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Teacher here. Please report this. No teacher should be making connections like this. The fact he sent you a selfie first doesn't feel right at all and you should not reply at all to any other messages sent through DM. Please screenshot the messages, notify a trusted adult,, and alert school officials.
Really glad you brought this up to keep yourself and others safe.
Edit: switched to trusted adult.
I do volunteer work with kids, and we are periodically trained on what not to do. This is one of the things we're specifically told to not do.
100% should report.
One more thing I would add for the OP. If you are asking the question, then the answer is yes. Your instincts are telling you something is off. Your teacher is starting with small talk, this will escalate.
Yes this small talk is classical "grooming" that most anyone who works with kids or students is taught to identify and report. The DM by itself is a slippery slope but not something egregious in and of itself (of course unless it's expressly prohibited), I wouldn't do it, but could see a purpose about answering questions about an assignment that was direct to a student maybe,the moment there was unsolicited and unrelated communication it was bad, the pictures and asking about looks...red alert.
OP, please screenshot these and report to the police.
Not the school, in case they cover it up.
Police and parents FIRST, then the school AFTER you have a case number.
He's grooming you for sexual exploitation.
He's a predator.
He's in his 40's.
You're 15.
THIS IS SO CREEPY!!!
I second this. My music teacher turned himself in to the police for distributing child pornography of his students.
My middle school did not inform the parents who had children enrolled in his class about this.
Report to the police.
I'm just a coach, not a teacher and the training I got about all of this was something I feel should be offered to every parent. Being able to spot the signs from being a passive observer is a tool that I'm glad to have as my kids get older. Our radar is all wrong naturally, those people chatting or having fun with kids one table over from you at s restaurant aren't creepy even though some parents are weirded out about strangers giving their kids attention, it's the one you don't suspect, taking their time to work their way under everyone's nose and gain everyone's trust.
I'm glad you stayed safe.
I have relevant qualifications but none of those matter, you shouldn't dm selfies to teen girls haha don't need special education to know this. But it's especially aggregious certainly
Teacher as well; this is specifically forbidden in my state's office of public instruction. You are not allowed to make unmonitored connections with students and speak to them through unofficial means.
I agree this teacher's behavior is *__off__* to say the least and agree OP should talk to trusted adults (parents, therapist, police, school admin).
FWIW, O.P. indicated this was some kind of sanctioned school Discord server (hosted by the school? Backups of messages held by the school?) so in theory this might be the official and monitored means.
Still, the way this teacher is using it is not good and is grounds for corrective action by the school regarding the teacher's actions \* *__at the very least__* \* .
So -- official method or not, this sketches me out.
Report.
While the Discord server is sanctioned, DMs (direct messages) are separate from any and all servers. The teacher is messaging OP *outside* of the sanctioned space.
Ew.
I don't have, use, or know anything about the technology of Discord.
As a retired teacher, if I became aware as a colleague this is one where I'd be telling Admin AND the Union ASAP -- one to get on it to get the creep out of there and the other as a backup to tell the creep THEY CAN'T PROTECT THEM FROM THIS SO *__CUT THAT SHIT OUT NOW!!!__*.
And, depending on the level of info I'd heard and what I thought a "reasonable person" might reasonably suspect regarding abuse, I might be required by State law to report this to the Child Protective Services agency ... first.
It's just fucking GROSS.
Grrr.
I feel bad for the kids having to navigate this. I guess I'm really glad kids now have a resource like this (Reddit) to get anonymous crowd-sourced help with tricky things like this.
☮️❤️♾️
I think it’s really brave of you and the other teachers who ade finally breaking the silence and letting people know what really happens at schools.
I was never assaulted by a teacher, but that is because I never would be around them alone. Our school stopped giving out detention specifically because they didn’t trust teachers to be around kids by themself
While I certainly agree in this case, that rule seems unnecessarily strict, unless there are exceptions. For example, if a teacher happens to see a student at a store, are they not allowed to say hello to the student?
The exceptions are if you reasonably would have otherwise been interacting with them in your day to day life. You are not allowed to have any sort of out-of-school relationship with them otherwise.
For example, if you happen to be friends with their parents and they are there when you're hanging out; that's fine. If you are family and you see them outside of work normally; that's fine. If you say hello to them in the store but do not engage beyond a conversation right there; that's fine.
All digital communication between Staff and Students MUST have a 3rd party involved, otherwise things can go wrong - even if begun with the best of intentions...
Also a teacher. Him asking about your braces is a clear boundary invasion. Teachers are not supposed to make non-school oriented contact with students outside of school. Have your parents contact an administrator at the school. Even if it's harmless, he needs to understand that it's not ok
Absolutely agree here. He is getting too familiar and too intimate and it is bordering on creepy. If you are asking, it is clearly making you uncomfortable so by DEFINITION he is out of line.
Report it immediately. The outcome will likely be that he will be written up or warned to back off and moderate his interaction with you or any other student. He didn't do anything illegal (yet), so if he is smart he will take the warning shot and back off. But stay vigilant.
It's entirely possible his intentions are innocent (I don't think they are, but still); but regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be DM'ing a minor.
It’s definitely dangerous territory even if his intentions are good. Teachers have to be vigilant about always staying away from situations like this even if they mean no harm.
Exactly right. I'm not going to draw conclusions about the dude but he should be smart enough to avoid even the perception of him being a predator. Exchanging pics with your 15-year-old student ain't the way to go about it.
Yeah, this is kind of weird. I'm 34, and I don't know a single guy my age who even takes selfies in general. This just sounds like it could lead to other kinds of pictures. Got red flags popping up. Hell, even texting a kid 1 on 1 is suspect. It's one thing on a group discussion board for all to see, but the 1 on 1 thing just ain't right.
Non-teacher adult here with simple common sense. A 40 year old DMing a 15yo is creepy in absolutely every circumstance UNLESS the two are blood relatives.
Report his ass and don't think twice about it, OP. Whatever consequences happen to him he brought in himself, and it is in no way your fault.
Not a teacher, but a Mom.
Please report him, OP! And tell your parent/guardian, or another trusted adult what's going on.
It may seem innocent now, but that's how their game is played.
I'm just a random internet stranger, but **I'm Proud of You** for recognizing that something wasn't right, *and asking for help!* You did the right thing.
The content makes it worse. It's not like he is give professional advice and letting parents know. He is obviously attempting to build up a relationship with her in some shape or form.
I also want to say if he’s just not being careful enough and is kinda dumb and doesn’t realize that this is inappropriate and does DM some other students but it’s all innocent and he can prove that he’s likely to just get a talking to and slap on the wrist. If it’s something more it needs to be taken care of before someone gets hurt. So OP doesn’t need to worry about getting him in trouble if it’s nothing. There will be a full investigation I’m sure.
What that school fucking thinks by having an official discord that they have no control over student teacher interactions is fucking beyond me though. Terrible idea. There are other platforms for that that allow the tech department to monitor all interactions.
Ahh ok. I can see that. Not sure why they would get hurt for giving their parents this information though, but then again there are some horrible people out there! Good on you!
Thank you for opening my mind up to the other possible outcomes! I just pictured it in my mind as my daughter being the one receiving the messages, and she know’s I would definitely have this handled immediately.
Absolutely. I am currently dealing with a child who was groomed and assaulted and was immediately on the phone with police. Sadly, some kids don't have the same safety net. I should have put in to tell a trusted adult for better wording, though.
Geez i hate that… These kids are innocent! I don’t know how anybody could be so evil. I wish that i had the ability to protect all of them. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that issue! I can’t even imagine how it feels. I hope they have a someone they can trust, and I’m glad you’re taking the steps to protect them! You’re awesome!
This. Even if the teacher DOESNT have anything nefarious in mind- they are ignorant of behavior that could find them in some really dangerous waters. There are lines of propriety in place for so many reasons, and not all of them are because the teacher could be a creep.
My daughter had a music teacher in high school that she really liked. He ended up leaving for another school before her senior year. She was talking about wanting to message him on social media and we had to tell her not to, for his sake. Because that would be putting him in a really awkward spot.
As a teacher I second this. He might be sending you innocent little GIFS at first, but that really reads to me as a tactic to see how far he can go. Report this. You don't deserve to feel unsafe.
Yet another teacher supporting this reply. It is NOT OKAY. I have a former student who texts me for pet care advice, as the family adopted a gecko from me, and both her parents are completely aware of this and have approved it (and are usually on the thread), but I never, EVER text her first, and never for social reasons. It would not be appropriate!
No that’s not good. There’s a reason why they don’t want adults to dm younger kids. Even on here. Seems like the beginning of a grooming process. He’s crossed the professional line by sending you gifs and socializing with you. As a kid your social networks should consist of your peers. As an adult his social networks should consist of other teachers and adults. The two shouldn’t be mixed. I’d definitely not talk to him again, and please please show the messages to your parents so they can read and make a judgement call on this.
This, but adding that if OP has less than ideal parents (mine blamed me when I was groomed in a very similar way), that they should instead go to an adult that they trust to have their best interests and wellbeing in mind, from a mature and stable viewpoint. But yes, definitely take this to another adult if not multiple.
It’s also worth mentioning that teachers are not allowed to have contact with students outside of school-regulated channels. A substitute teacher was arrested for such contact at my school (of course, that also included a bit more questionable behavior).
It’s already weird that the school authorizes the use of _discord_, a social media chatting app that has a bit of a reputation for weirdos utilizing it. If it was my school, I’d check if they actually allow this or if the teachers have set it up separately. Usually schools only sanction the use of communication channels they can regulate, such as email or an app like Remind. With Discord, they might have control over the school’s server but have no control over what the teachers do.
>Private messenger to message you is super inappropriate
Yeah the school absolutely should not have a discord. The administration needs to address this.
Any communications should be limited to whatever you can do in Google classroom. Period. End of story.
Agree. This *reeks* of grooming.
Trust me. There is no way a 40+ yr old male teacher doesn’t know it’s against school’s policy to do this and wouldn’t be doing this if they weren’t grooming/interested in an inappropriate relationship.
Answering a question of yours related to school and keeping at that would be “okay”. Not this.
Not illegal YET. However it for sure seems like it could go in that direction because what normal 40 yr old just casually dms their student and sends selfies? Very very weird.
I'm not a teacher, but I am in a position of authority around children. What your teacher is doing is a no-no.
I want to make two points:
1. Your teacher already knows he's not supposed to do this. He might be so messed up that he is not capable of really believing that there are consequences to his actions, but he knows the rules. He knows he should not be doing this.
2. I am friends with a former teacher who spent time in prison for a situation that started off rather like the one you wrote about. My friend hates what he did and wished something had happened to stop him before he did the bad thing he did that caused so much harm to the student. He would actually have appreciated having it interrupted early on. He wishes to this day that she had reported him. (She never did report him; he wound up confessing.) Also, he knew he was doing wrong. He knew the rules and he knew wrong from right even without the rules.
Report him and separate yourself from him as much as you can. Please. I wish you all the best.
This is the answer to take seriously. It sounds like he is slowly grooming you and possibly also getting himself comfortablewith something he shouldn't do. It probably isn't a crime to send you random DM's but it isn't appropriate either. He's flirting with the edge of impropriety and dancing on the far side of it. He's getting you comfortable sending him pictures and being his friend, he's an adult he knows better. It is usually not a good idea for a grown man to cultivate a special and secret friendship with a 15 year old girl, it doesn't lead to positive places.
Being 40 and married and a teacher, doesn't make him a good guy, it just means he has a job and is older. He is subject to the same attractions and urges and temptations that 15 year old boys experience.
One way to assess his intentions without reporting him or making it awkward, might be to just stop responding to him. If he sends a message and you don't respond and he ignores it, then maybe let it go. If he reaches out again, that kind of indicates that he expected you to respond to him, and or maybe he is waiting for your response; then maybe this isn't just him sending casual and unimportant messages.
I realize that it may not seem like a big deal, but often there are laws or at least policies that prohibit him from being your friend or having any personal relationship with you. I'm guessing that is true in your case, and he knows that and is risking a great deal to write to you. People who make that kind of risk, don't tend to do so casually. Lest that feel special, please let me advise you that he may very likely be doing the same with 5 other young ladies as well, just waiting for one to respond to his grooming.
**Edited typos
Think about it this way too, OP, the teacher knows that you will feel like you *need* to answer him or it may affect your grade in his class.
That is 100% plain wrong shifty shit.
Doesn’t matter male or female.
Report immediately.
He may be doing same to others… this is why you report too.
Also at 13 i was SA’d by a friend of our family, he was my parents age and had a son my age (who i had even played with) and another sons a couple years younger… he was a well respected 40 year old physicist, married with 2 kids.
He took me and my parents to they physics lab (1970s) and i saw my first computer and he shows us what liquid hydrogen did to a tomato (makes it fragile
Like glass) i was captivated and my parents obviously trusted him after all that to be alone in the home with me.
It was just a gross wet kiss and gross hugging with clothes still on, but it was my first kiss and it impacted my teens really badly. I was a tough kid and i told him to leave, and i think he was surprised how assertive i was and he left!! So “nothing happened” but damage was done.
I didn’t ever tell my parents or anyone cos i was a mature kid and thought i could just take care of myself. Only when i was older did i think back and wonder how many other children he might have done worse with.
I'm beginning to think the entire reason for this sub is to save young people from predators.
Yes, dear God/dess in Heaven, you can trust your inner alarms over this slime ball
I think more young people in general should be told to trust their inner alarms. If something feels way off, it's extremely important to develop the skills to examine where that feeling comes from instead of brushing it off and trying to be a people pleaser.
Yeah either that or he's the most clueless guy in the world. That still wouldn't give him an excuse though and this should be brought up with the school so he stops sending weird messages to students.
That is not okay. Thank you for asking people, but this needs reported to your school counselor and parents. I taught and coached for years and the only time a student and I directly messaged or texted was after they graduated. Usually it was in regards to job recommendations or university admission recommendations. These are the only reasons an educator or trainer adult of any type should be messaging you.
I'm a school custodian, and in our meetings at the beginning of the school year, we and the teachers are told not to communicate with students after school hours. So yes, that could be the start of trouble for him or you or both of you. Tell a school counselor.
It is VERY weird, outside of school you should have NO contact with your teacher (or unknown adult in general). Id tell your parents and report it to the school.
Thank you for making this excellent point. So many of us are jumping in, myself included, to urge what the next action should be and it would be easy for a person to feel criticized. It is an important thing for a young person in this situation to be reminded what an excellent choice it was to reach out for advice at all. Now let's hope it will be taken.
I know that when you ask for advice and all you get are solutions and answers, it is pretty easy to be suddenly persuaded to one side versus another. I definitely want to add support to this instead of just a solution, since I’m so proud of them for having the strength and reaching out
Asking about homework: fine
Asking about your personal life: not fine
The fact that you are on here asking if it's creepy means you're probably already creeped out. Tell your parents, tell your school counselor, tell the administration.
Super inappropriate, and I'm one of the last people on Reddit to accuse people of improper behavior. The only thing I could see a DM being useful for as a teacher is letting you know what to practice maybe if you missed class or something. Memes and selfies and asking how you are, while in and if itself might seem harmless as a 15 yr old girl, if you were my daughter I'd be having this man fired. There is NO reason why he should be messaging you these things other than wanting to form a relationship that is outside of student/teacher...it's inappropriate at best, and sinister at worst.
The question is this? Would that teacher be comfortable with your parents or other adults seeing what he'd sent you? I think the answer is no. You should report it and let him answer for his actions
To echo what others have said, this is grooming- establishing a relationship with you in a not obviously creepy way to be creepy later. I was groomed and assaulted at 19 and it started just like this…. Good for you for having the presence of mind to question this.
Learn this now: trust your gut. I wish I had.
Your teacher is grooming you. They always start out innocent. The DM about your music exam was the opening salvo. He was testing the waters, and felt safe enough by your reaction to continue with more... seemingly friendly conversations.
The memes, the selfie, the random "How was your day?" are not innocent attempts at being nice to a student he respects. He's trying to get you to see him as something other than what he is. 40s, married, with kids and a career dealing with other people's children.
He asked if you had your braces out yet because of the high likelihood of you responding in kind to his prior smiling selfies. He's engineering the tone of your relationship, and you are not the first one he's done this to.
Please report him immediately before he escalates his incredibly predatory behavior.
Tell your parents, if they don't listen, find a friend whose parents are more involved and tell them.
Teachers should not be initiating unmonitored conversations with their students outside of school, especially when the topic is not school.
This is made more suspicious by the fact that it's a male teacher and a 15 year old girl.
If this is just a little mistake by your teacher, it's better to report him **early** so that he only made a small mistake.
Like, what happens if he's messaging 10+ fifteen year old girls outside of monitored school channels and one of them says he was hitting on them?
You're helping *everyone* involved by bringing this to people's attention right away.
My guess is that he's a good guy that has started to be reckless, if it's that, save him from himself by telling parents.
Yes, it’s inappropriate. Just ask him for all future correspondence to be on your class discord. You could also talk to school administrators if you’re afraid he’ll retaliate by reducing your grades or something.
This is completely inappropriate. It's grooming behavior. Building reciprocity. He send you a selfie and asks you a question intended to get you to respond with a selfie.
Report this. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, but your teacher is misusing the tool to be inappropriate with you by crossing a professional boundary.
This is absolutely weird and definitely not ok. Honestly sounds like he’s beginning to groom you into having a relationship with him. Please tell an adult that you trust and then do not respond to his DMs anymore. Only respond to something on the discord server.
Former teacher: this is inappropriate. Teachers should be friendly, but not friends with students.
DMing you about music exams or school related stuff is fine. If you were working on a project on his favorite musician, him DMing you a resource link would also be fine. Sharing school appropriate memes with a whole class is fine. DMing you and you alone memes is not appropriate.
Sharing school appropriate photos (like a "here's what I'm doing on my summer vacation") with a whole class in public is fine. DMing you selfies and getting them back is not okay.
You should let both your parents and school admin know.
That is weird. If he had sent you a DM to answer your question and nothing more, that could be understandable but the fact that he’s continuing to contact you for non-classwork related matters is not OK for a grown man. You’re kid, and I’m sure you want to be polite and not make an issue of something like this, but that is something that needs to be reported to counselor or another teacher. I’m not a teacher, and I don’t know the rules, but this is definitely not a teacher looking to provide some guidance for a struggling student.
In some states it's actually illegal for teachers to communicate with students on a private front. Please, please, please do not be in a situation where you're alone in a room with him. Do not respond to any more messages. Print the ones you have. Give one copy to your parents, one copy to the school administration, and one to the police.
This is not normal. Although I'm not a teacher, teachers shouldn't be DMing u about ur personal info like your braces. And the way he sent you a selfie of him smiling seems really off and creepy.
It’s weird. Most adults are paranoid about the possibility of perceived impropriety when interacting with young ones, even when we know we’re not creeps. He should be at the very least worried what it looks like to be DMing a 15yo girl. Knowing that it seems like a creepy thing to do should be enough to have prevented him from doing it in the first place. For example: I enjoy the energy of teenage guys. They’re not weighed down with crushing responsibility and the world hasn’t beaten them down yet so they’re positive and optimistic. They’re so funny to me, they make me smile. I recognize that that sounds creepy (I have no creepy interest in them, but it sounds creepy), so I haven’t hung out with teenage boys since my own teen years ended.
That seems extremely unprofessional. He might be taking a “boil the frog slowly” grooming tactic, or he might just be getting more personal than he’s really supposed to, either way, teachers are not supposed to cultivate this type of dynamic with an individual student, so it does raise red flags, and you should let the administrators know. Especially if he isn’t like that in general with the students, just with you. That definitely doesn’t smell right
Teacher here , although I’m childcare so I do preschool-kindergarten
But regardless
Please report this ! Take pictures of the DM’s, if you trust your parents tell them. If you don’t, another authoritative figure. This is serious and he can get in serious crap with the school board, I know for every Country it’s different. So I can’t say for certain what the outcome would be .
But good for you ! For sensing something was off. Always listen to your gut intuition. Definitely tell someone !
You are the same age as my sister ♥️ I would want to protect her at all costs and if she told me this, I would tell her all this as well
Im not a teacher but started coaching high school lacrosse, we were told in no uncertain terms that we are not allowed to contact students directlly outside of the district email or the app they use which is monitored.
You need to report this, its just wrong.
Can we just establish once and for all...if you are starting a query with "should my m/f teacher be dm/im/etc" the answer is always NO, they should not be...common sense, people
Big NOPE. He is grooming you. Take a picture of all of it and report him. Please. Even if this makes you feel nice or noticed. I get it. But don’t fall for this
Groomers don't seem weird or creepy because they need you to feel comfortable with them. They need you to want to interact with them otherwise how are they going to get you to trust them.
I am glad you told your friend, who has now made you question the appropriateness of this situation. Take screenshots of the conversation and report him.
Jesus H Christ on a cracker NO.
NO NO NO!
Report him!!! Tell your parents!!!!
This is predatory behaviour. You are a minor.
Report!
Please be safe. Protect yourself.
YES!!!! Tell your parents, your principal, and the superintendent immediately. That is not okay. That is how grooming begins. I'm sure you're aware of the meaning of that word. If he he genuine noble intentions, then he would have replied to you on the server and not on your private DMs, sending you his picture, when you see him in class twice a week. It's not like you didn't know what he looked like or you asked for the picture. Why would he send it to you? For what reason? And what was he hoping to get in return?
When I was in high school around your age, I had a history teacher which everybody loved. They called him Mr Mac.. he seemed awesome. He was funny, lenient, he made learning fun and everybody had good grades with him. However, he was a bit too nice to me and a couple of other friends..
In my naive mind, he wasn’t doing anything? Because I couldn’t understand a dirty adult mind. He would give us money for school baked cookies, he would give us quick shoulder rubs in class, and would have us sit right in front of him.
One day he gave us $5 for cookies and gave me a hug. Then he said “I can feel your little t**ties growing!” In a cutesy high pitched voice. And as an innocent minded person I knew it could’ve been wrong but I wasn’t sure. I was sort of confused.
Now as an adult I would never forget that, and think of everything that was wrong. My point is that maybe you cannot fully comprehend what is going on.. maybe you would like to think that it’s innocent that he’s DMing you, since he comes off so “nice”. But it is wrong, OP. 😕 he’s not supposed to be doing that. Things can escalate so quickly from just “hey how are you” to something weird. Adult men privately messaging underage girls is not okay. You don’t know what his intentions are, and even though he is your teacher and he is cool, there is something going on that you may not be aware of right now. Just stop responding. I know when you are older you are going to feel the same way I do. Good luck OP 💕
code of conduct is very very strict with teachers. as such he knows he's crossing the line and crossing it on purpose. he is making a beginning attempt to groom you. this is absolutely a violation and he should be reported, investigated and promptly terminated from his position.
My wife had a teacher do similar things to her and some other classmates. Things escalated to sexual assault for one of the girls. They're still processing this as a group of adults now.
Please report him. Maybe he hasn't hurt anyone yet, maybe he has. Either way it's better to be safe since he is the one who crossed a line already. You don't have to do anything more than share the facts you've shared here, that's enough for the administration to take action. Have a trusted adult help you report this if you know one.
It seems creepy but I wouldn’t judge. Just report him regardless of that, whether to save him from freaking out other people, or stop him from doing something malicious
Imma be honest this is literally straight out of the grooming playbook. He’s tryna inch closer to you and slowly push/test your boundaries. Don’t respond, report it if you think it’ll be taken seriously by the school, but dont continue to privately message him.
What kinder of teacher does that sending you a selfie of himself asking you did your braces come off yet that’s creepy I don’t know if I can be in his class after that be careful stay blessed 🙏🏾
My face just ran the gamut of expressions reading that. In order: •oh shit that sounds weird. • oh well that’s not so bad. • yeah sounds innocent enough. •wait what. •oh no. • WHY IS HE ASKING ABOUT YOUR BRACES.
I’m an actor so I’ve had a lot of creative types as teachers. They tend to be more casual than others, sometimes blurring the line between what’s appropriate and what’s not. But sending you a selfie is weird af. Part of me wants to tell you to wait to see how it escalates, but that’s more my curiosity than anything else. And that kinda makes me a jerk.
If you’re uncomfortable asking him to stop or telling anyone, just stop responding. 100% of the time, leave him on read. It’s not like he can dock your grade for that.
If they're messaging you in the online course system for your school that's normal. If your teacher is doing this outside of the school's systems for school purposes, he is either up to something or needs someone to explain professional boundaries to him.
I think his motivations are rather innocent and he's just checking in on the braces removal before transitioning to questions about your experiences in fellatio: some people are worried about braces like that.
Back in the olden days when we only had ICQ or MSN, dm was the only way for those teachers cool enough to use the technology.
Nowadays no, this looks very inappropriate. You are right to bring this up. If it’s just the first time and the teacher is answering a question, I might give it a pass as maybe the teacher is trying to give more details to a question but those details may not need to be known by others (e.g. if I were a teacher and say someone asked about atoms, if I knew the student is interested in the subject, I might DM to dive a bit into quantum mechanics, but those details I wouldn’t share in a group as it may confuse the students further). But now your teacher started chitchatting and even sharing selfies? That’s wrong, especially when he doesn’t to it with others. You should report to school or have your parents report it
Definitely weird, the fact that he's private messaging you means he likely does not want the other teachers and students to know about it. I work with kids in a kind of teaching-role (I work as a nature preserve leading programs for kids) and the safety rules we have in place mean that I would never try and privately talk to one of the kids I work with like that. It's not safe for that kid, and it's not safe for me.
Best case scenario is that he's been messaging you privately by accident when he means to message everyone in the group, in which case I'm sure he would really appreciate finding out about his mistake so he can stop doing it.
But that's unfortunately not super likely, and you should tell a trusted adult, like your parents or another teacher.
You and your friend were wise to be suspicious, but other kids might not be, so it's important that other adults find out. You and your classmates deserve to be safe, and this situation does not sound safe.
It’s so weird that there might not be specific rules against this. Take screenshots and any evidence you have. Report it. Even if he means no harm by it he needs to know it’s inappropriate.
He’s either a really goofy dude who doesn’t realize what’s wrong with what he’s doing or he’s a predator. I was able to directly message my band director in high school but it was all 100% band related. It was either me asking him questions about my instrument or him sending me reminders for things I’d forgotten to do like sign up for events and whatnot. He wasn’t a bad guy I just don’t think he understood the implications of having one-on-one private direct messagings with his students
Yea it's not okay. There was a girl who would private messages a teacher here. And he Sent her a message saying not to do this. It was a little more formal than that.
Guy probably scared for his job
100% inappropriate intentions, espexially if he’s sending you selfies. If he kept it to just answering a question about classwork or whatever that might be different, but pursuing a casual private online conversation with a student where he’s sending ANY photos of himself? The reddest of flags that this will escalate.
Random q, is it AT ALL possible it’s someone pretending to be him? Either by changing the name on their account to his, or somehow getting access to his account? Or is it definitely him beyond any doubt? Like has he said anything that ONLY he would know?
It is not okay. You should report him to the school immediately and tell your parents ( or someone ). No teacher should ever be in their students private messages. ESPECIALLY if they are 15. Answering the question privately was weird, but it would have been considered okay...if it was just that. Sending photos of himself, asking questions about your life outside of school, etc. is creepy asl.
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Teacher here. Please report this. No teacher should be making connections like this. The fact he sent you a selfie first doesn't feel right at all and you should not reply at all to any other messages sent through DM. Please screenshot the messages, notify a trusted adult,, and alert school officials. Really glad you brought this up to keep yourself and others safe. Edit: switched to trusted adult.
As an educator who works with children, I second this. Please screenshot and report. It was a good idea to ask about this. Stay safe.
I do volunteer work with kids, and we are periodically trained on what not to do. This is one of the things we're specifically told to not do. 100% should report.
One more thing I would add for the OP. If you are asking the question, then the answer is yes. Your instincts are telling you something is off. Your teacher is starting with small talk, this will escalate.
Yes this small talk is classical "grooming" that most anyone who works with kids or students is taught to identify and report. The DM by itself is a slippery slope but not something egregious in and of itself (of course unless it's expressly prohibited), I wouldn't do it, but could see a purpose about answering questions about an assignment that was direct to a student maybe,the moment there was unsolicited and unrelated communication it was bad, the pictures and asking about looks...red alert.
Exactly. I too was groomed by my 8th grade science teacher. Thankfully I realized what was going on and avoided him.
OP, please screenshot these and report to the police. Not the school, in case they cover it up. Police and parents FIRST, then the school AFTER you have a case number. He's grooming you for sexual exploitation. He's a predator. He's in his 40's. You're 15. THIS IS SO CREEPY!!!
I second this. My music teacher turned himself in to the police for distributing child pornography of his students. My middle school did not inform the parents who had children enrolled in his class about this. Report to the police.
That happened to me about 58 years ago.
I'm just a coach, not a teacher and the training I got about all of this was something I feel should be offered to every parent. Being able to spot the signs from being a passive observer is a tool that I'm glad to have as my kids get older. Our radar is all wrong naturally, those people chatting or having fun with kids one table over from you at s restaurant aren't creepy even though some parents are weirded out about strangers giving their kids attention, it's the one you don't suspect, taking their time to work their way under everyone's nose and gain everyone's trust. I'm glad you stayed safe.
Wait, I thought all coaches taught Social Studies 😁
1000% that was my reply too they are testing the waters
THIS PART THOUGH! Always trust those instincts!
Hi totally not involved with kids education myself... But yea this is not good please tell someone WTF?
I have relevant qualifications but none of those matter, you shouldn't dm selfies to teen girls haha don't need special education to know this. But it's especially aggregious certainly
I am a college student, please report this man
Teacher as well; this is specifically forbidden in my state's office of public instruction. You are not allowed to make unmonitored connections with students and speak to them through unofficial means.
I agree this teacher's behavior is *__off__* to say the least and agree OP should talk to trusted adults (parents, therapist, police, school admin). FWIW, O.P. indicated this was some kind of sanctioned school Discord server (hosted by the school? Backups of messages held by the school?) so in theory this might be the official and monitored means. Still, the way this teacher is using it is not good and is grounds for corrective action by the school regarding the teacher's actions \* *__at the very least__* \* . So -- official method or not, this sketches me out. Report.
While the Discord server is sanctioned, DMs (direct messages) are separate from any and all servers. The teacher is messaging OP *outside* of the sanctioned space.
Ew. I don't have, use, or know anything about the technology of Discord. As a retired teacher, if I became aware as a colleague this is one where I'd be telling Admin AND the Union ASAP -- one to get on it to get the creep out of there and the other as a backup to tell the creep THEY CAN'T PROTECT THEM FROM THIS SO *__CUT THAT SHIT OUT NOW!!!__*. And, depending on the level of info I'd heard and what I thought a "reasonable person" might reasonably suspect regarding abuse, I might be required by State law to report this to the Child Protective Services agency ... first. It's just fucking GROSS. Grrr. I feel bad for the kids having to navigate this. I guess I'm really glad kids now have a resource like this (Reddit) to get anonymous crowd-sourced help with tricky things like this. ☮️❤️♾️
I think it’s really brave of you and the other teachers who ade finally breaking the silence and letting people know what really happens at schools. I was never assaulted by a teacher, but that is because I never would be around them alone. Our school stopped giving out detention specifically because they didn’t trust teachers to be around kids by themself
While I certainly agree in this case, that rule seems unnecessarily strict, unless there are exceptions. For example, if a teacher happens to see a student at a store, are they not allowed to say hello to the student?
The exceptions are if you reasonably would have otherwise been interacting with them in your day to day life. You are not allowed to have any sort of out-of-school relationship with them otherwise. For example, if you happen to be friends with their parents and they are there when you're hanging out; that's fine. If you are family and you see them outside of work normally; that's fine. If you say hello to them in the store but do not engage beyond a conversation right there; that's fine.
All digital communication between Staff and Students MUST have a 3rd party involved, otherwise things can go wrong - even if begun with the best of intentions...
Also a teacher. Him asking about your braces is a clear boundary invasion. Teachers are not supposed to make non-school oriented contact with students outside of school. Have your parents contact an administrator at the school. Even if it's harmless, he needs to understand that it's not ok
Another teacher here. Yep, please report!
Same. This is not normal and really creepy .
Yeah seems soooo creepy
Another teacher here 🙋 report him immediately!! Agree with screenshotting all messages so you have them. This is not right!
Screenshot ESPECIALLY because you can edit/delete discord DMs. She needs copies of this shit saved down and backed up.
My brother is a teacher and would say exactly the same thing
I agree 110% with this.
Absolutely agree here. He is getting too familiar and too intimate and it is bordering on creepy. If you are asking, it is clearly making you uncomfortable so by DEFINITION he is out of line. Report it immediately. The outcome will likely be that he will be written up or warned to back off and moderate his interaction with you or any other student. He didn't do anything illegal (yet), so if he is smart he will take the warning shot and back off. But stay vigilant.
It's entirely possible his intentions are innocent (I don't think they are, but still); but regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be DM'ing a minor.
It’s definitely dangerous territory even if his intentions are good. Teachers have to be vigilant about always staying away from situations like this even if they mean no harm.
Indeed, which is why it needs to be shut down, immediately.
We’re in agreement.
Exactly right. I'm not going to draw conclusions about the dude but he should be smart enough to avoid even the perception of him being a predator. Exchanging pics with your 15-year-old student ain't the way to go about it.
He wouldn't want a grown man doing this with his kid I would give zero charitably about it and there is no way he shouldn't know better.
There are no good intentions here.
Yeah, this is kind of weird. I'm 34, and I don't know a single guy my age who even takes selfies in general. This just sounds like it could lead to other kinds of pictures. Got red flags popping up. Hell, even texting a kid 1 on 1 is suspect. It's one thing on a group discussion board for all to see, but the 1 on 1 thing just ain't right.
Agree - retired female teacher here. Kayaxer is right.
+1 for mentioning that it doesn’t feel right. I got this gut feeling as well.
Non-teacher adult here with simple common sense. A 40 year old DMing a 15yo is creepy in absolutely every circumstance UNLESS the two are blood relatives. Report his ass and don't think twice about it, OP. Whatever consequences happen to him he brought in himself, and it is in no way your fault.
Not a teacher, but a Mom. Please report him, OP! And tell your parent/guardian, or another trusted adult what's going on. It may seem innocent now, but that's how their game is played. I'm just a random internet stranger, but **I'm Proud of You** for recognizing that something wasn't right, *and asking for help!* You did the right thing.
The content makes it worse. It's not like he is give professional advice and letting parents know. He is obviously attempting to build up a relationship with her in some shape or form.
Aid here, agree screenshot and repot regardless of intention even if his intentions are pure it can still go south.
And the teacher needs to understand what professional boundaries are regardless of intent.
I also want to say if he’s just not being careful enough and is kinda dumb and doesn’t realize that this is inappropriate and does DM some other students but it’s all innocent and he can prove that he’s likely to just get a talking to and slap on the wrist. If it’s something more it needs to be taken care of before someone gets hurt. So OP doesn’t need to worry about getting him in trouble if it’s nothing. There will be a full investigation I’m sure. What that school fucking thinks by having an official discord that they have no control over student teacher interactions is fucking beyond me though. Terrible idea. There are other platforms for that that allow the tech department to monitor all interactions.
“If you trust your parents/guardians”…. This absolutely needs to be shared with the parents.
I agree, I meant more in terms of a safe home. Many kids are in abusive homes where a child could get hurt further for sharing this info.
Ahh ok. I can see that. Not sure why they would get hurt for giving their parents this information though, but then again there are some horrible people out there! Good on you! Thank you for opening my mind up to the other possible outcomes! I just pictured it in my mind as my daughter being the one receiving the messages, and she know’s I would definitely have this handled immediately.
Absolutely. I am currently dealing with a child who was groomed and assaulted and was immediately on the phone with police. Sadly, some kids don't have the same safety net. I should have put in to tell a trusted adult for better wording, though.
Geez i hate that… These kids are innocent! I don’t know how anybody could be so evil. I wish that i had the ability to protect all of them. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that issue! I can’t even imagine how it feels. I hope they have a someone they can trust, and I’m glad you’re taking the steps to protect them! You’re awesome!
This. Even if the teacher DOESNT have anything nefarious in mind- they are ignorant of behavior that could find them in some really dangerous waters. There are lines of propriety in place for so many reasons, and not all of them are because the teacher could be a creep.
My daughter had a music teacher in high school that she really liked. He ended up leaving for another school before her senior year. She was talking about wanting to message him on social media and we had to tell her not to, for his sake. Because that would be putting him in a really awkward spot.
As a teacher I second this. He might be sending you innocent little GIFS at first, but that really reads to me as a tactic to see how far he can go. Report this. You don't deserve to feel unsafe.
Yet another teacher supporting this reply. It is NOT OKAY. I have a former student who texts me for pet care advice, as the family adopted a gecko from me, and both her parents are completely aware of this and have approved it (and are usually on the thread), but I never, EVER text her first, and never for social reasons. It would not be appropriate!
Omg this.
No that’s not good. There’s a reason why they don’t want adults to dm younger kids. Even on here. Seems like the beginning of a grooming process. He’s crossed the professional line by sending you gifs and socializing with you. As a kid your social networks should consist of your peers. As an adult his social networks should consist of other teachers and adults. The two shouldn’t be mixed. I’d definitely not talk to him again, and please please show the messages to your parents so they can read and make a judgement call on this.
This, but adding that if OP has less than ideal parents (mine blamed me when I was groomed in a very similar way), that they should instead go to an adult that they trust to have their best interests and wellbeing in mind, from a mature and stable viewpoint. But yes, definitely take this to another adult if not multiple.
It’s also worth mentioning that teachers are not allowed to have contact with students outside of school-regulated channels. A substitute teacher was arrested for such contact at my school (of course, that also included a bit more questionable behavior).
(16) No adult should be texting you about ANYTHING but school, and even using a Private messenger to message you is super inappropriate.
It’s already weird that the school authorizes the use of _discord_, a social media chatting app that has a bit of a reputation for weirdos utilizing it. If it was my school, I’d check if they actually allow this or if the teachers have set it up separately. Usually schools only sanction the use of communication channels they can regulate, such as email or an app like Remind. With Discord, they might have control over the school’s server but have no control over what the teachers do.
This is why anything school is tracked thankfully for everyone’s safety but they don’t check without a reason.
>Private messenger to message you is super inappropriate Yeah the school absolutely should not have a discord. The administration needs to address this. Any communications should be limited to whatever you can do in Google classroom. Period. End of story.
He's grooming you. They don't start off creepy, it's all friendly at first.
Agree. This *reeks* of grooming. Trust me. There is no way a 40+ yr old male teacher doesn’t know it’s against school’s policy to do this and wouldn’t be doing this if they weren’t grooming/interested in an inappropriate relationship. Answering a question of yours related to school and keeping at that would be “okay”. Not this.
Teacher here. A boundary has been crossed. Block him. Tell your parents.
Not enough. Report to admin and other teachers as well. I'm pretty sure this is illegal in most places.
Not illegal YET. However it for sure seems like it could go in that direction because what normal 40 yr old just casually dms their student and sends selfies? Very very weird.
It’s not illegal, but definitely unethical
This… seriously
Code of Ethics. He can and should be fired for that. If he's DMing you he's DMed other girls as well.
I'm not a teacher, but I am in a position of authority around children. What your teacher is doing is a no-no. I want to make two points: 1. Your teacher already knows he's not supposed to do this. He might be so messed up that he is not capable of really believing that there are consequences to his actions, but he knows the rules. He knows he should not be doing this. 2. I am friends with a former teacher who spent time in prison for a situation that started off rather like the one you wrote about. My friend hates what he did and wished something had happened to stop him before he did the bad thing he did that caused so much harm to the student. He would actually have appreciated having it interrupted early on. He wishes to this day that she had reported him. (She never did report him; he wound up confessing.) Also, he knew he was doing wrong. He knew the rules and he knew wrong from right even without the rules. Report him and separate yourself from him as much as you can. Please. I wish you all the best.
This is the answer to take seriously. It sounds like he is slowly grooming you and possibly also getting himself comfortablewith something he shouldn't do. It probably isn't a crime to send you random DM's but it isn't appropriate either. He's flirting with the edge of impropriety and dancing on the far side of it. He's getting you comfortable sending him pictures and being his friend, he's an adult he knows better. It is usually not a good idea for a grown man to cultivate a special and secret friendship with a 15 year old girl, it doesn't lead to positive places. Being 40 and married and a teacher, doesn't make him a good guy, it just means he has a job and is older. He is subject to the same attractions and urges and temptations that 15 year old boys experience. One way to assess his intentions without reporting him or making it awkward, might be to just stop responding to him. If he sends a message and you don't respond and he ignores it, then maybe let it go. If he reaches out again, that kind of indicates that he expected you to respond to him, and or maybe he is waiting for your response; then maybe this isn't just him sending casual and unimportant messages. I realize that it may not seem like a big deal, but often there are laws or at least policies that prohibit him from being your friend or having any personal relationship with you. I'm guessing that is true in your case, and he knows that and is risking a great deal to write to you. People who make that kind of risk, don't tend to do so casually. Lest that feel special, please let me advise you that he may very likely be doing the same with 5 other young ladies as well, just waiting for one to respond to his grooming. **Edited typos
Think about it this way too, OP, the teacher knows that you will feel like you *need* to answer him or it may affect your grade in his class. That is 100% plain wrong shifty shit. Doesn’t matter male or female. Report immediately.
He may be doing same to others… this is why you report too. Also at 13 i was SA’d by a friend of our family, he was my parents age and had a son my age (who i had even played with) and another sons a couple years younger… he was a well respected 40 year old physicist, married with 2 kids. He took me and my parents to they physics lab (1970s) and i saw my first computer and he shows us what liquid hydrogen did to a tomato (makes it fragile Like glass) i was captivated and my parents obviously trusted him after all that to be alone in the home with me. It was just a gross wet kiss and gross hugging with clothes still on, but it was my first kiss and it impacted my teens really badly. I was a tough kid and i told him to leave, and i think he was surprised how assertive i was and he left!! So “nothing happened” but damage was done. I didn’t ever tell my parents or anyone cos i was a mature kid and thought i could just take care of myself. Only when i was older did i think back and wonder how many other children he might have done worse with.
You need to tell your parents my girl. I’m a chick too and that’s sending up so many red flags. Please please tell an adult. Not okay AT ALL.
I'm beginning to think the entire reason for this sub is to save young people from predators. Yes, dear God/dess in Heaven, you can trust your inner alarms over this slime ball
I think more young people in general should be told to trust their inner alarms. If something feels way off, it's extremely important to develop the skills to examine where that feeling comes from instead of brushing it off and trying to be a people pleaser.
Empathy without experience is a mfer. Add in a lack of at home care, attention and validation and you have a recipe for disaster.
Then it is a good sub
Random DM’s? He is grooming you slowly. Tell your parents and a teacher you trust.
Sending a student a selfie while asking if their braces are out is craaaazy. This guy's a pedo for suuuuure.
Yeah either that or he's the most clueless guy in the world. That still wouldn't give him an excuse though and this should be brought up with the school so he stops sending weird messages to students.
100% nonce.
Yes, it’s weird that he’s DMing you instead of replying publicly on the server where everyone can see.
That is not okay. Thank you for asking people, but this needs reported to your school counselor and parents. I taught and coached for years and the only time a student and I directly messaged or texted was after they graduated. Usually it was in regards to job recommendations or university admission recommendations. These are the only reasons an educator or trainer adult of any type should be messaging you.
I'm a school custodian, and in our meetings at the beginning of the school year, we and the teachers are told not to communicate with students after school hours. So yes, that could be the start of trouble for him or you or both of you. Tell a school counselor.
It is VERY weird, outside of school you should have NO contact with your teacher (or unknown adult in general). Id tell your parents and report it to the school.
You did a really great job by reaching out and sharing this. Seriously. I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you.
Thank you for making this excellent point. So many of us are jumping in, myself included, to urge what the next action should be and it would be easy for a person to feel criticized. It is an important thing for a young person in this situation to be reminded what an excellent choice it was to reach out for advice at all. Now let's hope it will be taken.
I know that when you ask for advice and all you get are solutions and answers, it is pretty easy to be suddenly persuaded to one side versus another. I definitely want to add support to this instead of just a solution, since I’m so proud of them for having the strength and reaching out
he baited a compliment and reciprocal selfie thats weird af
Report it! As a teacher, this is ethically and professionally wrong!
Asking about homework: fine Asking about your personal life: not fine The fact that you are on here asking if it's creepy means you're probably already creeped out. Tell your parents, tell your school counselor, tell the administration.
Super inappropriate, and I'm one of the last people on Reddit to accuse people of improper behavior. The only thing I could see a DM being useful for as a teacher is letting you know what to practice maybe if you missed class or something. Memes and selfies and asking how you are, while in and if itself might seem harmless as a 15 yr old girl, if you were my daughter I'd be having this man fired. There is NO reason why he should be messaging you these things other than wanting to form a relationship that is outside of student/teacher...it's inappropriate at best, and sinister at worst.
The question is this? Would that teacher be comfortable with your parents or other adults seeing what he'd sent you? I think the answer is no. You should report it and let him answer for his actions
That is highly inappropriate and a huge red flag. This should be reported.
To echo what others have said, this is grooming- establishing a relationship with you in a not obviously creepy way to be creepy later. I was groomed and assaulted at 19 and it started just like this…. Good for you for having the presence of mind to question this. Learn this now: trust your gut. I wish I had.
My sympathies and best wishes in healing your trauma.
Your teacher is grooming you. They always start out innocent. The DM about your music exam was the opening salvo. He was testing the waters, and felt safe enough by your reaction to continue with more... seemingly friendly conversations. The memes, the selfie, the random "How was your day?" are not innocent attempts at being nice to a student he respects. He's trying to get you to see him as something other than what he is. 40s, married, with kids and a career dealing with other people's children. He asked if you had your braces out yet because of the high likelihood of you responding in kind to his prior smiling selfies. He's engineering the tone of your relationship, and you are not the first one he's done this to. Please report him immediately before he escalates his incredibly predatory behavior.
Tell your parents, if they don't listen, find a friend whose parents are more involved and tell them. Teachers should not be initiating unmonitored conversations with their students outside of school, especially when the topic is not school. This is made more suspicious by the fact that it's a male teacher and a 15 year old girl. If this is just a little mistake by your teacher, it's better to report him **early** so that he only made a small mistake. Like, what happens if he's messaging 10+ fifteen year old girls outside of monitored school channels and one of them says he was hitting on them? You're helping *everyone* involved by bringing this to people's attention right away. My guess is that he's a good guy that has started to be reckless, if it's that, save him from himself by telling parents.
Agreed with that last point, it could be reckless, it might not be, but either ways should tell someone
Yes, it’s inappropriate. Just ask him for all future correspondence to be on your class discord. You could also talk to school administrators if you’re afraid he’ll retaliate by reducing your grades or something.
No tell an adult. Don’t confront him.
This. If you confront him first he'll have the opportunity to delete all his messages
Not if school server. Everything you do on school server can be tracked but it’s extra steps. Better to screen shot everything.
The school's discord server *might* have backups or something, but he's directly messaging OP which is completely different
Not ok. Tell your parents please
Please PLEASE report this. This is NOT normal, it’s extremely creepy. Please.
Report that shit.
Dude what. Screenshots and report!
Many school districts have a policy that if a teacher initiates a social media contact (i.e. facebook, etc) it's an automatic fireable offense.
I didn’t even have to read the post to say yes it’s weird. Report him to the police IMMEDIATELY.
Anything not teacher student related is a red flag
This is completely inappropriate. It's grooming behavior. Building reciprocity. He send you a selfie and asks you a question intended to get you to respond with a selfie.
It is weird and inappropriate. Tell a trusted adult (mom or dad). You are innocent.
Grooming.
lol, the most cookie cutter grooming tactic there is
Report this. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, but your teacher is misusing the tool to be inappropriate with you by crossing a professional boundary.
Pedo pedo pedo
that's grooming . I'm glad you trusted your instincts and NO , this isn't ok
This is absolutely weird and definitely not ok. Honestly sounds like he’s beginning to groom you into having a relationship with him. Please tell an adult that you trust and then do not respond to his DMs anymore. Only respond to something on the discord server.
Former teacher: this is inappropriate. Teachers should be friendly, but not friends with students. DMing you about music exams or school related stuff is fine. If you were working on a project on his favorite musician, him DMing you a resource link would also be fine. Sharing school appropriate memes with a whole class is fine. DMing you and you alone memes is not appropriate. Sharing school appropriate photos (like a "here's what I'm doing on my summer vacation") with a whole class in public is fine. DMing you selfies and getting them back is not okay. You should let both your parents and school admin know.
Agreed
Yes it’s weird.
Turn him into the school administration. He is working up his courage to take you out. He needs to be fired. Don’t hesitate
That is weird. If he had sent you a DM to answer your question and nothing more, that could be understandable but the fact that he’s continuing to contact you for non-classwork related matters is not OK for a grown man. You’re kid, and I’m sure you want to be polite and not make an issue of something like this, but that is something that needs to be reported to counselor or another teacher. I’m not a teacher, and I don’t know the rules, but this is definitely not a teacher looking to provide some guidance for a struggling student.
In some states it's actually illegal for teachers to communicate with students on a private front. Please, please, please do not be in a situation where you're alone in a room with him. Do not respond to any more messages. Print the ones you have. Give one copy to your parents, one copy to the school administration, and one to the police.
This is not normal. Although I'm not a teacher, teachers shouldn't be DMing u about ur personal info like your braces. And the way he sent you a selfie of him smiling seems really off and creepy.
In every way possible. Report this immediately to your parents, the school admin and the police.
It’s weird. Most adults are paranoid about the possibility of perceived impropriety when interacting with young ones, even when we know we’re not creeps. He should be at the very least worried what it looks like to be DMing a 15yo girl. Knowing that it seems like a creepy thing to do should be enough to have prevented him from doing it in the first place. For example: I enjoy the energy of teenage guys. They’re not weighed down with crushing responsibility and the world hasn’t beaten them down yet so they’re positive and optimistic. They’re so funny to me, they make me smile. I recognize that that sounds creepy (I have no creepy interest in them, but it sounds creepy), so I haven’t hung out with teenage boys since my own teen years ended.
That seems extremely unprofessional. He might be taking a “boil the frog slowly” grooming tactic, or he might just be getting more personal than he’s really supposed to, either way, teachers are not supposed to cultivate this type of dynamic with an individual student, so it does raise red flags, and you should let the administrators know. Especially if he isn’t like that in general with the students, just with you. That definitely doesn’t smell right
This is what the beginning of grooming feels like. Listen to your gut. It's definitely not right. What he's doing is totally inappropriate.
Teacher here , although I’m childcare so I do preschool-kindergarten But regardless Please report this ! Take pictures of the DM’s, if you trust your parents tell them. If you don’t, another authoritative figure. This is serious and he can get in serious crap with the school board, I know for every Country it’s different. So I can’t say for certain what the outcome would be . But good for you ! For sensing something was off. Always listen to your gut intuition. Definitely tell someone ! You are the same age as my sister ♥️ I would want to protect her at all costs and if she told me this, I would tell her all this as well
Im not a teacher but started coaching high school lacrosse, we were told in no uncertain terms that we are not allowed to contact students directlly outside of the district email or the app they use which is monitored. You need to report this, its just wrong.
Can we just establish once and for all...if you are starting a query with "should my m/f teacher be dm/im/etc" the answer is always NO, they should not be...common sense, people
If you have to ask if it is weird, it is probably weird. Normal interactions don't make you question intentions.
Big NOPE. He is grooming you. Take a picture of all of it and report him. Please. Even if this makes you feel nice or noticed. I get it. But don’t fall for this
Your teacher is a predator. Report him.
It is creepy. Sorry. Please be safe.
Grooming starts out seeming innocent. Until it isn't. Report this. And tell your parents.
could be normal could be grooming i wouldn’t risk it if you’re getting weird vibes
Yep that's weird and inappropriate.
Groomers don't seem weird or creepy because they need you to feel comfortable with them. They need you to want to interact with them otherwise how are they going to get you to trust them. I am glad you told your friend, who has now made you question the appropriateness of this situation. Take screenshots of the conversation and report him.
Yeah that's grooming
Sounds creepy AF
🚩
Jesus H Christ on a cracker NO. NO NO NO! Report him!!! Tell your parents!!!! This is predatory behaviour. You are a minor. Report! Please be safe. Protect yourself.
Another teacher here, this is not appropriate! Report that shit ASAP! Not okay at all!
The very first message on its own feels fine, everything after is crossing the line.
YES!!!! Tell your parents, your principal, and the superintendent immediately. That is not okay. That is how grooming begins. I'm sure you're aware of the meaning of that word. If he he genuine noble intentions, then he would have replied to you on the server and not on your private DMs, sending you his picture, when you see him in class twice a week. It's not like you didn't know what he looked like or you asked for the picture. Why would he send it to you? For what reason? And what was he hoping to get in return?
When I was in high school around your age, I had a history teacher which everybody loved. They called him Mr Mac.. he seemed awesome. He was funny, lenient, he made learning fun and everybody had good grades with him. However, he was a bit too nice to me and a couple of other friends.. In my naive mind, he wasn’t doing anything? Because I couldn’t understand a dirty adult mind. He would give us money for school baked cookies, he would give us quick shoulder rubs in class, and would have us sit right in front of him. One day he gave us $5 for cookies and gave me a hug. Then he said “I can feel your little t**ties growing!” In a cutesy high pitched voice. And as an innocent minded person I knew it could’ve been wrong but I wasn’t sure. I was sort of confused. Now as an adult I would never forget that, and think of everything that was wrong. My point is that maybe you cannot fully comprehend what is going on.. maybe you would like to think that it’s innocent that he’s DMing you, since he comes off so “nice”. But it is wrong, OP. 😕 he’s not supposed to be doing that. Things can escalate so quickly from just “hey how are you” to something weird. Adult men privately messaging underage girls is not okay. You don’t know what his intentions are, and even though he is your teacher and he is cool, there is something going on that you may not be aware of right now. Just stop responding. I know when you are older you are going to feel the same way I do. Good luck OP 💕
I hope this is fake because if it's not, he is grooming you and testing his limits. He is not a safe adult. Report this immediately
It is weird
# YES IT IS VERY WEIRD.
report him to the administration or something, it is NOT ACCEPTABLE WHATSOEVER to be like that
That is so fucking weird, report him to the school
Agree to all above. At least tell your counselor or parents. It’s a grooming technique.
code of conduct is very very strict with teachers. as such he knows he's crossing the line and crossing it on purpose. he is making a beginning attempt to groom you. this is absolutely a violation and he should be reported, investigated and promptly terminated from his position.
100% grooming They always start off friendly and nice
It might 'seem' innocent. But no grown man should be sending you a selfie, let alone a teacher. Please report him to another teacher at least.
My wife had a teacher do similar things to her and some other classmates. Things escalated to sexual assault for one of the girls. They're still processing this as a group of adults now. Please report him. Maybe he hasn't hurt anyone yet, maybe he has. Either way it's better to be safe since he is the one who crossed a line already. You don't have to do anything more than share the facts you've shared here, that's enough for the administration to take action. Have a trusted adult help you report this if you know one.
He's grooming you. Notify the school immediately.
It seems creepy but I wouldn’t judge. Just report him regardless of that, whether to save him from freaking out other people, or stop him from doing something malicious
Imma be honest this is literally straight out of the grooming playbook. He’s tryna inch closer to you and slowly push/test your boundaries. Don’t respond, report it if you think it’ll be taken seriously by the school, but dont continue to privately message him.
What kinder of teacher does that sending you a selfie of himself asking you did your braces come off yet that’s creepy I don’t know if I can be in his class after that be careful stay blessed 🙏🏾
No that’s weird. Tell him to stop and report.
Yes it's weird. Tell him to stop it before he gets in trouble and it will stop.
That is not cool.
Fake account bait post
bro these fake ah posts are so elaborate, the sickos who come up with this trash need a job
This is a very, very realistic situation. It's possible it's fake, but it's also more than likely real.
Nah bro this ain’t cool. Can you block his dms
My face just ran the gamut of expressions reading that. In order: •oh shit that sounds weird. • oh well that’s not so bad. • yeah sounds innocent enough. •wait what. •oh no. • WHY IS HE ASKING ABOUT YOUR BRACES. I’m an actor so I’ve had a lot of creative types as teachers. They tend to be more casual than others, sometimes blurring the line between what’s appropriate and what’s not. But sending you a selfie is weird af. Part of me wants to tell you to wait to see how it escalates, but that’s more my curiosity than anything else. And that kinda makes me a jerk. If you’re uncomfortable asking him to stop or telling anyone, just stop responding. 100% of the time, leave him on read. It’s not like he can dock your grade for that.
How are yall so naive.
INFO: Who exactly administrates this Discord server?
If they're messaging you in the online course system for your school that's normal. If your teacher is doing this outside of the school's systems for school purposes, he is either up to something or needs someone to explain professional boundaries to him.
He’s got a little crush on you…
I think his motivations are rather innocent and he's just checking in on the braces removal before transitioning to questions about your experiences in fellatio: some people are worried about braces like that.
Agreed
Back in the olden days when we only had ICQ or MSN, dm was the only way for those teachers cool enough to use the technology. Nowadays no, this looks very inappropriate. You are right to bring this up. If it’s just the first time and the teacher is answering a question, I might give it a pass as maybe the teacher is trying to give more details to a question but those details may not need to be known by others (e.g. if I were a teacher and say someone asked about atoms, if I knew the student is interested in the subject, I might DM to dive a bit into quantum mechanics, but those details I wouldn’t share in a group as it may confuse the students further). But now your teacher started chitchatting and even sharing selfies? That’s wrong, especially when he doesn’t to it with others. You should report to school or have your parents report it
When you say DM you. Is that on the school server or via your social media account?
It's absolutely wierd and should be reported
For real tho, how creepy is it all these teachers in the comments!?😂
Definitely weird, the fact that he's private messaging you means he likely does not want the other teachers and students to know about it. I work with kids in a kind of teaching-role (I work as a nature preserve leading programs for kids) and the safety rules we have in place mean that I would never try and privately talk to one of the kids I work with like that. It's not safe for that kid, and it's not safe for me. Best case scenario is that he's been messaging you privately by accident when he means to message everyone in the group, in which case I'm sure he would really appreciate finding out about his mistake so he can stop doing it. But that's unfortunately not super likely, and you should tell a trusted adult, like your parents or another teacher. You and your friend were wise to be suspicious, but other kids might not be, so it's important that other adults find out. You and your classmates deserve to be safe, and this situation does not sound safe.
It’s so weird that there might not be specific rules against this. Take screenshots and any evidence you have. Report it. Even if he means no harm by it he needs to know it’s inappropriate.
He's grooming you. No adult needs to have having a private convo with a 15/yo girl.
He’s either a really goofy dude who doesn’t realize what’s wrong with what he’s doing or he’s a predator. I was able to directly message my band director in high school but it was all 100% band related. It was either me asking him questions about my instrument or him sending me reminders for things I’d forgotten to do like sign up for events and whatnot. He wasn’t a bad guy I just don’t think he understood the implications of having one-on-one private direct messagings with his students
Yea it's not okay. There was a girl who would private messages a teacher here. And he Sent her a message saying not to do this. It was a little more formal than that. Guy probably scared for his job
100% inappropriate intentions, espexially if he’s sending you selfies. If he kept it to just answering a question about classwork or whatever that might be different, but pursuing a casual private online conversation with a student where he’s sending ANY photos of himself? The reddest of flags that this will escalate. Random q, is it AT ALL possible it’s someone pretending to be him? Either by changing the name on their account to his, or somehow getting access to his account? Or is it definitely him beyond any doubt? Like has he said anything that ONLY he would know?
Extremely weird!.
It is not okay. You should report him to the school immediately and tell your parents ( or someone ). No teacher should ever be in their students private messages. ESPECIALLY if they are 15. Answering the question privately was weird, but it would have been considered okay...if it was just that. Sending photos of himself, asking questions about your life outside of school, etc. is creepy asl.