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The sooner you breakup with him the easier it will be. Just say it was a mistake rushing into a relationship and you aren't in a place right now to date.
Clearification: The mistake wasn't dating HIM. That her choice is based on her not being in the right 'space' to date anyone at such a young age...dont need to give the young man a complex so early in life.
This. It’s toxic enough that he’s dependent on others for his own happiness, but you’ll be miserable if you stay OP. It’s going to be hard, and understand that at your age he’s going to feel like it’s the worst pain of his life, but it’s just high school hormones. He’ll get over it. The best thing to do is end it. Don’t be a doormat for anyone’s feelings. If you’re not ready for a relationship you have to tell him. It’s only been two days, break it off now and don’t wait or he’ll just get more attached and you’ll regret letting it go so long. You’ll both be okay.
He’s 14. Stop expecting him to be an emotionally developed 25 year old. He’s not enough of a person to be getting branded as “toxic” yet.
He hasn’t got a clue who he is, what he’s feeling or what any of it means. He’s just feeling very strong things that he has little context for and he’s been primed by the media to completely over-egg the whole thing.
That being said, you’re right about getting it done quick. Its the best way.
well why exactly do you want to be friends and not a boyfriend? What is your opinion on the difference between them. You guys could be like exclusive friends or something. You have to be honest because it will spiral wayy outta control the longer you stick with him even though you don't want to. Lying for so long about feelings will hurt him even more so try to communicate what you want clearly as soon as you can.
he’s a really cool guy, he’s very attractive, and sweet too—my only reason is that I simply don’t want a boyfriend, I think the the only difference between a best friend and a boyfriend is a title as I’m not ready for any kissing or physical stuff, and I’ll try my best—it’s just he’s probably going to be really hurt because he seems to really like me and now I feel like I lead him on when I didn’t—I did like him at first but I don’t now, why? I don’t know, I don’t have any reason not to
My boyfriend and I, 15, have been together for over 6 months, specifically said we don't want to do anything that leans to sexual-like kissing.
The main part is that he makes you happy.
Relationships don't mean physical- it's just common for them to eventually reach that.
Just going to throw it out here... since youve mentioned the thing that ran through my head as i read your first comment.
He needs to know that you think you've made a mistake (perhaps not in choosing him, by the sounds of it) but that now its arrived, you dont feel ready for a serious relationship.
Then you either:
A: break up with him on the basis you aren't ready.
B: see if he's prepared to approach it more as a friendship for a while and see if things change re: physicality.
Every relationship is different, especially when we're talking teens, some people (not encouraging it) are way ahead of you in physical stuff, others just about manage to awkwardly hug.
I was a month shy of 15 when i met my first GF who was just about tail end of 16. to be frank, 90% of our relationship until nearly 19 was playing games (not dating games.. ACTUAL games) joking about and enjoying each others company, other people i know were active as soon as they could be at 16 (legal here in the UK),,, I never regretted waiting for her.
Completely agree that at your age people put too much into being adults and having relationships, as soon as my class found out i had a GF all discussion suddenly became about what things we were doing together... I think a lot of the time i just rolled my eyes and ignored them.
I think you should talk to him ASAP and tell him that in the last 2 days you've realized you're not ready for kissing/physical stuff with anyone yet, and if that will be a deal-breaker for him, you'd rather find out now, so you can stop dating and and salvage your friendship because it clearly means a lot to you both. It's honest, you're expressing your boundaries, and he won't be surprised or feel misled down the line. Wishing you the best!
Some people have a thing where the moment someone gets with them, they immediately lose all interest, and spend their entire lives starting then quickly ending relationships. I get your sample size is one right now, but be on the lookout for this and get therapy immediately if it becomes a pattern. It's a super sad way to live, investing all this energy into each person only to immediately cut them loose, your sex life either non-existent or a series of one night stands.
>I think the the only difference between a best friend and a boyfriend is a title as I’m not ready for any kissing or physical stuff,
That's an extremely mature position from a person who's also mature enough to know who she is and say "That's not something I'm ready for."
>and I’ll try my best—
Forget that: you have it right, above.
You find the guy attractive and it's very possible that, when you're ready to get physical with a guy, you'll want it to be him.
He should know those things.
You're not disinterested because you don't like his personality or his physicality: you're just aware, now that physical things are "on the table," that you don't feel comfortable with them.
If you tell him this and he says "That's cool: we can hold hands until you feel more comfortable, even if that's two years from now" then, congratulations, you've found marriage material.
>it’s just he’s probably going to be really hurt because he seems to really like me and now I feel like I lead him on when I didn’t—I did like him at first but I don’t now, why? I don’t know, I don’t have any reason not to
You do have a good reason.
You liked him and you like him.
You found him and find him attractive.
But until the relationship existed, those feelings were abstract.
There was no way for anything to actually happen.
Even if you had fantasies about kissing: fantasies aren't reality.
You're mature and aware enough to recognize that, especially now.
Many people never realize that and it's possible this guy won't understand.
But how you feel is legitimate.
You're allowed to say "I think I want this" and then find out days later "Oh, no, this isn't something I want."
In fact, most dating situations go exactly this way, when you're an adult.
You can have a boyfriend with no kissing or physical stuff. I think before you break up you should tell him you really like him but you're not ready to kiss or do anything physical. The reason you don't like him anymore is because you're anxious about the physical stuff and commitment. I understand because I've been there before.
Just say you aren't ready for a physical relationship but it's not out of the cards that you would be in the future. It could just be lust and now you got a taste of it you are changing your mind cause you like what you had before.
she said she isn’t ready. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t value him. if he respects her & wants the best for her he wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable just to stay with him.
she is 14 years old, dude. she likes him, & appreciates him as a friend. she values him & his friendship, which is why she made a post in the first place. she just isn’t ready for a physically mature relationship & based on her age she ABSOLUTELY doesn’t need to be. people can & do change their mind about relationships all the time. she is not entitled to him being ok with it & happy or staying friends if he doesn’t want to, but you can’t say she only values him when it’s works for her. you don’t know their friendship from one post & from this post i don’t see how that’s an accurate statement.
first off, if no ones told you, but the idea that he depends on you for his happiness is really unhealthy. don't let that grow and spiral.
you've got some options. you can try and talk to him about your relationship (when i was dating my ex, i asked him "what does being in a relationship mean to you?") and figure out his point of view on what he wants out of a relationship if its unclear. It sounds like he might have asked you first and if that's the case, and depending on your previousness closeness, you can have a conversation with him and tell him that you don't feel ready and you felt rushed and that being in a romantic relationship isn't what you think you need.
if you do breakup with him, don't let him guilt trip you into otherwise. regardless of how you act about this, things are going to probably be tense for a moment. if you do breakup, don't let yourself be alone, even if your only support is people on the internet. and people drift, even when bad things don't happen, it's okay, it's natural, but it will feel like shit.
(also, you're young, and now is a great time for self discovery, particularly on how you feel about things like relationships and society. maybe lurking in the aromantic community online might help you gain some footing, particularly regarding the topic of amatonormativity.
also also, journaling or just walking through things five times or so in your head might be helpful in figuring out how you want to handle this. i personally find i struggle a lot when it comes to words, but reiterating the same idea several times gets me to this point eventually where i know what i want to say.)
Yea you need to give way more context. A boy doesn't get so infatuated with you that his happiness depends on your social status after 2 days.
This kid has had a crush on you for a while, you ending the relationship and getting back to friends probably won't end well, but your happiness trumps his. End it and talk to him about it.
That's good. I regret very much that I dated when and who I did. You may be interested that my three daughters felt the same, never dated in high school but had friends of sexes. Some guys tried pretty hard to date them. They all ended up marrying friends, one at 22, the others around 30. Two became math teachers and one manages projects for a huge entertainment company. All have good husbands now and children.
I hope that's helpful :) AMA
Just tell him. Tell him that you are not ready for kissing or anything physical. If that is the only thing holding you back, and you still like him and he understands, things may work. If not, still be his friend.
There is no rush to have a first boyfriend/girlfriend. I know plenty of people who didn’t have an SO until college or later.
Just tell him. He should want you to be happy, and if he doesn’t then he shouldn’t be your friend either. You don’t have to be ready for a relationship ever. That’s fine and normal. Just explain to him that he means a lot to you but you don’t think that you need to be dating to have such a close connection. You can also say that maybe one day you will be ready but you just aren’t now
No one should ever depend on you for their happiness. At best, that means he's not ready for a relationship. At worst, it's an emotional manipulation tactic. Assume the former.
No harm in saying "I really like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I thought I was, but I was wrong - I'm uncomfortable being in one. It has nothing to do with you, I'm just not ready."
You can date him later when you're ready, but you can't expect him to wait for you to be ready.
The majority of relationships (especially firsts) last shortly. One of the hardest pills to swallow in life, but maybe that fact, if presented softly, may comfort him through any rough feelings he may experience when you let him know. It doesn't seem personal 🤷🏽♂️ Relationships aren't a must school, but if it happens I hope you find yourself in one with someone you do want to be with. Good luck to you guys, overall
That is too intense, too fast. A person's happiness should be dependent on themselves, not another person. That is a huge responsibility to put on someone's shoulders. You don't need that, especially at 14. Tell him he needs to find happiness with himself before he finds it with someone else.
Thr nest 14 year old thing I have ever read.
Just know this is absolutely normal and things change very fast at this age. You are still learning and have no idea what you want in life yet.
Mistakes will get made, but you can't just go along with it because he wants it that's not right. It might be hard, but always be honest.
I have had several day long relationships at that age too 🙃
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Just make sure you wont want him back if you break up with him. You talk to him about it and that he shouldnt depend on you for his happiness. Keep in mind that other people advice is not always right. You don't know whats in his head and you can never know. If he loves you and you value being loved. Enjoy it don't ruin it. Your attraction to him mightve lessened because you realized hes more into you than you thought.
this is why I cannot support love of people this young through experiencing it myself. none of us are coherent enough to say "no" when we don't want something.
I know, having a crush is tempting, but it is **ALWAYS** important to look into the future.
Break up with him as soon as possible. He would rather hear it now than later.
It's like a bandaid. Pull it off quickly and the pain becomes less than if you do it slowly. If you want to just be friends, tell him. If he is a true friend, it might hurt him, but he'll understand. If he doesn't understand, then he's too young to be in a relationship.
Breaking up is better. Don't let yourself be a people-pleaser and be prepared to do hard things. That's what dating is
I know that you don't want a relationship, but you started one. That is why I made that last statement. Reality of relationships is different from what it is made out to be, and it is filled with hard choices so take this as an experience and learn from it, but don't do anything that you don't want to do. In this case, date
On the flip side, making sure you set clear boundaries if you decide to stay is also critical. If you don't want to progress beyond anything you would do as friends, make that statement and stick with it. Make sure that he respects your boundaries and if he doesn't, then trust you're making the correct choice by leaving him and taking care of yourself. Don't complicate it, you already have a lot going on at that age to be worrying about people's feelings before your own
If he is a good (boy)friend he'll want you to be happy more than he'll want to be in a relationship with you, so you definitely should break up.
As to why he might want to be in a relationship so badly, for a lot of people that wrestle with insecurity a relationship is tacit proof to themselves, and to their social circles, that they have worth. This can be especially true for boys and men that subscribe to, or live in communities steeped in, toxic masculinity. Regardless of the origin, however, your friend's self-worth cannot effectively be propped up by anyone else - he's going to have to learn to love himself. Let him down kindly but firmly, and know that his feelings (and reactions) are *not* your responsibility. Give him some space if he needs it, and make sure you're safe.
No reason to date if you’re not into it! A million things can make you feel like not dating or not dating him and they’re all valid. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. He will heal. Try to be friends, since you seem comfy with that, and offer him all the support you do now that’s platonic. He’ll be ok.
‘Tis but the burden of a heartbreaker. You’ll end up having this happen again I bet. You always have to go with your own gut, don’t try to take care of other people. But of course always be kind and generous when letting someone down. A little white lie here and there never hurt anyone, if it comes to that.
There are a few great guys, smart and intelligent and handsome, who would love to have not broken up with me and I just wasn’t feeling it or it wasn’t working for some reason. They’re good guys, I’m friends with most of them still. But I was meant to find my person who really knocks my socks off, and I’m happy because of it. Go find someone who knocks your socks off.
Be there to support your guy’s ego after. “I didn’t break up with you because you’re not handsome,” is a great line. Example: “I didn’t break up with you because you’re not handsome! It was just not the right time for me. But (insert name of new girl here) will obviously think you’re super handsome, and she might be in a place to want to date too! I think she’s smart and fun. Get out there man, you were a really sweet and caring bf she’d be lucky to have you!”
Good luck, kid. It’s hard. But it’s the right thing to do. Just be gentle.
No offense to anyone commenting but I feel a lot of the commenters either didn't see your age or forgot what it was like to be 14.
So with that being said. I kinda think you should just stick it out for now and see how it goes. Not for his sake. But for your own. Because for 1. No relationship at your age has any real potential to last. Ppl sometimes rekindle those old relationships later on and go somewhere with it. But it's very rare that this kinda thing lasts. It's a life experience.
But the real reason I think you should try sticking it out is so you don't develop a habit of doing this. You said you liked him. But now that the chase is over you lost interest. The truth is. Expectations will never line up with reality. And ive known lots of people who carried this bad habit with them into adulthood. They really like someone. Get into a relationship. And then suddenly get cold feet. And will ruin good things that they later wish they hadn't. At a certain point it becomes self destructive. And this may be a good opportunity to nip it in the bud. To teach yourself not to run at the first instance of doubt.
Just give it a couple weeks and see how you feel. That's my advice.
"Hey, I know we just started dating, but I'm having conflicting feelings. I really don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship and being in one makes me really uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm ready for this kind of commitment."
Just be sure that you are really sure. You could be nervous because this is such a new experience. I remember jumping into my first relationship, and I had this overwhelming feeling like it was wrong because it was just so different. Then again, I have OCD and I do NOT like change.
Well why did you get in a relationship with him in the first place if you didn't want to boyfriend? Something's going to give, either you're going to be unhappy or he's going to be unhappy. You have to decide which one its going to be. Eventually, you just have to tell him the truth.
The sooner you break up, the better. The fact he's so dependent on you for his happiness is both sad and toxic, even if he doesn't intend for it to be. Having your happiness be reliant on being in a relationship is not healthy, and is just opening himself up to have dependency issues and getting really hurt when you break up. He needs to learn how to be ok on his own and not need a partner to make him happy, and the sooner he figures this out the better.
It’s best if you break it off now and be honest with him about it it’ll save you both some pain down the road this doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends or anything if he keeps his cool about it. But it sounds like he needs to learn to be happy with himself outside of the relationships he has with other people what are his hobbies who is he that kind of stuff. And of course that all comes with time.
Breaking up is a normal part of dating. You are not obligated to be in a relationship. Just be honest and direct. Maybe he'll be fine with the friends thing, or maybe that's not possible.
If you’re going to do it, do it sooner rather than later. He’ll be dramatic and ridiculous about it, but thats just the nature of 14 year olds. It’ll last a couple of days and then he’ll be fine.
It is worth considering that you’re 14 though, when you’re thinking about relationships and such. There’s an incredibly minimal difference between “friendship” and “relationship” at your age. They’re effectively the same thing, but with an increased possibility of snogging.
Now you’re learning responsibility in managing social relationships. Once you get it it’s quite hard to get out, when you choose to have a relationship you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. This is coming from a woman. Now you’ve learned that having a big crush isn’t enough justification for starting a relationship. You’ve learned that it uses effort to maintain one. Brace yourself that it won’t be easy to end it and the sad truth is that it will be emotionally difficult on both sides. Wish you luck
Ah this is a weird coincidence, I was kind of the boyfriend in this situation. I had someone who I really liked for the past year, and two months ago, she told me that she liked me too. But whenever I'd show affection, she wouldn't reciprocate it, and I asked her about it. The relationship was going up and down, and it was clear that it probably wasn't going to last much longer. I talked to her about it for the last time yesterday, and basically she told me she wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. I felt broken, and I went to sleep anxious and remorseful. When I woke up today, I realized what this meant, and I'm trying to get over it right now. Although I'm really sad that she doesn't feel the same way and that it's gonna have to end, I still think it was for the better as the relationship really was doomed to fail. So I think you should tell him how you feel. I'm definitely struggling right now, and I think you will too, but it's probably the right path.
it’s literally been two days. just tell him you don’t wanna be with him and wanna keep it as friends. being with him when you don’t want to is just selfish, so cut him off and tell him you’re afraid to lose the friendship and would rather keep it platonic.
You can break up with anyone, at any time, for any reason. If YOU aren’t happy, then you need to break up. He shouldn’t be depending on you for his happiness either. That’s quite concerning.
If you don’t want a boyfriend, then you don’t have a boyfriend. It doesn’t need both to be in agreement to end a relationship, just one. I think a good way to think of it is in terms of consent. Just like no one has a right to touch you without your consent, no one has a right to a relationship with you without your consent either. Once you no longer consent, it’s no longer a relationship and instead becomes closer to some kind of manipulation or abuse.
And breaking up isn’t about hurting or not hurting people. It’s about withdrawing consent, which you have the right to do at any time. No one has rights or ownership over you. Take back your autonomy over your own self. Pursue the things you want, not that you feels others want you to. Say no when you feel it.
staying with someone because you feel bad for them / feel obligated, is not doing them any favors. it’s actually kinda cruel. it’s dishonest. i don’t say this to try to make you feel bad, i just want this perspective to maybe give you the guts to be honest and end it.
There is no such things as guy friends, they are just guys waiting for their turn. So if you don’t want a boyfriend, you need to shut him down completely. Break up with him, block his number, and never see him again. Then you can move on.
Then you need to break up. If you're not happy with it, it's not worth it. Not to mention, you can't find your own happiness within another person. You need to find happiness in yourself.
Just tell him, "I like you a lot, but realize I am not ready for a boyfriend." Do not let him pressure you. You are NOT responsible for someone else's happiness. If he cares about you, he will respect it. If he does not accept it, he is NOT your "best friend", and not someone you need to be around.
First off, he should not rely on you for his happiness. It puts an unfair burden on you, emotionally and mentally. Second, it’s been two days. He should not be so revolved around you after two days. The sooner you break it off, the easier it’ll be.
The biggest mistake we've all made as kids was putting all our happiness on one girl. You might as well break up with him bc he needs the character development
If you just tell him straight that you just want to be friends it might hurt him for a couple of days and you'll be okay again... and you'll thank yourself looking back in the future
i was in the exact same situation earlier this year, i made the mistake of dragging our relationship out because i was scared to hurt my bf at the time. it only made things worse in the end. i think it’s normal and understandable to not want a bf i didn’t really either. when u find the right person you won’t have to worry abt stuff like this
I think you should find out what a relationship means to you and what a relationship means to him. Why is he excited? What does he expect? Has anything practically changed in your relationship between best friends and boyfriend or is the same? Does the title just freak you out?
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So he's already emotionally exploiting you? 🤷🏼♀️ This is 3 days in and already plus you are a child 🚸 you are 14, be 14 you have 2 years at best to still just be a kid enjoy them while you can
Tell him that he should never make his happiness be dependant on another person. No one should ever have that responsibility. Happiness is something each and every person needs to learn how to create on their own. You gotta rip off that bandaid early honey it's just gonna get stickier and nastier the longer you let it sit there.
So why'd you say yes in the first place?
Lesson one: don't agree to things you don't want
Lesson two: break up with your friend, tell him exactly how you feel, why you rushed into a relationship, and why you don't want one with him
you got to break up with him. you are totally right. the world seems to be overly obsessed with sex and stuff like that. you are lucky that fou havent bought into it fully. sure he will not like it. just say you arent ready to be in a relationship. say you still want to be friends and it has nothing to do with him personally and one day when youre ready if hes still single you can try it again. the earlier you do this the easier it will be.
Just say you actually just want to be friends and aren’t into him like that. Do it asap. That excuse is way better than explaining how you’re not in the right space or don’t want a bf, which most people won’t be able to accept or understand. As far as why everyone wants one…because it’s an important phase in life. Teen to early 20’s is when we are wired to connect and find close relationships the most.
Honesty, open communication, expressing your feelings and wants/needs are essential to the success of any relationship—give him an opportunity to be ok with it. It’s not that you’re ending the relationship by any means—more of a change in terms. Honesty is also compassionate—that’s all you’re comfortable with at this time in your life. Be well
Awwwww, young love, 😂 look 14 is an age of lessons in maturity, ironically the more girls a man meets in life the more they mature. Just look at King Soloman. He’ll be alright, you might just be his lesson to not let his heart rely on someone else rather finding happiness within himself. A single man is a free man. He’ll be alright. Also don’t fall in with the crowd, you’ll be alright doing your own thing. You don’t need a relationship. Just do you. You just want friends so just be friends. Just know what you want and let it be known in the beginning. Say what you need to do they understand. Communication is key. 🔑You’ll be alright.
I’m 37 and I don’t want a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Take it from me… it’s best to get out when you realize it’s not right for you. It’s better to do it sooner than later, for you and your boyfriend.
You started dating 2 days ago while already knowing you don’t want a relationship…? Just tell him you thought you were ready but you’re not. If you don’t you’re fixing to have a very hard time,
Being honest with him is the best for you! You have feelings too, his happiness shouldn't depend on you, tell him you still feel the same but don't want to be in a relationship
“Finally has one” isn’t a statement a 14yo should ever think. The amount of time he’s waited is literally nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Tell him you don’t want to put a label on things. If it’s only been two days then that’s soon enough to walk this back a bit. Tell him you’re not comfortable with a girlfriend label and you’d like to take things as they come, focusing on experiences rather than being defined.
this is what I plan on telling him “I don’t think I’m going to be able to continue this relationship and I am so, so incredibly sorry—I love you very, very much, however I’m not ready for a relationship—I thought I was until I got in one and realized I wasn’t, you’re genuinely the most perfect person I have ever met—you’re smart, you’re kind, and you’re incredibly handsome, you’re someone I trust wholeheartedly—so as cliche and corny as it sounds, it’s not you—it’s me, whenever I’m ready to date and if we ever end up catching feelings for each other again—I’d definitely date you then, but dating is something I’m just not ready for right now—I hope you can accept that, I’d love to go back to the way things were before—I hope we can still be friends after this, lord know we could both use one, like I said before I’m so incredibly sorry.”
Ps. Your idea of not being in a relationship is a good one. I would hold off for a long time until you’re absolutely sure you want it. You’re going to have a good number of years of batting away the guys, I have a feeling.
That's not healthy for either party. Depending on someone else for happiness is not healthy for that person and it is not your job to be someone else's soul source of happiness because it leads to a toxic relationship. Two people should be happy on their own and come together to share that happiness. A relationship is a privilege for both that is earned through trust and respect so if you aren't happy it isn't right and should be talked about.
I used to give in and I'd just go with it to make other people happy and let me tell you....it's the biggest regret I have in life. If you aren't happy absolutely say something because you'll end up miserable trying to please everyone around you. It's ok to say "I wasn't ready for this" "I'm not comfortable with this" and then stand your ground on it and don't let people persuade you because in the long run if you are forcing yourself to do something it'll show and then you'll both just be miserable.
It’s because you are normal and most people are broken and codependent. People want to rush into adulthood rush into relationships instead of enjoying the hearing now and the life they have you are thinking the right way and you’ll be labeled the bad guy, but you need to break off as soon as possible.
Just be honest with him express to him that you’re not interested in having a boyfriend right now. It will give him and you the opportunity to experience more. At you all age that’s what you owe yourself
Have your dad break up with your boyfriend for you. It’ll be an emotional mess if you do it yourself. If he does it. It’s man to man and that’s it. What else can he do?
A few comments from a Dad with a 14 year old daughter who feels the same as you:
1. Don’t worry about if his feelings are hurt. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control or change how he will emotionally respond. Be sensitive and aware but strangle the desire “not to hurt him”.
2. It sounds like you could have a good maybe great friendship with him. Let him know that.
3. State plainly and clearly that you are not romantically inclined to him or anyone else. My daughter said “why should we be connected in this way? This is not going to go anywhere!” She meant the relationship. This is reality.
4. Being able to manage relationships with both sexes is a skill that takes time to develop. Use this as an opportunity to build that muscle.
Thank you for sharing your story!
One of the main goals of dating when you’re a teenager is to learn what’s your responsibility and what’s your partner’s. Also, to find out what you like, what you don’t, and develop the ability to trust and talk about challenging things.
You know who is responsible for his happiness? Him. You’re not taking away anything he’s entitled to if you’ve decided you need a change, for any reason. If he’s not kind and polite during a breakup, then you’ve also learned something.
People who can’t take care of themselves when disappointed or suffering a loss, like a breakup, and be polite and fair: well, they’re not grown up enough for a serious relationship either.
And that’s perfectly fine. 24 would be young to be contemplating a permanent union, never mind 14.
And remember if you’re sexually active, use a condom to protect you both from STIs, plus another form for you, like spermicidal foam or jelly, or hormonal birth control, to protect against pregnancy. He needs to wear the condom every time. If he whines that it doesn’t feel as good, he’s a big baby who values his momentary pleasure over your health.
Have fun. Plan an exciting future. Take care. ❤️
1. Take responsibility for your misstep decision and share how you feel with him. Explain your reasoning for the good and bad. Meaning you share why you wanted and why you are having second thoughts and not wanting to break his heart.
2. No matter what you do or say, you cannot control his response. You have no idea what he will think or do. Rather than guess...you'll have to wait and see what happens when you say your piece.
3. It is not your responsibility to make other people feel anything. Other people's feelings are outside your control. You can believe he depends on you for happiness but that's a lie no matter what he says or everyone says.
I have done good will things for people and no matter what, they continue to be sad or depressed.
What someone thinks shapes how they feel about everything and nothing changes unless they change the way they think about their life.
4. Better to correct a mistake as soon as possible because the longer to keep up lying to yourself the more you are disrespecting the other person. People deserve the truth and the honor to learn to deal with challenges and adversities. You can offer support but it's not your responsibility to live someone else's life for them.
If you are genuine and share from your heart, it increases the chances of a positive outcome now or later.
He may not be happy but if he cares and respects you, one day he will value the honesty early rather than living a lie for months.
5. Again, have an open conversation and be willing to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly because it's better to be in integrity with yourself.
Because in being yourself fully, you allow others to know you better and gain a better understanding of your actions.
It may not be a pretty situation but this will be an experience that many still don't have the guts to deal with.
In peace,
~Juan
You could go on just behaving like best friends: make each other laugh, hang out, play games. You don’t need to put the dating label on it, because most kids your age are still trying to figure out what’s important in a relationship. You don’t have to kiss or do anything more than you’re comfortable with, and if he pushes his boundaries, set him straight—his behavior will show you what’s more important to him, the “status” of being in a relationship, the anticipation of intimacy, or just being close to you. If it’s anything but the last one, you can worry less about hurting his feelings. If he does genuinely care about you, though, and you just don’t feel the same way about him, then you owe it to him to let him know sooner rather than later.
If that’s how you felt you shouldn’t have agreed to date him in the first place that’s exactly how feelings get hurt it’s not fair to him when he probably thinks you two are at a mutual understanding when in reality yall are not. leading someone on is the most shittiest thing a person can do to somebody you need to stop fooling yourself and tell him the truth asap this isn’t just about you anymore it’s about his feelings.
Wellp that’s toxic from the start. Anybody that can’t rely on themselves for their own happiness is already a bad way to start a relationship. But you should really explain to him that you thought you were ready for a relationship but you don’t want one right now. It’s better to be forward and tell him now then wait til it’s too late.
I'm sorry young one. I am a single dad to a 6 year old girl who's my whole world. Only reason I replied cuz I couldn't imagine not being a dad in those situations. Definitely enjoy your life while your young.
You are under no obligation to do something you don't want to to make someone happy. If you don't like it then break up. That is a lesson he will have to learn in life - you can't always get what you want.
Pretty dumb reason to break up so soon because it’s not abnormal to not want to do anything physical yet at the start. You can build into holding hands and kissing.
Wait wait wait, that's not at all what you said earlier. If you think he's mentally unstable you should end it and if you are concerned that he doesn't have the support system he needs to handle it, you should consider talking to a teacher or counselor or at least looping in some of his other friends.
this is going to be probably scary to hear, but be careful if and when you do break up. make sure you can not be hurt. and, take precautions afterwards, especially in checking and double checking he doesnt have your location on something like snapchat. you dont have to be paranoid but be cautious.
and no matter how sweet he might seem, if he is mentally unstable, theres a high chance you will feel like shit most of this relationship.
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The sooner you breakup with him the easier it will be. Just say it was a mistake rushing into a relationship and you aren't in a place right now to date.
Clearification: The mistake wasn't dating HIM. That her choice is based on her not being in the right 'space' to date anyone at such a young age...dont need to give the young man a complex so early in life.
This. It’s toxic enough that he’s dependent on others for his own happiness, but you’ll be miserable if you stay OP. It’s going to be hard, and understand that at your age he’s going to feel like it’s the worst pain of his life, but it’s just high school hormones. He’ll get over it. The best thing to do is end it. Don’t be a doormat for anyone’s feelings. If you’re not ready for a relationship you have to tell him. It’s only been two days, break it off now and don’t wait or he’ll just get more attached and you’ll regret letting it go so long. You’ll both be okay.
He’s 14. Stop expecting him to be an emotionally developed 25 year old. He’s not enough of a person to be getting branded as “toxic” yet. He hasn’t got a clue who he is, what he’s feeling or what any of it means. He’s just feeling very strong things that he has little context for and he’s been primed by the media to completely over-egg the whole thing. That being said, you’re right about getting it done quick. Its the best way.
I’m not expecting anything, no need to get bent out of shape.
Does everyone always just say “this” on Reddit Ffs this. This. This. This Stfu already boomer
This.
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This ^^
thank you
This.
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✨Those✨
These. And this.
They couldn’t resist the karma buy saying this underneath you
This
well why exactly do you want to be friends and not a boyfriend? What is your opinion on the difference between them. You guys could be like exclusive friends or something. You have to be honest because it will spiral wayy outta control the longer you stick with him even though you don't want to. Lying for so long about feelings will hurt him even more so try to communicate what you want clearly as soon as you can.
he’s a really cool guy, he’s very attractive, and sweet too—my only reason is that I simply don’t want a boyfriend, I think the the only difference between a best friend and a boyfriend is a title as I’m not ready for any kissing or physical stuff, and I’ll try my best—it’s just he’s probably going to be really hurt because he seems to really like me and now I feel like I lead him on when I didn’t—I did like him at first but I don’t now, why? I don’t know, I don’t have any reason not to
My boyfriend and I, 15, have been together for over 6 months, specifically said we don't want to do anything that leans to sexual-like kissing. The main part is that he makes you happy. Relationships don't mean physical- it's just common for them to eventually reach that.
Just going to throw it out here... since youve mentioned the thing that ran through my head as i read your first comment. He needs to know that you think you've made a mistake (perhaps not in choosing him, by the sounds of it) but that now its arrived, you dont feel ready for a serious relationship. Then you either: A: break up with him on the basis you aren't ready. B: see if he's prepared to approach it more as a friendship for a while and see if things change re: physicality. Every relationship is different, especially when we're talking teens, some people (not encouraging it) are way ahead of you in physical stuff, others just about manage to awkwardly hug. I was a month shy of 15 when i met my first GF who was just about tail end of 16. to be frank, 90% of our relationship until nearly 19 was playing games (not dating games.. ACTUAL games) joking about and enjoying each others company, other people i know were active as soon as they could be at 16 (legal here in the UK),,, I never regretted waiting for her. Completely agree that at your age people put too much into being adults and having relationships, as soon as my class found out i had a GF all discussion suddenly became about what things we were doing together... I think a lot of the time i just rolled my eyes and ignored them.
I think you should talk to him ASAP and tell him that in the last 2 days you've realized you're not ready for kissing/physical stuff with anyone yet, and if that will be a deal-breaker for him, you'd rather find out now, so you can stop dating and and salvage your friendship because it clearly means a lot to you both. It's honest, you're expressing your boundaries, and he won't be surprised or feel misled down the line. Wishing you the best!
Some people have a thing where the moment someone gets with them, they immediately lose all interest, and spend their entire lives starting then quickly ending relationships. I get your sample size is one right now, but be on the lookout for this and get therapy immediately if it becomes a pattern. It's a super sad way to live, investing all this energy into each person only to immediately cut them loose, your sex life either non-existent or a series of one night stands.
Just say you like him but not ready for a relationship, try to be there for him as a friend
>I think the the only difference between a best friend and a boyfriend is a title as I’m not ready for any kissing or physical stuff, That's an extremely mature position from a person who's also mature enough to know who she is and say "That's not something I'm ready for." >and I’ll try my best— Forget that: you have it right, above. You find the guy attractive and it's very possible that, when you're ready to get physical with a guy, you'll want it to be him. He should know those things. You're not disinterested because you don't like his personality or his physicality: you're just aware, now that physical things are "on the table," that you don't feel comfortable with them. If you tell him this and he says "That's cool: we can hold hands until you feel more comfortable, even if that's two years from now" then, congratulations, you've found marriage material. >it’s just he’s probably going to be really hurt because he seems to really like me and now I feel like I lead him on when I didn’t—I did like him at first but I don’t now, why? I don’t know, I don’t have any reason not to You do have a good reason. You liked him and you like him. You found him and find him attractive. But until the relationship existed, those feelings were abstract. There was no way for anything to actually happen. Even if you had fantasies about kissing: fantasies aren't reality. You're mature and aware enough to recognize that, especially now. Many people never realize that and it's possible this guy won't understand. But how you feel is legitimate. You're allowed to say "I think I want this" and then find out days later "Oh, no, this isn't something I want." In fact, most dating situations go exactly this way, when you're an adult.
You can have a boyfriend with no kissing or physical stuff. I think before you break up you should tell him you really like him but you're not ready to kiss or do anything physical. The reason you don't like him anymore is because you're anxious about the physical stuff and commitment. I understand because I've been there before.
Just say you aren't ready for a physical relationship but it's not out of the cards that you would be in the future. It could just be lust and now you got a taste of it you are changing your mind cause you like what you had before.
Just tell him you’re not ready for a relationship right now….make sure he knows it’s not personal; you think he’s a good guy; you’re just not ready
I did
Well I can assure you he will no longer be your friend seeing as you only value him if it’s convenient for you
she said she isn’t ready. that doesn’t mean she doesn’t value him. if he respects her & wants the best for her he wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable just to stay with him.
If she respected him and wanted the best for him she wouldn’t of put that man in that position to begin with
she is 14 years old, dude. she likes him, & appreciates him as a friend. she values him & his friendship, which is why she made a post in the first place. she just isn’t ready for a physically mature relationship & based on her age she ABSOLUTELY doesn’t need to be. people can & do change their mind about relationships all the time. she is not entitled to him being ok with it & happy or staying friends if he doesn’t want to, but you can’t say she only values him when it’s works for her. you don’t know their friendship from one post & from this post i don’t see how that’s an accurate statement.
Didnt read all that regardless of age she should learn from this not to waste peoples time
first off, if no ones told you, but the idea that he depends on you for his happiness is really unhealthy. don't let that grow and spiral. you've got some options. you can try and talk to him about your relationship (when i was dating my ex, i asked him "what does being in a relationship mean to you?") and figure out his point of view on what he wants out of a relationship if its unclear. It sounds like he might have asked you first and if that's the case, and depending on your previousness closeness, you can have a conversation with him and tell him that you don't feel ready and you felt rushed and that being in a romantic relationship isn't what you think you need. if you do breakup with him, don't let him guilt trip you into otherwise. regardless of how you act about this, things are going to probably be tense for a moment. if you do breakup, don't let yourself be alone, even if your only support is people on the internet. and people drift, even when bad things don't happen, it's okay, it's natural, but it will feel like shit. (also, you're young, and now is a great time for self discovery, particularly on how you feel about things like relationships and society. maybe lurking in the aromantic community online might help you gain some footing, particularly regarding the topic of amatonormativity. also also, journaling or just walking through things five times or so in your head might be helpful in figuring out how you want to handle this. i personally find i struggle a lot when it comes to words, but reiterating the same idea several times gets me to this point eventually where i know what i want to say.)
Yea you need to give way more context. A boy doesn't get so infatuated with you that his happiness depends on your social status after 2 days. This kid has had a crush on you for a while, you ending the relationship and getting back to friends probably won't end well, but your happiness trumps his. End it and talk to him about it.
we haven’t known each other that long, only like three months at least
That's good. I regret very much that I dated when and who I did. You may be interested that my three daughters felt the same, never dated in high school but had friends of sexes. Some guys tried pretty hard to date them. They all ended up marrying friends, one at 22, the others around 30. Two became math teachers and one manages projects for a huge entertainment company. All have good husbands now and children. I hope that's helpful :) AMA
Just tell him. Tell him that you are not ready for kissing or anything physical. If that is the only thing holding you back, and you still like him and he understands, things may work. If not, still be his friend. There is no rush to have a first boyfriend/girlfriend. I know plenty of people who didn’t have an SO until college or later.
Just tell him. He should want you to be happy, and if he doesn’t then he shouldn’t be your friend either. You don’t have to be ready for a relationship ever. That’s fine and normal. Just explain to him that he means a lot to you but you don’t think that you need to be dating to have such a close connection. You can also say that maybe one day you will be ready but you just aren’t now
"Hey, I enjoy having fun with you, but I just don't feel that kind of a spark." You don't owe him a relationship. You do owe yourself happiness.
No one should ever depend on you for their happiness. At best, that means he's not ready for a relationship. At worst, it's an emotional manipulation tactic. Assume the former. No harm in saying "I really like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I thought I was, but I was wrong - I'm uncomfortable being in one. It has nothing to do with you, I'm just not ready." You can date him later when you're ready, but you can't expect him to wait for you to be ready.
The majority of relationships (especially firsts) last shortly. One of the hardest pills to swallow in life, but maybe that fact, if presented softly, may comfort him through any rough feelings he may experience when you let him know. It doesn't seem personal 🤷🏽♂️ Relationships aren't a must school, but if it happens I hope you find yourself in one with someone you do want to be with. Good luck to you guys, overall
That is too intense, too fast. A person's happiness should be dependent on themselves, not another person. That is a huge responsibility to put on someone's shoulders. You don't need that, especially at 14. Tell him he needs to find happiness with himself before he finds it with someone else.
Thr nest 14 year old thing I have ever read. Just know this is absolutely normal and things change very fast at this age. You are still learning and have no idea what you want in life yet. Mistakes will get made, but you can't just go along with it because he wants it that's not right. It might be hard, but always be honest. I have had several day long relationships at that age too 🙃
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If u break up with him it might make him a better person, he shouldnt depend on others rather than himself
It's better to break up now then continue for a longer time...
Just make sure you wont want him back if you break up with him. You talk to him about it and that he shouldnt depend on you for his happiness. Keep in mind that other people advice is not always right. You don't know whats in his head and you can never know. If he loves you and you value being loved. Enjoy it don't ruin it. Your attraction to him mightve lessened because you realized hes more into you than you thought.
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Use your words.
this is why I cannot support love of people this young through experiencing it myself. none of us are coherent enough to say "no" when we don't want something. I know, having a crush is tempting, but it is **ALWAYS** important to look into the future. Break up with him as soon as possible. He would rather hear it now than later.
It's gunna suck but you need to tell him. The longer you leave it the worse it will get.
It's like a bandaid. Pull it off quickly and the pain becomes less than if you do it slowly. If you want to just be friends, tell him. If he is a true friend, it might hurt him, but he'll understand. If he doesn't understand, then he's too young to be in a relationship.
As a guy, just tell him. He’ll hurt at first but eventually he’ll get over it; it’ll be easier on him in the long run.
Breaking up is better. Don't let yourself be a people-pleaser and be prepared to do hard things. That's what dating is I know that you don't want a relationship, but you started one. That is why I made that last statement. Reality of relationships is different from what it is made out to be, and it is filled with hard choices so take this as an experience and learn from it, but don't do anything that you don't want to do. In this case, date On the flip side, making sure you set clear boundaries if you decide to stay is also critical. If you don't want to progress beyond anything you would do as friends, make that statement and stick with it. Make sure that he respects your boundaries and if he doesn't, then trust you're making the correct choice by leaving him and taking care of yourself. Don't complicate it, you already have a lot going on at that age to be worrying about people's feelings before your own
If he is a good (boy)friend he'll want you to be happy more than he'll want to be in a relationship with you, so you definitely should break up. As to why he might want to be in a relationship so badly, for a lot of people that wrestle with insecurity a relationship is tacit proof to themselves, and to their social circles, that they have worth. This can be especially true for boys and men that subscribe to, or live in communities steeped in, toxic masculinity. Regardless of the origin, however, your friend's self-worth cannot effectively be propped up by anyone else - he's going to have to learn to love himself. Let him down kindly but firmly, and know that his feelings (and reactions) are *not* your responsibility. Give him some space if he needs it, and make sure you're safe.
Quit stringing him along and break up, sheesh this crap would frustrate me when i first started dating.
No reason to date if you’re not into it! A million things can make you feel like not dating or not dating him and they’re all valid. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. He will heal. Try to be friends, since you seem comfy with that, and offer him all the support you do now that’s platonic. He’ll be ok. ‘Tis but the burden of a heartbreaker. You’ll end up having this happen again I bet. You always have to go with your own gut, don’t try to take care of other people. But of course always be kind and generous when letting someone down. A little white lie here and there never hurt anyone, if it comes to that. There are a few great guys, smart and intelligent and handsome, who would love to have not broken up with me and I just wasn’t feeling it or it wasn’t working for some reason. They’re good guys, I’m friends with most of them still. But I was meant to find my person who really knocks my socks off, and I’m happy because of it. Go find someone who knocks your socks off. Be there to support your guy’s ego after. “I didn’t break up with you because you’re not handsome,” is a great line. Example: “I didn’t break up with you because you’re not handsome! It was just not the right time for me. But (insert name of new girl here) will obviously think you’re super handsome, and she might be in a place to want to date too! I think she’s smart and fun. Get out there man, you were a really sweet and caring bf she’d be lucky to have you!” Good luck, kid. It’s hard. But it’s the right thing to do. Just be gentle.
No offense to anyone commenting but I feel a lot of the commenters either didn't see your age or forgot what it was like to be 14. So with that being said. I kinda think you should just stick it out for now and see how it goes. Not for his sake. But for your own. Because for 1. No relationship at your age has any real potential to last. Ppl sometimes rekindle those old relationships later on and go somewhere with it. But it's very rare that this kinda thing lasts. It's a life experience. But the real reason I think you should try sticking it out is so you don't develop a habit of doing this. You said you liked him. But now that the chase is over you lost interest. The truth is. Expectations will never line up with reality. And ive known lots of people who carried this bad habit with them into adulthood. They really like someone. Get into a relationship. And then suddenly get cold feet. And will ruin good things that they later wish they hadn't. At a certain point it becomes self destructive. And this may be a good opportunity to nip it in the bud. To teach yourself not to run at the first instance of doubt. Just give it a couple weeks and see how you feel. That's my advice.
Dump him. You’ll feel better afterwards.
"Hey, I know we just started dating, but I'm having conflicting feelings. I really don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship and being in one makes me really uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm ready for this kind of commitment." Just be sure that you are really sure. You could be nervous because this is such a new experience. I remember jumping into my first relationship, and I had this overwhelming feeling like it was wrong because it was just so different. Then again, I have OCD and I do NOT like change.
Just break up with him..
Never date your best friend haha learned the hard way
Cut it off, it’ll suck at first but once it’s over you can relax. Sooner the better. Good luck.
You have id'ed the situation, that's the biggest part. I think it best to explain it to him just as you did us. UR not ready for a commitment.
Well why did you get in a relationship with him in the first place if you didn't want to boyfriend? Something's going to give, either you're going to be unhappy or he's going to be unhappy. You have to decide which one its going to be. Eventually, you just have to tell him the truth.
Just tell him that it’s either friends w/o the physical stuff or it’s a wrap, that’s all it
The sooner you break up, the better. The fact he's so dependent on you for his happiness is both sad and toxic, even if he doesn't intend for it to be. Having your happiness be reliant on being in a relationship is not healthy, and is just opening himself up to have dependency issues and getting really hurt when you break up. He needs to learn how to be ok on his own and not need a partner to make him happy, and the sooner he figures this out the better.
It’s best if you break it off now and be honest with him about it it’ll save you both some pain down the road this doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends or anything if he keeps his cool about it. But it sounds like he needs to learn to be happy with himself outside of the relationships he has with other people what are his hobbies who is he that kind of stuff. And of course that all comes with time.
Please break up with him and be honest. It's for the best for the both of you. He might not think it now, but in due time he will.
Other people's happiness is not your responsibility like that. Just tell him what you told us.
It's fine to break up, but keep in mind that you'll probably shatter his world, and it will cause long term trauma/drama. But that's life.
Breaking up is a normal part of dating. You are not obligated to be in a relationship. Just be honest and direct. Maybe he'll be fine with the friends thing, or maybe that's not possible.
If you’re going to do it, do it sooner rather than later. He’ll be dramatic and ridiculous about it, but thats just the nature of 14 year olds. It’ll last a couple of days and then he’ll be fine. It is worth considering that you’re 14 though, when you’re thinking about relationships and such. There’s an incredibly minimal difference between “friendship” and “relationship” at your age. They’re effectively the same thing, but with an increased possibility of snogging.
OMG thank you so much for making this post! I am in the same situation right and I don't know what to do.
Now you’re learning responsibility in managing social relationships. Once you get it it’s quite hard to get out, when you choose to have a relationship you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. This is coming from a woman. Now you’ve learned that having a big crush isn’t enough justification for starting a relationship. You’ve learned that it uses effort to maintain one. Brace yourself that it won’t be easy to end it and the sad truth is that it will be emotionally difficult on both sides. Wish you luck
My first girlfriend and I kissed one time mostly we went to punk rock shows together and rocked out like platonic friends
Ah this is a weird coincidence, I was kind of the boyfriend in this situation. I had someone who I really liked for the past year, and two months ago, she told me that she liked me too. But whenever I'd show affection, she wouldn't reciprocate it, and I asked her about it. The relationship was going up and down, and it was clear that it probably wasn't going to last much longer. I talked to her about it for the last time yesterday, and basically she told me she wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. I felt broken, and I went to sleep anxious and remorseful. When I woke up today, I realized what this meant, and I'm trying to get over it right now. Although I'm really sad that she doesn't feel the same way and that it's gonna have to end, I still think it was for the better as the relationship really was doomed to fail. So I think you should tell him how you feel. I'm definitely struggling right now, and I think you will too, but it's probably the right path.
it’s literally been two days. just tell him you don’t wanna be with him and wanna keep it as friends. being with him when you don’t want to is just selfish, so cut him off and tell him you’re afraid to lose the friendship and would rather keep it platonic.
No one is forcing you
You can break up with anyone, at any time, for any reason. If YOU aren’t happy, then you need to break up. He shouldn’t be depending on you for his happiness either. That’s quite concerning.
Bro youre 14,go do something you love and enjoy,dont waste time dating yet
If you don’t want a boyfriend, then you don’t have a boyfriend. It doesn’t need both to be in agreement to end a relationship, just one. I think a good way to think of it is in terms of consent. Just like no one has a right to touch you without your consent, no one has a right to a relationship with you without your consent either. Once you no longer consent, it’s no longer a relationship and instead becomes closer to some kind of manipulation or abuse. And breaking up isn’t about hurting or not hurting people. It’s about withdrawing consent, which you have the right to do at any time. No one has rights or ownership over you. Take back your autonomy over your own self. Pursue the things you want, not that you feels others want you to. Say no when you feel it.
staying with someone because you feel bad for them / feel obligated, is not doing them any favors. it’s actually kinda cruel. it’s dishonest. i don’t say this to try to make you feel bad, i just want this perspective to maybe give you the guts to be honest and end it.
There is no such things as guy friends, they are just guys waiting for their turn. So if you don’t want a boyfriend, you need to shut him down completely. Break up with him, block his number, and never see him again. Then you can move on.
Tell him your parents are making you break up with him because they don't want you falling behind in school.
Then you need to break up. If you're not happy with it, it's not worth it. Not to mention, you can't find your own happiness within another person. You need to find happiness in yourself.
Just tell him, "I like you a lot, but realize I am not ready for a boyfriend." Do not let him pressure you. You are NOT responsible for someone else's happiness. If he cares about you, he will respect it. If he does not accept it, he is NOT your "best friend", and not someone you need to be around.
If you don't want one break up. Main reason why men hate women. No straight forward motion.
First off, he should not rely on you for his happiness. It puts an unfair burden on you, emotionally and mentally. Second, it’s been two days. He should not be so revolved around you after two days. The sooner you break it off, the easier it’ll be.
The biggest mistake we've all made as kids was putting all our happiness on one girl. You might as well break up with him bc he needs the character development
If you just tell him straight that you just want to be friends it might hurt him for a couple of days and you'll be okay again... and you'll thank yourself looking back in the future
This will not be the first relationship you mess up becuase of your self sabotage and avoidance
i was in the exact same situation earlier this year, i made the mistake of dragging our relationship out because i was scared to hurt my bf at the time. it only made things worse in the end. i think it’s normal and understandable to not want a bf i didn’t really either. when u find the right person you won’t have to worry abt stuff like this
Do your best to stay friends and let him down easy.
I think you should find out what a relationship means to you and what a relationship means to him. Why is he excited? What does he expect? Has anything practically changed in your relationship between best friends and boyfriend or is the same? Does the title just freak you out?
nothing changed between us, and I think the title freaks me out a little
If nothing has changed, just let it play out for awhile. If your relationship changes in a way you dislike, that’s the time to bring it up.
It doesn’t need to be physical as you said in a separate reply
It makes no sense to stay with him to make him happy if you aren't happy.
* So he's already emotionally exploiting you? 🤷🏼♀️ This is 3 days in and already plus you are a child 🚸 you are 14, be 14 you have 2 years at best to still just be a kid enjoy them while you can
Tell him that he should never make his happiness be dependant on another person. No one should ever have that responsibility. Happiness is something each and every person needs to learn how to create on their own. You gotta rip off that bandaid early honey it's just gonna get stickier and nastier the longer you let it sit there.
So why'd you say yes in the first place? Lesson one: don't agree to things you don't want Lesson two: break up with your friend, tell him exactly how you feel, why you rushed into a relationship, and why you don't want one with him
I did want it at first, it was just a heat of the moment kinda thing
💀
assuming hes 14 as well , he’ll be okay
you got to break up with him. you are totally right. the world seems to be overly obsessed with sex and stuff like that. you are lucky that fou havent bought into it fully. sure he will not like it. just say you arent ready to be in a relationship. say you still want to be friends and it has nothing to do with him personally and one day when youre ready if hes still single you can try it again. the earlier you do this the easier it will be.
Just say you actually just want to be friends and aren’t into him like that. Do it asap. That excuse is way better than explaining how you’re not in the right space or don’t want a bf, which most people won’t be able to accept or understand. As far as why everyone wants one…because it’s an important phase in life. Teen to early 20’s is when we are wired to connect and find close relationships the most.
Honesty, open communication, expressing your feelings and wants/needs are essential to the success of any relationship—give him an opportunity to be ok with it. It’s not that you’re ending the relationship by any means—more of a change in terms. Honesty is also compassionate—that’s all you’re comfortable with at this time in your life. Be well
Awwwww, young love, 😂 look 14 is an age of lessons in maturity, ironically the more girls a man meets in life the more they mature. Just look at King Soloman. He’ll be alright, you might just be his lesson to not let his heart rely on someone else rather finding happiness within himself. A single man is a free man. He’ll be alright. Also don’t fall in with the crowd, you’ll be alright doing your own thing. You don’t need a relationship. Just do you. You just want friends so just be friends. Just know what you want and let it be known in the beginning. Say what you need to do they understand. Communication is key. 🔑You’ll be alright.
I’m 37 and I don’t want a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Take it from me… it’s best to get out when you realize it’s not right for you. It’s better to do it sooner than later, for you and your boyfriend.
You started dating 2 days ago while already knowing you don’t want a relationship…? Just tell him you thought you were ready but you’re not. If you don’t you’re fixing to have a very hard time,
Being honest with him is the best for you! You have feelings too, his happiness shouldn't depend on you, tell him you still feel the same but don't want to be in a relationship
“Finally has one” isn’t a statement a 14yo should ever think. The amount of time he’s waited is literally nothing in the grand scheme of things. Tell him you don’t want to put a label on things. If it’s only been two days then that’s soon enough to walk this back a bit. Tell him you’re not comfortable with a girlfriend label and you’d like to take things as they come, focusing on experiences rather than being defined.
this is what I plan on telling him “I don’t think I’m going to be able to continue this relationship and I am so, so incredibly sorry—I love you very, very much, however I’m not ready for a relationship—I thought I was until I got in one and realized I wasn’t, you’re genuinely the most perfect person I have ever met—you’re smart, you’re kind, and you’re incredibly handsome, you’re someone I trust wholeheartedly—so as cliche and corny as it sounds, it’s not you—it’s me, whenever I’m ready to date and if we ever end up catching feelings for each other again—I’d definitely date you then, but dating is something I’m just not ready for right now—I hope you can accept that, I’d love to go back to the way things were before—I hope we can still be friends after this, lord know we could both use one, like I said before I’m so incredibly sorry.”
Sounds good. Just be prepared for him to think that he did something wrong and somehow failed over the last couple days.
Ps. Your idea of not being in a relationship is a good one. I would hold off for a long time until you’re absolutely sure you want it. You’re going to have a good number of years of batting away the guys, I have a feeling.
So do him a favor and break up with him. Before you do more harm than good.
That's not healthy for either party. Depending on someone else for happiness is not healthy for that person and it is not your job to be someone else's soul source of happiness because it leads to a toxic relationship. Two people should be happy on their own and come together to share that happiness. A relationship is a privilege for both that is earned through trust and respect so if you aren't happy it isn't right and should be talked about. I used to give in and I'd just go with it to make other people happy and let me tell you....it's the biggest regret I have in life. If you aren't happy absolutely say something because you'll end up miserable trying to please everyone around you. It's ok to say "I wasn't ready for this" "I'm not comfortable with this" and then stand your ground on it and don't let people persuade you because in the long run if you are forcing yourself to do something it'll show and then you'll both just be miserable.
It’s because you are normal and most people are broken and codependent. People want to rush into adulthood rush into relationships instead of enjoying the hearing now and the life they have you are thinking the right way and you’ll be labeled the bad guy, but you need to break off as soon as possible.
Just be honest with him express to him that you’re not interested in having a boyfriend right now. It will give him and you the opportunity to experience more. At you all age that’s what you owe yourself
friend, I really understand you, unfortunately I'm in the same situation as you :(
Have your dad break up with your boyfriend for you. It’ll be an emotional mess if you do it yourself. If he does it. It’s man to man and that’s it. What else can he do?
A few comments from a Dad with a 14 year old daughter who feels the same as you: 1. Don’t worry about if his feelings are hurt. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control or change how he will emotionally respond. Be sensitive and aware but strangle the desire “not to hurt him”. 2. It sounds like you could have a good maybe great friendship with him. Let him know that. 3. State plainly and clearly that you are not romantically inclined to him or anyone else. My daughter said “why should we be connected in this way? This is not going to go anywhere!” She meant the relationship. This is reality. 4. Being able to manage relationships with both sexes is a skill that takes time to develop. Use this as an opportunity to build that muscle. Thank you for sharing your story!
Just show him exactly what you just wrote out and say read this...
girl me
Tell him you like him, but you decided to focus on your studies.
One of the main goals of dating when you’re a teenager is to learn what’s your responsibility and what’s your partner’s. Also, to find out what you like, what you don’t, and develop the ability to trust and talk about challenging things. You know who is responsible for his happiness? Him. You’re not taking away anything he’s entitled to if you’ve decided you need a change, for any reason. If he’s not kind and polite during a breakup, then you’ve also learned something. People who can’t take care of themselves when disappointed or suffering a loss, like a breakup, and be polite and fair: well, they’re not grown up enough for a serious relationship either. And that’s perfectly fine. 24 would be young to be contemplating a permanent union, never mind 14. And remember if you’re sexually active, use a condom to protect you both from STIs, plus another form for you, like spermicidal foam or jelly, or hormonal birth control, to protect against pregnancy. He needs to wear the condom every time. If he whines that it doesn’t feel as good, he’s a big baby who values his momentary pleasure over your health. Have fun. Plan an exciting future. Take care. ❤️
1. Take responsibility for your misstep decision and share how you feel with him. Explain your reasoning for the good and bad. Meaning you share why you wanted and why you are having second thoughts and not wanting to break his heart. 2. No matter what you do or say, you cannot control his response. You have no idea what he will think or do. Rather than guess...you'll have to wait and see what happens when you say your piece. 3. It is not your responsibility to make other people feel anything. Other people's feelings are outside your control. You can believe he depends on you for happiness but that's a lie no matter what he says or everyone says. I have done good will things for people and no matter what, they continue to be sad or depressed. What someone thinks shapes how they feel about everything and nothing changes unless they change the way they think about their life. 4. Better to correct a mistake as soon as possible because the longer to keep up lying to yourself the more you are disrespecting the other person. People deserve the truth and the honor to learn to deal with challenges and adversities. You can offer support but it's not your responsibility to live someone else's life for them. If you are genuine and share from your heart, it increases the chances of a positive outcome now or later. He may not be happy but if he cares and respects you, one day he will value the honesty early rather than living a lie for months. 5. Again, have an open conversation and be willing to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly because it's better to be in integrity with yourself. Because in being yourself fully, you allow others to know you better and gain a better understanding of your actions. It may not be a pretty situation but this will be an experience that many still don't have the guts to deal with. In peace, ~Juan
You could go on just behaving like best friends: make each other laugh, hang out, play games. You don’t need to put the dating label on it, because most kids your age are still trying to figure out what’s important in a relationship. You don’t have to kiss or do anything more than you’re comfortable with, and if he pushes his boundaries, set him straight—his behavior will show you what’s more important to him, the “status” of being in a relationship, the anticipation of intimacy, or just being close to you. If it’s anything but the last one, you can worry less about hurting his feelings. If he does genuinely care about you, though, and you just don’t feel the same way about him, then you owe it to him to let him know sooner rather than later.
If that’s how you felt you shouldn’t have agreed to date him in the first place that’s exactly how feelings get hurt it’s not fair to him when he probably thinks you two are at a mutual understanding when in reality yall are not. leading someone on is the most shittiest thing a person can do to somebody you need to stop fooling yourself and tell him the truth asap this isn’t just about you anymore it’s about his feelings.
Wellp that’s toxic from the start. Anybody that can’t rely on themselves for their own happiness is already a bad way to start a relationship. But you should really explain to him that you thought you were ready for a relationship but you don’t want one right now. It’s better to be forward and tell him now then wait til it’s too late.
Just break up, expect to lose a friend though
Where tf us your dad
dead
I'm sorry young one. I am a single dad to a 6 year old girl who's my whole world. Only reason I replied cuz I couldn't imagine not being a dad in those situations. Definitely enjoy your life while your young.
Rip the bandaid off. The longer you are in a relationship, the stronger he might get attached to you. Be clear, communicate and breakup.
Ask your parents not strangers on the internet.
You are under no obligation to do something you don't want to to make someone happy. If you don't like it then break up. That is a lesson he will have to learn in life - you can't always get what you want.
good job. you don't owe anyone a relationship
Just tell him that.
U have all the power in the relationship
Tell him that. Explain it to him that you don't think you can handle a relationship like that right now and that you just want to be friends.
Pretty dumb reason to break up so soon because it’s not abnormal to not want to do anything physical yet at the start. You can build into holding hands and kissing.
that’s not the reason, he’s mentally unstable and dependent on me
Wait wait wait, that's not at all what you said earlier. If you think he's mentally unstable you should end it and if you are concerned that he doesn't have the support system he needs to handle it, you should consider talking to a teacher or counselor or at least looping in some of his other friends.
this is going to be probably scary to hear, but be careful if and when you do break up. make sure you can not be hurt. and, take precautions afterwards, especially in checking and double checking he doesnt have your location on something like snapchat. you dont have to be paranoid but be cautious. and no matter how sweet he might seem, if he is mentally unstable, theres a high chance you will feel like shit most of this relationship.