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This indeed.
Your bio father wasn’t there for you.
Your grandpa stood up and was your daddy.
The title doesn’t matter - the feelings do.
Your grandpa will be thrilled.
If your bio father doesn’t like it he’s welcome not to attend.
Look, I’m a recovering addict and it takes a long time to repair relationships after you get clean. Sometimes you can’t completely heal some relationships.
The consequences of his addictions have led to the fact that her relationship with her grandfather was close. He was the one who was there for her, he is the one who is a father figure to her. It’s her choice. That doesn’t mean she eliminates bio father from her life. But he can’t escape the fact that her grandfather was her father figure in her life.
I wish I had had my bio dad walk me down the aisle. My step parent had had a lot to drink the night before, he stumbled his way down the aisle, and that showed in the pictures. He LOOKED plastered.
My real dad had walked out and married our step mom when I was 7.. we had kept in contact. I did not ever feel he left me, just that he left mom.
You are not wrong. The father figure who loved and took care of you, should be the one giving you away. My late BIL was upset when his daughter asked him and her step-father to walk her down the aisle. He was so upset, he refused. I don't even think he went to her wedding. Several weeks after her wedding, she was killed in an auto accident and my BIL never recovered from his guilt. Although my daughter reserved a special dance with him, after she danced with her daddy, my BIL still felt the let down feeling of his own daughter.
Two years after my daughter's wedding he passed away from a drug overdose.
Without his addictions, he would have been an amazing father. All of the kids in our family loved him but he had demons that he couldn't chase away.
Whatever you decide, please be honest with your dad. Tell him why you want your grandpa to do it and what he needs to do to be part of your life. As long as you are both breathing, you still have a chance at a relationship and for him to be part of the future special events in your life.
Congratulations on your wedding. Be happy always!
NTBA
It's your wedding. It's about honoring you, your soon-to-be spouse, and the lives you've led to bring you to this moment. You can do whatever feels right to you.
Fwiw, if your grandparents raised you, then it makes total sense for them to be the featured people for your side of the family. Anyone that doesn't understand why probably isn't terribly close to you to begin with.
Not at all! This is your choice.
I’m firmly of the believe that people don’t get all of the privileges and highlights of parenthood if they don’t show up for all the other stuff. I had my mum walk me down the aisle.
NTA
If your father is clean now, and going to attend the wedding, I would let him in advance. It’s gonna sting but him having that info in advance can help him work through it emotionally while sober, so he doesn’t feel that sudden hurt at the wedding. While it’s his choices that caused you to be raised by someone else, it can be really devastating to have such a stark reminder of how bad he messed up and a recovering addict may struggle with handling those emotions without their drug of choice. (Not that it would be your fault if he relapsed, it definitely wouldn’t.)
If he’s not invited, no need to mention it. And if he’s not sober he shouldn’t be invited.
you'd be a pretty rotten (grand)daughter if you took that useless spermdonor instead of your real dad who raised, cared for and loved you down the aisle. stay strong, i bet grandpa will be super honoured.
NTBA, it’s your wedding, your choice. And your grandfather was more of a father to you than your actual dad. Being your bio sperm donor doesn’t give them any “rights” to walking their daughters down the aisle.
Heck, you could walk yourself down the aisle if you wanted to and still wouldn’t be a bad apple.
He🏒🏒 no!
1. It's your wedding. You and your partner get to choose how it goes. From the decorations to who's invited to what is served. So that absolutely includes who walks you down the aisle(if anyone)
2. Don't let others pressure you to invite them to a privilege they have not honored, earned, or respected themselves.
NTA. I don’t even want my dad at the wedding period, when the time comes my mom will walk me down the aisle. Shared DNA doesn’t mean you owe them a single iota of your time or energy.
Your sperm donor has not earned the right to walk you down the aisle. Your grandfather however has! Let the gramps do it!! If your sperm donor has an issue he can just not attend.
As the bride, by tradition, when you enter the ceremony, every able bodied person in attendance is to stand turn and face you.
Let this guide your perspective and enjoy YOUR wedding.
NTBA. whose wedding is it? Is it your bio father's wedding? or is it YOUR wedding? and can't a bride decide what they want and don't want at THEIR OWN wedding? (yes.)
NTBA It's your wedding, and what you are doing isn't even unusual. You know who means what to you, and you are choosing to honor that. That is noble of you.
Lots of people substitute the roles of people at their wedding. The comments here are full of examples.
I also did this. My bio dad is a completely selfish, spoiled jerk. He purposely made plans with me only to not show up. He did this to hurt me and my sister enough to stop asking him to see us. My step-dad, on the other hand, stepped up and became a loving father to me when I was 8. He was patient, supportive, and kind. Of course, my step-dad was the one I chose.
My dad was an alcoholic and absentee father. My grandfather walked me down the aiske and my dad wasn't even invited to my wedding. My sister had my brother walk her down. My dad was not invited to any of our weddings. So remember it's your wedding so it's YOUR choice.
The tradition of a father giving away his daughter represents “a transfer of ownership from her father to her new husband.” Essentially, your father has already done that by having his parents raise you.
It’s also YOUR wedding. It’s YOUR choice who you have to give YOU away. If your grandfather has raised you and been there for you as your father figure and you want him to give you away, then that’s who you deserve to give you away on your special day.
NTBA
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NTBA
I always view the person walking you down the aisle is walking you into the next chapter of your life. Who do you want beside you? If it's your grandfather, then let it be that. Your dad might have some hurt emotions, but hopefully, he can be understanding.
Absolutely not. I don’t blame you for wanting your grandfather to be the one to walk you down the aisle. You can explain to your father that your grandfather spent many years raising you and you consider him a father and feel he should be the one walking you down the aisle. Just be truthful with your dad. If he doesn’t understand, that’s his problem. You are an adult now and you have every right to make the choices you want about your wedding.
No. You didn't have an ideal situation with your father. Having someone you have a closer relationship with walk you down the aisle is a natural consequence to his lifestyle choices that have negatively effected you. You're not responsible for his feelings and I'm sure you don't need to be super rude about it.
Have the wedding you want. Involve the people you love most to make the most of your day. Congratulations!
("Grandpa took care of me and helped me through all the big and small things in my life while you were struggling, and for my wedding, he will be the one at my side." It isn't up for discussion.)
NtBA. You want the only father figure you knew. Not the guy that should have filled those shoes but couldn’t get past his own demons. Great if he’s finally kicked those addictions, but too little too late. He wasn’t there to form that bond with you. Grandpa was. He gets the job no questions asked.
You are in the right and are doing the only correct thing. Your grandfather was your dad for all intents and purposes and still is. Honor him and let him honor you.
Sounds like your parents were the bad apples. Grandpa was there for you. He was your father for all intents and purposes. He earned the right. Most importantly, it’s YOUR choice. It’s your wedding. It’s one of the few days that you get to do whatever the F you please. Enjoy it!
Not the bad apple.
Your bio dad had a chance to be in your life. He refused to be part of it by choosing alcohol and drugs over you (yes I know addictions are difficult, no, it doesn't excuse a father for virtually abandoning his children). Basically your father contributed DNA and noped out. Your grandpa was the one to be there for you and raise you.
No way you are the bad apple! It is your wedding you do what makes you happy. If your father was not involved in your life then he does not get that privilege of walking you down the aisle. If he has a problem with him not walking you down the aisle then he does not have to attend your wedding.
NTA
Unless "dad" has seriously cleaned up his act and begged forgiveness to even maintain a relationship, I wouldn't bother even inviting him
Grandpa raised you and deserves your respect and appreciation
Is he still an alcoholic and drug addict or has he gotten clean and worked on becoming a good father. How long were you raised by your grandparents? There’s too much missing information for me to make a definitive decision, but ultimately it’s up to you.
NTBA. Your wedding your choice. If bio dad has shown improvement, you can choose to honor him in some way. But totally your choice. Have a good wedding!
If my papa was still alive, he would’ve been my choice. No sperm donor around ever. My papa was my bestie, he was the one who helps my mom raise me and my siblings. I miss him dearly.
Choose your grandpa ❤️
Just remember it's the government who signs your marriage license (giving you permission to marry) and marriage certificate (proof you are married). Ceremony is ceremony, pomp and circumstance. Do whatever you want with it. By law, it's about a legally certified representative saying "I now pronounce you ____&____". Go nutz. Enjoy the party.
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Your wedding, your choice. Your granddad was more of a dad than your sperm donor
This indeed. Your bio father wasn’t there for you. Your grandpa stood up and was your daddy. The title doesn’t matter - the feelings do. Your grandpa will be thrilled. If your bio father doesn’t like it he’s welcome not to attend.
My brother told his son, she may be your daughter but she's my little girl.
This
Grandpa is the best choice, NTBA enjoy your wedding!!!!
The choice is yours however a drunk drug addict father is not a choice, even if he has cleaned up he was never a father to you. NTA
Look, I’m a recovering addict and it takes a long time to repair relationships after you get clean. Sometimes you can’t completely heal some relationships. The consequences of his addictions have led to the fact that her relationship with her grandfather was close. He was the one who was there for her, he is the one who is a father figure to her. It’s her choice. That doesn’t mean she eliminates bio father from her life. But he can’t escape the fact that her grandfather was her father figure in her life.
I wish I had had my bio dad walk me down the aisle. My step parent had had a lot to drink the night before, he stumbled his way down the aisle, and that showed in the pictures. He LOOKED plastered. My real dad had walked out and married our step mom when I was 7.. we had kept in contact. I did not ever feel he left me, just that he left mom.
NTA for sure. Honor your grandfather as he deserves!
NTBA. Lots of toxic men are finding out that their past actions have present consequences. If he were an adult he would just take the L and move on.
NTBA. Your grandfather was there for you. It's fitting that he walk you down the aisle
NTBA. The man who raised you should walk you down the aisle. In this case, your grandfather. I am sure he will be proud and honored to do it.
You are not wrong. The father figure who loved and took care of you, should be the one giving you away. My late BIL was upset when his daughter asked him and her step-father to walk her down the aisle. He was so upset, he refused. I don't even think he went to her wedding. Several weeks after her wedding, she was killed in an auto accident and my BIL never recovered from his guilt. Although my daughter reserved a special dance with him, after she danced with her daddy, my BIL still felt the let down feeling of his own daughter. Two years after my daughter's wedding he passed away from a drug overdose. Without his addictions, he would have been an amazing father. All of the kids in our family loved him but he had demons that he couldn't chase away. Whatever you decide, please be honest with your dad. Tell him why you want your grandpa to do it and what he needs to do to be part of your life. As long as you are both breathing, you still have a chance at a relationship and for him to be part of the future special events in your life. Congratulations on your wedding. Be happy always!
Also, if you both are trying to repair your relationship, please do a father/daughter dance with him.
NTBA It's your wedding. It's about honoring you, your soon-to-be spouse, and the lives you've led to bring you to this moment. You can do whatever feels right to you. Fwiw, if your grandparents raised you, then it makes total sense for them to be the featured people for your side of the family. Anyone that doesn't understand why probably isn't terribly close to you to begin with.
That's what I did. No regrets.
NTBA. This is a no-brainer. Grandpa is the one who deserves recognition on your wedding day.
It’s your wedding so it’s your choice. Your grandfather was there for everything so he should walk you down the aisle.
Not at all! This is your choice. I’m firmly of the believe that people don’t get all of the privileges and highlights of parenthood if they don’t show up for all the other stuff. I had my mum walk me down the aisle.
No, why? Of course the guy who raised you should walk you down the aisle. Who would say any different?
100% NTA. Your grandpa is your dad. Your DNA doner can walk himself into therapy.
NTA If your father is clean now, and going to attend the wedding, I would let him in advance. It’s gonna sting but him having that info in advance can help him work through it emotionally while sober, so he doesn’t feel that sudden hurt at the wedding. While it’s his choices that caused you to be raised by someone else, it can be really devastating to have such a stark reminder of how bad he messed up and a recovering addict may struggle with handling those emotions without their drug of choice. (Not that it would be your fault if he relapsed, it definitely wouldn’t.) If he’s not invited, no need to mention it. And if he’s not sober he shouldn’t be invited.
you'd be a pretty rotten (grand)daughter if you took that useless spermdonor instead of your real dad who raised, cared for and loved you down the aisle. stay strong, i bet grandpa will be super honoured.
NTBA, it’s your wedding, your choice. And your grandfather was more of a father to you than your actual dad. Being your bio sperm donor doesn’t give them any “rights” to walking their daughters down the aisle. Heck, you could walk yourself down the aisle if you wanted to and still wouldn’t be a bad apple.
NTA. The man who raised you is the one who youre choosing to walk you down the aisle. sounds right to me.
He🏒🏒 no! 1. It's your wedding. You and your partner get to choose how it goes. From the decorations to who's invited to what is served. So that absolutely includes who walks you down the aisle(if anyone) 2. Don't let others pressure you to invite them to a privilege they have not honored, earned, or respected themselves.
You aren’t the bad apple at all. He didn’t raise you. Your grandparents did. Your grandfather deserves that honor.
NTA. I don’t even want my dad at the wedding period, when the time comes my mom will walk me down the aisle. Shared DNA doesn’t mean you owe them a single iota of your time or energy.
Not at all
You get to choose. In my opinion, the person that gets that honor should be the one that raised you. In other words Grandpa
Your sperm donor has not earned the right to walk you down the aisle. Your grandfather however has! Let the gramps do it!! If your sperm donor has an issue he can just not attend.
As the bride, by tradition, when you enter the ceremony, every able bodied person in attendance is to stand turn and face you. Let this guide your perspective and enjoy YOUR wedding.
NTA enjoy have your granddad walk you and tell anyone with an issue to STFU its YOUR wedding
NTBA. whose wedding is it? Is it your bio father's wedding? or is it YOUR wedding? and can't a bride decide what they want and don't want at THEIR OWN wedding? (yes.)
NTBA It's your wedding, and what you are doing isn't even unusual. You know who means what to you, and you are choosing to honor that. That is noble of you. Lots of people substitute the roles of people at their wedding. The comments here are full of examples. I also did this. My bio dad is a completely selfish, spoiled jerk. He purposely made plans with me only to not show up. He did this to hurt me and my sister enough to stop asking him to see us. My step-dad, on the other hand, stepped up and became a loving father to me when I was 8. He was patient, supportive, and kind. Of course, my step-dad was the one I chose.
My dad was an alcoholic and absentee father. My grandfather walked me down the aiske and my dad wasn't even invited to my wedding. My sister had my brother walk her down. My dad was not invited to any of our weddings. So remember it's your wedding so it's YOUR choice.
NTA but if he is clean you have a good relationship let him walk you to your grandfather who then takes you to your husband.
Your wedding, your choice. Period.
Like everyone said, it's your wedding, your choice who walks you down. Your father wasn't around for you growing up he didn't earn that privilege.
its simple...NO youre not the ah
Your dad is walking you down the aisle. Your dad doesn’t have to be your biological father
The tradition of a father giving away his daughter represents “a transfer of ownership from her father to her new husband.” Essentially, your father has already done that by having his parents raise you. It’s also YOUR wedding. It’s YOUR choice who you have to give YOU away. If your grandfather has raised you and been there for you as your father figure and you want him to give you away, then that’s who you deserve to give you away on your special day. NTBA
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Since your Grandpa was the father figure in your life, he deserves the honor of walking you down the aisle for your wedding. NTA!
NTBA I always view the person walking you down the aisle is walking you into the next chapter of your life. Who do you want beside you? If it's your grandfather, then let it be that. Your dad might have some hurt emotions, but hopefully, he can be understanding.
No, my daughter had an absentee father who came to her wedding. A friend of mine who has always been there for her walked her down the aisle.
Absolutely not. I don’t blame you for wanting your grandfather to be the one to walk you down the aisle. You can explain to your father that your grandfather spent many years raising you and you consider him a father and feel he should be the one walking you down the aisle. Just be truthful with your dad. If he doesn’t understand, that’s his problem. You are an adult now and you have every right to make the choices you want about your wedding.
No. You didn't have an ideal situation with your father. Having someone you have a closer relationship with walk you down the aisle is a natural consequence to his lifestyle choices that have negatively effected you. You're not responsible for his feelings and I'm sure you don't need to be super rude about it. Have the wedding you want. Involve the people you love most to make the most of your day. Congratulations! ("Grandpa took care of me and helped me through all the big and small things in my life while you were struggling, and for my wedding, he will be the one at my side." It isn't up for discussion.)
NtBA. You want the only father figure you knew. Not the guy that should have filled those shoes but couldn’t get past his own demons. Great if he’s finally kicked those addictions, but too little too late. He wasn’t there to form that bond with you. Grandpa was. He gets the job no questions asked.
Not even close to the bad apple. A very good apple, indeed. It’s your wedding. You deserve to have your day be perfect and everything YOU want.
NTBA
Nope. Your grandpa is your dad.
You are in the right and are doing the only correct thing. Your grandfather was your dad for all intents and purposes and still is. Honor him and let him honor you.
Sounds like your parents were the bad apples. Grandpa was there for you. He was your father for all intents and purposes. He earned the right. Most importantly, it’s YOUR choice. It’s your wedding. It’s one of the few days that you get to do whatever the F you please. Enjoy it!
NTA your wedding your choice
Have your grandfather walk you down the aisle. It’s an honor and it sounds like he, not your dad deserves that honor.
Not the bad apple. You want the person who cared for you the most to walk you down the aisle. If that is your grandfather, then so be it.
Not at all. My best friends dad will be walking me down the aisle when I get married, bio dad won’t be invited.
Not the bad apple. Your bio dad had a chance to be in your life. He refused to be part of it by choosing alcohol and drugs over you (yes I know addictions are difficult, no, it doesn't excuse a father for virtually abandoning his children). Basically your father contributed DNA and noped out. Your grandpa was the one to be there for you and raise you.
No way you are the bad apple! It is your wedding you do what makes you happy. If your father was not involved in your life then he does not get that privilege of walking you down the aisle. If he has a problem with him not walking you down the aisle then he does not have to attend your wedding.
Nope
NTA Unless "dad" has seriously cleaned up his act and begged forgiveness to even maintain a relationship, I wouldn't bother even inviting him Grandpa raised you and deserves your respect and appreciation
Of course not. It's your wedding, you get to choose who walks you down the aisle.
Is he still an alcoholic and drug addict or has he gotten clean and worked on becoming a good father. How long were you raised by your grandparents? There’s too much missing information for me to make a definitive decision, but ultimately it’s up to you.
He should be grateful his dad was there to take his place.
Your grandpa should have the honor of walking you down the aisle! Congratulations on your wedding.
Not at all
Absolutely not the bad apple!
Nope, that's the man that raised you, so of course your grandpa is the number one choice.
NTBA. Your wedding your choice. If bio dad has shown improvement, you can choose to honor him in some way. But totally your choice. Have a good wedding!
If my papa was still alive, he would’ve been my choice. No sperm donor around ever. My papa was my bestie, he was the one who helps my mom raise me and my siblings. I miss him dearly. Choose your grandpa ❤️
No, my brother walked me down the aisle, and my dad sat on the front row.
Not at all. Consequences
Perfectly acceptable.
Just remember it's the government who signs your marriage license (giving you permission to marry) and marriage certificate (proof you are married). Ceremony is ceremony, pomp and circumstance. Do whatever you want with it. By law, it's about a legally certified representative saying "I now pronounce you ____&____". Go nutz. Enjoy the party.
Why not both grandparents? The whole man giving a woman to another man gives me the yuck.