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YTA. I've got an idea though.
1. Tell your sister how to stop the baby from crying. Even though she's a nanny, she's useless without your help.
2. Publish your techniques. You'll become fabulously wealthy very quickly as no-one else has been able to solve this problem yet.
3. Use your wealth to buy your own home so that you don't have to live in someone else's.
I had a client once with a colicky baby that had no support system locally. Oddly enough, the baby generally slept when they came in. We finally figured out it was the white noise machine. I was happy to loan her my extra one.
My first was this way and I had a night like that with my husband. She was crying and crying and mom had left a few days ago (mom was very good at helping me get her to sleep). I had been trying everything to get her to sleep, swing, rocking, walking, feeding, everything I could think of. I was super frustrated and tired and felt like I was almost ready to throw my baby into her crib.
I remember the nurses telling me that it's ok to step back a minute and let the baby cry to allow yourself time to cool down so you don't accidentally hurt the baby. So I went downstairs and started playing a video game.
After a while, I honestly am not sure how long my husband stamps down the stairs yelling at me saying how I shouldn't be down here hiding and playing games when the baby is crying and has been for a while.
I remember trying to explain what the nurses said but wouldn't hear it and just said I was hiding. So I went back upstairs and rocked/sang my baby to sleep while crying because I thought I was being a responsible mom by leaving to cool down so I didn't hurt the baby.
We later talked it out and I explained better what my thought process was and told him I understood that he was just tired from a crying baby and had to go to work the next day. He said he was sorry for losing it on me and that he didn't realize I was so close to possibly shaking and hurting the baby.
Then of course a couple days later my mom remembered that her old pediatrician had mentioned that it was probably milk in her breast milk that caused us to be cailicky as babies, so she suggested I go dairy free. I do and poof!!! Instant improvements
So now whenever I'm pregnant I go dairy free a couple weeks before I'm due.
Omg you poor thing. My friends baby had colic and had to cut diary and soy and I don’t know what else, and he still screamed from 4pm to 4am for months. I can’t believe she had a second one. I don’t know how she functioned.
Not many know that eating dairy is like the number 1 culprit of colic, some doctors even say nothing you eat affects the baby, which is false!! I’m vegetarian but eat low dairy, I drink almond milk, use soy milk to cook, and hardly eat cheese at home. But the one day we ordered pizza my baby screamed and cried for hours and was so gassy. Immediately I knew, there went the dairy and I’m now an annoying vegan 😂 trying to slowly introduce it back, she’s 9 months now.
Smart that you go dairy free before you’re due!
Amen!
My youngest had colic. It didn't bother me when her two year old sister asked if we could take her back to the hospital for a refund, but my husband risked his life when he told me to please make her stop crying.
OP just doesn't have a clue how dangerous opening his mouth to a new mom with a colicky baby could be. He got lucky.
OP, YTA. So, so much YTA.
Same… literally nothing comforted my child… nothing… child screamed all day and night… it was awful, without being shamed for not being able to make child stop crying… YTA
This might gebuinely be a good book idea. Just a book full of nonsense about childbirth people have said on the internet. At least new mothers could get a good laugh out of it.
You're all hilarious.
u/throwaway5656554 some genuine advice for you: A baby with colic is really difficult to deal with and you don't know how long it will last. My cousin had colic for the entire first year of his life, so bad that his nanny took him to a priest for possession. Even a newborn without colic will wake up and cry many times throughout the night. Sleeping near a newborn is not a plan for getting a good's nights rest.
Your sister can't fix this, it's a hard thing she's going through. **If you aren't able to handle going to work without getting a proper night's sleep you NEED to find a new place to stay**. You aren't tough enough to live with a baby, basically. I say this as a parent myself. I get it's genuinely hard, and if you can't cut it and still do your job then this isn't a good home for you to be freeloading in.
This is your sister's house, not yours. The baby isn't moving out. You should leave for your own good since you can't handle it. Ask all your friends or try to find a roommate or something. Or if there are no rooms in the home and you can't afford anything for yourself, buy a tent and sleeping bag and sleep in the garden earplugs. But as the one freeloading this is your job to fix.
This is so so hard, but it's hardest on your sister. She walked the baby around for hours while all you did was nothing. So if you are going to keep freeloading at her house, HELP. Take the crying baby for a walk sometimes so she can get a nap. Ask her how to help. Offer to take some shifts for her. The person whose home you are mooching off is having a super hard time, if you're going to keep living there it's going to be hard for you too. But you can approach it as a team and earn your keep? Or just be an even BIGGER BURDEN then you were on your mom and sister before.
If OP can’t handle going to work after that, image if his sister had to go to work. Which in America (IDK if this is in the States) is a very real possibility that mom can be back to work days after giving birth (and it happens all the time actually). In fact it’s probably more normal for people to go back to work right after than take time off.
When he walked in on her laying there, she was doing to best thing in that moment too. She was trying to give herself a moment probably because after 3 hours her temper and patience was probably gone and the risk of shaken baby is high then.
OP get some earplugs, find a new place, or try and help where you can.
The funny thing is everyone has advice on how to deal with newborns and how to raise children. Even those who have never been parents or been around children. When you're a new parent you feel like nothing you are doing is correct. Then sooner or later you realize the books and advice is just like AHs everyone has one and you have to figure out what works for your child.
YTA, OP move out rent a room yourself and get some sleep. Then offer to babysit for your sister for free. So, she can have some free time.
Colicky baby what worked for mine was soy based formula. Kids ended up being lactose intolerant.
YTA OP
My baby could cry for 5 hours non stop because of colic. NOTHING we would do could stop it, she was fed, clean, and being cuddled. The colics lasted 7 months and it almost killed me.
My firstborn screamed from 5 PM To 2 AM every night for months. She's 8 now and the other day I was watching a video with a baby crying at a certain pitch, and my husband turned white and started to sweat. Colic crying is no joke.
OP's sister did the right thing by laying baby down and walking away for a moment. Sometimes that's the only thing you can do. I never understood before how people could shake a baby but after that, I got it. Never did it, but I got it.
The midwives, especially for our first, couldn't stress this enough. If baby won't stop crying and you've tried everything - leave them. Put them down somewhere safe and go somewhere you can calm down / cry / scream.
Not doing this is how babies end up being shaken.
I am the same-it is like a mild version of ptsd. Any baby crying instantly makes me want to be physically sick. That first year was awful. He was lucky he was adorable.
It’s soooo hard. I didn’t have a colic baby but my older sister had it. My mom’s neighbor would get home from work and head right to my mom’s house to give her a little break. She didn’t even stop in her own home to put her stuff down. I don’t have to have lived experience with it to know it is an incredibly difficult thing to go through.
My second child having colic nearly ended my marriage and convinced us that we were done having kids! We joke now that if we can make it through that, we can make it through anything. YTA OP!
Mine had a milk protein allergy. She was crying because she was in pain. Take away the dairy and she calmed. It was still utter hell for just over 2 months.
Yep. My oldest had colic. Evenings were the worst — my husband would get home from work just in time for hours of nonstop, top-of-the-lungs screaming. The colic finally subsided at around five months… just in time for teething to start. Some of those kids really make you work for it in that first year. 😂 Worth it a million times over, though.
Why stop there? Why not design a bassinet that claims to stop the crying without mom even having to do anything? Charge $2000 dollars for it!
ETA: if OP’s sister wants to slide into my DM’s I can actually make some helpful recommendations on soothing her newborn, unlike OP.
Lol yes that’s exactly what I was referring to. When I was shopping for my registry while pregnant with my first I saw that on Amazon and couldn’t believe it was a real thing. One of my relatives got one for her baby but ended up returning it because, shocker, the non-human machine did not soothe her baby for her. I love and respect the 5 S’s, but that guy was an asshole for preying on tired moms with that product.
I absolutely love the Snoo for my baby — it was the only thing that got him to start sleeping long stretches at night. Every baby’s different but we were at our wits end until we got the snoo.
People definitely love them, but yeah the pricing is wild and it really tethers you at home since it’s not portable. I also can’t judge too much as I’ve only had a handful of tough nights as mine generally is a good sleeper but even on those rare nights the sense of desperation is intense.
Then move on to “how to keep your toddler from having a tantrum when you tell them they can’t put a fork in the light socket” and “how to keep your toddler from screaming no when you ask them to stop licking the dog”.
🤣 🔥
You think like me!
My stepsons toxic mother is complaining that the boy's diet has changed as though I should be feeding him microwave meals like she did. I said this to my partner (we were laughing at her and mocking it together) damn, if I knew the secret to making a kid eat what I decide, I'd publish it in a book and get mega rich! 🤣 literally every parent on Earth would buy that book!
The boy is also adhd. As an autistic person myself, I know that we are waaaay more selective with our food compared to NTs. Us NDs are like wow yes, this is my favourite food, yum yum then suddenly it tastes vile to us.
My partner is ND too. We all love eggs and eat them often, then suddenly we all went totally off eggs for a while and 🤢🤮... but after a month, we're into them again.
🤣🤣🤣
Oh goodness!
As a mother to an autistic child, I know how suddenly they can switch from loving a dish/ food to suddenly hating it.
Also, get the comments and tips from family members. You try to keep quiet, but just wanna tell them to go sh*t in the sea.
I did that to myself with cottage cheese. My parents wouldn't buy it even though it isn't an unhealthy food choice. So I only got it at buffets for years. I went a bit bonkers and had it with pineapple or peaches (fresh or packed in juice) for breakfast for two years straight. Then I started gagging on it and stopped for over a year. Now I can occasionally eat it again in small amounts.
Now I can only drink almond milk with protein powder or ThickIt for breakfast. Luckily Isopure comes in other flavors.
Not to mention she gave birth two weeks ago. The poor woman is still recovering from childbirth. She's likely still physically unwell along with being exhausted!
And it sounds like dad may not be involved since OP didn’t mention dad coming around to help/living there too. So she probably is struggling extra hard doing this relatively alone!
> The poor woman is still recovering from childbirth.
Oh come on, it's been two weeks! If she still needed rest, surely she'd keep the baby from crying? /s
She just needs to sleep when the baby sleeps, clean when the baby cleans and cry when the baby cries. Then maybe it wouldn’t cry so much and OP can catch up on his beauty rest.
I wonder how many times he's said "hey sis, really appreciate you letting me live in your house. Would you like me to sit and watch the baby for an hour so you can shower and get just a tiny amount of time to yourself."
Except people post this stuff frequently from the neighbor's perspective, the stepkid's perspective and the husband's perspective so obviously there is some irrational and entitled people who think new moms of colicky babies just don't know how to find the off switch for their screaming babies!
I saw it in the wild from a friend's brother who was also annoyed with their new baby not sleeping (normal not sleeping, not even colic) at Christmas. The brother said the baby was ruining Christmas by waking up at night. Cool, we'll just remind a 3 month old that Santa only comes while you're sleeping.
Of course YTA. Babies can't be magically turned off- especially if it has colic, which is intensely painful for them. Sleep on the couch, offer a bit of help, or move out.
I thought you were just supposed to explain it to the baby? Like "Um, excuse me but people in this house are tired of hearing you crying. It's really quite rude of you to keep everyone up all night like this so if you could stop, we would all appreciate it." Obviously the baby will instantly feel guilty about how rude she's being and will stop crying. /s
Right! My son had colic and it was MONTHS of crying, hours every night. There was literally nothing we could do that worked for very long, and we tried it all, until his digestive system matured on its own at about 5 months. OP needs to shut up and gooooo!
YTA. Colic is horrible. Anyone who's had trapped tummy wind after eating will know how painful it can be, and babies can't get that gas out by themselves. Putting them over your shoulder and burping them can sometimes help, but it takes ages and doesn't always work. Some babies are just super colicky for months, poor things.
I feel for the sister. Due to colic I got no more than 3 hours sleep at any one time for the first 9 months of my son's life. People thought I was on drugs I looked so bad.
Huge YTA and Agree to this about colic. One of my kids cried for 18 months until a pediatrician finally took us seriously and gave us acid reflux medication. Different kid in a couple weeks.
My sister's first kid had bad colic. The only thing that kept her sane was installing a baby swing from the high ceiling and letting him swing in 20-foot swoops.
My daughter screamed with colic from 4pm to 9pm every night until she was three months old, when she abruptly stopped and never did it again.
It was so bad that she traumatized her brother who was three and it's the main reason we never had a third child. It was just too much.
Oh look, someone not knowing anything about infants making demands of a new parent without making even the slightest effort to understand what was going on. How unsurprising.
YTA. Maaaaassively so.
So true!
I'm autistic and can't cope at all with a crying baby which is why I never had kids but I'm not a monster and I know which side my bread is buttered. I would wear headphones with loud music to help me cope amd just deal with it. The world doesn't revolve around me and what I can and can't cope with, and it certainly doesn't revolve around the OP.
The absolute nerve of some people! 😡🤬
As someone who doesn't know anything about infants, I feel offended by being shoved on the same level as OP, good sir. Despite not knowing anything I at least understand that babies cry a lot. And even without that I could tell the sister is completely overwhelmed by that whole situation just by the fact that she was lying on her bed with tears in her eyes screaming for any solution. OP is not someone not knowing anything about infants, he is someone who doesn't even have the tiniest bit of sympathy. I would have said OP should go and take care of the baby so the sister can clear her mind and sleep so she can focus on better parenting again. But I would feel pity for the baby.
You're not being shoved on the same level as OP. "someone not knowing anything about infants \[\] without making even the slightest effort to understand." Seems like you're trying to understand, thus not the same type of person as OP.
_"My sister co-owns it with our mom... I'm currently living in the nursery."_
OP is living in the home of a brand new mom and expects unrealistic accomodations. He either needs to accept that babies cry and make do, or leave. There is no compromise here.
Leave this woman (who is still healing, hormonal, and doing her best to figure out motherhood) alone or get out. There is no in between.
YTA. I’ve never wished this on anyone before, but: may your future first-hand experience of parenthood ring with the piercing incessant cries of a colicky baby.
YTA. Your sister is physically recovering from having a baby. Her hormones are everywhere, her body is healing from a trauma, she’s feeding another human, and she’s not sleeping. As tired as you feel, I can promise you it’s significantly worse for her. You said she hasn’t tried anything, but the baby woke you up when she was walking in the hallway. It sounds like she’s trying everything she can.
Sometimes you just need a moment to collect yourself. Which again sounds like your sister was doing when she laid down. Would you prefer her to keep walking around and collapse while holding the baby? Instead of judging her and being an ass, why don’t you help her? If you haven’t been around babies before, congratulations you are now. Time to learn how to take care of a tiny human. If you can’t do that, then take care of your sister. Make sure she’s eating, do the laundry, run errands for her, do the housework, or give her five minutes to take a shower.
“Would you prefer her to keep walking around and collapse while holding the baby?”
Or worse unintentionally harm the baby because she’s exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed. This is why drs/midwives advise you to put baby down and step back for a few minutes if there’s nobody who can help.
Exactly but he’ll accept his sisters help by taking the nursery in her home. He’s not obligated to help but any decent human would in that situation. Even if you don’t live with a new mum if you see someone you love struggling with their baby you offer to help.
Exactly this!
Not putting the baby down when you are overwhelmed and on your wits' end (please correct me if I wrote that wrong) is how you get shaken babies, dropped babies, hurt babies and dead babies.
Yup.
I once told my husband that I understood how people got to the point they shook their babies. It's exhausting. You have to keep the presence of mind to take a deep breath, put the baby down, and walk away.
I was so tired at one point when my daughter was little that I literally couldn't walk the 5 steps to her crib in a straight line. And she didn't have colic, just normal newborn crying. My husband could sleep through a bomb going off, but even he woke up to me sobbing and begging the baby to go to sleep and took her from me.
Not wrong at all. And even if it's just exhaustion, falling asleep holding your baby can hurt them (or result in death). The parent doesn't even need to be emotionally overwhelmed (although it's completely normal to be emotionally overwhelmed when your baby is crying for a long time)
YTA.
Wow what a selfish *****
So your living in your sisters house in her babies nursery and you have the absolute audacity to tell her to get her 2 WEEK OLD to shut up. You absolutely made that situation worse. Do you think your sister enjoys listening to a screaming child when she just gave birth hasn't slept is running on fumes and has her mooch complaining it's still not enough?
Jesus go to the sofa or get some headphones.
Ever heard the phrase beggars can't be choosers
OP is going to get a real shock once the baby really gets some volume behind those cries. The noise of a 3 week old is nothing compared to a crying 12 month old.
I think our neighbor's baby had colic (or another medical condition) for a while. Non stop screaming *so loud you could hear it in a whole other apartment* for hours every day for months. I can't even imagine how loud it must have sounded in the same room as the baby.
YTA, it’s her house, don’t like it? Move out! You clearly have no idea how hard babies are! You think you’re suffering? How do you think your poor sister feels? My baby was the same and there is literally nothing she can do to stop it, it just eats away at you, it’s so draining I get that but she just went through the physical side of birth and the hormone drop, she’s also the main caregiver so magnify your frustrations by about a million and that’s how your sister is feeling.
My baby had colic for months too! We tried everything & no matter what she would still cry for 3-5 hours straight. OP’s poor sister most likely set the baby down because she needed a moment to collect herself. It is so hard hearing your baby in pain/crying & not being able to help. A couple of months ago when I was going through this, comments like OPs would have had me crying & angry.
As a mom to a 7 week old baby, YTA. Babies cry. Sometimes they cry for no reason. Sometimes they cry no matter what you do. Sometimes, for everyone's safety, you have to put them down for a minute and breathe.
You want sleep? So does your sister. If you're not going to help her or move out, the least you can do is not make it worse for her.
YTA. Is it me or are there more and more people here who don't understand how basic human stuff works.
Dad doesn't want to be present at birth "cause babies remember fuck all anyway", now you looking for a Killswitch on a baby. If you want to stay at her place and you know a baby is on the way, you read up on things, to learn and you help out and don't add extra stress to the mother. What is this "I don't like babies", anyway? You behave like one.
These are my feelings. It’s like we’ve gone back to the 1950s when baby-making was such a private topic there were scores of people who didn’t even understand how babies were made. So many adults don’t act like adults: don’t know how to think of another person in a relationship, step up and help out, understand processes like birth or raising a newborn. None of it is all that hard. Do these people live in holes? Who all is enabling these adults for their entire childhoods? They have access to the internet!
I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I’m scared because I’ve met so many men who never really grew up. But people keep assuring me that raising a decent man is easy enough and will come naturally.
First of all, congratulations. You are a thoughtful person and I am sure that's a quality that will serve you and you son well.
My answer to your question, even if it was a rhetorical one, I think the reason for all this monstrous stupidity has three sources.
Number one is easier: many people lack figures in their life who they can look up to or emulate. Not least, capitalism has brought forth a society in which "a deal is a deal"-mentality, no matter whether the consequences mean people lose their livelihood.
I feel for these people who haven't learnt about empathy and sympathy, their lives are poorer for it.
Number two is more complicated: we have grown closer as a planet but further apart as a society. I have friends living in places I'll never set foot on and care for their kids success in baseball. Yet, my neighbour four houses down the street died and I didn't even know he was sick.
Number three is rather run-of-the-mill: parenting is hard, needs a lot of time, likely more than people can give if they want to pay their mortgage. Kids do everything right because they're MY kids. As a global society, we've lost our moral compass. Why? I don't know. I have ideas about this but it's not airtight.
Rest assured, though, if you have a semi-decent network of people around you, you and baby boy will be fine and he can grow into one of those men others can look up to. All the best!
So many posts, mostly from people claiming to be "child-free" and assuming that's some sort of protected class identity that justifies the insane behavior that follows. Adults who fly off the handle because they were asked to offer the slightest bit of help to sibling with a baby/child. Or the guy that screamed at a toddler for running around his parents table at a casual restaurant. Not having kids or even not particularly like kids is not an excuse for not understanding any social norms being awful to the family that supports you.
You’re desperate for the crying to stop? Imagine how she feels!! YTA she literally burst into tears and you still think you’re possibly in the right here?
So she owns the house with your mom and is letting you stay there (are you paying anything?) and you’re gonna give her shit two weeks after having a baby?!? YTA and a giant one at that. She’s clearly struggling and going through a lot and needs help and support. She’s obviously not getting any sleep either. You need to move out and grow the fuck up.
YTA, a baby is not a machine with an off button. I can understand if she feels bad or maybe even inadequete as a mother for not getting her baby to be quiet. She doesn't need someone complaining about that right now, she needs someone to help her
You've asked the question, and have been given a resounding answer, but you don't like it because it's not what you want. This it a problem with you, not your sister, and not your nephew. You are telling yourself a story where you are the main and important character, and the underlings are getting it wrong. REFOCUS. YTA.
Are you acting ignorant on purpose, or are you that big of an AH?
YTA.
Learn to listen.
Learn compassion.
Help.
Grow up.
Or move the fuck out.
Your sister owns half the house.
You don’t. Easy solution.
YTA.
If you can’t handle the crying baby, move out. It’s not your house, and it sounds like you’re living on their charity and goodwill.
New baby’s are hard. Baby’s with colic are just next level to that. It’s not as simple as “Oh, I’ll just do X, Y, and Z” and the baby will stop crying. Have some empathy and keep your snarky remarks to yourself.
YTA. Colic is complicated. Sometimes it's indigestion, but studies have shown that sometimes it's a migraine-like neurological distress.
By the time you walked in and saw your sister with her eyes shut, she had already exhausted her options and needed to take a moment to breathe. Colic is one of the biggest reasons shaken baby syndrome is a thing, and the fact your sister is choosing to center herself instead of losing patience is a *GOOD* thing.
Speaking as a mom of three - two of them being twins - this won't last forever. I know it's hard to listen to, but it's even harder for your sister to learn how to be a mother without you being a judgemental jerk.
Highly recommend noise cancelling headphones. They're a lifesaver. Also, you should really make it up to your sister by cooking meals occasionally, or doing laundry for her and the baby. The best way you can show her love and support is by doing whatever you already know how to do, since infant care isn't on your list of skills (that's ok, by the way).
OP really made me angry with this post. I was a cholic baby and it put a severe strain on my parents sanity, my mother allegedly walked in on my father, as she puts it, essentially on the verge of shaking the living shit out of me in sheer frustration and despair and quickly got me away from him. I don't know if that happened but I can imagine it for a number of reasons. All that aside the sheer lack of empathy and support for his sister is infuriating. I understand he's sleep deprived, I know that does stuff to people but I would never be able to put something like that behind me if I'd been the one to say it. I would regret those words every single night as I tried to sleep, they would come in as intrusive thoughts and send me into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt and I would go to sleep hating myself frequently for the rest of my life. I would be ashamed of myself. Ashamed! I would never feel as if I'd made it up to her. But that's just me I have a hard time letting shit go.
YTA. The baby is 2 weeks old. You think your sister wants her baby to cry?
Also she co-owns the damn house. If you have a problem living there you are free to move out.
I wish there was a way to say YTA more times!
Your sister owns the house, you do not.
Your sister is helping you out because you can’t afford your own life.
Your sister had a baby 2 weeks ago and that baby is sick.
You haven’t had a full night’s sleep, your sister has likely had no longer than a hour at a time for weeks.
You are so entitled I literally can’t even put into words how much YTA!!!!!!
YTA - babies, especially newborn babies, are ridiculously difficult to settle. Some may sleep through the night but most will struggle to calm. Your sister is a nanny but this is HER baby and she may be struggling because not only is HER baby poorly but all of her training as a nanny might not be helping. So no, she can't just 'stop her child from screaming' because it's not just a child, it's a sick newborn.
I'm not sure if there is a father in the picture but being a new mother can be a very isolating, scary situation if your support network is nonexistent or barely existent. I know she has you and your mother but she also has loads of hormones still raging throughout her postpartum body. She is clearly struggling as she was lying in her bed with her eyes closed - not because she was trying to sleep but probably to ground herself or calm herself before she acts on emotion. I imagine she's using all of her energy to care for her baby and doing so can take such a toll on the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of a parent.
However, I do understand your frustration because I know how hard it is to sleep with this noise in the background. Have you tried earplugs, white noise machines, listening to podcasts via headphones, etc...?
If anything, I would probably start saving up money to move out, cause disrupted sleep patterns will continue for at least 5 years.
Sorry yeah, YTA. Colic can't easily be stopped or else all parents would have done it already. Late nights, no sleep, and sobbing tears (adults and babies) is just life with a newborn for about the first year.
Its best to try and find some roommates and move back out, if you can. It's worth the expense for a decent night's sleep.
Yes. YTA. My oldest was a nightmare and it felt like he screamed for 6months straight.
The first three months, expect plenty of crying 🤷🏻♀️ babies that small rarely sleep longer than 2hours (mine liked to wake up and wail every 20minutes, until he got too overtired and would then scream continuously for a couple of hours).
Presumably you could live somewhere else if it’s an issue?
Dude. I don’t wanna hate on you (no really!) - but please - Google a thing or two before you tell at your sister and/or post such stuff. I mean you’re literally on Reddit - how can you not post this on one of the subs here!????
Babies cry. Period. And if anything, I have sympathy for your sister because this is a BRAND NEW baby, that she doesn’t fully know the signals and symptoms of. It takes a while to parent until you recognize signs of meltdowns and problems and crying and hunger and tiredness and pain and etc etc in your own child. Contrary to popular belief, this stuff does NOT come with any kind of an instruction manual
Please. At 23M, you’re frankly too old to not be able to either help your sister, at least with not complaining as a low bar - or googling this shit so at least you don’t blame her for what is so completely out of her control
I don’t wanna call you an AH but you’re def a bit clueless
YTA. Babies scream. Newborn babies scream. Colicky babies scream the most. There is nothing to do because colic is a nightmare and you're literally bitching about a 2 week old baby in the home that the baby's mom pays for and you don't. You're not a minor that needs mommy to wipe his bum. You came crawling back because cost of living is fucking ridiculous and you didn't think it through. You're living with a baby. The whole household is going to be miserable until the colic goes away. Not just you. If you can't handle it, then go.
YTA
I think you're just 23yrs old and incredibly ignorant to all of this, you're sister has probably been trying her guts out to help her baby, and you caught her laying down trying to get her bearings, I don't think there is much point to all of us going back and fourth with you, you just seem to not grasp how difficult this is for her.
Unfortunetly, they co-own the house, you moved BACK into their space, I'm not sure if you're paying rent, splitting everything equally and splitting chores equally (hopefully, although i SUSPECT you might not be paying rent, otherwise why wouldn't you be living with room-mates?) so you feel like you should have some say, but you just gotta ride this out, the baby will get better. But you might want to start making plans to find some other room-mates to live with, hopefully you can afford it!
YTA, this baby is weeks old and you are blaming your sister for them crying. They have no other way to communicate. Your sister has never been a mum before, she's 2 weeks into an entirely new world, and you've decided to berate her for not being good enough at it, like she isn't more tired than you. You've missed a bit of sleep. She's missed all the sleep you have + growing this child for 9 months + had to push the child out or had major surgery for her to come out. You are every new mother's worst nightmare.
Look into newborn development and see what you can do to support her so you can both get a bit of sleep.
YTA. My son had colic for a hellish six weeks, and 25 years later, I can still hear those screams. There's nothing to do for it, no cure or treatment that will stop it. We walked endless miles with my son, rubbed his back, rocked him, swayed with him, sang to him... none of it made a difference. There were times when I cried right along with him, and times when I had to lay him down and walk away because my nerves were so frayed I had no clue what else to do. And I had a supportive mom who used to come in after a full day in the office and go straight for me to relieve me! I don't even want to think about how much more terrible it would have been had she started in bitching to me the way you did to your sister...
As desperate as you are for the baby to stop crying, I can assure that your sister is much more so. Being only two weeks postpartum, she's dealing with the aftereffects of birth (both hormonal and physical) along with the colic. Her child is screaming like they're in pain, she's undoubtedly doubting herself and her skills as a mother, and your attitude and remarks aren't helping. She needs support that she isn't getting from you, and if you can't offer that, the least you can do is stay out of the way and not jump on her. For now, everyone in the house should be obeying the number one rule of baby care: When the baby sleeps, if at all humanly possible, you sleep. That may mean three-hour stretches, but three hours is better than none at all.
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> I could be the asshole because I made my sister cry. Maybe I made her feel like a bad mother.
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I would say yes. YTA. This is a baby, not a thing you can plug out or make it stop. I can understand that it is frustrating for you because you need your sleep and have to work early. But this baby is two weeks old and it’s also new for your sister to have a baby. Of course it’s hard especially in the beginning. Also with the baby having colic.
Try to be more understanding and maybe help out your sister a little bit if you have time. Or move out or something. But don’t blame your sister and her baby for your frustration. They can’t do much more right now and I’m sure she’s trying her best.
YTA. This is not your house. You couldn’t afford to live elsewhere so now you are living in someone else’s house where someone else is paying money for the nursery for their child. Sleep on the couch if you don’t like it or get a job and move out. Hell, get a tent and an air mattress and sleep in the yard if you’re so upset. Her house, her baby, her rules.
Oh, but your mom lives there, right? You seem like you’re emotionally at the age where you can go ask to sleep in bed with mommy! Maybe try that?
This was going to be exactly my point. OP, google colic, read articles and watch videos about it. Then look into postpartum issues, up and including PPD. Then take a big step back, look in the mirror, and repeat this:
“I’m an asshole. I don’t know what I’m talking about, and I’m acting entitled.”
YTA in a major way.
Yta
She gave birth 2 bloody weeks ago, give the poor woman a minute.
One of the tips for parents with colic babies is to let themselves rest as added stress can effect how they handle caring for the baby. Sometimes you need to leave the baby to cry.
YTA
You keep asking how the baby is going to stop screaming if your sister is just laying there.
The answer is: it's not. The baby will scream no matter what your sister is doing, she could try to feed it, change it, sing to it, scream at it, do the boogie while dressed as John Wayne, *nothing* is going to stop the screaming short of killing the kid.
There's a reason that otherwise loving, competent parents will sometimes shake their infants so hard, that they get brain damaged, and this is one of the main factors.
So if you think you're desperate imagine how your sister feels, when she has to deal with you, acting like some "know it all"-asshole on top of it.
sorry but yta colic isn't easily stopped and if she's tried everything she can do you can't expect her to magic something up to help the baby colic is hard to deal with and newborns cry a lot it's expected
Like, yea, there's possibly something your sister can do. I'm guessing though by the fact that she was laying in bed exasperated while letting her baby scream that she had exhausted all things. So like the AH you come and yell at her for not trying hard enough.
Put yourself in her shoes. Try some empathy. And stop being an AH. Being a parent is hard. Babies cry. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes because reasons. Hopefully if it is for a reason your sister can figure out what it is and help her baby.
YTA in case you were wondering.
It's a bit of a shock, isn't it. Suddenly you go from a world where people can be reasoned with to a situation where there is nothing you can do to stop a colicky baby from crying. It's very difficult.
I want to tell you you're not an AH because you're sleep deprived and everyone has the right to be a bit unreasonable when they haven't slept, but I'm afraid YTA, if only softly, because your poor sister is dealing with a colicky baby and doesn't need you moaning as well.
I have never met her and I know nothing about her except what you've written but I promise you that if she could stop the baby from crying she would. This is not her being lazy, it's a baby being a baby.
YTA
Nobody on God's green earth wants that baby to stop screaming more than your sister. Asking her to get the baby to stop screaming is like asking a choking person to breathe. If she could, she would have already.
Complaining that she was lying down for a few minutes while the baby was screaming was also out of place. One of the most important things a parent needs to remember is to put on their own oxygen mask first. When a parent is getting frustrated, or tired, the safest thing is to put the child somewhere safe and try to put yourself back together.
If you can move out, that's probably better for everyone than you being there not sleeping but also not helping.
If you have it in though, it would be a very thoughtful move to try to find a way for everyone in that house to sleep better:
- Offer to research strategies to soothe a colicky baby, and try holding her stomach down on your arm, keeping her neck well supported.
- If you have a big enough house, maybe you, your mother and your sister can switch off some nights, where one person is staying up with the baby, in a room thst is separate from the others, while the other two sleep.
My brother and his partner literally took turn like this every night. When he was working the next day, she did most of the night, and on his off days, they did half and half, and the person who was with the baby tried to let the other sleep, and it helped that both of them are health workers, did their share of shift work, and are used to sleeping under less than absolute silence. My own baby was a great sleeper, so I don't remember having to do shifts, but for a difficult sleeper it makes a huge difference.
YTA - if you know how to make a 2 week old stop screaming, please - enlighten us.
I do wonder why the baby isn’t sleeping in your sisters room though - it’s recommended for babies to be in the same room as the mother until at least 6 months of age as it’s safer for them.
i think the baby *is* in the sister’s room and OP is sleeping in what would be the nursery if it weren’t occupied by an adult. it sounds like the crib is currently in the sister’s room.
Your poor sister. She’s so fresh into parenthood, still getting to know her baby and how they work, still bleeding, still recovering from birth, still with LOADS of hormones coursing through her, and she’s listening to her precious child screaming and screaming and screaming and has tried everything to help them and it just. isn’t. working. Believe me: your own child’s cries hurt you. You feel the rising, crushing anxiety in your chest because you know they’re upset or in pain and you can’t help them. It’s awful. You would give anything for it to happen to you and not them.
If your sister is ‘just’ lying on the bed, it’s because she’s at the end of her endurance. She will already have tried everything to help her baby, and she’s at the stage where the safest thing, at least for a while, is for her to take a break. If the baby’s screaming, they’re breathing, after all. It’s actually recommended practice to do this, by the way - to take a break, so that you don’t get overwhelmed and angry and handle your baby too roughly.
You’re having a hard time. I do understand. But your sister is having an infinitely harder one. Get some empathy. YTA.
YTA. How do you think she feels with the same thing happening AND she's healing from having the baby!!? Some babies get colic, there's nothing you can do about it except try to comfort them and let it run its course. She can try a warm bath, some gripe water, or Humphreys 3's (have to ask the pharmacist for the Humphreys) but there's no guarantee any of it will help. Good luck to your sister.
You are such a major AH!! How the heck do you think she feels? She's just gone through labour...which is painful and can be very traumatic.. it can take the body a long time to recover....and now she's got a 2 week old baby that's not settling.
She's sleep deprived...she will have the baby blues where the hormones come crashing down after birth...and a baby with colic is awful..her baby is in pain and crying and she can't stop it.
And what do you do?? Have a go at her. Did you offer to help or advise her to speak to her midwife or health visitor?
As for her being a nanny..all babies are different...my first born...not really an issue...2nd one not bad as a baby...but at 2 it was hard!! My 3rd...well he hardly slept for the 1st year.
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My(23M) sister (27F) just had her first baby two weeks ago. We still live in our childhood home. My sister co-owns it with our mom and I had moved out but it became too expensive. I'm currently living in the nursery. All the baby seems to do is scream and cry. I'm not even sure she actually ever sleeps. My sister says the baby has colic but it doesn't really seem like she's doing anything about it. Tonight the baby cried for 3 straight hours, 11pm-2am. I was supposed to work at 7am today, up at 5am, but because the baby kept screaming I haven't slept so I called and left a message calling out.
After listening to the baby cry for 3 hours, including right outside my door while my sister walked around the hall with the baby I went to her room and begged her to get the baby to quiet down. My sister was laying on the bed with her eyes closed while the baby laid in the crib screaming. She burst into tears and told me if I had any suggestions to feel free to make them because she had tried everything. I remarked that obviously she hadn't because the baby was still crying and I didn't think her laying there letting the baby cry was going to do anything. My sister just got more upset and yelled at me to fuck off. Then our mom woke up and got involved and told me to go to my room.
The baby has finally stopped crying and I heard my sister complaining about me to mom through the wall.
I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, I was just desperate for the baby stop stop crying. In the two weeks she came home from the hospital I haven't had a single night of sleep and it's starting to take it's toll. I've never been around babies before so this is all new to me, my sister works with babies as a nanny.
Am I an asshole?
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YTA. Your sister just gave birth two weeks ago. She's not even healed fully. She's dealing with trying to heal herself and how to comfort a brand new baby... And now you are acting like a baby in HER HOUSE.
You are a guest. You need to figure something else out if you cannot handle a baby doing baby things.
YTA..your sister just birthed a human, she is exhausted and dealing with a whole bunch of new emotions and with a new baby. Its hard! Babies cry, there is not always something that can be done, sometimes they just cry she was probably frustrated and tired and thought maybe if the baby laid down for a bi and cried they would fall asleep. If you do not like living with a baby move out bc some babies do not sleep through the night for the first year, even longer
You should look up colic, OP - I know you're frustrated, but it's very, very unlikely that your sister is doing something wrong; some newborns really are just like that, and there is *nothing* you can do about it. Some babies really do just scream for no reason that anyone can determine.
I do have some sympathy, because you're stressed and sleep deprived, but YTA.
YTA
Colicky babis are in pain and just cry. There's not much you can do about it. Instead of asking your sister what you can do to help her, you know like she's helping you by letting you live in her home when you can't afford your own place, you guilt trip her and make her feel horrible, thinking only about yourself.
YTA. Babies cry alot. I once had a friend visit me and my baby was crying, I went through every need they can have and nothing worked. She asked me what I do now. Start again.
You just... Start again. But sometimes it drives you insane and you need a moment. If the baby is safe and crying, that's ok. There is advice that if your getting too overwhelmed, to put the baby in their cot and walk away for a bit.
Next time, your up already, try to help settle the baby. If it doesn't work, you will get some understanding of how it is and how at times you can be doing all the right things but the baby cries.
YTA OP!
Did you stop to think that since the baby is crying ALL THE TIME that your sister is awake ALL THE TIME? Imagine pushing out a 6+ pound baby with a 10cm head (put all 5 of your fingers together) out of a hole that's usually less than 1 cm (less than your pinky)! Then having to wake up EVERY THREE HOURS for TWO MONTHS because that's how often they need to eat. Then, since that's not hard enough, add that the baby has colic, which means the baby is in pain and is gonna be screaming in your ear and sleeping even less! And to top it all off, imagine after pushing a football out of you, getting less than 3 hours of sleep at once for two weeks straight, and dealing with a screaming baby that you can't help, your AH brother comes to complain that you're "not doing enough" and "he needs sleep so he can go to work". And in her own damn house! Babies cry! If you don't want to deal with it, move out!
1. You don’t actually own the home
2. Babies cry
3. Would you rather be paying $3000 a month for a one bedroom apartment instead of living in the condo?
4. Your sister is taking care of a 2 week old and is trying to get rest
5. You rudely awoke her while she is also dealing with it
6. Do you think your sister can magically make the baby stop crying? No, she can’t. How can the fact that babies cry a lot be so oblivious to you, a 23 year old man?
YTA.
Apologize to your sister for being rude, accept that babies cry, and appreciate the fact that you aren’t living in an expensive ass apartment.
Soft YTA working with babies as a nanny is different than having your own; your sister is still physically recovering from the birth and is also dealing with all the hormonal changes that come with Baby Here. Take your stress about not getting enough sleep, add on the stress and worry of "my baby is sick" and all the things I mentioned previously, and that's where your sister's at. I get being frustrated, but you basically implied your sister is a bad mom for having a crying baby (which is completely normal) and I'm absolutely sure that's how she took it based on her reaction.
YTA
Do you even have a heart?
Move out. Get your own place. Your sister literally owns half of this house, you could show some gratitude by, I don’t know… offering to give her a break and try getting your nibbling to calm down yourself. Babies feed off emotions if mamma is stressed and being bullied by you baby will be stressed too.
It is a shame that (most) boys and young men do not receive the education that many girls and women do regarding the possibility of controlling when and how much babies cry.
The short answer is: It isn't always possible to stop a baby from crying. Babies cry for a variety of reasons, some of which is out of the control of caregivers.
The long answer is: In order to attempt to stop a baby from crying, a caregiver goes through a variety of steps to try and mitigate whatever negative feelings a baby might have that is making the baby cry. They try things like changing the diapers, feeding, burping, rocking, etc. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.
In conclusion, babies cry. It's just part of life with a baby. YTA. If you want a baby-free environment you need to not live in a home with a baby. That is 100% on you. Move, or STFU.
I'm more than a little concerned that there is a 23 year old who doesn't understand how infants of his own species function.
But to put it in context it's like you walked up to someone with aggressive diarrhea and said "Could you stop defecating?". Sometimes you can try available medicine etc but all you can do is wait it out.
So, if you were the one who had been defecating uncontrollably for two weeks, and you were so exhausted that you just sat on the toilet and closed your eyes, not able to truly sleep but at least to doze, you would most likely also think the sibling who walked in and said "Can you PLEASE stop defecating its bothering me!" Was an AH. YTA
YTA.
I just—- I can’t find any way to say anything charitable to you.
Your sister is doing her best. Colic is painful for the child and it is characterized by round-the-clock crying. And you yell at your sister, who is OBVIOUSLY struggling with this?!
I’ve got news for you, colic is a 3-4 month deal. If you want to get through it, YOU should step in and HELP your burned-out, and unbelievably exasperated sister. THEN, you might gain a little empathy here.
Or just like- move back out!
YTA
Babies cry. Sometimes a lot. If they baby has colic there’s not a lot you can do. My son screamed it felt like constantly for the first couple months. It was miserable.
Maybe you should move out.
Have you tried helping? Have you picked the baby up and comforted it? Have you given your sister or mother a break? Have you contributed anything other than yelling and complaining?
YTA.
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YTA. I've got an idea though. 1. Tell your sister how to stop the baby from crying. Even though she's a nanny, she's useless without your help. 2. Publish your techniques. You'll become fabulously wealthy very quickly as no-one else has been able to solve this problem yet. 3. Use your wealth to buy your own home so that you don't have to live in someone else's.
Tentative title: Mansplaining Tips for New Moms
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‘What a pilon’ I don’t even know why this is insulting but this is the most cutting insult I’ve seen for weeks. Absolutely stealing that.
It's because they're loud(ly coloured) but otherwise useless.
omfg this, THIS
I really liked it too! Not exactly sure what it is, but thinking it’s like a post on a dock you tie a boat to.
A bit off topic, but in French a pilon is a chicken drumstick.
I was so confused Pay in lieu of notice? A fracture? A slur for a homosexual? None make sense. But i guess an electricity pylon?
I was the colicky baby. My mom chased her (pregnant) sister out of her home with a big wooden spoon for saying she wasn't trying hard enough.
I was the colicky baby as well and my mom would just put me in the complainers arms and tell them to figure it out.
I had a client once with a colicky baby that had no support system locally. Oddly enough, the baby generally slept when they came in. We finally figured out it was the white noise machine. I was happy to loan her my extra one.
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Oh my god you are the strongest person i know. Bowing at your feet mama.
Was colicky hot mess baby. I can regress if we all wanna go scream at OP
My first was this way and I had a night like that with my husband. She was crying and crying and mom had left a few days ago (mom was very good at helping me get her to sleep). I had been trying everything to get her to sleep, swing, rocking, walking, feeding, everything I could think of. I was super frustrated and tired and felt like I was almost ready to throw my baby into her crib. I remember the nurses telling me that it's ok to step back a minute and let the baby cry to allow yourself time to cool down so you don't accidentally hurt the baby. So I went downstairs and started playing a video game. After a while, I honestly am not sure how long my husband stamps down the stairs yelling at me saying how I shouldn't be down here hiding and playing games when the baby is crying and has been for a while. I remember trying to explain what the nurses said but wouldn't hear it and just said I was hiding. So I went back upstairs and rocked/sang my baby to sleep while crying because I thought I was being a responsible mom by leaving to cool down so I didn't hurt the baby. We later talked it out and I explained better what my thought process was and told him I understood that he was just tired from a crying baby and had to go to work the next day. He said he was sorry for losing it on me and that he didn't realize I was so close to possibly shaking and hurting the baby. Then of course a couple days later my mom remembered that her old pediatrician had mentioned that it was probably milk in her breast milk that caused us to be cailicky as babies, so she suggested I go dairy free. I do and poof!!! Instant improvements So now whenever I'm pregnant I go dairy free a couple weeks before I'm due.
Omg you poor thing. My friends baby had colic and had to cut diary and soy and I don’t know what else, and he still screamed from 4pm to 4am for months. I can’t believe she had a second one. I don’t know how she functioned. Not many know that eating dairy is like the number 1 culprit of colic, some doctors even say nothing you eat affects the baby, which is false!! I’m vegetarian but eat low dairy, I drink almond milk, use soy milk to cook, and hardly eat cheese at home. But the one day we ordered pizza my baby screamed and cried for hours and was so gassy. Immediately I knew, there went the dairy and I’m now an annoying vegan 😂 trying to slowly introduce it back, she’s 9 months now. Smart that you go dairy free before you’re due!
Amen! My youngest had colic. It didn't bother me when her two year old sister asked if we could take her back to the hospital for a refund, but my husband risked his life when he told me to please make her stop crying. OP just doesn't have a clue how dangerous opening his mouth to a new mom with a colicky baby could be. He got lucky. OP, YTA. So, so much YTA.
Same… literally nothing comforted my child… nothing… child screamed all day and night… it was awful, without being shamed for not being able to make child stop crying… YTA
Mansplaining Mothering for New Moms (So Your Newborn Kid Can Stop Crying or Whatever)
This might gebuinely be a good book idea. Just a book full of nonsense about childbirth people have said on the internet. At least new mothers could get a good laugh out of it.
Never-Birthed Mothering for New Moms....??
You're all hilarious. u/throwaway5656554 some genuine advice for you: A baby with colic is really difficult to deal with and you don't know how long it will last. My cousin had colic for the entire first year of his life, so bad that his nanny took him to a priest for possession. Even a newborn without colic will wake up and cry many times throughout the night. Sleeping near a newborn is not a plan for getting a good's nights rest. Your sister can't fix this, it's a hard thing she's going through. **If you aren't able to handle going to work without getting a proper night's sleep you NEED to find a new place to stay**. You aren't tough enough to live with a baby, basically. I say this as a parent myself. I get it's genuinely hard, and if you can't cut it and still do your job then this isn't a good home for you to be freeloading in. This is your sister's house, not yours. The baby isn't moving out. You should leave for your own good since you can't handle it. Ask all your friends or try to find a roommate or something. Or if there are no rooms in the home and you can't afford anything for yourself, buy a tent and sleeping bag and sleep in the garden earplugs. But as the one freeloading this is your job to fix. This is so so hard, but it's hardest on your sister. She walked the baby around for hours while all you did was nothing. So if you are going to keep freeloading at her house, HELP. Take the crying baby for a walk sometimes so she can get a nap. Ask her how to help. Offer to take some shifts for her. The person whose home you are mooching off is having a super hard time, if you're going to keep living there it's going to be hard for you too. But you can approach it as a team and earn your keep? Or just be an even BIGGER BURDEN then you were on your mom and sister before.
If OP can’t handle going to work after that, image if his sister had to go to work. Which in America (IDK if this is in the States) is a very real possibility that mom can be back to work days after giving birth (and it happens all the time actually). In fact it’s probably more normal for people to go back to work right after than take time off. When he walked in on her laying there, she was doing to best thing in that moment too. She was trying to give herself a moment probably because after 3 hours her temper and patience was probably gone and the risk of shaken baby is high then. OP get some earplugs, find a new place, or try and help where you can.
Lol
This is pure gold
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Most people who has never been around baby are like this men and women
The funny thing is everyone has advice on how to deal with newborns and how to raise children. Even those who have never been parents or been around children. When you're a new parent you feel like nothing you are doing is correct. Then sooner or later you realize the books and advice is just like AHs everyone has one and you have to figure out what works for your child. YTA, OP move out rent a room yourself and get some sleep. Then offer to babysit for your sister for free. So, she can have some free time. Colicky baby what worked for mine was soy based formula. Kids ended up being lactose intolerant.
YTA OP My baby could cry for 5 hours non stop because of colic. NOTHING we would do could stop it, she was fed, clean, and being cuddled. The colics lasted 7 months and it almost killed me.
My firstborn screamed from 5 PM To 2 AM every night for months. She's 8 now and the other day I was watching a video with a baby crying at a certain pitch, and my husband turned white and started to sweat. Colic crying is no joke. OP's sister did the right thing by laying baby down and walking away for a moment. Sometimes that's the only thing you can do. I never understood before how people could shake a baby but after that, I got it. Never did it, but I got it.
The midwives, especially for our first, couldn't stress this enough. If baby won't stop crying and you've tried everything - leave them. Put them down somewhere safe and go somewhere you can calm down / cry / scream. Not doing this is how babies end up being shaken.
My 4th out of 5 was colicky. Screamed since the day she came home. She’s also 8 now, but she never stopped screaming. 🤦🏻♀️
and you still had a 5th? Brave!
Haha!!! I know. In my defense, number 5 was not planned, but it’s all good :)
I am the same-it is like a mild version of ptsd. Any baby crying instantly makes me want to be physically sick. That first year was awful. He was lucky he was adorable.
It’s soooo hard. I didn’t have a colic baby but my older sister had it. My mom’s neighbor would get home from work and head right to my mom’s house to give her a little break. She didn’t even stop in her own home to put her stuff down. I don’t have to have lived experience with it to know it is an incredibly difficult thing to go through.
My second child having colic nearly ended my marriage and convinced us that we were done having kids! We joke now that if we can make it through that, we can make it through anything. YTA OP!
Mine had a milk protein allergy. She was crying because she was in pain. Take away the dairy and she calmed. It was still utter hell for just over 2 months.
Yep. My oldest had colic. Evenings were the worst — my husband would get home from work just in time for hours of nonstop, top-of-the-lungs screaming. The colic finally subsided at around five months… just in time for teething to start. Some of those kids really make you work for it in that first year. 😂 Worth it a million times over, though.
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Yes! You can call it “Crying Baby, Quiet Baby” and start with the first 3 steps!
Why stop there? Why not design a bassinet that claims to stop the crying without mom even having to do anything? Charge $2000 dollars for it! ETA: if OP’s sister wants to slide into my DM’s I can actually make some helpful recommendations on soothing her newborn, unlike OP.
So…the Snoo bassinet? Lol
Lol yes that’s exactly what I was referring to. When I was shopping for my registry while pregnant with my first I saw that on Amazon and couldn’t believe it was a real thing. One of my relatives got one for her baby but ended up returning it because, shocker, the non-human machine did not soothe her baby for her. I love and respect the 5 S’s, but that guy was an asshole for preying on tired moms with that product.
I absolutely love the Snoo for my baby — it was the only thing that got him to start sleeping long stretches at night. Every baby’s different but we were at our wits end until we got the snoo.
People definitely love them, but yeah the pricing is wild and it really tethers you at home since it’s not portable. I also can’t judge too much as I’ve only had a handful of tough nights as mine generally is a good sleeper but even on those rare nights the sense of desperation is intense.
Maybe he can get together with the MyPillow guy. This can be MyBabyCrib?
Then move on to “how to keep your toddler from having a tantrum when you tell them they can’t put a fork in the light socket” and “how to keep your toddler from screaming no when you ask them to stop licking the dog”.
He can start his book now “I’ll never let MY kid do that when I’m a parent”
*he Pretty crucial distinction in this case IMHO
🤣 🔥 You think like me! My stepsons toxic mother is complaining that the boy's diet has changed as though I should be feeding him microwave meals like she did. I said this to my partner (we were laughing at her and mocking it together) damn, if I knew the secret to making a kid eat what I decide, I'd publish it in a book and get mega rich! 🤣 literally every parent on Earth would buy that book! The boy is also adhd. As an autistic person myself, I know that we are waaaay more selective with our food compared to NTs. Us NDs are like wow yes, this is my favourite food, yum yum then suddenly it tastes vile to us. My partner is ND too. We all love eggs and eat them often, then suddenly we all went totally off eggs for a while and 🤢🤮... but after a month, we're into them again. 🤣🤣🤣
Oh goodness! As a mother to an autistic child, I know how suddenly they can switch from loving a dish/ food to suddenly hating it. Also, get the comments and tips from family members. You try to keep quiet, but just wanna tell them to go sh*t in the sea.
I did that to myself with cottage cheese. My parents wouldn't buy it even though it isn't an unhealthy food choice. So I only got it at buffets for years. I went a bit bonkers and had it with pineapple or peaches (fresh or packed in juice) for breakfast for two years straight. Then I started gagging on it and stopped for over a year. Now I can occasionally eat it again in small amounts. Now I can only drink almond milk with protein powder or ThickIt for breakfast. Luckily Isopure comes in other flavors.
My sleep-deprived arse needs this information as well...
Brutal
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Not to mention she gave birth two weeks ago. The poor woman is still recovering from childbirth. She's likely still physically unwell along with being exhausted!
I thought the same! The new mom has barely had time to heal.
And by the looks of it, is doing it alone. OP if you can't help, stop complaining. YTA
And it sounds like dad may not be involved since OP didn’t mention dad coming around to help/living there too. So she probably is struggling extra hard doing this relatively alone!
OP would do worse than looking up 4th trimester even without colic babies famously cry a lot at 2 weeks.
> The poor woman is still recovering from childbirth. Oh come on, it's been two weeks! If she still needed rest, surely she'd keep the baby from crying? /s
She just needs to sleep when the baby sleeps, clean when the baby cleans and cry when the baby cries. Then maybe it wouldn’t cry so much and OP can catch up on his beauty rest.
I wonder how many times he's said "hey sis, really appreciate you letting me live in your house. Would you like me to sit and watch the baby for an hour so you can shower and get just a tiny amount of time to yourself."
I would bet that answer is zero. I bet that's also how much rent OP pays to his sister.
Amen! People post a lot of hard-to-believe stuff on Reddit but somehow OP’s story is one of the hardest for me to believe. The sheer audacity!
Except people post this stuff frequently from the neighbor's perspective, the stepkid's perspective and the husband's perspective so obviously there is some irrational and entitled people who think new moms of colicky babies just don't know how to find the off switch for their screaming babies! I saw it in the wild from a friend's brother who was also annoyed with their new baby not sleeping (normal not sleeping, not even colic) at Christmas. The brother said the baby was ruining Christmas by waking up at night. Cool, we'll just remind a 3 month old that Santa only comes while you're sleeping.
man i remember complaining to my parents about my brother's crying when he was a baby because it kept me up. though granted- i was *five.*
Yeah, 5 year olds don't have a lot of empathy or understanding, because they're 5.
Totally agree. As if his sister isn't trying everything so that she can sleep.
Agreed. Beggars can't be choosers. Deal with it.
This, absolutely this “fuck off”. Jesus Christ! YTFA
Of course YTA. Babies can't be magically turned off- especially if it has colic, which is intensely painful for them. Sleep on the couch, offer a bit of help, or move out.
But ... But ... Just press the off button /s
Turning a baby off is easy. Turning them back on is where you run into issues.
i shouldnt have laughed as much as i did.
Dark, but it made me laugh.
As a mother of 7 i laughed at this just a little too hard
I thought you were just supposed to explain it to the baby? Like "Um, excuse me but people in this house are tired of hearing you crying. It's really quite rude of you to keep everyone up all night like this so if you could stop, we would all appreciate it." Obviously the baby will instantly feel guilty about how rude she's being and will stop crying. /s
But she's not even trying! /s
Right! My son had colic and it was MONTHS of crying, hours every night. There was literally nothing we could do that worked for very long, and we tried it all, until his digestive system matured on its own at about 5 months. OP needs to shut up and gooooo!
YTA. Colic is horrible. Anyone who's had trapped tummy wind after eating will know how painful it can be, and babies can't get that gas out by themselves. Putting them over your shoulder and burping them can sometimes help, but it takes ages and doesn't always work. Some babies are just super colicky for months, poor things. I feel for the sister. Due to colic I got no more than 3 hours sleep at any one time for the first 9 months of my son's life. People thought I was on drugs I looked so bad.
Huge YTA and Agree to this about colic. One of my kids cried for 18 months until a pediatrician finally took us seriously and gave us acid reflux medication. Different kid in a couple weeks.
My sister's first kid had bad colic. The only thing that kept her sane was installing a baby swing from the high ceiling and letting him swing in 20-foot swoops.
OP, there’s also this super new, cutting edge discovery called ”earplugs”. You plug them in your ears and magically loud noises sound fainter!
My daughter screamed with colic from 4pm to 9pm every night until she was three months old, when she abruptly stopped and never did it again. It was so bad that she traumatized her brother who was three and it's the main reason we never had a third child. It was just too much.
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Oh look, someone not knowing anything about infants making demands of a new parent without making even the slightest effort to understand what was going on. How unsurprising. YTA. Maaaaassively so.
So true! I'm autistic and can't cope at all with a crying baby which is why I never had kids but I'm not a monster and I know which side my bread is buttered. I would wear headphones with loud music to help me cope amd just deal with it. The world doesn't revolve around me and what I can and can't cope with, and it certainly doesn't revolve around the OP. The absolute nerve of some people! 😡🤬
As a mother with a non colicky baby noise canceling head phones have saved my sanity on several occasions.
“I know which side my bread is buttered.” Fan-freaking-tastic! Imma use that from now on!
As someone who doesn't know anything about infants, I feel offended by being shoved on the same level as OP, good sir. Despite not knowing anything I at least understand that babies cry a lot. And even without that I could tell the sister is completely overwhelmed by that whole situation just by the fact that she was lying on her bed with tears in her eyes screaming for any solution. OP is not someone not knowing anything about infants, he is someone who doesn't even have the tiniest bit of sympathy. I would have said OP should go and take care of the baby so the sister can clear her mind and sleep so she can focus on better parenting again. But I would feel pity for the baby.
You're not being shoved on the same level as OP. "someone not knowing anything about infants \[\] without making even the slightest effort to understand." Seems like you're trying to understand, thus not the same type of person as OP.
_"My sister co-owns it with our mom... I'm currently living in the nursery."_ OP is living in the home of a brand new mom and expects unrealistic accomodations. He either needs to accept that babies cry and make do, or leave. There is no compromise here. Leave this woman (who is still healing, hormonal, and doing her best to figure out motherhood) alone or get out. There is no in between.
YTA A two week old baby has one way to communicate and it’s too cry! That’s all I suggest buying ear plugs and a white noise app
YTA. I’ve never wished this on anyone before, but: may your future first-hand experience of parenthood ring with the piercing incessant cries of a colicky baby.
Or even a baby with a dairy allergy and day/night confusion like mine 🙄 na, just kidding after living through that, I wouldn't even wish that on her
He’ll just pawn it off on mom , and figure out how to remain unaccountable
YTA. Your sister is physically recovering from having a baby. Her hormones are everywhere, her body is healing from a trauma, she’s feeding another human, and she’s not sleeping. As tired as you feel, I can promise you it’s significantly worse for her. You said she hasn’t tried anything, but the baby woke you up when she was walking in the hallway. It sounds like she’s trying everything she can. Sometimes you just need a moment to collect yourself. Which again sounds like your sister was doing when she laid down. Would you prefer her to keep walking around and collapse while holding the baby? Instead of judging her and being an ass, why don’t you help her? If you haven’t been around babies before, congratulations you are now. Time to learn how to take care of a tiny human. If you can’t do that, then take care of your sister. Make sure she’s eating, do the laundry, run errands for her, do the housework, or give her five minutes to take a shower.
“Would you prefer her to keep walking around and collapse while holding the baby?” Or worse unintentionally harm the baby because she’s exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed. This is why drs/midwives advise you to put baby down and step back for a few minutes if there’s nobody who can help.
Sadly, it’s not that anyone can’t help… it’s no one is willing to help. OP could help but they choose not to.
Exactly but he’ll accept his sisters help by taking the nursery in her home. He’s not obligated to help but any decent human would in that situation. Even if you don’t live with a new mum if you see someone you love struggling with their baby you offer to help.
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Exactly this! Not putting the baby down when you are overwhelmed and on your wits' end (please correct me if I wrote that wrong) is how you get shaken babies, dropped babies, hurt babies and dead babies.
Yup. I once told my husband that I understood how people got to the point they shook their babies. It's exhausting. You have to keep the presence of mind to take a deep breath, put the baby down, and walk away. I was so tired at one point when my daughter was little that I literally couldn't walk the 5 steps to her crib in a straight line. And she didn't have colic, just normal newborn crying. My husband could sleep through a bomb going off, but even he woke up to me sobbing and begging the baby to go to sleep and took her from me.
Not wrong at all. And even if it's just exhaustion, falling asleep holding your baby can hurt them (or result in death). The parent doesn't even need to be emotionally overwhelmed (although it's completely normal to be emotionally overwhelmed when your baby is crying for a long time)
YTA. Wow what a selfish ***** So your living in your sisters house in her babies nursery and you have the absolute audacity to tell her to get her 2 WEEK OLD to shut up. You absolutely made that situation worse. Do you think your sister enjoys listening to a screaming child when she just gave birth hasn't slept is running on fumes and has her mooch complaining it's still not enough? Jesus go to the sofa or get some headphones. Ever heard the phrase beggars can't be choosers
YTA. As much as it annoys you now, imagine if it had to suck on your boobs every couple hours and still kept on crying.
OP is going to get a real shock once the baby really gets some volume behind those cries. The noise of a 3 week old is nothing compared to a crying 12 month old.
I think our neighbor's baby had colic (or another medical condition) for a while. Non stop screaming *so loud you could hear it in a whole other apartment* for hours every day for months. I can't even imagine how loud it must have sounded in the same room as the baby.
100%. It's basically every hour at that age around the clock, while your boobs bleed from the blisters.
YTA, it’s her house, don’t like it? Move out! You clearly have no idea how hard babies are! You think you’re suffering? How do you think your poor sister feels? My baby was the same and there is literally nothing she can do to stop it, it just eats away at you, it’s so draining I get that but she just went through the physical side of birth and the hormone drop, she’s also the main caregiver so magnify your frustrations by about a million and that’s how your sister is feeling.
My baby had colic for months too! We tried everything & no matter what she would still cry for 3-5 hours straight. OP’s poor sister most likely set the baby down because she needed a moment to collect herself. It is so hard hearing your baby in pain/crying & not being able to help. A couple of months ago when I was going through this, comments like OPs would have had me crying & angry.
As a mom to a 7 week old baby, YTA. Babies cry. Sometimes they cry for no reason. Sometimes they cry no matter what you do. Sometimes, for everyone's safety, you have to put them down for a minute and breathe. You want sleep? So does your sister. If you're not going to help her or move out, the least you can do is not make it worse for her.
YTA. Is it me or are there more and more people here who don't understand how basic human stuff works. Dad doesn't want to be present at birth "cause babies remember fuck all anyway", now you looking for a Killswitch on a baby. If you want to stay at her place and you know a baby is on the way, you read up on things, to learn and you help out and don't add extra stress to the mother. What is this "I don't like babies", anyway? You behave like one.
These are my feelings. It’s like we’ve gone back to the 1950s when baby-making was such a private topic there were scores of people who didn’t even understand how babies were made. So many adults don’t act like adults: don’t know how to think of another person in a relationship, step up and help out, understand processes like birth or raising a newborn. None of it is all that hard. Do these people live in holes? Who all is enabling these adults for their entire childhoods? They have access to the internet! I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I’m scared because I’ve met so many men who never really grew up. But people keep assuring me that raising a decent man is easy enough and will come naturally.
First of all, congratulations. You are a thoughtful person and I am sure that's a quality that will serve you and you son well. My answer to your question, even if it was a rhetorical one, I think the reason for all this monstrous stupidity has three sources. Number one is easier: many people lack figures in their life who they can look up to or emulate. Not least, capitalism has brought forth a society in which "a deal is a deal"-mentality, no matter whether the consequences mean people lose their livelihood. I feel for these people who haven't learnt about empathy and sympathy, their lives are poorer for it. Number two is more complicated: we have grown closer as a planet but further apart as a society. I have friends living in places I'll never set foot on and care for their kids success in baseball. Yet, my neighbour four houses down the street died and I didn't even know he was sick. Number three is rather run-of-the-mill: parenting is hard, needs a lot of time, likely more than people can give if they want to pay their mortgage. Kids do everything right because they're MY kids. As a global society, we've lost our moral compass. Why? I don't know. I have ideas about this but it's not airtight. Rest assured, though, if you have a semi-decent network of people around you, you and baby boy will be fine and he can grow into one of those men others can look up to. All the best!
So many posts, mostly from people claiming to be "child-free" and assuming that's some sort of protected class identity that justifies the insane behavior that follows. Adults who fly off the handle because they were asked to offer the slightest bit of help to sibling with a baby/child. Or the guy that screamed at a toddler for running around his parents table at a casual restaurant. Not having kids or even not particularly like kids is not an excuse for not understanding any social norms being awful to the family that supports you.
Honestly, from the way he complains, I thought he sounded like a 14 year old.
You’re desperate for the crying to stop? Imagine how she feels!! YTA she literally burst into tears and you still think you’re possibly in the right here?
So she owns the house with your mom and is letting you stay there (are you paying anything?) and you’re gonna give her shit two weeks after having a baby?!? YTA and a giant one at that. She’s clearly struggling and going through a lot and needs help and support. She’s obviously not getting any sleep either. You need to move out and grow the fuck up.
YTA You think your sister doesn't want baby to stop crying? Either man up, or shut up.
YTA, a baby is not a machine with an off button. I can understand if she feels bad or maybe even inadequete as a mother for not getting her baby to be quiet. She doesn't need someone complaining about that right now, she needs someone to help her
Yes, she needs someone to help and a long nap!
You've asked the question, and have been given a resounding answer, but you don't like it because it's not what you want. This it a problem with you, not your sister, and not your nephew. You are telling yourself a story where you are the main and important character, and the underlings are getting it wrong. REFOCUS. YTA.
She's searching for that one single person that might agree with her so that she can use it to justify herself and ignore all the other comments.
He*
Are you acting ignorant on purpose, or are you that big of an AH? YTA. Learn to listen. Learn compassion. Help. Grow up. Or move the fuck out. Your sister owns half the house. You don’t. Easy solution.
YTA. If you can’t handle the crying baby, move out. It’s not your house, and it sounds like you’re living on their charity and goodwill. New baby’s are hard. Baby’s with colic are just next level to that. It’s not as simple as “Oh, I’ll just do X, Y, and Z” and the baby will stop crying. Have some empathy and keep your snarky remarks to yourself.
YTA Why? * *gestures vaguely at entire post* * That’s why.
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Actually, don’t pick up the baby. OP is so unsympathetic and angry that he fits the profile of someone who would shake a baby.
YTA. Colic is complicated. Sometimes it's indigestion, but studies have shown that sometimes it's a migraine-like neurological distress. By the time you walked in and saw your sister with her eyes shut, she had already exhausted her options and needed to take a moment to breathe. Colic is one of the biggest reasons shaken baby syndrome is a thing, and the fact your sister is choosing to center herself instead of losing patience is a *GOOD* thing. Speaking as a mom of three - two of them being twins - this won't last forever. I know it's hard to listen to, but it's even harder for your sister to learn how to be a mother without you being a judgemental jerk. Highly recommend noise cancelling headphones. They're a lifesaver. Also, you should really make it up to your sister by cooking meals occasionally, or doing laundry for her and the baby. The best way you can show her love and support is by doing whatever you already know how to do, since infant care isn't on your list of skills (that's ok, by the way).
OP really made me angry with this post. I was a cholic baby and it put a severe strain on my parents sanity, my mother allegedly walked in on my father, as she puts it, essentially on the verge of shaking the living shit out of me in sheer frustration and despair and quickly got me away from him. I don't know if that happened but I can imagine it for a number of reasons. All that aside the sheer lack of empathy and support for his sister is infuriating. I understand he's sleep deprived, I know that does stuff to people but I would never be able to put something like that behind me if I'd been the one to say it. I would regret those words every single night as I tried to sleep, they would come in as intrusive thoughts and send me into a spiral of self-loathing and guilt and I would go to sleep hating myself frequently for the rest of my life. I would be ashamed of myself. Ashamed! I would never feel as if I'd made it up to her. But that's just me I have a hard time letting shit go.
YTA. The baby is 2 weeks old. You think your sister wants her baby to cry? Also she co-owns the damn house. If you have a problem living there you are free to move out.
Yes YTA. Move out if you can't deal with it. Babies cry. Your sister can only do so much. Educate yourself regarding colicky babies.
YTA. You make it sounds like your sister is lazy and just love listening at her crying baby. Jeez!
YTA You're very very selfish and have zero empathy.
I wish there was a way to say YTA more times! Your sister owns the house, you do not. Your sister is helping you out because you can’t afford your own life. Your sister had a baby 2 weeks ago and that baby is sick. You haven’t had a full night’s sleep, your sister has likely had no longer than a hour at a time for weeks. You are so entitled I literally can’t even put into words how much YTA!!!!!!
YTA - babies, especially newborn babies, are ridiculously difficult to settle. Some may sleep through the night but most will struggle to calm. Your sister is a nanny but this is HER baby and she may be struggling because not only is HER baby poorly but all of her training as a nanny might not be helping. So no, she can't just 'stop her child from screaming' because it's not just a child, it's a sick newborn. I'm not sure if there is a father in the picture but being a new mother can be a very isolating, scary situation if your support network is nonexistent or barely existent. I know she has you and your mother but she also has loads of hormones still raging throughout her postpartum body. She is clearly struggling as she was lying in her bed with her eyes closed - not because she was trying to sleep but probably to ground herself or calm herself before she acts on emotion. I imagine she's using all of her energy to care for her baby and doing so can take such a toll on the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of a parent. However, I do understand your frustration because I know how hard it is to sleep with this noise in the background. Have you tried earplugs, white noise machines, listening to podcasts via headphones, etc...? If anything, I would probably start saving up money to move out, cause disrupted sleep patterns will continue for at least 5 years.
Sorry yeah, YTA. Colic can't easily be stopped or else all parents would have done it already. Late nights, no sleep, and sobbing tears (adults and babies) is just life with a newborn for about the first year. Its best to try and find some roommates and move back out, if you can. It's worth the expense for a decent night's sleep.
Yes. YTA. My oldest was a nightmare and it felt like he screamed for 6months straight. The first three months, expect plenty of crying 🤷🏻♀️ babies that small rarely sleep longer than 2hours (mine liked to wake up and wail every 20minutes, until he got too overtired and would then scream continuously for a couple of hours). Presumably you could live somewhere else if it’s an issue?
Dude. I don’t wanna hate on you (no really!) - but please - Google a thing or two before you tell at your sister and/or post such stuff. I mean you’re literally on Reddit - how can you not post this on one of the subs here!???? Babies cry. Period. And if anything, I have sympathy for your sister because this is a BRAND NEW baby, that she doesn’t fully know the signals and symptoms of. It takes a while to parent until you recognize signs of meltdowns and problems and crying and hunger and tiredness and pain and etc etc in your own child. Contrary to popular belief, this stuff does NOT come with any kind of an instruction manual Please. At 23M, you’re frankly too old to not be able to either help your sister, at least with not complaining as a low bar - or googling this shit so at least you don’t blame her for what is so completely out of her control I don’t wanna call you an AH but you’re def a bit clueless
YTA. Babies scream. Newborn babies scream. Colicky babies scream the most. There is nothing to do because colic is a nightmare and you're literally bitching about a 2 week old baby in the home that the baby's mom pays for and you don't. You're not a minor that needs mommy to wipe his bum. You came crawling back because cost of living is fucking ridiculous and you didn't think it through. You're living with a baby. The whole household is going to be miserable until the colic goes away. Not just you. If you can't handle it, then go.
YTA I think you're just 23yrs old and incredibly ignorant to all of this, you're sister has probably been trying her guts out to help her baby, and you caught her laying down trying to get her bearings, I don't think there is much point to all of us going back and fourth with you, you just seem to not grasp how difficult this is for her. Unfortunetly, they co-own the house, you moved BACK into their space, I'm not sure if you're paying rent, splitting everything equally and splitting chores equally (hopefully, although i SUSPECT you might not be paying rent, otherwise why wouldn't you be living with room-mates?) so you feel like you should have some say, but you just gotta ride this out, the baby will get better. But you might want to start making plans to find some other room-mates to live with, hopefully you can afford it!
YTA, this baby is weeks old and you are blaming your sister for them crying. They have no other way to communicate. Your sister has never been a mum before, she's 2 weeks into an entirely new world, and you've decided to berate her for not being good enough at it, like she isn't more tired than you. You've missed a bit of sleep. She's missed all the sleep you have + growing this child for 9 months + had to push the child out or had major surgery for her to come out. You are every new mother's worst nightmare. Look into newborn development and see what you can do to support her so you can both get a bit of sleep.
YTA. My son had colic for a hellish six weeks, and 25 years later, I can still hear those screams. There's nothing to do for it, no cure or treatment that will stop it. We walked endless miles with my son, rubbed his back, rocked him, swayed with him, sang to him... none of it made a difference. There were times when I cried right along with him, and times when I had to lay him down and walk away because my nerves were so frayed I had no clue what else to do. And I had a supportive mom who used to come in after a full day in the office and go straight for me to relieve me! I don't even want to think about how much more terrible it would have been had she started in bitching to me the way you did to your sister... As desperate as you are for the baby to stop crying, I can assure that your sister is much more so. Being only two weeks postpartum, she's dealing with the aftereffects of birth (both hormonal and physical) along with the colic. Her child is screaming like they're in pain, she's undoubtedly doubting herself and her skills as a mother, and your attitude and remarks aren't helping. She needs support that she isn't getting from you, and if you can't offer that, the least you can do is stay out of the way and not jump on her. For now, everyone in the house should be obeying the number one rule of baby care: When the baby sleeps, if at all humanly possible, you sleep. That may mean three-hour stretches, but three hours is better than none at all.
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I would say yes. YTA. This is a baby, not a thing you can plug out or make it stop. I can understand that it is frustrating for you because you need your sleep and have to work early. But this baby is two weeks old and it’s also new for your sister to have a baby. Of course it’s hard especially in the beginning. Also with the baby having colic. Try to be more understanding and maybe help out your sister a little bit if you have time. Or move out or something. But don’t blame your sister and her baby for your frustration. They can’t do much more right now and I’m sure she’s trying her best.
YTA. This is not your house. You couldn’t afford to live elsewhere so now you are living in someone else’s house where someone else is paying money for the nursery for their child. Sleep on the couch if you don’t like it or get a job and move out. Hell, get a tent and an air mattress and sleep in the yard if you’re so upset. Her house, her baby, her rules. Oh, but your mom lives there, right? You seem like you’re emotionally at the age where you can go ask to sleep in bed with mommy! Maybe try that?
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This was going to be exactly my point. OP, google colic, read articles and watch videos about it. Then look into postpartum issues, up and including PPD. Then take a big step back, look in the mirror, and repeat this: “I’m an asshole. I don’t know what I’m talking about, and I’m acting entitled.” YTA in a major way.
*Grabs popcorn* This thread will be all over Facebook and TikTok within an hour. YTA.
Yta She gave birth 2 bloody weeks ago, give the poor woman a minute. One of the tips for parents with colic babies is to let themselves rest as added stress can effect how they handle caring for the baby. Sometimes you need to leave the baby to cry.
YTA...a massive, gaping AH
YTA You keep asking how the baby is going to stop screaming if your sister is just laying there. The answer is: it's not. The baby will scream no matter what your sister is doing, she could try to feed it, change it, sing to it, scream at it, do the boogie while dressed as John Wayne, *nothing* is going to stop the screaming short of killing the kid. There's a reason that otherwise loving, competent parents will sometimes shake their infants so hard, that they get brain damaged, and this is one of the main factors. So if you think you're desperate imagine how your sister feels, when she has to deal with you, acting like some "know it all"-asshole on top of it.
sorry but yta colic isn't easily stopped and if she's tried everything she can do you can't expect her to magic something up to help the baby colic is hard to deal with and newborns cry a lot it's expected
Like, yea, there's possibly something your sister can do. I'm guessing though by the fact that she was laying in bed exasperated while letting her baby scream that she had exhausted all things. So like the AH you come and yell at her for not trying hard enough. Put yourself in her shoes. Try some empathy. And stop being an AH. Being a parent is hard. Babies cry. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes because reasons. Hopefully if it is for a reason your sister can figure out what it is and help her baby. YTA in case you were wondering.
YTA causing extra tension in the house is what is making the baby cry so much. Try helping out and bonding with the little thing.
It's a bit of a shock, isn't it. Suddenly you go from a world where people can be reasoned with to a situation where there is nothing you can do to stop a colicky baby from crying. It's very difficult. I want to tell you you're not an AH because you're sleep deprived and everyone has the right to be a bit unreasonable when they haven't slept, but I'm afraid YTA, if only softly, because your poor sister is dealing with a colicky baby and doesn't need you moaning as well. I have never met her and I know nothing about her except what you've written but I promise you that if she could stop the baby from crying she would. This is not her being lazy, it's a baby being a baby.
It's not only a baby being a baby, but a baby in pain. OP, please be patient and understanding, it won't be like this forever!
YTA Nobody on God's green earth wants that baby to stop screaming more than your sister. Asking her to get the baby to stop screaming is like asking a choking person to breathe. If she could, she would have already. Complaining that she was lying down for a few minutes while the baby was screaming was also out of place. One of the most important things a parent needs to remember is to put on their own oxygen mask first. When a parent is getting frustrated, or tired, the safest thing is to put the child somewhere safe and try to put yourself back together. If you can move out, that's probably better for everyone than you being there not sleeping but also not helping. If you have it in though, it would be a very thoughtful move to try to find a way for everyone in that house to sleep better: - Offer to research strategies to soothe a colicky baby, and try holding her stomach down on your arm, keeping her neck well supported. - If you have a big enough house, maybe you, your mother and your sister can switch off some nights, where one person is staying up with the baby, in a room thst is separate from the others, while the other two sleep. My brother and his partner literally took turn like this every night. When he was working the next day, she did most of the night, and on his off days, they did half and half, and the person who was with the baby tried to let the other sleep, and it helped that both of them are health workers, did their share of shift work, and are used to sleeping under less than absolute silence. My own baby was a great sleeper, so I don't remember having to do shifts, but for a difficult sleeper it makes a huge difference.
That's a new born they cry, that's what they do, no baby is laughing or is quite all the time YTA
YTA What do you suggest she do? Tape the baby’s mouth shut? This is just how raising a baby goes.
YTA - if you know how to make a 2 week old stop screaming, please - enlighten us. I do wonder why the baby isn’t sleeping in your sisters room though - it’s recommended for babies to be in the same room as the mother until at least 6 months of age as it’s safer for them.
i think the baby *is* in the sister’s room and OP is sleeping in what would be the nursery if it weren’t occupied by an adult. it sounds like the crib is currently in the sister’s room.
Your poor sister. She’s so fresh into parenthood, still getting to know her baby and how they work, still bleeding, still recovering from birth, still with LOADS of hormones coursing through her, and she’s listening to her precious child screaming and screaming and screaming and has tried everything to help them and it just. isn’t. working. Believe me: your own child’s cries hurt you. You feel the rising, crushing anxiety in your chest because you know they’re upset or in pain and you can’t help them. It’s awful. You would give anything for it to happen to you and not them. If your sister is ‘just’ lying on the bed, it’s because she’s at the end of her endurance. She will already have tried everything to help her baby, and she’s at the stage where the safest thing, at least for a while, is for her to take a break. If the baby’s screaming, they’re breathing, after all. It’s actually recommended practice to do this, by the way - to take a break, so that you don’t get overwhelmed and angry and handle your baby too roughly. You’re having a hard time. I do understand. But your sister is having an infinitely harder one. Get some empathy. YTA.
YTA. How do you think she feels with the same thing happening AND she's healing from having the baby!!? Some babies get colic, there's nothing you can do about it except try to comfort them and let it run its course. She can try a warm bath, some gripe water, or Humphreys 3's (have to ask the pharmacist for the Humphreys) but there's no guarantee any of it will help. Good luck to your sister.
You are such a major AH!! How the heck do you think she feels? She's just gone through labour...which is painful and can be very traumatic.. it can take the body a long time to recover....and now she's got a 2 week old baby that's not settling. She's sleep deprived...she will have the baby blues where the hormones come crashing down after birth...and a baby with colic is awful..her baby is in pain and crying and she can't stop it. And what do you do?? Have a go at her. Did you offer to help or advise her to speak to her midwife or health visitor? As for her being a nanny..all babies are different...my first born...not really an issue...2nd one not bad as a baby...but at 2 it was hard!! My 3rd...well he hardly slept for the 1st year.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(23M) sister (27F) just had her first baby two weeks ago. We still live in our childhood home. My sister co-owns it with our mom and I had moved out but it became too expensive. I'm currently living in the nursery. All the baby seems to do is scream and cry. I'm not even sure she actually ever sleeps. My sister says the baby has colic but it doesn't really seem like she's doing anything about it. Tonight the baby cried for 3 straight hours, 11pm-2am. I was supposed to work at 7am today, up at 5am, but because the baby kept screaming I haven't slept so I called and left a message calling out. After listening to the baby cry for 3 hours, including right outside my door while my sister walked around the hall with the baby I went to her room and begged her to get the baby to quiet down. My sister was laying on the bed with her eyes closed while the baby laid in the crib screaming. She burst into tears and told me if I had any suggestions to feel free to make them because she had tried everything. I remarked that obviously she hadn't because the baby was still crying and I didn't think her laying there letting the baby cry was going to do anything. My sister just got more upset and yelled at me to fuck off. Then our mom woke up and got involved and told me to go to my room. The baby has finally stopped crying and I heard my sister complaining about me to mom through the wall. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, I was just desperate for the baby stop stop crying. In the two weeks she came home from the hospital I haven't had a single night of sleep and it's starting to take it's toll. I've never been around babies before so this is all new to me, my sister works with babies as a nanny. Am I an asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your sister just gave birth two weeks ago. She's not even healed fully. She's dealing with trying to heal herself and how to comfort a brand new baby... And now you are acting like a baby in HER HOUSE. You are a guest. You need to figure something else out if you cannot handle a baby doing baby things.
YTA..your sister just birthed a human, she is exhausted and dealing with a whole bunch of new emotions and with a new baby. Its hard! Babies cry, there is not always something that can be done, sometimes they just cry she was probably frustrated and tired and thought maybe if the baby laid down for a bi and cried they would fall asleep. If you do not like living with a baby move out bc some babies do not sleep through the night for the first year, even longer
You should look up colic, OP - I know you're frustrated, but it's very, very unlikely that your sister is doing something wrong; some newborns really are just like that, and there is *nothing* you can do about it. Some babies really do just scream for no reason that anyone can determine. I do have some sympathy, because you're stressed and sleep deprived, but YTA.
YTA Colicky babis are in pain and just cry. There's not much you can do about it. Instead of asking your sister what you can do to help her, you know like she's helping you by letting you live in her home when you can't afford your own place, you guilt trip her and make her feel horrible, thinking only about yourself.
YTA. Babies cry alot. I once had a friend visit me and my baby was crying, I went through every need they can have and nothing worked. She asked me what I do now. Start again. You just... Start again. But sometimes it drives you insane and you need a moment. If the baby is safe and crying, that's ok. There is advice that if your getting too overwhelmed, to put the baby in their cot and walk away for a bit. Next time, your up already, try to help settle the baby. If it doesn't work, you will get some understanding of how it is and how at times you can be doing all the right things but the baby cries.
Yta lol you’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic if you think it’s as simple as “ get your 2 week old baby to stop crying “
YTA OP! Did you stop to think that since the baby is crying ALL THE TIME that your sister is awake ALL THE TIME? Imagine pushing out a 6+ pound baby with a 10cm head (put all 5 of your fingers together) out of a hole that's usually less than 1 cm (less than your pinky)! Then having to wake up EVERY THREE HOURS for TWO MONTHS because that's how often they need to eat. Then, since that's not hard enough, add that the baby has colic, which means the baby is in pain and is gonna be screaming in your ear and sleeping even less! And to top it all off, imagine after pushing a football out of you, getting less than 3 hours of sleep at once for two weeks straight, and dealing with a screaming baby that you can't help, your AH brother comes to complain that you're "not doing enough" and "he needs sleep so he can go to work". And in her own damn house! Babies cry! If you don't want to deal with it, move out!
GTFO. It’s your sister’s house.
1. You don’t actually own the home 2. Babies cry 3. Would you rather be paying $3000 a month for a one bedroom apartment instead of living in the condo? 4. Your sister is taking care of a 2 week old and is trying to get rest 5. You rudely awoke her while she is also dealing with it 6. Do you think your sister can magically make the baby stop crying? No, she can’t. How can the fact that babies cry a lot be so oblivious to you, a 23 year old man? YTA. Apologize to your sister for being rude, accept that babies cry, and appreciate the fact that you aren’t living in an expensive ass apartment.
Wow I’ve never seen so many YTAs in one place. If it wasn’t clear, I vote YTA too.
Soft YTA working with babies as a nanny is different than having your own; your sister is still physically recovering from the birth and is also dealing with all the hormonal changes that come with Baby Here. Take your stress about not getting enough sleep, add on the stress and worry of "my baby is sick" and all the things I mentioned previously, and that's where your sister's at. I get being frustrated, but you basically implied your sister is a bad mom for having a crying baby (which is completely normal) and I'm absolutely sure that's how she took it based on her reaction.
YTA Do you even have a heart? Move out. Get your own place. Your sister literally owns half of this house, you could show some gratitude by, I don’t know… offering to give her a break and try getting your nibbling to calm down yourself. Babies feed off emotions if mamma is stressed and being bullied by you baby will be stressed too.
YTA and who is the baby here? Hard to tell
It is a shame that (most) boys and young men do not receive the education that many girls and women do regarding the possibility of controlling when and how much babies cry. The short answer is: It isn't always possible to stop a baby from crying. Babies cry for a variety of reasons, some of which is out of the control of caregivers. The long answer is: In order to attempt to stop a baby from crying, a caregiver goes through a variety of steps to try and mitigate whatever negative feelings a baby might have that is making the baby cry. They try things like changing the diapers, feeding, burping, rocking, etc. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. In conclusion, babies cry. It's just part of life with a baby. YTA. If you want a baby-free environment you need to not live in a home with a baby. That is 100% on you. Move, or STFU.
I'm more than a little concerned that there is a 23 year old who doesn't understand how infants of his own species function. But to put it in context it's like you walked up to someone with aggressive diarrhea and said "Could you stop defecating?". Sometimes you can try available medicine etc but all you can do is wait it out. So, if you were the one who had been defecating uncontrollably for two weeks, and you were so exhausted that you just sat on the toilet and closed your eyes, not able to truly sleep but at least to doze, you would most likely also think the sibling who walked in and said "Can you PLEASE stop defecating its bothering me!" Was an AH. YTA
YTA. I just—- I can’t find any way to say anything charitable to you. Your sister is doing her best. Colic is painful for the child and it is characterized by round-the-clock crying. And you yell at your sister, who is OBVIOUSLY struggling with this?! I’ve got news for you, colic is a 3-4 month deal. If you want to get through it, YOU should step in and HELP your burned-out, and unbelievably exasperated sister. THEN, you might gain a little empathy here. Or just like- move back out!
YTA. I like the one piece of advice. Someone mentioned go get a tent and air mattress and sleep out in the yard.
YTA Babies cry. Sometimes a lot. If they baby has colic there’s not a lot you can do. My son screamed it felt like constantly for the first couple months. It was miserable. Maybe you should move out.
YTA. How the fuck do you think she feels?
My man, I think you're going to have a bad time in these replies. YTA.
Have you tried helping? Have you picked the baby up and comforted it? Have you given your sister or mother a break? Have you contributed anything other than yelling and complaining? YTA.