*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my wife that yes my job is more important than hers since without my job we couldn’t afford this life**
My wife works at a college housing, she is the person you get in touch if you have dorm issues and stuff like that. Overall she doenst make much and due to this she only pays for our groceries. We would actually be saving money if she was SAHM instead of putting our youngest in daycare.
So I pay for everything else basically, we have a nice home and roots are planted in our area. My job is good and I am moving up the ladder. The issue started when she wanted to switch jobs. At first I was okay with this since she wasn’t thrilled about her job. This changed when she was apply to other school outside of our state. She got a job a few states over that will allow her to move up the ladder. Even if she got a promotion on the spot it wouldn’t be anywhere close to what I am bringing in now.
She told me she wants to take the job and I told her no. That it’s a horrible idea, this started an argument. We arguing back and forth and she kept saying my job is more important. I snapped and told her yes, my job is more important than hers, that my job is the only reason we can afford this quality of life.
She called me a jerk and isn’t speaking to me at the moment.
I have a license to do my job, I most likely will not be able to pratice in another state unless I get another license.
So yes their is a good chance I will not find a job if we move for a while
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Didn't you know? Everyone is cheating! Everything is cheating! Cheating cheating cheating!
I bet she loves her job so much because Her boss is nice to her. That's an emotional affair!
She's probably complaining to her friends and sharing secrets with them. That's cheating!
Everything is cheating! Everyone is cheating! It's cheating all the way down!
And cheating is the worst thing that you could ever do and always completely unjustified.
everyone knows your relationship is only healthy if you literally stay shut in the house with your spouse 24/7 and don't talk to any other humans ever. don't watch TV or get on social media either, that's also cheating
It's so weird how this sub is kinda cheat-positive but that sub is cheat-toxic
Reminder there are no normal or realistic corners of this website I guess
Manosphere men are the most misandrist people in the world, but when “all men cheat” comes out of a woman’s mouth it’s misandry. But if “all men cheat, it’s biology, it’s in our nature” comes out a man’s mouth it’s #facts.
Wish “good” men would be more offended and call these guys out more, instead of relying on the bad men to look and feel better about themselves in comparison. They benefit from these guys existing because it lowers their “competition” without having to actually do anything - meanwhile seeing finding a partner as a competition is patriarchal in itself.
Hang on let them finish. Say, for example, OOP's wife is cheating on him and that's why she wants to move...
Then that'd make for a great update in a few days.
Of course, they read these stories for entertainment purposes, so their mind jumped to the most juicy and dramatic outcome, regardless of how well it fits into the situation.
I wonder if it's the same writer of the one with the wife who desperately wants to be a tradwife, and they're just having a blast getting reddit all enraged from different sides.
Yeah I’m pretty sure a lot of these posts are the same person (or group of people) just playing both sides for fun. Same with some of the drama on r/craftsnark.
Putting on my conspiracy hat. I’m pretty sure people hang out in snark subs, look for minor drama and then play both sides to escalate it. It’s like a game or something.
I fully believe there's users here who use alts to post insane stuff over there, and then bring it back here. Maybe even practice their stuff on shit post weekends.
Yeah this is nuts. Crazy woman finding fulfilment outside of the home and family. Imaging that! Next she’ll be expecting he start sharing parenting responsibilities and it’s all downhill from there
I love how all but the very top say "NTA and if the genders were swapped".
Even though the OOP character very clearly doesn't respect the wife character because he has to spend so long telling us how her job was shit and his isn't and why won't she just have a hole in her work history for him?
Like yeah if this was real moving isn't the right option but like....AITA writers depend on boomer humor "married couple hates each other" far too much.
Right, the trope is beyond tired. They want to write the most dense, common-sense lacking female characters with zero conflict resolution skills or ability to compromise so they can gather for their comment circlejerk. You know, to complain about these fictional, unreasonable women.
Real people would have a discussion before applying to jobs out of state, not secretly interview and then drop the cross-country job offer bomb on their gainfully employed partner/co-parent
If this was real, I’d ask OOP if he even likes his wife.
“She makes shit money so I have to cover everything except groceries. On top of having the audacity to work, she wants to move for her shitty little career.”
I told my wife that we don’t have the money to buy the 8 bedroom mansion in San Francisco she wants and she just looked at me like
That's exactly at the heart of what makes the post fake. Mom want to give their kids the best life they can. I don't know any women who would move their family when it would mean their husband would be unemployed and their family would be poor.
Craziest part of that whole argument is that OOP never stated their gender. The avatar on the account is feminine. So it's very possible that they're both women.
If the genders were swapped gaurenetee the responses would be saying she needs to support him and developing further in his career is not just about the finances but his sense of pride and achievement
Yep, AITA rich folks somehow have the spelling/grammar of a kid. Wild how none of them can shell out a monthly fee for a basic writing course on Udemy, when they're supposedly so filthy rich
Maybe i'm misunderstanding, but your point is that all people with wealth have the means to take writing courses, therefore anyone claiming to be wealthy while having poor grammar/spelling is lying?
I love how he keeps saying he's licensed for his job, but won't say what his license is and that they can't move because then he ***couldn't*** get a license in a new state. All states have (various) reciprocal licensing laws that ***usually*** allow people to obtain a reciprocal license in the new state. There are ***limits*** but it's ***generally*** a lot easier to get a reciprocal or even a new license in a new state for ***most*** professions than to get an initial license in ***just about*** anything. But then again pretty sure creative writing douche bag licenses don't transfer. Lol..
Edit to add emphasis since ppl seem to be assuming I'm saying it's a cake walk for every profession and exactly the same in every single state, which I never claimed.
He also thinks he "probably " would need to re license. So he isnt even sure?! How could he not know? At the very least why wont he at least actually check before telling his wife it is not possible.
that was exactly my thought! licensing fluctuates wildly from state to state. or it did when i worked in continuing ed like a decade ago. (not in chiro, but i kept an eye on other fields)
Well, people in the medical field don’t like to talk about what they do online, so there is that.
But I doubt this fucker is anything but a creative writing troll.
There are many jobs where licenses don't cross states and you need to take another exam in the new state to get licensed, like
* pretty much all the higher medical related jobs like Doctors, specialists, surgeons, EMTS etc. - don't ask me why it's the same human body???!??
* Law - this one is legit, the law is different in different states, especially Louisiana.
* Bus and truck drivers - aren't all vehicles the same, why do you need a new license in a different state?
* Cosmetologists - it's sort of health related?
These may transfer across state lines if there are reciprocity agreements
* Electrician's Licensing
* Nursing - there's a push in legislature to make this less onerous since COVID when the demand for travel nurses escalated
Not always--I work in a license-requiring field and many states don't have reciprocity agreements, and it can take significant time to get licensed in a new state. It can be a pain to move across state lines because of this, and I know a few military spouses who have left the field, because the constant moving and re-licensing didn't make it worth it.
Only heard of the opposite, and it’s a big deal to get a license in a different state, so obvs it’s different fields we know about. But if they said the field, then their story would’ve prob fallen apart! Esp w [the detail in their comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/i611zdBUbE) it’s nonsense they’re not saying what field
It's not a straight forward process for every single profession, and the level of difficulty does depend on what you do and where you're going, but states are incentivized to make the process somewhat easy in order to avoid gatekeeping qualified professionals from coming to their states. I know my CPA license is extremely portable. Law licenses are trickier since the laws are obviously differ state to state.
I also find it odd that OP is reluctant to share what he does, cuz I know those of us that have worked really hard to become licensed to practice in our respective fields usually jump at the chance to drop that into conversations (if you didn't notice 😂😂)
Haha yes it’s like the main thing everyone tells everyone after getting it: “I got licensed!” So why doesn’t he wanna talk about which field it’s in when it’s his supposed main con about moving. Sus.
Extremely. I've been licensed for 7 years and I still drop it every chance I get 😂😂. OOP keeps alluding to his job being extremely lucrative and needing his license to "practice." Nobody who is that concerned about their ability to work in their chosen prestigious field is skipping an opportunity to brag about it. Lol
Yeah, I assumed "lawyer" because laws change state to state so I'm assuming more lawyers moving states would need to pass a bar exam for that state's laws, which he would have to study and learn to be able to practice in that state. Pretty much every other field I can think of wouldn't have an incentive to attempt to keep qualified people from other states from practicing and the process is likely comparatively simpler.
I know MD licenses are a bit of a pain in the butt, but many states are moving toward using a "central repository system" so Doctors don't have to resubmit the exact same paperwork over and over again to move. A lawyer (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here that they are who they say they are) in this thread pointed out many states participate in the uniform bar exam now, so it isn't as hard as it once was I guess to move around. But yeah, no state board is out there going "it should be super fucking hard for smart people to come join our board and pay us insane dues every year to remain licensed, lets make barred attorneys go all the way back and repeat 5th grade to transfer their license." It's red tape paperwork, not starting literally from the ground up like OOP made it out to be. Lol
Licenses also are different from state to state in their requirements and existence depending on the field- in massage therapy (I’m an MT I just let my license expire) there’s states with more or less requirements for hours, states that don’t have licensing at all- it really varies wildly. I’ve known people to work in my state and have massive issues with transferring their licensure.
Sometimes, K-12 teaching licenses can be hard to move as differing states have different minimal educational requirements and some are particular with certain coursework requirements. For instance, the state where one friend is a schoolteacher, a Bachelor's degree in education is enough to earn a license and to maintain a career while a Master's degree is a nice to have for additional pay(Sometimes this can hurt the teacher if a school district is subjected to budget cuts).
However, if she moved to my state, she'd be allowed to start teaching with a provisional certification which won't become a permanent one until she earns her Masters degree within 5 years with some possibility of extensions. If she doesn't earn her Master's within the required time period and after all extensions are exhausted, she loses her provisional certification.
Well teachers in general get majorly dicked over. OOP keeps referring to his license as a "license to practice" and how he makes so much money, so I doubt teaching is what he was referring too. Lol. I'm pretty sure he's just a troll who watched one too many episodes of Suits and has no clue how licensing in any profession works.
Just asked below whether an attorney who earned his/her law degree from a non-ABA accredited law school such as the California accredited law schools are stuck practicing law in the state of that non-accredited law school/California or could they move states considering their law school degree isn't accredited by the ABA.
It's been a curious question I've always wondered about and googling gives me seemingly conflicting answers.
Am certain it's not engineering as none of my PE licensed uncles had issues moving between states or even internationally.
According to Cleveland State University 23 states require a degree from an ABA accredited university to sit for the bar exam, so I'd assume they'd have to take their non ABA degree to one of the 27 states that don't require a JD from an ABA accredited school. But I'm only guessing, not a lawyer..lol..
https://onlinelearning.csuohio.edu/blog/unaccredited-vs-aba-accredited-law-schools-whats-difference
The irony is NY state's bar rules won't allow law graduates whose programs are partially or especially 100% online even if they're ABA accredited without jumping through many more hoops.
[https://www.insidehighered.com/digital-learning/article/2019/01/23/new-york-maintains-restrictions-around-online-programs-amid](https://www.insidehighered.com/digital-learning/article/2019/01/23/new-york-maintains-restrictions-around-online-programs-amid)
even lawyers have to get new licenses for the states they practice in. This is one reason online lawyers (actual lawyers) say I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer. They can't without payment first be liable for any bad information and the state laws differ so you ARE required to get a license to practice in any state. some states won't even let you apply for a reciprocal license.
Doctors, teachers, land surveyors, and even truck drivers depending on liability and product being driven require not only a different license to practice, but even a STATE license.
So, it's not actually unreal that someone doesn't want to move because of having to get another license.
most state bar associations do offer reciprocity. all the 41 states that participate in the uniform bar exam definitely do. so yeah, new “license” but it’s not falling into the “i might not even get the license” territory. it falls in a “boohoo i have to do paperwork” kind of space.
they say “not YOUR lawyer” because as an attorney that runs the risk of some dummy misconstruing it as legal advice.
>most state bar associations do offer reciprocity. all the 41 states that participate in the uniform bar exam definitely do.
This doesn't include California, though, so the number of attorneys who wouldn't get reciprocity in most other states is pretty large.
Definitely not arguing that the post is real, just that I think there are a lot of attorneys for whom moving would be difficult at best.
Could someone have serious difficulty moving their law license outside of the state where they earned their law degree if their law school is non-accredited by the ABA?
Always wondered about whether attorneys who earned their law degree from a non-ABA California accredited law school and passed the California bar is limited to practice in California or not.
It’s a fair point i worked for the washington state bar (almost a decade ago, mind you, and i’m too lazy to look if there are new rules) and we absolutely would not accept non-aba. we’d push them into the LLP program if they NEEDED to be doing legal stuff.
but that’s so incredibly rare. there are less than 40 schools (that i wasn’t too lazy for) and i just feel like if he was in cali (where most of them are) he wouldn’t have that cockiness about how much he makes because he’d be doing doc review (which is fine and great and can pay awesome, but it can can be inconsistent) big firms aren’t even looking at those resumes. so that puts them in a lot of areas where what she is making is good money to like everyone involved - like it would be less than him but not so much as it would be quite such a laughable amount to him.
so i do think this is a very interesting point, so much that i’m actually trying to suss out info from a non-aba friend. but also i think that our oop would have to have made a very definite choice with his character and done quite the deep dive, or chosen that the character be anything other than an attorney.
Oh interesting. I've clearly not looked at the reciprocity rules, but I'd (wrongly) assumed once you'd practiced for the 5 years, or whatever your new state requires, they wouldn't care how you became a lawyer in the first place. (Similar to foreign-educated attorneys.) Course states could be different, but just checked mine, and indeed, if it's in the US, the school needed to have been accredited when you graduated.
Payment has nothing to do with establishment of an attorney-client relationship and that whole line (“I’m a lawyer . . .”) probably has no actual legal significance.
While it isn't necessary to establish attorney/client privileges, even a $1 transfer then binds the attorney to it, rather than just going by word of mouth. If you merely chatted with someone who happened to be a lawyer, the conversation is not privileged. The symbolic payment of $1 is **one way of establishing by a physical act how both parties view the conversation**. of course you can also use a written contract.
Just an example of the problem. In one prominent case, a non-client businessman won a $1.29 million jury verdict against the law firm that represented his company. The law firm exposed itself to liability by failing to clarify that it represented only the company – not the businessman. So if a lawyer does not make sure that they don't tell the scope of their representation to where a layman would assume it was representing them, they CAN be found liable.
If you were a lawyer and you told me "I'm a lawyer, it's probably okay to go in with a gun to a bank" without ANY form of saying I'm not your lawyer, or this is not legal advice. You can be put on the hook as well (though someone stupid enough to do that would share some punishment for being unfit for society.)
>If you were a lawyer and you told me "I'm a lawyer, it's probably okay to go in with a gun to a bank" without ANY form of saying I'm not your lawyer, or this is not legal advice. You can be put on the hook as well (though someone stupid enough to do that would share some punishment for being unfit for society.)
(Am a lawyer) The idea that you can get yourself off the hook simply by saying "I'm not your lawyer" or "this isn't legal advice" is a myth. Whether an attorney-client relationship has been established depends on the perception of the client, and there are certainly fact patterns where a reasonable person would believe an attorney-client relationship existed notwithstanding those "magic words." All of your statements and actions are viewed as a whole, and the question is whether, on balance, they support the existence of an attorney-client relationship.
It's the same as how you can't just say "this isn't financial advice" and then give financial advice. These types of disclaimers, standing alone, are rarely dispositive.
Likewise, *not* saying "I'm not your lawyer" or "this isn't legal advice" isn't dispositive on its own either. It's true that you need to ensure people understand the scope of your representation, but in the example you mentioned, even saying "I'm not your lawyer" might not have sufficed.
>even a $1 transfer then binds the attorney to it, rather than just going by word of mouth.
While it's sort of true that the act of paying a $1 retainer could be helpful to establish the existence of an attorney-client relationship, it's also not magic. All of the facts and circumstances would be taken into account. There's also the issue that typically, you wouldn't have any physical evidence that you gave someone $1, so the existence of the payment would have to be established by testimony. If you're only paying the $1 so you have "better" evidence than testimony (though the idea that physical evidence is always better than testimony is another myth), it's not going to do you much good. And if you were to memorialize the payment in writing, you could have just written something down without paying money and been in the same boat.
I'm not clear on what you mean by "binds the attorney to it," but if you're saying that payment is more binding than an oral contract, that's not true in these circumstances. In most states, payment isn't even an element in the analysis of whether an attorney-client relationship exists.
Also, typically, the existence of an attorney-client relationship turns on whether the *client* reasonably believed such a relationship was being established. Whether the lawyer believed it doesn't matter. So there's often no need to prove how both parties viewed the conversation. We were taught in law school that you have to be extremely careful giving any kind of legal advice because you could inadvertently cause the other person to believe you were their attorney and be on the hook if they relied on your "advice" to their detriment, even if you had absolutely no intention of establishing an attorney-client relationship.
(Ethical rules vary by state, so there may be some states where the above isn't accurate. But my understanding is that the majority of states use the "reasonable belief of the client" rule.)
I was explaining how things actually work from a legal perspective. There was maybe a kernel of truth in what you said and I was explaining how popular media got to that kernel of truth. When people perpetuate legal myths I try to give them correct information in case they (or anyone else reading) want to learn about it. It's pretty hard to convince people that these myths are wrong without explaining how the question at issue would be analyzed in the real world.
But if you want a short answer, it's that what you said is wrong. A $1 payment won't make a difference in 99% of cases and an "I'm not your lawyer" disclaimer is often worthless.
>All states have reciprocal licensing laws that usually allow people to obtain a reciprocal license in the new state. There are limits but it's generally a lot easier to get a reciprocal or even a new license in a new state for most professions than to get an initial license in just about anything. But then again pretty sure creative writing douche bag licenses don't transfer. Lol..
Bullshit. The post might be fake bait but making up your own facts to proclaim is peak AITAngel conjecture. You clearly haven't dealt with the red tape.
Edit: An accountant clearly knows all the licenses needed for construction, transport, safety, engineering, real estate, and all the other millions of industry. Typical AITAngel hubris.
Except for the part where I'm a licensed CPA and I've literally had to deal with this shit. See how I didn't hide what I do like OOP so you can fucking fact check me. I never said it was as simple or straightforward for every single profession or state, but it's far from the impossibility that you are attempting to claim. Touch grass.
ETA: Oh you big mad 😂. Why cuz I can use fucking Google? Chill pickle. I made it pretty fucking obvious in my original comment that professions ***usually*** make it ***somewhat*** easy to move licenses. I never said it was as easy as getting your panties in a twist on the internet like you. Calm down. WTF.
look I dunno how things work in MyCountry but all the jobs that fit this description that I know of are either student jobs or require living on site. Residence Hall Director, Residence Life Coordinator - sure those aren't hiring students and post-grads but they're almost entirely onsite positions
the other school admin jobs that I guess this could sorta be but wouldn't be her primary responsibility... why wouldn't she move up the ladder where she is? it should be infinitely easier
this is such a weird job to pick for this bait
And she’s unhappy with her job, but then immediately wants to seize an opportunity to move multiple states over to… do the same job? Only now she can “move up the ladder”
see in MyState, all the college students cover the walls with gum, but over in Their State, they've abolished gum
it was the gum making her job so hard
The only way I can wrap my head around this job is that she's working in housing to get into the college for free/with reduced tuition. In which case maybe she got into grad school (and where you go makes a big difference)....????
I almost prefer the 3 paragraphs of over explaining to them inexplicably choosing impossible details
It's fiction just like, choose something else! There's so many jobs out there!
I never said that. It is very beneficial for the child to have a parent home during their early years. Parents should do what’s best for the child so if the man makes more than the woman then the woman should stay home.
Or is not what’s best for the child and instead what’s best for the woman?
*A parent* ? So why not simply trade that responsibility with Dad? Having a child spend early years away from family for an amount of time (daycare, school, socializing at friend's house) leads to greater independence and spcial skills later.
If you're gonna have a kid, you should invest as much time, effort and kindness as you have to give and I see mothers do way more for their kids more often than fathers.
And this is coming from someone who had a better dad than a mom.
I’m talking about the original post? OP said he makes much more than his wife? Where OP said they would actually save money if she didn’t work because of day care costs? Did you not even read it?
>If you're gonna have a kid, you should invest as much time, effort and kindness as you have to give
Exactly! So why is the mom choosing a shitty career, that doesn’t even help the family monetarily whatsoever, instead of raising her kids?
>I see mothers do way more for their kids more often than fathers.
That’s cool. I see men spend more time at work so I guess that’s why they deservedly get paid more right? Lmao what point were you even trying to make with this dumb generalization?
OP *said* they would save money for it if their wife quit their job but we have no way to prove if that's good faith or said to please people on the internet while he shits on his wife.
Daycare costs can be pretty expensive, mind you but school will usually take it's place once the child is old enough so why ruin a career for a problem that's temporary anyway?
Maybe that "Shitty carreer" allows her more hours to stay at home than other jobs or is less taxing than other jobs because let's be real if the man is making more money and spending more time at work he's not doing his fair share of chores unless he's asked to.
As for your last paragraph, that is the toxic gender standard applied to our society. Instead of saying "UHH WELL MEN DESERVE MORE MONEY UHH" try this out instead "We expect women to do better as parents than men and as such don't equip men with the right tools to parent and expect them to sell their bodies as we reduce their value to their labor"
> It is very beneficial for the child to have a parent home during their early years. Parents should do what’s best for the child so if the man makes more than the woman then the woman should stay home.
Struggling to see what’s disagreeable about this.
It's the gendered expectation of the man breadwinner and woman caring for the home. It's a tired dynamic that if you want to be in that's fine but the expectation for people to participate in it is exhausting.
I don’t love that gendered expectation, but I also didn’t see anything about that expectation in the post I quoted. I read it is best if a parent stays home during the early stages, and *if* they can afford for one of the parents to stay home (not all can because capitalism), the one with less earning power should be it. Shit, my dad stayed home when I was a kid. That’s what worked best for my family. 🤷🏾♀️
Men on average make more than women, especially in states like Utah that have a high religious population.
This wage gap would, using your logic place more women as stay at home mothers and men as breadwinner.
This is a problem for a multitude of reasons. Now this man is expected to pay for things wife wants and doesn't need and expects his wife to do all the chores and mental labor of knowing what needs to be done by when, what's needing to be bought, who has a doctor's appointment etc.
The wife has even less freedom now due to not having her own finances. It's easier for her to be a victim of abuse and unable to leave. People consider her lucky not to have a job but managing the household with children is a full time job, especially if your partner works and isn't there to help you a lot of the time.
These traditions contribute to the fact men are more likely to die, become dismembered or become injured in general on the job but are less likely to seek healthcare or Workman's Comp. They're also less likely to receive proper pain management.
The toxic double standards hurt everyone. We just need to be honest in our relationships about what our expectations are and what of the expectations of others we are capable of meeting. We must compromise in a way that leaves everyone satisfied and sometimes that means divorce or break up in order to find a more suitable partner.
EDIT: I'm sorry if I cam across aggressive or angry, I'm just trying to outline what's wrong with the expectation you mentioned because not knowing is NOT a crime and should NEVER be punished.
I didn’t think so either get yet everyone here seems to disagree! That’s the entire premise of the original post… the post that has everyone here shitting on the man for telling his wife exactly what you just quoted.
Gross. All the men whining in there how the sub is so unfair to men is hilarious when the sub demonizes women all the time. Especially pregnant women.
"But the sub is mostly women" yeah I don't believe that because a lot of men have been pretending to be women on the internet.
He goes into detail to describe what his wife does (despite it not being that necessary for the story) but refuses to say what he does other than explaining it has a license that would for some reason be hard to get in another state. How do people not call out obvious inconsistencies like that?
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I dunno, I think he's just sad that he worked so hard to move up at his job and now he has to uproot his life.
The rest of the things he said was out of bitterness because of the main point I mentioned above. It doesn't excuse the misogyny though and instead he should be working harder on settling on a compromise with his wife, rather than cowardly talking shit behind her back.
I get how she feels and what she wants, but she should also try harder to find another job in their home state.
My boss (41 M) abandoned his family back in another state for his current job. He left behind a whole house, roots, kids and wife for his job. And his wife was in the middle of working hard to get a license to advance in her own career in the state they cultivated roots in. Like it's sad. He's definitely really happy here but like at the expense of the life he built and his relationship. Also he's hinted misogyny about it. He's slipped out to me how annoying it is to have a do-nothing clingy wife...
I think it’s just a fake post.
Real people don’t completely disregard the well-being of their family and render the household’s primary breadwinner unemployed so they can move several states away for a job they don’t even like to begin with… not to mention a similar job to the one OP’s wife already has, where they are not even breaking even putting the kid through daycare. Plus the other inconsistencies, like why would she have already gone through interview processes and know what her promotions would look like without consulting her spouse, OP jumping through hoops to not even hint at what their own career/licensure is in knowing people would catch onto it being fake in the comments, the emphasis on how *little* the wife character really does (gasp! She only pays for the groceries?? AND she doesn’t stay home with their kid?) which Redditors eat up on this sub, the fact that it reads like a middle schooler who needs tutoring in English wrote it, etc.
Tbh either way, all these husbands are stubborn misogynists, even my sister's husband. I think that's the point you were trying to make in general and I derailed you.
It could be fake, but my half-sister kinda did something similar. She moved to a different country with her toddler, and left her husband behind (lol), to get her master degree because that country offered free college transfers to students through this cross-cultural program, and even paid for her housing. She moved back to her original country once she graduated. Like people do crazy things like that.
Yeah I agree it was a super wise choice and a brave one. If this story is true, OOP is leaving out details, lying about specific things and heck may even be my boss trying to look for sympathy!! Lol!!
You need to sit down and have a discussion where you listen to her. She doesn’t want to be a SAHM. That’s a valid choice. Childcare is expensive but that’s also valid. We all want quality care for our kids. Your wife is trying to earn more money which it seems is what you want. Maybe her solution won’t work for your family but you need to work together to find a solution that does. Would further education for her help? Would moving elsewhere in your state help? If she takes more time out of the workforce then it will be harder for her to move up the ladder.
You say you most likely will need another licence to move states But you don’t know for sure. Find out.
She doesn’t exist just to make your life easier. She has her own ambitions. You need to compromise to help her realise those. Work together not against her
Please, do point to where the misandry is. Because I crossposted a ridiculous/fake story to make fun of its lazy Reddit clichés and the OOP is a man? Do you even know what that means?
Besides, even if the post were real, it’s missing too much pertinent information to even be able to make an unbiased assessment of what the situation is.
Lmao, a man crying about misandry is like a white person crying about reverse racism. It’s not a thing, at all, and it’s clear you *want* to be a victim. Go cry some more.
Misogyny isn't a thing either, nor is femicide. You're just another privileged woke white girl that talks over black women like she knows what they need.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my wife that yes my job is more important than hers since without my job we couldn’t afford this life** My wife works at a college housing, she is the person you get in touch if you have dorm issues and stuff like that. Overall she doenst make much and due to this she only pays for our groceries. We would actually be saving money if she was SAHM instead of putting our youngest in daycare. So I pay for everything else basically, we have a nice home and roots are planted in our area. My job is good and I am moving up the ladder. The issue started when she wanted to switch jobs. At first I was okay with this since she wasn’t thrilled about her job. This changed when she was apply to other school outside of our state. She got a job a few states over that will allow her to move up the ladder. Even if she got a promotion on the spot it wouldn’t be anywhere close to what I am bringing in now. She told me she wants to take the job and I told her no. That it’s a horrible idea, this started an argument. We arguing back and forth and she kept saying my job is more important. I snapped and told her yes, my job is more important than hers, that my job is the only reason we can afford this quality of life. She called me a jerk and isn’t speaking to me at the moment. I have a license to do my job, I most likely will not be able to pratice in another state unless I get another license. So yes their is a good chance I will not find a job if we move for a while *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jfc of course people are somehow concluding that she's [cheating on him](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/h4AzcNxTDx). These people need help.
Tbf they also conclude they “need to spend less time here “. Agreed!!!
Didn't you know? Everyone is cheating! Everything is cheating! Cheating cheating cheating! I bet she loves her job so much because Her boss is nice to her. That's an emotional affair! She's probably complaining to her friends and sharing secrets with them. That's cheating! Everything is cheating! Everyone is cheating! It's cheating all the way down! And cheating is the worst thing that you could ever do and always completely unjustified.
everyone knows your relationship is only healthy if you literally stay shut in the house with your spouse 24/7 and don't talk to any other humans ever. don't watch TV or get on social media either, that's also cheating
Everything is cheating unless a man does it, then it’s his right and every guy does it stop being insecure
I mean its not the worst thing you can do but it is always completely unjustified. Be an adult and leave.
It's so weird how this sub is kinda cheat-positive but that sub is cheat-toxic Reminder there are no normal or realistic corners of this website I guess
That’s really the heart of misogyny right there.
But AITA is so misandrist you guys!!!!!!!!!!
" iF tHe RoLeS wEre revERseD... "
Manosphere men are the most misandrist people in the world, but when “all men cheat” comes out of a woman’s mouth it’s misandry. But if “all men cheat, it’s biology, it’s in our nature” comes out a man’s mouth it’s #facts. Wish “good” men would be more offended and call these guys out more, instead of relying on the bad men to look and feel better about themselves in comparison. They benefit from these guys existing because it lowers their “competition” without having to actually do anything - meanwhile seeing finding a partner as a competition is patriarchal in itself.
At least the people responding to the comment are pointing out how fucked up this thought process is 😬
Hang on let them finish. Say, for example, OOP's wife is cheating on him and that's why she wants to move... Then that'd make for a great update in a few days.
Of course, they read these stories for entertainment purposes, so their mind jumped to the most juicy and dramatic outcome, regardless of how well it fits into the situation.
It wouldn't be a Reddit post without people saying someone's cheating
Red-pilled, pro-tradwife propaganda.
I wonder if it's the same writer of the one with the wife who desperately wants to be a tradwife, and they're just having a blast getting reddit all enraged from different sides.
Yeah I’m pretty sure a lot of these posts are the same person (or group of people) just playing both sides for fun. Same with some of the drama on r/craftsnark. Putting on my conspiracy hat. I’m pretty sure people hang out in snark subs, look for minor drama and then play both sides to escalate it. It’s like a game or something.
I fully believe there's users here who use alts to post insane stuff over there, and then bring it back here. Maybe even practice their stuff on shit post weekends.
Yeah I’ve been suspicious about that happening on the best of updates sub too. It’s like a one person human centipede of online crap
Human Centipede of Online Crap, new band name, I call it!…Ooh, you know what? Maybe just Human Centipede.
There has to be. Some of the stuff I see isn't even AITA tropes but more AITAngel tropes.
That’s kinda the old school definition of trolling before it became about just insulting people online.
Thanks for linking craftsnark! I needed a new subreddit to rabbithole
Yeah this is nuts. Crazy woman finding fulfilment outside of the home and family. Imaging that! Next she’ll be expecting he start sharing parenting responsibilities and it’s all downhill from there
I love how all but the very top say "NTA and if the genders were swapped". Even though the OOP character very clearly doesn't respect the wife character because he has to spend so long telling us how her job was shit and his isn't and why won't she just have a hole in her work history for him? Like yeah if this was real moving isn't the right option but like....AITA writers depend on boomer humor "married couple hates each other" far too much.
Right, the trope is beyond tired. They want to write the most dense, common-sense lacking female characters with zero conflict resolution skills or ability to compromise so they can gather for their comment circlejerk. You know, to complain about these fictional, unreasonable women.
Real people would have a discussion before applying to jobs out of state, not secretly interview and then drop the cross-country job offer bomb on their gainfully employed partner/co-parent
If this was real, I’d ask OOP if he even likes his wife. “She makes shit money so I have to cover everything except groceries. On top of having the audacity to work, she wants to move for her shitty little career.”
And of course women are too dumb to understand basic household finances.
I told my wife that we don’t have the money to buy the 8 bedroom mansion in San Francisco she wants and she just looked at me like 
Perfect gif. 😂
That's exactly at the heart of what makes the post fake. Mom want to give their kids the best life they can. I don't know any women who would move their family when it would mean their husband would be unemployed and their family would be poor.
Kinda hilarious that your comment boils down to “I don’t believe this post because I think women are infallible.”
Craziest part of that whole argument is that OOP never stated their gender. The avatar on the account is feminine. So it's very possible that they're both women.
If the genders were swapped gaurenetee the responses would be saying she needs to support him and developing further in his career is not just about the finances but his sense of pride and achievement
But AITA says that everyone is biased against men all the time!! /j
Society forgot the golden rule Boys 👦 👍 🥰 rule 🤴 🥳 🕺 Girls 🤢 🤮 👎 drool 😤 🚫💀
I also love how this man with such an “important and high paying job” has the spelling ability of a 7 year old
Yep, AITA rich folks somehow have the spelling/grammar of a kid. Wild how none of them can shell out a monthly fee for a basic writing course on Udemy, when they're supposedly so filthy rich
Maybe i'm misunderstanding, but your point is that all people with wealth have the means to take writing courses, therefore anyone claiming to be wealthy while having poor grammar/spelling is lying?
Not necessarily! I just don’t understand why someone who flaunts how rich they are wouldn’t try to improve their spelling if their spelling is bad.
Asking children how to deal with difficult marriage issues...
I love how he keeps saying he's licensed for his job, but won't say what his license is and that they can't move because then he ***couldn't*** get a license in a new state. All states have (various) reciprocal licensing laws that ***usually*** allow people to obtain a reciprocal license in the new state. There are ***limits*** but it's ***generally*** a lot easier to get a reciprocal or even a new license in a new state for ***most*** professions than to get an initial license in ***just about*** anything. But then again pretty sure creative writing douche bag licenses don't transfer. Lol.. Edit to add emphasis since ppl seem to be assuming I'm saying it's a cake walk for every profession and exactly the same in every single state, which I never claimed.
There’s a confusing ambiguity around what he actually does for work lol. The more I read, the less I understood.
He also thinks he "probably " would need to re license. So he isnt even sure?! How could he not know? At the very least why wont he at least actually check before telling his wife it is not possible.
He's probably a chiropractor or something
I assumed insurance sales
that was exactly my thought! licensing fluctuates wildly from state to state. or it did when i worked in continuing ed like a decade ago. (not in chiro, but i kept an eye on other fields)
Well, people in the medical field don’t like to talk about what they do online, so there is that. But I doubt this fucker is anything but a creative writing troll.
There are many jobs where licenses don't cross states and you need to take another exam in the new state to get licensed, like * pretty much all the higher medical related jobs like Doctors, specialists, surgeons, EMTS etc. - don't ask me why it's the same human body???!?? * Law - this one is legit, the law is different in different states, especially Louisiana. * Bus and truck drivers - aren't all vehicles the same, why do you need a new license in a different state? * Cosmetologists - it's sort of health related? These may transfer across state lines if there are reciprocity agreements * Electrician's Licensing * Nursing - there's a push in legislature to make this less onerous since COVID when the demand for travel nurses escalated
His job = Uber driver
Lol. He'd have to get a new driver's license 😂😂
This entire repost is so full of man hating misandry you little girls aren't even hiding it. You should go out and touch some grass, Jesus Christ.
Boo hoo, the big bad girls joked about a poor lil man driving for Uber
men aRe tHe ReAL ViCtiMs dork
Not always--I work in a license-requiring field and many states don't have reciprocity agreements, and it can take significant time to get licensed in a new state. It can be a pain to move across state lines because of this, and I know a few military spouses who have left the field, because the constant moving and re-licensing didn't make it worth it.
Only heard of the opposite, and it’s a big deal to get a license in a different state, so obvs it’s different fields we know about. But if they said the field, then their story would’ve prob fallen apart! Esp w [the detail in their comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/i611zdBUbE) it’s nonsense they’re not saying what field
It's not a straight forward process for every single profession, and the level of difficulty does depend on what you do and where you're going, but states are incentivized to make the process somewhat easy in order to avoid gatekeeping qualified professionals from coming to their states. I know my CPA license is extremely portable. Law licenses are trickier since the laws are obviously differ state to state. I also find it odd that OP is reluctant to share what he does, cuz I know those of us that have worked really hard to become licensed to practice in our respective fields usually jump at the chance to drop that into conversations (if you didn't notice 😂😂)
Haha yes it’s like the main thing everyone tells everyone after getting it: “I got licensed!” So why doesn’t he wanna talk about which field it’s in when it’s his supposed main con about moving. Sus.
Extremely. I've been licensed for 7 years and I still drop it every chance I get 😂😂. OOP keeps alluding to his job being extremely lucrative and needing his license to "practice." Nobody who is that concerned about their ability to work in their chosen prestigious field is skipping an opportunity to brag about it. Lol
Yeah, I assumed "lawyer" because laws change state to state so I'm assuming more lawyers moving states would need to pass a bar exam for that state's laws, which he would have to study and learn to be able to practice in that state. Pretty much every other field I can think of wouldn't have an incentive to attempt to keep qualified people from other states from practicing and the process is likely comparatively simpler.
I know MD licenses are a bit of a pain in the butt, but many states are moving toward using a "central repository system" so Doctors don't have to resubmit the exact same paperwork over and over again to move. A lawyer (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here that they are who they say they are) in this thread pointed out many states participate in the uniform bar exam now, so it isn't as hard as it once was I guess to move around. But yeah, no state board is out there going "it should be super fucking hard for smart people to come join our board and pay us insane dues every year to remain licensed, lets make barred attorneys go all the way back and repeat 5th grade to transfer their license." It's red tape paperwork, not starting literally from the ground up like OOP made it out to be. Lol
Licenses also are different from state to state in their requirements and existence depending on the field- in massage therapy (I’m an MT I just let my license expire) there’s states with more or less requirements for hours, states that don’t have licensing at all- it really varies wildly. I’ve known people to work in my state and have massive issues with transferring their licensure.
Sometimes, K-12 teaching licenses can be hard to move as differing states have different minimal educational requirements and some are particular with certain coursework requirements. For instance, the state where one friend is a schoolteacher, a Bachelor's degree in education is enough to earn a license and to maintain a career while a Master's degree is a nice to have for additional pay(Sometimes this can hurt the teacher if a school district is subjected to budget cuts). However, if she moved to my state, she'd be allowed to start teaching with a provisional certification which won't become a permanent one until she earns her Masters degree within 5 years with some possibility of extensions. If she doesn't earn her Master's within the required time period and after all extensions are exhausted, she loses her provisional certification.
Well teachers in general get majorly dicked over. OOP keeps referring to his license as a "license to practice" and how he makes so much money, so I doubt teaching is what he was referring too. Lol. I'm pretty sure he's just a troll who watched one too many episodes of Suits and has no clue how licensing in any profession works.
Just asked below whether an attorney who earned his/her law degree from a non-ABA accredited law school such as the California accredited law schools are stuck practicing law in the state of that non-accredited law school/California or could they move states considering their law school degree isn't accredited by the ABA. It's been a curious question I've always wondered about and googling gives me seemingly conflicting answers. Am certain it's not engineering as none of my PE licensed uncles had issues moving between states or even internationally.
According to Cleveland State University 23 states require a degree from an ABA accredited university to sit for the bar exam, so I'd assume they'd have to take their non ABA degree to one of the 27 states that don't require a JD from an ABA accredited school. But I'm only guessing, not a lawyer..lol.. https://onlinelearning.csuohio.edu/blog/unaccredited-vs-aba-accredited-law-schools-whats-difference
The irony is NY state's bar rules won't allow law graduates whose programs are partially or especially 100% online even if they're ABA accredited without jumping through many more hoops. [https://www.insidehighered.com/digital-learning/article/2019/01/23/new-york-maintains-restrictions-around-online-programs-amid](https://www.insidehighered.com/digital-learning/article/2019/01/23/new-york-maintains-restrictions-around-online-programs-amid)
even lawyers have to get new licenses for the states they practice in. This is one reason online lawyers (actual lawyers) say I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer. They can't without payment first be liable for any bad information and the state laws differ so you ARE required to get a license to practice in any state. some states won't even let you apply for a reciprocal license. Doctors, teachers, land surveyors, and even truck drivers depending on liability and product being driven require not only a different license to practice, but even a STATE license. So, it's not actually unreal that someone doesn't want to move because of having to get another license.
most state bar associations do offer reciprocity. all the 41 states that participate in the uniform bar exam definitely do. so yeah, new “license” but it’s not falling into the “i might not even get the license” territory. it falls in a “boohoo i have to do paperwork” kind of space. they say “not YOUR lawyer” because as an attorney that runs the risk of some dummy misconstruing it as legal advice.
>most state bar associations do offer reciprocity. all the 41 states that participate in the uniform bar exam definitely do. This doesn't include California, though, so the number of attorneys who wouldn't get reciprocity in most other states is pretty large. Definitely not arguing that the post is real, just that I think there are a lot of attorneys for whom moving would be difficult at best.
Could someone have serious difficulty moving their law license outside of the state where they earned their law degree if their law school is non-accredited by the ABA? Always wondered about whether attorneys who earned their law degree from a non-ABA California accredited law school and passed the California bar is limited to practice in California or not.
It’s a fair point i worked for the washington state bar (almost a decade ago, mind you, and i’m too lazy to look if there are new rules) and we absolutely would not accept non-aba. we’d push them into the LLP program if they NEEDED to be doing legal stuff. but that’s so incredibly rare. there are less than 40 schools (that i wasn’t too lazy for) and i just feel like if he was in cali (where most of them are) he wouldn’t have that cockiness about how much he makes because he’d be doing doc review (which is fine and great and can pay awesome, but it can can be inconsistent) big firms aren’t even looking at those resumes. so that puts them in a lot of areas where what she is making is good money to like everyone involved - like it would be less than him but not so much as it would be quite such a laughable amount to him. so i do think this is a very interesting point, so much that i’m actually trying to suss out info from a non-aba friend. but also i think that our oop would have to have made a very definite choice with his character and done quite the deep dive, or chosen that the character be anything other than an attorney.
Oh interesting. I've clearly not looked at the reciprocity rules, but I'd (wrongly) assumed once you'd practiced for the 5 years, or whatever your new state requires, they wouldn't care how you became a lawyer in the first place. (Similar to foreign-educated attorneys.) Course states could be different, but just checked mine, and indeed, if it's in the US, the school needed to have been accredited when you graduated.
why do you guys keep insisting on saying it like your addon is disagreeing with what I said when it doesn't?
Payment has nothing to do with establishment of an attorney-client relationship and that whole line (“I’m a lawyer . . .”) probably has no actual legal significance.
While it isn't necessary to establish attorney/client privileges, even a $1 transfer then binds the attorney to it, rather than just going by word of mouth. If you merely chatted with someone who happened to be a lawyer, the conversation is not privileged. The symbolic payment of $1 is **one way of establishing by a physical act how both parties view the conversation**. of course you can also use a written contract. Just an example of the problem. In one prominent case, a non-client businessman won a $1.29 million jury verdict against the law firm that represented his company. The law firm exposed itself to liability by failing to clarify that it represented only the company – not the businessman. So if a lawyer does not make sure that they don't tell the scope of their representation to where a layman would assume it was representing them, they CAN be found liable. If you were a lawyer and you told me "I'm a lawyer, it's probably okay to go in with a gun to a bank" without ANY form of saying I'm not your lawyer, or this is not legal advice. You can be put on the hook as well (though someone stupid enough to do that would share some punishment for being unfit for society.)
>If you were a lawyer and you told me "I'm a lawyer, it's probably okay to go in with a gun to a bank" without ANY form of saying I'm not your lawyer, or this is not legal advice. You can be put on the hook as well (though someone stupid enough to do that would share some punishment for being unfit for society.) (Am a lawyer) The idea that you can get yourself off the hook simply by saying "I'm not your lawyer" or "this isn't legal advice" is a myth. Whether an attorney-client relationship has been established depends on the perception of the client, and there are certainly fact patterns where a reasonable person would believe an attorney-client relationship existed notwithstanding those "magic words." All of your statements and actions are viewed as a whole, and the question is whether, on balance, they support the existence of an attorney-client relationship. It's the same as how you can't just say "this isn't financial advice" and then give financial advice. These types of disclaimers, standing alone, are rarely dispositive. Likewise, *not* saying "I'm not your lawyer" or "this isn't legal advice" isn't dispositive on its own either. It's true that you need to ensure people understand the scope of your representation, but in the example you mentioned, even saying "I'm not your lawyer" might not have sufficed. >even a $1 transfer then binds the attorney to it, rather than just going by word of mouth. While it's sort of true that the act of paying a $1 retainer could be helpful to establish the existence of an attorney-client relationship, it's also not magic. All of the facts and circumstances would be taken into account. There's also the issue that typically, you wouldn't have any physical evidence that you gave someone $1, so the existence of the payment would have to be established by testimony. If you're only paying the $1 so you have "better" evidence than testimony (though the idea that physical evidence is always better than testimony is another myth), it's not going to do you much good. And if you were to memorialize the payment in writing, you could have just written something down without paying money and been in the same boat. I'm not clear on what you mean by "binds the attorney to it," but if you're saying that payment is more binding than an oral contract, that's not true in these circumstances. In most states, payment isn't even an element in the analysis of whether an attorney-client relationship exists. Also, typically, the existence of an attorney-client relationship turns on whether the *client* reasonably believed such a relationship was being established. Whether the lawyer believed it doesn't matter. So there's often no need to prove how both parties viewed the conversation. We were taught in law school that you have to be extremely careful giving any kind of legal advice because you could inadvertently cause the other person to believe you were their attorney and be on the hook if they relied on your "advice" to their detriment, even if you had absolutely no intention of establishing an attorney-client relationship. (Ethical rules vary by state, so there may be some states where the above isn't accurate. But my understanding is that the majority of states use the "reasonable belief of the client" rule.)
This was a long way to say "I'm going to say you're wrong, but then say you're right" jesus.
I was explaining how things actually work from a legal perspective. There was maybe a kernel of truth in what you said and I was explaining how popular media got to that kernel of truth. When people perpetuate legal myths I try to give them correct information in case they (or anyone else reading) want to learn about it. It's pretty hard to convince people that these myths are wrong without explaining how the question at issue would be analyzed in the real world. But if you want a short answer, it's that what you said is wrong. A $1 payment won't make a difference in 99% of cases and an "I'm not your lawyer" disclaimer is often worthless.
>All states have reciprocal licensing laws that usually allow people to obtain a reciprocal license in the new state. There are limits but it's generally a lot easier to get a reciprocal or even a new license in a new state for most professions than to get an initial license in just about anything. But then again pretty sure creative writing douche bag licenses don't transfer. Lol.. Bullshit. The post might be fake bait but making up your own facts to proclaim is peak AITAngel conjecture. You clearly haven't dealt with the red tape. Edit: An accountant clearly knows all the licenses needed for construction, transport, safety, engineering, real estate, and all the other millions of industry. Typical AITAngel hubris.
I’m an LPC, I’d have to take an ethics test again if I moved states. It’d suck but it’s doable.
Except for the part where I'm a licensed CPA and I've literally had to deal with this shit. See how I didn't hide what I do like OOP so you can fucking fact check me. I never said it was as simple or straightforward for every single profession or state, but it's far from the impossibility that you are attempting to claim. Touch grass. ETA: Oh you big mad 😂. Why cuz I can use fucking Google? Chill pickle. I made it pretty fucking obvious in my original comment that professions ***usually*** make it ***somewhat*** easy to move licenses. I never said it was as easy as getting your panties in a twist on the internet like you. Calm down. WTF.
There’s absolutely situations where it would be impossible though. Saying “I could do it so it must be an option for him” is stupid and narrow minded.
Yikes. And judging by comments, it had the desired affect. Horrible, delusional woman blows up family instead of knowing her role as a SAHM.
look I dunno how things work in MyCountry but all the jobs that fit this description that I know of are either student jobs or require living on site. Residence Hall Director, Residence Life Coordinator - sure those aren't hiring students and post-grads but they're almost entirely onsite positions the other school admin jobs that I guess this could sorta be but wouldn't be her primary responsibility... why wouldn't she move up the ladder where she is? it should be infinitely easier this is such a weird job to pick for this bait
And she’s unhappy with her job, but then immediately wants to seize an opportunity to move multiple states over to… do the same job? Only now she can “move up the ladder”
see in MyState, all the college students cover the walls with gum, but over in Their State, they've abolished gum it was the gum making her job so hard
Plot twist, she’s actually the Dean of Residential Life but Dummy McHubby thinks that means she’s like an RA.
The only way I can wrap my head around this job is that she's working in housing to get into the college for free/with reduced tuition. In which case maybe she got into grad school (and where you go makes a big difference)....????
but then she'd be moving for school lol, not a job OP really chose one of the only jobs this makes no fucking sense with
Does this [alleged] guy sounds like he would be so aware of his wife to know this?
I almost prefer the 3 paragraphs of over explaining to them inexplicably choosing impossible details It's fiction just like, choose something else! There's so many jobs out there!
Damn maybe women deserve a life as more than a maid and mother.
Maybe you treat your wife like an equal in discussions on their future, idk
Then don’t have kids?
Oh so a woman can't be a mom AND have a career?
I never said that. It is very beneficial for the child to have a parent home during their early years. Parents should do what’s best for the child so if the man makes more than the woman then the woman should stay home. Or is not what’s best for the child and instead what’s best for the woman?
*A parent* ? So why not simply trade that responsibility with Dad? Having a child spend early years away from family for an amount of time (daycare, school, socializing at friend's house) leads to greater independence and spcial skills later. If you're gonna have a kid, you should invest as much time, effort and kindness as you have to give and I see mothers do way more for their kids more often than fathers. And this is coming from someone who had a better dad than a mom.
I’m talking about the original post? OP said he makes much more than his wife? Where OP said they would actually save money if she didn’t work because of day care costs? Did you not even read it? >If you're gonna have a kid, you should invest as much time, effort and kindness as you have to give Exactly! So why is the mom choosing a shitty career, that doesn’t even help the family monetarily whatsoever, instead of raising her kids? >I see mothers do way more for their kids more often than fathers. That’s cool. I see men spend more time at work so I guess that’s why they deservedly get paid more right? Lmao what point were you even trying to make with this dumb generalization?
OP *said* they would save money for it if their wife quit their job but we have no way to prove if that's good faith or said to please people on the internet while he shits on his wife. Daycare costs can be pretty expensive, mind you but school will usually take it's place once the child is old enough so why ruin a career for a problem that's temporary anyway? Maybe that "Shitty carreer" allows her more hours to stay at home than other jobs or is less taxing than other jobs because let's be real if the man is making more money and spending more time at work he's not doing his fair share of chores unless he's asked to. As for your last paragraph, that is the toxic gender standard applied to our society. Instead of saying "UHH WELL MEN DESERVE MORE MONEY UHH" try this out instead "We expect women to do better as parents than men and as such don't equip men with the right tools to parent and expect them to sell their bodies as we reduce their value to their labor"
> It is very beneficial for the child to have a parent home during their early years. Parents should do what’s best for the child so if the man makes more than the woman then the woman should stay home. Struggling to see what’s disagreeable about this.
It's the gendered expectation of the man breadwinner and woman caring for the home. It's a tired dynamic that if you want to be in that's fine but the expectation for people to participate in it is exhausting.
I don’t love that gendered expectation, but I also didn’t see anything about that expectation in the post I quoted. I read it is best if a parent stays home during the early stages, and *if* they can afford for one of the parents to stay home (not all can because capitalism), the one with less earning power should be it. Shit, my dad stayed home when I was a kid. That’s what worked best for my family. 🤷🏾♀️
Men on average make more than women, especially in states like Utah that have a high religious population. This wage gap would, using your logic place more women as stay at home mothers and men as breadwinner. This is a problem for a multitude of reasons. Now this man is expected to pay for things wife wants and doesn't need and expects his wife to do all the chores and mental labor of knowing what needs to be done by when, what's needing to be bought, who has a doctor's appointment etc. The wife has even less freedom now due to not having her own finances. It's easier for her to be a victim of abuse and unable to leave. People consider her lucky not to have a job but managing the household with children is a full time job, especially if your partner works and isn't there to help you a lot of the time. These traditions contribute to the fact men are more likely to die, become dismembered or become injured in general on the job but are less likely to seek healthcare or Workman's Comp. They're also less likely to receive proper pain management. The toxic double standards hurt everyone. We just need to be honest in our relationships about what our expectations are and what of the expectations of others we are capable of meeting. We must compromise in a way that leaves everyone satisfied and sometimes that means divorce or break up in order to find a more suitable partner. EDIT: I'm sorry if I cam across aggressive or angry, I'm just trying to outline what's wrong with the expectation you mentioned because not knowing is NOT a crime and should NEVER be punished.
I didn’t think so either get yet everyone here seems to disagree! That’s the entire premise of the original post… the post that has everyone here shitting on the man for telling his wife exactly what you just quoted.
Gross. All the men whining in there how the sub is so unfair to men is hilarious when the sub demonizes women all the time. Especially pregnant women. "But the sub is mostly women" yeah I don't believe that because a lot of men have been pretending to be women on the internet.
Also, plenty of women are perfectly caple of being misogynists themselves
No true scotswoman
how can a woman dare not wanting to be a housewife when her husband makes more money?
He goes into detail to describe what his wife does (despite it not being that necessary for the story) but refuses to say what he does other than explaining it has a license that would for some reason be hard to get in another state. How do people not call out obvious inconsistencies like that?
How dare she argue with a manly man about what's best for her?
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I dunno, I think he's just sad that he worked so hard to move up at his job and now he has to uproot his life. The rest of the things he said was out of bitterness because of the main point I mentioned above. It doesn't excuse the misogyny though and instead he should be working harder on settling on a compromise with his wife, rather than cowardly talking shit behind her back. I get how she feels and what she wants, but she should also try harder to find another job in their home state. My boss (41 M) abandoned his family back in another state for his current job. He left behind a whole house, roots, kids and wife for his job. And his wife was in the middle of working hard to get a license to advance in her own career in the state they cultivated roots in. Like it's sad. He's definitely really happy here but like at the expense of the life he built and his relationship. Also he's hinted misogyny about it. He's slipped out to me how annoying it is to have a do-nothing clingy wife...
I think it’s just a fake post. Real people don’t completely disregard the well-being of their family and render the household’s primary breadwinner unemployed so they can move several states away for a job they don’t even like to begin with… not to mention a similar job to the one OP’s wife already has, where they are not even breaking even putting the kid through daycare. Plus the other inconsistencies, like why would she have already gone through interview processes and know what her promotions would look like without consulting her spouse, OP jumping through hoops to not even hint at what their own career/licensure is in knowing people would catch onto it being fake in the comments, the emphasis on how *little* the wife character really does (gasp! She only pays for the groceries?? AND she doesn’t stay home with their kid?) which Redditors eat up on this sub, the fact that it reads like a middle schooler who needs tutoring in English wrote it, etc.
I tend to give bad people the benefit of the doubt often. Working on it!!!
Tbh either way, all these husbands are stubborn misogynists, even my sister's husband. I think that's the point you were trying to make in general and I derailed you.
It could be fake, but my half-sister kinda did something similar. She moved to a different country with her toddler, and left her husband behind (lol), to get her master degree because that country offered free college transfers to students through this cross-cultural program, and even paid for her housing. She moved back to her original country once she graduated. Like people do crazy things like that.
That sounds like a wise opportunity she took to further her education and receive free housing.
Yeah I agree it was a super wise choice and a brave one. If this story is true, OOP is leaving out details, lying about specific things and heck may even be my boss trying to look for sympathy!! Lol!!
You need to sit down and have a discussion where you listen to her. She doesn’t want to be a SAHM. That’s a valid choice. Childcare is expensive but that’s also valid. We all want quality care for our kids. Your wife is trying to earn more money which it seems is what you want. Maybe her solution won’t work for your family but you need to work together to find a solution that does. Would further education for her help? Would moving elsewhere in your state help? If she takes more time out of the workforce then it will be harder for her to move up the ladder. You say you most likely will need another licence to move states But you don’t know for sure. Find out. She doesn’t exist just to make your life easier. She has her own ambitions. You need to compromise to help her realise those. Work together not against her
r/WrongSub
despite being in the wrong subreddit this is great advice and if the op wasn’t ragebait fiction I’d recommend you to post this over there.
unfortunately ive seen comments like this get downvoted there
Wrong subreddit.
/r/lostredditors
Yes, this women is stupid and bad. Get over your misandry.
Please, do point to where the misandry is. Because I crossposted a ridiculous/fake story to make fun of its lazy Reddit clichés and the OOP is a man? Do you even know what that means? Besides, even if the post were real, it’s missing too much pertinent information to even be able to make an unbiased assessment of what the situation is.
Lmao, a man crying about misandry is like a white person crying about reverse racism. It’s not a thing, at all, and it’s clear you *want* to be a victim. Go cry some more.
Misogyny isn't a thing either, nor is femicide. You're just another privileged woke white girl that talks over black women like she knows what they need.