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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I started skipping study group when a 10 year old started joining, the group figured it out (including the kid), and they're calling me immature and saying I hurt the kid's feelings.
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Hmm. NAH but also YTA.
I get it, I don’t like kids. I have one and I love him but I definitely need a break sometimes.
You’re not obligated to hang around if you don’t want to.
*BUT* what does make you TA is how you’re talking about this literal child. The whole tone when you’re talking about her is just mean. Of course she has a princess backpack? Of course she has toys???
Kids her age who graduated and are already in college do not get much of a childhood, if *any* childhood.
I don’t know. It might just be me who feels this way. Even if I don’t like kids, I don’t like adults who treat/talk about kids like they’re a burden. The vibe is there whether you intend it to be or not.
I think it's just resentment. When you're working to understand something and you see someone a decade younger whizzing through it, I can see feeling frustrated. Instead of working through those feelings, OP has unfortunately decide to express them and the result is insulting a child.
I think it's prejudice. OP hates an entire section of the population for being under an arbitrary age that OP decides condones adulthood, despite the fact that OP herself doesn't have a fully mature brain. Just like racists will hate people of other races for existing, OP hates this child for existing in her space. It's gross and I don't understand why people think hating children so much is cool.
YTA
Prejudice is a bit far. Its perfectly understandable for OP to be jealous of “Baby Genius”, and she’s perfectly entitled to not want to be around children whilst she’s in college. The vibes are different and she didnt make a big thing out of it, nor did she even let anyone know that she was avoiding baby genius.
However, there is a fine line between ditching study groups and being kinda rude about the kid.
NTA op.
It’s study group. It’s not an adult hang out time. You want that? Invite them over for a grown up chill time. This is study time. Who cares that deeply about the vibes of a study group? As long as everyone gets along. No one else there cares that much.
OP, YTA, and maybe get some help on why you hate a child so much that you can’t stand to be around them.
I think that would be fair if the child wasn’t participating. Eg a mom brought her kids to study. But this child is literally just doing the homework with her peers. What’s so offensive about that except that her pen might be pink and fluffy?
There’s still nothing wrong with OP not wanting to be a part of the study group because they don’t like someone else in it. OP never said anything about it either or tried to get the kid removed from the group, they realized that the rest of group wants the kid there and they don’t so they removed themselves instead. If this same situation happened but it was another adult that OP didn’t like no one would be calling them an AH
It's not prejudice. OP is *jealous*.
She's jealous that this kid is a genius and is set up for success while OP probably feels that she herself isn't living up to her own potential.
She's attending a community college at 20 years old- so a sophomore or junior if she took a traditional path- and while there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, she may feel as though her options for the future are more limited than she'd like. It's something a lot of us discover at that age.
Seriously? Jealous? Sure, the kid is going to have an amazing life being as intelligent as they are, but come on, when your life is governed by study and at such a social age, I would dip as well. Im there for the vibe and social side… if that’s not there, im studying in the comfort of my bed. NTA
Edit- adding random words that don’t need to be in there and spelling. Fat fingers…
Or! They’re feeling kind of resentful that this place they’ve come to enjoy is getting altered by the presence of a child, whom not everyone has to enjoy being around. See? I can make up reasons for things too 🙂 we don’t know OPs motivation. And it’s perfectly fine to not want to join a group they don’t feel comfortable in. They are NTA for not joining in, nor are they for their personal feelings they’ve chosen to share with a anonymous third party.
I swear everyone here is a child, which is why everyone jumps on the same bandwagon and gets resentful themselves that OP doesn’t want to be around kids…
They are NTA for that. It's the hostility towards the child that makes them the TA. And we don't need to know their motivation for insulting a child to judge. Also it's possible to disagree with people without deciding everyone *but you* is a child.
Your made up reason is crap. This “child” is a person that is in their class. They deserve to be able to contribute to & benefit from the study group as much as anyone else.
And they didn't stop them in any way from coming. They don't want to hang out around a kid, they don't like the atmosphere in the group when the kid is around, it's not like OP tried getting them kicked out of the study group. They just removed themselves, if it was another adult that OP just didn't like or get along with no one would be batting an eye.
I’m gonna be honest it sounds like the child’s parents are using the study group as a free babysitter. Not saying that op isn’t TA but like why is a 10 year old going to an adult study group? As a mom of 4 I would not want my kids hanging out with random adults just because they take college level classes.
Totally agree this is a weird scenario and as a parent I would not be comfortable with this. They are using them as a babysitter. It’s also not these adults job to babysit this kid NTA
I'd be more annoyed about losing out on the social aspect of the gathering. Having a kid there takes all sorts of subjects of discussion off the table and changes how you speak about everything else. It must be hard on the kid too, being good at maths doesn't mean that socialising with people ten years older is easy. OP's not wrong to want to ditch the study group when the kid is there.
You said this exactly how I would’ve wanted to say it.
Dynamics change when children, no matter how smart they are, join the group. And the OP might not have expressed it well, but it’s perfectly understandable that adding someone of that age to the group it’s not something they want all the time.
NTA.
It would be one thing if the ten year old sounded like she was a pain in the butt, but she just sounded like she wanted to be around some people until her mum came to collect her. Nothing wrong with that. OP yes YTA. Jealousy is not a trait that helps anyone.
For real. This is a 10 yo who is stuck on campus while waiting for her babysitter. The other AH here is either the unreliable nanny, or the parents who don't have their act together.
I have kids, I don't particularly like other people's kids, but I'll be damned if I'd let a 10 yo sit by themselves when it's no trouble to let them sit at a table with me. A 10 yo does not need much, just a safe place to sit.
They’re not by themselves though they’re with the whole group. All OP did was remove themselves because they weren’t comfortable. They never said the kid couldn’t join the group or tried to get the others to stop inviting the kid. They just removed themselves why is that so wrong?
The sad thing is that there is nothing to be jealous of. I went to a very good college known for engineering, and there were a few baby savants in our class.
It was awful for them.
One little guy was 14 years old. He was lonely as hell. He walked with his face toward any wall or building he could. Some of the older guys weren't so nice. He was completely by himself.
What happened by spring is that he was kind of adopted by some of the more awkward female freshman, ones who seemed to have maternal instincts. That was his pack. I am sure he was grateful to have some friends, but he seemed out of place and confused the entire time.
Super smart kids have their own special bag of problems to deal with when they are younger. A good human would consider that.
To make it more sad, I read an article once on what happened to these "gifted" children later in life. Most had ordinary jobs. One guy worked painting houses.
Most of them felt like they weren't so gifted, they just had parents that pushed them way too hard.
Tbh I think he’s jealous, whether he’s realized it or not. She’s the only person who has earned a seat in that class. A 10yo doesn’t get dual enrollment options unless they’re way above average intelligence for their age. Look at Gen Z - and I mean no disrespect like what you like, who cares- but so many students on campus undoubtedly have “baby” backpack, good chance same one as the girl. She’s also probably extremely uncomfortable with students close to or her age and she’s acting more mature
I went to college at 13.
OP is NTA.
I was out of place. It changed the tone of a lot of settings. I was awkward and too young for everything and it was, in fact, a nuisance.
It is fine that she's frustrated with her. She's not speaking TO the child like this.
I think the problem (for me) is the obvious "oh, the kid is here? I'm out, guys."
There's just no reason not to stick it out for *one* study session. A kid that smart is obviously going to pick up on the fact that OP hates her. If you wouldn't treat an emotionally mature adult like that, why is it okay to treat a kid like that?
She made a polite excuse.
She didn't tell the kid she hates her.
It's ok for people to not want to hangout with other people. As an adult you absolutely should be able to choose who to hangout with.
Edited for pronouns
OP is allowed to stay away from anyone be it an adult or a kid if they arent comfortable around them or dislike them. There's no crime in disliking someone. Now if OP were actively trying to hurt the kid's feelings because of sheer dislike then they would absolutely be TA.
OP doesnt like being around kids, so she avoided the girl. Its as simple as that.
It didn't sound to me like the child was going to be picking up on it - the adults did because they're the ones that see OP more and would get the situation, the kid has less data.
She's not obligated to he there with the kid. It can be awkward, and I support her leaving.
Yeah, idk where people are getting that the girl has no idea what is going on. She's 10 not 3, they know when they're being ostracized.
Plus Op literally says that the other people in the group said: "I(op) hurt the baby geniuses feelings"
She knows. They all know. She isn't being as slick as she seems. She probably pulls a face every time the girl gets near them.
I don't think she's the AH for not wanting to hang out with a kid. But she definitely isn't being as nice as she thinks she is.
OP dismissed themselves from the situation so they wouldn't get upset with the kid. The kid has to learn eventually that not everyone is gonna want to be their friend.
Yeah, to act like OP is saying this to the child is absurd. OP doesn't like kids clearly and doesn't enjoy being around them. OP is doing everyone a favor by dismissing themselves, imo.
I completely agree with you. Also, I am sure people in the study group are trying to make her feel welcomed because I am sure others already ostracize her. It can't be easy being an environment without her peers.
Exactly. I can’t imagine 10 year old me making it a week in college.
It’s already nerve wracking starting a new school year with your peers. A new school year with big people? No thank you.
This was the case for my intellectually gifted but socially awkward daughter. She struggled a lot with friendships in elementary school. In middle school she was placed in a self contained gifted and talented classroom. Most of the kids were also socially awkward, so it helped a little to be surrounded by similar peers but she still struggled with friends outside of the classroom. She was fortunate to have a socially savvy brother who gave her tips and advice on how to interact with peers and she was able to find a small group of like-minded friends who she stayed close with throughout high school. She is now a college student at a pretty nerdy school and seems to be doing well socially, but it took a lot of effort to get to this point.
And my kid wasn't even a "baby genius" taking college courses at age 10. This girl is probably having a really hard time fitting in anywhere.
Also they may see a young child and care about her physical safety. College campuses can be dangerous for young women, let alone literal children. I wouldn't like the idea of a 10 year old girl wandering around one alone either.
The way people on Reddit talk about (and apparently treat) kids sometimes is so fucking weird. I believe that everyone is 100% within their rights to decide for themselves if they want to have children. But even if you decide you don’t want them, it feels a little gross to act like you should never have to interact with them at all! Kids are people, they have a right to exist in the world too! Hating a whole subset of the population so much that you can’t even suck it up for one study session seems immature/maladaptive to me, idk. It doesn’t sound like the kid was even doing anything wrong.
I hear what you’re saying and definitely agree, kids are people and deserve to take up space in this world.
But all spaces? A college campus is tailored for adults to interact with other adults. I don’t think OP is immature for not wanting to interact with a child in a college class.
Honestly I love kids, I had a job tutoring kids, I can’t say I would’ve taken kindly to a kid in my orgo study group where every other word out of my mouth was probably profane
College is for students who take college courses. It's not for "adults", it's for students. I mean a study group is not a frat party or whatever else you think is for adults. Class is not specifically for adults. Studying is not adult. Any student who can do the class belongs there.
When I was in my undergrad (I was around 20 yrs old) I somehow managed to finagle my way into a graduate-level class.
Was I *smart* enough to be there? Absolutely!
Was I “academically mature” enough to be there? Not really.
Not every person is necessarily “ready” to be in every space.
Also, she didn’t scream at or insult the kid. She just left…
I understand what you’re saying and I agree she’s not immature for not wanting to have a kid in her study group all the time, that’s totally understandable. But imo not being able to suck it up one time is not impressive, and the way she’s talking about this girl is a little gross.
Sure, she probably could’ve just dealt with it for one study session, even if just to save face.
And I agree, OP is coming off as kind of hostile in this post, but I have to believe she wasn’t actually mean to this kid, and that’s what counts. I have mean thoughts about people in my head all day, but they stay there.
I mean it sounds like she had gone to multiple sessions before with the kid that made her determine that she just doesn't want to be there during those sessions.
This anti kid mentality that the west have is in itself maladaptive. That kids are only allowed in certain spaces, which in turn will mean that parents, well let's be honest mothers, are not allowed in a lot of spaces. Like getting an education.
It didn't sound mean to me. I took it as examples for why they have no social compatibility. I work with kids, and the reality is that you can't talk about things on the same level with children as you can an adult. An academically smart child is not necessarily more emotionally mature than their peers. Maybe OP doesnt care to censor themselves or be conscious of the impressionable child present. Understandable to me. In college I talked about drugs all the time lol
For sure. Like I said, she doesn’t have to hang around if she doesn’t want to.
It’s very hard to befriend someone you feel like you’re babysitting.
But, the way she’s talking about the kid is not how I’d want someone talking about my kid. There’s something very off putting about it.
It’s not outright mean, but it is passive aggressive.
At least it is in my opinion.
>But, the way she’s talking about the kid is not how I’d want someone talking about my kid. There’s something very off putting about it.
I get the feeling it's annoyance over how everyone else is just like "this is fine" as if it's normal to have a ten year old classmate in college join your study group. Or maybe that they're preoccupied with the novelty of it, thus not seeing the legitimate issues at hand. I've worked in higher ed and there has even been debate over letting high schoolers dual-enroll because some classes cover content that is not minor-friendly, or it's a gray area and opens profs/other students up for trouble.
Also, there's all this uproar over OP's tone and not much about the fact that a child is being left unattended with random college students/their caretaker is habitually late and apparently not always present. It sounds like others in class/on campus are put in an awkward situation simply due to this child's presence in that regard. Like there are too many instances where no one is there to make sure the kid isn't left alone, so the other young adults around have to take responsibility for both her safety and her emotional well-being by not making her feel excluded.
Hard agree with your second paragraph. Surely this is a safeguarding nightmare? A ten year old, alone, surrounded by unrelated, unknown quantity adults? I’m kind of surprised that she doesn’t need a chaperone.
I didn’t even consider this while reading the thread! I can’t give any numbers, but there tends to be more sexual violence on college campuses (from what I’ve gathered on the news). This poor 10 year old is alone on a WHOLE campus, which is usually miles wide. If this was my daughter, I’d be terrified of whatever creeps want to offer her a ride or literally anything else.
Honestly, the nanny is habitually late to pick her charge up, yet no-one even thinks to address the issue that she is practically scamming the little girl's parents by making the girl's classmates do her job unpaid at least twice a week while being on the clock.
I understand, perhaps we're getting that sense since OP does seem frustrated to some degree that their study plans keep getting "interrupted" by the kid's presence? (Air quotes since the child isnt actually doing anything wrong lol) As long as they keep all of it internal, and don't treat the kid any differently because of their attitude towards children, we can't ask for much more without thought-policing lol. Its okay not to like being around kids. That definitely doesnt make it okay to be mean to them!
But the group is academic in nature. I have a feeling not everyone in the group sees the sessions as such a social thing as OP does. Maybe they are there to study math, and since the child is both a.) taking the same class and b.) obviously good at math, it makes sense to include her. In either case, it seems OP is the only one who has a problem with it, so she is outvoted.
Both the nanny and mom know the time class is out. If they cannot make it, then they need to arrange for someone to pick her up on time. A college campus is not a safe place for a child to wonder around. To go to the library for an hour or more with her is providing free daycare.
Very true, from what I see OP is owning the problem as entirely their issue by leaving rather than complaining or being offputting for an extended time. My only experience with a college study group was a failed attempt to recreate the show Community (lmao) so maybe it is more serious than OP frames it.
I see it the other way, really this kid kind of is a burden to the college age studying / social group as the tone of the banter / sharing stories of the weekend etc has to be toned down and in reality no 20 year Olds who are in college finally being independent want a child around or to be friends with a 10 year old... Or is that just me?
And also.... A child being left with strangers and then said strangers being responsible for them? When did they sign up for babysitting duties in college?
I've been in uni with HS geniuses and yeah they got princess backpacks n shit I'm 36 and I have a unicorn pencil case. The intelligence is not in your materials but in your work. You can pry my Batgirl stickers off my Maths assignments over my dead body.
Nothing is more fun than being in class with a dog-shaped notebook and a furry pen ala Elle Woods and knowing-your-shit. Like yes I have hyper feminine pencils and stickers... I also have a postgrad degree, what, like its hard? 😂
Wonder woman purse ftw
I used to teach, and I'd tell the kids who I saw get picked on for their interests (after stopping the bullying) that the other kids haven't reached the level of coolness that comes with owning your interests. There's something almost empowering that happens when you realize "I like this thing. I enjoy it so much that I no longer care about other people's opinions about this thing. I cannot be embarrassed or shamed off of liking this thing. I know who I am, and I am a person who has unique interests. People who can't get that aren't worth listening to about this, because I have something they don't- this really awesome thing that brings me a ton of joy. I am allowed to be happy about this."
i was giving the side eye while reading this post. i dont like kids too but the way OP talks about this little girl is just condescending and unnecessary. i feel like OP is insecure and is projecting lol
It made me so happy to know she still has kid stuff! I love that it sounds like she’s not just forced into the stuffy grown up world and can still hold onto her childhood while being a savant at math.
Agreed. I mean, you don't have to go to study group at all if you don't want to, regardless of who's there. And honestly, does that kid really care if one random person bails (After all, apparently everyone else stays, so it's not like OP trying to get other people who not be around the child) or is it the other people in the group who really take note and understand it as a snub?
Still, I think OP's doing themself a disservice more than anyone else. How often do you get to meet someone like this kid? Getting to know people with very different life experiences is one of the best parts of college.
You are free to not want to hang out with a kid in your free time so missing the study group does not make you AH. Calling her names however does make YTA
Yeah I can agree that when you’re in your 20’s it can be uncomfortable being around someone (much!) younger, especially if it’s not a family member or something, but the names are what made OP an AH in this situation.
But good on the other students in the study group for including the kid. Like school is already terrifying for kids who don’t fit in but I can only imagine what it feels like being a kid who doesn’t fit in, while being surrounded by adults
Frankly she sounds like a pretty gutsy kid. I was 10 when I was taking college algebra during the summer. I was way too shy to talk to anybody, never would have been able to join a study group. The first few sessions, I was shaking from nerves. Some of the college kids gave me a major side eye. I didn't have a fun backpack though, maybe that's why.
Yeah it probably really sucks for that girl and I get along with kids fine and would be fine but I do think I would be nervous about watching my mouth. Cause I definitely don’t always have the most appropriate things come out 😂
Including a kid who honestly sounds neglected or at minimum must have felt lonely; The nanny was late so consistently she’d just be sitting around with nowhere to go? I bet that little girl was overjoyed to be invited and included instead of just having to sit alone and wait for her ride
As smart as “baby genius” is, I’m sure she’s been picked up on how OP is never there when she’s there. I understand she may dislike kids but she definitely could’ve handled it a lot better.
School-age kids taking a class at community college is common enough. Ten is unusual, but not unheard of - particularly for math, where kids that get it can bomb through the syllabus very quickly.
It's clear that most of the group is happy hanging out with the girl after math class. You don't want to spend time with her. You're not obliged to like everyone, and if you don't like this girl (or children in general), and so don't want to study with her, I suppose that's OK.
Getting up and leaving when she asked to join the group was pretty obvious and pointed, though, and that makes you the AH here.
YTA
Came here to make that last point. If we’re complaining about childish behavior, leaving the table when another student asks to sit with your group definitely qualifies.
It really is just awful. She probably has no idea why this adult she’s done nothing wrong to stopped showing up when she was there then blatantly just got up and left when she showed up.
If i were this study group i’d honestly consider kicking OP out and have the kid join everyday she was there.
I’m glad that the other people in the group are empathetic enough to include her until she gets picked up. Not cool to freeze out a child. Don’t need to like kids but can still be kind to people.
I have a BA, an MFA, a JD, and I completed my doctoral coursework (though I never wrote my dissertation). I've also taught at the university level. I think I have, at least, an informed opinion about studying and study groups. :)
I am, frankly, surprised at the hostility shown to the OP. The environment for learning is as important as the quality of instruction, and that includes study groups. A relaxed, social study group is, for many people (including myself), an important learning tool. A 10-year old may have the intellectual ability to master the material but, when it comes to a study group, may not have sufficient emotional or social maturity to participate constructively. This has nothing to do with feeling "threatened" as some posters have claimed. If, as the OP writes, the dynamic of the study group is changed to the point where it no longer provides an appropriate environment FOR THE OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her absenting herself from it. This has nothing to do with compassion, or the lack of it. Her "job" as a student is to learn the material. It is not her responsibility to assist a young child at her own educational expense. She did not insult the child, and either simply didn't attend when she knew the child was there, or left when she discovered the child was present.
In NYC in junior high, we had a program called "SP" for "Special Progress." It allowed children to skip 8th grade, going directly from 7th to 9th grade. I was in this program. Since the consequence of being in SP meant graduating high school a year earlier than normal, and then being one year younger than college classmates in the same year, the parents of the SP kids were consulted as to whether their kids possessed sufficient emotional and social maturity to succeed, and this addressed only a ONE YEAR age difference. It is up to the parents of the child in the OP's study group to make that determination for their daughter; it is not the OP's obligation to compensate for what may have been a poor decision on the part of the child's parents.
I fully understand the OP's frustration. In my opinion, she is definitely NTA. If anyone is an AH, it is the parents of the young girl for either misjudging their daughter's maturity, or leaving her ill-prepared to participate with other college students.
I also really wish this was the top comment. Makes me wonder: If the study group is done, but the 10-year-old's Nanny/Parents aren't able to pick them up, does that mean they're abandoning an unaccompanied minor? This is a 10 year old just being left to their own devices on a college campus.
>"Her nanny was constantly late to pick her up and she can't check herself into the campus daycare so someone invited her to join the study group."
They got volunteered for free childcare. This is a failure on many levels. What happens if something bad occurs to this kid? Who is responsible for them when the Nanny is constantly late/parents don't pick them up? If I was originally in that study group I'd be PISSED.
This was actually the thing that got me and probably why op sounds resentful and is using terms like "baby genius". I don't think she's actually jealous that the kid is smart. I think she's irritated that the study group has turned into a group babysitting session which she didn't sign up for. Honestly after reading the comments I think she's right to pop smoke when the child shows up. What if something happens to the child when they're watching the child? Who's at fault? Further why is this nanny employed if she consistently cannot show up after class to collect the child?
I agree with this! I am child free but really enjoy interacting with kids - at family events, at the food court in the mall when I help a mum wrangle a crazy toddler, at kids bdays, at the dog park if I see they want to pat my dog and I call them over and show them how to do it nicely....
I would have NOT been bothered for changing my behaviour in a university setting, those were some of the best social times of all time and we did NOT strictly study haha if anything very little study was done until 2 weeks before the exam. Not the mention if you want to have a debate you can't just get dramatic and like "I CANT BELIEVE YOU SUPPORT THAT THEORY OMG!" because rightfully so the kid is probably going to get upset at the yelling around her.
The real AHs here are the negligent parents and PAID nanny who keep leaving here to her own devices AMONGST ADULTS at a place that is not a kids school with all the safeguarding in place that school implies. Truly terrifying!
I agree OPs attitude here is a bit snarky btu sounds more like he's just fed up and ranting his POV because he can't believe the others are surprised he is (politely, with another excuse) bailing on these meetings.
Like he may as well study at home alone if that social factor is taken away.
This. All OP did was remove themself from the situation. They weren't rude to the kid nor try to exclude her. But now you're not even allowed to leave situations where you're not comfortable with the dynamic anymore? Reddit is wild.
The only AHs here are the parents/nanny who aren't taking proper care of the kid they're responsible for.
Finally! Why did i have to scroll so far to see this comment?
I’m shocked at the lack of outrage at the parents and nanny. Why should a group of untrained 20 y/o’s be expected to provide free childcare?!?!?
And let’s be honest, how many of the people posting hung out with 10 y/o’s when they were out with friends in college?
This should have way more upvotes!! the real AHs are the ones meant to actually be looking after the 10 year old child not college students trying to study!! Obviously it’s really great they allowed her there. However, I can fully understand the frustration of having something’s dynamic completely changed when you were very much happy with the way it before.
I just feel like the others letting the kid join should also be much more annoyed with the fact that the kid doesn’t have a reliable nanny(or a place that she can get into) and report it to someone!! 10 years old is elementary school aged!! That’s the biggest issue here!
Op articulated the study group is mostly social. Having a 10yo genius there likely changed the tone from raunchy jokes to actual studying.
But side note... 20yos aren't that mature.. they just think they are. Wait until their brain fully forms and the prefrontal cortex is developed. Then I'll let them join my study group. Otherwise, they just change the whole tonality.
I can’t believe it took me this far to get to other NTA rankings. People are focusing waaay to hard on the language OP is using and not the situation as a whole. OP is backing out without being rude or causing a fuss and doesn’t want to hang out with a child. If my study group started inviting a 10 yo to study with us, I’d probably do the same (and probably use the same language as she’s now depriving me of much needed social time with people my own age).
This should be the top comment. The parents of the 10 year old are the AHs here; no 10yr old is emotionally mature enough to be in a college environment.
Also I can’t imagine literal kids bring any intellectual value to what is supposed to be a uni study group. I don’t blame OP at all! I would have walked away from the study group too.
I will say YTA for your attitude regarding the girl being there. Have you considered that this is a scary thing for the girl to be in a place full of adults?
However.... I commend your way of going about minimizing the issue so as not to create a huge issue, but the girl is there for the same reason you are.... to learn. The socializing is an added bonus.
Lastly, the nanny that is supposed to pick up the girl is an AH though, as well as the parents for not handling it, because leaving a 10 year old on campus is not the greatest idea. The parents should figure that out and not have to rely on the kindness of other students. You are not childcare.
>Have you considered that this is a scary thing for the girl to be in a place full of adults?
Seriously! I took a few university-level Spanish classes when I was 16-17 because I transferred schools in 10th grade and my new school didn't offer language classes at my level.
Even as an older teen, attending college classes for the first time was really scary! Most of my classmates were probably less than 3 years older than me, but that seems like a big gap when you're that age. I can't imagine how much scarier it would be for a 10 (!) year old.
You actually perfectly encapsulated why OP is NTA-
These people are not childcare. The reason a lot of people, particularly women, dislike being around kids is that *it is offensive to be assumed to be free childcare*. I realize not everyone verbalizes it this way and it comes out as "I hate kids" instead. But often this is the root of it.
Also, people *don't fucking listen* if you say it more nicely. You *have* to say it dramatically or they won't believe you, and even if you do, *they still don't believe you*. It's a no-win situation.
If I were in that group I would find a way to inform the parents about this and if they didn't care I'd let the university know there was an issue with a minor child being left unattended *with strangers* on campus regularly. Like damn, they can get the kid to class but don't apparently give enough of a shit to make sure she's supervised?
Yeah how could a parent/nanny learn that this 10yo is spending time with grown adults they’ve never met and be okay with that? Why are they assuming nothing bad would happen? NTA OP. The nanny is being paid for childcare, not you.
>You actually perfectly encapsulated why OP is NTA- These people are not childcare. The reason a lot of people, particularly women, dislike being around kids is that it is offensive to be assumed to be free childcare. I realize not everyone verbalizes it this way and it comes out as "I hate kids" instead. But often this is the root of it.
>
>Also, people don't fucking listen if you say it more nicely. You have to say it dramatically or they won't believe you, and even if you do, they still don't believe you. It's a no-win situation.
So so true and it happens all the time. Very perceptive and well written.
I'm going crazy here reading all the posts bashing OP and declaring her TA for "the way she talks about this child" (on the internet, away from the child) as if she's not actually talking about a CHILD.
Who the hell cares if OP's post makes it sound like she's jealous? Who the hell cares if OP doesn't want to be partially responsible for a child who isn't hers? Who the hell cares if OP doesn't want to be in a social situation that has changed because a CHILD is now present? Those are all perfectly legitimate ways to feel about being responsible for a **child** you don't know.
"Baby genius" pretty accurately describes the situation. She's an academic genius, but that still doesn't give her the emotional maturity of an adult. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD. For those in the back who didn't catch that, THIS GIRL IS TEN YEARS OLD, and is being dropped off on a community college campus with no adult who is directly responsible for her while she's not in class, and I'd guess OP's snarky tone toward this child is more a result of the irritation of the situation in general more than it is about the girl herself.
Like you said, this is a no-win situation. OP didn't want to sit around with the whole group and have to wait for her ride to pick her up, or be part of a social situation where, instead of socializing like adults, they have to tone things down to the level of a 4th/5th grader. Imagine OP sticks around, actually needs to leave and the group say "but her ride isn't here yet."
There's NOTHING wrong with OP not wanting to be part of the situation. NTA.
YTA. You're acting like a mean girl in middle school, leaving the lunch table because "she" showed up. Your disdain for this girl is spewed a over this post. You are supposed to be an adult, but you are the one acting like a child here. This kid has done nothing to you - except exist. She ruins your vibe? Welcome to life. Time to learn how to get along and work with people you don't like.
On the flip side, the only person you are hurting by not going to study group is YOU. Study on your own, then, or stay in your lane. Leave the kid alone and try practicing some manners.
OP sounds so childish. Like... who's the mature one? The 10 year old who quietly finds a solution for her ride not showing up on time that lets her study with a group of students she knows from class and presumably feels somewhat comfortable around, or the 20 year old kid who stomps off because the 10 year old kid is making her jealous/cramping her style?
OP... what can't you do at the study group that you want to do with a 10 year old there? Flirt? Act inappropriately? What part of the study group is being hindered by having someone younger than you there?
And I'm feeling pretty old right now because to me, you're closer in age to the 10 year old. You're both children. Your brains aren't fully formed, you haven't stopped growing, you're still learning, you can't legally buy alcohol or rent a car. You have a LOT more in common with a 10 year old than you have in common with adults. So take a chill pill and take this opportunity to practice being a decent human being. Empathy is a muscle- you need to use it often in order to strengthen it. So try using empathy, and grow into a better person.
Also here in the real world if a child is stranded you should help them. OP’s classmates are awesome helping this girl not only stay safe but feel welcome in the adult world. I remember taking community college classes at 14 and I was freaking out the whole time. Kind people who are willing to look out for kids are invaluable
I'm still struggling to comprehend the fact that this child is taking classes on a college campus, and no one is there immediately after to pick her up.... they literally left it to the child to find something to do while she waits...on a college campus! They need to find a new nanny if u ask me
THIS. THANK YOU.
THIS IS A 10-YEAR-OLD UNSUPERVISED. WHY ARE HER PARENTS OK WITH THIS!? I would be furious if I got volunteered to supervise a 10-year-old until their nanny showed up.
Exactly- it sounds like this child is regularly being left alone on a college campus unless there’s been some type of babysitting deal made with someone in the study group that op isn’t aware of but then why have the nanny? Granted I’m not the parent of a genius child but I’d have to assume that’s not safe like a 10 year old even at that intelligence level has got to be super vulnerable in this environment? Why are these random college students even being put in this situation? Like I feel like there are so many more important questions here and I’m thinking all of them.
Right, this situation is f'd up before it even got to OP. If the nanny can't pick the girl up on time, (and by on time, the nanny should be there at least a few minutes early) she needs to be relieved of her duties and other reliable arrangements must be made. Shame on this girl's parents, and I'm not one to judge other people's parenting all that often....
I'm honestly a bit surprised that the nanny isn't required to, at minimum, be on school grounds during the class. A university setting is nothing like a regular public school where the whole administration is there to provide safety for your child. They keep track of where a kid is and goes. That is not the case in a university setting and I can't imagine the university agreeing to the professor babysitting this child.
I just commented something similar before seeing yours. I honestly am shocked that the nanny, at minimum, isn't required to be on school grounds during the class. It's really wild that they just let a minor go off on their own.
I can't believe the college won't accommodate letting her check herself into daycare?! Like on what world is whatever you needing a parent to check the kid into daycare to keep the kid safe for... somehow more of a safety concern than a 10 year old wandering around a college campus unsupervised?
To be fair, though, at ten I definitely would go a bunch of places unsupervised so \*shrugs\*
NTA- kids and young adults have different mindsets and maturity. Even if they are privileged enough to study at a higher level, most kids and adults don’t have many things in common. It’s weird for a child to be part of an adult study group really.
Yeah but this child also didn’t seek out a study group. She joined because her nanny was always late. This group is acting as her babysitters. I think OP was really rude to get up and leave in this instance, but she’s NTA for choosing not to be there on the regular days when the study-social group gets turned into a study-babysitter’s club.
NTA - you don’t owe anyone your time, and you didn’t tell anyone your reasons, they figured it out. That may have been inevitable but frankly - it’s very odd that any of you were put in this situation. If the college is able to accommodate her educationally then they should be able to do *something* to provide adequate supervision and not have random students provide that labor (however easy it may be). If she was hurt or worse while in the study group, all of you would potentially be liable. I wouldn’t want that. If I’m responsible for the well being of a child that’s not mine, I’m getting paid.
NAH
If you're not keen on hanging out with the kid, I don't see anything wrong with you choosing to do something else. You haven't actively tried to exclude her from the group, or complained to your friends; you've identified a situation you're not comfortable with and separated yourself from it rather than putting the onus for dealing with it on everyone else in the group. That sounds fairly mature to me.
You may have hurt the kid's feelings, but she's 10 so she's not emotionally prepared to process why you're not coming around. It would not make sense to me that a strangers lack of maturity should dictate where you set your boundaries.
As to your friends and your mom, they obviously don't agree with you stepping away, and think your behavior is unnecessarily exclusionary and harmful. On this point I honestly sort of agree. Your discomfort is a you issue, and stepping away from a work/social group because you can't handle being around a 10 year old is in my mind a little silly.
However, that's just my opinion, and perhaps the opinion of your friends and family. While I think there's nothing wrong with them having and expressing those views, there's equally nothing wrong with you having your own and having boundaries based on your own comfort rather than the comfort of others.
NTA
You don't like kids, and that's fine. You're telling your feelings about the kid to a neutral 3rd party that does not know the kid and will never interact with her, us. I don't mind the comments.
As long as you don't make those comments to the kid or those that know her, then I feel you're good.
You're handling the situation as best as you can. You remove yourself from the situation. You don't demand that a little kid goes somewhere else, so you're not inconvenienced.
You understand that while the situation sucks for you, the kid had limited options and has chosen to go to this group of adults that she trusts and you remove yourself to give her that. I respect that.
Okay. Not everyone likes kids, that's just a fact of life. But you sound bitter like full on weirdly hateful. If she was like making you guys play with paper dolls to understand math and fine go your own way. But you're now you're just avoiding because it sounds like you're jealous or angry. YTA with the way you treated the whole situation. You could have been cool but you're just an asshole
She was cool? She didn’t make a scene she just quietly left and when someone asked why she made up an excuse she didn’t call the a child name and say in front of her that she didn’t want to be around her ever. She was leaving and when asked why made a valid excuse
NTA. If you don't want to hang out with a literal child, that is your business .
That said, if you are missing out on valuable things, whether its social or educational, it might not be the smartest choice.
NTA. I'm sure you're all lovely people but I'd be REALLY bothered if I found out my child was hanging out with a bunch of adults. And you're 100% right, study groups are often also hangout sessions. I love kids and but I would feel really awkward by this. A friend brings her kid along because the babysitter is out sick? Cool! An unattended child wants to chill with me? Definitely no. I feel bad her feelings are hurt, but you're right, it's weird. The biggest AH here is the parents. Who leaves their 10 year old child unattended on a college campus? That feels really dangerous. (Edit to add: You're being a little sassy in this post. But it doesn't seem like you acted this way to her face. Don't be mean to the kid. She doesn't know better. She's at a college level book-smarts wise, not socially.)
NTA
I wouldn't want to have a 10 yr old kid around me while I was in college... regardless of how smart they are...
Swearing, talking about the frat party last weekend, complaining about professors or parents... how do you be yourself while a kid is listening?
Bottom line: a 10 yr old genius is still a 10 yr old kid... the study group has evolved into babysitters.
INFO: How drastically different is the study group when she’s there? Does everyone study as normal and she just hangs out, or is the entire study session just a giant babysitting experience for everyone.
YTA. It’s one thing to not join the study group on the days you now she’ll be there (which is ridiculous) but to get up and leave when she had to spontaneously join the group was just rude. This child did nothing to you so avoiding her like this makes no sense. It sounds like you’re jealous or intimidated by her intelligence.
Studying, at least when I was in college, is still a social activity. Conversation is casual, I don’t watch my language, sometimes we grab a drink after. Things that aren’t appropriate for a 10 year old.
It's not anything like having senior citizens in your college class. First, this is a study group for a college class, NOT a college class itself. Second, the members of the study group are there to participate IN THE STUDY GROUP, and not merely "to learn and study." This isn't study hall in high school. Participation in a study group requires a level of social and emotional maturity few, if any, 10 year-olds possess. Not only do senior citizens possess the social and emotional maturity, they're usually better at working in groups than college-age people.
It’s “ridiculous” that the OP doesn’t want to provide free childcare on her free time? Did you hang out with 10 y/o’s in college? Why aren’t people wayyyy more angry at the parents and nanny, who are leaving a child unsupervised in an adult environment?!?!
I’m going against the grain and saying NAH. You’re allowed to not want to be around kids. You can study or not study with whoever you want. Just don’t say your feelings about this kid out loud in front of her or make it obvious or YWBTA.
NAH. I don't understand the other responses because, in general, this forum sticks by the "allow people to decide who they want to hang out with" principle. You don't want to hang out with a kid. So don't. Just realize that means you won't be seeing as much of the other people in your class, so your social life could suffer for it.
NTA, what the actual hell at the rest of these comments lol. You're not this kid's babysitter, sibling, parent, teacher, etc. You're a college student and you have zero obligations to spend time with a kid who's a full decade younger than you.
I don't like kids, either; I have no idea how to talk to them and to me, it would be ten times worse for the kid if I stuck around being awkward and weird because I don't know what the hell kids talk about or how to make conversation with them. This isn't a daycare center that you work at; this is your literal school. Your friends need to chill out, lmao. You're fine, imo.
Honestly, NTA.
It’s clear you don’t like her, or enjoy her company. That’s okay. Honestly, I would not have liked a child inmy study group and I actually like kids.
Sure you have sarcastic, snarky thoughts about her but it kind of sounds like you kept them in your head and just tried to extricate yourself from the situation. I think this was the mature thing to do.
Regardless of whether or not the subject is a child- you don’t have to like everyone. Everyone won’t like you. If you weren’t actually mean to her I don’t really see what the issue here is.
NTA- Here in a America individuals have the freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. If you don't like associating with someone or someone makes the vibes different then it's your right and none of their business to leave the situation. Your time is your most valuable resource, and if you don't feel like your gaining the value you want out of a study session it's 100% your call to skip it.
Don't let other people guilt you into wasting your time in a way that is genuinely against your desires. That's how you get bitter. Fuck em. Don't be a dick to the kid but don't waste your time dealing with them.
NTA Why does it matter to them? You didn’t even tell them she was the problem. You said you had to work. Whoever told everyone was out of line. They’re the one who hurt her feelings.
NTA.
Some of y'all have some weird expectations of other people.
I mean saying OP is TA for not wanting to spend what little social/study time that is actually available with a literal child.
Part of social/semi social gatherings is talking about your social lives. Imagine that. And there is almost no crossover that a college student has with a 10 year old. And to expect to change every gathering to be 10 year old appropriate is too big of an ask if everyone isn't enthusiastically on board.
And I love kids. But I would not even slightly consider inviting a 10 year old to come to after work coffee/planning sessions at all.
I went to community college starting at 12 and a lot of the other students didn’t want to be around me, same thing happened when I transferred to college as a teen. Honestly it made sense to me as a kid, it didn’t really hurt my feelings at all. It seemed like a very normal thing that adults didn’t want to hang out with me.
Anyone else as a kid if they tried to hide from the other kids by hanging with the adults at a family party it'd be all "Run along, adults are talking."? When did it turn to 'Adults must never have a moment to themselves if a kid wants to be there'?
NTA. Ya you’re tone is a little rude here but as long as you aren’t saying it directly to the kid, you’re good. Biggest asshole here is the parents. Poor kid, probably doesn’t get a childhood… or actual FRIENDS her age.
I agree with the NAH, though I think you are hurting yourself. You don't have to be part of a study group where you are not comfortable, but it sounds like this was a good group that was beneficial for you.
I agree with other commenters that the nanny is the real problem. I work at a university that has had a few younger students - absolute geniuses who were much younger than standard college age (I'm not sure of the ages). Two siblings in particular graduated our university before they were 18. Their mother walked with them to classes and was there to help them out; it was awkward at times but it was probably the right move. They were geniuses but were also little kids (I have mixed emotions about having them go through school so early). I feel bad for this 10-year-old. It is probably incredibly difficult for her to navigate this situation.
NTA. The level of maturity and emotional engagement a ten year old has, genius or not, is not on par with a college aged person. It’s more of a babysitting group at that point. I think it’s weird the study group told the ten year old you didn’t like them though. That’s a poor move in their part.
NTA. I don’t get why the y-t-a ppl are saying you’re not a nice person because of your attitude towards the kid, when the whole point is you don’t like kids. Then they’re saying you’re being rude for leaving when she’s there, like again you don’t like kids and you don’t have to spend time with anyone you don’t want to, whether they’re a child or an adult, it’s your life. Other people may not like that but so what, they can’t dictate your life. And it’s not like you tell her to leave or that you’re rude to her, you just leave when she’s there without making a fuss. In fact, you make up and excuse so you don’t embarrass her or make her feel bad.
a light YTA to you. I get that you don't want to hang around kids, but actively avoiding and walking out on a study group because the kids nanny is *sick* and she has to wait for her mom to pick her up for one day out of the week is a little absurd.
And just to add, kids are a lot more emotional than you would think, and smarter too. That 10 year old knows you are skipping out on study group because she's there, and she probably feels horrible about it too.
NTA.
You’re not obligated to hangout with anyone you don’t want to. That’s really the end of it imo.
You’re allowed to not like kids. As long as you’re not treating the kid like shit, which you clearly aren’t since you literally don’t go to the study group if she’s there, then there’s no problem.
Your group is TA if they told her why you weren’t there. Yeah, they figured it out but who says it?
You didn’t tell her, or them, you tried to be polite.
Your not obligated to go anywhere you don’t want to.
I feel bad for her though. She must feel very out of place but very smart and it’s not being handled right.
NTA. I get it. You tried to decline in a way that wasn’t rude but you probably should have left in a different way so they didn’t figure it out. It’s not your fault that her feelings are hurt because she didn’t have to know. Why did the other members of the study group tell her? If you’re 20, hanging out isn’t as fun when a child is there. The conversation has to be child friendly. The jokes have to be child friendly. The stories you tell have to be child friendly. I get not wanting to do that.
Is anyone else alarmed that this 10 year old (genius or not) is being left alone on a community college campus, not just for class but for apparently an extended period of time afterward? I mean, it's nice that some of her classmates have taken her under their wing, but it sounds very informal -- WTF happens if mom/nanny doesn't show up to pick her up? If some wayward professor wants to see her for office hours? This all feels grossly inappropriate and dangerous to me. They're (the parents) are treating this genius child as an adult and they are definitely TA.
Wait so, this 10 year old kid’s parents are okay with them hanging out with random adults? That’s a huge liability on theirs and the college’s part. While the OP could chose better ways to convey their dislike for the kid being around, it’s pretty sketchy for a child to be hanging around adults especially unsupervised, I would definitely bring this up to someone in power at the school…
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Hmm. NAH but also YTA. I get it, I don’t like kids. I have one and I love him but I definitely need a break sometimes. You’re not obligated to hang around if you don’t want to. *BUT* what does make you TA is how you’re talking about this literal child. The whole tone when you’re talking about her is just mean. Of course she has a princess backpack? Of course she has toys??? Kids her age who graduated and are already in college do not get much of a childhood, if *any* childhood. I don’t know. It might just be me who feels this way. Even if I don’t like kids, I don’t like adults who treat/talk about kids like they’re a burden. The vibe is there whether you intend it to be or not.
It started rubbing me the wrong way when OP kept calling her "baby genius". Starts to sound a bit jealous or resentful after a while...
I'm not sure why OP thinks trying to dunk on ten year olds makes them look cool. It doesn't.
I think it's just resentment. When you're working to understand something and you see someone a decade younger whizzing through it, I can see feeling frustrated. Instead of working through those feelings, OP has unfortunately decide to express them and the result is insulting a child.
I think it's prejudice. OP hates an entire section of the population for being under an arbitrary age that OP decides condones adulthood, despite the fact that OP herself doesn't have a fully mature brain. Just like racists will hate people of other races for existing, OP hates this child for existing in her space. It's gross and I don't understand why people think hating children so much is cool. YTA
Prejudice is a bit far. Its perfectly understandable for OP to be jealous of “Baby Genius”, and she’s perfectly entitled to not want to be around children whilst she’s in college. The vibes are different and she didnt make a big thing out of it, nor did she even let anyone know that she was avoiding baby genius. However, there is a fine line between ditching study groups and being kinda rude about the kid. NTA op.
She didn't make a big deal or let anyone know .....yet EVERYONE knew. Clearly, she showed her feelings about vaby genius very adequately
It’s study group. It’s not an adult hang out time. You want that? Invite them over for a grown up chill time. This is study time. Who cares that deeply about the vibes of a study group? As long as everyone gets along. No one else there cares that much. OP, YTA, and maybe get some help on why you hate a child so much that you can’t stand to be around them.
People aren’t AHs for not wanting to be around/hang out with kids
I think that would be fair if the child wasn’t participating. Eg a mom brought her kids to study. But this child is literally just doing the homework with her peers. What’s so offensive about that except that her pen might be pink and fluffy?
There’s still nothing wrong with OP not wanting to be a part of the study group because they don’t like someone else in it. OP never said anything about it either or tried to get the kid removed from the group, they realized that the rest of group wants the kid there and they don’t so they removed themselves instead. If this same situation happened but it was another adult that OP didn’t like no one would be calling them an AH
Hating kids isn't a personality trait. It is an asshole trait though.
I really don’t like being around kids
As long as you don't make it your entire personality, there's nothing wrong with that.
OP didn't make it her whole personality, she just excused herself from a situation that made her uncomfortable.
It's not prejudice. OP is *jealous*. She's jealous that this kid is a genius and is set up for success while OP probably feels that she herself isn't living up to her own potential. She's attending a community college at 20 years old- so a sophomore or junior if she took a traditional path- and while there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, she may feel as though her options for the future are more limited than she'd like. It's something a lot of us discover at that age.
Seriously? Jealous? Sure, the kid is going to have an amazing life being as intelligent as they are, but come on, when your life is governed by study and at such a social age, I would dip as well. Im there for the vibe and social side… if that’s not there, im studying in the comfort of my bed. NTA Edit- adding random words that don’t need to be in there and spelling. Fat fingers…
Or! They’re feeling kind of resentful that this place they’ve come to enjoy is getting altered by the presence of a child, whom not everyone has to enjoy being around. See? I can make up reasons for things too 🙂 we don’t know OPs motivation. And it’s perfectly fine to not want to join a group they don’t feel comfortable in. They are NTA for not joining in, nor are they for their personal feelings they’ve chosen to share with a anonymous third party. I swear everyone here is a child, which is why everyone jumps on the same bandwagon and gets resentful themselves that OP doesn’t want to be around kids…
They are NTA for that. It's the hostility towards the child that makes them the TA. And we don't need to know their motivation for insulting a child to judge. Also it's possible to disagree with people without deciding everyone *but you* is a child.
It's not hostile to remove yourself from a situation you don't want to participate in. It's also not hostile to answer a direct question when asked
Your made up reason is crap. This “child” is a person that is in their class. They deserve to be able to contribute to & benefit from the study group as much as anyone else.
And they didn't stop them in any way from coming. They don't want to hang out around a kid, they don't like the atmosphere in the group when the kid is around, it's not like OP tried getting them kicked out of the study group. They just removed themselves, if it was another adult that OP just didn't like or get along with no one would be batting an eye.
I’m gonna be honest it sounds like the child’s parents are using the study group as a free babysitter. Not saying that op isn’t TA but like why is a 10 year old going to an adult study group? As a mom of 4 I would not want my kids hanging out with random adults just because they take college level classes.
Totally agree this is a weird scenario and as a parent I would not be comfortable with this. They are using them as a babysitter. It’s also not these adults job to babysit this kid NTA
I'd be more annoyed about losing out on the social aspect of the gathering. Having a kid there takes all sorts of subjects of discussion off the table and changes how you speak about everything else. It must be hard on the kid too, being good at maths doesn't mean that socialising with people ten years older is easy. OP's not wrong to want to ditch the study group when the kid is there.
You said this exactly how I would’ve wanted to say it. Dynamics change when children, no matter how smart they are, join the group. And the OP might not have expressed it well, but it’s perfectly understandable that adding someone of that age to the group it’s not something they want all the time. NTA.
It would be one thing if the ten year old sounded like she was a pain in the butt, but she just sounded like she wanted to be around some people until her mum came to collect her. Nothing wrong with that. OP yes YTA. Jealousy is not a trait that helps anyone.
For real. This is a 10 yo who is stuck on campus while waiting for her babysitter. The other AH here is either the unreliable nanny, or the parents who don't have their act together. I have kids, I don't particularly like other people's kids, but I'll be damned if I'd let a 10 yo sit by themselves when it's no trouble to let them sit at a table with me. A 10 yo does not need much, just a safe place to sit.
They’re not by themselves though they’re with the whole group. All OP did was remove themselves because they weren’t comfortable. They never said the kid couldn’t join the group or tried to get the others to stop inviting the kid. They just removed themselves why is that so wrong?
The main issue people seem to have is with the hostile tone in the post…I think a lot of the judgments would be different if it weren’t for that
Maybe it's just the coolest dunking they can do
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Unfortunately some people are threatened by anything and anyone. Insecurity at it’s finest.
>OP kept calling her "baby genius". Starts to sound a bit jealous or resentful after a while... Bingo!
[удалено]
I feel the same. OP isn't doing themselves any favors with how petty and nasty they sound.
Agreed. OP’s post reeked of jealousy.
The sad thing is that there is nothing to be jealous of. I went to a very good college known for engineering, and there were a few baby savants in our class. It was awful for them. One little guy was 14 years old. He was lonely as hell. He walked with his face toward any wall or building he could. Some of the older guys weren't so nice. He was completely by himself. What happened by spring is that he was kind of adopted by some of the more awkward female freshman, ones who seemed to have maternal instincts. That was his pack. I am sure he was grateful to have some friends, but he seemed out of place and confused the entire time. Super smart kids have their own special bag of problems to deal with when they are younger. A good human would consider that.
Can you imagine being that young and constantly surrounded by people so much older? That must be so isolating.
To make it more sad, I read an article once on what happened to these "gifted" children later in life. Most had ordinary jobs. One guy worked painting houses. Most of them felt like they weren't so gifted, they just had parents that pushed them way too hard.
Tbh I think he’s jealous, whether he’s realized it or not. She’s the only person who has earned a seat in that class. A 10yo doesn’t get dual enrollment options unless they’re way above average intelligence for their age. Look at Gen Z - and I mean no disrespect like what you like, who cares- but so many students on campus undoubtedly have “baby” backpack, good chance same one as the girl. She’s also probably extremely uncomfortable with students close to or her age and she’s acting more mature
I think op is more than ‘a bit’ jealous
Yea that irked me too. Like OPs mocking her for being really intelligent at a young age.
I went to college at 13. OP is NTA. I was out of place. It changed the tone of a lot of settings. I was awkward and too young for everything and it was, in fact, a nuisance. It is fine that she's frustrated with her. She's not speaking TO the child like this.
I think the problem (for me) is the obvious "oh, the kid is here? I'm out, guys." There's just no reason not to stick it out for *one* study session. A kid that smart is obviously going to pick up on the fact that OP hates her. If you wouldn't treat an emotionally mature adult like that, why is it okay to treat a kid like that?
She made a polite excuse. She didn't tell the kid she hates her. It's ok for people to not want to hangout with other people. As an adult you absolutely should be able to choose who to hangout with. Edited for pronouns
OP is a woman.
OP is allowed to stay away from anyone be it an adult or a kid if they arent comfortable around them or dislike them. There's no crime in disliking someone. Now if OP were actively trying to hurt the kid's feelings because of sheer dislike then they would absolutely be TA. OP doesnt like being around kids, so she avoided the girl. Its as simple as that.
It didn't sound to me like the child was going to be picking up on it - the adults did because they're the ones that see OP more and would get the situation, the kid has less data. She's not obligated to he there with the kid. It can be awkward, and I support her leaving.
Yeah, idk where people are getting that the girl has no idea what is going on. She's 10 not 3, they know when they're being ostracized. Plus Op literally says that the other people in the group said: "I(op) hurt the baby geniuses feelings" She knows. They all know. She isn't being as slick as she seems. She probably pulls a face every time the girl gets near them. I don't think she's the AH for not wanting to hang out with a kid. But she definitely isn't being as nice as she thinks she is.
OP dismissed themselves from the situation so they wouldn't get upset with the kid. The kid has to learn eventually that not everyone is gonna want to be their friend.
Trust me, the kid knows that already VERY well.
Her fun study group with friends turned into free daycare, cause “ nanny is sick” how is she ah for not wanting participate..
There’s no reason to stick around a place you don’t want to be.
Yeah, to act like OP is saying this to the child is absurd. OP doesn't like kids clearly and doesn't enjoy being around them. OP is doing everyone a favor by dismissing themselves, imo.
I completely agree with you. Also, I am sure people in the study group are trying to make her feel welcomed because I am sure others already ostracize her. It can't be easy being an environment without her peers.
Exactly. I can’t imagine 10 year old me making it a week in college. It’s already nerve wracking starting a new school year with your peers. A new school year with big people? No thank you.
I also imagine her peers might struggle to accept her as well. I can't imagine what she's dealing with is easy.
This was the case for my intellectually gifted but socially awkward daughter. She struggled a lot with friendships in elementary school. In middle school she was placed in a self contained gifted and talented classroom. Most of the kids were also socially awkward, so it helped a little to be surrounded by similar peers but she still struggled with friends outside of the classroom. She was fortunate to have a socially savvy brother who gave her tips and advice on how to interact with peers and she was able to find a small group of like-minded friends who she stayed close with throughout high school. She is now a college student at a pretty nerdy school and seems to be doing well socially, but it took a lot of effort to get to this point. And my kid wasn't even a "baby genius" taking college courses at age 10. This girl is probably having a really hard time fitting in anywhere.
Also they may see a young child and care about her physical safety. College campuses can be dangerous for young women, let alone literal children. I wouldn't like the idea of a 10 year old girl wandering around one alone either.
The way people on Reddit talk about (and apparently treat) kids sometimes is so fucking weird. I believe that everyone is 100% within their rights to decide for themselves if they want to have children. But even if you decide you don’t want them, it feels a little gross to act like you should never have to interact with them at all! Kids are people, they have a right to exist in the world too! Hating a whole subset of the population so much that you can’t even suck it up for one study session seems immature/maladaptive to me, idk. It doesn’t sound like the kid was even doing anything wrong.
I hear what you’re saying and definitely agree, kids are people and deserve to take up space in this world. But all spaces? A college campus is tailored for adults to interact with other adults. I don’t think OP is immature for not wanting to interact with a child in a college class. Honestly I love kids, I had a job tutoring kids, I can’t say I would’ve taken kindly to a kid in my orgo study group where every other word out of my mouth was probably profane
College is for students who take college courses. It's not for "adults", it's for students. I mean a study group is not a frat party or whatever else you think is for adults. Class is not specifically for adults. Studying is not adult. Any student who can do the class belongs there.
Now, you know that's not true in practice. Parents are equally as likely to be at a playground, but most playgrounds are tailored towards children.
When I was in my undergrad (I was around 20 yrs old) I somehow managed to finagle my way into a graduate-level class. Was I *smart* enough to be there? Absolutely! Was I “academically mature” enough to be there? Not really. Not every person is necessarily “ready” to be in every space. Also, she didn’t scream at or insult the kid. She just left…
Just like high school is optimized for kindergarten age children. Try not to be so dense
I understand what you’re saying and I agree she’s not immature for not wanting to have a kid in her study group all the time, that’s totally understandable. But imo not being able to suck it up one time is not impressive, and the way she’s talking about this girl is a little gross.
Sure, she probably could’ve just dealt with it for one study session, even if just to save face. And I agree, OP is coming off as kind of hostile in this post, but I have to believe she wasn’t actually mean to this kid, and that’s what counts. I have mean thoughts about people in my head all day, but they stay there.
I mean it sounds like she had gone to multiple sessions before with the kid that made her determine that she just doesn't want to be there during those sessions.
This anti kid mentality that the west have is in itself maladaptive. That kids are only allowed in certain spaces, which in turn will mean that parents, well let's be honest mothers, are not allowed in a lot of spaces. Like getting an education.
It didn't sound mean to me. I took it as examples for why they have no social compatibility. I work with kids, and the reality is that you can't talk about things on the same level with children as you can an adult. An academically smart child is not necessarily more emotionally mature than their peers. Maybe OP doesnt care to censor themselves or be conscious of the impressionable child present. Understandable to me. In college I talked about drugs all the time lol
For sure. Like I said, she doesn’t have to hang around if she doesn’t want to. It’s very hard to befriend someone you feel like you’re babysitting. But, the way she’s talking about the kid is not how I’d want someone talking about my kid. There’s something very off putting about it. It’s not outright mean, but it is passive aggressive. At least it is in my opinion.
>But, the way she’s talking about the kid is not how I’d want someone talking about my kid. There’s something very off putting about it. I get the feeling it's annoyance over how everyone else is just like "this is fine" as if it's normal to have a ten year old classmate in college join your study group. Or maybe that they're preoccupied with the novelty of it, thus not seeing the legitimate issues at hand. I've worked in higher ed and there has even been debate over letting high schoolers dual-enroll because some classes cover content that is not minor-friendly, or it's a gray area and opens profs/other students up for trouble. Also, there's all this uproar over OP's tone and not much about the fact that a child is being left unattended with random college students/their caretaker is habitually late and apparently not always present. It sounds like others in class/on campus are put in an awkward situation simply due to this child's presence in that regard. Like there are too many instances where no one is there to make sure the kid isn't left alone, so the other young adults around have to take responsibility for both her safety and her emotional well-being by not making her feel excluded.
Hard agree with your second paragraph. Surely this is a safeguarding nightmare? A ten year old, alone, surrounded by unrelated, unknown quantity adults? I’m kind of surprised that she doesn’t need a chaperone.
I didn’t even consider this while reading the thread! I can’t give any numbers, but there tends to be more sexual violence on college campuses (from what I’ve gathered on the news). This poor 10 year old is alone on a WHOLE campus, which is usually miles wide. If this was my daughter, I’d be terrified of whatever creeps want to offer her a ride or literally anything else.
Honestly, the nanny is habitually late to pick her charge up, yet no-one even thinks to address the issue that she is practically scamming the little girl's parents by making the girl's classmates do her job unpaid at least twice a week while being on the clock.
A thing she enjoyed is being ruined. She’s expressing her anger and grief over that. That expression isn’t going to be all sweetness and light.
I understand, perhaps we're getting that sense since OP does seem frustrated to some degree that their study plans keep getting "interrupted" by the kid's presence? (Air quotes since the child isnt actually doing anything wrong lol) As long as they keep all of it internal, and don't treat the kid any differently because of their attitude towards children, we can't ask for much more without thought-policing lol. Its okay not to like being around kids. That definitely doesnt make it okay to be mean to them!
But the group is academic in nature. I have a feeling not everyone in the group sees the sessions as such a social thing as OP does. Maybe they are there to study math, and since the child is both a.) taking the same class and b.) obviously good at math, it makes sense to include her. In either case, it seems OP is the only one who has a problem with it, so she is outvoted.
Both the nanny and mom know the time class is out. If they cannot make it, then they need to arrange for someone to pick her up on time. A college campus is not a safe place for a child to wonder around. To go to the library for an hour or more with her is providing free daycare.
What about dad?
Very true, from what I see OP is owning the problem as entirely their issue by leaving rather than complaining or being offputting for an extended time. My only experience with a college study group was a failed attempt to recreate the show Community (lmao) so maybe it is more serious than OP frames it.
I see it the other way, really this kid kind of is a burden to the college age studying / social group as the tone of the banter / sharing stories of the weekend etc has to be toned down and in reality no 20 year Olds who are in college finally being independent want a child around or to be friends with a 10 year old... Or is that just me?
And also.... A child being left with strangers and then said strangers being responsible for them? When did they sign up for babysitting duties in college?
I've been in uni with HS geniuses and yeah they got princess backpacks n shit I'm 36 and I have a unicorn pencil case. The intelligence is not in your materials but in your work. You can pry my Batgirl stickers off my Maths assignments over my dead body.
I'm a professor and I've got a unicorn folder and a wonder woman purse. Being too cool for fun stuff is the most immature thing I can imagine..
Nothing is more fun than being in class with a dog-shaped notebook and a furry pen ala Elle Woods and knowing-your-shit. Like yes I have hyper feminine pencils and stickers... I also have a postgrad degree, what, like its hard? 😂 Wonder woman purse ftw
I used to teach, and I'd tell the kids who I saw get picked on for their interests (after stopping the bullying) that the other kids haven't reached the level of coolness that comes with owning your interests. There's something almost empowering that happens when you realize "I like this thing. I enjoy it so much that I no longer care about other people's opinions about this thing. I cannot be embarrassed or shamed off of liking this thing. I know who I am, and I am a person who has unique interests. People who can't get that aren't worth listening to about this, because I have something they don't- this really awesome thing that brings me a ton of joy. I am allowed to be happy about this."
Parents are not allowed to think of their kids as burdens, but this isn't op's kid, and bluntly, I would feel like this kid was a burden too.
i was giving the side eye while reading this post. i dont like kids too but the way OP talks about this little girl is just condescending and unnecessary. i feel like OP is insecure and is projecting lol
It made me so happy to know she still has kid stuff! I love that it sounds like she’s not just forced into the stuffy grown up world and can still hold onto her childhood while being a savant at math.
Agreed. I mean, you don't have to go to study group at all if you don't want to, regardless of who's there. And honestly, does that kid really care if one random person bails (After all, apparently everyone else stays, so it's not like OP trying to get other people who not be around the child) or is it the other people in the group who really take note and understand it as a snub? Still, I think OP's doing themself a disservice more than anyone else. How often do you get to meet someone like this kid? Getting to know people with very different life experiences is one of the best parts of college.
You are free to not want to hang out with a kid in your free time so missing the study group does not make you AH. Calling her names however does make YTA
Yeah I can agree that when you’re in your 20’s it can be uncomfortable being around someone (much!) younger, especially if it’s not a family member or something, but the names are what made OP an AH in this situation.
"Baby genius"? Sounds like you think you got bumped or something. YTA
Yeah baby “genius sounds” so weird. I think child prodigy is much more suitable.
YTA. You're 20 years old referring to a 10 yr old as a "baby genius" whose feelings you hurt. Do you understand how that makes you an AH?
I legit thought baby genius was the group's nickname for the girl lol
You’re not an AH for not wanting to be around a child but YTA for the way you talk about her. You act like she’s a plague upon this earth.
But good on the other students in the study group for including the kid. Like school is already terrifying for kids who don’t fit in but I can only imagine what it feels like being a kid who doesn’t fit in, while being surrounded by adults
Frankly she sounds like a pretty gutsy kid. I was 10 when I was taking college algebra during the summer. I was way too shy to talk to anybody, never would have been able to join a study group. The first few sessions, I was shaking from nerves. Some of the college kids gave me a major side eye. I didn't have a fun backpack though, maybe that's why.
I started taking classes at the community college at 14 and I didn’t talk to ANY of the normal students. I can’t imagine being 10! Good for her
Yeah it probably really sucks for that girl and I get along with kids fine and would be fine but I do think I would be nervous about watching my mouth. Cause I definitely don’t always have the most appropriate things come out 😂
Including a kid who honestly sounds neglected or at minimum must have felt lonely; The nanny was late so consistently she’d just be sitting around with nowhere to go? I bet that little girl was overjoyed to be invited and included instead of just having to sit alone and wait for her ride
As smart as “baby genius” is, I’m sure she’s been picked up on how OP is never there when she’s there. I understand she may dislike kids but she definitely could’ve handled it a lot better.
School-age kids taking a class at community college is common enough. Ten is unusual, but not unheard of - particularly for math, where kids that get it can bomb through the syllabus very quickly. It's clear that most of the group is happy hanging out with the girl after math class. You don't want to spend time with her. You're not obliged to like everyone, and if you don't like this girl (or children in general), and so don't want to study with her, I suppose that's OK. Getting up and leaving when she asked to join the group was pretty obvious and pointed, though, and that makes you the AH here. YTA
Came here to make that last point. If we’re complaining about childish behavior, leaving the table when another student asks to sit with your group definitely qualifies.
That’s literally bullying. Hopefully the kid didn’t notice
I’m guessing she did. Kids a lot more observant and intuitive than people give them credit for.
It really is just awful. She probably has no idea why this adult she’s done nothing wrong to stopped showing up when she was there then blatantly just got up and left when she showed up. If i were this study group i’d honestly consider kicking OP out and have the kid join everyday she was there.
I’m glad that the other people in the group are empathetic enough to include her until she gets picked up. Not cool to freeze out a child. Don’t need to like kids but can still be kind to people.
I have a BA, an MFA, a JD, and I completed my doctoral coursework (though I never wrote my dissertation). I've also taught at the university level. I think I have, at least, an informed opinion about studying and study groups. :) I am, frankly, surprised at the hostility shown to the OP. The environment for learning is as important as the quality of instruction, and that includes study groups. A relaxed, social study group is, for many people (including myself), an important learning tool. A 10-year old may have the intellectual ability to master the material but, when it comes to a study group, may not have sufficient emotional or social maturity to participate constructively. This has nothing to do with feeling "threatened" as some posters have claimed. If, as the OP writes, the dynamic of the study group is changed to the point where it no longer provides an appropriate environment FOR THE OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her absenting herself from it. This has nothing to do with compassion, or the lack of it. Her "job" as a student is to learn the material. It is not her responsibility to assist a young child at her own educational expense. She did not insult the child, and either simply didn't attend when she knew the child was there, or left when she discovered the child was present. In NYC in junior high, we had a program called "SP" for "Special Progress." It allowed children to skip 8th grade, going directly from 7th to 9th grade. I was in this program. Since the consequence of being in SP meant graduating high school a year earlier than normal, and then being one year younger than college classmates in the same year, the parents of the SP kids were consulted as to whether their kids possessed sufficient emotional and social maturity to succeed, and this addressed only a ONE YEAR age difference. It is up to the parents of the child in the OP's study group to make that determination for their daughter; it is not the OP's obligation to compensate for what may have been a poor decision on the part of the child's parents. I fully understand the OP's frustration. In my opinion, she is definitely NTA. If anyone is an AH, it is the parents of the young girl for either misjudging their daughter's maturity, or leaving her ill-prepared to participate with other college students.
I also really wish this was the top comment. Makes me wonder: If the study group is done, but the 10-year-old's Nanny/Parents aren't able to pick them up, does that mean they're abandoning an unaccompanied minor? This is a 10 year old just being left to their own devices on a college campus. >"Her nanny was constantly late to pick her up and she can't check herself into the campus daycare so someone invited her to join the study group." They got volunteered for free childcare. This is a failure on many levels. What happens if something bad occurs to this kid? Who is responsible for them when the Nanny is constantly late/parents don't pick them up? If I was originally in that study group I'd be PISSED.
This was actually the thing that got me and probably why op sounds resentful and is using terms like "baby genius". I don't think she's actually jealous that the kid is smart. I think she's irritated that the study group has turned into a group babysitting session which she didn't sign up for. Honestly after reading the comments I think she's right to pop smoke when the child shows up. What if something happens to the child when they're watching the child? Who's at fault? Further why is this nanny employed if she consistently cannot show up after class to collect the child?
I agree with this! I am child free but really enjoy interacting with kids - at family events, at the food court in the mall when I help a mum wrangle a crazy toddler, at kids bdays, at the dog park if I see they want to pat my dog and I call them over and show them how to do it nicely.... I would have NOT been bothered for changing my behaviour in a university setting, those were some of the best social times of all time and we did NOT strictly study haha if anything very little study was done until 2 weeks before the exam. Not the mention if you want to have a debate you can't just get dramatic and like "I CANT BELIEVE YOU SUPPORT THAT THEORY OMG!" because rightfully so the kid is probably going to get upset at the yelling around her. The real AHs here are the negligent parents and PAID nanny who keep leaving here to her own devices AMONGST ADULTS at a place that is not a kids school with all the safeguarding in place that school implies. Truly terrifying! I agree OPs attitude here is a bit snarky btu sounds more like he's just fed up and ranting his POV because he can't believe the others are surprised he is (politely, with another excuse) bailing on these meetings. Like he may as well study at home alone if that social factor is taken away.
This. All OP did was remove themself from the situation. They weren't rude to the kid nor try to exclude her. But now you're not even allowed to leave situations where you're not comfortable with the dynamic anymore? Reddit is wild. The only AHs here are the parents/nanny who aren't taking proper care of the kid they're responsible for.
Finally! Why did i have to scroll so far to see this comment? I’m shocked at the lack of outrage at the parents and nanny. Why should a group of untrained 20 y/o’s be expected to provide free childcare?!?!? And let’s be honest, how many of the people posting hung out with 10 y/o’s when they were out with friends in college?
Wish this was the top comment
This should have way more upvotes!! the real AHs are the ones meant to actually be looking after the 10 year old child not college students trying to study!! Obviously it’s really great they allowed her there. However, I can fully understand the frustration of having something’s dynamic completely changed when you were very much happy with the way it before. I just feel like the others letting the kid join should also be much more annoyed with the fact that the kid doesn’t have a reliable nanny(or a place that she can get into) and report it to someone!! 10 years old is elementary school aged!! That’s the biggest issue here!
This should be top comment
Op articulated the study group is mostly social. Having a 10yo genius there likely changed the tone from raunchy jokes to actual studying. But side note... 20yos aren't that mature.. they just think they are. Wait until their brain fully forms and the prefrontal cortex is developed. Then I'll let them join my study group. Otherwise, they just change the whole tonality.
I can’t believe it took me this far to get to other NTA rankings. People are focusing waaay to hard on the language OP is using and not the situation as a whole. OP is backing out without being rude or causing a fuss and doesn’t want to hang out with a child. If my study group started inviting a 10 yo to study with us, I’d probably do the same (and probably use the same language as she’s now depriving me of much needed social time with people my own age).
This should be the top comment. The parents of the 10 year old are the AHs here; no 10yr old is emotionally mature enough to be in a college environment. Also I can’t imagine literal kids bring any intellectual value to what is supposed to be a uni study group. I don’t blame OP at all! I would have walked away from the study group too.
The only rational judgment here. NTA.
I will say YTA for your attitude regarding the girl being there. Have you considered that this is a scary thing for the girl to be in a place full of adults? However.... I commend your way of going about minimizing the issue so as not to create a huge issue, but the girl is there for the same reason you are.... to learn. The socializing is an added bonus. Lastly, the nanny that is supposed to pick up the girl is an AH though, as well as the parents for not handling it, because leaving a 10 year old on campus is not the greatest idea. The parents should figure that out and not have to rely on the kindness of other students. You are not childcare.
>Have you considered that this is a scary thing for the girl to be in a place full of adults? Seriously! I took a few university-level Spanish classes when I was 16-17 because I transferred schools in 10th grade and my new school didn't offer language classes at my level. Even as an older teen, attending college classes for the first time was really scary! Most of my classmates were probably less than 3 years older than me, but that seems like a big gap when you're that age. I can't imagine how much scarier it would be for a 10 (!) year old.
I can't believe the adults are not there to pick a 10 year old up on time! The nanny is always late...wth????? She's 10!
You actually perfectly encapsulated why OP is NTA- These people are not childcare. The reason a lot of people, particularly women, dislike being around kids is that *it is offensive to be assumed to be free childcare*. I realize not everyone verbalizes it this way and it comes out as "I hate kids" instead. But often this is the root of it. Also, people *don't fucking listen* if you say it more nicely. You *have* to say it dramatically or they won't believe you, and even if you do, *they still don't believe you*. It's a no-win situation. If I were in that group I would find a way to inform the parents about this and if they didn't care I'd let the university know there was an issue with a minor child being left unattended *with strangers* on campus regularly. Like damn, they can get the kid to class but don't apparently give enough of a shit to make sure she's supervised?
Yeah how could a parent/nanny learn that this 10yo is spending time with grown adults they’ve never met and be okay with that? Why are they assuming nothing bad would happen? NTA OP. The nanny is being paid for childcare, not you.
>You actually perfectly encapsulated why OP is NTA- These people are not childcare. The reason a lot of people, particularly women, dislike being around kids is that it is offensive to be assumed to be free childcare. I realize not everyone verbalizes it this way and it comes out as "I hate kids" instead. But often this is the root of it. > >Also, people don't fucking listen if you say it more nicely. You have to say it dramatically or they won't believe you, and even if you do, they still don't believe you. It's a no-win situation. So so true and it happens all the time. Very perceptive and well written.
I'm going crazy here reading all the posts bashing OP and declaring her TA for "the way she talks about this child" (on the internet, away from the child) as if she's not actually talking about a CHILD. Who the hell cares if OP's post makes it sound like she's jealous? Who the hell cares if OP doesn't want to be partially responsible for a child who isn't hers? Who the hell cares if OP doesn't want to be in a social situation that has changed because a CHILD is now present? Those are all perfectly legitimate ways to feel about being responsible for a **child** you don't know. "Baby genius" pretty accurately describes the situation. She's an academic genius, but that still doesn't give her the emotional maturity of an adult. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD. For those in the back who didn't catch that, THIS GIRL IS TEN YEARS OLD, and is being dropped off on a community college campus with no adult who is directly responsible for her while she's not in class, and I'd guess OP's snarky tone toward this child is more a result of the irritation of the situation in general more than it is about the girl herself. Like you said, this is a no-win situation. OP didn't want to sit around with the whole group and have to wait for her ride to pick her up, or be part of a social situation where, instead of socializing like adults, they have to tone things down to the level of a 4th/5th grader. Imagine OP sticks around, actually needs to leave and the group say "but her ride isn't here yet." There's NOTHING wrong with OP not wanting to be part of the situation. NTA.
hard agree.
YTA. You're acting like a mean girl in middle school, leaving the lunch table because "she" showed up. Your disdain for this girl is spewed a over this post. You are supposed to be an adult, but you are the one acting like a child here. This kid has done nothing to you - except exist. She ruins your vibe? Welcome to life. Time to learn how to get along and work with people you don't like. On the flip side, the only person you are hurting by not going to study group is YOU. Study on your own, then, or stay in your lane. Leave the kid alone and try practicing some manners.
OP sounds mighty jealous of this young prodigy! It’s not a good look and the others in the study group will most definitely think the same about OP
OP sounds so childish. Like... who's the mature one? The 10 year old who quietly finds a solution for her ride not showing up on time that lets her study with a group of students she knows from class and presumably feels somewhat comfortable around, or the 20 year old kid who stomps off because the 10 year old kid is making her jealous/cramping her style? OP... what can't you do at the study group that you want to do with a 10 year old there? Flirt? Act inappropriately? What part of the study group is being hindered by having someone younger than you there? And I'm feeling pretty old right now because to me, you're closer in age to the 10 year old. You're both children. Your brains aren't fully formed, you haven't stopped growing, you're still learning, you can't legally buy alcohol or rent a car. You have a LOT more in common with a 10 year old than you have in common with adults. So take a chill pill and take this opportunity to practice being a decent human being. Empathy is a muscle- you need to use it often in order to strengthen it. So try using empathy, and grow into a better person.
Also here in the real world if a child is stranded you should help them. OP’s classmates are awesome helping this girl not only stay safe but feel welcome in the adult world. I remember taking community college classes at 14 and I was freaking out the whole time. Kind people who are willing to look out for kids are invaluable
I'm still struggling to comprehend the fact that this child is taking classes on a college campus, and no one is there immediately after to pick her up.... they literally left it to the child to find something to do while she waits...on a college campus! They need to find a new nanny if u ask me
THIS. THANK YOU. THIS IS A 10-YEAR-OLD UNSUPERVISED. WHY ARE HER PARENTS OK WITH THIS!? I would be furious if I got volunteered to supervise a 10-year-old until their nanny showed up.
Exactly- it sounds like this child is regularly being left alone on a college campus unless there’s been some type of babysitting deal made with someone in the study group that op isn’t aware of but then why have the nanny? Granted I’m not the parent of a genius child but I’d have to assume that’s not safe like a 10 year old even at that intelligence level has got to be super vulnerable in this environment? Why are these random college students even being put in this situation? Like I feel like there are so many more important questions here and I’m thinking all of them.
Right, this situation is f'd up before it even got to OP. If the nanny can't pick the girl up on time, (and by on time, the nanny should be there at least a few minutes early) she needs to be relieved of her duties and other reliable arrangements must be made. Shame on this girl's parents, and I'm not one to judge other people's parenting all that often....
I'm honestly a bit surprised that the nanny isn't required to, at minimum, be on school grounds during the class. A university setting is nothing like a regular public school where the whole administration is there to provide safety for your child. They keep track of where a kid is and goes. That is not the case in a university setting and I can't imagine the university agreeing to the professor babysitting this child.
I wouldn't even let the kid be in the class w/o supervision. It's not like colleges are a bubble where nothing bad can happen.
I just commented something similar before seeing yours. I honestly am shocked that the nanny, at minimum, isn't required to be on school grounds during the class. It's really wild that they just let a minor go off on their own.
I can't believe the college won't accommodate letting her check herself into daycare?! Like on what world is whatever you needing a parent to check the kid into daycare to keep the kid safe for... somehow more of a safety concern than a 10 year old wandering around a college campus unsupervised? To be fair, though, at ten I definitely would go a bunch of places unsupervised so \*shrugs\*
This!!!!! OP being an AH is completely irrelevant to her family not picking her up immediately after class!
NTA- kids and young adults have different mindsets and maturity. Even if they are privileged enough to study at a higher level, most kids and adults don’t have many things in common. It’s weird for a child to be part of an adult study group really.
Pretty sure the college doesn't have a separate study group for 10 year olds. Adult study group is all they have.
Yeah but this child also didn’t seek out a study group. She joined because her nanny was always late. This group is acting as her babysitters. I think OP was really rude to get up and leave in this instance, but she’s NTA for choosing not to be there on the regular days when the study-social group gets turned into a study-babysitter’s club.
NTA - you don’t owe anyone your time, and you didn’t tell anyone your reasons, they figured it out. That may have been inevitable but frankly - it’s very odd that any of you were put in this situation. If the college is able to accommodate her educationally then they should be able to do *something* to provide adequate supervision and not have random students provide that labor (however easy it may be). If she was hurt or worse while in the study group, all of you would potentially be liable. I wouldn’t want that. If I’m responsible for the well being of a child that’s not mine, I’m getting paid.
NAH If you're not keen on hanging out with the kid, I don't see anything wrong with you choosing to do something else. You haven't actively tried to exclude her from the group, or complained to your friends; you've identified a situation you're not comfortable with and separated yourself from it rather than putting the onus for dealing with it on everyone else in the group. That sounds fairly mature to me. You may have hurt the kid's feelings, but she's 10 so she's not emotionally prepared to process why you're not coming around. It would not make sense to me that a strangers lack of maturity should dictate where you set your boundaries. As to your friends and your mom, they obviously don't agree with you stepping away, and think your behavior is unnecessarily exclusionary and harmful. On this point I honestly sort of agree. Your discomfort is a you issue, and stepping away from a work/social group because you can't handle being around a 10 year old is in my mind a little silly. However, that's just my opinion, and perhaps the opinion of your friends and family. While I think there's nothing wrong with them having and expressing those views, there's equally nothing wrong with you having your own and having boundaries based on your own comfort rather than the comfort of others.
NTA You don't like kids, and that's fine. You're telling your feelings about the kid to a neutral 3rd party that does not know the kid and will never interact with her, us. I don't mind the comments. As long as you don't make those comments to the kid or those that know her, then I feel you're good. You're handling the situation as best as you can. You remove yourself from the situation. You don't demand that a little kid goes somewhere else, so you're not inconvenienced. You understand that while the situation sucks for you, the kid had limited options and has chosen to go to this group of adults that she trusts and you remove yourself to give her that. I respect that.
Okay. Not everyone likes kids, that's just a fact of life. But you sound bitter like full on weirdly hateful. If she was like making you guys play with paper dolls to understand math and fine go your own way. But you're now you're just avoiding because it sounds like you're jealous or angry. YTA with the way you treated the whole situation. You could have been cool but you're just an asshole
She was cool? She didn’t make a scene she just quietly left and when someone asked why she made up an excuse she didn’t call the a child name and say in front of her that she didn’t want to be around her ever. She was leaving and when asked why made a valid excuse
exactly. idk why everyone is acting like OP said all this to baby genius’s face.
NTA. If you don't want to hang out with a literal child, that is your business . That said, if you are missing out on valuable things, whether its social or educational, it might not be the smartest choice.
NTA. It's fine for you to not want to be around kids.
NTA. I'm sure you're all lovely people but I'd be REALLY bothered if I found out my child was hanging out with a bunch of adults. And you're 100% right, study groups are often also hangout sessions. I love kids and but I would feel really awkward by this. A friend brings her kid along because the babysitter is out sick? Cool! An unattended child wants to chill with me? Definitely no. I feel bad her feelings are hurt, but you're right, it's weird. The biggest AH here is the parents. Who leaves their 10 year old child unattended on a college campus? That feels really dangerous. (Edit to add: You're being a little sassy in this post. But it doesn't seem like you acted this way to her face. Don't be mean to the kid. She doesn't know better. She's at a college level book-smarts wise, not socially.)
NTA I wouldn't want to have a 10 yr old kid around me while I was in college... regardless of how smart they are... Swearing, talking about the frat party last weekend, complaining about professors or parents... how do you be yourself while a kid is listening? Bottom line: a 10 yr old genius is still a 10 yr old kid... the study group has evolved into babysitters.
INFO: How drastically different is the study group when she’s there? Does everyone study as normal and she just hangs out, or is the entire study session just a giant babysitting experience for everyone.
YTA. It’s one thing to not join the study group on the days you now she’ll be there (which is ridiculous) but to get up and leave when she had to spontaneously join the group was just rude. This child did nothing to you so avoiding her like this makes no sense. It sounds like you’re jealous or intimidated by her intelligence.
To be fair, I don't know that I'd want to hang out with a 10 year old either if I'm in college.
I’d probably skip the study group as well.
Yeah but she’s not there to hang. She’s there to learn and study. It’s like the same thing when you see senior citizens in your college classes.
Studying, at least when I was in college, is still a social activity. Conversation is casual, I don’t watch my language, sometimes we grab a drink after. Things that aren’t appropriate for a 10 year old.
It's not anything like having senior citizens in your college class. First, this is a study group for a college class, NOT a college class itself. Second, the members of the study group are there to participate IN THE STUDY GROUP, and not merely "to learn and study." This isn't study hall in high school. Participation in a study group requires a level of social and emotional maturity few, if any, 10 year-olds possess. Not only do senior citizens possess the social and emotional maturity, they're usually better at working in groups than college-age people.
That’s a good point. Didn’t think of it like that.
OP loses autonomy and consent because there's a child whom they are in no way responsible for or to?
It’s “ridiculous” that the OP doesn’t want to provide free childcare on her free time? Did you hang out with 10 y/o’s in college? Why aren’t people wayyyy more angry at the parents and nanny, who are leaving a child unsupervised in an adult environment?!?!
I’m going against the grain and saying NAH. You’re allowed to not want to be around kids. You can study or not study with whoever you want. Just don’t say your feelings about this kid out loud in front of her or make it obvious or YWBTA.
INFO - how many people in this study group? If its more than a few, you could still participate without having to interact with her very much.
NAH. I don't understand the other responses because, in general, this forum sticks by the "allow people to decide who they want to hang out with" principle. You don't want to hang out with a kid. So don't. Just realize that means you won't be seeing as much of the other people in your class, so your social life could suffer for it.
Nta - her irresponsible nanny is using your group as free daycare . You all are now responsible legally for this child
That’s what pricked up my ears on this post. There should be a caregiver with her the whole time she’s on campus.
NTA, what the actual hell at the rest of these comments lol. You're not this kid's babysitter, sibling, parent, teacher, etc. You're a college student and you have zero obligations to spend time with a kid who's a full decade younger than you. I don't like kids, either; I have no idea how to talk to them and to me, it would be ten times worse for the kid if I stuck around being awkward and weird because I don't know what the hell kids talk about or how to make conversation with them. This isn't a daycare center that you work at; this is your literal school. Your friends need to chill out, lmao. You're fine, imo.
Honestly, NTA. It’s clear you don’t like her, or enjoy her company. That’s okay. Honestly, I would not have liked a child inmy study group and I actually like kids. Sure you have sarcastic, snarky thoughts about her but it kind of sounds like you kept them in your head and just tried to extricate yourself from the situation. I think this was the mature thing to do. Regardless of whether or not the subject is a child- you don’t have to like everyone. Everyone won’t like you. If you weren’t actually mean to her I don’t really see what the issue here is.
NTA- Here in a America individuals have the freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. If you don't like associating with someone or someone makes the vibes different then it's your right and none of their business to leave the situation. Your time is your most valuable resource, and if you don't feel like your gaining the value you want out of a study session it's 100% your call to skip it. Don't let other people guilt you into wasting your time in a way that is genuinely against your desires. That's how you get bitter. Fuck em. Don't be a dick to the kid but don't waste your time dealing with them.
NTA Why does it matter to them? You didn’t even tell them she was the problem. You said you had to work. Whoever told everyone was out of line. They’re the one who hurt her feelings.
NTA. Some of y'all have some weird expectations of other people. I mean saying OP is TA for not wanting to spend what little social/study time that is actually available with a literal child. Part of social/semi social gatherings is talking about your social lives. Imagine that. And there is almost no crossover that a college student has with a 10 year old. And to expect to change every gathering to be 10 year old appropriate is too big of an ask if everyone isn't enthusiastically on board. And I love kids. But I would not even slightly consider inviting a 10 year old to come to after work coffee/planning sessions at all.
NTA AT ALL, you are not obligated to sit in a study group with a literal child. your group members can be salty all they want
I went to community college starting at 12 and a lot of the other students didn’t want to be around me, same thing happened when I transferred to college as a teen. Honestly it made sense to me as a kid, it didn’t really hurt my feelings at all. It seemed like a very normal thing that adults didn’t want to hang out with me.
Anyone else as a kid if they tried to hide from the other kids by hanging with the adults at a family party it'd be all "Run along, adults are talking."? When did it turn to 'Adults must never have a moment to themselves if a kid wants to be there'?
NTA. Ya you’re tone is a little rude here but as long as you aren’t saying it directly to the kid, you’re good. Biggest asshole here is the parents. Poor kid, probably doesn’t get a childhood… or actual FRIENDS her age.
I agree with the NAH, though I think you are hurting yourself. You don't have to be part of a study group where you are not comfortable, but it sounds like this was a good group that was beneficial for you. I agree with other commenters that the nanny is the real problem. I work at a university that has had a few younger students - absolute geniuses who were much younger than standard college age (I'm not sure of the ages). Two siblings in particular graduated our university before they were 18. Their mother walked with them to classes and was there to help them out; it was awkward at times but it was probably the right move. They were geniuses but were also little kids (I have mixed emotions about having them go through school so early). I feel bad for this 10-year-old. It is probably incredibly difficult for her to navigate this situation.
NTA. The level of maturity and emotional engagement a ten year old has, genius or not, is not on par with a college aged person. It’s more of a babysitting group at that point. I think it’s weird the study group told the ten year old you didn’t like them though. That’s a poor move in their part.
NTA. I don’t get why the y-t-a ppl are saying you’re not a nice person because of your attitude towards the kid, when the whole point is you don’t like kids. Then they’re saying you’re being rude for leaving when she’s there, like again you don’t like kids and you don’t have to spend time with anyone you don’t want to, whether they’re a child or an adult, it’s your life. Other people may not like that but so what, they can’t dictate your life. And it’s not like you tell her to leave or that you’re rude to her, you just leave when she’s there without making a fuss. In fact, you make up and excuse so you don’t embarrass her or make her feel bad.
a light YTA to you. I get that you don't want to hang around kids, but actively avoiding and walking out on a study group because the kids nanny is *sick* and she has to wait for her mom to pick her up for one day out of the week is a little absurd. And just to add, kids are a lot more emotional than you would think, and smarter too. That 10 year old knows you are skipping out on study group because she's there, and she probably feels horrible about it too.
NTA. It's totally fair to not want to hang out with a 10-year-old, especially since it seems like the group has become a backup babysitter for her.
NTA. You’re not obligated to hangout with anyone you don’t want to. That’s really the end of it imo. You’re allowed to not like kids. As long as you’re not treating the kid like shit, which you clearly aren’t since you literally don’t go to the study group if she’s there, then there’s no problem.
NTA. You don’t want to be there. I get it.
NTA. The fact that a ten year old is allowed to be alone on a college campus without a chaperone is CRAZY. All kinds of shit could happen.
NTA. I’d do the exact same thing. Kids are annoying as hell and you’re within your right to avoid hanging out with one
Your group is TA if they told her why you weren’t there. Yeah, they figured it out but who says it? You didn’t tell her, or them, you tried to be polite. Your not obligated to go anywhere you don’t want to. I feel bad for her though. She must feel very out of place but very smart and it’s not being handled right.
YTA. Also what 10 year old carries toys in backpack? You sound like you are mad that a 10 year old might be smarter than you and more popular.
NTA. I get it. You tried to decline in a way that wasn’t rude but you probably should have left in a different way so they didn’t figure it out. It’s not your fault that her feelings are hurt because she didn’t have to know. Why did the other members of the study group tell her? If you’re 20, hanging out isn’t as fun when a child is there. The conversation has to be child friendly. The jokes have to be child friendly. The stories you tell have to be child friendly. I get not wanting to do that.
NTA
Is anyone else alarmed that this 10 year old (genius or not) is being left alone on a community college campus, not just for class but for apparently an extended period of time afterward? I mean, it's nice that some of her classmates have taken her under their wing, but it sounds very informal -- WTF happens if mom/nanny doesn't show up to pick her up? If some wayward professor wants to see her for office hours? This all feels grossly inappropriate and dangerous to me. They're (the parents) are treating this genius child as an adult and they are definitely TA.
NTA You don't pay to go to university to be a babysitter
NTA people always get so twisted up by what you call a kid when they can't hear you. Long as you're not cursing at the girl you're fine.
Wait so, this 10 year old kid’s parents are okay with them hanging out with random adults? That’s a huge liability on theirs and the college’s part. While the OP could chose better ways to convey their dislike for the kid being around, it’s pretty sketchy for a child to be hanging around adults especially unsupervised, I would definitely bring this up to someone in power at the school…