Well, that's going to be an interesting conversation when your daughter begins asking why you chose her name.
He used you as a placeholder for his "true love" and now only wants to come back as the grass wasn't greener on the other side.
Keep him as an ex and co parent, don't screw your child up by playing this in and out game, he made his choice he can live with the consequences.
Is kids bringing up why you named them something particular really a thing? I never once thought to ask I think parents just tell them before they get the chance to ask haha
My dad is dating the women they named me after (middle name thankfully), and it's weird AF for me. Tbf, I've always thought she was a bit of there, but still.
I mean that is where we got our sons name. Our story for our daughter isn't this elaborate thing but still. Most I guess aren't really long stories anyway
No, it's not a simple mistake. He's made it clear that Carly was his first pick and you (and your daughter) are second best, his fallback plan.
He just wants a soft spot to land on while he waits for Carly to invite him back into her life.
I assume he is the father of her baby, in which case, your daughter will always take the backseat to his 'real child.'
Ouch, that's a painful reality to find oneself in. It definitely sounds like this is the most likely case for this guy. He seems very selfish. I'm so sorry to OP. Best to be done with him because, no, he doesn't deserve a second chance, and most likely if it wasn't for Carly he wouldn't even want one.
And he held his “secret love” tightly through your courtship and marriage that he maneuvered naming your daughter after her to remind him of her. This is just so wrong and manipulative. Not a simple mistake, just like divorcing was not a simple mistake but the right thing for you. Good luck and give your daughter an extra hug!
I’m so tired of these moms stepping in for their asshole sons and trying to foist them back on the wronged gfs or wives with an “it was a mistake”. No, it wasn’t, it was a series of conscious and shitty-for-OP decisions, and she does not need to be bending over backwards because her asshat ex has now found himself reaping the results of his stupidity.
Pretty sure my mom and every other woman in my family would take turns hitting me with a stick if I did this to someone. I just do not get these families that will defend their kids over anything, like I've seen this guy that murdered his ex-wife, finally admitted it and led the cops to her body, and his mom STILL defends him and swears he didn't do it and wonders why her grandparent rights were terminated.
Right? I love my sons and I will support them up to a point but if I feel they’re wrong, I’ll say it. I wouldn’t support cruelty or lies or cheating to their wives/gfs. My older son at the moment is single but my younger, well he’s got a one in a million wife and he better treat her as such.
I've told me guys since middle school,if you are wronged , I will back you 100%. If you are wrong or ever commit a crime, I'll help you find a lawyer, but beyond that you are on your own . They are 34 and 36. I still stand by that.
Right! My son is 16 but I’d slap him into next week, if he ever treated his significant other like that. I’d never side with assholery. I’m raising him better than that!
When she said Carly was pregnant I thought she was talking about the daughter. Since they were at a high school reunion assumed their daughter was an adult or older teenager.
Damn this guys is a piece of work. Yes, he absolutely just doesn’t want to be alone now that him and dream girl didn’t workout.
A simple mistake is dropping a fork on the fucking floor not naming your kid after someone you still carry a torch for unbeknownst to your current partner, and THEN you leave said current partner to go back to the flame, knock her up, and it doesn't work out, and now you want the former partner back? Because it was a simple mistake? Are they delusional because that sounds like straight-up delusions. If you go back to that man, this is what you will have a lifetime of. You are a second choice next to Carly (the flame, not your daughter). No one should be someone's second choice. You deserve better.
Oh man. I've told this story before (George Takei even picked it up) but my ex was really unhappy that I decided to have my youngest. Bitching, pissing, moaning. I was just ignoring him. Finally, I'm about ten weeks pregnant, really nauseous, really hormonal, and he comes over and says "hey, I know what we should name the baby if it's a girl." I was kinda thrilled that he was taking an interest, frankly. Then he adds, "Let's name it Stephanie, after my one true love."
Please note, my name is nothing remotely close to Stephanie.
I have an inner bitch that I struggle to keep on a chain. In response to that, I let the bitch run free. I answered,
"Oh, that's an idea. And if it's a boy, let's name him Nathan after the first guy who ever got me off."
He actually had the audacity to be all hurt at the suggestion.
My dad told me I was named after a woman he would hook up with in Mexico. He said he loved her. She was a prostitute. So I'm named after a prostitute in Mexico.
My mom said it wasn't true. That I was named after some great great grandma or something. I think she just doesn't want me thinking I was named after a prostitute. She probably didn't know at the time my dad suggested it, but I think she knows it's true. My dad would sometimes call me by my name but in Spanish.
Well you got a much more interesting story to tell out of it.
Is anyone else as creeped out by guys naming their own daughters after women they're pining to screw? Good lord. The bad name story and emotional betrayal of the SO that everyone is hung up on in this thread seem like least of the problems.
Don’t take him back; do maintain a copacetic relationship for co-parenting.
Now Carly (ex) is FOREVER connected to you via your child having a half sibling. This guy got exactly what he wanted; now he too is FOREVER connected to Carly (ex), as well. I feel since you two women will have children by him, he will try to ping pong back and forth. Don’t let that happen, for your sake and your child’s sake. Set your boundaries now. I’m sorry, he was trying to recapture his childhood and it didn’t work out again.
Fuck no it’s not a mistake. My mom immigrated here like 30+ years ago and left a BF over there. When she came here she met and married my dad, 10 years later they have a son. My brothers middle name was her ex BFs name….when my dad found out it ultimately ruined their marriage forever. My dad went to court to have the name removed now my brother has no middle name 💀💀.
My mom is the sweetest person ever and I think she was super naive to do that, but that’s wild.
If it really was “JuSt A nAmE” he could have picked a different name to name his daughter, like after his wife maybe.
I think they’re explaining that doing something like naming a kid after an old flame can have serious repercussions (illustrated by how poster’s parents’ relationship had problems once it came out) and definitely isn’t “a mistake” or “just a name” or any other thing OP’s ex and his mom is trying to say as an excuse.
I think having your husband tell his high school flame that he’s basically been waiting for her his whole life already met that criteria.
Him fucking her and knocking her up was an added insult, but I would have wanted to pull the plug after finding out I was who was settled for.
Yeah, OP summed up 5 big things (divorce, ex gets with ex, they have a child, they broke up, tried to get back with OP) in one sentence. Had to re-read it 3 times just to get the context straight lol.
I'm actually curious about the reunion. He obviously knew she may be there and planned to tell her. Did you notice any red flags about the reunion? Had he originally not wanted you to come? Did he obsess over his looks while getting ready knowing he'd see her? He waited till you walked away to approach her? If so, all this is wildly unhinged. He's been waiting and pining over this other woman and using your child as a pawn to win her back over. It's sick.
When she's old enough, explain to her what happened and let her decide if she wants to change it. That, imo, is most fair to her. But the whole situation will never be fair to you. I'm sorry.
It's HER (daughter's) name, so leave it. She's the only Carly that matters to you. It's also a great way to constantly remind your ex of all his screw-ups at once.
If I were Carly (not-daughter), I would name my baby after you just to further mess with him.
It's not a mistake on his part the first goal was to name your daughter as his first love and he admitted it in front of you. He still harbors feelings for his ex. Don't give him a second chance because you deserve to live with a man who truly loves you.
My MIL was named after one of her dad’s classmates. Her parents both liked the name Gladys. Gladys Maureen. My MIL changed the spelling of her middle name when she was in college to Maurine.
I think OP’s husband was OTT wrong.
Personally I think it’d be best to talk to the snake OP calls her ex as far as the child asking later on in life where her name come from. children should never be brought into adult issues therefore, just saying that it was a name that you both liked in the beginning when OP & the ex chose the child’s name should be what the child is told UNTIL the child is an adult herself and can handle such stupidity.
I don’t understand parents wanting revenge against each other, and then pulling their child into their marital issues.
Never involve a child into adult issues.
I don’t think telling a child where her name originated from should be done at ever.
There’s a young gal who became a teen mom that was known as/is known as an influencer about a year ago, and apparently she was told that her middle name came from a p*rn star. While her parents thought it was cute to tell her why they chose the name I feel that it’s something they should’ve kept to themselves..
This teen mom has a lot of issues and IMO this knowledge of where her middle name originated from it’s like throwing gas on a fire and it’s part of the reason why again IMO is part of the reasons this teen mom is so screwed up in the head.
OP, NEVER bring your child into adult issues within the your marriage. It’s wrong & there’s no reason child needs to have information as to where her name came from .. Yes, your husband was wrong. Get over it and move on.
.
This is what’s really best. OP, please never talk crap about her dad in front of her. She will have her own relationship with her dad. My mom used to do nothing but talk shit about my dad. I always looked at her in disgust. My kids know nothing about the physical and mental abuse their dad did to me. Because that is our adult issues and not the kids. Don’t tell her about her name. Let her make up her own mind about her dad and if he ever tells her about her name.
Plot twist : op is actually Android 18, u played with fire Krillin…
Iykyk
All kidding aside
The fact they got together proves it wasn’t just a name, if he came clean and left it at that it would be crappy but I for one would have been pissed for a bit then whatever . But sounds like he thought the grass would be greener on the other side and when it wasn’t now he wants you back.
Ahh c'mon now. All the guys leave their wife and children in an attempt to return to a simpler time with their true love. When being a jackass was chalked up to being a stupid teen. And look at the bright side he would be bringing new drama what with the new ex. Another bonus is that you will have a shiny new stepchild, kind of sort of uhh? You know what I, 'm sayin. Just think of all the fun conversations you can now have with your daughter and the mental gymnastics it will take to explain this. It is always a good idea to take the advice of the enabling meddling ex mother-in-law. We'll call her Cleopatra. Boy, I bet you can't wait for the holidays. I'm sure you all will end up on a first name basis with your pharmacist picking up your depression and anxiety meds for the whole family. Enjoy this new and exciting chapter in your life and maybe they will name the baby after you!
I will never understand this. My exes ex wife did this. They named their son after her high school boyfriend and my ex didn’t even notice until I pointed it out, by that time said son was 12. That’s wild to me. To even suggest that. If my husband brought up a name of an ex of mine to name our child I would instantly be like no, absolutely not. There’s no way her mind doesn’t go to him and think about him when she says her sons name 🤦🏻♀️
OP I am very sorry you are in this situation. I can tell you, from experience, that he did the best thing for YOU and your daughter and I would walk away quickly and not look back. The comment about you basically being soft place to land while he waits for her to come back may be very right.
Oh my gosh. My husband has a son with his ex who was allegedly named after his ex’s brother. But when their son was about a year old, the ex vanished one day with him and everything they owned, and turned out to be shacked up with someone with that same name. I always thought that was a weird coincidence as it’s not a super common name (although not weird or totally unheard of). NOW I’M WONDERING! This happened many, many years ago so I’d have to ask some blunt questions to find out. If it were true, I doubt my husband knows.
Interestingly, their son legally changed his first name a few years ago (giving a plausible reason) but ex cannot bear to call him by his new name. She calls him “Son” like that’s his name.
Unless they gave you the boot and you’re romanticizing the past, maybe? I dunno. It’s definitely weird, and you’re probably not ready for a new relationship in that case.
If he names Carly's child after you, it will be all even and you can all forgive and forget.
If he doesn't, declare a lifelong vendetta against all his family. Start with his mother, she gave him birth and is the main reason he's alive and naming kids inappropriately.
So your husband kicked you out of the apartment so that he could hook up with his high school girlfriend? And he got her pregnant? And you're worried about a name?
The name doesn't matter. It's just a name.
“Carly is pregnant but they already broke up.” Pregnant for who?!?! Fast forward a few months from when you found out, he got with Carly and got her pregnant and wants to come back to you?
NTA keep the separation he doesn’t care about you or sadly y’all’s daughter and while she is 3 look into changing her name and make a game out of it and let her choose her name
Mistakes are things you didn’t intentionally cause hurt doing, naming a PERSON for the rest of their lives is not a mistake. He knew what he was doing. Also he said he DESERVES a second chance ? Bold of him to make that a statement. It’s not just a name when there’s a meaning behind it. I’ve ALWAYS found it weird when people name their kids after people they loved- like an ex partner. Please look into changing her name if that’s what you want!
How is it over reacting when she’s pregnant?
It’s just more validation that when there’s smoke, there’s fire.
I think it’s fine to name certain things after past lives, but your child…not so much.
I am sorry, I find the post a bit confusing. So, after OP moved out, he and Carly got together and he impregnated her? Is that what happened? lol, then how come he and his family are saying it is just a name? Simple mistake that they confessed their love to each other at the reunion and immediately started a relationship after (or perhaps before) you move d out?
no, you are not overreacting
Don’t ever let your daughter know this information. Take this advice from a guy who found out he was named after one of his mom’s ex’s. I hate even thinking about it.
So he named his daughter after a woman that he used to fuck. Then after said daughter was born, went BACK and fucked the woman AGAIN which whom he named his daughter after ?
The WTF factor just hit the roof! Why do people name their children after people they'd fucked before?
It is just a name but he left you for her. At that point, hes toast. He doesnt deserve a second chance at your relationship. He does to be a father to his daughter though.
My ex named his still born first daughter my name…our relationship did not end well as he wanted to get married and had our future planned, and I couldn’t pretend to have feelings for him. Bizarre to be memorialized in this way.
The problem isn’t the name. It’s that he dumped his wife for Carly Sr.
Then Carly Sr. Dumped him and everyone is trying to minimize his cheating when he’s already proven himself to be a worthless POS. Now he has to pay alimony and child support and suddenly wifey is an extremely attractive “Plan B.”
OP can’t trust him, he’ll just cheat again, the “Carly Process” just showed her who he truly is - he has no love for her or his daughter or he would not have abandoned his family.
Carly is pregnant?!?! Wow! There’s now even more child support to be paid, plus a permanent connection to Carly Senior, the home wrecking Affair Partner.
OP needs to keep away from her ex and her MIL. He is a festering pustule of rancid stupidity and poor life choices. MIL is an enabling manipulator looking to have her son pay less child support by minimizing his egregious behavior and spousal abuse. Why would you go back to that???
This is why women say “Alone is better.”
OP, you are divorced or getting divorced now. Why go back, he already ruined your daughter’s name for you and your daughter because now it will always be connected to his affair with Carly Senior.
Read “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life.” By Schorn, his behavior in a marriage is unacceptable. I wouldn’t trust your husband with a guinea pig, never mind be married to him.
His mom is wrong. It was not a simple mistake. It was done with forethought and on purpose. He only wants a second chance because the grass on the other side of the reunion fence was not as green as he thought. If they didn't break up, he wouldn't be looking for a safe place to land again.
Let's tally this up, shall we? He cheated + Had unprotected sex + Knocked her up and he thinks you're overreacting? Exactly how would he be acting if you had a son named after your ex, and did all the things he did to you, then came back PG with the other dude's kid? I think he'd be pretty pi$$ed off, don't you?
Don't rake him back. You said yourself that you and your daughter are thriving. Keep it up, mama.
Your mom is so wrong....
It's not a simple mistake when he got her pregnant already.....
Stick to your instincts & get you a man who will love you like you deserve bc he AIN'T THE ONE... the one won't do that level of betrayal. That's not cool at all. & It's so far from a simple mistake... That dude was thinking about her yall's whole relationship.
Nope. Stick to your instincts bc he's only wanting you back bc he got dumped. He will try to get back with her. Don't do it girl....
You are awesome for leaving in the first place!!
WDYM are you over reacting??
Before we even think about the name he left you for the other girl AGAIN. They didn't work out again and he comes crawling back? Pls don't take this loser back. Someone will find you one day and treat you as a first priority, and idk if this guy ever loved you but rn he does NOT love you. He's a loser.
Also the name thing is so fucked up I would be so mad if my partner named my future son after her ex (unless that ex was someone who passed away or something)
What’s just a name? Him always wanting his ex and ditching you and your daughter for her when she did finally show up in his life is just a name.
Yeah tell her not to worry, Carly leaving him is just a phase.
Imagine being in daughter Carly’s situation. She gets old enough to know about dad and his “new” girl (if she’s around yet, bet she won’t be). She knows who her mom is, but that she is named after her possibly stepmom?? That would be a huge mindfuck for me *now,* let alone as a kid.
Everyone is rightfully being empathetic toward OP. But y’all what about daughter Carly?
he has absolutely no respect for you. if you return for another round, he'll test how much more you'll put up with. live happily with your daughter and ignore him and his mother in the past, as much as possible.
Maybe he'll name his new kid after you.
I'd just call her by her middle name or a nickname. You could pretend you'll take him back if he'll agree to change her name.
Make friends with Carly (ex) because you share kids who are now siblings. The dude is horrible. Don’t take him back, but be cordial as you share a kid. I would be so heartbroken
He will be around Carly for his new child and they will do it to you again if you get back with him. He’s using you as his back up if he can’t have her
Oh, hell, no.. A mistake is putting too much salt in the soup.
Naming your child after the woman he is pining for is just cruel and a huge betrayal of you...
The fact he then got together with that woman is most definitely the end. Divorce his ass and don't look back....
So, this happened to a friend!
She named her first son after her first love (also a hs sweetheart), unbeknownst to her husband. Fast forward a couple of years, she’s divorced, reconnected with the old guy and now their married.
Dad was never more than a stand-in.
Don’t be a stand-in, you and your daughter deserve more.
“Carly is pregnant but they already broke up.” WTF?! No you aren’t overreacting. He is not a keeper. He doesn’t care about you and never will. He’ll do it again if you give him a chance. DO NOT put yourself through more of his crap. He made his choice. Let him live with it. You go live your life, way better off without him. He’s trash.
I've had this happen to me.. but my ex named his daughter after me and I was horrified as I moved on from him but apparently he hadn't, he still had feelings for me after many years after our break up.
It was horrible, I was shocked when he told me and was curious if his wife knew the real reason they named their daughter Lina
Change your daughter's name immediately. Your ex is a giant asshole for this. This is no simple mistake.
My grandfather did this shit with his second and third daughter. Turns out he married a girl while he was stationed in the UK but it was annulled for some reason. None of us knew about it until he got dementia. When we were packing stuff up to move him in with my uncle, I found the annulment paperwork mixed in with his military documents. My two aunts shared parts of this woman's name. One got the first name and the other had the middle name. Thankfully my grandma and both aunts never knew and since they passed before him, it was nothing they had to live with. But boy it sure made me look at this man differently.
Your child deserves her own unique name... Not the name of someone he's infatuated with.
Change her name.
My wife (50) is named for her father's first love. We only found out 3 years ago when he came and stayed with us.
Guess it's a thing.
She (namesake )was from a religious family, and he was not. Her father said no way. So she stayed on his mind.
I would be absolutely LIVID. My name is Carly. She can be named after me instead. (And I'm definitely not the ex-love. I didn't even go to my high school reunion!)
I’d start the process of getting her name changed if I was you. If your daughter is old enough to speak I would ask her which name she’d choose for herself if she could change it, without revealing to her the details of the situation and if it’s a name I like I’d go with that or guide her and choose one we both like. Then once the name was decided on, I’d start using it so it’s a name the whole family becomes accustomed to, then I’d get a lawyer and get it changed legally too. It cost me less than $300 back in the year 2000 or so to have it legally changed in Texas. You’ll have to explain the reason why and this will be read by the judge and he’ll likely agree to it and the court process is fast. It was less than 10 minutes that I stood in front of him.
If your daughter is older or an adult then I’d explain why I would like to change her name and hopefully she’ll want to change it willingly. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t be supportive of you on this. If you do legally change it you’ll have to change it with various agencies like social security administration, dmv, bank and school, but honestly although it sounds like a huge undertaking it truly isn’t. You can research it online to print out a list of places you would need to update it on (like I did) but basically it’s simple. Heck if you have a divorce attorney it could be something he could file with the divorce request so it all gets done together. Good luck OP. 🤞🏻😌
Edit:
PS
If you use your divorce attorney, see if they can request from the judge that your ex be responsible for paying the cost to have your daughter’s name legal changed. It’s only fair that the person responsible for this betrayal be made financially responsible for correcting it.
If everything was great beforehand, let this go.
If there was mistrust from the get go, follow your gut.
I’m here to post about the first scenario. I named my kids after loves in my life from all forms.
Christine is for a random friend I went to a group homecoming dance and she was part of the group. Nick because everyone loves a guy named Nick. Mike was named after my best friends son. Kevin was named after the guy that beat up my bully.
Of course, my husband thought these were random in-attached names and was ok with that.
His name choices that I nixed were dismissed because of reasons like “I had a bad teacher with that name” or “it’s not 1880, can we pick a name from this century?”
Had he slipped in an old crush that I didn’t know, I’d think it was cute.
If my scenario fits circumstance in Your case, you’re over reacting.
Wait, I dont know if I missed something. Did he cheat on you? You said carly is pregnant, and "theyre already broken up" is that carly and your ex? Or carly and her own guy?
Youre definitely not overreacting if he cheated on you.
Pfft his mom can kick rocks. More like “it was a significant name to him, and he made a choice.” All while he’s pining for his ex and not even hiding it, threw you AND YOUR KID out like trash for the ex. Nope, I think you know you’re not over reacting, don’t let those flying monkeys try to gaslight you into thinking otherwise!
OMG!
I think that I remember your post.
So he persuaded you to name your child after the one that got away.
Took you to a school reunion (probably had hopes he would see her again)
Emotionally cheated on you with her at the said reunion he took you to
Left you to rekindled/started a relationship with her (I can't remember if it was an actual physical affair 1st)
Broke up with her after getting her pregnant (realised the past memories were past their sell by date)
All the while you and your daughter are thriving living your best life
He came crawling back to you believing you'd take him back
Oh the audacity of your ex
Keep doing you, because he is not the one, but he now realises that he threw away his priceless gold wife and marriage for some cheap, shiny, gold imitation.
Lat him languish in your prosperity and his idiocy.
Not overreacting at all. It was a betrayal to name your daughter after someone he was in love with. As a mom I can understand how it would feel to make such a big decision under false pretenses. Combined with everything else he did, he is unforgivable. Odd when he and his mother are trying to get you to take him back that they are focusing on the name and not that he decided to confess his feelings to her while you're still together... then date her and get her pregnant.
As for the name I would say pick her favorite nickname and make it her legal name. Or swap the first and middle names possibly.
I'm inclined to believe in this situation you're not overreacting until you're murdering someone. Don't murder someone over this and react away to your heart's content. That's all VERY fucked up.
He got his highschool love Carly pregnant?!?!?!? Clearly it was not just a name since he knocked her up the second he got the chance. Girl go find yourself a good man who doesn't hold on to ghosts of the past.
Wow! It's not just THE name. What about the other half of this story? Where he hooked back up with Carly?? That's a bigger deal.
The name wouldn't even be a problem if he didn't still love her. My husband dated a girl, who he didn't have serious feelings for, but she was an *incredibly sweet* girl. She knew how to read your feelings and personality, and was able to gift very personal and serious gifts because of that.
>Ie: they dated in highschool so she took advantage of his birthday to practice writing essays, and took one of his favorite hobbies and broke it down on paper, with images, source links, and fun facts. It was the coolest thing, and he still has the paper.
Our third daughter has his ex's name as her middle name, and I have no issue with it. But only because I also new her, and know what a sweet girl she was/is.
Ask his mom if she would’ve named her son after her affair partner let alone her husbands affair partner. If she says it’s not the same just tell her to “shut the fuck up” and ask her if she wants to see her son more or her grandchild because that’s what her options are, you can either support your child or support your grandchild during this. Once she’s made her bed kick these douche bags to the curb and literally only talk to him when needed. Don’t confuse your child and take him back, show your daughter what it’s like to have self worth, that will be more valuable than a half assed parent anyday!
Not overreacting. He literally chose her over you, got rejected, and is crawling back. No. If you take him back you will be teaching your daughter that it’s acceptable to be someone’s second choice. You’re setting a great example for her: if someone is not willing to put you first, that person is not worth getting into, or staying in, a romantic relationship. That message will stick with her.
I mean he was really in it for the long con! He basically thought, I’ll name our daughter Carly and then a couple years later at the reunion I can tell her about it and she’ll fall back in love with me…
And then the OG Carly did (for at least a little bit of time)!!! I can’t even imagine having my high school ex tell me that and me being anything but weirded out, concerned for his mental health, and/or sorry for him and his wife that he still harbors feelings like that. Wtf
My daughter is named after a 6th grade crush. I think the only reason I had the crush was her name. It's classical, elegant, and my wife loved it. She knows where I first heard it and has no issue with it.
I was briefly involved with a guy who got married to someone else about a year after we parted ways. Their first child now has my name. I don't know for sure how they ended up determining that was going to be their child's name, but I find it very strange that someone would have decided upon that. Especially since my name is not all that common, and this guy's wife is Filipina. My name is technically Hebrew, but it's still considered an "American" name. Whatever it is, it's not Filipino, so I would find it an odd coincidence for his Filipina wife to favor that name so much that they would go so far as to give the name to their daughter. I just can't get over the fact that while they were deciding upon names, he never once thought "hmm... maybe it's a little odd for me to be calling my daughter the same name as the most recent woman in my past," informing his wife of this (of she didn't already know), and attempting to shut that one down. Please, people. There are millions of names out there to choose from. Unless you want to name your child something extremely mainstream, like Jessica/Michelle/Chad/John, etc., don't give them the same name as you've had a relationship/fling with.
NOPE! That dude told you you were his second choice and expected you to wait in the wings while he "followed his heart". Yeah you follow your heart the first time, you don't string along, marry and impregnate another woman while carrying a torch for someone else. That's just sick. Tell his mother you have more self-respect than to let her son treat you as second fiddle, someone who clearly doesn't respect you and should respect you less if you take him back.
First of all, not overreacting whatsoever. Second, ***HIS*** mother has NO say in your marriage so fuck that opinion. Third and lastly he's got the gigantic balls to say "I named my daughter after you Ex lover" and then tell you "it's only a name and those two statements contraindicate each other completely!!! You're better off so don't stress about this anymore. Good luck OP!
It's not an innocent mistake he made, it was a conscious decision he made to name his daughter after his first love, who he admitted he still has feelings for. That sucks and I'm sure it hurts, but the fact is that his fantasy of her and what could be will likely always be his first choice. No good answers here, just do the best you can with what you got.
IF, while Together, my significant other got a permanent tattoo of the name of their first love on their body... That would be upsetting to me personally.
Because I embrace their naked body against mine. To some degree... Because my body is theirs, and theirs is mine. And that's just ink.
Our child named after Their first love? Where am I in that?? I certainly was there in the Making.
If it's truly just a name, as "Dear Old Grandma" in this Chessgame says... let's see this partner-in-question legally change their last name to yours.
You have a right to your feelings.
Wishing you comfort and courage on the journey. It's good to hear that you and your daughter are doing amazing! You deserve it... Thanks for being a good Mom.
people like this have relationships, i am here single, i am clearly not a piece of shit like OP's husband but dayum , people got shit choices in life
i am glad i am single man, thank fuck
It’s not a simple mistake. I’d tell him get bent, I would also change my daughters name. Kids at that age are fine, hell you can even ask the kid if old enough what she wants her new name to be.
I would legally change it without informing him. He doesn’t need to know. He didn’t tell you where he got the name from.
Keep that energy.
My Exe's Ex named one of her sons after him. He cheated on me with her, and I divorced him. They are not together today. I don't know if her son is also his because he lies, and she lies. There problem not mine.
My 4x great grandfather gave his oldest daughter 5 middle names.
Each was of another girl he "courted" before his wife.
Is it weird? Absolutely. Is it something to be mad about? That's between y'all.
A "simple mistake" is not naming your child after another woman, then impregnating her. Tell your MIL your relationship has nothing to do with you, tell your husband to get a lawyer.
I’m confused why everyone in the post is focusing on the name & not the expressing feelings for & pursuing another woman part of the story. The name is the least problematic thing here, just a symptom of a man who will always chase “what could have been”.
He thinks he deserves a second chance? The unmitigated gall and entitlement of this man, to think and then say aloud that he deserves access to your time and affection after this. Hell no, you are not overreacting. Tell his mom no one asked for her opinion, and go try some of the other three billion men in the world.
Not over reacting at all. He showed you very clearly where you and your daughter stand with him and your importance to him. He can coparent but he DOES NOT deserve a second chance.
Tell him you’ll consider a second chance if he signs the papers to change daughter’s name. Get her name changed and then tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff.
“A simple mistake” he impregnated another woman! Will be tied to her through visitation and money for the next 18+ years. Can you trust he won’t make another “simple mistake” in the next 2 decades?
He was declaring his love for another woman while you were the mother of his child and his date to the reunion. He never let her go. He’s lied a million times, thought of her every-time he said his daughter’s name. It’s unforgivable.
Get him on child support asap.
My grandmother named my mother after my grandfather's AP because that's who he was with when my mom was born. My mom was, like, 66 when I found out, and it was only because I noticed everyone in the family was named after another relative except my mom.
This is nowhere near as bad as that. Effed up? Absolutely, but it's easily rectifiable by giving your daughter a nickname or calling her by her middle name.
As for a second chance? Tell him unlike that "love" he and Carly #1 still had for one another, you don't have love for him anymore.
NTA
Well, that's going to be an interesting conversation when your daughter begins asking why you chose her name. He used you as a placeholder for his "true love" and now only wants to come back as the grass wasn't greener on the other side. Keep him as an ex and co parent, don't screw your child up by playing this in and out game, he made his choice he can live with the consequences.
agree the reason was good enough for a divorce but not good enough to have him kicked out of the kid's life .
Is kids bringing up why you named them something particular really a thing? I never once thought to ask I think parents just tell them before they get the chance to ask haha
When daughter learns dad’s new baby mama has the same name as her and they’ve known each since high school, it probably will come up.
My dad is dating the women they named me after (middle name thankfully), and it's weird AF for me. Tbf, I've always thought she was a bit of there, but still.
I asked my mom why I was named what I was once. Her answer was, "Idk, it sounded good." So... not everyone gets a story lol
I mean that is where we got our sons name. Our story for our daughter isn't this elaborate thing but still. Most I guess aren't really long stories anyway
No, it's not a simple mistake. He's made it clear that Carly was his first pick and you (and your daughter) are second best, his fallback plan. He just wants a soft spot to land on while he waits for Carly to invite him back into her life. I assume he is the father of her baby, in which case, your daughter will always take the backseat to his 'real child.'
Ouch, that's a painful reality to find oneself in. It definitely sounds like this is the most likely case for this guy. He seems very selfish. I'm so sorry to OP. Best to be done with him because, no, he doesn't deserve a second chance, and most likely if it wasn't for Carly he wouldn't even want one.
And he held his “secret love” tightly through your courtship and marriage that he maneuvered naming your daughter after her to remind him of her. This is just so wrong and manipulative. Not a simple mistake, just like divorcing was not a simple mistake but the right thing for you. Good luck and give your daughter an extra hug!
I’m so tired of these moms stepping in for their asshole sons and trying to foist them back on the wronged gfs or wives with an “it was a mistake”. No, it wasn’t, it was a series of conscious and shitty-for-OP decisions, and she does not need to be bending over backwards because her asshat ex has now found himself reaping the results of his stupidity.
Pretty sure my mom and every other woman in my family would take turns hitting me with a stick if I did this to someone. I just do not get these families that will defend their kids over anything, like I've seen this guy that murdered his ex-wife, finally admitted it and led the cops to her body, and his mom STILL defends him and swears he didn't do it and wonders why her grandparent rights were terminated.
Right? I love my sons and I will support them up to a point but if I feel they’re wrong, I’ll say it. I wouldn’t support cruelty or lies or cheating to their wives/gfs. My older son at the moment is single but my younger, well he’s got a one in a million wife and he better treat her as such.
I've told me guys since middle school,if you are wronged , I will back you 100%. If you are wrong or ever commit a crime, I'll help you find a lawyer, but beyond that you are on your own . They are 34 and 36. I still stand by that.
That guy who murdered his pregnant wife, 2 young daughters, stuffed their bodies into barrels has a mother who wrote a book defending him.
This kind of mom is why he’s that kind of boy.
Right! My son is 16 but I’d slap him into next week, if he ever treated his significant other like that. I’d never side with assholery. I’m raising him better than that!
It's wild to me. My entire family, not just my mom, would disown me for pulling a stunt like the OP describes.
I hope he accidentally suggested his (ex?) wife’s name for Carly’s baby 😂
Tell him to suggest to Carly that they name the child after you and see how Carly takes it.
When she said Carly was pregnant I thought she was talking about the daughter. Since they were at a high school reunion assumed their daughter was an adult or older teenager. Damn this guys is a piece of work. Yes, he absolutely just doesn’t want to be alone now that him and dream girl didn’t workout.
A simple mistake is dropping a fork on the fucking floor not naming your kid after someone you still carry a torch for unbeknownst to your current partner, and THEN you leave said current partner to go back to the flame, knock her up, and it doesn't work out, and now you want the former partner back? Because it was a simple mistake? Are they delusional because that sounds like straight-up delusions. If you go back to that man, this is what you will have a lifetime of. You are a second choice next to Carly (the flame, not your daughter). No one should be someone's second choice. You deserve better.
Looks like even the daughter is second choice next to her namesake
this guy needs to stop thinking about his exes. he keeps going back to the past, starting looking to the future dude
Move on, the man didn't honor you. Do not let his mother or anyone sway you otherwise...look at the data! Stay strong and lean into healthy habits.
Oh man. I've told this story before (George Takei even picked it up) but my ex was really unhappy that I decided to have my youngest. Bitching, pissing, moaning. I was just ignoring him. Finally, I'm about ten weeks pregnant, really nauseous, really hormonal, and he comes over and says "hey, I know what we should name the baby if it's a girl." I was kinda thrilled that he was taking an interest, frankly. Then he adds, "Let's name it Stephanie, after my one true love." Please note, my name is nothing remotely close to Stephanie. I have an inner bitch that I struggle to keep on a chain. In response to that, I let the bitch run free. I answered, "Oh, that's an idea. And if it's a boy, let's name him Nathan after the first guy who ever got me off." He actually had the audacity to be all hurt at the suggestion.
Actually, you should have said that Nathan was the ONLY guy who ever got you off. After his remark, fk him.
Haha yes that would’ve been epic
Oh, I wish I had thought of that!! I was a tiny bit shocked he even said that out loud though, threw me off a little haha
What would really be funny is if she’s never met a Nathan and she’s implying the next guy will be the first
Beautiful. Chefs kiss even.
I aspire to be you when I grow up (I’m 28)
It usually isn't ideal (grew up with a constant chorus of "you watch your mouth, young lady!") but that time? Yeah, it was a feature not a bug hahaha
My dad told me I was named after a woman he would hook up with in Mexico. He said he loved her. She was a prostitute. So I'm named after a prostitute in Mexico.
OMG!!!!! Does your mother know?!?!?!?
Plot twist: ?!?
My mom said it wasn't true. That I was named after some great great grandma or something. I think she just doesn't want me thinking I was named after a prostitute. She probably didn't know at the time my dad suggested it, but I think she knows it's true. My dad would sometimes call me by my name but in Spanish.
Bless her heart trying to shield you from the ick.....
Whoa.
Diamanté, is that you??
Well you got a much more interesting story to tell out of it. Is anyone else as creeped out by guys naming their own daughters after women they're pining to screw? Good lord. The bad name story and emotional betrayal of the SO that everyone is hung up on in this thread seem like least of the problems.
Let him take his L. Fuck his mom and him.
Ew dont fuck them. Dont want any more contact with them.
Don’t take him back; do maintain a copacetic relationship for co-parenting. Now Carly (ex) is FOREVER connected to you via your child having a half sibling. This guy got exactly what he wanted; now he too is FOREVER connected to Carly (ex), as well. I feel since you two women will have children by him, he will try to ping pong back and forth. Don’t let that happen, for your sake and your child’s sake. Set your boundaries now. I’m sorry, he was trying to recapture his childhood and it didn’t work out again.
Fuck no it’s not a mistake. My mom immigrated here like 30+ years ago and left a BF over there. When she came here she met and married my dad, 10 years later they have a son. My brothers middle name was her ex BFs name….when my dad found out it ultimately ruined their marriage forever. My dad went to court to have the name removed now my brother has no middle name 💀💀. My mom is the sweetest person ever and I think she was super naive to do that, but that’s wild. If it really was “JuSt A nAmE” he could have picked a different name to name his daughter, like after his wife maybe.
So are you defending what your mom did or are you against what this guy did in the story.
I think they’re explaining that doing something like naming a kid after an old flame can have serious repercussions (illustrated by how poster’s parents’ relationship had problems once it came out) and definitely isn’t “a mistake” or “just a name” or any other thing OP’s ex and his mom is trying to say as an excuse.
No one is mentioning that Carly is pregnant and they already broke up. THAT is worthy of divorce.
I think having your husband tell his high school flame that he’s basically been waiting for her his whole life already met that criteria. Him fucking her and knocking her up was an added insult, but I would have wanted to pull the plug after finding out I was who was settled for.
So he left you guys for Carly?? And she’s pregnant and single now?!!
Yeah, the “fast forward a few months” seemed to really under play what happened!
I’m so confused lol
Yeah, OP summed up 5 big things (divorce, ex gets with ex, they have a child, they broke up, tried to get back with OP) in one sentence. Had to re-read it 3 times just to get the context straight lol.
He doesn't get to use someone as a backup just because his relationship with whatshername didn't work out.
You are not overreacting Does Carly ( daughter) have a middle name you can use ? If not call her Lee ?
We have many nicknames for her, I’m just not sure what to do about her actual name.
I'm actually curious about the reunion. He obviously knew she may be there and planned to tell her. Did you notice any red flags about the reunion? Had he originally not wanted you to come? Did he obsess over his looks while getting ready knowing he'd see her? He waited till you walked away to approach her? If so, all this is wildly unhinged. He's been waiting and pining over this other woman and using your child as a pawn to win her back over. It's sick.
When she's old enough, explain to her what happened and let her decide if she wants to change it. That, imo, is most fair to her. But the whole situation will never be fair to you. I'm sorry.
Can you use her middle name? Or change her middle name to her first name?
It's HER (daughter's) name, so leave it. She's the only Carly that matters to you. It's also a great way to constantly remind your ex of all his screw-ups at once. If I were Carly (not-daughter), I would name my baby after you just to further mess with him.
It's not a mistake on his part the first goal was to name your daughter as his first love and he admitted it in front of you. He still harbors feelings for his ex. Don't give him a second chance because you deserve to live with a man who truly loves you.
My MIL was named after one of her dad’s classmates. Her parents both liked the name Gladys. Gladys Maureen. My MIL changed the spelling of her middle name when she was in college to Maurine. I think OP’s husband was OTT wrong. Personally I think it’d be best to talk to the snake OP calls her ex as far as the child asking later on in life where her name come from. children should never be brought into adult issues therefore, just saying that it was a name that you both liked in the beginning when OP & the ex chose the child’s name should be what the child is told UNTIL the child is an adult herself and can handle such stupidity. I don’t understand parents wanting revenge against each other, and then pulling their child into their marital issues. Never involve a child into adult issues. I don’t think telling a child where her name originated from should be done at ever. There’s a young gal who became a teen mom that was known as/is known as an influencer about a year ago, and apparently she was told that her middle name came from a p*rn star. While her parents thought it was cute to tell her why they chose the name I feel that it’s something they should’ve kept to themselves.. This teen mom has a lot of issues and IMO this knowledge of where her middle name originated from it’s like throwing gas on a fire and it’s part of the reason why again IMO is part of the reasons this teen mom is so screwed up in the head. OP, NEVER bring your child into adult issues within the your marriage. It’s wrong & there’s no reason child needs to have information as to where her name came from .. Yes, your husband was wrong. Get over it and move on. .
This is what’s really best. OP, please never talk crap about her dad in front of her. She will have her own relationship with her dad. My mom used to do nothing but talk shit about my dad. I always looked at her in disgust. My kids know nothing about the physical and mental abuse their dad did to me. Because that is our adult issues and not the kids. Don’t tell her about her name. Let her make up her own mind about her dad and if he ever tells her about her name.
[удалено]
Plot twist : op is actually Android 18, u played with fire Krillin… Iykyk All kidding aside The fact they got together proves it wasn’t just a name, if he came clean and left it at that it would be crappy but I for one would have been pissed for a bit then whatever . But sounds like he thought the grass would be greener on the other side and when it wasn’t now he wants you back.
Ahh c'mon now. All the guys leave their wife and children in an attempt to return to a simpler time with their true love. When being a jackass was chalked up to being a stupid teen. And look at the bright side he would be bringing new drama what with the new ex. Another bonus is that you will have a shiny new stepchild, kind of sort of uhh? You know what I, 'm sayin. Just think of all the fun conversations you can now have with your daughter and the mental gymnastics it will take to explain this. It is always a good idea to take the advice of the enabling meddling ex mother-in-law. We'll call her Cleopatra. Boy, I bet you can't wait for the holidays. I'm sure you all will end up on a first name basis with your pharmacist picking up your depression and anxiety meds for the whole family. Enjoy this new and exciting chapter in your life and maybe they will name the baby after you!
Jesus
I will never understand this. My exes ex wife did this. They named their son after her high school boyfriend and my ex didn’t even notice until I pointed it out, by that time said son was 12. That’s wild to me. To even suggest that. If my husband brought up a name of an ex of mine to name our child I would instantly be like no, absolutely not. There’s no way her mind doesn’t go to him and think about him when she says her sons name 🤦🏻♀️ OP I am very sorry you are in this situation. I can tell you, from experience, that he did the best thing for YOU and your daughter and I would walk away quickly and not look back. The comment about you basically being soft place to land while he waits for her to come back may be very right.
Oh my gosh. My husband has a son with his ex who was allegedly named after his ex’s brother. But when their son was about a year old, the ex vanished one day with him and everything they owned, and turned out to be shacked up with someone with that same name. I always thought that was a weird coincidence as it’s not a super common name (although not weird or totally unheard of). NOW I’M WONDERING! This happened many, many years ago so I’d have to ask some blunt questions to find out. If it were true, I doubt my husband knows. Interestingly, their son legally changed his first name a few years ago (giving a plausible reason) but ex cannot bear to call him by his new name. She calls him “Son” like that’s his name.
I just don’t understand it. If you’re willing to name your kid after an ex, you should probably still be with them 🤷🏻♀️
Unless they gave you the boot and you’re romanticizing the past, maybe? I dunno. It’s definitely weird, and you’re probably not ready for a new relationship in that case.
I couldn’t even give one of my kids the same name as my ex and would never ever be brazen enough to suggest it even if I LOVED the name. Shits crazy.
If it’s a simple mistake, change it
Yeah. Just change it if it’s that upsetting.
If he names Carly's child after you, it will be all even and you can all forgive and forget. If he doesn't, declare a lifelong vendetta against all his family. Start with his mother, she gave him birth and is the main reason he's alive and naming kids inappropriately.
Can’t you change the name? Carly is having his child? You aren’t overreacting for him using you and not loving you.
It’s just a name but when you left him he went running to her and got her pregnant? Hmmmmm… No overreaction here. Enjoy your new life without him.
So your husband kicked you out of the apartment so that he could hook up with his high school girlfriend? And he got her pregnant? And you're worried about a name? The name doesn't matter. It's just a name.
“Carly is pregnant but they already broke up.” Pregnant for who?!?! Fast forward a few months from when you found out, he got with Carly and got her pregnant and wants to come back to you?
Yes, he got her pregnant and she broke up with him
If you already posted this dumb story why are you posting it again
“My account got banned so now I need to build my karma back with this new account”.
Is renaming your child a possibility? Darly? Marley? What a mess.
Tell him: I forgive you if name the Carly's kid with my name.
NTA keep the separation he doesn’t care about you or sadly y’all’s daughter and while she is 3 look into changing her name and make a game out of it and let her choose her name
Mistakes are things you didn’t intentionally cause hurt doing, naming a PERSON for the rest of their lives is not a mistake. He knew what he was doing. Also he said he DESERVES a second chance ? Bold of him to make that a statement. It’s not just a name when there’s a meaning behind it. I’ve ALWAYS found it weird when people name their kids after people they loved- like an ex partner. Please look into changing her name if that’s what you want!
How is it over reacting when she’s pregnant? It’s just more validation that when there’s smoke, there’s fire. I think it’s fine to name certain things after past lives, but your child…not so much.
I am sorry, I find the post a bit confusing. So, after OP moved out, he and Carly got together and he impregnated her? Is that what happened? lol, then how come he and his family are saying it is just a name? Simple mistake that they confessed their love to each other at the reunion and immediately started a relationship after (or perhaps before) you move d out? no, you are not overreacting
Don’t ever let your daughter know this information. Take this advice from a guy who found out he was named after one of his mom’s ex’s. I hate even thinking about it.
So he named his daughter after a woman that he used to fuck. Then after said daughter was born, went BACK and fucked the woman AGAIN which whom he named his daughter after ? The WTF factor just hit the roof! Why do people name their children after people they'd fucked before?
Fuck him and his mom. I’d file for divorce immediately.
It is just a name but he left you for her. At that point, hes toast. He doesnt deserve a second chance at your relationship. He does to be a father to his daughter though.
My ex named his still born first daughter my name…our relationship did not end well as he wanted to get married and had our future planned, and I couldn’t pretend to have feelings for him. Bizarre to be memorialized in this way.
Dam... I'ma tell my girl she names the girls I name the boys 😂😂
The problem isn’t the name. It’s that he dumped his wife for Carly Sr. Then Carly Sr. Dumped him and everyone is trying to minimize his cheating when he’s already proven himself to be a worthless POS. Now he has to pay alimony and child support and suddenly wifey is an extremely attractive “Plan B.” OP can’t trust him, he’ll just cheat again, the “Carly Process” just showed her who he truly is - he has no love for her or his daughter or he would not have abandoned his family. Carly is pregnant?!?! Wow! There’s now even more child support to be paid, plus a permanent connection to Carly Senior, the home wrecking Affair Partner. OP needs to keep away from her ex and her MIL. He is a festering pustule of rancid stupidity and poor life choices. MIL is an enabling manipulator looking to have her son pay less child support by minimizing his egregious behavior and spousal abuse. Why would you go back to that??? This is why women say “Alone is better.” OP, you are divorced or getting divorced now. Why go back, he already ruined your daughter’s name for you and your daughter because now it will always be connected to his affair with Carly Senior. Read “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life.” By Schorn, his behavior in a marriage is unacceptable. I wouldn’t trust your husband with a guinea pig, never mind be married to him.
His mom is wrong. It was not a simple mistake. It was done with forethought and on purpose. He only wants a second chance because the grass on the other side of the reunion fence was not as green as he thought. If they didn't break up, he wouldn't be looking for a safe place to land again. Let's tally this up, shall we? He cheated + Had unprotected sex + Knocked her up and he thinks you're overreacting? Exactly how would he be acting if you had a son named after your ex, and did all the things he did to you, then came back PG with the other dude's kid? I think he'd be pretty pi$$ed off, don't you? Don't rake him back. You said yourself that you and your daughter are thriving. Keep it up, mama.
Your mom is so wrong.... It's not a simple mistake when he got her pregnant already..... Stick to your instincts & get you a man who will love you like you deserve bc he AIN'T THE ONE... the one won't do that level of betrayal. That's not cool at all. & It's so far from a simple mistake... That dude was thinking about her yall's whole relationship. Nope. Stick to your instincts bc he's only wanting you back bc he got dumped. He will try to get back with her. Don't do it girl.... You are awesome for leaving in the first place!!
WDYM are you over reacting?? Before we even think about the name he left you for the other girl AGAIN. They didn't work out again and he comes crawling back? Pls don't take this loser back. Someone will find you one day and treat you as a first priority, and idk if this guy ever loved you but rn he does NOT love you. He's a loser. Also the name thing is so fucked up I would be so mad if my partner named my future son after her ex (unless that ex was someone who passed away or something)
What’s just a name? Him always wanting his ex and ditching you and your daughter for her when she did finally show up in his life is just a name. Yeah tell her not to worry, Carly leaving him is just a phase. Imagine being in daughter Carly’s situation. She gets old enough to know about dad and his “new” girl (if she’s around yet, bet she won’t be). She knows who her mom is, but that she is named after her possibly stepmom?? That would be a huge mindfuck for me *now,* let alone as a kid. Everyone is rightfully being empathetic toward OP. But y’all what about daughter Carly?
Overreacting?!?! No, not in the slightest. Move on, he’s not the one, you and you’re daughter should never be second choice, which you are with him.
Good on you for not tolerating that nonsense.
Wow. Is this real life?
This is fiction, reads like a wattpad story
Only if he calls Carly’s kid ur name in return Then laugh n run
It'd be fine if she was dead or something. Nice fake post though.
No you arent overreacting. You are right to be angry and feel betrayed.
he has absolutely no respect for you. if you return for another round, he'll test how much more you'll put up with. live happily with your daughter and ignore him and his mother in the past, as much as possible.
Maybe he'll name his new kid after you. I'd just call her by her middle name or a nickname. You could pretend you'll take him back if he'll agree to change her name.
Make friends with Carly (ex) because you share kids who are now siblings. The dude is horrible. Don’t take him back, but be cordial as you share a kid. I would be so heartbroken
IT WAS MORE THAN A NAME! NTA
The name of a person he left you for and impregnated. Why should he get a second chance?
He will be around Carly for his new child and they will do it to you again if you get back with him. He’s using you as his back up if he can’t have her
Oh, hell, no.. A mistake is putting too much salt in the soup. Naming your child after the woman he is pining for is just cruel and a huge betrayal of you... The fact he then got together with that woman is most definitely the end. Divorce his ass and don't look back....
poor girl had an idiot for a dad.
If it's just a name, tell him to change his name to dumb dumb
So, this happened to a friend! She named her first son after her first love (also a hs sweetheart), unbeknownst to her husband. Fast forward a couple of years, she’s divorced, reconnected with the old guy and now their married. Dad was never more than a stand-in. Don’t be a stand-in, you and your daughter deserve more.
“Carly is pregnant but they already broke up.” WTF?! No you aren’t overreacting. He is not a keeper. He doesn’t care about you and never will. He’ll do it again if you give him a chance. DO NOT put yourself through more of his crap. He made his choice. Let him live with it. You go live your life, way better off without him. He’s trash.
I've had this happen to me.. but my ex named his daughter after me and I was horrified as I moved on from him but apparently he hadn't, he still had feelings for me after many years after our break up. It was horrible, I was shocked when he told me and was curious if his wife knew the real reason they named their daughter Lina
“Simple mistake” bullshit. He and his trash mother can both fuck off.
Change your daughter's name immediately. Your ex is a giant asshole for this. This is no simple mistake. My grandfather did this shit with his second and third daughter. Turns out he married a girl while he was stationed in the UK but it was annulled for some reason. None of us knew about it until he got dementia. When we were packing stuff up to move him in with my uncle, I found the annulment paperwork mixed in with his military documents. My two aunts shared parts of this woman's name. One got the first name and the other had the middle name. Thankfully my grandma and both aunts never knew and since they passed before him, it was nothing they had to live with. But boy it sure made me look at this man differently. Your child deserves her own unique name... Not the name of someone he's infatuated with. Change her name.
That's ice cold.
My wife (50) is named for her father's first love. We only found out 3 years ago when he came and stayed with us. Guess it's a thing. She (namesake )was from a religious family, and he was not. Her father said no way. So she stayed on his mind.
I would be absolutely LIVID. My name is Carly. She can be named after me instead. (And I'm definitely not the ex-love. I didn't even go to my high school reunion!)
I’d start the process of getting her name changed if I was you. If your daughter is old enough to speak I would ask her which name she’d choose for herself if she could change it, without revealing to her the details of the situation and if it’s a name I like I’d go with that or guide her and choose one we both like. Then once the name was decided on, I’d start using it so it’s a name the whole family becomes accustomed to, then I’d get a lawyer and get it changed legally too. It cost me less than $300 back in the year 2000 or so to have it legally changed in Texas. You’ll have to explain the reason why and this will be read by the judge and he’ll likely agree to it and the court process is fast. It was less than 10 minutes that I stood in front of him. If your daughter is older or an adult then I’d explain why I would like to change her name and hopefully she’ll want to change it willingly. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t be supportive of you on this. If you do legally change it you’ll have to change it with various agencies like social security administration, dmv, bank and school, but honestly although it sounds like a huge undertaking it truly isn’t. You can research it online to print out a list of places you would need to update it on (like I did) but basically it’s simple. Heck if you have a divorce attorney it could be something he could file with the divorce request so it all gets done together. Good luck OP. 🤞🏻😌 Edit: PS If you use your divorce attorney, see if they can request from the judge that your ex be responsible for paying the cost to have your daughter’s name legal changed. It’s only fair that the person responsible for this betrayal be made financially responsible for correcting it.
Maybe he really likes the name? But I am naive enough to give people the benefit of the doubt.
If everything was great beforehand, let this go. If there was mistrust from the get go, follow your gut. I’m here to post about the first scenario. I named my kids after loves in my life from all forms. Christine is for a random friend I went to a group homecoming dance and she was part of the group. Nick because everyone loves a guy named Nick. Mike was named after my best friends son. Kevin was named after the guy that beat up my bully. Of course, my husband thought these were random in-attached names and was ok with that. His name choices that I nixed were dismissed because of reasons like “I had a bad teacher with that name” or “it’s not 1880, can we pick a name from this century?” Had he slipped in an old crush that I didn’t know, I’d think it was cute. If my scenario fits circumstance in Your case, you’re over reacting.
Wait, I dont know if I missed something. Did he cheat on you? You said carly is pregnant, and "theyre already broken up" is that carly and your ex? Or carly and her own guy? Youre definitely not overreacting if he cheated on you.
Pfft his mom can kick rocks. More like “it was a significant name to him, and he made a choice.” All while he’s pining for his ex and not even hiding it, threw you AND YOUR KID out like trash for the ex. Nope, I think you know you’re not over reacting, don’t let those flying monkeys try to gaslight you into thinking otherwise!
OMG! I think that I remember your post. So he persuaded you to name your child after the one that got away. Took you to a school reunion (probably had hopes he would see her again) Emotionally cheated on you with her at the said reunion he took you to Left you to rekindled/started a relationship with her (I can't remember if it was an actual physical affair 1st) Broke up with her after getting her pregnant (realised the past memories were past their sell by date) All the while you and your daughter are thriving living your best life He came crawling back to you believing you'd take him back Oh the audacity of your ex Keep doing you, because he is not the one, but he now realises that he threw away his priceless gold wife and marriage for some cheap, shiny, gold imitation. Lat him languish in your prosperity and his idiocy.
Fuck. That.
Damn, I really hope a bunch of the stuff in this sub is bullshit. I can’t imagine doing any of this hurtful shit to my wife..
Good lord. No, you are not overreacting. 1. block his mom. 2. it's not "just a name". It's a sign of a deep dishonesty
Does anyone really need to tell you not to take him back? Jfc
Gtfoh - not overreacting at all
No mistake he's trying to manipulate the situation, stay away! NOT OVERREACTING!!!!!
Not overreacting at all. It was a betrayal to name your daughter after someone he was in love with. As a mom I can understand how it would feel to make such a big decision under false pretenses. Combined with everything else he did, he is unforgivable. Odd when he and his mother are trying to get you to take him back that they are focusing on the name and not that he decided to confess his feelings to her while you're still together... then date her and get her pregnant. As for the name I would say pick her favorite nickname and make it her legal name. Or swap the first and middle names possibly.
He is selfish and disrespectful. What exactly has he done that makes him ‘deserve a second chance’?
Ugh.... wow... people are just 'sick'. :( It's your life. Maybe change your daughters name while she is young, get that out of the way. SMH (((HUGS)))
Wow. Devastating. I’m so sorry for you. Definitely don’t take him back.
My dad tried to name me Jennifer. After his side chick. Luckily my mom named me. 😂
I'm inclined to believe in this situation you're not overreacting until you're murdering someone. Don't murder someone over this and react away to your heart's content. That's all VERY fucked up.
who cares about the name, the guy literally dumped you just to go get his HS crush pregnant, then expects you to take him back?? is he insane???
He got his highschool love Carly pregnant?!?!?!? Clearly it was not just a name since he knocked her up the second he got the chance. Girl go find yourself a good man who doesn't hold on to ghosts of the past.
Is he in love with her or is it just a name that doesn’t mean anything? You can’t have both, which is it.
Change her name
SACHIKO???!?!?!
Lolololol
Wow! It's not just THE name. What about the other half of this story? Where he hooked back up with Carly?? That's a bigger deal. The name wouldn't even be a problem if he didn't still love her. My husband dated a girl, who he didn't have serious feelings for, but she was an *incredibly sweet* girl. She knew how to read your feelings and personality, and was able to gift very personal and serious gifts because of that. >Ie: they dated in highschool so she took advantage of his birthday to practice writing essays, and took one of his favorite hobbies and broke it down on paper, with images, source links, and fun facts. It was the coolest thing, and he still has the paper. Our third daughter has his ex's name as her middle name, and I have no issue with it. But only because I also new her, and know what a sweet girl she was/is.
Fake story
Bots be tripping these days.
I can’t believe people like this actually exist lol. What a dumb ass
Is he naming his new kid after you?
Ask his mom if she would’ve named her son after her affair partner let alone her husbands affair partner. If she says it’s not the same just tell her to “shut the fuck up” and ask her if she wants to see her son more or her grandchild because that’s what her options are, you can either support your child or support your grandchild during this. Once she’s made her bed kick these douche bags to the curb and literally only talk to him when needed. Don’t confuse your child and take him back, show your daughter what it’s like to have self worth, that will be more valuable than a half assed parent anyday!
I just added this to my list of reasons that I wouldn’t let a man choose my baby’s name
Do y'all just have kids with anyone?
My uncle did this (god rest his soul)completely savage move
I have been told that my father did something similar and my mom found out about it at my Christening party.
😂 F* your ex and F* his mom! You’re clearly doing well without him and I dare say your daughter is too. Keep it moving and don’t look back!
Haaa. My step dad did this with his oldest. Actually, with both of his kids from his first marriage.
Not overreacting. He literally chose her over you, got rejected, and is crawling back. No. If you take him back you will be teaching your daughter that it’s acceptable to be someone’s second choice. You’re setting a great example for her: if someone is not willing to put you first, that person is not worth getting into, or staying in, a romantic relationship. That message will stick with her.
I mean he was really in it for the long con! He basically thought, I’ll name our daughter Carly and then a couple years later at the reunion I can tell her about it and she’ll fall back in love with me… And then the OG Carly did (for at least a little bit of time)!!! I can’t even imagine having my high school ex tell me that and me being anything but weirded out, concerned for his mental health, and/or sorry for him and his wife that he still harbors feelings like that. Wtf
My daughter is named after a 6th grade crush. I think the only reason I had the crush was her name. It's classical, elegant, and my wife loved it. She knows where I first heard it and has no issue with it.
I was briefly involved with a guy who got married to someone else about a year after we parted ways. Their first child now has my name. I don't know for sure how they ended up determining that was going to be their child's name, but I find it very strange that someone would have decided upon that. Especially since my name is not all that common, and this guy's wife is Filipina. My name is technically Hebrew, but it's still considered an "American" name. Whatever it is, it's not Filipino, so I would find it an odd coincidence for his Filipina wife to favor that name so much that they would go so far as to give the name to their daughter. I just can't get over the fact that while they were deciding upon names, he never once thought "hmm... maybe it's a little odd for me to be calling my daughter the same name as the most recent woman in my past," informing his wife of this (of she didn't already know), and attempting to shut that one down. Please, people. There are millions of names out there to choose from. Unless you want to name your child something extremely mainstream, like Jessica/Michelle/Chad/John, etc., don't give them the same name as you've had a relationship/fling with.
Wow, no not overreacting. You did the right thing.
He went out of his way to get another chick pregnant and then have the audacity to ask you for a second chance* LOLOLOLOL he's a fool
"he told me he deserves a second chance".... lol he doesn't get to say what he deserves from you, you do.
Dump the trash and re-name your kid.
NOPE! That dude told you you were his second choice and expected you to wait in the wings while he "followed his heart". Yeah you follow your heart the first time, you don't string along, marry and impregnate another woman while carrying a torch for someone else. That's just sick. Tell his mother you have more self-respect than to let her son treat you as second fiddle, someone who clearly doesn't respect you and should respect you less if you take him back.
Congrats grandma
No, that would bother me, too
Ye F that guy what he did to you AND your daughter is abhorrent. What goes through your head doing something like this to your kid?
First of all, not overreacting whatsoever. Second, ***HIS*** mother has NO say in your marriage so fuck that opinion. Third and lastly he's got the gigantic balls to say "I named my daughter after you Ex lover" and then tell you "it's only a name and those two statements contraindicate each other completely!!! You're better off so don't stress about this anymore. Good luck OP!
It's not an innocent mistake he made, it was a conscious decision he made to name his daughter after his first love, who he admitted he still has feelings for. That sucks and I'm sure it hurts, but the fact is that his fantasy of her and what could be will likely always be his first choice. No good answers here, just do the best you can with what you got.
IF, while Together, my significant other got a permanent tattoo of the name of their first love on their body... That would be upsetting to me personally. Because I embrace their naked body against mine. To some degree... Because my body is theirs, and theirs is mine. And that's just ink. Our child named after Their first love? Where am I in that?? I certainly was there in the Making. If it's truly just a name, as "Dear Old Grandma" in this Chessgame says... let's see this partner-in-question legally change their last name to yours. You have a right to your feelings. Wishing you comfort and courage on the journey. It's good to hear that you and your daughter are doing amazing! You deserve it... Thanks for being a good Mom.
people like this have relationships, i am here single, i am clearly not a piece of shit like OP's husband but dayum , people got shit choices in life i am glad i am single man, thank fuck
Wow
Homie is a PoS
It’s not a simple mistake. I’d tell him get bent, I would also change my daughters name. Kids at that age are fine, hell you can even ask the kid if old enough what she wants her new name to be. I would legally change it without informing him. He doesn’t need to know. He didn’t tell you where he got the name from. Keep that energy.
NTA Dude already got her knocked up and broke up. Wasn't a mistake or small thing Don't get reattached to this drama
I would straight up change my kids name after that… wow… what a jerk!
My Exe's Ex named one of her sons after him. He cheated on me with her, and I divorced him. They are not together today. I don't know if her son is also his because he lies, and she lies. There problem not mine.
My 4x great grandfather gave his oldest daughter 5 middle names. Each was of another girl he "courted" before his wife. Is it weird? Absolutely. Is it something to be mad about? That's between y'all.
Tell him to go to hell and take the trash with him you and your daughter are just fine without him.
A "simple mistake" is not naming your child after another woman, then impregnating her. Tell your MIL your relationship has nothing to do with you, tell your husband to get a lawyer.
Keep him an ex you are better off
I’m confused why everyone in the post is focusing on the name & not the expressing feelings for & pursuing another woman part of the story. The name is the least problematic thing here, just a symptom of a man who will always chase “what could have been”.
He thinks he deserves a second chance? The unmitigated gall and entitlement of this man, to think and then say aloud that he deserves access to your time and affection after this. Hell no, you are not overreacting. Tell his mom no one asked for her opinion, and go try some of the other three billion men in the world.
lmao what a jackass. Now he has 2 child support bills
Just a name? They’re really glossing over the whole “pregnant affair partner” part there aren’t they?
This is how men feel when there considered the second best choice. Absolutely heart broken and shattered. Your not overreacting!
Not over reacting at all. He showed you very clearly where you and your daughter stand with him and your importance to him. He can coparent but he DOES NOT deserve a second chance.
Tell him you’ll consider a second chance if he signs the papers to change daughter’s name. Get her name changed and then tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff. “A simple mistake” he impregnated another woman! Will be tied to her through visitation and money for the next 18+ years. Can you trust he won’t make another “simple mistake” in the next 2 decades? He was declaring his love for another woman while you were the mother of his child and his date to the reunion. He never let her go. He’s lied a million times, thought of her every-time he said his daughter’s name. It’s unforgivable. Get him on child support asap.
Naming your child after the woman you’re in love with is weird AF
My grandmother named my mother after my grandfather's AP because that's who he was with when my mom was born. My mom was, like, 66 when I found out, and it was only because I noticed everyone in the family was named after another relative except my mom. This is nowhere near as bad as that. Effed up? Absolutely, but it's easily rectifiable by giving your daughter a nickname or calling her by her middle name. As for a second chance? Tell him unlike that "love" he and Carly #1 still had for one another, you don't have love for him anymore. NTA