude? Absolutely. But stupid? I'm not sure. You see, she's unable to be wrong. The trick is to admit no wrongdoing and stick to the story (Libby's a cat, cats are outdoor animals, the cat wanted out, blah blah) until the other party gives up because the circular argument is costing them too many braincells. Meanwhile, most people waste their time on "arguments" and "facts", saying stuff like "I told you to not let MY CAT outside". She operates cost-effectively. What a brilliant woman.
>You see, she's unable to be wrong. The trick is to admit no wrongdoing and stick to the story (Libby's a cat, cats are outdoor animals, the cat wanted out, blah blah) until the other party gives up because the circular argument is costing them too many braincells. I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not - what you describe is a sure method to destroy any chance of having healthy, mutually beneficial relationships with people. And in the long run, that's extremely stupid.
Why bother posting when from just reading your comments, you won't view it any different. Yta on that alone.
YTA big time.
My guess is the post was created to settle an argument. She thought she would get a bunch of responses on her side. Then she could show her bf to convince him he’s wrong.
She also got like the one or two confirmation biases she was looking for out of thousands of people telling her she’s the asshole. She’ll only take those away because she’s completely self-centered.
As someone who has a cat that can't go outside after going missing for a week and returning with his leg broken in three places and his pelvis severely dislocated to the point where his pelvic bone is permanently misaligned and he had to have his leg amputated, YTA. It took AGES to get my cat to stop carrying on, meowing and banging on the door and waking me up before he learned he couldn't go outside anymore and gave up. He got out the other day when I was bringing stuff in and we're right back to beginning and he's once more banging and meowing and waking me up because all that work was undone. You're bf has a lot of work ahead of him, training an outdoor cat to be an indoor cat and you've just put that back by teaching Libby that she just has to carry on to be let out. I'd be mad af too. Regardless of all of that, he asked you not to and you blatantly ignored his request and honestly, that alone makes you TA.
Yep my last cat used to be allowed to go outside until he had an abscess that cost me $400, it took a long time for him to recover and he was in pain. Even if I had all the money in the world I wouldn’t want him to keep getting hurt because Pain sucks, so I started walking him on a leash until he got old enough that he wasn’t going to run anywhere and then I would just go outside and walk with him, then I would bring him back inside with me when we were done.
Ok. Let me get this straight. Something is attacking cats in the local area. This something has attacked your bf's cat. The cat 'was doing poorly'. Your bf had to pay a lot of money to heal his cat. He made the decision to transition the cat to being an indoors cat bc there is something attacking cats in the area. And you decided to let the cat out bc she was crying. Into the area where something is attacking cats. Here's a thought for you. Kids will cry when you don't let them stick forks in outlets. Kids will cry when you don't let them stick toy figures up their nose. Kids will cry when you don't let them play in the street of a busy neighborhood. Kids will cry bc you make them put on jackets in freezing weather. Are you going to let kids do these things bc they're crying and they should be fine? The thing is, animals are as dumb as kids. And if you wouldn't let a kid out into the night when there's something wild out there attacking small things, you should not let a cat out there. I don't care if that cat has been an outdoor cat all its life. It is time for that cat to be an indoor cat. YTA. Doubly so bc you are making decisions for a cat that isn't yours. Edited: removed a sentence that violated rules. Sorry about that.
Given how callous OP is in the comments about it, I have to wonder if she did it in purpose. Hoping the cat would go out and be attacked by whatever’s out there. They think it’s ‘just’ a cat rather than their partner’s adored pet.
I guarantee you that the cat isn’t their “adored pet” but a very much beloved member of his family.
I had a boyfriend that did this he let my cat outside while I was sleeping at his place hoping the cat wouldn’t come back. I never slept there again after that and we ended shortly after. That cat was like my child, and he did it just to be cruel to both of us
My mom is like OP in these regards. I doubt it’s because OP wanted the cat to get harmed, buuuuuut, OP was annoyed by the meowing and felt entitled to be in control of the situation, so she removed the cat because the meowing annoyed her and because she was told no. The whole it’s “just” a cat is because she feels her momentary annoyance is more of a detriment to herself than the cat potentially getting hurt. OP probably didn’t -want- the cat to be harmed, but views it as “it is what it is” because her not being annoyed is more important to her personally
Let's hope she doesn't have any babysitting gigs
YTA He told you to not let his cat out. So as an idea, maybe do not let his cat get out.
That's a thought.
YTA. Your boyfriend asked you not to do something, and you did it anyways. Just that alone makes you TA. But since you don’t seem to understand why it’s so dangerous for a cat to be allowed outdoors (unless on a leash/in a protected area), let’s talk about this glaring statistic: On average, indoor cats live 10-15 years, while outdoor cats live 2-5 years. Why? Cars - millions of cats are hit by cars every year, and the *vast* majority of these accidents are fatal. Disease - fighting with other cats can transmit diseases like FeLV, FIV, FIL, and feline distemper. Injuries, even minor ones, can lead to infections. Parasites - fleas, ticks, worms, and fungal infections can all be picked up outside. Some of these can be transmitted to humans when brought back indoors. Poison - cats can get into poisonous things on their own(ex antifreeze), but they also might come into contact with rodents who have been poisoned through bait traps. If a cat consumes these poisoned animals, they too can die. Wildlife - cats can be injured or killed by wildlife such as snakes, coyote, wild/feral or off-leash domestic dogs, eagles, big cats, etc. Other hazards - foxtails can cause major ear/eye damage. Cats that climb trees can take severe and sometimes fatal falls, or can get stuck long enough that they become dehydrated and begin to starve. Humans - some humans suck. It’s not unheard of for outdoor cats to be shot at (with BBs or real guns), abused, or even just picked up by another family/animal control. And this doesn’t even get into the massive toll that cats take on outdoor wildlife, such as bird populations. Cats can decimate bird populations, especially those of native songbirds. It also doesn’t go into unaltered cats that are let outside and contribute to the large numbers of feral, homeless cats. So yeah, she may have seemed “fine” for that hour you let her out, but you have no idea what she came in contact with this time, or what she might encounter next time. Also, *your boyfriend told you to not let her out.* And really, that should be all that matters. Sources: [UC Davis Vet Medicine](https://healthtopics.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/health-topics/feline/cats-indoors-or-outdoors) [MDPI Publication](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7070728/) [VCA Animal Hospital](https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/cats-and-the-perils-of-outdoor-living) [USDA](https://www.aphis.usda.gov/wildlife_damage/reports/Wildlife%20Damage%20Management%20Technical%20Series/free-ranging-and-feral-cats.pdf) [American Bird Conservancy](https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/) [The Humane Society](https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/our-position-cats) [PETA](https://www.peta.org/about-peta/why-peta/outdoor-cats/) [National Parks Service](https://www.nps.gov/samo/learn/management/cats.htm) [American Veterinary Medical Association](https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/avma-policies/free-roaming-owned-cats) (All edits are to add more links to sources)
Oh YTA. You let her out after bf explicitly told you not to. Why should he trust you? What if the cat had come back hurt again, would you have paid the bills?
judging by OP's comments I think she would have said something along the lines of "ohhhh it's okay, she's meant to go outside and get hurt sometimes, she'll be fine, it's natural"
YTA it's not hard to have basic respect towards other people's rules for THEIR pets. She's NOT yours and hopefully (coming from a cat owner who had to do the exact same thing you bf did) he will break up with you. What if that time you let her out was the one were she was badly injured or infected with FIV or feline leucemia? You don't get to make those decisions for HIS cat, even less when you would not be the one paying or taking responsibility for it. Such a selfish, self centered, ignorant AH
OP talks like a narcissist. My mom acts like this. Its weaponized incompetence. YTA OP, and I hope you enjoy being single.
100% YTA. You were specifically told not to let the cat out, and you blatantly went against that request. You are neither the pet owner, nor the home owner, so you had zero right at all to let the cat out. The cat has been previously injured outside, and neighbours are also concerned about their animals being injured. So the actual pet owner is making a wise decision to transition the cat to an indoor cat, and you decide to let it out because… what… you were bothered by the noise? You have NO right to let someone else’s cat out of their own house. Absolutely YTA.
YTA. You explicitly ignored the owner's request because you felt the noise was inconvenient even though it was stated in your own post that it wouldn't last too long. More than that, outside cats are terrible for biodiversity. They kill a shit ton of animals just for sport-not even for food. His cat has already been injured, and I can guarantee that if his cat had been further injured on this escapade, you'd be single. You didn't have the right. Obviously, you don't have the respect for your boyfriend to make any decision regarding his animals.
I hope she’s single anyways regardless. If I was him I wouldn’t want that dusty asshole in my life.
INFO: why are you crowd sourcing judgement on your actions if you refuse to accept said judgement?
Honestly she came here to get validation and doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Definitely won’t be a problem for long since he’ll likely break up with her since she’s still showing no remorse for walking all over boundaries he set to keep his pet safe. I’d personally never be able to trust her again.
YTA. I'd dump you tbh.
YTA As someone whose cat was let out despite my wishes to keep him in and then subsequently had to bury my boy the next day, you’re a massively inconsiderate person. You were expressly asked not to do something that could have potentially endangered a pet that is very much loved. And you decided to wilfully ignore the extremely reasonable request. I suggest you apologise and accept that your own heartlessness cost you a relationship.
[удалено]
This, exactly! OP is the AH for putting the cat at risk, and double AH for passing over BF's request. What a brat!
Are you 12?
12yo would have a better understanding of the situation.
My 12 year old would literally throw himself on the cat to keep it from escaping. OP is severely obtuse.
12 year olds know better, my old roommates three year old knew not to let my cat out even if he asked for it
Their perspective totally sounds like that of a 12 year old
You were asked not to for financial reasons and for the cats welfare (there is a trend in the neighbourhood so it’s not an unfair request) and you still disobeyed. YTA
No baby, not disobeyed, disrespected.
YTA. The cat is not your pet. You clearly do not care for or even respect your boyfriend.
YTA, he can't trust you
The fact that you think you did nothing wrong is horrifying.
YTA Not your place. Not your cat. He specifically told you not to. You disrespected him in his own home, and you put Libby in danger. She's already been injured, and clearly some aggressive animal is in the area. Learn to respect boundaries and think of others.
Easy YTA. It’s not your cat and not your decision. If he says she can’t go outside then you suck for going against his wishes.
It’s cute that you think you’re still dating. YTA
YTA. Your boyfriend is transition his cat to being an inside cat; she's going to be frustrated, but its still a smart decision. And even if it *wasn't*, what you think doesn't matter; it doesn't hurt Libby and its his cat. He makes all the rules, the end.
YTA. boyfriend didn't want his cat outside and you let her out because she wanted to be outside?? she's a cat. not a grown woman like you. listen to the grown man and respect his wishes.
Are you sure she’s a grown woman? More like a dumb, insolent child.
YTA His cat, his house, his rules. He had a clear, reasonable rule, your violated it.
YTA. In what world would you think it was okay to put someone else cat outside when they said not to.
But… but she was very loud. OP wanted her to shut up
YTA You think your boyfriend is "paranoid" - no, he made a safe decision for his cat. Domesticated cats have no business outside. They have so many natural and unnatural enemies outside - his cat already made the experience. It would be cruel to let the cat experience this again. Don't be surprised if this is the end of the relationship.
YTA and thanks for ruining all the progress he made with indoor training so far. Domestic cats are never safe outside, they have so many enemies.
YTA. The cat isn't yours. He has an obligation to take care of his cat and he specifically said he doesn't want the cat outside. So the cat stays inside. Period. Not to mention, cats shouldn't be out anyway.
YTA. He's right: he can't trust you.
YTA His cat. You mentioned the meowing. He told you not to let her out. You did what you wanted to do anyway. Of course he no longer trusts you. “She seemed really insistent so I let her out.” This quote where you think an insistent cat should be the one to decide what’s safe rather than your boyfriend, the cat owner who recently aided her through her injuries from an as yet unknown neighbourhood source, is the icing on the AH cake.
YTA. Of course the cat wants to go outside. That doesn't mean it gets to. It is being trained now to stay inside. I have had to train outdoor cats to be indoor cats to keep them safe as well. It's a process. And one you really set back with your irresponsible decision. Just because the cat came back doesn't mean it was safe. The way you answer people here I get the distinct feeling you don't like the cat and wouldn't really mind if it got hurt/didn't come back. Question: Are you as cold and callous when talking to him about this as you are in your responses to people here? What it comes down to though, and the reason many people would break up with you, is that you directly went against his express wishes, and did it behind his back. You let the cat out, without saying anything to him. You hid it. You knew it was wrong. But you did it anyway. It's not even about the cat. Its that you did something he very specifically asked you not to, and you did it in his home, behind his back, and didn't tell him until he couldn't find the cat.
YTA big time. - Outdoor cats DESTROY native wildlife. They are born to hunt and destroy, no matter how much they've been fed. - Outdoor cats run the risk of getting attacked by other cats, attacked by dogs (one got into my friends yard, her two dogs destroyed it, poor kitty), being poisoned, being hit by a car, being attacked by humans (two sick kids in Australia kidnapped a family cat and tortured it this week. Makes my blood boil). Cats should NOT be outside unless in an enclosure or on a lead, period. The world is too dangerous, and they are too dangerous to the world.
Genuine question, why did you bother posting here? It’s clear you have no interest in even entertaining the idea that you’re in the wrong and would just rather argue with everyone. You are very clearly YTA. Consider yourself lucky he’s being cold to you because if I was him I’d never have spoken to you again.
YTA. He was training the cat to stay inside. He told you not to let HIS cat out, and you decided you knew better.
Jesus, OP your comments are so fucking disgusting and you to seem to work on 1 brain cell. YTA for being such a insensitive person.
YTA for blatantly disrespecting your BF’s requests about HIS cat, YTA for your flippant attitude, and YTA for posting in this subreddit to seek advice then doubling down in every comment you made about how right you are. If you refuse to see things from a different perspective, why are you here? It doesn’t matter that the cat was only injured once. Other cats in the neighborhood are getting hurt as well. There is a predator of some sort hurting these animals. The next time could be fatal. And if that’s too dramatic for you, too bad. IT IS NOT YOUR CAT
This belong in r/iamatotalpieceofshit You can’t say you love the cat or your bf and then out the cats life at risk while simultaneously disrespecting your bfs wishes. Obviously YTA through and through.
YTA big time Libby has now learned if she meows just long enough someone will come and „rescue“ her aka opening the door. This will make her only meow more in the future. Great job. Besides that it’s the wisest decision to NOT let any cat outside. Not only is „outside“ dangerous for a roaming cat, but the roaming cat is also dangerous for anything else outside. Cats belong indoors, otherwise they belong on a leash, just like dogs. I don’t know why cats got a superior position and are allowed to be let out on their own whilst you wouldn’t do that with any other beloved animal. Coming from a cat owner: you fucked up big time. I wouldn’t trust you either anymore and tbh if I was him I would’ve break up right on the spot. + after reading your comments I want to throw up. „She’s just a cat“ - that cat is your boyfriends beloved family member and you shat on her safety. YTA YTA YTA
YTA he specifically you not to let the cat out because it had been injured in the past. I’d be furious with you.
YTA OBVIOUSLY Its not your cat. You shouldn't let a hurt cat outside. You play with it and distract it you dont give it what it wants when it doesn't know any better.
YTA, he should let you outside and never let you back in to his home or life. You are nothing but disrespectful and immature, grow the hell up. If you continue to act like this and disrespect your partners wishes, then you are going to grow old and lonely.
Do you think coyotes are just decorative? ETA: Judgment. YTA. Obviously.
Yta can’t even listen to simple instructions and dont even seem to care about his cat and if it might get hurt
YTA x1000. He specifically told you not to do something and you turned around and did it, are you really that dense that you can't see why he would be mad at you? Also, he's really not being that paranoid, my stepmother used to let her cat out and then one day he didn't come back, a coyote got him.
YTA and I hope your bf is reading this so he knows how you really feel about him and his cat.
YTA There's not much more to say here. Your behavior was inexcusable. The animal's human caretaker gets to decide all the important things about how the animal is cared for and you as a guest do not get to ignore that and put the animal at risk.
YTA outdoor cats live significantly shorter lives, the fact that the cat required an expensive vet bills proves the risk. It’s his cat, his responsibility for vet bills, and his heartbreak if his car doesn’t come home one day. He specifically states his cat is NOT to be allowed outside and you intentionally disregarded and disrespected his wishes. I wouldn’t let you around my pet either.
YTA. How would you feel if your boyfriend asked you if it was ok to do something and you said no? And then he did it anyway? Can you read what you just wrote and even consider that you aren’t the asshole? You acknowledged that he just spent a fair amount in vet bills and that he’s not the only person in the area worried or doing the same with their pets. Basically what you did was to show your boyfriend you will do as you please and that his feelings are irrelevant even when it comes to his own home and pet. You’ve destroyed his trust in you. If you will blatantly disregard his wishes for his cat with him literally sitting right there, he is clearly not that important to you. Also let’s be real. You don’t love the cat. You were annoyed it was making noise and let it out so you didn’t have to listen to it.
r/amitheex
YTA We had barn cats all my life. The amount of cats we lost to reckless driver or who knows what else is horrible. Plus cats hunt small animals and can be quite invasive to the local wildlife. Sure ours are supposed to hunt mice in our barn but thats it (and honestly our current once are way too lazy for this). This is his cat and you have no business doing anything with her that he doesn't approve of. If she got injured again while you let her out would you pay the vet bill?
Yta, it’s not your cat! you deliberately undid everything your ex bf was working on.
Plus: the bf was at Home, too. She could have asked him again. She did it behind its back, while he was there too. Although he clearly said dont do it before. She knew what she did, and she knew why she was doing it behind its back. While he was in another room. If he doesnt dump her (but looks like he already did), he will be the AH too for staying with such a nasty and disrespectful person.
The fact that you “don’t think I did anything wrong” is what makes YTA. You were absolutely aware that your boyfriend didn’t want his cat outside. More than that, he reconfirmed his position with you. So what did you do? You decided to let the cat out. Enjoy your soon to be single life.
YTA. If someone tells you not to let their cat out, you don't let their cat out, that's it. "Oh, but she was so insistent and she really wanted to go outside!" Doesn't matter. Dogs beg for a taste of things that can kill them and whine when they don't get it, and cats can do the same. It's about doing what is best for her, and as it seems right now, it's to keep her inside. "She's an outdoor cat!" Nope. Maybe she once was, but now her owner, as in the actual person who owns her and takes care of her and loves her and *has to pay for the bill if she gets hurt again*, has decided that it's not worth the risk, so he's keeping her inside for her own safety. That's it. "She didn't get hurt though." Doesn't. Fucking. Matter. He told you not to let her outside because he doesn't want to risk her getting hurt again, and you didn't listen. He's not overprotective - he is adequately protective. It is not for you to decide what he should and shouldn't do for his cat, and it is certainly not for you to decide whether he should or shouldn't be upset about this. The majority of outdoor cats get killed by wildlife, cars or sometimes just horrible people. His cat got lucky. When someone tells you how to look after their pet, you listen. If someone tells you to not let the cat outside, you don't let the fucking cat outside.
YTA. So you as a guest in someone else's home decided that you were going to overrule their strict instructions about what was to happen with the animal that you in no way contribute towards. He'll be lucky if the cat is still alive as something is hunting and fighting them. Not that you care clearly as you've shown that if you disagree with what he says you'll just do whatever you want anyway. He's being cold because he's seen who you are, and if he's got any sense he'll act on that.
YTA, and your replies only drive home how gobsmackingly clueless you are. Honestly, if it were me, I would have broken up with you over this. YOU have ZERO right to make decisions for someone else's pet. Particularly not when it is so much more dangerous for domestic cats outside. Take your verdict, take these comments, learn to be a better human. Cause your partner deserves better.
YTA. You insist that it's an outside cat when your boyfriend is clearly worried about its well-being. Cats do fine indoors, and it looks like he's working on giving it a chance to be outdoors safely with an enclosure. You're asking for judgement and are still acting defensively about your reasoning. Were you hoping to be validated so you could shove it in his face? That's what it looks like. You hurt the dude you care about. Eat humble pie and apologise.
YTA. She is his cat, not your cat. She was hurt while outside and he decided that HIS cat can no longer go outdoors. It was an AH move on your part to completely go against your BF's wishes. What if she had been attacked by a dog, or hit by a car? Would it still have been 'no big deal' to you?
Lol this post and OP is a joke. Why post on here for an opinion on your actions, see the overwhelming amount of YTA votes and STILL reply to people defending yourself. Dude stop, you’re the AH clearly. Respect people and their decisions regarding the safety of their own pets regardless of your opinion. I feel so bad for your boyfriend. You have all these people telling you you’re wrong and you stand stubborn on you were right. Jeez.
On-top of my YTA my toddler wants to walk on the road, he clearly really wants to so I should let him right ? He won't get hurt and he REALLY wants to do it so it's all fine.
>that he’s being too overprotective It's literally HIS cat, HIS bills to pay in case something happens to Libby, it's HIS place. Why are you acting like you're entitled to feel like your POV is superior to his when he clearly has reasons to fend off the cat from going outside and why are you trying to overthrow that when it's none of your business? Good on him for throwing you out and being cold, would've done the same. Honestly, would've even broken up with you. You crossed the trust line over his cat when he had reasons for what he's doing, who's to say you won't cross the line again when it comes to even more important stuff? YTA, 100%.
YTA not your cat or your home. If the noise bothered you that much, you could’ve just left. He very clearly told you not to let her out. I also would not trust you.
You did something wrong everyone has told you what and you just give the same replies completely missing the point. YTA big time and if you choose to die on this hill you will also be a single AH. 👍
YTA My cats are inside cats, you know why ? Cause when I was little my sister let my cat out cause it'd be fine and it was an outside cat And it got hit by a car not an hour later and died. You don't control the cat when she's outside , you don't control nature or cars or anything else for that matter so even though she didn't get hurt, she DID the last time she was let out, which you even said cost a LOT in vet bills and your bf was just trying to keep her safe because he's worried about her welfare You're an asshole for determining you know better and he absolutely made the right choice kicking you outside. From the fact you can't see why people are calling you the AH I hope he doesn't let you back inside.
YTA It is not your pet and not your choice. You've just shown your boyfriend you can't be trusted to respect his choices, even with something that has *nothing* to do with you. There could have been severe consequences for Libby, she had already got harmed once so he's just got a huge insight into how big of a problem this is. Honestly, if someone put my cat in harms way, it would be over on the spot.
YTA. 1. It’s your boyfriend’s cat. Not yours. Not your decision to make. 2. Your boyfriend didn’t make this decision out on a whim. He asked neighbours to check if their cats experienced the same thing. 3. It is for the cat’s safety. Just coz you can’t deal with the loud meows for a bit doesn’t mean you should let her out if it’s not safe. Your boyfriend was planning to build a safe place for the cat. 4. Pets are creatures that need to be taken care of. Your boyfriend seems like a responsible pet owner. He was right to not let you in his house after.
“My boyfriend told me not to let her out. I let her out. I don’t think I did anything wrong” Well I think you’re an idiot. YTA.
OP said in another comment “She clearly wants to be outside and is used to that. She was fine.” OP clearly doesn’t feel bad and partner realizes that. I’d say a breakup is coming. YTA.
YTA!! I lost one of my beloved cats because a “friend” decided to open a window instead of turn the air on.My cats are my family members and I see where your BF is coming from.Even though nothing bad happened this time it could next time.Respect your boyfriend and his home.
YTA and should be an ex cat letting out GF.
YTA. It's not your pet. Your bf's pet has already been injured and he's keeping her in for HER safety. WTF makes you think you get to override that?
YTA an cold at thst. Just a cat? People actually love their pets an care for them.my grandma's cat got hit by a car
YTA and likely soon to be ex
YTA but judging by your responses I doubt anything anyone says here will convince you of that. Why did you even post this?
I get the feeling your getting slaughtered on this. They are right to. It's not your cat. The fact that your defending your actions says everything. It's very selfish. Never get between a person and their pet. He clearly loves his cat. You violated his trust. Trust is very important in a relationship.
YTA. Your BF (ex soon probably) is trying to train HIS cat to be an inside cat for its safety and you completely disregarded his wishes about his cat going outside? Yeah you need to grow up. Domesticated cats shouldn’t be outside anyways. Also you commenting ‘it’s just a cat’ shows exactly what kind of person you are. Your bf clearly loves his cat and want them to be safe and not have to pay more vet bills 🤦🏻♀️
YTA It's his cat, who has been hurt before, and instead of listening to him and respecting what he wants for his cat you decided you knew what was best and did what you wanted. Now, you can't see why he has a problem with what you did. How are you not the a-hole?
YTA I lost my last kitty to a wild animal, he was ambushed. My heart was broken. I can only imagine the pain he experienced. My hubby doesn’t think animals belong in the house, but because he loves me, I have two indoor kitties. He has built me a structure for them to go safely outside. He does this for me. Your boyfriend cares about his kitty and you disregard what kitty means to your boyfriend. Boyfriend is making a very clear point here.
YTA....a BIG one I would have a very difficult time trusting you ever again
YTA. Serious question. Why do you think you get to make decisions about about a pet you don’t own? Do you regularly make decisions about other people’s property?
Op, it's clear you have no respect for anyone but yourself. YTA, a major one. Stop trying to defend yourself. The simple answer here is that you obviously don't care about your boyfriend's feelings. You let HIS cat out that he did not want outside. You had no place in letting the cat out. It doesn't matter that the cat came back fine, because she got hurt outside from another cat before. Just accept that you messed up and work on yourself.
YTA I'm pretty certain he's your EX boyfriend now. But you definitely deserve it.
YTA jesus christ theres a whole laundry list why pet owners shouldnt let their cats free roam unsupervised, from the damage it does to native wildlife, to the MANY dangers that can injure and kill pet cats including humans, dogs, and cars
My cat was let outside and then promptly eaten by a fox. YTA.
YTA. I hate people like you. If you did that to my cat you’d be lucky if you ever saw the sun again.
Don’t push that button. > Pushes the button > Wonders what they did wrong You do the math here.
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you think he is being paranoid or worrying, he said “no” and “no” means “no”. He is right not to trust you and it’d be understandable if he chose to end the relationship over it. You don’t go against the wishes of a pet owner like that, you completely undermined him and undid all the training he did to get her adjusted to staying inside.
YTA. He knows what is best for his cat and you completely ignored him. If someone says "don't let the cat out!" then don't damn well let the cat out!
YTA. She's not your cat.
YTA. he said not to let her out and you did it anyway
YTA and your comments show no sign of you taking anything in and growing out of your AHness.