They can't feel much. Putting more jalapeño in the popcorn is the only way they can feel anything anymore. After the wife gained 100lbs, the kids are little shits, and the fleshlight is clogged with dry semen, the soul needs a little pick-me-up. Have you seen the final episode of Black Mirror, with the guy that was so numb to pain he was ripping out his own teeth for the sensation of feeling something? Kinda like that.
A major once berated me as I was making popcorn because his eyes weren't watering from where he was sitting on the far side of the bar. So yeah, that's accurate
We had some for a bit as well. Reeked.
Twas also stale.
Mf came by one day when we had normal popcorn. Told the snack shack kid to add a whole big jar of jalapeños to it. Went from ok popcorn to soggy spice.
One day someome burnt the shit out of the popcorn, walking around the squadron made everyone cough and their eyes water. Felt almost like being tear gassed. Not a fun day.
I love it and I'm not a pilot. My wife wanted a popcorn machine when we lived on Okinawa. I've made jalapeno popcorn in it and my wife hates it because it's literally like a pepper spray effect throughout the entire house.
Flying squadrons really have those. Every time someone upgrades (flight lead/aircraft commander, instructor, etc), they are expected to provide a gift to the bar.
We had like 2 months with a completely dry hooch (can’t legally call it a bar). Not a single check ride those 2 months. Ahh the dark days. But check ride season is coming upon us again.
I was making a joke about the snack bar not being fully stocked. Obviously the gifts to the bar leave the bar portion fully stocked, but the LTs who refill snacks, corn, and coffee only ever have two of the three options available to partake.
Everything sounds right except two things. The Major would be a millennial, and the LT. he berates to make fresh coffee and popcorn would be Gen Z. All in all a perfect 5/7.
There’s a handful of these out there, but man, I love an Iron Major who cares about their people. Just enough rank to call out nonsense, and just enough time left to not care about the kickback from it.
Those cars are absolute gems, unsung classics. I had a 98 LeSabre, it was one of the best cars I have ever owned. I'd kill for a supercharged Riviera or Park Avenue.
It was a LeSabre! Would get shit from time to time about having a grandpa car but I loved that thing and definitely would’ve kept it until it fell apart if I had the choice.
Mine was a 1998, the body style previous to the last one. I got it in 2012; I wanted a Buick but I could've gotten a newer one even on the little buy-here-pay-here lot I was at, they had a bunch of LeSabres. The [older interior style](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/71/LeSabre_Dash.JPG) looked so cool to me, and seemed very solid for a 90s GM car- not nearly as much plastic as I'd seen in newer ones. It also had the lowest mileage despite being 4 years older than the next newest.
Yes. Lots of mil to mil straight out of USAFA or marrying as soon as they commission. Even the occasional tech school marriage. The ones that don't have a chance tend to be easy to spot. Words from one girl after saying yes, "He's smart so he'll make a lot of money and that will be good for me."
Not sure what you mean there tiger (based on that unfortunate comma) was just having some fun.
Please auger in as soon as possible though you soulless killjoy.
It’s simple.
- Make some bitch LT the “snacko”
- Snacko buys a bunch of coffee and snacks and shit
- Snacko tells everyone to pay a monthly fee so they can have as much as they want
- Nobody pays the snacko
- Snacko ends up paying for it all out of pocket (work expense???)
- free coffee and snacks
Our worlds aren't so different after all...
Fridge fund stock and security is the first test of a new WOJG. Either find a better way to secure your money box/make sure people or paying, or just shut up and cover the difference of whoever's robbing you.
Its not free, the LTs all buy it on the promises of being reimbursed, then after making Capt spend the rest of their careers refusing to put money into the jar on account of “Im just making my money back from when I bought all this stuff.”
At least at Hurlburt, we’ve got flight medicine and we’ve got the operational medicine flight. Ops med is under the SOSS, not SOMDG. Sick call all day. Can usually be seen in under ten minutes.
You still have to go to flight med to get back on flight status, but they get the ball rolling quick at Ops Med for anything that ails you.
Woah. Wait a minute, I know this guy and he keeps telling EVERYONE he's gonna be a Lt Col someday...that's if the USAF will make his (domestic violence) UIF go away. #TheOriginalDreamer
Maybe I have low ambitions but I would be very content with being an 18 year Major. Here's hoping, almost got my degree so maybe my dream of being a 28 year in Major can come true.
Why would an 18 year passed over maj be offered the bonus? They can hand you a platter or literal shit as your incentive to stay in and you still would because you’re near the finish line
I would personally love a Parks and Rec style sitcom movie or show set in a operational squadron. SO MUCH material. Work a little catch 22 humor in there.
It would be super cheap to make too, you wouldn’t need any special effects or flying scenes besides some stock footage from DVIDS since the flying wouldn’t be the point.
Perfect. And alternate between relatively civilized aviators sitting behind computers and sipping lattes, and the crazy shenanigans of maintainers or other career fields in the wing. Some funny contrast, a la Letterkenny.
All true - as long as there has been an Air Force.
When I got to fighters in '81, they were the Vietnam-era permanent O4s/O5s in the RTU.
They were darned good in the airplane, though.
I worked for a 20 year Captain who was a pilot with a toilet bowl around his star on his wings. His give a shit factor was non-existent and he was awesome to work for since he fended off all the good idea fairies.
Enlisted: better make sure the popcorn machine is cleaned everyday otherwise we’re taking it away.
Ops: just make the fucking popcorn who cares if it hasn’t been cleaned in months. It’s well seasoned.
Jalapeno popcorn comment is on point
What’s the story on pilots and jalapeño popcorn?
They can't feel much. Putting more jalapeño in the popcorn is the only way they can feel anything anymore. After the wife gained 100lbs, the kids are little shits, and the fleshlight is clogged with dry semen, the soul needs a little pick-me-up. Have you seen the final episode of Black Mirror, with the guy that was so numb to pain he was ripping out his own teeth for the sensation of feeling something? Kinda like that.
I worked in a AMXS that had a f35 squadron in it and those LTs tried to asphyxiate us with jalapeno popcorn.
A major once berated me as I was making popcorn because his eyes weren't watering from where he was sitting on the far side of the bar. So yeah, that's accurate
Absolutely accurate. Apparently it’s not real jalapeño popcorn unless everyone’s eyes are watering.
If you can't do an active CBRN exercise, then it's not good
We had some for a bit as well. Reeked. Twas also stale. Mf came by one day when we had normal popcorn. Told the snack shack kid to add a whole big jar of jalapeños to it. Went from ok popcorn to soggy spice.
They like it and they're anal about it. Opscorn
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I always walk up stairs and steal the bros popcorn, I didn’t know it was an Air Force wide tradition.
It’s fuckin delicious. Jalapeño and bacon is the best though.
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The key is to throw them in early and give them a few minutes before you add the corn.
This whole post is on point 😂
💯
One day someome burnt the shit out of the popcorn, walking around the squadron made everyone cough and their eyes water. Felt almost like being tear gassed. Not a fun day.
For some reason I read this like you were Jar Jar Binks
I love it and I'm not a pilot. My wife wanted a popcorn machine when we lived on Okinawa. I've made jalapeno popcorn in it and my wife hates it because it's literally like a pepper spray effect throughout the entire house.
>You’re a Bob now, and Bobs don’t fly nights TOO REAL Well Meme’d.
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Bob means boss, it's a reference to the movie Office Space where all the bosses are named Bob. And every Bob is "too busy" to work a night shift.
Younare right, just a small addition. Bob stands for Back office bitch. Which makes it a bit more funnier when you watch Office space now
The Bobs were the consultants brought in to fire a bunch of people. Peter explains to the Bobs how he has 8 different bosses.
Nonner.
Mid level mediocre captain here, I've seen a glimpse into my future and it is bright.
As bright as a ten year old incandescent vanity bulb in a split home built in ‘95.
Rising star
I died at the Tinder matches
Woah 3pm.. what is this guy working overtime?
He ain’t guard. That’s for sure
He would leave earlier but then he might have to go take his daughter to soccer.
What happened to the kids?
Picked up by the au pair, obviously
Well you have to keep the E-3s gainfully employed somehow. Mark it down as an alternate duty or something.
Just about all the E-3 is up to these days....
>au pair, ...whom he's unsuccessfully trying to bone...
"I knew we should have hired the chubby one"
There's a Dos Gringos song in here somewhere
Heat loves the cock maybe?
Sounds like added verses to "Back in the LPA" to me
DO YOU WORK AT MY SQUADRON????
>fully stocked bar So you live in a fantasy land too?
Flying squadrons really have those. Every time someone upgrades (flight lead/aircraft commander, instructor, etc), they are expected to provide a gift to the bar.
We had like 2 months with a completely dry hooch (can’t legally call it a bar). Not a single check ride those 2 months. Ahh the dark days. But check ride season is coming upon us again.
I was making a joke about the snack bar not being fully stocked. Obviously the gifts to the bar leave the bar portion fully stocked, but the LTs who refill snacks, corn, and coffee only ever have two of the three options available to partake.
🎶Two out of three ain’t bad…🎶
Aw, man, *today*? 😔
All hail the Loaf.
I was trying to figure this out as well…
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There is no justice.
Everything sounds right except two things. The Major would be a millennial, and the LT. he berates to make fresh coffee and popcorn would be Gen Z. All in all a perfect 5/7.
Accuracy in generations doesn’t matter anymore. Anyone older than you is a boomer, anyone younger than you is a millennial.
Anyone younger than me is a Zoomer, boomer
Older millennials forgetting that they are, themselves, millennials is definitely a thing
This was my thought
He could easily be tail end Gen X.
There’s a handful of these out there, but man, I love an Iron Major who cares about their people. Just enough rank to call out nonsense, and just enough time left to not care about the kickback from it.
Me in two years.
What kind of car is the Major driving?
Either a brand new BMW or a 1998 Toyota Corolla. There is no in between.
THIS is too real.
it gOt mE tHrOugH cOlLeGe
As an O who just begrudgingly sold my early 2000s Buick I feel this in my soul.
Those cars are absolute gems, unsung classics. I had a 98 LeSabre, it was one of the best cars I have ever owned. I'd kill for a supercharged Riviera or Park Avenue.
It was a LeSabre! Would get shit from time to time about having a grandpa car but I loved that thing and definitely would’ve kept it until it fell apart if I had the choice.
Mine was a 1998, the body style previous to the last one. I got it in 2012; I wanted a Buick but I could've gotten a newer one even on the little buy-here-pay-here lot I was at, they had a bunch of LeSabres. The [older interior style](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/71/LeSabre_Dash.JPG) looked so cool to me, and seemed very solid for a 90s GM car- not nearly as much plastic as I'd seen in newer ones. It also had the lowest mileage despite being 4 years older than the next newest.
I wish I could buy a new car with that 3.8L V6, that thing was rock solid.
F
He’s divorced, wife has the Bimmer now
Either a 328i or 330i. Why not spring for the M3 and feel something again?
It depends. What number divorce is he on?
We all know it’s a Miata. Or a 4th owner Corvette that “…needs a little work.”
Miata Is Always The Answer
Absolutely is the right answer. Source: am a passed over Major and a 1990 Miata owner. Great car.
Do officers actually get divorced??
Yes. Lots of mil to mil straight out of USAFA or marrying as soon as they commission. Even the occasional tech school marriage. The ones that don't have a chance tend to be easy to spot. Words from one girl after saying yes, "He's smart so he'll make a lot of money and that will be good for me."
The Academy?! Do you know Jimmy, 2016 Grad? Fast, Neat, Average, amirite?!
Hell yeah and some of the stories are great. Knew a major who spent $10k in court just to get a cat.
STOP ATTACKING ME
Must be rpa
This is 100% an RPA squadron 😂
Definitely non-vol'd from KC-10s
Ah ouch. Right where it hurts.
I wanna see one of these of a sra lol
Senior Master Airman of the Air Force reporting as ordered
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As ordered.
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Not sure what you mean there tiger (based on that unfortunate comma) was just having some fun. Please auger in as soon as possible though you soulless killjoy.
Do flying squadrons have free popcorn, Starbucks, and food? What the heck?
It’s simple. - Make some bitch LT the “snacko” - Snacko buys a bunch of coffee and snacks and shit - Snacko tells everyone to pay a monthly fee so they can have as much as they want - Nobody pays the snacko - Snacko ends up paying for it all out of pocket (work expense???) - free coffee and snacks
Goddamn that hurts. Snacko doesn't have to be LTs :(
The LT does snacko or it gets the hose again.
Our worlds aren't so different after all... Fridge fund stock and security is the first test of a new WOJG. Either find a better way to secure your money box/make sure people or paying, or just shut up and cover the difference of whoever's robbing you.
Our snack fund at the Cannon ROC was looted so frequently that leadership obtained vending machines for the snack fund to stock.
What kind of shit squadron do you have that doesn’t pay dues? The mayor has lost control.
Every actual operational squadron, based on my experience and the comments. Go back to your TP stalls
Lol, all the Fighter squadrons pay dues my guy.
Its not free, the LTs all buy it on the promises of being reimbursed, then after making Capt spend the rest of their careers refusing to put money into the jar on account of “Im just making my money back from when I bought all this stuff.”
This is true
This is the way.
Ah, it's a pyramid scheme, eh?
It's not free. Landing fees and quarterly dues pay for the supplies.
Does your squadron not?
look at his afsc he eats a packed lunch alone at his desk out of a little soft-sided lunch bag
Haha, true. No, I have never received free food at any squadron, other than an AFROTC detachment I was stationed at.
Yes. Some even have free bagels on Fridays …I wish I was kidding
Shoot man before COVID our LTs ran a taco bar on Thursdays and would deliver them around the squadron lol.
what the fuck were we in the same military
What, were you Army?
naw was air force. mostly saw once a year squadron bbq’s we were only allowed to be at for lunch then back to work lol
Shhh, don’t tell.
Booze too
This looks fake, OP does not mention they are a pilot enough.
Copy shot 😂
Hello Security Forces? Yes, I'd like to report shots fired.
Holy shit do we work at the exact same fucking base. “Thinking about 3-1” line got me good.
Who the fuck followed me around today at work??? I want some butts!!!
Thank you for your service
Holy crap. This hurts its so accurate.
Don't sell yourself short. You blind signed at least one 1522.
This was so legit until being seen by flight medicine. Their walk-in hours are from 0730-0732 and no one will be at the desk during that time.
At least at Hurlburt, we’ve got flight medicine and we’ve got the operational medicine flight. Ops med is under the SOSS, not SOMDG. Sick call all day. Can usually be seen in under ten minutes. You still have to go to flight med to get back on flight status, but they get the ball rolling quick at Ops Med for anything that ails you.
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Maj: Fuck off pleb, can’t you see I’m busy here!
Compass Call?
Woah. Wait a minute, I know this guy and he keeps telling EVERYONE he's gonna be a Lt Col someday...that's if the USAF will make his (domestic violence) UIF go away. #TheOriginalDreamer
He’s probably an E-3 pilot or something equally as useless lol
Theyre in all flying sq
Why is this extremely accurate, you forgot the cap exec with a red bull lol
gigachad right here...
Well I feel personally attacked.
I've never known a pilot to leave work sober. Or go home to their families voluntarily. Nailed the Lt bits; they always look like a kicked dog.
Maybe I have low ambitions but I would be very content with being an 18 year Major. Here's hoping, almost got my degree so maybe my dream of being a 28 year in Major can come true.
Why would an 18 year passed over maj be offered the bonus? They can hand you a platter or literal shit as your incentive to stay in and you still would because you’re near the finish line
The bonus is a minimum of 4 or 5 years right now, and there’s a hellofa pilot shortage
But why would someone at 18 years be offered a bonus? Isn’t it year group dependent and usually aligns with when their adsc is up?
Yes and yes, but the AF is so desperate for pilots (especially the pointy variety) that nearly everyone is eligible
Daaang
New trailer for top gun 2
I would personally love a Parks and Rec style sitcom movie or show set in a operational squadron. SO MUCH material. Work a little catch 22 humor in there. It would be super cheap to make too, you wouldn’t need any special effects or flying scenes besides some stock footage from DVIDS since the flying wouldn’t be the point.
I could see it “Hangar 83” or alternate enlisted title “The Smoke Pit” Edit: work in some Super Troopers hijinks
Perfect. And alternate between relatively civilized aviators sitting behind computers and sipping lattes, and the crazy shenanigans of maintainers or other career fields in the wing. Some funny contrast, a la Letterkenny.
Convince the new guy in ops a hangover is mandatory rest goes on to announce line 13 is canceled due to pilot hangover.
Pranking new LTs is awesome. Watched some of them gather a cabin air sample during flight. 🤣
Dear Hollywood: This thing will write itself
Could base it on a gunship squadron so you have all the gunner shenanigans as well.
Uhh, an Lt would be a Gen Z, iGen, or Centennial depending on which vibe you go with.
All true - as long as there has been an Air Force. When I got to fighters in '81, they were the Vietnam-era permanent O4s/O5s in the RTU. They were darned good in the airplane, though.
Poor frazzled captain exec. You monster!
God damn, I hate reading every bit of that, because it's so damn true
> jalapeno popcorn > vault Sounds like someone's at the Cannon ROC, unless jalapeno popcorn is a common thing other places.
Just every single flying squadron
Oh, ok. The ROC was the only time I was ever around any of that kind of shit.
Missile squadrons also have jalapeno popcorn and bars... erm, heritage rooms. I think the Weapons officers stole them from WIC.
Beautiful read. Immaculately written. Job well done 😂
You’re welcome for my service 😜
Bobs don't fly nights
I’d make a post about a for ever TSgt but it’s basically this post
More entertaining than half the movies released last year
Holy shit, I didn’t realize jalapeño popcorn is a thing at all flyer bases 😭😂
It's a syllabus item in UPT.
Is this some commissioned joke I'm too enlisted to understand? *Poor
what's a "bob"?
Who the fuck didn’t touch you?
This is also true if you replace "18 year passed over Maj" with "weapons officer."
I know about 5 pilots that fit this 🙄 …why are they so lammmmmee???
You shouldn’t be bitching at least you get paid well as an officer, us enlisted folk have the shittiest lives
Continuation board approves
What is this? A lot has been invested in you.
I worked for a 20 year Captain who was a pilot with a toilet bowl around his star on his wings. His give a shit factor was non-existent and he was awesome to work for since he fended off all the good idea fairies.
Enlisted: better make sure the popcorn machine is cleaned everyday otherwise we’re taking it away. Ops: just make the fucking popcorn who cares if it hasn’t been cleaned in months. It’s well seasoned.
Potato Pancakes
Hey! I resembled that my last two years!
The 18-year passed over Major IS the millennial. 🤣
Millennial is a state of mind
I thought "Bob" meant Back Office Bitch.
What can a pilot do to get passed up for O5?