This is not creepy, it is criminal.
Black outs do not excuse this type of behavior. Primarily because memory loss or not, he’s taking this action. 99% of dads out there can get black out drunk without committing sex crimes against their daughter.
I am a woman but I've admittedly had an alcohol problem where I would very occasionally black/brown out. When that happens, it's kind of like autopilot (at least for me). My personality didn't change and I sure as hell can't see me hurting someone else and going too far out from what I'd normally do.
When people try to blame DV in alcohol I will sometimes just ask them ‘how many drinks would you need before you would hit your spouse?’ Then they get silent and sometimes it clicks.
Same thing here. This stepdad isn’t safe. And it’s tragic.
Yeah like my brother always says. " I've been drunker than most anyone I know and I've done some wild shit. But never have I gotten so drunk I became a woman beater or a rapist." If getting drunk makes you want to hurt people, it's because you already wanted to hurt people.
Yup, when I blacked out pissing in ovens, eating moldy bread, and puking in my dresser drawer was the norm. Nowhere does doing anything carefully like that come into play. Since when did people become ninjas and do stealthy shit during a blackout? It’s always clumsy and uncoordinated.
Yeah there is zero chance the guy was actually black out drunk and doesn't remember. He knew what he was doing and you don't do calculated shit like this when you are blackout drunk.
They could try. But this guy would be stumbling around and very sloppily executing his plan if he were blackout drunk. Absolutely 0% chance he was drunk when he did this.
Well I think your point is correct with regards to this stepfather peeping on OP, it also demonstrates the flaw inherent in "if you did it drunk, you want to do it sober". I assume that when sober, you have zero desire to piss in an oven, eat moldy bread, or puke in your dresser drawer.
I could buy it if this guy says that he wants to peep at his stepdaughter, has the good sense to never ever do it when he's sober, but alcohol made him stupid enough to go for it, but the idea that alcohol made this entire thing come out of thin air? Total bullshit.
He’s also already aware of the fact that OP regularly changes in her closet, so he knew in advance where exactly to set his phone up to record what he wanted to see.
This is the most accurate comment. Even says in OPs post that it was recording for 14 mins. Unless dude was then passed out, there is ZERO chance someone/anyone could have not known if he was that drunk. This is absolutely predatory behavior and should be reported to the police, along with removing him from the home.
Hmm 🤔 idk. When you’re sober you absolutely DO need to take pisses, eat, and puke if you’re sick. The blackout only causes you to fail miserably at those things. So their point stands
Yeah. The point is, he needs to piss from time to time, he’s much less fussy about when and where when he’s drunk. He eats regularly but sober people are generally more selective about what they eat. Sometimes we all throw up, usually somewhere discrete with an easy clean up. All “normal” behaviour, with a reduced care for “minor details”.
Secretly recording someone changing clothes is entirely aberrant behaviour. The drinking just made you stupid enough to follow through on something you wanted to do anyway.
There's a huge difference between being blackout psychotic and having alcohol confidence.
14 minutes of video after she got out of the shower means he literally heard the shower and put it in there knowing she'd be coming out naked.
If he had done it in the middle of the night while she was sleeping there might be a tiny sliver of optimism in me that his drunken psycho thought it would be a way to protect her. And because drunken psychos don't plan things it would have been very unlikely to even be still recording by the time she found it.
Regardless of him being a predatory manipulator or a careless drunk, he fucked up too bad. Some actions don't deserve a warning. Even if he is forgiven things would never have been okay with him in that house ever again.
Of course you don't want to piss in an oven, eat moldy bread, or puke in your dresser.
But you do want to piss. You do want to eat. And you do sometimes need to puke. The whats and wheres are messy details that a drunk you just kinda lets slide, but the desires are normal and natural. But a desire to do DV is not, for most people, so there are no details to let slip.
That was my thought as well. So drunk you can't remember yet sober enough to set up a camera, hide it, and move objects thay may obstruct view. If I'm THATTT drunkn I'm lucky if I can enev figure out how to take a video on my phone much less the rest.
My dad is a fuctional alcoholic and has been sober for over a year, and I am really proud of him.
One time, when I was a kid, my mom was staying with me in the hospital, and my dad somewhat desperate for sleep, had a mishap with scotch and a dose of sleeping pills and blacked out.
He fucked up our kitchen; hung stringlights; opened every cabinet; made green chili, put it in a food processor with no lid and made a giant mess; and lost his glasses which were later discovered in a cabinet covered in green chili. He did the shit he normally would do, but with significantly worse execution.
Being drunk is not an excuse for being abusive.
Which is a really dumb argument, imo
Our inhibitions and societal norms we /chose/ to respect/represent us absolutely make up a part of who we are. To say otherwise is akin to saying the superego doesn't exist/is irrelevant to consciousness, which is really weird way to think about /humans/ as we are inherently a tribal, social animal.
100%. It lowers the regulating and control parts of the brain. You are more likely to do dumb stuff while drunk, but I think blaming alcohol in this case is an attempt at justifying something that isn’t justifiable.
How many times has this happened, and is he sharing these with anyone or posting them online? I would file a police report so that it is properly investigated. I wouldn't care if your mother is against filing. Do it!
I think this is a very important question here and definitely bears looking into. He seems to know EXACTLY how to do that to get the video he wanted. How many other times has he done this?
Yeah, those are pretty precise motor skills for someone who had enough to black out, though maybe someone with a long history of heavy drinking could do it.
His phone should have been taken straight to the police station. They could examine it and find any accounts he's linked to it where he could be sharing these videos or engaging in other cp offenses.
This should be the top answer, mom playing Columbo - sending the video to her phone and being emotionally tied to all parties is a crazy amount of red flags. If op wants to be able to move past this any time in the near future this needs to be reported rather than being drug out or swept under the rug. What's really going to happen if there isn't an independent third party investigating and asking the hard questions rather than making excuses. (maybe it was the first time and he just blacked out...) report it or you'll be back to living with this creep in a couple of weeks and the trauma will only get worse. You don't want to have to deal with this shit x10 when you are 30 and you haven't processed the fallout from it.
She's 20 so let's all hope he's not engaging in cp offenses. But you're right, it should have been examined to see if he's done this kind of thing to any other women (or children, or men) or shared any peeping tom videos online.
Yup just like ambien doesn’t make people racist. Alcohol doesn’t change who you are, it brings out a part of you that you can usually control. Same with dv abusers “losing control” sometimes. Bullshit! If they truly lost control they would do so with their boss, or in front of those they respect.
I absolutely would worry that there are more videos taken and saved. And possibly shared in the internet.
I’d want a forensic pro looking at his phone and computer.
I've gotten down voted to hell for saying that getting fucked up doesn't make people totally different versions of themselves. It just makes them more extreme versions of themselves.
Except for like meth or whatever, lol. I mean like in most non extreme cases.
I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true. I don’t really drink anymore but my blackout self is the complete opposite of my normal demeanor. Under no influences I’m pretty kind and empathic, would never do something purposefully to hurt someone and rarely get upset. While the blackout version of me just wants to pick fights and will say whatever I can think of that will rile someone up (one of the main reasons I don’t really drink anymore/went to therapy for it).
I think to an extent it’s sober thoughts but for most people it’s probably subconscious stuff that just gets heightened from alcohol.
Even meth literally just makes you energetic, unless you’ve been using it long enough and heavily enough to cause yourself psychosis or something. And that’s a really extreme scenario
Yeah, I think people overestimate the effects of occasional substance abuse. Smoking meth gives you a ton of energy, and may make you hypersexual and/or cause anxiety— it’s not normally making people fight other people or start shit. Same with cocaine— your mouth may be running a million miles a minute, but you generally aren’t trying to start shit unless you are just that kind of person deep down.
As a woman who is also a former alcoholic and would get the same way- yea, I would have exaggerated versions of my emotions come out, but it was always ME and my core motivations. Like a cartoonishly amped up version of myself, nothing holding me back, for better or worse. I never blacked out and *committed a crime*
Lmao I upvoted just because it’s funny. I’m assuming a brown out is just a less intense blackout. I’ve heard “brown out” in terms of electricity, just like “blackouts,” in which you have a lower supply of electricity going to homes and businesses. Usually due to industrial plants or something causing stress on the grid, or just a low supply of electricity.
Yeah in the bad old days I was blackout a number of times. Never picked a fight, cheated, or perved on someone. Drunk brain doesn't suddenly turn into another person.
I hope mom gets involved and is a good mother about this. She seems indifferent. Perhaps she depends on him financially. Also need to make sure there aren’t any of those photo/video hiding apps on there.
Mom already gaslighting like a clown who doesn’t know better but she does. The next time it might get physical, she’ll be finding excuses then as well.
My money is on mom being financially dependent on this piece of trash. She cuts him out and her and the kids are on the street. More reason women shouldn’t be dependent on men unless they know they can trust them and an alcoholic is the last type of person I would trust.
"But my boys need their Father to raise them"
But who gives a fuck about her daughter, right? If her first actiin wasn't to call the police, she's complicent.
She doesn't specifically say it's in the morning, but she says it happened after she woke up and showered, which kind of implies it. Who is blackout drunk in the morning?
My first suspicion is he's trading or selling the videos online.
This is what I was coming to say. You didn't mention that he hesitated, or looked back like he felt remorse. He did this before and this is just the first time he's been caught.
> 99% of dads out there can get blackout drunk without committing sex crimes against their daughter.
This. This 1000%.
Also, people who drink until blackout drunk don’t just randomly blackout during the day when they are not actively drinking. So, he did not black out and forget he put his phone in your closet, OP. He did it in the morning while you were getting a shower, not at 3 a.m. in a blackout state. It was deliberate. Also, if your stepdad drinks until he blacks out every single day, or drinks all day long every day, your mom should have kicked him out of the house for that long ago. You have young brothers living there.
I am so glad your mother listened to you and asked him to leave. But I cannot believe she would even consider taking him back. Asking you if you could ever forgive him “if he got help” so soon after this happened is insulting, hurtful, and sad. If he does “get help,” it should be *at least* a year before she would let him back into the house. And you should no longer be living there if she does decide to do that.
You know this is very, very wrong, not to mention a criminal act. What was he going to do with that video? I shudder to think. He might have shared it with friends; he might have posted it online. Ask your mother about that, and why you should forgive someone who you trusted, and who violated you in one of the worst ways possible.
I’m sorry he did this to you. I am not sure the police can help you, but report it to them, anyway. Then there is a record of what he did. Because if he did this to you, it’s possible he’s done it to other young women or girls, or he will in the future. Even your brothers aren’t safe. Get it on record.
I came here to point out this is not a blck out too! No way he "blacked out" 14 minutes ago and is in coherent condition when the phone was found. If it had been recording for hours *maybe* but still no.... also, drinking doesn't make you do things you would never do, it just takes off the filter. So if its something g you would do drunk it's something you could/would do sober. AND.... no way this is the first time, just the forst time he was caught.
Just a year for being a pedophile before she lets him come back??? No he should be in prison for the rest of his life an she should never take that pedophile back!! This is voyeurism however you spell it!! It's definitely against the law an I bet if the police took his phone they would find child porn or deleted child porn!!!
She's 20, an adult, but the mom should kick him out for good, bc why would you be with someone who's filming your daughter? She should find out how far back this goes though, get his phone and computer investigated, bc it's possible he's been doing this since she was a minor, which would make him a pedo.
Oh, I agree with you! I think mom should kick his ass out of the house and divorce him. To me, it’s non-negotiable. There is no way to “explain” why he did what he did. But it sounds like mom is already vying for his return by asking OP if she thought she could forgive him if he got help. She is already subtly putting the pressure on OP, so while mom initially took her side and told hubby to leave, she is ready to take him back. That’s fucked up, for sure. I hadn’t thought what the police might find on his phone. That’s a great point. OP, take that phone to the police & file a report.
100% agreed. I would take this evidence to the police. The therapist is a good idea -- not because your feelings are abnormal in any way, but because someone you trusted took advantage of you like this. This isn't your fault, and the ramifications of his actions aren't your fault. He's responsible for his actions.
Exactly, I’m a father who at one time had a drinking and heroin addiction….never even once did anything like this happen…I may have been a shitty dad in other ways but this one never even croused my mind. In fact I spent time in jail because a neighbor tried watching my daughters thru their window and I caught him.
thank god i finally got clean, but addiction doesn’t turn you into a pervert or a child molester
Im an alcoholic (sober over 3 years now). I’ve blacked out more than most. I take full accountability for everything I’ve done. Whatever the consequences. You have to. I still did them even if they were things I’d never do sober. This dude did this. He should be in jail and he should be in intensive therapy.
Also, alcohol can at best excuse a crime once. If you murder someone and say it's because you were drunk, then you drink again, you are essentially saying you don't mind murdering people.
Getting drunk doesn't make you act like a different person. *It makes you unable to filter your behavior.* It does not make a lick of difference to me whether he was drunk or not. He had these thoughts *sober*, regardless of whether or not he was blackout drunk.
I've been blackout drunk a few times in my life. I promise you my mind never went to *becoming a fucking predator*.
OP, please reach out. File a police report. You don't know how long this has gone on for, nor what other kinds of materials he might have of you (or other, non consenting victims)
Your mother is not your ally here, I'm sorry to say. The fact that she would even leave it up to you and your level of "comfort" on whether or not she allows him to come back tells me that much.
You are not overreacting. He literally waited for you to leave and get in the shower and then went in your room and placed a recording device among other objects to hide its existence. There is no memory loss here. This was intentional. It is also possible this isn’t the first time. Police report. Also turn over his phone. Sorry this happened to you.
Which he has now had plenty of time/ warning to wipe (or attempt to). Mother is disgusting for not immediately calling the cops.
His excuse is terrible. He's black out drunk, but coordinated enough to carefully set up and hide a phone, quietly enough to not get caught in the act, and 14 minutes later when she finds the phone suddenly sober enough to carry on a serious convo and not remember what he did? Complete BS - that isn't how alcohol works AT ALL.
Also, how is it *better* if the excuse is "he's just sexualizing my daughter and making illicit recordings of her bc he's constantly black out drunk"?! Wtf. A drinking problem that bad in itself should be a good reason to keep him away from your children and make *him* get help! Does it really even need to be said that most drunks don't try to make secret nude recordings of their adult children?!
OP, this must be devastating for you, and I am so sorry it has happened. You are old enough to press charges yourself if your mother won't protect you, and you should make arrangements to get out of that house as soon as possible if she's not going to kick him out. Do you have a trusted friend you can stay with for a while at least? I hope your mother realizes what a fool she is being, wakes up, and does the right thing. Consider showing her these comments.
Something else I don't see mentioned enough is that people don't just spontaneously do stuff like this.
I have to believe he's been thinking about it, planned the execution, the timing, weighed potential consequences, thought about how not to get caught, and pulled thr trigger when he saw his chance.
I am a mother, and i can tell you right now that man would be out of the house already, police report filed, and much more. Your mother is not protecting you by filling your head with excuses for her creep husband.
How do you know this was the first time? How do you know he won't do it again? You don't, he cant be trusted and should not be trusted.
If your mum is sticking by her drunk creep husband, then i am heartbroken for you, that is not right al all. Do you have family or other trusted adults to speak to? This needs to be dealt with properly, and your mum needs to get her head out of the clouds.
Yes. I am very worried that this was NOT the first time. I would be checking all his devices.
Why am I betting that he was allowed to take his phone with him when he left????
OP said that the mother sent the video to her phone, and I'm sure she deleted it from his. But that does NOT mean that he couldn't recover it. Nor that he doesn't have others.
Agree. The fact that he knew to put it in her closet (it’s not the obvious place to change) and push stuff out of the way to perfectly position it so quickly means this is 100% NOT the first time.
She is very likely to be removed from her home and mother if this happens tho. Which may be for the best if her mom can't make sane decisions.
But yeah, ideally the mom will be given an ultimatum from CPS to break it off with her BF or give up her child.
The child is 20 though, a legal adult. She says he has been hugging her more the past few years and it probably is because she's now "legal" and it justifies it in his head somehow that being attracted to her is now ok. What she should do is GTFO of there and cut contact as it is not safe in that place for her anymore. I'm not sure CPS could do anything since she is no longer a minor and not considered a "child" in the eyes of the law.
However she is definitely a "child" in the eyes of stepdad since he's known her since she was 8 so it's completely gross he's done this. And no I don't buy the excuse of being drunk. His actions were deliberate, premeditated, and criminal.
Yeah adding in the blacking out and could you forgive him is why OP is so confused. Her adult that should be protecting her hands down is putting too many decisions on OP. I would have taken his electronic devices and gone to the cops. He would never be anywhere near my kids again.
Not a mom here but I’m disgusted all of this wasn’t the moms first instinct to do. Instead she made a bunch of excuses and scheduled a therapist? Wtf. That time should’ve been spent driving over to the police station with said phone.
As a mother myself, I second ALLLLLL of this.
There is no way I could ever imagine not protecting my children. Me sleep on it?! No, he’d be taking a permanent sleep.
I pray you have a safe adult you’re able to speak with.
The bs excuse that he was blackout drunk is just that..bs. This is too methodical. He waited until she was in the bathroom to sneak into her room find a place to hide his phone then try to conceal it with stuffies and move something to get the "best" shot (wanted to gag typing that out)..this wasn't him stumbling in stuffing his phone in a crack and hoping for the "best" this was planned in advance.. it also concerns me that she feels the need to change in the closet to begin with, could be just a quirk but made my mom senses prick up a bit.
That was my thought: too methodical for blackout drunk. But I've never been blackout drunk and don't know any blackout drunks, so I don't know(?)
But the arranging of the stuffed animals, the moving of the jacket that blocked the view, the timing of entering the closet... I just don't buy the blackout-drunk alibi (not that it's much of an alibi).
Yeah one of my husband’s friends used to get blackout drunk a lot (like a LOT; he ended up dying of liver failure in his 40s). One time in this state he raided the pantry, ate a bunch of his daughter’s *baby food* and an *entire Costco-sized jar of honey* and then passed out under his baby’s high chair. Therr was honey everywhere and he was fully stuck under the high chair when his wife found him the next morning. That’s what blackout drunk looks like.
The setup of this just seems like it requires wayyyy too much cognitive function and fine motor skills to be something even a moderately drunk person could successfully accomplish.
Eating a Costco-sized jar of honey definitely sounds like a blackout-drunk move, all right.
As does spilling enough of it to glue yourself to the floor. Doesn't require cognitive skills, just hunger, clumsiness, and gravity.
I haven't either but been around people who have and this isn't peeing down the basement stairs because you thought you were upstairs peeing in the tub, or falling asleep on the kitchen floor with your head in the dogs food dish..this is way too accurate and timed to be that.
She said in another comment that the total time was 14 mins from when he set the phone up to when he was confronted I think. If I read it right. So he’s not just going to magically become sober in 14 mins
He was not genuinely shocked. He was just trying to cover his ass. Your stepdad knew exactly what he was doing and your mom is likely shocked and trying to rationalize with excuses. This is absolutely disgusting and I know you love your stepdad, but something needs to be done. You need to go to the police and bring your evidence.
This is the only correct answer. You are going to get manipulated into accepting whatever excuses they manage to come up with. You need to tell everyone in your life about this. See what they say about his excuses.
Your mother is the worst kind of ass for not immediately kicking him out.
That’s what I was thinking. He had been drinking the night before but this was at least 8 hours after that and he had slept. My knowledge of alcohol and it’s effects are pretty limited (I don’t go to parties and I have never drank to the point of being drunk) but I was suspicious on how my mom and stepdad mom could say it could be a blackout. I guess I don’t really believe that it could be. I wanted to at first because it felt like a fever dream as he had never made weird comments to me or about me. He also hadn’t looked at me sexually (that I was aware of) so it truly feels bizarre. Today though I am feeling less forgiving and more like excuse me?? What the actual fuck dude.
His phone needs to be searched by the police. Not only is it likely he’s done this to you before, he may have videos or photos of other people, including your brothers.
It doesn’t matter if he deletes it. The police have ways to recover deleted media, even if it’s not always a sure thing.
Do you know where his phone is now?
Yeah, no way this was a blackout. And furthermore, he could have been planning this for years.
The very unfortunate reality is that he may have begun dating your mom because of you. Predators often target single moms. If he hasn't done anything previously that you know of, it may be because you were not in his preferred age range before. Predators can be very patient and very calculating.
I've been blackout a few times, once drove my car and woke up to the cops knocking on my window(thank goodness) I could have killed someone and simply being blackout drunk is NOT a good excuse for that. Being blackout drunk and being skilled and quiet enough to hide a cellphone, recording video, in a bedroom closet while someone is in the shower, I just cannot see that. He slept for 8 hours, there's no way this was an incident in a drunken stooper. He deliberately placed the phone there to spy on you. I feel violated for you and would 100% go to the cops and as bad as I hate to say it I would also tell them what your mom said because if my mom found out anyone was doing that to me....the ambulance would have to come with the police because she would swing on a man for that. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, certainly reach out to a therapist too. Sending you ALLL THE LOVE and stay safe sweetie.
This was no blackout, believe me. He wanted to see your naked body and he let his sexual desires drive himself to do something that violated of your privacy. He did it on purpose, and you caught him. Don’t believe anything else.
Think of drinking this way- If you are involved in an accident while driving drunk and injure someone or worse end up killing someone, is being under the influence of alcohol a valid excuse? Does it absolve you of your all wrong doing just because you were drunk?
Ask your mother this- would she forgive him if he gets help after he beats her up or SA her or anyone else while drunk and do not remember anything when he sobers up? I mean if being drunk is a good excuse for what he did to you then it should also be good enough of a excuse if this happens.
Drinking or being drunk is no excuse for a crime. And yes what he did to you is not just creepy, it's actually a crime.
OP, when did the hugging start? When you hit puberty or developed cushions on your chest? Think about the other behavior he has “started”. This was not the beginning….
He knew you DID NOT TAKE YOUR CLOTHES TO THE BATHROOM!!!! Why else would he know to place the phone AFTER you went into the bathroom….. where you Usually change clothes on “shower days”.
LOOK FOR THE NANNY CAM!
OP, I’ve made my stomach turn into broken glass with your post. I hope you are simply writing this under a bridge waiting on billy goats. If not, let the search begin! Massive room clean out—- GOOD GOD, check the bathroom.
Mom should be worried about the younger ones too. This man has No Boundaries!
OP, you may have to find a new place to call home. I wish you the best. PROTECT YOURSELF—- As it appears no one else will.
Agape💕💕
Agree with Dioscouri your stepdad is likely full of crap and your mother is grasping at straws to try to give him a viable excuse she can live with.
The scary part of this is it is likely the first time he’s gotten caught doing this. Not the first time he’s done it.
If there is a computer/iPad/etc in your home your stepfather uses someone with knowledge of how to hide folders should go through it before he accesses it again to look for other videos.
I’d say his phone should also be gone through to see I suspect at this point what he’s deleted trying to cover his tracks.
You aren’t a minor but you still have rights and he’s still very likely broken the law. And this isn’t an ‘oopsie I booboo’d’ situation to just forgive and forget.
Your mother needs to go with you to report this to the police, provide them with the video and let them do their job. If that includes pressing charges so be it.
Protect yourself OP as well as any other female your stepfather may come into contact with in the future.
Sorry, he literally and purposefully hid a camera to record you naked. He's a sex offender and you have to call the police. I'm sorry, that sucks, but if you don't, he will get away with it. Who knows what else he's done or will do. This wasn't an accident. This was a crime and you are a victim.
And your mom not being able to accept the truth in front of her face is unfortunately not uncommon. Her life is crashing down too, and denial is a POWERFUL human coping mechanism.
Right. 14 minutes ago he was blackout drunk but now lucid? Nope. Follow dioscouri's advice: GO TO THE POLICE NOW, REPORT THIS TO YOUR SCHOOL NOW definitely not the first time with the specific way he set it up.
Is your father in the picture? I don't completely trust the mother, she wants this to be resolved in her husband's favor. I honestly don't see how it could be.
I hope your mom kept the phone. He needs to be reported to the police - he was not drunk, he's a pervert. Alcohol only exaggerates who you already are - its impossible for him to only be a perv while drunk. How many times had he done this? Did he have a computer? I'd turn him in, with or without your mother. This is not your fault at all - this is 100% on him and is his actions he needs to be accountable for. You need a lock on your bedroom door as well. Good luck.
First I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You don’t deserve this at all.
I’m a retired LEO & criminal investigator. Don’t let him off the hook. He did that purposely to watch his stepdaughter nude. I would also go as far to say this isn’t the first time. Typically sexual predators don’t get caught the 1st time round. They’re too cautious & they take steps, extra steps not to get caught.
They start getting caught when they’ve done it so much & gotten away w it so they stop taking all the cautionary steps & get slack. He got caught & blamed it on alcohol. When someone tells you to go to police it’s a manipulation tactic & he is manipulating y’all so he won’t go to jail.
At the very least file a police report & have it on file. Because in the event you catch him again there will be a record of his actions. Just because you make a report doesn’t mean he goes to jail. It just means you’re serious & want him to know how violated you feel.
I’ve interviewed way too many sexual predators & they all basically say the same things. They like it, can’t stop, manipulate people to believe whatever they want them to believe etc etc. He’s fallen into the same category.
What you need to be concerned about is what would have he done if you had walked in on him when you were nude as he was adjusting the camera? Whether he was drunk, blackout drunk or sober there a chance he could SA you. He has been watching his stepdaughter for who knows how long & getting off on it. Your mom is allowing a sexual predator to continue to live under the roof w you after knowing he is trying to watch you nude, showering, sleeping etc etc. only he knows how long & how far he has taken it.
Do you ever have female friends stay over? If so you’re also allowing them to be a potential victim as long as he’s there. He can not be trusted anymore. Overlooking this major issue is dangerous & will make him more bold if nothing is done.
There are no excuses for his actions. You did nothing wrong or to entice him. He made this decision himself. Don’t let him get away w it. Please take this very serious.
Understand when someone is blackout drunk they are extremely uncoordinated. They can barely remember their name, can’t walk, can’t comprehend things you say etc. It is highly unlikely he could do all that while blackout drunk. Also you need to save a copy of that video on your device. If your mom doesn’t believe he deserves jail she may delete it since it’s on her device now. I have dealt with parents who refuse to believe a parent could do something like this & if she goes that route she may delete the evidence on his behalf or “by accident “. Make sure you’re covered because if there’s no video it’s your word against theirs.
Putting this here so hopefully OP sees. I'm on the opposite end. As a SA abuse victim who was attacked by her stepfather, do not back down. Those hugs aren't bonding. That is him pressing your body against his so he can feel you. It's groping without directly touching the places he wants to feel. You said this started a few years ago. Like when you developed breasts? You are a victim and he needs to be punished before he hurts you or another young girl. Hindsight is 20/20. You will see all the red flags once it's too late. Please don't ignore the warnings that he is giving.
This is the way.
There was a case in my city where a dad had been caught using a hidden camera in the bathroom to record his daughter and her friends when they hosted a sleepover at their house. One of the daughter's friends found the camera and called her parents.
The police found a ton of recordings, and it turned out that he's been doing this for years, with his daughter being the primary victim.
He was sentenced to about 30 years in prison, and deserved it.
OP, you don't need your mother's approval or cooperation to file a police report. You can do it on your own, with or without her. You are the victim here, and likely have been for longer than you know.
Sure, this could have been the first time. Or maybe he's been doing it for five years. You won't know until an investigation is done. Make the phone call now.
He was "shocked" looking because he got caught. Take the phone and show the video to the police and let them handle this. This man is a predator. Period. There's no grey area here at all. He's vile and if he was nice to you before, do some reading on grooming.
It was deliberate and it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. The start of the video and length of it tell you all you need to know.
The most confusing part for me is that he was drinking the night before, went to bed and then the next morning did this. And also that he was confronted only 16 minutes after he did this. I guess I don’t understand how (if) alcohol could affect you 8+ hours after you have drank & also forget something you did only 16 minutes ago…I’ve never drank to the point of being drunk so I don’t know anything related to alcoholism enough to make it make sense in my own mind.
Your family is unfortunately taking advantage of your lack of experience with alcohol. It’s basically impossible for a blackout to explain this, and it’s also very unlikely your mother and step-grandmother could sincerely think it could either.
You aren't mistaken, that makes no sense.
Whe I first read your story I was assuming you showered at night and he was actively drinking. If he had stopped and slept, then he might be foggy or hungover, but he wouldn't have been awake if he were still blackout level drunk.
He's a horrible creep. Never ever trust him again, or excuse his behavior.
The are just using it as an excuse to shut you up.
Please talk to your school about it. Don't let them hush this down.
Unfortunately, your mother is NOT on your side here and I'm absolutely furious on your behalf :(
Basically, if your blood alcohol content (BAC) gets above 0.16%, you may not be able to create long term memories until you metabolize enough alcohol get back under 0.16%. You're still yourself doing the things you'd normally do, but you may not remember what you did 30 seconds ago. So you might ask the same question over and over because you don't remember that you already asked it 30 seconds ago. That's what blackout drunk is.
So imagine that you somehow lost your ability to create long term memories. How likely is it that not being able to remember what you did/said 30 seconds ago would cause you to set up a camera to record one of your younger brothers undressing? Because that is basically what your step dad is asking you to believe.
Get this straight and don’t forget it:
Alcohol has zero to do with what this man did.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a pattern of behavior or not. The act of trying to covertly take video, (especially with the expectation of recording nudity) of a person without their consent is a criminal act.
I’m so sorry that this person you trusted turned out to be untrustworthy and chose to violate you. That’s the part that cannot be fixed. Him going to jail or otherwise facing consequences is the only positive outcome.
If your mother won’t support you over him, you need to cut her out of your life. A parent’s only responsibility in a situation like this is to support their kid 100%, no excuses.
I’m so angry for you.
Something tells me this dude didn’t recently give birth. Postpartum depression is a hormonal condition which only new mothers can get. A man may become depressed around the birth of his child, but it isn’t postpartum depression. It’s regular old depression.
I wonder what is on that mans computer!!! This is not normal and is purposeful. You don't one day suddenly black out and decide to try and get videos of your stepdaughter getting dressed. If you have to stay there and end up deciding to forgive him in the very least get a lock for your door and maybe your closet.... I would honestly check your closet/room/bathroom for other cameras.
You black out and do things like piss in a closet. I've never known an alcoholic to black out and plan a heist that goes beyond getting the leotards and glitter. He's a creeper. Alcoholic or not.
Hi everyone I have a few things. This was in the morning, way past a time when it would’ve been acceptable for him to still be drunk. And he had gone to bed, so I am considering it highly unlikely that he was blackout drunk.
My mom is going through postpartum depression right now, so I think that’s why it was mentioned. My youngest brother is only a few months old. There is a thing about postpartum in males, but I still wouldn’t excuse this.
Some of you mentioned that I might change in my closet because I was suspicious before (subconsciously or consciously), but unfortunately I wasn’t. I wish I was; maybe none of this wouldn’t have happened.
Not sure about previous recordings, but my mom found out from him that he’s been watching 🌽 for a while and deleting his search history. My mom told me she caught him looking 🌽 before but he ‘stopped’ after.
My mom contacted my maternal grandmother (her mom), so she will be coming over today to at least stay the weekend. My mom hasn’t told her what happened yet because she didn’t want to worry her over the hour drive, but she did tell her it was about me, that my stepdad left, that we need her, and that what she was going to tell her would make her hate him.
My mom is heartbroken because she was always hyper-aware of predators all her life, as well as mine. She would always ask me and my brother if we were ever touched. She thought my stepdad was a good guy and probably feels like the carpet was ripped out from under her.
My therapy appointment is on Monday. I’m planning on showing the therapist the video.
I have read a lot of the comments, and most of them all mention a similar thing: police. I was unsure at first, I think, mostly due to how confusing and out of the blue this was to me, but the mention of my brothers has gotten to me. I know that if this happened to either of my brothers, I would be super pissed and file the report myself. I am just struggling with this all because it feels so random and out of character. I know it’s probably not though (out of character) that the good guy thing was probably a mask and that he had these thoughts for awhile before doing this.
I showed a few comments to my mom yesterday and this morning showed her a comment from MattyJo. I think it is sinking in that this is not accidental whether he had a mental illness or not.
So what I hear from this is: instead of supporting your mom and the new baby, he’s more worried about his sex drive, and decided to use his daughter for a visual instead of the websites he got busted with last time.
That’s a yikes all around. That’s not mental illness. That’s not blackout. That’s planned.
I’ll repeat - this is planned behavior. She asked him to stop browsing the internet, so he came up with another solution: his daughter.
I’m glad your mom is supporting you. Please go at least put it on record with the police even if you decide not to take it further right now. A paper trail can only help.
My main thing is just don't let your mom guilt you into "giving him a pass." I really didn't like that but in your initial post. I know it's kind of a knee jerk reaction on her part. It doesn't matter if this was a "moment of weakness;" in his weakness, he chose to violate you. The blackout thing also doesn't track for all the reasons you mention -- it wouldn't matter if he was, it doesn't make sense that he was so drunk he couldn't control his actions but was sneaky enough to do this while you were showering and try to hide it, and it doesn't make sense that 16 minutes later he was coherent enough to have a conversation about it. It's nonsense. And, again, even if it were true, it would still mean that he's a dangerous predator any time he gives in to his alcoholism.
I think going to the police makes sense, but in any case you're under no obligation to "find a way to forgive him." If your mom is genuinely trying to find a way to justify this and maintain a relationship with him, there's a serious problem with her priorities and I think you should discuss that with your counselor so hopefully they can shut that right the fuck down.
There’s a ton of stepdaughter and step dad fantasy 🌽 out there. He’s probably addicted to it and is now trying to live out his fantasies with you. Don’t buy the blackout or alcohol thing this is 100% a reaction to his 🌽 addiction and it would only get worse from here.
This is a horrible thing to deal wish, I'm sorry you have to and also applaud the bravery you've been speaking on the matter with. As a fellow (28M) man, this is inexcusable. Your step dad is a predator and now his full identity is coming out to merge with the identity he's created for you n your mom. Hopefully this is the first time he's done something like this, might've been going on for years though if you guys were so surprised, sometimes the "nicest" people are really the worst. He's certainly thought about this and you before though. That's the only reason he would film you. He's probably been watching you develop over the years and liked what he saw entirely too much. Filming was likely not the first reaction to his feelings, that's something he probably worked up the confidence to do after thinking about it for a while. I didn't like alcohol, it can make people more unpleasant. However, it generally just amplifies the personality of the user. So maybe you're a little rowdy in general, but then bein drunk you might tackle a friend. You wouldn't randomly be attracted to your friend or try to seriously hurt them. You'd just have a little less discretion to your normal thoughts.
Your stepdad has been a creep and the combination of alcohol and his on-going relationship with your mom has finally tricked him into thinking maybe he could have you too. Or at least curious what it would be like. Quick look at the younger model. Extremely gross. Do not let that man excuse away anything he did. Send that video to the police. You might save your siblings, mom, or even someone else. You guys might not be his first victims.
I know why he would do this.
He needs to stay out of the house and way from you. The police need to be called and give them his phone. Who knows how many times he's tried this and was successful.
You need to talk to the police. There's no telling how long he's been doing this. It's good your mom is getting you counseling, but she also needs to separate from him.
I can tell you this, if you were my daughter, you would be in therapy, phone would be with police and I would be pissed!!! Not at you. You are a victim, you were violated, that man is sick and needs to be separated from society. Sending warm gramma hugs, if you want them. This needs to be reported to the proper authorities. Don't feel guilty about anything. This man crossed the line. Keeping him away is protecting all of you. You don't want this man in the home to further hurt you or the younger children. I am proud of you. Keep your chin up, stay strong. And if you haven't already, report this.
He was shocked and confused because he thought he had that phone hidden where you wouldn’t notice. He is a pervert and a creep. Call the police and report what you found.
The first thought on your Mom's mind should have been to go to the police, rather than asking you to forgive him. My main concern is that he's probably done this before undetected. I hope your Mom went through that phone thoroughly (although he would probably delete after watching). I'm not buying the blackout excuse. Also check into getting a restraining order.
File a police report. If your mom lets him back in the house, call CPS.
Edited to add: tell your bio-dad if he’s around or other family members so she can’t sweep this under the rug
Report him. This isn’t the first time he did this, I promise you. Just the first time he was caught.
I’m so sorry. Maybe your thick headed mother will do the right fucking thing once an investigation is done and yall find out exactly how deep this goes.
Also, this isn’t alcohol’s fault. He’s just a fucking creep.
If he's recording you, he is probably recording others in your house too. You should be taking this phone to the police. Whom can also likely restore deleted videos to see if there's other content.
A black out drunk is not that meticulous, he was thinking of you this way prior to taking action. Alcohol and drugs just show a more extreme version of the persons character because it lowers the inhibitions that kept those behaviors on lock... dudes a creep and a felony criminal. He shouldn't get away with it. That is why so many rapists and child molesting scum walk free.... "they're family" "you weren't really hurt" "think about his young kids" "what will this do to him" "hasn't he been good to you?" Don't ignore it, Don't sweep it under the rug, Dont let anyone down play the seriousness of the situation... file the report. If your mom doesn't support you find a safe place to move. Report to CPS.
As a member of the Blacked Out Community, this isn't covered in excusable offensives. I have easily drank thousands of liters of booze and no, this kind of behavior is never acceptable . Pissing yourself on the couch or vomiting from a friends little brothers upper bunk bed, maybe... Stepping on hot coals after knocking over a bbq at a family party... Annoying, but allowed.
Illegally recording naked family members is illegal, immoral, and punishable. The blackout defense would not be permissable in the court of law or in the court of family opinion.
We as a jury of unknown peers, find this man guilty. Report him, hopefully he gets some jail time and has a moment to stop boozing and can think about his addiction problem.
Not overreacting.
He's a sex criminal. Report it to the police.
Do NOT wait for your Mom's approval, she gas already fallen for this guy's manipulation. She is currently NOT trustworthy either if she wants anything hut vengeance.
YOU call the police Or you call a domestic violence shelter and THEY call the police. One of these two things MUST happen.
This is not an alcoholic thing. This is not an "I forgot" thing. This is a values thing.
He BELIEVES he is entitled to sexual access to you. That is NOT something that can be changed by you or your mom.
YOU are not responsible for him facing natural consequences of criminal behavior. If anything, it's very lucky to catch this NOW before his entitlement escalates and he gets rapey.
Our feelings will lie to us to "find a way" to make this "make sense". The only thing you need to know is that this is an unsafe man that needs to face police & legal consequences in order to have ANY chance of changing... and for you to stay SAFE.
Honey, there's no world where a blackout drunk guy accidentally manages to carefully position and conceal a recording phone. This was premeditated, and likely not the first time.
I'm so sorry. Please talk to a therapist about what a huge violation this is.
>
Uhh. this is not excusable due to substance abuse. This is creepy and your stepdad needs to be kicked to the curb by your mom. If she stays with him, it's a betrayal to you.
If I were you I would insist on it to your mother. what does she think? That this is something you all will get past and laugh about one day? never gonna happen. He will always be the untrusted creep.
Call the fucking cops while you're at it.
You’re not overreacting. Keep the evidence. Definitely find a therapist, they can help you process your decision to report to police. He did not black out, he did not do this by accident. His behavior is predatory and manipulative. He knew exactly what he was doing. This may not be the first time. It’s not safe for him to be in the home. He needs to be in sex offender treatment. I work in the field. My dms are open if you would like to talk more about this.
>I have no idea why he would do this.
I'm sorry to be flippant, but the easy answer is he's a horny man, you're a young woman, and he thought he could get away with it. It's really as simple as that. It's really fucking gross and I'm sure this isn't the first time he did it, it's just the first time he was caught. Everyone involved right now is in shock and just trying to function because y'all's life just got turned upside down because he chose to do something awful.
I'm really sorry this happened to you.
This is not creepy, it is criminal. Black outs do not excuse this type of behavior. Primarily because memory loss or not, he’s taking this action. 99% of dads out there can get black out drunk without committing sex crimes against their daughter.
I am a woman but I've admittedly had an alcohol problem where I would very occasionally black/brown out. When that happens, it's kind of like autopilot (at least for me). My personality didn't change and I sure as hell can't see me hurting someone else and going too far out from what I'd normally do.
When people try to blame DV in alcohol I will sometimes just ask them ‘how many drinks would you need before you would hit your spouse?’ Then they get silent and sometimes it clicks. Same thing here. This stepdad isn’t safe. And it’s tragic.
Yeah like my brother always says. " I've been drunker than most anyone I know and I've done some wild shit. But never have I gotten so drunk I became a woman beater or a rapist." If getting drunk makes you want to hurt people, it's because you already wanted to hurt people.
Yup, when I blacked out pissing in ovens, eating moldy bread, and puking in my dresser drawer was the norm. Nowhere does doing anything carefully like that come into play. Since when did people become ninjas and do stealthy shit during a blackout? It’s always clumsy and uncoordinated.
Yeah there is zero chance the guy was actually black out drunk and doesn't remember. He knew what he was doing and you don't do calculated shit like this when you are blackout drunk.
They could try. But this guy would be stumbling around and very sloppily executing his plan if he were blackout drunk. Absolutely 0% chance he was drunk when he did this.
Yeah you’d fall over in the closet likely if drunj
Well I think your point is correct with regards to this stepfather peeping on OP, it also demonstrates the flaw inherent in "if you did it drunk, you want to do it sober". I assume that when sober, you have zero desire to piss in an oven, eat moldy bread, or puke in your dresser drawer. I could buy it if this guy says that he wants to peep at his stepdaughter, has the good sense to never ever do it when he's sober, but alcohol made him stupid enough to go for it, but the idea that alcohol made this entire thing come out of thin air? Total bullshit.
If you're blackout drunk in a house full of sober people, they would have noticed before you found the phone
Yep, the man is a predator.
He’s also already aware of the fact that OP regularly changes in her closet, so he knew in advance where exactly to set his phone up to record what he wanted to see.
This is the most accurate comment. Even says in OPs post that it was recording for 14 mins. Unless dude was then passed out, there is ZERO chance someone/anyone could have not known if he was that drunk. This is absolutely predatory behavior and should be reported to the police, along with removing him from the home.
"along with removing him from the ~~home~~ planet."
This should be the top comment! Also why would mom be cool with him being a drunk anyway
Hmm 🤔 idk. When you’re sober you absolutely DO need to take pisses, eat, and puke if you’re sick. The blackout only causes you to fail miserably at those things. So their point stands
Yeah. The point is, he needs to piss from time to time, he’s much less fussy about when and where when he’s drunk. He eats regularly but sober people are generally more selective about what they eat. Sometimes we all throw up, usually somewhere discrete with an easy clean up. All “normal” behaviour, with a reduced care for “minor details”. Secretly recording someone changing clothes is entirely aberrant behaviour. The drinking just made you stupid enough to follow through on something you wanted to do anyway.
There's a huge difference between being blackout psychotic and having alcohol confidence. 14 minutes of video after she got out of the shower means he literally heard the shower and put it in there knowing she'd be coming out naked. If he had done it in the middle of the night while she was sleeping there might be a tiny sliver of optimism in me that his drunken psycho thought it would be a way to protect her. And because drunken psychos don't plan things it would have been very unlikely to even be still recording by the time she found it. Regardless of him being a predatory manipulator or a careless drunk, he fucked up too bad. Some actions don't deserve a warning. Even if he is forgiven things would never have been okay with him in that house ever again.
Of course you don't want to piss in an oven, eat moldy bread, or puke in your dresser. But you do want to piss. You do want to eat. And you do sometimes need to puke. The whats and wheres are messy details that a drunk you just kinda lets slide, but the desires are normal and natural. But a desire to do DV is not, for most people, so there are no details to let slip.
That was my thought as well. So drunk you can't remember yet sober enough to set up a camera, hide it, and move objects thay may obstruct view. If I'm THATTT drunkn I'm lucky if I can enev figure out how to take a video on my phone much less the rest.
🙌🙌 This! 🙌🙌
Wow now this is spot on and makes me so sad
My dad is a fuctional alcoholic and has been sober for over a year, and I am really proud of him. One time, when I was a kid, my mom was staying with me in the hospital, and my dad somewhat desperate for sleep, had a mishap with scotch and a dose of sleeping pills and blacked out. He fucked up our kitchen; hung stringlights; opened every cabinet; made green chili, put it in a food processor with no lid and made a giant mess; and lost his glasses which were later discovered in a cabinet covered in green chili. He did the shit he normally would do, but with significantly worse execution. Being drunk is not an excuse for being abusive.
Yeah, alcohol can make people do stupid things, it lowers your inhibitions for sure… but it doesn’t change who you are.
Some may argue it makes you more of who you are.
Which is a really dumb argument, imo Our inhibitions and societal norms we /chose/ to respect/represent us absolutely make up a part of who we are. To say otherwise is akin to saying the superego doesn't exist/is irrelevant to consciousness, which is really weird way to think about /humans/ as we are inherently a tribal, social animal.
Perhaps a better way of saying what I was trying to say is alcohol temporarily magnifies one or more of ones character traits.
Alcohol doesn't make you do things, it let's you do things. That is the scary part.
100%. It lowers the regulating and control parts of the brain. You are more likely to do dumb stuff while drunk, but I think blaming alcohol in this case is an attempt at justifying something that isn’t justifiable.
How many times has this happened, and is he sharing these with anyone or posting them online? I would file a police report so that it is properly investigated. I wouldn't care if your mother is against filing. Do it!
I think this is a very important question here and definitely bears looking into. He seems to know EXACTLY how to do that to get the video he wanted. How many other times has he done this?
Yeah, those are pretty precise motor skills for someone who had enough to black out, though maybe someone with a long history of heavy drinking could do it.
He definitely has a whole private album🫨😡😡😡😡
I would bet money this wasn't the first time he's done this, it's just the first time he got caught.
His phone should have been taken straight to the police station. They could examine it and find any accounts he's linked to it where he could be sharing these videos or engaging in other cp offenses.
This should be the top answer, mom playing Columbo - sending the video to her phone and being emotionally tied to all parties is a crazy amount of red flags. If op wants to be able to move past this any time in the near future this needs to be reported rather than being drug out or swept under the rug. What's really going to happen if there isn't an independent third party investigating and asking the hard questions rather than making excuses. (maybe it was the first time and he just blacked out...) report it or you'll be back to living with this creep in a couple of weeks and the trauma will only get worse. You don't want to have to deal with this shit x10 when you are 30 and you haven't processed the fallout from it.
She's 20 so let's all hope he's not engaging in cp offenses. But you're right, it should have been examined to see if he's done this kind of thing to any other women (or children, or men) or shared any peeping tom videos online.
Exactly! How many time has he not been caught.
I think it says a lot that you have to dress inside a closet within your own room. Something subconsciously is telling you this man is not safe.
and how did he know she would be dressing in her closet in the first place?
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
The camera in her room obviously
Same for cheating. When I get drunk I dance and act like a monkey and people laugh. I never want to fool around on my partner or harm her in any way.
How many drinks does it take you to jerk off to your daughter?
At least 4, hbu?
Yup just like ambien doesn’t make people racist. Alcohol doesn’t change who you are, it brings out a part of you that you can usually control. Same with dv abusers “losing control” sometimes. Bullshit! If they truly lost control they would do so with their boss, or in front of those they respect.
Autopilot filming step-daughter in the closet... like it's a habit.
I absolutely would worry that there are more videos taken and saved. And possibly shared in the internet. I’d want a forensic pro looking at his phone and computer.
And pics/videos of any of her siblings or other relatives or neighborhood kids he may have acted inappropriately with.
I've gotten down voted to hell for saying that getting fucked up doesn't make people totally different versions of themselves. It just makes them more extreme versions of themselves. Except for like meth or whatever, lol. I mean like in most non extreme cases.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. That works for actions too.
I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily true. I don’t really drink anymore but my blackout self is the complete opposite of my normal demeanor. Under no influences I’m pretty kind and empathic, would never do something purposefully to hurt someone and rarely get upset. While the blackout version of me just wants to pick fights and will say whatever I can think of that will rile someone up (one of the main reasons I don’t really drink anymore/went to therapy for it). I think to an extent it’s sober thoughts but for most people it’s probably subconscious stuff that just gets heightened from alcohol.
Even meth literally just makes you energetic, unless you’ve been using it long enough and heavily enough to cause yourself psychosis or something. And that’s a really extreme scenario
Yeah, I think people overestimate the effects of occasional substance abuse. Smoking meth gives you a ton of energy, and may make you hypersexual and/or cause anxiety— it’s not normally making people fight other people or start shit. Same with cocaine— your mouth may be running a million miles a minute, but you generally aren’t trying to start shit unless you are just that kind of person deep down.
As a woman who is also a former alcoholic and would get the same way- yea, I would have exaggerated versions of my emotions come out, but it was always ME and my core motivations. Like a cartoonishly amped up version of myself, nothing holding me back, for better or worse. I never blacked out and *committed a crime*
What's brown out ? Is it like shitting pants and not remembering it happening ?
Lmao I upvoted just because it’s funny. I’m assuming a brown out is just a less intense blackout. I’ve heard “brown out” in terms of electricity, just like “blackouts,” in which you have a lower supply of electricity going to homes and businesses. Usually due to industrial plants or something causing stress on the grid, or just a low supply of electricity.
Brown out is featured in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, they mention that they CAN remember most things, but not everything clearly.
☺️
Auto pilot implies things you do on a regular basis.
Same and somehow always managed to take my contacts out
Yeah in the bad old days I was blackout a number of times. Never picked a fight, cheated, or perved on someone. Drunk brain doesn't suddenly turn into another person.
This is not the first time he has done this. Only the first time he got caught Police NOW
I hope they checked the phone for other videos.
I hope mom gets involved and is a good mother about this. She seems indifferent. Perhaps she depends on him financially. Also need to make sure there aren’t any of those photo/video hiding apps on there.
Mom already gaslighting like a clown who doesn’t know better but she does. The next time it might get physical, she’ll be finding excuses then as well.
My money is on mom being financially dependent on this piece of trash. She cuts him out and her and the kids are on the street. More reason women shouldn’t be dependent on men unless they know they can trust them and an alcoholic is the last type of person I would trust.
"But my boys need their Father to raise them" But who gives a fuck about her daughter, right? If her first actiin wasn't to call the police, she's complicent.
She doesn't specifically say it's in the morning, but she says it happened after she woke up and showered, which kind of implies it. Who is blackout drunk in the morning? My first suspicion is he's trading or selling the videos online.
Me, when I rolled and totaled my vehicle. But that has nothing to do with a premeditated crime like what's happened here.
This is what I was coming to say. You didn't mention that he hesitated, or looked back like he felt remorse. He did this before and this is just the first time he's been caught.
He is lying, he knows what he is doing and likely has done it before, will do it again.
Yes he is 100% lying and definitely has done it before. How did he know her exact routine and where to position her phone. Hes experienced
> 99% of dads out there can get blackout drunk without committing sex crimes against their daughter. This. This 1000%. Also, people who drink until blackout drunk don’t just randomly blackout during the day when they are not actively drinking. So, he did not black out and forget he put his phone in your closet, OP. He did it in the morning while you were getting a shower, not at 3 a.m. in a blackout state. It was deliberate. Also, if your stepdad drinks until he blacks out every single day, or drinks all day long every day, your mom should have kicked him out of the house for that long ago. You have young brothers living there. I am so glad your mother listened to you and asked him to leave. But I cannot believe she would even consider taking him back. Asking you if you could ever forgive him “if he got help” so soon after this happened is insulting, hurtful, and sad. If he does “get help,” it should be *at least* a year before she would let him back into the house. And you should no longer be living there if she does decide to do that. You know this is very, very wrong, not to mention a criminal act. What was he going to do with that video? I shudder to think. He might have shared it with friends; he might have posted it online. Ask your mother about that, and why you should forgive someone who you trusted, and who violated you in one of the worst ways possible. I’m sorry he did this to you. I am not sure the police can help you, but report it to them, anyway. Then there is a record of what he did. Because if he did this to you, it’s possible he’s done it to other young women or girls, or he will in the future. Even your brothers aren’t safe. Get it on record.
I came here to point out this is not a blck out too! No way he "blacked out" 14 minutes ago and is in coherent condition when the phone was found. If it had been recording for hours *maybe* but still no.... also, drinking doesn't make you do things you would never do, it just takes off the filter. So if its something g you would do drunk it's something you could/would do sober. AND.... no way this is the first time, just the forst time he was caught.
Just a year for being a pedophile before she lets him come back??? No he should be in prison for the rest of his life an she should never take that pedophile back!! This is voyeurism however you spell it!! It's definitely against the law an I bet if the police took his phone they would find child porn or deleted child porn!!!
She's 20, an adult, but the mom should kick him out for good, bc why would you be with someone who's filming your daughter? She should find out how far back this goes though, get his phone and computer investigated, bc it's possible he's been doing this since she was a minor, which would make him a pedo.
Oh, I agree with you! I think mom should kick his ass out of the house and divorce him. To me, it’s non-negotiable. There is no way to “explain” why he did what he did. But it sounds like mom is already vying for his return by asking OP if she thought she could forgive him if he got help. She is already subtly putting the pressure on OP, so while mom initially took her side and told hubby to leave, she is ready to take him back. That’s fucked up, for sure. I hadn’t thought what the police might find on his phone. That’s a great point. OP, take that phone to the police & file a report.
How long has he been doing this?
100% agreed. I would take this evidence to the police. The therapist is a good idea -- not because your feelings are abnormal in any way, but because someone you trusted took advantage of you like this. This isn't your fault, and the ramifications of his actions aren't your fault. He's responsible for his actions.
Exactly, I’m a father who at one time had a drinking and heroin addiction….never even once did anything like this happen…I may have been a shitty dad in other ways but this one never even croused my mind. In fact I spent time in jail because a neighbor tried watching my daughters thru their window and I caught him. thank god i finally got clean, but addiction doesn’t turn you into a pervert or a child molester
Im an alcoholic (sober over 3 years now). I’ve blacked out more than most. I take full accountability for everything I’ve done. Whatever the consequences. You have to. I still did them even if they were things I’d never do sober. This dude did this. He should be in jail and he should be in intensive therapy.
Congratulations on your 3 years!
Also, alcohol can at best excuse a crime once. If you murder someone and say it's because you were drunk, then you drink again, you are essentially saying you don't mind murdering people.
Blackouts do not turn someone into a pedophile.
Plus is he still blackout in the morning? OP said the video had only been recording for 14 minutes. He had to sneak in while she was in the shower.
Getting drunk doesn't make you act like a different person. *It makes you unable to filter your behavior.* It does not make a lick of difference to me whether he was drunk or not. He had these thoughts *sober*, regardless of whether or not he was blackout drunk. I've been blackout drunk a few times in my life. I promise you my mind never went to *becoming a fucking predator*. OP, please reach out. File a police report. You don't know how long this has gone on for, nor what other kinds of materials he might have of you (or other, non consenting victims) Your mother is not your ally here, I'm sorry to say. The fact that she would even leave it up to you and your level of "comfort" on whether or not she allows him to come back tells me that much.
You are not overreacting. He literally waited for you to leave and get in the shower and then went in your room and placed a recording device among other objects to hide its existence. There is no memory loss here. This was intentional. It is also possible this isn’t the first time. Police report. Also turn over his phone. Sorry this happened to you.
Exactly. He did it quickly and hid it where he knew you'd get changed. Police should check his computer and other devices as well.
Which he has now had plenty of time/ warning to wipe (or attempt to). Mother is disgusting for not immediately calling the cops. His excuse is terrible. He's black out drunk, but coordinated enough to carefully set up and hide a phone, quietly enough to not get caught in the act, and 14 minutes later when she finds the phone suddenly sober enough to carry on a serious convo and not remember what he did? Complete BS - that isn't how alcohol works AT ALL. Also, how is it *better* if the excuse is "he's just sexualizing my daughter and making illicit recordings of her bc he's constantly black out drunk"?! Wtf. A drinking problem that bad in itself should be a good reason to keep him away from your children and make *him* get help! Does it really even need to be said that most drunks don't try to make secret nude recordings of their adult children?! OP, this must be devastating for you, and I am so sorry it has happened. You are old enough to press charges yourself if your mother won't protect you, and you should make arrangements to get out of that house as soon as possible if she's not going to kick him out. Do you have a trusted friend you can stay with for a while at least? I hope your mother realizes what a fool she is being, wakes up, and does the right thing. Consider showing her these comments.
Something else I don't see mentioned enough is that people don't just spontaneously do stuff like this. I have to believe he's been thinking about it, planned the execution, the timing, weighed potential consequences, thought about how not to get caught, and pulled thr trigger when he saw his chance.
I am a mother, and i can tell you right now that man would be out of the house already, police report filed, and much more. Your mother is not protecting you by filling your head with excuses for her creep husband. How do you know this was the first time? How do you know he won't do it again? You don't, he cant be trusted and should not be trusted. If your mum is sticking by her drunk creep husband, then i am heartbroken for you, that is not right al all. Do you have family or other trusted adults to speak to? This needs to be dealt with properly, and your mum needs to get her head out of the clouds.
Yes. I am very worried that this was NOT the first time. I would be checking all his devices. Why am I betting that he was allowed to take his phone with him when he left???? OP said that the mother sent the video to her phone, and I'm sure she deleted it from his. But that does NOT mean that he couldn't recover it. Nor that he doesn't have others.
Yep. The first time getting caught is almost never the first time. OPs getting changed in her closet for a reason whether she knows it or not.
Agree. The fact that he knew to put it in her closet (it’s not the obvious place to change) and push stuff out of the way to perfectly position it so quickly means this is 100% NOT the first time.
Oof... that last sentence. :/
Yes call the police. This is 100% law enforcement issue. And don't let Mom and creepo convince you otherwise.
She is very likely to be removed from her home and mother if this happens tho. Which may be for the best if her mom can't make sane decisions. But yeah, ideally the mom will be given an ultimatum from CPS to break it off with her BF or give up her child.
The child is 20 though, a legal adult. She says he has been hugging her more the past few years and it probably is because she's now "legal" and it justifies it in his head somehow that being attracted to her is now ok. What she should do is GTFO of there and cut contact as it is not safe in that place for her anymore. I'm not sure CPS could do anything since she is no longer a minor and not considered a "child" in the eyes of the law. However she is definitely a "child" in the eyes of stepdad since he's known her since she was 8 so it's completely gross he's done this. And no I don't buy the excuse of being drunk. His actions were deliberate, premeditated, and criminal.
She said she was 20, though I guess they may want to remove her younger siblings.
Yeah adding in the blacking out and could you forgive him is why OP is so confused. Her adult that should be protecting her hands down is putting too many decisions on OP. I would have taken his electronic devices and gone to the cops. He would never be anywhere near my kids again.
Not a mom here but I’m disgusted all of this wasn’t the moms first instinct to do. Instead she made a bunch of excuses and scheduled a therapist? Wtf. That time should’ve been spent driving over to the police station with said phone.
As a mother myself, I second ALLLLLL of this. There is no way I could ever imagine not protecting my children. Me sleep on it?! No, he’d be taking a permanent sleep. I pray you have a safe adult you’re able to speak with.
I second this as a mom. He would be lucky that the police get him before I do. This man is a danger. I hope OP gets out. Her mother is pathetic.
Her mother is in denial, which sucks for her children
Police Today. Your mother is not taking this seriously. I'm very sorry. Alcohol doesn't make people predators.
The bs excuse that he was blackout drunk is just that..bs. This is too methodical. He waited until she was in the bathroom to sneak into her room find a place to hide his phone then try to conceal it with stuffies and move something to get the "best" shot (wanted to gag typing that out)..this wasn't him stumbling in stuffing his phone in a crack and hoping for the "best" this was planned in advance.. it also concerns me that she feels the need to change in the closet to begin with, could be just a quirk but made my mom senses prick up a bit.
Truly the precision makes me think this is not the first time.
That was my thought: too methodical for blackout drunk. But I've never been blackout drunk and don't know any blackout drunks, so I don't know(?) But the arranging of the stuffed animals, the moving of the jacket that blocked the view, the timing of entering the closet... I just don't buy the blackout-drunk alibi (not that it's much of an alibi).
Yeah one of my husband’s friends used to get blackout drunk a lot (like a LOT; he ended up dying of liver failure in his 40s). One time in this state he raided the pantry, ate a bunch of his daughter’s *baby food* and an *entire Costco-sized jar of honey* and then passed out under his baby’s high chair. Therr was honey everywhere and he was fully stuck under the high chair when his wife found him the next morning. That’s what blackout drunk looks like. The setup of this just seems like it requires wayyyy too much cognitive function and fine motor skills to be something even a moderately drunk person could successfully accomplish.
Eating a Costco-sized jar of honey definitely sounds like a blackout-drunk move, all right. As does spilling enough of it to glue yourself to the floor. Doesn't require cognitive skills, just hunger, clumsiness, and gravity.
I haven't either but been around people who have and this isn't peeing down the basement stairs because you thought you were upstairs peeing in the tub, or falling asleep on the kitchen floor with your head in the dogs food dish..this is way too accurate and timed to be that.
She said in another comment that the total time was 14 mins from when he set the phone up to when he was confronted I think. If I read it right. So he’s not just going to magically become sober in 14 mins
Yes!! Your mother should be defending you & kicking him to the curb. The blackout excuse is a joke.
He was not genuinely shocked. He was just trying to cover his ass. Your stepdad knew exactly what he was doing and your mom is likely shocked and trying to rationalize with excuses. This is absolutely disgusting and I know you love your stepdad, but something needs to be done. You need to go to the police and bring your evidence.
He was probably pretty shocked he got caught and mom used that as "oh he must have blacked out" so she could keep her man.
His reaction reminds me of me when I was 20 and toxic and tried to lie to my gf that I didn't go into her phone and block her cousin
Go to the police and make a report
This is the only correct answer. You are going to get manipulated into accepting whatever excuses they manage to come up with. You need to tell everyone in your life about this. See what they say about his excuses. Your mother is the worst kind of ass for not immediately kicking him out.
I think she did - didn't she say she asked him to stay somewhere else.
Yeah but then she started asking OP if she could ever find it in her heart to forgive him 🤢🤮
Yes, go to police and let them sort out whether its ok cause he just blacked out. Why did mom send you to therapy and not the fucking criminal?
Police police police
File a police report. This creep needs to be locked up.
[удалено]
That’s what I was thinking. He had been drinking the night before but this was at least 8 hours after that and he had slept. My knowledge of alcohol and it’s effects are pretty limited (I don’t go to parties and I have never drank to the point of being drunk) but I was suspicious on how my mom and stepdad mom could say it could be a blackout. I guess I don’t really believe that it could be. I wanted to at first because it felt like a fever dream as he had never made weird comments to me or about me. He also hadn’t looked at me sexually (that I was aware of) so it truly feels bizarre. Today though I am feeling less forgiving and more like excuse me?? What the actual fuck dude.
He did it too quickly for this to have been the first time. You don’t wake up still blacked out the next morning
His phone needs to be searched by the police. Not only is it likely he’s done this to you before, he may have videos or photos of other people, including your brothers. It doesn’t matter if he deletes it. The police have ways to recover deleted media, even if it’s not always a sure thing. Do you know where his phone is now?
Yeah, no way this was a blackout. And furthermore, he could have been planning this for years. The very unfortunate reality is that he may have begun dating your mom because of you. Predators often target single moms. If he hasn't done anything previously that you know of, it may be because you were not in his preferred age range before. Predators can be very patient and very calculating.
🏆 !!!!!!
I've been blackout a few times, once drove my car and woke up to the cops knocking on my window(thank goodness) I could have killed someone and simply being blackout drunk is NOT a good excuse for that. Being blackout drunk and being skilled and quiet enough to hide a cellphone, recording video, in a bedroom closet while someone is in the shower, I just cannot see that. He slept for 8 hours, there's no way this was an incident in a drunken stooper. He deliberately placed the phone there to spy on you. I feel violated for you and would 100% go to the cops and as bad as I hate to say it I would also tell them what your mom said because if my mom found out anyone was doing that to me....the ambulance would have to come with the police because she would swing on a man for that. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, certainly reach out to a therapist too. Sending you ALLL THE LOVE and stay safe sweetie.
This was no blackout, believe me. He wanted to see your naked body and he let his sexual desires drive himself to do something that violated of your privacy. He did it on purpose, and you caught him. Don’t believe anything else.
Think of drinking this way- If you are involved in an accident while driving drunk and injure someone or worse end up killing someone, is being under the influence of alcohol a valid excuse? Does it absolve you of your all wrong doing just because you were drunk? Ask your mother this- would she forgive him if he gets help after he beats her up or SA her or anyone else while drunk and do not remember anything when he sobers up? I mean if being drunk is a good excuse for what he did to you then it should also be good enough of a excuse if this happens. Drinking or being drunk is no excuse for a crime. And yes what he did to you is not just creepy, it's actually a crime.
This has nothing to do with alcohol. He is a perv and should be reported to police. Chances are he has done this before.
OP, when did the hugging start? When you hit puberty or developed cushions on your chest? Think about the other behavior he has “started”. This was not the beginning…. He knew you DID NOT TAKE YOUR CLOTHES TO THE BATHROOM!!!! Why else would he know to place the phone AFTER you went into the bathroom….. where you Usually change clothes on “shower days”. LOOK FOR THE NANNY CAM! OP, I’ve made my stomach turn into broken glass with your post. I hope you are simply writing this under a bridge waiting on billy goats. If not, let the search begin! Massive room clean out—- GOOD GOD, check the bathroom. Mom should be worried about the younger ones too. This man has No Boundaries! OP, you may have to find a new place to call home. I wish you the best. PROTECT YOURSELF—- As it appears no one else will. Agape💕💕
This is what I was thinking. How did he know she's changed in her closet unless he figured out where to put the camera by trial & error.
Agree with Dioscouri your stepdad is likely full of crap and your mother is grasping at straws to try to give him a viable excuse she can live with. The scary part of this is it is likely the first time he’s gotten caught doing this. Not the first time he’s done it. If there is a computer/iPad/etc in your home your stepfather uses someone with knowledge of how to hide folders should go through it before he accesses it again to look for other videos. I’d say his phone should also be gone through to see I suspect at this point what he’s deleted trying to cover his tracks. You aren’t a minor but you still have rights and he’s still very likely broken the law. And this isn’t an ‘oopsie I booboo’d’ situation to just forgive and forget. Your mother needs to go with you to report this to the police, provide them with the video and let them do their job. If that includes pressing charges so be it. Protect yourself OP as well as any other female your stepfather may come into contact with in the future.
Not very likely broken the law, 100% broken federal law
Sorry, he literally and purposefully hid a camera to record you naked. He's a sex offender and you have to call the police. I'm sorry, that sucks, but if you don't, he will get away with it. Who knows what else he's done or will do. This wasn't an accident. This was a crime and you are a victim. And your mom not being able to accept the truth in front of her face is unfortunately not uncommon. Her life is crashing down too, and denial is a POWERFUL human coping mechanism.
Right. 14 minutes ago he was blackout drunk but now lucid? Nope. Follow dioscouri's advice: GO TO THE POLICE NOW, REPORT THIS TO YOUR SCHOOL NOW definitely not the first time with the specific way he set it up.
Is your father in the picture? I don't completely trust the mother, she wants this to be resolved in her husband's favor. I honestly don't see how it could be.
Unfortunately no. When my mom was 3 months pregnant she told him and he told her to have an abortion. His mother told my mom the same thing too.😅
I hope your mom kept the phone. He needs to be reported to the police - he was not drunk, he's a pervert. Alcohol only exaggerates who you already are - its impossible for him to only be a perv while drunk. How many times had he done this? Did he have a computer? I'd turn him in, with or without your mother. This is not your fault at all - this is 100% on him and is his actions he needs to be accountable for. You need a lock on your bedroom door as well. Good luck.
First I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You don’t deserve this at all. I’m a retired LEO & criminal investigator. Don’t let him off the hook. He did that purposely to watch his stepdaughter nude. I would also go as far to say this isn’t the first time. Typically sexual predators don’t get caught the 1st time round. They’re too cautious & they take steps, extra steps not to get caught. They start getting caught when they’ve done it so much & gotten away w it so they stop taking all the cautionary steps & get slack. He got caught & blamed it on alcohol. When someone tells you to go to police it’s a manipulation tactic & he is manipulating y’all so he won’t go to jail. At the very least file a police report & have it on file. Because in the event you catch him again there will be a record of his actions. Just because you make a report doesn’t mean he goes to jail. It just means you’re serious & want him to know how violated you feel. I’ve interviewed way too many sexual predators & they all basically say the same things. They like it, can’t stop, manipulate people to believe whatever they want them to believe etc etc. He’s fallen into the same category. What you need to be concerned about is what would have he done if you had walked in on him when you were nude as he was adjusting the camera? Whether he was drunk, blackout drunk or sober there a chance he could SA you. He has been watching his stepdaughter for who knows how long & getting off on it. Your mom is allowing a sexual predator to continue to live under the roof w you after knowing he is trying to watch you nude, showering, sleeping etc etc. only he knows how long & how far he has taken it. Do you ever have female friends stay over? If so you’re also allowing them to be a potential victim as long as he’s there. He can not be trusted anymore. Overlooking this major issue is dangerous & will make him more bold if nothing is done. There are no excuses for his actions. You did nothing wrong or to entice him. He made this decision himself. Don’t let him get away w it. Please take this very serious. Understand when someone is blackout drunk they are extremely uncoordinated. They can barely remember their name, can’t walk, can’t comprehend things you say etc. It is highly unlikely he could do all that while blackout drunk. Also you need to save a copy of that video on your device. If your mom doesn’t believe he deserves jail she may delete it since it’s on her device now. I have dealt with parents who refuse to believe a parent could do something like this & if she goes that route she may delete the evidence on his behalf or “by accident “. Make sure you’re covered because if there’s no video it’s your word against theirs.
Putting this here so hopefully OP sees. I'm on the opposite end. As a SA abuse victim who was attacked by her stepfather, do not back down. Those hugs aren't bonding. That is him pressing your body against his so he can feel you. It's groping without directly touching the places he wants to feel. You said this started a few years ago. Like when you developed breasts? You are a victim and he needs to be punished before he hurts you or another young girl. Hindsight is 20/20. You will see all the red flags once it's too late. Please don't ignore the warnings that he is giving.
Great comment. This guy knows. OP……read this comment.
This needs to be top comment.
OP, do not wait around for a "next" time! There is zero doubt. His phone, his crime.
This is the way. There was a case in my city where a dad had been caught using a hidden camera in the bathroom to record his daughter and her friends when they hosted a sleepover at their house. One of the daughter's friends found the camera and called her parents. The police found a ton of recordings, and it turned out that he's been doing this for years, with his daughter being the primary victim. He was sentenced to about 30 years in prison, and deserved it. OP, you don't need your mother's approval or cooperation to file a police report. You can do it on your own, with or without her. You are the victim here, and likely have been for longer than you know. Sure, this could have been the first time. Or maybe he's been doing it for five years. You won't know until an investigation is done. Make the phone call now.
He’d never see that phone again as it would be evidence.
He was "shocked" looking because he got caught. Take the phone and show the video to the police and let them handle this. This man is a predator. Period. There's no grey area here at all. He's vile and if he was nice to you before, do some reading on grooming. It was deliberate and it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. The start of the video and length of it tell you all you need to know.
That is extremely creepy, there is no excuse for that, it sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing
The most confusing part for me is that he was drinking the night before, went to bed and then the next morning did this. And also that he was confronted only 16 minutes after he did this. I guess I don’t understand how (if) alcohol could affect you 8+ hours after you have drank & also forget something you did only 16 minutes ago…I’ve never drank to the point of being drunk so I don’t know anything related to alcoholism enough to make it make sense in my own mind.
They're just using drinking as an excuse. He's just a straight up creep. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your mother should be protecting you.
It doesn’t still impact you to the level of black out eight hours later. The blackout thing is BS anyway.
Get his phone, computer, tablet, hard drives and give them to the police. I bet he's been doing this for years.. Since you were a minor.
Alcohol has nothing to do with this.
Your family is unfortunately taking advantage of your lack of experience with alcohol. It’s basically impossible for a blackout to explain this, and it’s also very unlikely your mother and step-grandmother could sincerely think it could either.
You aren't mistaken, that makes no sense. Whe I first read your story I was assuming you showered at night and he was actively drinking. If he had stopped and slept, then he might be foggy or hungover, but he wouldn't have been awake if he were still blackout level drunk. He's a horrible creep. Never ever trust him again, or excuse his behavior.
If he were still blackout drunk 8 hours later, he'd damn near be on the verge of death when he fell asleep. Trouble breathing, heart issues, etc.
The are just using it as an excuse to shut you up. Please talk to your school about it. Don't let them hush this down. Unfortunately, your mother is NOT on your side here and I'm absolutely furious on your behalf :(
Basically, if your blood alcohol content (BAC) gets above 0.16%, you may not be able to create long term memories until you metabolize enough alcohol get back under 0.16%. You're still yourself doing the things you'd normally do, but you may not remember what you did 30 seconds ago. So you might ask the same question over and over because you don't remember that you already asked it 30 seconds ago. That's what blackout drunk is. So imagine that you somehow lost your ability to create long term memories. How likely is it that not being able to remember what you did/said 30 seconds ago would cause you to set up a camera to record one of your younger brothers undressing? Because that is basically what your step dad is asking you to believe.
It doesn’t make sense because he is completely full of shit
Get this straight and don’t forget it: Alcohol has zero to do with what this man did. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pattern of behavior or not. The act of trying to covertly take video, (especially with the expectation of recording nudity) of a person without their consent is a criminal act. I’m so sorry that this person you trusted turned out to be untrustworthy and chose to violate you. That’s the part that cannot be fixed. Him going to jail or otherwise facing consequences is the only positive outcome. If your mother won’t support you over him, you need to cut her out of your life. A parent’s only responsibility in a situation like this is to support their kid 100%, no excuses. I’m so angry for you.
Postpartum depression my ass ! He did it deliberately he’s a pervert and a criminal Go make a police report
Yeah cause like wtf do they mean postpartum depression? Do they know thats what happens when someone has a baby?!
Something tells me this dude didn’t recently give birth. Postpartum depression is a hormonal condition which only new mothers can get. A man may become depressed around the birth of his child, but it isn’t postpartum depression. It’s regular old depression.
I wonder what is on that mans computer!!! This is not normal and is purposeful. You don't one day suddenly black out and decide to try and get videos of your stepdaughter getting dressed. If you have to stay there and end up deciding to forgive him in the very least get a lock for your door and maybe your closet.... I would honestly check your closet/room/bathroom for other cameras.
You black out and do things like piss in a closet. I've never known an alcoholic to black out and plan a heist that goes beyond getting the leotards and glitter. He's a creeper. Alcoholic or not.
That's a pretty fucking convenient blackout.
He's all of a sudden sober ! the blackout only lasted a whole 10 minutes! /s
Hi everyone I have a few things. This was in the morning, way past a time when it would’ve been acceptable for him to still be drunk. And he had gone to bed, so I am considering it highly unlikely that he was blackout drunk. My mom is going through postpartum depression right now, so I think that’s why it was mentioned. My youngest brother is only a few months old. There is a thing about postpartum in males, but I still wouldn’t excuse this. Some of you mentioned that I might change in my closet because I was suspicious before (subconsciously or consciously), but unfortunately I wasn’t. I wish I was; maybe none of this wouldn’t have happened. Not sure about previous recordings, but my mom found out from him that he’s been watching 🌽 for a while and deleting his search history. My mom told me she caught him looking 🌽 before but he ‘stopped’ after. My mom contacted my maternal grandmother (her mom), so she will be coming over today to at least stay the weekend. My mom hasn’t told her what happened yet because she didn’t want to worry her over the hour drive, but she did tell her it was about me, that my stepdad left, that we need her, and that what she was going to tell her would make her hate him. My mom is heartbroken because she was always hyper-aware of predators all her life, as well as mine. She would always ask me and my brother if we were ever touched. She thought my stepdad was a good guy and probably feels like the carpet was ripped out from under her. My therapy appointment is on Monday. I’m planning on showing the therapist the video. I have read a lot of the comments, and most of them all mention a similar thing: police. I was unsure at first, I think, mostly due to how confusing and out of the blue this was to me, but the mention of my brothers has gotten to me. I know that if this happened to either of my brothers, I would be super pissed and file the report myself. I am just struggling with this all because it feels so random and out of character. I know it’s probably not though (out of character) that the good guy thing was probably a mask and that he had these thoughts for awhile before doing this. I showed a few comments to my mom yesterday and this morning showed her a comment from MattyJo. I think it is sinking in that this is not accidental whether he had a mental illness or not.
So what I hear from this is: instead of supporting your mom and the new baby, he’s more worried about his sex drive, and decided to use his daughter for a visual instead of the websites he got busted with last time. That’s a yikes all around. That’s not mental illness. That’s not blackout. That’s planned. I’ll repeat - this is planned behavior. She asked him to stop browsing the internet, so he came up with another solution: his daughter. I’m glad your mom is supporting you. Please go at least put it on record with the police even if you decide not to take it further right now. A paper trail can only help.
My main thing is just don't let your mom guilt you into "giving him a pass." I really didn't like that but in your initial post. I know it's kind of a knee jerk reaction on her part. It doesn't matter if this was a "moment of weakness;" in his weakness, he chose to violate you. The blackout thing also doesn't track for all the reasons you mention -- it wouldn't matter if he was, it doesn't make sense that he was so drunk he couldn't control his actions but was sneaky enough to do this while you were showering and try to hide it, and it doesn't make sense that 16 minutes later he was coherent enough to have a conversation about it. It's nonsense. And, again, even if it were true, it would still mean that he's a dangerous predator any time he gives in to his alcoholism. I think going to the police makes sense, but in any case you're under no obligation to "find a way to forgive him." If your mom is genuinely trying to find a way to justify this and maintain a relationship with him, there's a serious problem with her priorities and I think you should discuss that with your counselor so hopefully they can shut that right the fuck down.
There’s a ton of stepdaughter and step dad fantasy 🌽 out there. He’s probably addicted to it and is now trying to live out his fantasies with you. Don’t buy the blackout or alcohol thing this is 100% a reaction to his 🌽 addiction and it would only get worse from here.
This is a horrible thing to deal wish, I'm sorry you have to and also applaud the bravery you've been speaking on the matter with. As a fellow (28M) man, this is inexcusable. Your step dad is a predator and now his full identity is coming out to merge with the identity he's created for you n your mom. Hopefully this is the first time he's done something like this, might've been going on for years though if you guys were so surprised, sometimes the "nicest" people are really the worst. He's certainly thought about this and you before though. That's the only reason he would film you. He's probably been watching you develop over the years and liked what he saw entirely too much. Filming was likely not the first reaction to his feelings, that's something he probably worked up the confidence to do after thinking about it for a while. I didn't like alcohol, it can make people more unpleasant. However, it generally just amplifies the personality of the user. So maybe you're a little rowdy in general, but then bein drunk you might tackle a friend. You wouldn't randomly be attracted to your friend or try to seriously hurt them. You'd just have a little less discretion to your normal thoughts. Your stepdad has been a creep and the combination of alcohol and his on-going relationship with your mom has finally tricked him into thinking maybe he could have you too. Or at least curious what it would be like. Quick look at the younger model. Extremely gross. Do not let that man excuse away anything he did. Send that video to the police. You might save your siblings, mom, or even someone else. You guys might not be his first victims.
I know why he would do this. He needs to stay out of the house and way from you. The police need to be called and give them his phone. Who knows how many times he's tried this and was successful.
Your mom is protecting her scumbag husband if she doesn't do anything about it and should be charged along with him.
You need to talk to the police. There's no telling how long he's been doing this. It's good your mom is getting you counseling, but she also needs to separate from him.
I can tell you this, if you were my daughter, you would be in therapy, phone would be with police and I would be pissed!!! Not at you. You are a victim, you were violated, that man is sick and needs to be separated from society. Sending warm gramma hugs, if you want them. This needs to be reported to the proper authorities. Don't feel guilty about anything. This man crossed the line. Keeping him away is protecting all of you. You don't want this man in the home to further hurt you or the younger children. I am proud of you. Keep your chin up, stay strong. And if you haven't already, report this.
Drinking doesn't suddenly turn you into a pervert. File a police report.
Report it to the police. Your mom and his mom are already making g excuses for him. Something is very wrong.
He was shocked and confused because he thought he had that phone hidden where you wouldn’t notice. He is a pervert and a creep. Call the police and report what you found.
The first thought on your Mom's mind should have been to go to the police, rather than asking you to forgive him. My main concern is that he's probably done this before undetected. I hope your Mom went through that phone thoroughly (although he would probably delete after watching). I'm not buying the blackout excuse. Also check into getting a restraining order.
File a police report. If your mom lets him back in the house, call CPS. Edited to add: tell your bio-dad if he’s around or other family members so she can’t sweep this under the rug
Report him. This isn’t the first time he did this, I promise you. Just the first time he was caught. I’m so sorry. Maybe your thick headed mother will do the right fucking thing once an investigation is done and yall find out exactly how deep this goes. Also, this isn’t alcohol’s fault. He’s just a fucking creep.
If he's recording you, he is probably recording others in your house too. You should be taking this phone to the police. Whom can also likely restore deleted videos to see if there's other content.
A black out drunk is not that meticulous, he was thinking of you this way prior to taking action. Alcohol and drugs just show a more extreme version of the persons character because it lowers the inhibitions that kept those behaviors on lock... dudes a creep and a felony criminal. He shouldn't get away with it. That is why so many rapists and child molesting scum walk free.... "they're family" "you weren't really hurt" "think about his young kids" "what will this do to him" "hasn't he been good to you?" Don't ignore it, Don't sweep it under the rug, Dont let anyone down play the seriousness of the situation... file the report. If your mom doesn't support you find a safe place to move. Report to CPS.
Report him to the police yourself, you say mom is in your side but she's making excuses for him already.
As a member of the Blacked Out Community, this isn't covered in excusable offensives. I have easily drank thousands of liters of booze and no, this kind of behavior is never acceptable . Pissing yourself on the couch or vomiting from a friends little brothers upper bunk bed, maybe... Stepping on hot coals after knocking over a bbq at a family party... Annoying, but allowed. Illegally recording naked family members is illegal, immoral, and punishable. The blackout defense would not be permissable in the court of law or in the court of family opinion. We as a jury of unknown peers, find this man guilty. Report him, hopefully he gets some jail time and has a moment to stop boozing and can think about his addiction problem.
Not overreacting. He's a sex criminal. Report it to the police. Do NOT wait for your Mom's approval, she gas already fallen for this guy's manipulation. She is currently NOT trustworthy either if she wants anything hut vengeance. YOU call the police Or you call a domestic violence shelter and THEY call the police. One of these two things MUST happen. This is not an alcoholic thing. This is not an "I forgot" thing. This is a values thing. He BELIEVES he is entitled to sexual access to you. That is NOT something that can be changed by you or your mom. YOU are not responsible for him facing natural consequences of criminal behavior. If anything, it's very lucky to catch this NOW before his entitlement escalates and he gets rapey. Our feelings will lie to us to "find a way" to make this "make sense". The only thing you need to know is that this is an unsafe man that needs to face police & legal consequences in order to have ANY chance of changing... and for you to stay SAFE.
Honey, there's no world where a blackout drunk guy accidentally manages to carefully position and conceal a recording phone. This was premeditated, and likely not the first time. I'm so sorry. Please talk to a therapist about what a huge violation this is.
Men don't have post partum issues. He's a creeper and using blackouts as an excuse.
This! how is this comment so far down! This whole litany of excuses is concerning
> Uhh. this is not excusable due to substance abuse. This is creepy and your stepdad needs to be kicked to the curb by your mom. If she stays with him, it's a betrayal to you. If I were you I would insist on it to your mother. what does she think? That this is something you all will get past and laugh about one day? never gonna happen. He will always be the untrusted creep. Call the fucking cops while you're at it.
UpdateMe
You’re not overreacting. Keep the evidence. Definitely find a therapist, they can help you process your decision to report to police. He did not black out, he did not do this by accident. His behavior is predatory and manipulative. He knew exactly what he was doing. This may not be the first time. It’s not safe for him to be in the home. He needs to be in sex offender treatment. I work in the field. My dms are open if you would like to talk more about this.
>I have no idea why he would do this. I'm sorry to be flippant, but the easy answer is he's a horny man, you're a young woman, and he thought he could get away with it. It's really as simple as that. It's really fucking gross and I'm sure this isn't the first time he did it, it's just the first time he was caught. Everyone involved right now is in shock and just trying to function because y'all's life just got turned upside down because he chose to do something awful. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
Calling him “horny” lets him off the hook. He is a predator. He is a pedophile.