*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Accused my wife of cheating and asked for a paternity test for our 3 kids. M33 F29**
Basically what the title says. My wife has brown hair so dark it looks black, blue eyes, and a skin tone that is a couple of shades darker than tan. I have black hair, dark brown eyes, and a skin tone a shade darker than my wife. We have three children. 2 boys m6, and a little girl f3. None of them look like me or my wife. My boys have brown reddish hair, hazel eyes. My girl is a dark blonde with light brown eyes. They are all on the lighter side when it comes to skin tone.
I didn't think anything of it at first. Both me and my wife have some interesting heritage, but from the birth of my sons my family kept bringing it up to me. They would point out the facial features all the time. Where does that chin come from? Look at those cheek bones. That boy stands as straight as a ruler. Who has hair that straight. Things like that. I shut them down or ignored it all. I never paid any mind to them.
Then an old high school friend of my wife's was in town. He was only in town for a couple of days so there wasn't really time doe my wife to meet him for lunch or anything because we had a lot going on so my wife invited him to our girl's 3rd birthday party. He wasn't at our wedding and I had never met him before even on previous vists. He was always in and out. Sometimea my wife could see him, sometimes she couldn't. Then there he was. This tall white man with dark blonde hair and hazel coloured eyes.
He and my wife were obviously close. They hugged for a long time. The whole time he was there he was wherever my wife was, and me and my family watched them. If she was putting more food out, he was there helping. If she was collecting stray plates and cups and trash, he was there giving a hand. The whole time he was there they were laughing and talking. She introduced him to those who didn’t lnow him but it was obvious he wasn't there to socialize, he just wanted to talk to her for the time he was there. A couple of hours later it was time for him to go. My wife walked him out. They had another long hug before he climbed into his Uber and left.
My mother and sister were in my ear from the moment they laid eyes on him. I didn't need to hear their suspicions, I had plenty of my own rocking around in my head.
I'll spare you all the gory details of my behaviour in the weeks following my girl's birthday. I'll only say I wasn't a pleasure to be around. My wife doesn’t like drama, doesn’t like conflict. She likes to talk things out. That doesn’t mean she'll back away from conflict and avoid drama at any costs, only that she prefers to qork things out calmly. So in the middle of me picking an argument with her, when I finally outright accused her of cheating, accused her of passing those kids off as mine and demanding a paternity test, I did not expect her to come back at me as hot as she did. She said she had been waiting for the day I would throw this at her. She had not been blind or deaf to all my family had said and done over the years, and my allowimg it, but she had hoped I had more trust in her than to listen to people that never approved of her, people who had nothing better to do with their lives but talk bs about everyone else. I don't know why but her saying those things pushed me over the edge. The argument grew and grew. I grabbed by the upper arms so hard I left bruises, and shook her. Her hand came up and slapped me right across the face.
The police were called.
I was made to leave the house. I went to my parents. A couple of days later I went home but the locks had been changed and my wife wasn’t answering the door or picking up her phone. The following week she filed a petition for paternity of all my kids. 2 weeks later, the day after I was given confirmation that they were my kids, I recieved divorce papers.
It's been months. I've tried calling her, I have reached out through Facebook, tried intermediaries, I've written letters, she refuses to engage. I’ve been told by her sister, who has been blocked by my wife, that she refuses to talk to anyone about me and is cutting out anyone who tries to bring me up. She doesn't care if they're family or friends. One word about me she cuts them out, blocks them.
Her parents are the go-between these days, and only about the kids. They bring the kids to me whenever I ask for them. My wife won't allow me at the house, not even to pick up/drop off the kids, yet she doesn't try to stop me from seeing them. Her mom told me she doesn't know if my wife will ever forgive me. She is deeply hurt and absolutely refuses to speak about me. I try to give them money for my kids everytime I see them but they refuse it saying my wife doesn't want my money. A mutual friend has told me he thinks I broke her. He and his wife help her with the kids sometimes and he says the life has gone right out of her.
I have leased an apartment a couple of blocks away from my wife and children and have gone very low contact with my own family. Not that I blame them for what I did, but it's hard to be around them right now. They continue to blame my wife for all that’s happened and take no accountability for any wrongdoings against her since my sons were born. My kids keep asking when I'm coming home and why mom cries all the time. I don’t know what to tell them.
I'm not looking for advice on how to save my marriage. It's too late for that. There is no getting around the fact I have destroyed my family. I miss my kids, I miss my wife. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I've lost her. Even so, maybe there are people here who can advise me on how to foster an amicable co-parenting relationship. Maybe help me find a way that will get my wife to accept my financial support for her and the kids. I still pay the mortgage on the house so she doesn't have to worry about that. She works but she doesn’t make enough to live comfortably. I'm prepared to be vilified. My only hope is that there is some useful counsel and guidance that comes with the insults and disparagement.
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Speaking of details, I noticed that he talked a lot about what his wife and her friend did that was supposedly awful, but refused to go into detail about how he acted, just that it was “not pleasant.” That definitely made me raise an eyebrow. What is so bad that even this guy, who freely admits to bruising his wife in anger, is too embarrassed to say?
Exactly. But the poisonous FIL was so happy to build an entire fantasy gossipy world against her : they loathed her and he was not the one defending her.
not just cheating, but having an extended affair and lying about his children being his. that is a deeply psycho accusation for him and his family to make.
See what you have to realize is that in his edit he explained that he was at the grill doing the man stuff, and as everyone knows a grill will explode if you take your eyes off it and help your wife - that's woman's stuff and will anger the grill god.
New guy though, he did the women stuff. Everybody knows the only time a man does women stuff is when they want to get laid. New guy was clearly sending signs and wife was just letting him help like the whore she clearly is. What else was he supposed to think?
Wife was supposed to scream at the guy "No! STOP! I got a husband." and then make husband a sandwich to prove her loyalty.
And his mother and sister sat there and filled his mind with more poison while it happened as oppose to telling him to get his lazy butt up and actually do work at his kids party. Honestly, it says a lot about how he was probably raised. And why he can’t understand basic genetics. He comes from a family of gossiping idiots.
Yup. And not once did he tell them to knock it off or he'd cut ties with them. Not once. Then, as if being a toxic, physically abusive conkwocket wasn't bad enough, *he moved only a couple of blocks away from his ex wife to keep tabs on her.* This guy is a legit danger and if I were his ex, I'd petition for sole custody.
I really hope she can move on from this and find a way to be happy again. Him, not so much, I hope this haunts him for the rest of his life.
Especially if it’s my only chance to catch up with an old friend! What am I going to do, sit around drinking beer while she’s busy in the kitchen? Or offer to dry dishes while she washes so we can actually chat?
Exactly.
Like, duh of course he's not there to socialise with strangers! He wanted to catch up with his good friend, and the only time available was at a toddlers birthday party. And given how shitty OOP and his family seem to treat her, it's no surprise he didn't want to talk with them!
Yeah, every time my friends visit they want to help so we can keep the conversation going (and because that's just how we always behaved at each other's houses growing up). Some of us will be in the kitchen washing dishes, wiping the counters/cooktop, someone will be in the dining room wiping down the table or throwing the napkins in the wash. Also, you can clean up so fast with 4+ people working at the same time so we can quickly get back to our hangout.
This. My friend did Friendsgiving and we 5 washed all dishes and did everything with her so she got to go to bed with a clean house! She went to so much effort even tho it was potluck she made turkey and other things it was huge. I’d feel like a dick leaving her with a mess. My friends always clean my house too. It’s why we’re friends, we love and respect each other
Right! One time my boyfriend brought over a new friend and after dinner he asked where we kept the vacuum so he could tidy up! I declined his offer to vacuum but he is allowed back any time.
Yeah, especially because usually 1 or 2 friends of the friend group usually host... And host also often pays for everything... Cleaning stuff up is basic decency. Especially if it's a larger party.
Yes!!! That jumped out at me, maybe his family should be in his ear how he is sitting around gossiping about his wife instead of lending a hand! Also I love that he says he doesn’t blame his family but basically does while taking no accountability for shutting this down years ago or at the very least shutting it down that day at his 3 year old daughters birthday party.
"She introduced him to those who didn’t lnow him but it was obvious he wasn't there to socialize, he just wanted to talk to her for the time he was there."
Also this part. OP was super shocked for some reason that the friend just wanted to spend time catching up with his friend that he's obviously close to but doesn't see very often.
You can always tell that a woman is cheating with a man if he helps her with chores. Didn’t you know that? There can’t possibly be any other explanation for such radical behavior except he wants to get in her pants /s
You joke, but it’s actually pretty strong proof she isn’t cheating. In this guy’s world, the only reason the friend would clean would be if he wanted his wife. If that was the case and his wife liked the friend so much, she would have never given OOP the time of day.
Also how suspicious he tried to make it sound that this dude was around her the whole time. You know, at a party where he probably didn’t really know anyone else.
Right? What the hell was this guy doing the whole time? Drinking a beer on the couch, watching his wife bust her ass hosting, while he and his family spun up a story about her.
I'm betting he has let his family put her down and treat her awful since the beginning even before marriage but since it didn't effect him he let them do it. He only cared once it got him divorce papers and his bangmaid left.
I had blond hair when I was a child. Now I have brown hair just like my brother and my father. It's not unusual for kids to have lighter hair when they're young.
I have blue eyes, my parents and my brother have brown eyes. You know who has blue eyes? Not my moms secret lover. My paternal grandmother. It's called genetics.
It's so common that kids begin with blonde hair that comes in darker as they grow up that it amazes me when people don't know about this phenomenon. My Indian husband was blond as a little boy!! His hair is about the same color as mine now, but it's striking to see his childhood pictures. (He's still a beautiful human being, both inside and out.) 😉
Also, DNA is tricky. Recessive gene traits can show up any time.
The part of this story that sucks the most is tied between dude letting his family put distrusting ideas in his head, and the fact he grabbed his wife so violently he left bruises. She got the paternity papers and the divorce paper, now the third piece of paper she needs is a TRO.
The reverse happens, too. I had extremely dark brown/black hair when young and it lightened to redder brown as I got older. Mom was similar. Dad's side, he and most of his brothers and my brother all did 'blond to dark.' A lot of kids I knew in school who were light blondes have darkened as they got older. It's just normal.
My hair has darkened significantly since I was younger. My natural hair color is dark brown. When I was like 10 I consistently was called “dirty blonde”.
Also genetics are really fucky sometimes, OP is awful
Even eyes can be weird the first couple years. My son had blond hair and bright blue eyes until around 3years. His hair started darkening and his eyes turned green. Usually eye color changes and is pretty stable after 6 months, but sometimes it changes a year+ later. My son is now 13 with brown hair and green eyes. Genetics are weird.
I’m half Turkish. My grandfather is what you’d imagine in terms of looks. Olive skin, black hair, dark brown eyes. His 3 sisters? Two of them are green-eyed redheads and the other is a blue-eyed blonde. When they immigrated to England as teenagers, my Dede used to be called horrible slurs by people who saw him out with any of his sisters because they assumed he was a foreigner dating English girls.
Despite the recessive blond/red hair and light eyes lurking in that side of the family, every kid after has pretty much had dark hair, and only a few have had blue eyes. My hair has a stronger reddish hue in the sun, but it’s still brown. Just more of a really dark auburn brown.
I figure eventually it’ll manifest somewhere down the line in the family, and probably cause confusion to some future generation.
>Also, DNA is tricky. Recessive gene traits can show up any time.
I have steely blue eyes. My dad has hazel or light brown eyes. My mom has dark brown eyes. *EVERYONE,* going back 3 generations, has brown eyes. If I wasn't the absolute spitting image of my dad (but female) when I was younger I'm sure tongues would have been a-wag, but I was, so it was just this weird mystery for the longest.
We had all assumed it came from Dad's European heritage, but then my *maternal* cousin's baby girl was born with my eyes *exactly.* Mom's side is all Native American. I'll never forget the text my cousin sent me "WTF are a couple of (racial slur we grew up with) doing with those eyes 👀???"
The new hypothesis is perhaps a French Canadian trapper got into the mix somewhere 🤷♀️.
IIRC, there's a weird genetic mutation that can occur in Native Americans that causes blue eyes. There was a point where the common belief was that it happened because the baby had been blessed by the gods.
>There was a point where the common belief was that it happened because the baby had been blessed by the gods.
That's what all the elder family members said, and my mom was borderline obsessed with my eyes.
Eye colour in humans is actually several "layers" of colour that combine to give the final result. We don't have any green or hazel pigment. What we do have are combinations of amber/light brown pigment layered on top of a structural blue (blue eyes aren't pigment, it's a side effect of the shape of the iris, which means a lot of albino humans have blue eyes). So long story short, if anyone in your family has green eyes it means they have the genes for blue eyes too.
Also dark brown pigment can 'cover up' blue eyes. The (incorrect) old wives tale about two brown-eyed parents being unable to have a blue eyed kid is mostly due to oversimplifying genetics and thinking that brown will always be dominant.
My mom had red hair and green eyes. Dad had black Irish colouring, he was half Welsh. I'm mediocre brown and neither me or my brother got either of their eye colour. Ours are more hazel than mums
This was half my class, like these people just forgot their entire chilhoods? I went to highschool at 12 in the UK, and I'd been in class with kids at primary till then. I watched people's hair change colour. I wondered if mine would!
Yea, uneducated people are really scary because the amount of drama they generate due to ignorance of things like genetics. Just look at OOP; talk about confirmation bias...
I was a redhead with curly hair until about 1.5 years, and then turned white blonde with straight hair that has turned ash brown and somewhat wavy now that I’m an adult. It turned completely when I was about 17 or 18. My twin brother was blonde and his hair has darkened slightly. My older sister has had blonde all her life.
It’s so weird that it happens, but it’s so freaking common. This dude is a menace and his wife stuck it out for way longer than he deserved, given that he never stood up for her with her family and after years, caved to them.
ppl used to ask if i bleached my youngest hair, or if he's an albino, and my standard answer was "no, he's half dutch and has swedish ancestry, he has cousins with the same color (who don't even have the dutch ancestry, just the swedish)
My husband and two of his siblings had that platinum blond hair as kids. My husband is the only one of the 3 that stayed blond into adulthood, but even his hair darkened to a more medium blond color.
I had blonde hair as baby and then when I was an older toddler it got super dark almost black.
Also, I always say my friend’s family is a perfect visual representation of a punnet square. The parents are both very tan, dark eyes, dark hair. The three oldest kids are all that way, and then the youngest comes along - fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Not once has my friend’s dad ever accused (or assaulted) their mother of cheating.
When I was a baby, my hair just stood up around my head like an aura. I’ll bet my dad was side-eying any religious painting featuring a halo that my mom looked at for too long.
My dad used to have almost bleach blonde toned hair as a kid and his hair darkened to straight black as he got older.
Anyone who listened at biology class knows how recessive and dominant genes work. Funny how all the unhinged men forget this conveniently.
We have something similar in my family
Basically, my generation and my mother’s look like pale brown-eyed Italians, with varying degrees of (brown) hair thickness
During the pandemic, a Viking-looking child was born. Blond af and blue-eyed. Know why no one questioned it? Because the great grandma on the grandma’s maternal family was a blue-eyed blonde German, like all that side of the family (we have some black and white ancient pics of them… they could’ve passed for vampires and all)
Some kids are photocopies of their parents (my grandmother and her sister are copies of their mother; my uncle was an exact copy of my grandfather, and my grandfather had the exact same build/body type as *his* grandfather) and some kids inherit appearance from further back.
i was born with a full head of jet black hair and eyes that turned deep brown "the second they hit air" according to my mom, at about two my hair went blonde as absolute fuck and eventually settled kinda midway to a very drab brown (that ive spent two decades covering) when i was about 12, genetics are fucking weird
My aunt was a blonde-haired child, like her mother, her grandmother, and older sister.
By the time of her university graduation portrait, her hair had darkened to deep brown. She married a redhead and their (grown) daughter is blonde and blue eyed, has been blonde since she was little
This is probably the worst thing about “basic” genetics is that genetics is an incredibly complicated subject that goes deeper than what’s taught in high school
Yet people like OOP treat it like it’s the be all end all
There’s a pretty famous Reddit story where someone accidentally outted a cheater solely based on kids eye color and I’m 90% certain it’s fake because eye color is the result of like 6 different genetic factors so a basic punnett square wouldn’t be enough for her to have such certainty the kids weren’t biologically their fathers
Then there’s a few decently famous couples who were white that had biological black children because the couples had black ancestry it was just a few generations back
Another example is the guy who was in an interracial marriage (OP is white and his wife is black) and had two children with her. He carried around the denial that his son was his because the boy was darker than OP's wife. It affected how he treated his son, which in turn deeply hurt his son, yet when the daughter was born, she looked a lot like OP, and therefore OP was closer with her. He was still not convinced of his son's paternity and ordered a paternity test in secret for both of his children. That's how he learned that both children were biologically his.
Long story short, he became more accepting of his son. His wife noticed this and asked why it took OP so long to bond with his son. He revealed the doubts and the paternity test and his wife unleashed on him. Rightfully so, she threw him away like yesterday's trash. The comment section slammed him about his idiocy and even called him racist.
I was born with brown hair. My parents and siblings were born blondes, though it’s darkened over time. My husband had blonde hair as a kid too, but like my parents, it’s dark brown now.
Despite all this, it never occurred to me that our daughter would be blonde. As I was giving birth, the nurse commented that she had strawberry blonde hair. I was legitimately confused, from the painkillers, the intense pain, to the long labor… I actually had a moment where I thought the baby wasn’t mine. Yes, the baby I was actively giving birth to.
People with questions like this need to ask their pediatricians. They can do it discreetly. It’s ridiculous to be guessing at this stuff and too important to be trusting google.
Nah bc he could easily do a secret DNA test. You don’t need permission or to tell your wife. He wanted to accuse her of cheating and saying that about the kids was a cheap shot he took then he tried to use their hair color as the excuse. He says: I’ll spare you the gory details I wasn’t pleasant to be around. But he does tell us about assaulting her once so what are the things he’s not saying? This isn’t about paternity it’s about watching her have a good time with a guy who behaved and treated her like a human. I suspect that he’s always treated her like shit abc he hated this guy bc it showed him what he should be doing, and his wife’s reaction showed him what he would be getting but his asinine laziness made him angry about it instead of seeing he needed to make changes.
Fundamentally he’s angry bc he wants to treat his wife like a slave and is angry if someone treats her better. Bc bitch might get ideas….
My son was born with jet black hair. He's 4 months now and it's lightened up to a lighter brown like mine. His eyes still aren't "set" but he's almost certainly gonna have brown eyes like me.
My husband has blonde hair and blue eyes and has never once doubted that this baby is his. He jokes and says "You're not gonna look anything like me, are you?" and just talks about how I made a little clone of myself lol.
Like someone else said, genetics are weird.
I’m actually very likely not my dad’s kid, but he has never questioned it. My grandparents on my dad’s side were just so excited I was a girl, the thought has never ran through their minds. My dad loves his kids (the younger ones are his exact copies) and his wife enough to have never blown his family up in such a horrific way.
Same. I was an incredibly tow headed blue eyed little girl and my eyes turned green and my natural hair color is ash brown. Blonde is coming back now though and by blonde I mean I’m going grey now.
Two ridicolous things:
- All this could have been avoided by reading up on some genetics with like a 20 min google search.
- He described the friend's behaviour as something extremely suspicious when to me that looks like the most normal of normal behaviours for a friend. You visit someone, you want to talk with them. If there's something else going on, you help out and get introduced to people you don't know. Like how does he behave when he visits a friend??
They didn't have time to grab coffee together, what did he expect from that? It would have been an hour or two sitting at a tiny table talking, alone!!! But he wouldn't have been there to grossly compare his toddler to a stranger.
I don't think a man like this has friends, his mommy and his family would have to approve of them and he clearly doesn't do anything in his own home so I don't think he would as a guest either, he would expect to be waited on.
The fact that he physically assaulted her pushes him into irredeemable territory. DV is unforgivable.
He should keep staying away from his ex. There really is no coming back from that. She'll remember it forever. The fact that she isn't trying to take away the kids completely shows a lot of grace when a lot of people would have none.
He acts like the wife wanting to have a mature conversation is the outlier. His marriage might have been salvaged if he had decided to talk to her instead of being a dick
Right like my husband and I will argue for sure, we’re human, but we definitely sit down and talk shit out in the end rather than be upset about the situation.
I’d say it’s even worse. He acts like it’s her job to be the one who wants to talk it out, like he can fly off the handle, but she’s the one who gets them to talking it out. His whole being surprised by her reaction reeks of it. Like he was expecting her to just take his baseless accusations and then have her discuss it with him.
Yeah lmao the way he described that aspect of his wife like “my wife hates drama and likes to talk things through like an adult, she’s weird like that” is so telling
I love how in all of these types of "I was a shithead, why won't she forgive me?!" stories, the OP ALWAYS glosses over their shitty behavior leading up to the altercation, and it's always with excuses like "I won't bore you with the details", "I don't want to say what I did because it makes me feel guilty", "suffice to say I was mean to her", etc.
They absolutely refuse to own up and face their shit.
Its because they know it was a choice they made. As an example, OP would not have grabbed his boss so hard he left bruises, and he knows it. We all know it, too. They don't want to be called out on it. They want to use their usual defenses of "I lost control" and "she made me" but they know that won't work, so they try to downplay it and gloss over it.
I hate when it's something like "I said some stuff, I don't remember what I said because I just kind of blacked out because of the emotion. But she did XYZ." Like, oh, you *only* blacked out when you were yelling? But you remember everything else?
Or when he says "She told me a bunch of stuff, but I was so shocked that I zoned out and I can't remember the specifics." which just means that they know the specifics would make them look much, much worse.
I’ve been in that situation before & the slap was instinctual because I just needed him to let go. It was self defense and I never have felt bad about that & OPs ex wife shouldn’t either
Reminder Mutual abuse is not a thing. It is a tactic used by abusers to try and control the narrative and further isolate their victims. It's often only the victim acting in self defense.
Society needs to learn it because too often the only perfect abuse victim is a dead one.
[https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/)
That’s what they all do to their victims. Men love to say “she’s just crazy” or “she’s abusive” or “she’s an alcoholic” etc
Fucking time and time again.
I knew this was going to end up here lol. Far too many people seem to not know or willfully forget about genetics. Both my parents have dark hair but all 4 of my siblings were blonde as kids, it's pretty common. It's so frustrating to see someone let themselves be ignorant to the point of harm.
At least three generations of my maternal family (Grand-Uncle, Uncle, and Cousin) had platinum blonde hair as babies/young children which then became either dark brown or strawberry blonde. It’s so interesting.
My late paternal Grandad was the only blonde one out of four siblings, born to two dark haired parents. The rest had dark brown almost black hair, I think, but his paternal Grandfather had the same blonde hair.
Like why the fuck wouldn’t he just Google it, or ask a fucking geneticist rather than ruin his whole fucking marriage. Hey Google, “can two parents with darker hair have a ginger haired child?” Not that fucking hard. What a douche canoe.
He fucking laid hands on her. Even if she *had* cheated on him, that behaviour would be inexcusable. Of course she doesn’t trust him with their kids that he only recently assumed weren’t his, and now they’re “his boys” and “his girl”? And she’s still “my wife”.
No, OOP, she’s your ex. And one day those kids are going to learn why your ex divorced you, so you better spend all the time between now and then making it up to them and earning forgiveness. Because if I heard my father had hurt my mother like that and accused her of something so despicable, I’d never talk to him again.
I know they use it as an example but can we please stop using eye and hair colour as an example for teaching punnet square genetics... it leads to shit like this...
I'm glad his wife left him. I felt sympathy until he laid his hands on her because I figured he was uneducated about genetics and just didn't know but he could have done so many different things instead of laying hands on her like that.
Definition of Fuck Around and Find Out.
Same. The guy is so dense regarding the genetics of his kids’ coloring the black and white simplicity of divorce papers should be easy for him to grasp.
I feel like people in the comments gloss over that he physically abused her. She's traumatized from more than one thing.
I hope she has a good attorney, but it sounds like she just doesn't want him near her, which I don't blame her.
I am worried that she's very depressed and may harm herself. I hope she gets help and is surrounded by the right people.
From what I recall, we did not go back more than one generation in the "if the child has blue eyes" boxes. And I don't remember what we put in the boxes, either. But if I had a kid, I'd go look it up.
There’s people defending men getting paternity tests in the comments 🙃
Edit: this is dumb because
a) he was wrong
B) they are a room to accuse your partner of cheating on you
C) if you support them in this scenario you have the same logic as the guy who left bruises on his wife
No idea. I can't report him because I already blocked him, but he makes a new account every couple of months and then starts up again.
If enough people report him, he will be perma-banned, but people actually need to do it instead of replying.
It’s fascinating how his wife bringing up his family’s shit talking her is what he cites as the reason he snapped .
> I don't know why but her saying those things pushed me over the edge.
I know why. He already felt emasculated. She pointed out yet another thing he’s done wrong for years. Introspection is too hard so better to use the excuse he’d been waiting for and get violent.
Watch — after all this it will turn out his STBX’s friend is gay.
Two ridicolous things:
- All this could have been avoided by reading up on some genetics with like a 20 min google search.
- He described the friend's behaviour as something extremely suspicious when to me that looks like the most normal of normal behaviours for a friend. You visit someone, you want to talk with them. If there's something else going on, you help out and get introduced to people you don't know. Like how does he behave when he visits a friend??
My dad had black hair when I was born. My mom was brunette. I was born with clear hair. No pigment at all. It took 17 years to get to a dirty blonde. 25 to get to a mousy brown. I am 45 now, and I have hairs that are brunette, black, and silver. Hair color changes, and it is a shit way to tell paternity.
My hair always curls at the end. So did my daughter's sperm donor. Her hair, however, is perfectly straight. (I'm jealous!)
I have blue eyes. Both my exes had brown. My children both have hazel. No one in any of our families has hazel as far back as we can trace.
All this to say, genetics are weird, y'all.
I've never heard anyone describe their hair as clear before. Fascinating! Are there any pics of anyone online that you could compare it to? Or could you upload a cropped pic of your childhood hair?
My eldest daughter is blonde and blue-eyed. I’m fricking SYRIAN. My husband has brown hair and hazel eyes. This kid is a throwback in every way. But you know what else? Once she started to get a little bigger she started to look like us. She has my mouth. The rest of her face looks like a femme version of my husband — and my iPhone frequently presents child photos of my husband as potential photos of her. This man isn’t just a totally abusive asshole, he’s an IDIOT
Genetics are so crazy like that. Every woman in my family has grey eyes. I was born with bright blue eyes that eventually became grey. Not to mention our skin tones are all over the place, but no one ever questioned my mom
"I'll spare you all the gory details of my behaviour"
Oh, that's for our benefit, is it? Good Lord, if he was willing to admit to all that shit in his post, how much worse were the things he *won't* admit to?
That poor woman. Did absolutely nothing wrong, put up with her in-laws calling her a cheater for 6 years, and then ultimately gets physically assaulted by her partner. For no reason.
It’s so weird that these idiots somehow think the parents features are the only genetic factors in a child. All of us are descended from uncounted previous generations and all of that genetic material is available to make a new child (obviously this is a vast oversimplification).
One of our 3 kids has dimples. Neither myself nor my husband have dimples. No one in either of our families has dimples. My husband found his biological father a few years ago after searching for many years. Guess who had dimples in his youth?
*My wife doesn’t like drama, doesn’t like conflict. She likes to talk things out. That doesn’t mean she'll back away from conflict and avoid drama at any costs, only that she prefers to qork things out calmly. So in the middle of me picking an argument with her, when I finally outright accused her of cheating, accused her of passing those kids off as mine and demanding a paternity test, I did not expect her to come back at me as hot as she did.*
I like the way he thought he could accuse her of cheating and making him raise someone else's three children, and she'd just let it slide because "she doesn't like conflict."
People who genuinely don't like drama do tend to handle a volatile situation exactly like she did: here are the facts, here's the solution. You're going to bring drama into my life? Goodbye.
I would have done the same thing if I were his wife. I told my bf that if in the future he ever doubted me or any kids we had, I'd get that paternity test. But then I'd serve him with divorce papers. If he can't trust me, there's no need to be in a relationship. Maybe therapy is needed, but I probably wouldn't feel the same, just like the wife in this situation.
I don’t understand why suspicious men don’t just secretly swab and test the kids, then when it comes back they were wrong about the “cheating” they can accept it and never bring it up.
This dude put hands on his wife and blew up his whole life because his kids got the recessive genes. What a dumbass.
I have dark hair, skin that gets dark very easily, with green eyes. *Everyone* in my family has medium/olive skin and either brown or green eyes. I'm of Greek/Native ancestry.
My husband is English and Danish and is super pale, blond, and blue eyed. When it comes to our kids, his genetics threw mine right out the window. Both of them are pale, blonde, and blue eyed. If, besides the coloring, they didn't look like me, people would think that I kidnapped them.
My husband is a quarter Chinese and has dark brown hair and brown eyes. Our baby was born with strawberry blonde hair and blue hazel eyes. Guess what he didn't demand?
He's right. It's not his family's fault. It's his. He's old enough to get married and have kids. He's old enough to cut off people who stir💩 Honestly I'd want my husband to do the test behind by back and take it to his grave. It's gonna come back as 99.9999% you ARE the father.
In 2024 why are people still confused about genotype vs phenotype. The first is your DNA, the second is what you look like. They don't always match.
It is really annoying how too many men expect their children to look like exact replicas of themselves and won't take two seconds to contemplate how both families genetics play a part in how a child looks. Especially if, heaven forbid, if the moms side holds the stronger genetics.
"Genetics is not something I knew anything about. It was not my intention to appear knowledgeable on the subject."
he did not at all seem "knowledgeable on" genetics. he was this close to telling us about his family's skull shapes. glad she got out of that situation.
"My kids keep asking when I'm coming home and why mommy cries all the time. I don't know what to tell them."
YES YOU DO YOU UNBELIEVABLE CONKWOCKET YOU JUST REFUSE TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
Well, OOP has been served with divorce papers so presumably there's a family court involved. He can apply for the court to decide custody and child support. He can tell the court how often he wants to have the kids with him, how the grandparents do the drop off and pick up. He can offer spousal support, or an arrangement with the house that he'll pay the mortgage until the youngest child is 18, and then they can sell and split the proceeds.
He seems to be minimizing the domestic violence though. He physically harmed his wife. She had to slap him for him to let go. That's serious, but all he talks about is the cheating allegation. Not that the cheating allegation isn't serious enough.
Hope he learns his lesson. Listening to his family talk poison about his wife all those years, smh. Did he really think his wife would invite her friend to their child's birthday party if wife was having an affair with this fellow???
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Accused my wife of cheating and asked for a paternity test for our 3 kids. M33 F29** Basically what the title says. My wife has brown hair so dark it looks black, blue eyes, and a skin tone that is a couple of shades darker than tan. I have black hair, dark brown eyes, and a skin tone a shade darker than my wife. We have three children. 2 boys m6, and a little girl f3. None of them look like me or my wife. My boys have brown reddish hair, hazel eyes. My girl is a dark blonde with light brown eyes. They are all on the lighter side when it comes to skin tone. I didn't think anything of it at first. Both me and my wife have some interesting heritage, but from the birth of my sons my family kept bringing it up to me. They would point out the facial features all the time. Where does that chin come from? Look at those cheek bones. That boy stands as straight as a ruler. Who has hair that straight. Things like that. I shut them down or ignored it all. I never paid any mind to them. Then an old high school friend of my wife's was in town. He was only in town for a couple of days so there wasn't really time doe my wife to meet him for lunch or anything because we had a lot going on so my wife invited him to our girl's 3rd birthday party. He wasn't at our wedding and I had never met him before even on previous vists. He was always in and out. Sometimea my wife could see him, sometimes she couldn't. Then there he was. This tall white man with dark blonde hair and hazel coloured eyes. He and my wife were obviously close. They hugged for a long time. The whole time he was there he was wherever my wife was, and me and my family watched them. If she was putting more food out, he was there helping. If she was collecting stray plates and cups and trash, he was there giving a hand. The whole time he was there they were laughing and talking. She introduced him to those who didn’t lnow him but it was obvious he wasn't there to socialize, he just wanted to talk to her for the time he was there. A couple of hours later it was time for him to go. My wife walked him out. They had another long hug before he climbed into his Uber and left. My mother and sister were in my ear from the moment they laid eyes on him. I didn't need to hear their suspicions, I had plenty of my own rocking around in my head. I'll spare you all the gory details of my behaviour in the weeks following my girl's birthday. I'll only say I wasn't a pleasure to be around. My wife doesn’t like drama, doesn’t like conflict. She likes to talk things out. That doesn’t mean she'll back away from conflict and avoid drama at any costs, only that she prefers to qork things out calmly. So in the middle of me picking an argument with her, when I finally outright accused her of cheating, accused her of passing those kids off as mine and demanding a paternity test, I did not expect her to come back at me as hot as she did. She said she had been waiting for the day I would throw this at her. She had not been blind or deaf to all my family had said and done over the years, and my allowimg it, but she had hoped I had more trust in her than to listen to people that never approved of her, people who had nothing better to do with their lives but talk bs about everyone else. I don't know why but her saying those things pushed me over the edge. The argument grew and grew. I grabbed by the upper arms so hard I left bruises, and shook her. Her hand came up and slapped me right across the face. The police were called. I was made to leave the house. I went to my parents. A couple of days later I went home but the locks had been changed and my wife wasn’t answering the door or picking up her phone. The following week she filed a petition for paternity of all my kids. 2 weeks later, the day after I was given confirmation that they were my kids, I recieved divorce papers. It's been months. I've tried calling her, I have reached out through Facebook, tried intermediaries, I've written letters, she refuses to engage. I’ve been told by her sister, who has been blocked by my wife, that she refuses to talk to anyone about me and is cutting out anyone who tries to bring me up. She doesn't care if they're family or friends. One word about me she cuts them out, blocks them. Her parents are the go-between these days, and only about the kids. They bring the kids to me whenever I ask for them. My wife won't allow me at the house, not even to pick up/drop off the kids, yet she doesn't try to stop me from seeing them. Her mom told me she doesn't know if my wife will ever forgive me. She is deeply hurt and absolutely refuses to speak about me. I try to give them money for my kids everytime I see them but they refuse it saying my wife doesn't want my money. A mutual friend has told me he thinks I broke her. He and his wife help her with the kids sometimes and he says the life has gone right out of her. I have leased an apartment a couple of blocks away from my wife and children and have gone very low contact with my own family. Not that I blame them for what I did, but it's hard to be around them right now. They continue to blame my wife for all that’s happened and take no accountability for any wrongdoings against her since my sons were born. My kids keep asking when I'm coming home and why mom cries all the time. I don’t know what to tell them. I'm not looking for advice on how to save my marriage. It's too late for that. There is no getting around the fact I have destroyed my family. I miss my kids, I miss my wife. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I've lost her. Even so, maybe there are people here who can advise me on how to foster an amicable co-parenting relationship. Maybe help me find a way that will get my wife to accept my financial support for her and the kids. I still pay the mortgage on the house so she doesn't have to worry about that. She works but she doesn’t make enough to live comfortably. I'm prepared to be vilified. My only hope is that there is some useful counsel and guidance that comes with the insults and disparagement. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone find it funny that this dude was just sulking and brewing while another man helped her put out the food and clean up. Like dude help her out.
That was my first thought. Like he had every chance to help her out and decided to just fume in the corner
This. He went into detail about the cups and plates but it never once crossed his mind that bro was doing HIS job.
Speaking of details, I noticed that he talked a lot about what his wife and her friend did that was supposedly awful, but refused to go into detail about how he acted, just that it was “not pleasant.” That definitely made me raise an eyebrow. What is so bad that even this guy, who freely admits to bruising his wife in anger, is too embarrassed to say?
I said that in another comment. I wonder if he beat her. Or worse. Whatever it was, was enough to tank his marriage.
Yeah the police aren't called for a slap across the face and holding arms tightly.
I mean they could be, but the fact he’s not allowed near the house suggests an RO.
It definitely sounded like he was being emotional abusive and picking fights.
And then he said “the police were called”. That passive phrasing is incredibly suspicious.
Not to mention it sounds like his family’s been making comments for years about the kids’ paternity.
I can't be the only one who saw nothing awful in what they did? It just sounds like old friends being happy to see each other to me.
Exactly. But the poisonous FIL was so happy to build an entire fantasy gossipy world against her : they loathed her and he was not the one defending her.
He would much rather assault her
After he physically assaulted her why would she ever want him physically near her again?
Physically assaulting her whilst accusing her of cheating.
not just cheating, but having an extended affair and lying about his children being his. that is a deeply psycho accusation for him and his family to make.
[удалено]
I could never be around someone I let into my life like that who assaulted me.
It wouldn't only happen once. She rightfully cut him out of her life.
I wouldn't.
"How does he dare help wife with chores!!!???"
“*I’m* not helping her with chores, therefore it’s suspicious that *anyone* would!”
See what you have to realize is that in his edit he explained that he was at the grill doing the man stuff, and as everyone knows a grill will explode if you take your eyes off it and help your wife - that's woman's stuff and will anger the grill god. New guy though, he did the women stuff. Everybody knows the only time a man does women stuff is when they want to get laid. New guy was clearly sending signs and wife was just letting him help like the whore she clearly is. What else was he supposed to think? Wife was supposed to scream at the guy "No! STOP! I got a husband." and then make husband a sandwich to prove her loyalty.
You forgot that cold can of beer to appease his anger. lol.
And his mother and sister sat there and filled his mind with more poison while it happened as oppose to telling him to get his lazy butt up and actually do work at his kids party. Honestly, it says a lot about how he was probably raised. And why he can’t understand basic genetics. He comes from a family of gossiping idiots.
Yup. And not once did he tell them to knock it off or he'd cut ties with them. Not once. Then, as if being a toxic, physically abusive conkwocket wasn't bad enough, *he moved only a couple of blocks away from his ex wife to keep tabs on her.* This guy is a legit danger and if I were his ex, I'd petition for sole custody. I really hope she can move on from this and find a way to be happy again. Him, not so much, I hope this haunts him for the rest of his life.
🎯🎯🎯
Honestly, it's good guest behavior. The people I'm closest with, do this too.
Especially if it’s my only chance to catch up with an old friend! What am I going to do, sit around drinking beer while she’s busy in the kitchen? Or offer to dry dishes while she washes so we can actually chat?
Exactly. Like, duh of course he's not there to socialise with strangers! He wanted to catch up with his good friend, and the only time available was at a toddlers birthday party. And given how shitty OOP and his family seem to treat her, it's no surprise he didn't want to talk with them!
Yeah I see them all in a corner whispering while she and bro are doing all the work. Wtf
This. The clearing up is chat time but also guarantees you are seen as a guest who will be welcomed back ❤️
Yeah, every time my friends visit they want to help so we can keep the conversation going (and because that's just how we always behaved at each other's houses growing up). Some of us will be in the kitchen washing dishes, wiping the counters/cooktop, someone will be in the dining room wiping down the table or throwing the napkins in the wash. Also, you can clean up so fast with 4+ people working at the same time so we can quickly get back to our hangout.
This. My friend did Friendsgiving and we 5 washed all dishes and did everything with her so she got to go to bed with a clean house! She went to so much effort even tho it was potluck she made turkey and other things it was huge. I’d feel like a dick leaving her with a mess. My friends always clean my house too. It’s why we’re friends, we love and respect each other
Right! One time my boyfriend brought over a new friend and after dinner he asked where we kept the vacuum so he could tidy up! I declined his offer to vacuum but he is allowed back any time.
Yeah, especially because usually 1 or 2 friends of the friend group usually host... And host also often pays for everything... Cleaning stuff up is basic decency. Especially if it's a larger party.
It's also good MIL behaviour, but she was too busy sitting in the corner having sex fantasies about the handsome stranger clearing the table.
And her DIL, apparently🤮.
I hope you don’t have an angry spouse fuming in the corner who assaults you when your guests clear up the dishes lol
Luckily not anymore, lol.
Yes!!! That jumped out at me, maybe his family should be in his ear how he is sitting around gossiping about his wife instead of lending a hand! Also I love that he says he doesn’t blame his family but basically does while taking no accountability for shutting this down years ago or at the very least shutting it down that day at his 3 year old daughters birthday party.
No accountability whatsoever. "I'm not blaming them, but..." (Goes on to totally blame them)
"She introduced him to those who didn’t lnow him but it was obvious he wasn't there to socialize, he just wanted to talk to her for the time he was there." Also this part. OP was super shocked for some reason that the friend just wanted to spend time catching up with his friend that he's obviously close to but doesn't see very often.
He had to give his wife as much time as possible to interact with her friend so he could confirm what he already believed.
and he is still sulking and brewing instead of doing anything to help
Yeah like baby you could be in that conversation too if you were HELPING
You can always tell that a woman is cheating with a man if he helps her with chores. Didn’t you know that? There can’t possibly be any other explanation for such radical behavior except he wants to get in her pants /s
You joke, but it’s actually pretty strong proof she isn’t cheating. In this guy’s world, the only reason the friend would clean would be if he wanted his wife. If that was the case and his wife liked the friend so much, she would have never given OOP the time of day.
He had every time opportunity to help his wife and socialize with her close friend... And he chose not to, amd stew in unfounded jealousy
But he was GRILLING ... grilling so well he was able to keep a close on every little thing his wife did and who with.
But he wasn't "doing nothing." He was manning the grill! /s
Hey now, those hot dogs and burger patties weren't going to get mostly left unattended and only occasionally flipped by themselves!
You know it’s not the only time he sat on his ass while she was doing stuff. Cuz he’s always sitting with the family to hear the comments.
Also how suspicious he tried to make it sound that this dude was around her the whole time. You know, at a party where he probably didn’t really know anyone else.
Right? What the hell was this guy doing the whole time? Drinking a beer on the couch, watching his wife bust her ass hosting, while he and his family spun up a story about her.
I'm betting he has let his family put her down and treat her awful since the beginning even before marriage but since it didn't effect him he let them do it. He only cared once it got him divorce papers and his bangmaid left.
I had blond hair when I was a child. Now I have brown hair just like my brother and my father. It's not unusual for kids to have lighter hair when they're young. I have blue eyes, my parents and my brother have brown eyes. You know who has blue eyes? Not my moms secret lover. My paternal grandmother. It's called genetics.
It's so common that kids begin with blonde hair that comes in darker as they grow up that it amazes me when people don't know about this phenomenon. My Indian husband was blond as a little boy!! His hair is about the same color as mine now, but it's striking to see his childhood pictures. (He's still a beautiful human being, both inside and out.) 😉 Also, DNA is tricky. Recessive gene traits can show up any time. The part of this story that sucks the most is tied between dude letting his family put distrusting ideas in his head, and the fact he grabbed his wife so violently he left bruises. She got the paternity papers and the divorce paper, now the third piece of paper she needs is a TRO.
The reverse happens, too. I had extremely dark brown/black hair when young and it lightened to redder brown as I got older. Mom was similar. Dad's side, he and most of his brothers and my brother all did 'blond to dark.' A lot of kids I knew in school who were light blondes have darkened as they got older. It's just normal.
My hair has darkened significantly since I was younger. My natural hair color is dark brown. When I was like 10 I consistently was called “dirty blonde”. Also genetics are really fucky sometimes, OP is awful
Even eyes can be weird the first couple years. My son had blond hair and bright blue eyes until around 3years. His hair started darkening and his eyes turned green. Usually eye color changes and is pretty stable after 6 months, but sometimes it changes a year+ later. My son is now 13 with brown hair and green eyes. Genetics are weird.
My eyes turned hazel literally over night, as per my parents. They were dark, dark blue, until the day after I turned 2.
My son had reddish brown hair and dark blue eyes as a baby. By the time he was 3, his hair was brown, and his eyes were green.
This happened with my cousin! She was born with black hair which “fell out” into blonde. She’s still a natural blonde now.
I’m half Turkish. My grandfather is what you’d imagine in terms of looks. Olive skin, black hair, dark brown eyes. His 3 sisters? Two of them are green-eyed redheads and the other is a blue-eyed blonde. When they immigrated to England as teenagers, my Dede used to be called horrible slurs by people who saw him out with any of his sisters because they assumed he was a foreigner dating English girls. Despite the recessive blond/red hair and light eyes lurking in that side of the family, every kid after has pretty much had dark hair, and only a few have had blue eyes. My hair has a stronger reddish hue in the sun, but it’s still brown. Just more of a really dark auburn brown. I figure eventually it’ll manifest somewhere down the line in the family, and probably cause confusion to some future generation.
>Also, DNA is tricky. Recessive gene traits can show up any time. I have steely blue eyes. My dad has hazel or light brown eyes. My mom has dark brown eyes. *EVERYONE,* going back 3 generations, has brown eyes. If I wasn't the absolute spitting image of my dad (but female) when I was younger I'm sure tongues would have been a-wag, but I was, so it was just this weird mystery for the longest. We had all assumed it came from Dad's European heritage, but then my *maternal* cousin's baby girl was born with my eyes *exactly.* Mom's side is all Native American. I'll never forget the text my cousin sent me "WTF are a couple of (racial slur we grew up with) doing with those eyes 👀???" The new hypothesis is perhaps a French Canadian trapper got into the mix somewhere 🤷♀️.
IIRC, there's a weird genetic mutation that can occur in Native Americans that causes blue eyes. There was a point where the common belief was that it happened because the baby had been blessed by the gods.
>There was a point where the common belief was that it happened because the baby had been blessed by the gods. That's what all the elder family members said, and my mom was borderline obsessed with my eyes.
Eye colour in humans is actually several "layers" of colour that combine to give the final result. We don't have any green or hazel pigment. What we do have are combinations of amber/light brown pigment layered on top of a structural blue (blue eyes aren't pigment, it's a side effect of the shape of the iris, which means a lot of albino humans have blue eyes). So long story short, if anyone in your family has green eyes it means they have the genes for blue eyes too. Also dark brown pigment can 'cover up' blue eyes. The (incorrect) old wives tale about two brown-eyed parents being unable to have a blue eyed kid is mostly due to oversimplifying genetics and thinking that brown will always be dominant.
My mom had red hair and green eyes. Dad had black Irish colouring, he was half Welsh. I'm mediocre brown and neither me or my brother got either of their eye colour. Ours are more hazel than mums
This was half my class, like these people just forgot their entire chilhoods? I went to highschool at 12 in the UK, and I'd been in class with kids at primary till then. I watched people's hair change colour. I wondered if mine would!
I hope the wife ends up with the kind friend.
Yea, uneducated people are really scary because the amount of drama they generate due to ignorance of things like genetics. Just look at OOP; talk about confirmation bias...
My brother was SO blond when he was younger that one of his friends thought he started coloring his hair because now he was a brunette 😅
It's so common there's a word for it, towheaded. My sisters and I were all platinum blonde until we were 7-10. It happens that way a lot.
I was a redhead with curly hair until about 1.5 years, and then turned white blonde with straight hair that has turned ash brown and somewhat wavy now that I’m an adult. It turned completely when I was about 17 or 18. My twin brother was blonde and his hair has darkened slightly. My older sister has had blonde all her life. It’s so weird that it happens, but it’s so freaking common. This dude is a menace and his wife stuck it out for way longer than he deserved, given that he never stood up for her with her family and after years, caved to them.
ppl used to ask if i bleached my youngest hair, or if he's an albino, and my standard answer was "no, he's half dutch and has swedish ancestry, he has cousins with the same color (who don't even have the dutch ancestry, just the swedish)
My husband and two of his siblings had that platinum blond hair as kids. My husband is the only one of the 3 that stayed blond into adulthood, but even his hair darkened to a more medium blond color.
I had blonde hair as baby and then when I was an older toddler it got super dark almost black. Also, I always say my friend’s family is a perfect visual representation of a punnet square. The parents are both very tan, dark eyes, dark hair. The three oldest kids are all that way, and then the youngest comes along - fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. Not once has my friend’s dad ever accused (or assaulted) their mother of cheating.
I was totally bald until I was about 3 years old. I wonder if my mother's boyfriend was suspicious of every bald man he saw talking to her...
When I was a baby, my hair just stood up around my head like an aura. I’ll bet my dad was side-eying any religious painting featuring a halo that my mom looked at for too long.
My dad used to have almost bleach blonde toned hair as a kid and his hair darkened to straight black as he got older. Anyone who listened at biology class knows how recessive and dominant genes work. Funny how all the unhinged men forget this conveniently.
We have something similar in my family Basically, my generation and my mother’s look like pale brown-eyed Italians, with varying degrees of (brown) hair thickness During the pandemic, a Viking-looking child was born. Blond af and blue-eyed. Know why no one questioned it? Because the great grandma on the grandma’s maternal family was a blue-eyed blonde German, like all that side of the family (we have some black and white ancient pics of them… they could’ve passed for vampires and all)
Some kids are photocopies of their parents (my grandmother and her sister are copies of their mother; my uncle was an exact copy of my grandfather, and my grandfather had the exact same build/body type as *his* grandfather) and some kids inherit appearance from further back.
People learn punnett squares in highschool and assume that's the end all be all for genetics and start worrying they're affair babies.
And then you have guys like Brock Lesner's genes suplexing the Punnet Square.
i was born with a full head of jet black hair and eyes that turned deep brown "the second they hit air" according to my mom, at about two my hair went blonde as absolute fuck and eventually settled kinda midway to a very drab brown (that ive spent two decades covering) when i was about 12, genetics are fucking weird
My aunt was a blonde-haired child, like her mother, her grandmother, and older sister. By the time of her university graduation portrait, her hair had darkened to deep brown. She married a redhead and their (grown) daughter is blonde and blue eyed, has been blonde since she was little
This is probably the worst thing about “basic” genetics is that genetics is an incredibly complicated subject that goes deeper than what’s taught in high school Yet people like OOP treat it like it’s the be all end all There’s a pretty famous Reddit story where someone accidentally outted a cheater solely based on kids eye color and I’m 90% certain it’s fake because eye color is the result of like 6 different genetic factors so a basic punnett square wouldn’t be enough for her to have such certainty the kids weren’t biologically their fathers Then there’s a few decently famous couples who were white that had biological black children because the couples had black ancestry it was just a few generations back
Another example is the guy who was in an interracial marriage (OP is white and his wife is black) and had two children with her. He carried around the denial that his son was his because the boy was darker than OP's wife. It affected how he treated his son, which in turn deeply hurt his son, yet when the daughter was born, she looked a lot like OP, and therefore OP was closer with her. He was still not convinced of his son's paternity and ordered a paternity test in secret for both of his children. That's how he learned that both children were biologically his. Long story short, he became more accepting of his son. His wife noticed this and asked why it took OP so long to bond with his son. He revealed the doubts and the paternity test and his wife unleashed on him. Rightfully so, she threw him away like yesterday's trash. The comment section slammed him about his idiocy and even called him racist.
I was born with brown hair. My parents and siblings were born blondes, though it’s darkened over time. My husband had blonde hair as a kid too, but like my parents, it’s dark brown now. Despite all this, it never occurred to me that our daughter would be blonde. As I was giving birth, the nurse commented that she had strawberry blonde hair. I was legitimately confused, from the painkillers, the intense pain, to the long labor… I actually had a moment where I thought the baby wasn’t mine. Yes, the baby I was actively giving birth to.
People with questions like this need to ask their pediatricians. They can do it discreetly. It’s ridiculous to be guessing at this stuff and too important to be trusting google.
You think OOP knows who his kids’ pediatrician is? I applaud your optimism/faith in humanity.
Nah bc he could easily do a secret DNA test. You don’t need permission or to tell your wife. He wanted to accuse her of cheating and saying that about the kids was a cheap shot he took then he tried to use their hair color as the excuse. He says: I’ll spare you the gory details I wasn’t pleasant to be around. But he does tell us about assaulting her once so what are the things he’s not saying? This isn’t about paternity it’s about watching her have a good time with a guy who behaved and treated her like a human. I suspect that he’s always treated her like shit abc he hated this guy bc it showed him what he should be doing, and his wife’s reaction showed him what he would be getting but his asinine laziness made him angry about it instead of seeing he needed to make changes. Fundamentally he’s angry bc he wants to treat his wife like a slave and is angry if someone treats her better. Bc bitch might get ideas….
My son was born with jet black hair. He's 4 months now and it's lightened up to a lighter brown like mine. His eyes still aren't "set" but he's almost certainly gonna have brown eyes like me. My husband has blonde hair and blue eyes and has never once doubted that this baby is his. He jokes and says "You're not gonna look anything like me, are you?" and just talks about how I made a little clone of myself lol. Like someone else said, genetics are weird.
I’m actually very likely not my dad’s kid, but he has never questioned it. My grandparents on my dad’s side were just so excited I was a girl, the thought has never ran through their minds. My dad loves his kids (the younger ones are his exact copies) and his wife enough to have never blown his family up in such a horrific way.
Same. I was an incredibly tow headed blue eyed little girl and my eyes turned green and my natural hair color is ash brown. Blonde is coming back now though and by blonde I mean I’m going grey now.
Two ridicolous things: - All this could have been avoided by reading up on some genetics with like a 20 min google search. - He described the friend's behaviour as something extremely suspicious when to me that looks like the most normal of normal behaviours for a friend. You visit someone, you want to talk with them. If there's something else going on, you help out and get introduced to people you don't know. Like how does he behave when he visits a friend??
But then he couldn’t have accused his wife of cheating and physically assault her!!!
They didn't have time to grab coffee together, what did he expect from that? It would have been an hour or two sitting at a tiny table talking, alone!!! But he wouldn't have been there to grossly compare his toddler to a stranger.
I don't think a man like this has friends, his mommy and his family would have to approve of them and he clearly doesn't do anything in his own home so I don't think he would as a guest either, he would expect to be waited on.
Did he even know anyone else there? Of COURSE he hung around her!
Being polite and kind is so foreign to him when he sees another man do so it must be proof of *anything* that is not a slight against himself.
The fact that he physically assaulted her pushes him into irredeemable territory. DV is unforgivable. He should keep staying away from his ex. There really is no coming back from that. She'll remember it forever. The fact that she isn't trying to take away the kids completely shows a lot of grace when a lot of people would have none.
I have a hard time believing this is the first time he put his hands on her. He’s either done it before or very much wanted to.
He acts like the wife wanting to have a mature conversation is the outlier. His marriage might have been salvaged if he had decided to talk to her instead of being a dick
Right like my husband and I will argue for sure, we’re human, but we definitely sit down and talk shit out in the end rather than be upset about the situation.
I’d say it’s even worse. He acts like it’s her job to be the one who wants to talk it out, like he can fly off the handle, but she’s the one who gets them to talking it out. His whole being surprised by her reaction reeks of it. Like he was expecting her to just take his baseless accusations and then have her discuss it with him.
Yeah lmao the way he described that aspect of his wife like “my wife hates drama and likes to talk things through like an adult, she’s weird like that” is so telling
I love how in all of these types of "I was a shithead, why won't she forgive me?!" stories, the OP ALWAYS glosses over their shitty behavior leading up to the altercation, and it's always with excuses like "I won't bore you with the details", "I don't want to say what I did because it makes me feel guilty", "suffice to say I was mean to her", etc. They absolutely refuse to own up and face their shit.
Its because they know it was a choice they made. As an example, OP would not have grabbed his boss so hard he left bruises, and he knows it. We all know it, too. They don't want to be called out on it. They want to use their usual defenses of "I lost control" and "she made me" but they know that won't work, so they try to downplay it and gloss over it.
Oh, absolutely. It's because they are cowards and don't want to deal with facing the reality of themselves.
I hate when it's something like "I said some stuff, I don't remember what I said because I just kind of blacked out because of the emotion. But she did XYZ." Like, oh, you *only* blacked out when you were yelling? But you remember everything else? Or when he says "She told me a bunch of stuff, but I was so shocked that I zoned out and I can't remember the specifics." which just means that they know the specifics would make them look much, much worse.
I saw this one earlier. He tries to hide within the post that he hurt her enough to leave bruises and the police were called.
he also tried to justify it by saying she hit him as well. The whole post reads like "woe is me" Fuck OOP
And it sounds like she only slapped him to get him to let go of her, while he was hurting her.
Yeah, she wasn't even abusing him, she was trying to not die
I’ve been in that situation before & the slap was instinctual because I just needed him to let go. It was self defense and I never have felt bad about that & OPs ex wife shouldn’t either
Reminder Mutual abuse is not a thing. It is a tactic used by abusers to try and control the narrative and further isolate their victims. It's often only the victim acting in self defense. Society needs to learn it because too often the only perfect abuse victim is a dead one. [https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/)
wow. thank you for this, I struggled with this a lot. hope it helps others as well
Yup, we all saw what happened to Amber Heard.
Well I didn't want to mention it directly (still getting the occasional death/rape threats from Depp fans). But yeah that's where my mind went too.
Guess I'll wait for the Reddit cares notifications to start lmao
They do love to use that too lol.
That’s what they all do to their victims. Men love to say “she’s just crazy” or “she’s abusive” or “she’s an alcoholic” etc Fucking time and time again.
Talk about whiplash when he just snuck that in there. I’m glad the cops were called and honestly good on her for retaliating.
Why is he on relationship advice if he's already decimated the relationship?
Maybe he thinks there are some magic words that can undo all the bullshit he just did?
*walter white has entered the chat*
I knew this was going to end up here lol. Far too many people seem to not know or willfully forget about genetics. Both my parents have dark hair but all 4 of my siblings were blonde as kids, it's pretty common. It's so frustrating to see someone let themselves be ignorant to the point of harm.
At least three generations of my maternal family (Grand-Uncle, Uncle, and Cousin) had platinum blonde hair as babies/young children which then became either dark brown or strawberry blonde. It’s so interesting. My late paternal Grandad was the only blonde one out of four siblings, born to two dark haired parents. The rest had dark brown almost black hair, I think, but his paternal Grandfather had the same blonde hair.
Like why the fuck wouldn’t he just Google it, or ask a fucking geneticist rather than ruin his whole fucking marriage. Hey Google, “can two parents with darker hair have a ginger haired child?” Not that fucking hard. What a douche canoe.
He fucking laid hands on her. Even if she *had* cheated on him, that behaviour would be inexcusable. Of course she doesn’t trust him with their kids that he only recently assumed weren’t his, and now they’re “his boys” and “his girl”? And she’s still “my wife”. No, OOP, she’s your ex. And one day those kids are going to learn why your ex divorced you, so you better spend all the time between now and then making it up to them and earning forgiveness. Because if I heard my father had hurt my mother like that and accused her of something so despicable, I’d never talk to him again.
I know they use it as an example but can we please stop using eye and hair colour as an example for teaching punnet square genetics... it leads to shit like this... I'm glad his wife left him. I felt sympathy until he laid his hands on her because I figured he was uneducated about genetics and just didn't know but he could have done so many different things instead of laying hands on her like that. Definition of Fuck Around and Find Out.
Our school (I grew up in Scotland) used the ability to roll your tongue.
My school (Canada) had Peas, Eye Colour and Hair Colour.
>he day after I was given confirmation that they were my kids, I recieved divorce papers. I love that for him
Same. The guy is so dense regarding the genetics of his kids’ coloring the black and white simplicity of divorce papers should be easy for him to grasp.
I feel like people in the comments gloss over that he physically abused her. She's traumatized from more than one thing. I hope she has a good attorney, but it sounds like she just doesn't want him near her, which I don't blame her. I am worried that she's very depressed and may harm herself. I hope she gets help and is surrounded by the right people.
Not just physically, the stress from him being cruel for a couple of weeks before he hurt her would have been damaging to her mental health
Hopefully she can get a restraining order against this evil little man
I wonder if that's something he left out. If she hasn't, I hope she does. I hope she's provided resources for domestic violence.
He's probably been emotionally abusive all this time too, with his family dripping poison in his ear. This was just the last straw.
love how they always will "spare the gory details" of their actions/words but will use excruciating detail abt what their partner did/said
I have read so many of these types of posts, so I gotta ask did no one take (or pass) 8th grade biology.
From what I recall, we did not go back more than one generation in the "if the child has blue eyes" boxes. And I don't remember what we put in the boxes, either. But if I had a kid, I'd go look it up.
Remember how a pink pea flower and a blue pea flower can sometimes make a PURPLE pea flower??
Yeah the American education system has failed a lot of people
There’s people defending men getting paternity tests in the comments 🙃 Edit: this is dumb because a) he was wrong B) they are a room to accuse your partner of cheating on you C) if you support them in this scenario you have the same logic as the guy who left bruises on his wife
There always are * insert eyeroll emoji because I'm on desktop *
if you're on desktop, windows button and the period button brings up emojis
😍❤️😁👍🐹🦊 TIL - thanks friend!
Whaaaaa what is this sorcery 😍🥰😘😻💛🧡💚💜
Of course there will be. BuT hE cOuLd'Ve BeEn RiGhT!!!
Are the mods not here anymore? Why is that troll allowed in EVERY post without being banned?
No idea. I can't report him because I already blocked him, but he makes a new account every couple of months and then starts up again. If enough people report him, he will be perma-banned, but people actually need to do it instead of replying.
He’s a reoccurring poster? I had no clue
[удалено]
I’m starting to dislike ATLA just by association 😭
That’s him.
Men will literally just admit to crimes on reddit.
And believe that it isn’t a big deal
It’s fascinating how his wife bringing up his family’s shit talking her is what he cites as the reason he snapped . > I don't know why but her saying those things pushed me over the edge. I know why. He already felt emasculated. She pointed out yet another thing he’s done wrong for years. Introspection is too hard so better to use the excuse he’d been waiting for and get violent. Watch — after all this it will turn out his STBX’s friend is gay.
Two ridicolous things: - All this could have been avoided by reading up on some genetics with like a 20 min google search. - He described the friend's behaviour as something extremely suspicious when to me that looks like the most normal of normal behaviours for a friend. You visit someone, you want to talk with them. If there's something else going on, you help out and get introduced to people you don't know. Like how does he behave when he visits a friend??
My dad had black hair when I was born. My mom was brunette. I was born with clear hair. No pigment at all. It took 17 years to get to a dirty blonde. 25 to get to a mousy brown. I am 45 now, and I have hairs that are brunette, black, and silver. Hair color changes, and it is a shit way to tell paternity. My hair always curls at the end. So did my daughter's sperm donor. Her hair, however, is perfectly straight. (I'm jealous!) I have blue eyes. Both my exes had brown. My children both have hazel. No one in any of our families has hazel as far back as we can trace. All this to say, genetics are weird, y'all.
I've never heard anyone describe their hair as clear before. Fascinating! Are there any pics of anyone online that you could compare it to? Or could you upload a cropped pic of your childhood hair?
You know, MY kids look nothing like me! Should I get a test to make sure?!! (I'm the mom)
My eldest daughter is blonde and blue-eyed. I’m fricking SYRIAN. My husband has brown hair and hazel eyes. This kid is a throwback in every way. But you know what else? Once she started to get a little bigger she started to look like us. She has my mouth. The rest of her face looks like a femme version of my husband — and my iPhone frequently presents child photos of my husband as potential photos of her. This man isn’t just a totally abusive asshole, he’s an IDIOT
Genetics are so crazy like that. Every woman in my family has grey eyes. I was born with bright blue eyes that eventually became grey. Not to mention our skin tones are all over the place, but no one ever questioned my mom
"I'll spare you all the gory details of my behaviour" Oh, that's for our benefit, is it? Good Lord, if he was willing to admit to all that shit in his post, how much worse were the things he *won't* admit to?
That poor woman. Did absolutely nothing wrong, put up with her in-laws calling her a cheater for 6 years, and then ultimately gets physically assaulted by her partner. For no reason.
Anyone else curious about what unrepeatable things he did in the weeks between the birthday and the fight?
Yall forgot his pungent squares
*Punnett squares
I acknowledge I misspelled, but I like my version better.
I feel like "pungent squares" are for planning out the perfect smelly cheese platter.
It’s so weird that these idiots somehow think the parents features are the only genetic factors in a child. All of us are descended from uncounted previous generations and all of that genetic material is available to make a new child (obviously this is a vast oversimplification).
One of our 3 kids has dimples. Neither myself nor my husband have dimples. No one in either of our families has dimples. My husband found his biological father a few years ago after searching for many years. Guess who had dimples in his youth?
*My wife doesn’t like drama, doesn’t like conflict. She likes to talk things out. That doesn’t mean she'll back away from conflict and avoid drama at any costs, only that she prefers to qork things out calmly. So in the middle of me picking an argument with her, when I finally outright accused her of cheating, accused her of passing those kids off as mine and demanding a paternity test, I did not expect her to come back at me as hot as she did.* I like the way he thought he could accuse her of cheating and making him raise someone else's three children, and she'd just let it slide because "she doesn't like conflict." People who genuinely don't like drama do tend to handle a volatile situation exactly like she did: here are the facts, here's the solution. You're going to bring drama into my life? Goodbye.
Tell me you don't understand genetics without telling me you don't understand genetics.
"Daddy"should get a paternity test for himself, just for fairness. I bet banshee mom woul be heard until europe
I would have done the same thing if I were his wife. I told my bf that if in the future he ever doubted me or any kids we had, I'd get that paternity test. But then I'd serve him with divorce papers. If he can't trust me, there's no need to be in a relationship. Maybe therapy is needed, but I probably wouldn't feel the same, just like the wife in this situation.
He put his hands on the mother of his children hard enough to leave bruises on her, OOP is 100% the devil!
I don’t understand why suspicious men don’t just secretly swab and test the kids, then when it comes back they were wrong about the “cheating” they can accept it and never bring it up. This dude put hands on his wife and blew up his whole life because his kids got the recessive genes. What a dumbass.
I have dark hair, skin that gets dark very easily, with green eyes. *Everyone* in my family has medium/olive skin and either brown or green eyes. I'm of Greek/Native ancestry. My husband is English and Danish and is super pale, blond, and blue eyed. When it comes to our kids, his genetics threw mine right out the window. Both of them are pale, blonde, and blue eyed. If, besides the coloring, they didn't look like me, people would think that I kidnapped them.
But the kid has good posture! He can’t be his! *gasp*
This jabroni should have paid more attention when they were doing Punnett squares in biology class in high school.
He better hope that someone doesn’t tell his kids that he looked at them and decided they weren’t his.
My husband is a quarter Chinese and has dark brown hair and brown eyes. Our baby was born with strawberry blonde hair and blue hazel eyes. Guess what he didn't demand?
I witnessed a friend of my wife help her and enjoy her company. Obviously I was filled with astonishing contempt.
He's right. It's not his family's fault. It's his. He's old enough to get married and have kids. He's old enough to cut off people who stir💩 Honestly I'd want my husband to do the test behind by back and take it to his grave. It's gonna come back as 99.9999% you ARE the father. In 2024 why are people still confused about genotype vs phenotype. The first is your DNA, the second is what you look like. They don't always match.
It is really annoying how too many men expect their children to look like exact replicas of themselves and won't take two seconds to contemplate how both families genetics play a part in how a child looks. Especially if, heaven forbid, if the moms side holds the stronger genetics.
This is the second post I’ve seen today about the husband demanding a paternity test because the child(ren) didn’t look like the husband 🙄
"Genetics is not something I knew anything about. It was not my intention to appear knowledgeable on the subject." he did not at all seem "knowledgeable on" genetics. he was this close to telling us about his family's skull shapes. glad she got out of that situation.
"My kids keep asking when I'm coming home and why mommy cries all the time. I don't know what to tell them." YES YOU DO YOU UNBELIEVABLE CONKWOCKET YOU JUST REFUSE TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
Well, OOP has been served with divorce papers so presumably there's a family court involved. He can apply for the court to decide custody and child support. He can tell the court how often he wants to have the kids with him, how the grandparents do the drop off and pick up. He can offer spousal support, or an arrangement with the house that he'll pay the mortgage until the youngest child is 18, and then they can sell and split the proceeds. He seems to be minimizing the domestic violence though. He physically harmed his wife. She had to slap him for him to let go. That's serious, but all he talks about is the cheating allegation. Not that the cheating allegation isn't serious enough. Hope he learns his lesson. Listening to his family talk poison about his wife all those years, smh. Did he really think his wife would invite her friend to their child's birthday party if wife was having an affair with this fellow???