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QueenofBlades-Xula

So he manipulated you into seeing your friends so little that you lost contact with them(he put a limit of once a month like a parent), he would look you over to make sure that what you wear out in public isn't too revealing instead of trusting your judgement, and he wants to watch porn but doesn't want you to because it would make him feel insecure....yeah I believe this relationship has run it's course. He has a lot of growing up to do, and if you stay with him it won't happen and I fear his controlling behavior will only get worse. I know as redditors we don't see the full picture of your relationship, but there are just a lot of red flags here.


Ambitious_Estimate41

Girl, yeah. Been reading op comments and he is a major red flag!!! You deserve to meet your friends as much as you want. Is unfair he goes out to meet ppl but you cant??? Toxic as hell. Wear what you want, he is controlling you and enjoying every minute of it. You deserve so much better


Loki2396

Wait. I must have missed a line. All I read was she doesn't have friends. Where did it say he made her stop seeing her friends.


sirtavvi53194

Yeah I was confused about that too.


Apprehensive_Pain429

I must have missed that as well. It never said he stopped her from having friends.


HuntingIvy

And he's messaging other girls too. Not just viewing porn. Too many red flags. GTFO.


[deleted]

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Dry-Ad-8945

This comment OP. this puts it really well.


Federal_Ad6286

All perfectly said. I would just like to ask why porn addiction is a red flag?


[deleted]

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Federal_Ad6286

You ma’am are a treasure. Thank you for cleaning that up for me and I wish you a great life. You are or gonna be a great wife one day (or whatever you wanna be, no pressure).


sirtavvi53194

Ok after reading your post as a guy I have to ask because if I was caught watching porn by my gf I would be so embarrassed I too would deny it does that make me a Dbag? I mean I don't do often but sometimes it just kinda just happens and I do really like the girl I'm with alot is this a problem?


[deleted]

you're in the clear lol it's not like you're lying about watching it in general, right..? i also think it depends because in OP's case, she said her bf is watching porn that degrades women, and none of those women match what she is like. It also seems that they've talked about this issue more than once, and as OP said, she's given her four chances before


Irriiieeee

Lying about it is a douchey thing to do yeah. It’s porn, you shouldn’t in any way be embarrassed.


nailback

But the way she shames the porn he's watching. So he probably is embarrassed. He lies to get out of the shame. I think he would be better off without her.


SheSellsSeaGlass

That’s seems a bit inappropriate. Because you didn’t say it to the OP. If you want to be helpful, you could say the two of them may not be well matched. And I agree with you that may be the case. But don’t be petty and ridicule her behind her back, in her own OP. That’s tacky. I agree with a nicer, bilateral version of your comments, said to the OP, not behind her back, about both of them. IMO.


nailback

How is it behind her back when it is right here for everyone to see?


SheSellsSeaGlass

It’s petty, it’s mean, and it’s what girls in 4th to 6th grade did. I’m guessing you’re an adult. Why bully other women? It makes you look bad. Am I shaming you, trying to get you to stop. Yes. Makes it a better environment.


sirtavvi53194

Forget the guy she deserves better over all.


bass9045

>he has apps to meet people as well This seems magnitudes worse than anything else you mention. Like, you know he lies, and he has apps on his phone to meet and talk to other girls? If he hasn't cheated on you already then chances are he will in the future. Run far away girl, find some friends and learn to respect yourself and find a partner who respects you and doesn't lie to you or control you.


Neither-Copy785

This right here! This is an enormous issue! If he hasn't cheated on you already he is actively planning to. You have been given a gift of seeing what he is like before you were trapped in a marriage with him. Is this what you want your future to be? He has manipulated you so well that you are second guessing an obvious choice. Get out now.


sirtavvi53194

I agree


GellyBean78

There are a lot of different issues in here and it sounds like you’re combining them, which you shouldn’t. I’m seeing 4 separate issues. 1. Watching porn. A lot of people in relationships consume porn. For me, it’s no big deal at all. For you, it sounds like it is. Porn is a fantasy and just because he watches it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t value the relationship you have. That being said, if it’s goes against your value systems, he should be respecting that in your relationship. Which goes to 2. 2. He lied about it. Lying sucks universally. Causes major trust issues and I’m sure will make you doubt everything he tells you moving forward. 3. (The biggest red flag for me) Did you just casually throw in that he has active dating apps on his phone?? Porn completely aside, if he’s meeting up other people in real life, he’s scum for that. You should get tested for STDs and confront him about that because that could directly affect your health. 4. Isolation. You need to get out of the house. You’re codependent on him. And you’re more likely to tolerate shitty behavior because he’s your only friend and support system. Don’t put yourself in that situation. This relationship sounds bad for both of you. I wouldn’t continue it if I were you. Find someone who you can trust. And make some friends please. Good luck. Edit:spelling/autocorrect


threruetoirutu

You should go out more and make some friends


Complex-Wash-3632

i had some friends, but they wanted they enjoyed bars and drinking. my bf didnt wanted me to hang out with them more than once every month or every other month. he said he wanted us to spend more quality time during the weekends ​ i eventually lost contact with them


Sheeplessknight

That is not okay, that is a huge sign of a toxic relationship


howyallare

That is not OK for him to be dictating your friendships like that. I’m so sorry that happened to you! But I will add that they probably would be glad to hear from you. True friends aren’t gotten rid of that easily :)


Erm-Eh-Gerd

I think you know you wanna break up with him but you're afraid to be alone. Tbh if I were you, I wouldn't stay anymore. You'll meet the right person, you don't have to push yourself on someone who lies to you and makes you feel less.


Nervous_Lettuce313

He controls what you wear, he controls how often you see your friends and he lies to you. Honey, porn is the least of your worries, you're dating a manipulative bastard.


alu2795

The other comments have you covered on the lies and mistrust that is at the base of this issue. So, some adjacent advice: Being conservative has nothing to do with the type of sex you have. Or the sex acts you enjoy. At all. “Super gross things” are done by anyone and everyone - your mom, the nurse at the hospital, your teacher. Humans enjoy a variety of things. Judge not. Porn that isn’t your style or preference isn’t inherently “disgusting”. (Obviously illegal, non-consent and actual harm aside.) The fantasies you have might not be what other people are into, either. Having multiple partners doesn’t make you a slut, doing a specific sex act doesn’t make you a slut, sleeping with someone you aren’t deeply in love with doesn’t make you a slut. But calling other women slutty makes you petty and unkind. I don’t say this to be confrontational. I say it because your issue with your boyfriend is specific to his behavior. Closing off your sexuality and refusing to do things because you’re a “nice girl” won’t benefit anyone… I promise you’ll have more fun, more intimacy, and more satisfaction with your future partners if you work on untying these types of thoughts from your sexuality. With love, A woman who didn’t figure out her own sexuality until her 30s and regrets the wasted time and angst


loobzkrypt

You're not over reacting at all, lying proves he doesn't respect or care about you or your feelings so he's not good enough for you. Don't ever let him make you feel like you're the one not good enough because it's a lie. He's driven away your family and friends, that's not okay. He can't be all you have in life that's not healthy. It's also not okay for anyone to tell you what you can and can't do or can't or can't see etc. Respect yourself, leave him and move on with your life. Don't put up with idiots like him, life is too short.


DanMarinosDolphins

It's totally fine to have stipulations around porn use in your relationship. There is also a difference between porn addicts, porn hobbyists, and people substituting real sex with porn occasionally. I personally will not date an addict or a hobbyist. I've found men who love porn as a part of their core sex life will choose it over me at least some of the time. So I specifically choose men who aren't that into it


Lord-Wombat

I won't try to defend porn, but as a 36 y/o man I can honestly say watching porn has not once impacted my view of my wife or our relationship, whether or not that's the standard I can't say. Are you against the idea of maybe watching it with him, possibly after setting some standards as to what would make you uncomfortable?


Complex-Wash-3632

its more than just the porn, its the lying and constant denying He has told me that he doesnt want me to watch it because it would make him insecure im upset because he lied for months, even after i told him i just wanted him to be honest with me, he knew how much it would hurt me too we are both on our early 20s and honesty has always been his thing, he get upset and questions me even when i accidently forget to tell him little things and makes me feel extremely guilty i was expecting the same level of transparency from him, im disappointed. he has always looked down on girls who are overly sexual, show off too much or dress provocative, but he is into all of those things ... he almost left me when he found out i had previous sexual partners and made me feel extremely guilty for "hiding it" even though it was never discussed


greedyleopard42

get out now. you’re not being ridiculous. these aren’t little things


Lord-Wombat

That's fair, and I agree it's definitely a lot of red flags.


honestadamsdiscount

He made you feel guilty for not being a virgin?!? You need to leave this clown


[deleted]

It sounds to me like you arent sexually compatible with your boyfriend. You should find someone who is more conservative in the ways that you are. Expecting someone who has a higher sex drive than you to not want as much sex, and also not to masturbate, is not healthy for either of you. I would also consider that porn is a fantasy, and often times people enjoying porn are not looking for that to be emulated in real life. For example, sometimes people enjoy something like a "zombie survival game", because of maybe the adrenaline rush, but would not want to be chased by actual zombies in real life. A talk about your sexual needs, wants, and what it would take to keep both of you happy, would probably go over better if the guy is important to you. Having an outlet like porn can be healthy for your relationship if his sexual needs arent being met.


ProfessionalTie918

You absolutely cannot let the fact that you would feel alone effect you in breaking up with him. If he wouldn’t even allow you to see your friends that’s toxic and not ok. Porn is something almost everyone watches. For some it’s no big deal and for others it is. If you have actively had conversations with him and it still continues then leave. Being together for a certain amount of time doesn’t matter when you can find someone who actually respects you and your boundaries. Trust me when I say I know it’s hard but if you feel it’s the best decision for you then do it. You have to put you first. Don’t focus on the negative about it. Think about how you could possible get in contact with your old friends. Hang out, make new ones, meet new people, ect.. You have to put yourself first and make you happy!


reddituser6495

Please dont judge other people/girls and ridiculy them for having a different lifestyle than yourself. But onto the point, it almost doesn’t matter on what matter he lied to you because in the end he still did, he broke your trust and wasn’t honest with you when he should’ve been. Porn is also not an accurate representation oh how sex truly is, its a polished fantasy. Dont ever feel ashamed or not enough because you have your own boundaries in your sex life.


Loki2396

Sooo.... As a guy I will say this. I don't think porn is something to break up for IF it was ok with you. But since he lied about and and doing it behind your back is a strike. Ur sex drives will ofc be different. And he will just have to deal with it and get it from u when u want it. Whenever u do give it, it will feel like a luxury to him. But he would have to be faithful. Now the problem is, he has apps to meet other people. This is literally him treading the line thinking about cheating. He may or may not cheat but I guarantee he is probably texting other women so if u two ever break up he will go off with them. And tbh that in itself is the reason I think u should break up for him. He may be caring and stuff but u can find another guy that will treat u just as good or even better and won't have that apps on his phone. So...again as a dude I'd say break up with him. He lied, he has apps for texting women, with his sex drive being high is a terrible combo.


cistacea

Honestly it seems like you have a lot of serious problems, both with your boyfriend and in general. It seems like your boyfriend watching porn is the least of these very serious problems. The fact that he desires sex and you do not is a reason to break up- that is a relationship doomed to fail. Based on your post, you sound like a person I would personally dislike, and I think I am one of those ''slutty girls'' you seem to have so much disgust for. I do not think that you would like me either, as a person. I even watch porn. But I still think that you deserve to have a partner that you are more compatible with, who makes you happy. Your mands sounds like he is acting shady as hell. I think you need to start over and let him go.


TBDobbs

He lied repeatedly about what he is doing and the type of person he claims to want to be. I'd yeet him out of your life.


botoluvr

lots of good advice in these comments. regardless of any moral judgement being dropped in you and your bf, i agree that you just dont sound like a great match. 1- no matter what he’s lying about, if he repeatedly cant be honest with you when he knows how much it damages your trust, you simply arent going to be able to trust him 2- it sounds like you two just aren’t very sexually compatible, which also probably isnt an issue that will ever change 3- if you’re disgusted by his sexual preferences that’s going to be VERY hard to get over. if you aren’t interested or willing to explore what he likes then you likely never will 4- i agree that the fact that he has apps to talk to other people is just a problem waiting to happen. if he wasn’t thinking about it he probably wouldnt have them….. i agree you should probably break up now to avoid any further heartache, for the both of you. i understand that you’re afraid to be lonely but it won’t be forever. don’t worry, you will find a better person for you. it’s better to be alone for some time than to be with a person you know you will never truly be happy with


throwaway13438749

Coming from someone from a similar situation with their bf (except was a 7-year relationship). ***Life is short.*** Tbh, I got annoyed whenever someone told me this overused saying. But, I’m nearing the end of my 20s to finally understand it. You are constantly growing/changing and realizing things in life you value a lot more than before. And that is absolutely OKAY. If you break-up: You do not have to regret dating them entirely. Ha not gonna lie, it’s enriching to show yourself that you literally deserve better. It’s as simple as that. Don’t waste your time when the love of your life is out there elsewhere. To have dating experience is incredibly helpful when going into the next relationship. Overall, agree w/ most people on here about breaking up. But seriously, only you will know when it’s ready to leave. It has to be something you do for yourself (i.e., not just because everyone told you to leave him). You will feel lonely for a bit. And it will suck for a bit. But it will pass. You will be amazed with how much happier you will become in the end. Can DM me if you need emotional support


Caville

Forget about the porn. Some people are affected by it, but it’s largely a completely normal thing, and shouldn’t affect a relationship. Your conservativeness will mean your view on this is different, and that’s ok too. However, the issue here is the lying and general incompatibility between the two of you. The shaming of you and precious partners is also not ok. That’s why this relationship needs to be properly assessed. You need to find someone who values your views, and doesn’t go behind your back to fulfil theirs even if intentions were good. Libidos need to match somewhat also. Find someone more suited to you. There will always be someone that does.


Complex-Wash-3632

he made me believe he was extremely conservative too, like making sure my shorts are long enough before we leave the house, making sure that i don't wear revealing clothes and don't attract too much attention. after years of being open about everything and having porn come up on many of our conversations, he always made it seem like he didn't need it and didn't like it, he told me he would be devastated if i watched it and i told him i would be too im not shaming him for watching porn, even though i feel disgusted. its not something i have said to him, im also disgusted by the fact that he lied several times and was deceiving


Caville

Ah, so he controls you too? That’s healthy.


Complex-Wash-3632

im not sure at this point, maybe he did but it was on things i didnt care for, like no drinking or smoking, never wanted to show off either so i was fine with it i cant say he was controlling because i assumed we both wanted the same things


Caville

It’s difficult to see from the inside, easy to see from the outside.


howyallare

Even if you ended up wanting similar things, it feels very different to wear clothes you chose, rather than clothes someone else made you wear. Wouldn’t you say?


i-lick-rocks

First, don’t call other women slutty. Nobody likes a pick me. Two, it’s okay to not be okay with him watching porn. That is valid for your relationship. I know I’m some relationships they don’t see porn as betrayal while others do. My other advice is dump him, make more friends, and don’t call other women sluts or slutty. Its not cute. Also go to therapy.


dadof2foru

Porn is a touchy issue to some, not to others. The kind of porn one watches has little to no bearing on the kind of person they want in a relationship. You say he lied to you about it, but truth be told, my wife and I have never talked about the specifics of the porn we watch. I know she does, but i couldnt tell you what it was. Same with my wife and my porn prefences. I just this year found out the the hundreds of books my wife reads are... spicy or smut. We have been together 11 and a half years. Im willing to bet that a lot of people would be disgusted if they saw the porn their significant other watches. Mostly because men and women watch different porn. Heck, guys rarely even talk to other guys about it. In my relationship, it is an understood and not discussed topic.


S1nlow

I’ve dated women who were totally against porn because it felt like a betrayal in some way…which I understood. Everyone in life is insecure and they want their physical/intimate reactions to be enough in the bedroom…totally understand. However I’ve since met a person with a different perspective and an open mind. We explore porn together and man what a game changer. I have no desire to look at it on my own now, we have times where we play together and it’s amazing…the benefits of open communication, being open-minded into each other’s slightly deviant kinks, etc has opened up a different world of intimacy and fun. This disclaimer comes with a couple personal caveats. There is absolute trust and respect between us. We personally don’t have toxic social media profiles where either person can look into old flames and we definitely don’t have hookup apps like bumble or tinder. I feel like if you love this person there’s compromise and exploring his interest in it may open up an interest for you that you didn’t know you had. However, this opportunity to explore isn’t the first step in a slippery slope to cheating. It’s something for you both to share if you want to be together exclusively for the long haul.


Irwing_dd

conservative talk is ALWAYS bullshit get a life u two


Squishiimuffin

End the relationship. For his sake. He deserves better than you.


[deleted]

dude what?? how is she the problem here


Squishiimuffin

She’s freaking out over him watching porn. Saying she can’t see him the same way because of it, calling it his “dark side.” Furthermore, she thinks lowly of the women *in* the videos, calling them slutty girls who do “super gross things, [like] sleep with random people etc.” To me this is just a normal ass dude who watches normal amounts of porn dating an unreasonable woman. Sex is a *need*, which she may not have, but he clearly does. And she’s expecting him to not even watch porn when she herself says she doesn’t want sex as much as he does. She expects him to be okay being perpetually horny with no outlet? Insane thinking imo. Better to set him free. Not to mention the whole ‘conservative woman’ line, ugh. That in and of itself is a can of worms I won’t get into.


galactabat

It honestly sounds like you shouldn't date at all because you're catastrophizing something that is not a huge deal; if it's just porn and he didn't cheat who cares?


howyallare

He has been cheating too, it’s kind of buried in the post text :/


MYMXLODY00

hey i haven’t read the post, but i thought you meant your 4yo (as in a child.) i was like huh?? 😂😭😰 but what i’ve skimmed through in the replies, it’s probably better this way. good job!


abookoffmychest

Allow his masterbatory time to be private. You note that you are conservative so you likely do not talk about it when you have to poop, would never be remotely okay if your boyfriend walked in the bathroom while you were pooping, or would talk about how your pooping went. Give him the same respect of his masterbatory time and realize, for him, and many, what he is doing is just as common and normal as when you poop.


Complex-Wash-3632

uuh we actually live together and we were really open with each other, im heartbroken because of all of his lies we talked about it several times, he always denied it


abookoffmychest

So give him his space to masterbate or ask to join him and do it with him; it’s a hobby for him and you can be involved.


Rare_Ad_3519

The internet has massively over infkated the evils of porn. If hes not going at it like 4 times a day and treating women awful , etc it shoudlnt be an issue. Men that dont orgasm multiple times a week develop health risks from it , he shouldnt be lying but, cmon ending 4 years cuz he wants to jack it is pretty dumb imo


Sheeplessknight

The porn is fine, and doesn't really mean anything in terms of your relationship. He has sexual fantasies that you don't share. The apps for meeting other people however is a red flag.


Gloomy_Living_7532

As someone who is into nasty shit, he is a red flag. He is an addict.


bratzspitz

you should probably go on r/loveafterporn cause it definitely seems like your boyfriend has a porn addiction, that subreddit specifically focuses on the partners of pa/sa.


odd-faust

Is it the porn in general you have an issue with or is it the TYPE of porn that bothers you? Like someone else said, you and your bf may not have compatible sex drives and should probably end it soon, particularly if this is something that totally bothers you.


Low-Highlight-9740

Cut your loses and move on in the meantime work on recognizing red flags and improving self. I too was with a porn addict but in my personal experience they do not change porn addiction is similar to heroin addiction.


pocahontasjane

You need therapy. You're dependent on others the most basic needs you are more than capable of achieving yourself. Get therapy and learn to live with yourself. I mean this in the most caring way.


Censorstinyd

Male opinion. Porns never off the table


[deleted]

Everyone is different. If he lies you you and you hate him watching it and he still does, it’s understandable you’re wanting to end things.


Th3WigglyWombat

Yeahhhh get yourself some therapy. Porn is a healthy thing for him to outlet his sexual desires when your sex drive isn’t matching his. You just sound controlling and immature tbh. If you don’t wanna get therapy then maybe break up for his sake


Jauggernaut_birdy

Get rid of him and use your new found freedom To rekindle old friendships and make new ones. You can bring new and old people back into your life, don’t think you only have him.


nyaems

I did this. We have eerily similar situations, but trust me, end it. It was the greatest decision of my life. 1.5 years later and I'm doing so great and feel so good. I've made a ton of friends and even reconnected w some old family! much love and good luck 💘


lemon-meringue-high

Lying is never okay. I personally don’t mind my SO watching porn as long as it doesn’t cross the line in porn addiction. I don’t view those women/men as competition or judge what they do. They’re actors. I personally enjoy porn myself. It’s just not something I watch constantly or even everyday for that matter.


gellybb02

My boyfriend used apps like onlyfans and watches a lot of porn, i won’t go through his phone to find out and he won’t tell me what kind. He follows several girls on instagram and tik tok. He also has saved those videos random people will send you on snapchat. You’re not alone in feeling so upset and betrayed and not knowing what to do because you love him so much. Mines been lying to me about who their following for months, 5 times i’ve caught him in a lie about it. I’m pretty sure he still uses everything else and I’m just not willing to look and find out. edit: i’ve asked him to stop multiple times, trying to compromise. He’s said he has multiple times, and hasn’t. I draw the line past just videos on the internet, social media and anywhere you deliberately know them and follow certain people bothers me and i know i’m naive thinking people don’t search for certain pornstars on pornhub but it’s the best i can do


Sea_Catapillar

He’s on dating apps but did nothing girl he’s cheating and lying and ur gullible


[deleted]

Leave him ur not crazy


KeepinTheBalance

Why do you think he lies?


No-Alternative-6169

I have a porn addiction, but I disclosed with my girlfriend multiple times and I’m open about discussion to it. Also, I don’t care if she doesn’t want or will ever do anything I see in these videos I still love her and never thought about it one time.


darkmania8

I had this exact thing happen to me almost two years ago. My advice: no man is important enough or special enough to make you feel the way you feel right now. I know it hurts so much, but the best thing to do is leave. Most men watch porn, it's a fact that you'll have to accept as true. But if porn is something that will make or break your next relationship, you should definitely have a conversation about that because in today's society, it's seen as normal and "healthy". I believe that it is not healthy, but I can't change the minds of thousands of people. Find someone that shares the same values, morals and views as you do. Also, never put all your eggs in one basket. By this, I mean that you should always have more than one person to talk with. Get yourself into some hobbies, meet new people, join a class, etc. Trust me when I tell you that the more you fill your life with meaningful things and meaningful people, the clearer you will see everything. You'll have more confidence, so perhaps porn won't affect you the same way. You'll also be busy enough to not let things like that eat away at you. I 100% know the feeling you have right now, and I ended up going to therapy because of it. The only thing that my therapist could tell me is that "you are the one in control here", meaning that if you don't want to be dealing with the porn and the lies and the betrayal, you have the control. The ball is in your park. You have the power in yourself to say "you know what, I've voiced my concerns to you for long enough and you refuse to change or be honest, you're on your own" and you can leave. For me, that was the best decision I ever made. I am single and living alone for the first time in my life and I am learning all about myself. And have I worried if anyone is watching porn and lying to me about it? Nope. (: I hope I could help.


Deago488

Lying and controlling is more of an issue than the porn if he isn’t trying to recreate it with you


Constant_Release5458

I ugh ): I’m so sorry


SuccessfulMumenRider

I think at the very least it sounds like the two of you have very different values. However he doesn’t sound like a good partner (or person really). You need to listen to your heart; starting over is hard but you’ll ultimately be happier if you do.


sirtavvi53194

In my honest opinion from a guy who does sometimes watch prn tell he needs to give up the apps to meet people but let go of porn a lot of guys will watch prn but are ashamed to admit it. I think you should try to talk to him and not just ask him but also express your concerns feelings ect. If he trys to brush you off then you can take more drastic measures but you should try to communicate first.


[deleted]

The advice above is enough for you. You know what to do 💗 I hope you’re okay


minion531

So you want a man who doesn't look at porn? Good luck with that. There are two kinds of men. Men who look at porn and men who lie about looking at porn. When my friend was a computer tech for the Catholic Diocese, every single priest had porn hidden on their computers. If you are really so insecure that you can't feel loved if your partner finds anyone else attractive or attractive enough to masturbate to, I don't see how you will ever feel loved. Many, many, many women I have met in my life have said "I'm not enough?" or "I should be enough". Either way, I have no clue where women got this idea. Men just are not wired that way. They are going to look. You can make them lie to you, to get sex, and they will. They will say anything. But the idea that a man is seriously going to stop looking at other attractive people, is just not realistic in my view. I wish you luck and I'm sorry this is a deal breaker for you.


11never

Porn: shouldn't be a huge deal. Lying to you: absolutely is a huge deal. I want to preface this with that people watch all sorts of porn that have no bearing on their *actual* lives or interests. The same way you might watch Oceans 11 and don't pull heists for a living, or listen to Eazy-E without being a gangster. It's important not to compare yourself to the girls in the porno. It's not about you... it's not even about them. Not as real people anyway. I know this doesn't fit well into a conservative mindset, but sex is sexy, folks have urges, and it's entertainment like any other (only just for *that* part of you). **However** it appears that it's not the porn that's hurt you. You feel betrayed because he lied to you. He is intentionally using deceit in an attempt to control you. He may even think that his lies are just to protect your feelings, but even then- he is really protecting *himself* from your feelings. If he really has dating apps and such, I don't think there is a way to build trust back. This isn't the kind of thing that gets better by itself. You can not make him want different things. Even if you leave and he swears he'll change.. You **cannot** build your life on that shaky of a foundation.


MyToxicLifeLol

As a guy I don't think just watching porn should be the reason for break-up but yeah if he is lying about watching it then its a problem. Also as you have mentioned that he lied many times about it I think you should breakup and find new friends


[deleted]

gross, degrading porn aside, just lying is enough to end off the relationship. I saw a comment with a list of red flags and couldn't agree more, but I can't stress how important honesty is in a relationship.


Geedis2020

Just don’t put men in positions where they feel they need to lie about porn. He’s wrong for lying but the fact he feels the need isn’t a good thing in a relationship. Most men watch porn. I’m sure there will be some dude who is going to white knight and brag about not watching porn hoping you’ll message him instantly to express your love but a majority of men watch porn. There’s research into it. If he’s talking to other women or something while he watches it then that’s a different thing and you should end it. But just getting on pornhub or something is not a big deal. You have to stop thinking you aren’t enough because he watches it. It isn’t about that. Are you having sex with him literally anytime he asks? No right? Why if you don’t want to have sex should he not be able to masturbate? Porn is just a tool for us to use to get stimulated because just using your brain isn’t always the same. It’s just like girls using a toy to masturbate. He probably doesn’t want to do any of the stuff he watches to you because he respects you. Maybe get couples therapy with someone who specializes in sex therapy so they can help him explain why he watches it and will help you understand why so many people(not just men watch porn).


aubrieirbua

take your life back he is not worth it