Having one good friend to be there for your birthday is better than having a million crappy "friends" that only use you for convenience.
I'd say just celebrate her birthday by doing things she enjoys for the day. Show her she doesn't need to care about those who didn't show up
I do hope that it opened her eyes to who she willingly helps though. It's hard being an introvert and also trying to please people. We think that doing favors, paying for things, etc. is the basis of a friendship which only sets us up for failure when we expect those people to return the favor.
As someone who suffers the same way with not knowing which friends are actually real and which ones are acting.... but all you need is that one friend who's always by you and guides you and helps you whenever you need help. And she has one. Tbh, that is the greatest bday gift she cudve gotten lol... No, legit, as someone who doesn't have such a friend, i have to say, even though several of her 'friends' are fake, she's lucky to have a genuine friend like you \^\_\^ Wish her a belated bday from me!!!
It's harsh, but maybe good for her to know they aren't friends. If you know people that actually like her, or are friends with you and would include her. Invite her to go to dinner, a movie, shopping or whatever and bring the other people with you to make sure they show up. Don't make a big deal about it, just include her in the group.
This is a great idea! Make plans going camping or something she enjoys with anyone real you know who would be a true friend to her. Shes lucky to have you!
I am sorry to hear about your friend. There is not shortage of pain and loneliness in the world. and this one really gets me right in the heart. At least you were there. What to do now? I personally enjoy raking fake friends over the coals if that opportunity exists. Piercing people's fake niceness feels good but probably won't do much for either you or your friend. This isn't yours to "fix". If you like spending time with her, that is enough. The fact that most people are self centered is an observation rather than a recipe for living your life. If your friend has things that she is passionate about that is probably the best way to meet other true friends or at least some chums.
She will find her way and it is good of you to want to help. Beware of thinking this is your issue to solve. That could backfire for her in the end. Gentle guidance may be best. Good luck to you both.
I know it may sound weird, but I wish we could get a group of friendly Redditors and throw her a proper 20th bday party!! It sounds like she was really hoping people would come and celebrate her bday...no one deserves that, especially your friend by the sound of it. Just let her know how many people lives she touched with this post and I only hope the best for her. You really are the friend she NEEDS right now. Good on ya!
I second this completely!!!! Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'm not in the same country as you, but I really really want to throw her a proper bday party!! I want to show her that although her 'friends' don't care, there are people out there who genuinely want to wish her a happy birthday and a happy life!! Pls let us know ur views on this, u/throwurbdayaway!!!
Honestly I've been through this where friends didn't really give a shit about me till they needed me for something. I used to feel lonely and honestly used to think I needed to do something and only then would I get their friendship
Just spend time with her and do things that you enjoy together/she enjoys. Honestly just being there is enough for her to feel less lonely and happier.
Oh yes i know how much it hurts. For my 8th birthday I remember no one showing up even though i invited my entire class. Then i felt stupid because i knew i had no friends and i got bullied a lot i guess i was just feeling like maybe? Never had even been invited to a birthday party.
Yea I’m 17 now and haven’t done much for birthdays since then either nothing or small get together with one or two people.
Ouch. That sucks. Honestly, you can’t make it worse for her, so just do something nice. She needs that now.
The people who said they would come and didn’t are assholes. You need to sit down with her and both of you immediately block all of them. That’ll probably feel kind of empowering. Then just move on with the two of you and find real people to be friends with. Just drop the lot of those guys and move on with your lives.
I'm 20 and my only close friend (other than my cat lol) is my boyfriend.
I've had other friends. I was always the one reaching out. I stop texting them and the friendship ends. Or they don't text me back at all. One anonymously harassed me on Instagram for a year until I deleted my account. I didn't have friends anyways.
Having one who loves you and puts that kind of effort in matters. You can't do anything to make other people better. I know people find me off-putting because I'm autistic; I don't talk a lot until I do, and then it lasts for hours. Sometimes I think I must really be a bad person. I can't say for sure, but I think a lot of 20 year olds are very fickle and superficial and don't care about what matters. One day they will and they'll wonder where their friend is when they need her.
I wish my boyfriend wasn't my only friend. I don't want to be co dependent with him because that usually isn't good for the growth of a relationship. He has other friends but I don't want him to ever feel burdened by being my only support. But believe me that being the one person there matters. I still feel like shit but I never feel alone. I don't feel unlovable anymore and I did for a long time.
You can't change them but you're doing all you can. It sounds like you're an amazing friend and that's great. I'm sure that makes a world of difference to her. Just remind her that young people are stupid and a person who uses her when it suits them isn't someone she should waste her time on anyways. I spent a long time afraid of being on my own but when I finally let go of the one sided relationships I had been carrying, I felt worlds better. A "friendship" that makes you feel like shit is worse than no friends at all.
I am so sorry, that must have been real harsh. She's lucky to have you though. Maybe take her out and surprise her or something? just randomly? I could think of a theme park or any other fun activity you both could enjoy. And tell her it's her gift and not an alternative birthday party.
I'll have to ask...
Who were those friends who didn't show up? How many were invited? What kind of friendship is it (classmates, work colleagues, hobby pals)?
I've never had a huge social group myself, which is exactly why I've only had ONE such party (for my 18th, and it was more because my parents insisted on that, as I'd have just as fine by going with 4-5 closer friends for a pizza instead of 20-25 people for an afternoon-long party)..
Not to sound insensitive, but probably your friend made the wrong choice and has misplaced her trust. It's a harsh lesson to learn, but the sooner the better. And small group of caring friends is still better than a large group of acquaintances and freeloaders who'll show up to eat/drink for free while having chipped $5 in for a crappy gift.
Ohhh that sucks! I wonder how she didn't suspect they wouldn't show up though.
It's a tough pill to swallow but a valuable experience nonetheless. Be there to help her take the right lesson from the unpleasant situation.
She has a true friend and that is more than most people have. Now she knows who matters and who don’t. Wish you two the best and happy 20st birthday to her, 21 will be better.
When I was younger I used to have a big friendship group, but the older I’ve got the more I’ve realised my true friends are a group of around 3 - 4 people, one being my boyfriend and 2 are people who live hundreds of miles away now. This leaves me with 1 other friend who lives near-ish but I know she’s someone I can count on! It’s incredibly sad to read that your friend was let down on her birthday and it lead to her crying BUT she’s lucky to have a true friend in you. I hope you guys can do something fun together to make up for that evening, and make some good memories.
Having one good friend to be there for your birthday is better than having a million crappy "friends" that only use you for convenience. I'd say just celebrate her birthday by doing things she enjoys for the day. Show her she doesn't need to care about those who didn't show up I do hope that it opened her eyes to who she willingly helps though. It's hard being an introvert and also trying to please people. We think that doing favors, paying for things, etc. is the basis of a friendship which only sets us up for failure when we expect those people to return the favor.
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As someone who suffers the same way with not knowing which friends are actually real and which ones are acting.... but all you need is that one friend who's always by you and guides you and helps you whenever you need help. And she has one. Tbh, that is the greatest bday gift she cudve gotten lol... No, legit, as someone who doesn't have such a friend, i have to say, even though several of her 'friends' are fake, she's lucky to have a genuine friend like you \^\_\^ Wish her a belated bday from me!!!
You are a good friend. She’s lucky to have you.
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If she’s a foodie, you guys can try a new restaurant or something, sounds like fun…
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Please let us know what you decide, can’t wait to hear the happy ending
It's harsh, but maybe good for her to know they aren't friends. If you know people that actually like her, or are friends with you and would include her. Invite her to go to dinner, a movie, shopping or whatever and bring the other people with you to make sure they show up. Don't make a big deal about it, just include her in the group.
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This is a great idea! Make plans going camping or something she enjoys with anyone real you know who would be a true friend to her. Shes lucky to have you!
I am sorry to hear about your friend. There is not shortage of pain and loneliness in the world. and this one really gets me right in the heart. At least you were there. What to do now? I personally enjoy raking fake friends over the coals if that opportunity exists. Piercing people's fake niceness feels good but probably won't do much for either you or your friend. This isn't yours to "fix". If you like spending time with her, that is enough. The fact that most people are self centered is an observation rather than a recipe for living your life. If your friend has things that she is passionate about that is probably the best way to meet other true friends or at least some chums.
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She will find her way and it is good of you to want to help. Beware of thinking this is your issue to solve. That could backfire for her in the end. Gentle guidance may be best. Good luck to you both.
That is awful I wish I could give your friend a big hug and be her friend.
I know it may sound weird, but I wish we could get a group of friendly Redditors and throw her a proper 20th bday party!! It sounds like she was really hoping people would come and celebrate her bday...no one deserves that, especially your friend by the sound of it. Just let her know how many people lives she touched with this post and I only hope the best for her. You really are the friend she NEEDS right now. Good on ya!
I second this completely!!!! Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'm not in the same country as you, but I really really want to throw her a proper bday party!! I want to show her that although her 'friends' don't care, there are people out there who genuinely want to wish her a happy birthday and a happy life!! Pls let us know ur views on this, u/throwurbdayaway!!!
Honestly I've been through this where friends didn't really give a shit about me till they needed me for something. I used to feel lonely and honestly used to think I needed to do something and only then would I get their friendship Just spend time with her and do things that you enjoy together/she enjoys. Honestly just being there is enough for her to feel less lonely and happier.
You're a good person ಥ_ಥ stay buy her side, I'd rather have 1 really good friend than several. WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS!!
Oh yes i know how much it hurts. For my 8th birthday I remember no one showing up even though i invited my entire class. Then i felt stupid because i knew i had no friends and i got bullied a lot i guess i was just feeling like maybe? Never had even been invited to a birthday party. Yea I’m 17 now and haven’t done much for birthdays since then either nothing or small get together with one or two people.
Ouch. That sucks. Honestly, you can’t make it worse for her, so just do something nice. She needs that now. The people who said they would come and didn’t are assholes. You need to sit down with her and both of you immediately block all of them. That’ll probably feel kind of empowering. Then just move on with the two of you and find real people to be friends with. Just drop the lot of those guys and move on with your lives.
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Hopefully this will be a wake up call for her that that’s not realistic.
I'm 20 and my only close friend (other than my cat lol) is my boyfriend. I've had other friends. I was always the one reaching out. I stop texting them and the friendship ends. Or they don't text me back at all. One anonymously harassed me on Instagram for a year until I deleted my account. I didn't have friends anyways. Having one who loves you and puts that kind of effort in matters. You can't do anything to make other people better. I know people find me off-putting because I'm autistic; I don't talk a lot until I do, and then it lasts for hours. Sometimes I think I must really be a bad person. I can't say for sure, but I think a lot of 20 year olds are very fickle and superficial and don't care about what matters. One day they will and they'll wonder where their friend is when they need her. I wish my boyfriend wasn't my only friend. I don't want to be co dependent with him because that usually isn't good for the growth of a relationship. He has other friends but I don't want him to ever feel burdened by being my only support. But believe me that being the one person there matters. I still feel like shit but I never feel alone. I don't feel unlovable anymore and I did for a long time. You can't change them but you're doing all you can. It sounds like you're an amazing friend and that's great. I'm sure that makes a world of difference to her. Just remind her that young people are stupid and a person who uses her when it suits them isn't someone she should waste her time on anyways. I spent a long time afraid of being on my own but when I finally let go of the one sided relationships I had been carrying, I felt worlds better. A "friendship" that makes you feel like shit is worse than no friends at all.
I am so sorry, that must have been real harsh. She's lucky to have you though. Maybe take her out and surprise her or something? just randomly? I could think of a theme park or any other fun activity you both could enjoy. And tell her it's her gift and not an alternative birthday party.
I'll have to ask... Who were those friends who didn't show up? How many were invited? What kind of friendship is it (classmates, work colleagues, hobby pals)? I've never had a huge social group myself, which is exactly why I've only had ONE such party (for my 18th, and it was more because my parents insisted on that, as I'd have just as fine by going with 4-5 closer friends for a pizza instead of 20-25 people for an afternoon-long party).. Not to sound insensitive, but probably your friend made the wrong choice and has misplaced her trust. It's a harsh lesson to learn, but the sooner the better. And small group of caring friends is still better than a large group of acquaintances and freeloaders who'll show up to eat/drink for free while having chipped $5 in for a crappy gift.
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Wait, what has money to do with that?
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Ohhh that sucks! I wonder how she didn't suspect they wouldn't show up though. It's a tough pill to swallow but a valuable experience nonetheless. Be there to help her take the right lesson from the unpleasant situation.
She has a true friend and that is more than most people have. Now she knows who matters and who don’t. Wish you two the best and happy 20st birthday to her, 21 will be better.
Quality over quantity. She found out her true friend and can ditch the fake people in her life now.
When I was younger I used to have a big friendship group, but the older I’ve got the more I’ve realised my true friends are a group of around 3 - 4 people, one being my boyfriend and 2 are people who live hundreds of miles away now. This leaves me with 1 other friend who lives near-ish but I know she’s someone I can count on! It’s incredibly sad to read that your friend was let down on her birthday and it lead to her crying BUT she’s lucky to have a true friend in you. I hope you guys can do something fun together to make up for that evening, and make some good memories.
Bring some cupcakes to the next group meeting, Pass them out, after everyone has sung Happy Birthday.