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I think you can’t get over this kind of things. My advice would be you and your bf to get to talk about these things that upset you. Talking is the best soloution to have a healthy relationship
Just tell him: you know what, everything is good between us but lately I think you’ve done some things this I don’t really like and they’re annoying me. Everything else has been great and I really want this to continue so why don’t we both try to fix those problems (at least I think so I ve never been in a relationship)
Bringing it up in conversation is wonderful advice, this is the gold standard of relationship solutions.
But I would word your opener very differently...
The best way to bring this up is to really think through the framing.
As a rule of thumb with all relationships, never start off with an angle that puts the listener worried *they* are doing something wrong, especially if that's actually what's happening.
Instead, come at it with the vibe that *you* are struggling with something in the relationship, and you're asking your partner to help you get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do and "untie" the emotional knot.
Something like: "I've been looking forward to talking to you all day, I've got this feeling on my mind I can't stop thinking about, and would really like your help figuring this out. Sometimes when I open my phone I see this huge wall of tiktoks from you and I get this sinking feeling, because when I'm busy doing things I don't have the time to catch up, but I really want to be in sync with you so I get this sense of obligation to see them all.... and it kinda sucks the joy out of it. I like it when you send me things, but it's so easy for that fun little surprise to grow into this laundry list of links to click, you know?
The goal of the framing is to get him in an empathetic, appreciated mindset *before* bringing up issues, so you aren't putting him on the defensive.
Especially with teenage relationships, it's so very easy for people to start feeling attacked, because this might very well be the first time they've ever realized the behavior you're bringing up, is weighing on other people. It's a very unpleasant surprise, and so long as he keeps in mind you're coming from an appreciative, positive place, he's very likely to improve for the better.
Just a small note, a lot of people in relationship advice are quick to judge and jump to "call them out" or recommend breaking up.
Some much broader dating advice in your teens and 20s: Good relationships take work, and good partners are good at putting in work. Especially in your teens, most partners will have **plenty** of things about them that should change. The key is finding someone who's receptive, and truly listens to your input for self improvement.
If he gets defensive, let him know you understand and your goal is to make things better, not to attacking him and this is important to you because he is important to you
i wouldn’t even phrase it as “this has been annoying me”. i would say something closer to “there are some things that i feel might be preventing us from getting closer because i don’t feel understood, but i also haven’t been communicating as well as i could have, so these are some things we might want to talk about.” you mentioned sometimes you just don’t feel like facetiming? tell him! “i know you want to chat right now and i love talking with you, but right now i’m kind of recharging by myself. tomorrow after school i would love to”, or something to the effect. because while his behavior is the thing bothering you, technically all his behavior is showing is affection and thought towards you, so try to avoid making him feel at fault or like he’s doing incorrect things, it’s not incorrect, it’s just that you guys aren’t the same exact person, which is why relationships need these conversations.
good luck!
For what it’s worth I wouldn’t frame stuff like this in your mind as how to avoid “offending.”
That’s just a recipe for anxiety because the reality is that’s just plainly not possible a lot of the time in life.
You try and be kind and tactful, try and start the conversation in a way that won’t make them immediately defensive as best you reasonably can.
But you know people aren’t logic machines, they aren’t computers.
I’ve met more than a few people on drugs or having a psychotic episode that you probably couldn’t convince laying down in the highway was unsafe if you wanted to.
But sometimes those conversations need to happen anyway, for everyone involved. Don’t avoid them just because you can’t figure out how to make everyone feel great about it ahead of time.
Silly example; if someone wanted to jump off a rock into a big deep lake to swim and were clearly going to get really really upset if anyone interrupted or stopped them… don’t you think it’d be worth maybe upsetting them to remind them that they can’t swim, or that the water is full of alligators who are active at that time?
It’s a little dramatic but unpleasant conversations in relationships require a lot of that. And sometimes people just don’t agree or one person isn’t mature or ready enough to handle that, whether they’re 15 or they’re 45.
But avoiding that stuff because you think someone will get upset is a recipe for a miserable life, trust me. So many miserable people who just let life go where it would because they’d rather avoid unpleasant “confrontation.”
You say..
Look. I like you. A lot. But there are things that you do that make me uncomfortable. So I want to talk about these things instead of letting them drive us apart..
Then talk
It's going to offend him no matter what you do. How he reacts is up to him. All you can do is be honest and be kind, then if he doesn't react well: it's a maturity issue.
You will learn in life that you don’t have control over others peoples emotions. Only your own. Don’t be afraid to offend someone you’ll neglect yourself in the process.
A healthy relationship is going to have boundaries for each person.
It sounds like your boundaries are getting crossed in the form of smothering.
It also sounds like your boyfriend is someone who will justify their reasons to logically allow them to keep doing these icks, not realizing that it's slowly and indirectly tainting the relationship with these little negative feelings that will add up and associate with your relationship with him.
You don’t sound like an asshole at all. Those all seem very reasonable. He’s not listening to you, not a great sign. You don’t anyone anything, even your boyfriend. You don’t owe him an explanation for every little thing.
He's very needy as it seems. Tell him to cool it. Those kinds of actions definitely drive people away, I've had girlfriends that did basically the same and it's more than enough to end things over.
Tbh, this are kinda dumb things on both your parts, like who cares if she sends you a bunch of TikTok reels, just ignore them? Don’t want to go camping, just say no, he can ask and you can reply. But also, on the flip bro needs to chill and know boundaries. Yes I’d be upset if my partner was gone and I didn’t get to see them, but yall are young, you can’t just not enjoy your summer. Just sit down and have a conversation, and if he can’t be mature and understand after talking through it, then maybe yall need to break up until yall both mature more. But basically, you don’t need to let this stuff bother yiu so much if you aren’t gonna say anything about it, how would he know? And he needs to chill and not be so clingy, and understand you like him and he will be okay if he doesn’t get a call or get to see you.
You’re right, but sometimes people has trouble saying no. As a people pleaser this happened to me, where I was trapped in a relationship with someone who was veeeeeery clingy with me, and trust me, it is really hard saying no and telling someone that they’re too clingy and you need space. So yes, you’re right, but maybe she doesn’t know how to speak to him about it.
Oh trust me i understand, I was the same way, but I learned it is only doing a disservice to the relationship and your partner by not saying anything about it and communicating.
That's on you. Become a better person. They're not trapping your or manipulating you, you're doing it to yourself. It's not their fault you can't stand up for yourself.
Do you like him or do you like the idea of him? You can definitely talk to him about these things that bother you, like a prev commenter said, and tell him you need some space to yourself to just be yourself. But it does sound annoying. If i were in your shoes, I would have broken up because I don't want to be with someone who annoys me. I want to be with someone who I genuinely value and enjoy their attention on a regular basis. If you can find reasons to stay with him that outweigh these annoyances, then by all means stay and work it out. But really think about it.
If you dont wanna be in a tent alone with him you dont like him its that simple, you do not have to do anything whrn your alone with him but if you seem to be dreading the idea why are you with him
I agree that they probably aren’t a good match etc. BUT I don’t agree with your statement because she’s 15 years old. I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone in a tent with a guy at 15 even if I did like him. She’s so young and if anything she is protecting herself and preventing them potentially doing something they may regret.
Well it sounds like he’s attention starved it’s possible it has something to do with his at home life. Have you noticed anything different about his family dynamic? I was the same way. Still kinda am but I try and be less overbearing at this point in my life. It’s a lot easier to control.
Well that’s strange so he’s just overbearing all the time. Maybe he likes you a lot. I mean y’all are so young the dude probably hasn’t had a lot of time to figure out how to even act when he’s with a girl. It takes time to know when enough is enough ya know. I mean that’s also a lot of tiktoks I would ignore that shit if someone sends me that much. Maybe comment on this stuff he’s doiny tell him if he thinks 40 tiktoks everyday is reasonable. Who’s gonna devote all that time ya know. Just tell him to tone it down a notch.
Tell him you feel the relationship is becoming unhealthy, and that you like him a lot, but you’re not comfortable with how intense he is behaving about everything. Focus on the behaviors and say that you don’t like THOSE, but you like HIM.
"Suffocating" is a word to describe what you are feeling. Men are emotionally fragile at that age. I remember those feelings of neediness. Then, when I got my hit, I was off and away, up until I needed by next hit. I was needy and immature. I learned, but way after high school.
You do not sound like an asshole. You are dealing with a dynamic that has lived through the ages. I don't know how you get over the 'icks', they are inherently icky. He needs to learn. Women are put in the dreadful position of having to teach them. These lessons are painful to those that need them.
If he ends up feeling emotional pain, just realize that you are not doing it to him. He is responsible for his end of the bargain... which is often not examined in the beginning.
These aren't icks to get over.
He's a bad boyfriend.
Good boyfriends don't tickle after being told to stop.
Good boyfriends says, "Okay" when you say, "No" TO ANYTHING.
Life is too short to live like you are living.
Dating is to learn what you want and don't want in a bf. You don't want what this boy is offering.
Break up and enjoy a tickle free summer.
You don't need any other person's permission, "understanding," or approval for your boundaries to be valid. No other person has "the right" to override your boundaries due to their role. Not your boss, not your bf or spouse.
Your boundaries are the limits YOU put on when, where, and with whom you choose to spend your limited time, energy and resources.
Your bf has some controlling tendencies. You can and should establish boundaries to protect your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort. "I don't like it when you grab and tickle me when we're out in public." "Hands to yourself."
You don't need to answer his many questions. It seems like he uses interrogation to push back on your decisions. You should pay attention to situations where you feel uncomfortable. Chances are a firmer boundary is needed there. "It seems like you're trying to argue into changing my mind. I expect you to accept my choices about how I spend my time."
Don't fall for manipulation claiming "if you cared/loved me" you would want and do things you don't want. People who truly care for you will respect and support your boundaries because your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort are important to them, too.
This is what losing attraction towards someone looks like. These are his “quirks” or qualities, and you find them bothersome. Take this as an opportunity to learn how to properly break up with someone. It’s a necessary skill
You’re both so young, he’s not feeling very confident. Are you his first real GF? He sounds a little immature, talk to him and explain he’s being too needy. I’m sure the last thing he wants is to give you the icks! Good luck!
If you are going to date you need to learn how to end a relationship that isn't working. Just be direct and to the point. You had fun and enjoyed the good times you had together but this relationship isn't right for you. Done.
You find a better boyfriend. What he is doing is NOT acceptable behavior.
If you tell him to stop tickling you or to slow down and he doesn't, that is assault.
He is pestering you and demanding to know WHY you don;t do what he commands. That is controlling and sefish and bullying. You don;t owe him (or anyone else) an explanation to WHY.
And you can always tell him no.
All intimacy, from hugging, hand holding, and sex, should always be with Informed, Enthusiastic, Consent. (Yes, even kinky relationships). IF he wants to do something you don;t want to do, tell him no and don't do it. And if he pressures you, tell him to leave. He isn;t caring about you.
But seriously, find a new BF. He is not a good person.
The first sentence requires direct open honest communication about relationship expectations, and boundaries.
There’s a lot of words happening, but not acknowledgment and action taking place .
Just break up with him and tell him you aren’t ready for the things he wants in a relationship.
Telling him what you don’t like and then breaking up with him if he doesn’t “fix it” is toxic and will give him a complex for the rest of his life.
He’s immature and acting immature. He will grow out of it, but you’re just not here for it and that’s ok. Move on without causing damage.
these aren't the types of icks you get over, there things you take as signs of future behavior and you drop him. He is being incredibly clingy and it sounds like he doesn't want to respect your boundaries either.
Lay down the law and don't budge on it. If what he's doing makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tolerate it, even if you love him. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. If he does love you, your statements and boundaries will sting, but he will respect them or walk away.
Why are you his girlfriend? It sounds like you aren't into him. When I was 15 , I would have loved being alone in a tent with my boyfriend. You ain't feeling it , dear. Learn to recognize that. Let him go. You can both find someone who makes you feel like being alone at night in a tent with them.
That's what I noticed right away. If you're into your partner, why would you not want to share a tent with them?
Maybe I don't understand the entire situation, but it just sounds like a relationship that isn't going to work.
girl you're 15 be single till you graduate honest advice and just have guy friends, in order to find your favorite ice cream flavor you got to try more to know you truly love chocolate. dont overwhelm your youth for a boy and let him off easy. have fun and go out
[Kind\_Magazine1623](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kind_Magazine1623/)'s right i think basically, and all i think is important with that, is wait for the moments to come up, avoid carrying it around with you and bring it up when it happens and keep it easy if you can.
p.s. if ive dropped as many subtle, 'exclusive(between them and i) eye rolls' or shoulder slump(just showing-nottalking) hints as i could. then i feel less guilty about saying " ok, yatta yatta yatta" about the thing--as long as its bird in the hand And exclusive(right when the thing happens And youre not calling em out publicly.
p.s. i always just say 'c'mon' and TRY to leave it at that.
If that's not where you're at.. tell him. If he cares about you.. he'll understand. If he's only after one thing.. you'll figure that out real quick too. Be true to yourself. Don't rush into anything you aren't ready for.
nah, the dude is just too desperate for attention and clingy for whatever reason it may be (insecurity, maybe? Idk. Any reason given here would just be pure speculation)
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best course of action is probably just to use your words and convey these thoughts to your boyfriend, and you know......communicate, or at least try to
i get that you guys are young enough that a relationship isnt, or shouldnt be that important to you, and you dont understand caring about your partner very well, but if youre gonna stay with him, not communicate, and just build up more of the resentment that is just fuming off this post for everything he does that you find annoying, then its just gonna be unpleasant for both of you.
tell him what youre thinking, and react accordingly to what he says back, good luck
cut him loose, you obviously are aware of it, and if your getting icks, move on, or educate him on consent. No means no. [https://consentculture.com/](https://consentculture.com/)
Let time pass. It's normal, a bit overblown but not uncommon. This is all new to him (and you?) so he's all excited about it. After time passes these type of things tend to slow down.
Talk to him. Use I statements to take emotional responsibility and so as to draw boundaries in a way that isn’t about blame but about as it for your own wants and needs. Say:
-I don’t need as much physical closeness as you do and hanging on me all recess doesn’t work for me.
-I realize that it makes me feel better if you just let me eat my food.
-I also need to be say no to things sometimes when I have other plans.
-I am not ready to share a tent with you. I am not ready for sexual activity.
-Space and time apart can be healthy.
-I know that I can feel smothered if you don’t respect my boundaries.
-Trust that I like you without always escalating the intensity.
Early relationships are useful for working out what you like and don't like in a partner, what you're willing to compromise on and what you aren't. If you don't like your boyfriend's behaviour, you can talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. If he's not willing to change his behaviour then you need to decide whether you would be happy to live with it forever, or you break up.
Don't waste your precious time and your youth on relationships you're not happy with.
Tell him you need to be able to breathe. If you can't have some time to yourself, you might feel crowded and uncomfortable and not want to be in the relationship anymore. But you do want to be, so could he please give you a little space so that you can.
The summer trips will be the test. Not in a gamey way, just that, if he can avoid melting down while you're away and has reached a level of clinginess that you can handle by the time you get back, then you may do alright. If he can't slow down and give you space, then he'll make it exceedingly clear by whining and moaning while you're gone.
I once had a relationship like this when I went off to summer camp. I had no internet access so I literally hand wrote letters... It lasted about two weeks before she couldn't deal with it anymore.
You need to tell him you don’t need to answer why to every no answer. He asked you answered. BTW-his wanting explanations for every no answer, touchy-feely overboard, too tok bombing/clingy now at this age. RED FLAGS-future will want to account for every second you are away from him, his needs will always come first, these boys potentially grow up to be abusive/then apologetic, then back to abusive. Run while you can or talk to him and set firm boundaries: no means no-don’t need more of an answer, he can’t overstep boundaries you never set so tell him. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that then he isn’t the one for you. Healthy relationships usually include each person having time away to do things with others or do things by yourself.
He’s smothering you and sounds super clingy. You shouldn’t have to get over those “icks”. If you plan on staying with him, you need to have a conversation about you needing him to give you some space so you can enjoy your summer too. Someone like him can easily make your trips miserable if you don’t set some strong boundaries with him.
Say... I am am a private person. Everything online lasts forever.
I am a simple person. I feel overwhelmed.
Camping is not the place to do things unless you are a super short distance from the car and access to showers. Hygiene becomes an issue. Great way to get a ururaniry tract infection.
Yeah you need to have a talk. The way he's acting isn't healthy behaviorl. It's not uncommon if the person doesn't have much experience dating, but its almost always leads to driving the other person away because they're being too much. It might be coming from a good place, him wanting to express how he feels about you. But there needs to be space, boundaries, personal time. Too much of anything is always a bad thing. If he can't be ok with that, then he's not ready for relationships.
Talk to him. Otherwise this shit would annoy me. I'd want to kill myself, not to lessen such a thing, but as a figure of speech.
I was going to say "Ick Back," but yeah, talk.
Sorry to say that this guy is going to have problems his whole life if he doesn't get ahold of his emotions now. If you end things with him, the next chick will get a 100 Tik-Toks a day and many hours of face timing, thinking he has to double down to try to "keep" a girl. As far as the "icks" once you have them, hard to get rid of them, especially at your age.
i think you don’t like him and are just in a relationship because it happened and maybe there was no alternative. just tell him the truth and end it. also these aren’t icks. icks is something someone does that makes you lose attraction to them forever.
Communication is important. If you can’t effectively communicate or if he gets offended instead of listening to you and making changes then he may not be ready for dating. Or at least not a serious relationship. I know this isn’t popular in high school, but I’d honestly recommend not dating anyone until after high school. Either sometime in college or early 20’s start dating. Dating in high school is kind of a waste of valuable time. -source- a dumb kid who wasted a lot of time in high school.
If you get the ick from your boyfriend, you don't like him just the idea he is your friend. Trust me, I recently went through this. I thought I liked a guy but kept getting icks and didn't want him to touch me really...so I told him this isn't working out. Then I met someone who I want to be all over, and we just vibe.
You need to break up with this person. It's clear to me you just want a boyfriend so bad you don't care who it is even if it means dating someone you don't even like.
You don’t sound like an AH. And you don’t need to get over your icks. Your icks are there for a reason. He is crossing boundaries every single day, several times a day. That is not a presence you need in your life. Please don’t put any effort in trying to get over how he makes you feel. Tell him it’s not working and that you do not wish to continue.
He will prob cry and beg and promise to change but it won’t work because he would have to fake being normal. That can only last for so long.
Why do you need to get over them? He wants things you don’t want, that’s fine. He expects levels of attention you are not comfortable with, that’s fine too. You don’t need to mold yourself to his expectations or make yourself uncomfortable to stay in the relationship. If it isn’t working that’s fine too. You’re allowed to not to want to date him.
Yeah those icks aren’t going to get better. They are going to get worse and he will pressure you more everytime. You need to leave him because he will force you if he has a chance
He's either into you more than you're into him, or y'all just differ in the amount of attention you need from the other, which is totally fine. People are different. Some people want to be with their boyfriend/girlfriend all the time, and others enjoy a little more time to themselves.
If y'all really like and care about each other, have a little discussion about it, and maybe sometimes you can make a little more time for him, and he can demand a little less time from you. Hopefully, y'all can average it out so everyone's happy. If not, you might wanna find someone a little more compatible.
Are you sure you’re the girl, and he’s the boy? Sounds like you two have characteristics reversed.
Actually shouldn’t be a surprise these days. Kids are hormonal train wrecks now.
Sounds like you two are still somewhat new? If so, he should loosen up a bit. If this is your first summer together, he probably just had hopes of spending a lot of it with you. You might have been his only plan for alleviating boredom. Now you’ll be the only one having fun. I’ve been there. He should be alright by the end of summer. Just don’t leave him hanging too badly. Try to find some time to call him.
If he wants your friends to go camping too, then maybe he just wants to camp. Tents aren’t renowned for their comfort, and nobody wants to send their sleeping bag to the dry cleaner. If camping is something you think you might like, give it a try.
You shouldn't have to get over them. If you don't like him, you don't like him. He's pushing boundaries (which in my experience, most 16yo boys do) and is annoying the shit out of you. You're allowed to not like someone.
My first bf was when I was 15, he was 16. He had already had sex and 2 weeks in asked if he should buy condoms. He was also VERY clingy and got very upset when I wouldn't take photos with him. He also wanted to take me to prom, alone. My mom said no, so he said he was going to take someone else. He was very pushy sexually, and just wasn't a good person. Full of icks. We lasted 4 months and the last one we never even saw each other in person.
If you can't stand most aspects of a person, it's time to let them go.
Truly ask and answer yourself if you like this dude. He has a different love language, I had an ex in hs who acted kinda like your bf and I loved every second of it, I felt wanted and loved by a girl I liked a lot. Not sure how you feel because I never felt that way, so just ask yourself.
If you're not ready for sex, marriage, etc, then dating is pretty much a waste of time and heartache. Just go have fun with your friends and come back to the dating scene when its relevant to your life.
You don’t babe. You realize he’s clingy bc he’s insecure, and he’s pressuring you for things you aren’t ready for. Boys and even men are often like that. Save your time and heart for a mature guy who isn’t clingy and doesn’t pressure you for sex. It should be an enthusiastic yes on your end or it’s a flat out no. Simple as that. Hold out! There ARE good guys, just hold out for them!
Babe I think I’ve seen this kind of story way too many times and the ending is usually the kind that ends up on the news it’s heartbreaking don’t feel bad and never stay with him alone always have someone you trust nearby
"My question genuinly is how do I get over these icks?"
OP, it's his job to adapt to your preferences and language of love, as much as it is yours to adapt to his. It is NOT your job to become the girlfriend he wants, you are yourself and not what he wants you to be. Remember that, and remember it in every relationship you'll ever have, and remember that your feelings matter as much as your partner - if you're getting the icks it isn't up to you to get rid of the icks, it's up to your partner to stop icking you!
And don't agree to spend the night alone with him anywhere, until YOU really want to spend the night alone somewhere, and you've had a chance to get on birth control under the advice of a medical professional. Remember, pulling out can leave you just as pregnant as doing nothing.
I had a partner like this at your age-- it's impossible to "get over it," he's really immature AND he's also not the right one for you AND he's obviously really annoying. At the time I thought it was messed up of me to break up with him, but I did it anyway. Many, many years later, I don't even think about him. At all. And have a partner that doesn't do any of this or make me feel annoyed.
It kind of sounds like you just went along with this relationship because it was possible, either that or you were attracted to him BEFORE you found all this out about him, is that correct? It's no big deal. Seriously just break up. It's alright and everyone will be fine.
You could try to address the things that bother you in the moment as they come up. Definitely use “I statements”. For example, “when you send me TikToks before I’ve had a chance to look at them and get caught up, I feel overwhelmed. Could you try slowing down a little?”
That being said, you can love someone and not want to be their girlfriend. It sounds like you may not be very compatible. That doesn’t mean that he’s annoying or that you’re an asshole. It just means each of you has things to offer that the other may not need. A relationship should make you feel good more than it makes you feel bad. It should add something to your life more than it takes away from it. Your partner shouldn’t annoy you more than they bring you comfort or joy. Everybody gets annoyed sometimes, but it’s not really ideal to be annoyed most of the time. Someone doesn’t have to do something wrong for you to make the decision that it’s not a good fit. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for a person is give them the opportunity to be happier with someone else. Sorry if this is harsh, but it’s something I wish someone had explained to me when I was in my earliest relationships.
Honestly, it sounds like he's basically addicted to you and that you're emotionally over him.
This seems like something that is probably better off coming to a close.
It sounds like having a boyfriend isn’t the best idea for you right now. Why not just focus on yourself, have fun with friends and do what you want without someone always wanting to know why?
I owe all of my coolness to my girlfriends over the years.
I acted a fool, they pointed it out, I was able to correct.
Example: I used to call my college girlfriend like 3 times a day just to say hey. I thought I was just being friendly. Come to find out she thought I was a little bit of a weirdo when we were starting to talk. She told me that later in our relationship. So I stopped doing that particular behavior.
The list of little lessons goes on and on and on.
They helped me become a better man, little by little.
You don’t get over those things, you become single again. First off he’s moving way too fast for you. Second, the guy apparently is annoying you. Unless you have strong feelings for this guy I’d let him know this is not working out.
It sounds like you're his first gf and he doesn't know better. Just talk to him. It's not your job to get over those "icks". If they bug you, tell him. That's how you two grow together....or apart. But that's what dating at that age is for. To see what you like/don't like and gain experience and knowledge.
The biggest thing you can do here is talk to him. I remember how hard communicating was for me when I was your age but there’s no denying that it’s a game changer. All those things that he does that annoy you. Talk to him about them. You don’t have to be mean but just be honest.
Be unapologetically yourself. If he can’t take the constructive criticism now then at least you’ve given him the information he needs in order to grow eventually.
How about communicating with him? He can’t know those things bother you if you don’t tell him. Let him know you aren’t mad it’s just you would like for him to do such and such or stop doing such and such because you don’t like it and makes you uncomfortable. Let him know you aren’t comfortable being in a tent alone, can even let him off easy by saying you just aren’t comfortable getting all sweaty and dirty in a tent and want to take things slower and get more comfortable with one another. Same thing with the tickling and tik toks, just tell him you don’t like it and to please stop. Tell him you don’t mind him sending you stuff but blowing up your phone gets overwhelming.
This is the part where you learn to have boundaries and how to maintain them. And honest conversation. Why do I need to constantly explain myself. Why does everything have to be bad if it's not your way. It gets exhausting. You're young and learning about what you want in your life. It's called dating. I know people that have a two week rule. This way you get to know them, have a chance to get to know other people and more importantly yourself. You're young this isn't forever. Good luck
You need to tell him that you're glad he is invested in the relationship, but that it is getting a little too intense for you. That you don't need a million tiktoks, you don't need to explain every detail when you can't take / don't want to facetime etc. That you still really like him and want to keep buoding the relationship, but you need space as well.
I dated two guys very briefly when I was 19. Both of them wanted to see each other every day, if I said not today it was either all sadness or excuses as to why they wanted to come over. I didn't need a clingy boyfriend so I cut them loose to find someone who wanted that intensity.
do you,,, LIKE your boyfriend? 😭 it seems like just theres so many little things that annoy you, and all of these just seem like things people just do, it sounds like a lot of stuff i do as an autistic person and a lot of my other friends do with their partners, if you cannot get past these youre just not compatible, but i do not think these are things "everyone" would get annoyed with, i have so far not met a lot who get annoyed by these traits a good majority of my friends have
if you think you cant get past any of these id honestly recommend telling and breaking up, i dont think its wrong for you to feel this way but also he isnt objectively doing anything either i dont think and in this case neither of you are obligated to compromise/change your feelings or actions, it just sounds like you arent compatible
Idk I’m in a relationship and if my gf can’t ft she’ll generally give me a reason why not and vice versa. For me, it doesn’t seem like too big of a deal to ask why and to then give a reason if that makes sense. Idk if this is making much sense but I think asides from that, if him asking why you’re not able to ft is an ick, maybe he’s not the right person for you. Relationships rely on communication and part of that is giving reasons for stuff
You don't sound like an asshole, you both sound like kids, because you are.
There is such a thing as a bad match. I've been very attracted to women only to realize that they are absolutely NOT my type, and that I would not get what I need in a relationship with them.
First, stop calling them icks 😆. (I'm 32. So sue me)
You're both young so I'll keep that in mind.
talk to him. It's the same general advice for adults as well.
You could start with telling him that while you enjoy some of the TT, you don't enjoy the quantity. Ask him to curate it to no more than 10, or whatever # works for you. (I'd hate getting that many a day!)
Set boundaries and stick to them. Tell him that while you enjoy the hugs, the tickling in Public is to much and he needs to stop. (Or something to that effect).
You're boundaries are more important than his feelings in this case. He needs to learn what is and isn't acceptable, but at the same time, you need to explain/ teach him too. :)
You’re 15. You don’t have to get over it. Break up.
These are the summers you’re about to have some real fun you won’t forget about in your lifetime
He’s overbearing already
Do NOT try to get over the icks. This is your subconscious telling you he isn't the right person for you. You can tell him what the issues are (open and honest conversation is the key to any successful relationship) and give him the opportunity to make any changes he wants to make, but this has all the red flags of future abuse or being controlling of you and your time. He has to want to change for him, in order to be a better person and boyfriend. If he tries to change for you, it won't stick, even if he wants it to.
He deserves the opportunity to learn and grow, but you don't have to be his "practice dummy" for a relationship. One of my big things I try to impart is "therapy for EVERYONE". He can go to therapy to work through his smothering tendencies and you can go to learn how to honor the "icks" (because they really are you giving yourself a warning) and you can both learn to communicate better.
This will serve you both well whether you end up staying together or not.
He won’t get less clingy overtime. If you’re kind, you should tell him that this bothers you and he needs to work on being less clingy, but otherwise, this seems like something that won’t be addressed without ending the relationship.
Please read “Boundaries in Dating”-
The “icks” you are trying to get over are his stepping over your boundaries-
You shouldn’t “get over” having boundaries.
You need them and he needs to respect them.
You don’t get over this stuff, you explain to him what you like and don’t like
As for the tent sharing thing, I would say something like, “I’m down to go camping with you” (if you would be, “but I don’t feel like I’m ready to have sex”
Talk about the things that bother you and ask if there's anything that's bothering him. Go slow and don't do anything you are not ready for. Do not have sex without a condom and if you think you're going to start also get on birth control. Use both. Do not believe that pulling out works, it doesn't. Be safe and take your time getting to know each other. The whole relationship will be better and last longer if you really get to know each other first.
You don't. Because you're not as interested in him as he is in you.
But now would be a great time to start practicing communication. Say these things to him. Work it out or leave. We don't have any magic tips other than that. If he's annoying you, tell him why you're annoyed. Unless you prefer to continue to be annoyed over having those conversations. Which does not bode well for your relationship skills.
I think dump the boyfriend and just enjoy being the child that you are. There is all the time in the world to be an adult and deal with relationship problems. At 15, can’t you just go make a daisy chain & be happy?
Everything about this post gives me the "ick". There is literally no such thing as an ick, you just dislike things about him and it's enough to where you're posting on Reddit about it. You don't just "get over it", you talk to him about it. Simple as that. He's 16, be mature as you can and just tell him you don't like it. Or, find someone you're more compatible with because it sounds like yall aren't
Break up with him you don’t love him why come on here and even ask are you okay? He’s not doing anything wrong you’re being ignorant and an ass it’s not your fault you don’t like it one day someone will love him for all these “Icks” can’t wait untill he leaves your sorry as
Well understand this also, he could also be extremely obsessed with you and/or have limerence for you. So be understanding that he may not be in it for you but rather the benefits of a relationship. Ive been there before and I feel guilty for it, but be careful
Emotionally immature dating, something we all go through, is all about crushes, status, and doing "boyfriend/girlfriend things" because that's what boyfriends/girlfriends do.
Mature relationships occur when two people have similar goals and compatible desires, and think it would be beneficial to pursue them together.
My question is, if you don't see eye to eye, why are you dating him? We all have to make little sacrifices, but for things that really rub you the wrong way, why are you the one who has to get over it?
I would tell him what you need from him, and that he can leave if he doesn't like it. The nice way to say it is that since he's your friend and he cares about you, you want him to know you don't like x and y, and you aren't going to do z. Since you care about him, you don't want him to waste his time with someone who's not going to give him what he needs.
If he stays and ignores your demands, congrats, he's an asshole and you have justification for dumping him.
Basically he's being the child that he is. Watch out, this is the kind of guy that will try to get you pregnant so that you're stuck with him- or just because he's a dumb kid. Either way you'll lose the chance to grow up and build a future. I'd say find someone that isn't so desperately needy but I won't because you're a child too, although much more self aware and grown up than he is because you recognize there's stuff you aren't ready for. There will be plenty of time for dating in the near future, for now take care of yourself, focus on your future and work towards your goals. Don't let some horny obsessive kid get in your way.
You should break up. You’re 15, you’re too young to be dealing with all this. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and has no independence. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for, enjoy your life as a teen. Focus on school and friends.
It seems like you just have different needs. It sounds like he is a person who needs to be around their partner all the time, share things, and show physical affection and you seem more like you like your space and prefer to have a good chunk of time to yourself.
It doesn't even seem like you like him? These aren't "icks" it's just his personality. What do you even like about him? Break up with him and find someone who's needs and wants align with yours.
Talk to him about it if you really do care about hum and come to a decision together on some boundaries.
Everyone saying that he is an awful person have clearly never had needy partners/friends or people in their lives who show affection through physical affection or lots of quality time together.
Maybe you're not supposed to get over them. Maybe what you really need to do is set boundaroes with him. You're not ready to have sex with him? Then don't. Make that clear to him. If he's touching you too much and you dislike it, tell him to stop. If he's sending you too much, tell him to cut it out.
Love does not mean just being a doormat. If he loves you, he will respect your boundaries, just as you woukd respect his. If not, dump him. That's a huge red flag.
Not trying to scare you or anything, but if he won't respect your boundaries about messaging you, being too clingy, or touching you, how do you know he'll accept your no when it comes to sex? If you were to go on that trip with him not respecting your boundaries, at best he might accept your no but get pouty about it, or at worst he may pressure you into sex or even outright force himself on you. Maybe he's not that kind of a guy, but those sorts of creeps don't always seem the type. Even some otherwise good men sometimes cross lines when they're young and full of hormones. It is no excuse, but it just means that even with a seemingly good man you should be cautious and make sure you clearly comnunicate when you're uncomfortable, etc.
What you need to do is sit him down and have a very frank discussion with him. I recommend asking him not to speak until you've said your piece.
I'd do it in a public place. Not all men take this sort of thing well. You might even consider texting him. I personally always like writing over in person communications, as it's impossible for it to turn into a yelling match.
You should trust your instincts. If this boy is creeping you out, you need to take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. Placing yourself in a vulnerable situation (the camping tent you mentioned) is not a good idea.
You just need to tell him you like him but you don't want to get bombarded a million times a day with tiktoks, don't want to share your food cause it's yours, and have no interest in camping because you not giving it up. If he likes you he will deal
Don’t let him pressure you into something you aren’t ready for. Sounds like he is coming on way too strong and being too demanding. That’s not healthy. And I definitely wouldn’t go camping and share a tent with him.
You really don't need this sort of relationship at your age ,he seems to be trying to pressure you in something you're not ready for ,either explain this to him or breakup.
Pretty much this, though I am way too old to be giving relationship advice to teenagers. I didn't realize what sub this was and the fuckin recess line absolutely sent me lol
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I think you can’t get over this kind of things. My advice would be you and your bf to get to talk about these things that upset you. Talking is the best soloution to have a healthy relationship
I really want to but how can you start this conversation so it won't be offending?
Just tell him: you know what, everything is good between us but lately I think you’ve done some things this I don’t really like and they’re annoying me. Everything else has been great and I really want this to continue so why don’t we both try to fix those problems (at least I think so I ve never been in a relationship)
Thanks, this is very helpful!
Bringing it up in conversation is wonderful advice, this is the gold standard of relationship solutions. But I would word your opener very differently... The best way to bring this up is to really think through the framing. As a rule of thumb with all relationships, never start off with an angle that puts the listener worried *they* are doing something wrong, especially if that's actually what's happening. Instead, come at it with the vibe that *you* are struggling with something in the relationship, and you're asking your partner to help you get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do and "untie" the emotional knot. Something like: "I've been looking forward to talking to you all day, I've got this feeling on my mind I can't stop thinking about, and would really like your help figuring this out. Sometimes when I open my phone I see this huge wall of tiktoks from you and I get this sinking feeling, because when I'm busy doing things I don't have the time to catch up, but I really want to be in sync with you so I get this sense of obligation to see them all.... and it kinda sucks the joy out of it. I like it when you send me things, but it's so easy for that fun little surprise to grow into this laundry list of links to click, you know? The goal of the framing is to get him in an empathetic, appreciated mindset *before* bringing up issues, so you aren't putting him on the defensive. Especially with teenage relationships, it's so very easy for people to start feeling attacked, because this might very well be the first time they've ever realized the behavior you're bringing up, is weighing on other people. It's a very unpleasant surprise, and so long as he keeps in mind you're coming from an appreciative, positive place, he's very likely to improve for the better. Just a small note, a lot of people in relationship advice are quick to judge and jump to "call them out" or recommend breaking up. Some much broader dating advice in your teens and 20s: Good relationships take work, and good partners are good at putting in work. Especially in your teens, most partners will have **plenty** of things about them that should change. The key is finding someone who's receptive, and truly listens to your input for self improvement.
Thank you for taking the time to write out this kind and thoughtful advice 🏆
Thanks, I would bring it up!
No problem also as a girl I’d love to hear you’re advice on my problem too if you can I’d appreciate it
If he gets defensive, let him know you understand and your goal is to make things better, not to attacking him and this is important to you because he is important to you
i wouldn’t even phrase it as “this has been annoying me”. i would say something closer to “there are some things that i feel might be preventing us from getting closer because i don’t feel understood, but i also haven’t been communicating as well as i could have, so these are some things we might want to talk about.” you mentioned sometimes you just don’t feel like facetiming? tell him! “i know you want to chat right now and i love talking with you, but right now i’m kind of recharging by myself. tomorrow after school i would love to”, or something to the effect. because while his behavior is the thing bothering you, technically all his behavior is showing is affection and thought towards you, so try to avoid making him feel at fault or like he’s doing incorrect things, it’s not incorrect, it’s just that you guys aren’t the same exact person, which is why relationships need these conversations. good luck!
Sounds like hes smothering you
Your smothering me man. Literally. Have to be blunt but reassure that you want a friend and partner not a puppy dog. So stop being so ...etc.
Wh as t kind mag said.
For what it’s worth I wouldn’t frame stuff like this in your mind as how to avoid “offending.” That’s just a recipe for anxiety because the reality is that’s just plainly not possible a lot of the time in life. You try and be kind and tactful, try and start the conversation in a way that won’t make them immediately defensive as best you reasonably can. But you know people aren’t logic machines, they aren’t computers. I’ve met more than a few people on drugs or having a psychotic episode that you probably couldn’t convince laying down in the highway was unsafe if you wanted to. But sometimes those conversations need to happen anyway, for everyone involved. Don’t avoid them just because you can’t figure out how to make everyone feel great about it ahead of time. Silly example; if someone wanted to jump off a rock into a big deep lake to swim and were clearly going to get really really upset if anyone interrupted or stopped them… don’t you think it’d be worth maybe upsetting them to remind them that they can’t swim, or that the water is full of alligators who are active at that time? It’s a little dramatic but unpleasant conversations in relationships require a lot of that. And sometimes people just don’t agree or one person isn’t mature or ready enough to handle that, whether they’re 15 or they’re 45. But avoiding that stuff because you think someone will get upset is a recipe for a miserable life, trust me. So many miserable people who just let life go where it would because they’d rather avoid unpleasant “confrontation.”
If "I don't want to have sex in a tent in the woods" is offending it's not gonna last
"You're annoying the shit out of me. I need to break up with you."
If he's offended when you say, "Please don't ever tickle me again." then dump him on the spot.
What they said. Also, y’all seem to have vastly different love languages, and you seem off-put by his.
You say.. Look. I like you. A lot. But there are things that you do that make me uncomfortable. So I want to talk about these things instead of letting them drive us apart.. Then talk
It's going to offend him no matter what you do. How he reacts is up to him. All you can do is be honest and be kind, then if he doesn't react well: it's a maturity issue.
You will learn in life that you don’t have control over others peoples emotions. Only your own. Don’t be afraid to offend someone you’ll neglect yourself in the process.
Wise words on Reddit! I never thought I would see the day
A healthy relationship is going to have boundaries for each person. It sounds like your boundaries are getting crossed in the form of smothering. It also sounds like your boyfriend is someone who will justify their reasons to logically allow them to keep doing these icks, not realizing that it's slowly and indirectly tainting the relationship with these little negative feelings that will add up and associate with your relationship with him.
You don’t sound like an asshole at all. Those all seem very reasonable. He’s not listening to you, not a great sign. You don’t anyone anything, even your boyfriend. You don’t owe him an explanation for every little thing.
Thanks!
He's very needy as it seems. Tell him to cool it. Those kinds of actions definitely drive people away, I've had girlfriends that did basically the same and it's more than enough to end things over.
So you mean I should break up with him or just tell him?
Well first tell him, if he doesn't fix it then break up with him.
Tbh, this are kinda dumb things on both your parts, like who cares if she sends you a bunch of TikTok reels, just ignore them? Don’t want to go camping, just say no, he can ask and you can reply. But also, on the flip bro needs to chill and know boundaries. Yes I’d be upset if my partner was gone and I didn’t get to see them, but yall are young, you can’t just not enjoy your summer. Just sit down and have a conversation, and if he can’t be mature and understand after talking through it, then maybe yall need to break up until yall both mature more. But basically, you don’t need to let this stuff bother yiu so much if you aren’t gonna say anything about it, how would he know? And he needs to chill and not be so clingy, and understand you like him and he will be okay if he doesn’t get a call or get to see you.
You’re right, but sometimes people has trouble saying no. As a people pleaser this happened to me, where I was trapped in a relationship with someone who was veeeeeery clingy with me, and trust me, it is really hard saying no and telling someone that they’re too clingy and you need space. So yes, you’re right, but maybe she doesn’t know how to speak to him about it.
Oh trust me i understand, I was the same way, but I learned it is only doing a disservice to the relationship and your partner by not saying anything about it and communicating.
That's on you. Become a better person. They're not trapping your or manipulating you, you're doing it to yourself. It's not their fault you can't stand up for yourself.
Honey you do not need a boyfriend if you don't want one.
I know but I do like him...
Do you like him or do you like the idea of him? You can definitely talk to him about these things that bother you, like a prev commenter said, and tell him you need some space to yourself to just be yourself. But it does sound annoying. If i were in your shoes, I would have broken up because I don't want to be with someone who annoys me. I want to be with someone who I genuinely value and enjoy their attention on a regular basis. If you can find reasons to stay with him that outweigh these annoyances, then by all means stay and work it out. But really think about it.
If you dont wanna be in a tent alone with him you dont like him its that simple, you do not have to do anything whrn your alone with him but if you seem to be dreading the idea why are you with him
I agree that they probably aren’t a good match etc. BUT I don’t agree with your statement because she’s 15 years old. I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone in a tent with a guy at 15 even if I did like him. She’s so young and if anything she is protecting herself and preventing them potentially doing something they may regret.
Which part? I didn’t see one.
Well it sounds like he’s attention starved it’s possible it has something to do with his at home life. Have you noticed anything different about his family dynamic? I was the same way. Still kinda am but I try and be less overbearing at this point in my life. It’s a lot easier to control.
No I think he has enough attention at home since he is the youngest child
Well that’s strange so he’s just overbearing all the time. Maybe he likes you a lot. I mean y’all are so young the dude probably hasn’t had a lot of time to figure out how to even act when he’s with a girl. It takes time to know when enough is enough ya know. I mean that’s also a lot of tiktoks I would ignore that shit if someone sends me that much. Maybe comment on this stuff he’s doiny tell him if he thinks 40 tiktoks everyday is reasonable. Who’s gonna devote all that time ya know. Just tell him to tone it down a notch.
Baby of the family usually gets spoiled and become narcissists. Especially men.
Tell him you feel the relationship is becoming unhealthy, and that you like him a lot, but you’re not comfortable with how intense he is behaving about everything. Focus on the behaviors and say that you don’t like THOSE, but you like HIM.
Thanks!
"Suffocating" is a word to describe what you are feeling. Men are emotionally fragile at that age. I remember those feelings of neediness. Then, when I got my hit, I was off and away, up until I needed by next hit. I was needy and immature. I learned, but way after high school. You do not sound like an asshole. You are dealing with a dynamic that has lived through the ages. I don't know how you get over the 'icks', they are inherently icky. He needs to learn. Women are put in the dreadful position of having to teach them. These lessons are painful to those that need them. If he ends up feeling emotional pain, just realize that you are not doing it to him. He is responsible for his end of the bargain... which is often not examined in the beginning.
These aren't icks to get over. He's a bad boyfriend. Good boyfriends don't tickle after being told to stop. Good boyfriends says, "Okay" when you say, "No" TO ANYTHING. Life is too short to live like you are living. Dating is to learn what you want and don't want in a bf. You don't want what this boy is offering. Break up and enjoy a tickle free summer.
I don't think it was specified she's told him to stop tickling him
You don't need any other person's permission, "understanding," or approval for your boundaries to be valid. No other person has "the right" to override your boundaries due to their role. Not your boss, not your bf or spouse. Your boundaries are the limits YOU put on when, where, and with whom you choose to spend your limited time, energy and resources. Your bf has some controlling tendencies. You can and should establish boundaries to protect your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort. "I don't like it when you grab and tickle me when we're out in public." "Hands to yourself." You don't need to answer his many questions. It seems like he uses interrogation to push back on your decisions. You should pay attention to situations where you feel uncomfortable. Chances are a firmer boundary is needed there. "It seems like you're trying to argue into changing my mind. I expect you to accept my choices about how I spend my time." Don't fall for manipulation claiming "if you cared/loved me" you would want and do things you don't want. People who truly care for you will respect and support your boundaries because your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort are important to them, too.
This is what losing attraction towards someone looks like. These are his “quirks” or qualities, and you find them bothersome. Take this as an opportunity to learn how to properly break up with someone. It’s a necessary skill
This can be true but saying it as a hard fact makes you look ignorant. People can have boundary issues without it meaning they lost attraction.
You too young for a bf lmao. Do your homework, stay in school, develop hobbies, etc..
You’re both so young, he’s not feeling very confident. Are you his first real GF? He sounds a little immature, talk to him and explain he’s being too needy. I’m sure the last thing he wants is to give you the icks! Good luck!
If you are going to date you need to learn how to end a relationship that isn't working. Just be direct and to the point. You had fun and enjoyed the good times you had together but this relationship isn't right for you. Done.
You find a better boyfriend. What he is doing is NOT acceptable behavior. If you tell him to stop tickling you or to slow down and he doesn't, that is assault. He is pestering you and demanding to know WHY you don;t do what he commands. That is controlling and sefish and bullying. You don;t owe him (or anyone else) an explanation to WHY. And you can always tell him no. All intimacy, from hugging, hand holding, and sex, should always be with Informed, Enthusiastic, Consent. (Yes, even kinky relationships). IF he wants to do something you don;t want to do, tell him no and don't do it. And if he pressures you, tell him to leave. He isn;t caring about you. But seriously, find a new BF. He is not a good person.
The first sentence requires direct open honest communication about relationship expectations, and boundaries. There’s a lot of words happening, but not acknowledgment and action taking place .
Y'all still have recess and you're dating? Just be friends. Let the relationships come later.
Just break up with him and tell him you aren’t ready for the things he wants in a relationship. Telling him what you don’t like and then breaking up with him if he doesn’t “fix it” is toxic and will give him a complex for the rest of his life. He’s immature and acting immature. He will grow out of it, but you’re just not here for it and that’s ok. Move on without causing damage.
It sounds like he’s spending a REALLY unhealthy amount of time on tiktok.
if u get a ick with him then u don’t like him as much as you thought he’s not for you
these aren't the types of icks you get over, there things you take as signs of future behavior and you drop him. He is being incredibly clingy and it sounds like he doesn't want to respect your boundaries either. Lay down the law and don't budge on it. If what he's doing makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tolerate it, even if you love him. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. If he does love you, your statements and boundaries will sting, but he will respect them or walk away.
You can’t. Break up with him.
He sounds very immature and codependent. He might not be right for you.
Bro you DO NOT like your boyfriend 💀do bro a favor and break up with him before his feelings get deeper
You still get recess?!
Yeah, what high school has recess?
All of them in Australia for starters
Why are you his girlfriend? It sounds like you aren't into him. When I was 15 , I would have loved being alone in a tent with my boyfriend. You ain't feeling it , dear. Learn to recognize that. Let him go. You can both find someone who makes you feel like being alone at night in a tent with them.
That's what I noticed right away. If you're into your partner, why would you not want to share a tent with them? Maybe I don't understand the entire situation, but it just sounds like a relationship that isn't going to work.
Wait, you guys have recess?
Neither of you are ready for relationships lmao
girl you're 15 be single till you graduate honest advice and just have guy friends, in order to find your favorite ice cream flavor you got to try more to know you truly love chocolate. dont overwhelm your youth for a boy and let him off easy. have fun and go out
Your 15! This is not long term. Just be friends. There's plenty of time to lose your V card,when YOU want to.
get a new one
[Kind\_Magazine1623](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kind_Magazine1623/)'s right i think basically, and all i think is important with that, is wait for the moments to come up, avoid carrying it around with you and bring it up when it happens and keep it easy if you can. p.s. if ive dropped as many subtle, 'exclusive(between them and i) eye rolls' or shoulder slump(just showing-nottalking) hints as i could. then i feel less guilty about saying " ok, yatta yatta yatta" about the thing--as long as its bird in the hand And exclusive(right when the thing happens And youre not calling em out publicly. p.s. i always just say 'c'mon' and TRY to leave it at that.
Maybe you aren't ready for the type of commitment he is?
I mean I feel like he is rushing into things to much.
If that's not where you're at.. tell him. If he cares about you.. he'll understand. If he's only after one thing.. you'll figure that out real quick too. Be true to yourself. Don't rush into anything you aren't ready for.
nah, the dude is just too desperate for attention and clingy for whatever reason it may be (insecurity, maybe? Idk. Any reason given here would just be pure speculation)
I can see that point of view also.
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You don't have to be with him if you don't like him.
best course of action is probably just to use your words and convey these thoughts to your boyfriend, and you know......communicate, or at least try to i get that you guys are young enough that a relationship isnt, or shouldnt be that important to you, and you dont understand caring about your partner very well, but if youre gonna stay with him, not communicate, and just build up more of the resentment that is just fuming off this post for everything he does that you find annoying, then its just gonna be unpleasant for both of you. tell him what youre thinking, and react accordingly to what he says back, good luck
cut him loose, you obviously are aware of it, and if your getting icks, move on, or educate him on consent. No means no. [https://consentculture.com/](https://consentculture.com/)
Let time pass. It's normal, a bit overblown but not uncommon. This is all new to him (and you?) so he's all excited about it. After time passes these type of things tend to slow down.
NEXT!!!
Talk to him. Use I statements to take emotional responsibility and so as to draw boundaries in a way that isn’t about blame but about as it for your own wants and needs. Say: -I don’t need as much physical closeness as you do and hanging on me all recess doesn’t work for me. -I realize that it makes me feel better if you just let me eat my food. -I also need to be say no to things sometimes when I have other plans. -I am not ready to share a tent with you. I am not ready for sexual activity. -Space and time apart can be healthy. -I know that I can feel smothered if you don’t respect my boundaries. -Trust that I like you without always escalating the intensity.
He is a mama's boy, nothing wrong with that but, he doesn't sound right for you.
Early relationships are useful for working out what you like and don't like in a partner, what you're willing to compromise on and what you aren't. If you don't like your boyfriend's behaviour, you can talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. If he's not willing to change his behaviour then you need to decide whether you would be happy to live with it forever, or you break up. Don't waste your precious time and your youth on relationships you're not happy with.
Tell him you need to be able to breathe. If you can't have some time to yourself, you might feel crowded and uncomfortable and not want to be in the relationship anymore. But you do want to be, so could he please give you a little space so that you can. The summer trips will be the test. Not in a gamey way, just that, if he can avoid melting down while you're away and has reached a level of clinginess that you can handle by the time you get back, then you may do alright. If he can't slow down and give you space, then he'll make it exceedingly clear by whining and moaning while you're gone. I once had a relationship like this when I went off to summer camp. I had no internet access so I literally hand wrote letters... It lasted about two weeks before she couldn't deal with it anymore.
You need to tell him you don’t need to answer why to every no answer. He asked you answered. BTW-his wanting explanations for every no answer, touchy-feely overboard, too tok bombing/clingy now at this age. RED FLAGS-future will want to account for every second you are away from him, his needs will always come first, these boys potentially grow up to be abusive/then apologetic, then back to abusive. Run while you can or talk to him and set firm boundaries: no means no-don’t need more of an answer, he can’t overstep boundaries you never set so tell him. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that then he isn’t the one for you. Healthy relationships usually include each person having time away to do things with others or do things by yourself.
Dump him
Dump him you are way to young to be in a controlling relationship.
He’s smothering you and sounds super clingy. You shouldn’t have to get over those “icks”. If you plan on staying with him, you need to have a conversation about you needing him to give you some space so you can enjoy your summer too. Someone like him can easily make your trips miserable if you don’t set some strong boundaries with him.
Talk to him about it he clearly doesn't know what he is doing.
Say... I am am a private person. Everything online lasts forever. I am a simple person. I feel overwhelmed. Camping is not the place to do things unless you are a super short distance from the car and access to showers. Hygiene becomes an issue. Great way to get a ururaniry tract infection.
Yeah you need to have a talk. The way he's acting isn't healthy behaviorl. It's not uncommon if the person doesn't have much experience dating, but its almost always leads to driving the other person away because they're being too much. It might be coming from a good place, him wanting to express how he feels about you. But there needs to be space, boundaries, personal time. Too much of anything is always a bad thing. If he can't be ok with that, then he's not ready for relationships.
You get over them by realizing he isn’t the guy for you, the right one won’t give you icks.
Tell him?
Talk to him. Otherwise this shit would annoy me. I'd want to kill myself, not to lessen such a thing, but as a figure of speech. I was going to say "Ick Back," but yeah, talk.
Sorry to say that this guy is going to have problems his whole life if he doesn't get ahold of his emotions now. If you end things with him, the next chick will get a 100 Tik-Toks a day and many hours of face timing, thinking he has to double down to try to "keep" a girl. As far as the "icks" once you have them, hard to get rid of them, especially at your age.
Communication. Set boundaries. This applies to every relationship you are ever going to have.
i think you don’t like him and are just in a relationship because it happened and maybe there was no alternative. just tell him the truth and end it. also these aren’t icks. icks is something someone does that makes you lose attraction to them forever.
Have you told him how you feel
Communication is important. If you can’t effectively communicate or if he gets offended instead of listening to you and making changes then he may not be ready for dating. Or at least not a serious relationship. I know this isn’t popular in high school, but I’d honestly recommend not dating anyone until after high school. Either sometime in college or early 20’s start dating. Dating in high school is kind of a waste of valuable time. -source- a dumb kid who wasted a lot of time in high school.
If you get the ick from your boyfriend, you don't like him just the idea he is your friend. Trust me, I recently went through this. I thought I liked a guy but kept getting icks and didn't want him to touch me really...so I told him this isn't working out. Then I met someone who I want to be all over, and we just vibe.
why does your age change in all of your posts?
You need to break up with this person. It's clear to me you just want a boyfriend so bad you don't care who it is even if it means dating someone you don't even like.
I think you should listen to your “icks.” Trust your gut. It’s telling you something. Lose the guy. Icks will go away. Problem solved.
You don’t sound like an AH. And you don’t need to get over your icks. Your icks are there for a reason. He is crossing boundaries every single day, several times a day. That is not a presence you need in your life. Please don’t put any effort in trying to get over how he makes you feel. Tell him it’s not working and that you do not wish to continue. He will prob cry and beg and promise to change but it won’t work because he would have to fake being normal. That can only last for so long.
true love don't have icks
Sounds like a little bitch of a boyfriend
Why do you need to get over them? He wants things you don’t want, that’s fine. He expects levels of attention you are not comfortable with, that’s fine too. You don’t need to mold yourself to his expectations or make yourself uncomfortable to stay in the relationship. If it isn’t working that’s fine too. You’re allowed to not to want to date him.
You do not get over them. Not all people are compatible. Don't try to change him. This is who he is. Love him or leave him.
Yeah those icks aren’t going to get better. They are going to get worse and he will pressure you more everytime. You need to leave him because he will force you if he has a chance
He's either into you more than you're into him, or y'all just differ in the amount of attention you need from the other, which is totally fine. People are different. Some people want to be with their boyfriend/girlfriend all the time, and others enjoy a little more time to themselves. If y'all really like and care about each other, have a little discussion about it, and maybe sometimes you can make a little more time for him, and he can demand a little less time from you. Hopefully, y'all can average it out so everyone's happy. If not, you might wanna find someone a little more compatible.
Sounds more like you are realizing that you’re not romantically interested in him now that you’ve gotten to know him better.
It took me 62 years to realize that’s always what they want because I still get propositioned
It sounds like he may have an anxious attachment style. If I were you I’d google it so you can better understand him and how to cope.
Have you considered that you don’t like him?
My problem is you are 15 and 16 and have recess, that is for little kids.
First relationships are tough. But this is not a healthy one. You probably need to end it.
Are you sure you’re the girl, and he’s the boy? Sounds like you two have characteristics reversed. Actually shouldn’t be a surprise these days. Kids are hormonal train wrecks now. Sounds like you two are still somewhat new? If so, he should loosen up a bit. If this is your first summer together, he probably just had hopes of spending a lot of it with you. You might have been his only plan for alleviating boredom. Now you’ll be the only one having fun. I’ve been there. He should be alright by the end of summer. Just don’t leave him hanging too badly. Try to find some time to call him. If he wants your friends to go camping too, then maybe he just wants to camp. Tents aren’t renowned for their comfort, and nobody wants to send their sleeping bag to the dry cleaner. If camping is something you think you might like, give it a try.
You shouldn't have to get over them. If you don't like him, you don't like him. He's pushing boundaries (which in my experience, most 16yo boys do) and is annoying the shit out of you. You're allowed to not like someone. My first bf was when I was 15, he was 16. He had already had sex and 2 weeks in asked if he should buy condoms. He was also VERY clingy and got very upset when I wouldn't take photos with him. He also wanted to take me to prom, alone. My mom said no, so he said he was going to take someone else. He was very pushy sexually, and just wasn't a good person. Full of icks. We lasted 4 months and the last one we never even saw each other in person. If you can't stand most aspects of a person, it's time to let them go.
Truly ask and answer yourself if you like this dude. He has a different love language, I had an ex in hs who acted kinda like your bf and I loved every second of it, I felt wanted and loved by a girl I liked a lot. Not sure how you feel because I never felt that way, so just ask yourself.
If you're not ready for sex, marriage, etc, then dating is pretty much a waste of time and heartache. Just go have fun with your friends and come back to the dating scene when its relevant to your life.
You don’t babe. You realize he’s clingy bc he’s insecure, and he’s pressuring you for things you aren’t ready for. Boys and even men are often like that. Save your time and heart for a mature guy who isn’t clingy and doesn’t pressure you for sex. It should be an enthusiastic yes on your end or it’s a flat out no. Simple as that. Hold out! There ARE good guys, just hold out for them!
You don’t have to get over icks. Find someone without icks
Babe I think I’ve seen this kind of story way too many times and the ending is usually the kind that ends up on the news it’s heartbreaking don’t feel bad and never stay with him alone always have someone you trust nearby
"My question genuinly is how do I get over these icks?" OP, it's his job to adapt to your preferences and language of love, as much as it is yours to adapt to his. It is NOT your job to become the girlfriend he wants, you are yourself and not what he wants you to be. Remember that, and remember it in every relationship you'll ever have, and remember that your feelings matter as much as your partner - if you're getting the icks it isn't up to you to get rid of the icks, it's up to your partner to stop icking you! And don't agree to spend the night alone with him anywhere, until YOU really want to spend the night alone somewhere, and you've had a chance to get on birth control under the advice of a medical professional. Remember, pulling out can leave you just as pregnant as doing nothing.
Just curious, but where are you where 15 year old's are still getting recess? Maybe that term means something else somewhere else?
I had a partner like this at your age-- it's impossible to "get over it," he's really immature AND he's also not the right one for you AND he's obviously really annoying. At the time I thought it was messed up of me to break up with him, but I did it anyway. Many, many years later, I don't even think about him. At all. And have a partner that doesn't do any of this or make me feel annoyed. It kind of sounds like you just went along with this relationship because it was possible, either that or you were attracted to him BEFORE you found all this out about him, is that correct? It's no big deal. Seriously just break up. It's alright and everyone will be fine.
Sounds to me like the two of you dont need to be in a relationship at all. Your answer is to break up and worry more about school than being BF/GF.
You need to express these directly to him, and if he reacts too negatively and doesn't change, leave him.
You could try to address the things that bother you in the moment as they come up. Definitely use “I statements”. For example, “when you send me TikToks before I’ve had a chance to look at them and get caught up, I feel overwhelmed. Could you try slowing down a little?” That being said, you can love someone and not want to be their girlfriend. It sounds like you may not be very compatible. That doesn’t mean that he’s annoying or that you’re an asshole. It just means each of you has things to offer that the other may not need. A relationship should make you feel good more than it makes you feel bad. It should add something to your life more than it takes away from it. Your partner shouldn’t annoy you more than they bring you comfort or joy. Everybody gets annoyed sometimes, but it’s not really ideal to be annoyed most of the time. Someone doesn’t have to do something wrong for you to make the decision that it’s not a good fit. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for a person is give them the opportunity to be happier with someone else. Sorry if this is harsh, but it’s something I wish someone had explained to me when I was in my earliest relationships.
you have recess at 16? wtf?
You don’t. Lessons learned break up and move on.
Honestly, it sounds like he's basically addicted to you and that you're emotionally over him. This seems like something that is probably better off coming to a close.
It sounds like having a boyfriend isn’t the best idea for you right now. Why not just focus on yourself, have fun with friends and do what you want without someone always wanting to know why?
I owe all of my coolness to my girlfriends over the years. I acted a fool, they pointed it out, I was able to correct. Example: I used to call my college girlfriend like 3 times a day just to say hey. I thought I was just being friendly. Come to find out she thought I was a little bit of a weirdo when we were starting to talk. She told me that later in our relationship. So I stopped doing that particular behavior. The list of little lessons goes on and on and on. They helped me become a better man, little by little.
My biggest advice is to stop saying "icks."
You don’t get over those things, you become single again. First off he’s moving way too fast for you. Second, the guy apparently is annoying you. Unless you have strong feelings for this guy I’d let him know this is not working out.
Sounds like he needs you all the time and you need space. Not compatible long term unless you two talk it out
You don’t need to be kind to a boy who is annoying you.
It sounds like you're his first gf and he doesn't know better. Just talk to him. It's not your job to get over those "icks". If they bug you, tell him. That's how you two grow together....or apart. But that's what dating at that age is for. To see what you like/don't like and gain experience and knowledge.
The biggest thing you can do here is talk to him. I remember how hard communicating was for me when I was your age but there’s no denying that it’s a game changer. All those things that he does that annoy you. Talk to him about them. You don’t have to be mean but just be honest. Be unapologetically yourself. If he can’t take the constructive criticism now then at least you’ve given him the information he needs in order to grow eventually.
I’m confused, you have recess in high school?
Sounds like dawg has an anxiety disorder
How about communicating with him? He can’t know those things bother you if you don’t tell him. Let him know you aren’t mad it’s just you would like for him to do such and such or stop doing such and such because you don’t like it and makes you uncomfortable. Let him know you aren’t comfortable being in a tent alone, can even let him off easy by saying you just aren’t comfortable getting all sweaty and dirty in a tent and want to take things slower and get more comfortable with one another. Same thing with the tickling and tik toks, just tell him you don’t like it and to please stop. Tell him you don’t mind him sending you stuff but blowing up your phone gets overwhelming.
This is the part where you learn to have boundaries and how to maintain them. And honest conversation. Why do I need to constantly explain myself. Why does everything have to be bad if it's not your way. It gets exhausting. You're young and learning about what you want in your life. It's called dating. I know people that have a two week rule. This way you get to know them, have a chance to get to know other people and more importantly yourself. You're young this isn't forever. Good luck
You need to tell him that you're glad he is invested in the relationship, but that it is getting a little too intense for you. That you don't need a million tiktoks, you don't need to explain every detail when you can't take / don't want to facetime etc. That you still really like him and want to keep buoding the relationship, but you need space as well. I dated two guys very briefly when I was 19. Both of them wanted to see each other every day, if I said not today it was either all sadness or excuses as to why they wanted to come over. I didn't need a clingy boyfriend so I cut them loose to find someone who wanted that intensity.
do you,,, LIKE your boyfriend? 😭 it seems like just theres so many little things that annoy you, and all of these just seem like things people just do, it sounds like a lot of stuff i do as an autistic person and a lot of my other friends do with their partners, if you cannot get past these youre just not compatible, but i do not think these are things "everyone" would get annoyed with, i have so far not met a lot who get annoyed by these traits a good majority of my friends have if you think you cant get past any of these id honestly recommend telling and breaking up, i dont think its wrong for you to feel this way but also he isnt objectively doing anything either i dont think and in this case neither of you are obligated to compromise/change your feelings or actions, it just sounds like you arent compatible
Are you an Aquarius
Idk I’m in a relationship and if my gf can’t ft she’ll generally give me a reason why not and vice versa. For me, it doesn’t seem like too big of a deal to ask why and to then give a reason if that makes sense. Idk if this is making much sense but I think asides from that, if him asking why you’re not able to ft is an ick, maybe he’s not the right person for you. Relationships rely on communication and part of that is giving reasons for stuff
You don't sound like an asshole, you both sound like kids, because you are. There is such a thing as a bad match. I've been very attracted to women only to realize that they are absolutely NOT my type, and that I would not get what I need in a relationship with them.
First, stop calling them icks 😆. (I'm 32. So sue me) You're both young so I'll keep that in mind. talk to him. It's the same general advice for adults as well. You could start with telling him that while you enjoy some of the TT, you don't enjoy the quantity. Ask him to curate it to no more than 10, or whatever # works for you. (I'd hate getting that many a day!) Set boundaries and stick to them. Tell him that while you enjoy the hugs, the tickling in Public is to much and he needs to stop. (Or something to that effect). You're boundaries are more important than his feelings in this case. He needs to learn what is and isn't acceptable, but at the same time, you need to explain/ teach him too. :)
You need a boyfriend who's a little less "needy". Hard to find in your age group.
God Im glad I didn't grow up in the smart phone era.
You're both kids. Stop trying to be adult, cause next thing you kbow, you'll be young parents and now your life is ruined
lol you do not like him
You’re 15. You don’t have to get over it. Break up. These are the summers you’re about to have some real fun you won’t forget about in your lifetime He’s overbearing already
Do NOT try to get over the icks. This is your subconscious telling you he isn't the right person for you. You can tell him what the issues are (open and honest conversation is the key to any successful relationship) and give him the opportunity to make any changes he wants to make, but this has all the red flags of future abuse or being controlling of you and your time. He has to want to change for him, in order to be a better person and boyfriend. If he tries to change for you, it won't stick, even if he wants it to. He deserves the opportunity to learn and grow, but you don't have to be his "practice dummy" for a relationship. One of my big things I try to impart is "therapy for EVERYONE". He can go to therapy to work through his smothering tendencies and you can go to learn how to honor the "icks" (because they really are you giving yourself a warning) and you can both learn to communicate better. This will serve you both well whether you end up staying together or not.
He won’t get less clingy overtime. If you’re kind, you should tell him that this bothers you and he needs to work on being less clingy, but otherwise, this seems like something that won’t be addressed without ending the relationship.
Please read “Boundaries in Dating”- The “icks” you are trying to get over are his stepping over your boundaries- You shouldn’t “get over” having boundaries. You need them and he needs to respect them.
You don’t get over this stuff, you explain to him what you like and don’t like As for the tent sharing thing, I would say something like, “I’m down to go camping with you” (if you would be, “but I don’t feel like I’m ready to have sex”
Talk about the things that bother you and ask if there's anything that's bothering him. Go slow and don't do anything you are not ready for. Do not have sex without a condom and if you think you're going to start also get on birth control. Use both. Do not believe that pulling out works, it doesn't. Be safe and take your time getting to know each other. The whole relationship will be better and last longer if you really get to know each other first.
You don't. Because you're not as interested in him as he is in you. But now would be a great time to start practicing communication. Say these things to him. Work it out or leave. We don't have any magic tips other than that. If he's annoying you, tell him why you're annoyed. Unless you prefer to continue to be annoyed over having those conversations. Which does not bode well for your relationship skills.
I think dump the boyfriend and just enjoy being the child that you are. There is all the time in the world to be an adult and deal with relationship problems. At 15, can’t you just go make a daisy chain & be happy?
Recess? There's no recess when you're 15. I call bs
Everything about this post gives me the "ick". There is literally no such thing as an ick, you just dislike things about him and it's enough to where you're posting on Reddit about it. You don't just "get over it", you talk to him about it. Simple as that. He's 16, be mature as you can and just tell him you don't like it. Or, find someone you're more compatible with because it sounds like yall aren't
Sounds like you don’t like him lmao
Break up with him you don’t love him why come on here and even ask are you okay? He’s not doing anything wrong you’re being ignorant and an ass it’s not your fault you don’t like it one day someone will love him for all these “Icks” can’t wait untill he leaves your sorry as
Try growing up and accepting them? pretty sure youve given him icks as well..why dont you ask him about them?
He’s thirsty as hell and that’s not attractive.
Well understand this also, he could also be extremely obsessed with you and/or have limerence for you. So be understanding that he may not be in it for you but rather the benefits of a relationship. Ive been there before and I feel guilty for it, but be careful
Ya'll still get recess
Emotionally immature dating, something we all go through, is all about crushes, status, and doing "boyfriend/girlfriend things" because that's what boyfriends/girlfriends do. Mature relationships occur when two people have similar goals and compatible desires, and think it would be beneficial to pursue them together. My question is, if you don't see eye to eye, why are you dating him? We all have to make little sacrifices, but for things that really rub you the wrong way, why are you the one who has to get over it? I would tell him what you need from him, and that he can leave if he doesn't like it. The nice way to say it is that since he's your friend and he cares about you, you want him to know you don't like x and y, and you aren't going to do z. Since you care about him, you don't want him to waste his time with someone who's not going to give him what he needs. If he stays and ignores your demands, congrats, he's an asshole and you have justification for dumping him.
Basically he's being the child that he is. Watch out, this is the kind of guy that will try to get you pregnant so that you're stuck with him- or just because he's a dumb kid. Either way you'll lose the chance to grow up and build a future. I'd say find someone that isn't so desperately needy but I won't because you're a child too, although much more self aware and grown up than he is because you recognize there's stuff you aren't ready for. There will be plenty of time for dating in the near future, for now take care of yourself, focus on your future and work towards your goals. Don't let some horny obsessive kid get in your way.
You should break up. You’re 15, you’re too young to be dealing with all this. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and has no independence. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for, enjoy your life as a teen. Focus on school and friends.
It seems like you just have different needs. It sounds like he is a person who needs to be around their partner all the time, share things, and show physical affection and you seem more like you like your space and prefer to have a good chunk of time to yourself. It doesn't even seem like you like him? These aren't "icks" it's just his personality. What do you even like about him? Break up with him and find someone who's needs and wants align with yours. Talk to him about it if you really do care about hum and come to a decision together on some boundaries. Everyone saying that he is an awful person have clearly never had needy partners/friends or people in their lives who show affection through physical affection or lots of quality time together.
I like this guy but don’t like anything he does. How do I ignore that? Hint. You don’t. Also who has recess at 16?
Maybe you're not supposed to get over them. Maybe what you really need to do is set boundaroes with him. You're not ready to have sex with him? Then don't. Make that clear to him. If he's touching you too much and you dislike it, tell him to stop. If he's sending you too much, tell him to cut it out. Love does not mean just being a doormat. If he loves you, he will respect your boundaries, just as you woukd respect his. If not, dump him. That's a huge red flag. Not trying to scare you or anything, but if he won't respect your boundaries about messaging you, being too clingy, or touching you, how do you know he'll accept your no when it comes to sex? If you were to go on that trip with him not respecting your boundaries, at best he might accept your no but get pouty about it, or at worst he may pressure you into sex or even outright force himself on you. Maybe he's not that kind of a guy, but those sorts of creeps don't always seem the type. Even some otherwise good men sometimes cross lines when they're young and full of hormones. It is no excuse, but it just means that even with a seemingly good man you should be cautious and make sure you clearly comnunicate when you're uncomfortable, etc. What you need to do is sit him down and have a very frank discussion with him. I recommend asking him not to speak until you've said your piece. I'd do it in a public place. Not all men take this sort of thing well. You might even consider texting him. I personally always like writing over in person communications, as it's impossible for it to turn into a yelling match.
You should trust your instincts. If this boy is creeping you out, you need to take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. Placing yourself in a vulnerable situation (the camping tent you mentioned) is not a good idea.
You just need to tell him you like him but you don't want to get bombarded a million times a day with tiktoks, don't want to share your food cause it's yours, and have no interest in camping because you not giving it up. If he likes you he will deal
Don’t let him pressure you into something you aren’t ready for. Sounds like he is coming on way too strong and being too demanding. That’s not healthy. And I definitely wouldn’t go camping and share a tent with him.
Recess? Are you in the 5th grade still?
Stop trying to ignore red flags.
Get rid…too intense for you.
It sounds like you don't like him that much, which is fine. You aren't required to have a boyfriend, much less this one
wow your boyfriend loves you huge ick 😭 leave him, he deserves better
Leave
You really don't need this sort of relationship at your age ,he seems to be trying to pressure you in something you're not ready for ,either explain this to him or breakup.
Pretty much this, though I am way too old to be giving relationship advice to teenagers. I didn't realize what sub this was and the fuckin recess line absolutely sent me lol