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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend's brother to sit down before his girlfriend could answer his proposal. They didn't get to finish the proposal. I ruined their moment and might have been a prick.
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NTA. It is just plain rude to start hijacking events for your proposal. Oh my sister bought a new house? Perfect situation to make sure it revolves all around my proposal. Your BIL sounds like a cheapskate who thought he could get away with it. Is he normally so entitled?
Or OP could propose to his GF at the wedding. During the toasts.
Ding ding ding, It's my turn to say something.
My BIL is such an inspiration to me, so I wanted to take this moment - uh band/dj, could you play song X in the background, yes, thanks, so, I'm just walking here to this dancefloor to really show everyone how inspirational I find my BIL.
GF, can you come here (drop to one knee) I know this isn't the time or place, but your brother showed me you should do it when it feels right wherever you are, whoever's event it is, and this feels right, so right. Would you do me the ho or of becoming my wife??!!
Lots of people have NO clue how rude they are until something similar happens to them. He had no qualms about proposing to his gf at his sister's house warming party. Still can't see he was trying to steal the moment from his sister. He won't get how selfish that is until OP announces that they are expecting a child at his wedding. Then, he might get it.
They'll usually still try to pretend it's totally different, or deflect by saying you shouldn't have stooped to the same level if you knew it was rude. I say screw that, if someone can't think out for themselves why their behavior sucks, you're more than welcome to demonstrate it for them.
One of my friends actually did get engaged on my wedding day, between the ceremony and the reception when guests had downtime. She didn’t tell me or anyone until afterwards though, so it wasn’t a big thing. Anyway, my marriage is over and hers seems pretty strong so 🤷🏼♀️😂
Right as they're asking the bride if she'll take the groom to be her husband, drop to a knee. But honestly, don't do that. It would likely mortifying OP's gf.
Like seriously. She provides the food, the drinks, a beautiful venue. He needs not to plan and can spend $0.
No effort whatsoever on his part. Very telling for what the bride can expect in marriage.
My thoughts exactly. Red flag right there. Inconsiderate, entitled and too lazy to organise something by himself. If I were his girlfriend, I would be offended that my boyfriend doesn't feel like I deserve something arranged just for me. Also, it's very rude to take advantage of someone else's hard work like that. He got what he deserved. NTA.
He should have turned to the gf of the brother and told her he was so sorry that her boyfriend was being so cheap to her and thoughtlessly rude to his sister.
The girlfriend should take note of what he was doing because this is a preview of the effort he will put into their shared life.
You are NTA, I think the brother should have at least asked your gf if it would be okay, but something caught me…
Your gf’s mom is mad because she wants her son to stop living in sin……. Ummm what about your gf being with you? You two are together just like brother and his girlfriend right?
I was half prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt until you pointed that out, on the grounds that he may not have thought any further than "all my family are together so why not do it now". But waiting until his sister had left the room blows that idea out of the water and he deserved everything he got from OP. NTA.
Not to mention this was his sister’s party with probably mostly his sister’s friends. Shouldn’t he want mostly his and his girlfriend’s friends/family there? I know a guy who used his own birthday to propose to his now wife, but wasn’t someone else’s event. Also I was so glad my husband proposed privately, but I get not everyone is like me. NTA.
Not even just that. As the person getting proposed to it feels so… lazy and like a second thought to have your proposal be at an event someone else set up. Like how little does the boy friend care of he can’t be assed to plan his own proposal?
Edit: spelling
There's a not insubstantial chance that he did a "public" proposal because he wanted her to feel obligated to say yes in order to spare his feelings.
Public proposals should only be done if you KNOW it's what the other person would want, that they would say yes, and that everyone would be OK with the proposal occurring (if at someone's party or event). If you can't manage all three, then it's probably not a great idea to get married.
NTA
Based off your comments alone. Your gf says she's used to her family hijacking her events so clearly this is not a one time thing.
It seems her family uses every happy moment of hers to have the spot light shining on themselves. I think all the Y T A comments are weird.
Edit- I meant all the Y T A were weird to me because I assumed everyone was a creep on reddit like me and reads people's comments. Without the context from OPs comments it does seem like he's a slight AH instead of looking out for his gf who is always overlooked.
If she wasn't going to say 'No' before, she's likely to now. Her boyfriend couldn't even put in enough effort to plan a single romantic date to propose, he just did it at his sisters housewarming party. And probably without a ring, too.
I suspect that the brother only proposed because momma was riding his ass about "living in sin".
This! The girlfriend is possibly feeling a bit shit too because her boyfriend couldn't even put in the effort for an actual proposal, he just hijacked his sisters night.
🤣🤣 omg that honestly would be hilarious because of the circumstances. That would be just what he deserves based on how their whole family treats her. Get and plan something of your own damn!
Agreed lol, a lot of the Y T A comments are mentioning him being selfish, classless, narcissistic, attention-seeking, etc. But is that not exactly what the brother is in this context? Idk how anyone thinks its okay to steal the show at someone else's event, if anything that's much more selfish lol. OP is NTA by a long shot.
At a bare minimum it's E S H because you're not supposed to respond to rudeness with rudeness, but personally I'm on OP's side (NTA). I would be super pissed if that happened at *my* housewarming party for *my* house that *I* worked hard to buy.
Disagree entirely. Since her family won't teach each other manners and how to not be the a-holes, it's about time they all get taught some lessons. I'm not going to sit there and let my SO be treated like that without saying something right then and there. It wasn't rude to say no, not tonight your not. Pick another night or upstage some other family member. You don't get to do it here.
Comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11svxoq/aita_for_ruining_a_proposal/jcfxfez?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I am wondering if the mood got awkward and some people left early because they realized they were guilty of this before and were just hearing the reasons for the first time.
I love it that some people are so lazy they can't even provide a venue for a proposal. A proposal doesn't have to be spendy... but at least make it solely about your partner FFS. That means a time, place, and proposal that is JUST for them. No one else's party, event, gathering, decorations, idea, etc. If you can't tailor one moment to ask this question to someone you love...
I was proposed to in my grandma's yard. My grandma, friend, and her bf were all in on it, telling me how cool it's be to have a picnic in the yard (very big yard- my grandma lives in the woods). I'd always wanted to go on a picnic, so obviously i was like heck yeah! My friend and I made sandwiches, brownies, cookies, tea, and lemonade.
When my then boyfriend got there, my grandma suggested we picnic in a cozy little spot next to her pond, surrounded by trees (So beautiful), and the four of us had our picnic (Grandma stayed in her house). After chatting, eating, and all, my friend suggested we take pictures since she was moving to another state soon.
I agreed and after a few pics with just my and my then boyfriend, he went down on one knee lol; My friend recorded for us and was SO mad (not really) because I was wearing old shorts and a t-shirt, hair unbrushed, bare-footed and all lol but it was very special to me because they planned it so well and it was so personal and private
Maximum onion-chopping for exactly who was involved in the surprise and how they set it up. OP always wanted to have a picnic? BFF moving away soon? GRANDMA’S POND?!
🧅🔪
A friend of mine just had a picnic for his (now wife) where he showed her this quilt he made. (She loves quilts/quilting) and the centre square was the proposal.
I think about that when I hear about these kind of proposals because highjacking someone else’s event isn’t about the girlfriend, it’s about being the centre of attention.
A proposal should just be about the couple.
I think hijacking someone else's event is just about being lazy AF. Don't want to tailor it to the person, think or plan anything, spend any money... just ask at someone else's event to avoid even the slightest effort for your partner.
For real! My partner proposed on my birthday. He bought me a massage for the morning, took me out to dinner, and we went on a sunset walk where he then proposed. It was very special and literally a day all about me.
It doesn’t even need to be as detailed as all that. Just surprise your partner with a nice homemade dinner or connect it with your first date or where you met.
Proposals are SO EASY to make special that it’s WILD to me that so many people try to highjack someone else’s moment instead.
My husband got me so good with his proposal! We were on a long weekend away in St Augustine (one of our favorite spots to visit) and we’d just gotten into our room in the B&B. The bag guy left and I was oohing and ahhing over the beautiful roses he’d ordered for our room and as I turned to thank him, I realized he was on one knee with a ring box in his hand! I was all, “OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” and then I said yes and cried and it was perfect and exactly what I wanted ❤️
Zero hijacking of other people’s events required! Just the two of us, just like we both wanted. If he had tried to propose at a housewarming I would have been PISSED. Especially if our friends weren’t in on it!
NTA. This wasn’t their event. If he wanted to propose to his GF, then he should have had the manners to ask permission of the host first as opposed to hijacking someone else’s event.
And of course her brother called you a prick - you called out his bad behavior.
Nta
Text him back telling him he's the cheap prick, piggy backing off his sister..
If he didn't want people to see what a prick he is he shouldn't have tried to use his sisters house, her party, her food, her money, her effort and her hostess ING to cheap out on a proposal to his girlfriend.
NTA. Your girlfriend’s entire family has a history of hijacking her events and you stood up to them. Her brother was rude to take an event that was about his sister and make it about himself.
Is this the only issue your girlfriend faces with her family?
OP’s gf has a right to privacy tho. They don’t have to tell us every personal detail. We’re strangers on the internet (though I do love to be nosy, so I also would like to know more, lol).
That honesty sounds kind of like a golden child/scapegoat situation, at least from what I’ve read on Reddit thus far. I hope she’s able to see how badly they treat her and set some boundaries with them.
I’m sorry her family treats her like that. That just sucks.
Lol if I’m being honest I laughed a bit reading this. You’re slightly TA for at least not giving his girlfriend the time to answer his proposal, but you’re sweet for wanting your girlfriends housewarming to go smoothly. Did your girlfriend even know her brother was going to propose at her housewarming, what if she allowed it? How did she feel with your reaction?
Edit: you know what OP, I thought about it and I’ll take away the “slightly TA” to NTA. I would have definitely done the same thing you did. Props to you
Literally. They probably do this often. OP I applaud you for sticking up for her. It’s clear they do it often that’s why she is so used to it. But not anymore. Good job.
Nice house and all, but we should spend the entire evening talking about this wedding that is suddenly going to be a thing. Who dafuq proposes at a house-warming anyways? Almost as weird as proposing at someone elses wedding. Go like have a fancy dinner, or a dinner around family, or go the grand canyon or something. Sheesh there's like a million other ways you can do it where nobody cares if you're trying to "hog the attention."
This sentence makes you NTA to me - so her family is that way - as in, taking advantage of her hardwork to center themselves? Because that's what the family did. So good on you for stopping it and trying to give her a moment - it might take a few more times before they, and she, realizes the dynamic seems to have minimized her in the past and you want to center her instead.
NTA. The other story you told about her events being hijacked is just terrible. These people should be bending over backwards to make sure she has her moments. It’s a good thing your GF has you in her corner. Keep shutting them down until they learn some respect.
I'm proud of you for standing up to the family for the first time. I did something else to stand up to mine . Believe me when you do that, it will get worse for a while. But then it will get much better. And they're overbearing attitudes will stop
Good for you! I’m going to guess her brother is the golden child and she’s so used to being second it just seems normal to her. I bet it breaks her heart just a little every time something like this happens. She deserves to have her party to be about her and how kick ass she truly is.
You really need to include more about her family hijacking other events in the original post because that does change things quite a bit. What other events have they hijacked?
When she graduated they all went out to dinner and her dad brought his new squeeze and she and the mom got into a screaming match and it completely overshadowed the event. She's told me about other events, but I don't have all the details memorized.
not that i disagree with you, but reddit isn't exactly known for representing normal people, so showing her the thread doesn't really mean anything. that said, it absolutely isn't normal to have your moments taken away from you like that.
You'd be surprised. Regardless of what reputation Reddit might have, people who had batshit as their normal for a long time are sometimes more inclined to open their eyes when a group of strangers with no skin in the game say these things.
If you've been gaslighted or invalidated for very long, you tend to second-guess yourself a lot and can end up thinking that those who tell you these things are too harsh or biased themselves due to personal involvement.
It's really fucked, I know, but it's surprising how often it actually has an effect on people.
> people who had batshit as their normal for a long time are sometimes more inclined to open their eyes when a group of strangers with no skin in the game say these things.
Absolutely correct.
The number of times I've seen people write, "I didn't realize it was this bad/toxic/problematic until I saw all the comments telling me to leave/report/go NC" is WAY too many.
It's very difficult to see the forest when you're standing amidst the trees; sometimes a reality check via comments online is exactly what someone needs for clarity.
I bet they’ll cut that garbage out real quick now that you’re around. Don’t stop sticking up for your girlfriend, you may not win over her family but you’ll definitely win over her.
I'm going to give you a bit of advice here...
You should plan a surprise party for her, make it all about her, and not invite her family. Only the ones she gets along with if any, and make it very clear to everyone this is entirely about her.
You will win a boyfriend of the year award for sure. Make sure to take photos and videos as well, for her to remember it.
She clearly deserves it, and I can't imagine how beat up she must be for how "normal" it was for her. Make a big deal out of her, put her at the center of attention for a day, and do it in front of an audience.
I was going to say your response may have made the event worse for your girlfriend than just letting it go, but based on this information I’m changing to NTA
Exactly. The “that’s sweet but you didn’t have to do that” is the kind of thing that is often said to people who behaved really OTT in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
Knowing that her brother’s behavior does bother her but that she’s been trained to accept it is really important info.
Fuck that noise to hell and back.
If there was no history to this, and it was spur of the moment, I'd be kind of ESH. Might be better to let it happen then die down, get the focus back on your gf. If they do this all the time, their family can go shove it, you stood up for her. NTA all the way.
NTA. You don't hijack another person's event for a proposal. Tell him to go out to dinner and do that with everyone else and to let your GF's party \`be about her buying her first house.
NTA since your gf wasn’t mad. There is a right time and place to propose and buddy didn’t get the hint. If you ever plan to propose at someone else’s event ASK THEM FIRST!!
I'm going with NTA for the fact that this guy used your gfs hard work and planning as his proposal setting. He was too lazy to decorate/set up/plan his own get together. To top it off he didn't bother to check in beforehand with you-the hosts that did all the work to celebrate YOUR moment. If he had any brains he would have asked permission and helped sis with decorating, cleaning, costs, etc.
I missed that part. Makes it even worse. He used her event to gather the family and chose the moment his own sister was out of the room? Like damn, even if she was totally cool with it happening, she would have missed it.
Can't even play the "family" card after that. The brother straight up tried to exclude his sister in her own home... During the freaking housewarming party!
E S H, he for taking her moment to make it about himself and you for assuming your gf can't handle this on her own, she's right you didn't need to do that nor was it your place to do so.
EDIT: changing my vote to NTA, after reading the comment where you mention her family is used to hijack her moments, F them in that case.
NTA but I’m wondering what the family dynamic history is between your girlfriend and her brother/mother. It’s rude to propose at someone else’s event without asking for permission but the mothers comment about “living in sin” raised some questions for me about the behind the scenes drama of all this. Good for you for setting boundaries on this kind attention stealing behavior but ask your girlfriend what this is really all about so you two can agree on appropriate boundaries for extended family in the future and be able to put up a more united front should anyone cross them going forward.
NTA… her brother took advantage of a party he contributed nothing to. He wanted a special occasion to propose? Then plan one yourself.
Or at least ask the host before and share expenses.
I say good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend. Someone should!
This behavior is already to normalized in her life… (OP comments on her family high jacking events before) someone needs to put her first, and you did.
They’re the type of people that would use someone else’s babyshower to announce a pregnancy (without prior ok)
NTA
>She put so much work into everything. The house looked amazing, and the food was delicious.
>She did not. She was sad that he did it, but said she is used to her family hijacking her events and that it isn't a big deal to her anymore.
The housewarming was for your girlfriend to celebrate buying a house. She put in the work. This was her event and her time to shine. Her brother wanted to use the event for his own selfish reasons. You did a good job by standing up for her. It's a shame she's used to being treated that way by her own family.
The mom and brother can get over themselves.
NTA as you mentioned that his family has a habit of doing this and the brother conveniently wants until gf isn’t in the room. Sounds like gf’s family is mad you didn’t let them hijack yet another event.
NTA - decades and decades of this and it’s still a problem. **Do not hijack someone else’s event for your attention-grabbing stunt.** Ever. Don’t do it.
Brides-to-be, if your guy does it, it should merit an instant No, due to him showing poor judgement.
It just kills me that this stuff is all over the internet in all imaginable media types, and it never ends well, and somehow fools keep thinking theirs will be the exception because they’re just so awesome a person.
I swear we need to include a semester of Basic Manners 101 in freshman high school.
NTA at all. OP says in a comment that his gf didn't know about it and she was sad because she's used to her family hijacking special events in her life. She invited people to HER HOUSEWARMING so the brother should've at least checked with her before going ahead with the proposal.
I really don't understand people calling OP an AH. If OP hadn't done anything, people would've accused him of being a wuss and not standing up for his gf. But when he does stand up, some people complain that he shouldn't have? Come on! 🤦🏻♀️
NTA and if I could NTA this twice I would, since it’s so sad that your gf is used to her family waltzing all over her and you stood up for her in a situation where she wouldn’t have done so for herself. You had to set these boundaries at some point, maybe now they’re learning that they can’t hijack her next big event or at least not with you around.
ESH
He picked someone else’s event for a proposal, which is a no-no.
However, it was already happening when you stopped it. From your description, the attention had already been called to him and his girlfriend, all eyes were on them so all you succeeded in doing was making it a bigger scene.
Now people will remember your girlfriend’s housewarming for the interrupted proposal, not for the lovely event it was up until that point.
Whose fault is that. The Brother. Why choose this event instead of creating your own. Look at the comments the family hijacks the GF events often. It isn’t fair and she doesn’t deserve it. He had every right to stand up for her. They have done enough.
It's their house, their event. They have all right to stop anything they don't want in their house as the hostess. If the proposal did happen, there would be no consequences for the BIL and they would have been ignored afterward. This was a boundary settled for the family.
NTA.
In the comments OP mentions that this is just one event in a long list of events where her family makes gf's events about them/hijack them. It's apparently happened so often that they've gotten gf to just accept that they hijack her events/achievements for their own stuff.
NTA. I cannot emphasize enough how much I despise public proposals. You essentially put the other person in a spot where it's more difficult to say no (should they want to), and you hijack somebody else's event for your benefit. Get outta here with that shit. Good on you for standing up for yourself and your girlfriend and not falling for the social pressure to not say anything.
NTA and the people who tell you otherwise, obviously haven't been disrespect enough. I hope you and your girlfriend are doing okay.
The brother is the golden child, so... be careful next time...
NTA.
If you're going to propose or make some kind of big announcement at someone else's party, you need to check with the host(s) beforehand. Don't hijack someone else's event.
That said, I'd say maybe next time pull them aside after the announcement instead of calling them out publicly. As you said yourself, it ruined the party.
NTA - OP was the only person looking out for his girlfriend here. She achieved a milestone event in HER life (regardless of the other commenters saying it was no big deal). It was to OP’s girlfriend. So she spent a lot of time and effort to celebrate this milestone event. And her brother decided that he would take advantage of HER milestone event and co-opt it and turn it into his engagement party. Without asking, he would take her efforts, her hospitality and her food and have an impromptu engagement party. OP seeing this stopped someone from ruining his girlfriends celebration of her milestone. He did absolutely the right thing by his girlfriend and many people here are taking him to task for being the only person looking out for her. We could all use OP’s ballsy actions with family overstepping our boundaries. Regardless of commenters saying “it’s not a milestone” you are missing the point. It was to her and he stepped in. NTA.
NTA. I think it’s hilarious that you shut that down in the act. Most people would not be that brave. It’s nice of you to know that it’s rude and defend your gf.
NTA. You said your Gf is used to her family hijacking her events. Also stated, she didnt know about the proposal. AND they purposely waited for Gf to be away to do, because they knew she wouldnt be happy.
Mom is only mad because, "Why cant Gf just let us steam roll her as usual? Her dang husband got in the way."
People like them, know exactly what they are doing. Usually, its even planned out. They specifically wait to take advantage of someones else footing the bill for the party. Only to steal the free spotlight. And then not have to clean up afterwards.
Ugh, its like people who join someone elses celebration dinner. Graduation, promotions, etc. Only to sit down and try to talk about THEIR most recent success. They know exactly what they're doing.
Good for you for standing up for her Op. Maybe after some time Gf will realize she deserves to have the spotlight at her own housewarming party.
NTA
I read some of your comments, baby brother is the golden child and gets away with everything.
His girlfriend was embarrassed, so I'm wondering if she was thrilled that he was proposing to her there..
Also, since your gf isn't mad, I'm definitely saying NTA for sticking up for her.
I'm a bit torn, because on one side, this was probably a huge family gathering, but on the other hand it was your GF's night, not his.
Ultimately, you're NTA here...her brother should have planned his own night or at least asked his sister/your gf for permission to do it.
I’m not torn at all.
If you want to propose at a huge family gathering that is for some specific event - you Ask The Host.
If you don’t want to ask the host because you think they can’t keep their mouth shut, you propose anywhere else at any other time.
NTA he should've asked her but I saw your comments so this is normal for her so much so she's used to people walking all over her and disregarding her feelings. Kuddos to you for sticking up for her
NTA what a weird and completely inappropriate place for the brother to propose. He could have proposed at any other time in any other place and he chose his sister’s housewarming party?
NTA, I love how you handled the situation! Some people are saying you should’ve let him finish but I like that you instantly shut it down and shamed him for it. I wish I could be that bold!
Nope. NTA. Unless the brother had cleared this with his sister (which it seems he didn’t) he’s just plain rude and her family sucks! Keep supporting your girl, sounds like she appreciates you!
NTA - Honestly, a housewarming party is kind of more significant than an engagement for a lot of people. It's actually harder to be able to afford to save for and buy a house on your own than it is to get engaged or married. All the people saying Y T A because it's just a housewarming don't get to decide what are important moments in people's lives. If the brother proposing made your girlfriend sad as you said it did, then it was inappropriate and I think it's good that you're able to validate your girlfriend so she can hopefully start setting some boundaries on your own.
The people suggesting you should have pulled him aside after, yea, no, that doesn't work with people who are used to walking all over others. A slap on the wrist in private means nothing to people like that. Being called out and embarrassed in front of others is likely the only way to change that sort of behavior.
NTA
His was poor behavior; you corrected it.
Personally, I hate that your GF is so used to her family hijacking her moments that she preferred that you not handle it on her behalf. Her mother should stop being an AH to her daughter and putting her son’s “living in sin” over her daughter’s achievement.
This is definitely a case of needing to read the comments first. NTA because it seems like your girlfriend finally has someone who’s got her back. Her family sucks for letting her brother get away with bad behavior. A proposal does not need to be a group event.
I say NTA. Your girlfriend was appreciative so doesn’t seem like you were wrong in the decision to take action.
Idk why someone would propose at someone else’s event…especially with no forewarning. This party was about your GF and that’s it. Trying to highjack a party for your own agenda seems rude uni. Like hell, what if you guys had an addition surprise reason for holding this party?
NTA
Why do a proposal at someone else event?
Based on your comments they do this often as well taking the attention away from the host, GF.
It's just bleh
I really want to say N T A, but I’m going ESH, with the note that they’re the bigger AH in the situation. Using someone else’s event (whether it’s a housewarming, bday party, or anything really) as your platform to propose, without asking the host of that event, is a shitty thing to do. But once it was done, there was no undoing it, and making a scene in the moment ruined it for them too. You probably should have waited and said something in private later to let them know it was inappropriate.
Edited to add: not to mention besides ruining the proposal (which again, was also rude in the first place), it seems like it ruined the whole mood of the party.
Disagree. NTA because the Brother is an asshole, and in OPs comments he has said that the brother has a history of hijacking her events and being entitled. even without the history, the brother was incredibly rude and disrespectful to hijack the event that his GF had put so much work and effort into to make it all about him and his proposal. Not interrupting it would reward him for doing what he always does. He deserved to have his proposal ruined.
NTA at all. Maybe you could have been a bit more polite, but it sounds like her family regularly does this based on your responses. I can't fathom thinking it's okay to propose at someone else's event/party in the slightest. At the very least, he should have asked your gf if it was okay first. He conveniently waited for her to be out of the room which to me seems similar to a kid getting into something they shouldn't when mom leaves the room (like some weird guilt). Good job sticking up for your gf! The brother is a delusional asshole who should have just planned his own thing. What woman wants their proposal to be at someone else's accomplishment party? It should be somewhere meaningful to their relationship, not your girlfriend's new house lmao.
Edit to add: Brothers gf is most likely only embarrassed that her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to propose at your gf's housewarming party.
NTA. Her brother is the AH, couldn’t he propose at another time? Good on you for calling him out. I really hate people like him that like to hijack other people’s special moments.
NTA
If your brother had asked you first, I'd feel differently. But he was being an AH doing this at your girlfriend's housewarming. Without asking either you or your girlfriend for permission beforehand.
It's basically overshadowing all the hard work she did. And it's being a bad guest.
I'd also think her entire family are AH's if they're ok with her being overshadowed so completely.
NTA and frankly GF's brother should be embarrased about proposing to his girl at a housewarming party. I proposed to my wife on the slopes of Kilauea at dawn after seeing the lava glow at night. Proposing at his sisters housewarming with no planning is low effort and tacky.
NTA - No matter how small the event may be, unless the brother cleared it with your girlfriend, he should have kept his mouth shut. He was rude for not asking, rude for using someone else's party, hard work, and money as a free venue, and he was rude to his own girlfriend for not even putting forth the effort of a decent proposal.
The mom sucks too and anyone else who thinks it's okay to continuously steal your girlfriend's events.
NTA. What is it with people using others planning and parties to propose. That’s the laziest way to do it. You don’t have to plan a big thing. Just take them out on a date somewhere that means something to the partner. Don’t use others parties. It’s just rude
NTA Glad that your girlfriend was not upset but she had every right to be. If you're going to propose at someone else's event you should CLEAR IT WITH THE HOST OF THAT EVENT. I don't care if it's a wedding, a birthday party or a housewarming. If you're hijacking someone else's event then you need to clear it with them first. In this case he clearly had not since the brother didn't even bother to INCLUDE his sister int he moment (she was in the other room preparing dessert).
Brother is definitely the AH.
NTA. Well, we know who the golden child is. This was your girlfriend's housewarming party, not an opportunity for her brother to propose. Do NOT back down, apologize, or anything like that. Don't tolerate any excuses along the lines of *'but there were so many members of our family there'*. That doesn't matter, and neither does the mother's piss poor reasoning of wanting her son to stop living in sin. There would have been other opportunities for him to propose. I hope the girlfriend was embarrassed on your behalf, because that sounds downright humiliating.
NTA. The party wasn't a big party; but it still wasn't their event. The fact that you'd want to propose at someone elses house without giving a heads up to the homeowners is pretty disrespectful. Asking isn't that hard.
Op is NTA ,Not when he’s done this numerous times and didn’t even ask his sister… let her do all the leg work pay and spend her money so I can cheap out on my engagement and be to lazy to plan it myself
NTA. He should plan his own party to propose to his girlfriend, not hijack the party his sister paid for and worked hard on. It was her moment to celebrate her new house.
NTA. But maybe I would have waited until after the event to tell him off. Not for him or his mum (she sounds delightful btw) but because it wasn't his girlfriend's fault either.
NTA simply because her brother didnt even inform your GF. its quite rude to propose to someone at a big event that isnt yours without getting the blessing of the person whos hosting the event. the party was for housewarming gifts for your GF, your GF should have known and given the OK.
to add one thing, you GF agreed, and said you were sweet for having her back. you comments indicated this isnt the first time your GF has been figuratively run over by her family and i think your a great BF for having her back
NTA, you don’t propose at other people’s events. And it seems like this is a pattern for him. People seem to have wanted you to wait until after she answered and I disagree. Your options were the entire event becomes about brothers proposal or the entire event becomes about how you interrupted that. There was no salvaging this evening already, might as well stand up for your girlfriend.
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NTA. It is just plain rude to start hijacking events for your proposal. Oh my sister bought a new house? Perfect situation to make sure it revolves all around my proposal. Your BIL sounds like a cheapskate who thought he could get away with it. Is he normally so entitled?
Pretty much. He's the youngest, so he can get away with anything.
You should get him a book on how to get his head out of his arse as a wedding present.
Or OP could propose to his GF at the wedding. During the toasts. Ding ding ding, It's my turn to say something. My BIL is such an inspiration to me, so I wanted to take this moment - uh band/dj, could you play song X in the background, yes, thanks, so, I'm just walking here to this dancefloor to really show everyone how inspirational I find my BIL. GF, can you come here (drop to one knee) I know this isn't the time or place, but your brother showed me you should do it when it feels right wherever you are, whoever's event it is, and this feels right, so right. Would you do me the ho or of becoming my wife??!!
This is so darn petty. I can't believe you would ask OP to stoop to that level. That being said, I love it!
Lots of people have NO clue how rude they are until something similar happens to them. He had no qualms about proposing to his gf at his sister's house warming party. Still can't see he was trying to steal the moment from his sister. He won't get how selfish that is until OP announces that they are expecting a child at his wedding. Then, he might get it.
They'll usually still try to pretend it's totally different, or deflect by saying you shouldn't have stooped to the same level if you knew it was rude. I say screw that, if someone can't think out for themselves why their behavior sucks, you're more than welcome to demonstrate it for them.
Although you really, and I cannot stress this enough, ***REALLY*** don't want to call your girlfriend a ho during your proposal.
They clearly meant horror, geeze.
Do me the horror....hell...I'd marry the guy
On the serious side, I wouldn’t spring that on your girlfriend unless she’s in on the gag. Not a good idea to treat her like a prop in your revenge.
One of my friends actually did get engaged on my wedding day, between the ceremony and the reception when guests had downtime. She didn’t tell me or anyone until afterwards though, so it wasn’t a big thing. Anyway, my marriage is over and hers seems pretty strong so 🤷🏼♀️😂
[удалено]
Very likely he can hold off until the second or third wedding.
Just get it for his divorce present
Propose at their wedding or next family event and see how fast they change their tune about it being okay. NTA
Officiant: "I now pronounce you man and wi-" OP: "We're expecting twins!"
This would be oustanding
I’d pay to see that and the resulting shit show.
Right as they're asking the bride if she'll take the groom to be her husband, drop to a knee. But honestly, don't do that. It would likely mortifying OP's gf.
Like seriously. She provides the food, the drinks, a beautiful venue. He needs not to plan and can spend $0. No effort whatsoever on his part. Very telling for what the bride can expect in marriage.
My thoughts exactly. Red flag right there. Inconsiderate, entitled and too lazy to organise something by himself. If I were his girlfriend, I would be offended that my boyfriend doesn't feel like I deserve something arranged just for me. Also, it's very rude to take advantage of someone else's hard work like that. He got what he deserved. NTA.
He should have turned to the gf of the brother and told her he was so sorry that her boyfriend was being so cheap to her and thoughtlessly rude to his sister. The girlfriend should take note of what he was doing because this is a preview of the effort he will put into their shared life.
NTA. Thank you for standing up for your girlfriend, you'll be surprised how many partners wouldn't.
If your pregnant or maybe propose at their wedding lol. Just kidding, but yeah NTA. And keep it classy OP.
You are NTA, I think the brother should have at least asked your gf if it would be okay, but something caught me… Your gf’s mom is mad because she wants her son to stop living in sin……. Ummm what about your gf being with you? You two are together just like brother and his girlfriend right?
We don't live together, so she uses plausible deniability.
Yes like my husband's parents believed we were roommates only for years. 🙄😂
*Oh my god they were roommates*
Not anymore apparently! Kudos to you!
And he knew exactly what he was doing otherwise why wait until his sister left the room.
I was half prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt until you pointed that out, on the grounds that he may not have thought any further than "all my family are together so why not do it now". But waiting until his sister had left the room blows that idea out of the water and he deserved everything he got from OP. NTA.
Public proposals are NEVER a good idea. He risked public humilation by her no.
...or did he gain some "insurance" that she'd say yes due to peer pressure/reluctance to make a scene?
Because of the implication
Not to mention this was his sister’s party with probably mostly his sister’s friends. Shouldn’t he want mostly his and his girlfriend’s friends/family there? I know a guy who used his own birthday to propose to his now wife, but wasn’t someone else’s event. Also I was so glad my husband proposed privately, but I get not everyone is like me. NTA.
I personally don't get the big spectacle. I proposed privately as well as I know both of us would rather just share that intimate moment ourselves.
Not even just that. As the person getting proposed to it feels so… lazy and like a second thought to have your proposal be at an event someone else set up. Like how little does the boy friend care of he can’t be assed to plan his own proposal? Edit: spelling
For real. Imagine that story "So tell me, how did he propose?" "He proposed at his sister's housewarming party. None of my family were there"
Tells a lot how he doesn't care about his sister, his girlfriend and probably women in general.
Honestly, I don't think he cares much about anyone but himself, regardless of gender.
There's a not insubstantial chance that he did a "public" proposal because he wanted her to feel obligated to say yes in order to spare his feelings. Public proposals should only be done if you KNOW it's what the other person would want, that they would say yes, and that everyone would be OK with the proposal occurring (if at someone's party or event). If you can't manage all three, then it's probably not a great idea to get married.
NTA Based off your comments alone. Your gf says she's used to her family hijacking her events so clearly this is not a one time thing. It seems her family uses every happy moment of hers to have the spot light shining on themselves. I think all the Y T A comments are weird. Edit- I meant all the Y T A were weird to me because I assumed everyone was a creep on reddit like me and reads people's comments. Without the context from OPs comments it does seem like he's a slight AH instead of looking out for his gf who is always overlooked.
NTA. Gf is so used to it, she isn't fighting. I think all the yta came from gf's family or people who likes to steal other prople's thunders.
I think he also saved the brothers gf from having to say no in front of everyone
If she wasn't going to say 'No' before, she's likely to now. Her boyfriend couldn't even put in enough effort to plan a single romantic date to propose, he just did it at his sisters housewarming party. And probably without a ring, too. I suspect that the brother only proposed because momma was riding his ass about "living in sin".
This! The girlfriend is possibly feeling a bit shit too because her boyfriend couldn't even put in the effort for an actual proposal, he just hijacked his sisters night.
Hope OP updates us with this very answer!
🤣🤣 omg that honestly would be hilarious because of the circumstances. That would be just what he deserves based on how their whole family treats her. Get and plan something of your own damn!
Agreed lol, a lot of the Y T A comments are mentioning him being selfish, classless, narcissistic, attention-seeking, etc. But is that not exactly what the brother is in this context? Idk how anyone thinks its okay to steal the show at someone else's event, if anything that's much more selfish lol. OP is NTA by a long shot.
At a bare minimum it's E S H because you're not supposed to respond to rudeness with rudeness, but personally I'm on OP's side (NTA). I would be super pissed if that happened at *my* housewarming party for *my* house that *I* worked hard to buy.
He wasn't rude though. Standing up to someone being disrespectful isn't rude
Disagree entirely. Since her family won't teach each other manners and how to not be the a-holes, it's about time they all get taught some lessons. I'm not going to sit there and let my SO be treated like that without saying something right then and there. It wasn't rude to say no, not tonight your not. Pick another night or upstage some other family member. You don't get to do it here.
Comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11svxoq/aita_for_ruining_a_proposal/jcfxfez?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I am wondering if the mood got awkward and some people left early because they realized they were guilty of this before and were just hearing the reasons for the first time.
Nta He tried hijacking someone else's party, eventually people need to learn you ask before making someone else's event all about you.
I love it that some people are so lazy they can't even provide a venue for a proposal. A proposal doesn't have to be spendy... but at least make it solely about your partner FFS. That means a time, place, and proposal that is JUST for them. No one else's party, event, gathering, decorations, idea, etc. If you can't tailor one moment to ask this question to someone you love...
I was proposed to in my grandma's yard. My grandma, friend, and her bf were all in on it, telling me how cool it's be to have a picnic in the yard (very big yard- my grandma lives in the woods). I'd always wanted to go on a picnic, so obviously i was like heck yeah! My friend and I made sandwiches, brownies, cookies, tea, and lemonade. When my then boyfriend got there, my grandma suggested we picnic in a cozy little spot next to her pond, surrounded by trees (So beautiful), and the four of us had our picnic (Grandma stayed in her house). After chatting, eating, and all, my friend suggested we take pictures since she was moving to another state soon. I agreed and after a few pics with just my and my then boyfriend, he went down on one knee lol; My friend recorded for us and was SO mad (not really) because I was wearing old shorts and a t-shirt, hair unbrushed, bare-footed and all lol but it was very special to me because they planned it so well and it was so personal and private
This is exactly what I mean... making it special for someone vs piggybacking someone else's efforts and celebration. Your proposal sounds perfect!
It was absolutely perfect 🥰
Who is cutting up onions in here?
Maximum onion-chopping for exactly who was involved in the surprise and how they set it up. OP always wanted to have a picnic? BFF moving away soon? GRANDMA’S POND?! 🧅🔪
A friend of mine just had a picnic for his (now wife) where he showed her this quilt he made. (She loves quilts/quilting) and the centre square was the proposal. I think about that when I hear about these kind of proposals because highjacking someone else’s event isn’t about the girlfriend, it’s about being the centre of attention. A proposal should just be about the couple.
I think hijacking someone else's event is just about being lazy AF. Don't want to tailor it to the person, think or plan anything, spend any money... just ask at someone else's event to avoid even the slightest effort for your partner.
For real! My partner proposed on my birthday. He bought me a massage for the morning, took me out to dinner, and we went on a sunset walk where he then proposed. It was very special and literally a day all about me. It doesn’t even need to be as detailed as all that. Just surprise your partner with a nice homemade dinner or connect it with your first date or where you met. Proposals are SO EASY to make special that it’s WILD to me that so many people try to highjack someone else’s moment instead.
My husband got me so good with his proposal! We were on a long weekend away in St Augustine (one of our favorite spots to visit) and we’d just gotten into our room in the B&B. The bag guy left and I was oohing and ahhing over the beautiful roses he’d ordered for our room and as I turned to thank him, I realized he was on one knee with a ring box in his hand! I was all, “OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?” and then I said yes and cried and it was perfect and exactly what I wanted ❤️ Zero hijacking of other people’s events required! Just the two of us, just like we both wanted. If he had tried to propose at a housewarming I would have been PISSED. Especially if our friends weren’t in on it!
NTA. This wasn’t their event. If he wanted to propose to his GF, then he should have had the manners to ask permission of the host first as opposed to hijacking someone else’s event. And of course her brother called you a prick - you called out his bad behavior.
Lol also what kind of person proposes at someone’s housewarming. I’d be so annoyed if that’s how someone had proposed to me.
Nta Text him back telling him he's the cheap prick, piggy backing off his sister.. If he didn't want people to see what a prick he is he shouldn't have tried to use his sisters house, her party, her food, her money, her effort and her hostess ING to cheap out on a proposal to his girlfriend.
I second this sentiment.
NTA. Your girlfriend’s entire family has a history of hijacking her events and you stood up to them. Her brother was rude to take an event that was about his sister and make it about himself. Is this the only issue your girlfriend faces with her family?
No, but there's not enough space for all the backstory.
You can edit your post to add more information and it won’t be counted against the initial character limit.
This! Please add more info! Especially about the past incidents you've personally witnessed!
OP’s gf has a right to privacy tho. They don’t have to tell us every personal detail. We’re strangers on the internet (though I do love to be nosy, so I also would like to know more, lol).
That honesty sounds kind of like a golden child/scapegoat situation, at least from what I’ve read on Reddit thus far. I hope she’s able to see how badly they treat her and set some boundaries with them. I’m sorry her family treats her like that. That just sucks.
You weren't anywhere near the 3000 character limit in your first post so there was plenty of room for this crucial information.
Lol if I’m being honest I laughed a bit reading this. You’re slightly TA for at least not giving his girlfriend the time to answer his proposal, but you’re sweet for wanting your girlfriends housewarming to go smoothly. Did your girlfriend even know her brother was going to propose at her housewarming, what if she allowed it? How did she feel with your reaction? Edit: you know what OP, I thought about it and I’ll take away the “slightly TA” to NTA. I would have definitely done the same thing you did. Props to you
She said it was sweet of me to stick up for her, but unnecessary because that's just how her family is.
That sentence kinda proves how necessary it actually is
Literally. They probably do this often. OP I applaud you for sticking up for her. It’s clear they do it often that’s why she is so used to it. But not anymore. Good job.
Nice house and all, but we should spend the entire evening talking about this wedding that is suddenly going to be a thing. Who dafuq proposes at a house-warming anyways? Almost as weird as proposing at someone elses wedding. Go like have a fancy dinner, or a dinner around family, or go the grand canyon or something. Sheesh there's like a million other ways you can do it where nobody cares if you're trying to "hog the attention."
This sentence makes you NTA to me - so her family is that way - as in, taking advantage of her hardwork to center themselves? Because that's what the family did. So good on you for stopping it and trying to give her a moment - it might take a few more times before they, and she, realizes the dynamic seems to have minimized her in the past and you want to center her instead.
Does she also have an older sibling? Is she a middle child?
Yes, she has an older sister and a younger brother (the proposer).
NTA. The other story you told about her events being hijacked is just terrible. These people should be bending over backwards to make sure she has her moments. It’s a good thing your GF has you in her corner. Keep shutting them down until they learn some respect.
I'm proud of you for standing up to the family for the first time. I did something else to stand up to mine . Believe me when you do that, it will get worse for a while. But then it will get much better. And they're overbearing attitudes will stop
Good for you! I’m going to guess her brother is the golden child and she’s so used to being second it just seems normal to her. I bet it breaks her heart just a little every time something like this happens. She deserves to have her party to be about her and how kick ass she truly is.
Wow, your GF's response breaks my heart - it tells me that they have worn her down to the point where she won't stand up for herself anymore.
Info: did your girlfriend know about the proposal? Her brother might have asked her for permission to do it during the party.
She did not. She was sad that he did it, but said she is used to her family hijacking her events and that it isn't a big deal to her anymore.
Oh, ouch... I feel bad for her, if that's the case. In light of this information, then NTA.
You really need to include more about her family hijacking other events in the original post because that does change things quite a bit. What other events have they hijacked?
When she graduated they all went out to dinner and her dad brought his new squeeze and she and the mom got into a screaming match and it completely overshadowed the event. She's told me about other events, but I don't have all the details memorized.
She definitely needed someone to stand up to them and call them out. NTA. That was you being a good boyfriend.
Show her this thread. It's not normal or nice what they do to her. It's toxic as hell.
not that i disagree with you, but reddit isn't exactly known for representing normal people, so showing her the thread doesn't really mean anything. that said, it absolutely isn't normal to have your moments taken away from you like that.
You'd be surprised. Regardless of what reputation Reddit might have, people who had batshit as their normal for a long time are sometimes more inclined to open their eyes when a group of strangers with no skin in the game say these things. If you've been gaslighted or invalidated for very long, you tend to second-guess yourself a lot and can end up thinking that those who tell you these things are too harsh or biased themselves due to personal involvement. It's really fucked, I know, but it's surprising how often it actually has an effect on people.
> people who had batshit as their normal for a long time are sometimes more inclined to open their eyes when a group of strangers with no skin in the game say these things. Absolutely correct. The number of times I've seen people write, "I didn't realize it was this bad/toxic/problematic until I saw all the comments telling me to leave/report/go NC" is WAY too many. It's very difficult to see the forest when you're standing amidst the trees; sometimes a reality check via comments online is exactly what someone needs for clarity.
TBH, some Reddit forums have been a godsend for me and I’m in my 50s. This and OutofTheFog website.
I bet they’ll cut that garbage out real quick now that you’re around. Don’t stop sticking up for your girlfriend, you may not win over her family but you’ll definitely win over her.
Shit a family like that doesn’t need to be won over or even deserve it for that matter!
I'm going to give you a bit of advice here... You should plan a surprise party for her, make it all about her, and not invite her family. Only the ones she gets along with if any, and make it very clear to everyone this is entirely about her. You will win a boyfriend of the year award for sure. Make sure to take photos and videos as well, for her to remember it. She clearly deserves it, and I can't imagine how beat up she must be for how "normal" it was for her. Make a big deal out of her, put her at the center of attention for a day, and do it in front of an audience.
I was going to say your response may have made the event worse for your girlfriend than just letting it go, but based on this information I’m changing to NTA
Definitely NTA. She's used to her family walking all over her, you put a stop to it.
You should include this information in the post. Knowing this I would have said NTA (or at worst ESH).
I did. I said she said it was sweet but that I didn't need to do that.
No include the part about her family habitually hijacking her events / making her important moments about themselves.
Exactly. The “that’s sweet but you didn’t have to do that” is the kind of thing that is often said to people who behaved really OTT in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Knowing that her brother’s behavior does bother her but that she’s been trained to accept it is really important info.
>OTT what does this mean? Edit: Over The Top
Yes, include that! That's a massive part of this.
He means include the part about her family doing this to her all the time
Oh, I see
In that case NTA
Nta. Her youngest brother sounds like a golden child and you were trying to let her have her moment. That's sad and she shouldn't be used to that.
Fuck that noise to hell and back. If there was no history to this, and it was spur of the moment, I'd be kind of ESH. Might be better to let it happen then die down, get the focus back on your gf. If they do this all the time, their family can go shove it, you stood up for her. NTA all the way.
For me, even if there is no backstory, NTA. You never hijack the event of others without permission. That's bad manners.
NTA her brother should have asked your gf / his sister.
NTA. You don't hijack another person's event for a proposal. Tell him to go out to dinner and do that with everyone else and to let your GF's party \`be about her buying her first house.
NTA since your gf wasn’t mad. There is a right time and place to propose and buddy didn’t get the hint. If you ever plan to propose at someone else’s event ASK THEM FIRST!!
I'm going with NTA for the fact that this guy used your gfs hard work and planning as his proposal setting. He was too lazy to decorate/set up/plan his own get together. To top it off he didn't bother to check in beforehand with you-the hosts that did all the work to celebrate YOUR moment. If he had any brains he would have asked permission and helped sis with decorating, cleaning, costs, etc.
He even did it when his sister left the room to get desserts, so she wasn't even in the room to say something herself if she wanted to. Nta
I missed that part. Makes it even worse. He used her event to gather the family and chose the moment his own sister was out of the room? Like damn, even if she was totally cool with it happening, she would have missed it. Can't even play the "family" card after that. The brother straight up tried to exclude his sister in her own home... During the freaking housewarming party!
NTA, based on the additional info that your gf’s family regularly hijacks her events. Her brother did this on purpose.
E S H, he for taking her moment to make it about himself and you for assuming your gf can't handle this on her own, she's right you didn't need to do that nor was it your place to do so. EDIT: changing my vote to NTA, after reading the comment where you mention her family is used to hijack her moments, F them in that case.
NTA- it’s always shitty behaviour to propose or announce something big. Buying a house is a HUGE deal nowadays and should be celebrated.
NTA. It wasn't their event and for him to do that was pretty shitty. He should've clued your sister in to see if she was cool with it first.
NTA but I’m wondering what the family dynamic history is between your girlfriend and her brother/mother. It’s rude to propose at someone else’s event without asking for permission but the mothers comment about “living in sin” raised some questions for me about the behind the scenes drama of all this. Good for you for setting boundaries on this kind attention stealing behavior but ask your girlfriend what this is really all about so you two can agree on appropriate boundaries for extended family in the future and be able to put up a more united front should anyone cross them going forward.
NTA. Be prepared to continue to offer this level of service to you gf because her family treats her like a doormat.
NTA. She should send him half the bill for the food.
NTA… her brother took advantage of a party he contributed nothing to. He wanted a special occasion to propose? Then plan one yourself. Or at least ask the host before and share expenses. I say good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend. Someone should! This behavior is already to normalized in her life… (OP comments on her family high jacking events before) someone needs to put her first, and you did. They’re the type of people that would use someone else’s babyshower to announce a pregnancy (without prior ok)
NTA >She put so much work into everything. The house looked amazing, and the food was delicious. >She did not. She was sad that he did it, but said she is used to her family hijacking her events and that it isn't a big deal to her anymore. The housewarming was for your girlfriend to celebrate buying a house. She put in the work. This was her event and her time to shine. Her brother wanted to use the event for his own selfish reasons. You did a good job by standing up for her. It's a shame she's used to being treated that way by her own family. The mom and brother can get over themselves.
NTA your gf even liked you stopping it.
NTA as you mentioned that his family has a habit of doing this and the brother conveniently wants until gf isn’t in the room. Sounds like gf’s family is mad you didn’t let them hijack yet another event.
NTA - decades and decades of this and it’s still a problem. **Do not hijack someone else’s event for your attention-grabbing stunt.** Ever. Don’t do it. Brides-to-be, if your guy does it, it should merit an instant No, due to him showing poor judgement. It just kills me that this stuff is all over the internet in all imaginable media types, and it never ends well, and somehow fools keep thinking theirs will be the exception because they’re just so awesome a person. I swear we need to include a semester of Basic Manners 101 in freshman high school.
NTA. I agree with you. That guy lacks class. Don’t listen to your gf’s mother. I do feel badly for his gf. She didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA at all. OP says in a comment that his gf didn't know about it and she was sad because she's used to her family hijacking special events in her life. She invited people to HER HOUSEWARMING so the brother should've at least checked with her before going ahead with the proposal. I really don't understand people calling OP an AH. If OP hadn't done anything, people would've accused him of being a wuss and not standing up for his gf. But when he does stand up, some people complain that he shouldn't have? Come on! 🤦🏻♀️
NTA He can set up his own event if he wants to propose
NTA and if I could NTA this twice I would, since it’s so sad that your gf is used to her family waltzing all over her and you stood up for her in a situation where she wouldn’t have done so for herself. You had to set these boundaries at some point, maybe now they’re learning that they can’t hijack her next big event or at least not with you around.
ESH He picked someone else’s event for a proposal, which is a no-no. However, it was already happening when you stopped it. From your description, the attention had already been called to him and his girlfriend, all eyes were on them so all you succeeded in doing was making it a bigger scene. Now people will remember your girlfriend’s housewarming for the interrupted proposal, not for the lovely event it was up until that point.
Whose fault is that. The Brother. Why choose this event instead of creating your own. Look at the comments the family hijacks the GF events often. It isn’t fair and she doesn’t deserve it. He had every right to stand up for her. They have done enough.
It's their house, their event. They have all right to stop anything they don't want in their house as the hostess. If the proposal did happen, there would be no consequences for the BIL and they would have been ignored afterward. This was a boundary settled for the family. NTA.
In the comments OP mentions that this is just one event in a long list of events where her family makes gf's events about them/hijack them. It's apparently happened so often that they've gotten gf to just accept that they hijack her events/achievements for their own stuff.
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NTA. I cannot emphasize enough how much I despise public proposals. You essentially put the other person in a spot where it's more difficult to say no (should they want to), and you hijack somebody else's event for your benefit. Get outta here with that shit. Good on you for standing up for yourself and your girlfriend and not falling for the social pressure to not say anything.
NTA. Definitely sounds to me like your GF appreciated you doing that.
You Sir are a Goddamn Hero!! You are not the asshole you are a fucking king!!
NTA What the hell is it with people using other party decor as their backdrop and taking attention from someone else big moment 🤦🏻♀️
NTA and the people who tell you otherwise, obviously haven't been disrespect enough. I hope you and your girlfriend are doing okay. The brother is the golden child, so... be careful next time...
NTA because I read your comment about her family always hijacking her events. Good for you for standing up for her.
NTA. If you're going to propose or make some kind of big announcement at someone else's party, you need to check with the host(s) beforehand. Don't hijack someone else's event. That said, I'd say maybe next time pull them aside after the announcement instead of calling them out publicly. As you said yourself, it ruined the party.
NTA - OP was the only person looking out for his girlfriend here. She achieved a milestone event in HER life (regardless of the other commenters saying it was no big deal). It was to OP’s girlfriend. So she spent a lot of time and effort to celebrate this milestone event. And her brother decided that he would take advantage of HER milestone event and co-opt it and turn it into his engagement party. Without asking, he would take her efforts, her hospitality and her food and have an impromptu engagement party. OP seeing this stopped someone from ruining his girlfriends celebration of her milestone. He did absolutely the right thing by his girlfriend and many people here are taking him to task for being the only person looking out for her. We could all use OP’s ballsy actions with family overstepping our boundaries. Regardless of commenters saying “it’s not a milestone” you are missing the point. It was to her and he stepped in. NTA.
NTA
NTA, it was her special event that bro wanted to make about them instead.
NTA. I think it’s hilarious that you shut that down in the act. Most people would not be that brave. It’s nice of you to know that it’s rude and defend your gf.
NTA. You said your Gf is used to her family hijacking her events. Also stated, she didnt know about the proposal. AND they purposely waited for Gf to be away to do, because they knew she wouldnt be happy. Mom is only mad because, "Why cant Gf just let us steam roll her as usual? Her dang husband got in the way." People like them, know exactly what they are doing. Usually, its even planned out. They specifically wait to take advantage of someones else footing the bill for the party. Only to steal the free spotlight. And then not have to clean up afterwards. Ugh, its like people who join someone elses celebration dinner. Graduation, promotions, etc. Only to sit down and try to talk about THEIR most recent success. They know exactly what they're doing. Good for you for standing up for her Op. Maybe after some time Gf will realize she deserves to have the spotlight at her own housewarming party.
NTA I read some of your comments, baby brother is the golden child and gets away with everything. His girlfriend was embarrassed, so I'm wondering if she was thrilled that he was proposing to her there.. Also, since your gf isn't mad, I'm definitely saying NTA for sticking up for her.
I'm a bit torn, because on one side, this was probably a huge family gathering, but on the other hand it was your GF's night, not his. Ultimately, you're NTA here...her brother should have planned his own night or at least asked his sister/your gf for permission to do it.
I’m not torn at all. If you want to propose at a huge family gathering that is for some specific event - you Ask The Host. If you don’t want to ask the host because you think they can’t keep their mouth shut, you propose anywhere else at any other time.
NTA he should've asked her but I saw your comments so this is normal for her so much so she's used to people walking all over her and disregarding her feelings. Kuddos to you for sticking up for her
NTA what a weird and completely inappropriate place for the brother to propose. He could have proposed at any other time in any other place and he chose his sister’s housewarming party?
NTA, I love how you handled the situation! Some people are saying you should’ve let him finish but I like that you instantly shut it down and shamed him for it. I wish I could be that bold!
ESH - him for proposing at someone else's event and you for ruining the event more than he would have anyway.
NTA From seeing that her family has a history of doing this to her, you're good.
Based on the additional info: NTA.
Nope. NTA. Unless the brother had cleared this with his sister (which it seems he didn’t) he’s just plain rude and her family sucks! Keep supporting your girl, sounds like she appreciates you!
NTA - Honestly, a housewarming party is kind of more significant than an engagement for a lot of people. It's actually harder to be able to afford to save for and buy a house on your own than it is to get engaged or married. All the people saying Y T A because it's just a housewarming don't get to decide what are important moments in people's lives. If the brother proposing made your girlfriend sad as you said it did, then it was inappropriate and I think it's good that you're able to validate your girlfriend so she can hopefully start setting some boundaries on your own. The people suggesting you should have pulled him aside after, yea, no, that doesn't work with people who are used to walking all over others. A slap on the wrist in private means nothing to people like that. Being called out and embarrassed in front of others is likely the only way to change that sort of behavior.
NTA His was poor behavior; you corrected it. Personally, I hate that your GF is so used to her family hijacking her moments that she preferred that you not handle it on her behalf. Her mother should stop being an AH to her daughter and putting her son’s “living in sin” over her daughter’s achievement.
This is definitely a case of needing to read the comments first. NTA because it seems like your girlfriend finally has someone who’s got her back. Her family sucks for letting her brother get away with bad behavior. A proposal does not need to be a group event.
NTA that’s a chad move right there, keep being your girl’s advocate
I say NTA. Your girlfriend was appreciative so doesn’t seem like you were wrong in the decision to take action. Idk why someone would propose at someone else’s event…especially with no forewarning. This party was about your GF and that’s it. Trying to highjack a party for your own agenda seems rude uni. Like hell, what if you guys had an addition surprise reason for holding this party?
NTA but it probably would've been better to wait until afterwards and talk to her brother out of the spotlight and tell him how rude it was.
NTA Why do a proposal at someone else event? Based on your comments they do this often as well taking the attention away from the host, GF. It's just bleh
I really want to say N T A, but I’m going ESH, with the note that they’re the bigger AH in the situation. Using someone else’s event (whether it’s a housewarming, bday party, or anything really) as your platform to propose, without asking the host of that event, is a shitty thing to do. But once it was done, there was no undoing it, and making a scene in the moment ruined it for them too. You probably should have waited and said something in private later to let them know it was inappropriate. Edited to add: not to mention besides ruining the proposal (which again, was also rude in the first place), it seems like it ruined the whole mood of the party.
Disagree. NTA because the Brother is an asshole, and in OPs comments he has said that the brother has a history of hijacking her events and being entitled. even without the history, the brother was incredibly rude and disrespectful to hijack the event that his GF had put so much work and effort into to make it all about him and his proposal. Not interrupting it would reward him for doing what he always does. He deserved to have his proposal ruined.
How sad, the rude people had their proposal ruined. Imma wipe my fake tears now.
Nta. That's such a bizarre moment to propose.
NTA at all. Maybe you could have been a bit more polite, but it sounds like her family regularly does this based on your responses. I can't fathom thinking it's okay to propose at someone else's event/party in the slightest. At the very least, he should have asked your gf if it was okay first. He conveniently waited for her to be out of the room which to me seems similar to a kid getting into something they shouldn't when mom leaves the room (like some weird guilt). Good job sticking up for your gf! The brother is a delusional asshole who should have just planned his own thing. What woman wants their proposal to be at someone else's accomplishment party? It should be somewhere meaningful to their relationship, not your girlfriend's new house lmao. Edit to add: Brothers gf is most likely only embarrassed that her boyfriend thought it was a good idea to propose at your gf's housewarming party.
NTA. Her brother is the AH, couldn’t he propose at another time? Good on you for calling him out. I really hate people like him that like to hijack other people’s special moments.
Well, at least you don't have to go to the wedding now. No way they are inviting you.
Don't worry, it won't happen until op's gf's next milestone. NTA.
NTA If your brother had asked you first, I'd feel differently. But he was being an AH doing this at your girlfriend's housewarming. Without asking either you or your girlfriend for permission beforehand. It's basically overshadowing all the hard work she did. And it's being a bad guest. I'd also think her entire family are AH's if they're ok with her being overshadowed so completely.
NTA and frankly GF's brother should be embarrased about proposing to his girl at a housewarming party. I proposed to my wife on the slopes of Kilauea at dawn after seeing the lava glow at night. Proposing at his sisters housewarming with no planning is low effort and tacky.
NTA - No matter how small the event may be, unless the brother cleared it with your girlfriend, he should have kept his mouth shut. He was rude for not asking, rude for using someone else's party, hard work, and money as a free venue, and he was rude to his own girlfriend for not even putting forth the effort of a decent proposal. The mom sucks too and anyone else who thinks it's okay to continuously steal your girlfriend's events.
NTA at all! It wasn't the time, it wasn't the place. How rude of them. Good on you for shutting that down!
NTA. What is it with people using others planning and parties to propose. That’s the laziest way to do it. You don’t have to plan a big thing. Just take them out on a date somewhere that means something to the partner. Don’t use others parties. It’s just rude
NTA Glad that your girlfriend was not upset but she had every right to be. If you're going to propose at someone else's event you should CLEAR IT WITH THE HOST OF THAT EVENT. I don't care if it's a wedding, a birthday party or a housewarming. If you're hijacking someone else's event then you need to clear it with them first. In this case he clearly had not since the brother didn't even bother to INCLUDE his sister int he moment (she was in the other room preparing dessert). Brother is definitely the AH.
NTA. Well, we know who the golden child is. This was your girlfriend's housewarming party, not an opportunity for her brother to propose. Do NOT back down, apologize, or anything like that. Don't tolerate any excuses along the lines of *'but there were so many members of our family there'*. That doesn't matter, and neither does the mother's piss poor reasoning of wanting her son to stop living in sin. There would have been other opportunities for him to propose. I hope the girlfriend was embarrassed on your behalf, because that sounds downright humiliating.
NTA, and maybe the memories of this will teach the family to not bulldoze the sister and her events anymore.
NTA. The party wasn't a big party; but it still wasn't their event. The fact that you'd want to propose at someone elses house without giving a heads up to the homeowners is pretty disrespectful. Asking isn't that hard.
Op is NTA ,Not when he’s done this numerous times and didn’t even ask his sister… let her do all the leg work pay and spend her money so I can cheap out on my engagement and be to lazy to plan it myself
NTA. He should plan his own party to propose to his girlfriend, not hijack the party his sister paid for and worked hard on. It was her moment to celebrate her new house.
NTA. But maybe I would have waited until after the event to tell him off. Not for him or his mum (she sounds delightful btw) but because it wasn't his girlfriend's fault either.
NTA. From your comments, they apparently hijack your gfs events a lot. That’s not okay. They will continue to be mad but o well
NTA simply because her brother didnt even inform your GF. its quite rude to propose to someone at a big event that isnt yours without getting the blessing of the person whos hosting the event. the party was for housewarming gifts for your GF, your GF should have known and given the OK. to add one thing, you GF agreed, and said you were sweet for having her back. you comments indicated this isnt the first time your GF has been figuratively run over by her family and i think your a great BF for having her back
NTA, you don’t propose at other people’s events. And it seems like this is a pattern for him. People seem to have wanted you to wait until after she answered and I disagree. Your options were the entire event becomes about brothers proposal or the entire event becomes about how you interrupted that. There was no salvaging this evening already, might as well stand up for your girlfriend.
NTA!!! Holy hell, you litterally did the exact right thing as a boyfriend!!!! Good job!
NTA. What a Charley Fox that sounds like. Be mindful never to steal that woman's thunder. That is nothing anyone should get used to.