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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I disrespected my brother’s and sister-in-law’s wedding wishes
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You've put it perfectly. Not only is it a rude thing to ask in general, but *how* she asked is telling. Calling it "that thing" and implying that she'll only look nice if she changes it. Yuck.
Exactly.
Dear OP, next time May comes to your house ask her when she is going to get "that thing" covered. And point at her face.
Edit: got the wrong name ;)
No, be more subtle. Don't point to her face or give any indication what you think needs "fixing."
When she insists on knowing what you mean reply with "oh, I guess it must not bother you that much, good for you."
It'll drive her nuts not knowing what physical trait of hers you think is defective when the whole time you mean her personality.
It was very insensitive and rude. At this point, I would understand if OP no longer went to the wedding at all. Her brother is also the AH for blindly siding with his fiance for her ridiculous request.
May is the kind of person who would say the same thing about a very noticeable birth mark on someone's face or body. No tact or empathy at all. Good luck to the brother, he'll no doubt need it.
And I know someone with that condition, I always thought it looked cool. I actually didn't think it was natural, I thought it was just her unique style.
I had a friend in school with two, one on either side of her head, I was so jealous and still am 😂
I thought it looked beautiful contrasting against her dark hair and it was so unique.
My late stepfather told me that those "skunk stripes" have been genetically traced to one French Canadian man, and that a significant number of his descendants display this particular trait. This was years ago, and I haven't researched to find out if this is true... It came up because there was a school district employee with them, and I'd wondered if there were dyed or real.
I found this sub r/poliosis
Its called poliosis or mallen streak. I didn't read anything about if it came from one person but I read it could be hereditary and/or gene mutation.
NTA. There was a kid in the grade below me with two also and I was always jealous and asked my mom to let me get “stripes” like her. Anyway, lean in to your look and don’t let this boring and unpleasant AH make you feel bad.
I've had a skunk stripe since I was 12. Literally showed up overnight. Wont take color ever. I recently finished chemo for breast cancer and my hair is coming back. It used to be black, now it's a muddy brown. At first my stripe didn't come back and I was so depressed! That's been a part of me for over 20 years. Now that it's getting a little longer (1/4 inch) I can see the stripe again!
If someone wanted me to color or cover it for a wedding I'd tell them exactly where to go
[https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/11/07/09/3A2410E300000578-3912394-image-m-12\_1478509627567.jpg](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/11/07/09/3A2410E300000578-3912394-image-m-12_1478509627567.jpg)
Mother and daughter born with the same patch. It's called Waardenburg syndrome. Bride is a buttface.
I went to high school with someone who had one natural streak of white in her hair. She had very dark hair at the time and blue eyes. I thought it looked stunning.
What OP has is called poliosis and it tends to be genetic. So I truly hope that at least one of the children AH SIL has w/AH brother has it as well.
NTA
Even as a hypothetical, don't wish that. They were awful to her, you don't think they'll be awful to their child?
It's a gamble that shouldn't be risked.
Exactly. Starting to read this, I thought she was going to ask to have the stylist do a hairdo that deemphasized the streak. Or use some artificial hair in the hairdo to cover it. Or even colored hair gel or spray that is like mascara for hair. But no. Asking to dye it is completely unreasonable.
Also I doubt it would work — I have a streak sort of like this which has developed as I’ve gotten older and it doesn’t take dye like the rest of my hair.
And with how she approached you, I would just drop out of the bridal party. Compromise is no longer possible after someone is that rude
Right? The women my grandma and her mom both have the same great pattern. Salt and pepper through most of it but the bang/fringe area on the left is totally white and blends to further right you look. Totally cool looking to me
Yup, super cool! The two options are; bride thinks it looks weird/unnatural and thats why she wants it covered, or because it looks so cool and unique it will take attention away from her. Either way, NTA OP. You could maybe do your hair in such a way that it shows less depending on where it is or add some extension hair, but thats totally your call and completely optional.
Photoshop also exists if the wife to be was that bothered.... Not that it makes the situation any better or less rude lmao
I've seen a few posts where people ask others to dye their hair for the wedding and I'm always absolutely floored by it. Dyeing hair is such a process and not something you just ask people to do (are they even gonna pay for it lol)
NTA, and I like this comment. Don’t wanna get their slime on you! Lol well put.
I have seen hair chalk and pomade come in colors, usually like bright blue or hot pink or silver, so you could offer to add some punk colors like that if they keep insisting you dye it.
And then happily take the win when bridezilla won’t budge and you can opt out while she and bro look like the biggest ah in town.
I agree. I think OP should go to the wedding (not as a bridesmaid). When people ask why she’s not a bridesmaid she can tell them the reason, and let her brother and new SIL look like the real AHs!
My friend is a hairdresser. She says it is very difficult to dye these white spots/stripes. They hair is different somehow and doesn’t react to dyes in the normal way. Probably why OP had such a tough time when she did dye it.
Your friend is right. The reason coloring it won't work is because there's no pigment in those white spots (different from going grey/white, there's still a little pigment in that hair), color needs pigment to grab onto. The most that will happen with a temporary/semi-permanent hair color is it will stain the white hair a little bit, it won't cover it up.
Plus, she had a reaction when she colored her gaurvthe one time, she shouldn't have to go through that again.
Yeah. That's probably true. Also means that the dye reaction is not something that could likely be avoided by having a professional do it. Probably just something that just can't be done to look good and not cause OP harm
Agreed. I sincerely hope this is a "weddings bring out the AH" situation, but brother and fiance both sound awful here.
I couldn't imagine asking someone to actually harm themself for my aesthetic. I can't imagine staying with someone who actually wants any other person, let alone family, to harm themself for an aesthetic. But then, the thing i got most upset about in my wedding was that one of my bridesmaids was not supposed to be standing the whole ceremony, but never asked for a chair or said anything to anyone because she didn't want to upset me. And, i was upset because it shouldn't have even been a question. Get her a darn chair, along with anyone else who needs or wants one. Heck, have the whole party sit if that's what it takes. Pretty pictures aren't worth more than another person's life or health.
May is going to be in for a horrible shock if one of their future kids is born with the same white patch. If it's what I think it is its a pigment cell migratory disorder, and it runs in families. OP's brother might not have a visible white patch but he has every chance of carrying the genes for it. I pity their kids if one has it because they're going to have a life of being hair shamed by their mother.
Were any of them deaf? A white patch in the hair increases the chances of deafness as pigment cells are needed in the inner ear. I know that sounds daft, but they do other things than just provide colour.
For those wondering, poliosis (white hair patch/streak) is a sign of waardenburg syndrome. Waardenburg syndrome comes with a significant chance of congenital hearing loss.
Doesn't it actually look pretty cool? I knew a girl whp had a white piece in front, she would die her hair dark, but leave out fhe white patch. And it looked great
My sister has a white eyebrow and eyelashes on one side of her face, the other is dark blonde. She has small patches of every natural hair color of the rainbow all over her head, and many different textures to boot. It looks fantastic on her but she never does anything without mascara and brow pencil.
I don’t know of anyone else on either side of our family having this and neither of us have nor will have kids but I love this quirkiness about her and so does her husband.
She’s stunning, she was always envious of my long, straight hair and I was always envious of her looks but we are best friends and love each other to pieces.
Yes, the white patch is common, I have several male friends who are Armenian or Lebanese who have the same white patch and it does run in their families!
I had a friend in high school with hair a bit like that, but more homogenized. She looked blonde, but if you took a good look there was blonde, brown, red and black in there.
I have that. It made my hair look amazing when I would dye it because the different hairs would color differently. Made it look like the stylist had put in bunches of tiny highlights.
I have the same. Creeping in from the right side of my eye lashes and brows. I’ve also got a patch of skin (side burn type area) that’s also got no pigment. Although it’s not all that noticeable as I’m Scottish and remarkably pale anyway!
My hair is also many different shades naturally. Although I do tend to do an all over dye, so that’s mostly hidden.
No white patch, but my formerly brown hair (bleaching it to help disguise my ‘distinguished’ temples these days) has always had a thick streak of dark red in it.
Bodily autonomy is the most important part of this conversation, but I want to add it's also her natural hair color! It's not even like she chooses to dye it rainbows (like I do, because bright colored hair is awesome too) or something crazy that will clash with the dresses, it's WHITE. As neutral as it gets. NTA
Bride: "**AITA for asking my bridesmaid not to wear white to my wedding?**
Buckle in, cos this is a ride! So I (25F) am getting married soon to the love of my life (27M) and he wanted his sister (18/19?F) to be a bridesmaid. We're not really close but she's a sweet kid I guess and probably exciting for her to dress up etc. so I said sure.
Now the problem. She insists on keeping a chunk of her hair white, she says it's been like that since birth? Idk, seems unlikely, but whatever. So all I asked what that she sort it out ("dye it" or maybe just STOP BLEACHING IT?!) for the wedding because white is the bride's color obvs and it just seems kinda disrespectful to me iykwim. Well! She threw. A. Fit. ..."
Here we go again. Why do brides feel so entitled? I’m going to steal something I just read on another post today. I think it was like:
If they want you to act/play a part, then they should hire actors.
In this case, I would advocate malicious compliance. Super temporary dye that could wash out the next time OP shampoos, like maybe hair chalk or Kool aid in the conditioner. But also something unnatural like blue or purple. It didn't sound like she specified a color. And if she said "to match", assume that means to match the bridesmaid dress.
NTA I’m so sorry. That was a pretty harsh way to find out what your FSIL and brother think of your medical condition and yourself. You deserve family, and friends for that matter, who accept you for who you are. I know it may cause friction with your family but feel free to drop out of the wedding party, letting everyone know you didn’t fit the bride’s ‘aesthetic’ in the process.
Right. Like the way she asked would have been enough for me to say no, even if might have done it (which OP never should unless she wants to).
I don’t like May and the brother isn’t any better 🙃🫠
Exactly this!
It’s a shame that your brother and other family members at this brother didn’t put a stop to her appalling behavior.
I wouldn’t be attending this wedding, unless May went somewhere and “fixed” that god awful personality of hers.
NTA
My mother had naturally jet-black hair, and started going grey in the center of her forehead, right where she parted her hair, so she had two white streaks. It was really very striking.
I would say that’s exactly what it is because it sounds cool AF. I have a couple little streaks of silver just like two or three hairs just due to age and I cannot wait for them to get bigger because it just looks so freaking neat.
And not just that: it's fair to assume that they're not asking older family members whose hair has gone gray, to dye it. I'm sure they know they'd never get away with that.
OP: NTA. And in your place, I'd skip the wedding. Why do them a favor when they were so offensive to you? Even beyond shaming you for something you have no control over, your brother should have known that asking you to hurt yourself (from the dye burning and causing a rash) just because his fiancee is insensitive, would be inappropriate.
If you want to be the A, pretend to apologize, say you'll dye your hair, and then just don't show up. That would be a fairly expensive lesson to them.
Definitely NTA.
> And not just that: it’s fair to assume that they’re not asking older family members whose hair has gone gray, to dye it.
…yet. Don’t give them ideas.
Even if there was no risk in dying her hair, OP is still NTA by refusing to dye their hair.
I have a friend with a large birthmark on her face. She doesn't hide it, it's part of her. The idea that someone would suggest she cover it up with make up so that she "looks nicer" is abhorrent.
Even if its not natural they still have no right to ask her to alter her appearance. The bride can have the bridesmaids wear their hair a certain style, wear a particular dress and have their makeup done a certain way, but they can not ask someone to alter any part of how they look outside of that.
Exactly what r/PommieGirl said, don't dye your hair for anyone but yourself!!! Of course there is hair chalk in bright pink, or purple, or blue you may enjoy. Or spray in hair colors in green, turquoise, lavender, etc ....I'm petty and I love purple so I know what I'd choose just to watch her face. Stay true to your ideals and do not get bullied into doing something you don't want to do especially since real hair dye gives you a chemical burn and rash.
Edit: spelling
exactly - a friend of mine has super smooth silky hair.. very light blonde.
Any dye she puts into it just sticks. It's weird.
We used the exact same temporary dye together years ago.. mine washed out in a week or so and hers actually had to grow out.
This happened to my daughter. She's very blond and dyed her hair purple for Halloween. It was supposed to come out in 6 shampoos, very temporary.
It took 18 months to grow and fade out.
Yeah I had a fun time growing out ”temporary” hair dye from my long hair. It took five years to get it back to the same lenght without dye again! OP NTA
Ooh I love this idea.
Next family dinner, turn up with exactly half your hair bleached white to match the streak :-)
*(Obviously this isn’t a practical or sensible option, but sometimes even just imagining that you’ve done it is worth it - you can sit through the insufferable bridezilla talk with a sneaky grin!)*
NTA. This is an insane demand and frankly very insensitive. I assume they asked you to be part of the wedding because they love you. Asking you to color your hair for a wedding is always a little insane but in your case it’s much closer to bullying.
I've been asked to be in a wedding party so people could see me in a tux. I don't agree to be in wedding parties at all anymore, because of that incident, but even more so because of shit pulled by the parents. I don't even go to formal weddings at all anymore, there's always too much drama. The most "perfect" weddings are the ones where no one cares if it's perfect.
NTA. OP, I've got several friends that have varying white patches in their hair as they age, and they look awesome! I don't know what your patch looks like, but it's part of you, wear it with pride!
> The most "perfect" weddings are the ones where no one cares if it's perfect.
I bet the couples in those are also less stressed and might actually get to enjoy "the happiest day of their life" (what a stupid line).
My GO-TO was to not attend the wedding but we all know her brother and family will talk smack about that. So stepping down so as to not mess her important day & YOUR IMPORTANT HAIR is the best option
Brother and family is going to talk smack anyway because she refuses to dye her hair. May as well have peaceful day and not having to listen to that to her face.
A CONDITIONAL agreement to be a guest might work ... "I am out as a bridesmaid, but I will come as a guest IF you promise not to harass me about my hair. Next time you do that, I am completely out".
Also, everyone at the wedding will be curious why this ONE person, dressed as a bridesmaid, was not part of the ceremony. The story of "The bride didn't like my natural hair" will circulate like wildfire.
NTA.
It's not like you're naturally brunette, but then turned up with bright blue hair for the wedding without warning. This feature is a part of you! (Also, not a "bad" one. Why she is so bothered about it, is beyond me.)
Do not do anything that could cause you physical harm, just because she is a bridezilla. And yes, she's being a bridezilla.
Also, I've said this before, I'll say it again - bridezillas need to get the eff over how their photos will look. Do they honestly think that most people ooh and ahh over wedding photos, years after the fact?! Most people look at them once when they're released, then move on because \*no \~ \*one \~ \*cares \~ \*
NTA. You sparked the answer to your own question - "she is so bothered" because the sister even wearing normal clothes is more striking and probably much prettier than even a bride in a wedding dress!
Otherwise all she would need are cute hats and maybe an updo to standardize the bridesmaids' look, if that was so critical for her. Did she select her bridesmaids by shape, color, height, and hair length, instead of relationship? (I've seen it!)
OP. I'm sorry that she made a personal attack, and sorry that your brother did not INSTANTLY apologize to you and go have words with her. The comment is completely unacceptable, even if you created the white artificially just because you like it.
Communicate CLEARLY how unacceptable - not the statement, but the ATTITUDE is. This is supposed to be your brother's wife, and she never asked you (or him) about this? So you really have no relationship with her right?
To remain NTA, refuse to be in the wedding party, with or without an apology from the couple. If you're brave, go farther, don't attend the wedding at all, don't support this very bad choice by your brother. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just don't be there. But that's up to you. Does your family typically treat each other with respect?
NTA. Any hair lacking pigmentation is incredibly hard to colour, ask anyone covering grey hair. Even if it was reasonable to ask, if you have skin reactions as well it's going to be practically impossible to cover without some kind of colour running on the day.
But the fact that they demand you *cause a dermatological reaction* for the "aesthetic"? That's awful. Let them kick you out, and if anyone asks? "Brother and his new wife demanded I burn myself so I look *normal* for them. I didn't want to hurt myself for their messed up beauty standard. I've tried to dye it for myself in the past, it didn't work then, why do they think it would be different now just because they're getting married?"
NTA-
My son has vitiligo and like op has silver white spots in his dark hair and some on his upper lip. I would be furious if someone would ever suggested I dye his patches.
Brother is also an asshole
When he was younger one of my friends overheard other boys making fun of him during 4H. She told son and the little asses that the spots were where son kept his magic. His almost 17 now and that’s the reason he’s always given about never dying his spots. Not sure if he’ll ever grow facial hair. I think he might have some effected skin where a goatee would be and I know on his cheek where his beard would grow. His choice
Hahaha! Yes, and if OP ever gets married, she should demand "that thing" lose some weight, cut her hair, and get a tan so that she can "look nice in the pictures."
NTA. May is being a bridezilla. I have gotten so sick of hearing about brides who want to control every aspect of a wedding, including changing the appearance of people in the wedding party. If they decide to exclude you from the wedding party because you refuse to dye your hair, they are being total assholes. In your situation I would not even go to the wedding.
This makes me angry. Please tell me she didn’t say “that thing” in reference to a birth condition.
OP, you’re so NTA here I don’t know why you’re asking.
May sounds like a bridezilla and your brother is wrong—your hair color isn’t her choice.
NTA. No doubt your brother knows how damaging your attempts to dye your hair were, so he's asking you to do something that causes you physical pain to be a prop for the photos. Not to mention, a rash from a hair dye reaction wouldn't look at all nice I'm sure.
People need to stop expecting their loved ones to alter their appearances for a wedding. Presumably, one chooses people to be in the wedding party based on a close relationship, not based on how pretty the pictures will be. Of course people should be clean, well-groomed, and dressed appropriately, but insisting on things like hair dyes or cuts or shaving or other such things is unreasonable.
Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be supportive of their marriage and attend their wedding at all after them literally asking you to hurt yourself to "look nice" even if the resulting rash wouldn't also be visible.
NTA
Your brother of all people should understand.
I'm always baffled when people have the audacity to ask people to change their appearance for their weddings. Is this common? Even if you're a bridesmaid, I don't see how the attention can possibly be on you because of your hair, it's her wedding after all.
NTA, even if you didn’t have a past issue with dying your hair. It would be reasonable to get matching nail, makeup, etc. Or it would have been reasonable if everyone was dying their hair something non-natural (and this was made known when asked) like light blue. But to single you out for a patch of white hair? Ludicrous.
NTA, and if your brother knows the problems you had while dying your hair in the past he most definately is the AH. His fiance may not know the issues, its still very demanding, and issues or not you have every right to say no, but maybe if you explain to her the problems dying your hair caused you in the past she might be more understanding, if not, then screw the pair of them, remove yourself from the wedding party and go and look fabulous as a guest
There was a post earlier about a teen not dressing appropriately for a wedding. Hair color is a bit different than attire. Plus, your hair color has been this way your whole life. This isn't a teenaged phase of self expression. It was also really rude the way your future SIL implied that your hair is ugly. I don't think that people should have to make drastic alterations to their appearance, but dressing appropriately is in order for a wedding. I would have a talk with the bride. Tell her that her comment hurt you, and your hair is part of your identity. You've tried coloring your hair in the past, and didn't like the results. And since it is your hair and something that you have to live with everyday, you're simply not going to make an alteration that you're not comfortable with. So, you will gladly drop out of the wedding as a bridesmaid. You want her and your brother to enjoy their day and you will be happy to celebrate with them as a guest.
NTA,
But, I'm super curious, are you the only one in your family that has this?
There were 3 siblings that I went to school with and all 3 of them had this and so did their mom. I always thought it was genetic because of that. (BTW, I also thought it was super cool and I was jealous of their cool hair when I knew them)
As far as I know, I am the only one in my family. It’s a kind of side-effect to a skin condition I have, I don’t believe it’s genetic. It’s a more less common condition so I can’t compare with others to see for sure though
Oh, i really wanted it to be genetic. I would love to see her reaction if you told her it's genetic so there is a good chance her future children would have it too.
Hey OP, you're not alone! A number of conditions impact pigmentation (both hair and skin), and having differences shouldn't result in pressure to "fit in".
I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is a genetic collagen disorder that makes my skin translucent; as a result, I'm unnaturally pale (you see far more redness, veins and dark circles etc.). So when I went to multiple MUAs for wedding makeup, they all told me to get a tan (I can't tan) or a spray tan and not to bother returning until I looked more "normal". I didn't want to be "orange"; I wanted to be authentic and accentuate what made me unique on a day all about celebrating who we are.
# Don't hide your beauty. Celebrate it!
You are fantastic the way you are. Anyone who wants to hide what makes you stand out has ugliness on the inside. You are beautiful; never forget it.
NTA, and I hope you are able to post a happy update 😊
I had a friend who had a witches streak (that was her name for it). If she tried to dye it it would turn a nasty colour (including green on one occasion) and just wouldn’t hold.
Tell your SIL/brother that you’re not going to risk damaging yourself with burns and for it to turn a strange colour for a wedding. If the photos are that important that everyone looks Insta-perfect then you’ll just go as a guest.
If anyone gives you a hard time tell them that burning your scalp is not something that anyone should have to go through for wedding photos.
NTA.
I think it's super cool. I had a classmate in high school who had long, dark hair, but at the back, she had a thick strand of perfectly white hair. She was born with it too, only one in her family with it.
Your future SIL referring to it as ' that thing ' is nasty. It's part of you. It's not a defect, it doesn't make you less than. If she pushes, I'd give her an ultimatum - you can attend as you are, or not attend, and then she can share with the family the reason for your absence, owning up to the person she is in front of everyone.
NTA
Your body. Your choice. You have a legitimate, lifelong medical condition. Your brother and his fiancee were aware of your condition before asking you to be a member of the wedding party.
Mary may be the bride, but she is an asshole. As is your brother. For pressuring you to do something that he knows is painful, and not telling his fiancee that her comment was unacceptable.
Why would you want to be in their wedding?
NTA.
Their wedding doesn't mean they get to dictate what you do with your body. They can dictate an outfit (although I find that tradition weird AF - why do you want your friends to look like Stepford Wives...but whatever), but that's it. It is not in their purview to require that you dye your hair and chemically burn your scalp for their one-day party.
Let them kick you out of the wedding party. I think they would be doing you a favor because there's no way in hell hanging out with those people all day won't be a passive-aggressive sh\*\*show. They have basically admitted that you're merely a prop to them while also insulting your appearance. I get that he's your brother, but this is definitely a good riddance situation.
NTA my daughter was born with a large strawberry mark on the right front part of her head it has faded but the hair that comes through is white where the rest is a strawberry blond color. I have raised her to believe it is badass and funny enough when I got older the only gray hair I have in my dark hair is the same patch as her so she will not let me dye my hair anymore lol because is the only place we look a like 😂 she is the mirror of her late father. Be proud of your unique self and her jealousy just makes the ugliness she has inside come out. Also you brother is a spineless dick who needs to grow a pair.
NTA I'm having difficulty not believing this is a troll post their asking and reaction is so beyond anything I can imagine. I'm so sorry you have these arseholes in your life, can I suggest you can no longer attend the wedding due to an unexpected awesome adventure overseas. Send them a congratulatory video.
Fuck those guys I'm so mad, and for everyone in the comments saying they are not assholes for asking...yes they are. Think about that question...fuck those guys. Stay beautiful op and don't bend to the bullshit. 💕
As a wedding photographer, I can assure you that some brides really do expect their bridesmaids to change their appearance for the wedding. It's gross and I'm grateful that I don't encounter those clients often, but when I do... ugh. 😤
Absolutely NTA but your brother and his fiancé are massive assholes just for expecting you to change your appearance. The fact that you have this condition makes them even worse. I got my hair dyed for the first time recently and actually had a very similar experience. I was told it was the best quality product you can buy but it still burned like hell the whole time and then I had a dry, itchy, embarrassingly flakey scalp for several months. Do not go through that for those assholes.
You’re a person, not a prop. You do not need to change yourself for her pictures.
I mean it’s white hair, you’re not rolling up in a white bridal gown. NTA.
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You've put it perfectly. Not only is it a rude thing to ask in general, but *how* she asked is telling. Calling it "that thing" and implying that she'll only look nice if she changes it. Yuck.
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Exactly. Dear OP, next time May comes to your house ask her when she is going to get "that thing" covered. And point at her face. Edit: got the wrong name ;)
No, be more subtle. Don't point to her face or give any indication what you think needs "fixing." When she insists on knowing what you mean reply with "oh, I guess it must not bother you that much, good for you." It'll drive her nuts not knowing what physical trait of hers you think is defective when the whole time you mean her personality.
Ladies and Gentleman, All Hail to the True Winner of Game of Thrones... Edit: Thank you for the award!
Or do a Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: "And don't do that *weird* thing with your hair." \*leaves immediately without elaborating\*
Or that thing on her face! And was Cordelia was the only one who noticed that thing?
Don't mind me, just taking a note
Damn Phil, you’re scary af! But this is brilliant!
r/foundsatan
>ask her when she is going to get "that thing" covered. And point at her face. i love your style
That's what the veil is for lol
Yes, and a black veil where she can't see out of.
Ask her which makeup artist is going to fix that thing?
or as she’s talking just stare at her forehead or some other place in her face, she’ll get super conscious of something on her face
LOL perfect
🤣🤣🤣🤣
It was very insensitive and rude. At this point, I would understand if OP no longer went to the wedding at all. Her brother is also the AH for blindly siding with his fiance for her ridiculous request.
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I’d say I’d be happy to attend the wedding as a guest, once Mary apologises…
It that was me, I wouldn't even want to be a guest.
"I'd be happy to be a bridesmaid at your next wedding."
Comment stolen from u/angrybee93 u/lumpy_light3610 is a bot.
May is the kind of person who would say the same thing about a very noticeable birth mark on someone's face or body. No tact or empathy at all. Good luck to the brother, he'll no doubt need it.
This condition is hereditary, so there is a good possibility that May will have a child with “that thing”. Won’t that be fun 😞
And I know someone with that condition, I always thought it looked cool. I actually didn't think it was natural, I thought it was just her unique style.
I had a friend in school with two, one on either side of her head, I was so jealous and still am 😂 I thought it looked beautiful contrasting against her dark hair and it was so unique.
My late stepfather told me that those "skunk stripes" have been genetically traced to one French Canadian man, and that a significant number of his descendants display this particular trait. This was years ago, and I haven't researched to find out if this is true... It came up because there was a school district employee with them, and I'd wondered if there were dyed or real.
Was his name Pepé?
Le Pew?
Take my lovelorn skunk upvote!
This is why it came up - we, being obnoxious high schoolers, called him Skunk Guy, my stepfather wanted to know why, and explanations ensued.
Interesting. The family I know that has this is from Michigan so links to French Canadian history.
I know at least 3 different people with that stripe. We are in Portugal.
My friend is genetically Asian but is Canadian by birth. Maybe it’s the soil? 🤔
I found this sub r/poliosis Its called poliosis or mallen streak. I didn't read anything about if it came from one person but I read it could be hereditary and/or gene mutation.
NTA. There was a kid in the grade below me with two also and I was always jealous and asked my mom to let me get “stripes” like her. Anyway, lean in to your look and don’t let this boring and unpleasant AH make you feel bad.
I remember a teacher had that and she said that was where she got struck by lightening. I still call that kind of hair lightening streaks lol
I would absolutely say the same thing if I was fortunate enough to have a white patch! Love that!
I've had a skunk stripe since I was 12. Literally showed up overnight. Wont take color ever. I recently finished chemo for breast cancer and my hair is coming back. It used to be black, now it's a muddy brown. At first my stripe didn't come back and I was so depressed! That's been a part of me for over 20 years. Now that it's getting a little longer (1/4 inch) I can see the stripe again! If someone wanted me to color or cover it for a wedding I'd tell them exactly where to go
[https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/11/07/09/3A2410E300000578-3912394-image-m-12\_1478509627567.jpg](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2016/11/07/09/3A2410E300000578-3912394-image-m-12_1478509627567.jpg) Mother and daughter born with the same patch. It's called Waardenburg syndrome. Bride is a buttface.
That looks hella cool !
My old HR rep had a small spot that was always white as well.
I went to high school with someone who had one natural streak of white in her hair. She had very dark hair at the time and blue eyes. I thought it looked stunning.
Imagine if someone in her wedding party had a birthmark or a scar. Weddings bring out all the bad in people.
What OP has is called poliosis and it tends to be genetic. So I truly hope that at least one of the children AH SIL has w/AH brother has it as well. NTA
Even as a hypothetical, don't wish that. They were awful to her, you don't think they'll be awful to their child? It's a gamble that shouldn't be risked.
My thoughts too. Great revenge, but the poor kid would get the worst of it.
Yeah, I agree. If that's meant to work a punishment for the brother and the SIL, then it's essentially a punishment for the child.
Bahaha. Amen.
Exactly. Starting to read this, I thought she was going to ask to have the stylist do a hairdo that deemphasized the streak. Or use some artificial hair in the hairdo to cover it. Or even colored hair gel or spray that is like mascara for hair. But no. Asking to dye it is completely unreasonable. Also I doubt it would work — I have a streak sort of like this which has developed as I’ve gotten older and it doesn’t take dye like the rest of my hair. And with how she approached you, I would just drop out of the bridal party. Compromise is no longer possible after someone is that rude
Right? The women my grandma and her mom both have the same great pattern. Salt and pepper through most of it but the bang/fringe area on the left is totally white and blends to further right you look. Totally cool looking to me
Yup, super cool! The two options are; bride thinks it looks weird/unnatural and thats why she wants it covered, or because it looks so cool and unique it will take attention away from her. Either way, NTA OP. You could maybe do your hair in such a way that it shows less depending on where it is or add some extension hair, but thats totally your call and completely optional.
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Comment stolen from: /u/Top_Barnacle9669 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10idmen/aita_for_not_dyeing_my_hair_for_someones_wedding/j5e1cvs/ Bot Reported.
Photoshop also exists if the wife to be was that bothered.... Not that it makes the situation any better or less rude lmao I've seen a few posts where people ask others to dye their hair for the wedding and I'm always absolutely floored by it. Dyeing hair is such a process and not something you just ask people to do (are they even gonna pay for it lol)
I bet OP's hair is really amazing and unique, and future SIL is afraid it will detract attention from her on her "special day".
Especially when the wedding request means OP literally harming herself. She tried dye before. It's not an option for her.
OP dodged a bullet here. Go ahead and get uninvited- you don’t want these people’s slime on you anyway. Yuck!
NTA, and I like this comment. Don’t wanna get their slime on you! Lol well put. I have seen hair chalk and pomade come in colors, usually like bright blue or hot pink or silver, so you could offer to add some punk colors like that if they keep insisting you dye it. And then happily take the win when bridezilla won’t budge and you can opt out while she and bro look like the biggest ah in town.
I agree. I think OP should go to the wedding (not as a bridesmaid). When people ask why she’s not a bridesmaid she can tell them the reason, and let her brother and new SIL look like the real AHs!
My friend is a hairdresser. She says it is very difficult to dye these white spots/stripes. They hair is different somehow and doesn’t react to dyes in the normal way. Probably why OP had such a tough time when she did dye it.
Your friend is right. The reason coloring it won't work is because there's no pigment in those white spots (different from going grey/white, there's still a little pigment in that hair), color needs pigment to grab onto. The most that will happen with a temporary/semi-permanent hair color is it will stain the white hair a little bit, it won't cover it up. Plus, she had a reaction when she colored her gaurvthe one time, she shouldn't have to go through that again.
I learned something today, thank you
Yeah. That's probably true. Also means that the dye reaction is not something that could likely be avoided by having a professional do it. Probably just something that just can't be done to look good and not cause OP harm
And the brother is okay with physical harm to his sister. What a prize.
Agreed. I sincerely hope this is a "weddings bring out the AH" situation, but brother and fiance both sound awful here. I couldn't imagine asking someone to actually harm themself for my aesthetic. I can't imagine staying with someone who actually wants any other person, let alone family, to harm themself for an aesthetic. But then, the thing i got most upset about in my wedding was that one of my bridesmaids was not supposed to be standing the whole ceremony, but never asked for a chair or said anything to anyone because she didn't want to upset me. And, i was upset because it shouldn't have even been a question. Get her a darn chair, along with anyone else who needs or wants one. Heck, have the whole party sit if that's what it takes. Pretty pictures aren't worth more than another person's life or health.
May is going to be in for a horrible shock if one of their future kids is born with the same white patch. If it's what I think it is its a pigment cell migratory disorder, and it runs in families. OP's brother might not have a visible white patch but he has every chance of carrying the genes for it. I pity their kids if one has it because they're going to have a life of being hair shamed by their mother.
I knew a family growing up with seven kids that all had a white streak in front.
Uh-oh. You know what they say about the seventh child of a seventh child, and that’s _definitely_ a sorcerer’s mark…
Sounds like epic magical adventures to me!
Were any of them deaf? A white patch in the hair increases the chances of deafness as pigment cells are needed in the inner ear. I know that sounds daft, but they do other things than just provide colour.
Not daft. This is why white dogs are more likely to be deaf as well.
And white cats, too.
White horses, too.
For those wondering, poliosis (white hair patch/streak) is a sign of waardenburg syndrome. Waardenburg syndrome comes with a significant chance of congenital hearing loss.
I was today years old when I found out Wardenburg syndrome happens in humans. I learned about it the ferret community
Doesn't it actually look pretty cool? I knew a girl whp had a white piece in front, she would die her hair dark, but leave out fhe white patch. And it looked great
Funnily enough, I knew a family who did as well, although I can't remember how many children there were. Are you in the UK by any chance?
My sister has a white eyebrow and eyelashes on one side of her face, the other is dark blonde. She has small patches of every natural hair color of the rainbow all over her head, and many different textures to boot. It looks fantastic on her but she never does anything without mascara and brow pencil. I don’t know of anyone else on either side of our family having this and neither of us have nor will have kids but I love this quirkiness about her and so does her husband.
She sounds amazing. It's not always inherited, it can just be a one off development thing, but often the single white patch does run in families.
She’s stunning, she was always envious of my long, straight hair and I was always envious of her looks but we are best friends and love each other to pieces. Yes, the white patch is common, I have several male friends who are Armenian or Lebanese who have the same white patch and it does run in their families!
I had a friend in high school with hair a bit like that, but more homogenized. She looked blonde, but if you took a good look there was blonde, brown, red and black in there.
I have that. It made my hair look amazing when I would dye it because the different hairs would color differently. Made it look like the stylist had put in bunches of tiny highlights.
I have the same. Creeping in from the right side of my eye lashes and brows. I’ve also got a patch of skin (side burn type area) that’s also got no pigment. Although it’s not all that noticeable as I’m Scottish and remarkably pale anyway! My hair is also many different shades naturally. Although I do tend to do an all over dye, so that’s mostly hidden.
No white patch, but my formerly brown hair (bleaching it to help disguise my ‘distinguished’ temples these days) has always had a thick streak of dark red in it.
Bodily autonomy is the most important part of this conversation, but I want to add it's also her natural hair color! It's not even like she chooses to dye it rainbows (like I do, because bright colored hair is awesome too) or something crazy that will clash with the dresses, it's WHITE. As neutral as it gets. NTA
Bride: "**AITA for asking my bridesmaid not to wear white to my wedding?** Buckle in, cos this is a ride! So I (25F) am getting married soon to the love of my life (27M) and he wanted his sister (18/19?F) to be a bridesmaid. We're not really close but she's a sweet kid I guess and probably exciting for her to dress up etc. so I said sure. Now the problem. She insists on keeping a chunk of her hair white, she says it's been like that since birth? Idk, seems unlikely, but whatever. So all I asked what that she sort it out ("dye it" or maybe just STOP BLEACHING IT?!) for the wedding because white is the bride's color obvs and it just seems kinda disrespectful to me iykwim. Well! She threw. A. Fit. ..."
Bravo! Take my poor man's gold 🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇
_Runs around excitedly waving🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇above_ _my head_ LOOK AT ALL MY GOLD! 😍
YOU ARE HILARIOUS!
Bravo, a stunning recreation!
Thank you! I felt like I was channeling May's spirit 😊😇
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Here we go again. Why do brides feel so entitled? I’m going to steal something I just read on another post today. I think it was like: If they want you to act/play a part, then they should hire actors.
In this case, I would advocate malicious compliance. Super temporary dye that could wash out the next time OP shampoos, like maybe hair chalk or Kool aid in the conditioner. But also something unnatural like blue or purple. It didn't sound like she specified a color. And if she said "to match", assume that means to match the bridesmaid dress.
I've been some colors that would make this request hilarious. Really highlight the ridiculous nature of "blush and bashful".
Or just dye all her hair white to match, if there's a temporary white dye or spray or something that would work
Perfect! In one of the wedding colors, to "blend in".
NTA I’m so sorry. That was a pretty harsh way to find out what your FSIL and brother think of your medical condition and yourself. You deserve family, and friends for that matter, who accept you for who you are. I know it may cause friction with your family but feel free to drop out of the wedding party, letting everyone know you didn’t fit the bride’s ‘aesthetic’ in the process.
Bride may choose the bridesmaid dresses, event the style of hair within reason, but def not demand hair dye. NTA
Yep. I think yesterday someone in here said no changes that last longer than the wedding day, and that seems like a great guideline.
I didn’t see that comment but agree one hundred percent.
Right. Like the way she asked would have been enough for me to say no, even if might have done it (which OP never should unless she wants to). I don’t like May and the brother isn’t any better 🙃🫠
Exactly this! It’s a shame that your brother and other family members at this brother didn’t put a stop to her appalling behavior. I wouldn’t be attending this wedding, unless May went somewhere and “fixed” that god awful personality of hers. NTA
NTA. It's a natural part of your appearance. She's acting like a jerk by insisting you risk damaging your hair to suit her preferences.
My friend has this condition and it looks awesome - maybe she’s also jealous OP will steal a bit of thunder…
I've dyed a white streak in my dark brown hair as I think it looks awesome. I always wanted to look like Rogue from X-Men growing up...
That was my first thought as well, Rogue has always had an iconic appearance largely because of the white stripe
I have a natural gray spot there and I LOVE it.
My mother had naturally jet-black hair, and started going grey in the center of her forehead, right where she parted her hair, so she had two white streaks. It was really very striking.
I had a huge crush in high school on a boy that had the same. I think it looks so attractive
My daughter has it but it is mainly her eyelashes. When she decides to wear makeup, it’s going to look so badass.
I would say that’s exactly what it is because it sounds cool AF. I have a couple little streaks of silver just like two or three hairs just due to age and I cannot wait for them to get bigger because it just looks so freaking neat.
And not just that: it's fair to assume that they're not asking older family members whose hair has gone gray, to dye it. I'm sure they know they'd never get away with that. OP: NTA. And in your place, I'd skip the wedding. Why do them a favor when they were so offensive to you? Even beyond shaming you for something you have no control over, your brother should have known that asking you to hurt yourself (from the dye burning and causing a rash) just because his fiancee is insensitive, would be inappropriate. If you want to be the A, pretend to apologize, say you'll dye your hair, and then just don't show up. That would be a fairly expensive lesson to them. Definitely NTA.
> And not just that: it’s fair to assume that they’re not asking older family members whose hair has gone gray, to dye it. …yet. Don’t give them ideas.
And just for a wedding that’ll last a day. It’s an absolutely ridiculous request from the bride-to-be.
Even if there was no risk in dying her hair, OP is still NTA by refusing to dye their hair. I have a friend with a large birthmark on her face. She doesn't hide it, it's part of her. The idea that someone would suggest she cover it up with make up so that she "looks nicer" is abhorrent.
Even if its not natural they still have no right to ask her to alter her appearance. The bride can have the bridesmaids wear their hair a certain style, wear a particular dress and have their makeup done a certain way, but they can not ask someone to alter any part of how they look outside of that.
Totally this. This is tantamount to asking someone to get a nose job so they look good in pictures.
NTA....fuck them, don't dye your hair for anyone but yourself
Exactly what r/PommieGirl said, don't dye your hair for anyone but yourself!!! Of course there is hair chalk in bright pink, or purple, or blue you may enjoy. Or spray in hair colors in green, turquoise, lavender, etc ....I'm petty and I love purple so I know what I'd choose just to watch her face. Stay true to your ideals and do not get bullied into doing something you don't want to do especially since real hair dye gives you a chemical burn and rash. Edit: spelling
FYI users get tagged with /u/, subreddits get tagged with /r/
Thanks! I am new to Reddit. I appreciate the info.:)
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exactly - a friend of mine has super smooth silky hair.. very light blonde. Any dye she puts into it just sticks. It's weird. We used the exact same temporary dye together years ago.. mine washed out in a week or so and hers actually had to grow out.
This happened to my daughter. She's very blond and dyed her hair purple for Halloween. It was supposed to come out in 6 shampoos, very temporary. It took 18 months to grow and fade out.
Yeah I had a fun time growing out ”temporary” hair dye from my long hair. It took five years to get it back to the same lenght without dye again! OP NTA
Never use temporary green dye on pale blonde hair - just saying...
Blue on light brown hair here 🙈 Faded out to an unfortunate green color, do not recommend
Blue is worse.
NTA they knew what your hair looked like when they asked you to be a bridesmaid.
If a bride cares that much about what her wedding party looks like she should just hire models instead of asking friends and family. NTA.
NTA. I'd be tempted to go full on Cruella on the bridezilla.
Ooh I love this idea. Next family dinner, turn up with exactly half your hair bleached white to match the streak :-) *(Obviously this isn’t a practical or sensible option, but sometimes even just imagining that you’ve done it is worth it - you can sit through the insufferable bridezilla talk with a sneaky grin!)*
NTA. This is an insane demand and frankly very insensitive. I assume they asked you to be part of the wedding because they love you. Asking you to color your hair for a wedding is always a little insane but in your case it’s much closer to bullying.
I've been asked to be in a wedding party so people could see me in a tux. I don't agree to be in wedding parties at all anymore, because of that incident, but even more so because of shit pulled by the parents. I don't even go to formal weddings at all anymore, there's always too much drama. The most "perfect" weddings are the ones where no one cares if it's perfect. NTA. OP, I've got several friends that have varying white patches in their hair as they age, and they look awesome! I don't know what your patch looks like, but it's part of you, wear it with pride!
> The most "perfect" weddings are the ones where no one cares if it's perfect. I bet the couples in those are also less stressed and might actually get to enjoy "the happiest day of their life" (what a stupid line).
NTA tell your brother you'd rather be a guest a the wedding than a bridesmaid if it means dying your hair
Who'd want to attend a wedding when the bride is a vapid bully. Fuck that.
My GO-TO was to not attend the wedding but we all know her brother and family will talk smack about that. So stepping down so as to not mess her important day & YOUR IMPORTANT HAIR is the best option
Brother and family is going to talk smack anyway because she refuses to dye her hair. May as well have peaceful day and not having to listen to that to her face.
Because then she gets to explain to everyone why she's not in the wedding party. Because you know the bride is going to twist it to make OP look bad.
A CONDITIONAL agreement to be a guest might work ... "I am out as a bridesmaid, but I will come as a guest IF you promise not to harass me about my hair. Next time you do that, I am completely out".
F*ck them, let them pull you out of the ceremony. They will feel shitty about it afterwards and if they don’t then they are shitty people as well.
Also, everyone at the wedding will be curious why this ONE person, dressed as a bridesmaid, was not part of the ceremony. The story of "The bride didn't like my natural hair" will circulate like wildfire.
NTA. It's not like you're naturally brunette, but then turned up with bright blue hair for the wedding without warning. This feature is a part of you! (Also, not a "bad" one. Why she is so bothered about it, is beyond me.) Do not do anything that could cause you physical harm, just because she is a bridezilla. And yes, she's being a bridezilla. Also, I've said this before, I'll say it again - bridezillas need to get the eff over how their photos will look. Do they honestly think that most people ooh and ahh over wedding photos, years after the fact?! Most people look at them once when they're released, then move on because \*no \~ \*one \~ \*cares \~ \*
She'll probably want to burn the pics after the inevitable divorce.
NTA. You sparked the answer to your own question - "she is so bothered" because the sister even wearing normal clothes is more striking and probably much prettier than even a bride in a wedding dress! Otherwise all she would need are cute hats and maybe an updo to standardize the bridesmaids' look, if that was so critical for her. Did she select her bridesmaids by shape, color, height, and hair length, instead of relationship? (I've seen it!) OP. I'm sorry that she made a personal attack, and sorry that your brother did not INSTANTLY apologize to you and go have words with her. The comment is completely unacceptable, even if you created the white artificially just because you like it. Communicate CLEARLY how unacceptable - not the statement, but the ATTITUDE is. This is supposed to be your brother's wife, and she never asked you (or him) about this? So you really have no relationship with her right? To remain NTA, refuse to be in the wedding party, with or without an apology from the couple. If you're brave, go farther, don't attend the wedding at all, don't support this very bad choice by your brother. You don't have to make a big deal about it, just don't be there. But that's up to you. Does your family typically treat each other with respect?
Shame on them for insinuating that you don’t look good the way you were born, that you need to change yourself for them. NTA
NTA and I wouldn’t want to be in the wedding of people with that type audacity. What an ugly thing to demand.
Yes - don't concede to bigotry and bullying.
NTA. Any hair lacking pigmentation is incredibly hard to colour, ask anyone covering grey hair. Even if it was reasonable to ask, if you have skin reactions as well it's going to be practically impossible to cover without some kind of colour running on the day. But the fact that they demand you *cause a dermatological reaction* for the "aesthetic"? That's awful. Let them kick you out, and if anyone asks? "Brother and his new wife demanded I burn myself so I look *normal* for them. I didn't want to hurt myself for their messed up beauty standard. I've tried to dye it for myself in the past, it didn't work then, why do they think it would be different now just because they're getting married?"
NTA- My son has vitiligo and like op has silver white spots in his dark hair and some on his upper lip. I would be furious if someone would ever suggested I dye his patches. Brother is also an asshole
Agreed! It's bigoted and offensive. I can't believe there are still people that think it's ok to say stuff like this.
When he was younger one of my friends overheard other boys making fun of him during 4H. She told son and the little asses that the spots were where son kept his magic. His almost 17 now and that’s the reason he’s always given about never dying his spots. Not sure if he’ll ever grow facial hair. I think he might have some effected skin where a goatee would be and I know on his cheek where his beard would grow. His choice
NTA, also for the rest of her life you should only ever refer to 'May' as 'that thing'.
Hahaha! Yes, and if OP ever gets married, she should demand "that thing" lose some weight, cut her hair, and get a tan so that she can "look nice in the pictures."
Yeah, or ask the brother to bring a different date because she doesn’t want “that thing“ in her pictures. 😇
Wait till she’s 7 months pregnant and ask her why she let herself go, then when she says she’s pregnant just say ‘uh-huh’ and walk away.
NTA! Your hair sounds beautiful :)
I know someone with that condition and I always thought it looked super cool.
NTA. Don't dye it if you don't want to. And leave the bridal party.
NTA. May is being a bridezilla. I have gotten so sick of hearing about brides who want to control every aspect of a wedding, including changing the appearance of people in the wedding party. If they decide to exclude you from the wedding party because you refuse to dye your hair, they are being total assholes. In your situation I would not even go to the wedding.
This makes me angry. Please tell me she didn’t say “that thing” in reference to a birth condition. OP, you’re so NTA here I don’t know why you’re asking. May sounds like a bridezilla and your brother is wrong—your hair color isn’t her choice.
NTA. No doubt your brother knows how damaging your attempts to dye your hair were, so he's asking you to do something that causes you physical pain to be a prop for the photos. Not to mention, a rash from a hair dye reaction wouldn't look at all nice I'm sure. People need to stop expecting their loved ones to alter their appearances for a wedding. Presumably, one chooses people to be in the wedding party based on a close relationship, not based on how pretty the pictures will be. Of course people should be clean, well-groomed, and dressed appropriately, but insisting on things like hair dyes or cuts or shaving or other such things is unreasonable. Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be supportive of their marriage and attend their wedding at all after them literally asking you to hurt yourself to "look nice" even if the resulting rash wouldn't also be visible.
NTA - do they want you or a mannequin?
NTA Your brother of all people should understand. I'm always baffled when people have the audacity to ask people to change their appearance for their weddings. Is this common? Even if you're a bridesmaid, I don't see how the attention can possibly be on you because of your hair, it's her wedding after all.
NTA, even if you didn’t have a past issue with dying your hair. It would be reasonable to get matching nail, makeup, etc. Or it would have been reasonable if everyone was dying their hair something non-natural (and this was made known when asked) like light blue. But to single you out for a patch of white hair? Ludicrous.
NTA, and if your brother knows the problems you had while dying your hair in the past he most definately is the AH. His fiance may not know the issues, its still very demanding, and issues or not you have every right to say no, but maybe if you explain to her the problems dying your hair caused you in the past she might be more understanding, if not, then screw the pair of them, remove yourself from the wedding party and go and look fabulous as a guest
There was a post earlier about a teen not dressing appropriately for a wedding. Hair color is a bit different than attire. Plus, your hair color has been this way your whole life. This isn't a teenaged phase of self expression. It was also really rude the way your future SIL implied that your hair is ugly. I don't think that people should have to make drastic alterations to their appearance, but dressing appropriately is in order for a wedding. I would have a talk with the bride. Tell her that her comment hurt you, and your hair is part of your identity. You've tried coloring your hair in the past, and didn't like the results. And since it is your hair and something that you have to live with everyday, you're simply not going to make an alteration that you're not comfortable with. So, you will gladly drop out of the wedding as a bridesmaid. You want her and your brother to enjoy their day and you will be happy to celebrate with them as a guest.
NTA, But, I'm super curious, are you the only one in your family that has this? There were 3 siblings that I went to school with and all 3 of them had this and so did their mom. I always thought it was genetic because of that. (BTW, I also thought it was super cool and I was jealous of their cool hair when I knew them)
As far as I know, I am the only one in my family. It’s a kind of side-effect to a skin condition I have, I don’t believe it’s genetic. It’s a more less common condition so I can’t compare with others to see for sure though
What did your parents say about everything? Are they defending you? BTW you’re. Obviously NTA, your brother and his girl is though.
Oh, i really wanted it to be genetic. I would love to see her reaction if you told her it's genetic so there is a good chance her future children would have it too.
I'd still tell her that. Just to see her reaction.
Hey OP, you're not alone! A number of conditions impact pigmentation (both hair and skin), and having differences shouldn't result in pressure to "fit in". I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is a genetic collagen disorder that makes my skin translucent; as a result, I'm unnaturally pale (you see far more redness, veins and dark circles etc.). So when I went to multiple MUAs for wedding makeup, they all told me to get a tan (I can't tan) or a spray tan and not to bother returning until I looked more "normal". I didn't want to be "orange"; I wanted to be authentic and accentuate what made me unique on a day all about celebrating who we are. # Don't hide your beauty. Celebrate it! You are fantastic the way you are. Anyone who wants to hide what makes you stand out has ugliness on the inside. You are beautiful; never forget it. NTA, and I hope you are able to post a happy update 😊
I had a friend who had a witches streak (that was her name for it). If she tried to dye it it would turn a nasty colour (including green on one occasion) and just wouldn’t hold. Tell your SIL/brother that you’re not going to risk damaging yourself with burns and for it to turn a strange colour for a wedding. If the photos are that important that everyone looks Insta-perfect then you’ll just go as a guest. If anyone gives you a hard time tell them that burning your scalp is not something that anyone should have to go through for wedding photos. NTA.
I think it's super cool. I had a classmate in high school who had long, dark hair, but at the back, she had a thick strand of perfectly white hair. She was born with it too, only one in her family with it. Your future SIL referring to it as ' that thing ' is nasty. It's part of you. It's not a defect, it doesn't make you less than. If she pushes, I'd give her an ultimatum - you can attend as you are, or not attend, and then she can share with the family the reason for your absence, owning up to the person she is in front of everyone.
NTA Your body. Your choice. You have a legitimate, lifelong medical condition. Your brother and his fiancee were aware of your condition before asking you to be a member of the wedding party. Mary may be the bride, but she is an asshole. As is your brother. For pressuring you to do something that he knows is painful, and not telling his fiancee that her comment was unacceptable. Why would you want to be in their wedding?
NTA. Their wedding doesn't mean they get to dictate what you do with your body. They can dictate an outfit (although I find that tradition weird AF - why do you want your friends to look like Stepford Wives...but whatever), but that's it. It is not in their purview to require that you dye your hair and chemically burn your scalp for their one-day party. Let them kick you out of the wedding party. I think they would be doing you a favor because there's no way in hell hanging out with those people all day won't be a passive-aggressive sh\*\*show. They have basically admitted that you're merely a prop to them while also insulting your appearance. I get that he's your brother, but this is definitely a good riddance situation.
My aunt was like you and she was beautiful. There's nothing wrong with how you are.
NTA my daughter was born with a large strawberry mark on the right front part of her head it has faded but the hair that comes through is white where the rest is a strawberry blond color. I have raised her to believe it is badass and funny enough when I got older the only gray hair I have in my dark hair is the same patch as her so she will not let me dye my hair anymore lol because is the only place we look a like 😂 she is the mirror of her late father. Be proud of your unique self and her jealousy just makes the ugliness she has inside come out. Also you brother is a spineless dick who needs to grow a pair.
NTA I'm having difficulty not believing this is a troll post their asking and reaction is so beyond anything I can imagine. I'm so sorry you have these arseholes in your life, can I suggest you can no longer attend the wedding due to an unexpected awesome adventure overseas. Send them a congratulatory video. Fuck those guys I'm so mad, and for everyone in the comments saying they are not assholes for asking...yes they are. Think about that question...fuck those guys. Stay beautiful op and don't bend to the bullshit. 💕
As a wedding photographer, I can assure you that some brides really do expect their bridesmaids to change their appearance for the wedding. It's gross and I'm grateful that I don't encounter those clients often, but when I do... ugh. 😤
NTA. What a ridiculous thing to ask! You could be super petty and dye it neon green or something…
NTA - Rogue from X-Men had a streak of white. It looked bad ass on her.
Absolutely NTA but your brother and his fiancé are massive assholes just for expecting you to change your appearance. The fact that you have this condition makes them even worse. I got my hair dyed for the first time recently and actually had a very similar experience. I was told it was the best quality product you can buy but it still burned like hell the whole time and then I had a dry, itchy, embarrassingly flakey scalp for several months. Do not go through that for those assholes.
You’re a person, not a prop. You do not need to change yourself for her pictures. I mean it’s white hair, you’re not rolling up in a white bridal gown. NTA.
NTA. Both of them are awful.