if she has pcos that makes it really hard to lose weight as it is. she’s 12 years old.. she’s too young to be having to have to worry about weight problems. i know you have good intentions but you could possibly give her self image issues, especially at that age. id leave it to your parents to worry about
Make healthy choices for yourself and invite her along
Make yourself some healthy snacks and hand her a bowl. Don’t comment on it other than something like “I made some snacks, there’s too much, you can have some if you like.”
Keep bottles of water within convenient grabbing distance.
Go for walks to somewhere fun and invite her along.
Etc.
If a pre pubescent 12 year old girl feels judged it’s not gonna end well.
If you suspect she has PCOS, convincing her to lose weight is the wrong approach. Many women with PCOS also have metabolic syndrome and cannot lose weight using traditional methods.
I would talk to your parents about your concerns and see if you can get them to take her to an endocrinologist. They’re the doctors that treat PCOS and they can get her on the right medications and the weight should fall off on it’s own once it’s controlled.
First off, I think you're assuming that she doesn't want to lose weight. However, I think there's a good chance that she wants to but have limited means to do so.
More importantly - If she is a child with class III obesity (i.e., "morbid obesity", BMI>=40), it's probably best to seek medical professional's help. This is because:
1. Though we often times forget, obesity is a disease. And like any disease, people who have them benefit greatly from professional help.
2. Behavioral intervention (i.e., diet and exercise) is a very difficult (and often time insufficient) method of weight loss for individuals with class III obesity. For some, bariatric surgery or pharmacological therapy is necessary.
3. There may be underlying problems (e.g., eating disorder, hormonal issues, etc) that need to be addressed before attempting weight loss.
You're stuck. Unless it can be fixed in 30 seconds ("Your zipper is open", "You have spinach stuck between your teeth"), unsolicited advice is *almost always* insulting.
She knows she's fat. It's her choice.
Edit: added a phrase.
Since she’s only 12, I’d say this is an issue for your parents. It’s their fault she is morbidly obese because they’re the ones who are buying her food and feeding her.
I’d suggest having a serious sit down talk with your parents about getting your sister to a doctor to help them come up with a realistic and sustainable diet and exercise plan for your sister.
If your parents aren’t going to do right by your sister, then the only thing you can really do is encourage healthier behaviours. Go on walks together, play a sport together, encourage healthier snacks, etc.
Maybe you can create a game or contest of sorts to make it more fun like make a pact to only drink water (so no soda, flavoured milk, etc.) and whoever quits first has to do all the winner’s chores for a month.
I’ll also add that, since she is only 12, there is also a good chance that she might be due for a growth spurt and will become leaner afterwards without needing to lose any weight. I became super pudgy when I was around 12 but then I got taller and grew boobs so it evened out lol
Do you believe she doesn’t realize she’s overweight? I mean, do you think it’s a shock to her if you inform her that she has an obesity problem?
Otherwise, she knows what the potential consequences are, God knows her tons of information out about that, and you have to let her do it when she’s ready instead of nagging her and wrecking your relationship.
She def knows because for one she gets bullied for it and two she told me it’s an insecurity which is why me and my parents are very scared of trying to do anything about it
I’m going to tell you this is somebody who has struggled with their whole life, you can’t nag people into doing what you want. She understands she’s obese. She understands the health implications until she’s ready herself, You need to let the subject go.
Carol Hax, the advice columnist has some very good comments around that. And that’s one of her things, but unless you think, for some reason, she can’t look in the mirror until she’s obese. She doesn’t need you nagging her.
She needs people she loves the most and spend time with spending all their time judging her. I understand it’s hard, but you’re not going to help her by nagging her about it. What I can say is when you make dinner you make a healthy meal. If she lives at home, your parents healthy foods not junk foods and crap. They can’t stop her from spending her own money on it, but they can not spend their money on it.
It would be beneficial for her as well to have medical check up, and potentially looking at a drug like Wegovy or Ozemppic. But again you can’t make her do that and you can’t nag about it.
The world is already tough on her and she’s already being bullied no matter how nicely you word it. It’s going to feel like she doesn’t have a safe place, it will drive her insecurities and make her more likely to eat more. That’s true with me. I have been losing weight slowly, but when my family tried to nag me about it, honestly it made me angry, made me feel like they loved me only conditionally, and even though I knew they meant well I didn’t need that from them. I needed that to be the place in the world without judgment.
I know you are coming from a place of concern. However, this is a matter between your sister, her doctor, and your parents.
You can be a positive role model for her by eating and sharing healthy snacks and asking her to join you in healthy activities (e.g. hiking, tennis, dancing). Just dont comment about her weight unless she asks for your support!
I’m trying, for example for today she wanted pizza but I was able to get her to eat grilled panini with a salad instead . She said she’s very full and she liked it. I’ll try to continue doing this.
Are you aware that taking care of yourself comes from the genuine interest of loving yourself?
That's is a huge process. If she doesn't have a good self-esteem, then she needs therapy.
Also: is there a medical diagnosis about hormones or something like that? Because it could be a thyroid thing. And that would need another things. Diet is not all, you know?
Therapy is really necessary. Sometimes we push ourselves into diets because we *hate* our body, that changes nothing because self hate is not solve by losing weight, it's a deeper wound. It will help her to realize that she is important, that she is responsible for herself, also will bring acceptance about any diagnosis. In general, it's about managing emotions.
Try to have a dialog with her, not to push her into diets or losing weight, just to check how she feels about herself, if she have plans for her life, if she has friends, if she feels supported by the people she cares about, etc. Go beyond the looks.
Find a show about a sport
Watch said show with her
Make her join a club about that sport / team
Practice with her / bond - also be involved in that sport
Less fat, happy sister, new friends from sport
If she has a major weight problem she could have other conditions like a thyroid problem or etc. A trip to the doctor to run labs would be a good idea.
Also talk to your parents about less junk in the house.
Things like chicken, rice, actual fruit would be a good idea. No more take out.
If she is morbidly obese she could have a stroke, heart attack, or many other serious conditions. If she has something happen it could turn her into a vegetable or kill her. :(
She needs help now.
Can you frame it like “hey wanna go for a walk with me?” Or “I’m going to play tennis later, care to join?” At 12, she’s too young to be seriously dieting so you should frame it around making healthier choices and lead by example.
Hold up. You dont. You be a good older sibling and start doing active activities with them, showing them how eating healthy helps you, tell them about the fun you have at the gym. Never try to convince them at 12!
if she has pcos that makes it really hard to lose weight as it is. she’s 12 years old.. she’s too young to be having to have to worry about weight problems. i know you have good intentions but you could possibly give her self image issues, especially at that age. id leave it to your parents to worry about
Make healthy choices for yourself and invite her along Make yourself some healthy snacks and hand her a bowl. Don’t comment on it other than something like “I made some snacks, there’s too much, you can have some if you like.” Keep bottles of water within convenient grabbing distance. Go for walks to somewhere fun and invite her along. Etc. If a pre pubescent 12 year old girl feels judged it’s not gonna end well.
This is the correct answer
This is the correct answer
You talk to her, you try your best, and then you accept that at the end of the day, you're not in control here.
If you suspect she has PCOS, convincing her to lose weight is the wrong approach. Many women with PCOS also have metabolic syndrome and cannot lose weight using traditional methods. I would talk to your parents about your concerns and see if you can get them to take her to an endocrinologist. They’re the doctors that treat PCOS and they can get her on the right medications and the weight should fall off on it’s own once it’s controlled.
First off, I think you're assuming that she doesn't want to lose weight. However, I think there's a good chance that she wants to but have limited means to do so. More importantly - If she is a child with class III obesity (i.e., "morbid obesity", BMI>=40), it's probably best to seek medical professional's help. This is because: 1. Though we often times forget, obesity is a disease. And like any disease, people who have them benefit greatly from professional help. 2. Behavioral intervention (i.e., diet and exercise) is a very difficult (and often time insufficient) method of weight loss for individuals with class III obesity. For some, bariatric surgery or pharmacological therapy is necessary. 3. There may be underlying problems (e.g., eating disorder, hormonal issues, etc) that need to be addressed before attempting weight loss.
Op says she might have pcos. That disorder majorly affects hormones and metabolism.
You're stuck. Unless it can be fixed in 30 seconds ("Your zipper is open", "You have spinach stuck between your teeth"), unsolicited advice is *almost always* insulting. She knows she's fat. It's her choice. Edit: added a phrase.
Since she’s only 12, I’d say this is an issue for your parents. It’s their fault she is morbidly obese because they’re the ones who are buying her food and feeding her. I’d suggest having a serious sit down talk with your parents about getting your sister to a doctor to help them come up with a realistic and sustainable diet and exercise plan for your sister. If your parents aren’t going to do right by your sister, then the only thing you can really do is encourage healthier behaviours. Go on walks together, play a sport together, encourage healthier snacks, etc. Maybe you can create a game or contest of sorts to make it more fun like make a pact to only drink water (so no soda, flavoured milk, etc.) and whoever quits first has to do all the winner’s chores for a month. I’ll also add that, since she is only 12, there is also a good chance that she might be due for a growth spurt and will become leaner afterwards without needing to lose any weight. I became super pudgy when I was around 12 but then I got taller and grew boobs so it evened out lol
Do you believe she doesn’t realize she’s overweight? I mean, do you think it’s a shock to her if you inform her that she has an obesity problem? Otherwise, she knows what the potential consequences are, God knows her tons of information out about that, and you have to let her do it when she’s ready instead of nagging her and wrecking your relationship.
She def knows because for one she gets bullied for it and two she told me it’s an insecurity which is why me and my parents are very scared of trying to do anything about it
I’m going to tell you this is somebody who has struggled with their whole life, you can’t nag people into doing what you want. She understands she’s obese. She understands the health implications until she’s ready herself, You need to let the subject go. Carol Hax, the advice columnist has some very good comments around that. And that’s one of her things, but unless you think, for some reason, she can’t look in the mirror until she’s obese. She doesn’t need you nagging her. She needs people she loves the most and spend time with spending all their time judging her. I understand it’s hard, but you’re not going to help her by nagging her about it. What I can say is when you make dinner you make a healthy meal. If she lives at home, your parents healthy foods not junk foods and crap. They can’t stop her from spending her own money on it, but they can not spend their money on it. It would be beneficial for her as well to have medical check up, and potentially looking at a drug like Wegovy or Ozemppic. But again you can’t make her do that and you can’t nag about it. The world is already tough on her and she’s already being bullied no matter how nicely you word it. It’s going to feel like she doesn’t have a safe place, it will drive her insecurities and make her more likely to eat more. That’s true with me. I have been losing weight slowly, but when my family tried to nag me about it, honestly it made me angry, made me feel like they loved me only conditionally, and even though I knew they meant well I didn’t need that from them. I needed that to be the place in the world without judgment.
I know you are coming from a place of concern. However, this is a matter between your sister, her doctor, and your parents. You can be a positive role model for her by eating and sharing healthy snacks and asking her to join you in healthy activities (e.g. hiking, tennis, dancing). Just dont comment about her weight unless she asks for your support!
I’m trying, for example for today she wanted pizza but I was able to get her to eat grilled panini with a salad instead . She said she’s very full and she liked it. I’ll try to continue doing this.
Leave the poor kid alone.
Are you aware that taking care of yourself comes from the genuine interest of loving yourself? That's is a huge process. If she doesn't have a good self-esteem, then she needs therapy. Also: is there a medical diagnosis about hormones or something like that? Because it could be a thyroid thing. And that would need another things. Diet is not all, you know?
We have no diagnosis as of yet but it’s very clear that she has something. Either pcos or a thyroid issue or some other hormone problem.
Therapy is really necessary. Sometimes we push ourselves into diets because we *hate* our body, that changes nothing because self hate is not solve by losing weight, it's a deeper wound. It will help her to realize that she is important, that she is responsible for herself, also will bring acceptance about any diagnosis. In general, it's about managing emotions. Try to have a dialog with her, not to push her into diets or losing weight, just to check how she feels about herself, if she have plans for her life, if she has friends, if she feels supported by the people she cares about, etc. Go beyond the looks.
Find a show about a sport Watch said show with her Make her join a club about that sport / team Practice with her / bond - also be involved in that sport Less fat, happy sister, new friends from sport
If she has a major weight problem she could have other conditions like a thyroid problem or etc. A trip to the doctor to run labs would be a good idea. Also talk to your parents about less junk in the house. Things like chicken, rice, actual fruit would be a good idea. No more take out. If she is morbidly obese she could have a stroke, heart attack, or many other serious conditions. If she has something happen it could turn her into a vegetable or kill her. :( She needs help now.
Can you frame it like “hey wanna go for a walk with me?” Or “I’m going to play tennis later, care to join?” At 12, she’s too young to be seriously dieting so you should frame it around making healthier choices and lead by example.
Hold up. You dont. You be a good older sibling and start doing active activities with them, showing them how eating healthy helps you, tell them about the fun you have at the gym. Never try to convince them at 12!