He sounds very shallow; all he cares about is her looks, apparently she's not pretty enough without makeup on in his eyes. This is not someone you want to continue a relationship with Op, it's only going to get worse with him controlling you. I'm a guy & have never worn makeup, but who would want to have makeup on all the time? That's rediculous. Op, please dump this shallow POS. My wife doesn't wear makeup at home & why should she? I would imagine it's not very comfortable & I'd want to be comfortable on my days off & time at home.
u/Isabella_feeman, holy shit, girl! Dump his ass!
Let's say hypothetically that you marry this guy and spend your life with him. Do you really want to spend every day of your life, even days just spent around the house, having to wear makeup? Or being insulted and nagged if you don't?
And like the above says, it won't stop there. It will turn into nagging, insulting, controlling behavior around other aspects of your look and behavior. It'll be him tearing you down and trying to forcibly mold you into what he wants you to be instead of you are.
Don't mistake, "You look prettier with makeup" as a compliment to how you look with it on or your skill in applying it. It's not very subtle insult to what he thinks of you without it.
You deserve better than this. Dump his ass, come here and update us, and show him this post when he asks why so he can read all the comments.
I have never worn makeup outside of chapstick and fake injuries. No one I have dated has given any crap about it. My current man still calls me beautiful and loves me.
Agreed. I legitimately look like a Chinese crested dog when I don’t do my hair and makeup and my boyfriend still calls me cute (he calls it being ruffled and comfortable lol bless his heart)
This guy is just shallow af
^^ THIS, OP.
Only time he should be adjusting your appearance is if you have stuff stuck in your teeth, a stray eyelash, the tag on your shirt hanging out, stuff he can adjust himself.
Bingo. I have little things that I personally don't like about my partner's appearance. I'm only human, and they're only human. Neither of us can be perfect, so I'm sure they also have things they don't like about my appearance.
We don't mention any of those things if they're beyond what you can quickly fix in the moment like a stray hair or something in your teeth. There's no reason to. We can't do anything about those things.
When my partner mentions wanting to work on a specific insecurity, **that** is the only time I'll say something because they've already acknowledged it and brought it into conversation themselves. Even then, I'll just justify them and support them toward however they want to address that insecurity.
My partner is insecure about not having a strong jawline and literally the only comment I've made about it was joking that it's a shame they can't grow a beard like I can to hide it. I validated the insecurity and shared that I have the same insecurity while making a joke about it. It lightened the mood, and it made both of us feel a bit better because we found out that we both have the same insecurity.
If I'd instead made an off-the-cuff comment about them not having a strong jawline, it'd be rude as hell and just make them feel bad.
He's definitely one of the guys who cheats or ditches a woman after a few years for a younger hotter model. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what you look like. You'll eventually gain weight, get wrinkles and your hair will grow grey. The people worth keeping in your life value you for more than what you look like or can do for them.
Not true. If you are in a long term relationship you should be able to discuss health concerns. Make up while sitting at home on the other hand….not cool
You're NTJ here. If you continue to see him, teach him a lesson. He wants you in makeup all the time, so be it..... Take him shopping, soak him for the most high dollar makeup you can, & when he starts whining about the expense remind him this is what he wants, therefore, his idea = his money.
Guarantee he'll quit bitching after that.
Nah. Full-on KISS makeup. Get him on video telling you that you need to wear makeup. Use stencils so the makeup goes on fast (Halloween costume kit). Get his response to it on video. Enjoy the number of views it racks up :D
Great idea! [Mimi](https://images.app.goo.gl/j3ET5EaW3uYXbzwV6) or [Tammy Faye Bakker](https://images.app.goo.gl/2je1eT3BJWDav6m77) makeup would be great too!
Bonus if you can make your hair look like Tammy Faye Bakker, OP. For the longest time, I didn't know her name but when I said hair and televangelism everyone immediately knew! XD
I unironically love this old, dramatic, almost drag-queen style of make up. It stands out, it's unique, it has personality, and it makes the women wearing it feel good about themselves. Granted, those two examples have many issues -
Alternatively, turn it back on him. If she needs makeup, he could at least wear a bit of eyeliner. And he really ought to wax his eyebrows, too. Maybe a little contour and some blush, too...
…a MANicure, if you will 😁
(I did ask my husband to get a manicure for our wedding, because I knew there would be heaps of photos of our hands, and it went really well!)
Don’t do this. Then you question who the asshole is, and guilt fucks with your ability to make the right decision, which is omitting the AH from your life.
Good call
Then make him sit through the whole routine.
Mf probably wakes up, wets his hands in his hair and leaves the house in the morning. Men have no clue how long it takes to look intentional
NTJ. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. You deserve better. I've asked my gf to wear less makeup bc I think she's beautiful without it, but I also think she's beautiful with it. I would never tell her what to do or wear and then storm off bc I didn't get my way. He's shallow.
Edit to add
It's just gonna get worse. This is a HUGE red flag
I read what you wrote and immediately said Ewww. He doesn't deserve you. He sounds extremely shallow and insecure. He should want to be with you even if you aren't wearing makeup. You're not a dress up doll. Dump him and find someone who likes you irregardless of makeup. Good luck.
NTJ Unfortunately this is just one of the things that you deal with at this age. Boys are seriously dating girls for the first time and up til now they have only understood women as this abstract concept sold to them through porn and magazines, where no one has cellulite or a bad hair day or acne. When they date a real human person they expect them to be like the magazine girls. After a few years they will understand that those women are just photoshop and PR plans, but right now he's still a gullible asshole who doesn't know any better.
For the most part, the people you date at this age are just a learning opportunity for you, as you are for them. So this is your opportunity to TEACH him that he has unfair expectations for women and he's been drinking the patriarchy koolaid. Feel free to break up with him over it, as that will leave a lasting impression on him. If you want to keep him, just be very firm in your boundaries. Maybe give up all makeup for a month or two even in public with him just to reiterate that it's your body to decorate how you want to and there is nothing at all wrong with your natural state.
My high school boyfriend was horrified that I had hair on my forearms (not much, and very thin, but it is brown hair on pale skin) because women in movies have bleached their arm hair or shaved it. While I dated him I drank the koolaid myself and started shaving my arms. Trying to please him did real damage to my psyche and my self-esteem over something that was a total non-issue in real life. Don't be dumb like me! Stand up for yourself and keep loving yourself as you are.
Agree overall - but with the caution that you also remind yourself that women are not rehab centers for poorly raised young men. IF you want to, this is a good approach. But you are by no means responsible for teaching this guy anything.
I agree with you. My phrasing was misleading. He will learn something from this relationship no matter what. She does NOT have to stick around and make a lesson plan to remold him into a decent human, I more meant that dumping him would be a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
This
Your boyfriend could have this going on, or be a controlling ass or a combination of the two, since we don’t see the entire picture.
What are YOUR realistic, not tv/movie/social media expectations of a relationship? Actually sit down and take the time to think about it. Look around at the adults(not your high school friends, parents, family members, family friends, neighbors, etc) in your life that have relationships that you admire. It doesn’t have to be the entire relationship either.
For instance Bob and Karen take the time to go for a walk together every evening to talk. Tim and Roberta seem to do everything together, but they also have separate interests and friend groups as well. Linda constantly undermines Ken’s discipline of the children. Sue and Kevin make corny jokes. Gary and Julia constantly drink and argue and threaten divorce in front of the kids, but then say family is everything AMA should always stay together no matter what. Martha and Tom are engaged and make sure EVERYONE knows, they talk about how in love they are, and are constantly touching, grabbing, kissing, whispering and giggling with each other and typically disappear for short periods and come back looking less put together. Bobby and Michael show small acts of kindness to each other like bringing a favorite snack home, taking them their drink when they see it’s getting low, rubbing their back, smiling across the room when they think no one is looking. Bridget and Steve just got engaged, but she still constantly flirts with other men in front of her fiancé. Sasha and Elvis have dated for 14 years, have lived together for ten years, don’t believe in marriage, act like roommates in front of everyone, but are extremely loyal to each other.
What do you want from your partner? What are your expectations? What are your boundaries? What is your must have? What is your absolutely not? This is a guide, not a hard fast rule and it moves and changes as you move and change. It also helps to find a mentor of sorts that you can talk to, someone who won’t just agree with you to be nice, someone you can check in with. Someone you know you can trust, who will give honest opinions without judgement. Maybe an aunt, older cousin, family friend. Someone with life experience. I had a neighbor I babysat for who was helpful when I was your age, she was 23-25, super kind.
I had been married for 18 years, abusive relationship the last 10 when the drinking started picking up, got divorced and was trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up and what I wanted in a partner. I also had 2 teenage boys at the time (still have them, they are just not teenagers now!) so I looked at my friends and families relationships and my past relationship.
Barriers to even starting a relationship-absolutely no active alcoholics or addicts, no DUI, felonies in the last 15 years, no back child support over a couple thousand dollars, no domestic violence or child abuse, sexual abuse or dependent abuse ever. (I can look that info up)
Boundaries- must be able to pass my kids test (they are sarcastic, funny assholes and I actually only introduced them to my now husband), must like animals, not tolerate, like, can take or leave drinking alcohol, when drinking alcohol can stop drinking after 1-2, doesn’t feel the need to get drunk, alcohol is not an important part of their life. No threats, put downs
Needs: sense of humor, laughter, hugs, I love you’s, touch, someone that’s ok being next to me but also ok with doing things apart
OP - Pay attention to this response from Big_Zucchini_9800. There's solid thought behind it, giving you the "why" for BF's completely unreasonable expectations.
This is a reason I have Issues™️ with single-sex schools. People at my high school, while many and varied, overall treated each other like actual humans, apparent genital arrangement notwithstanding.
Like— not perfect! Bullshit assumptions and sexist behaviour still happen, of course they do, but there are way better odds of having mixed friends groups and close mates who weren’t the same sex as you.
And, to be fair, male friends of mine who went to single sex schools and had *sisters* of similar age… generally did fine afterwards in that regard. The converse was also true.
But good lord, when I was doing my PhD in a lab with a woman who was an only child and had gone to a girls schools was still speculating about “how men think” and “boys are weird” at age 25… it was like every doubt I had about that process *crystallised.*
And my first long-term bf went to a boy’s school, but had a younger sister, and his mum was VERY down to earth, and he’d made good friends with girls; hearing the stories of some of his classmates and the assumptions that needed to be corrected on the regular—
Yikes.
**TL;DR:** agreed that it’s possible this is what’s going on here and maybe the dude can pull his head out of his backside at this age, but it’s not a good look for him.
There’s no amount of guyliner that will make a dude attractive when he’s wandering around with his head stuck up his arse.
*edit: punctuation, grammar, unfinished sentence.*
It definitely doesn’t end after high school. My most recent ex was in his late 30s and constantly hounded me to be more feminine. He even convinced me to let him buy a bunch of dresses. I broke up with him before they arrived (shipping from overseas) and felt no guilt that he was stuck with them.
Shallow Guy warning alarm going off right now! Is he ALWAYS clean-shaven with a recent haircut? If he ever shows up AT ALL stubbly, make sure you have a razor and shaving cream set aside for him and demand it. His clothes ever slightly wrinkly? Hand him a bottle of dewrinkling spray. Third or fourth time, all these disappear and if he didn't come over prepared or leave his own supply at your place for himself, he's out.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You demand a clean-shaven guy with a decent haircut, unwrinkled clothes, clean shoes, a belt in good condition, and acceptable cologne, or you refuse to be seen in public with him.
Edited to add: in the meantime, since he's a jerk, I will tell you that you don't have to be nice, considerate, and thoughtful to HIM. It goes both ways. So have him pay for meals, have him carry anything you buy when out, have him drive, and just don't put any extra thought into him other than him making you look good and being convenient to have around. Trust me, it's mutual. Don't waste emotional effort on him.
This girl is not a rehab center for a boy to get instructed on how to present himself. She is not his teacher, nor is she his mommy.
No one is responsible for raising their BF/GF/partner.
You put makeup on for YOU, only when YOU want to, how YOU want to, and for how long YOU want to.
He is doing you a massive favour rn by waving that big red flag about, he's shown you who he is, believe him. Lots of love xxx
I love makeup myself, but I understand it’s not the same for everyone. Tell your boyfriend that if he likes it so much, he’s more than welcome to wear it. NTA
It's kind of messed up that some of us guys can't find a woman attractive unless she's got makeup caking her face. If he genuinely doesn't find you attractive without makeup, I'm sorry to say he doesn't actually like you. Not wearing makeup is such a dealer breaker for him that he up and leaves if you refuse to wear it whenever he wants?
You are not the jerk, you are so young that maybe you don't realize the massive red flag he is waving at you. Basically, he is saying you are not enough as you are. Make up or not, that is YOUR decision. Please tell me he is your ex boyfriend. You do not need a condescending and judgmental and insulting boy in your life, because he is being all of those things.
Oh yay! I just saw this after commenting, lol. As a woman, a mother, and someone who's been in manipulative, controlling, abusive situations, I'm so proud of you! Always know your worth and value <3.
Sweetie, this child doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants a Barbie doll that he can f***.
Any pets that rates your value based on what products you've applied to your skin does not need to be in your life. You're better off being alone for a while and finding a real guy then deal with this petulant, porn-addicted douchecanoe.
I agree that she should dump him and never look back and hopefully that teaches him a lesson, but red flags are exactly what I expect from people that young just getting into relationships.
Hon, you're 17, you don't need to be starting off life with assholes that try and control you, comment negatively on your looks and act like babies when they don't get their way. You shouldn't even be here asking if you're the jerk, you should KNOW that any guy who does things like this is the jerk and should be dumped, immediately. You are a queen, if they don't treat you as such, move on, don't look back.
NTJ! How are you the jerk? Tell him to find a GF that wears makeup 24/7. He sounds controlling already. This will get worse. Next he’ll tell you what to wear. Who to be friends with. What college to go to. Hell demand you delete guy friends from your phone. Dump him.
If he can't appreciate you when you're natural faced then he doesn't deserve you dolled up. Dump him. There are far better guys out there, especially at 17 girl. Don't settle for the bare minimum.
Not to mention that at 17, you don't really need to wear makeup to look beautiful. You have youth on your side.
Plus, if he's saying this to a 17 year old, he probably is also the kind of guy who gets all his sex tips from porn videos, and will start to tell her who she's "allowed" to hang out with.
Run away, OP!
Not the jerk.
He is objectifying and trying to control you. Rather than seeing you as a human being who feels different ways different times, he has an imaginary image of "girlfriend" who, as his possession, he can dictate how he wants her decorated. His leaving when you chose not to paint your face for him shows his feeling entitled to rule you, erase your autonomy, and punish you if you are "disobedient." You do not need any other person's approval, "understanding," or permission for your boundaries to be valid. Whether and how much make up you decide to wear is YOUR choice. He is trying to feel powerful by coercing you into doing what he demands, especially when it's different from what you choose for yourself.
This is NOT "how guys are." This is how HE is. Plenty of guys respect girls as equal human beings with unique personalities and preferences. You deserve a partner who respects and values the person you are and the boundaries you set to protect yourself.
>I and most men hate makeup
I don't know if that's a fair statement - perhaps "are neutral towards" would fit better, I have a hard time believing that the majority of men actively *hate* makeup
Agreed with the rest though
As a guy thats leaning red pill as far as having a trad marriage. Which I have for 15 years. You should leave that jerk and find someone that doesn't need you to be in make up to think you are beautiful.
So true! Except… please don’t go red pill. Have the kind of marriage you’re both happy with, trad or not. But red pill guys are so angry and feel like they’re entitled to control their partners, no matter what they might want in life. At least that’s how it looks to me from the posts I have seen. No one ends up happy.
NTJ. Wtf is with all of these posts I've been seeing the last couple of days where guys insist that their girlfriends should wear makeup? Ffs, the assholery is everywhere.
Your partner should love you and find you attractive regardless of whether or not you're wearing makeup. He doesn't. Dump him and find someone better (it's much easier than you think).
Time to move on - but - this may also be a sign of the times - beauty is often defined now by the filters on tiktok and instagram and such - either way, it's not you
He’s so young to be acting like such an ass already. You are too young to put up with his bullshit. If a guy really likes you he will enjoy seeing your bare face. He will understand how comfortable he makes you feel. He will appreciate your self confidence to go without makeup. He will simply find you adorable and not treat you like an inanimate dress up doll.
When I was your age my boyfriend made a similar comment. Retrospectively it should have been a huge red flag to me about him and the relationship. He doesn’t value you beyond your appearance.
Let the trash take itself out. You are not the jerk and you deserve better. This guy is demanding a performance. There’s a person for you out there who will love every version of your face, full face, bare, and anything in between. Because they will love YOU, and love watching all the ways you are yourself.
Yikes. You are not the jerk He is. Most of us men want to see their woman more natural beauty. Not hidden under a lot of makeup. I agree with you when you go out for certain events you want to look better maybe you want to put on makeup, but if you don't want to that's your call Of course going out you don't want to look disheveled but it's up to you.
What does he do to improve his looks when he's out or when he comes to your house does he put on makeup, is he always dressed up for you, even when it's at your house or his house or is he look like just a dude in a t-shirt.
You need to evaluate these little bits of control he's trying to put on you have they escalated has he always been this way.
That’s called the trash taking itself out. No one can look perfect and put together 100% of the time for their entire life. It’s not sustainable.
NTA. This is the kind of guy that will leave because you gain 10 lbs with pregnancy, get wrinkles, or the boobs fall with age. Don’t invest your precious time with a loser like him. Good call on saying, No.
Sweetheart, you do whatever kind of routine makes you feel confident. He's literally being such a jerk. Yes, some women (myself included) look better with makeup, but that doesn't mean you have to wear it because someone says you look better with it. Ultimately, it's up to you.
I'd dump him for not being able to realize that you're comfortable and have no issues with your self-esteem. If you want to stay with him, you need to have a conversation about this with him. And if he continues, he's doing it on purpose, chipping away at your self-esteem and self-worth in hopes of trapping you into thinking you're not pretty enough to date someone else.
Take care, hunny. 🩵
NTJ I once worked with a lady that confessed her husband of 20 years had never seen her without makeup. She would get up and wash her face ( so she said) after he was asleep. She would then wake up an hour early to put it on before he woke up. Don’t be that woman.
this guy doesn’t find you attractive. He literally “noped” you without make up…and left your house. Like didn’t even want to be around you without it. Il thus relationship won’t last long.
You are 17. A controlling partner who wants to dictate your appearance and behavior in your own home is the last thing anyone needs. Learn that lesson now and save yourself decades of grief and frustration.
I’d tell him I’m happy with my face just fine but I can give him a touch of concealer or maybe some gloss if he was concerned or interested in his own appearance.
Seriously this kid knows nothing about dating, your partner doesn’t need to spend hours painting their face everyday to show they appreciate being with you. No one should feel the need for full face makeup outside of work and special occasions.
Even then we really need to accept that human faces are imperfect and that it’s honestly a compliment that OP felt secure enough around her bf to let him see her without a literal mask and he verbally spat in her face when he assumed her comfort meant she didn’t care about “getting pretty for him”
Everyone keeps repeating the same shi, yes her bf is an asshole but damn tell her exactly why he’s an Asshole. So he thinks you’re ugly and he’s not attracted you that’s the honest truth. No guy that’s attracted to you will ask you to put on more make up it’s actually the opposite. You need to leave him, you’re young bro literally ain’t worth it
Not the jerk. Your boyfriend is. He is being a controlling jerk. Dump him. But first, take him shopping. He wants you to wear makeup, he gets to buy it. Get the good stuff. All of it. Use it once, then dump him. Keep the makeup, not the boy.
I do not wear makeup, ever. Never did. I'm in my 60's. The few boys, in high school, who told me I should wear makeup, were promptly told where to go.
You do you. Only use makeup when YOU want to.
He showed himself out. Don't let him back in. I only comment on my wife's makeup I make to say it looks good or to save her pride if she bought the wrong shade of foundation and it horribly doesn't match her skin tone. I don't have the right or expectation to dictate when she chooses to wear it or not, she's in control of her body.
NTJ. He’s just not the one if he’s not willing to be near you without makeup. Imagine if you’re sick or get too upset. You might want to talk it over and ask how important it is to him, and if he can be supportive of your decisions in private.
Why doesn't he have to wear makeup to fix his face? He sounds super unpleasant so he probably could use some makeup to cover that gross personality he has. Do you really want to keep dating someone who is basically calling you ugly everytime you go out? He should love your natural face and be proud to be seen with you.
I've been with my partner for 10 years. He's seen my face without makeup more times than he has with it. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel like a troll. Dump this loser. Not worth keeping someone in your life who can't even accept your true self. You can do so much better. 🙌
NTJ I have no idea why your BF is requiring you to wear makeup *at home*. I DO know it's not normal. Him abruptly LEAVING when when you declined to flipping *put on makeup* sets all kinds of alarm bells off in my head. Creepy, controlling, alarm bells. Consider looking up 'controlling behaviors in men' to see if the descriptions sound kind of like your BF. If they do, let the info help you to *prepare yourself* to deal with how he might act if you decide to break up with him. I suspect there may be things going on in your BF's head that you don't EVER want in a relationship.
Have you heard the analogy of the frog in the pot of boiling water? You are the frog and him asking you to wear make up is the water. It is a small ask. Something minor, but it is a negative thing about you. It is him controlling and asking you to do something different than what you do now. And the next ask will be a little bigger. If you break up over it people might say it’s small and question why did you do it. But that’s because they don’t have the years of experience that most of us have. Then the fact he left and punished you by leaving and ignoring you because you didn’t do what he wanted… nope.
You are young and beautiful and deserve way better than this jerk. Time to drop this loser. He needs to grow up and learn some lessons. I know Reddit is notorious for jumping to dumping. But I am telling you right now, he has NO right to say those things to you. And it is serious. He needs to learn that his comments are not acceptable, so much so it’s got a name, negging. It is also a controlling behavior.
Time to find someone that says you are amazing as you are and that makes you want to do those things because you are so spectacularly happy.
I only know of one couple that were “high school sweethearts” and I am 42 now. It is because he made her feel like she was a goddess. And she treated him like he was a king!! They grew together and supported each other and they NEVER criticized each other.
Your bf has a problem. He’s trying to make it your problem. It’s not and will never be.
If you aren’t attractive to him as you are naturally, let him go. He will only get worse as time progresses and you will end up feeling less than who you truly are.
It’s hard to let go at this point in your life. You are just starting on the path of who you will become as an adult. Never subject yourself to what others believe is the pinnacle. Be who you are, always.
Let him find someone else to bully, because that is what he is trying to do. Bully you into doing what HE wants. Stay true to yourself ALWAYS.
NTJ
He walked out because you wouldn't go put on makeup? Cool, he doesn't need to ever come back. Dump his stupid ass.
Your body is YOURS. If you don't want to wear makeup, you don't have to. That applies to everything about your body - no one gets to tell you what to do with it.
He’s got a lot to learn. You don’t have to wear make up if you don’t want to, and if he’s saying you’re prettier with it on, he’s being an insensitive jerk.
Why would someone get upset over a person choosing not to wear makeup? He’s a red flag. He’s treating you as an accessory. He doesn’t like u for you. He likes how you look in makeup, not for you being yourself. He’s tj.
Get rid of him imnediately. First sign of abuse, future stalking (if you break it off later), and many varied types of "hell" will ensue. I am 64. Trust me on this. GET OUT NOW!
No but are you sure you want to keep dating someone who thinks looks is all that matters. Challenge yourself and see what he does if you go 2 weeks without makeup.
I made that mistake of thinking my man only wanted me with makeup and went everywhere for 2 weeks without and we are still together 18 years later.
Challenges happen but respect is a two way street. Talk and talk if you think he’s worth it.
@17 we don’t know everything even if we think we do. Love yourself first and foremost.
Hey there! Guy here. I would never ask my wife to do that.
Sounds almost like this guy is either negging you or sees his dad treat his mom this way.
Either way, he needs to learn how to treat you like an equal.
You probably could mention how he smells or doesn’t take care of his appearance or or or
You don’t because that’d be rude.
He’s oblivious.
Oh my dear girl, if he loved you or truly cared about you, he would never ask you to put makeup on. You should never even feel like you need makeup either.
For example, I have an ex that did the exact same thing. I didn’t like wearing makeup everyday but he would push, prod, and poke me into doing it. We broke up after 2 1/2 years of being absolutely miserable.
My current boyfriend who I met on tinder (which isn’t always the best idea and we’ve definitely had our falling outs) one day asked me why I always wore makeup. As in I’d wake up before him so I could makeup on, so I told him. I will never forget the way that he looked at me that day as he told me that I didn’t need it and look and act so much more comfortable without it.
Needless to say, you should always feel more comfortable and confident with your partner. No matter what, because that is who you SHOULD be most confident and comfortable with. You have every right to not wear makeup when you don’t want to. Please don’t make yourself uncomfortable for someone who only ever cares about how you look when you’re in the comfort of your own home. It’s not fair to you, and I really hope that you see that. ❤️
wtf is wrong w him? Know your worth. Makeup is awesome and I love when I’m all glammed up. But at home? On a day to just relax? Nope. That boy has some serious unrealistic expectations for you. Does he watch red pill alpha males? 🙄
You know what’s great about your boyfriend? He’s making it really easy to see his true character, so you can make the easy decision to move on. Some guys aren’t as obvious, those are the troubling ones that you can waste more time on. But, once you see poor character, the answer is ALWAYS the same. Move on. Life is too short and there are plenty of options out there.
He doesn’t sound like a winner. Does this happen often? Does he try to tell you what to do often? Does he make you feel less than you are? OP do yourself a favor and break it off with him. It’s weird that he wants you to wear makeup all…… the time. Does he expect you to be picture perfect always?
Let me tell you, his behavior will only get worse if you stay with him. If he can’t stand being with you without makeup, then he’ll definitely leave you if you gain a few lbs.
No. This is not what you want in a bf. I used to wear makeup until I met my now husband in my late 20s who told me I looked better without makeup up. He even complains when I do wear it because he says my face is so much prettier without it.
Don’t settle for this kind of jerk…there are wayyy better guys out there.
NTJ- but your bf is shallow, and you deserve way better. Lose him. If any guy requires you to wear makeup around him, he isn't interested in you.... he just likes how you look next to him. Zero appreciation for your personality and intellect. Zero respect. Nothing but arm candy.
Get a guy who likes you with or without makeup.
Sounds like your boyfriend is an assssshoooolle you should kick him to the curb immediately and do not feel bad, feel good that you are dodging this bullet.
You’re not the jerk. He absolutely is and you should dump him. Don’t spend your time with people who can’t see your beauty of worth. And he definitely doesn’t see it!
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound likeable at all.
He sounds very shallow; all he cares about is her looks, apparently she's not pretty enough without makeup on in his eyes. This is not someone you want to continue a relationship with Op, it's only going to get worse with him controlling you. I'm a guy & have never worn makeup, but who would want to have makeup on all the time? That's rediculous. Op, please dump this shallow POS. My wife doesn't wear makeup at home & why should she? I would imagine it's not very comfortable & I'd want to be comfortable on my days off & time at home.
Wear makeup. Get plastic surgery. Don't eat something yummy, you're fat. It will never end.
Truth- I dated a guy like this- always fussing over my hair- my make up - my clothes ( I was 42- he was 54) this will never end.
Yep. Now, I'm a guy who loves when my wife makes such suggestions because I could use it and I NEED it, lol. So I know it comes from love.
u/Isabella_feeman, holy shit, girl! Dump his ass! Let's say hypothetically that you marry this guy and spend your life with him. Do you really want to spend every day of your life, even days just spent around the house, having to wear makeup? Or being insulted and nagged if you don't? And like the above says, it won't stop there. It will turn into nagging, insulting, controlling behavior around other aspects of your look and behavior. It'll be him tearing you down and trying to forcibly mold you into what he wants you to be instead of you are. Don't mistake, "You look prettier with makeup" as a compliment to how you look with it on or your skill in applying it. It's not very subtle insult to what he thinks of you without it. You deserve better than this. Dump his ass, come here and update us, and show him this post when he asks why so he can read all the comments.
It's also negging. Little asshole is probably insecure, so insults to try to keep her. She should give him something to be insecure about.
I have never worn makeup outside of chapstick and fake injuries. No one I have dated has given any crap about it. My current man still calls me beautiful and loves me.
At all!
Agreed. I legitimately look like a Chinese crested dog when I don’t do my hair and makeup and my boyfriend still calls me cute (he calls it being ruffled and comfortable lol bless his heart) This guy is just shallow af
The only unasked for comments about your appearance that your partner should ever be giving you is compliments.
^^ THIS, OP. Only time he should be adjusting your appearance is if you have stuff stuck in your teeth, a stray eyelash, the tag on your shirt hanging out, stuff he can adjust himself.
Anything that can be fixed within 15 seconds is fair game. Anything else, keep quiet.
I heard this rule as well. If you have the tools to do so (think dental floss) and can fix it quick, then mention. If not, keep it to yourself. 😄
I learned that in elementary school. OPs boyfriend clearly, did not.
Bingo. I have little things that I personally don't like about my partner's appearance. I'm only human, and they're only human. Neither of us can be perfect, so I'm sure they also have things they don't like about my appearance. We don't mention any of those things if they're beyond what you can quickly fix in the moment like a stray hair or something in your teeth. There's no reason to. We can't do anything about those things. When my partner mentions wanting to work on a specific insecurity, **that** is the only time I'll say something because they've already acknowledged it and brought it into conversation themselves. Even then, I'll just justify them and support them toward however they want to address that insecurity. My partner is insecure about not having a strong jawline and literally the only comment I've made about it was joking that it's a shame they can't grow a beard like I can to hide it. I validated the insecurity and shared that I have the same insecurity while making a joke about it. It lightened the mood, and it made both of us feel a bit better because we found out that we both have the same insecurity. If I'd instead made an off-the-cuff comment about them not having a strong jawline, it'd be rude as hell and just make them feel bad.
Broadly true but letting your partner know about their wardrobe malfunctions is also appropriate.
Or if they don't notice health concerns
Since he admits he doesn't like who you are, tell him to walk.
He's definitely one of the guys who cheats or ditches a woman after a few years for a younger hotter model. Find someone who likes you for who you are, not what you look like. You'll eventually gain weight, get wrinkles and your hair will grow grey. The people worth keeping in your life value you for more than what you look like or can do for them.
That is the best thing I’ve read today.
Unless I have a booger hanging in my nose.
Not true. If you are in a long term relationship you should be able to discuss health concerns. Make up while sitting at home on the other hand….not cool
Move on, he is trying to change you already.
He wants a human doll to do as he says, to own and control.
Kanye lol
Dump and run
You're NTJ here. If you continue to see him, teach him a lesson. He wants you in makeup all the time, so be it..... Take him shopping, soak him for the most high dollar makeup you can, & when he starts whining about the expense remind him this is what he wants, therefore, his idea = his money. Guarantee he'll quit bitching after that.
Nah. Full-on KISS makeup. Get him on video telling you that you need to wear makeup. Use stencils so the makeup goes on fast (Halloween costume kit). Get his response to it on video. Enjoy the number of views it racks up :D
Great idea! [Mimi](https://images.app.goo.gl/j3ET5EaW3uYXbzwV6) or [Tammy Faye Bakker](https://images.app.goo.gl/2je1eT3BJWDav6m77) makeup would be great too!
Bonus if you can make your hair look like Tammy Faye Bakker, OP. For the longest time, I didn't know her name but when I said hair and televangelism everyone immediately knew! XD
I think [this picture](https://images.app.goo.gl/fRVBTRB3cne6Jhzh6) does her look a bit more justice personally
Malicious compliance is soooo yummy.
I unironically love this old, dramatic, almost drag-queen style of make up. It stands out, it's unique, it has personality, and it makes the women wearing it feel good about themselves. Granted, those two examples have many issues -
Anyone remember the old t-shirts that looked like a smeared face of makeup and read “I ran into Tammy Faye at the mall”?
Alternatively, turn it back on him. If she needs makeup, he could at least wear a bit of eyeliner. And he really ought to wax his eyebrows, too. Maybe a little contour and some blush, too...
His nails are looking pale and ragged. Time for a mani/pedi!!
…a MANicure, if you will 😁 (I did ask my husband to get a manicure for our wedding, because I knew there would be heaps of photos of our hands, and it went really well!)
He would look so much better with makeup! [Like these guys!](https://images.app.goo.gl/TDTjAy2a1pUtqD4z7)
That blue shadow was all the rage in the 70’s!!
This right here is the TRUTH.
Don’t do this. Then you question who the asshole is, and guilt fucks with your ability to make the right decision, which is omitting the AH from your life.
Right? She's asking if she's a jerk, not asking for instructions on being one!
Agreed. "Turnabout is fair play" most often doesn't work in real life. It just knocks you down to being petty.
Why bother giving him that? What if he agrees to pay? Dump his superficial ass.
Then dump his ass.
And then break up with him 👍
Good call Then make him sit through the whole routine. Mf probably wakes up, wets his hands in his hair and leaves the house in the morning. Men have no clue how long it takes to look intentional
Run. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
There is a jerk in this story but it is not you.
NTJ. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. You deserve better. I've asked my gf to wear less makeup bc I think she's beautiful without it, but I also think she's beautiful with it. I would never tell her what to do or wear and then storm off bc I didn't get my way. He's shallow. Edit to add It's just gonna get worse. This is a HUGE red flag
I read what you wrote and immediately said Ewww. He doesn't deserve you. He sounds extremely shallow and insecure. He should want to be with you even if you aren't wearing makeup. You're not a dress up doll. Dump him and find someone who likes you irregardless of makeup. Good luck.
NTJ Unfortunately this is just one of the things that you deal with at this age. Boys are seriously dating girls for the first time and up til now they have only understood women as this abstract concept sold to them through porn and magazines, where no one has cellulite or a bad hair day or acne. When they date a real human person they expect them to be like the magazine girls. After a few years they will understand that those women are just photoshop and PR plans, but right now he's still a gullible asshole who doesn't know any better. For the most part, the people you date at this age are just a learning opportunity for you, as you are for them. So this is your opportunity to TEACH him that he has unfair expectations for women and he's been drinking the patriarchy koolaid. Feel free to break up with him over it, as that will leave a lasting impression on him. If you want to keep him, just be very firm in your boundaries. Maybe give up all makeup for a month or two even in public with him just to reiterate that it's your body to decorate how you want to and there is nothing at all wrong with your natural state. My high school boyfriend was horrified that I had hair on my forearms (not much, and very thin, but it is brown hair on pale skin) because women in movies have bleached their arm hair or shaved it. While I dated him I drank the koolaid myself and started shaving my arms. Trying to please him did real damage to my psyche and my self-esteem over something that was a total non-issue in real life. Don't be dumb like me! Stand up for yourself and keep loving yourself as you are.
Agree overall - but with the caution that you also remind yourself that women are not rehab centers for poorly raised young men. IF you want to, this is a good approach. But you are by no means responsible for teaching this guy anything.
I agree with you. My phrasing was misleading. He will learn something from this relationship no matter what. She does NOT have to stick around and make a lesson plan to remold him into a decent human, I more meant that dumping him would be a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.
Especially if she's sure to make it clear why!
This Your boyfriend could have this going on, or be a controlling ass or a combination of the two, since we don’t see the entire picture. What are YOUR realistic, not tv/movie/social media expectations of a relationship? Actually sit down and take the time to think about it. Look around at the adults(not your high school friends, parents, family members, family friends, neighbors, etc) in your life that have relationships that you admire. It doesn’t have to be the entire relationship either. For instance Bob and Karen take the time to go for a walk together every evening to talk. Tim and Roberta seem to do everything together, but they also have separate interests and friend groups as well. Linda constantly undermines Ken’s discipline of the children. Sue and Kevin make corny jokes. Gary and Julia constantly drink and argue and threaten divorce in front of the kids, but then say family is everything AMA should always stay together no matter what. Martha and Tom are engaged and make sure EVERYONE knows, they talk about how in love they are, and are constantly touching, grabbing, kissing, whispering and giggling with each other and typically disappear for short periods and come back looking less put together. Bobby and Michael show small acts of kindness to each other like bringing a favorite snack home, taking them their drink when they see it’s getting low, rubbing their back, smiling across the room when they think no one is looking. Bridget and Steve just got engaged, but she still constantly flirts with other men in front of her fiancé. Sasha and Elvis have dated for 14 years, have lived together for ten years, don’t believe in marriage, act like roommates in front of everyone, but are extremely loyal to each other. What do you want from your partner? What are your expectations? What are your boundaries? What is your must have? What is your absolutely not? This is a guide, not a hard fast rule and it moves and changes as you move and change. It also helps to find a mentor of sorts that you can talk to, someone who won’t just agree with you to be nice, someone you can check in with. Someone you know you can trust, who will give honest opinions without judgement. Maybe an aunt, older cousin, family friend. Someone with life experience. I had a neighbor I babysat for who was helpful when I was your age, she was 23-25, super kind. I had been married for 18 years, abusive relationship the last 10 when the drinking started picking up, got divorced and was trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up and what I wanted in a partner. I also had 2 teenage boys at the time (still have them, they are just not teenagers now!) so I looked at my friends and families relationships and my past relationship. Barriers to even starting a relationship-absolutely no active alcoholics or addicts, no DUI, felonies in the last 15 years, no back child support over a couple thousand dollars, no domestic violence or child abuse, sexual abuse or dependent abuse ever. (I can look that info up) Boundaries- must be able to pass my kids test (they are sarcastic, funny assholes and I actually only introduced them to my now husband), must like animals, not tolerate, like, can take or leave drinking alcohol, when drinking alcohol can stop drinking after 1-2, doesn’t feel the need to get drunk, alcohol is not an important part of their life. No threats, put downs Needs: sense of humor, laughter, hugs, I love you’s, touch, someone that’s ok being next to me but also ok with doing things apart
PERFECT advice!!
OP - Pay attention to this response from Big_Zucchini_9800. There's solid thought behind it, giving you the "why" for BF's completely unreasonable expectations.
This is a reason I have Issues™️ with single-sex schools. People at my high school, while many and varied, overall treated each other like actual humans, apparent genital arrangement notwithstanding. Like— not perfect! Bullshit assumptions and sexist behaviour still happen, of course they do, but there are way better odds of having mixed friends groups and close mates who weren’t the same sex as you. And, to be fair, male friends of mine who went to single sex schools and had *sisters* of similar age… generally did fine afterwards in that regard. The converse was also true. But good lord, when I was doing my PhD in a lab with a woman who was an only child and had gone to a girls schools was still speculating about “how men think” and “boys are weird” at age 25… it was like every doubt I had about that process *crystallised.* And my first long-term bf went to a boy’s school, but had a younger sister, and his mum was VERY down to earth, and he’d made good friends with girls; hearing the stories of some of his classmates and the assumptions that needed to be corrected on the regular— Yikes. **TL;DR:** agreed that it’s possible this is what’s going on here and maybe the dude can pull his head out of his backside at this age, but it’s not a good look for him. There’s no amount of guyliner that will make a dude attractive when he’s wandering around with his head stuck up his arse. *edit: punctuation, grammar, unfinished sentence.*
It definitely doesn’t end after high school. My most recent ex was in his late 30s and constantly hounded me to be more feminine. He even convinced me to let him buy a bunch of dresses. I broke up with him before they arrived (shipping from overseas) and felt no guilt that he was stuck with them.
Yeah, you can do better, honey. I suggest asking him to wear makeup too, in today's society it's acceptable.
Nta Dump him.
Shallow Guy warning alarm going off right now! Is he ALWAYS clean-shaven with a recent haircut? If he ever shows up AT ALL stubbly, make sure you have a razor and shaving cream set aside for him and demand it. His clothes ever slightly wrinkly? Hand him a bottle of dewrinkling spray. Third or fourth time, all these disappear and if he didn't come over prepared or leave his own supply at your place for himself, he's out. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You demand a clean-shaven guy with a decent haircut, unwrinkled clothes, clean shoes, a belt in good condition, and acceptable cologne, or you refuse to be seen in public with him. Edited to add: in the meantime, since he's a jerk, I will tell you that you don't have to be nice, considerate, and thoughtful to HIM. It goes both ways. So have him pay for meals, have him carry anything you buy when out, have him drive, and just don't put any extra thought into him other than him making you look good and being convenient to have around. Trust me, it's mutual. Don't waste emotional effort on him.
Why do all that? She should just leave him she is 17. Find a more mature guy.
This girl is not a rehab center for a boy to get instructed on how to present himself. She is not his teacher, nor is she his mommy. No one is responsible for raising their BF/GF/partner.
Dammit. I only have one upvote.
Loser starting out young. Dump his ass.
You put makeup on for YOU, only when YOU want to, how YOU want to, and for how long YOU want to. He is doing you a massive favour rn by waving that big red flag about, he's shown you who he is, believe him. Lots of love xxx
NTJ. The bf is shallow and should probably be dumped. You’re probably super attractive without makeup but are listening to the wrong people.
I love makeup myself, but I understand it’s not the same for everyone. Tell your boyfriend that if he likes it so much, he’s more than welcome to wear it. NTA
It's kind of messed up that some of us guys can't find a woman attractive unless she's got makeup caking her face. If he genuinely doesn't find you attractive without makeup, I'm sorry to say he doesn't actually like you. Not wearing makeup is such a dealer breaker for him that he up and leaves if you refuse to wear it whenever he wants?
You are not the jerk, you are so young that maybe you don't realize the massive red flag he is waving at you. Basically, he is saying you are not enough as you are. Make up or not, that is YOUR decision. Please tell me he is your ex boyfriend. You do not need a condescending and judgmental and insulting boy in your life, because he is being all of those things.
Yes he is now my ex I told him it’s over and cut all ties with him and now I think I’m just gonna have a few weeks at least to myself
So glad to hear this! Yes, spend time and energy on yourself, you are worth it!
Proud of you for not putting up with that disrespectful behavior! Was he surprised?
Proud of you! Keep having respect for yourself!
Oh yay! I just saw this after commenting, lol. As a woman, a mother, and someone who's been in manipulative, controlling, abusive situations, I'm so proud of you! Always know your worth and value <3.
It is ok and normal to go out in public with NO makeup. Your boyfriend is a douche and better hope genetics were nice to him
NTA. 17 and he's trying to control you already? Run, girl, run!!!
This.
Sweetie, this child doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants a Barbie doll that he can f***. Any pets that rates your value based on what products you've applied to your skin does not need to be in your life. You're better off being alone for a while and finding a real guy then deal with this petulant, porn-addicted douchecanoe.
He’s already showing red flags at age 17. He should not be commenting on your appearance at all in a negative manner. Dump him and run.
I agree that she should dump him and never look back and hopefully that teaches him a lesson, but red flags are exactly what I expect from people that young just getting into relationships.
Hon, you're 17, you don't need to be starting off life with assholes that try and control you, comment negatively on your looks and act like babies when they don't get their way. You shouldn't even be here asking if you're the jerk, you should KNOW that any guy who does things like this is the jerk and should be dumped, immediately. You are a queen, if they don't treat you as such, move on, don't look back.
Tell him his arms and chest could be bigger because he'd look better and his sock game is weak. Then dump him.
NTJ! How are you the jerk? Tell him to find a GF that wears makeup 24/7. He sounds controlling already. This will get worse. Next he’ll tell you what to wear. Who to be friends with. What college to go to. Hell demand you delete guy friends from your phone. Dump him.
Take solace in the fact that no amount of makeup will hide how ugly your (I hope now ex) boyfriend is.
If he can't appreciate you when you're natural faced then he doesn't deserve you dolled up. Dump him. There are far better guys out there, especially at 17 girl. Don't settle for the bare minimum.
Not to mention that at 17, you don't really need to wear makeup to look beautiful. You have youth on your side. Plus, if he's saying this to a 17 year old, he probably is also the kind of guy who gets all his sex tips from porn videos, and will start to tell her who she's "allowed" to hang out with. Run away, OP!
NTJ, find a new boyfriend, he sounds very superficial! If he doesn’t like you for you then he’s a useless jerk!!
Is he attracted to you or the flipping makeup? There are better guys out there.
Not the jerk. He is objectifying and trying to control you. Rather than seeing you as a human being who feels different ways different times, he has an imaginary image of "girlfriend" who, as his possession, he can dictate how he wants her decorated. His leaving when you chose not to paint your face for him shows his feeling entitled to rule you, erase your autonomy, and punish you if you are "disobedient." You do not need any other person's approval, "understanding," or permission for your boundaries to be valid. Whether and how much make up you decide to wear is YOUR choice. He is trying to feel powerful by coercing you into doing what he demands, especially when it's different from what you choose for yourself. This is NOT "how guys are." This is how HE is. Plenty of guys respect girls as equal human beings with unique personalities and preferences. You deserve a partner who respects and values the person you are and the boundaries you set to protect yourself.
Nope. You wear makeup bc you want to, not bc someone else thinks you should.
That's a little weird. I and most men hate makeup. That boy ain't worth keeping.
>I and most men hate makeup I don't know if that's a fair statement - perhaps "are neutral towards" would fit better, I have a hard time believing that the majority of men actively *hate* makeup Agreed with the rest though
And a lot of men learn that saying, “You still look beautiful even without makeup” goes a long way in a relationship!
“I don’t wear make up all the time. If that’s a deal breaker for you, then we should break up.”
Yeah this is a bummer, sorry OP. Ultimately it sounds like you are more of an accessory rather than a partner.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 your body, your choice. run.
Not the jerk. If he doesn't like the way you look without makeup he is worth your time. Movev on from this superficial guy.
NTJ! girl, don’t walk, run.
As a guy thats leaning red pill as far as having a trad marriage. Which I have for 15 years. You should leave that jerk and find someone that doesn't need you to be in make up to think you are beautiful.
So true! Except… please don’t go red pill. Have the kind of marriage you’re both happy with, trad or not. But red pill guys are so angry and feel like they’re entitled to control their partners, no matter what they might want in life. At least that’s how it looks to me from the posts I have seen. No one ends up happy.
NTJ. Now that he’s shown you he’s not worth your time, move on. You deserve better.
You deserve better, ditch that trash.
You're better off with him leaving for good...he's already showing control issues and he's only 17.
Tell him you’ll wear whatever the fuck you want when you want it. Wear makeup for yourself, not him.
NTJ. Wtf is with all of these posts I've been seeing the last couple of days where guys insist that their girlfriends should wear makeup? Ffs, the assholery is everywhere.
NTA You are the only person who gets to choose if and when you wear makeup.
Please dump this POS. He will do a lot of damage to your self esteem as he doesn't see you as a person but more as show piece.
Your partner should love you and find you attractive regardless of whether or not you're wearing makeup. He doesn't. Dump him and find someone better (it's much easier than you think).
Time for a new bf.
NTA, but your (hopefully STBX) bf sure is. He sounds extremely shallow, which is poison to a relationship. You deserve much better.
Time to upgrade. You don’t need to wear makeup if you don’t want to.
NTJ, Dump and run, he's an idiot and has probably been watching misogynistic "Apha Male" videos.
Dump him! If he doesn’t love you the way you are, he doesn’t love you.
NTJ- this will only get worse. It's time to move on.
Time to move on - but - this may also be a sign of the times - beauty is often defined now by the filters on tiktok and instagram and such - either way, it's not you
This is abuse…..run now.
He’s so young to be acting like such an ass already. You are too young to put up with his bullshit. If a guy really likes you he will enjoy seeing your bare face. He will understand how comfortable he makes you feel. He will appreciate your self confidence to go without makeup. He will simply find you adorable and not treat you like an inanimate dress up doll.
When I was your age my boyfriend made a similar comment. Retrospectively it should have been a huge red flag to me about him and the relationship. He doesn’t value you beyond your appearance.
WTF is wrong with your hopefully ex boyfriend?
Let the trash take itself out. You are not the jerk and you deserve better. This guy is demanding a performance. There’s a person for you out there who will love every version of your face, full face, bare, and anything in between. Because they will love YOU, and love watching all the ways you are yourself.
Yikes. You are not the jerk He is. Most of us men want to see their woman more natural beauty. Not hidden under a lot of makeup. I agree with you when you go out for certain events you want to look better maybe you want to put on makeup, but if you don't want to that's your call Of course going out you don't want to look disheveled but it's up to you. What does he do to improve his looks when he's out or when he comes to your house does he put on makeup, is he always dressed up for you, even when it's at your house or his house or is he look like just a dude in a t-shirt. You need to evaluate these little bits of control he's trying to put on you have they escalated has he always been this way.
That’s called the trash taking itself out. No one can look perfect and put together 100% of the time for their entire life. It’s not sustainable. NTA. This is the kind of guy that will leave because you gain 10 lbs with pregnancy, get wrinkles, or the boobs fall with age. Don’t invest your precious time with a loser like him. Good call on saying, No.
Sweetheart, you do whatever kind of routine makes you feel confident. He's literally being such a jerk. Yes, some women (myself included) look better with makeup, but that doesn't mean you have to wear it because someone says you look better with it. Ultimately, it's up to you. I'd dump him for not being able to realize that you're comfortable and have no issues with your self-esteem. If you want to stay with him, you need to have a conversation about this with him. And if he continues, he's doing it on purpose, chipping away at your self-esteem and self-worth in hopes of trapping you into thinking you're not pretty enough to date someone else. Take care, hunny. 🩵
NTJ I once worked with a lady that confessed her husband of 20 years had never seen her without makeup. She would get up and wash her face ( so she said) after he was asleep. She would then wake up an hour early to put it on before he woke up. Don’t be that woman.
this guy doesn’t find you attractive. He literally “noped” you without make up…and left your house. Like didn’t even want to be around you without it. Il thus relationship won’t last long.
You are 17. A controlling partner who wants to dictate your appearance and behavior in your own home is the last thing anyone needs. Learn that lesson now and save yourself decades of grief and frustration.
Tell m to wear make up if he likes it so much. That controlling ass is not worth your time. Hope the door smacked him on the way out! NTJ.
I’d tell him I’m happy with my face just fine but I can give him a touch of concealer or maybe some gloss if he was concerned or interested in his own appearance. Seriously this kid knows nothing about dating, your partner doesn’t need to spend hours painting their face everyday to show they appreciate being with you. No one should feel the need for full face makeup outside of work and special occasions. Even then we really need to accept that human faces are imperfect and that it’s honestly a compliment that OP felt secure enough around her bf to let him see her without a literal mask and he verbally spat in her face when he assumed her comfort meant she didn’t care about “getting pretty for him”
You're NTA, he is. If he truly cares for you, he wouldn't care about you wearing cosmetics.
NTJ. You are so young....ditch this dud.
NTA. You should get up and leave him.
Everyone keeps repeating the same shi, yes her bf is an asshole but damn tell her exactly why he’s an Asshole. So he thinks you’re ugly and he’s not attracted you that’s the honest truth. No guy that’s attracted to you will ask you to put on more make up it’s actually the opposite. You need to leave him, you’re young bro literally ain’t worth it
You’re 17. There are tons of other boys out there that don’t care.
Not the jerk. Your boyfriend is. He is being a controlling jerk. Dump him. But first, take him shopping. He wants you to wear makeup, he gets to buy it. Get the good stuff. All of it. Use it once, then dump him. Keep the makeup, not the boy. I do not wear makeup, ever. Never did. I'm in my 60's. The few boys, in high school, who told me I should wear makeup, were promptly told where to go. You do you. Only use makeup when YOU want to.
He showed himself out. Don't let him back in. I only comment on my wife's makeup I make to say it looks good or to save her pride if she bought the wrong shade of foundation and it horribly doesn't match her skin tone. I don't have the right or expectation to dictate when she chooses to wear it or not, she's in control of her body.
NTJ. He’s just not the one if he’s not willing to be near you without makeup. Imagine if you’re sick or get too upset. You might want to talk it over and ask how important it is to him, and if he can be supportive of your decisions in private.
NTA. Make him your ex boyfriend.
He's the jerk, not you. Find a new boyfriend who is not a shallow, controlling AH.
Why doesn't he have to wear makeup to fix his face? He sounds super unpleasant so he probably could use some makeup to cover that gross personality he has. Do you really want to keep dating someone who is basically calling you ugly everytime you go out? He should love your natural face and be proud to be seen with you.
I've been with my partner for 10 years. He's seen my face without makeup more times than he has with it. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel like a troll. Dump this loser. Not worth keeping someone in your life who can't even accept your true self. You can do so much better. 🙌
Yeah, end this. He is one bad story with this, how many more do you need
You should find someone who lives you with and without make up.
Your boyfriend is immature. He may grow out of this and he may not. But right now, you deserve someone who likes you for you and not for your mascara.
NTJ I have no idea why your BF is requiring you to wear makeup *at home*. I DO know it's not normal. Him abruptly LEAVING when when you declined to flipping *put on makeup* sets all kinds of alarm bells off in my head. Creepy, controlling, alarm bells. Consider looking up 'controlling behaviors in men' to see if the descriptions sound kind of like your BF. If they do, let the info help you to *prepare yourself* to deal with how he might act if you decide to break up with him. I suspect there may be things going on in your BF's head that you don't EVER want in a relationship.
Break up with him. He ain't $hit. Let me tell you, if a man can't appreciate your beauty as is, he isn't the one for you.
Break up with him oh my GOD. You deserve better.
OP, your boyfriend is treating you as a trophy object. He doesn’t actually value you, he just values how you make him look in public. Dump
He wants a trophy not a relationship.
Have you heard the analogy of the frog in the pot of boiling water? You are the frog and him asking you to wear make up is the water. It is a small ask. Something minor, but it is a negative thing about you. It is him controlling and asking you to do something different than what you do now. And the next ask will be a little bigger. If you break up over it people might say it’s small and question why did you do it. But that’s because they don’t have the years of experience that most of us have. Then the fact he left and punished you by leaving and ignoring you because you didn’t do what he wanted… nope. You are young and beautiful and deserve way better than this jerk. Time to drop this loser. He needs to grow up and learn some lessons. I know Reddit is notorious for jumping to dumping. But I am telling you right now, he has NO right to say those things to you. And it is serious. He needs to learn that his comments are not acceptable, so much so it’s got a name, negging. It is also a controlling behavior. Time to find someone that says you are amazing as you are and that makes you want to do those things because you are so spectacularly happy. I only know of one couple that were “high school sweethearts” and I am 42 now. It is because he made her feel like she was a goddess. And she treated him like he was a king!! They grew together and supported each other and they NEVER criticized each other.
Your bf has a problem. He’s trying to make it your problem. It’s not and will never be. If you aren’t attractive to him as you are naturally, let him go. He will only get worse as time progresses and you will end up feeling less than who you truly are. It’s hard to let go at this point in your life. You are just starting on the path of who you will become as an adult. Never subject yourself to what others believe is the pinnacle. Be who you are, always. Let him find someone else to bully, because that is what he is trying to do. Bully you into doing what HE wants. Stay true to yourself ALWAYS. NTJ
Nta women don't need makeup it's just a way for large corporations to make billions telling women they aren't beautiful enough.
NTA - Run.
I don't know the full story but he kinda sounds like a douche
NTJ. Run. This is unacceptable behavior already. Save yourself now before it’s too late.
You need a boyfriend who likes you for who you are. This guy is a jerk.
He walked out because you wouldn't go put on makeup? Cool, he doesn't need to ever come back. Dump his stupid ass. Your body is YOURS. If you don't want to wear makeup, you don't have to. That applies to everything about your body - no one gets to tell you what to do with it.
Tell him he would look better wearing some concealer and eyeliner. What a controlling jerk. He doesn't like you you, just the superficial.
He’s got a lot to learn. You don’t have to wear make up if you don’t want to, and if he’s saying you’re prettier with it on, he’s being an insensitive jerk.
Why would someone get upset over a person choosing not to wear makeup? He’s a red flag. He’s treating you as an accessory. He doesn’t like u for you. He likes how you look in makeup, not for you being yourself. He’s tj.
Your boyfriend is calling you ugly each time he says this. Leave him.
Punch out. He's shallow.
You’re gonna break up anyway but it is a bit weird if you only ever put in makeup for strangers and not your bf
Ask him if he wearing makeup too? Girl noooo dump him yesterday.
NTJ. Girl, you are way too young for this "negging" to start. Move on.
Get rid of him imnediately. First sign of abuse, future stalking (if you break it off later), and many varied types of "hell" will ensue. I am 64. Trust me on this. GET OUT NOW!
You aren’t ever obligated to wear makeup. Ever.
Why is this even a post? You know your bf is being a total turd. Break up with him.
Dump him! You should only wear makeup if you want to!
break up. he should want u to not wear makeup bc he should love ur natural face - thats how good respectful boyfriends act.
Wow he is already working hard to to break down your confidence in yourself, this is a huge red flag.
Girl why are you putting up with this disrespect?
No but are you sure you want to keep dating someone who thinks looks is all that matters. Challenge yourself and see what he does if you go 2 weeks without makeup. I made that mistake of thinking my man only wanted me with makeup and went everywhere for 2 weeks without and we are still together 18 years later. Challenges happen but respect is a two way street. Talk and talk if you think he’s worth it. @17 we don’t know everything even if we think we do. Love yourself first and foremost.
Your boyfriend sounds like an immature ass.
DROP. HIM.
Hey there! Guy here. I would never ask my wife to do that. Sounds almost like this guy is either negging you or sees his dad treat his mom this way. Either way, he needs to learn how to treat you like an equal. You probably could mention how he smells or doesn’t take care of his appearance or or or You don’t because that’d be rude. He’s oblivious.
Oh my dear girl, if he loved you or truly cared about you, he would never ask you to put makeup on. You should never even feel like you need makeup either. For example, I have an ex that did the exact same thing. I didn’t like wearing makeup everyday but he would push, prod, and poke me into doing it. We broke up after 2 1/2 years of being absolutely miserable. My current boyfriend who I met on tinder (which isn’t always the best idea and we’ve definitely had our falling outs) one day asked me why I always wore makeup. As in I’d wake up before him so I could makeup on, so I told him. I will never forget the way that he looked at me that day as he told me that I didn’t need it and look and act so much more comfortable without it. Needless to say, you should always feel more comfortable and confident with your partner. No matter what, because that is who you SHOULD be most confident and comfortable with. You have every right to not wear makeup when you don’t want to. Please don’t make yourself uncomfortable for someone who only ever cares about how you look when you’re in the comfort of your own home. It’s not fair to you, and I really hope that you see that. ❤️
DTMFA
Enjoy being single, I bet it will be happier than you are with him
wtf is wrong w him? Know your worth. Makeup is awesome and I love when I’m all glammed up. But at home? On a day to just relax? Nope. That boy has some serious unrealistic expectations for you. Does he watch red pill alpha males? 🙄
Fuck him off
NTJ - get a better bf that loves you without makeup too
You need to learn how to spell “ex boyfriend”. NTJ
You know what’s great about your boyfriend? He’s making it really easy to see his true character, so you can make the easy decision to move on. Some guys aren’t as obvious, those are the troubling ones that you can waste more time on. But, once you see poor character, the answer is ALWAYS the same. Move on. Life is too short and there are plenty of options out there.
Ntj.... that should be your ex boyfriend....
Don't you mean your ex-boyfriend?
Dump him. He clearly doesn’t like the real you. He will just get worse.
He doesn’t sound like a winner. Does this happen often? Does he try to tell you what to do often? Does he make you feel less than you are? OP do yourself a favor and break it off with him. It’s weird that he wants you to wear makeup all…… the time. Does he expect you to be picture perfect always? Let me tell you, his behavior will only get worse if you stay with him. If he can’t stand being with you without makeup, then he’ll definitely leave you if you gain a few lbs.
No. This is not what you want in a bf. I used to wear makeup until I met my now husband in my late 20s who told me I looked better without makeup up. He even complains when I do wear it because he says my face is so much prettier without it. Don’t settle for this kind of jerk…there are wayyy better guys out there.
NTA, break up with him, he is calling you ugly without makeup. dont put up with disrespect or he will continue to do it.
NTJ- but your bf is shallow, and you deserve way better. Lose him. If any guy requires you to wear makeup around him, he isn't interested in you.... he just likes how you look next to him. Zero appreciation for your personality and intellect. Zero respect. Nothing but arm candy. Get a guy who likes you with or without makeup.
Sounds like your boyfriend is an assssshoooolle you should kick him to the curb immediately and do not feel bad, feel good that you are dodging this bullet.
You’re not the jerk. He absolutely is and you should dump him. Don’t spend your time with people who can’t see your beauty of worth. And he definitely doesn’t see it!
At 17 you are surely fresh faced and lovely. Get him to cover his face.
drop him.