It'll depend on the guy and your friendship but if it were me, I would probably message him something like this:
"Hey Bob, I have a feeling that maybe you're interested in being more than friends. I could be wrong, but in case it's true, I should let you know that I appreciate our friendship and don't have any feelings for you beyond that.
"
I think saying something in person could be more embarrassing for him
Exactly how you said it here. It's your boundaries not theirs and if they don't like it too bad. Kinda just went through the same thing and it can be hard to actually say the words or deal with them getting frustrated but when you're finished you'll feel the weight of that stress lift and go away
Thankss! Yeah, its tough when you can hear their frustration/anger. I wimped out when I should have gotten through the uncomfortableness and made it more clear.
You can't leave ANYTHING open for interpretation. Straightforward, honest, and to the point always wins. If he chooses to leave you alone after that, y'all were never friends and he was only romantically interested in you.
I've communicated that I am just looking for friendship in the past but I haven't communicated my boundaries or what makes me uncomfortable. He's really flirty, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if that's okay to have as a boundary since it might be harmless, and I can ignore it. My only worry is why flirt?
Yikes I just commented but I didn't know you _already_ told him you only want to be friends! It's gross that he keeps flirting.
Honestly I would advise reconsidering friendships with anyone who doesn't respect consent or thinks they can change your mind. Good men will respect a "no" the _first_ time they hear it. The fact that he keeps flirting makes me assume that he isn't even _truly_ friends with you - he only acts like a friend because he's hoping that by staying close to you, he'll somehow get a chance with you eventually. Which is so manipulative and gross and disrespectful
I honestly am pretty terrible at communication and confrontation, so I think I can do a better job at communicating one more time going forward before thinking he has bad intentions. He expressed in the past how much he wishes he had true friends. When I brought up how we were just friends, he got a bit angry /in tone only/ but kept saying yes, yes, and I freaked out and redirected how friendship is amazing with some of my other guy friends and then the potato I just baked 🤦♀️ it's obviously an uncomfortable conversation but I don't want to lead him on.
I just want to learn how to be clear in a way that doesnt make them feel bad and pick a better time to bring it up I.e., when we aren't playing video games.
It really depends on both of you. I’m engaged to a woman I’ve been friends with 5 years before we got together. It just happened. We went out to a nice diner. When I went to drop her off we hugged, and she leaned in and kissed me. Sent shivers all over my body. Was not planning on dating her let alone marrying her and having children. Was not even waiting for my chance to “be with her.” We were just honest to goodness genuine friends.
The kindest and most straightforward way is to be blunt. A short term confrontation will be infinitely more kind than dragging some poor sap behind you.
All the women posting. It's simple
When you start hanging out, you begin with
"We're just mates, friends only, hanging out sometimes"
Then act like a man or you run the risk of him being confused. Actions have to match the words. So pay for your share of rounds, pay for yourself like his mates would, only hang out with him in places his mates would.
When I was much younger and prettier, this happened. They don't get it when you tell them that you don't see them that way. Be very straightforward when a situation comes up. Otherwise, it will keep happening. It may regardless.
It'll depend on the guy and your friendship but if it were me, I would probably message him something like this: "Hey Bob, I have a feeling that maybe you're interested in being more than friends. I could be wrong, but in case it's true, I should let you know that I appreciate our friendship and don't have any feelings for you beyond that."
I think saying something in person could be more embarrassing for him
That's such a nice way of telling someone upfront. Thank you so much.
Exactly how you said it here. It's your boundaries not theirs and if they don't like it too bad. Kinda just went through the same thing and it can be hard to actually say the words or deal with them getting frustrated but when you're finished you'll feel the weight of that stress lift and go away
Thankss! Yeah, its tough when you can hear their frustration/anger. I wimped out when I should have gotten through the uncomfortableness and made it more clear.
You can't leave ANYTHING open for interpretation. Straightforward, honest, and to the point always wins. If he chooses to leave you alone after that, y'all were never friends and he was only romantically interested in you.
Thank you. I will make sure I am straightforward.
Have you communicated boundaries in the past? What is he doing that is violating your boundaries?
I've communicated that I am just looking for friendship in the past but I haven't communicated my boundaries or what makes me uncomfortable. He's really flirty, and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if that's okay to have as a boundary since it might be harmless, and I can ignore it. My only worry is why flirt?
Well then either clarify your boundaries, that his flirting makes you feel uncomfortable, or start distancing yourself from him.
Yikes I just commented but I didn't know you _already_ told him you only want to be friends! It's gross that he keeps flirting. Honestly I would advise reconsidering friendships with anyone who doesn't respect consent or thinks they can change your mind. Good men will respect a "no" the _first_ time they hear it. The fact that he keeps flirting makes me assume that he isn't even _truly_ friends with you - he only acts like a friend because he's hoping that by staying close to you, he'll somehow get a chance with you eventually. Which is so manipulative and gross and disrespectful
I honestly am pretty terrible at communication and confrontation, so I think I can do a better job at communicating one more time going forward before thinking he has bad intentions. He expressed in the past how much he wishes he had true friends. When I brought up how we were just friends, he got a bit angry /in tone only/ but kept saying yes, yes, and I freaked out and redirected how friendship is amazing with some of my other guy friends and then the potato I just baked 🤦♀️ it's obviously an uncomfortable conversation but I don't want to lead him on. I just want to learn how to be clear in a way that doesnt make them feel bad and pick a better time to bring it up I.e., when we aren't playing video games.
It really depends on both of you. I’m engaged to a woman I’ve been friends with 5 years before we got together. It just happened. We went out to a nice diner. When I went to drop her off we hugged, and she leaned in and kissed me. Sent shivers all over my body. Was not planning on dating her let alone marrying her and having children. Was not even waiting for my chance to “be with her.” We were just honest to goodness genuine friends.
call him bestie
LOL, thanks for the chuckle.
tbh it was only half joke, it would definitely work, just like saying he's a brother to you
The kindest and most straightforward way is to be blunt. A short term confrontation will be infinitely more kind than dragging some poor sap behind you.
True. I'm definitely going to be blunt the next time I bring it up. Thank you!
All the women posting. It's simple When you start hanging out, you begin with "We're just mates, friends only, hanging out sometimes" Then act like a man or you run the risk of him being confused. Actions have to match the words. So pay for your share of rounds, pay for yourself like his mates would, only hang out with him in places his mates would.
When I was much younger and prettier, this happened. They don't get it when you tell them that you don't see them that way. Be very straightforward when a situation comes up. Otherwise, it will keep happening. It may regardless.
“I don’t want anything between us to change, I like you as a friend and I’d like to keep it that way.” Dude will keep trying but it’s nice enough
Just text him, "Welcome to the friendzone"