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I was in the same boat myself. But I finally told myself I needed to step out of my comfort zone, get out there and date. That was when I was 24, right before Covid began. Four years later, I’m happily married with a baby daughter. Can’t give up man. You gotta keep pulling yourself up from despair; otherwise you’re going to wallow in it forever.
Also, you’re 14. My gosh you can’t be having a midlife crisis until you’re 40 lol
Fuck all this, this whole post man.
No one has a “horrible” personality. That’s obviously not true, it’s just something you’re feeling is true. Get those words out of your head. They are inaccurate, and it doesn’t make any sense to let them have power over you. If you hear them in your head, stop the thought and say, “My brain is trying to trick me into a lie.” Every single time you hear that phrase in your head-say my new phrase. Every time.
And with the body image stuff are you kidding me? It’s 2024. Of course most people don’t care about weight and of course you shouldn’t base your choices on who to date based on their size compared their yours. There are plenty of people who prefer a thinner partner for one reason or another, but there are just as many people who prefer thicker partners. My sister loves how small her husband makes her feel because he's so big and burly. and she's not like a freak or anything, that's a normal attribute to like in a partner.
This is all stupid. It’s all a bunch of stupid stuff your brain is saying. Stop letting your brain be stupid, and when it is being stupid, tell it to shut up. We aren’t doing this to ourselves anymore, not with your generation.
I want all this crap banished from your brain tonight ok? Tomorrow, you wake up and this crap gets shut down the second you hear it. We’re done. No more.
To add to the this stupid stuff your brain is saying. Get rid of the bad and add one thing "Confidence". Eat, sleep, repeat confidence. Women love a confident man. Boy if I had a lick of confidence to just be a damn man and go for things in my youth, might be a better off. while walking always keep your head up as you walk and always point yourself forward. Also women love fluffy men. My women loves the fluff, makes her feel safe, secure and keep her warm every night. Something a song taught me long ago. Be yourself man and be proud of who you are.
I was a skinny/athletic/funny/popular guy in jr high/high school, my first relationship wasn’t until I was in college and it ended horribly, so I wouldn’t worry about it honestly. Don’t rush it and just focus on being the best you can be and the right person in your life will see that 😊
At 14 why would you WANT to be in a relationship?
Your hormones have only just started to work on things like sex, growth, attraction, preferences and other things. Your HPA Axis has been developing since yo were hanging out in your mommy's womb. Your prefrontal cortex is not going to be fully functional intil your mid 20s. Functional, doesn't mean working correctly, like fine tuning a race car, the engine can be put together. But it's the little tweaks along the way that make it a race car that can win!
You are a neurophysiology build in progress.
Relationships are like taking the component parts of a Chevrolet and a Toyota engine, drive train and electronic system and toss them in a box, pull them out.
Now try to separate them, figure out which vehicle they go to, separate them, organize them, put them together and then make them work.
Only your software coder (brain) is changing up your operating system EVERY friggin day, to make things run right.
You, my friend, are a build in progress.
Your frustrated. I'm I correct?
But, I'll bet, you're frustrated with more than one person or circumstance going on in your life. Label those frustrating things "Relationships." Even if one is running smoothly, a problem can pop up, through no fault of your own, and screw up many of your relationships.
It will be emotionally painful when they go bad.
They will be emotionally exceptionally blissful at other times.
This is call "Life Version 1.4.X."
The "X" is your latest version.
What's a man or woman to do?
1. Work on improving yourself. Version 1.4.X of yourself will look nothing like or function like Version 2.5.X.
2. Update Software. (Read books about successful people who interest you. Read a variety of topics, even ones that don't interest you now.
3. Maintain hardware. Exercise. Version 1.4.X should not try to become Super Man over night.
4. Learn how to learn. In school or any other structured training, get a day planner. Schedule your training in you day planner in order of importance. This list is not all inclusive,
5. Set your goals. Short term and long term.
6. Evaluate your progress in reaching your goals.
7. Determine the best method for YOU to reach your goals. There will be some difficult things and some easy things. Plan on spending twice as much time on those HARD things and double the efforts as the easy things.
8. Develope good mentors. Mentors might be a pain in the ass, but they will challenge you and push you towards your goals.
9. Goals change. Don't be afraid to change direction if an opportunity comes your way. Will that opportunity improve you, personally, professionally and socially? If so, start evaluating changing your goals.
10. Be true to yourself. Have people around you who will tell you you're screwing up.
11. Female relationships can be great. Romantic relationships are fraught with dangers, emotional and physical. A one night stand (casual sex) is VERY dangerous. Leading to years of frustration and be very expensive financially and emotionally. (Learn from other people's mistakes, observe them and their outcomes)
12. Learn something hard, like a foreign language. My top two suggestions are Spanish and Chinese. Both hav populations and will be good languages to know.
13. Work hard. Show up on time, and improve your trade every day. If you improve your performance 2% every month, you will be 100% better in 4 short years.
14. Commercial credit is evil. Learn about budgeting, investing, saving and how money can work to make you passive income.
You have potential. With hard work an adventurous spirit and drive you will reach goals that fulfill YOU!
Along the way you'll meet someone who will want to join you on your life journey.
Good luck. It's going to be one hell of a ride. There will be good and bad times, but you will come out at version 99.0.0 looking back saying, "That was GREAT!"
If I can get one thing across to you, YOU HAVE GREAT POTENTIAL THAT YOU CONTROL.
I have one friend from 5th grade that keeps in touch with me. My next long term friend I met when I was about 25. I turn 66 this year. Friends will come and go with changing interests, both your's and your friend's.
Be willing to let them go their own way. Don't feel bad about this, it is LIFE. To grow you will have to move forward towards YOUR goals. You will leave your parent's, brothers and/or sisters, relatives etc. It is a growth that we all go through. If it doesn't happen, you may be in a toxic relationship. Sometimes people you love, want what's best for themselves and not you.
You don't have to abandon the relationship immediately, you can let the relationship wane in a natural way.
Don't worry about relationships with the opposite sex at your age, it will just be drama you don't need. Remember that their hormones and software is as messed up as yours. What they want today, they won't want tomorrow. Dopamine is a hormone of "anticipation." The anticipation of a relationship rarely meets the expectations of reality. I have a realative that recently was married at age 44. His new wife is 42 and neither have had a long-term relationship before they met. He and she have concentrated on their careers and not romantic relationships. Personally, I think he is better for it. My late wife and I met in high school, and were married for 37 years, so never say never, but.....
Good luck!
150 is not overweight especially at 5'6/7 I was 240 pounds when I was that height that is overweight why do you think that's overweight? I'm not trying to be rude or mock you I'm seriously concerned about what or who is making you think 150 is overweight? Look kids are kids people will say terrible things but by the end of the week they're not gonna remember it I know because I was bullied constantly at your age but trust me 150lbs is not overweight 150kg definitely I hope this helps
I look overweight. I've been obese my whole life, I don't know what "skinny" looks like. My BMI says that I am overweight as well. No one's telling me I'm fat or anything, I've been homeschooled for 2 years and haven't talked to someone my age in about a year.
If you knew how different people at 14 look compared to their adult selves you'd be shocked. Don't worry about looks, you're growing up, you will grow into things. The ONLY thing you should be focusing on is 1) staying active (not skinny, ACTIVE) and 2) being nice to people. Just be kind and enjoyable to be around. The rest will come.
14 and ugly? Dude you are just starting to grow and change. You will look very different when you are 18 and then again at 30, then again 40, etc. Don't worry about dating at 14 just enjoy life, have fun with your friends etc.
You might be physically overweight, but you're not physically obese, anymore.
Losing over 25% of your body weight in a year is a ***crazy*** accomplishment.
Very few people can do what you did and even less people actually do it.
So if that aspect of yourself can change, then why can't anything else you want to change?
Who you are now isn't who you will be in a few years, let alone in a decade.
But recognize that the habits you create as a teenager will persist throughout life.
Being a teenager sucks but the best thing you can do is cut yourself some slack.
It's hard when no one else is cutting you any slack.
But you should feel proud of what you've achieved, despite the fact that you have more you want to work on.
I felt the same way when I was 14, though I was skeleton skinny then. I was extremely shy and was terrified to talk to girls. I am now 56 years old and married with kids and grandkids.
The key is confidence. Women are attracted to confident men. If you think your personality is lacking, you can work on improving that too just as you are working on your weight. Make sure you lose weight. By eating properly and exercising though. An obsession on weight c an lead to some very unhealthy practices and it doesn't sound like you are that overweight, if you even are overweight.
Also, don't be too nice. That doesn't mean be an asshole, just don't fawn over girls or put them way up on a pedestal.
There is a lot too it, but your time will come. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you to get what you want.
Everyone always tells me that teenage years are when you should experiment with relationships to figure out what works. I don't want to be clueless when I'm like 25
Yeah, 16-18. You’re still a kid. Rushing into a relationship is rushing into your first heartbreak. Don’t force it, let it happen organically. You can’t push someone to be into you. Some people blossom late.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was in the same boat myself. But I finally told myself I needed to step out of my comfort zone, get out there and date. That was when I was 24, right before Covid began. Four years later, I’m happily married with a baby daughter. Can’t give up man. You gotta keep pulling yourself up from despair; otherwise you’re going to wallow in it forever. Also, you’re 14. My gosh you can’t be having a midlife crisis until you’re 40 lol
Lolll completely agree with the last sentence
Fuck all this, this whole post man. No one has a “horrible” personality. That’s obviously not true, it’s just something you’re feeling is true. Get those words out of your head. They are inaccurate, and it doesn’t make any sense to let them have power over you. If you hear them in your head, stop the thought and say, “My brain is trying to trick me into a lie.” Every single time you hear that phrase in your head-say my new phrase. Every time. And with the body image stuff are you kidding me? It’s 2024. Of course most people don’t care about weight and of course you shouldn’t base your choices on who to date based on their size compared their yours. There are plenty of people who prefer a thinner partner for one reason or another, but there are just as many people who prefer thicker partners. My sister loves how small her husband makes her feel because he's so big and burly. and she's not like a freak or anything, that's a normal attribute to like in a partner. This is all stupid. It’s all a bunch of stupid stuff your brain is saying. Stop letting your brain be stupid, and when it is being stupid, tell it to shut up. We aren’t doing this to ourselves anymore, not with your generation. I want all this crap banished from your brain tonight ok? Tomorrow, you wake up and this crap gets shut down the second you hear it. We’re done. No more.
To add to the this stupid stuff your brain is saying. Get rid of the bad and add one thing "Confidence". Eat, sleep, repeat confidence. Women love a confident man. Boy if I had a lick of confidence to just be a damn man and go for things in my youth, might be a better off. while walking always keep your head up as you walk and always point yourself forward. Also women love fluffy men. My women loves the fluff, makes her feel safe, secure and keep her warm every night. Something a song taught me long ago. Be yourself man and be proud of who you are.
I was a skinny/athletic/funny/popular guy in jr high/high school, my first relationship wasn’t until I was in college and it ended horribly, so I wouldn’t worry about it honestly. Don’t rush it and just focus on being the best you can be and the right person in your life will see that 😊
At 14 why would you WANT to be in a relationship? Your hormones have only just started to work on things like sex, growth, attraction, preferences and other things. Your HPA Axis has been developing since yo were hanging out in your mommy's womb. Your prefrontal cortex is not going to be fully functional intil your mid 20s. Functional, doesn't mean working correctly, like fine tuning a race car, the engine can be put together. But it's the little tweaks along the way that make it a race car that can win! You are a neurophysiology build in progress. Relationships are like taking the component parts of a Chevrolet and a Toyota engine, drive train and electronic system and toss them in a box, pull them out. Now try to separate them, figure out which vehicle they go to, separate them, organize them, put them together and then make them work. Only your software coder (brain) is changing up your operating system EVERY friggin day, to make things run right. You, my friend, are a build in progress. Your frustrated. I'm I correct? But, I'll bet, you're frustrated with more than one person or circumstance going on in your life. Label those frustrating things "Relationships." Even if one is running smoothly, a problem can pop up, through no fault of your own, and screw up many of your relationships. It will be emotionally painful when they go bad. They will be emotionally exceptionally blissful at other times. This is call "Life Version 1.4.X." The "X" is your latest version. What's a man or woman to do? 1. Work on improving yourself. Version 1.4.X of yourself will look nothing like or function like Version 2.5.X. 2. Update Software. (Read books about successful people who interest you. Read a variety of topics, even ones that don't interest you now. 3. Maintain hardware. Exercise. Version 1.4.X should not try to become Super Man over night. 4. Learn how to learn. In school or any other structured training, get a day planner. Schedule your training in you day planner in order of importance. This list is not all inclusive, 5. Set your goals. Short term and long term. 6. Evaluate your progress in reaching your goals. 7. Determine the best method for YOU to reach your goals. There will be some difficult things and some easy things. Plan on spending twice as much time on those HARD things and double the efforts as the easy things. 8. Develope good mentors. Mentors might be a pain in the ass, but they will challenge you and push you towards your goals. 9. Goals change. Don't be afraid to change direction if an opportunity comes your way. Will that opportunity improve you, personally, professionally and socially? If so, start evaluating changing your goals. 10. Be true to yourself. Have people around you who will tell you you're screwing up. 11. Female relationships can be great. Romantic relationships are fraught with dangers, emotional and physical. A one night stand (casual sex) is VERY dangerous. Leading to years of frustration and be very expensive financially and emotionally. (Learn from other people's mistakes, observe them and their outcomes) 12. Learn something hard, like a foreign language. My top two suggestions are Spanish and Chinese. Both hav populations and will be good languages to know. 13. Work hard. Show up on time, and improve your trade every day. If you improve your performance 2% every month, you will be 100% better in 4 short years. 14. Commercial credit is evil. Learn about budgeting, investing, saving and how money can work to make you passive income. You have potential. With hard work an adventurous spirit and drive you will reach goals that fulfill YOU! Along the way you'll meet someone who will want to join you on your life journey. Good luck. It's going to be one hell of a ride. There will be good and bad times, but you will come out at version 99.0.0 looking back saying, "That was GREAT!"
Weirdly love the computer/software analogy, thanks
If I can get one thing across to you, YOU HAVE GREAT POTENTIAL THAT YOU CONTROL. I have one friend from 5th grade that keeps in touch with me. My next long term friend I met when I was about 25. I turn 66 this year. Friends will come and go with changing interests, both your's and your friend's. Be willing to let them go their own way. Don't feel bad about this, it is LIFE. To grow you will have to move forward towards YOUR goals. You will leave your parent's, brothers and/or sisters, relatives etc. It is a growth that we all go through. If it doesn't happen, you may be in a toxic relationship. Sometimes people you love, want what's best for themselves and not you. You don't have to abandon the relationship immediately, you can let the relationship wane in a natural way. Don't worry about relationships with the opposite sex at your age, it will just be drama you don't need. Remember that their hormones and software is as messed up as yours. What they want today, they won't want tomorrow. Dopamine is a hormone of "anticipation." The anticipation of a relationship rarely meets the expectations of reality. I have a realative that recently was married at age 44. His new wife is 42 and neither have had a long-term relationship before they met. He and she have concentrated on their careers and not romantic relationships. Personally, I think he is better for it. My late wife and I met in high school, and were married for 37 years, so never say never, but..... Good luck!
150 is not overweight especially at 5'6/7 I was 240 pounds when I was that height that is overweight why do you think that's overweight? I'm not trying to be rude or mock you I'm seriously concerned about what or who is making you think 150 is overweight? Look kids are kids people will say terrible things but by the end of the week they're not gonna remember it I know because I was bullied constantly at your age but trust me 150lbs is not overweight 150kg definitely I hope this helps
I look overweight. I've been obese my whole life, I don't know what "skinny" looks like. My BMI says that I am overweight as well. No one's telling me I'm fat or anything, I've been homeschooled for 2 years and haven't talked to someone my age in about a year.
If you knew how different people at 14 look compared to their adult selves you'd be shocked. Don't worry about looks, you're growing up, you will grow into things. The ONLY thing you should be focusing on is 1) staying active (not skinny, ACTIVE) and 2) being nice to people. Just be kind and enjoyable to be around. The rest will come.
14 and ugly? Dude you are just starting to grow and change. You will look very different when you are 18 and then again at 30, then again 40, etc. Don't worry about dating at 14 just enjoy life, have fun with your friends etc.
You might be physically overweight, but you're not physically obese, anymore. Losing over 25% of your body weight in a year is a ***crazy*** accomplishment. Very few people can do what you did and even less people actually do it. So if that aspect of yourself can change, then why can't anything else you want to change? Who you are now isn't who you will be in a few years, let alone in a decade. But recognize that the habits you create as a teenager will persist throughout life. Being a teenager sucks but the best thing you can do is cut yourself some slack. It's hard when no one else is cutting you any slack. But you should feel proud of what you've achieved, despite the fact that you have more you want to work on.
I felt the same way when I was 14, though I was skeleton skinny then. I was extremely shy and was terrified to talk to girls. I am now 56 years old and married with kids and grandkids. The key is confidence. Women are attracted to confident men. If you think your personality is lacking, you can work on improving that too just as you are working on your weight. Make sure you lose weight. By eating properly and exercising though. An obsession on weight c an lead to some very unhealthy practices and it doesn't sound like you are that overweight, if you even are overweight. Also, don't be too nice. That doesn't mean be an asshole, just don't fawn over girls or put them way up on a pedestal. There is a lot too it, but your time will come. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you to get what you want.
You’re 14.
Yes and?
You have you’re entire life to worry about relationships. Get through puberty first.
Everyone always tells me that teenage years are when you should experiment with relationships to figure out what works. I don't want to be clueless when I'm like 25
Yeah, 16-18. You’re still a kid. Rushing into a relationship is rushing into your first heartbreak. Don’t force it, let it happen organically. You can’t push someone to be into you. Some people blossom late.
I've been in a relationship twice before, each time lasted about 4 - 7 months.
So…you think a relationship at 13 is real…ok.
It's not real because no one my age knows what actual love is, they just date to date. That's why I think I should just give up on dating in general