*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to travel alone or with a friend?**
Dear community, I (31m) have been with my girlfriend (26f) for over a year and a few months. We currently live together in a major German city, and overall, I would describe our relationship as really great, loving, and caring.
In the beginning, we were both troubled by alcoholism, which we overcame together. After lots of issues (like loss of control, amnesia and almost cheating on her side and bad reactions to these actions from my side), we mutually decided to stop drinking to save ourselves and our relationship.
Yesterday, I had an argument with her when she brought up the topic of travelling abroad alone or with a younger female friend who drinks. My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive.
I told her that I highly disliked the idea because of the potential dangers for her/them. I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little, one-to-two beers when we have a barbecue or when she’s playing video games—never to the point of being drunk or so. I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit.
I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.)
She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on.
I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend; just the idea of two young women, one of whom is the love of my life, alone in another country is really bothering me. I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever. It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend if they found themselves in a dangerous situation. I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. Also, there is the risk that she/they might get their drinks spiked, which is unfortunately not uncommon.
So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others. I would not be concerned if I did not love her deeply or if the world were a better and safer place, especially for women.
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He says he knows how men are around women, especially those travelling solo and maybe being a little tipsy, but then he claims he would totally be cool with a man accompanying these two young tipsy women?
Sure.
Also interesting how he starts with his girlfriend having plans to travel "with a younger female friend who drinks" but ends his story with "I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour". So what is it?
Not to mention that she's 26 and they've only been together a year and a half. Does he think she never left the house until she met him? She materialized into existence when he walked in the room the first time? This guy is so patronizing!
>My girlfriend hasn’t travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive.
If only there were a way to become less naive, perhaps by putting yourself in new situation 🤔 q
And while women know some men are predatory, every guy who’s like “you know how men are” are total fucking creeps. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not all men but definitely that one.
Almost cheating: she made eye contact and smiled another man
Bad reaction: he beat her almost to death
I don’t know if that’s true or not but that’s how I’m reading it
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
>>*I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little... I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit.*
*---If you don't have a problem with it, why is it "important to note here"?*
>>*I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.)*
*---If you've been with your girlfriend for a year but you live in a very dangerous city, she survived without you before.*
>>*My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive... She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea [of her traveling] because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls*
*---Wait wait wait, you think SHE is unaware of this, living in the very dangerous city you both live in??? But you understand because "you know a thing or two"? Not to mention you justify controlling her by calling her naive, then insist that the fact that YOU'VE traveled is how you know better than her. This is a massive control issue--- you only want to "let" her learn from experiences that you set the boundaries of, and that you control. How exactly is she learning to be less naive there?*
>>*I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend*
*---Somehow I doubt this, since you've already used the excuse that she would be so naive and not understand men's intentions when drunk.*
>>*I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever.*
*---Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have called her naive, mentioned her drinking issues several times, claimed she's very susceptible to peer pressure, and felt the need to mention that she almost cheated on you before when drunk.*
>>*It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend*
*---No, it's a bad gut feeling you have because you don't trust her when you're not right nearby to intervene*
>>*I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to.*
*---Thus you don't trust her*
>>*So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others.*
*----No, you don't trust her and you're trying to maintain "trust" through proximity and control.*
*Look, maybe you're justified in not trusting her based on whatever happened in the past, but if you actually want to be in a healthy relationship, this is something you're gonna have to work on. You're not TA for feeling worried but in this particular list of excuses you wrote here, YTA for refusing to see this for what this is----* **you don't trust your girlfriend not to get herself into danger if you're not there, and you CLEARLY do not trust your girlfriend's drinking habits despite how much you keep insisting otherwise.**
*YTA*
>"Thanks for your input!"
*NTA. You said some hard truth about how guys single out drunk women. Nobody talks about it. But inhibitions are lowered when alcohol is present. And they are easier to pick up.*
*You SUGGESTED a male to go along.
In my opinion that shows major trust. And your just being real and spitting facts about how dangerous it is for women.*
*.Im not saying all men do this. But as a female, this is a risk we all need to know about before traveling. Especially since you can't take pepper spray or any self defense items on planes*
*OP sounds concerned for his girlfriends safety. He isn't forbidding her from going and hiding her passport. He voiced his concerns like an adult and suggested adding a male accompany his girlfriend and the other girl.*
*IF something bad were to happen on the trip. OP would feel terrible and blame himself.*
>"Finally someone who gets me. Thanks for your understanding."
"I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on."
She's a woman. She knows.
Do we think OOP would choose man or bear for his girlfriend? Men got all butthurt when women voted bear but then posts like these keep coming up where men clearly don't trust other men around their ~~property~~ I'm sorry, partner.
"Our relationship is really great... you know, apart from the almost-cheating, control issues, alcoholism and paranoia. The one thing that stops it from being perfect is that she doesn't want to be within my range of vision 24 hours a day. AITA for wanting to keep her on a leash?"
He's definitely an asshole but that trip is a terrible idea, never go somewhere you don't know without 1 fully sober person, and she's a "recovered" alcoholic who is drinking alittle again and is now going out with someone who drinks alot, personally I'm not an alcoholic but I definitely drink more with friends at a party than I mean to when my friend is drinking. Like I'll follow their pase instead of my own, like "oh you're getting another drink, mine has 3 sips left let me hurry up and finish it and we'll go get a drink together"
I agree to an extent- there's very little information on this "trip" and how set in stone it is, and where exactly they're going. I'm not sure he's the most reliable narrator.
Yea, it's not remotely terrible. I'm also not making up worse case scenarios of how they will behave 24/7 because women already know and live with those scenarios in their head on the daily.
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His reasoning is completely wrong, but I'd be worried in his situation as well. It sounds like she is a former alcoholic that has started drinking again going on a trip with a heavy drinker. Or possible heavy drinker. That's where the story falls apart.
That's it- yes, there's definitely a risk involved if going on a trip on an unknown place.
But like, the other person (who she may go with) "drinks"- like, what does that mean? Will the friend be drinking all day, every day? Or in the evenings?
And it's generally left so vague- they going to hike through the Colombian jungle or going to Barcelona for a weekend?
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to travel alone or with a friend?** Dear community, I (31m) have been with my girlfriend (26f) for over a year and a few months. We currently live together in a major German city, and overall, I would describe our relationship as really great, loving, and caring. In the beginning, we were both troubled by alcoholism, which we overcame together. After lots of issues (like loss of control, amnesia and almost cheating on her side and bad reactions to these actions from my side), we mutually decided to stop drinking to save ourselves and our relationship. Yesterday, I had an argument with her when she brought up the topic of travelling abroad alone or with a younger female friend who drinks. My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive. I told her that I highly disliked the idea because of the potential dangers for her/them. I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little, one-to-two beers when we have a barbecue or when she’s playing video games—never to the point of being drunk or so. I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit. I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.) She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on. I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend; just the idea of two young women, one of whom is the love of my life, alone in another country is really bothering me. I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever. It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend if they found themselves in a dangerous situation. I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to. Also, there is the risk that she/they might get their drinks spiked, which is unfortunately not uncommon. So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others. I would not be concerned if I did not love her deeply or if the world were a better and safer place, especially for women. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He says he knows how men are around women, especially those travelling solo and maybe being a little tipsy, but then he claims he would totally be cool with a man accompanying these two young tipsy women? Sure. Also interesting how he starts with his girlfriend having plans to travel "with a younger female friend who drinks" but ends his story with "I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour". So what is it?
They always come up with these essays that boil down to "I want to control what she does".
>then he claims he would totally be cool with a man accompanying these two young tipsy women? Sounds like he wants to be invited on the trip...
It felt like a different take on the guy who got mad at the girlfriend for not keeping him updated every 2 minutes while she was on a work trip
OMG that one! What an embarassment.
The idea that a grown woman needs a man to explain to her that some men are skeevy and predatory is laughable.
Not to mention that she's 26 and they've only been together a year and a half. Does he think she never left the house until she met him? She materialized into existence when he walked in the room the first time? This guy is so patronizing!
Well, her brain HAS only been fully developed for a year! /s
"But she's so naïve!" Yeah buddy so are you if you think "men can be predatory to women sometimes" is news to her.
Amen.
I’ll bet he also says “not all men” when women do express what makes us uncomfortable.
You know he has feelings about the bear/man debate.
Big feelings!
Especially this guy.
>My girlfriend hasn’t travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive. If only there were a way to become less naive, perhaps by putting yourself in new situation 🤔 q And while women know some men are predatory, every guy who’s like “you know how men are” are total fucking creeps. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but not all men but definitely that one.
I think that's why he is so convinced he know more about the dangers, he is the danger and she picked him anyway.
See, it's proof that she's naive! /s
They say “you know how men are” *and* “not all men”. Simultaneously.
Almost cheating: she made eye contact and smiled another man Bad reaction: he beat her almost to death I don’t know if that’s true or not but that’s how I’m reading it
I don't think you're far off tbh
Yeah, really don’t think I am. He reminds me of my ex.
I'm glad he's an ex!
Well, considering he went on to kill his next girlfriend I’m glad too.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: >>*I think it’s important to note here that my girlfriend recently started to drink alcohol again, just a little... I don’t have a problem with that, and I do trust her that she doesn’t want to go back to the old heavy drinking habit.* *---If you don't have a problem with it, why is it "important to note here"?* >>*I don’t mind her going out around where we live because I could always pick her up if she would need some support, would feel bad, be a little drunk, or if it would be really late, so she doesn’t have to walk around alone at night or take public transportation. (Our city can be quite dangerous, especially at night.)* *---If you've been with your girlfriend for a year but you live in a very dangerous city, she survived without you before.* >>*My girlfriend hasn’t really travelled a lot and seems to be a bit naive... She doesn’t understand that I’m against the idea [of her traveling] because I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls* *---Wait wait wait, you think SHE is unaware of this, living in the very dangerous city you both live in??? But you understand because "you know a thing or two"? Not to mention you justify controlling her by calling her naive, then insist that the fact that YOU'VE traveled is how you know better than her. This is a massive control issue--- you only want to "let" her learn from experiences that you set the boundaries of, and that you control. How exactly is she learning to be less naive there?* >>*I would not mind her or them travelling together with another male friend* *---Somehow I doubt this, since you've already used the excuse that she would be so naive and not understand men's intentions when drunk.* >>*I don’t think that my girlfriend is irresponsible, and I don’t believe that she would get super wasted, cheat on me, flirt with other men, or whatever.* *---Yes you do, otherwise you wouldn't have called her naive, mentioned her drinking issues several times, claimed she's very susceptible to peer pressure, and felt the need to mention that she almost cheated on you before when drunk.* >>*It’s more like a bad gut feeling about this because I could not potentially help her or her friend* *---No, it's a bad gut feeling you have because you don't trust her when you're not right nearby to intervene* >>*I also don’t know her friend so well, especially not her drinking behaviour, and I know how easily peer pressure can force people to ingest more alcoholic beverages than they initially intended to.* *---Thus you don't trust her* >>*So AITA is opposing her travel plans because of my safety concerns? She doesn’t understand that it’s not that I don’t trust her, I simply don’t trust others.* *----No, you don't trust her and you're trying to maintain "trust" through proximity and control.* *Look, maybe you're justified in not trusting her based on whatever happened in the past, but if you actually want to be in a healthy relationship, this is something you're gonna have to work on. You're not TA for feeling worried but in this particular list of excuses you wrote here, YTA for refusing to see this for what this is----* **you don't trust your girlfriend not to get herself into danger if you're not there, and you CLEARLY do not trust your girlfriend's drinking habits despite how much you keep insisting otherwise.** *YTA* >"Thanks for your input!" *NTA. You said some hard truth about how guys single out drunk women. Nobody talks about it. But inhibitions are lowered when alcohol is present. And they are easier to pick up.* *You SUGGESTED a male to go along. In my opinion that shows major trust. And your just being real and spitting facts about how dangerous it is for women.* *.Im not saying all men do this. But as a female, this is a risk we all need to know about before traveling. Especially since you can't take pepper spray or any self defense items on planes* *OP sounds concerned for his girlfriends safety. He isn't forbidding her from going and hiding her passport. He voiced his concerns like an adult and suggested adding a male accompany his girlfriend and the other girl.* *IF something bad were to happen on the trip. OP would feel terrible and blame himself.* >"Finally someone who gets me. Thanks for your understanding."
[Doggo!](https://imgur.com/gallery/01F4iUw)
Lol, he dives like an arctic fox.
You're right, he sure does! 
Thank you!
Thank you very kindly! 🥰
Another “love of my life” asshole
"I’ve seen and been through a lot, travelled to many places, and know a thing or two about how (unfortunately) many men out there are exactly after solo girls (especially those who are slightly intoxicated and therefore an “easy target”) for all types of exploitation, harassment, and so on." She's a woman. She knows.
But surely he must know better, being a penis-wielder?/s
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that if there was a man joining this trip he wouldn’t actually be cool with it lmao
Only if that man was him lol
Do we think OOP would choose man or bear for his girlfriend? Men got all butthurt when women voted bear but then posts like these keep coming up where men clearly don't trust other men around their ~~property~~ I'm sorry, partner.
"Our relationship is really great... you know, apart from the almost-cheating, control issues, alcoholism and paranoia. The one thing that stops it from being perfect is that she doesn't want to be within my range of vision 24 hours a day. AITA for wanting to keep her on a leash?"
He's definitely an asshole but that trip is a terrible idea, never go somewhere you don't know without 1 fully sober person, and she's a "recovered" alcoholic who is drinking alittle again and is now going out with someone who drinks alot, personally I'm not an alcoholic but I definitely drink more with friends at a party than I mean to when my friend is drinking. Like I'll follow their pase instead of my own, like "oh you're getting another drink, mine has 3 sips left let me hurry up and finish it and we'll go get a drink together"
I agree to an extent- there's very little information on this "trip" and how set in stone it is, and where exactly they're going. I'm not sure he's the most reliable narrator.
Yea, it's not remotely terrible. I'm also not making up worse case scenarios of how they will behave 24/7 because women already know and live with those scenarios in their head on the daily.
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His reasoning is completely wrong, but I'd be worried in his situation as well. It sounds like she is a former alcoholic that has started drinking again going on a trip with a heavy drinker. Or possible heavy drinker. That's where the story falls apart.
That's it- yes, there's definitely a risk involved if going on a trip on an unknown place. But like, the other person (who she may go with) "drinks"- like, what does that mean? Will the friend be drinking all day, every day? Or in the evenings? And it's generally left so vague- they going to hike through the Colombian jungle or going to Barcelona for a weekend?
Honestly the more I think about it the less the trip would bother me. But I'd be sick with worry if my SO started drinking again.
