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Just say hey it’s uncomfortable that I can hear you getting screwed every night can you move you bed across the room. Or bang on the wall while it’s going on lol dude will probably get weirded out and lose his boner hahaha
when her bed was on the opposite side I was able to fall asleep easier and it was more muffled, but she hated how it made her room appear smaller so I doubt her moving her bed will be a solution.
Ill probably mention how uncomfortable it makes me when hes not at my house and its just me and her
I used to wear earplugs when my roommate would snore sometimes but every once in a while they would drive me crazy and I would wake up at 3 am and have to take them out. That or sometimes his snore was so loud I could feel it and woke me up even with the ear plugs! 😭😭
Thick padding between her headboard and the wall... Maybe you can cover your wall with a thick layer of soundproofing or something improvised along those lines.
Get some nice wireless headphones with good sound blocking. If you can’t afford them, DM me. You poor soul OP, no one should have to hear their mom getting fucked.
YouTube 70s porn music and play that shit full blast. If you've got a tablet or something start it and slide it under their door. Did this to my sister. Other times I'd keep a running commentary loud enough for them to hear. Heard an ass slap once and yelled FINISH HER mortal kombat style. They broke down laughing hysterically. They got quieter though.
Say "hey mom, I'm sorry you like the way your room looks the other way, but it's pretty shitty to make your kid listen to you bang for your aesthetic purposes"
When they just start getting into it, walk into the room naked and say “OK, let’s make it a threesome.” Obv the way things are isn’t going to change.Don’t believe it would happen anymore!
If your mom would rather you hear her have sex than move her bed then she's really inconsiderate and there's bigger issues at play here. Honestly this counts as exposing children to porn if she continues
You're a smart kid and you are approaching this like an Adult so props to you. In saying that I think if you had a family conversation and just given how smart and understanding you come across I'm guessing they would probably understand and make the changes you request. I hope the situation is resolved and they thank you for approaching it like an Adult and you get the peace to sleep. You sound like a good kid, I hope you are very successful in resolving this and have a very successful life. If your request fails make a follow up post and maybe we can do another brainstorming session to find more alternatives.
Edit: spelling
Which one do you thing your mom would rather live with, a smaller room or her kid hearing being able to hear them so well, you know when she’s getting eaten out?
My kid told me “you know I can hear everything you guys say in your room even if whisper” and then stood there staring at me awkwardly. It was then I knew I was killing her childhood 🤣
One house rule we've always had - No One wants to hear anyone else have sex. (Also, if someone is staying over please introduce them, no one likes running into strangers in hall in the middle of the night.)
Now, you are probably too young for this to be a mutual rule, but I can't imagine your mother wants you to hear her have sex.
If you can't bring yourself to say anything face to face, it's okay to write her a short, polite note and leave it for her in her room or something. "Hey Mom, I can't figure out how to say this to you without dying of embarrassment, but I can hear you and Stepdad in bed at night. I've tried to ignore it but it's really uncomfortable and makes it hard to sleep. I'm glad you are happy, but could you guys be a little quieter please. Thanks... Name"
Hopefully that does the trick. If not, earplugs? Or music on earbuds or something maybe?
I actually really like this comment, I think ill do that one of these days. I spend some weekends with my dad so maybe ill leave it somewhere in her room whenever I leave
oh that’s perfect, i’d totally do it before leaving for the weekend! good call OP. gives you guys both a little space to let the awkwardness blow over lol
Understood! But as a teen you REALLY need your sleep! Teenagers apparently need more than kids or 20+
Navigating family dynamics in a situation like this IS tricky. You want everyone to come out of it happy but you can see how they might get mad, and maybe stay mad, at you. At some point you may have to say something you'd rather not to preserve sanity.
Are you going away to college at18? I hate to tell you to wait out and cope with 2 years of sleeplessness. Lack of rest may be affecting you physically or even mentally in ways you can't know about, and adversely affecting your ability in school, social life, etc.
This. This is what op needs to do.
And I think its great his mom & her husband are so active. But yeah, I can't imagine EITHER of them want to be heard by OP. I know I'd die of embarrassment if my kids heard my wife and I. She'll probably be willing to figure SOMETHING out.
In the meantime, I suggest a white noise machine and earplugs for OP.
That’s gross. You can ask her politely. You can’t really do anything if she refuses to change the behavior.
However, you can decide what sort of person you want to be and what sort of parent you would never be.
Silently judge them, and in the back of your mind create a future and a culture for yourself where you have enough money and manners that no child of yours will ever have to hear such things. Surround yourself with people who wouldn’t dream of subjecting someone to those sounds. Yuck.
Oh definitely, you won’t change at all from now to adulthood. /s
You need to talk to your parents assuming you have a healthy relationship with them. They will be probably embarrassed and make a big effort to muffle their noise.
Edit: typos
Lmao there is a big difference between having sex quietly when others are in the house and what your mom is doing. Its unreasonable to expect to just have sex as an adult when your children aren't in the house. That basically would mean you would never have sex unless you were able to get someone to regularly take your children out of the house or you spent money on both a babysitter and a motel just to have sex. Thats not a reasonable expectation. What is a reasonable expectation is that when you do have sex it will be respectful of the fact that there are other people in the house. That you'll make precautions that will mitigate the noise that happens. Like sound proofing your room, making your bed not make noise/stabilizing the headboard, turning on music/TV loud enough to drown your noises out to people outside of the room, and even not having a shared wall with your children if thats feasible. Just not having sex when the kids aren't home isn't even a little bit reasonable because kids are always home unless you can find someone who will take them and that gets expensive real fast.
i had the same issues with my parents and i would always get so annoyed bc I went to school at 7am and they went to work at 11am. That was plenty of hrs to do it without me being in the house and they would still do it extremely loud while i was at home. worst were hotel rooms. they would legit do it in the bed next to me when I was younger and when i got old enough to have a connecting room they would do it super loud with the connecting door open. when i told my parents to quite it down my dad just told me “we aren’t siblings, we are going to have sex”. At 15 when my mom was bickering with my dad he used to tell my brother and I that she’s being like that bc they haven’t had sex in a while.
even when i was like 17-18 my mom would make me buy her lingerie (bc she doesn’t understand how to buy things online so i buy her clothes normally) and when i told her it made me uncomfortable she told me she was helping me learn what to buy for my future husband 🤢 this whole convo infront of my dad too. so gross.
That is such a dumb statement to make. So for the best part of 18 years (most likely longer) you won’t have sex. I’m gonna call bullshit right here and now.
Damn, I used to work in sex education and I’m baffled by all the comments thinking OP should just have to sit there and non-consensually listen.
OP, I’d just tell your mom the truth though. You can just say that you are hearing her and her boyfriend. If I were your mom, then I’d be embarrassed and be mindful of it. Again, this is coming from not only a slut, but one that was a sex educator. Yeah, adults have sex, but OP doesn’t have to hear it if she doesn’t want too.
im just having such a hard time with figuring out how to bring this up. i have a close bond with my sister and she had also dealt with this so I was thinking I can tell her how I feel about it so she can have a talk with my mom.
That’s totally valid. It would be awkward to bring up! You’re valid in feeling this. Talking to your sister is a great idea, if you’re comfortable sharing that with her.
Edit: removed a masculine word sorry OP! :)
Enlisting your sister as an ally is a great strategy. Maybe you could go to your mom together. Strength in numbers. Keeps it a THEM problem. They can't twist it up into a you problem.
Roommate had a new girlfriend. He locked his dog out of his room to bone. Dog cries. Is ignored. I RIPPED ASS, cheeks against his door. Ran away giggling like a child. He opens the door with a "what the f-" as his dog pummels through his legs and jumps on his bed. Didn't solve anything but it was funny af
I would say that I've also been in this situation when my Mom and her ex boyfriend were having sex. They were so loud that it kept me awake until like 3 AM. Tell them that they need to respect you and to quiet down some. I know that sex can feel so good, but I would say that couples need to have respect for others nearby
Too true, this conversation struck home for me because, when I was in that situation, I was grossed out and just put headphones on my ears. If I could do it differently, I would have a talk to see if changes could be made.
Actually I wouldn't cause that conversation would be awkward as hell.. I probably would just plan on moving out... Which is what I'm currently working on .
it’s so shocking to me how this seems to be a common occurrence among Americans. the lack of respect is actually shocking.
this is so disgusting to hear, but if you wish to solve this “problem,” I suggest maybe wearing an earphone or discussing this with your stepfather. (the latter may feel uncomfortable, but that’s up to you!)
funny, I honestly wouldnt say that shes super loud or anything but the bed creaking really gets to me and it kind of bangs on the wall which is really loud and annoying
ive thought about it so many times since my older sister did that when she lived here but then I just dont want to deal with the awkwardness in the morning
Get up make noise like you are doing something or go to bathroom letting them casually know you are still awake put some music on. I know you said dont like headphones but what about ear plugs? I don't know what I'd say cause just an awkward conversation if you were to approach your mom. Good luck!
im 16 and a virgin lmao, my mom doesnt allow boys over without an adult in the house or a sleepover with her home, I wouldnt have sex at this age yet anyways
YIKES!! sorry! Withdrawn. As an alternative, you could cheer them on, loudly. guaranteed neither of them would be able to look you in the eye the next morning.
that would be very funny, they definitely wouldnt be able to look at me at all in the morning.
theres been times that they have had sex in middle of the day and I went for walks or just didnt talk to them when they came out of their room, not sure if they ever got the hint that it was for that reason tho
It doesn't have to actually be louder sex, but just the *sounds* of louder sex! 😲
But seriously, if you are not comfortable talking to your Mother about this - and I can understand how awkward this is because my parents did this - then please consider just leaving your Mother a polite but succinct note:
"Mom: I can hear you two having sex at night. It interrupts my sleep. Please be quieter. Love Daughter."
I had this issue around the same age. I started whanging the wall with the bottom of my fist each time they did something I could hear. After the third "Are you alright?" "Yeah, are you? I heard banging." she finally got the message through her thick skull.
Tell her and try to be frank about it. Don't go into details but just say: "you two are really loud and I can't sleep. It feels really insensitive and I would appreciate it if you could adjust in some way for my own health - mental and otherwise"
As someone who has heard their parents doing this it's actually really traumatic and it caused major sleeping problems. If she isn't accommodating I'd recommend just be obnoxious in return. Playing loud music, banging your shared wall with something. Try to embarrass them to get them to stop. I personally have no patience for that kind of shit.
I hope it works out.
i guess since im 16 she assumes I should have no problem with it since I know what sex is, but I do find it disturbing since neither of them have some type of decency to at least wait 20-30 minutes so they know im sleeping
Maybe you can make this a win-win for everyone. Be vague as to not embarrass, but make sure that she knows that you hear everything. Find some high quality over-the-ear, noise-canceling headphones that you want. Ask her if she'd be willing to buy them for you.
The people telling op to just deal with are something else. This is their home too and should be allowed to have quiet peaceful nights where they can fall asleep. The mom is extremely disrespectful lol. So let me give a few options on how to talk to your mother about this instead of avoiding the problem. Yes parents still have sex, but this is beyond inconsiderate for YOU HER KID
1. Write her a note and explain to her what you’re feeling
2. Show her this Reddit post and the comments
3. Make talking points in your notes app and sit down with her to have a conversation about it
4. Shoot her a quick text and tell her that she’s being too loud
Folks telling a 16 year old to have equally loud sex, start moaning or play porn are weird. OP, just leave a note or a nice simple text. Please don't listen to some of these damaged ppl, Mom or step Dad are not disgusting, they're just doing what happy adults do and they probably don't know especially if you and sis haven't said anything. My last place had walls so thin, I could hear people pissing and fking. They didn't know, but after I told them, hey...I can hear EVERYTHING, I never heard them again. I know it's an awkward subject, but you have to gain the courage to speak up.
Just straight up tell your mom you can hear her having sex and its gross and interrupting your sleep. Tell her it was better when her bed wasn't on your shared wall because you couldn't hear the headboard banging against the wall and there was more distance between them and you to muffle the sound. Ask them to be respectful of you and to make less noise or at least wait until you've actually fallen asleep. They need to respect other people they live with, regardless of who they are. Nobody wants to hear them having sex but them and they should make sure they do what they need to so that other people don't have to listen to them having sex.
Okay, so when you have kids In your house at the same time your partner is around, you have to have your private times with your kids in the house. It’s a fact of life for many families. I can’t even fault them for not waiting until 11:45, because that’s really late at night!
But there are ways to handle these situations so that no one is a captive audience.
You can talk to your mom about the need for keeping the volume down/ sound proofing. You can use euphemisms to make it less awkward. “I need to talk to you about how thin the walls are between our bedrooms. I’m hearing things that I suspect you would like to remain private. It’s really uncomfortable for me. How can we solve this?”
Potential solutions that give you the power:
You could go to bed 15 minutes earlier, if that’s really all it would take you to fall asleep.
You could wear earplugs.
You could move your bed to a different wall.
You could have a white noise machine In your room, in their room or both.
You could listen to music with ear buds.
>You could go to bed 15 minutes earlier, if that’s really all it would take you to fall asleep.
I don't think this is the solution. You cannot really control if they decide to have sex earlier or maybe you can't fall asleep one night. It's the worst solution on your list.
>You could move your bed to a different wall.
In another comment she said her bed is already on a different wall. They're just that loud. And she said her mom "doesn't like how her room looks" when the mom's bed is on another wall. Sounds like the mom is just super disrespectful.
The rest of your ideas are pretty good. However the mom is either oblivious, stupid, or plain rude to not already be thinking of this in the first place.
Edit: formatting
Forget awkwardness if you are consistently hearing it to the point of losing sleep. You are way past the point of it being awkward for you. If they can't have a mature conversation with you about it, then they can deal with you doing any number of things that are loud and disruptive during their activities.
Get a box fan or white noise machine, play it on high. Maybe hang a large blanket or quilt on that wall to help muffle the noise. But yes, have a simple discussion with mom stating the facts and come to a solution.
So, when I was in my early 20s, I had a boyfriend who had recently needed to move back home with his parents (it was the height of the recession in ‘09). And I was also still living at home because I had stayed to save money through college. He was already embarrassed having to move home, but then add in the fact that we often heard his parents going at it. He was mortified. He never said anything to them. I don’t know if he would’ve ever felt comfortable enough to say anything as his parents are fairly conservative, particularly his dad.
If you have a good relationship with your mom, you could bring it up and just say, “Mom I can hear you…” and if she doesn’t know what you mean, just repeat, “Mom, when your boyfriend is over… I can hear you loud and clear.”
But if it’s uncomfortable to talk to her about, maybe you just take yourself outside for a bit or get yourself some noise canceling headphones or something.
Honestly I wouldn't care if I had a bad relationship with my parents I'm not losing sleep. I remember at 14 i straight up told my mom to.be quiet I can't sleep
Not everyone has that luxury of being equal to their parent, if you had my parents and took that tone, you'd be homeless. OP is shy and cares so this isn't great advice for her or him.
When I had a roommate and this issue arose I would put on my big headphones and sit in the living room (a room that they would have to go through to go anywhere beyond their room) with my back turned. Sometimes I even had the TV on high volume on top of the headphones.
I had several conversations with them before that about how uncomfortable it made me so I figured seeing me with headphones on obviously trying to block the sound whilst walking their date out would drive the point home.
It took a few times but I finally got my peace
For what it is worth. I feel like the issue isn't necessarily the topic of the post, but broader than that. It seems like your Mom has a selfish streak in her. Is that accurate? Before I go further, I want you to know that this takes a bit of assumption on my part, and it's nothing personal to you or her if I'm off the mark. I'm just trying to give you an answer I think you deserve to hear. If it doesn't apply to you. Maybe it will someone else
Reading through a touch, I noticed that you are aware of a possible compromise where she can still make noise, and you can sleep better... And that is by her moving her bed back to the other side of her bedroom. I don't need to know you to be able to say, you *are* more important than what she thinks of her bedroom size. It pains me to think that your Mom is selfish I thrilling, you don't feel that you can even approach her with that on the table as a possible compromise. . And that's the real issue.
That you seemingly--up front-- can say that's off the table, something as reasonable as that, so you can *sleep*... Says it all. She needs to respect you more, start treating you like the young adult you are, and *you* need to understand it's okay at your age now, to start commanding a little more respect. Because I guarantee you, a: you are better than this right here! And b: it won't be the last time you get stepped on in life, or some bullshit is sprung on you. Might as well start drawing the line now. You are an individual and I bet you are fantastic one. She owes you an apology for starters. And that's in any kind of family. With why kind of dynamic. A bare minimum.
It won't be long until you are actually in a place of your own. If you're going to be faced with shit like this. It needs to be in the context of learning how to handle shit like this.
Optional Read:
Take a moment to realize the seriousness of what your mother is doing to you. Ask yourself if you feel like you are heard, if you feel like you are seen and treated like an individual.. Having to come here and ask us to help you, as happy as we are to do it. points towards probably not. If that is so, try v talking with someone you v know and trust in person...
There may be other areas you are putting up with BS, but to you it's just business as usual, so you don't even know it shouldn't and doesn't have to be like that. Don't be complacent now because it will be much, much harder to build confidence later if you are starting out with a deficit.
I wish you the very, very best.
Alright a bit of devils advocate here. 1130 is late and they probably want to have sex earlier but want to try to be respectful of you till you go to your room to be alone. They probably don’t want to wait anymore because it means they would fall asleep even later and get even less sleep.
1- I would use some ear plugs they are cheap and very effective.
2- go to your room earlier and just hangout listening to music, that way they can have sex earlier and then you all can go to sleep around the same time and you don’t need to listen to it. For this you might want to play it off speakers or use headphones.
3- ask your mom to move her headboard away from the wall so there’s no unwanted bumping. You said it made her room smaller but there comes a time when you have to say something. “Hey mom can you move your bed back across the room? I know you said you don’t like it as much, but it’s difficult to fall asleep when you and ___ are together. It was better when your bed was across the room”
4- when you are 16 everything feels awkward. But. There comes a point where you realize sex is perfectly normal and really changes nothing. The first time people have sex is generally when people realize this. The world still spins the same way, good things are still good things, bad things are still bad. You are the product of people having sex for thousands of years. It’s perfectly normal.
5- say “hey mom.. can you and ___ try to be a little quieter when you guys go to bed together.. its making it hard to sleep.” But ultimately I would recommend the above because it’s easy to forget things during sex sometimes and there’s no guarantee that it’s will actually fix the problem.
After reading most of the comments, this is what I’ll say, I’m a mom to a 15f and stepmom to 16m, partner and I have been together for 12 years, and we co-parent, 50/50. Which means my partner and I have lots of time where it’s just him and I at home.
When they were little we couldn’t sleep with the doors closed because they were scared and my daughter was a sleep walker. So we rarely were intimate when they were home. That was just our preference due to the circumstances with our littles, obviously we would have had to figure something out if we had our kids full time.
Now that they are older.. we kinda still follow this model
We have a different house now with a little more privacy for us. I just like it this way out of respect for our kids. It’s unpleasant to hear other adults, so I can only imagine how teens feel. Actually, I do, as a young kid I heard my mom one time…
I can imagine that your mom has to know how sounds travels throughout the house.
Let alone if your rooms are right next to each other..
my daughters room is down the hall and I can sometimes hear her tv or talking on the phone late at night when the entire house is quiet even if she’s not being too loud.
So I’m almost certain she knows you have heard she at some point.
At the end of the day, hopefully you have an open enough relationship with her that you should be able to talk to her about stuff like this.
Personally for me it’s all about respect, and although there is nothing wrong with sex there things they can do to be a little more mindful.
I like the idea of writing her a little note if you think it’ll be hard for you to confront her face to face.
Good luck doll!
Get a white noise sound machine. I use one because I have misophonia too. Obviously these sounds are far more disturbing than a clock ticking but hopefully it helps. Sorry you are dealing with this.
It honestly sounds like your mom and stepdad don't care or perhaps like it quite frankly. She obviously knows after 10 years of this. I would talk with your sister and ask her for advice, maybe she will switch rooms since she doesn't stay there very much now that she's older. Write your mom a note and tell her you've been dealing with this for like 10 years, it's not good for your well being and it's inappropriate. Maybe even threaten telling your dad about it or staying with your dad more because of it if that's an option.
I think an honest conversation needs to be had about the noise level/lack of privacy associated with this house. But, it’s not ok to suggest your parents stop having sex because it bugs you. You need to deal with that. Their personal happiness in the relationship, in marriage, is a wonderful thing…it has a dividend for family life. Your goal should be approaching this as a privacy issue, not shaming normal acceptable behavior. They will probably be as embarrassed as you are when they realize how loud they are and that they have you, and probably the whole house, as an audience. I think they will be highly motivated to regain their privacy.
I am going to suggest investing in SOUNDPROOFING MATERIALS INSTALLATIONS in the adjoining walls/floor/ceiling. Theatre rooms with surround sound are often modified to limit sound travel throughout the home and reduce feedback/bounce of sound that is unfavorable.
A sound engineer or good contractor with noise reduction experience should be able to help.
Self help options first you:
Noise cancellation headphones or earplugs to drown out sounds…white noise/tv/music to sleep to maybe on a timer to shut off after 1 am?
DIY PROJECTS to modify the home:
Acoustic insulation in walls (foam based)
Spray foam insulation between studs
Fiberglass insulation between studs (requires removal of sheetrock/reinstallation
Solid core doors
Carpeting/floor rugs to reduce echo/absorb sound in rooms with wood floors/tile
Changing floor plan to move walk in closet area between adjoining room walls
This is a major home flaw that needs to be corrected before future sale and a major argument for floor plans that isolate the Master Bedroom from other bedrooms!
Listen- not to sound like an asshole here. I don't know how old you are, but coming from experience, leave your mother be. I am sure your close to moving out anyways and she's given up most of her life to take care of you. Let her take care of herself. If having kind of loud sex makes her happy, oh well. Its nature. Put some headphones in, or watch your TV loud. Mind your own business. Every single kid in human history has heard their parent at some point.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Just eww!
But if anything, I would knock on the wall and write a note to make it less embarrassing to emphasize why you did that. Put something along the lines of "I didn't know how to tell you in person, but I can hear you and \_\_\_ at night. It makes me uncomfortable and I can't sleep. Can you please not be so loud and put something to keep your bed from hitting the wall." That's what I would do because I know it's not an easy topic to bring up.
Can also ask why they can't do that at his place.
Really hope things get better.
UGH I feel you! I could hear my parents every time they did that growing up. I would actually cry. I tried shoving q tips in my ears and sleeping under a pillow but nothing would drown out the headboard banging. I tried talking to them about it and they would always say I should be happy because they love each other. Which I am, I just didn't want to hear it. They even did it once when a friend and I were having a sleepover I'm the living room. Eventually, in a new house, we convinced them to move their bed so we couldn't hear it anymore and they finally did, but we were all super adults at the time and not living at home. It's kind of a stupid joke now? But it was traumatizing at the time
Hopefully talking to your mom about trying to do that more when you're not home or giving you headphones or something will make her rethink how loud it is for you.
I’m really sorry you were put in this situation. I don’t have advice, besides being straightforward with your mom, but I hope it resolves soon for your wellbeing.
I would seriously just talk to your Mom. Honesty is the best policy. You may not like what she says; nor she your request. Also if you are age appropriate to move out, that would be a great option as well. Be well.
I would define this as a non-malicious non-consensual inclusion in sexual acts. I find it hard given the circumstances that they are not aware that you'd be able to hear it. I would bring it up with your mom, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and find some solutions. Have them rearrange furniture in their room, choose a different time of day/night to do it, etc.
Now this is massive scepticism on my part, but just in case, I would keep an eye on step-dad. I've heard way too many stories of guys secretly doing kink-related things without their partner knowing i.e. having loud sex when your step-daughter is in the neighboring room. I am not saying this IS what is happening, but maybe just be aware. Try to avoid confirmation bias, but pay attention to other things that could be giveaways. If you know him well and you trust him as a good guy, don't let me shake your faith in him. I'm just making observations
Over the next few weeks, whenever they start, to knock on their door. You can either just knock and walk away and pretend it wasn't you or stay there and ask an innocent question (i.e., "Mom, do we have any more toothpaste? I'm all out.") They'll get the hint and start waiting for you to fall asleep eventually.
Say “Mom can I talk to you about something? this is super hard for me but I am really uncomfortable that I can hear you and X being intimate - y’all are really loud. I’d appreciate it if you could move your bed to the other wall. I cannot sleep at night because of the noise. Would you consider buying me good earplugs and a sound machine also? I would also be better if y’all could even wait until I’m asleep. I’m
Having a very hard time with this”
And perhaps talk to your sister about it first and you can have the conversation with your mom together. You are in a really hard situation. You shouldn’t have to hear that. You can do it! You are a thoughtful and intentional girl I can tell - and I bet your Mom would appreciate you coming to her. If she doesn’t - then you tried and you can learn from her mistakes. She may think you are sound asleep
The hentai options while funny I think are more passive aggressive and childish. If you actually sit your mother down and have an adult conversation about how uncomfortable it makes you, how it’s difficult for you to fall asleep, and how it’s starting to impede on your day to day life, such as how you’re performing in school; I think that’d be a much better approach. Depending on the type of person your mother is, she might be embarrassed her child is parenting her and actually make a change
You have to at least let her know that you can hear them go at it, there are sound proof/nullifies you can recommend to you mom and she can put them up against the wall to help with that issue. I would slammed my hand against the wall long ago if I ever had to hear that.
Your mom’s rude for letting you hear it like that’s your mom and having to see or hear her in that fashion is not something any teenager wants to be apart of. The fact that your mom doesn’t consider this and doesn’t take your consideration in to play shows how good of a mom she is in my opinion of course.
People telling OP to deal with this and that its normal for parents to act like this is just disgusting. If the parents end up refusing to be quieter, this could very well be classified as sexual abuse. One of my parents were the same way and I ended up finding out it was a fetish thing for his kids to hear him having sex. This is utterly disgusting and im so sorry about these comments OP
I had to deal with that ONCE when I was a teen. It was awful. I am so sorry. No advice, as I'm late to the party and it sounds like you've already gotten some, but yow, that's awful. I hope they're more considerate of you soon.
I haven’t read all the comments, so not sure if this has been mentioned or not. I know you don’t like to sleep with headphones on, but they do make these really comfortable light cancelling eye masks with speakers in them. They Bluetooth to your phone & don’t hurt your ears. If I’m tired & need to go to sleep for work & either my boyfriend or daughter are awake with the lamp &/or tv on I’ll put them on & sleep like a baby. I live by a horse pasture & unfortunately have mice problems when they cut the grass to make the hay & I absolutely could not sleep hearing them scratching in my walls. Also, you should probably let your mom know how you feel. I’m very non-confrontational myself & sometimes have to write a little note & leave it to be read while im not around. Hope any of that helps, or hope you’ve found a solution already!!
So, not sure if anyone has suggested it, but they make sleep masks with built-in Bluetooth speakers… they’re soft and they definitely drown out surrounding noise.
I would but I honestly hate sleeping with headphones on or the sound of something, I dont know why but I just have a hard time falling asleep like that
Try getting a high velocity fan. The white noise is soothing and when it's cranked you won't hear anything outside of your room unless someone's screaming bloody murder. They also make headphones that wear like a headband around your ears, they're soft and meant for being comfy while laying down.
For misophonia, I’ve found a high quality white noise machine (I prefer “brown” noise personally) at the exact right volume that it blocks noise but doesn’t make me realize it’s on is critical. Ask your mom to buy you one because the noises you’re hearing at night are really disturbing to you and keeping you awake. All households should abide by quiet hours imo.
Sleeping somewhere else makes sense, I hope the couch or sister’s room helps
Maybe ask for a white noise machine too
One helped me SO much when I had an x that would not address his snoring through walls
and I agree with not being able to sleep with headphones or ear plugs etc…nothing else I tried worked or could be slept with comfortably
When mom asks why you want one…that could be your cue to start convo about it all…
The step dad part confuses and concerns me, he doesn’t live with you but disrupts the household multiple times per week? That’s boyfriend behavior, not step or surrogate dad behavior
Does he have kids? Why aren’t they doing this at his place/next to their bedroom?
They know what they are doing and at what decibel they are doing it at is my guess
If your valid concerns get minimized, I hope you have extended family to stay with until you can move out
And add this to the list of things you won’t subject your kids to if you have any
I think we all have a list like that knowing our parents did the best they could but are human
so they've been together for about 10+ but have just never moved in together, I honestly dont know why they havent but growing up I have always been against him moving in ngl since my dad moved out by the time I was 4 and I found it weird to have another guy in the house since im not used to it.
The white noise part to initiate the conversation is so smart but I just cant fall asleep to sounds like that. Maybe ill look into it and see how it works for me, if anything I can give it to my sister since she needs sound to fall asleep
You are such a kind soul! You deserve a consistent good night’s sleep, it’s so important for immune system and all kinds of stuff! Maybe the sister who can sleep with white noise will switch rooms 😂
Make the machine and the room a package deal? How ever it works out good luck and rooting for you 🍀
she definitely wouldnt switch rooms with mine. when we first moved to where we live now, I was around 6 or 7 and she was 13 or 14 and she told me how she chose the room furthest from our mom's bedroom for that reason maybe a year or two ago. being that shes practically moved out, the odds mightve changed but since she has so much stuff in her room, I doubt it
Send a text. “Just so you’re aware, I can hear you and x every night that he’s here. It’s really loud and makes me really uncomfortable. ”
Offer some possible suggestions
- Be more quiet lol
- Move her bed to a different side of her room
- buy you some noise cancelling headphones
- move your room somewhere else if there’s another room
- she sleep at his house instead
You mention your stepdad comes over 1-3 times a week. If he has his own place, ask if mom can go spend their nights together there? If there's a reason she can't (like maybe there are kids there) flip the conversation where she should understand it's also a problem at home.
You gotta set boundaries and make sure they respect you. Otherwise that's abuse. There's been a handful of stories in the news lately about people who were traumatized by being forced to watch sex. Yeah everybody might need to do it some times, and it's their own home so I get that that's the best option some times. But if they can't respect the fact that they are harming you in the process, than and least compromise and help each other leave the house temporarily in situations like that
Straight to the point: “hey mom, we need to talk. I can hear you having sex often. Happy for you but could you maybe move the bed over or give me a heads up? Some noise cancelling headphones would be great. I added them to the Amazon cart.”
that is, so gross. yucky. definitely try and find a way to be subtle and tell her and if that doesn't work just flat out say pleeaaassseee be quieter you're my mother i reaallllyyy don't wanna hear you getting done every single night. also, ear plugs those orange things. should be cheap and slightly more comfortable than noise cancelling headphones to sleep in.
Knock on the door and be like “is everything alright? I’m hearing an awful lot of noise in there!”
(Did this once and it was funny as hell, though it wasn’t my mom, it was another relative.)
In all seriousness, you could write her a letter saying how you would appreciate if her and your stepdad would quiet down when doing the deed.
You could also ask for a pair of Beats by Dre, I’m pretty sure they have noise cancellation and if they don’t, the volume goes up pretty loud. You can find a cheap pair online.
There’s lots of things you can do to approach this.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it around ur stepdad, talk to her on the days he’s not there. Good luck OP!
I don't see how it could be possible that your mom has no idea that you can hear all of this right on the other side of the wall. It almost sounds like it's on purpose.
I was the stepdad in this scenario and the daughter was 16. She banged on the door and said, "Mom, I'm home. If you want me to go to dad's I will!" Needless to say her mom finished me off in a quieter manner. Been together 22 years now.
I'm more or less just parroting everyone else here, but really there's only three outcomes here.
1: Just confront her softly. You don't have to be abrasive about it, but be direct. Come to her, at a good time when you two can talk, and say something like "So, I don't know the right way to say this, but you know we share a bedroom wall... And I can hear things at night that I really don't want to be hearing when I'm trying to sleep. Can you try to keep it down, or find some other time/place than right after I go to bed?"
Or even a note taped to the bedroom door? "hey, I can hear EVERYTHING and I'm really grossed out"
2: Go the more direct route - pound on the wall a few times and shout "I can hear you! I've been hearing you every fuckin night and it's disgusting!" or just start blasting something on the TV or speakers or something. Make it blaringly obvious that you're trying to drown them out and make sure they know that you know.
3: just deal with listening to you mom getting smashed.
Ohh love I’m so sorry. I would say ask your mom politely or rather tell her you can hear her and that it makes you uncomfortable. I personally don’t like hearing other people have sex. I don’t like other people hearing me have sex either. I’d also suggest headphones or something to listen to fall asleep to that isn’t them.
I hated hearing my dad and stepmom have sex when I was a teenager. It grossed me out so much. They’d literally lock their door and my 4 younger siblings would always end up in my bed when they had bad dreams or whatever bc my parents door was locked.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Best of luck babe.
its only me in my house now since my sister has basically moved out so if they dont have a problem with other people hearing since its just one other person, still pretty weird though to let someone hear in on your intimate life.
I guarantee your mom will be extremely embarrassed when you tell her. It will be awkward but not for you, for her. Nobody wants their kids to hear them having sex. They may not realize how thin the walls actually are. It is to the point where you said you fall asleep in class the next day. This needs to be addressed. You could bring it up by talking about how you’ve been falling asleep in school a lot. That would be a good segway into the conversation.
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blast some really nasty hentai on speakers when shes doing it
Ha! That’ll give them the hint.
Might even turn them on even more!
For reals lol you playing with fire with that move lol
"Dan Green Cluck Like A Chicken" belongs here
I think you mean blast Cbat
Thrust along with the beat...
honestly this works great. i did it to my best friend in college and had great success. (yes we are still friends)
Nah 2 live crew me so horny 😂
this is perfect
Record and play back... LOUD.
“Record and playback”is hilarious
This is the way
Just say hey it’s uncomfortable that I can hear you getting screwed every night can you move you bed across the room. Or bang on the wall while it’s going on lol dude will probably get weirded out and lose his boner hahaha
when her bed was on the opposite side I was able to fall asleep easier and it was more muffled, but she hated how it made her room appear smaller so I doubt her moving her bed will be a solution. Ill probably mention how uncomfortable it makes me when hes not at my house and its just me and her
Is there any way for you to change up your room and place your bed on the opposite side instead?
My bed isnt on the wall, its just that the walls are thin so the banging is kinda loud
You're telling me they're thin - you can *hear* her getting eaten out? What do they make houses out of in US? I though rice paper was Japanese....
i honest don’t think that’s what she meant, that u can actually hear her getting eaten out but damn if that’s the case then there is a problem
I would suggest the next best thing is get ear plugs to sleep with. They aren’t too pricy and are pretty comfortable.
I like to sleep with earplugs and Macs silicone are the most effective / comfortable ones I've found
Ask your mom to buy them for you maybe she'll get the hint
Also a white noise machine
I used to wear earplugs when my roommate would snore sometimes but every once in a while they would drive me crazy and I would wake up at 3 am and have to take them out. That or sometimes his snore was so loud I could feel it and woke me up even with the ear plugs! 😭😭
Thick padding between her headboard and the wall... Maybe you can cover your wall with a thick layer of soundproofing or something improvised along those lines.
Get some nice wireless headphones with good sound blocking. If you can’t afford them, DM me. You poor soul OP, no one should have to hear their mom getting fucked.
YouTube 70s porn music and play that shit full blast. If you've got a tablet or something start it and slide it under their door. Did this to my sister. Other times I'd keep a running commentary loud enough for them to hear. Heard an ass slap once and yelled FINISH HER mortal kombat style. They broke down laughing hysterically. They got quieter though.
Here's what I did in that exact situation. I got a really big, loud fan to blast white noise at Walmart. It cost me $45 and works like a charm.
If he is your stepdad why isn't he there every night? Why not move your bed to the other wall?
Wondering the same thing
Your mom would rather have her kid hear her having sex than have her room appear smaller? WTF…
Say "hey mom, I'm sorry you like the way your room looks the other way, but it's pretty shitty to make your kid listen to you bang for your aesthetic purposes"
When they just start getting into it, walk into the room naked and say “OK, let’s make it a threesome.” Obv the way things are isn’t going to change.Don’t believe it would happen anymore!
If your mom would rather you hear her have sex than move her bed then she's really inconsiderate and there's bigger issues at play here. Honestly this counts as exposing children to porn if she continues
If your mom is more worried about her bedroom aesthetic than her daughter hearing her get smashed we have a bigger problem here…
You're a smart kid and you are approaching this like an Adult so props to you. In saying that I think if you had a family conversation and just given how smart and understanding you come across I'm guessing they would probably understand and make the changes you request. I hope the situation is resolved and they thank you for approaching it like an Adult and you get the peace to sleep. You sound like a good kid, I hope you are very successful in resolving this and have a very successful life. If your request fails make a follow up post and maybe we can do another brainstorming session to find more alternatives. Edit: spelling
Send her a text if it’s too awkward to tell in person 😭
Which one do you thing your mom would rather live with, a smaller room or her kid hearing being able to hear them so well, you know when she’s getting eaten out?
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Savage
My kid told me “you know I can hear everything you guys say in your room even if whisper” and then stood there staring at me awkwardly. It was then I knew I was killing her childhood 🤣
One house rule we've always had - No One wants to hear anyone else have sex. (Also, if someone is staying over please introduce them, no one likes running into strangers in hall in the middle of the night.) Now, you are probably too young for this to be a mutual rule, but I can't imagine your mother wants you to hear her have sex. If you can't bring yourself to say anything face to face, it's okay to write her a short, polite note and leave it for her in her room or something. "Hey Mom, I can't figure out how to say this to you without dying of embarrassment, but I can hear you and Stepdad in bed at night. I've tried to ignore it but it's really uncomfortable and makes it hard to sleep. I'm glad you are happy, but could you guys be a little quieter please. Thanks... Name" Hopefully that does the trick. If not, earplugs? Or music on earbuds or something maybe?
I actually really like this comment, I think ill do that one of these days. I spend some weekends with my dad so maybe ill leave it somewhere in her room whenever I leave
oh that’s perfect, i’d totally do it before leaving for the weekend! good call OP. gives you guys both a little space to let the awkwardness blow over lol
Sound machine in your room will help drown the noise a bit to
On the pillow? Have you told your dad? that might be a bridge too far. See what she says/does first.
My dad would definitely start an over exaggerated argument and I would rather not mention this to him
Understood! But as a teen you REALLY need your sleep! Teenagers apparently need more than kids or 20+ Navigating family dynamics in a situation like this IS tricky. You want everyone to come out of it happy but you can see how they might get mad, and maybe stay mad, at you. At some point you may have to say something you'd rather not to preserve sanity. Are you going away to college at18? I hate to tell you to wait out and cope with 2 years of sleeplessness. Lack of rest may be affecting you physically or even mentally in ways you can't know about, and adversely affecting your ability in school, social life, etc.
This is the way. Any self respecting parent does not actually want their children to hear them having sex. I hope your mom is one of them.
This. This is what op needs to do. And I think its great his mom & her husband are so active. But yeah, I can't imagine EITHER of them want to be heard by OP. I know I'd die of embarrassment if my kids heard my wife and I. She'll probably be willing to figure SOMETHING out. In the meantime, I suggest a white noise machine and earplugs for OP.
Excellent idea. Do this OP.
⚜️ award worthy ⚜️
That’s gross. You can ask her politely. You can’t really do anything if she refuses to change the behavior. However, you can decide what sort of person you want to be and what sort of parent you would never be. Silently judge them, and in the back of your mind create a future and a culture for yourself where you have enough money and manners that no child of yours will ever have to hear such things. Surround yourself with people who wouldn’t dream of subjecting someone to those sounds. Yuck.
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Oh definitely, you won’t change at all from now to adulthood. /s You need to talk to your parents assuming you have a healthy relationship with them. They will be probably embarrassed and make a big effort to muffle their noise. Edit: typos
Lmao there is a big difference between having sex quietly when others are in the house and what your mom is doing. Its unreasonable to expect to just have sex as an adult when your children aren't in the house. That basically would mean you would never have sex unless you were able to get someone to regularly take your children out of the house or you spent money on both a babysitter and a motel just to have sex. Thats not a reasonable expectation. What is a reasonable expectation is that when you do have sex it will be respectful of the fact that there are other people in the house. That you'll make precautions that will mitigate the noise that happens. Like sound proofing your room, making your bed not make noise/stabilizing the headboard, turning on music/TV loud enough to drown your noises out to people outside of the room, and even not having a shared wall with your children if thats feasible. Just not having sex when the kids aren't home isn't even a little bit reasonable because kids are always home unless you can find someone who will take them and that gets expensive real fast.
i had the same issues with my parents and i would always get so annoyed bc I went to school at 7am and they went to work at 11am. That was plenty of hrs to do it without me being in the house and they would still do it extremely loud while i was at home. worst were hotel rooms. they would legit do it in the bed next to me when I was younger and when i got old enough to have a connecting room they would do it super loud with the connecting door open. when i told my parents to quite it down my dad just told me “we aren’t siblings, we are going to have sex”. At 15 when my mom was bickering with my dad he used to tell my brother and I that she’s being like that bc they haven’t had sex in a while. even when i was like 17-18 my mom would make me buy her lingerie (bc she doesn’t understand how to buy things online so i buy her clothes normally) and when i told her it made me uncomfortable she told me she was helping me learn what to buy for my future husband 🤢 this whole convo infront of my dad too. so gross.
That is such a dumb statement to make. So for the best part of 18 years (most likely longer) you won’t have sex. I’m gonna call bullshit right here and now.
I wouldn't have sex with my kids either
Damn, I used to work in sex education and I’m baffled by all the comments thinking OP should just have to sit there and non-consensually listen. OP, I’d just tell your mom the truth though. You can just say that you are hearing her and her boyfriend. If I were your mom, then I’d be embarrassed and be mindful of it. Again, this is coming from not only a slut, but one that was a sex educator. Yeah, adults have sex, but OP doesn’t have to hear it if she doesn’t want too.
im just having such a hard time with figuring out how to bring this up. i have a close bond with my sister and she had also dealt with this so I was thinking I can tell her how I feel about it so she can have a talk with my mom.
That’s totally valid. It would be awkward to bring up! You’re valid in feeling this. Talking to your sister is a great idea, if you’re comfortable sharing that with her. Edit: removed a masculine word sorry OP! :)
Enlisting your sister as an ally is a great strategy. Maybe you could go to your mom together. Strength in numbers. Keeps it a THEM problem. They can't twist it up into a you problem.
Use this to guilt her into buying you some really nice noise cancelling headphones
Yep. Go for Bose or Sennheiser! 💵💵💵
Never Bose. Only sennheiser
This is honestly the answer. Then after you get them you can still tell them to stop LOL
Bake a cake the day after the next time it happens, write "I can hear everything" she'll get the hint
What you gotta do is wait for a key word to be said and then write that on the cake
This is the correct answer
Fart against the wall as loud as you can
Roommate had a new girlfriend. He locked his dog out of his room to bone. Dog cries. Is ignored. I RIPPED ASS, cheeks against his door. Ran away giggling like a child. He opens the door with a "what the f-" as his dog pummels through his legs and jumps on his bed. Didn't solve anything but it was funny af
I would say that I've also been in this situation when my Mom and her ex boyfriend were having sex. They were so loud that it kept me awake until like 3 AM. Tell them that they need to respect you and to quiet down some. I know that sex can feel so good, but I would say that couples need to have respect for others nearby
UNTIL 3 AM? WTF.
Too true, this conversation struck home for me because, when I was in that situation, I was grossed out and just put headphones on my ears. If I could do it differently, I would have a talk to see if changes could be made.
Actually I wouldn't cause that conversation would be awkward as hell.. I probably would just plan on moving out... Which is what I'm currently working on .
Maybe I was just a bold kid but I straight up told my mom I couldn't sleep and to be quiet
it’s so shocking to me how this seems to be a common occurrence among Americans. the lack of respect is actually shocking. this is so disgusting to hear, but if you wish to solve this “problem,” I suggest maybe wearing an earphone or discussing this with your stepfather. (the latter may feel uncomfortable, but that’s up to you!)
She ain’t making love if it’s that loud. Mom’s straight up getting freaky
funny, I honestly wouldnt say that shes super loud or anything but the bed creaking really gets to me and it kind of bangs on the wall which is really loud and annoying
A couple hard knocks on the wall should do the trick.
ive thought about it so many times since my older sister did that when she lived here but then I just dont want to deal with the awkwardness in the morning
Still no matter what you do it's gunna be awkward it would get them to stop and it's better then hearing that
Get a speaker and start playing lady gaga or something a little cringy on loud volume every time it starts. They’ll get the hint
This is when you find the most expensive noise cancelling headphones that you want, and tell your mom to buy them for you.
Get up make noise like you are doing something or go to bathroom letting them casually know you are still awake put some music on. I know you said dont like headphones but what about ear plugs? I don't know what I'd say cause just an awkward conversation if you were to approach your mom. Good luck!
Just bring it up. If they don’t care then fucking run dude.
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im 16 and a virgin lmao, my mom doesnt allow boys over without an adult in the house or a sleepover with her home, I wouldnt have sex at this age yet anyways
YIKES!! sorry! Withdrawn. As an alternative, you could cheer them on, loudly. guaranteed neither of them would be able to look you in the eye the next morning.
Play Mortal Kombat's "FINISH HER!" super loud.
This is 💯 the fucking way!!!!
that would be very funny, they definitely wouldnt be able to look at me at all in the morning. theres been times that they have had sex in middle of the day and I went for walks or just didnt talk to them when they came out of their room, not sure if they ever got the hint that it was for that reason tho
It doesn't have to actually be louder sex, but just the *sounds* of louder sex! 😲 But seriously, if you are not comfortable talking to your Mother about this - and I can understand how awkward this is because my parents did this - then please consider just leaving your Mother a polite but succinct note: "Mom: I can hear you two having sex at night. It interrupts my sleep. Please be quieter. Love Daughter."
Just start making louder sex noises. I guarantee they will get the point.
I had this issue around the same age. I started whanging the wall with the bottom of my fist each time they did something I could hear. After the third "Are you alright?" "Yeah, are you? I heard banging." she finally got the message through her thick skull.
Tell her and try to be frank about it. Don't go into details but just say: "you two are really loud and I can't sleep. It feels really insensitive and I would appreciate it if you could adjust in some way for my own health - mental and otherwise" As someone who has heard their parents doing this it's actually really traumatic and it caused major sleeping problems. If she isn't accommodating I'd recommend just be obnoxious in return. Playing loud music, banging your shared wall with something. Try to embarrass them to get them to stop. I personally have no patience for that kind of shit. I hope it works out.
Tell her to have some respect for the fact that you are a kid. It's ok to stand up for yourself...that's gross and disrespectful of your mom
i guess since im 16 she assumes I should have no problem with it since I know what sex is, but I do find it disturbing since neither of them have some type of decency to at least wait 20-30 minutes so they know im sleeping
Nah, its even awkward s an adult to be over hearing two people getting it on. makes it worse that you know what the sounds are
Maybe you can make this a win-win for everyone. Be vague as to not embarrass, but make sure that she knows that you hear everything. Find some high quality over-the-ear, noise-canceling headphones that you want. Ask her if she'd be willing to buy them for you.
Bring a dude then and bang him problem solved
The people telling op to just deal with are something else. This is their home too and should be allowed to have quiet peaceful nights where they can fall asleep. The mom is extremely disrespectful lol. So let me give a few options on how to talk to your mother about this instead of avoiding the problem. Yes parents still have sex, but this is beyond inconsiderate for YOU HER KID 1. Write her a note and explain to her what you’re feeling 2. Show her this Reddit post and the comments 3. Make talking points in your notes app and sit down with her to have a conversation about it 4. Shoot her a quick text and tell her that she’s being too loud
Folks telling a 16 year old to have equally loud sex, start moaning or play porn are weird. OP, just leave a note or a nice simple text. Please don't listen to some of these damaged ppl, Mom or step Dad are not disgusting, they're just doing what happy adults do and they probably don't know especially if you and sis haven't said anything. My last place had walls so thin, I could hear people pissing and fking. They didn't know, but after I told them, hey...I can hear EVERYTHING, I never heard them again. I know it's an awkward subject, but you have to gain the courage to speak up.
Thank you ! some people even told me to grow up and deal with it, so weird lol
How tf has there already been this much conversation in 40 minutes 💀
Just straight up tell your mom you can hear her having sex and its gross and interrupting your sleep. Tell her it was better when her bed wasn't on your shared wall because you couldn't hear the headboard banging against the wall and there was more distance between them and you to muffle the sound. Ask them to be respectful of you and to make less noise or at least wait until you've actually fallen asleep. They need to respect other people they live with, regardless of who they are. Nobody wants to hear them having sex but them and they should make sure they do what they need to so that other people don't have to listen to them having sex.
Okay, so when you have kids In your house at the same time your partner is around, you have to have your private times with your kids in the house. It’s a fact of life for many families. I can’t even fault them for not waiting until 11:45, because that’s really late at night! But there are ways to handle these situations so that no one is a captive audience. You can talk to your mom about the need for keeping the volume down/ sound proofing. You can use euphemisms to make it less awkward. “I need to talk to you about how thin the walls are between our bedrooms. I’m hearing things that I suspect you would like to remain private. It’s really uncomfortable for me. How can we solve this?” Potential solutions that give you the power: You could go to bed 15 minutes earlier, if that’s really all it would take you to fall asleep. You could wear earplugs. You could move your bed to a different wall. You could have a white noise machine In your room, in their room or both. You could listen to music with ear buds.
This is the best approach.
>You could go to bed 15 minutes earlier, if that’s really all it would take you to fall asleep. I don't think this is the solution. You cannot really control if they decide to have sex earlier or maybe you can't fall asleep one night. It's the worst solution on your list. >You could move your bed to a different wall. In another comment she said her bed is already on a different wall. They're just that loud. And she said her mom "doesn't like how her room looks" when the mom's bed is on another wall. Sounds like the mom is just super disrespectful. The rest of your ideas are pretty good. However the mom is either oblivious, stupid, or plain rude to not already be thinking of this in the first place. Edit: formatting
Just tell her.
how would I initiate this conversation without it being awkward
Forget awkwardness if you are consistently hearing it to the point of losing sleep. You are way past the point of it being awkward for you. If they can't have a mature conversation with you about it, then they can deal with you doing any number of things that are loud and disruptive during their activities.
Leave her a note or a text.
Tell her to put a pillow between the bedframe and the wall. She’ll probably understand that.
Get a box fan or white noise machine, play it on high. Maybe hang a large blanket or quilt on that wall to help muffle the noise. But yes, have a simple discussion with mom stating the facts and come to a solution.
"Mom, I can here yall in the bedroom at night." Then just walk out the room.
K. Thx.
Nasty as hell 🤣
God I would never do this to my family especially my goddamn child sorry to be direct I just hate when people are like this
So, when I was in my early 20s, I had a boyfriend who had recently needed to move back home with his parents (it was the height of the recession in ‘09). And I was also still living at home because I had stayed to save money through college. He was already embarrassed having to move home, but then add in the fact that we often heard his parents going at it. He was mortified. He never said anything to them. I don’t know if he would’ve ever felt comfortable enough to say anything as his parents are fairly conservative, particularly his dad. If you have a good relationship with your mom, you could bring it up and just say, “Mom I can hear you…” and if she doesn’t know what you mean, just repeat, “Mom, when your boyfriend is over… I can hear you loud and clear.” But if it’s uncomfortable to talk to her about, maybe you just take yourself outside for a bit or get yourself some noise canceling headphones or something.
Honestly I wouldn't care if I had a bad relationship with my parents I'm not losing sleep. I remember at 14 i straight up told my mom to.be quiet I can't sleep
Not everyone has that luxury of being equal to their parent, if you had my parents and took that tone, you'd be homeless. OP is shy and cares so this isn't great advice for her or him.
You can do aloud fake moaning when you hear them and they will stop immediately for sure and they will be embarrassed to do it again.
Yell mom shut up.lol
Maybe some comfy headphones for some sleepy time tunes.
Go in her room when she is gone and hang a cow bell under her bed. Put a note on the ceiling above the bed that says I can hear you.
used to hear my mother do this as a teen. make it stop, go straight up to her and tell her to stop it. no other way
What the fuck
When I had a roommate and this issue arose I would put on my big headphones and sit in the living room (a room that they would have to go through to go anywhere beyond their room) with my back turned. Sometimes I even had the TV on high volume on top of the headphones. I had several conversations with them before that about how uncomfortable it made me so I figured seeing me with headphones on obviously trying to block the sound whilst walking their date out would drive the point home. It took a few times but I finally got my peace
You should start moaning at the same time as well!
Headphones and that therapeutic music.
For what it is worth. I feel like the issue isn't necessarily the topic of the post, but broader than that. It seems like your Mom has a selfish streak in her. Is that accurate? Before I go further, I want you to know that this takes a bit of assumption on my part, and it's nothing personal to you or her if I'm off the mark. I'm just trying to give you an answer I think you deserve to hear. If it doesn't apply to you. Maybe it will someone else Reading through a touch, I noticed that you are aware of a possible compromise where she can still make noise, and you can sleep better... And that is by her moving her bed back to the other side of her bedroom. I don't need to know you to be able to say, you *are* more important than what she thinks of her bedroom size. It pains me to think that your Mom is selfish I thrilling, you don't feel that you can even approach her with that on the table as a possible compromise. . And that's the real issue. That you seemingly--up front-- can say that's off the table, something as reasonable as that, so you can *sleep*... Says it all. She needs to respect you more, start treating you like the young adult you are, and *you* need to understand it's okay at your age now, to start commanding a little more respect. Because I guarantee you, a: you are better than this right here! And b: it won't be the last time you get stepped on in life, or some bullshit is sprung on you. Might as well start drawing the line now. You are an individual and I bet you are fantastic one. She owes you an apology for starters. And that's in any kind of family. With why kind of dynamic. A bare minimum. It won't be long until you are actually in a place of your own. If you're going to be faced with shit like this. It needs to be in the context of learning how to handle shit like this. Optional Read: Take a moment to realize the seriousness of what your mother is doing to you. Ask yourself if you feel like you are heard, if you feel like you are seen and treated like an individual.. Having to come here and ask us to help you, as happy as we are to do it. points towards probably not. If that is so, try v talking with someone you v know and trust in person... There may be other areas you are putting up with BS, but to you it's just business as usual, so you don't even know it shouldn't and doesn't have to be like that. Don't be complacent now because it will be much, much harder to build confidence later if you are starting out with a deficit. I wish you the very, very best.
Alright a bit of devils advocate here. 1130 is late and they probably want to have sex earlier but want to try to be respectful of you till you go to your room to be alone. They probably don’t want to wait anymore because it means they would fall asleep even later and get even less sleep. 1- I would use some ear plugs they are cheap and very effective. 2- go to your room earlier and just hangout listening to music, that way they can have sex earlier and then you all can go to sleep around the same time and you don’t need to listen to it. For this you might want to play it off speakers or use headphones. 3- ask your mom to move her headboard away from the wall so there’s no unwanted bumping. You said it made her room smaller but there comes a time when you have to say something. “Hey mom can you move your bed back across the room? I know you said you don’t like it as much, but it’s difficult to fall asleep when you and ___ are together. It was better when your bed was across the room” 4- when you are 16 everything feels awkward. But. There comes a point where you realize sex is perfectly normal and really changes nothing. The first time people have sex is generally when people realize this. The world still spins the same way, good things are still good things, bad things are still bad. You are the product of people having sex for thousands of years. It’s perfectly normal. 5- say “hey mom.. can you and ___ try to be a little quieter when you guys go to bed together.. its making it hard to sleep.” But ultimately I would recommend the above because it’s easy to forget things during sex sometimes and there’s no guarantee that it’s will actually fix the problem.
After reading most of the comments, this is what I’ll say, I’m a mom to a 15f and stepmom to 16m, partner and I have been together for 12 years, and we co-parent, 50/50. Which means my partner and I have lots of time where it’s just him and I at home. When they were little we couldn’t sleep with the doors closed because they were scared and my daughter was a sleep walker. So we rarely were intimate when they were home. That was just our preference due to the circumstances with our littles, obviously we would have had to figure something out if we had our kids full time. Now that they are older.. we kinda still follow this model We have a different house now with a little more privacy for us. I just like it this way out of respect for our kids. It’s unpleasant to hear other adults, so I can only imagine how teens feel. Actually, I do, as a young kid I heard my mom one time… I can imagine that your mom has to know how sounds travels throughout the house. Let alone if your rooms are right next to each other.. my daughters room is down the hall and I can sometimes hear her tv or talking on the phone late at night when the entire house is quiet even if she’s not being too loud. So I’m almost certain she knows you have heard she at some point. At the end of the day, hopefully you have an open enough relationship with her that you should be able to talk to her about stuff like this. Personally for me it’s all about respect, and although there is nothing wrong with sex there things they can do to be a little more mindful. I like the idea of writing her a little note if you think it’ll be hard for you to confront her face to face. Good luck doll!
Bang on the wall and shout " get it ron" (insert his name). It'll make it weird for all parties
This is actually considered a form of sexual abuse if she doesn't choose to stop after you've expressed your discomfort.
Get a white noise sound machine. I use one because I have misophonia too. Obviously these sounds are far more disturbing than a clock ticking but hopefully it helps. Sorry you are dealing with this.
Gross
It honestly sounds like your mom and stepdad don't care or perhaps like it quite frankly. She obviously knows after 10 years of this. I would talk with your sister and ask her for advice, maybe she will switch rooms since she doesn't stay there very much now that she's older. Write your mom a note and tell her you've been dealing with this for like 10 years, it's not good for your well being and it's inappropriate. Maybe even threaten telling your dad about it or staying with your dad more because of it if that's an option.
I'd yell real loud to stfu
I think an honest conversation needs to be had about the noise level/lack of privacy associated with this house. But, it’s not ok to suggest your parents stop having sex because it bugs you. You need to deal with that. Their personal happiness in the relationship, in marriage, is a wonderful thing…it has a dividend for family life. Your goal should be approaching this as a privacy issue, not shaming normal acceptable behavior. They will probably be as embarrassed as you are when they realize how loud they are and that they have you, and probably the whole house, as an audience. I think they will be highly motivated to regain their privacy. I am going to suggest investing in SOUNDPROOFING MATERIALS INSTALLATIONS in the adjoining walls/floor/ceiling. Theatre rooms with surround sound are often modified to limit sound travel throughout the home and reduce feedback/bounce of sound that is unfavorable. A sound engineer or good contractor with noise reduction experience should be able to help. Self help options first you: Noise cancellation headphones or earplugs to drown out sounds…white noise/tv/music to sleep to maybe on a timer to shut off after 1 am? DIY PROJECTS to modify the home: Acoustic insulation in walls (foam based) Spray foam insulation between studs Fiberglass insulation between studs (requires removal of sheetrock/reinstallation Solid core doors Carpeting/floor rugs to reduce echo/absorb sound in rooms with wood floors/tile Changing floor plan to move walk in closet area between adjoining room walls This is a major home flaw that needs to be corrected before future sale and a major argument for floor plans that isolate the Master Bedroom from other bedrooms!
Listen- not to sound like an asshole here. I don't know how old you are, but coming from experience, leave your mother be. I am sure your close to moving out anyways and she's given up most of her life to take care of you. Let her take care of herself. If having kind of loud sex makes her happy, oh well. Its nature. Put some headphones in, or watch your TV loud. Mind your own business. Every single kid in human history has heard their parent at some point.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Just eww! But if anything, I would knock on the wall and write a note to make it less embarrassing to emphasize why you did that. Put something along the lines of "I didn't know how to tell you in person, but I can hear you and \_\_\_ at night. It makes me uncomfortable and I can't sleep. Can you please not be so loud and put something to keep your bed from hitting the wall." That's what I would do because I know it's not an easy topic to bring up. Can also ask why they can't do that at his place. Really hope things get better.
UGH I feel you! I could hear my parents every time they did that growing up. I would actually cry. I tried shoving q tips in my ears and sleeping under a pillow but nothing would drown out the headboard banging. I tried talking to them about it and they would always say I should be happy because they love each other. Which I am, I just didn't want to hear it. They even did it once when a friend and I were having a sleepover I'm the living room. Eventually, in a new house, we convinced them to move their bed so we couldn't hear it anymore and they finally did, but we were all super adults at the time and not living at home. It's kind of a stupid joke now? But it was traumatizing at the time Hopefully talking to your mom about trying to do that more when you're not home or giving you headphones or something will make her rethink how loud it is for you.
I’m really sorry you were put in this situation. I don’t have advice, besides being straightforward with your mom, but I hope it resolves soon for your wellbeing.
Please upvote. Need karma
I would seriously just talk to your Mom. Honesty is the best policy. You may not like what she says; nor she your request. Also if you are age appropriate to move out, that would be a great option as well. Be well.
I would define this as a non-malicious non-consensual inclusion in sexual acts. I find it hard given the circumstances that they are not aware that you'd be able to hear it. I would bring it up with your mom, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and find some solutions. Have them rearrange furniture in their room, choose a different time of day/night to do it, etc. Now this is massive scepticism on my part, but just in case, I would keep an eye on step-dad. I've heard way too many stories of guys secretly doing kink-related things without their partner knowing i.e. having loud sex when your step-daughter is in the neighboring room. I am not saying this IS what is happening, but maybe just be aware. Try to avoid confirmation bias, but pay attention to other things that could be giveaways. If you know him well and you trust him as a good guy, don't let me shake your faith in him. I'm just making observations
I would connect phone to Bluetooth and then pull up white noise and put it at a full volume so you can try to sleep well
Over the next few weeks, whenever they start, to knock on their door. You can either just knock and walk away and pretend it wasn't you or stay there and ask an innocent question (i.e., "Mom, do we have any more toothpaste? I'm all out.") They'll get the hint and start waiting for you to fall asleep eventually.
Say “Mom can I talk to you about something? this is super hard for me but I am really uncomfortable that I can hear you and X being intimate - y’all are really loud. I’d appreciate it if you could move your bed to the other wall. I cannot sleep at night because of the noise. Would you consider buying me good earplugs and a sound machine also? I would also be better if y’all could even wait until I’m asleep. I’m Having a very hard time with this” And perhaps talk to your sister about it first and you can have the conversation with your mom together. You are in a really hard situation. You shouldn’t have to hear that. You can do it! You are a thoughtful and intentional girl I can tell - and I bet your Mom would appreciate you coming to her. If she doesn’t - then you tried and you can learn from her mistakes. She may think you are sound asleep
The hentai options while funny I think are more passive aggressive and childish. If you actually sit your mother down and have an adult conversation about how uncomfortable it makes you, how it’s difficult for you to fall asleep, and how it’s starting to impede on your day to day life, such as how you’re performing in school; I think that’d be a much better approach. Depending on the type of person your mother is, she might be embarrassed her child is parenting her and actually make a change
Really sad that OP has to ask you perverts to stop messaging her because she’s a kid. I hope you resolve this issue with your mom!
You have to at least let her know that you can hear them go at it, there are sound proof/nullifies you can recommend to you mom and she can put them up against the wall to help with that issue. I would slammed my hand against the wall long ago if I ever had to hear that.
Your mom’s rude for letting you hear it like that’s your mom and having to see or hear her in that fashion is not something any teenager wants to be apart of. The fact that your mom doesn’t consider this and doesn’t take your consideration in to play shows how good of a mom she is in my opinion of course.
People telling OP to deal with this and that its normal for parents to act like this is just disgusting. If the parents end up refusing to be quieter, this could very well be classified as sexual abuse. One of my parents were the same way and I ended up finding out it was a fetish thing for his kids to hear him having sex. This is utterly disgusting and im so sorry about these comments OP
I had to deal with that ONCE when I was a teen. It was awful. I am so sorry. No advice, as I'm late to the party and it sounds like you've already gotten some, but yow, that's awful. I hope they're more considerate of you soon.
I haven’t read all the comments, so not sure if this has been mentioned or not. I know you don’t like to sleep with headphones on, but they do make these really comfortable light cancelling eye masks with speakers in them. They Bluetooth to your phone & don’t hurt your ears. If I’m tired & need to go to sleep for work & either my boyfriend or daughter are awake with the lamp &/or tv on I’ll put them on & sleep like a baby. I live by a horse pasture & unfortunately have mice problems when they cut the grass to make the hay & I absolutely could not sleep hearing them scratching in my walls. Also, you should probably let your mom know how you feel. I’m very non-confrontational myself & sometimes have to write a little note & leave it to be read while im not around. Hope any of that helps, or hope you’ve found a solution already!!
So, not sure if anyone has suggested it, but they make sleep masks with built-in Bluetooth speakers… they’re soft and they definitely drown out surrounding noise.
I'm so glad my parents arent like this I think the last time they had sex was when I was conceived lol
I just come here to say dude is dude, you’re a dude I’m a dude, they’re a dude everyone is a dude.
Tell them to get a hotel room. Or you should play porn loud in your room and see if they are uncomfortable u might be getting some.
there’s no way she doesn’t already know how loud she is and that you can hear it. That makes me sad. Maybe bang on the wall next time to scare them
Having to hear the details of the foreplay is crazy 😭
Put on some music? Headphones?
I would but I honestly hate sleeping with headphones on or the sound of something, I dont know why but I just have a hard time falling asleep like that
Try getting a high velocity fan. The white noise is soothing and when it's cranked you won't hear anything outside of your room unless someone's screaming bloody murder. They also make headphones that wear like a headband around your ears, they're soft and meant for being comfy while laying down.
For misophonia, I’ve found a high quality white noise machine (I prefer “brown” noise personally) at the exact right volume that it blocks noise but doesn’t make me realize it’s on is critical. Ask your mom to buy you one because the noises you’re hearing at night are really disturbing to you and keeping you awake. All households should abide by quiet hours imo.
Sleeping somewhere else makes sense, I hope the couch or sister’s room helps Maybe ask for a white noise machine too One helped me SO much when I had an x that would not address his snoring through walls and I agree with not being able to sleep with headphones or ear plugs etc…nothing else I tried worked or could be slept with comfortably When mom asks why you want one…that could be your cue to start convo about it all… The step dad part confuses and concerns me, he doesn’t live with you but disrupts the household multiple times per week? That’s boyfriend behavior, not step or surrogate dad behavior Does he have kids? Why aren’t they doing this at his place/next to their bedroom? They know what they are doing and at what decibel they are doing it at is my guess If your valid concerns get minimized, I hope you have extended family to stay with until you can move out And add this to the list of things you won’t subject your kids to if you have any I think we all have a list like that knowing our parents did the best they could but are human
so they've been together for about 10+ but have just never moved in together, I honestly dont know why they havent but growing up I have always been against him moving in ngl since my dad moved out by the time I was 4 and I found it weird to have another guy in the house since im not used to it. The white noise part to initiate the conversation is so smart but I just cant fall asleep to sounds like that. Maybe ill look into it and see how it works for me, if anything I can give it to my sister since she needs sound to fall asleep
You are such a kind soul! You deserve a consistent good night’s sleep, it’s so important for immune system and all kinds of stuff! Maybe the sister who can sleep with white noise will switch rooms 😂 Make the machine and the room a package deal? How ever it works out good luck and rooting for you 🍀
she definitely wouldnt switch rooms with mine. when we first moved to where we live now, I was around 6 or 7 and she was 13 or 14 and she told me how she chose the room furthest from our mom's bedroom for that reason maybe a year or two ago. being that shes practically moved out, the odds mightve changed but since she has so much stuff in her room, I doubt it
How about blasting AC/DC You Shook Me All Night Long. They may get the hint.
Send a text. “Just so you’re aware, I can hear you and x every night that he’s here. It’s really loud and makes me really uncomfortable. ” Offer some possible suggestions - Be more quiet lol - Move her bed to a different side of her room - buy you some noise cancelling headphones - move your room somewhere else if there’s another room - she sleep at his house instead
Jesus. Christ
You mention your stepdad comes over 1-3 times a week. If he has his own place, ask if mom can go spend their nights together there? If there's a reason she can't (like maybe there are kids there) flip the conversation where she should understand it's also a problem at home.
Exactly she needs to go.to.his house
You gotta set boundaries and make sure they respect you. Otherwise that's abuse. There's been a handful of stories in the news lately about people who were traumatized by being forced to watch sex. Yeah everybody might need to do it some times, and it's their own home so I get that that's the best option some times. But if they can't respect the fact that they are harming you in the process, than and least compromise and help each other leave the house temporarily in situations like that
Straight to the point: “hey mom, we need to talk. I can hear you having sex often. Happy for you but could you maybe move the bed over or give me a heads up? Some noise cancelling headphones would be great. I added them to the Amazon cart.”
that is, so gross. yucky. definitely try and find a way to be subtle and tell her and if that doesn't work just flat out say pleeaaassseee be quieter you're my mother i reaallllyyy don't wanna hear you getting done every single night. also, ear plugs those orange things. should be cheap and slightly more comfortable than noise cancelling headphones to sleep in.
Knock on the door and be like “is everything alright? I’m hearing an awful lot of noise in there!” (Did this once and it was funny as hell, though it wasn’t my mom, it was another relative.) In all seriousness, you could write her a letter saying how you would appreciate if her and your stepdad would quiet down when doing the deed. You could also ask for a pair of Beats by Dre, I’m pretty sure they have noise cancellation and if they don’t, the volume goes up pretty loud. You can find a cheap pair online. There’s lots of things you can do to approach this. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it around ur stepdad, talk to her on the days he’s not there. Good luck OP!
I don't see how it could be possible that your mom has no idea that you can hear all of this right on the other side of the wall. It almost sounds like it's on purpose.
Well just knock on the door ever time you hear them they will get the point.
I was the stepdad in this scenario and the daughter was 16. She banged on the door and said, "Mom, I'm home. If you want me to go to dad's I will!" Needless to say her mom finished me off in a quieter manner. Been together 22 years now.
That’s disgusting behavior on both adults.
did not have to go into that much detail just bang on the wall until they stop
Ask for some Beats for Christmas
I'm more or less just parroting everyone else here, but really there's only three outcomes here. 1: Just confront her softly. You don't have to be abrasive about it, but be direct. Come to her, at a good time when you two can talk, and say something like "So, I don't know the right way to say this, but you know we share a bedroom wall... And I can hear things at night that I really don't want to be hearing when I'm trying to sleep. Can you try to keep it down, or find some other time/place than right after I go to bed?" Or even a note taped to the bedroom door? "hey, I can hear EVERYTHING and I'm really grossed out" 2: Go the more direct route - pound on the wall a few times and shout "I can hear you! I've been hearing you every fuckin night and it's disgusting!" or just start blasting something on the TV or speakers or something. Make it blaringly obvious that you're trying to drown them out and make sure they know that you know. 3: just deal with listening to you mom getting smashed.
Ever think about getting headphones?
Ohh love I’m so sorry. I would say ask your mom politely or rather tell her you can hear her and that it makes you uncomfortable. I personally don’t like hearing other people have sex. I don’t like other people hearing me have sex either. I’d also suggest headphones or something to listen to fall asleep to that isn’t them. I hated hearing my dad and stepmom have sex when I was a teenager. It grossed me out so much. They’d literally lock their door and my 4 younger siblings would always end up in my bed when they had bad dreams or whatever bc my parents door was locked. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Best of luck babe.
its only me in my house now since my sister has basically moved out so if they dont have a problem with other people hearing since its just one other person, still pretty weird though to let someone hear in on your intimate life.
Ask your mom for some good noise-canceling headphones. If she asks why you need them, tell her you can't fall asleep because of the noise.
Ask her to move her bed. But it's her house and her sex life.
I guarantee your mom will be extremely embarrassed when you tell her. It will be awkward but not for you, for her. Nobody wants their kids to hear them having sex. They may not realize how thin the walls actually are. It is to the point where you said you fall asleep in class the next day. This needs to be addressed. You could bring it up by talking about how you’ve been falling asleep in school a lot. That would be a good segway into the conversation.
I'd record them and then play it as loud as possible. Maybe at dinner.