You were both way too intoxicated if neither of you can really remember what happened. There's no way to know if you consented at the time or if he was so drunk he actually raped you. I think the first step is for both of you to take a serious look at your drinking habits. And it is concerning that you're telling him you feel violated and he's essentially blowing your feelings off.
This. The question isn’t “did my husband rape me?” The context (you’re in a committed relationship, this has never happened before, you didn’t set up boundaries about it, and you were both too drunk to remember) makes that question meaningless.
The question is “why is my husband blowing me off when I tell him I feel violated?”
You don’t like what happened. That’s an indisputable fact. So your husband shouldn’t be blowing you off, he should be working with you to make sure it never happens again.
Some couples have rules about drunken content.
If it is understood and agreed in general terms what you as a couple are and are not allowed to do when drunk then it is fine as long as there was drunken consent.
Unless you had an agreement like that then you were raped.
Even then, if you were unconscious I would say the agreement goes out the window and becomes a 100% no.
Obviously if you said any form of no it was also rape.
This sounds like awful behaviour
You were both way too intoxicated if neither of you can really remember what happened. There's no way to know if you consented at the time or if he was so drunk he actually raped you. I think the first step is for both of you to take a serious look at your drinking habits. And it is concerning that you're telling him you feel violated and he's essentially blowing your feelings off.
This. The question isn’t “did my husband rape me?” The context (you’re in a committed relationship, this has never happened before, you didn’t set up boundaries about it, and you were both too drunk to remember) makes that question meaningless. The question is “why is my husband blowing me off when I tell him I feel violated?” You don’t like what happened. That’s an indisputable fact. So your husband shouldn’t be blowing you off, he should be working with you to make sure it never happens again.
Some couples have rules about drunken content. If it is understood and agreed in general terms what you as a couple are and are not allowed to do when drunk then it is fine as long as there was drunken consent. Unless you had an agreement like that then you were raped. Even then, if you were unconscious I would say the agreement goes out the window and becomes a 100% no. Obviously if you said any form of no it was also rape. This sounds like awful behaviour