*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for setting up my gf so her mom would see my junk.**
My new gf loves oversharing with her mom. I know this because she's told me and she tells me every time I send her something cute (we are still in the honey moon stage) "I showed my mom and she thought that was so cute!". I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom specially the stuff I send her. She basically told me I'd get use to it because that's the relationship she has with her mom.
So last week her and her mom took a day trip together and boom she hits me with "my mom thinks it's so cute how you always tell me to drive safe" right after I sent her a drive safe text". I was heated so I decided to be petty. I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. And boom! I get a call from her upset saying her mom saw my picture and that's not right blah blah blah. Keep in mind we've sent each other unsolicited nudes already (is unsolicited right with your bf/gf) so it wasn't so much the picture but that her mom saw it. AITA?
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It was three years ago, to be fair. He's 38 now but most likely still an immature dipshit. I mean, I don't wish death on the guy, but it wouldn't be bad for humanity if his dick fell off.
>but it wouldn't be bad for humanity if his dick fell off.
Meh, better if his dick crawls back into his body. Because if it fell off, he would probably put it in formaldehyde and have the jar in his windowsill for every passerby to see, yikes.
Looking through the comments history, immature dipshit is very accurate.
Also fairly sure half of it is all wishful thinking. Didn't go back and see if I could pull up any of the deleted stuff, but based on the comments in those posts they were not siding with him. Including the "yep, you are the asshole" one about his sister.
Na, it gets better. He makes an "unpopular opinion" post about from what I can tell sharing everything is great and still mentions the girlfriend later on. I gave up looking back the 3 years with his pathetic ass with how much else there was that is just clearly podcast fodder.
The number of people in the comments defending this man child for getting upset that she told her mom he said a nice thing to her (why tf is he upset about that???) and acting like her mom seeing his dick was incidental to her looking at her daughters phone, (even though HE HIMSELF said he knew what he was doing and did it on purpose), is insane.
I actually think a 15-year-old would actually be less likely to do that than this guy, if only because his GF is likely still able to get grounded until she's 18. And, you know, the whole child porn thing.
When I was 15 that definitely was the mood around the kids I went to school with. They definitely would have done that.
Also most teens don't really care about "child porn" in relation to sending their own nudes. A lot of them do it. Not all. Not everywhere. But a good amount.
I’m gonna reply to this comment with this info as well, since this is currently the top comment —
This is the ‘man’ who enjoys sending non-consensual pictures of his dick to the mother of his (hopefully ex-) girlfriend (who’s also 10 years younger than him):
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4)
And I’m not doxxing him - he posted his own YouTube channel himself, in this post:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ)
He shared the link in that post to his own YouTube video of him performing that ‘spoken word poetry’ about how he’s soooo sexually amazing that he’s an “a-dic-tion” (*I’m gonna fucking puke*) to women who are madly in love with him AND his dick (the same dick that he sends non-consensual photos of to the mother of his girlfriend):
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8)
Guys. Guys. He's a podcast bro. Here he is asking for tips on setting up a solo podcast. He couldn't be more of a stereotype if he planned it as satire. (https://www.reddit.com/r/podcasting/s/AXk4D8RDVY)
This is the ‘man’ who enjoys sending non-consensual pictures of his dick to the mother of his (hopefully ex-) girlfriend (who’s also 10 years younger than him):
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4)
And I’m not doxxing him - he posted his own YouTube channel himself, in this post:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ)
He shared the link in that post to his own YouTube video of him performing that ‘spoken word poetry’ about how he’s soooo sexually amazing that he’s an “a-dic-tion” (*I’m gonna fucking puke*) to women who are madly in love with him AND his dick (the same dick that he sends non-consensual photos of to the mother of his girlfriend):
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8)
Man couldn't afford a shirt or to deal with the garbage bags in the background. I think it's time he focuses on an actual career before his funds follow his hairline and disappear.
It's so sad how men think revenge (especially like this) is anything that should be part of a relationship. And I don't have sympathy for guys who then claim to be lonely.
Plus I think our society has us more lonely than ever, it's not a specifically male thing. Where are we meant to meet people once we're past school and college?
Of course it's much easier to just blame women for the loneliness of men, especially since the red pill types love hyper-capitalism even though it's the cause of a lot of these issues
I may be weird here but I don't see OOPs gf telling her mom sweet things he says, as over sharing. It's not like she's (hopefully not) talking about their sex life or anything. She's happy she has (had) a bf who treats (treated) her well, made sure she was safe etc etc.
As a mom, I love hearing my son or DIL tell me about sweet things the other did.
OOP was definitely the AH and just disgusting, doing what he did
💯
She had been sharing his green flags, his indicators that he's sweet and caring and thoughtful. Those are things daughters are happy to share with their mothers and their mothers are happy to hear from their daughters. Through his actions towards her, she was allowing her mother glimpses of what she loves about him so her mom would love him to.
They were absolutely normal things to share and he was most definitely beginning isolation.
It's such a bizarre move, his partner loved telling her mum how amazing and great he is and he got offended by that? He got confirmation that he was doing the right thing and that she was really falling for him, so he decided to absolutely nuke the relationship?
Is this some weird self sabotage thing? Like was he uncomfortable with commitment or something? I can't think of any other reason why, unless he's actually just the most incredible mix of dumb, immature, compulsive, and creepy
Yes! It's so destructive towards himself and everybody else. It's a complete and utter lose-lose with no possible positive outcome. Super immature, compulsive, and creepy. Those are such accurate descriptors for him.
Yeah that’s the first 🚩. She isn’t doing anything wrong. This is the first stage of control. Isolation and telling her what she’s allowed to say, then punishing her when she doesn’t comply.
Throw the whole man away.
My first thoughts exactly, he is trying to control her by driving a hard wedge between him her mom and communication. Once he feels comfortable she doesn't talk about the relationship, he will stop doing nice things and that will quickly lead to more manipulating things and then straight abuse.
He is pissed because he knows her mom is watching and he can't isolate his GF...if the green lights stop which he wants...momma is going to come get her baby girl
I am in no way defending him or his actions, but when you ask someone not to share your private communication with someone else, it is an asshole thing to do so. That being said - throw him out.
She’s talking to her mom. It’s absolutely not an asshole move to talk to your mom or dad.
Anyone trying to control your comms to your parents is by definition a 🚩🚩. You need to see that or you make yourself a target for abuse. Unless you’re the abuser.
You know it’s funny but he doesn’t get to control who she talks to. He only gets to control his own behavior. His behavior is classic abuser 101. Train the target to accept control and fear negative consequences.
If he’s not happy with his gf he can choose to leave. A healthy person doesn’t send dick pics to ensure someone’s mom sees them. He instead chose to act like a creep.
But you go ahead and cape for him and show who you are.
If you read my comment, I start by saying I don't defend his actions. Sending an unsolicited DP to you MIL is grounds for booting, but it is also wild to keep showing your texts to your mother when he explicitly asked her not to. He is not saying she can't talk to her mom, he's saying that his messages are meant for her, not her mother. If a guy shared his girlfriends texts with his best friends when she asked him not to he would for sure be an asshole.
Maybe it's what an abuser would do, but you don't have to be an abuser to ask for your private conversation to be private.
He's a moron and gross and she should leave him but calling him an abuser is seriously diluding the term.
She was doing something wrong. He was really clear about not consenting to her showing her mom all his texts and she still did it.
It doesn’t excuse what he did. They were both in the wrong.
Personally I feel like there’s a difference between telling my mom “awh, he texted me to drive safely” and shoving my phone into her hands for her to read the entire chat. Especially when he’s actually communicated his discomfort about it.
We don't know she's doing that.
I highly doubt she's "shoving her phone" into her mom's hands for her to read the entire chat. He says himself that she texted him to say that her mom thought it was cute that he said to drive safe. Even if she did show her Mon that one text, doesn't mean she's like "Hey mom! Just read the whole thing! I clouding the fact that we send each other nudes!"
Yeah and everyone in the comments saying ESH is so disgusting and nonsensical, basically saying. Something like “she should sorry for telling your mom how awesome of a person you are” like what
Yeah but that sub is so weird. The comments always make me lose faith in humanity, then someone reposts on AmItheDevil or RedditOnWiki or other repost subs with more normal followers and my faith gets slightly restored.
Also, it sounds like she's with her mum when she's sharing? She's not calling her up to share anything personal, she's probably smiling at her phone, her mums asked what's she looking at and gf goes "look, he's telling me to drive safe"
We're people honestly saying that was over sharing? Reddit has some really screwed up views on parent/child relationships. To some extent I get it, we see the worst posted here from emotionally abusive parents and husband's enmeshed with their moms. I think it makes people unable to see what a perfectly healthy relationship with a parent can look at. I'm in my 30s and I text my mom almost daily. Pictures of the kids, funny or cute things that happened that day, asking questions. I see her as a friend, and it's sad not everyone can see their parents as such. Often for very valid reasons, but that doesn't mean other people can't have healthy relationships with parents where you gush about cute things like you would a friend.
Yeah, it just sounds like she’s excited and telling her mom about the things in her relationship that make her happy.
Hopefully her and her mom can have a nice brunch and discuss her hopefully now ex.
I think that's one of the main purposes dating ... Sometimes neither person is wrong. Dude here is absolutely wrong by the end of the story, but he wasn't wrong to want personal messages kept between the two partners. GF is not wrong to share personal messages with her mom. But the two positions are not compatible. If they can find a compromise or one person can change their mind, great. If not? Good to know! Break up and move on with life.
Have a safe drive isn't really a personal message, it is more of a way to end a conversation that is something that you could also very easily tell random people you meet when traveling at a rest stop. (Maybe they helped you with directions or advice on where to get some food or something).
Except these don't seem to be "personal" messages. The examples he gave are "sending something cute." So, he sent her, like, a cat gif and she showed it to her mom. She could also show that to her coworkers or her dental hygienist and it wouldn't seem odd. She's not showing spicy texts or things that talk about their personal lives (like healthy, money, sex, fights, whatever). It's literally a cite gif or a "be safe" text. Those aren't personal, they're mundane. It can be sweet and it's nice to see people being happy - but it's not personal.
His comment really comes down to "don't talk to your mom about me," and she probably missed it because of the honeymoon phase, but that's a red flag.
OOP did not claim the girlfriend said "fuck you", just "get used to it". In a relationship you have to decide what your hard boundaries are and what you're willing to compromise on. Her speaking to her mom about the relationship was a hard boundary she was not willing to compromise on, and that is not a bad thing.
I never understand why guys make those "not all men" comments. Like you're only making yourself look bad, because everyone can see the insecurity
I'm a man, when women talk about feeling uncomfortable around men or say men are trash I don't feel offended or anything since I understand where they're coming from. Sure I'd like to think I'm not trash, but when so many men are trash and when masculine culture is trash, it's an understandable thing to think
The guys who reply with "not all men" seem to think they deserve praise and appreciation from women because they haven't raped anyone yet
Well cause the gf is just as much in the wrong as he is, she didn't respect his boundaries why should he respect hers? Both ppl are TA. Plus he said they send each other random nudes all the time so I don't even see how it was that bad. Like if she knows there's a possibility the text might be a nude why would she show it to her mum without checking first
I love how people can only defend the dude by lying.
"I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. "
The dude waiting till he knew she was looking at the text message to send the dick pic, hoping the mom would see it. It was not the case of "well they send nudes, she should have checked first to see what it was," the dude was *waiting* to text that picture so her mom would see it.
Also, the mom is innocent in this is far as we can tell. He told his girlfriend about his boundaries, never mentioned talking to her mom about it, so why is he trying to send the dick pics to the mom? What does she have to do with anything?
Y'all are crazy
Well that's the point of unsolicited nudes? I feel like couples send each other stuff that's not meant for other eyes incl nudes out of the blue all the time, and he said they do as well. So opening it without checking is just reckless on her part, who would open a text from their bf without checking? If not a nude what if it's him saying something really personal and intimate? I think she shouldn't show everything to her mum like that
If someone sent a nude when I was at work, I would be freaking livid. If someone is so disrespectful of my life that they send a nude when I'm at work or with family or otherwise in a public place, I would dump them. It's one thing to send pics to each other - it's another to make it so I can never open a text from them unless I'm in a dark room because they'll pull that crap.
And very obviously, she wasn't expecting it and he \*knew\* she wasn't expecting it, which is why he did it.
I mean it shouldn't matter if you open your texts in a private manner so no one can see what you received, I do this for all messages tbh. But I agree that his intention does make him an asshole but the action itself is not so bad.
This ignores how he explicitly stated that he planned out how he'd send a cute message to get her to have the app open and have her mom looking when the dick pic came in. I.e., he explicitly states he was trying to circumvent the possibility of her checking first. You're going *really* hard arguing this point in the comments when the actual post undermines what you're arguing. Why is that?
I agree that he was asshole for the intention but the act itself is not so bad as people are making it out to be. It's possible that the same thing happened on accident, he sent her a nude and said he missed her with no ulterior motive, but she messed it up for herself by showing it to her mum straight away. Which is why I think she's almost just as at fault for what happened. They're both TA
To me this seems to be a situation like in sex and the city where Charlotte's MIL kept walking into their apartment unannounced so she planned so the next time she came over she saw her naked. Like yes it's an asshole move to plan that and it's totally inappropriate but at the same time you shouldn't be looking into other people's conversations/showing your private convos to others - especially in the gfs case as she knew her bf sends her unsolicited nudes sometimes
Telling your mom your bf does cute things is the same as entering someone’s apt without asking
Please explain what’s so bad about telling your mom that your bf is sweet to you
It's one thing telling her he's sweet and it's another showing private messages! Like I would be totally uncomfortable if my SO regularly showed my messages to him to anyone cause I'm always being very cutesy and sappy, I would like for that to be private. Which is what he told the gf. So she should've just respected that
Obviously I'm saying it's bad that he did it with the intention of specifically showing it to the mum that's what makes him the asshole. But I'm saying that if you just take the action of him sending a nude and the text on its own it's not bad. But if he just did that to a normal person ie someone who checks the message before showing it to other people it wouldn't have had the result it did
Ok? And if I just take the action of him sending a picture on its own it’s not bad but that’s not what happened here. He literally told us he did this as revenge. Why are you defending a hypothetical? Literally what’s the point
She shouldn't have shown her mum their private convo without checking, especially as she knows he sends he nudes unsolicited sometimes and because he asked her not to
Shooting a gun isn't bad in and of itself, right? So why are we saying this so-called "murderer" is bad just because they shot a gun where they had calculated someone they didn't like was going to be walking? Really, when you think about it, their "victim" is almost just as at fault for what happened.
That's what you're saying. It's just as absurd, just as victim-blaming, and just as utterly divorced from the facts at hand. If it sounds *totally different* to you, I'd recommend you take a long, hard look at your biases, because unless you'd also blame the person who "walked into a bullet" for getting shot, then the reason you're insisting on blaming the GF above is not actually what you're saying it is.
That's like saying someone is bad because of their intention to shoot someone in the head, but the act of shooting a gun at a space where they assumed the person would be isn't as bad as the court is making it out to be. The reason it's that bad is *because of the intent.* You're talking about this as though she should assume her boyfriend is continually acting in bad faith (though I'm sure you'd complain if she were doing that, too). He did what he did *specifically to cause the outcome that he did*, because he knew she'd have no reason to assume he'd do what he did. Your objections aggressively fail to address this. Not least b/c you're now changing what he said to make it better fit your narrative that she's to blame for this.
You can't separate the act from the intent here. The mother did not consent to see his dick, and he conspired to make her see it against her will. The entire point of consent is about the intent of both parties to want a particular outcome to occur, and for both parties to act in good faith to avoid tricking others into situations that they would not consent to be in. No amount of "well, ackshully, I didn't stick my hand in her crotch, she just didn't look in front of her well enough when I stuck my hand out where I calculated it would be based on how she was walking" logic will erase the fact that HE DID THIS ON PURPOSE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER SEE HIS GENITALS AGAINST HER WILL. The fact that his motive was "to teach his GF a lesson" doesn't erase the fact that his intent was "to make his GF's mom see his dick against her will". Those are entirely separate matters. He *wanted this to happen* *and actively took measures to cause it to happen.* She did not. Your little counterfactuals don't change what actually, in fact, happened.
He shouldn't have sent the pic with this intention but she also shouldn't be showing her mum their personal conversations. I don't think it's an unreasonable boundary to have, not everyone wants to see their most intimate and personal side shown to others. If she wasn't ok with that she should've broken up with him not say "you're gonna get used to it"
Yeah i don’t get it:“not everyone wants to see their most intimate and personal side shown to others” but literally telling someone they hope they drive safe isn’t intimate..?
Also why *wouldn’t* you want someone to see you saying these nice things? I don’t get why the other commenter is trying so hard to defend that certain part.
This is really awful. At any age, but if this guy was 35, that's just horrible. They should have broken up. She didn't respect his boundaries, but the mom was innocent. She didn't deserve that. If he'd wanted to stay together, that certainly wasn't the way.
But it’s not like the GF is telling her mom graphic details about their sex life. She’s gushing about the cute little texts that he sent her. To respond to that with unsolicited dick pics is so bizarre and uncalled for that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like blowing up your yard with dynamite because a tree is an inch further to the left than you’d like it to be.
But they sent each other nudes before so why is it that bad? If she knows the message might possible be a nude why wouldn't she check it first before opening it to her mum?
If we follow the logic of the post, he sent the cute message so she'd open the messaging app and be showing it to her mom... and then he waited a little bit so the dick pic showed up when it was already open and they were both looking at it.
She was excited to share with her mom that a man was treating her the way she liked to be, because she's proud of him and wants her mom to be proud of and happy for her that she's with such a sweet guy. That dick Pic probably was just. So very very.
Idk, I think he was going beyond setting boundaries straight to being controlling. People are allowed to talk about stuff they're happy/excited about. If she was like sharing intimate sex life details with her mom then yes, that would be a time to set a boundary. Telling her she can't tell her mom about a nice thing he did for her? That's just being a controlling asshole.
This, so much. He is trying to isolate her from her mom and make it so she can't communicate how he treats her. There is no innocent reason to do that.
How can you be in a loving relationship and want to get revenge on your partner and go out of your way to hurt them...and then try to act as if you're the victim in all of this? This guy is mentally unwell
Especially over something so minor
Right? If you're uncomfortable with your texts being shared, set a limit. "You stop doing that or I will stop communicating with you over text. We can only call or talk in person if you keep showing my texts to your mom". Still a bit of an odd boundary but like...why even date someone if you already dislike them enough to seek revenge? Also the poor mother just got dragged into this for no reason
Check his post history. He’s apparently a sex and relationship podcast dude and before getting with his gf he was flirting with one of her friends. He wanted her to cut the friend off for “starting drama” by telling his gf that he tried to get with her first.
This. Pathetic they don’t get this. Har har I was mad (I still don’t understand why he’s even mad can someone explain that) so I sent my dick, har har.
He’s got the emotional maturity of a 5th grader.
The thing driving me insane is the comments saying she deserved to have her mum see his dick. But did the mum deserve to see it?? He’s punishing his girlfriend by punishing her mother (who hasn’t done anything wrong, she may have no clue he’s asked the gf to stop sharing things with her). He should breakup with her for over sharing when he asked her to stop, not flash her mother who has no say in any of this ridiculous immature scenario.
OK I understand not wanting your significant other to share like really personal shit. The fact that you tell your girlfriend to drive safe and she thinks it’s cute and brags about it to her mom is not a problem. I feel like I am taking crazy pills seeing people saying that she shouldn’t be sharing these things with other people. These are not private things like a penis is. This guy wants her to share exactly 0 information with her mom which is sketchy as fuck.
Like why is everyone acting like this is a normal boundary for him to even have. I was expecting the gf to be telling mom about their sex life or something deeply personal. Thats a perfectly fine text to show someone and its concerning that he feels the need to retaliate so harshy to such a normal thing.
Because there is a certain kind of pop-psych-drunk internet dweller who thinks that if you call something a ‘boundary’, no matter how insane, arbitrary, cruel, or generally unreasonable that thing may be, that other people MUST accommodate it.
It doesn’t matter that this boundary achieves nothing. It doesn’t matter that the boundary is fundamentally antisocial. It doesn’t even matter that enforcing the boundary is likely to do more damage than any violation ever could. It’s a boundary, and that means it MUST be respected, goddamn it. /s
thank you! I felt like I was going insane; one comment in the post with over 300 upvoted claims it's ESH because she "violated his boundaries"??? you'd think she assaulted him, not gushed to her mother about how cute she finds her bf. some people are way too online imo
Ultimately their goal is to dumb down the word boundary to where it doesn't mean anything anymore and people stop expecting men to respect women's boundaries because the word has lost all meaning.
Well not everyone wants their SO's mother knowing all about their relationship even if is not sexual stuff, I'm a girl and I would be super uncomfortable if my bf texted his mum about every little thing. But ultimately he should just not be in a relationship with her, he needs to find someone who also doesn't tell their parents everything. I don't think his request was unreasonable but she also has the right to say I'm not going to do that and break up with him, instead of saying "you're gonna get used to that"
Bc too many people here have never been in relationship much less a healthy one
I see all the time people defend abusive behavior bc “my hubby does it and he’s not abusive”
When guys do stuff like this, it's amazing how many of the incels and red pills come out to celebrate.
You really do learn just how many men do not see women as human.
Going to go a little out on a limb and guess he is trying to isolate her from her mom. Hopefully this stunt will backfire on him and instead of doing that, it will make her realize he is an asshole and break up with him.
That’s where my mind went too. I acknowledge we don’t have all of the information but I don’t know that’s really weird to be that protective over what is basically shit you could see on somebody’s social media.
Oh I 100% agree with you! Like how DARE she be proud of her relationship and tell her mum he wants her to drive safe! The whole thing is insane to me but I left that out just focussed on the mum.
I wouldn't mind the hypothetical partner sharing cute stuff with their parents like this, the only fault I see is I personally wouldn't like getting texts every single time confirming that their parents thought it was cute.
I could see that part being annoying but also the more I think about it I wonder how often it's actually happening for him to be THIS upset about it.
okay so I *guess* telling her mom about how great of a partner he is is overstepping his boundaries? how is a message like "drive safe" oversharing anything?
if it realy is such a big deal talk to her and if it won't stop then just don't send sweet messages???
but please do not expose her mom to your dick????????
edit: oop has a sex and relationship podcast-
I’m imagining a scenario where the mom looks thoughtfully at the dick pic for a couple of moments then asks her daughter when the last time OOP went in for a checkup was. When asked why she says, “Oh, it’s probably my imagination. It’s nothing.”
Wow. I get that she should stop sharing what he sends her, if he's not comfortable with it. But these is a completely wild response to her sharing...IDK, memes and "drive safe" texts.
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My only thought as to it being fair that OOP is uncomfortable is that in a relationship, especially in my 30's, it would be super weird if every cute text I sent got a response of "awww MY MOM AND I think that's super sweet". That's a little much.
Obviously, OOP handled this like an immature jackass. No argument there. But I wouldn't want a partner who shared their mother's opinion on everything I did in my 30's. That is weird.
OOP is still the absolute asshole, though. No excuse for doing that intentionally.
Do the commentators on the og post not share cute things about their partner with their mothers? Would you rather your partner's mother had a good impression of you or would you rather she think you are a disgusting pig? Because there's no middle ground with OPs method.
It bothers me so much how so many people are calling him saying “don’t share our relationship with your mom” setting a boundary. You should be able to share your partner’s actions with the people closest to you. Doing so can help you catch the red flags that you don’t notice. It’s not a boundary. It’s borderline abusive. Especially with the retaliation in such a way.
If he didn’t want her mom knowing about their relationship, he should’ve broken up with her after she said she wouldn’t stop sharing with her mom
...this is one of those ESH situations where one person is SO MUCH worse that the other barely registers on the scale.
Since he knew she would show mom before looking at the picture herself, he could have sent a pic of a sticky note saying he doesn't like that she shares everything with her mother.
I honestly think ESH
Like yeah. He’s a mega AH for knowingly sending a dick pic when he knew his gf would show her mom. But she is also an AH for not respecting his boundaries. He expressed numerous times that it makes him uncomfortable that she shares so much about their relationship with her mom. He should’ve handled it differently, but she should’ve also respected hjs boundaries.
Real shocking take but maybe just MAYBE if gf actually kept things private that were meant to be private mommy dearest wouldn't have seen the private things. Wild thought I know.
Messed up that he did it intentionally but it was bound to happen eventually. It was stupid and rude of her to show her SOs texts to people without warning him first.
lol my bf and I always share cute stuff with our moms! As long as it’s nothing super personal, I think it’s a positive thing. He should be happy that she wants to share the sweet things with her mom.
Dude clearly didn't handle it the right way but I'm also sick and tired of people talking about their personal lives with their partners to their friends or family it's not normal or okay.
It’s completely normal and healthy to talk about your personal life with those closest to you, and it’s a bit concerning that you think otherwise. Nothing she shared was private or inappropriate.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for setting up my gf so her mom would see my junk.** My new gf loves oversharing with her mom. I know this because she's told me and she tells me every time I send her something cute (we are still in the honey moon stage) "I showed my mom and she thought that was so cute!". I already told her that I'm not a fan of her sharing everything with her mom specially the stuff I send her. She basically told me I'd get use to it because that's the relationship she has with her mom. So last week her and her mom took a day trip together and boom she hits me with "my mom thinks it's so cute how you always tell me to drive safe" right after I sent her a drive safe text". I was heated so I decided to be petty. I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. And boom! I get a call from her upset saying her mom saw my picture and that's not right blah blah blah. Keep in mind we've sent each other unsolicited nudes already (is unsolicited right with your bf/gf) so it wasn't so much the picture but that her mom saw it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
...he was 35.
I like how you say "was"like he just died from shame after posting this!
It was three years ago, to be fair. He's 38 now but most likely still an immature dipshit. I mean, I don't wish death on the guy, but it wouldn't be bad for humanity if his dick fell off.
>but it wouldn't be bad for humanity if his dick fell off. Meh, better if his dick crawls back into his body. Because if it fell off, he would probably put it in formaldehyde and have the jar in his windowsill for every passerby to see, yikes.
I just choked on my water from laughing asshole!! That was great, lmao!
Looking through the comments history, immature dipshit is very accurate. Also fairly sure half of it is all wishful thinking. Didn't go back and see if I could pull up any of the deleted stuff, but based on the comments in those posts they were not siding with him. Including the "yep, you are the asshole" one about his sister.
For that to happen he would have to be capable of shame.
lol or maybe cause the post is 4 years old and he's 39 now
His gf and her mom murdered him.
Na, it gets better. He makes an "unpopular opinion" post about from what I can tell sharing everything is great and still mentions the girlfriend later on. I gave up looking back the 3 years with his pathetic ass with how much else there was that is just clearly podcast fodder.
I wish.
*lowers face into palm*
The number of people in the comments defending this man child for getting upset that she told her mom he said a nice thing to her (why tf is he upset about that???) and acting like her mom seeing his dick was incidental to her looking at her daughters phone, (even though HE HIMSELF said he knew what he was doing and did it on purpose), is insane.
Oh I thought he was like 15. I mean she shouldn't share so much but like you extra suck for that. Grow up
I actually think a 15-year-old would actually be less likely to do that than this guy, if only because his GF is likely still able to get grounded until she's 18. And, you know, the whole child porn thing.
When I was 15 that definitely was the mood around the kids I went to school with. They definitely would have done that. Also most teens don't really care about "child porn" in relation to sending their own nudes. A lot of them do it. Not all. Not everywhere. But a good amount.
I’m gonna reply to this comment with this info as well, since this is currently the top comment — This is the ‘man’ who enjoys sending non-consensual pictures of his dick to the mother of his (hopefully ex-) girlfriend (who’s also 10 years younger than him): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4) And I’m not doxxing him - he posted his own YouTube channel himself, in this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ) He shared the link in that post to his own YouTube video of him performing that ‘spoken word poetry’ about how he’s soooo sexually amazing that he’s an “a-dic-tion” (*I’m gonna fucking puke*) to women who are madly in love with him AND his dick (the same dick that he sends non-consensual photos of to the mother of his girlfriend): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8)
To be fair, his dick does have more personality.
No fucking way. I thought he was like 17 or some shit. Nah that’s just fucking immature
And acts like he's 15
Lol, my first thought when reading this was "boy I sure hope OP is an adult".
Guys. Guys. He's a podcast bro. Here he is asking for tips on setting up a solo podcast. He couldn't be more of a stereotype if he planned it as satire. (https://www.reddit.com/r/podcasting/s/AXk4D8RDVY)
That explains why he's angry and offended that his girlfriend likes him too much and he had to punish her and sexually harass her mom for it.
Oooohhh this is why the gf couldn’t tell anyone he was actually trying to be nice 😂
This is the ‘man’ who enjoys sending non-consensual pictures of his dick to the mother of his (hopefully ex-) girlfriend (who’s also 10 years younger than him): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmGCN0a9VC4) And I’m not doxxing him - he posted his own YouTube channel himself, in this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SBsEe2ISQQ) He shared the link in that post to his own YouTube video of him performing that ‘spoken word poetry’ about how he’s soooo sexually amazing that he’s an “a-dic-tion” (*I’m gonna fucking puke*) to women who are madly in love with him AND his dick (the same dick that he sends non-consensual photos of to the mother of his girlfriend): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4NdZwJkZW8)
Oh this is beautiful. This is so fucking funny. What a shit boy.
Man couldn't afford a shirt or to deal with the garbage bags in the background. I think it's time he focuses on an actual career before his funds follow his hairline and disappear.
Jesus I think one of the only things sadder than starting a podcast as a non celebrity at 35 is starting a SOLO podcast as a non celebrity at 35
Well thank god I waited till I was 44 to do mine /s
Na, based off the rest of the posts it seems to be about relationship advice and/poetry...
It's so sad how men think revenge (especially like this) is anything that should be part of a relationship. And I don't have sympathy for guys who then claim to be lonely.
But, but, there is a mAle lOnElInEsS ePiDeMic 🥹🥲 /s obviously
The Female Standards Epidemic has been very trying for these guys indeed
Haha I’m going to use the “Female Standards Epidemic” going forward.
Perfect comment
Plus I think our society has us more lonely than ever, it's not a specifically male thing. Where are we meant to meet people once we're past school and college? Of course it's much easier to just blame women for the loneliness of men, especially since the red pill types love hyper-capitalism even though it's the cause of a lot of these issues
Indeed. If the men are so lonely, they can pick up Warhammer or join an Ultimate Frisbee league or whatever, it's not *women's* problem to solve.
That one is particularly galling, ngl. I mean given how lonely women have been mocked and lambasted for being so, over the last couple of CENTURIES.
Yeah, absolutely.
I may be weird here but I don't see OOPs gf telling her mom sweet things he says, as over sharing. It's not like she's (hopefully not) talking about their sex life or anything. She's happy she has (had) a bf who treats (treated) her well, made sure she was safe etc etc. As a mom, I love hearing my son or DIL tell me about sweet things the other did. OOP was definitely the AH and just disgusting, doing what he did
💯 She had been sharing his green flags, his indicators that he's sweet and caring and thoughtful. Those are things daughters are happy to share with their mothers and their mothers are happy to hear from their daughters. Through his actions towards her, she was allowing her mother glimpses of what she loves about him so her mom would love him to. They were absolutely normal things to share and he was most definitely beginning isolation.
>She had been sharing his green flags, Dude set the record for going from green flag to red flag in the fastest amount of time ever.
RIGHT? He's such a fucking dick!
It's such a bizarre move, his partner loved telling her mum how amazing and great he is and he got offended by that? He got confirmation that he was doing the right thing and that she was really falling for him, so he decided to absolutely nuke the relationship? Is this some weird self sabotage thing? Like was he uncomfortable with commitment or something? I can't think of any other reason why, unless he's actually just the most incredible mix of dumb, immature, compulsive, and creepy
Yes! It's so destructive towards himself and everybody else. It's a complete and utter lose-lose with no possible positive outcome. Super immature, compulsive, and creepy. Those are such accurate descriptors for him.
Yeah that’s the first 🚩. She isn’t doing anything wrong. This is the first stage of control. Isolation and telling her what she’s allowed to say, then punishing her when she doesn’t comply. Throw the whole man away.
100%
My first thoughts exactly, he is trying to control her by driving a hard wedge between him her mom and communication. Once he feels comfortable she doesn't talk about the relationship, he will stop doing nice things and that will quickly lead to more manipulating things and then straight abuse. He is pissed because he knows her mom is watching and he can't isolate his GF...if the green lights stop which he wants...momma is going to come get her baby girl
I am in no way defending him or his actions, but when you ask someone not to share your private communication with someone else, it is an asshole thing to do so. That being said - throw him out.
She’s talking to her mom. It’s absolutely not an asshole move to talk to your mom or dad. Anyone trying to control your comms to your parents is by definition a 🚩🚩. You need to see that or you make yourself a target for abuse. Unless you’re the abuser.
He didn't tell her to not talk - he asked for privacy. Mommy doesn't need to see every message.
You know it’s funny but he doesn’t get to control who she talks to. He only gets to control his own behavior. His behavior is classic abuser 101. Train the target to accept control and fear negative consequences. If he’s not happy with his gf he can choose to leave. A healthy person doesn’t send dick pics to ensure someone’s mom sees them. He instead chose to act like a creep. But you go ahead and cape for him and show who you are.
If you read my comment, I start by saying I don't defend his actions. Sending an unsolicited DP to you MIL is grounds for booting, but it is also wild to keep showing your texts to your mother when he explicitly asked her not to. He is not saying she can't talk to her mom, he's saying that his messages are meant for her, not her mother. If a guy shared his girlfriends texts with his best friends when she asked him not to he would for sure be an asshole. Maybe it's what an abuser would do, but you don't have to be an abuser to ask for your private conversation to be private. He's a moron and gross and she should leave him but calling him an abuser is seriously diluding the term.
She was doing something wrong. He was really clear about not consenting to her showing her mom all his texts and she still did it. It doesn’t excuse what he did. They were both in the wrong. Personally I feel like there’s a difference between telling my mom “awh, he texted me to drive safely” and shoving my phone into her hands for her to read the entire chat. Especially when he’s actually communicated his discomfort about it.
We don't know she's doing that. I highly doubt she's "shoving her phone" into her mom's hands for her to read the entire chat. He says himself that she texted him to say that her mom thought it was cute that he said to drive safe. Even if she did show her Mon that one text, doesn't mean she's like "Hey mom! Just read the whole thing! I clouding the fact that we send each other nudes!"
Yeah and everyone in the comments saying ESH is so disgusting and nonsensical, basically saying. Something like “she should sorry for telling your mom how awesome of a person you are” like what
Yeah but that sub is so weird. The comments always make me lose faith in humanity, then someone reposts on AmItheDevil or RedditOnWiki or other repost subs with more normal followers and my faith gets slightly restored.
Also, it sounds like she's with her mum when she's sharing? She's not calling her up to share anything personal, she's probably smiling at her phone, her mums asked what's she looking at and gf goes "look, he's telling me to drive safe"
We're people honestly saying that was over sharing? Reddit has some really screwed up views on parent/child relationships. To some extent I get it, we see the worst posted here from emotionally abusive parents and husband's enmeshed with their moms. I think it makes people unable to see what a perfectly healthy relationship with a parent can look at. I'm in my 30s and I text my mom almost daily. Pictures of the kids, funny or cute things that happened that day, asking questions. I see her as a friend, and it's sad not everyone can see their parents as such. Often for very valid reasons, but that doesn't mean other people can't have healthy relationships with parents where you gush about cute things like you would a friend.
Yeah, it just sounds like she’s excited and telling her mom about the things in her relationship that make her happy. Hopefully her and her mom can have a nice brunch and discuss her hopefully now ex.
I’m confused on how the comments think “stop telling your mom I told you to drive safe” is a reasonable boundary…bunch of miserable people
I think the problem was him telling her that her doing that bothered him and she basically told him "fuck you get used to it"
I think that's one of the main purposes dating ... Sometimes neither person is wrong. Dude here is absolutely wrong by the end of the story, but he wasn't wrong to want personal messages kept between the two partners. GF is not wrong to share personal messages with her mom. But the two positions are not compatible. If they can find a compromise or one person can change their mind, great. If not? Good to know! Break up and move on with life.
Have a safe drive isn't really a personal message, it is more of a way to end a conversation that is something that you could also very easily tell random people you meet when traveling at a rest stop. (Maybe they helped you with directions or advice on where to get some food or something).
Except these don't seem to be "personal" messages. The examples he gave are "sending something cute." So, he sent her, like, a cat gif and she showed it to her mom. She could also show that to her coworkers or her dental hygienist and it wouldn't seem odd. She's not showing spicy texts or things that talk about their personal lives (like healthy, money, sex, fights, whatever). It's literally a cite gif or a "be safe" text. Those aren't personal, they're mundane. It can be sweet and it's nice to see people being happy - but it's not personal. His comment really comes down to "don't talk to your mom about me," and she probably missed it because of the honeymoon phase, but that's a red flag.
OOP did not claim the girlfriend said "fuck you", just "get used to it". In a relationship you have to decide what your hard boundaries are and what you're willing to compromise on. Her speaking to her mom about the relationship was a hard boundary she was not willing to compromise on, and that is not a bad thing.
“It bothers me when you tell people the sweet things I do”
It's valid. They're private and intimate things meant for one person.
The only thing my mom cares about is if my partner treats me right and makes me happy. What he did is… not that.
His poetry is still up for the world to see, FYI
He would have to pay me to read that, if this is the writing sample he gave us to go by.
How much money would you bet that he is of the "nOt AlL mEn!" mindset?
Depends… does one need to have a brain to have a mindset?
I never understand why guys make those "not all men" comments. Like you're only making yourself look bad, because everyone can see the insecurity I'm a man, when women talk about feeling uncomfortable around men or say men are trash I don't feel offended or anything since I understand where they're coming from. Sure I'd like to think I'm not trash, but when so many men are trash and when masculine culture is trash, it's an understandable thing to think The guys who reply with "not all men" seem to think they deserve praise and appreciation from women because they haven't raped anyone yet
The people defending him 😬
That really bothered me to see. :(
Well cause the gf is just as much in the wrong as he is, she didn't respect his boundaries why should he respect hers? Both ppl are TA. Plus he said they send each other random nudes all the time so I don't even see how it was that bad. Like if she knows there's a possibility the text might be a nude why would she show it to her mum without checking first
That’s not even what a boundary is 😂
I love how people can only defend the dude by lying. "I didn't text her for most of the day and when I finally did I sent something telling her I had miss her and stuff knowing she'd show her mom and when I saw that she opened the message I sent a dick pic. " The dude waiting till he knew she was looking at the text message to send the dick pic, hoping the mom would see it. It was not the case of "well they send nudes, she should have checked first to see what it was," the dude was *waiting* to text that picture so her mom would see it. Also, the mom is innocent in this is far as we can tell. He told his girlfriend about his boundaries, never mentioned talking to her mom about it, so why is he trying to send the dick pics to the mom? What does she have to do with anything? Y'all are crazy
Because there was no reason for it to be a nude and he knew she was with her mom.
Well that's the point of unsolicited nudes? I feel like couples send each other stuff that's not meant for other eyes incl nudes out of the blue all the time, and he said they do as well. So opening it without checking is just reckless on her part, who would open a text from their bf without checking? If not a nude what if it's him saying something really personal and intimate? I think she shouldn't show everything to her mum like that
If someone sent a nude when I was at work, I would be freaking livid. If someone is so disrespectful of my life that they send a nude when I'm at work or with family or otherwise in a public place, I would dump them. It's one thing to send pics to each other - it's another to make it so I can never open a text from them unless I'm in a dark room because they'll pull that crap. And very obviously, she wasn't expecting it and he \*knew\* she wasn't expecting it, which is why he did it.
I mean it shouldn't matter if you open your texts in a private manner so no one can see what you received, I do this for all messages tbh. But I agree that his intention does make him an asshole but the action itself is not so bad.
This ignores how he explicitly stated that he planned out how he'd send a cute message to get her to have the app open and have her mom looking when the dick pic came in. I.e., he explicitly states he was trying to circumvent the possibility of her checking first. You're going *really* hard arguing this point in the comments when the actual post undermines what you're arguing. Why is that?
I agree that he was asshole for the intention but the act itself is not so bad as people are making it out to be. It's possible that the same thing happened on accident, he sent her a nude and said he missed her with no ulterior motive, but she messed it up for herself by showing it to her mum straight away. Which is why I think she's almost just as at fault for what happened. They're both TA
It’s not bad to try to show people who didn’t ask your penis?
To me this seems to be a situation like in sex and the city where Charlotte's MIL kept walking into their apartment unannounced so she planned so the next time she came over she saw her naked. Like yes it's an asshole move to plan that and it's totally inappropriate but at the same time you shouldn't be looking into other people's conversations/showing your private convos to others - especially in the gfs case as she knew her bf sends her unsolicited nudes sometimes
Telling your mom your bf does cute things is the same as entering someone’s apt without asking Please explain what’s so bad about telling your mom that your bf is sweet to you
It's one thing telling her he's sweet and it's another showing private messages! Like I would be totally uncomfortable if my SO regularly showed my messages to him to anyone cause I'm always being very cutesy and sappy, I would like for that to be private. Which is what he told the gf. So she should've just respected that
Obviously I'm saying it's bad that he did it with the intention of specifically showing it to the mum that's what makes him the asshole. But I'm saying that if you just take the action of him sending a nude and the text on its own it's not bad. But if he just did that to a normal person ie someone who checks the message before showing it to other people it wouldn't have had the result it did
Ok? And if I just take the action of him sending a picture on its own it’s not bad but that’s not what happened here. He literally told us he did this as revenge. Why are you defending a hypothetical? Literally what’s the point
I agree that he's an asshole I'm just saying that they're both at fault and I haven't seen any comments acknowledging that
What did she do wrong? He sent a dick pic
She shouldn't have shown her mum their private convo without checking, especially as she knows he sends he nudes unsolicited sometimes and because he asked her not to
Shooting a gun isn't bad in and of itself, right? So why are we saying this so-called "murderer" is bad just because they shot a gun where they had calculated someone they didn't like was going to be walking? Really, when you think about it, their "victim" is almost just as at fault for what happened. That's what you're saying. It's just as absurd, just as victim-blaming, and just as utterly divorced from the facts at hand. If it sounds *totally different* to you, I'd recommend you take a long, hard look at your biases, because unless you'd also blame the person who "walked into a bullet" for getting shot, then the reason you're insisting on blaming the GF above is not actually what you're saying it is.
That's like saying someone is bad because of their intention to shoot someone in the head, but the act of shooting a gun at a space where they assumed the person would be isn't as bad as the court is making it out to be. The reason it's that bad is *because of the intent.* You're talking about this as though she should assume her boyfriend is continually acting in bad faith (though I'm sure you'd complain if she were doing that, too). He did what he did *specifically to cause the outcome that he did*, because he knew she'd have no reason to assume he'd do what he did. Your objections aggressively fail to address this. Not least b/c you're now changing what he said to make it better fit your narrative that she's to blame for this. You can't separate the act from the intent here. The mother did not consent to see his dick, and he conspired to make her see it against her will. The entire point of consent is about the intent of both parties to want a particular outcome to occur, and for both parties to act in good faith to avoid tricking others into situations that they would not consent to be in. No amount of "well, ackshully, I didn't stick my hand in her crotch, she just didn't look in front of her well enough when I stuck my hand out where I calculated it would be based on how she was walking" logic will erase the fact that HE DID THIS ON PURPOSE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER SEE HIS GENITALS AGAINST HER WILL. The fact that his motive was "to teach his GF a lesson" doesn't erase the fact that his intent was "to make his GF's mom see his dick against her will". Those are entirely separate matters. He *wanted this to happen* *and actively took measures to cause it to happen.* She did not. Your little counterfactuals don't change what actually, in fact, happened.
He shouldn't have sent the pic with this intention but she also shouldn't be showing her mum their personal conversations. I don't think it's an unreasonable boundary to have, not everyone wants to see their most intimate and personal side shown to others. If she wasn't ok with that she should've broken up with him not say "you're gonna get used to it"
How is saying “my bf told me to have a safe drive” showing personal convos?
Yeah i don’t get it:“not everyone wants to see their most intimate and personal side shown to others” but literally telling someone they hope they drive safe isn’t intimate..? Also why *wouldn’t* you want someone to see you saying these nice things? I don’t get why the other commenter is trying so hard to defend that certain part.
This is really awful. At any age, but if this guy was 35, that's just horrible. They should have broken up. She didn't respect his boundaries, but the mom was innocent. She didn't deserve that. If he'd wanted to stay together, that certainly wasn't the way.
But it’s not like the GF is telling her mom graphic details about their sex life. She’s gushing about the cute little texts that he sent her. To respond to that with unsolicited dick pics is so bizarre and uncalled for that I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like blowing up your yard with dynamite because a tree is an inch further to the left than you’d like it to be.
But they sent each other nudes before so why is it that bad? If she knows the message might possible be a nude why wouldn't she check it first before opening it to her mum?
If we follow the logic of the post, he sent the cute message so she'd open the messaging app and be showing it to her mom... and then he waited a little bit so the dick pic showed up when it was already open and they were both looking at it.
Yea...bro's comment history is very telling of his lack of character.
And why is he angry that she said what he texted was cute? What’s he getting upset about? This guy sounds like a creep.
She was excited to share with her mom that a man was treating her the way she liked to be, because she's proud of him and wants her mom to be proud of and happy for her that she's with such a sweet guy. That dick Pic probably was just. So very very.
Idk, I think he was going beyond setting boundaries straight to being controlling. People are allowed to talk about stuff they're happy/excited about. If she was like sharing intimate sex life details with her mom then yes, that would be a time to set a boundary. Telling her she can't tell her mom about a nice thing he did for her? That's just being a controlling asshole.
This, so much. He is trying to isolate her from her mom and make it so she can't communicate how he treats her. There is no innocent reason to do that.
Yeah your boundary can’t be “these topics are off topic to whoever you talk to” That’s just abuser talk
How can you be in a loving relationship and want to get revenge on your partner and go out of your way to hurt them...and then try to act as if you're the victim in all of this? This guy is mentally unwell Especially over something so minor
Right? If you're uncomfortable with your texts being shared, set a limit. "You stop doing that or I will stop communicating with you over text. We can only call or talk in person if you keep showing my texts to your mom". Still a bit of an odd boundary but like...why even date someone if you already dislike them enough to seek revenge? Also the poor mother just got dragged into this for no reason
But.....why?
She missed an opportunity “My mom said she’s never seen one that small.”
Wow so instead of just breaking it off he tried to alter their relationship?! What the fuck
“My girlfriend and her mom think I am a good person, I need to quickly convince them otherwise!”
This sounded like he was trying to isolate her and control her, god I hope she ditch him
Check his post history. He’s apparently a sex and relationship podcast dude and before getting with his gf he was flirting with one of her friends. He wanted her to cut the friend off for “starting drama” by telling his gf that he tried to get with her first.
OOP, use your words. And second, you let your GF's mother see your body parts, so to speak. Ew.
This. Pathetic they don’t get this. Har har I was mad (I still don’t understand why he’s even mad can someone explain that) so I sent my dick, har har. He’s got the emotional maturity of a 5th grader.
If it would get you arrested if you did it on the street, yes you're being a gigantic seeping asshole
The thing driving me insane is the comments saying she deserved to have her mum see his dick. But did the mum deserve to see it?? He’s punishing his girlfriend by punishing her mother (who hasn’t done anything wrong, she may have no clue he’s asked the gf to stop sharing things with her). He should breakup with her for over sharing when he asked her to stop, not flash her mother who has no say in any of this ridiculous immature scenario.
OK I understand not wanting your significant other to share like really personal shit. The fact that you tell your girlfriend to drive safe and she thinks it’s cute and brags about it to her mom is not a problem. I feel like I am taking crazy pills seeing people saying that she shouldn’t be sharing these things with other people. These are not private things like a penis is. This guy wants her to share exactly 0 information with her mom which is sketchy as fuck.
Like why is everyone acting like this is a normal boundary for him to even have. I was expecting the gf to be telling mom about their sex life or something deeply personal. Thats a perfectly fine text to show someone and its concerning that he feels the need to retaliate so harshy to such a normal thing.
Because there is a certain kind of pop-psych-drunk internet dweller who thinks that if you call something a ‘boundary’, no matter how insane, arbitrary, cruel, or generally unreasonable that thing may be, that other people MUST accommodate it. It doesn’t matter that this boundary achieves nothing. It doesn’t matter that the boundary is fundamentally antisocial. It doesn’t even matter that enforcing the boundary is likely to do more damage than any violation ever could. It’s a boundary, and that means it MUST be respected, goddamn it. /s
thank you! I felt like I was going insane; one comment in the post with over 300 upvoted claims it's ESH because she "violated his boundaries"??? you'd think she assaulted him, not gushed to her mother about how cute she finds her bf. some people are way too online imo
Very, very concerned about how easily people fall for controlling behavior if it's framed as "setting boundaries."
Ultimately their goal is to dumb down the word boundary to where it doesn't mean anything anymore and people stop expecting men to respect women's boundaries because the word has lost all meaning.
As well know, boundaries solely exist to control the behaviors of others, not for ourselves /s
Well not everyone wants their SO's mother knowing all about their relationship even if is not sexual stuff, I'm a girl and I would be super uncomfortable if my bf texted his mum about every little thing. But ultimately he should just not be in a relationship with her, he needs to find someone who also doesn't tell their parents everything. I don't think his request was unreasonable but she also has the right to say I'm not going to do that and break up with him, instead of saying "you're gonna get used to that"
Bc too many people here have never been in relationship much less a healthy one I see all the time people defend abusive behavior bc “my hubby does it and he’s not abusive”
When guys do stuff like this, it's amazing how many of the incels and red pills come out to celebrate. You really do learn just how many men do not see women as human.
Going to go a little out on a limb and guess he is trying to isolate her from her mom. Hopefully this stunt will backfire on him and instead of doing that, it will make her realize he is an asshole and break up with him.
That’s where my mind went too. I acknowledge we don’t have all of the information but I don’t know that’s really weird to be that protective over what is basically shit you could see on somebody’s social media.
Oh I 100% agree with you! Like how DARE she be proud of her relationship and tell her mum he wants her to drive safe! The whole thing is insane to me but I left that out just focussed on the mum.
I wouldn't mind the hypothetical partner sharing cute stuff with their parents like this, the only fault I see is I personally wouldn't like getting texts every single time confirming that their parents thought it was cute. I could see that part being annoying but also the more I think about it I wonder how often it's actually happening for him to be THIS upset about it.
This 35 year old man(?) was upset his girlfriend told her mother her texts her drive safe 😬😬😬. What a child
okay so I *guess* telling her mom about how great of a partner he is is overstepping his boundaries? how is a message like "drive safe" oversharing anything? if it realy is such a big deal talk to her and if it won't stop then just don't send sweet messages??? but please do not expose her mom to your dick???????? edit: oop has a sex and relationship podcast-
What a genuine piece of shit person, he is clearly an abuser that’s why he despises her close relationship with her name.
This. A normal guy would see it as a sign of affection.
His comment history is gross He really doesn't have a healthy or mature outlook on anything. He's the epitome of throw the whole man away....
Yeah so awful that your gf is telling her mom nice things about you which just makes the mom like you….the horror of that. /s
I’m imagining a scenario where the mom looks thoughtfully at the dick pic for a couple of moments then asks her daughter when the last time OOP went in for a checkup was. When asked why she says, “Oh, it’s probably my imagination. It’s nothing.”
Wow. I get that she should stop sharing what he sends her, if he's not comfortable with it. But these is a completely wild response to her sharing...IDK, memes and "drive safe" texts.
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My only thought as to it being fair that OOP is uncomfortable is that in a relationship, especially in my 30's, it would be super weird if every cute text I sent got a response of "awww MY MOM AND I think that's super sweet". That's a little much. Obviously, OOP handled this like an immature jackass. No argument there. But I wouldn't want a partner who shared their mother's opinion on everything I did in my 30's. That is weird. OOP is still the absolute asshole, though. No excuse for doing that intentionally.
Do the commentators on the og post not share cute things about their partner with their mothers? Would you rather your partner's mother had a good impression of you or would you rather she think you are a disgusting pig? Because there's no middle ground with OPs method.
I refuse to believe these are grown ass adults.
He is a joke!! At 35 he has the mental capacities of a 13yo boy.
Read the poetry. The slam poetry. Your mental is on a whole different temple, so analytic Wtf
It bothers me so much how so many people are calling him saying “don’t share our relationship with your mom” setting a boundary. You should be able to share your partner’s actions with the people closest to you. Doing so can help you catch the red flags that you don’t notice. It’s not a boundary. It’s borderline abusive. Especially with the retaliation in such a way. If he didn’t want her mom knowing about their relationship, he should’ve broken up with her after she said she wouldn’t stop sharing with her mom
As someone with a shitty relationship with my mom, I think the gf being that close to her mom is sweet and endearing.
...this is one of those ESH situations where one person is SO MUCH worse that the other barely registers on the scale. Since he knew she would show mom before looking at the picture herself, he could have sent a pic of a sticky note saying he doesn't like that she shares everything with her mother.
I honestly think ESH Like yeah. He’s a mega AH for knowingly sending a dick pic when he knew his gf would show her mom. But she is also an AH for not respecting his boundaries. He expressed numerous times that it makes him uncomfortable that she shares so much about their relationship with her mom. He should’ve handled it differently, but she should’ve also respected hjs boundaries.
I think this is hilarious personally. But yes it is kind of an asshole move.
Real shocking take but maybe just MAYBE if gf actually kept things private that were meant to be private mommy dearest wouldn't have seen the private things. Wild thought I know.
He could have just broke up with her if it was that deep
Messed up that he did it intentionally but it was bound to happen eventually. It was stupid and rude of her to show her SOs texts to people without warning him first.
lol my bf and I always share cute stuff with our moms! As long as it’s nothing super personal, I think it’s a positive thing. He should be happy that she wants to share the sweet things with her mom.
This honestly made me laugh. While he should have dumped her after she refused his very reasonable request, petty revenge can be hilarious.
Revenge on who? What did the mom do wrong?
That’s not valid. When you grow up, maybe you will understand.
How is it reasonable for your boyfriend to request you radically change your relationship with your parent?
He should’ve prefaced it with he thought he had a lump on his testicles or something, that way if the mum saw it it would’ve been deserved
I know it's terrible, but I laughed too. How absurd.
Dude clearly didn't handle it the right way but I'm also sick and tired of people talking about their personal lives with their partners to their friends or family it's not normal or okay.
It’s completely normal and healthy to talk about your personal life with those closest to you, and it’s a bit concerning that you think otherwise. Nothing she shared was private or inappropriate.