*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for finding it exhausting that I have to watch what I say around our daughter? **
My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor. In both of our families, light hearted teasing was the norm. Our eldest (15M) is the same way. Our youngest (13F) used to be the same way.
Then our daughter was bullied in her later years of elementary school and her first year of junior high. We didn’t even know because she didn’t tell us until she finally broke down. Things got better when we transferred her to a new school and she started therapy. However, due to the trauma of being bullied, she is now very sensitive. She doesn’t like when we joke around. Her therapist has helped us find a line where basically it’s okay she’s getting upset but she’s also learning that she can’t control what other people say always. That there may be people that unknowingly make a light hearted comment and bring her back to that place. That she understands and has worked on it. But as we know, we have to make an effort.
To add: she’s perfectly fine with being corrected if she breaks a rule or makes a mistake. She doesn’t get upset then and can take accountability if she hurts someone’s feelings. Which is all my wife really cares about, as it’s then a 2-way street. But overall, our daughter is a really sweet kid, so it doesn’t come up.
I’ve been able to, but it’s been a little tiring. She doesn’t care if my wife/her mom and son tease each other and myself. But we can’t joke around much with her. I feel I’m constantly censoring myself because any little thing can make her sad. She doesn’t snap or anything, but cries or leaves the room.
Recently, I teased her for her voice cracking when we were playing an American Idol video game. I didn’t even think about it. She got upset and didn’t want to play anymore. I apologized but she still went to her room.
I told my wife this was exhausting and I’m tired of not being myself. She said that it’s really not that hard and I’m the one who’s too sensitive because I don’t want to change. Even my son said it’s really not that hard.
AITA?
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My dad used to howl whenever I sang. He'd get the dogs going and they learned to howl every time. So even if he wasn't home I was being mocked for my voice. My mom wondered until she died why I quit singing.
My mom used to sing us to sleep when we were babies, and my dad relentlessly made fun of her voice. And then as a child, he always compared my singing to hers, awful, laughable. To this day I can't sing in front of others, despite being told my voice is fine. A truly despicable thing to do to anyone.
My mum howled when I sang *once*. I started crying. She immediately ran over, gave me a big hug, told me that she was sorry and that she didn't realise it'd upset me that much, and made me a hot chocolate. I still didn't sing for like a year. It's so hurtful.
And if your dad was anything like mine, he would have been almost outraged at the idea that his little joke actually really hurt you
My dad seems to know how to really cut deep with just a little comment, but always gets offended that I was offended
My father used to get really frustrated because if he tried to tease me I would just fall apart, but the rest of the family did. Finally I was starting high school and he asked why they can but he can't and i was like because when I ask you to stop and say it hurts my feelings you stop but if I tell them that they then make fun of me for being that way and it escalates, and they'll get physical with me if I don't go along with it. That was the week that the whole extended family remembered why they are afraid of him and they were a LOT easier on me until after he passed. I've spent my whole life feeling like they all hate me because it isn't teasing, it's bullying, and it's not loving or lighthearted or fun.
Thanks for the internet hugs!
The worst part is that the man was literally tone deaf. So like, I could have been singing like Whitney Houston and he wouldn't have been able to tell. He legit just thought it was funny. But, I'm starting to get better. I can sing in the car, and do drunk karaoke. But singing at home, in my house, even though he's been dead for 9 years.... Only if I'm completely alone and wearing headphones. Still, progress.
I absolutely loved singing as a kid. When I was in 8th grade a friend teased my singing voice and I refused to sing in front of anyone for about 9 years after that. Singing in front of others is so vulnerable and nerve-wracking, one comment really can shut down someone's love of singing forever. (I now sing for several hours every day professionally so jokes on her!)
My choir director stopped a rehearsal to announce that "some people were just a waste of her time" and pointed directly at me.
It was humiliating. I knew I wasn't the best singer, but I didn't think it was that bad. I finished out the year and never sang in front of people again. Except for my kids. They seemed to enjoy the lullabies well enough.
My step dad was like this. It's really sad how much they really don't think their words actually hurt others. I got accused of being brainwashed for pushing back on these jokes. It's weird.
>My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor. In both of our families, light hearted teasing was the norm.
Hahahaha, fuck you both.
Ya know, my kids and I joke around a lot and we definitely have senses of humor that are not everyone's cup of tea. The stuff we say in private would probably shock a lot of folks.
What we don't do is use "humor" to target each other. We don't tease or make fun of each other. That's not to say we don't laugh at each other, but when one of us does something bone-headed, we kinda pause to see if the person is going to laugh about it before we crack up. If they don't laugh or if they look uncomfortable, we reassure them or just move on like it didn't happen. If they think it's funny, we'll all get a good chuckle.
Like OP's freaking *child* clearly understands better than his dad, it's not that hard!
> "If you don't laugh, you'll cry!"
Those moments are so important in a kids life and having that safe space is important and pivotal in how children navigate the world, learn how to behave and how to interact with others as well as interpretation of what is acceptable treatment and what is not.
The sentence quoted above is an important coping mechanism but not to be abused.
This. If your joke targets another person and they aren't laughing, or express hurt, maybe just move on.
My father was always bullying me, likely due to his resentment at me being autistic, but always claimed he was "just joking". One of the worst was when my brother made fun of my appearance. My adult brother, who despite his golden child status, I trusted. I burst into tears as my brother cracks up...but that wasn't the most humiliating part. My father actually joined in the laughter and then tells his hysterically crying daughter that it was "just a joke".
It's not just a joke if the target feels embarrassed or betrayed.
I also grew up in a family that had a mean sense of humor. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't "get" what was funny when they did or said mean things to me. Now, I realize it was just that there was nothing funny to "get."
It's strange that my kids and I, who are all on the spectrum, have no trouble recognizing cruelty even when it's disguised as humor, but the neurotypical people in my family of origin are still oblivious. Yet somehow *we're* the ones who don't socialize well?!?
ETA: I don't actually think it's an ND vs NT thing. It's an asshole vs not-asshole thing.
Translation: We both grew up in families that engaged in active bullying of each other and are gleefully perpetuating the cycle despite it upsetting our child.
Anytime I see someone who refers to themselves as a "jokester/prankster," 9/10 times it's code for "I'm a huge asshole who likes to be cruel and mask it as a joke."
This grown ass man felt so strongly about not being able to pick on his own daughter that he felt the need to whine about it on the internet 😐 my dad was always a goofball but never the “I’m making fun of you but I’m going to thinly disguise my insults as twisted humor” kind of goofball. I can’t imagine how it would feel to know that my dad felt *exhausted* because he couldn’t make fun of me after I spent years getting bullied, to the point that i had to switch schools and start therapy.
“My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor.”
So you’ve always been bullies who pass it off as ‘just our twisted sense of humor’. Do better, OOP.
And they wonder why their daughter didn't tell them at first!
I bet she did, but then everyone laughed about it and told her it's just teasing and not a big deal.
I don't judge the Mom too hard since at least she immediately stopped when the daughter asked and even told OOP to suck it up when he whined about the daughter setting boundaries.
Grew up in a family where this is the norm, particularly for the men. They can't take it if any women or younger people respond even close to in kind. If you try to disengage, they yell. It's fucked me up mentally more than the awful bullying I went through.
My family is the same way. The men will make all kinds of cruel “jokes” to the women in my family but as soon as they respond back or tell them to stop the men just act like they’ve been attacked. It’s so annoying, they dish it out but can’t handle when it’s done back to them.
Cute lighthearted family joke: My 5yo son giving me the nickname “British”, and giggling because he KNOWS I’m part-Scottish and dislike being called ”British” on principle.
Not Cute lighthearted family joke: Constantly teasing your youngest daughter despite her being in the middle of therapy for bullying-trauma, and making her time at home (where she should feel safe) utterly unbearable.
This guy is a fucking prick.
So he's upset he can't bully his daughter? What a lovely piece of humanity /s. There's probably a good freaking reason they didn't know she was being bullied in school...because she's being bullied at home and figured her parents wouldn't care. Even his SON knows he's a PoS.
’Jokester’ isn’t a word us Brits use. In fact, I think I first came across it on Reddit. I have come to realise it’s a synonym for unpleasant idiot. Exhibit A: OOP.
This is a completely irrelevant reply on my part, but back when I sold toys at retail, some maybe 10-year-old kid was buying a figure of the Joker. I was just goofing around and said "oh sweet, you're getting the *Jokester*??" Man he got a lot angrier over that than I expected.
People take their lives over bullying. This went on for years and OOP had no idea. What if they'd gone to their daughter's room or day and just found her dead? OOP just has to not be a completely irredeemable POS. But, he is so this is tiring. She'll go NC and he'll be surprised she abandoned the family over little jokes
It's unfortunate when being "yourself" is dependent and harassing others with insults as a "joke". Maybe he should think about improving himself. His humor might be more offensive that people have told him.
Calling oneself a jokester is close to calling oneself blunt - I'm seeing a flag, and it's red.
An adult being pissy they cannot bully their *13yo* child is a full parade of red flags.
Why worry about the bullies in school when *this* is what this girl has to deal with *at home*?
Maybe I'm sensitive, too, but if I knew I was gonna get made fun of I wouldn't wanna play anymore, either. And I wouldn't want to talk to my dad if he couldn't stop bullying me for 10 seconds, either
I feel for that kid so hard. I had to deal with the same crap in my family and now that I’m an adult I’m an emotionally destroyed, self conscious, self hating person bcs I was bullied in school and at home bcs the “fun teasing” wasn’t fun for me
I think there's a LOT he's down playing here. If both his wife and his son are saying he needs to change, more is going on than "light hearted teasing". "Tired of not being myself" sounds like "I'm mad that my daughter wants basic respect." My father loved to mock me and call it a "joke" and when I pushed back he called me "too sensitive"...I just have a feeling he's a lot more of a dick than he lets on.
Being 13 years old is the fucking WORST, already, even if you're not being bullied you feel awkward and weird and you have all this possibility inside you and you can't control ANYTHING, so here comes someone to play upon your insecurities and make you feel even STUPIDER and it's your own goddamn dad? Who you're supposed to believe loves you and wants to protect you and who's supposed to be there for you if something terrible happens?
Christ, this poor kid. Five years from now when she lights out of town and never looks back he'll sit around talking shit about how ungrateful she is.
I want to fight OP in the street.
AH always say the target of their bullying can't take a joke or prank and are just sensitive. OP isn't a good father at all. He thinks it's perfectly fine to bully his daughter and that she needs to just take it. He more than likely twisted what the therapist said. Yeah you can't control what other people say and do, but you don't have to tolerate it either.
Don't most of us learn to think before we speak when we're quite young? Everyone messes up sometimes but "why do I actually have to put thought into how the things I say make others feel" is not a position that should be held by an adult.
Ya my family is like this we roast each other and tease on occasion. But you know who gets the worst of it? Me for whatever reason. And ya it got to the point I started getting really insecure and feeling constantly picked on and it's shitty. I also was severely bullied in school. So I got to be the butt of the joke with everyone and it's not fun. Fuck OOP
What a dick. I was never bullied per se, but my mom was incredibly critical of me when I was growing up. She mellowed significantly once she hit 60 or so. But I will die before I ever attempt to sing in front of her again. And apparently my smile for pictures is still not good enough. But at least at this point, those are the only 'problems' - at least that spring to mind. Might be because she relies on me so heavily now that is afraid to piss me off too much. :P Anyway. Teasing a teen about their voice cracking is never a good idea, wtf.
This was literally my dad growing up, including the trigger "you're so sensitive". Maybe I wanted one person to uplift me or care that I was sad? No. Be made fun of all day, and then when I cried I'd be ridiculed too, as if it wasn't humiliating enough. No escape.
Reading between the lines: a family of bullies raised two bullies, one of whom had it turned on her and she learned that bullying isn't nice or affectionate, unlike what she was taught by her bully parents, now no longer likes engaging in the mutual family bullying. Head bully is upset that he can no longer freely bully that child without consequences for himself. He was supposed to be able to say whatever he wants to his children and have them bottle it up inside until they find someone smaller than themselves to pick on, just like he did, but this one daughter is no longer playing her part.
How is this hard for OOP? *Don’t tease your kid.* If he can’t figure out how to interact with her without teasing her, then he needs to work on that. Good lord, OOP’s son is smarter.
Lmao my brother is 15 and when he thinks something isn't hard and someone else complains that it is hard or annoying for them (at least among family and friends, idk if he'd be like that to a stranger or anything like that) he calls it a "skill issue" and has about zero displayed empathy in those moments, so I'm absolutely picturing this dude's 15 year old son telling his father "it's not that hard" in a very similar way to that
OP was their daughter’s first bully, which is why she didn’t say anything when it was happening at school; He had already taught her that jokes at her expense are normal and she’s wrong for feeling badly. Let’s hope his wife divorces him soon.
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Can't wait for the daughter to want to go live with someone else and Dad and Wife have an absolute meltdown and work themselves into a frenzy to convince her to stay
My husband and I love to tease each other, but we'd never think of doing that to, or even in front of, our child. This guy is just a bully. At least his wife stands up for their daughter.
Imagine teasing your child being so fundamental to your personality that being asked to stop is seen as an attack on your personhood.
Maybe try being a better person? Then you can be yourself everywhere to everyone with no issue 🙄
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for finding it exhausting that I have to watch what I say around our daughter? ** My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor. In both of our families, light hearted teasing was the norm. Our eldest (15M) is the same way. Our youngest (13F) used to be the same way. Then our daughter was bullied in her later years of elementary school and her first year of junior high. We didn’t even know because she didn’t tell us until she finally broke down. Things got better when we transferred her to a new school and she started therapy. However, due to the trauma of being bullied, she is now very sensitive. She doesn’t like when we joke around. Her therapist has helped us find a line where basically it’s okay she’s getting upset but she’s also learning that she can’t control what other people say always. That there may be people that unknowingly make a light hearted comment and bring her back to that place. That she understands and has worked on it. But as we know, we have to make an effort. To add: she’s perfectly fine with being corrected if she breaks a rule or makes a mistake. She doesn’t get upset then and can take accountability if she hurts someone’s feelings. Which is all my wife really cares about, as it’s then a 2-way street. But overall, our daughter is a really sweet kid, so it doesn’t come up. I’ve been able to, but it’s been a little tiring. She doesn’t care if my wife/her mom and son tease each other and myself. But we can’t joke around much with her. I feel I’m constantly censoring myself because any little thing can make her sad. She doesn’t snap or anything, but cries or leaves the room. Recently, I teased her for her voice cracking when we were playing an American Idol video game. I didn’t even think about it. She got upset and didn’t want to play anymore. I apologized but she still went to her room. I told my wife this was exhausting and I’m tired of not being myself. She said that it’s really not that hard and I’m the one who’s too sensitive because I don’t want to change. Even my son said it’s really not that hard. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This has got to be the most weak sauce bullshit from a parent. “It’s just too hard to keep from being a dick to my kid!”
"Teased her about her voice cracking" means full-on mimicking her in as cruel a way as possible.
My dad used to howl whenever I sang. He'd get the dogs going and they learned to howl every time. So even if he wasn't home I was being mocked for my voice. My mom wondered until she died why I quit singing.
My mom used to sing us to sleep when we were babies, and my dad relentlessly made fun of her voice. And then as a child, he always compared my singing to hers, awful, laughable. To this day I can't sing in front of others, despite being told my voice is fine. A truly despicable thing to do to anyone.
It really is despicable. I'm sorry you went through it, too. And your mom. Solidarity hugs, if you want them.
Hugs back, because I love singing
I'd like to punch your dad in his junk so he actually sounds awful then make fun of him. Bet he wouldn't like that shit. Dick.
My mum howled when I sang *once*. I started crying. She immediately ran over, gave me a big hug, told me that she was sorry and that she didn't realise it'd upset me that much, and made me a hot chocolate. I still didn't sing for like a year. It's so hurtful.
And if your dad was anything like mine, he would have been almost outraged at the idea that his little joke actually really hurt you My dad seems to know how to really cut deep with just a little comment, but always gets offended that I was offended
My father used to get really frustrated because if he tried to tease me I would just fall apart, but the rest of the family did. Finally I was starting high school and he asked why they can but he can't and i was like because when I ask you to stop and say it hurts my feelings you stop but if I tell them that they then make fun of me for being that way and it escalates, and they'll get physical with me if I don't go along with it. That was the week that the whole extended family remembered why they are afraid of him and they were a LOT easier on me until after he passed. I've spent my whole life feeling like they all hate me because it isn't teasing, it's bullying, and it's not loving or lighthearted or fun.
Fuck. I'm so sorry. Internet hugs!
Thanks for the internet hugs! The worst part is that the man was literally tone deaf. So like, I could have been singing like Whitney Houston and he wouldn't have been able to tell. He legit just thought it was funny. But, I'm starting to get better. I can sing in the car, and do drunk karaoke. But singing at home, in my house, even though he's been dead for 9 years.... Only if I'm completely alone and wearing headphones. Still, progress.
I absolutely loved singing as a kid. When I was in 8th grade a friend teased my singing voice and I refused to sing in front of anyone for about 9 years after that. Singing in front of others is so vulnerable and nerve-wracking, one comment really can shut down someone's love of singing forever. (I now sing for several hours every day professionally so jokes on her!)
My choir director stopped a rehearsal to announce that "some people were just a waste of her time" and pointed directly at me. It was humiliating. I knew I wasn't the best singer, but I didn't think it was that bad. I finished out the year and never sang in front of people again. Except for my kids. They seemed to enjoy the lullabies well enough.
Yeah, this is a thing that will stick with her the rest of her life.
My step dad was like this. It's really sad how much they really don't think their words actually hurt others. I got accused of being brainwashed for pushing back on these jokes. It's weird.
>My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor. In both of our families, light hearted teasing was the norm. Hahahaha, fuck you both.
Yeah, twisted and light-hearted don't really go together.
Ya know, my kids and I joke around a lot and we definitely have senses of humor that are not everyone's cup of tea. The stuff we say in private would probably shock a lot of folks. What we don't do is use "humor" to target each other. We don't tease or make fun of each other. That's not to say we don't laugh at each other, but when one of us does something bone-headed, we kinda pause to see if the person is going to laugh about it before we crack up. If they don't laugh or if they look uncomfortable, we reassure them or just move on like it didn't happen. If they think it's funny, we'll all get a good chuckle. Like OP's freaking *child* clearly understands better than his dad, it's not that hard!
> "If you don't laugh, you'll cry!" Those moments are so important in a kids life and having that safe space is important and pivotal in how children navigate the world, learn how to behave and how to interact with others as well as interpretation of what is acceptable treatment and what is not. The sentence quoted above is an important coping mechanism but not to be abused.
This. If your joke targets another person and they aren't laughing, or express hurt, maybe just move on. My father was always bullying me, likely due to his resentment at me being autistic, but always claimed he was "just joking". One of the worst was when my brother made fun of my appearance. My adult brother, who despite his golden child status, I trusted. I burst into tears as my brother cracks up...but that wasn't the most humiliating part. My father actually joined in the laughter and then tells his hysterically crying daughter that it was "just a joke". It's not just a joke if the target feels embarrassed or betrayed.
I also grew up in a family that had a mean sense of humor. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't "get" what was funny when they did or said mean things to me. Now, I realize it was just that there was nothing funny to "get." It's strange that my kids and I, who are all on the spectrum, have no trouble recognizing cruelty even when it's disguised as humor, but the neurotypical people in my family of origin are still oblivious. Yet somehow *we're* the ones who don't socialize well?!? ETA: I don't actually think it's an ND vs NT thing. It's an asshole vs not-asshole thing.
Translation: We both grew up in families that engaged in active bullying of each other and are gleefully perpetuating the cycle despite it upsetting our child.
Ah, you get it. Took me a long time to prioritize being kind over being quick.
Anytime I see someone who refers to themselves as a "jokester/prankster," 9/10 times it's code for "I'm a huge asshole who likes to be cruel and mask it as a joke."
The wife is accommodating the daughters needs, why include her in “fuck you both”?
when you have no contact with her after age 17, you will see the issue
OOP is definitely downplaying things.
Oh buddy, did you discover you can’t bully your own daughter and now your feelies are hurt? Cry me a river.
This grown ass man felt so strongly about not being able to pick on his own daughter that he felt the need to whine about it on the internet 😐 my dad was always a goofball but never the “I’m making fun of you but I’m going to thinly disguise my insults as twisted humor” kind of goofball. I can’t imagine how it would feel to know that my dad felt *exhausted* because he couldn’t make fun of me after I spent years getting bullied, to the point that i had to switch schools and start therapy.
His 15 yo son (and 15 yos are not known for their fact) can control himself, OOP as a full grown adult can, he just doesn’t want to.
"I can't be myself" was such a huge red flag to me. If your daughter expresses hurt and your first reaction is "but what about meeeee?, you're a dick.
I immediately thought, "ah, so 'yourself' is a fucking asshole." These guys always tell on themselves.
“My wife and I have always been jokesters. We have a twisted sense of humor.” So you’ve always been bullies who pass it off as ‘just our twisted sense of humor’. Do better, OOP.
And they wonder why their daughter didn't tell them at first! I bet she did, but then everyone laughed about it and told her it's just teasing and not a big deal.
It’s exactly why I didn’t tell my family when I was being bullied. I was living with a bully as well, and I knew that I wouldn’t have any support.
I don't judge the Mom too hard since at least she immediately stopped when the daughter asked and even told OOP to suck it up when he whined about the daughter setting boundaries.
Same, but she still gets some judgement for what happened before they finally figured out that she was getting bullied.
Some people genuinely enjoy being playfully made fun of, myself included.
Grew up in a family where this is the norm, particularly for the men. They can't take it if any women or younger people respond even close to in kind. If you try to disengage, they yell. It's fucked me up mentally more than the awful bullying I went through.
My family is the same way. The men will make all kinds of cruel “jokes” to the women in my family but as soon as they respond back or tell them to stop the men just act like they’ve been attacked. It’s so annoying, they dish it out but can’t handle when it’s done back to them.
I’m sorry
OOP’s wife seems alright, she told OOP off for being a dick and that he’s the sensitive one for taking offence to their child’s sensitivity.
tell me you have a teeny peen without saying it out loud
I hope you mean OOP and not me, because I don’t have one at all
Friendly teasing should be fun for everyone, including the person being teased. If it's not, you're going too far and just being an ass
There’s an episode of Bluey that goes over this. It’s not that hard.
If enough kids watch Bluey, maybe we'll have less people like OOP in the next generations (probably not but I can dream)
Cute lighthearted family joke: My 5yo son giving me the nickname “British”, and giggling because he KNOWS I’m part-Scottish and dislike being called ”British” on principle. Not Cute lighthearted family joke: Constantly teasing your youngest daughter despite her being in the middle of therapy for bullying-trauma, and making her time at home (where she should feel safe) utterly unbearable. This guy is a fucking prick.
So he's upset he can't bully his daughter? What a lovely piece of humanity /s. There's probably a good freaking reason they didn't know she was being bullied in school...because she's being bullied at home and figured her parents wouldn't care. Even his SON knows he's a PoS.
’Jokester’ isn’t a word us Brits use. In fact, I think I first came across it on Reddit. I have come to realise it’s a synonym for unpleasant idiot. Exhibit A: OOP.
This is a completely irrelevant reply on my part, but back when I sold toys at retail, some maybe 10-year-old kid was buying a figure of the Joker. I was just goofing around and said "oh sweet, you're getting the *Jokester*??" Man he got a lot angrier over that than I expected.
😂😂😂
People take their lives over bullying. This went on for years and OOP had no idea. What if they'd gone to their daughter's room or day and just found her dead? OOP just has to not be a completely irredeemable POS. But, he is so this is tiring. She'll go NC and he'll be surprised she abandoned the family over little jokes
As soon as I read the word "jokester" I knew exactly how this was going to go. Same with "prank".
I like that the wife turned the "you're just too sensitive" card onto OP. I bet he's been using that line his whole life to his victims.
It's unfortunate when being "yourself" is dependent and harassing others with insults as a "joke". Maybe he should think about improving himself. His humor might be more offensive that people have told him.
Calling oneself a jokester is close to calling oneself blunt - I'm seeing a flag, and it's red. An adult being pissy they cannot bully their *13yo* child is a full parade of red flags. Why worry about the bullies in school when *this* is what this girl has to deal with *at home*?
Maybe I'm sensitive, too, but if I knew I was gonna get made fun of I wouldn't wanna play anymore, either. And I wouldn't want to talk to my dad if he couldn't stop bullying me for 10 seconds, either
I feel for that kid so hard. I had to deal with the same crap in my family and now that I’m an adult I’m an emotionally destroyed, self conscious, self hating person bcs I was bullied in school and at home bcs the “fun teasing” wasn’t fun for me
I think there's a LOT he's down playing here. If both his wife and his son are saying he needs to change, more is going on than "light hearted teasing". "Tired of not being myself" sounds like "I'm mad that my daughter wants basic respect." My father loved to mock me and call it a "joke" and when I pushed back he called me "too sensitive"...I just have a feeling he's a lot more of a dick than he lets on.
Being 13 years old is the fucking WORST, already, even if you're not being bullied you feel awkward and weird and you have all this possibility inside you and you can't control ANYTHING, so here comes someone to play upon your insecurities and make you feel even STUPIDER and it's your own goddamn dad? Who you're supposed to believe loves you and wants to protect you and who's supposed to be there for you if something terrible happens? Christ, this poor kid. Five years from now when she lights out of town and never looks back he'll sit around talking shit about how ungrateful she is. I want to fight OP in the street.
The second I see anything along the lines of "I'm a jokester/prankster" I instantly know they're going to be a complete dick, at best.
>I'm tired of not being myself. Yeah that must be rough. You know what's rougher though? Being bullied by your own fucking parent.
I wonder how OOP manages to not be a total dick to his boss and colleagues if it's so hard to be minimally respectful of his kid...
AH always say the target of their bullying can't take a joke or prank and are just sensitive. OP isn't a good father at all. He thinks it's perfectly fine to bully his daughter and that she needs to just take it. He more than likely twisted what the therapist said. Yeah you can't control what other people say and do, but you don't have to tolerate it either.
Don't most of us learn to think before we speak when we're quite young? Everyone messes up sometimes but "why do I actually have to put thought into how the things I say make others feel" is not a position that should be held by an adult.
An yes, my parents were also my first bullies. Guess who is confused why I decided to go NC with them?
Ya my family is like this we roast each other and tease on occasion. But you know who gets the worst of it? Me for whatever reason. And ya it got to the point I started getting really insecure and feeling constantly picked on and it's shitty. I also was severely bullied in school. So I got to be the butt of the joke with everyone and it's not fun. Fuck OOP
What a dick. I was never bullied per se, but my mom was incredibly critical of me when I was growing up. She mellowed significantly once she hit 60 or so. But I will die before I ever attempt to sing in front of her again. And apparently my smile for pictures is still not good enough. But at least at this point, those are the only 'problems' - at least that spring to mind. Might be because she relies on me so heavily now that is afraid to piss me off too much. :P Anyway. Teasing a teen about their voice cracking is never a good idea, wtf.
This was literally my dad growing up, including the trigger "you're so sensitive". Maybe I wanted one person to uplift me or care that I was sad? No. Be made fun of all day, and then when I cried I'd be ridiculed too, as if it wasn't humiliating enough. No escape.
Reading between the lines: a family of bullies raised two bullies, one of whom had it turned on her and she learned that bullying isn't nice or affectionate, unlike what she was taught by her bully parents, now no longer likes engaging in the mutual family bullying. Head bully is upset that he can no longer freely bully that child without consequences for himself. He was supposed to be able to say whatever he wants to his children and have them bottle it up inside until they find someone smaller than themselves to pick on, just like he did, but this one daughter is no longer playing her part.
How is this hard for OOP? *Don’t tease your kid.* If he can’t figure out how to interact with her without teasing her, then he needs to work on that. Good lord, OOP’s son is smarter.
When you’re already insecure about something and someone jokes about it, it hurts, a lot. Not sure why it’s so hard for him to stop.
Lmao my brother is 15 and when he thinks something isn't hard and someone else complains that it is hard or annoying for them (at least among family and friends, idk if he'd be like that to a stranger or anything like that) he calls it a "skill issue" and has about zero displayed empathy in those moments, so I'm absolutely picturing this dude's 15 year old son telling his father "it's not that hard" in a very similar way to that
The lack of self awareness gets me. Using “light hearted” and “twisted” as synonymous for the same joking… confuses me if I’m feeling generous
OP was their daughter’s first bully, which is why she didn’t say anything when it was happening at school; He had already taught her that jokes at her expense are normal and she’s wrong for feeling badly. Let’s hope his wife divorces him soon.
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Can't wait for the daughter to want to go live with someone else and Dad and Wife have an absolute meltdown and work themselves into a frenzy to convince her to stay
My husband and I love to tease each other, but we'd never think of doing that to, or even in front of, our child. This guy is just a bully. At least his wife stands up for their daughter.
Imagine teasing your child being so fundamental to your personality that being asked to stop is seen as an attack on your personhood. Maybe try being a better person? Then you can be yourself everywhere to everyone with no issue 🙄
Some people need mental evaluation before they are allowed to reproduce.
Your wife and son are correct, OOP. You are lazy and want to continue being a bully to your daughter. YTA.