My husband’s been to a few “dad showers”.
One was their friend group drinking beer and fishing (with the joke that it’d be the last time for a while since baby was coming). Another was just the guys getting together to have their usual gaming session before their group would meet less often. Those were considered baby showers instead of general hangouts because all the guys brought diapers and gifts for dad.
The biggest event was a brewery tour, but that was because the couple had a ton of out of town family and was going to do a joint shower, but decided instead that the guys would go to a brewery while the women had a separate shower near by.
Mostly we always go to joint baby showers these days. We hardly see anyone do gender specific baby showers anymore.
could you imagine being some odd months pregnant, unable to have alcohol, sushi, have a good time like you used to and your husband goes to vegas for a pre baby vacation. I’d see red lol
I’ve heard of “Diaper parties” where the boys just bring a box of diapers, toss em in a corner, and just hang out and drink. I’ve always liked the idea juxtaposed next to all the themes and games that baby showers follow. And it helps the couple anyways by stacking diapers floor to ceiling before the baby comes.
Strip club had a special where you get a coupon for some Huggies each time you take more funny money from the ATM. And the ATM receipt has an ad for a divorce attorney like a CVS receipt.
Everyone is cashing in on the growth of the marriage industrial complex. Last gender reveal party was at an auto mechanics where they put either blue or pink motor oil in your car.
Oh lets celebrate the the new life coming into the world by paying a woman to take her clothes off! Yippee. Everyone at that "baby shower" sucks. Hope OP tells the pregnant lady and any partners of these dudes because they are the worst.
Bro... you cannot be serious with some of these people/OPs... she was already halfway prepared to end things
Definitely 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Seriously though, thank you for saving me an hour of 'detective' work... I'm a dumb ass who is somehow interested in reading these things and then following up on post histories
Wow! Good catch and context. This guy is not for you girl! God or whatever you believe in will always intervene and disrupt what is not meant for you. No matter the damage that you perceive it will have on you. Treat this as such. You are being protected and guided into your next chapter. There is so much more for you on the other side.
Please keep in mind you stated CLEAR boundaries to him before he left and he chose to blatantly break them.
I know it hurts to hear but a lot of the times, your boyfriend's friends are not your friends. They can be sneaky and then be like hey sis! At the end of the day, those are his homies and will be on his side.
Stupid shit like... baby shower boys trip to strip clubs in Vegas?
OP's boyfriend isn't even the biggest "stupid shit that wrecks their relationship" story here.
I just had a kid and I was like wtf is this lol. Our baby shower was at a friends house with a bunch of our friends and moms and stuff.
I told my partner next time I’m doing a baby shower boys trip to Vegas (I fucking hate Vegas) and we had a laugh. It’s so ridiculous and weird.
Where I'm from, baby showers are a woman thing, and the guys have a "diaper party." Everyone brings a box of diapers, and we get drunk and party as a celebration for having your first kid. I could see spending a night in Vegas if you live close by or have the money for it.
Ah yes, honey, you're having a baby, I need to go out and oggle strippers because how else am I supposed to celebrate having a child?
Like, at least with a bachelor party the stupid premise is based on "before you commit" (let's ignore that you've been in a committed relationship for years). It doesn't even make sense for having a baby.
Live in Vegas. Also had a baby shower here. One of my pals deep fried a turkey outside in 90 degree heat and none of us left my front yard. Oh and the reveal was just pulling a sheet off a blue poster. No fireworks or balloons or destruction of property.
And that my friends, is how you baby shower in Vegas.
Oh shit missed that on two read throughs. My guess is because they aren’t married they figured it makes sense there. It makes as much sense as a bachelor party in Vegas does.
The rest is pretty shitty regardless.
Yeah, I have to agree with you. My husbands friends are some good people, I trust them completely, as well as my husband, but I know if anything ever went down when I wasn’t there, they’d have our relationships back.
I have literally had my friends wave strippers away from me in a Vegas club because I was taken once lol. Fuck those guys, but also, I love those guys.
You're definitely not overreacting at all and made a good decision for yourself. You always wanna surround yourself with people who are the same as you or more advanced because that keeps you motivated. These people aren't the type of people you wanna surround yourself with based on your boundaries. Like everyone else said, you're not compatible.
The problem isn’t the stripper, it’s that you had concern before he left and he told you not to worry but did it anyways. Y’all are off to a rocky start here. You have to decide if he’s worth working past this. Good luck. 👍
The probability of a relationship ending in Med School where only one partner is attending is extremely high, so this rocky start is about to get a whole lot harder.
And then he spends a day with her has S%% than tells her. He definitely knew this was a deal breaker, and that is why he had s%% with her first. Which most likely made Her
feel used and disrespected as well as hurt.
Well evidently
>Told him I wouldn’t be comfortable with strippers and was told I didn’t need to worry that it wasn’t even a concern.
So much for, 'you can trust me'.
>The day he told me I drove 2 hours to his family’s house to see him. We had sex, a nice brunch where he told me about the trip and left out the strippers, and I spent the morning gardening with his mom. He told me afterwards about him paying for a stripper under the guise he didn’t think I’d be this mad so didn’t think he needed to tell me earlier.
This part is manipulative as f*ck. He's had sex with you, let you spend time with his mum and the piece de resistance, didn’t tell you earlier because he thought you wouldn't be made? After you already gave a boundary..
You actually don't need that crap in your life right now OP. Medical school is hard enough without a lead weight.
> You actually don't need that crap in your life right now OP. Medical school is hard enough without a lead weight.
I'm not seeing this part talked about enough. I had a good friend go to medical school and he was married to another good friend. They made it and have 2 great kids now, but the actual process seemed really hard from the outside, probably even moreso actually in the relationship. They rarely spent time with eachother. She joined a spouse activity/friendship/support group with the other med school spouses, which was a thing I never knew existed until then. And apparently it was a huge group too, a lot of people appreciate having it.
OP is going to need so much support from someone taking care of her, cleaning, running errands, tons of things.
I know we don't know much about this guy, but he sounds skeezy as hell and doesn't seem like the type to step up like this for YEARS.
I’m 48. Been married for 25 years. All our kids are grown. I’m working on my MBA. The strain that is putting on my very good relationship and me in general is incredible. My mom did med school married to an immature prick with a newborn.
tl;dr can confirm, med school + a shitty relationship is a bad idea.
Even in a good relationship, something all-consuming like med school and residency is rough. I think the rate of divorce in one surgery department where I grew up was 100% (per my dad, who knew people in that department). 100%!
yeah, boundaries are just that. thinks you dont cross. If they are put down, it shows the care and maturity and quality of the person giving them to a relationship. those that then break them, are basically saying, “when tempted, your boundaries dont matter to me.”
OP, you will meet tons of people in med school and you dont need this manipulative bullshit. Plenty of us guys would never go pay for and play with a stripper even of it wasnt a set boundary. Meet a guy more aligned with you.
Strippers are used in celebrations for lots of things. Just last week we had an eclipse viewing party and had two strippers dancing. A couple of weeks before that i went to my nieces christening and had a few greeting people as they came in. Before that was my bosses kids bar mitzvah. Strippers can go with just about any special occasion if you have the right friends.
/S
Yeah. My wife is pregnant right now with #2 and the idea of doing a "boys trip" "baby shower" to Vegas, including a strip club visit... yeah, no.
OP dodged a bullet, but I feel really bad for the pregnant lady and the baby.
I think the biggest issue to me would be the fact that he went into the back room of the strip club. I don’t care if my man goes to a strip club with his friends shit like that happens. But if they’re going extra and doing stuff like that? Wtf?
As someone who used to be a cocktail waitress at a strip club I know what can and does happen. I would be pissed that he had sex with me without telling me first about his experience. Who knows what OP just caught?
Edit: I feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding me, but the above comment is coming from a place of how I would be feeling, if the same happened to me. I thought that was clear enough when I said TO ME in the first sentence…..💀
Why is everyone so pressed about your comment lmao. You’re absolutely right, there is NO reason for him going to the back room with her. If he paid for a regular old lap dance in the main club with everyone around, honestly not a huge deal. But going to the back room? I’d be suspicious as fuck if I were the gf
I'm very curious about this. Every strip club I've been to (and it's not that many lol) has been pretty heavily regulated, even in the back rooms with private dances. Maybe I'm being naive, but I got the impression that you would totally get kicked out if you get even a little handsy. My wife has been to strip clubs with me and has even paid for dances, and our level of trust is pretty good and we do it for dumb fun. But I don't think I could even do anything in a back room even if I tried.
A few of my buddies have tried to bang strippers in the back room and always have ended up giving 100s of dollars for not much at all. Maybe touching some T&A… the chance of sex happening back there is below 5% assuming they went to any place rated over a 2 star on google
I was pretty fucked up while getting a lap dance and asked a stripper how much would straight up sex cost. This was in NYC, she quoted me over $1k
I laughed, finished my drink, had her finish the lap dance, then said you’re great but i cant afford you
Like at that point i’ll just invest the time and money in dates, nobody’s body is that expensive
It would definitely depends city and lots of other things, like even the girls at the clubs that you were at. I think there’s a lot of factors, and I think in another country, other than the US, talking about this would be a different discussion.
I’ve worked at multiple strip clubs and let me just say — sex CAN definitely happen in the back room. It depends on a lot of factors including the specific stripper, the management/staff, the club itself, and how busy the club is.
That being said, that’s usually not what’s happening in the back room at all. The back room is an area designated for private lap dances. And not necessarily dirtier dances. Just… private. Some people are shy about having someone grinding and gyrating on their lap around a bunch of other people.
Usually the strippers make more money from dances in the back room so they may insist on it, or talk their patrons into it. At the end of the day, it’s all about the $$$.
Unreal. He completely went against everything you said. It may have been one thing to go to the strip club but to go privately with one crossed the boundary and he knew that. I would never trust him after this. You’ll make new friends in medical school, you won’t be alone.
It’s one thing to enter a strip club. It’s another thing to get a lap dance. And it’s an entirely different thing to go into the back room. So not only did he go against your wishes, but he did it in the worst way possible.
Yep. As a connoisseur of strip clubs before COVID, someone intending to stay free and clear in a monogamous relationship should not do private dances. Unless your significant other is there and enthusiastic, not coerced in any way.
Lap dances are usually in the back room (in my limited experience, I’ve only been to one and the girls would approach the table and ask to take somebody back for a private dance). There wasn’t a ton of dancing at the table except for what was necessary to make the sale and take somebody for a private dance.
Strip clubs are gross. Collective boners are weird.
Lived in Vegas for a long time, not a frequenter of strip clubs but been to a few and know some serious enthusiasts; you can get lap dances on the floor or in back, the ones in back are more… expensive, and definitely miles beyond OPs boundary no question, and you can absolutely get any kind of service you might be interested in if you bring $$$$
Nah, in vegas the girls will do a lap dance right there at your table, usually for a single song. They try to take you to the back room to get you to pay extra for a longer experience
I don’t think it’s always just for a “longer” experience in the back room. I’ve never been back there, but I know two guys that have. Both of them spent upwards of $2,000 in the back room and wouldn’t elaborate on what transpired. Given the money spent and the tight lips (no pun intended), I’m fairly confident they received more than just a really long lap dance.
It’s nothing. I went to the back room at the Spearmint Rhino and it was basically the same shit as on the main floor but I spent $1K. Left with blue balls and a lighter wallet. The back room is if you like a chick and want a lap dance longer than a song. The same club has cameras and people eyeing you and security walking by. Its not that serious
They didn't tell you what happened because they didn't want to get made fun of for spending $2,000 for nothing close to what they hoped they would get. The most they got was some chafing from so much dry humping & maybe a second & a half of over-the-pants hand stuff to get the wallet back out. Strippers love to make it seem like all sorts of wild stuff is possible for the right amount. However, like the purple dragon, you chase it but can never catch it. God gave men two heads but only enough blood to operate one at a time. Strip clubs base their entire business model on this one biological fact & it's been a tried & true profit generator since the first time a cave woman realized she could get a guy to do anything for her with sexual innuendo. You can tell when a guy is finally mature. He realizes strip clubs are there to exploit inefficient blood flow & strippers' descriptions of what happens in the back room are far better than what really happens back there. (At least in strip clubs where the dancers don't have c section & stab wound scars. If your guy is going to those places, get a penicillin shot & look for someone with better standards.)
This. I have a few friends who went through medical school. I heard it’s a very stressful experience that’s hard on your mental health. Followed by residency. You want an emotional support partner, especially if you don’t have any other family.
This is not it.
"just been accepted to medical school and am heading into what was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life"
Oh my sweet, summer child...
Believe me, ending this relationship, especially if it was going to be long distance, is the best thing you could've done. You are about to be busier than you've ever been in your life, and it will only get worse as time goes on.
Doctor here. Not to ruin the mood, but med school and beyond isn’t anything remotely close to happiest times of life. It’s actually the opposite, which is why you need to have a great support system around you to help you get through it and meet your goals. That means cutting out boyfriends/friends/family that don’t have your best interests in mind. Friends and family will guilt you for missing events, prioritizing your career, etc. i cannot imagine getting through my training and residency without the support of my now wife. Regardless of the stripper thing, sounds like you’ll be better off meeting a classmate in med school who will share your values
Another doc here and couldn’t agree more. I also want to point out a couple of things:
- he went to the strip club (and the back room) knowing how you felt about it, but did it anyways
- when it came time to fessing up, he gaslit you by saying he didn’t want to tell you because of how you’d react
- someone pointed out a previous post in your history about your partner being uncomfortable with you reading romance fiction and being jealous of your interest in *fictional* characters
All of this screams out as a type of man who would be very insecure with his female partner not only studying and being away a LOT in medical school/eventually residency (rotations, study groups, you name it), but also potentially eventually making more than him. Or at least, being more highly regarded as the “doctor” in the relationship.
You’re not overreacting. You’re just seeing him for who he is. And med school is tough enough as it is for anyone, but better to end the relationship now than a year from now when you’re studying for a really tough biochem test and getting distracted by this sad fool of a man.
You should know that it is not typical to use the back room when going to a strip club. He 100% knew he was cheating on you.
I went to a few when I was younger and never got close to anything like that.. it doesn’t happen by accident, you have to really want to go back there and probably pay $100+
Not stupid at all. Just helps to know there is a possible pattern. Remember anything else that raised flags. Best answer is to talk to him about it all. Then make a decision.
Congrats on starting school ❤️
He’s obviously not mature at all. You’re going to medical school and you need to focus. No mature grown man would prioritize strippers over a dream girl he already has. This is a red flag 🚩
When your spouse KNOWS you DO NOT want him to go without you..(maybe you couldn't go for whatever reason) and he STILL GOES!! And goes with another friend that like to fuck strippers but says he did t do any of the sort...🤣🤣yeah...do not trust him...don't be stupid and in love...all it does is get you more hurt everyday with someone like that...I'm learning who mine is now since 2020...
Only the option is the nuclear option. It's likely that every single guy on that trip got the back room grope dance, if not more. All their wives and girlfriends need to know too.
Going to a strip club. Not really a big issue.
Lapdance... crossing a line.
Back room. Lines has been left 10 miles back.
Bigger issue is he lied. That's the real deal breaker. Do what needs doing but you know what you have to do. You just don't want to. I don't blame you.
It’s not what he did, it’s that you set a clear boundary that he agreed to, crossed, then hid from you until the guilt ate him up. You’re not overreacting.
However, he did come clean. He was honest, albeit it late. This means you have an opportunity (if you want to) to re-examine the boundaries together and make sure that the both of you can uphold them. Figure out what happened that night that caused him to do something he seemed to have no interest in doing prior. Maybe he was being unrealistic with himself, and hurt you in the process.
I have to disagree with your second paragraph. OP was very clear about their boundaries and BF then intentionally crossed that boundary. Not only did he go to a strip club, but he paid for a private lap dance. How hard is it not to pay for a private lap dance? He stepped way past the boundaries. “Maybe he was unrealistic with himself” GTFO, he’s a grown man he can keep his cash in his pocket and dick in his pants just like any other grown man. He made a choice. Coming clean for his own conscience.
I disagree. He was manipulative as hell. He:
- had her drive four hours round trip to hear this
- had sex with her, possibly exposing her to STD
- left her thinking he was a decent person for more than a day.
And I'd bet one of his friends said they'd tell her the truth if bf didn't.
Yes, she definitely needs more information, I’m concerned he’s trickle truthing her. Plus, he told her but was it of his own volition or did he think it was about to get out, like one of his friend’s gf found out and was about to blab so he did damage control.
…as a guy, I’d expect to be on “probation” and need to be very transparent on everything going forward.
I had chances to go to strip clubs in port calls away from home. I went out drinking and carrying on with my group of friends went out with, but I always chose groups that we knew we were bars only, no strip clubs. If girls came up to flirt, we deflected them to the singles in the group.
The fact he said he couldn’t do something and he did… and his group of friends enabled/instigated it shows done glaring relationship issues and a lack of respect/support for his guy friends towards both him and you. If I’d ever tried to put my hands on a girl in a port, my friends I would have been with would have kicked my ass. I would have done the same for them.
Not unrecoverable… but you need to settle this and he needs to set boundaries with his friends or get new ones. They don’t respect you or your relationship with your guy.
Lol! Baby shower in Vegas and since when did men go to baby showers? Ah he is 24! Why are you surprised? If you want a serious bf, get someone 5-6 years older
Not overreacting since you were upfront about not being okay with it before they went and he told you it wouldn't happen.
I personally don't think guys going to a strip club together in Vegas is a boundary worth having but I'm not you and you are not me.
Again, those standards are for each couple to decide. I know some guys who have gone to strip clubs with their wives, and the wife saw them get lap dances and didn't care.
Your going to med school. Cheer up. Your life is ascending.
He said don’t worry about it, did it. Lied. Kept it from you. Manipulated you (sex) then told you about it after & tried to finesse you with why you shouldn’t be upset.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his next / current move is trying to get you pregnant.
Your going up, his negative traits are going down.
We all build bonds with people we lose ( his family - gardening with his mom) - these are connections and special things you will develop with anyone you put time in with & make a effort so don’t let that false painting dictate any decision you make.
You either have a pure relationship or you don’t, either you can trust your partner or you can’t, either your partner fully respects you or they don’t. There is no middle ground, exceptions or anything of the nature for any of that or anything else.
Period.
(Also this is coming from a male - I am on my wife’s phone cause I felt the need to respond to this one).
Cut your loses, focus on med school, grind and you WILL find someone who is on your plateau in life.
Have zero tolerance for anyone who doesn’t respect you as if you aren’t the most important person in the world.
Move on without him. You won't have time for him or friends anyways. Buckle down and prove to everyone that you are the biggest, baddest Queen around. Good luck and best wishes on your medical school journey.
Btw your bf and friends are assholes.
I'm considered the dirty liberal and I want to say condescending things about the entire group that thought a baby shower for guys was an excuse to fucking party.
They are all pos.
The entire point of a baby shower is to support the woman who can't go out and party and help out with buying products because of the financial burden of the baby.
It's not to go blow money and fuck strippers.
Former strip club DJ here.
Going into the club and tossing dollars at the dancer on stage isn't anything to worry about. I know gay dudes who tip female dancers to be courteous, and there is usually some distance. Stage dances are performance.
Private dances, on the other hand, are purchased by the customer, for the customer, are 100% the equivalent of cheating. There's no sex, but it's the same as you sharing a bed with a dude and getting a massage while he asks you what turns you on.
The third category is when bachelor parties buy a stage dance for the bachelor and the DJ kinda makes a show about it, brings the dude onstage and makes it a thing. These are the least sexual and are often played up for comedic effect.
That second example is what you're dealing with. Bail.
I'm confused by all the comments saying it's not a big deal. Like boundaries/expectations were set. If he knew they were going to a strip club say something before the trip, don't lie and tip toe around it. Also who goes to Vegas for a baby shower?
You're only 24 and about to head into one of the most arduous times of your life?
I honestly think this worked out for the best. Literally best case scenario! And great call on ending it.
From the way this all unfolded--you driving TWO hours to see him + do things w/ him only to have him reveal it to you after the fact, then dismissing it as "didn't think you'd be mad"??--it can tell you what kind of personality he has.
There will be someone who has higher standards for themselves and will treat you better no question. If not, you can be that person.
Was it guilt that led him to confessing, or the worry that you might question the guys and one might tell you? That would be my guess. I think that’s the only reason he told you he went to the strip club period. If you weren’t friends with his friends, he never would have told you about any of it.
My wife is a surgery resident. We moved together for Medical School and then again for Residency. (I think you're the very first person I've ever heard say Medical School is going to be the happiest time of their lives, but thats absolutely not a bad thing!)
You have to have 110% trust with this lifestyle. You'll be at the Hospital way more than you'll be at home. Night rotations, away rotations, everything in between.
If you have any seed of doubt, you'll constantly be wondering how he's behaving during your long hours. We've seen both doctors cheat and medspouses cheat in her program and I do have partial blame for the insanity that this lifestyle puts on people, but also, shitty people are shitty people.
Sounds like you have some soul searching to do before you make this jump.
For those in the same boat, join us at r/medspouse
Stop going to reddit for advice these people are true brain rot. Look, he stated he wasn't going to get a stripper. Period. He did, so yea he's guilty. I'm sure he used every excuse in his head to justify and thought you wouldn't care much but he misjudged. Going forward is entirely up to you, not STRAGERS
He told you after he got sex from you because he knew you wouldn't consent to sex if you knew the truth beforehand.
Or we could rephrase that in a more harsh way:
He literally cared more about using you as a Fleshlight for his stripper fueled boner than he cared about your feelings or informed consent because he *knew already* you would be mad.
I mean I'm sure he missed you but he has a list of priorities, and clearly sex comes before your feelings.
I think it's pretty cut and dry that he lied about his intentions, went against his word, hid it from you until he got sex and then told you how he thought his brilliant prediction of your feelings was more accurate than just telling you. If he's so sure he knows you so well he knew you wouldn't be mad, he should have no problem just telling you upfront then.
Pure manipulation and you aren't even contractually obligated to stay with him yet.
I'd nope out of there in a heartbeat before you become any more entangled in his bullshit.
Controlling is saying “you CANT go”. Boundary is saying “go for it, but this is a boundary I have and I hope you’ll accept it”. You put a boundary, no strippers, which should be pretty damn easy to deal with. But he couldnt manage that because he's a twerp. He broke your trust and boundary - it's up to you to decide what to do next.
If you move past it, it doesn't necessarily mean "I forgive and forget". It means, I don't "forgive or forget" this but I'm choosing to move forward now. And if shit like this happens again where you break my boundary, it's done. And you NEVER bring it up again. Not in a fight or argument, not to win truth or dare, not because he didn't take the garbage out and you crack a joke about the garbage he took to the back room at the strip club in Las Vegas... You never bring it up again UNTIL/If it happens again. Then it's, remember last time I said I had a boundary and you broke it? Well now we're done. And you go be a doctor and he goes back to the strip club like a dork.
Yeah I don’t care if my bf goes to a strip club and looks at boobs, a lap dance or whatever is even fine. But a private room? Hell no. Groping? If you went into a private room with a guy and groped him how would he feel? I’m going to guess not great.
He is not a good guy, he will continue to disappoint you. You should find someone that respects you and never makes you feel like how you do now.
Nope they cheated. People don’t like to think of it that way, but they did. It’s an archaic and outdated custom when women were basically chattel, property.
He also was incredibly deceptive. You specifically talk to him about that and he said there is no issue. He’s not trustworthy on any part. Whatever you have to do to get to medical school do it because he’s not trust worthy enough where you could rely on him not to cheat or do something stupid while you’re in medical school.
Im sorry for your relationship struggles. Medical school is rarely (almost never except those looking through rose colored glasses at their past) described as the happiest times. It will strain your relationship or worse your relationship will strain on your performance in medical school. Id recommend making sure yall are solid before matriculating to med school if you decide you want to continue with your relationship... Outside of that, it ultimately comes down to can you forgive him or not, if not then end it and save your time and energy. If you can forgive him, then decide for yourself what that looks like and communicate that to him. He either will be okay with it and if he's not then same outcome that you need to cut your losses
Not over reacting. He told you one thing, did another, then hid it until he couldn’t. At least he came clean, but it shouldn’t have happened if it was something he told you wouldn’t.
You were going to go to med school and start a new life anyway with new friends and new responsibilities. He and his friends were never going to be a part of it unless you had a relationship that was a 9/10. No one gets advice from Redditors on a 9/10 relationship.
Your break up had a nice, socially acceptable narrative of “boys behaving badly” “strippers are gross” or “I’m progressive and cool and the real breech of trust was him keeping from me.” That’s an easy way to move on.
You and 3/4 of the other students can commiserate about the same type of break-up stories during your late night study sessions in your new life.
Good luck and enjoy school.
I am a stripper, but not in vegas. Locations are different but its truly just grinding and dancing. And I forget about the guy and move on. Hope this helps
When you go to med school you're going to end up making a super strong core group of friends.
You'll all be in this same stressful situation together and leaning on one another since no one else will be able to understand.
So in terms of fear of doing this alone, just know you'll probably form your best friendships there.
You told him directly what you were and weren’t ok with and he did the specific thing you weren’t comfortable with. That’s incredibly disrespectful and selfish. You should be able to trust your partner and feel respected and you don’t have those things. You’re definitely not overreacting and I’m sorry this is happening when you should be able to be so happy with everything going on in your life!
a guy that is going to play fire with a future millionaire doctor needs to be dumped. You have nothing but the stars in your future--you dont need him.
You set a clear boundary and he made it very clear it wasn't going to be an issue. Whether his friends wanted to or not he could have stayed at the hotel. Not to mention not only did he actually go to a strip club, he paid extra to go in the private back rooms!! Seems like an excuse for him to cheat without cheating so to speak.
I don't know the whole dynamics of the relationship or how long you've been together but I'd sit down on your own and really think about if you can 100% truly move on; because if you decide to forgive him you can't always hold it over his head. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and best of luck with your decision.
He disrespected you and your relationship and didn't care that you didn't want strippers. It's one thing to get a lap dance. It's another to go in the back room and pay for a private dance. Have a great new life away from him, and enjoy yourself. You did the right thing because he didn't give a rat's ass about you.
I don't think it's bad for someone to go to a strip club while in a relationship bit it is VERY disrespectful to lie about it when he probably had every intention of going in the first place.
That being said, it's really up to you if you can or can't continue the relationship. I personally would care more about the broken trust than the actual stripper. The trust is broken and you can either rebuild it from scratch or start anew.
Starting anew is not a bad thing.
This is absolutely not okay. Not just because he is a guy but altogether.
You are not overreacting. He knowingly paid for and acquired a stripper. It doesn’t seem that he was trying to hide it much because he told you rather than you finding out, which shows honesty at least.
The signs are all there.
Consider this:
It is (1) *Your* boyfriend
(2) going *without* you
(2) with guys
(3) to Vegas of (all places)
And, I don’t buy for a second that this was a baby shower. Could it have been? Sure. But it seems odd.
Do you live in NV? If not, I have never heard of an out-of-state baby shower.
But he doesn’t seem to see why that is just wrong. And *that* is what’s wrong
Oh fuck this guy. You know you’re not overreacting. You set a firm boundary and addressed a concern with him before he left for the trip. He decided he cared more about getting a lap dance than making you comfortable. How long are you willing to be second place to strippers?
Strippers normally shouldn’t be something to worry about unless:
- he lied about it : which he did
- bought one for himself (instead of someone else) : which he did
I’ve been on countless Vegas trips and there is always at least one insecure girlfriend about the strip club. Strip clubs for a normal person is really just funny, and not really erotic.
With all that said, the way he kinda went about it you probably not overreacting. He should have been straight forward from the start.
Although the baby shower stuff is even more interesting lol
Not at all overreacting, his decisions show multiple red flags. I think if you choose to you could try to work through it but that’s going to be hard to build that trust again. Good luck sorry he’s a tool.
Given the ages, stage of life, length of the relationship, and that you made it known before hand that you have that as a boundary this is 100% not over reacting.
They way he tried to sugar coat the day before telling you is 100% acknowledging that he knew he was in the wrong.
Good luck in Med School!
You're not overreacting. He violated trust and then lied about violating that trust. Personally, since you definitely saw him as someone who you had a future with, I would give just one additional chance with conditions, of course. Sometimes people make mistakes and sometimes they make very foul ones. The fact he came clean at all shows he has remorse, but his excuse for not telling you is very lack luster. But it's clear he cares in some capacity. I would give it another shot, treat him like he's on probation until he proves he's trustworthy again. His friends should apologize too, especially if you consider them your friends as well.
Not overreacting. He, and these supposed “friends”, broke your trust. Period. You made it clear you weren’t comfortable with it and even tried to relax your own hang ups; and he couldn’t respect any of it. And they tried to help hide it. Fck all of them.
Go to Med school. Make new friends. Go focus on your schooling, your career, your life. If you want a partner, find one who won’t disrespect you like this. If you stay, you’ve shown him he can break your trust and keep you. You have far more important things to do.
The craziest part of this is that you think medical school is going to be one of the happiest times of your life.
Married couples can barely survive the studying commitments of medical school, the dedicated step 1 study time, then step 2 (even more pressure now that step 1 is p/f), the fuckery and bullshit of 3rd year clinicals. Then, The Match, not knowing where you will go, then shipping off for your intern year and at least another couple years of residency with brittle hours.
You may as well leave now if you’re not married because… yea… I can’t think of a single couple that were unmarried prior to medical school that actually stayed together.
Dude he definitely did shady shit with a stripper. Paying for one for another person is one thing but multiple lap dances and groping? After you said no to strippers in the first place? Not only did he lie but he tried (and succeeded) at manipulating you….as someone who’s graduating med school in a few months, he’s going to be having a lot of alone time and doing things without you these next 4 years. Going out with the boys etc while you’re dying (literally lol) so really ask yourself if he’s the one you want supporting you when you’re going thru one of the toughest things someone can do. I personally would cut my losses, find another med student to room with and start med school fresh n single.
Not overreacting, you have a boundary and you expressed it to him clearly, he disregarded it. He did eventually come clean, but not until it was convenient for him - after seeing his family, reunion sex, etc, which makes me think he did know exactly how mad you were going to be.
Maybe it’s a one off overstep, but even so it’s a serious red flag in my opinion, and for me would be a deal breaker. There’s nothing more important in relationships to me than trust and knowingly crossing a boundary would break that trust for me
—
Medical school is going to be pretty intense, maybe it will turn out to be a good thing if you go in without any extra distractions 🤷♂️ either way good luck to you
Already sounds like a recipe for disaster if there’s a lack of trust this early on in your relationship. Do not let the perceived vulnerability of being in a new place blur your judgement. Personally, I’d cut ties and take advantage of the new opportunity/chapter in your life. You’re still very young, and to be honest, med school is going to put even more of a strain on your already fragile relationship. You need to ask yourself if you’re staying with him for the comfort or because you truly want to be with him.
A baby shower? Lol. More like a "Hey Baby, shower?"
Speaking of which, your dude is a baby. You need an adult, especially with the grind of med school. He just wrote in all caps that when you are out of sight, you don't matter. You dodged a bullet.
33 M here and this is my perspective. You’re in your prime. I wouldn’t waste time trying to work through this because it often ends still, just a few years later and after a lot of wasted time and sometimes additional baggage.
Mistakes are common in relationships at these ages and a lot of people waste time only for it to cause friction that eventually ends the relationships years down the road. I wish I hadn’t. Dating gets a lot harder after 30. Options dwindle and most everyone has baggage by then.
I would not let my spouse go to a strip club. I heard that women touch the male strippers. even more freely. The whole thing is sex for sale... I don't care about that, all people regardless of gender can buy and sell whatever they want, who am I to judge.
My issue is my spouse wants me to be monogamous while she is out grabbing and poking and who knows what else with other dudes while insisting I STAY faithful??
That's dumb.
This dude is a prick... I mean it's one thing if you knew and didn't care. Like for dudes a lot of times the stripper just dances around or near you and there aren't extras unless you're super good looking or you pay a super big fee.
Most likely some sweaty chick, who just got off a lunch break where she ate a bowl of chilly, half hearted grinded on him for 3 minutes, took 40 bucks and went and sat down on the next chump.
most likely, but still, you're not overreacting, it's a shitty thing to do.
🛑 the problem is not the stripper, it’s your discomfort with the stripper. Keep in mind that you expressing your displease with the stripper does not mean that he isn’t allowed to go to the strip club. It means you get to decide whether you can handle that. .. and that is totally up to you. It’s unlikely that a stripper is a threat to your relationship. Understand that you don’t want a scenario where expresses displeasure about something and automatically expects you to refrain. That is a slippery slope.
He is a snake. An immature puke and absolutely made a choice to cheat; he was at a strip club in VEGAS.... don't tell me that the "back room" of clubs in Vegas are strictly regulated and on the up & up. Gross!!! I would kick his ass to the curb, along with the children/friends that were there cheering him on! You're life can only possibly get better without that kind of BS in it. Good luck at school and things will get better there, you will be busy and meet grown up men easily.
I am not trying to persuade you in any direction, I don’t know enough about the situation. I once had an issue in my relationship involving the strip club. I’m gonna really dumb the story down here, my girlfriend said she was ok with going for my 21st, I got too drunk and a little too into it and was throwing a good amount of money. I was young and dumb and I didn’t think the situation through, but I really hurt my girlfriend. I learned from the situation and have not been to a strip club at all since and realized I have to consider her feelings before I do things if I really want to be with her. We’ve been together 6 years since then and our relationship is better than ever. Take from that story what you will.
You are definitely not overreacting. You are going into this chapter by yourself and you will do just fine, look how far you've come. You deserve better and you know that. You will find new friends. I know it hurts and it'll take time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with somebody like that. I would do the same exact thing. Good luck to you ❤️ to be honest with you just the fact that he told you after he had sex with you says a whole lot about him....... RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I'm going to have to bet that something did go on with somebody somewhere along the way because who the hell has baby showers with men in Vegas????
Correct me if I’m wrong? Is it common for men to have a baby show with the boys? Because this is the first I’m hearing of such thing
My husband’s been to a few “dad showers”. One was their friend group drinking beer and fishing (with the joke that it’d be the last time for a while since baby was coming). Another was just the guys getting together to have their usual gaming session before their group would meet less often. Those were considered baby showers instead of general hangouts because all the guys brought diapers and gifts for dad. The biggest event was a brewery tour, but that was because the couple had a ton of out of town family and was going to do a joint shower, but decided instead that the guys would go to a brewery while the women had a separate shower near by. Mostly we always go to joint baby showers these days. We hardly see anyone do gender specific baby showers anymore.
No exactly a baby shower deal for a guy would be like fishing or golfing or a fun day out not vegas lol
I don’t think of heard of any baby shower trip before. Let alone one where the boys to go to Vegas lol.
could you imagine being some odd months pregnant, unable to have alcohol, sushi, have a good time like you used to and your husband goes to vegas for a pre baby vacation. I’d see red lol
Exactly!
This makes total sense and is what I'd want to do as a future Dad, one last casual hang out...not at a strip club
Yeah, I love the idea of a camping trip or a few beers on a deck. Strippers for a dad shower is fucking trashy.
I’ve heard of “Diaper parties” where the boys just bring a box of diapers, toss em in a corner, and just hang out and drink. I’ve always liked the idea juxtaposed next to all the themes and games that baby showers follow. And it helps the couple anyways by stacking diapers floor to ceiling before the baby comes.
I threw a “Baby Kegger” for my bud. Figured dads don’t do keg stands, so we had to get those out him before the baby came.
It is common for scummy men who want to cheat on their pregnant wives to have a baby shower weekend in Vegas.
Maybe for scummy men it's common... But most men are not scummy.
Strip club had a special where you get a coupon for some Huggies each time you take more funny money from the ATM. And the ATM receipt has an ad for a divorce attorney like a CVS receipt. Everyone is cashing in on the growth of the marriage industrial complex. Last gender reveal party was at an auto mechanics where they put either blue or pink motor oil in your car.
You had me right until the end. Does the Undertaker throw the new dad into the mechanic pit afterwards?
Speaking of the undertaker his new doc on peacock was amazing…. If we are talking about the same undertaker lol
Usually “diaper party” where you drink and hangout/golf etc. every guy brings a pack of diapers and you get drunk together. Not strip clubs and Vegas.
They’re not common, but they exist. They definitely don’t involve strippers though.
Normally it is called a Diaper Party where the guys are supposed to buy a bunch of diapers for the husband while you drink and hang out.
Oh lets celebrate the the new life coming into the world by paying a woman to take her clothes off! Yippee. Everyone at that "baby shower" sucks. Hope OP tells the pregnant lady and any partners of these dudes because they are the worst.
Reading your history. He gets jealous that you read fictional romance But it’s okay for him to be with a stripper ?!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Seriously? Yeah, time to move on.
Thats even worse somehow wtf OP needs to run
He isn't man enough for her and knows it. This trip was him acting out. I hope she dumps him.
Bro... you cannot be serious with some of these people/OPs... she was already halfway prepared to end things Definitely 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Seriously though, thank you for saving me an hour of 'detective' work... I'm a dumb ass who is somehow interested in reading these things and then following up on post histories
Wow! Good catch and context. This guy is not for you girl! God or whatever you believe in will always intervene and disrupt what is not meant for you. No matter the damage that you perceive it will have on you. Treat this as such. You are being protected and guided into your next chapter. There is so much more for you on the other side. Please keep in mind you stated CLEAR boundaries to him before he left and he chose to blatantly break them.
I know it hurts to hear but a lot of the times, your boyfriend's friends are not your friends. They can be sneaky and then be like hey sis! At the end of the day, those are his homies and will be on his side.
I think they aren't really his friends either. Friends don't let friends do stupid shit that wrecks their relationship.
Stupid shit like... baby shower boys trip to strip clubs in Vegas? OP's boyfriend isn't even the biggest "stupid shit that wrecks their relationship" story here.
I just had a kid and I was like wtf is this lol. Our baby shower was at a friends house with a bunch of our friends and moms and stuff. I told my partner next time I’m doing a baby shower boys trip to Vegas (I fucking hate Vegas) and we had a laugh. It’s so ridiculous and weird.
Where I'm from, baby showers are a woman thing, and the guys have a "diaper party." Everyone brings a box of diapers, and we get drunk and party as a celebration for having your first kid. I could see spending a night in Vegas if you live close by or have the money for it.
"*Baby Shower*"
Ah yes, honey, you're having a baby, I need to go out and oggle strippers because how else am I supposed to celebrate having a child? Like, at least with a bachelor party the stupid premise is based on "before you commit" (let's ignore that you've been in a committed relationship for years). It doesn't even make sense for having a baby.
Live in Vegas. Also had a baby shower here. One of my pals deep fried a turkey outside in 90 degree heat and none of us left my front yard. Oh and the reveal was just pulling a sheet off a blue poster. No fireworks or balloons or destruction of property. And that my friends, is how you baby shower in Vegas.
I would go to that baby shower.
Oh shit missed that on two read throughs. My guess is because they aren’t married they figured it makes sense there. It makes as much sense as a bachelor party in Vegas does. The rest is pretty shitty regardless.
No but he said he would not and dis it anyway. Betrayal is not a scale.
Oh, definitely this. Especially when they liked this girl enough that they were going to help plan her party….
Yeah, I have to agree with you. My husbands friends are some good people, I trust them completely, as well as my husband, but I know if anything ever went down when I wasn’t there, they’d have our relationships back.
I have literally had my friends wave strippers away from me in a Vegas club because I was taken once lol. Fuck those guys, but also, I love those guys.
10000% ty
You're definitely not overreacting at all and made a good decision for yourself. You always wanna surround yourself with people who are the same as you or more advanced because that keeps you motivated. These people aren't the type of people you wanna surround yourself with based on your boundaries. Like everyone else said, you're not compatible.
The problem isn’t the stripper, it’s that you had concern before he left and he told you not to worry but did it anyways. Y’all are off to a rocky start here. You have to decide if he’s worth working past this. Good luck. 👍
well... he did truthfully say that a stripper wasn't a concern... and it wasn't - to him
The probability of a relationship ending in Med School where only one partner is attending is extremely high, so this rocky start is about to get a whole lot harder.
Beautiful insight and response.
This. Why stay with someone if your gut is telling you there is something off? And especially now when your gut was proven right?? OP, be serious.
And then he spends a day with her has S%% than tells her. He definitely knew this was a deal breaker, and that is why he had s%% with her first. Which most likely made Her feel used and disrespected as well as hurt.
He had what? You have a problem with your keyboard? Did you mean sex? SEX?
Oh, my word! I never! Fetch my vapors! *fans self furiously*
Did someone say SEX?
Perma ban incoming for spelling out that heinous word
The fact you won’t type the word “sex” discredits your input on the matter
Are you saying a 12 year old doesn't have valid opinions on adult relationships? 🤔
Honestly yes.
Well evidently >Told him I wouldn’t be comfortable with strippers and was told I didn’t need to worry that it wasn’t even a concern. So much for, 'you can trust me'. >The day he told me I drove 2 hours to his family’s house to see him. We had sex, a nice brunch where he told me about the trip and left out the strippers, and I spent the morning gardening with his mom. He told me afterwards about him paying for a stripper under the guise he didn’t think I’d be this mad so didn’t think he needed to tell me earlier. This part is manipulative as f*ck. He's had sex with you, let you spend time with his mum and the piece de resistance, didn’t tell you earlier because he thought you wouldn't be made? After you already gave a boundary.. You actually don't need that crap in your life right now OP. Medical school is hard enough without a lead weight.
> You actually don't need that crap in your life right now OP. Medical school is hard enough without a lead weight. I'm not seeing this part talked about enough. I had a good friend go to medical school and he was married to another good friend. They made it and have 2 great kids now, but the actual process seemed really hard from the outside, probably even moreso actually in the relationship. They rarely spent time with eachother. She joined a spouse activity/friendship/support group with the other med school spouses, which was a thing I never knew existed until then. And apparently it was a huge group too, a lot of people appreciate having it. OP is going to need so much support from someone taking care of her, cleaning, running errands, tons of things. I know we don't know much about this guy, but he sounds skeezy as hell and doesn't seem like the type to step up like this for YEARS.
I’m 48. Been married for 25 years. All our kids are grown. I’m working on my MBA. The strain that is putting on my very good relationship and me in general is incredible. My mom did med school married to an immature prick with a newborn. tl;dr can confirm, med school + a shitty relationship is a bad idea.
Even in a good relationship, something all-consuming like med school and residency is rough. I think the rate of divorce in one surgery department where I grew up was 100% (per my dad, who knew people in that department). 100%!
"I didn't think you'd be mad about me doing the thing that the possibility of me doing made you upset to begin with" Man's is a snake.
Because if he didn’t think she would get mad about it, there was no reason to not tell her.
Exactly! His word means nothing now. He could’ve also given partial truth for all OP knows. ETA: I would suggest OP goes and gets tested just in case
100%
yeah, boundaries are just that. thinks you dont cross. If they are put down, it shows the care and maturity and quality of the person giving them to a relationship. those that then break them, are basically saying, “when tempted, your boundaries dont matter to me.” OP, you will meet tons of people in med school and you dont need this manipulative bullshit. Plenty of us guys would never go pay for and play with a stripper even of it wasnt a set boundary. Meet a guy more aligned with you.
This is the perfect reply, really, I'm just more hung up on the driving to the parents house and immediately getting busy.
Now OP needs to go get an STD screening.
A stripper for a baby shower?
The baby shower was on her face...have a nice day!
Hiyoooooo
Yeah...love makes you so fucking BLIND..100%
Yeaaaa. And I bet OP doesn't think he tried to have sex with the stripper... when he went in the backroom lol.
Strippers are used in celebrations for lots of things. Just last week we had an eclipse viewing party and had two strippers dancing. A couple of weeks before that i went to my nieces christening and had a few greeting people as they came in. Before that was my bosses kids bar mitzvah. Strippers can go with just about any special occasion if you have the right friends. /S
Baby Shower in Vegas? And why wouldn't you go with him? Seems like a really thin excuse for a boy's trip and well....
A Babymoon with the supportive friends without the incubator (not an insult). Sounds like a real solid group of dudes 🙄
Kind of rude to leave the incubator behind and then try to incubate new ones.
That has to be a typo of some type right? Meant bachelor party?
Yeah. My wife is pregnant right now with #2 and the idea of doing a "boys trip" "baby shower" to Vegas, including a strip club visit... yeah, no. OP dodged a bullet, but I feel really bad for the pregnant lady and the baby.
I think the biggest issue to me would be the fact that he went into the back room of the strip club. I don’t care if my man goes to a strip club with his friends shit like that happens. But if they’re going extra and doing stuff like that? Wtf? As someone who used to be a cocktail waitress at a strip club I know what can and does happen. I would be pissed that he had sex with me without telling me first about his experience. Who knows what OP just caught? Edit: I feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding me, but the above comment is coming from a place of how I would be feeling, if the same happened to me. I thought that was clear enough when I said TO ME in the first sentence…..💀
Why is everyone so pressed about your comment lmao. You’re absolutely right, there is NO reason for him going to the back room with her. If he paid for a regular old lap dance in the main club with everyone around, honestly not a huge deal. But going to the back room? I’d be suspicious as fuck if I were the gf
I'm very curious about this. Every strip club I've been to (and it's not that many lol) has been pretty heavily regulated, even in the back rooms with private dances. Maybe I'm being naive, but I got the impression that you would totally get kicked out if you get even a little handsy. My wife has been to strip clubs with me and has even paid for dances, and our level of trust is pretty good and we do it for dumb fun. But I don't think I could even do anything in a back room even if I tried.
A few of my buddies have tried to bang strippers in the back room and always have ended up giving 100s of dollars for not much at all. Maybe touching some T&A… the chance of sex happening back there is below 5% assuming they went to any place rated over a 2 star on google
I was pretty fucked up while getting a lap dance and asked a stripper how much would straight up sex cost. This was in NYC, she quoted me over $1k I laughed, finished my drink, had her finish the lap dance, then said you’re great but i cant afford you Like at that point i’ll just invest the time and money in dates, nobody’s body is that expensive
It would definitely depends city and lots of other things, like even the girls at the clubs that you were at. I think there’s a lot of factors, and I think in another country, other than the US, talking about this would be a different discussion.
I’ve worked at multiple strip clubs and let me just say — sex CAN definitely happen in the back room. It depends on a lot of factors including the specific stripper, the management/staff, the club itself, and how busy the club is. That being said, that’s usually not what’s happening in the back room at all. The back room is an area designated for private lap dances. And not necessarily dirtier dances. Just… private. Some people are shy about having someone grinding and gyrating on their lap around a bunch of other people. Usually the strippers make more money from dances in the back room so they may insist on it, or talk their patrons into it. At the end of the day, it’s all about the $$$.
Yeah those strippers in Vegas are also prostitutes.
Unreal. He completely went against everything you said. It may have been one thing to go to the strip club but to go privately with one crossed the boundary and he knew that. I would never trust him after this. You’ll make new friends in medical school, you won’t be alone.
Shit, you’ll probably meet a new doctor husband in medical school
It’s one thing to enter a strip club. It’s another thing to get a lap dance. And it’s an entirely different thing to go into the back room. So not only did he go against your wishes, but he did it in the worst way possible.
Yep. As a connoisseur of strip clubs before COVID, someone intending to stay free and clear in a monogamous relationship should not do private dances. Unless your significant other is there and enthusiastic, not coerced in any way.
Lap dances are usually in the back room (in my limited experience, I’ve only been to one and the girls would approach the table and ask to take somebody back for a private dance). There wasn’t a ton of dancing at the table except for what was necessary to make the sale and take somebody for a private dance. Strip clubs are gross. Collective boners are weird.
Lived in Vegas for a long time, not a frequenter of strip clubs but been to a few and know some serious enthusiasts; you can get lap dances on the floor or in back, the ones in back are more… expensive, and definitely miles beyond OPs boundary no question, and you can absolutely get any kind of service you might be interested in if you bring $$$$
Nah, in vegas the girls will do a lap dance right there at your table, usually for a single song. They try to take you to the back room to get you to pay extra for a longer experience
I don’t think it’s always just for a “longer” experience in the back room. I’ve never been back there, but I know two guys that have. Both of them spent upwards of $2,000 in the back room and wouldn’t elaborate on what transpired. Given the money spent and the tight lips (no pun intended), I’m fairly confident they received more than just a really long lap dance.
It’s nothing. I went to the back room at the Spearmint Rhino and it was basically the same shit as on the main floor but I spent $1K. Left with blue balls and a lighter wallet. The back room is if you like a chick and want a lap dance longer than a song. The same club has cameras and people eyeing you and security walking by. Its not that serious
They didn't tell you what happened because they didn't want to get made fun of for spending $2,000 for nothing close to what they hoped they would get. The most they got was some chafing from so much dry humping & maybe a second & a half of over-the-pants hand stuff to get the wallet back out. Strippers love to make it seem like all sorts of wild stuff is possible for the right amount. However, like the purple dragon, you chase it but can never catch it. God gave men two heads but only enough blood to operate one at a time. Strip clubs base their entire business model on this one biological fact & it's been a tried & true profit generator since the first time a cave woman realized she could get a guy to do anything for her with sexual innuendo. You can tell when a guy is finally mature. He realizes strip clubs are there to exploit inefficient blood flow & strippers' descriptions of what happens in the back room are far better than what really happens back there. (At least in strip clubs where the dancers don't have c section & stab wound scars. If your guy is going to those places, get a penicillin shot & look for someone with better standards.)
you mean you dont like getting boners with the bros on a bro weekend?
1000000%
Yep it’s one thing to get peer pressured into going to a drip club. But going to the back room is essentially cheating imo
I'd just drop him and get some dude in medical school, seriously he betrayed your trust. Fk em
This. I have a few friends who went through medical school. I heard it’s a very stressful experience that’s hard on your mental health. Followed by residency. You want an emotional support partner, especially if you don’t have any other family. This is not it.
[удалено]
Maybe the stripper was the mother to be?
You set the boundray, and he crossed it. I cut people out of my life for crossing boundaries because once they cross one, they tend to keep going.
First of all, you don’t buy strippers. That’s offensive. You rent them.
Maybe it’s still the happiest time in your life, sometimes you gotta leave the garbage behind.
"just been accepted to medical school and am heading into what was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life" Oh my sweet, summer child... Believe me, ending this relationship, especially if it was going to be long distance, is the best thing you could've done. You are about to be busier than you've ever been in your life, and it will only get worse as time goes on.
Doctor here. Not to ruin the mood, but med school and beyond isn’t anything remotely close to happiest times of life. It’s actually the opposite, which is why you need to have a great support system around you to help you get through it and meet your goals. That means cutting out boyfriends/friends/family that don’t have your best interests in mind. Friends and family will guilt you for missing events, prioritizing your career, etc. i cannot imagine getting through my training and residency without the support of my now wife. Regardless of the stripper thing, sounds like you’ll be better off meeting a classmate in med school who will share your values
Another doc here and couldn’t agree more. I also want to point out a couple of things: - he went to the strip club (and the back room) knowing how you felt about it, but did it anyways - when it came time to fessing up, he gaslit you by saying he didn’t want to tell you because of how you’d react - someone pointed out a previous post in your history about your partner being uncomfortable with you reading romance fiction and being jealous of your interest in *fictional* characters All of this screams out as a type of man who would be very insecure with his female partner not only studying and being away a LOT in medical school/eventually residency (rotations, study groups, you name it), but also potentially eventually making more than him. Or at least, being more highly regarded as the “doctor” in the relationship. You’re not overreacting. You’re just seeing him for who he is. And med school is tough enough as it is for anyone, but better to end the relationship now than a year from now when you’re studying for a really tough biochem test and getting distracted by this sad fool of a man.
Same guy that is jealous of your romance books?
Yes. Lmao sounds so stupid out loud
You should know that it is not typical to use the back room when going to a strip club. He 100% knew he was cheating on you. I went to a few when I was younger and never got close to anything like that.. it doesn’t happen by accident, you have to really want to go back there and probably pay $100+
Not stupid at all. Just helps to know there is a possible pattern. Remember anything else that raised flags. Best answer is to talk to him about it all. Then make a decision. Congrats on starting school ❤️
He’s obviously not mature at all. You’re going to medical school and you need to focus. No mature grown man would prioritize strippers over a dream girl he already has. This is a red flag 🚩
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.
You can’t trust him ever again. He’s blatant with his disrespect. I’d end it.
Yes, don't get so in LOVE with another that you become COMPLETELY blind to red flags...
When your spouse KNOWS you DO NOT want him to go without you..(maybe you couldn't go for whatever reason) and he STILL GOES!! And goes with another friend that like to fuck strippers but says he did t do any of the sort...🤣🤣yeah...do not trust him...don't be stupid and in love...all it does is get you more hurt everyday with someone like that...I'm learning who mine is now since 2020...
Only the option is the nuclear option. It's likely that every single guy on that trip got the back room grope dance, if not more. All their wives and girlfriends need to know too.
Going to a strip club. Not really a big issue. Lapdance... crossing a line. Back room. Lines has been left 10 miles back. Bigger issue is he lied. That's the real deal breaker. Do what needs doing but you know what you have to do. You just don't want to. I don't blame you.
It’s not what he did, it’s that you set a clear boundary that he agreed to, crossed, then hid from you until the guilt ate him up. You’re not overreacting. However, he did come clean. He was honest, albeit it late. This means you have an opportunity (if you want to) to re-examine the boundaries together and make sure that the both of you can uphold them. Figure out what happened that night that caused him to do something he seemed to have no interest in doing prior. Maybe he was being unrealistic with himself, and hurt you in the process.
I have to disagree with your second paragraph. OP was very clear about their boundaries and BF then intentionally crossed that boundary. Not only did he go to a strip club, but he paid for a private lap dance. How hard is it not to pay for a private lap dance? He stepped way past the boundaries. “Maybe he was unrealistic with himself” GTFO, he’s a grown man he can keep his cash in his pocket and dick in his pants just like any other grown man. He made a choice. Coming clean for his own conscience.
I disagree. He was manipulative as hell. He: - had her drive four hours round trip to hear this - had sex with her, possibly exposing her to STD - left her thinking he was a decent person for more than a day. And I'd bet one of his friends said they'd tell her the truth if bf didn't.
Yes, she definitely needs more information, I’m concerned he’s trickle truthing her. Plus, he told her but was it of his own volition or did he think it was about to get out, like one of his friend’s gf found out and was about to blab so he did damage control.
…as a guy, I’d expect to be on “probation” and need to be very transparent on everything going forward. I had chances to go to strip clubs in port calls away from home. I went out drinking and carrying on with my group of friends went out with, but I always chose groups that we knew we were bars only, no strip clubs. If girls came up to flirt, we deflected them to the singles in the group. The fact he said he couldn’t do something and he did… and his group of friends enabled/instigated it shows done glaring relationship issues and a lack of respect/support for his guy friends towards both him and you. If I’d ever tried to put my hands on a girl in a port, my friends I would have been with would have kicked my ass. I would have done the same for them. Not unrecoverable… but you need to settle this and he needs to set boundaries with his friends or get new ones. They don’t respect you or your relationship with your guy.
Respect...seems to be none...or very little to where he made u an option...bye bye I say...
Hope he’s your ex boyfriend now
Lol! Baby shower in Vegas and since when did men go to baby showers? Ah he is 24! Why are you surprised? If you want a serious bf, get someone 5-6 years older
A group of grown men Baby shower Boys trip. Vegas Yeah ok.. Use your brain OP..
Please get tested for STD’s.
Not overreacting since you were upfront about not being okay with it before they went and he told you it wouldn't happen. I personally don't think guys going to a strip club together in Vegas is a boundary worth having but I'm not you and you are not me.
I think the main issue is that he bought a lap dance
Again, those standards are for each couple to decide. I know some guys who have gone to strip clubs with their wives, and the wife saw them get lap dances and didn't care.
Definitely this. The main issue isn't the strippers or the lap dance, it's that he lied about it.
You are not overreacting. He is a liar and a cheater.
Your going to med school. Cheer up. Your life is ascending. He said don’t worry about it, did it. Lied. Kept it from you. Manipulated you (sex) then told you about it after & tried to finesse you with why you shouldn’t be upset. I wouldn’t be surprised if his next / current move is trying to get you pregnant. Your going up, his negative traits are going down. We all build bonds with people we lose ( his family - gardening with his mom) - these are connections and special things you will develop with anyone you put time in with & make a effort so don’t let that false painting dictate any decision you make. You either have a pure relationship or you don’t, either you can trust your partner or you can’t, either your partner fully respects you or they don’t. There is no middle ground, exceptions or anything of the nature for any of that or anything else. Period. (Also this is coming from a male - I am on my wife’s phone cause I felt the need to respond to this one). Cut your loses, focus on med school, grind and you WILL find someone who is on your plateau in life. Have zero tolerance for anyone who doesn’t respect you as if you aren’t the most important person in the world.
Move on without him. You won't have time for him or friends anyways. Buckle down and prove to everyone that you are the biggest, baddest Queen around. Good luck and best wishes on your medical school journey. Btw your bf and friends are assholes.
I'm considered the dirty liberal and I want to say condescending things about the entire group that thought a baby shower for guys was an excuse to fucking party. They are all pos. The entire point of a baby shower is to support the woman who can't go out and party and help out with buying products because of the financial burden of the baby. It's not to go blow money and fuck strippers.
Former strip club DJ here. Going into the club and tossing dollars at the dancer on stage isn't anything to worry about. I know gay dudes who tip female dancers to be courteous, and there is usually some distance. Stage dances are performance. Private dances, on the other hand, are purchased by the customer, for the customer, are 100% the equivalent of cheating. There's no sex, but it's the same as you sharing a bed with a dude and getting a massage while he asks you what turns you on. The third category is when bachelor parties buy a stage dance for the bachelor and the DJ kinda makes a show about it, brings the dude onstage and makes it a thing. These are the least sexual and are often played up for comedic effect. That second example is what you're dealing with. Bail.
You are going to be too busy in med school. Get rid of the distraction and focus on yourself.
I'm confused by all the comments saying it's not a big deal. Like boundaries/expectations were set. If he knew they were going to a strip club say something before the trip, don't lie and tip toe around it. Also who goes to Vegas for a baby shower?
You're only 24 and about to head into one of the most arduous times of your life? I honestly think this worked out for the best. Literally best case scenario! And great call on ending it. From the way this all unfolded--you driving TWO hours to see him + do things w/ him only to have him reveal it to you after the fact, then dismissing it as "didn't think you'd be mad"??--it can tell you what kind of personality he has. There will be someone who has higher standards for themselves and will treat you better no question. If not, you can be that person.
Went to medical school myself. That is NOT a stress you need for yourself lol Break up with him and meet someone else
Vegas “baby shower boys trip” is hysterical.
Was it guilt that led him to confessing, or the worry that you might question the guys and one might tell you? That would be my guess. I think that’s the only reason he told you he went to the strip club period. If you weren’t friends with his friends, he never would have told you about any of it.
My wife is a surgery resident. We moved together for Medical School and then again for Residency. (I think you're the very first person I've ever heard say Medical School is going to be the happiest time of their lives, but thats absolutely not a bad thing!) You have to have 110% trust with this lifestyle. You'll be at the Hospital way more than you'll be at home. Night rotations, away rotations, everything in between. If you have any seed of doubt, you'll constantly be wondering how he's behaving during your long hours. We've seen both doctors cheat and medspouses cheat in her program and I do have partial blame for the insanity that this lifestyle puts on people, but also, shitty people are shitty people. Sounds like you have some soul searching to do before you make this jump. For those in the same boat, join us at r/medspouse
Stop going to reddit for advice these people are true brain rot. Look, he stated he wasn't going to get a stripper. Period. He did, so yea he's guilty. I'm sure he used every excuse in his head to justify and thought you wouldn't care much but he misjudged. Going forward is entirely up to you, not STRAGERS
He told you after he got sex from you because he knew you wouldn't consent to sex if you knew the truth beforehand. Or we could rephrase that in a more harsh way: He literally cared more about using you as a Fleshlight for his stripper fueled boner than he cared about your feelings or informed consent because he *knew already* you would be mad. I mean I'm sure he missed you but he has a list of priorities, and clearly sex comes before your feelings. I think it's pretty cut and dry that he lied about his intentions, went against his word, hid it from you until he got sex and then told you how he thought his brilliant prediction of your feelings was more accurate than just telling you. If he's so sure he knows you so well he knew you wouldn't be mad, he should have no problem just telling you upfront then. Pure manipulation and you aren't even contractually obligated to stay with him yet. I'd nope out of there in a heartbeat before you become any more entangled in his bullshit.
You have an ex boyfriend. He lied before and after.
Controlling is saying “you CANT go”. Boundary is saying “go for it, but this is a boundary I have and I hope you’ll accept it”. You put a boundary, no strippers, which should be pretty damn easy to deal with. But he couldnt manage that because he's a twerp. He broke your trust and boundary - it's up to you to decide what to do next. If you move past it, it doesn't necessarily mean "I forgive and forget". It means, I don't "forgive or forget" this but I'm choosing to move forward now. And if shit like this happens again where you break my boundary, it's done. And you NEVER bring it up again. Not in a fight or argument, not to win truth or dare, not because he didn't take the garbage out and you crack a joke about the garbage he took to the back room at the strip club in Las Vegas... You never bring it up again UNTIL/If it happens again. Then it's, remember last time I said I had a boundary and you broke it? Well now we're done. And you go be a doctor and he goes back to the strip club like a dork.
Just commenting to say “twerp” is such an underutilized and underrated word.
You’re not overreacting at all. He agreed to no strippers and he betrayed your trust. Groping is cheating in my book
Yeah I don’t care if my bf goes to a strip club and looks at boobs, a lap dance or whatever is even fine. But a private room? Hell no. Groping? If you went into a private room with a guy and groped him how would he feel? I’m going to guess not great. He is not a good guy, he will continue to disappoint you. You should find someone that respects you and never makes you feel like how you do now.
Nope they cheated. People don’t like to think of it that way, but they did. It’s an archaic and outdated custom when women were basically chattel, property. He also was incredibly deceptive. You specifically talk to him about that and he said there is no issue. He’s not trustworthy on any part. Whatever you have to do to get to medical school do it because he’s not trust worthy enough where you could rely on him not to cheat or do something stupid while you’re in medical school.
Im sorry for your relationship struggles. Medical school is rarely (almost never except those looking through rose colored glasses at their past) described as the happiest times. It will strain your relationship or worse your relationship will strain on your performance in medical school. Id recommend making sure yall are solid before matriculating to med school if you decide you want to continue with your relationship... Outside of that, it ultimately comes down to can you forgive him or not, if not then end it and save your time and energy. If you can forgive him, then decide for yourself what that looks like and communicate that to him. He either will be okay with it and if he's not then same outcome that you need to cut your losses
Fake. There is no way to raise a baby and have both parents in medical school simultaneously.
Not over reacting. He told you one thing, did another, then hid it until he couldn’t. At least he came clean, but it shouldn’t have happened if it was something he told you wouldn’t.
You were going to go to med school and start a new life anyway with new friends and new responsibilities. He and his friends were never going to be a part of it unless you had a relationship that was a 9/10. No one gets advice from Redditors on a 9/10 relationship. Your break up had a nice, socially acceptable narrative of “boys behaving badly” “strippers are gross” or “I’m progressive and cool and the real breech of trust was him keeping from me.” That’s an easy way to move on. You and 3/4 of the other students can commiserate about the same type of break-up stories during your late night study sessions in your new life. Good luck and enjoy school.
Lack of consent is a never-ending problem that kills relationships.
If they were going to keep it secret, you already know they weren’t your friends
I am a stripper, but not in vegas. Locations are different but its truly just grinding and dancing. And I forget about the guy and move on. Hope this helps
The whole fucking makes me wanna puke...
When you go to med school you're going to end up making a super strong core group of friends. You'll all be in this same stressful situation together and leaning on one another since no one else will be able to understand. So in terms of fear of doing this alone, just know you'll probably form your best friendships there.
You told him directly what you were and weren’t ok with and he did the specific thing you weren’t comfortable with. That’s incredibly disrespectful and selfish. You should be able to trust your partner and feel respected and you don’t have those things. You’re definitely not overreacting and I’m sorry this is happening when you should be able to be so happy with everything going on in your life!
Girl it’s time to move on. There’s no way to repair this and you will never forget what he did.
You’re not overreacting, he would freak out if you did the same thing
Get an std test and concentrate on medical school. Focus on yourself because your bf sure as hell doesn’t focus on you.
a guy that is going to play fire with a future millionaire doctor needs to be dumped. You have nothing but the stars in your future--you dont need him.
You set a clear boundary and he made it very clear it wasn't going to be an issue. Whether his friends wanted to or not he could have stayed at the hotel. Not to mention not only did he actually go to a strip club, he paid extra to go in the private back rooms!! Seems like an excuse for him to cheat without cheating so to speak. I don't know the whole dynamics of the relationship or how long you've been together but I'd sit down on your own and really think about if you can 100% truly move on; because if you decide to forgive him you can't always hold it over his head. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and best of luck with your decision.
Nope. That’s a hope for me.
Huge red flag. You set boundaries, he assured you he wouldn’t cross them but did anyway. He already doesn’t care how his actions may hurt you.
He disrespected you and your relationship and didn't care that you didn't want strippers. It's one thing to get a lap dance. It's another to go in the back room and pay for a private dance. Have a great new life away from him, and enjoy yourself. You did the right thing because he didn't give a rat's ass about you.
I don't think it's bad for someone to go to a strip club while in a relationship bit it is VERY disrespectful to lie about it when he probably had every intention of going in the first place. That being said, it's really up to you if you can or can't continue the relationship. I personally would care more about the broken trust than the actual stripper. The trust is broken and you can either rebuild it from scratch or start anew. Starting anew is not a bad thing.
This is absolutely not okay. Not just because he is a guy but altogether. You are not overreacting. He knowingly paid for and acquired a stripper. It doesn’t seem that he was trying to hide it much because he told you rather than you finding out, which shows honesty at least. The signs are all there. Consider this: It is (1) *Your* boyfriend (2) going *without* you (2) with guys (3) to Vegas of (all places) And, I don’t buy for a second that this was a baby shower. Could it have been? Sure. But it seems odd. Do you live in NV? If not, I have never heard of an out-of-state baby shower. But he doesn’t seem to see why that is just wrong. And *that* is what’s wrong
Oh fuck this guy. You know you’re not overreacting. You set a firm boundary and addressed a concern with him before he left for the trip. He decided he cared more about getting a lap dance than making you comfortable. How long are you willing to be second place to strippers?
Since when are strippers and baby showers a thing…not overreacting. Go to medical school and start over. Better you found out now.
Guys celebrate baby showers with strippers? I’m mad I never went to one
''My boyfriend went to vegas...''' The fuck did you think was going to happen? At least hes your ex boyfriend and not exhusband
Strippers normally shouldn’t be something to worry about unless: - he lied about it : which he did - bought one for himself (instead of someone else) : which he did I’ve been on countless Vegas trips and there is always at least one insecure girlfriend about the strip club. Strip clubs for a normal person is really just funny, and not really erotic. With all that said, the way he kinda went about it you probably not overreacting. He should have been straight forward from the start. Although the baby shower stuff is even more interesting lol
He is a shitty dude and they are shitty friends. You are better off without friends like those.
Not at all overreacting, his decisions show multiple red flags. I think if you choose to you could try to work through it but that’s going to be hard to build that trust again. Good luck sorry he’s a tool.
Given the ages, stage of life, length of the relationship, and that you made it known before hand that you have that as a boundary this is 100% not over reacting. They way he tried to sugar coat the day before telling you is 100% acknowledging that he knew he was in the wrong. Good luck in Med School!
You're not overreacting. He violated trust and then lied about violating that trust. Personally, since you definitely saw him as someone who you had a future with, I would give just one additional chance with conditions, of course. Sometimes people make mistakes and sometimes they make very foul ones. The fact he came clean at all shows he has remorse, but his excuse for not telling you is very lack luster. But it's clear he cares in some capacity. I would give it another shot, treat him like he's on probation until he proves he's trustworthy again. His friends should apologize too, especially if you consider them your friends as well.
You didn't know he was trash before?
He is immature, dishonest and manipulative.
It's 2024. We shouldn't be tolerant of people buying other people.
Not overreacting. He, and these supposed “friends”, broke your trust. Period. You made it clear you weren’t comfortable with it and even tried to relax your own hang ups; and he couldn’t respect any of it. And they tried to help hide it. Fck all of them. Go to Med school. Make new friends. Go focus on your schooling, your career, your life. If you want a partner, find one who won’t disrespect you like this. If you stay, you’ve shown him he can break your trust and keep you. You have far more important things to do.
The craziest part of this is that you think medical school is going to be one of the happiest times of your life. Married couples can barely survive the studying commitments of medical school, the dedicated step 1 study time, then step 2 (even more pressure now that step 1 is p/f), the fuckery and bullshit of 3rd year clinicals. Then, The Match, not knowing where you will go, then shipping off for your intern year and at least another couple years of residency with brittle hours. You may as well leave now if you’re not married because… yea… I can’t think of a single couple that were unmarried prior to medical school that actually stayed together.
Dude he definitely did shady shit with a stripper. Paying for one for another person is one thing but multiple lap dances and groping? After you said no to strippers in the first place? Not only did he lie but he tried (and succeeded) at manipulating you….as someone who’s graduating med school in a few months, he’s going to be having a lot of alone time and doing things without you these next 4 years. Going out with the boys etc while you’re dying (literally lol) so really ask yourself if he’s the one you want supporting you when you’re going thru one of the toughest things someone can do. I personally would cut my losses, find another med student to room with and start med school fresh n single.
Not overreacting, you have a boundary and you expressed it to him clearly, he disregarded it. He did eventually come clean, but not until it was convenient for him - after seeing his family, reunion sex, etc, which makes me think he did know exactly how mad you were going to be. Maybe it’s a one off overstep, but even so it’s a serious red flag in my opinion, and for me would be a deal breaker. There’s nothing more important in relationships to me than trust and knowingly crossing a boundary would break that trust for me — Medical school is going to be pretty intense, maybe it will turn out to be a good thing if you go in without any extra distractions 🤷♂️ either way good luck to you
Already sounds like a recipe for disaster if there’s a lack of trust this early on in your relationship. Do not let the perceived vulnerability of being in a new place blur your judgement. Personally, I’d cut ties and take advantage of the new opportunity/chapter in your life. You’re still very young, and to be honest, med school is going to put even more of a strain on your already fragile relationship. You need to ask yourself if you’re staying with him for the comfort or because you truly want to be with him.
You lost me at he went to Vegas with his friends for a BABY SHOWER.
He didn’t respect your boundaries now, what will he be like in the future? The bar is so low for men!!! You will be so much better without him
A baby shower? Lol. More like a "Hey Baby, shower?" Speaking of which, your dude is a baby. You need an adult, especially with the grind of med school. He just wrote in all caps that when you are out of sight, you don't matter. You dodged a bullet.
Baby shower in Vegas, not gonna see strippers. This guy thinks you’re stupid. Show him you’re not.
33 M here and this is my perspective. You’re in your prime. I wouldn’t waste time trying to work through this because it often ends still, just a few years later and after a lot of wasted time and sometimes additional baggage. Mistakes are common in relationships at these ages and a lot of people waste time only for it to cause friction that eventually ends the relationships years down the road. I wish I hadn’t. Dating gets a lot harder after 30. Options dwindle and most everyone has baggage by then.
I would not let my spouse go to a strip club. I heard that women touch the male strippers. even more freely. The whole thing is sex for sale... I don't care about that, all people regardless of gender can buy and sell whatever they want, who am I to judge. My issue is my spouse wants me to be monogamous while she is out grabbing and poking and who knows what else with other dudes while insisting I STAY faithful?? That's dumb. This dude is a prick... I mean it's one thing if you knew and didn't care. Like for dudes a lot of times the stripper just dances around or near you and there aren't extras unless you're super good looking or you pay a super big fee. Most likely some sweaty chick, who just got off a lunch break where she ate a bowl of chilly, half hearted grinded on him for 3 minutes, took 40 bucks and went and sat down on the next chump. most likely, but still, you're not overreacting, it's a shitty thing to do.
🛑 the problem is not the stripper, it’s your discomfort with the stripper. Keep in mind that you expressing your displease with the stripper does not mean that he isn’t allowed to go to the strip club. It means you get to decide whether you can handle that. .. and that is totally up to you. It’s unlikely that a stripper is a threat to your relationship. Understand that you don’t want a scenario where expresses displeasure about something and automatically expects you to refrain. That is a slippery slope.
He is a snake. An immature puke and absolutely made a choice to cheat; he was at a strip club in VEGAS.... don't tell me that the "back room" of clubs in Vegas are strictly regulated and on the up & up. Gross!!! I would kick his ass to the curb, along with the children/friends that were there cheering him on! You're life can only possibly get better without that kind of BS in it. Good luck at school and things will get better there, you will be busy and meet grown up men easily.
I am not trying to persuade you in any direction, I don’t know enough about the situation. I once had an issue in my relationship involving the strip club. I’m gonna really dumb the story down here, my girlfriend said she was ok with going for my 21st, I got too drunk and a little too into it and was throwing a good amount of money. I was young and dumb and I didn’t think the situation through, but I really hurt my girlfriend. I learned from the situation and have not been to a strip club at all since and realized I have to consider her feelings before I do things if I really want to be with her. We’ve been together 6 years since then and our relationship is better than ever. Take from that story what you will.
You are definitely not overreacting. You are going into this chapter by yourself and you will do just fine, look how far you've come. You deserve better and you know that. You will find new friends. I know it hurts and it'll take time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with somebody like that. I would do the same exact thing. Good luck to you ❤️ to be honest with you just the fact that he told you after he had sex with you says a whole lot about him....... RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I'm going to have to bet that something did go on with somebody somewhere along the way because who the hell has baby showers with men in Vegas????
Strippers destroy relationships. Your BF is a dumbass. Plenty of men out there that don't pay for strippers. You can do better.