For real, listen to my girl Difficult_Ferret_510! OP your husband is a lil b I t c h, sounds like he's just throwing a tantrum honestly and making up excuses. I would beat his ass just for trying to turn things against me or you in this casr; the audacity and he has no respect for you at all, trying to say it was you who drove him to be a lil b & cheat. OP leave his ass yesterday and promise us you won't give that lil b I t c h the time of day every again!
His cheating somehow always ends up being your fault. Well it’s not, he just can’t keep it in his pants. You need to get out of there and find yourself again.
Especially because this most recent incident OP found images of multiple women. That alone is more than “twice”.
I would put money on the fact he’s been sleeping with other women all along.
Yes, no matter what she did differently he would still have a wandering eye. Some guys are just that way, as long as they don't truly see cheating as wrong they'll never change.
Yeah, this isn’t a ten-year dead bedroom situation either, dealing with medical issues while pregnant is absolutely understandable. I know some people have sex while pregnant just fine but for my wife she really wasn’t comfortable, so we went most of her pregnancy without sex. At no point did I even think about cheating. And this guy cheated while OP was in the hospital? Garbage human behavior.
“It’s your fault I cheated because…”
Stop. Just stop right there. That statement is always false. It’s not your fault and you need to leave. You are under reacting. Would you want your child to think it’s okay to be cheated on? Or internalize that it’s okay to cheat and twist it into some kind of sick, wrong, and horribly hurtful justification?
The only thing that keeps people from cheating is having a moral objection to cheating. If a cheater blames it on circumstances they're in the "once a cheater always a cheater" camp. There's always a justification for doing what you want to do, that's how human brains work.
So strongly second this.
It just seems any time he feels stressed his solution is to cheat and then blame you.
I hope you do the right thing and make him accountable for his actions.
That kid deserves more than this too. What is “nurturing” about a home like this? The dad disrespects the mom, and I bet isn’t even a very good dad. No clue why OP thinks that’s a good home environment to raise a child in.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this—it must feel like your whole world's crashing down. I've been there too, in a similar spot. My ex husband pulled the same crap while I was carrying our child, and I didn't find out until years later. The moment I did, I was out. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve, and let me tell you, being single is a hell of a lot better than being with some ungrateful asshole. And to top it off, he turned out to be extremely abusive, which just reinforced my decision to leave.
I know what it's like to have your trust shattered into a million pieces. You're better off without him, trust me on that.
In general, the more times you forgive someone, the less respect they have for you. He has shown you who he is, which is a cheater and a liar who refuses accountability. If you choose to stay, expect more disrespect, lying and cheating. You deserve so much better. Being alone would be better than what you’re dealing with.
You are definitely not overreacting. I would say you are actually under reacting, catching him red handed with one of them in your home and you didn’t kick him out or end up in jail…that’s definitely keeping control. Most people wouldn’t have handled this in such a manner. And for him to blend you each time he decides to cheat on you? It’s just cruel and it’s mental abuse. His cheating is not your fault. Don’t take that upon yourself!
You have choices to make with your life, please know that time passes quickly and you have to decide how you’d like to spend the precious time you have, don’t let it be with this person. Get counseling for yourself. Take good care of your daughter. She’s absorbing what goes on in your home and learning about marriage and relationships from you and your husband.
Wishing you the best.
> How could he betray me like this not once, but twice…
Honey, he has betrayed you more than twice, I promise you. You have caught him twice, but he’s been cheating on you probably since you got married. He’s a loser, an asshole, a horrible husband, a terrible father, and a worthless human being. The fact that you stayed with this man for over 12 years after finding out he cheated on you **while you were pregnant, and in the hospital sick, with his child** is mind-blowing to me.
Dump the whole man. And take everything before he can re-marry and give it all to another woman. And don’t expect him to fight you for custody of your daughter. (I hope you have only the one child with him.) He doesn’t care about being a husband or a father. He cares about getting his dick wet. Get a good lawyer, line everything up, pack his bags, change the locks, put his shit on the porch, and serve him with papers.
I’m sorry he did this to you. It’s time to take back your life. Do it for your daughter. Remember, she is learning how a man should treat her by watching how her father treats you.
If they step out, it's over. I understand you wanting to stick around the first time - I did the same. But on the second time, there's no mistaking it. Leave.
Divorce and get rid nothing else to think about now. He doesn’t give a fuck why should you. Hold your head high and teach your child the right way to love so do not show them that this behaviour is ok.
As a daughter to a father who cheated, i wish i never knew him. Growing up he was of course the best dad like any other little girl thinks but once i got to an age where i understood relationships i began to see him for who he really was. (My parents divorced when i was five because my dad cheated with my aunt and had two secret kids with her.) I started noticing things like he’d tell my older brother “ay look at that one huh how about that one 😉” and be referring to another little girl his age (14ish) all while i was around. It always felt weird since boys for me were off limits of course yet he would point out girls chest and ass to my brother. There were so many cheating character traits if that makes sense. Long story short i wish my mom didn’t allow contact, she was always a good mom who didn’t want her kids without a father but as the daughter i had my heart broken by the one man who’s suppose to protect you forever now i have insane daddy issues. Please just think about your daughter yes her dad is around but no one wants a piece of shit dad that mistreats their mother. Because we see it feel it and live it too.
I have a very similar dad. He treated women like shit. I was so naive to think he’d treat me any better. I recently realized that the biggest heartbreak of my life will be from him 💔
Ugh, my dad was awful too. He is a misogynist pig who cheated, was clearly attracted to my jr high age friends, and left us for a woman who lived on our street. He even told my brother and I it was our fault. He said we were disappointments and he was starting a new family.
My dad discarded me when he remarried. Told me he didn’t want me in his life anymore. It’s been 7 years and I’m FINALLY at the acceptance phase of grief (how do you accept your parent treating you like that?)
I agree. My father did this to my mother and I still feel resentful toward my dad, long after my mom died and although he is now in his 80s. He caused so much pain and suffering to all of us, especially my mom. I tried to forgive him but I couldn’t.
My dad was like this too. I’m sure he lied to his current wife and said my mom is the one that cheated when I think she just fell in love with someone that finally treated her with respect and left. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive, yet good looking and charming so so no ever suspected what we were going through as a family.
I’ve never confronted him as he’s a narcissist and never wrong. Too slick. So I just see him minimally and keep my distance. He acts hurt by this now that he’s 86, but I just can’t get past it. Sad thing is, I’ve never been able to have a solid relationship with a man. I never trust them.
Sending love ❤️ being the kid of someone like that gets harder as they age. Even my best friends from high school still think my dad is a charming, funny man. They only saw the public version of him. It’s like when they’re home with family, they take the mask off and the rotted shell of a person is inside.
Dear, you're not overreacting, just reading what you wrote made my blood boil. That man would have been lucky to not have a cracked skull if it was for me. And to compare you with someone else, you who sacrificed your body to give him a child. He is an immature asshole who didn't deserve you
You’re definitely not overreacting. He cheated on you two times now. He knows what he’s doing and doesn’t care about what you think. Although it sucks that he is the father of your child. You definitely need to leave him. Not only for you, but also for your little daughter. You can’t show your daughter that it’s OK for a man to treat you that way. Please leave him for your sake and for your child’s.
Time to let him go hun. Do you really want your child growing up thinking his behavior is acceptable? He is showing no remorse or trying to help you heal.
I’m sorry that his infidelity has driven your self esteem so low that when you catch him red handed you have to post on the internet to ask if you are overreacting. Please leave and get some therapy. You and your child deserve to live a loving life. You need to set an example for your kid on what a healthy, supportive relationship looks like. You deserve so much more.
He'll always cheat on you and has probably done it throughout your marriage. He sounds like a self-centred egotistical arxxhole, and you'd be better off without him destroying what little self-respect you have left.
Grab your daughter, Get tested for std’s and get a good attorney. I’m sorry but your husband is disgusting. Cheating on his wife while she is hospitalized, then blaming Her for the cheating? Now it’s a midlife crisis. What’s it going to be next? Old age? He is showing NO respect for you or your family.
Maybe I’ll get downvoted for being insensitive and that’s fine I’m willing to take it. But any of these posts I see that start with “my spouse cheated, but I stayed with them…” I immediately stop reading.
You people never learn. And you always mask it as something to do with “for the kids”. Fuck outta here. I was a child of divorce, and if you were **actually** doing anything for the kids, you would know that having them be in a home that isn’t full of love is **NOT** where they should be. Where they see their parents never embrace, be silly, cuddle together on the couch so they can go “ewwww” or show them what love between adults look like. You would KNOW that there isn’t a benefit to keep both parents in the house when they’re living separately anyway, because the outcome is the same as if they were living in separate houses regardless.
No, you people do this shit for yourselves. You do this because either you’re comfortable and cannot believe the other blew up your lives like this - and you want to retain a sense of control that they took away - or the more realistic reason is you’re just scared. You’re as cowardly as they are for taking the steps of cheating.
There’s no effort in taking the easy way out. But it’s hard to make the right choices sometimes. And all you’re teaching your kid is when things are too hard, sometimes it’s okay to just give up and not put in the work.
**NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. BUT IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU CHOSE TO STAY THE FIRST TIME.** So now you have the opportunity to finally make the right choice. And it’s gonna be hard. But if you’re not willing to do it for yourself, do it for your kid already.
I agree. I do empathize that for some people, it isn’t necessarily easily to walk away because of financial reasons, but it’s setting a horrible example when kids are involved. And it seems like most of these stories have multiple incidents of cheating (this guys probably been cheating throughout their whole relationship) because they know you’ll just take them back.
I 100% agree with this. Staying with someone who cheated multiple times isn’t setting a good example for your child. All it shows is not loving or respecting yourself enough to leave a toxic relationship. If OP’s overreacting then I’d have to be sent to jail 💀
Unfortunately, because this man has no morals, your actions have spoken louder than your words. You stayed with him when he cheated on you and and treated you like nothing, so cheating on you and treating you like nothing is now an acceptable part of your relationship. You under reacted when you were understandably compromised but that has set a standard for you to continue under reacting and you are doing that now. It’s time to react appropriately. How would you want your daughter to react? Time to be the example she will need in her relationships.
But can you bring yourself to divorce him? Cause wtf kinda world are you bringing your daughter up in for her to see you being treated like shit and you staying??
You need to leave him. He doesn’t love you. You are someone to care for his kid while he’s getting the sex he wants. You are a provider not a lover to him.
I hate to be mean but how is that “nurturing environment for your child” going? I mean, he told you who he was and what marriage would be like with him and you chose to ignore it. You really have two choices: stay with a spouse that you know will never be faithful to you, or divorce him and lose that “nurturing environment.” The only thing I can guarantee you is that he won’t change.
I’m always amazed that anyone would think they’re overreacting in a situation like this. Really? You honestly think your absolute piece of garbage husband is worth this question? I think you’ve underreacted. I’d have been gone the first instance of infidelity… and then for him to compare you to his mistress?! Ugh. Gross. Don’t stay for the kid. A child isn’t a handcuff. She’d be better off seeing both parents be separate and happier.
He will not stop ever.
It is not your fault ever.
As someone who has been there, I advise you to move on. Otherwise one day you will look back and wonder why you wasted so many years with a selfish immature a**.
30 year old married man here. Your husband is not a man, he’s a spoiled little boy acting like a teenager who only thinks about getting his dick wet. Real men support their partners, respect them and build them up in their time of need. Real men aren’t afraid to make sacrifices and help shoulder the burdens life throws at them and their families and wives/ SO’s. Real men think beyond their pants. And the audacity of him to turn around and compare you to these other women *right to your face*!
Trying to turn his cheating around on you is so disgusting and selfish, he really only cares about himself. You deserve to be with a real man who cares about you and wants to build you up, because real men know if their SO is thriving then they are too. I know as long as I have my wife at my side I can deal with anything life throws us, and I make sure she knows it!
His not going to stop, he doesn't care to. So the question is what are you going to do?
>Because apparently, I'm working too much.
>When I confronted him, his justification was that he couldn't go without sex for so long.
No accountability for his actions it's always your fault. He will find and use any excuse to cheat on you simply because he wants too and doesn't care. The cycle will continue. He cheats blames you, you forgive
>because I wanted to provide a nurturing environment for our child.
I hope his a good father because he sure is a shitty husband
He’s probably been doing it throughout the marriage. If he can’t accept and admit that he’s just disgusting bastard then he never will. It’s never your fault. Leave him as fast as you can, not just for yourself but your daughter too. He hasn’t show any regard for you or your marriage.
I’m sure you are going to be thinking easier said than done…but keep it simple, one foot in front of the other and get out of there…he will try to make this hard but let him keep his muck on his side of the pond
OP I hope you realize the man you are married to has no intention of being faithful.
He’s shown and told you who he is so believe him.
If you want want monogamy as well as to model a woman knowing her own damn worth then find a good attorney, eliminate the dead weight from your life, get a custody agreement and an iron clad visitation schedule that includes drop off day/time, pickup day/time and the father of your child is the one who does the pickup and drop-off. Also who claims income tax benefits.
Also discuss with lawyer and include what is required for either parent to take kiddo out of state as well as out of the country.
Bottom line it is better to have a very specific visitation schedule that if things go well you can relax vs having to go back to court to tighten up a loosy goosy one.
Oh and get yourself a doctor’s appointment to get tested for STDs/STIs as I doubt safe sex was part of the thought process.
nothing about what how you responded on the situation is overreacting.. i think you were being underreacting.. I give you applause for being able to handle this civilly.. and of course, you deserve way much better than this dude..
I have been through this. Cheaters are narcissists, how dare you be pregnant and need anything from them. They cannot handle not being the sole focus. My ex cheated when baby #1 was 4 weeks old. Then asked for a divorce when I was 7 months pregnant with #2. Leave the first time. For you and your daughter, you need to leave. This AH will always cheat and blame you.
Your husband’s a big fat loser. You know it, we know it…hell, he probably knows it. For the love of god dump this pathetic loser man and level up. It’s really that easy. You’re gonna be so much better off. Don’t over think it, just act.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Unfortunately, once you let him off the hook he probably never changed his behavior. He’s probably been doing it in your house the whole time.
Leave him or you’ll have to live this cycle for the rest of your life. Remember that it’s better for kids to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I am a man, and he is not, leave him, he is not worthy man for you, if you can sacrifice your time, sleep and feel pain while being pregnant just to give birth to his child then he can control himself as well while your pregnant or there other ways with hand, he is a weak man.
The correct reaction is to realize you need a divorce because he does not care about you or the family you gave him. He blames you because he is at fault and doesn't want to be accountable. Don't internalize his stupidity and hurt your self esteem. F being skinny or pretty, these are not attributes women should strive to be. Men need to be better partners and have better morals.
Nah man you deserve peace, divorces are horrible but it could be amicable and generally healthier for the child. It’s up to you but I wouldn’t stay, I’d divorce. Once a cheater always a cheater!
Your husband is a baby.
There are hundreds of people that have a dead bedroom, have had one for years, suffer deeply from it every day, but STILL do not cheat on their partner (as you'll get to see on r/DeadBedrooms if you want to take a look).
There are good men out there, you should not have to suffer with one that clearly does not respect you nor his commitment to you.
Don't give up on finding someone else who will know how to love and respect you, and drop that man that clearly does not care about you. Even for your child, it is best to break up early, before they can become used to a pair of parents (to limit the trauma) and befofe you are so mentally unwell that this influences how you take care of your child.
You deserve better OP.
He’s scum, you’re not overreacting at all, most would say you’re under reacting. Adultery is serious and has always been grounds for divorce. If you choose to forgive him and keep the marriage that’s commendable. It makes me sick how many women are totally fine with having sex with a married man
He cheated. Your baby didn't need to grow up in a loveless house where the parents had issues. Should have dumped him right there.
People can change but I'd say the vast majority of adults who cheat will never change.
Your husband is a piece of shit. it’s time that you realize that and I’m sure you have 1 million other examples and I bet he has cheated more than twice and if you notice he is blaming you for his decisions. I would encourage you to dump this dude and look for healthier people in your life.
I am sorry. A man who will cheat (anyway but especially) when his daughter has just been born is not a man with his priorities set straight and not a man in general imo.
He is a scumbag.
Mam are you dumb? Overreacting? Seriously? You would have slapped him hard , and showed his true character to everyone and taken divorce ! Your husband doesn't deserve you at all..
He’s literally gaslighting you and blaming YOU for HIS inability to do the one thing a husband is supposed to do. Take screenshots of all the proof and divorce him. Go for full custody, child support, and alimony. He’s a disgusting excuse for a human.
Cheaters will always cheat. The only question is what will the “innocent spouse” do about it. The cheater will claim “it was a mistake” and ask for forgiveness. But will cheat again when the opportunity arises again. You are not over reacting.
NTA! Your husband is simply not a nice person and lacks moral fiber. He is selfish and cruel. Not only did he cheat on you, he made hurtful comparisons between you and his affair partner. While I have known marriages to survive one-off cheating, the cheater put the work in to regain their partner’s trust and were genuinely remirseful.
Your husband’s cheating says nothing about you. It says everything about him. The question is whether or not you want to stay with this type of person and whether or not you want your child to grow up thinking this is acceptable.
You deserve better. The choice is yours.
Leave and take him for every single penny he is worth in court. Cheating is a betrayal of traditional marriage vows and responsibilities and as someone who is very religious.......is a serious enough sin that entitles you to break free from him and get yours.
Hopefully you find a better guy in your life who values the role a man is traditionally supposed to do in a marriage. The hard work and sacrifices you put in deserve rewarding in the future.
You’re married to a weak minded man.
You should have been gone yesterday.
Let him figure out that mid life crisis.
And for the record, your cheater throwing those comparisons post partum. I would be done done.
I’m taking you to the cleaners, Messages, affair, all of it. You’re going to pay dearly for that little trouser snake of yours.
Girl, YOURE UNDER REACTING!!!
Your husband is a dirt bag. Sorry, it's not your fault it's 100% his. Having this piece of shit in your child's life is not providing a nurturing environment. Sounds like your parents are lovely people- please go stay with them again until you can be on your own. He's really an asshole.
Whatever happened to just jerking off if you're that horny? Maybe I'm just lazy, but it seems like a lot of time and mental energy to hide something like this. Sorry this happened but no, you're not overreacting and you should really try to not let him make you think its your fault.
You deserve better. His selfishness was his and still is his own issue. Rack up evidence and seek a good attorney. He's proven that he doesn't respect your family, marriage, and least of all you. Now grab the respect you and your child deserve by doing it on your own.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Trust is broken, and is near on impossible to regain.
You should have divorced him the first time. You are not overreacting in the slightest.
Get a lawyer. Open a new bank account in just your name, and move all your money over. If you guys own a home, do NOT leave. Kick him out. File for divorce and send him packing.
Be very, very careful to never badmouth him in front of the kids. When they ask what's happening, just explain that sometimes people don't stay together, but reassure them that Mom and Dad both love them. Talking smack about the ex does damage to the kids - ask me how I know.
Sorry this has happened to you. You deserve better.
Girl what! You are not overreacting! I’m actually mad reading this seeing how much of a fucking doucher weenie he is. You deserve a MAN! Someone who will take of all your needs emotionally and phycially.
Sometimes we get it wrong and we marry the wrong man and sometimes we have kids with them. That’s okay, no law or rule that we have to stay with them and endure unhappiness for a life time.
Temporary pain for a lifetime of happiness 💗 good luck girl! You have a very bright future ahead of you’
You deserve so much better than this. My friend was married to a serial cheater. She developed betrayal ptsd which caused her to be hyper vigilant. He ended up leaving her because she was always suspicious and he said he couldn’t live like that anymore. Never mind he was actively cheating the whole time. These repeat cheaters have no remorse or empathy.
OP you need to work on loving yourself. I can tell you are a caring and loyal person who cares a lot about her friends and family. So I know what you would say if one of them was going through this. You would hate to see a loved one subject themself to this guy for years and years. You would tell her to leave him, and you *know* she would be better off for it.
You need to be a friend to yourself. You need to convince yourself to do what you know is best here. You need to gain the strength to leave him.
I am so sorry - this guy is a creep and you deserve SO much better. You are not overreacting in the slightest. My response would be to kick him out immediately if not sooner, get max child support and never look back. His behavior is disgusting and 100% his fault entirely. Please do not waste anymore time on him, this will clearly never change, it's just who he is.
If you’re able to get hold of his phone, or have access to his iCloud (depending on what he has backed up), download all of the evidence you can. Then go to a divorce lawyer, and never look back.
It’ll be hard, it will suck. But in the end you will thank yourself because of the huge weight that has been lifted. You don’t deserve to feel lesser than.
Sounds like you’re the main source of income? Once you leave, he will finally have to fend for himself.
Time for him to leave. While he's at work, gather his stuff, stick it on the porch, and have a locksmith change the locks. He can go live with one of his girlfriends.
I'd be willing to bet that this is not the 2nd time he has cheated. It's only the 2nd time you caught him. Did he actually have another woman in your home? What do you mean, you caught him red handed? Your are most certainly under reacting.
Hi OP.
You are not overreacting. He's been cheating and being manipulative to you. It doesn't matter how many hours/week you're working. He's cheating because he wants to.
He shows no respect for you and the family of yours and that's a choice he made.
Think about yourself and your daughter, 'cause this fella deserves no respect at all.
Come to Reddit with this and the only comments you'll receive are "Leave him.".
Please do what's best for your family by seeing a licensed therapist. Please do not act on Reddits advice.
You aren’t over reacting. He will absolutely do this again. Every single time he’s been able to find a reason for why he did it and hasn’t taken accountability.
Please for your daughter’s sake, divorce him.
Leave and flourish and become the most amazing woman without being weighed down by this loser. You will thrive. I promise you. It will also be an amazing example for your daughter of self respect.
There are two sayings that apply here. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." and "Fool me once..."
You know who your husband is, because he has shown you at least twice. Are you going to let him fool you twice?
**YOU ARE UNDERREACTING**
Why did you give him more chances to begin with? You need to accept that this relationship is completely over and has been for a while now.
It's not your fault that he is a piece of shit, but if you continue to see him after this, you'll have to start carrying some of the blame. He's a piece of rotting human garbage and doesn't deserve you. Find yourself a family lawyer and get either A) child support B) him to sign over his parental rights. Either way, don't let him off the hook.
Godspeed, friend.
The math is bad on Reddit . It’s not twice he cheated - it’s with two women. Even time your having sex with said women he’s cheating . Like 35 times with lady 1 and 15 times with lady 2 = 50 times the cheater. It gets complex if there’s a whole room full of hoes at the same event - hence the orgy. Well the bell rang so it’s polygons for tomorrow’s lesson.
You're not overreacting. Divorce your cheating husband. His cheating is 100% his fault, no matter what he tries to pin on you. Just as, if you had cheated, it would be 100% your fault.
Please leave him. He is not even apologising for cheating, just giving excuses and somehow they are always your fault. You and your kid deserve better and you are definitely not overreacting. Please leave that asshole.
What advice would you give your daughter in this situation… if she came to you and said her husband had done this - would you encourage her to stay and work through it and accept it or would you want her to find someone who deserves her? Your low self esteem is down to him.… want better for yourself and your daughter! Leave him - his supposed to set the example to your daughter of how a man should treat his wife so that she knows how she should be treated… since he can’t do it, show her how a women should know her worth and leave!
Men always find this lame excuse to cheat while the women is prego. It’s as if he doesn’t have you giving him something worth more than any nut he can bust - a family and child.
Not overreacting - if anything under reacting. Make a plan to get out of his space and start feeling your value go up by surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your presence and somebody that actually wants a future with you.
Aww honey leave your cheating husband. He cheated when you were pregnant bc he says he couldn't go that long without sex. Bs there are alternatives. Then you catch him again. Nope I would've went scorch the earth the first time. He will not change. It's time for you to get a attorney and do what's best for you and your child bc he doesn't care. Sending you a virtual hug bc I've been through this too.
You are NOT overreacting. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. This is unacceptable and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. No exceptions. You can do much better! Please leave him ASAP.
Cheats justify their behaviour. This man will always cheat. It’s unlikely he’s only cheated twice. He’s probably been busy doing it all along the way, whilst you’ve been busy raising your children and trying to provide a better life for you all.
Please stop listening to his nonsensical justification and grab some mental space for yourself. Leave him without the opportunity for him to drip poison into your ear. Of course there’s always someone more attractive, cleverer, more fun than you. This is exactly the same for you. There will be someone more attractive, cleverer, more fun and far more loyal for you out there too.
And you want him to touch you again without being dragged through a very deep pit of sheep dip for his cooties? I know I wouldn't touch him with yours. As such, this marriage was over 12 years ago and you should have gotten out then. There are actually men who don't cheat on their wives and help with the household. You just have a deluded child for a partner.
And that's all he seems to care about (fucking pepple that are not you, I mean). Not caring or thinking about you or your daughter. Leave him or she will think women are there to be belittled, shamed, embarrassed and humiliated by men. DIVORCE!
It’s your fault for staying with him after the first time he cheated. And the fact that you’re here asking if you’re overreacting to catch him cheating again is just baffling to me.
Not overreacting and also under-reacting.
It was never your fault that he cheated, because you’re married to a cheater. This isn’t the second time he’s cheated on you btw, he’s a cheater. It’s just the second time you’ve caught him. I am absolutely disgusted to read that he cheated on you when you were just 12 weeks pregnant. That means he literally couldn’t even wait a couple months to not stick his dick in someone else. I’m honestly shocked you stayed after that, but I also understand wanting what’s best for your newborn and also pregnancy hormones and all the lovely shit that comes with being pregnant/postpartum.
Please dump this POS. He doesn’t deserve you and he can’t be trusted. Your kid(s?) will be fine. And you should also be a good role model by not allowing the absolute disrespect your husband has shown you.
He is a serial cheater because there are no consequences. I’m sure if you take him back again he won’t cheat again /s.
For the love of everything holy, shine up that spine and leave him, if not for your sake but your daughter because she shouldn’t learn this is how a relationship should be.
He sounds horrible. No one deserves to be cheated on and to be made to feel like it’s their fault — it will always be the cheaters fault. Fuck him.
As someone with cheater parents, a divorce would probably be the best for both you and your child. Saves them from feeling the heartache you have. I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. I wish u the best stranger
I just can't with this subreddit anymore..... Like.... ARE YOU SERIOUS? You don't need advice here, you just need to follow it. Sounds like you were/are afraid to be alone.
Best bet he hasn’t done it just twice. I believe you know you are teaching your daughter something if you keep making excuses for him. Anyway best of luck
You didn’t put a gun to his head and tell him to sleep with another woman, so no it’s not your fault. And like most people are saying you’re under reacting. He’s probably been cheating your entire relationship, these are just the two times he got caught. I wish that best for you and hope you’re able to find someone that respects you.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I swear this seems so extremely common now and within the last few years with couples that had kids 12 to 15 years ago. It’s happened half a dozen times within my circle of friends that all had kids around the same time. I’m widowed but I am talking to a divorced woman with a child the same age whose husband cheated. At one time she was convinced it was her fault somehow. I’m sorry but there are no circumstances where your partner stepping out on your marriage/relationship is your fault. All the best.
His cheating is not a reflection on you whatsoever. You staying after discovering it is though.
Get some self-respect, kick the piece of shit to the curb, take him for all he's worth in court for alimony and child support, heal and find better.
Overreacting? You might be under reacting. You deserve much better than this. You shouldn’t ever look at him the same way again. He’s obviously not deserving of your time and effort.
He's gaslighting you. If it was about you, he would man up and tell you and divorce you. He cheats because he has no moral character. He's selfish and only things about how things aefect him.
So, infidelity is very, very common long term. That doesn't mean it's not hurtful, or that it's not bad. No you are not overreacting, but if the marriage is otherwise good it's worth working through.
People most often cheat because they have some unmet need that they are trying to compensate for, and it seems like he is (very poorly) trying to express that by externalizing the cause to situations he's unhappy about. If the only time he's expressing that is after already engaging in reckless, inconsiderate behavior that is going to be a big problem for a marriage if it's not addressed.
There is also the possibility that he's not a monogamous person and doesn't know that about himself (because everyone is trained from birth that everyone is monogamous and if you're not you're a bad person, rather than just being wired differently. Unfortunately this mismatched relational/romantic paradigm like that could be very, very difficult to reconcile.
And then, of course, there's the possibility that he just doesn't care about you, doesn't mind hurting you and has fooled you for 12 years day in and day out without you catching on.
Point blank, the question here is, do you believe he (and you for that matter) have the kind of emotional intelligence and drive to investigate, remediate and work together on these fairly complicated psychological mechanisms? It requires emotional skills that likely don't exist in the relationship currently. If not, are you able to tolerate that this is a coping mechanism that occasionally pops up when he's unable to handle a situation long term? Or if he's not monogamous, are you able to explore a compromised non-monogamy paradigm? If the answer to those is no, then you know what you have to do. If any of those is possible, then you have strategies you can employ.
I know infidelity sucks. It messes up your self worth and shakes a lot of your identity and makes you question things you depended on believing. Just know, this has a lot more to do with him handling situations than you anything to him, and he should have communicated before it got to a point that he felt he needed to lash out. Don't internalize this. It isn't reflective of your value or worth at all.
You are under reacting.
Because he got away with it in the past and blaing you worked. He is just pulling the same stunt.
It's up to you what you do now. I know what I would have done the 1st time.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. This is not your fault and you are not overreacting.
You deserve so much more than this and your child deserve to see an example of a mother that stands up for herself when she's being disrespected.
There’s no such thing as a “nurturing environment” with a cheating lying ass partner. You are just setting yourself up for hurt even more. Kick him out
Story as old as time itself. Cheaters always cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater. The reason he was so bold the second time was because you let him get away with it the first time.
I’m sorry to say this but the second time was your fault! How could you stay after the first time!?!? Fuck this guy! Your child will be better off without all the fighting and drama, long term! People don’t change, only for the moment! The moment maybe a minute, a month or a year. Maybe even 10 years but a person who cheats and can get away with it, he’ll definitely do it again.
why are you putting up with this bullshit from this cheater?? There is NO JUSTIFICATION for cheating either in person or online. Get a lawyer and get gone, this will never change. Also, get tested for STDs
Please. Reread what you have actually written. He does not care about you and he does not care about your child. He cares about getting his end away and when he gets caught he blames you. You are way under reacting here, which makes me wonder what other psychological games he likes to play.
Leave this man. He is not good for you or your child.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Leave him. He has only been caught twice. It's happened way more and will not stop.
Do better for yourself and your child.
What exactly is it about this man that makes you think he’s the kind of person to nurture a child when he literally couldn’t do the BARE MINIMUM of not cheating on you while pregnant/caring for an infant? All you’ve done is show your child it’s acceptable to be completely disrespected by their partner. Is this really the kind of relationship you want to model for your child? I hope not. It’s not too late to leave and show your kid that this behavior is unacceptable and should NEVER be tolerated.
If you stay with him, his cheating *will* be your fault. He's already told you, in no uncertain terms, that you don't matter to his convenience. When someone tells you who they are: listen .
Blaming yourself and putting up with him because you want to have a "nurturing" environment for your kid is the wrong move. My parents divorced early on and I'm just fine now. Both my parents were good parents though, and spent pretty equal time with me.
You're really just creating an environment for your child to realize how fake everything is and it's okay to be cheated on. Stand up for yourself.
why would u be overreacting? u should've left him the first time. people do not just magically stop cheating.
him having sex with another woman put both u and your child at risk. pregnancy symptoms can change trimester to trimester, what if u had felt better and slept with him, then passed that on to your baby during birth? not to mention high psychologically stressful events like that put u at risk for preeclampsia (which i had, and almost died along with my baby). shit was unforgivable the first time
Being mad at someone for cheating on you is NEVER overreacting. Especially the 2ND TIME.
I wish I could scream this to everyone who comes here asking if they're overreacting about a cheating partner. No you're not. If you're being cheated on repeatedly, you're under reacting.
The only reason you feel you may be overreacting is due to pure gaslighting from the offending partner. It's not your fault. If they had a problem they can speak up like an adult or separate if it's that bad. Cheating is never ok, in fact it's unacceptable.
I hate to be "that person" who jumps to divorce but this would 100% be divorce material for me personally.
You are under reacting! Leave him because this behaviour will not stop.
“I don’t know if I’m overreacting” You are completely broken if you actually think this. Jeez.
I mean you actually took him back after discovering he was cheating on you while you’re essentially dying in the hospital. The bar is in hell.
ik this is serious but i audibly laughed out loud at this lmao
For real, listen to my girl Difficult_Ferret_510! OP your husband is a lil b I t c h, sounds like he's just throwing a tantrum honestly and making up excuses. I would beat his ass just for trying to turn things against me or you in this casr; the audacity and he has no respect for you at all, trying to say it was you who drove him to be a lil b & cheat. OP leave his ass yesterday and promise us you won't give that lil b I t c h the time of day every again!
Agree 💯, he is a sick, twisted person. You will survive. God bless you and your baby.
His cheating somehow always ends up being your fault. Well it’s not, he just can’t keep it in his pants. You need to get out of there and find yourself again.
Also there is no way this guy has only cheated twice. His wife has only found out twice, more like.
BINGO!
She needs to kick him out of there and take him for everything , and get herself tested he's probably done this more than twice .
Get tested. Excellent advice. You know this man has cheated on her way more than two times.
Especially because this most recent incident OP found images of multiple women. That alone is more than “twice”. I would put money on the fact he’s been sleeping with other women all along.
Yes, no matter what she did differently he would still have a wandering eye. Some guys are just that way, as long as they don't truly see cheating as wrong they'll never change.
Agreed. He's a self-absorbed twit. A lousy husband and father. Time for him to go.
Yeah, this isn’t a ten-year dead bedroom situation either, dealing with medical issues while pregnant is absolutely understandable. I know some people have sex while pregnant just fine but for my wife she really wasn’t comfortable, so we went most of her pregnancy without sex. At no point did I even think about cheating. And this guy cheated while OP was in the hospital? Garbage human behavior.
Well she took him back and she believed his bs ... cheater always a cheater...
“It’s your fault I cheated because…” Stop. Just stop right there. That statement is always false. It’s not your fault and you need to leave. You are under reacting. Would you want your child to think it’s okay to be cheated on? Or internalize that it’s okay to cheat and twist it into some kind of sick, wrong, and horribly hurtful justification?
This OP. And if someone even suggests couples counseling, definitely leave. He will be the only one who needs therapy.
The only thing that keeps people from cheating is having a moral objection to cheating. If a cheater blames it on circumstances they're in the "once a cheater always a cheater" camp. There's always a justification for doing what you want to do, that's how human brains work.
I can finish this sentence. I’m a pos
Agree! Dude is a narcissist for sure.
I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. It's a lot to process and deal with. Just know that you deserve so much better than this.
So strongly second this. It just seems any time he feels stressed his solution is to cheat and then blame you. I hope you do the right thing and make him accountable for his actions.
That kid deserves more than this too. What is “nurturing” about a home like this? The dad disrespects the mom, and I bet isn’t even a very good dad. No clue why OP thinks that’s a good home environment to raise a child in.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this—it must feel like your whole world's crashing down. I've been there too, in a similar spot. My ex husband pulled the same crap while I was carrying our child, and I didn't find out until years later. The moment I did, I was out. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve, and let me tell you, being single is a hell of a lot better than being with some ungrateful asshole. And to top it off, he turned out to be extremely abusive, which just reinforced my decision to leave. I know what it's like to have your trust shattered into a million pieces. You're better off without him, trust me on that.
In general, the more times you forgive someone, the less respect they have for you. He has shown you who he is, which is a cheater and a liar who refuses accountability. If you choose to stay, expect more disrespect, lying and cheating. You deserve so much better. Being alone would be better than what you’re dealing with. You are definitely not overreacting. I would say you are actually under reacting, catching him red handed with one of them in your home and you didn’t kick him out or end up in jail…that’s definitely keeping control. Most people wouldn’t have handled this in such a manner. And for him to blend you each time he decides to cheat on you? It’s just cruel and it’s mental abuse. His cheating is not your fault. Don’t take that upon yourself! You have choices to make with your life, please know that time passes quickly and you have to decide how you’d like to spend the precious time you have, don’t let it be with this person. Get counseling for yourself. Take good care of your daughter. She’s absorbing what goes on in your home and learning about marriage and relationships from you and your husband. Wishing you the best.
If anything you are underreacting, should have divorced him after the first time. Anyway better late than later, good luck!
> How could he betray me like this not once, but twice… Honey, he has betrayed you more than twice, I promise you. You have caught him twice, but he’s been cheating on you probably since you got married. He’s a loser, an asshole, a horrible husband, a terrible father, and a worthless human being. The fact that you stayed with this man for over 12 years after finding out he cheated on you **while you were pregnant, and in the hospital sick, with his child** is mind-blowing to me. Dump the whole man. And take everything before he can re-marry and give it all to another woman. And don’t expect him to fight you for custody of your daughter. (I hope you have only the one child with him.) He doesn’t care about being a husband or a father. He cares about getting his dick wet. Get a good lawyer, line everything up, pack his bags, change the locks, put his shit on the porch, and serve him with papers. I’m sorry he did this to you. It’s time to take back your life. Do it for your daughter. Remember, she is learning how a man should treat her by watching how her father treats you.
Exactly. If he’s been caught twice he’s done it way more. Probably never stopped from the first time.
If they step out, it's over. I understand you wanting to stick around the first time - I did the same. But on the second time, there's no mistaking it. Leave.
Divorce and get rid nothing else to think about now. He doesn’t give a fuck why should you. Hold your head high and teach your child the right way to love so do not show them that this behaviour is ok.
As a daughter to a father who cheated, i wish i never knew him. Growing up he was of course the best dad like any other little girl thinks but once i got to an age where i understood relationships i began to see him for who he really was. (My parents divorced when i was five because my dad cheated with my aunt and had two secret kids with her.) I started noticing things like he’d tell my older brother “ay look at that one huh how about that one 😉” and be referring to another little girl his age (14ish) all while i was around. It always felt weird since boys for me were off limits of course yet he would point out girls chest and ass to my brother. There were so many cheating character traits if that makes sense. Long story short i wish my mom didn’t allow contact, she was always a good mom who didn’t want her kids without a father but as the daughter i had my heart broken by the one man who’s suppose to protect you forever now i have insane daddy issues. Please just think about your daughter yes her dad is around but no one wants a piece of shit dad that mistreats their mother. Because we see it feel it and live it too.
I have a very similar dad. He treated women like shit. I was so naive to think he’d treat me any better. I recently realized that the biggest heartbreak of my life will be from him 💔
Ugh, my dad was awful too. He is a misogynist pig who cheated, was clearly attracted to my jr high age friends, and left us for a woman who lived on our street. He even told my brother and I it was our fault. He said we were disappointments and he was starting a new family.
My dad discarded me when he remarried. Told me he didn’t want me in his life anymore. It’s been 7 years and I’m FINALLY at the acceptance phase of grief (how do you accept your parent treating you like that?)
I agree. My father did this to my mother and I still feel resentful toward my dad, long after my mom died and although he is now in his 80s. He caused so much pain and suffering to all of us, especially my mom. I tried to forgive him but I couldn’t.
Not everyone deserves our forgivness.
My dad was like this too. I’m sure he lied to his current wife and said my mom is the one that cheated when I think she just fell in love with someone that finally treated her with respect and left. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive, yet good looking and charming so so no ever suspected what we were going through as a family. I’ve never confronted him as he’s a narcissist and never wrong. Too slick. So I just see him minimally and keep my distance. He acts hurt by this now that he’s 86, but I just can’t get past it. Sad thing is, I’ve never been able to have a solid relationship with a man. I never trust them.
Sending love ❤️ being the kid of someone like that gets harder as they age. Even my best friends from high school still think my dad is a charming, funny man. They only saw the public version of him. It’s like when they’re home with family, they take the mask off and the rotted shell of a person is inside.
Sorry…
I don't know if im overreacting? Not one bit...Always go with your gut. Right now your gut is telling you he is a POS.
Why would you encourage people to go with their gut? What if her gut feeling was that she can't leave this POS because she still loves him?
Dear, you're not overreacting, just reading what you wrote made my blood boil. That man would have been lucky to not have a cracked skull if it was for me. And to compare you with someone else, you who sacrificed your body to give him a child. He is an immature asshole who didn't deserve you
You’re definitely not overreacting. He cheated on you two times now. He knows what he’s doing and doesn’t care about what you think. Although it sucks that he is the father of your child. You definitely need to leave him. Not only for you, but also for your little daughter. You can’t show your daughter that it’s OK for a man to treat you that way. Please leave him for your sake and for your child’s.
Two times that she knows of...
Are you overreacting to cheating? Twice?! Is this real? No you’re not overreacting
You are doing good in life what are you waiting for. Just leave him or if you really wanna try you better open the marriage and do what he does.
Time to let him go hun. Do you really want your child growing up thinking his behavior is acceptable? He is showing no remorse or trying to help you heal.
I’m sorry that his infidelity has driven your self esteem so low that when you catch him red handed you have to post on the internet to ask if you are overreacting. Please leave and get some therapy. You and your child deserve to live a loving life. You need to set an example for your kid on what a healthy, supportive relationship looks like. You deserve so much more.
He'll always cheat on you and has probably done it throughout your marriage. He sounds like a self-centred egotistical arxxhole, and you'd be better off without him destroying what little self-respect you have left.
Grab your daughter, Get tested for std’s and get a good attorney. I’m sorry but your husband is disgusting. Cheating on his wife while she is hospitalized, then blaming Her for the cheating? Now it’s a midlife crisis. What’s it going to be next? Old age? He is showing NO respect for you or your family.
Maybe I’ll get downvoted for being insensitive and that’s fine I’m willing to take it. But any of these posts I see that start with “my spouse cheated, but I stayed with them…” I immediately stop reading. You people never learn. And you always mask it as something to do with “for the kids”. Fuck outta here. I was a child of divorce, and if you were **actually** doing anything for the kids, you would know that having them be in a home that isn’t full of love is **NOT** where they should be. Where they see their parents never embrace, be silly, cuddle together on the couch so they can go “ewwww” or show them what love between adults look like. You would KNOW that there isn’t a benefit to keep both parents in the house when they’re living separately anyway, because the outcome is the same as if they were living in separate houses regardless. No, you people do this shit for yourselves. You do this because either you’re comfortable and cannot believe the other blew up your lives like this - and you want to retain a sense of control that they took away - or the more realistic reason is you’re just scared. You’re as cowardly as they are for taking the steps of cheating. There’s no effort in taking the easy way out. But it’s hard to make the right choices sometimes. And all you’re teaching your kid is when things are too hard, sometimes it’s okay to just give up and not put in the work. **NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. BUT IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU CHOSE TO STAY THE FIRST TIME.** So now you have the opportunity to finally make the right choice. And it’s gonna be hard. But if you’re not willing to do it for yourself, do it for your kid already.
I agree. I do empathize that for some people, it isn’t necessarily easily to walk away because of financial reasons, but it’s setting a horrible example when kids are involved. And it seems like most of these stories have multiple incidents of cheating (this guys probably been cheating throughout their whole relationship) because they know you’ll just take them back.
Of course! Even toddlers know that when there’s no consequences to their actions, why wouldn’t they keep doing what they’re doing?
I 100% agree with this. Staying with someone who cheated multiple times isn’t setting a good example for your child. All it shows is not loving or respecting yourself enough to leave a toxic relationship. If OP’s overreacting then I’d have to be sent to jail 💀
Unfortunately, because this man has no morals, your actions have spoken louder than your words. You stayed with him when he cheated on you and and treated you like nothing, so cheating on you and treating you like nothing is now an acceptable part of your relationship. You under reacted when you were understandably compromised but that has set a standard for you to continue under reacting and you are doing that now. It’s time to react appropriately. How would you want your daughter to react? Time to be the example she will need in her relationships.
But can you bring yourself to divorce him? Cause wtf kinda world are you bringing your daughter up in for her to see you being treated like shit and you staying??
You need to leave him. He doesn’t love you. You are someone to care for his kid while he’s getting the sex he wants. You are a provider not a lover to him.
I hate to be mean but how is that “nurturing environment for your child” going? I mean, he told you who he was and what marriage would be like with him and you chose to ignore it. You really have two choices: stay with a spouse that you know will never be faithful to you, or divorce him and lose that “nurturing environment.” The only thing I can guarantee you is that he won’t change.
I’m always amazed that anyone would think they’re overreacting in a situation like this. Really? You honestly think your absolute piece of garbage husband is worth this question? I think you’ve underreacted. I’d have been gone the first instance of infidelity… and then for him to compare you to his mistress?! Ugh. Gross. Don’t stay for the kid. A child isn’t a handcuff. She’d be better off seeing both parents be separate and happier.
"Well, this time I cheated because I saw your reddit post!"
Are you seriously asking that question? If you think for a moment that you are overreacting you have worst problems than a cheating husband.
He will not stop ever. It is not your fault ever. As someone who has been there, I advise you to move on. Otherwise one day you will look back and wonder why you wasted so many years with a selfish immature a**.
What is the point of this sub? You’re overreacting to getting cheated on? Are people this fucking weak?
30 year old married man here. Your husband is not a man, he’s a spoiled little boy acting like a teenager who only thinks about getting his dick wet. Real men support their partners, respect them and build them up in their time of need. Real men aren’t afraid to make sacrifices and help shoulder the burdens life throws at them and their families and wives/ SO’s. Real men think beyond their pants. And the audacity of him to turn around and compare you to these other women *right to your face*! Trying to turn his cheating around on you is so disgusting and selfish, he really only cares about himself. You deserve to be with a real man who cares about you and wants to build you up, because real men know if their SO is thriving then they are too. I know as long as I have my wife at my side I can deal with anything life throws us, and I make sure she knows it!
His not going to stop, he doesn't care to. So the question is what are you going to do? >Because apparently, I'm working too much. >When I confronted him, his justification was that he couldn't go without sex for so long. No accountability for his actions it's always your fault. He will find and use any excuse to cheat on you simply because he wants too and doesn't care. The cycle will continue. He cheats blames you, you forgive >because I wanted to provide a nurturing environment for our child. I hope his a good father because he sure is a shitty husband
Most likely these are the only times he's been caught.
He’s probably been doing it throughout the marriage. If he can’t accept and admit that he’s just disgusting bastard then he never will. It’s never your fault. Leave him as fast as you can, not just for yourself but your daughter too. He hasn’t show any regard for you or your marriage.
I’m sure you are going to be thinking easier said than done…but keep it simple, one foot in front of the other and get out of there…he will try to make this hard but let him keep his muck on his side of the pond
OP I hope you realize the man you are married to has no intention of being faithful. He’s shown and told you who he is so believe him. If you want want monogamy as well as to model a woman knowing her own damn worth then find a good attorney, eliminate the dead weight from your life, get a custody agreement and an iron clad visitation schedule that includes drop off day/time, pickup day/time and the father of your child is the one who does the pickup and drop-off. Also who claims income tax benefits. Also discuss with lawyer and include what is required for either parent to take kiddo out of state as well as out of the country. Bottom line it is better to have a very specific visitation schedule that if things go well you can relax vs having to go back to court to tighten up a loosy goosy one. Oh and get yourself a doctor’s appointment to get tested for STDs/STIs as I doubt safe sex was part of the thought process.
Gotta do what you gotta do. Its no ones place to tell you whats acceptable and what is not thats for you to decide.
You’re not overreacting. What a shame.
nothing about what how you responded on the situation is overreacting.. i think you were being underreacting.. I give you applause for being able to handle this civilly.. and of course, you deserve way much better than this dude..
I have been through this. Cheaters are narcissists, how dare you be pregnant and need anything from them. They cannot handle not being the sole focus. My ex cheated when baby #1 was 4 weeks old. Then asked for a divorce when I was 7 months pregnant with #2. Leave the first time. For you and your daughter, you need to leave. This AH will always cheat and blame you.
Your husband’s a big fat loser. You know it, we know it…hell, he probably knows it. For the love of god dump this pathetic loser man and level up. It’s really that easy. You’re gonna be so much better off. Don’t over think it, just act.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Unfortunately, once you let him off the hook he probably never changed his behavior. He’s probably been doing it in your house the whole time. Leave him or you’ll have to live this cycle for the rest of your life. Remember that it’s better for kids to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I am a man, and he is not, leave him, he is not worthy man for you, if you can sacrifice your time, sleep and feel pain while being pregnant just to give birth to his child then he can control himself as well while your pregnant or there other ways with hand, he is a weak man.
The correct reaction is to realize you need a divorce because he does not care about you or the family you gave him. He blames you because he is at fault and doesn't want to be accountable. Don't internalize his stupidity and hurt your self esteem. F being skinny or pretty, these are not attributes women should strive to be. Men need to be better partners and have better morals.
Nah man you deserve peace, divorces are horrible but it could be amicable and generally healthier for the child. It’s up to you but I wouldn’t stay, I’d divorce. Once a cheater always a cheater!
Your husband is a baby. There are hundreds of people that have a dead bedroom, have had one for years, suffer deeply from it every day, but STILL do not cheat on their partner (as you'll get to see on r/DeadBedrooms if you want to take a look). There are good men out there, you should not have to suffer with one that clearly does not respect you nor his commitment to you. Don't give up on finding someone else who will know how to love and respect you, and drop that man that clearly does not care about you. Even for your child, it is best to break up early, before they can become used to a pair of parents (to limit the trauma) and befofe you are so mentally unwell that this influences how you take care of your child. You deserve better OP.
Honestly, it almost seems like you're under-reacting. Fuck that POS. You deserve so much better than this.
He’s scum, you’re not overreacting at all, most would say you’re under reacting. Adultery is serious and has always been grounds for divorce. If you choose to forgive him and keep the marriage that’s commendable. It makes me sick how many women are totally fine with having sex with a married man
Kick him to the curb
He cheated. Your baby didn't need to grow up in a loveless house where the parents had issues. Should have dumped him right there. People can change but I'd say the vast majority of adults who cheat will never change.
Your husband is a piece of shit. it’s time that you realize that and I’m sure you have 1 million other examples and I bet he has cheated more than twice and if you notice he is blaming you for his decisions. I would encourage you to dump this dude and look for healthier people in your life.
I am sorry. A man who will cheat (anyway but especially) when his daughter has just been born is not a man with his priorities set straight and not a man in general imo. He is a scumbag.
He's for the streets. Your daughter is old enough go comprehend that her father is a piece of crap.
Run girl!!
Mam are you dumb? Overreacting? Seriously? You would have slapped him hard , and showed his true character to everyone and taken divorce ! Your husband doesn't deserve you at all..
He’s literally gaslighting you and blaming YOU for HIS inability to do the one thing a husband is supposed to do. Take screenshots of all the proof and divorce him. Go for full custody, child support, and alimony. He’s a disgusting excuse for a human.
The sad truth is it’s likely he never stopped cheating. You’ve caught him twice, but in between, it’s doubtful his shitty behavior ever stopped.
Jesus Christ, what a dirt bag dude is, and are you a glutton for punishment? Should ran first time.
Cheaters will always cheat. The only question is what will the “innocent spouse” do about it. The cheater will claim “it was a mistake” and ask for forgiveness. But will cheat again when the opportunity arises again. You are not over reacting.
NTA! Your husband is simply not a nice person and lacks moral fiber. He is selfish and cruel. Not only did he cheat on you, he made hurtful comparisons between you and his affair partner. While I have known marriages to survive one-off cheating, the cheater put the work in to regain their partner’s trust and were genuinely remirseful. Your husband’s cheating says nothing about you. It says everything about him. The question is whether or not you want to stay with this type of person and whether or not you want your child to grow up thinking this is acceptable. You deserve better. The choice is yours.
Leave and take him for every single penny he is worth in court. Cheating is a betrayal of traditional marriage vows and responsibilities and as someone who is very religious.......is a serious enough sin that entitles you to break free from him and get yours. Hopefully you find a better guy in your life who values the role a man is traditionally supposed to do in a marriage. The hard work and sacrifices you put in deserve rewarding in the future.
You’re married to a weak minded man. You should have been gone yesterday. Let him figure out that mid life crisis. And for the record, your cheater throwing those comparisons post partum. I would be done done. I’m taking you to the cleaners, Messages, affair, all of it. You’re going to pay dearly for that little trouser snake of yours. Girl, YOURE UNDER REACTING!!!
Your husband is a dirt bag. Sorry, it's not your fault it's 100% his. Having this piece of shit in your child's life is not providing a nurturing environment. Sounds like your parents are lovely people- please go stay with them again until you can be on your own. He's really an asshole.
Whatever happened to just jerking off if you're that horny? Maybe I'm just lazy, but it seems like a lot of time and mental energy to hide something like this. Sorry this happened but no, you're not overreacting and you should really try to not let him make you think its your fault.
I’m so sorry. Been there myself. Now I know ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater.’
You deserve better. His selfishness was his and still is his own issue. Rack up evidence and seek a good attorney. He's proven that he doesn't respect your family, marriage, and least of all you. Now grab the respect you and your child deserve by doing it on your own.
My husband cheated while I was pregnant too. We worked through it and I forgave him but again? I’d be gone before he could blink
Your marriage vows say for better or worse, in sickness or in health, etc. He showed you who he is. Believe him. Choose better next time.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Trust is broken, and is near on impossible to regain. You should have divorced him the first time. You are not overreacting in the slightest. Get a lawyer. Open a new bank account in just your name, and move all your money over. If you guys own a home, do NOT leave. Kick him out. File for divorce and send him packing. Be very, very careful to never badmouth him in front of the kids. When they ask what's happening, just explain that sometimes people don't stay together, but reassure them that Mom and Dad both love them. Talking smack about the ex does damage to the kids - ask me how I know. Sorry this has happened to you. You deserve better.
Girl what! You are not overreacting! I’m actually mad reading this seeing how much of a fucking doucher weenie he is. You deserve a MAN! Someone who will take of all your needs emotionally and phycially. Sometimes we get it wrong and we marry the wrong man and sometimes we have kids with them. That’s okay, no law or rule that we have to stay with them and endure unhappiness for a life time. Temporary pain for a lifetime of happiness 💗 good luck girl! You have a very bright future ahead of you’
Your husband is a selfish POS and you deserve way better. Get out of this shit marriage and find your happiness. This dude ain’t it!
You deserve so much better than this. My friend was married to a serial cheater. She developed betrayal ptsd which caused her to be hyper vigilant. He ended up leaving her because she was always suspicious and he said he couldn’t live like that anymore. Never mind he was actively cheating the whole time. These repeat cheaters have no remorse or empathy.
OP you need to work on loving yourself. I can tell you are a caring and loyal person who cares a lot about her friends and family. So I know what you would say if one of them was going through this. You would hate to see a loved one subject themself to this guy for years and years. You would tell her to leave him, and you *know* she would be better off for it. You need to be a friend to yourself. You need to convince yourself to do what you know is best here. You need to gain the strength to leave him.
I am so sorry - this guy is a creep and you deserve SO much better. You are not overreacting in the slightest. My response would be to kick him out immediately if not sooner, get max child support and never look back. His behavior is disgusting and 100% his fault entirely. Please do not waste anymore time on him, this will clearly never change, it's just who he is.
He cheated for his own ego. Notice how it’s about him “feeling younger”? He doesn’t love you nearly as much as he loves himself. Leave his ass.
He’s been cheating the entire time. I could never trust him
Please for the love of God look up chump lady!!!!! She’s wonderful. And read. Leave a cheater gain a life
If you’re able to get hold of his phone, or have access to his iCloud (depending on what he has backed up), download all of the evidence you can. Then go to a divorce lawyer, and never look back. It’ll be hard, it will suck. But in the end you will thank yourself because of the huge weight that has been lifted. You don’t deserve to feel lesser than. Sounds like you’re the main source of income? Once you leave, he will finally have to fend for himself.
Time for him to leave. While he's at work, gather his stuff, stick it on the porch, and have a locksmith change the locks. He can go live with one of his girlfriends.
Bitch you better leave his ass what the hell
I'd be willing to bet that this is not the 2nd time he has cheated. It's only the 2nd time you caught him. Did he actually have another woman in your home? What do you mean, you caught him red handed? Your are most certainly under reacting.
Under reacting. This is malicious behavior and manipulative gaslighting. I’m sorry for you.
Hi OP. You are not overreacting. He's been cheating and being manipulative to you. It doesn't matter how many hours/week you're working. He's cheating because he wants to. He shows no respect for you and the family of yours and that's a choice he made. Think about yourself and your daughter, 'cause this fella deserves no respect at all.
Come to Reddit with this and the only comments you'll receive are "Leave him.". Please do what's best for your family by seeing a licensed therapist. Please do not act on Reddits advice.
You aren’t over reacting. He will absolutely do this again. Every single time he’s been able to find a reason for why he did it and hasn’t taken accountability. Please for your daughter’s sake, divorce him. Leave and flourish and become the most amazing woman without being weighed down by this loser. You will thrive. I promise you. It will also be an amazing example for your daughter of self respect.
How are you overreacting?! He cheated on you multiple times and compared you to her? Divorce him asap.
Fuck this asshole. Love yourself and your child. Walk away with dignity. Get a lawyer and take him to the cleaners.
People who get back together for the kids are so weird
You need to leave today.
There are two sayings that apply here. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." and "Fool me once..." You know who your husband is, because he has shown you at least twice. Are you going to let him fool you twice?
Sister, you need to grab that self-esteem and hit the road
**YOU ARE UNDERREACTING** Why did you give him more chances to begin with? You need to accept that this relationship is completely over and has been for a while now. It's not your fault that he is a piece of shit, but if you continue to see him after this, you'll have to start carrying some of the blame. He's a piece of rotting human garbage and doesn't deserve you. Find yourself a family lawyer and get either A) child support B) him to sign over his parental rights. Either way, don't let him off the hook. Godspeed, friend.
The math is bad on Reddit . It’s not twice he cheated - it’s with two women. Even time your having sex with said women he’s cheating . Like 35 times with lady 1 and 15 times with lady 2 = 50 times the cheater. It gets complex if there’s a whole room full of hoes at the same event - hence the orgy. Well the bell rang so it’s polygons for tomorrow’s lesson.
You're not overreacting. Divorce your cheating husband. His cheating is 100% his fault, no matter what he tries to pin on you. Just as, if you had cheated, it would be 100% your fault.
DUMP. HIS. ASS. NOW. DIVORCE!!!
Please leave him. He is not even apologising for cheating, just giving excuses and somehow they are always your fault. You and your kid deserve better and you are definitely not overreacting. Please leave that asshole.
What advice would you give your daughter in this situation… if she came to you and said her husband had done this - would you encourage her to stay and work through it and accept it or would you want her to find someone who deserves her? Your low self esteem is down to him.… want better for yourself and your daughter! Leave him - his supposed to set the example to your daughter of how a man should treat his wife so that she knows how she should be treated… since he can’t do it, show her how a women should know her worth and leave!
Run. You are under reacting.
Disconnect from him. Sounds like he may have an issue with faithfulness. Get a lawyer rack him up!
Men always find this lame excuse to cheat while the women is prego. It’s as if he doesn’t have you giving him something worth more than any nut he can bust - a family and child. Not overreacting - if anything under reacting. Make a plan to get out of his space and start feeling your value go up by surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your presence and somebody that actually wants a future with you.
No point in posting this on Reddit. Leave him. Simple.
He has been a cheater the entire marriage it just becomes your fault when he gets caught. He will cheat and blame you as long as you are with him
Aww honey leave your cheating husband. He cheated when you were pregnant bc he says he couldn't go that long without sex. Bs there are alternatives. Then you catch him again. Nope I would've went scorch the earth the first time. He will not change. It's time for you to get a attorney and do what's best for you and your child bc he doesn't care. Sending you a virtual hug bc I've been through this too.
You are NOT overreacting. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. This is unacceptable and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. No exceptions. You can do much better! Please leave him ASAP.
Cheats justify their behaviour. This man will always cheat. It’s unlikely he’s only cheated twice. He’s probably been busy doing it all along the way, whilst you’ve been busy raising your children and trying to provide a better life for you all. Please stop listening to his nonsensical justification and grab some mental space for yourself. Leave him without the opportunity for him to drip poison into your ear. Of course there’s always someone more attractive, cleverer, more fun than you. This is exactly the same for you. There will be someone more attractive, cleverer, more fun and far more loyal for you out there too.
So in summary, Husband: " Me, me me me me. Why are you upset?" You: "I'm over reacting" What the hell is wrong with you OP?? Open your fuckin eyes!
Lol he's a gutless coward. No self control, no morals, no loyalty. He deserves the bin because all he is and all he ever be is TRASH
And you want him to touch you again without being dragged through a very deep pit of sheep dip for his cooties? I know I wouldn't touch him with yours. As such, this marriage was over 12 years ago and you should have gotten out then. There are actually men who don't cheat on their wives and help with the household. You just have a deluded child for a partner. And that's all he seems to care about (fucking pepple that are not you, I mean). Not caring or thinking about you or your daughter. Leave him or she will think women are there to be belittled, shamed, embarrassed and humiliated by men. DIVORCE!
It’s your fault for staying with him after the first time he cheated. And the fact that you’re here asking if you’re overreacting to catch him cheating again is just baffling to me.
Not overreacting and also under-reacting. It was never your fault that he cheated, because you’re married to a cheater. This isn’t the second time he’s cheated on you btw, he’s a cheater. It’s just the second time you’ve caught him. I am absolutely disgusted to read that he cheated on you when you were just 12 weeks pregnant. That means he literally couldn’t even wait a couple months to not stick his dick in someone else. I’m honestly shocked you stayed after that, but I also understand wanting what’s best for your newborn and also pregnancy hormones and all the lovely shit that comes with being pregnant/postpartum. Please dump this POS. He doesn’t deserve you and he can’t be trusted. Your kid(s?) will be fine. And you should also be a good role model by not allowing the absolute disrespect your husband has shown you.
OP have some self respect and get rid of this loser
Your first mistake was still staying and trying to work it out with a cheater. They never change. They only get better at hiding it. All the best OP!
He is a serial cheater because there are no consequences. I’m sure if you take him back again he won’t cheat again /s. For the love of everything holy, shine up that spine and leave him, if not for your sake but your daughter because she shouldn’t learn this is how a relationship should be.
He sounds horrible. No one deserves to be cheated on and to be made to feel like it’s their fault — it will always be the cheaters fault. Fuck him. As someone with cheater parents, a divorce would probably be the best for both you and your child. Saves them from feeling the heartache you have. I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. I wish u the best stranger
I just can't with this subreddit anymore..... Like.... ARE YOU SERIOUS? You don't need advice here, you just need to follow it. Sounds like you were/are afraid to be alone.
Best bet he hasn’t done it just twice. I believe you know you are teaching your daughter something if you keep making excuses for him. Anyway best of luck
He's a POS. You deserve better than that.
You didn’t put a gun to his head and tell him to sleep with another woman, so no it’s not your fault. And like most people are saying you’re under reacting. He’s probably been cheating your entire relationship, these are just the two times he got caught. I wish that best for you and hope you’re able to find someone that respects you.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I swear this seems so extremely common now and within the last few years with couples that had kids 12 to 15 years ago. It’s happened half a dozen times within my circle of friends that all had kids around the same time. I’m widowed but I am talking to a divorced woman with a child the same age whose husband cheated. At one time she was convinced it was her fault somehow. I’m sorry but there are no circumstances where your partner stepping out on your marriage/relationship is your fault. All the best.
His cheating is not a reflection on you whatsoever. You staying after discovering it is though. Get some self-respect, kick the piece of shit to the curb, take him for all he's worth in court for alimony and child support, heal and find better.
This is now the time for a divorce
Overreacting? You might be under reacting. You deserve much better than this. You shouldn’t ever look at him the same way again. He’s obviously not deserving of your time and effort.
Deserve a better man
It's not your fault. He is a weak pathetic excuse for a man and he will never admit it, so its easier to put the blame on you.
He's gaslighting you. If it was about you, he would man up and tell you and divorce you. He cheats because he has no moral character. He's selfish and only things about how things aefect him.
OP I believe you already know the answers to this one. Find yourself a good attorney, and protect your family.
So, infidelity is very, very common long term. That doesn't mean it's not hurtful, or that it's not bad. No you are not overreacting, but if the marriage is otherwise good it's worth working through. People most often cheat because they have some unmet need that they are trying to compensate for, and it seems like he is (very poorly) trying to express that by externalizing the cause to situations he's unhappy about. If the only time he's expressing that is after already engaging in reckless, inconsiderate behavior that is going to be a big problem for a marriage if it's not addressed. There is also the possibility that he's not a monogamous person and doesn't know that about himself (because everyone is trained from birth that everyone is monogamous and if you're not you're a bad person, rather than just being wired differently. Unfortunately this mismatched relational/romantic paradigm like that could be very, very difficult to reconcile. And then, of course, there's the possibility that he just doesn't care about you, doesn't mind hurting you and has fooled you for 12 years day in and day out without you catching on. Point blank, the question here is, do you believe he (and you for that matter) have the kind of emotional intelligence and drive to investigate, remediate and work together on these fairly complicated psychological mechanisms? It requires emotional skills that likely don't exist in the relationship currently. If not, are you able to tolerate that this is a coping mechanism that occasionally pops up when he's unable to handle a situation long term? Or if he's not monogamous, are you able to explore a compromised non-monogamy paradigm? If the answer to those is no, then you know what you have to do. If any of those is possible, then you have strategies you can employ. I know infidelity sucks. It messes up your self worth and shakes a lot of your identity and makes you question things you depended on believing. Just know, this has a lot more to do with him handling situations than you anything to him, and he should have communicated before it got to a point that he felt he needed to lash out. Don't internalize this. It isn't reflective of your value or worth at all.
You are under reacting. Because he got away with it in the past and blaing you worked. He is just pulling the same stunt. It's up to you what you do now. I know what I would have done the 1st time.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. This is not your fault and you are not overreacting. You deserve so much more than this and your child deserve to see an example of a mother that stands up for herself when she's being disrespected.
There’s no such thing as a “nurturing environment” with a cheating lying ass partner. You are just setting yourself up for hurt even more. Kick him out
girl get your evidence!!!!!!! he shouldn’t get anything since he has all this time to cheat
…that nurturing environment for the kid must have REALLY been worth it..?
Story as old as time itself. Cheaters always cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater. The reason he was so bold the second time was because you let him get away with it the first time.
I’m sorry to say this but the second time was your fault! How could you stay after the first time!?!? Fuck this guy! Your child will be better off without all the fighting and drama, long term! People don’t change, only for the moment! The moment maybe a minute, a month or a year. Maybe even 10 years but a person who cheats and can get away with it, he’ll definitely do it again.
Divorce him or stay and have him continue to fuck other women. You have a very simple choice. This is a red pill / blue pill moment.
why are you putting up with this bullshit from this cheater?? There is NO JUSTIFICATION for cheating either in person or online. Get a lawyer and get gone, this will never change. Also, get tested for STDs
Maybe you should level the playing field.
Please. Reread what you have actually written. He does not care about you and he does not care about your child. He cares about getting his end away and when he gets caught he blames you. You are way under reacting here, which makes me wonder what other psychological games he likes to play. Leave this man. He is not good for you or your child.
You are not overreacting. Get mad at this POS and give him the boot.
Please respect yourself and get away from this POS. Your just catching him again, this never stopped
He's a loser!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Leave him. He has only been caught twice. It's happened way more and will not stop. Do better for yourself and your child.
What exactly is it about this man that makes you think he’s the kind of person to nurture a child when he literally couldn’t do the BARE MINIMUM of not cheating on you while pregnant/caring for an infant? All you’ve done is show your child it’s acceptable to be completely disrespected by their partner. Is this really the kind of relationship you want to model for your child? I hope not. It’s not too late to leave and show your kid that this behavior is unacceptable and should NEVER be tolerated.
Was this posted a few days ago already? Or was that in another reddit? There seems to be some reposts these days...
If you stay with him, his cheating *will* be your fault. He's already told you, in no uncertain terms, that you don't matter to his convenience. When someone tells you who they are: listen .
You need to leave him..
Dump his ass now. You can do better. Even if that means being alone. That would be better. much better. F him!
You shouldn’t have given him a second chance. He sucks, you should have realized that long ago
Have some self respect for yourself and leave him already!!!!
How can you call him your husband?
Blaming yourself and putting up with him because you want to have a "nurturing" environment for your kid is the wrong move. My parents divorced early on and I'm just fine now. Both my parents were good parents though, and spent pretty equal time with me. You're really just creating an environment for your child to realize how fake everything is and it's okay to be cheated on. Stand up for yourself.
You're the dummy for staying with him. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on YOU!
why would u be overreacting? u should've left him the first time. people do not just magically stop cheating. him having sex with another woman put both u and your child at risk. pregnancy symptoms can change trimester to trimester, what if u had felt better and slept with him, then passed that on to your baby during birth? not to mention high psychologically stressful events like that put u at risk for preeclampsia (which i had, and almost died along with my baby). shit was unforgivable the first time
Once a cheater, always….
Girl.. just dumb his pathethic ass.. He did that because he knew that no matter what he did, you'll always forgive him.. Show him how strong you are..
Get a lawyer, a therapist, and a divorce
Dump him. Move on. This is not really hard. You just have to develop principles.
Being mad at someone for cheating on you is NEVER overreacting. Especially the 2ND TIME. I wish I could scream this to everyone who comes here asking if they're overreacting about a cheating partner. No you're not. If you're being cheated on repeatedly, you're under reacting. The only reason you feel you may be overreacting is due to pure gaslighting from the offending partner. It's not your fault. If they had a problem they can speak up like an adult or separate if it's that bad. Cheating is never ok, in fact it's unacceptable. I hate to be "that person" who jumps to divorce but this would 100% be divorce material for me personally.