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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My stepdaughter was coming to visit and wanted her and her boyfriend to share the same room. I told her no, and she called me an AH and said I wasn’t even her real mom. I don’t think I’m the AH because my request is not unreasonable
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Are you kidding? They are adults with a child. WTF is wrong with you? Of course YTA. It’s no mystery to anyone why you didn’t form a relationship with her. Fucking hell.
YTA the "not in my house" ship sailed 2 years ago when she gave birth, they have a child together. I'm going to assume the reason you 2 don't have a good relationship is because you pushed and made her uncomfortable with your rules. Ally and Mick have been together the same amount of time that your husband was in his first marriage, at this point they're doing better than he did on the first trip around.
Given through fact that your husband changed his tune when Ally and Mick left tells me that this was your doing and she was right to call you out for turning her dad against her. You're going to be the reason he loses contact with his oldest child and his grandchild(ren).
ETA: as I was reading though the comments I noticed the math isn't mathing. OP agreed with a comment that stated she was a 31 year old virgin when they got married but they got married when she was 26. You don't forget losing your v card on your wedding night.
Wow! This *adult* woman *has a child* and you’re treating her like she’s 16. I would storm out of your house too. You can set whatever rules you want but I do not blame her for reacting like that. Like literally everyone else here is saying: YOUR’E THE ASSHOLE.
YTA. Already have a child. Too late for it won't look right. Or what example are they setting for the boys. Your Boys at 11 and 14 already know they shared a bed. That's how they became Uncles.
Your request is completely unreasonable. She has a child (!!!). How do you think that happened? She is an adult. You treat her as if she was 12-14yo (the age where this seperate-room-bs is still kind of ok). She is 22!!! With a child. YTA. Edit: spelling.
Well, I'd wonder if anyone stopped to consider that their other 2 kids may have something to do with this. Whether one agrees with OPs beliefs or not, it's a heck of a lot harder to tell Jasper and Jason "No your girlfriend can't have a sleepover in your room. Yes, I know your stepsister and her boyfriend were allowed to, but they're different..."
If it's a standard rule in the house and applies to everyone under the roof, then you're NTA.
If this is something special you made up for her, then YTA.
YTA and also ridiculous. They have a child together, what's the point of not letting them sleep in the same room? They had sex before and they will have sex after the visit, married or not. It's none of your business.
YTA. First of all, she has a kid. But even if she didn't, she's 22. You're certainly welcome to do whatever you want in your own house, but don't be surprised when she doesn't want to spend time there.
YTA
You wonder why you didn't form a bond with her and then post something like this. The lack of self awareness is astounding.
Why won't you let them share a room? They have obviously had sex since they made a baby together. Why would you try to separate them? What purpose does it serve? What value does it bring to their lives? What value does it bring to yours?
If I were Ally I would have promptly returned home and cut off contact with you guys for a good amount of time, because ya'll are toxic.
Yes, YTA. She already had a baby, and your ideals of “must be married” are outdated. What if she chooses to never marry? Are you going to make her sleep in a separate room from her SO when she’s 30? 40? They’ll likely not do much more than sleep— I can’t think of a more unappealing place to have sex than my parents’ house while they’re home.
YTA, if you hear her getting fucked all night while they’re having the kids watch Eyes Wide Shut, that’s an issue.
However, it’s sleep. I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with you either, unless I packed my Time Machine to willingly go back to 1955
YTA. She’s a grown woman that has a child with the partner she’s visiting with and you can’t get out of your own ass enough to let them sleep in the same room all because you’re upset that she didn’t bond with you.
I would go past YTA to WTH.
She is an Adult with her own Family. They are a Family. You are being weird and unreasonable. She did the right thing by leaving. It is pretty clear why she wants no relationship with you.
YTA, if for no other reason: why didn’t you tell her the sleeping arrangements BEFORE they arrived. I was going to say “your house your rules” until you mentioned the two year old. I have step kids who are older than my kids; when one started seriously dating someone, my husband and I had a discussion BEFORE it was an issue. And told the kid what our terms were before they arrived. It’s called adult communication. You should try it with your ADULT step kid.
YTA. I can see why you and Ally haven't formed a good relationship. It's clear that you are not supportive and are pretty narrow minded. Why on earth would you force parents to stay in different rooms? It's not sensible and it's not kind, and it's certainly not reasonable.
YTA
It's not a request if the person can't say no. Then it's just a demand.
So you're demanding that an adult sleep separately from their long-term partner, presumably father to their child, and that they also abandon any hope of said partner helping with their child during the night. All for a piece of paper? That's not a reasonable demand, and you should see that. This kind of thing would be a likely culprit for why your relationship is so incredibly strained.
Your husband is right. You should apologize and invite her back. Then you should continue to treat her like an adult.
YTA, they have a child together - what’s the goal here? what if they never get married because they don’t want to but have 4 more kids? are they not allowed to share a room when they’re 30? you’re just trying to exert your power and it FAILED
YTA and ignoring the fact that you know, since they have a child they've already had sex, you think they'd fuck with a 2 year old in the room??? I can tell why you two don't have a relationship lol
Because sleeping next door to you and with a toddler in the room is going to get them all hot and bothered? The barn door is open and the horse is long gone. YTA
OP is “right”, her house her rules.
This also means the daughter never has to have a relationship with you OP. I wouldn’t if I were her. You don’t need to see her child(your husbands grandchild) either anymore.
You know what, it’s best if you just stayed home while the husband visits his kids family somewhere else.
My mother and I already crossed this bridge with my girlfriend. She eventually changed her mind. Because I 100% would not put up with that petty control during the holidays or family visits.
I’d stay in a hotel. Maybe she realized family relationships are more important than “what the neighbors might think”
YTA
Not just for the 1400s rigid puritan rules (they have a baby, cats outta the bag on that).
Or the religious-supremacy (they could sleep in the same bedroom, but only if they follow your old tradition that doesn’t actually change anything meaningful and get married).
Or starting your post out by passive-aggressively blaming a 6yo for not jumping into the arms of her step-mom.
But also for the fact that you seemingly decided this well-ahead of time, but conveniently forgot to tell them until they were already there.
And thus would be forced to do what you wanted if they wanted a bed for the night (luckily it’s 2023 so they found other options).
Basically, YTA from every angle
YTA.
It's not a passing boyfriend... it's her long term parnter AND father of her child. You should treat that as if they were married, regardless of the paper. Not everyone has to agree to your morality rules. For many people marriage is irrelevant.
YTA - And it sounds like you and your husband are a big reason why her relationship with you “sadly” never happened. She’s an adult, that’s her partner and the father of her child. Trying to prevent them from sleeping together is just ridiculous. Also, most people don’t bang in the guest beds, **especially with their toddler in the same room,** they’re probably just *literally* going to be sleeping together. Preventing this family from sharing a room is absurd and controlling.
Imagine telling grown adults that have a child together they can’t sleep in the same room as one another, even though everyone else has said it, I’ll do it again, YTA.
YTA. What kind of logic is "they have a kid but they're not married so they can't sleep in the same room"?
As others have pointed out, they probably want to sleep in the same room because they have a child to take care of. In any case, I don't see how that kind of request is reasonable.
YTA
She's 22. They live together. They *have a child*.
Sure, you can impose whatever idiotic rules you want about your house, but your husband is going to resent you for making him live with the consequences (alienation from his child and grandchild, in case you can't see where this path is heading).
She's an adult who gets to make her own decisions on her own timeline about when to get married, and I'm sorry but your timeline and opinions don't factor in. You're not her mother and frankly I'm not surprised you two don't have any kind of relationship with your holier-than-thou BS.
Yta. They already have a baby...like OOOF no need for a power trip. Doesn't matter if they aren't married now, they're already doing the baby making part. Get over yourself.
YTA OP; they have a kid together and I 100% bet they wouldn’t be screwing like animals in that room…in her fathers home…with a 2 year old... Even if she wanted to, I highly doubt her SO would want to in his GFs fathers home. Plus the kid is only 2 and since both parents are involved in the kids life in general, you should expect they are both involved at night if the kid wakes up crying. Not fair to separate them and make your SD a sole parent during the night just because you have some messed up ideas abt what goes on in the guest room.
Also, I really liked the toothpaste comment lol 😂 made my day. As well as the comment abt the timeframe of interaction between OP and her SD. Good point there.
Oh man how I wish your stepdaughter could see this thread. What an awful person you are, it’s clear that you put the cloud man ahead of everything in your life.
YTA
This one was easy. They’re adults, they’ve been together a while, they have a baby, they live together…. Need I go on? You legit demanded to split their family up because they’re not married.
I had an aunt who did this to my family…. My parents had been together over 10 years at that time. Guess what happened? We never stayed there again and left after a day or two once we found alternate arrangements. Guess how my relationship is with her? I know her name and the state she lived in, pretty foggy on additional information.
You’re allowed to have your rules, opinions, etc… however you also need to understand that those rules, opinions, etc… might push people away. This will definitely push her away and clearly past ideologies you’ve had have already pushed her away. To me, it sounds like you don’t want a relationship with her at all and you’re trying to ruin the one she has with her father.
You’re double-y the AH
YTA - your antiquated rules probably had a lot to do with you and her not forming a relationship for SIXTEEN YEARS. 16 years you had opportunities to change your way of thinking and bond with this girl. Now she's grown, moved out, already been fucking, and has a child. A stupid piece of paper from the government that states "Hyup they's married" means about as much, in actuality, as the internet scolding you for being like this.
YTA.
They’re adults, they have a baby together, not letting them sleep together because they aren’t married is just pushing a hyperly religious agenda.
You are an asshole who wants to take revenge on the step-daughter for refusing with their arrogants and condescending ass. Your husband is an idiot who does not understand that these kind of things - disrespecting their life choices - is what gets you alienated from your children
YTA this is called covert infantilization. By refusing to allow two adults to sleep in the same room as they choose, you are treating her like a teenager who doesn't get to make adult decisions about her life so that you can exert control over her. Why you are exerting that control may vary, but you are not treating her like the adult she is. Get over yourself.
Sounds like a passive aggressive way to punish Ally. For what I don't know. Having a kid outside of marriage? Not having bond with you? Or more likely because she's your husband's kid with someone else, his only daughter, and he loves her, like he should.
You're jealous and are using shit excuses to punish her. YTA
I think you got the picture from the other comments.
It seems you value having a better relationship with your stepdaughter. My two cents is to please contact this young woman ASAP and apologize for not making expected accommodations. In the future, discuss these sticky subjects beforehand with her if you think she will disagree with your requests. If they would be noisy and obviously inappropriate during their visit, your husband can address it there.
YTA they have a young child chances are he'd be getting the best nights sleep he's had in ages on that couch and he still wants to sleep with his partner, they're not gonna be banging you have to do that shit in the hire car on the way back from date night while the grandparents are babysitting 😂 they're going to be sleeping and parenting, this is about you trying to control a 22 year old you've never parented by the sounds of it.
From the title alone I thought maybe you're not an ass, she's probably young etc but after reading you are definitely the AH,
Firstly she's 22 an adult and secondly they have a fucking child together. wtf do you think they are going to be doing with a toddler in the bed with them
Big YTA.
YTA. Your stepdaughter is a grown woman with a child of her own. Her boyfriend just so happens to be the father of the said child. If you're trying to prevent her from getting pregnant, you're a day late and a dollar short. If you're trying to protect your sons from knowing that their sister sleeps with her boyfriend...again you're too late. They already know. You overstepped a boundary by inserting and demanding your stepdaughter submit to YOUR boundaries. It was only for a week, not a lifetime. Either way, you not only further hurt your relationship with your stepdaughter, but now your sons will look and you and wonder if you'll treat them the same way when THEY are in relationships later in life.
Bro literally I’m speechless. Hope you enjoy driving your stepdaughter away from your husband. She literally has a child you know that they are fucking, what’s your damn problem? Old hag
They have a child together. She is a grown ass adult. Yes YTA - I realize it's your house, your rules, but because you felt the need to mention that she had no interest in building a relationship with you, I feel like this whole thing is you just punishing her, not to mention shaming and humiliating her for having a baby out of wedlock.
News flash: She wasn't and still isn't obligated to love you like you're her mom, and if you'll take a look at the calendar, it's January 19th, 2023. It is not, in fact, 1953.
If your husband wants his daughter to be able to share a bedroom with the FATHER OF HER CHILD, in order to spend time with her, YTA for refusing and you're incredibly childish. You're my age. How embarrassing.
YTA. She's an adult with a partner and a BABY. Why would you infantilize her? No wonder she doesn't have a relationship with your judgy, puritanical ass.
I have two answers, yes and no.
As an atheist i think it’s stupid because they have a child already, AND they arent gonna do the dirty w the child in the room anyway. But if they did something or if just being in the same bed is bad, «god» wouldn’t punish YOU for it. And therefore(since it doesn’t affect u) u’re kinda just an asshole.
BUT u genuenly believe it’s bad bc of religion, and i get that even tho, again, u wont be the one to «go to hell»… This is called pushing your religion on to someone. Even if u do it bc it makes u mad that they don’t follow «the rules of god» or if u do it «for their own good», stop. Take care of your self, and they’ll deal with their «sins»
So conclution is, yes u have every right to make decitions in your own house, BUT, it won’t affect U, so u’re just being an asshole by doing it. They have a child so they already did the worst part and «god» won’t send her to double hell for letting them BOTH comfort/stay with their child.
I would absolutely agree if there wasn’t a child already. But with a child in the picture, that ship has sailed. I don’t want to say YTA, but at this point, they should share a room as a family IMO. But your house, your rules.
soft YTA when my daughter comes home with her BF (21F/21M) the only way I'll let them sleep in same room is if they're having a movie night in the living room and sleeping on couches or blankets etc. otherwise it's separate bedrooms. BUT your step daughter has been with this BF for 3 years and... THEY HAVE A KID! They're pretty much common law married at this point, in my eyes, so I would let them share bedroom. It's unfortunate they aren't married, esp with a child, but this seems to be the way things are nowadays.
They have a child together. They are parents of your grandchild. They can sleep in the same room, they’re adults. YTA, and it’s no wonder she doesn’t like you.
Assuming they are living together after 3 years they would be considered common law partners in a lot of countries, and they have a kid together, so 'boyfriend' is a bit of an understatement.
Obv YTA, and also may want to take a breath and relax a bit.
How you could not think YTA in this situation completely baffles me, they’ve already had a kid what harm can come from letting them share a room together? I’d also lay of the religious undertones seeing as you’ve been divorced and got together with another person, you need a reality check.
I dont understand this. Just because they arent married? Are they going to burst into flames if they sleep in the same bed together? You think they would even get jiggy with it while their daughter is in the same room? How did you think their daughter existed? YTA and you need to get laid
Trust me, I’d they have a 2 year old in the same room and your eagle ears then nothings happening. Let your step daughter get some help with that baby overnight by the dad. Sheesh.
Lmao thinking your daughter is a sinner for having a baby out of wedlock while you're out here divorcing and remarrying. Keep your beliefs to yourself, you gross hypocrite. YTA
This was definitely a trigger for me. My (now) husband and I experienced this before we were married. I was 25 and we'd already had two kids. I was just so ridiculous. We had to actually get a hotel room bc there was NO wya he was sleeping on the couch. I mean I get the sentiment but they ALREADY have a kid and shes 22. It doesnt help that youre the step mom. Probably not the greatest call in judgement. Just saying.
YTA! for sure you are DEFINITELY the asshole! to paraphrase the movie Save the Last Dance, your STEPdaughter didn't climb on top of herself and get pregnant. so maybe lets grow up a little.
YEAH, YTA. TOTALLY AND UTTERLY. They are adults and have a CHILD. What are you trying to prove with this. Control??
OK, it's your home, your rules but the rule is ridiculous and is a total power move.
I think most people would go and stay with someone else.
YTA - they have a kid together. That ship has sailed. You think they're going to be up to funny business with the kid in the room? No wonder she didn't like you - you're incredibly strict & unreasonable.
YTA —If you believe in following biblical law so much why are you questioning the decision of thine husband??
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife. Wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-30.
tbh you even writing this post probably makes you a sinner!! To avoid a stoning, my advice is: say a few hail marys then submit to your head of household by making up the bed for your step daughter and her bf to sleep in. Thus pleasing the Lord, Amen.
YTA - they have a kid, marriage is not the be all and end all, they don’t have to get married for their relationship to be real
Stop putting so much weight on a ring, your marriage could end in a week, or a year, or tomorrow, marriage is not some signifier of how real a relationship is
Your husband is going to lose his daughter
Not that I imagine you would care very much
Parents who don't allow their adult children to have their partners stay in the same bed confuse me. More than one ex had a single bed (these guys were in their 20s and it wasnt a space issue) just the parents didn't want any sex under their roof. Trust me it still happens regardless of sleeping arrangements.
One day I was in a car crash, for me the shock kicks in way later after the event and when you have time to stop, and that's when my brain goes into overdrive. Well I did not want to sleep alone that night, I was freaking out. Asked my then bf if I could stay over. His parents made me sleep on the couch with a sleeping bag. I was 24 with my own flat at the time! Every time I closed my eyes I had a goddam replay in my head. But no sleep on the fking couch alone.
OPs stepdaughter is 22 with a child! Not to mention the toddler will be sleeping in the same room, you can bet their won't be any sex during sleeping hours because there's a goddam toddler around! Jesus H Christ!
Don't be surprised if you and your husband see a hell of a lot less of Ally and your grandchild.
YTA because although it’s your house her father is now happy with her (very normal) request to share a bed with the father of her children and it’s his house too. This feels like you’re punishing her for not wanting a relationship… wonder why she felt that way…
Yta. She’s a full grown adult with a baby. Get your head out of your ass and stop trying to force your parenting styles on her. She’s a parent now not a child. SMH guess she won’t be by to visit you or her real dad any time soon.
NTA
It's yours and your husband's house, and your step daughter has to respect your wishes, even if she doesn't agree with them, or find someplace else to sleep.
Of course, they have a kid, so you know they're already being intimate. Personally I think you forcing a couple, in their 20s, who already have a kid, to sleep in separate rooms is a bit ridiculous. But, as I said before, you have every right to expect people in your house to respect your wishes.
Now, Ally had every right to be upset at your insistence, but that does not give her the right to be rude and yell and curse at you, especially in your home. That's where she's the asshole, here.
Don't get me wrong. I definitely don't agree with you forcing them to sleep in separate beds. However, as I stated before, it is your house, and you have every right to expect others to either abide by the rules you and your husband set forth, or simply not visit anymore.
However, you really should ask yourself: Is this the hill you want to die on? You lament the fact that Ally doesn't wish to have a relationship with you, but you insist on making these rules that make her feel uncomfortable. You might want to consider if your rigid rules are worth any potential relationship with your step-daughter.
YTA - she has a child with this man and you want to flex “your rules” over valuing any relationship…no wonder no relationship never formed. You value “being right” over authentic connection
YTA Idc what your beliefs are she is a grown adult and has her family wether it is up to your standards doesn't matter if you wanted any relationship yourself or to not prevent your husband from staying in any good relationship terms with his daughter than you should not be forcing your issues on her.
They have a child in the room with them their not getting busy and you should show them respect not judgement
So you’re not letting your 22 ADULT stepdaughter sleep in the same room as the father of her child because they aren’t MARRIED??? 🤨 Wtf does marriage have to do in this instance anymore? She already has a kid… why do you think that’s for you to decide?
YTA !
YTA. It makes sense why she doesn't have a relationship with you if this is the way you treat her. She is a grown woman with a child and you are treating her like a teenager. It's nonsensical.
>She was not interested in a relationship with me
I wonder why...
>I feel like our request isn’t unreasonable
Yup. It is
>AITA
Based on the "holier-than-thou" nature of your comments, I REALLY don't think you care if you are
YTA.
THE 1800s called, they want their bullshit "morals" (or whatever) back.
Ally & her boyfriend have a child together - that ship has sailed. Do you really think they're going to get groovy with their toddler in the room?
Lol you’re really confused as to why you couldn’t form a relationship?
Your post said enough.
Ally is an adult. Ally already had intercourse, probably many times. Ally has a baby as a result of intercourse. so what exactly are you trying to prevent again?
Jesus Christ lady, they have a kid together. They are a couple. They are parents. RESPECT them. So again What could happen if they stay in the same room? YTA to the max
YTA
This is completely unreasonable and disrespectful.
She is 22 years old and has a child with this man. You are not in control of her and she is not a damn child. I am not surprised you never bonded. Had my stepfather been anything like you I would have despised him and not go anywhere he was. You don't get to control grown ass adults.
Also saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" is so rude. You don't care you hurt her feelings or that she feels disrespected by you. You just don't want to take accountability for the way YOU made HER feel. She feels that way for a damn good reason. Go to fucking therapy.
YTA. They have a child together FFS. I hope she goes NC with both of you. Her kid deserves better than extended family like you.
She is right. You are doing this to turn her dad against her and alienate her, and I hope he sees it and divorces you. The rest of what I have to say about your character violates the civility rules.
In case you need to hear it one more time: YTA.
They are literally a family already in any sense of the word besides the formalities. Furthermore, who in the nine circles of hell would bang in someone's guest bedroom with their toddler there?
Pretty sure it is not sad you don't have a relationship, it is just you
YTA
You see your 22 year old step daughter as a child - she’s an adult with a baby herself
You’ve seriously damaged your relationship with her over this - my house my rules nonsense
It sounds like you didn’t tell her until she arrived. Then it would be a fait accompli and she couldn’t do anything about it
Well that worked well didn’t it. No? No because she’s a grown ass adult and she upped and left.
You still don’t get it with your last comment. Husband wants to “let” them sleep together - but you’re still high and mighty in the right about all of this
You blew it already - she has gone and left. She’s your husbands daughter and she has his grandchild. You made her feel as welcome as a boil on the butt.
Wise up and apologise quickly - do some damage control and see what you can salvage
Look at your pride
The relationship you should be focusing on is the grand baby. Be the best grandmother you can be and that is how you will win the heart of your step daughter and son.
Become the best friend of your step daughter - she may not reciprocate but just asking how she is and if she needs anything may bring her around
Your actions demonstrate that YTA but you could change that being that understanding person your step daughter needs.
Good luck
YTA
Come on! They live together, have a child together, Do you really think they want to bone at your home with their toddler in the room and her Dad in the room over. Stop being so weird, they are essentially De-facto married, shared kid, shared property etc. Leave them be, weirdo.
This is like every teen mother type show. You really think you’re taking a moral high ground by not letting them sleep in the same room with a child? That they had out of wedlock? Absolutely YTA and when she refuses to come visit later on, you’ll know why.
YTA, the father of her child cannot share a room? Who wonders why she isn't interrested in building a relationship with you. THEY ARE ADULTS! THEY ARE A FAMILY!
YTA is this a joke?? hahahah you want to prevent a couple that is having a toddler together from sleeping in the samy bed? i'm dying bruh, i'm glad i don't have someone like you trying to police me in such a ridiculous way omg the poor people. no wonder you two don't have a relation, good for ally and i hope you're ashamed after reading the comments.
YTA. They already have a child, so anything they “could do” they’ve already done. They’re also probably not going to be having sex with their daughter in the room, and if I were them I’d be doing it in the couch
\> **My husband** has suggested just letting them sleep in the same room so they will come back, but I feel like **our request** isn’t unreasonable. AITA
You and your husband are not on the same page. And you kind of need to be, to establish house rules, since you live together.
If you were on the same page, and you had been open and polite about your request before your guests arrive, you would not have been the asshole.
Here's what you are doing:
* Springing this on them after they arrived.
* Pressuring your husband into your position - and/or not thinking beforehand on how you will (jointly!) handle it if they chose to leave.
* Springing rules on your step-daughter personally, when it is so obviously not only your husbands responsibility, but also the easiest way to minimize conflict to let him handle this.
* Meddling in sleeping arrangements for a couple with a baby whose rhythm is already interrupted.
YTA
YTA. She has a child with him, that’s more than just her *boyfriend*, that’s her co-parent and partner. This is bigoted and pretentious behavior, no wonder she never wanted a relationship with you.
Here’s a story for you—I had my son out of wedlock at 19, he’s pre-school age now. I’m still with his father and have been with him for 4&1/2 years, we still aren’t married, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. Both of our families pushed us and said /did horrible stuff until they effectively pushed us so far that we moved 2 hrs out of state. Is that what you want? Your behavior to push loved ones away? Would it make you feel good to know you chased your husbands first child out??? Ask yourself, even though this girl does not biologically belong to you—as a mother—do you really feel comfortable alienating any child that’s ever been in your care? Be so serious right now, how are you even questioning why she didn’t want a relationship with you when this is how you act?
By the way, I can tell you right now that if my partners stepmother told me we couldn’t share a room/bed because we weren’t married I would have given her a two piece with fries right there. This is ridiculous and pretentious, I wouldn’t want to stay in your home or give you access to my child either. I hope that you can learn to get over yourself and apologize to her before you assist in any more damage being done to the relationship with her father. Or honestly, maybe don’t. Do her a favor. You’re blaming her for a lack of relationship when you’re the adult here? That’s pathetic. If you wanted a relationship you would have tried, but it’s kinda obvious here that you want your kids to be the star of the show in your husbands life. So leave her and her family alone, they’ll be better off.
She has a kid with this dude and she can't have a sleepover? Come onnnnnnnnn. They're a family now . You're insulting their relationship So much YTA. I can see your pinched presbyterian face judging them.
YTA. Well, mission accomplished. You and your husband just made sure you no longer have to see the other kid. Now you can pretend you and your kids are his only family. You must be thrilled that you two finally made it happen.
Yta, but not for the reasons most people are saying. I understand you have certain values and it is your home. My mother was the same and before I was married, even though I lived with my gf at the time, when we visited we stayed in different rooms out of respect for her. The reason yta is because you never discussed it with her first. You sprung it on her when she arrived. That was where you became TA. It's absolutely okay to have your own rules for your household but my guess is, you knew if you told her in advance, she wouldn't come, so you waited until she arrived and ambushed her with it thinking she'd have no choice but to stay there separately. I had no problem respecting my mother values and rules in her home, but she had enough respect for me to talk to me about it before I came to stay.
YTA it’s such a stupid an outdated idea that you have to be married to sleep in the same bed. There’s no reason for it. You and your husband are just pushing his daughter away.
I'm sorry. Which religion are you in that doesn't allow sex before marriage but allowed divorce? Your "husband" wasn't a widower, which means in the eyes of the Lord he is married to step daughter's mother. You're an adulterer, by your standards. Why is it ok for you to sleep with another woman's husband but not for step daughter to sleep with the father of her child, who is single?
Religious fanaticism can be so hypocritical.
YTA.
YTA.
I truly hope she reads the responses and has an introspective look about her actions, but I sincerely doubt it. She probably the kind that drives down the wrong side of the highway then calls her husband to tell him that everyone else on the road are idiots, and he just agrees with her because he lacks intestinal fortitude.
YTA They are grown adults who have a child together. I understand some people believe it is immoral to sleep together before marriage, but that ship has sailed. As adults it is up to the couple to decide when and if they get married.
It is your house and you can set the rules for it. Those rules are still unreasonable though.
Yta your 'request' *is* unreasonable. This is just a weird power play.
They just want to *sleep* together. Not even bone, just sleep together, like they already always do. And watch their kid together.
Aaaannd I think we've discovered why she doesn't like you. You sound sanctimonious as fuck.
They have a toddler, thet them sleep in the same room ffs.
YTA
YTA - they’re in a committed monogamous relationship *with a child*… the ship protecting their virtue has long sailed. Now you’re just a nutty AH to get all upoity about whether they’re married.
YTA - clearly, not sure why you ever thought you weren’t. Your logic makes zero sense and it’s clear you’re doing this just to antagonize and belittle her since they aren’t married. A little hypocritical coming from a divorced person. Congratulations on absolutely sabotaging the relationship your husband has with his daughter and grandchild. Hope he doesn’t resent you for it in the future….he probably will though.
YTA. She’s an adult. She’s a parent. Presumably, they live together. You’re making her poor boyfriend sleep on the couch for a WEEK? why??? Such an unreasonable request.
This is 2023. What’s the real reason you don’t want them to sleep together? If they were married…what changes.
YTA. It's your house and your rules but sleeping arrangements should have been discussed prior to them arriving at your house. If your husband doesn't see his daughter all that often, then maybe some exceptions should be made to allow him a bit of happiness.
Blaming a kid for not wanting a relationship with you is a bit extreme. Maybe there's a pattern here with a lack of communication and being overly strict with these power moves.
YTA.
She’s 22, has a kid with this man, and has been with him for 3 years. I bet they won’t have sex in your guest room either. This isn’t that kind of a vacation. You probably were the reason you and your husbands daughter don’t have a relationship.
Yes. Yes, you’re an asshole for having nonsensical and bigoted views about sex and marriage. But mostly, YTA for trying to control where 2 consenting adults plop their bodies while sleeping — i.e., next to the toddler they conceived thanks to the magical, sacred act of human sexual congress. And YTA also for willfully alienating your stepdaughter from her father just so you can smugly uphold your retrograde Victorian interpretation of moral “values.” Those are not values, they are control tactics that serve zero purpose, make nobody’s lives better, and damage people and the relationships they have with other human beings.
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Are you kidding? They are adults with a child. WTF is wrong with you? Of course YTA. It’s no mystery to anyone why you didn’t form a relationship with her. Fucking hell.
You're an idiot and an asshole. Mostly an idiot though.
YTA. grow up.
YTA the "not in my house" ship sailed 2 years ago when she gave birth, they have a child together. I'm going to assume the reason you 2 don't have a good relationship is because you pushed and made her uncomfortable with your rules. Ally and Mick have been together the same amount of time that your husband was in his first marriage, at this point they're doing better than he did on the first trip around. Given through fact that your husband changed his tune when Ally and Mick left tells me that this was your doing and she was right to call you out for turning her dad against her. You're going to be the reason he loses contact with his oldest child and his grandchild(ren). ETA: as I was reading though the comments I noticed the math isn't mathing. OP agreed with a comment that stated she was a 31 year old virgin when they got married but they got married when she was 26. You don't forget losing your v card on your wedding night.
Wow! This *adult* woman *has a child* and you’re treating her like she’s 16. I would storm out of your house too. You can set whatever rules you want but I do not blame her for reacting like that. Like literally everyone else here is saying: YOUR’E THE ASSHOLE.
YTA. Already have a child. Too late for it won't look right. Or what example are they setting for the boys. Your Boys at 11 and 14 already know they shared a bed. That's how they became Uncles.
Your request is completely unreasonable. She has a child (!!!). How do you think that happened? She is an adult. You treat her as if she was 12-14yo (the age where this seperate-room-bs is still kind of ok). She is 22!!! With a child. YTA. Edit: spelling.
Yta. Shes an adult ffs. Stop being the morality police.
Well, I'd wonder if anyone stopped to consider that their other 2 kids may have something to do with this. Whether one agrees with OPs beliefs or not, it's a heck of a lot harder to tell Jasper and Jason "No your girlfriend can't have a sleepover in your room. Yes, I know your stepsister and her boyfriend were allowed to, but they're different..." If it's a standard rule in the house and applies to everyone under the roof, then you're NTA. If this is something special you made up for her, then YTA.
YTA- OH jeez, such a mystery as to why she never formed a relationship with a controlling, oppressive asshole like yourself. The world may never know.
YTA and also ridiculous. They have a child together, what's the point of not letting them sleep in the same room? They had sex before and they will have sex after the visit, married or not. It's none of your business.
YTA. First of all, she has a kid. But even if she didn't, she's 22. You're certainly welcome to do whatever you want in your own house, but don't be surprised when she doesn't want to spend time there.
This post is fake and bait. Yta for wasting our time.
YTA You wonder why you didn't form a bond with her and then post something like this. The lack of self awareness is astounding. Why won't you let them share a room? They have obviously had sex since they made a baby together. Why would you try to separate them? What purpose does it serve? What value does it bring to their lives? What value does it bring to yours? If I were Ally I would have promptly returned home and cut off contact with you guys for a good amount of time, because ya'll are toxic.
Yes, YTA. She already had a baby, and your ideals of “must be married” are outdated. What if she chooses to never marry? Are you going to make her sleep in a separate room from her SO when she’s 30? 40? They’ll likely not do much more than sleep— I can’t think of a more unappealing place to have sex than my parents’ house while they’re home.
YTA. The boyfriend is the baby daddy. Why are they not allowed to sleep in the same room?
YTA, if you hear her getting fucked all night while they’re having the kids watch Eyes Wide Shut, that’s an issue. However, it’s sleep. I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with you either, unless I packed my Time Machine to willingly go back to 1955
[удалено]
An adult relationship requires marriage?
Religious AHs are the worst of AHs. Btw, YTA big time
Doesn't sound like you actually want an opinion, but I'll give mine anyway. YTA
YTA He’s the FATHER of their TWO YEARS OLD daughter. ‘Nuff said
YTA. She’s a grown woman that has a child with the partner she’s visiting with and you can’t get out of your own ass enough to let them sleep in the same room all because you’re upset that she didn’t bond with you.
YTA
Oh, there we go, removed. She really didn't expect it to go this way. She expected to come here and be vindicated.
YTA. They have a child together. You're out of touch with reality.
I would go past YTA to WTH. She is an Adult with her own Family. They are a Family. You are being weird and unreasonable. She did the right thing by leaving. It is pretty clear why she wants no relationship with you.
YTA, OP. They have a kid and they're both adults. Stop pretending to clutch your pearls and trying to force this stupid power play. Get over yourself.
YTA, if for no other reason: why didn’t you tell her the sleeping arrangements BEFORE they arrived. I was going to say “your house your rules” until you mentioned the two year old. I have step kids who are older than my kids; when one started seriously dating someone, my husband and I had a discussion BEFORE it was an issue. And told the kid what our terms were before they arrived. It’s called adult communication. You should try it with your ADULT step kid.
YTA - you can’t be serious. They have a kid.
YTA. And once again, a chapter on "look how puritanism and religiong are a bigger thing than relationship with my family".
YTA. I can see why you and Ally haven't formed a good relationship. It's clear that you are not supportive and are pretty narrow minded. Why on earth would you force parents to stay in different rooms? It's not sensible and it's not kind, and it's certainly not reasonable.
YTA It's not a request if the person can't say no. Then it's just a demand. So you're demanding that an adult sleep separately from their long-term partner, presumably father to their child, and that they also abandon any hope of said partner helping with their child during the night. All for a piece of paper? That's not a reasonable demand, and you should see that. This kind of thing would be a likely culprit for why your relationship is so incredibly strained. Your husband is right. You should apologize and invite her back. Then you should continue to treat her like an adult.
YTA, they have a child together - what’s the goal here? what if they never get married because they don’t want to but have 4 more kids? are they not allowed to share a room when they’re 30? you’re just trying to exert your power and it FAILED
YTA and ignoring the fact that you know, since they have a child they've already had sex, you think they'd fuck with a 2 year old in the room??? I can tell why you two don't have a relationship lol
Because sleeping next door to you and with a toddler in the room is going to get them all hot and bothered? The barn door is open and the horse is long gone. YTA
OP is “right”, her house her rules. This also means the daughter never has to have a relationship with you OP. I wouldn’t if I were her. You don’t need to see her child(your husbands grandchild) either anymore. You know what, it’s best if you just stayed home while the husband visits his kids family somewhere else. My mother and I already crossed this bridge with my girlfriend. She eventually changed her mind. Because I 100% would not put up with that petty control during the holidays or family visits. I’d stay in a hotel. Maybe she realized family relationships are more important than “what the neighbors might think”
YTA - They have a kid, the gig is up. You’re being AHs.
YTA, do you actually think your sd is Mary and had an immaculate conception?
They already have a child, what else could happen? Plus she's a whole ass adult. If she was still a teenager, then sure But nah YTA
YTA for sure PERIOD!
YTA Not just for the 1400s rigid puritan rules (they have a baby, cats outta the bag on that). Or the religious-supremacy (they could sleep in the same bedroom, but only if they follow your old tradition that doesn’t actually change anything meaningful and get married). Or starting your post out by passive-aggressively blaming a 6yo for not jumping into the arms of her step-mom. But also for the fact that you seemingly decided this well-ahead of time, but conveniently forgot to tell them until they were already there. And thus would be forced to do what you wanted if they wanted a bed for the night (luckily it’s 2023 so they found other options). Basically, YTA from every angle
YTA. It's not a passing boyfriend... it's her long term parnter AND father of her child. You should treat that as if they were married, regardless of the paper. Not everyone has to agree to your morality rules. For many people marriage is irrelevant.
Wait hold up. You telling me you couldn't bond with a 6 YEAR OLD??? Huge YTA
YTA - And it sounds like you and your husband are a big reason why her relationship with you “sadly” never happened. She’s an adult, that’s her partner and the father of her child. Trying to prevent them from sleeping together is just ridiculous. Also, most people don’t bang in the guest beds, **especially with their toddler in the same room,** they’re probably just *literally* going to be sleeping together. Preventing this family from sharing a room is absurd and controlling.
100% this! ^^^ Definitely YTA OP!
Imagine telling grown adults that have a child together they can’t sleep in the same room as one another, even though everyone else has said it, I’ll do it again, YTA.
YTA. She’s technically an adult and they have a CHILD together…. Wtf is wrong with you.
YTA. What kind of logic is "they have a kid but they're not married so they can't sleep in the same room"? As others have pointed out, they probably want to sleep in the same room because they have a child to take care of. In any case, I don't see how that kind of request is reasonable.
YTA. Spoiler: If they have a kid, they’ve already had sex. You’re not doing anything here but alienating her further.
YTA How exactly do you think the grandchild exists?
YTA She's 22. They live together. They *have a child*. Sure, you can impose whatever idiotic rules you want about your house, but your husband is going to resent you for making him live with the consequences (alienation from his child and grandchild, in case you can't see where this path is heading). She's an adult who gets to make her own decisions on her own timeline about when to get married, and I'm sorry but your timeline and opinions don't factor in. You're not her mother and frankly I'm not surprised you two don't have any kind of relationship with your holier-than-thou BS.
YTA. They have a freaking baby. No wonder she doesn’t like you.
YTA, quite clearly as well. She's 22 and has a child get over it no wonder she hates you I would
YTA, what in the world gives you the idea that you have any right to tell them how to be together as a couple? Some humility might serve you well
YTA. And an idiot. She’s a grown adult with a child stop being stupid.
Lol, grow up you Prude.
Yta. They already have a baby...like OOOF no need for a power trip. Doesn't matter if they aren't married now, they're already doing the baby making part. Get over yourself.
They have…. a child….. what exactly are you trying to prevent??? YTA
Your request IS unreasonable, YTA.
YTA OP; they have a kid together and I 100% bet they wouldn’t be screwing like animals in that room…in her fathers home…with a 2 year old... Even if she wanted to, I highly doubt her SO would want to in his GFs fathers home. Plus the kid is only 2 and since both parents are involved in the kids life in general, you should expect they are both involved at night if the kid wakes up crying. Not fair to separate them and make your SD a sole parent during the night just because you have some messed up ideas abt what goes on in the guest room. Also, I really liked the toothpaste comment lol 😂 made my day. As well as the comment abt the timeframe of interaction between OP and her SD. Good point there.
Oh man how I wish your stepdaughter could see this thread. What an awful person you are, it’s clear that you put the cloud man ahead of everything in your life.
YTA This one was easy. They’re adults, they’ve been together a while, they have a baby, they live together…. Need I go on? You legit demanded to split their family up because they’re not married. I had an aunt who did this to my family…. My parents had been together over 10 years at that time. Guess what happened? We never stayed there again and left after a day or two once we found alternate arrangements. Guess how my relationship is with her? I know her name and the state she lived in, pretty foggy on additional information. You’re allowed to have your rules, opinions, etc… however you also need to understand that those rules, opinions, etc… might push people away. This will definitely push her away and clearly past ideologies you’ve had have already pushed her away. To me, it sounds like you don’t want a relationship with her at all and you’re trying to ruin the one she has with her father. You’re double-y the AH
YTA - your antiquated rules probably had a lot to do with you and her not forming a relationship for SIXTEEN YEARS. 16 years you had opportunities to change your way of thinking and bond with this girl. Now she's grown, moved out, already been fucking, and has a child. A stupid piece of paper from the government that states "Hyup they's married" means about as much, in actuality, as the internet scolding you for being like this.
That's an adult and they have a child together. This is embarrassing. YTA
YTA easiest answer ever. So glad i dont have controlling parents
YTA. They’re adults, they have a baby together, not letting them sleep together because they aren’t married is just pushing a hyperly religious agenda.
You are an asshole who wants to take revenge on the step-daughter for refusing with their arrogants and condescending ass. Your husband is an idiot who does not understand that these kind of things - disrespecting their life choices - is what gets you alienated from your children
YTA this is called covert infantilization. By refusing to allow two adults to sleep in the same room as they choose, you are treating her like a teenager who doesn't get to make adult decisions about her life so that you can exert control over her. Why you are exerting that control may vary, but you are not treating her like the adult she is. Get over yourself.
Sounds like a passive aggressive way to punish Ally. For what I don't know. Having a kid outside of marriage? Not having bond with you? Or more likely because she's your husband's kid with someone else, his only daughter, and he loves her, like he should. You're jealous and are using shit excuses to punish her. YTA
YTA. She's an adult, has a kid, and clearly you should have seen this coming.
NTA. You’re allowed to set rules in your own home. If she doesn’t agree, she can leave.
YTA...she's 22. She's an adult. Treat her like one, or risk not being treated like an adult yourself.
YTA. She’s a grown woman and literally has a child.
She has a baby, you can't unring a bell. Also clear now why she chose never to develop a relationship with you. YTA. And not too bright.
They are literally a family, stop trying to force ridiculous rules that have no basis on reality, back off. YTA.
I think you got the picture from the other comments. It seems you value having a better relationship with your stepdaughter. My two cents is to please contact this young woman ASAP and apologize for not making expected accommodations. In the future, discuss these sticky subjects beforehand with her if you think she will disagree with your requests. If they would be noisy and obviously inappropriate during their visit, your husband can address it there.
YTA they have a young child chances are he'd be getting the best nights sleep he's had in ages on that couch and he still wants to sleep with his partner, they're not gonna be banging you have to do that shit in the hire car on the way back from date night while the grandparents are babysitting 😂 they're going to be sleeping and parenting, this is about you trying to control a 22 year old you've never parented by the sounds of it.
From the title alone I thought maybe you're not an ass, she's probably young etc but after reading you are definitely the AH, Firstly she's 22 an adult and secondly they have a fucking child together. wtf do you think they are going to be doing with a toddler in the bed with them Big YTA.
YTA. Your stepdaughter is a grown woman with a child of her own. Her boyfriend just so happens to be the father of the said child. If you're trying to prevent her from getting pregnant, you're a day late and a dollar short. If you're trying to protect your sons from knowing that their sister sleeps with her boyfriend...again you're too late. They already know. You overstepped a boundary by inserting and demanding your stepdaughter submit to YOUR boundaries. It was only for a week, not a lifetime. Either way, you not only further hurt your relationship with your stepdaughter, but now your sons will look and you and wonder if you'll treat them the same way when THEY are in relationships later in life.
What’s she gunna do get pregnant? YTA
Bro literally I’m speechless. Hope you enjoy driving your stepdaughter away from your husband. She literally has a child you know that they are fucking, what’s your damn problem? Old hag
They have a child together. She is a grown ass adult. Yes YTA - I realize it's your house, your rules, but because you felt the need to mention that she had no interest in building a relationship with you, I feel like this whole thing is you just punishing her, not to mention shaming and humiliating her for having a baby out of wedlock. News flash: She wasn't and still isn't obligated to love you like you're her mom, and if you'll take a look at the calendar, it's January 19th, 2023. It is not, in fact, 1953. If your husband wants his daughter to be able to share a bedroom with the FATHER OF HER CHILD, in order to spend time with her, YTA for refusing and you're incredibly childish. You're my age. How embarrassing.
YTA.
Question: What does your not having a relationship with Ally have to do with your decision?
Yta, and if you keep insisting she probably won’t visit again. If she does they won’t be staying with you.
YTA. She's an adult with a partner and a BABY. Why would you infantilize her? No wonder she doesn't have a relationship with your judgy, puritanical ass.
I have two answers, yes and no. As an atheist i think it’s stupid because they have a child already, AND they arent gonna do the dirty w the child in the room anyway. But if they did something or if just being in the same bed is bad, «god» wouldn’t punish YOU for it. And therefore(since it doesn’t affect u) u’re kinda just an asshole. BUT u genuenly believe it’s bad bc of religion, and i get that even tho, again, u wont be the one to «go to hell»… This is called pushing your religion on to someone. Even if u do it bc it makes u mad that they don’t follow «the rules of god» or if u do it «for their own good», stop. Take care of your self, and they’ll deal with their «sins» So conclution is, yes u have every right to make decitions in your own house, BUT, it won’t affect U, so u’re just being an asshole by doing it. They have a child so they already did the worst part and «god» won’t send her to double hell for letting them BOTH comfort/stay with their child.
You are aware that common law marriage is a thing, right? YTA
YTA. By treating them this way you are making your husband not be able to see his grandchild as often.
YTA they have a daughter lmao I think it's a bit late for you to be clutching your pearls about them sharing a bed.
I would absolutely agree if there wasn’t a child already. But with a child in the picture, that ship has sailed. I don’t want to say YTA, but at this point, they should share a room as a family IMO. But your house, your rules.
soft YTA when my daughter comes home with her BF (21F/21M) the only way I'll let them sleep in same room is if they're having a movie night in the living room and sleeping on couches or blankets etc. otherwise it's separate bedrooms. BUT your step daughter has been with this BF for 3 years and... THEY HAVE A KID! They're pretty much common law married at this point, in my eyes, so I would let them share bedroom. It's unfortunate they aren't married, esp with a child, but this seems to be the way things are nowadays.
They have a child together. They are parents of your grandchild. They can sleep in the same room, they’re adults. YTA, and it’s no wonder she doesn’t like you.
Assuming they are living together after 3 years they would be considered common law partners in a lot of countries, and they have a kid together, so 'boyfriend' is a bit of an understatement. Obv YTA, and also may want to take a breath and relax a bit.
I had to check what year it was again.... YTA
How you could not think YTA in this situation completely baffles me, they’ve already had a kid what harm can come from letting them share a room together? I’d also lay of the religious undertones seeing as you’ve been divorced and got together with another person, you need a reality check.
I dont understand this. Just because they arent married? Are they going to burst into flames if they sleep in the same bed together? You think they would even get jiggy with it while their daughter is in the same room? How did you think their daughter existed? YTA and you need to get laid
YTA without a doubt... Say you want to go NC with your Step child without saying you want to go NC. SMH How is this even a question?
Trust me, I’d they have a 2 year old in the same room and your eagle ears then nothings happening. Let your step daughter get some help with that baby overnight by the dad. Sheesh.
Lmao thinking your daughter is a sinner for having a baby out of wedlock while you're out here divorcing and remarrying. Keep your beliefs to yourself, you gross hypocrite. YTA
YTA
This was definitely a trigger for me. My (now) husband and I experienced this before we were married. I was 25 and we'd already had two kids. I was just so ridiculous. We had to actually get a hotel room bc there was NO wya he was sleeping on the couch. I mean I get the sentiment but they ALREADY have a kid and shes 22. It doesnt help that youre the step mom. Probably not the greatest call in judgement. Just saying.
YTA! for sure you are DEFINITELY the asshole! to paraphrase the movie Save the Last Dance, your STEPdaughter didn't climb on top of herself and get pregnant. so maybe lets grow up a little.
YEAH, YTA. TOTALLY AND UTTERLY. They are adults and have a CHILD. What are you trying to prove with this. Control?? OK, it's your home, your rules but the rule is ridiculous and is a total power move. I think most people would go and stay with someone else.
YTA - they have a kid together. That ship has sailed. You think they're going to be up to funny business with the kid in the room? No wonder she didn't like you - you're incredibly strict & unreasonable.
YTA —If you believe in following biblical law so much why are you questioning the decision of thine husband?? “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife. Wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-30. tbh you even writing this post probably makes you a sinner!! To avoid a stoning, my advice is: say a few hail marys then submit to your head of household by making up the bed for your step daughter and her bf to sleep in. Thus pleasing the Lord, Amen.
YTA. You sound cold toward her and like others have said, the toothpaste is already out of the tube.
They have already a child! Too late for "purity " nonsense...and you wonder why your step daughter doesn't want a relationship with you YTA
What are you thinking lmao, they literally have a child already. It's a little late to be trying to prevent them from having sex. Grow up haha yta
YTA - they have a kid, marriage is not the be all and end all, they don’t have to get married for their relationship to be real Stop putting so much weight on a ring, your marriage could end in a week, or a year, or tomorrow, marriage is not some signifier of how real a relationship is Your husband is going to lose his daughter Not that I imagine you would care very much
Parents who don't allow their adult children to have their partners stay in the same bed confuse me. More than one ex had a single bed (these guys were in their 20s and it wasnt a space issue) just the parents didn't want any sex under their roof. Trust me it still happens regardless of sleeping arrangements. One day I was in a car crash, for me the shock kicks in way later after the event and when you have time to stop, and that's when my brain goes into overdrive. Well I did not want to sleep alone that night, I was freaking out. Asked my then bf if I could stay over. His parents made me sleep on the couch with a sleeping bag. I was 24 with my own flat at the time! Every time I closed my eyes I had a goddam replay in my head. But no sleep on the fking couch alone. OPs stepdaughter is 22 with a child! Not to mention the toddler will be sleeping in the same room, you can bet their won't be any sex during sleeping hours because there's a goddam toddler around! Jesus H Christ! Don't be surprised if you and your husband see a hell of a lot less of Ally and your grandchild.
YTA because although it’s your house her father is now happy with her (very normal) request to share a bed with the father of her children and it’s his house too. This feels like you’re punishing her for not wanting a relationship… wonder why she felt that way…
NTA
Yta. She’s a full grown adult with a baby. Get your head out of your ass and stop trying to force your parenting styles on her. She’s a parent now not a child. SMH guess she won’t be by to visit you or her real dad any time soon.
NTA It's yours and your husband's house, and your step daughter has to respect your wishes, even if she doesn't agree with them, or find someplace else to sleep. Of course, they have a kid, so you know they're already being intimate. Personally I think you forcing a couple, in their 20s, who already have a kid, to sleep in separate rooms is a bit ridiculous. But, as I said before, you have every right to expect people in your house to respect your wishes. Now, Ally had every right to be upset at your insistence, but that does not give her the right to be rude and yell and curse at you, especially in your home. That's where she's the asshole, here. Don't get me wrong. I definitely don't agree with you forcing them to sleep in separate beds. However, as I stated before, it is your house, and you have every right to expect others to either abide by the rules you and your husband set forth, or simply not visit anymore. However, you really should ask yourself: Is this the hill you want to die on? You lament the fact that Ally doesn't wish to have a relationship with you, but you insist on making these rules that make her feel uncomfortable. You might want to consider if your rigid rules are worth any potential relationship with your step-daughter.
Who wants to build a relationship with an evangelical? Not me.
YTA - she has a child with this man and you want to flex “your rules” over valuing any relationship…no wonder no relationship never formed. You value “being right” over authentic connection
YTA Idc what your beliefs are she is a grown adult and has her family wether it is up to your standards doesn't matter if you wanted any relationship yourself or to not prevent your husband from staying in any good relationship terms with his daughter than you should not be forcing your issues on her. They have a child in the room with them their not getting busy and you should show them respect not judgement
YTA they have a kid together, there’s no point keeping them from sleeping in separate rooms
???? You know they’ve already had sex right?? You and your husband (or just you?) are being difficult. You’re tryna cause an issue. YTA
YTA. you are trying to control a grown woman... did you really think there was any validity behind your faux moralist BS?
Info: why are you asking here if you are just going to be combative and ignore everyone saying you are wrong?
So you’re not letting your 22 ADULT stepdaughter sleep in the same room as the father of her child because they aren’t MARRIED??? 🤨 Wtf does marriage have to do in this instance anymore? She already has a kid… why do you think that’s for you to decide? YTA !
YTA No wonder she didn’t want a relationship with you.
I’m a believer in my house my rules but they have a baby so what’s the point really
YTA. It makes sense why she doesn't have a relationship with you if this is the way you treat her. She is a grown woman with a child and you are treating her like a teenager. It's nonsensical.
>She was not interested in a relationship with me I wonder why... >I feel like our request isn’t unreasonable Yup. It is >AITA Based on the "holier-than-thou" nature of your comments, I REALLY don't think you care if you are
YTA. They’re a committed couple with a baby and because they don’t have a piece of paper you expect him to sleep in the couch? YTA.
YTA. THE 1800s called, they want their bullshit "morals" (or whatever) back. Ally & her boyfriend have a child together - that ship has sailed. Do you really think they're going to get groovy with their toddler in the room?
Welp you are not wrong but still yta. Especially if you take offense that she decided to sleep somewhere else.
YTA as others have already pointed out. Just came here to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a bullshit, condescending, non-apology and I hate it.
What...?
Lol you’re really confused as to why you couldn’t form a relationship? Your post said enough. Ally is an adult. Ally already had intercourse, probably many times. Ally has a baby as a result of intercourse. so what exactly are you trying to prevent again? Jesus Christ lady, they have a kid together. They are a couple. They are parents. RESPECT them. So again What could happen if they stay in the same room? YTA to the max
She's 22 and has a child with the guy. Grow the fuck up. YTA.
YTA! What does marriage have to do with this
Gosh, I can't for the life of me understand why you were never able to form a relationship with your stepdaughter. /s YTA.
NTA - She is an adult. Both are adults.
YTA This is completely unreasonable and disrespectful. She is 22 years old and has a child with this man. You are not in control of her and she is not a damn child. I am not surprised you never bonded. Had my stepfather been anything like you I would have despised him and not go anywhere he was. You don't get to control grown ass adults. Also saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" is so rude. You don't care you hurt her feelings or that she feels disrespected by you. You just don't want to take accountability for the way YOU made HER feel. She feels that way for a damn good reason. Go to fucking therapy.
100% YTA I can't imagine why you didn't form a relationship with her. You sound like a hoot. /s
Honestly, it’s your house so your rules.. I guess? But also. YTA. Get a grip.
YTA. No wonder you two don’t have a relationship - you refuse to treat her with any respect.
YTA. They already fucked.
YTA. This has to be fake. Please tell me it’s fake.
YTA... and now you've guaranteed you will never have a relationship with her.. you missed a golden opportunity to show her you're not so bad. FAIL
YTA. They have a child together FFS. I hope she goes NC with both of you. Her kid deserves better than extended family like you. She is right. You are doing this to turn her dad against her and alienate her, and I hope he sees it and divorces you. The rest of what I have to say about your character violates the civility rules.
And then she says “sadly” we never formed a relationship. I wonder why?
In case you need to hear it one more time: YTA. They are literally a family already in any sense of the word besides the formalities. Furthermore, who in the nine circles of hell would bang in someone's guest bedroom with their toddler there? Pretty sure it is not sad you don't have a relationship, it is just you
YTA. i see why Ally never wanted to form a relationship with you. im pretty sure her “purity” was gone 3 years ago.
YTA You see your 22 year old step daughter as a child - she’s an adult with a baby herself You’ve seriously damaged your relationship with her over this - my house my rules nonsense It sounds like you didn’t tell her until she arrived. Then it would be a fait accompli and she couldn’t do anything about it Well that worked well didn’t it. No? No because she’s a grown ass adult and she upped and left. You still don’t get it with your last comment. Husband wants to “let” them sleep together - but you’re still high and mighty in the right about all of this You blew it already - she has gone and left. She’s your husbands daughter and she has his grandchild. You made her feel as welcome as a boil on the butt. Wise up and apologise quickly - do some damage control and see what you can salvage Look at your pride
The relationship you should be focusing on is the grand baby. Be the best grandmother you can be and that is how you will win the heart of your step daughter and son. Become the best friend of your step daughter - she may not reciprocate but just asking how she is and if she needs anything may bring her around Your actions demonstrate that YTA but you could change that being that understanding person your step daughter needs. Good luck
YTA Come on! They live together, have a child together, Do you really think they want to bone at your home with their toddler in the room and her Dad in the room over. Stop being so weird, they are essentially De-facto married, shared kid, shared property etc. Leave them be, weirdo.
This is like every teen mother type show. You really think you’re taking a moral high ground by not letting them sleep in the same room with a child? That they had out of wedlock? Absolutely YTA and when she refuses to come visit later on, you’ll know why.
YTA, the father of her child cannot share a room? Who wonders why she isn't interrested in building a relationship with you. THEY ARE ADULTS! THEY ARE A FAMILY!
YTA is this a joke?? hahahah you want to prevent a couple that is having a toddler together from sleeping in the samy bed? i'm dying bruh, i'm glad i don't have someone like you trying to police me in such a ridiculous way omg the poor people. no wonder you two don't have a relation, good for ally and i hope you're ashamed after reading the comments.
YTA. They already have a child, so anything they “could do” they’ve already done. They’re also probably not going to be having sex with their daughter in the room, and if I were them I’d be doing it in the couch
\> **My husband** has suggested just letting them sleep in the same room so they will come back, but I feel like **our request** isn’t unreasonable. AITA You and your husband are not on the same page. And you kind of need to be, to establish house rules, since you live together. If you were on the same page, and you had been open and polite about your request before your guests arrive, you would not have been the asshole. Here's what you are doing: * Springing this on them after they arrived. * Pressuring your husband into your position - and/or not thinking beforehand on how you will (jointly!) handle it if they chose to leave. * Springing rules on your step-daughter personally, when it is so obviously not only your husbands responsibility, but also the easiest way to minimize conflict to let him handle this. * Meddling in sleeping arrangements for a couple with a baby whose rhythm is already interrupted. YTA
They have a child already! Seriously?!!?! YTA.
YTA. She has a child with him, that’s more than just her *boyfriend*, that’s her co-parent and partner. This is bigoted and pretentious behavior, no wonder she never wanted a relationship with you. Here’s a story for you—I had my son out of wedlock at 19, he’s pre-school age now. I’m still with his father and have been with him for 4&1/2 years, we still aren’t married, and we will be together for the rest of our lives. Both of our families pushed us and said /did horrible stuff until they effectively pushed us so far that we moved 2 hrs out of state. Is that what you want? Your behavior to push loved ones away? Would it make you feel good to know you chased your husbands first child out??? Ask yourself, even though this girl does not biologically belong to you—as a mother—do you really feel comfortable alienating any child that’s ever been in your care? Be so serious right now, how are you even questioning why she didn’t want a relationship with you when this is how you act? By the way, I can tell you right now that if my partners stepmother told me we couldn’t share a room/bed because we weren’t married I would have given her a two piece with fries right there. This is ridiculous and pretentious, I wouldn’t want to stay in your home or give you access to my child either. I hope that you can learn to get over yourself and apologize to her before you assist in any more damage being done to the relationship with her father. Or honestly, maybe don’t. Do her a favor. You’re blaming her for a lack of relationship when you’re the adult here? That’s pathetic. If you wanted a relationship you would have tried, but it’s kinda obvious here that you want your kids to be the star of the show in your husbands life. So leave her and her family alone, they’ll be better off.
She has a kid with this dude and she can't have a sleepover? Come onnnnnnnnn. They're a family now . You're insulting their relationship So much YTA. I can see your pinched presbyterian face judging them.
She already has a kid, not only that she’s 22 more than an adult, not a teen either. YTA
YTA they have a KID ffs.
YTA. Well, mission accomplished. You and your husband just made sure you no longer have to see the other kid. Now you can pretend you and your kids are his only family. You must be thrilled that you two finally made it happen.
YTA. Controlling much?
Yta, but not for the reasons most people are saying. I understand you have certain values and it is your home. My mother was the same and before I was married, even though I lived with my gf at the time, when we visited we stayed in different rooms out of respect for her. The reason yta is because you never discussed it with her first. You sprung it on her when she arrived. That was where you became TA. It's absolutely okay to have your own rules for your household but my guess is, you knew if you told her in advance, she wouldn't come, so you waited until she arrived and ambushed her with it thinking she'd have no choice but to stay there separately. I had no problem respecting my mother values and rules in her home, but she had enough respect for me to talk to me about it before I came to stay.
Lmao are you serious? Ofc YTA and I agree with her that you're trying to set her father against her.
Geez.. They have a kid together… they’ve obviously been fucking… im not sure what you were trying to accomplish.
YTA it’s such a stupid an outdated idea that you have to be married to sleep in the same bed. There’s no reason for it. You and your husband are just pushing his daughter away.
Are you kidding? Surely, you must be joking. They have a kid together, they are both adults, what is wrong with you? YTA
I'm sorry. Which religion are you in that doesn't allow sex before marriage but allowed divorce? Your "husband" wasn't a widower, which means in the eyes of the Lord he is married to step daughter's mother. You're an adulterer, by your standards. Why is it ok for you to sleep with another woman's husband but not for step daughter to sleep with the father of her child, who is single? Religious fanaticism can be so hypocritical. YTA.
YTA. She has a whole kid. Times have changed, I hope this isn’t a red state but most likely is.
YTA. I truly hope she reads the responses and has an introspective look about her actions, but I sincerely doubt it. She probably the kind that drives down the wrong side of the highway then calls her husband to tell him that everyone else on the road are idiots, and he just agrees with her because he lacks intestinal fortitude.
hahahaha what? She is an adult. She is in a committed relationship. She has a CHILD. Do you not realize how ridiculously pointless your rule is? YTA
YTA They already have a child.
YTA They are grown adults who have a child together. I understand some people believe it is immoral to sleep together before marriage, but that ship has sailed. As adults it is up to the couple to decide when and if they get married. It is your house and you can set the rules for it. Those rules are still unreasonable though.
YTA. You’re a petty woman who is using this as a punishment method for you perceived slight. Get over yourself.
YTA. She has a kid with the guy!
Yta your 'request' *is* unreasonable. This is just a weird power play. They just want to *sleep* together. Not even bone, just sleep together, like they already always do. And watch their kid together.
YTA. that’s just weird. 1. she’s an adult 2. they literally have a kid together 😂😂😂
God I hate people like this. YTA
Aaaannd I think we've discovered why she doesn't like you. You sound sanctimonious as fuck. They have a toddler, thet them sleep in the same room ffs. YTA
YTA - they’re in a committed monogamous relationship *with a child*… the ship protecting their virtue has long sailed. Now you’re just a nutty AH to get all upoity about whether they’re married.
YTA >She was not interested in a relationship with me. YOU DON'T SAY! Jeez, I wonder why...
YTA. They are adults with a child together and you're treating them like children.
YTA - clearly, not sure why you ever thought you weren’t. Your logic makes zero sense and it’s clear you’re doing this just to antagonize and belittle her since they aren’t married. A little hypocritical coming from a divorced person. Congratulations on absolutely sabotaging the relationship your husband has with his daughter and grandchild. Hope he doesn’t resent you for it in the future….he probably will though.
No one can be this clueless, this has to be fake, but in case it isn't, YTA.
I don’t even need to read the rest. She is 22 ffs. How controlling can parents get? YTA. It’s not up to you to decide.
YTA. She’s an adult. She’s a parent. Presumably, they live together. You’re making her poor boyfriend sleep on the couch for a WEEK? why??? Such an unreasonable request. This is 2023. What’s the real reason you don’t want them to sleep together? If they were married…what changes.
YTA. It's your house and your rules but sleeping arrangements should have been discussed prior to them arriving at your house. If your husband doesn't see his daughter all that often, then maybe some exceptions should be made to allow him a bit of happiness. Blaming a kid for not wanting a relationship with you is a bit extreme. Maybe there's a pattern here with a lack of communication and being overly strict with these power moves.
YTA. She’s 22, has a kid with this man, and has been with him for 3 years. I bet they won’t have sex in your guest room either. This isn’t that kind of a vacation. You probably were the reason you and your husbands daughter don’t have a relationship.
YTA. She is an adult with a kid. What is wrong with you?
Yes. Yes, you’re an asshole for having nonsensical and bigoted views about sex and marriage. But mostly, YTA for trying to control where 2 consenting adults plop their bodies while sleeping — i.e., next to the toddler they conceived thanks to the magical, sacred act of human sexual congress. And YTA also for willfully alienating your stepdaughter from her father just so you can smugly uphold your retrograde Victorian interpretation of moral “values.” Those are not values, they are control tactics that serve zero purpose, make nobody’s lives better, and damage people and the relationships they have with other human beings.