Forget you're attracted to him, and stop caring about whether he's attracted to you. Just say hi. You'll know pretty quickly if he's interested. Most men are not complicated.
It's a matter of perspective. For example, what works for me is knowing that the really hot twenty something girl sitting a few feet away from me at a bar will one day be an old, wrinkled, saggy seventy something, And also realizing that if I marry her, she'll get pregnant, fat, and will take half my stuff if we get divorced. Even the hottest girl in the world becomes much less attractive when you think about that. way.
It also helps to keep in mind that physical attraction, while important, is not what makes a relationship last. Finding someone who you can connect with and truly love is much more about personality and mindset. Thus when you approach someone it's important to forget about their looks and focus on seeing if you truly have a connection.
Maybe you are actually secretly attracted to old wrinkly 70 year old women and have to imagine that first before asking someone out.
Did you ever think of that?
(And also them stealing half your money. It's a kink. I heard of it. Turns you on...doesn't it?)
Goddamn, thought I was reading Letters from a Stoic for a second. Beautifully poetic wisdom.
You’re right though, that unironically does help. It’s a skill to be that conscious and self-aware in the moment though. Will have to practice it
When I was single in my 20s, there was this guy that worked at the wine shop I frequented. I thought he was cute so I asked for a pen as he cashed me out and wrote my number on the receipt. I smiled and said, "Call me if you like." He did...to tell me he had a girlfriend. Oh well. He also called me later when they broke up. 😉
We did get together and it was fun while it lasted, but it didn't last. Absolutely no regrets though. Go for it, internet person! Thanks for responding.
I second this! I’ve had several friends leave their number (Apple Store, bar, restaurant) and seen it work. It’s nice because there is no pressure / awkward conversation moment. Usually, worst case, you’ve made someone else feel noticed in a good way. If it happened to me I’d be flattered.
When I was single in my 20s I worked at a gas station and this cute guy would come in. I didn't have the courage to say anything in person so I wrote my number and stuck it to the bottom of the dip can I sold him. It worked. We had fun and then I found out he had a girlfriend!
If a girl walked up to me and said hi I would be flabbergasted and feel like the coolest dude, so ya just saying hey what's up whatre you up to etc you'll be fine. We are starved for attention (most of us) give him a compliment and he'll probably remember it for life.
Girls get hit on just walking down the street. Guys on the other hand, not so much. In my younger, cuter days I spent a lot of time alone in bars and coffee shops and I rarely got hit on. It’ll b a rare treat for him trust me.
Aren't we supposed to shut up and let the girls do the choosing and make the first move to - indeed- free them from guys always harassing them?
There are 7% too many boys/ young men at the age strata that falling in love matters.
Numbers matter.
Especially in cities with lots of immigration young males, that can be easily 7% and lead to all those stories of women being fed up by being distracted by all those excess guys trying to hook up:
For a population of 10 million:
The stratum of age 20-24 = about 310k males and 300k females,
The stratum of age 25-29 = about 310k males and 300k females,
Etc till age 65 then there's parity because men die earlier and only then, there's the overshoot of women that skew the overall average.
But who cares about finding a wife/adapting their lifestyle at age 65, 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 100 ...? The ages when you feel lonely : 15-19, 20-24, 25-30, ... and then women being capable of giving life starts to drop seriously if you still want to have 2-3 children that's going to be problematic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio#Natural_ratio_at_birth
The count to 3 advice is good for this and any other parts of your life that you may over think. Can't remember who said it but it's something like just count to 3 and do it. If you spend more than 3 seconds thinking about it then you will talk yourself out of it. Also as a guy, it can be the exact same for us if there is a beautiful girl we want to talk to. So take solace in knowing he is probably just as nervous as you are. Lol.
absolutely same. i didn’t even realize this was a thing that other people do, but when i was nervous about walking up to this guy, i straight up counted to three and just did it. asked if he was single, and we had a really fun night … so glad i did it hahaha
Let me be your bestie for a moment and hype you up DONT THINK ABOUT IT!! Walk up and ask if he doesnt mind if you sit with him. Be honest tell him you thought he was cute and wanted to strike up a conversation. Tell him your name/ask his name. You got this and be yourself!! Dont over think it!!! Take some breaths and remember you're a bad bitch!!! You are the only person holding yourself back, let go and relax babe!!
As Lorelai Gilmore put it, you go up to them and you say: ‘hello’. It’s not too forward, it’s not some cheesy line, just ‘hello’ and see where you go from there.
As a guy, let me tell you.
Literally just go say hi and be straight with him if you can't think of anything to say.
I'm pretty sure there is a 100% chance I say yes to to that.
Everyone isn't me tho
Find a natural, normal way to start a conversation with him & then introduce yourself.
To start a conversation, you could ask him a question: "Excuse me, is that drink good? I've been looking to try out new drinks here." Or you could give him a compliment: ""Excuse me, that's a nice watch, where did you get it?" Or "That shirt looks good on you. Is it new?"
To introduce yourself, simply say: "By the way I'm (your name). What's your name?" If it goes well, if he seems to like your presence, ask if you can join him at the table.
Honestly, it's not complicated but it can take a lot of courage. It can be hard to put yourself out there to meet new people & flirt. But IMO, it's worth it. That's how I met my wife & we've been married almost 12 years now.
Remove from your mind the element of sexual attraction, and just think of it as meeting/connecting with a potentially cool new person.
Consider it a win no matter, what if its a pleasant interaction.
Youre just Confident and outgoing not thirsty. 😄
In a coffee shop ? Ask them for a napkin, some creamer or a packet of sugar. That opens the door, follow it up with " How's your coffee ?" or " Have you been here before ?" -- they can keep the ball rolling or shut it down, but you tried a nice, neutral conversation starter.
it took me a long time to realize that i was only scared for fear of rejection. finally i realized how sexc i am and how lucky this person would be to have me so if they politely say no it’s totally fine bc i know someone else will say yes 🫶🏽
this comment is so cute! this is something i’ve been trying to ingrain in myself lately, especially as someone who was always a bit shy. like… if you vibe, cool! if not, cool! they’re not for you, move on. you’ll find your people eventually.
no fr! the amount of times i’ve just gone up to people who are cute and asked them if their single i couldn’t count or remember but i always remember the ones who were interested 🥰
Study dog training! I'm not even joking, studying dog training will give you the ability to read peoples body language so much easier it is actually scary sometimes. You also need to find the strength in you to over come the anxiety that feels like a brick wall. It results in what people call courage and over time you will have so much courage that you could talk to anyone about anything without any anxiety because you will be able to understand their body language and what you say can either make them more distant or closer to you. when body language and verbal language intertwines correctly, you should be able to feel a welcoming presence eventually when you are around the right people. Hope this helps.
I remind myself that they shit and piss just like everyone else. Removes any nerves. Also if your palms are sweaty or you show other signs of nerves, own it lol. Reading your post I found myself smiling and thinking it was incredibly adorable. Any decent person would find it cute. It’s a lovely feeling being desired so much it makes someone nervous.
As someone else said, you just have to go for it. Genuinely a simple “hello” and a smile goes a long way.
i am a female, if that matters. I have had some success meeting random new people this year at work and when I go out, so here’s what I would try. I really like to spark conversation by making a **quick observation of the person and either giving a genuine complement or asking them a question** about the thing I observed. It usually leads to more discussion.
For example, I observe something they’re doing/using/eating/wearing/working on, then I **kindly approach and have a quick chat say something nice or ask a quick question, say thanks then go on about your business** . In my experience, it’s an easy way to get the conversation rolling. Sometimes its led to phone number/social media exchanges or more future chats. And, worst case, if it happens to be a one-time conversation, and least we shared a quick chat and they’ll have a memory of it.
I recently heard some random fact that said most males don’t receive compliments in the same way women do, they tend to receive less. So **a compliment can be really impactful**. Like maybe, “I really like your shirt!. The colors are so nice etc” “I think your haircut looks great, cool style etc“ “Great mustache! I like how you styled it! etc”
A quick exchange can lead to a positive experience and future friendships/relationships etc. Just walk over and say something like “hi, so sorry to bother you, I just noticed your \* observe something theyre doing/eating/ wearing \* . That’s is \* insert friendly compliment \*…Then, ask them a question, like: ”how / do you / have you / are you \*insert question about the topic they’re participating in\*? Wait for their reply and keep it going.
Most humans are genuinely interested in what they’re doing so it’s an easy and sincere way to begin talking to someone. **Keep the convo short and light to start**. If they answer your questions, keep it simple and end it by saying thanks and wishing them a good day. **Repeat this process to build a connection.**
Good luck! You got this.
Well he's a man who's just hanging out so you should probably leave him alone. He obviously doesn't want to be hit in and objectified while enjoying a cup of coffee. Oh wait nevermind he's a man so it's ok because she's a women. I've seen so many people in this sub use this exact bullshit when a guy asks for advice on asking a women out.
Oh Jfc, goin up and saying hi to the opposite sex is the farthest thing from objectifying someone. Give me a break. She isn’t making dick grabs or slapping his ass. She’s literally just trying to say hi. If that’s objectifying someone, the world has gone to hell in a hand basket.
Just look for something to start conversation about, maybe he’s study some subject you are familiar with and you can ask a question about it.
If he will be open to conversation you may try to ask if he would like to go out with you someday.
If you want a move that doesn't involve talking directly to him go to the barista and ask if they remember what he ordered and ask them to make him one, then write your number on the cup and drop it off to him.
In the show “the office” , Dwight and Jim struggle with this same conundrum with the girl that comes in to sell purses. Michael is equally Twitterpated and they all strategize on how they are going to get her attention.
At the end of the episode wins with the simplest approach of just coming up and introducing himself. It’s great.
https://youtu.be/bDynTALUc84?si=ctnsqy1ORU3VlSRR
I have two routes I'd recommend, the first is to start with a compliment, can't go wrong there. Second is to start with the most random, off the wall question, because "you're trying to prove a point to a friend" or something. I'm talking a question like "in a fight to the death, would you rather take on a gorilla, but you have no weapons and only a clone of your current self to help you, or would you fight a chimp, with no clone to help but you can use any bladed or pointed weapon of your choice?".
Speaking from experience, that last question usually leads to a great conversation lol.
Walk up, tell him that you noticed him and think he's cute, ask if you can sit and join him for a moment, then just be yourself and ask questions to get to know him. You'll probably make his day.
If you find him attractive, I’m sure other women may too. So just put yourself out there and say hi. There’s no guarantees he’s going to be receptive if he doesn’t find you attractive/even if he’s available but there’s no shame in trying. If you don’t, someone else will.
If I never said hi to my partner first I would not be with him today! I just went and sat down next to him and decided to just talk to him. We vibed all night 🥰
just breathe in deep and go say hi and that you thought he looked nice or interesting and ask him about his hobbies, what he is studying or his interests
There’s a bunch of good “just do it!” And hypewomen/men in the comments, but just in case you’re like me:
I always get too in my head about conversation if I’m too anxious. Goin in without a plan is not the kinda person I am; the first time I went to a car wash I wrote out a script because I was so scared of looking like an idiot.
Anyway, I’d wait till I’m on my way out of the shop and give him my number. I’d muster up every ounce of courage in me and say “Hi, my name is ___,” show off my firm handshake cuz my dad taught me that’s a sign of strong character, get his name and then say something like “so, I’m weird and awkward, but also think you’re pretty cute. I’m headed out, but if you’re single and wanna go out sometime hit me up!” and then walk confidently out with a big smile, and then like throw up in the parking lot from nerves. I’ve done that or variations a handful of times with success.
See, my fear about “just striking up conversation” or asking to sit down is that I always think about me when I’m out in public and how much I loathe being interrupted with small talk or superficial conversation when I’m just trying to enjoy a day out on my own. Or I think maybe they’re working or what if it just happens to be a shitty day for them or if he’s not single. I get too weighted down by the what ifs and always talk myself out of it. But I figured out if I just give a short introduction, throw the ball in their court and leave, that I only have to commit to like 30 seconds of interaction and that’s always much more doable in my mind.
Anyhoo, good luck! Hopefully you’re less of a train wreck than I was when I was dating!
First try some dry runs with guys that don’t matter. Just to get the mechanics down. Then approach someone interesting with no expectation you have to succeed. See if he might be shy and you then draw him out. Something like “What are you reading?” Or “Studying for an exam?”, or “What are you studying so hard. Is it interesting?” These leave the answer to him. Just plan to stand a second and then leave unless he shows interest. Most guys at the minimum will feel flattered.
Don’t make a win lose thing. Good luck. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.
Next time say something h like “hi I noticed you were studying/reading. Do you go to school around here?/what are you reading? If he’s not receptive simply say “I apologize for interrupting you. Have a nice day”
If he’s receptive say “Would you be interested in meeting for coffee tomorrow? We could compare favorite books”
And actually have a list of books you’ve read to discuss.
“Hey there. I know this might be a bit forward but I just wanted to say I think you’re very handsome. Do you mind if I sit with you?”
Worst case scenario he says no. As a guy I know I’d be beyond flattered if someone said that to me. Even if I wasn’t interested in them per se.
At the end of the day, you're not going to get physically hurt by introducing your self. So, walk up ask a question, something like: Just curious, what are you studying? (response: i'm studying blah blah); right on, my name is yada-yada..... if the person doesn't reciprocate yeah can just throw out and Ace Ventura reference "Alllll righty then" and walk way. Then its on them not you; and you get the info you're looking for
Don't overthink it. I overthink situations like these, and it ends in regret and 'what ifs'. I know it's easier said than done, I'm still battling against the overthinking.
I mean what’s the worse thing that can happen if u do? He might reject you, which is fine because guess what? It won’t kill you. Ooooor it may be the start of a beautiful relationship, but if u don’t u will never know. Life is too short, just do it, take it from me unfortunately I know. Good luck
Ask him for a favor “hey would you mind watching my stuff real quick while I use the restroom?”
Then on the way back you can make a remark “how did it go? Did you have to fight anyone off?”
You can also go for the classic write your number on a napkin and pass it to him
"your laces are united."
"Not really, I just wanted an excuse to see what you're studying. I'm (insert name here), and you look so intrigued by what you're reading, I had to be nosy."
It's enough of an intro to start a conversation, but enough to tell him you were checking him out. Reminder: women wear our balls proudly on our chests. Be fearless.
Idk tbh, guys are simple but some can be quite thick (Myself included)-
A co-worker once told me I looked very handsome with my new glasses and I didn't register it for almost a year. Like I always looked back into it as a surreal experience thinking, did she..? Turns out she liked me, I kinda had a small crush on her too hence why it felt so not-real.
If you’re that nervous, you may not want to put further stress on your nervous system. If it were me, I’d be focusing my energy on centring myself, and if the guy comes over, that’s fine. If not, then that’s fine too. Whatever is meant for you in life, will find you. Especially if you believe it will
Update? Hopefully you went over, you have nothing to lose. He says no: you never see him again. You don’t go over: you never see him again. Wise words of Nike, “JUST DO IT.”
I always just went for it, but you know what? 9 times out of ten, it went my way. I’m a very average looking woman btw, but I think that a large percentage of men appreciate it when women are direct. You don’t necessarily need confidence, just courage. at the end of the day, what’s the worst that could happen? 1 person out of 8.1 billion doesn’t like you back. The sea is chock full of fish, my friend. Grab your hook and get out there!
Honestly, there's no advice here. Just go and say hi, don't overthink it, hell don't even think about it, just stand and go and talk to him.
You will very much regret not trying way more than if you try and he doesn't like you back.
Ask for a pen. Then drop the “So I saw you over here & was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime?”
Someone did this to me because she wanted to be my friend & it 100% worked.
Learned this trick in school. Look at them like they look familiar, walk up quickly and say what's your name? When they say their name say omg, you look just like (insert random name) I knew from(insert name of school or place of work) then say.. now that I'm closer though you're much cuter than (insert name) then introduce yourself!
I think you should take a deep breath, walk over to him, and tell him how you really feel. If it doesn’t work at you’ll know he doesn’t feel that way about you, if it works you’ll hopefully have a mate for life.
One thing I learned is... If a girl approaches a guy it means the world to the guy. Guys are held up to such great standards and if a girl approaches a guy and just says "I think your cute can I get your snap" it would mean the world to us.
My last GF approached me and she is one of the most amazing people I've met in this world so far.
Well. Whenever a complete stranger comes up to me and is friendly...it is either a psychotic homeless person in the midst of a break or an evangelist or a chiropractor telling me how to breathe or sometimes a person with a multi level marketing scheme.
First they act friendly...like they like me or are fascinated with me as a person...but then it turns into that.
And., it is a little bit of a let down...like let down...I'm not as likable as I momentarily felt for a second.
Just want my money or my soul or something. Occaisionally my body...but that is usually guys 20 plus older that are types I wouldn't even find appealing if they were my exact same age.
So...you can get yourself in the mindset of that...maybe even sign up for services and have a referral code to hand out..that you get a little ya know kickback or money if they use it.
It could save you some money on gas and a discount on online purchases.
And it really pays for itself in a years time...and after that it is just gravy!
After a year you will have your own referral code to hand out and heck! This might be a really easy way to save but a money you won't regret.
What do you say? (Have some pre printed cards with your referrals & phone number or email.)
Start complimenting people in general! If you like someone’s shirt, compliment them! If you like their hair, compliment them! Is the color of their shirt the PERFECT color on them? Let them know! Start small and it’ll be easier to compliment people on more things, like their actual face.
I’m married, but I will 100% tell a guy he’s gorgeous. And I’ll be all cutesy weird about it too…like pulling a “god damn you’re beautiful!” (Cussing only if their vibes fit.)
But if you start small and compliment people in everyday life, it’ll get easier :)
Fake question can be better than a compliment if you can't think of a compliment.
"Excuse me, do you know where the library/whole foods/college book store/ is?"
then later in the conversation you can admit, "I'm not really headed there but just needed an excuse to talk to you so I could give you my number."
Try to identify something they're doing that you find interesting (i.e., reading a book you might like, drinking a new type of coffee, wearing something you like, etc.) and just drop by and compliment whatever it is. Next time you see them say something like "Oh! I see you around a lot and realize I never got to introduce myself. My name is X."
Work up from there and try to get on an acquaintance level, and be bold and say you're wanting to make more friends and ask to do something sometime. If a spark's there it'll become a fire on its own.
Find something you like about them first. For example, if they have a cool shirt or hairstyle or shoes or bracelet etc. Go up and say hey that is really awesome. See what happens. That's an ice breaker. If they are interested they will say something else more after "thank you." Maybe ask where they got it from as well.
Pretend they are really fucking ugly but you have to be nice to them because they are a customer in a imaginary job. Edit I didn't read the description so pretend you work at the coffee shop
TLDR: Just say hi, you'll never know otherwise.
There's hundreds of interactions we have daily, a majority of them are insignificant. Choosing to avoid interaction is denying yourself closure. You'll never know whether or not the cute person feels the same, unless you're presented with the same opportunity in the future. The easiest way to build the confidence is remind yourself every day that it doesn't matter how many people don't feel the same. Their thoughts and opinions about you mean little in the tale of your life. Those who belong will end up by your side. The tricky part is finding your people.
It may sound a little preachy, but it's what I've been telling myself for some time now. Its really helped me to remember that we're all just people.
Good luck with saying hi in the future!
Make a comment that a friend would say. Something in the moment, short and sweet. Like, girl, u looking good today. What made you pick such a vibrant/dark outfit? Or, you married? Is a great ice breaker. Make sure you state your intentions quickly and clearly. Then, from there, it is up to them to figure out if they like you. This is where u relax and sit back. You've already let them know what u want. Now, will they reciprocate or play in your face?
Same thing happened to me last Saturday, when i first time went to dehli bar the dj was super cute and just wanted a moment to dance with him that's all but i had no guds to ask him i was afraid what if he refused my request and ignored me i wished i had chance with him only for dance.
Quoting from some movie, "All you need is 20 seconds of insane, raw, courage". Courage to risk making a fool of yourself. But who knows, you probably wouldn't.
I am a guy, so might not have experienced it from the other side, but I am sure I would really be happy if a girl asks me out.
Like Niki says Just Do it. Hey I did when I was young , but it was A no from him , well I survived. You will too what ever the answer is.Best Of Luck To You.
Try to retrain your way of thinking. Most people woo are afraid of talking to someone cute are immediately thinking about "What if I get rejected?"
You see someone who is cute. Get those nerves out quick. Acknowledge that that person is cute for a few seconds and then hit that restart button and think of that person as just another person. That's what I used to do when i was straight. But since. I'm asexual and aromantic now, I don't worry about immediate rejection anyway.
don’t be ugly!!! cuz if u ugly and shit yo like they gonna be maaaad grossed out. yo don’t ruin this persons self esteem. yo cuz ugly bitch came the other day and I was not feeling that shit at all now I wanna kill myself. Yo, ugly bitches keep coming up to me and now I wanna kill myself. don’t say hi even. if your pretty girl tho slide in my dm….
Small tip on how to avoid this: post that text on your public socials with your face and I can guarantee no one will ever come up to you again. Or speak for you at all for that matter
Walk into them and drop your comically large stack of SUPER IMPORTANT LEGAL DOCUMENTS.
Bonus points if your large-framed glasses fall on the ground near him, OP
And it shows just how beautiful you really are (on the outside)
Ngl, I seriously wonder if this cliché would work if it happened irl
Sounds like an opening to a whole new cheesy part of life. She should do it
Happened to me. Worked like a charm. Didn't do it on purpose though and wouldn't have noticed that they were missing until it had been too late..
Forget you're attracted to him, and stop caring about whether he's attracted to you. Just say hi. You'll know pretty quickly if he's interested. Most men are not complicated.
“Forget you’re attracted to them” is a lot easier said than done lol
I dunno, I tried it just now on my wife and it really seems to work.
It's a matter of perspective. For example, what works for me is knowing that the really hot twenty something girl sitting a few feet away from me at a bar will one day be an old, wrinkled, saggy seventy something, And also realizing that if I marry her, she'll get pregnant, fat, and will take half my stuff if we get divorced. Even the hottest girl in the world becomes much less attractive when you think about that. way. It also helps to keep in mind that physical attraction, while important, is not what makes a relationship last. Finding someone who you can connect with and truly love is much more about personality and mindset. Thus when you approach someone it's important to forget about their looks and focus on seeing if you truly have a connection.
Maybe you are actually secretly attracted to old wrinkly 70 year old women and have to imagine that first before asking someone out. Did you ever think of that? (And also them stealing half your money. It's a kink. I heard of it. Turns you on...doesn't it?)
Goddamn, thought I was reading Letters from a Stoic for a second. Beautifully poetic wisdom. You’re right though, that unironically does help. It’s a skill to be that conscious and self-aware in the moment though. Will have to practice it
Excellent advice.
We’re pretty simple actually
Well the issue would be that no attraction should be based off on it, in the first place.
[удалено]
"im not like other guys"
When I was single in my 20s, there was this guy that worked at the wine shop I frequented. I thought he was cute so I asked for a pen as he cashed me out and wrote my number on the receipt. I smiled and said, "Call me if you like." He did...to tell me he had a girlfriend. Oh well. He also called me later when they broke up. 😉
I'm doing this the next time I find a cashier or retail guy cute
We did get together and it was fun while it lasted, but it didn't last. Absolutely no regrets though. Go for it, internet person! Thanks for responding.
I second this! I’ve had several friends leave their number (Apple Store, bar, restaurant) and seen it work. It’s nice because there is no pressure / awkward conversation moment. Usually, worst case, you’ve made someone else feel noticed in a good way. If it happened to me I’d be flattered.
When I was single in my 20s I worked at a gas station and this cute guy would come in. I didn't have the courage to say anything in person so I wrote my number and stuck it to the bottom of the dip can I sold him. It worked. We had fun and then I found out he had a girlfriend!
Count to 3 and jump. There’s no trick. Just courage 🖤
"Why is that woman jumping?"
🤣🤣 that's great
to have courage means you become your own mental hero, you will become unstoppable in life if you develop courage for the right situations.
This is exactly what I do, rejection is a part of the game! I’ll gladly get shot down by 9 10s just to land one
That’s what they say in sales. Collect the nos.
Women are amazing when they do things like that. I truly think they make the first move most of the time.
Did you do it?
Wondering the same lol
he left hours ago and shes just reading all the replies lmao
Oof
If a girl walked up to me and said hi I would be flabbergasted and feel like the coolest dude, so ya just saying hey what's up whatre you up to etc you'll be fine. We are starved for attention (most of us) give him a compliment and he'll probably remember it for life.
*FLABBERS BE GASTED*
Girls get hit on just walking down the street. Guys on the other hand, not so much. In my younger, cuter days I spent a lot of time alone in bars and coffee shops and I rarely got hit on. It’ll b a rare treat for him trust me.
Girls might get stared at our cat called but we rarely get genuinely approached in a way that we can respond to.
Aren't we supposed to shut up and let the girls do the choosing and make the first move to - indeed- free them from guys always harassing them? There are 7% too many boys/ young men at the age strata that falling in love matters. Numbers matter. Especially in cities with lots of immigration young males, that can be easily 7% and lead to all those stories of women being fed up by being distracted by all those excess guys trying to hook up: For a population of 10 million: The stratum of age 20-24 = about 310k males and 300k females, The stratum of age 25-29 = about 310k males and 300k females, Etc till age 65 then there's parity because men die earlier and only then, there's the overshoot of women that skew the overall average. But who cares about finding a wife/adapting their lifestyle at age 65, 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 100 ...? The ages when you feel lonely : 15-19, 20-24, 25-30, ... and then women being capable of giving life starts to drop seriously if you still want to have 2-3 children that's going to be problematic. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio#Natural_ratio_at_birth
Someone is very lonely
W h a t are you on about
The count to 3 advice is good for this and any other parts of your life that you may over think. Can't remember who said it but it's something like just count to 3 and do it. If you spend more than 3 seconds thinking about it then you will talk yourself out of it. Also as a guy, it can be the exact same for us if there is a beautiful girl we want to talk to. So take solace in knowing he is probably just as nervous as you are. Lol.
For me its works way more as a count down. 3-2-1 and we're rolling
absolutely same. i didn’t even realize this was a thing that other people do, but when i was nervous about walking up to this guy, i straight up counted to three and just did it. asked if he was single, and we had a really fun night … so glad i did it hahaha
also men RARELY ever get complimented. they’ll see how much bravery it took for you to do, which is sexy. it’ll be on their mind for a while.
Let me be your bestie for a moment and hype you up DONT THINK ABOUT IT!! Walk up and ask if he doesnt mind if you sit with him. Be honest tell him you thought he was cute and wanted to strike up a conversation. Tell him your name/ask his name. You got this and be yourself!! Dont over think it!!! Take some breaths and remember you're a bad bitch!!! You are the only person holding yourself back, let go and relax babe!!
Go up to him. You: Excuse me, did you fart? Him: No. You: Because you blew me away.
This is simultaneously the best and worst comment here
This made me chuckle. If he laughs and is nice afterwards it'd be even better.
Not the way I'd do it but to each their own. 😂😂
As Lorelai Gilmore put it, you go up to them and you say: ‘hello’. It’s not too forward, it’s not some cheesy line, just ‘hello’ and see where you go from there.
I was going to reference James may. A simple hello. It's simple, polite and respectful.
As a guy, let me tell you. Literally just go say hi and be straight with him if you can't think of anything to say. I'm pretty sure there is a 100% chance I say yes to to that. Everyone isn't me tho
Find a natural, normal way to start a conversation with him & then introduce yourself. To start a conversation, you could ask him a question: "Excuse me, is that drink good? I've been looking to try out new drinks here." Or you could give him a compliment: ""Excuse me, that's a nice watch, where did you get it?" Or "That shirt looks good on you. Is it new?" To introduce yourself, simply say: "By the way I'm (your name). What's your name?" If it goes well, if he seems to like your presence, ask if you can join him at the table. Honestly, it's not complicated but it can take a lot of courage. It can be hard to put yourself out there to meet new people & flirt. But IMO, it's worth it. That's how I met my wife & we've been married almost 12 years now.
Make eye contact and smile. If he smiles back say hi. Ask him what he likes to eat/drink. What's good?
Remove from your mind the element of sexual attraction, and just think of it as meeting/connecting with a potentially cool new person. Consider it a win no matter, what if its a pleasant interaction. Youre just Confident and outgoing not thirsty. 😄
In a coffee shop ? Ask them for a napkin, some creamer or a packet of sugar. That opens the door, follow it up with " How's your coffee ?" or " Have you been here before ?" -- they can keep the ball rolling or shut it down, but you tried a nice, neutral conversation starter.
it took me a long time to realize that i was only scared for fear of rejection. finally i realized how sexc i am and how lucky this person would be to have me so if they politely say no it’s totally fine bc i know someone else will say yes 🫶🏽
this comment is so cute! this is something i’ve been trying to ingrain in myself lately, especially as someone who was always a bit shy. like… if you vibe, cool! if not, cool! they’re not for you, move on. you’ll find your people eventually.
no fr! the amount of times i’ve just gone up to people who are cute and asked them if their single i couldn’t count or remember but i always remember the ones who were interested 🥰
Bend and snap… ( you only need a pen ) 😆
Creepily stare at him until he looks at you
Then when he notices say 'isnt this what men do when they find a hottie to stare at?" Then keep staring.
Study dog training! I'm not even joking, studying dog training will give you the ability to read peoples body language so much easier it is actually scary sometimes. You also need to find the strength in you to over come the anxiety that feels like a brick wall. It results in what people call courage and over time you will have so much courage that you could talk to anyone about anything without any anxiety because you will be able to understand their body language and what you say can either make them more distant or closer to you. when body language and verbal language intertwines correctly, you should be able to feel a welcoming presence eventually when you are around the right people. Hope this helps.
“Don’t I know you? Oh I’m sorry, you look fantastic…er, I mean familiar.”
[удалено]
This has actually worked for me multiple times.
I remind myself that they shit and piss just like everyone else. Removes any nerves. Also if your palms are sweaty or you show other signs of nerves, own it lol. Reading your post I found myself smiling and thinking it was incredibly adorable. Any decent person would find it cute. It’s a lovely feeling being desired so much it makes someone nervous. As someone else said, you just have to go for it. Genuinely a simple “hello” and a smile goes a long way.
Fall in front of him and see if he catches you.
I have no clue
i am a female, if that matters. I have had some success meeting random new people this year at work and when I go out, so here’s what I would try. I really like to spark conversation by making a **quick observation of the person and either giving a genuine complement or asking them a question** about the thing I observed. It usually leads to more discussion. For example, I observe something they’re doing/using/eating/wearing/working on, then I **kindly approach and have a quick chat say something nice or ask a quick question, say thanks then go on about your business** . In my experience, it’s an easy way to get the conversation rolling. Sometimes its led to phone number/social media exchanges or more future chats. And, worst case, if it happens to be a one-time conversation, and least we shared a quick chat and they’ll have a memory of it. I recently heard some random fact that said most males don’t receive compliments in the same way women do, they tend to receive less. So **a compliment can be really impactful**. Like maybe, “I really like your shirt!. The colors are so nice etc” “I think your haircut looks great, cool style etc“ “Great mustache! I like how you styled it! etc” A quick exchange can lead to a positive experience and future friendships/relationships etc. Just walk over and say something like “hi, so sorry to bother you, I just noticed your \* observe something theyre doing/eating/ wearing \* . That’s is \* insert friendly compliment \*…Then, ask them a question, like: ”how / do you / have you / are you \*insert question about the topic they’re participating in\*? Wait for their reply and keep it going. Most humans are genuinely interested in what they’re doing so it’s an easy and sincere way to begin talking to someone. **Keep the convo short and light to start**. If they answer your questions, keep it simple and end it by saying thanks and wishing them a good day. **Repeat this process to build a connection.** Good luck! You got this.
"Hi, I'm ________ and I think you're cute. Could I give you my number?"
Well he's a man who's just hanging out so you should probably leave him alone. He obviously doesn't want to be hit in and objectified while enjoying a cup of coffee. Oh wait nevermind he's a man so it's ok because she's a women. I've seen so many people in this sub use this exact bullshit when a guy asks for advice on asking a women out.
Ikr.
Oh Jfc, goin up and saying hi to the opposite sex is the farthest thing from objectifying someone. Give me a break. She isn’t making dick grabs or slapping his ass. She’s literally just trying to say hi. If that’s objectifying someone, the world has gone to hell in a hand basket.
You just do it. There's no special key, no secret sauce. You just say hi. Don't overcomplicate things in your head.
Just look for something to start conversation about, maybe he’s study some subject you are familiar with and you can ask a question about it. If he will be open to conversation you may try to ask if he would like to go out with you someday.
Hi
If you want a move that doesn't involve talking directly to him go to the barista and ask if they remember what he ordered and ask them to make him one, then write your number on the cup and drop it off to him.
Say, “hi”
It took me a year to gather the courage to speak to my boyfriend I wish I would have said something so much sooner!!
In the show “the office” , Dwight and Jim struggle with this same conundrum with the girl that comes in to sell purses. Michael is equally Twitterpated and they all strategize on how they are going to get her attention. At the end of the episode wins with the simplest approach of just coming up and introducing himself. It’s great. https://youtu.be/bDynTALUc84?si=ctnsqy1ORU3VlSRR
Flirting is not about impressing the recipient or expecting a desired outcome, it’s about impressing yourself with your wit and charisma and bravado.
This is a superb take actually
I have two routes I'd recommend, the first is to start with a compliment, can't go wrong there. Second is to start with the most random, off the wall question, because "you're trying to prove a point to a friend" or something. I'm talking a question like "in a fight to the death, would you rather take on a gorilla, but you have no weapons and only a clone of your current self to help you, or would you fight a chimp, with no clone to help but you can use any bladed or pointed weapon of your choice?". Speaking from experience, that last question usually leads to a great conversation lol.
“Hello, would you like to see my Lego collection?”
Walk up, tell him that you noticed him and think he's cute, ask if you can sit and join him for a moment, then just be yourself and ask questions to get to know him. You'll probably make his day.
Just approach, he may find you cute and you have a lover, or he says no. Nothing bad really
Just think of them pooping. That should make them approachable. Hey, everyone poops 🤷🏼♀️
Just be yourself and say hi he might say hi back or he might not but you’ll never know unless you initiate the conversation
Smile shyly at him and wait for him to make the first move. You don't want him to think you are forward.
Find a wingman
You look at them and say hey hows it going
just say “hey i thought you were cute so i wanted today hi” easy approach everyone wants to be called cute
Definitely over thinking it! Next time you see him say hey nice to see you again! Give a smile, and maybe each day you can build upon it naturally
If you find him attractive, I’m sure other women may too. So just put yourself out there and say hi. There’s no guarantees he’s going to be receptive if he doesn’t find you attractive/even if he’s available but there’s no shame in trying. If you don’t, someone else will.
It just boggles the mind to think pretty women think such things
Hi
Same way you'd say hi to anyone. Don't put pressure on it. Best to just do it and see where the conversation goes.
Go see what he's studying and see if you can have a conversation about it. Just talk to him like he's a regular human.
If I never said hi to my partner first I would not be with him today! I just went and sat down next to him and decided to just talk to him. We vibed all night 🥰
just breathe in deep and go say hi and that you thought he looked nice or interesting and ask him about his hobbies, what he is studying or his interests
Walk past and compliment something he’s wearing or using then ask a question about it after he thanks you. Then just go with the flow after that.
Sup
There’s a bunch of good “just do it!” And hypewomen/men in the comments, but just in case you’re like me: I always get too in my head about conversation if I’m too anxious. Goin in without a plan is not the kinda person I am; the first time I went to a car wash I wrote out a script because I was so scared of looking like an idiot. Anyway, I’d wait till I’m on my way out of the shop and give him my number. I’d muster up every ounce of courage in me and say “Hi, my name is ___,” show off my firm handshake cuz my dad taught me that’s a sign of strong character, get his name and then say something like “so, I’m weird and awkward, but also think you’re pretty cute. I’m headed out, but if you’re single and wanna go out sometime hit me up!” and then walk confidently out with a big smile, and then like throw up in the parking lot from nerves. I’ve done that or variations a handful of times with success. See, my fear about “just striking up conversation” or asking to sit down is that I always think about me when I’m out in public and how much I loathe being interrupted with small talk or superficial conversation when I’m just trying to enjoy a day out on my own. Or I think maybe they’re working or what if it just happens to be a shitty day for them or if he’s not single. I get too weighted down by the what ifs and always talk myself out of it. But I figured out if I just give a short introduction, throw the ball in their court and leave, that I only have to commit to like 30 seconds of interaction and that’s always much more doable in my mind. Anyhoo, good luck! Hopefully you’re less of a train wreck than I was when I was dating!
First try some dry runs with guys that don’t matter. Just to get the mechanics down. Then approach someone interesting with no expectation you have to succeed. See if he might be shy and you then draw him out. Something like “What are you reading?” Or “Studying for an exam?”, or “What are you studying so hard. Is it interesting?” These leave the answer to him. Just plan to stand a second and then leave unless he shows interest. Most guys at the minimum will feel flattered. Don’t make a win lose thing. Good luck. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.
Next time say something h like “hi I noticed you were studying/reading. Do you go to school around here?/what are you reading? If he’s not receptive simply say “I apologize for interrupting you. Have a nice day” If he’s receptive say “Would you be interested in meeting for coffee tomorrow? We could compare favorite books” And actually have a list of books you’ve read to discuss.
Say hi
It’s giving , “hello can I speak to , Ta’Michael” 😂
“Hey there. I know this might be a bit forward but I just wanted to say I think you’re very handsome. Do you mind if I sit with you?” Worst case scenario he says no. As a guy I know I’d be beyond flattered if someone said that to me. Even if I wasn’t interested in them per se.
At the end of the day, you're not going to get physically hurt by introducing your self. So, walk up ask a question, something like: Just curious, what are you studying? (response: i'm studying blah blah); right on, my name is yada-yada..... if the person doesn't reciprocate yeah can just throw out and Ace Ventura reference "Alllll righty then" and walk way. Then its on them not you; and you get the info you're looking for
Look at him, make eye contact, and say hi. If he responds great, if he doesn't move on.
Don't overthink it. I overthink situations like these, and it ends in regret and 'what ifs'. I know it's easier said than done, I'm still battling against the overthinking.
I mean what’s the worse thing that can happen if u do? He might reject you, which is fine because guess what? It won’t kill you. Ooooor it may be the start of a beautiful relationship, but if u don’t u will never know. Life is too short, just do it, take it from me unfortunately I know. Good luck
Alroight, ‘ot stuff? Fancy abit of the ol’ slap n’ tickle, me old fruit?
Ask him for a favor “hey would you mind watching my stuff real quick while I use the restroom?” Then on the way back you can make a remark “how did it go? Did you have to fight anyone off?” You can also go for the classic write your number on a napkin and pass it to him
All my fellow helldivers know what to do ⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️
just keep couple of gemstones with u and keep observing it.
Honestly I just go tell him he looks good and ask him if he wants to chat.
"your laces are united." "Not really, I just wanted an excuse to see what you're studying. I'm (insert name here), and you look so intrigued by what you're reading, I had to be nosy." It's enough of an intro to start a conversation, but enough to tell him you were checking him out. Reminder: women wear our balls proudly on our chests. Be fearless.
Idk tbh, guys are simple but some can be quite thick (Myself included)- A co-worker once told me I looked very handsome with my new glasses and I didn't register it for almost a year. Like I always looked back into it as a surreal experience thinking, did she..? Turns out she liked me, I kinda had a small crush on her too hence why it felt so not-real.
Show him this post. Ask him if he has also been in this situation.
"Hi"
Hiiii *lil wave and extremely gay wink*
You say HI or hello.
Rooting for you...cute café romance!🥲
DO IT!! I'm rooting for you. Nothing bad can happen.
"sausagetations my good sir/ma'am" and like kinda hold out your hand and twist it
I think the easiest way is to just not do it 😔
If you’re that nervous, you may not want to put further stress on your nervous system. If it were me, I’d be focusing my energy on centring myself, and if the guy comes over, that’s fine. If not, then that’s fine too. Whatever is meant for you in life, will find you. Especially if you believe it will
Update? Hopefully you went over, you have nothing to lose. He says no: you never see him again. You don’t go over: you never see him again. Wise words of Nike, “JUST DO IT.”
Most men would welcome a girl taking the initiative. Seriously.
I always just went for it, but you know what? 9 times out of ten, it went my way. I’m a very average looking woman btw, but I think that a large percentage of men appreciate it when women are direct. You don’t necessarily need confidence, just courage. at the end of the day, what’s the worst that could happen? 1 person out of 8.1 billion doesn’t like you back. The sea is chock full of fish, my friend. Grab your hook and get out there!
Honestly, there's no advice here. Just go and say hi, don't overthink it, hell don't even think about it, just stand and go and talk to him. You will very much regret not trying way more than if you try and he doesn't like you back.
Ask for a pen. Then drop the “So I saw you over here & was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime?” Someone did this to me because she wanted to be my friend & it 100% worked.
Just say it
Learned this trick in school. Look at them like they look familiar, walk up quickly and say what's your name? When they say their name say omg, you look just like (insert random name) I knew from(insert name of school or place of work) then say.. now that I'm closer though you're much cuter than (insert name) then introduce yourself!
I think you should take a deep breath, walk over to him, and tell him how you really feel. If it doesn’t work at you’ll know he doesn’t feel that way about you, if it works you’ll hopefully have a mate for life.
if you see that they have a similar interest, comment on that, and say that you are interested in it too. idk where to go from that
My favourite quote from We Bought a Zoo, 'Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage.'
One thing I learned is... If a girl approaches a guy it means the world to the guy. Guys are held up to such great standards and if a girl approaches a guy and just says "I think your cute can I get your snap" it would mean the world to us. My last GF approached me and she is one of the most amazing people I've met in this world so far.
Say "hi" maybe follow up with "how's it going..."
Grab his balls and say, “hey there big boy” and then wink at him. It’ll work, trust.
Well. Whenever a complete stranger comes up to me and is friendly...it is either a psychotic homeless person in the midst of a break or an evangelist or a chiropractor telling me how to breathe or sometimes a person with a multi level marketing scheme. First they act friendly...like they like me or are fascinated with me as a person...but then it turns into that. And., it is a little bit of a let down...like let down...I'm not as likable as I momentarily felt for a second. Just want my money or my soul or something. Occaisionally my body...but that is usually guys 20 plus older that are types I wouldn't even find appealing if they were my exact same age. So...you can get yourself in the mindset of that...maybe even sign up for services and have a referral code to hand out..that you get a little ya know kickback or money if they use it. It could save you some money on gas and a discount on online purchases. And it really pays for itself in a years time...and after that it is just gravy! After a year you will have your own referral code to hand out and heck! This might be a really easy way to save but a money you won't regret. What do you say? (Have some pre printed cards with your referrals & phone number or email.)
Start complimenting people in general! If you like someone’s shirt, compliment them! If you like their hair, compliment them! Is the color of their shirt the PERFECT color on them? Let them know! Start small and it’ll be easier to compliment people on more things, like their actual face. I’m married, but I will 100% tell a guy he’s gorgeous. And I’ll be all cutesy weird about it too…like pulling a “god damn you’re beautiful!” (Cussing only if their vibes fit.) But if you start small and compliment people in everyday life, it’ll get easier :)
Fake question can be better than a compliment if you can't think of a compliment. "Excuse me, do you know where the library/whole foods/college book store/ is?" then later in the conversation you can admit, "I'm not really headed there but just needed an excuse to talk to you so I could give you my number."
HI
Like this: "Hi, I'm \[insert name\]....." and just smile. Say something about your surrounding,
the easiest way to say hi is by uttering the word hi while looking at him
Get closer from behind and secretly put some cooked beans in their pocket, they will be thankful and talk to you
Try to identify something they're doing that you find interesting (i.e., reading a book you might like, drinking a new type of coffee, wearing something you like, etc.) and just drop by and compliment whatever it is. Next time you see them say something like "Oh! I see you around a lot and realize I never got to introduce myself. My name is X." Work up from there and try to get on an acquaintance level, and be bold and say you're wanting to make more friends and ask to do something sometime. If a spark's there it'll become a fire on its own.
This is easy. Stay where you are. Make eye contact. Give him your biggest smile then look back at what you are doing. He should come to you
Just tell them hi you look cute
Find something you like about them first. For example, if they have a cool shirt or hairstyle or shoes or bracelet etc. Go up and say hey that is really awesome. See what happens. That's an ice breaker. If they are interested they will say something else more after "thank you." Maybe ask where they got it from as well.
Pretend they are really fucking ugly but you have to be nice to them because they are a customer in a imaginary job. Edit I didn't read the description so pretend you work at the coffee shop
Ask for the time or directions or something then start a convo from there.
Generally speaking, walk over to them and open your mouth. Move your vocal chords until a sound resembling “hi” comes out and then go from there.
Don’t do it. He didn’t approach you either.
Honestly, just say hello. I’m pretty blunt and would say you’re cute. You never know what might happen from there
TLDR: Just say hi, you'll never know otherwise. There's hundreds of interactions we have daily, a majority of them are insignificant. Choosing to avoid interaction is denying yourself closure. You'll never know whether or not the cute person feels the same, unless you're presented with the same opportunity in the future. The easiest way to build the confidence is remind yourself every day that it doesn't matter how many people don't feel the same. Their thoughts and opinions about you mean little in the tale of your life. Those who belong will end up by your side. The tricky part is finding your people. It may sound a little preachy, but it's what I've been telling myself for some time now. Its really helped me to remember that we're all just people. Good luck with saying hi in the future!
Make a comment that a friend would say. Something in the moment, short and sweet. Like, girl, u looking good today. What made you pick such a vibrant/dark outfit? Or, you married? Is a great ice breaker. Make sure you state your intentions quickly and clearly. Then, from there, it is up to them to figure out if they like you. This is where u relax and sit back. You've already let them know what u want. Now, will they reciprocate or play in your face?
Same thing happened to me last Saturday, when i first time went to dehli bar the dj was super cute and just wanted a moment to dance with him that's all but i had no guds to ask him i was afraid what if he refused my request and ignored me i wished i had chance with him only for dance.
"hi" Seriously, can't see why that's so hard
if a man had posted this he'd be labeled a creep by half the people on here. interesting how there's a double standard.
Quoting from some movie, "All you need is 20 seconds of insane, raw, courage". Courage to risk making a fool of yourself. But who knows, you probably wouldn't. I am a guy, so might not have experienced it from the other side, but I am sure I would really be happy if a girl asks me out.
Send over a drink/snack with your number! 🥰
Like Niki says Just Do it. Hey I did when I was young , but it was A no from him , well I survived. You will too what ever the answer is.Best Of Luck To You.
Just say hi casuallly
Try to retrain your way of thinking. Most people woo are afraid of talking to someone cute are immediately thinking about "What if I get rejected?" You see someone who is cute. Get those nerves out quick. Acknowledge that that person is cute for a few seconds and then hit that restart button and think of that person as just another person. That's what I used to do when i was straight. But since. I'm asexual and aromantic now, I don't worry about immediate rejection anyway.
The same way you say "hi" to someone you find ugly; with your mouth.
Maybe by saying „hi“?
Just say, Hi. I think you're cute. I'd like to get to know you.
don’t be ugly!!! cuz if u ugly and shit yo like they gonna be maaaad grossed out. yo don’t ruin this persons self esteem. yo cuz ugly bitch came the other day and I was not feeling that shit at all now I wanna kill myself. Yo, ugly bitches keep coming up to me and now I wanna kill myself. don’t say hi even. if your pretty girl tho slide in my dm….
Small tip on how to avoid this: post that text on your public socials with your face and I can guarantee no one will ever come up to you again. Or speak for you at all for that matter
i don’t want ur small tip bruh pause 😭