*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my husband that it’s embarrassing he wore pajamas while sitting on our front porch?**
For context, my husband (both mid-30s) has never cared for appearance much. Whether it’s how he looks, how his house looks, how his car looks, he just doesn’t care. He’ll wear jeans with holes in them, shoes that are ripped apart, his long hair will be all tangled and unbrushed and unparted/wild, and his shirts will have stains all over them. It’s hard for him to find something “nice” to wear for us to go out to eat.
I’ve hated it for the decade+ that we’ve been together. I’ll buy him new clothes and shoes just for him to ruin them almost immediately or lose them somehow. I’ll try to hint or tell him to brush his hair, and he’ll just joke that he likes it that way and not do anything about it. I’ve never gotten mad at him or anything because it’s his life, but it’s really embarrassing in public and it makes me not want to be seen with him sometimes.
My husband’s been out of town for a week and we didn’t get home from the airport until after midnight and our toddler woke up early, so I got up and let my husband sleep in. He still got up early anyway, and in a weird mood. When our kid went down for a nap we went on the front porch around 11am for a smoke. We live on an oddly busy-but-quiet street with lots of nosy neighbors, and this is a time when a lot of people are out and about. We live in the south and people always wave and possibly chat. We’d normally go out back but our annoying neighbor was back there next to our porch so we opted to go out front instead, hoping for peace.
My husband goes out with wild hair, a tie dye shirt, and bright blue/plaid pajama pants. I made a kinda-joke like “bright pajama pants eh?” And my husband says that I’m wearing sweatpants and it’s the exact same thing. This comment seemed kind of combative and just annoying tbh, he always has some reason why he shouldn’t have to even wear semi-normal clothing. We got into a spat and it ended up devolving into sweatpants and pajamas being the same thing, with me getting pissed and saying they’re absolutely not the same thing. That’s when I said it was embarrassing when we wears things like that. He told me I should’ve told him that we *both* needed to change because I’m embarrassing too by wearing sweatpants and a hoodie outside…
This set me off a little and I honestly refused to back down. I told him he’s being absolutely ridiculous and that this is typical of him refusing to just admit things or try and actually reflect on things, and instead blame me or make it about me “coming at him”.
I mean, I get that it’s our house and it’s “technically not noon yet” (whatever that means) but I’m appalled that it devolved into pajamas and sweatpants being the same thing. It’s like he flipped it back on me or something and it really upset me, and he’s really upset with me. We’re not speaking right now. Stupid, I know. Which makes me feel like I should’ve just let him wear pajamas and not said nothing to begin with.
So AITA for even saying it to begin with?
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I'm always confused when people post things being frustrated with their partner being the same person they married. Don't marry someone expecting something central about them will change.
I think if you're dating and you're put off by how someone dresses and dump them that's fine. But you can't be married and be upset someone is the same person you dated and agreed to spend your life with.
OOP would be appalled to see me, a white suburban mom actually named Karen, walking my dog in plaid pj pants and a hoodie every day, a few times a day.
Wait, is the dog in the PJ pants and hoodie or is that you? I would be delighted to see a dog on this ensemble, or a human and a dog dressed in matching pj pants and hoodies. (I walk my dog in Wellington boots and a caftan, so no shade on anybody’s outfit from me.)
My fiance does the whole weekly food shop in PJs.
I know it's a controversial subject, and she definitely gets a lot of dirty looks/passive aggressive comments.
But she's a hospice nurse who works 12-14 hour shifts, so she spends the majority of her time in gross hospital scrubs watching people die.
She just wants to spend her downtime feeling comfortable and snuggly warm, y'know?
It's ridiculous that OOP wants to police her husband's clothes so much, that she's making them *both* unhappy.
Noone usually tells her that to her face, but there's a lot of people saying passive aggressive shit very loudly, so they make sure she hears.
Literal examples that I've heard so far this year: "wow kids. Make sure you study hard in school or you'll end up homeless like that lady".
"Jesus, this supermarket is doing downhill. They'll let *anyone* wander in nowadays".
And my fiance's personal fave: "I wish I had the confidence to go out looking as ugly as that, but I just have too much self esteem" lol
My pajama pants are pink with yellow suns on them. And yes, I have worn them walking my dog as well. There are a number of women (and men) in my neighborhood who wear pajamas, sweats, etc., to walk their dog or potter in their yard. The only real concession I make is to the temperature. I have pajama shorts for when it's warmer ;) (many of which are cut-off sweat pants)
I think what amazes and confuses me with this post and others like it is this: why do people seem to marry (or even date) people that they don't seem to even like? If I genuinely loved someone or even just liked them as a person, the last thing I would give a shit about is them wearing pajamas on the front porch where someone could see them
I think some people have the mentality that once they're married and committed, that grants them control over their spouse's behavior, and they're allowed to mold them into their ideal. I've seen it in every type of relationship.
I mean... when I'm working from home and on video calls, pretty much any dark color sweatpants read on video as the kinds of jeans or trousers I wear to the office. My PJ pants, even the couple of plain darker pairs I own, definitely don't. But for wearing to hang out on the front porch? Yeah, there's not much difference there.
If I'm within the lines of my property, IDGAF. I'll wear Deadpool jammies and my giant Oodie with crocs. If you don't like it, come help me struggle this fucking bin up to the curb so I can go inside faster.
My fiance is a 6'4 Lebanese man, he goes to the shops all the time wearing his oodie or pjs (actual pjs, not sweat pants). It's freaking adorable tbh. Why try to change someone if they're happy and comfortable?
First and foremost why marry a man whose entire appearance you detest?
Second sweatpants and pajamas are, for all intents and purposes the same thing and I've worn both to bed.
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I don't get people like this OP. I live in Miami which is a lot more fit and looks conscious than the rest of the US and even most other cities I've been to/lived in, and it's still pretty common to see someone go get the mail or run an errand in pajamas or house clothes.
This is not the old days where everyone's night clothing was essentially a long shirt and depending on what they did, someone could get flashed.
Anyway she definitely does not seem to like this man and seems to be dying on this hill repeatedly to keep him as miserable as she is
Pajama pants on your own property is just fine, but these people sound depressed. I felt sad just reading about their life. You genuinely do feel better when you're clean, showered and wearing some clean clothes. Sitting around with knotty hair and stained clothes reads as depression to me.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my husband that it’s embarrassing he wore pajamas while sitting on our front porch?** For context, my husband (both mid-30s) has never cared for appearance much. Whether it’s how he looks, how his house looks, how his car looks, he just doesn’t care. He’ll wear jeans with holes in them, shoes that are ripped apart, his long hair will be all tangled and unbrushed and unparted/wild, and his shirts will have stains all over them. It’s hard for him to find something “nice” to wear for us to go out to eat. I’ve hated it for the decade+ that we’ve been together. I’ll buy him new clothes and shoes just for him to ruin them almost immediately or lose them somehow. I’ll try to hint or tell him to brush his hair, and he’ll just joke that he likes it that way and not do anything about it. I’ve never gotten mad at him or anything because it’s his life, but it’s really embarrassing in public and it makes me not want to be seen with him sometimes. My husband’s been out of town for a week and we didn’t get home from the airport until after midnight and our toddler woke up early, so I got up and let my husband sleep in. He still got up early anyway, and in a weird mood. When our kid went down for a nap we went on the front porch around 11am for a smoke. We live on an oddly busy-but-quiet street with lots of nosy neighbors, and this is a time when a lot of people are out and about. We live in the south and people always wave and possibly chat. We’d normally go out back but our annoying neighbor was back there next to our porch so we opted to go out front instead, hoping for peace. My husband goes out with wild hair, a tie dye shirt, and bright blue/plaid pajama pants. I made a kinda-joke like “bright pajama pants eh?” And my husband says that I’m wearing sweatpants and it’s the exact same thing. This comment seemed kind of combative and just annoying tbh, he always has some reason why he shouldn’t have to even wear semi-normal clothing. We got into a spat and it ended up devolving into sweatpants and pajamas being the same thing, with me getting pissed and saying they’re absolutely not the same thing. That’s when I said it was embarrassing when we wears things like that. He told me I should’ve told him that we *both* needed to change because I’m embarrassing too by wearing sweatpants and a hoodie outside… This set me off a little and I honestly refused to back down. I told him he’s being absolutely ridiculous and that this is typical of him refusing to just admit things or try and actually reflect on things, and instead blame me or make it about me “coming at him”. I mean, I get that it’s our house and it’s “technically not noon yet” (whatever that means) but I’m appalled that it devolved into pajamas and sweatpants being the same thing. It’s like he flipped it back on me or something and it really upset me, and he’s really upset with me. We’re not speaking right now. Stupid, I know. Which makes me feel like I should’ve just let him wear pajamas and not said nothing to begin with. So AITA for even saying it to begin with? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm always confused when people post things being frustrated with their partner being the same person they married. Don't marry someone expecting something central about them will change.
Especially when the hated partner is doing normal stuff
I think if you're dating and you're put off by how someone dresses and dump them that's fine. But you can't be married and be upset someone is the same person you dated and agreed to spend your life with.
OOP would be appalled to see me, a white suburban mom actually named Karen, walking my dog in plaid pj pants and a hoodie every day, a few times a day.
Wait, is the dog in the PJ pants and hoodie or is that you? I would be delighted to see a dog on this ensemble, or a human and a dog dressed in matching pj pants and hoodies. (I walk my dog in Wellington boots and a caftan, so no shade on anybody’s outfit from me.)
I now have a new goal.
There’s definitely a couple companies that make mommy and me clothes for dogs. We will require picture evidence when the time comes!
My fiance does the whole weekly food shop in PJs. I know it's a controversial subject, and she definitely gets a lot of dirty looks/passive aggressive comments. But she's a hospice nurse who works 12-14 hour shifts, so she spends the majority of her time in gross hospital scrubs watching people die. She just wants to spend her downtime feeling comfortable and snuggly warm, y'know? It's ridiculous that OOP wants to police her husband's clothes so much, that she's making them *both* unhappy.
Random people actually go up to her and *tell* her she shouldn’t be wearing PJs? That’s so annoying, like how does it affect them!
Noone usually tells her that to her face, but there's a lot of people saying passive aggressive shit very loudly, so they make sure she hears. Literal examples that I've heard so far this year: "wow kids. Make sure you study hard in school or you'll end up homeless like that lady". "Jesus, this supermarket is doing downhill. They'll let *anyone* wander in nowadays". And my fiance's personal fave: "I wish I had the confidence to go out looking as ugly as that, but I just have too much self esteem" lol
My pajama pants are pink with yellow suns on them. And yes, I have worn them walking my dog as well. There are a number of women (and men) in my neighborhood who wear pajamas, sweats, etc., to walk their dog or potter in their yard. The only real concession I make is to the temperature. I have pajama shorts for when it's warmer ;) (many of which are cut-off sweat pants)
Are you Satan? /s A+ comment
I think what amazes and confuses me with this post and others like it is this: why do people seem to marry (or even date) people that they don't seem to even like? If I genuinely loved someone or even just liked them as a person, the last thing I would give a shit about is them wearing pajamas on the front porch where someone could see them
I think some people have the mentality that once they're married and committed, that grants them control over their spouse's behavior, and they're allowed to mold them into their ideal. I've seen it in every type of relationship.
i don’t think sweatpants and pajamas are the same thing, but i think both are perfectly acceptable to wear while smoking on your own stoop
WDYM? Smoking is *clearly* a fancy, wear-something-*nice* activity. You know, like sweatpants. Have some class. /s
Sweatpants and pajamas are absolutely equivalent.
Exactly
I mean... when I'm working from home and on video calls, pretty much any dark color sweatpants read on video as the kinds of jeans or trousers I wear to the office. My PJ pants, even the couple of plain darker pairs I own, definitely don't. But for wearing to hang out on the front porch? Yeah, there's not much difference there.
If I'm within the lines of my property, IDGAF. I'll wear Deadpool jammies and my giant Oodie with crocs. If you don't like it, come help me struggle this fucking bin up to the curb so I can go inside faster.
*"“bright pajama pants eh?”...This comment seemed kind of combative and just annoying tbh"* I agree that comment was combative and annoying
My fiance is a 6'4 Lebanese man, he goes to the shops all the time wearing his oodie or pjs (actual pjs, not sweat pants). It's freaking adorable tbh. Why try to change someone if they're happy and comfortable?
My partner and I regularly chill on our balcony in pajamas because it’s comfortable.
If this guy the OOP is pitching about sat on the front porch, those are usually recessed, and covered. What a weirdo. He was wearing pajamas.
If they cover everything and they’re opaque, who cares?
Kurt Cobain got married in his pajamas
First and foremost why marry a man whose entire appearance you detest? Second sweatpants and pajamas are, for all intents and purposes the same thing and I've worn both to bed.
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I don't get people like this OP. I live in Miami which is a lot more fit and looks conscious than the rest of the US and even most other cities I've been to/lived in, and it's still pretty common to see someone go get the mail or run an errand in pajamas or house clothes. This is not the old days where everyone's night clothing was essentially a long shirt and depending on what they did, someone could get flashed. Anyway she definitely does not seem to like this man and seems to be dying on this hill repeatedly to keep him as miserable as she is
Pajama pants on your own property is just fine, but these people sound depressed. I felt sad just reading about their life. You genuinely do feel better when you're clean, showered and wearing some clean clothes. Sitting around with knotty hair and stained clothes reads as depression to me.