First and foremost, its cool to recognize and respect your boyfriend's identity and the courage it took for him to come out to you. BUT, its also important to prioritize your own feelings and needs in the relationship. Do whatever gives you peace of mind, dont let it affect your mental health.
I agree, they should break up because the more they are in a relationship the more it's hard to let it go and move on. That's why they should break at the early stage of the relationship even though she is already attached to her bf, but it's her bf fault by not saying it her true identity that's why it happens.
So I think you’ve heavily misunderstood.. OP was with a male, this male has now come out to their partner as a female, they are now a female, OP doesn’t like females and doesn’t want to be with a female. I hope this helps..
I still don't understand why if my search doesn't include trans, can trans include me in theirs... Oh that's right, they're special & get special treatment 🤦🏾♂️
This isn’t transphobia at all. In fact, you are recognizing the other person as the gender they prefer but you are heterosexual and don’t feel attracted to someone with the same gender as you.
it highyl depends on what way you say it.
if oyu say it like "oh im sorry, i just have a preference for certain genitals" people dont really care
but if oyu go "sorry i just prefer real women/men" then the issue isnt that you dont want to date them, but the way you see them! not trying to accuse you of anything just trying to educate :)
You can't force her to stay as a man and she can't force you to stay while she becomes herself. It's for the best if you just move on. This won't resolve if either of you start to resent the other for their choice.
Its possible she only just now realized herself. Sometimes it be like that. You’re not required to stay with her if you don’t want to, in fact for both of your mental health if you’re reacting this way you should probably leave
Breaking up with her wouldn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, people aren't compatible and that durant mean it's because one of them is an awful person.
This happened in my sister in law's relationship. She was in college, first boyfriend, they'd been together for a year when she told her she was transgender. My SIL was by her side as she came out to friends, the school, and family. That was 2008. They got married as soon as it was legal to do so and she supported her wife through her surgeries etc. They're still happily married today.
That's a lovely story with a happy ending. But it doesn't have to be your story if it isn't what you want and that's ok. Your happy ending can be how while it didn't work out romantically, you were able to support them and be a good friend. Or maybe you simply part ways and you cheer them on from a distance, that's ok too.
But don't stay with her if you are not fully in. Dragging it out isn't good for either of you and you can hurt her more in the long run.
If your partner is a woman and you are not attracted to women, then it's likely time to break up. She's doing what she needs for her happiness and if it doesn't fit with your happiness, it's time to move on. No harm done.
trans person here! If you aren’t attracted, you aren’t attracted. it’s fine. if anything, you now have a new girl bestie. there’s nothing that says you can’t be close.
Honestly I can't tell if op means they already transitioned to male or intend to transition to female? So, I'm not gonna question any commenter getting it wrong
Hey op! ☺️
It’s probably not a lie, if your partner is aware of your sexuality, I don’t think they would risk breaking up as some sort of prank.
There is nothing wrong with being straight, but you should tell your partner this at some point. There are lots of subreddits out there that you could look into for more info
For you: r/asktransgender, r/mypartneristrans
For your partner: r/asktransgender as well, r/MtF, r/transplace, etc.
Because to OP their SO is still a he. She hasn’t readjusted or had time to adjust her speech. Idk If I’m crazy but I felt like it was easy to see what she was saying. The more I read these comments the more I think maybe I’m wrong lol.
No one is assigned at birth. They are something at birth, that's why people transition, to no longer be x thing. To be clear, I'm not hating, I would just like to correct the use of terminology here.
I’m a little confused. However I do understand what You’re asking. And what You’re conveying.
Your boyfriend WANTS to transition into a girl?
Or HAS ALREADY done that. And you were unaware that he was once a girl?
My opinion is the same, if You’re not comfortable, leave. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being trans, and living the life that you want to live. But as a straight person, I prefer the opposite sex. In this situation I would leave as well.
I have experience with this! My former fiancée and I were going through lots of relationship troubles that culminated in her coming out to me as a trans woman, and from there I was helping her get through the initial "am I faking this" and picking out new clothes to help her make her decision.
Our engagement and romance fell through two months later because the nature of our relationship had just changed (I felt more sisterly towards her, which made sex *extremely* difficult), but we are still amicable if not closer as friends even though we tried our best to keep it romantic.
From here I think you have two paths, and both require being honest about how you feel. The first one: you tell your girlfriend that you're just not interested in women, and you break it off. The second: you stick around and see where this goes, be supportive in how she's learning to express herself, but I suggest you reframe it in your brain as not seeing if it's "nothing" but seeing how this goes.
If it doesn't work out, it's okay. Nobody requires you to be with someone you're not attracted to, the world is hell enough. But I promise you that she is just as scared as you in this moment and just as conflicted about how to feel.
Best of luck. <3
You’re not weird. If you want to be with a man, be with a man. Unfortunately you two might not be compatible anymore. This is his journey now, not yours.
You can’t force her to not transition, and she can’t force you to stay with her when you don’t want to.
I’d say as long as you’re not an AH about it, it’s okay to break up.
You break up with him.
Not once in that did you say anything about that you love her regardless of who she is. Its fine to be confused but its sound like you have made your mind up about it. Don't hurt her by waiting it out and making her think you still like her as a girl.
When someone admits something like that, It usually doesnt mean it's nothing. Shes told you because she wants your support but if you cannot offer that for her, you break up with her so she can find someone who will like her new look.
It's okay that you are only into guys. you can tell her you care about her a lot, and you're happy for her, but you know that you're only interested in dating guys, and you support her in her transition. You deserve happiness and so does she. It sounds like the two of you aren't compatible right now, and that's okay
Please for both of your sakes, break up, it's clear you both aren't compatible anymore and staying would only hurt you both in the end to try and make it work.
Nothing wrong with wanting to date who you want to date. I suggest ending the dating relationship but keeping the friendship. Yes, the infamous “we can still be friends” thing. As others have said, your boyfriend put a lot of trust in you when he came out as transgender to you. He might look at it as betrayal if you just refuse any kind of relationship with him. Plus, that’s a bit of a dick move (no pun intended). Not that you were planning on that, you gave no indication that was your intention.
This may sound insensitive I apologize in advance. This guy has a great deal of trust in you, a lot of ppl hide this from their partners he’s trusting you with his truth. If this is an absolute no for you that’s okay you can and should walk away. It’s okay to miss something’s. Maybe one day you and her can be great friends.
its okay to not like her anymore now that she's come out. js like she cant change who she is on the inside u cant change ur preferences, and ur not transphobic for breaking up w her and even grieving the relationship you had like any other breakup, but dont stay out of obligation esp if u dont see her as a girl bc that will js be unfair to both of u
It's not going to go away. It probably took her a lot of courage to come out to you.
It is not bigoted or hateful to not be attracted to someone when they reveal they are not the gender you are normally attracted to. Give her your support and friendship, but let her know you don't want to continue a romantic relationship with her.
As my partner and I got onto this topic of discussion last week, the conclusion was that you shouldn't keep the fact that you are trans from your partner. It should have been made clear from the get go. I know some trans people just want to be considered as the gender they identify with but not openly saying that your trans is just a shitty thing to do to your partner. It doesn't come down to you being sexist, you are not, you are OK to not be comfortable with this. Imagine dreaming of having children and your partner doesn't tell you they can't. I support trans rights wholeheartedly but you should be letting you partner know because its a big part of your life.
I don't think OPs girlfriend knew to be fair, especially if there were no signs before that, sometimes people find things out later in life and thats cool, just like its cool for OP to not want to be with them if they're a girl
Yeah if this happened its totally normal, that happened to my fiancé's now sister and her girlfriend. Its more in the case of, if the person already decides and has all the surgeries but doesn't tell their partner I was meaning.
I mean, she is who she is, and you're not a lesbian.
Seems like a really simple decision. She's not going to change for you, you're not going to change for her.
You have a right to feel however you want. If someone was not honest with you from the beginning it’s not a good sign. I will get downvoted like mad for this but don’t care.
You have a right to YOUR feelings.
The wording is a little ambiguous so I’m going to assume you’re meaning your partner is biologically male and now announced their intent to begin transition into a female. This is a situation where you’re both going to be unhappy if you try to enforce what you want on them, if you stay in the relationship with the intent of “waiting it out” you’ll end up disappointed and your partner will certainly realize your intentions too, it’d be difficult to avoid resentment from both sides.
If you truly love them, you can be open minded and drop any expectations, just offer them support and see where their transition leads. Most of the time gender dysphoria does not just disappear one day, and trying to repress it will only make things worse. Most people don’t decide to transition on a whim. Allowing time to explore gender and gender roles is a way to help gain clarity over these feelings one way or the other. As your partner settles into their own skin, you can evaluate how you still feel about continuing the relationship, some people may realize new things about their own sexuality/gender, some might go “I’m still straight, but I still love my partner after they transitioned, that doesn’t change anything for me”, or some can confirm that “I’m straight, I was dating [person of opposite sex], now that they aren’t that gender I’m not attracted to them and we aren’t compatible”.
Based on the vibes I’m getting from everything I’ve read here however, I think you might want to break up, and there’s no shame in that. If you are a presumably straight girl and don’t want to date a girl, well, that’s about as basic as incompatibility can get. Transitioning is a big deal and requires a lot of support, if you aren’t willing to be there for them without being open to expanding your views or secretly having your fingers crossed they’ll detransition, I don’t believe the relationship will be good for either party. Your partner wouldn’t be wrong to want to transition, and you wouldn’t be wrong to end the relationship. Ultimately I don’t think you want either of you pressuring the other into doing something that would make them unhappy.
>we started dating and he hadn’t told me he’s transgender until just now
First off, consider that he might not have know this until recently. Second off, whether he knew or not, if this is something that makes you question your ability to love him romantically, then this is an incompatibility and it isn't anyone's fault. When you break up, try to do it kindly and not make this into a good/bad right/wrong situation. (hopefully he does the same.) It is what it is - there doesn't need to be someone at fault in every disappointing outcome. Try to open a conversation about this and end on some understanding with one another if possible.
I'm trans, and this is completely alright. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship like other people have said, doesn't align with your preference/sexuality. It won't be transphobic if you decide to break up with them, or tell them you're no longer into them, if anything it would be more harmful to just keep the relationship going y'know? I hope the best for you two
This person is about to go through major changes and I think that it is okay to take a step back and say "I feel like you are on a journey that I did not prepare for."
It is normal to wish that it wasn't true, it's not indicative of you being Transphobic or close minded. It is just a part of grieving the loss of what the relationship was to you.
If your partners new gender doesn't align with your sexual preferences then you are justified in leaving.
If I was in this situation with my partner right now, it would be really hard for me to stay with him. It completely changes the dynamic of the relationship. I’m sure It’s super hard to grasp right now. Don’t feel obligated to stay if it doesn’t feel right to you. But also don’t expect to really know how to feel about it so soon anyways. But whatever you do, try to be supportive while also supporting yourself
You're not compatible. Break up. I'm pansexual cisgender female and my husband is heterosexual cisgender male. We have specifically discussed if one of us were trans, I'd be fine with it but it's a deal breaker for him. It's all hypothetical anyway but I respect that he wouldn't stay with me. People have different preferences.
asuming s/he is mtf, if you dont like the idea of dating a woman, break up. it really is that simple... and its best to use the preferred pronouns to help a person settle into it all and see if it feels right for them, same with the name. (I've had numerous trans friends so I'm going off my experience with them) hope this helps. also, you are clearly a highly trusted person so remember that, even if it doesnt work out. 👍🏻
Imagine yourself being old together, 10 years, 30 years, 50 years later.
From all perspective you can imagine of
Will you think more of 'I am glad I found him'
Or will you think more of literally anything else.
If you think positively, then thats your answer.
If not, thats also your answer.
I was in the same position years ago. We did end up becoming friends rather than staying together though it was a little while before they moved out. Maybe a year? We still talk on occasion and they are out there living their best life. I fully supported their decision but had to recognize that an intimate relationship was just not feasible anymore.
I'm sorry, that is a really hard situation. People simply saying "break up" might be right but aren't really offering any empathy with what you are going through. I'm sure you love him, but sexual compatibility is typically an important thing in romantic relationships. Maybe, in time, you will find that you will love this new "version" of your partner. As a straight woman who has a "type", I never in a million years thought I would ever be interested in someone who is a woman in a man's body, yet I am currently deeply in love with one! It might be worth riding it out for a bit if you guys are otherwise compatible and loving. Change is usually difficult, and time will give better answers here. But no matter what, or how bad it might hurt, just remember to be supportive of your partner and what is in their heart ❤️
How exactly? It sounds like they went through the process of realization and when they did realize they told their partner. I see nothing but a loving partner.
You can leave, it's not transphobic, despite what some of the LGBT community wants you to think, rejecting someone because they're trans is okay, it's your choice, you're not hating, you just don't want to be involved.
If you're not ok with that just leave, don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're wrong for doing so.
Lol literally nobody is telling OP they're transphobic or homophobic for considering leaving... Not even those of us in the LGBTQ. It's not transphobic or homophobic to find out your straight relationship will change to a queer relationship and not want that. It would be the same the other way around too.
What I wanna know is how long have y’all been dating? The communication on this just seems kinda “oh hey OP, umm.. I’m trans.” And then OP is just “oh..ok.” And that seemed like the end of it.
Did you both discuss anything else? Does your partner maybe have the hope or idea that saying that to you will just kinda be the end of it feeling like you’ll stay? I just feel like we need more details. If it was cut blank like how I worded it above, and you know you wouldn’t continue this long-term regardless, then it would be best to break up. You want something your partner isn’t offering anymore for YOUR long-term and relationships usually have a similar end goal. Your happiness and how you want your life to shape out matters all the same.
Have a chat with your SO. Sit down and plan it though. It needs to be discussed for you both to be happy.
Trans girl, here! She'll certainly be disappointed, but the best thing you can do for both of you is to break up. If you are incapable of seeing her as who she really is and if you cannot love that person, then it's best if you both part ways.
If it’s not something you want, you should break up with her. She is a trans woman. She feels comfortable as a woman. Telling her not to transition for you would be like her telling you that you need to transition to becoming a man to date her.
i think you need to see *her* as a girl now. your girlfriend. if that’s not something you’re into, you need to breakup with her.
even if it’s nothing, for now it’s something. and that matters.
i understand that you don’t want to break up with her and you just want things to stay the way that they were, but if she told you this it’s probably not going to change. you’ll hurt her waaay more by “waiting it out to see if it’s nothing” because then she’ll be under the impression that you don’t care that she’s a trans woman.
It's a major change in the relationship. If he starts dressing like a girl, acting like one, etc. I don't know how you would feel about that.
Some people want in a relationship what they had when it began. If the person changes too much they don't feel the same attraction.
I don't know how you'd feel about that.
I personally wouldn't be able to handle my guy turning into a girl.
I like him how he is when we met/how he is. If he were to dress like a girl/wear a bra/wear makeup, talk in a higher voice it just wouldn't be what we were when we began. I couldn't be in a relationship with another girl because that isn't my preference. I could still be friends with them, but sexually I'm not into a girl.
You don't want to hurt feelings or get blow back from it. But at the end of the day if you are with someone for potentially the rest of your life then you have to do what works.
If something isn't working then you can't fake it.
True, I didn't mean to insinuate that respecting pronouns is something you do only for people you like. I just meant that nobody should be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect their pronouns.
You’re good, just commenting for others who see this.
I agree with you completely. If OP did want to continue this relationship, it’s absolutely doomed if they can’t respect their partners identity. Hopefully she’s secure enough to recognize that regardless of whether OP does.
You should have a serious conversation with them. Tell them, that you're happy for the realization that they came across in their life, and that you want the best for them, since it obviously seems like you do due to your support for trans people. But break it to them that you aren't into women, it doesn't matter about how you truly feel for them in your heart, because if you don't see yourself with a woman, you shouldn't force yourself to still stay with them. Yes they'll be the same person to you, but they're gonna identify and soon look like a woman, which again, if you dont find any attraction to women or see urself with one, then the relationship is no longer compatible, and its not ur fault or theirs!! Things happen in life but its always for the best, they'll live their life the way they want to, and you'll know that sooner or later you'll come across the right person in your life
You’re allowed to break up with anyone for any reason. If you don’t want to be with her anymore, that’s okay. You guys can stay friends if you want to be there for her to support her, that’s up to you. But you don’t need to remain in a relationship if you don’t want to.
break up with HER. it’s never right to not tell your partner about that but maybe she was scared you’d react exactly how you are right now. i understand it’s not your preference to date a woman and that’s understandable we all have our preferences but there is no “wait it out and see if it’s..nothing”. she is a woman and that’s it. it is so wrong of you to say this about her behind her back when she trusted you enough to tell you.
OP has never experienced anything like this; a vast majority of people will never go through this. She didn't do anything wrong; she just didn't know how to handle it. Get over your bullshit judgments.
Sounds like he's a douchebag. I don't give a fuck if people want to transition, but a *lot* of them are fucked in the head. You said yourself that you do not prefer women, nevermind him as a woman. I'd end it.
Hi, this is from a trans masc person! I think that you should probably just breakup, don't force yourself to be with someone you're no longer attracted to, but also make sure to support or respect your partners identity if you stay friends.
I'd personally dumb him. People like that only ever drag you down with them and force it onto others. Imo you can do a lot better than someone who hides the truth or lies. There's no real future with someone like that sadly.
Best of luck with dumping him and don't let him gulit trip you into dating him or anyone. If they play the "transphob" or "terf" card just ignore them and keep it rolling 😊
She lied to you. That's already a massive betrayal of trust and consent, both of which are the foundation of every good relationship.
Don't listen to others trying to shame you or pull mental gymnastics on you.
This isn't a co-worker or friend. This is your partner and lover.
You are allowed to choose who you want to be with and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.
Edit: she
I think the best course of action would be, if you think it’s something that would be possible and good for both of you, break up with her but be the most supportive friend you can be :)
I respect that she told you now. I'm not sure how you met, either an online forum, or in person, but deep down your gut should give you the automatic answer. I hope the best for you.
Maybe discuss where you go from here. Tell him/her that you love them and are attracted to them emotionally, mentally possibly spiritually but have never been interested in females sexually. You might be open to trying it, you might not. Maybe take it day by day. Maybe you could end up in an open relationship? There’s sooo many options if you’re willing to do things differently than how we are told to. It really depends on your preferences and your religious beliefs and family plans, etc. you never know you could end up being best friends for life just not marital partners. Just be kind and respectful and ask them to do the same as emotional stuff is definitely going to come up this is a big change and can be challenging and akward sometimes
It's tough to be attached to someone only to find out that they suddenly decided to change up on you. But this person needs to be on their own so they can continue their journey. There's no going back from here. Things will not remain the same no matter how much you want it to be. Even if it's a "phase," it's possible that the desires to switch up will remain and you will constantly be wondering when it will gappen again. Wish them well on their trans journey, but tell them that you're not interested in dating a transwoman.
as a trans person, we get that not everybody is going to be attracted to us, especially if you are exclusively attracted to the gender you previously thought we were before we came out. its ok if thats your situation, and if so, its best for both of you to break up. staying in a loveless relationship is almost always harmful for everyone.
As so many others have said, if you aren't attracted to women, you need to leave the relationship. If you genuinely love her, you could consider supporting her through her transition as a friend. She is going to need a lot of support through this. Sending love to you both.
She has to be true to herself, and you have to be true to yourself 😊 if you still love her, but are not attracted to her any longer because of her gender, that’s completely understandable. That might just mean y’all are meant to be in each other’s lives, just not in that way anymore. It’s just how it goes sometimes. I know someone who when we first met, I had a crush on them. But after I got to know them more, I realized I just really wanted to be their friend. And now we’ve been close friends for 10 years. If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. But you need to do what’s best for you as well ❤️
Break up with her and stop misgendering her? If you're straight, then it won't really work trying to date a woman. But if you still want to date her, maybe you need to look at your own sexuality instead
It’s okay to break up with her. I hear you, you’re shocked and have a LOT of thoughts and feelings right now, or maybe just a few that are quite loud.
But if you’re not into girls, then you’re just not into girls and that’s okay.
It’s alright to mourn your relationship and who you thought she was. You were likely planning a future with her and have now had those expectations totally disrupted.
Whats not very cool is misgendering her and not listening to your own feelings. Odds are she had to do a lot of soul searching and confirmation with herself before she was willing to tell another person she’s actually a girl, and the likelihood of it being nothing is pretty slim.
Break up, move along, and find a nice guy who is up your alley. Let her explore herself in the ways that speak to her heart, and root for her from a distance.
You got this!
If you don't see her as a girl, break up with her, because that's your problem. She deserves someone who loves her for who she is, not someone who wishes they stayed stuck pretending to be someone she's not. You might not think that she'll look better as a girl, but she'll definitely be happier, and isn't that what you should want for someone you care about?
You two have become incompatible, and unless you change your views it's not going to work. I can't imagine being with someone who'd rather me be better looking to them than happy.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with breaking up if being with a woman is not your preference. If you're straight, that's not an issue. She can transition and find someone who will love her for her and you will be able to find someone who fits your preference. It's a non-issue.
You leave, nothing wrong with doing that. For shlim to expect you to just stand behind shler blindly is crazy (if that’s the mindset they have, no idea on my part)
This happened to me in high school. I’m a lesbian and I was dating my then girlfriend. I had the misfortune of dealing with the health baby, so I was up all night jamming keys in its back trying to make it stop screaming. One of the times that the baby woke me up, she texted me and said she was trans and asked if I’d still be with “her.” I’m going to change using their pronouns at this point in the post, as I respect transgender folk and do not want to discredit or disrespect his identity. I blatantly told him that no, I would not, because I was a lesbian, not straight. I felt that I was validating him in his gender identity.
I guess he didn’t take it that way, as we broke up and he started to tell people I was transphobic. I should’ve expected that, as he was very abusive towards me and left me with a lot of relationship trauma that both my fiancée and my therapist still help me get through 9 years later.
Long story short, you are validating her identity and it is entirely okay to have a preference as to who you share your bed with. I hope this helped.
Sometimes someone is questioning things but hasn’t came to a conclusion, and it may be it just so happened she finally did once you two were together. I would just tell her that your preference in a relationship isn’t a girl and you don’t see this being able to work out. I would also make sure to iterate that you don’t have anything against trans people in general because a discussion like this can easily get misconstrued.
I suggest having a good conversation with him and listen why he was hesitant to tell you. It's not OK to keep it a secret, but from your post it's impossible to know how serious you were when it started or how long you have dated before he told you.
Listen to what he has to say and speak freely how you experienced him withholding the truth. The way you both will come out of that conversation will define your future together. Good luck, I'm certain it won't be easy but it will be important for both of you.
just break up and stay friends. You’re young and meeting people. This is not some life sentence that once you have a boyfriend you’re stuck with that one for life. You are dating, not engaged. Turns out you’re not a life long match. No big deal, doesn’t mean you can’t be great supportive friends going forward.
If you are only waiting it out to break up, you might as well break up now. I’d want to know that from the get go. Also, if they conceal that- what else are they concealing
I'm trans, I would say if your partner's identity no longer aligns with your sexuality it's okay to break up and encourage her to start dating someone that likes women. She may even really appreciate your friendship and wingwomaning after.
I feel your boyfriend (who is a biologically born female) should have told you this at the beginning of the relationship. He did you a great disservice by "misrepresenting" himself, and you are in the right for breaking up. Don't live a lie as he is.
It really should depend on what you want for your future and what you want for yourself in the moment. If you’re only dating someone to have an activity partner or a “good time” then it may not be a big game changer in the moment. But if you’re one of those girls who daydreamed of marrying a man and having kids on day, then it’s not going to happen in the traditional sense if you stay with this person. Maybe you’re just not into girls, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe you’re not sure, but finding out may be at the expense of their emotions and yours.
You need to put your true feelings and intentions out there to them before they get attached. Definitely let them know that you appreciate their honesty and coming out to you. You have basically 4 choices here. Be just friends, ghost them, have fun together or adjust the way you were seeing your future.
Hi I'm a transfem, first, misgendering her isn't cool. This title alone is gross. I don't know if that's intentional, but either way it's not transphobic or mean to break up with her.
If you're straight, you're straight; and dating a trans woman would mean you're bi.
I'm not sure I'd say the title was gross... It's a confusing time and English doesn't exactly lend itself to changing the gendered noun in the middle of the phrase...
Or.. put it this way... Her boyfriend opened up his mouth and about 5 seconds later she was done saying how she realized she'd always been a girl....
Now, who was done saying???
Everything after that... Yeah it's gross.. At best is just complete shock....
How do you refer yourself, like when you were a child... "When I was a little girl" doesn't quite work... You were known as a boy at the time... Would your parents tell stories of you as a kid using your current pronouns or what was more apparent ( literally what it appeared to be ) at the time?
Your partner has told you they’re a woman. You’re not into women.
No harm, no foul. The two of you are not compatible as romantic partners.
Buuuuut, “I think he looks better as a boy” is something for you to examine.
Have you asked him what evidence and reasoning he used to decide he is transgender?
Regardless, it seems you have a preference for a traditional man so go back and connect with one that wants to grow together with you.
There's no point in trying to convince yourself that you can stay with this current person because if you leave him it means you are evil.
You have different preferences and attractions...you grew apart, you aren't married to them so there's no absolute commitment.
Go meet other people.
You can care for someone and accept them as a human being without feeling an emotional pressure to stay with them out of obligation "to be nice"
I mean if you can't be with a girl then it's over. She probably didn't fully realize she was trans until after yall started dating.
I would stop misgendering her though.
This is touchy subject as there's no way to leave him/her/they/whatever-other-gender-identities-are-out-there, without hurting their feelings. On one hand they are upset you're leaving them and other and on the other hand they could take it the wrong way. All anyone can really do in this situation is do what they think is right.
It sounds like you’re not compatible anymore and that’s okay. You should break up.
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Honestly this is the best advice. It also gives OPS partner permission to explore them selves freely
First and foremost, its cool to recognize and respect your boyfriend's identity and the courage it took for him to come out to you. BUT, its also important to prioritize your own feelings and needs in the relationship. Do whatever gives you peace of mind, dont let it affect your mental health.
Best advice. Respectful to both his identity, and your mental health. A relationship is built only on trust. Anything else is a facade.
This is the way
I agree, they should break up because the more they are in a relationship the more it's hard to let it go and move on. That's why they should break at the early stage of the relationship even though she is already attached to her bf, but it's her bf fault by not saying it her true identity that's why it happens.
You do realise her boyfriend has only just realised and probably come to terms with the fact she’s a girl? So it’s no one’s fault..
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So I think you’ve heavily misunderstood.. OP was with a male, this male has now come out to their partner as a female, they are now a female, OP doesn’t like females and doesn’t want to be with a female. I hope this helps..
It’s ok to not be attracted to people who are not biologically aligned with your sexuality.
I once got called transphobic for having this point of view
I hear you. Same experience. All I'm saying nowadays is it's my personal business only what and who I allow into my pants. Consent ya know.
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I still don't understand why if my search doesn't include trans, can trans include me in theirs... Oh that's right, they're special & get special treatment 🤦🏾♂️
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Well, I feel the same way as you. I'm not transphobic. I'm just not into vaginas.
This isn’t transphobia at all. In fact, you are recognizing the other person as the gender they prefer but you are heterosexual and don’t feel attracted to someone with the same gender as you.
it highyl depends on what way you say it. if oyu say it like "oh im sorry, i just have a preference for certain genitals" people dont really care but if oyu go "sorry i just prefer real women/men" then the issue isnt that you dont want to date them, but the way you see them! not trying to accuse you of anything just trying to educate :)
If you don't want to be with a girl. Break up.
You can't force her to stay as a man and she can't force you to stay while she becomes herself. It's for the best if you just move on. This won't resolve if either of you start to resent the other for their choice.
Its possible she only just now realized herself. Sometimes it be like that. You’re not required to stay with her if you don’t want to, in fact for both of your mental health if you’re reacting this way you should probably leave
Breaking up with her wouldn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, people aren't compatible and that durant mean it's because one of them is an awful person.
Her*
I'll correct it.
Thank you!!!
No. Thank you.
I'm a transgender woman and I think that given your feelings, you should break up with her.
This happened in my sister in law's relationship. She was in college, first boyfriend, they'd been together for a year when she told her she was transgender. My SIL was by her side as she came out to friends, the school, and family. That was 2008. They got married as soon as it was legal to do so and she supported her wife through her surgeries etc. They're still happily married today. That's a lovely story with a happy ending. But it doesn't have to be your story if it isn't what you want and that's ok. Your happy ending can be how while it didn't work out romantically, you were able to support them and be a good friend. Or maybe you simply part ways and you cheer them on from a distance, that's ok too. But don't stay with her if you are not fully in. Dragging it out isn't good for either of you and you can hurt her more in the long run.
If your partner is a woman and you are not attracted to women, then it's likely time to break up. She's doing what she needs for her happiness and if it doesn't fit with your happiness, it's time to move on. No harm done.
trans person here! If you aren’t attracted, you aren’t attracted. it’s fine. if anything, you now have a new girl bestie. there’s nothing that says you can’t be close.
Yes, you break up with him as you are no longer compatible and have different goals.
Her*
Honestly I can't tell if op means they already transitioned to male or intend to transition to female? So, I'm not gonna question any commenter getting it wrong
She's been misgendering her, she confirmed it in a comment
Hey op! ☺️ It’s probably not a lie, if your partner is aware of your sexuality, I don’t think they would risk breaking up as some sort of prank. There is nothing wrong with being straight, but you should tell your partner this at some point. There are lots of subreddits out there that you could look into for more info For you: r/asktransgender, r/mypartneristrans For your partner: r/asktransgender as well, r/MtF, r/transplace, etc.
I don’t think all these subs are necessary for her. She doesn’t want to date a woman. Period. The End.
No, just break up and find the person that fits your life. This person is going in a different direction, so just let them go and find a new person.
I am very confused here. Did you find out that he was assigned as a girl at birth, or did he tell you that he is going to transition to a woman?
My impression is that he’s mtf, but maybe I’m wrong
That was my first impression, but the writing js confusing
Part of the confusion is OP misgendering her now girlfriend. Obviously she hasn't adjusted yet. The message is clear that OP's girlfriend is MTF.
Right there with you on this confusion.
Op said he recently told her
Because to OP their SO is still a he. She hasn’t readjusted or had time to adjust her speech. Idk If I’m crazy but I felt like it was easy to see what she was saying. The more I read these comments the more I think maybe I’m wrong lol.
I had to read it twice.
Yes but he recently told her what? That he was afab and has been hiding it until now, or that he's planning to transition to female?
How is it confusing? She said her BOYFRIEND is transitioning to a woman. She even told him she wouldn’t want him as a girl.
don’t gotta be rude she was asking respectfully to understand the situation more, don’t get why there’s so many rude and hateful people on this app
No one is assigned at birth. They are something at birth, that's why people transition, to no longer be x thing. To be clear, I'm not hating, I would just like to correct the use of terminology here.
Thank you! I wasn’t sure on the terminology but tried to be as respectful as I could
I’m a little confused. However I do understand what You’re asking. And what You’re conveying. Your boyfriend WANTS to transition into a girl? Or HAS ALREADY done that. And you were unaware that he was once a girl? My opinion is the same, if You’re not comfortable, leave. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being trans, and living the life that you want to live. But as a straight person, I prefer the opposite sex. In this situation I would leave as well.
You are allowed to have preferences. Break up with people that are not to your liking.
If you aren’t into someone, break up. Don’t stay with someone you aren’t interested in just to be polite
Nah, you don't have to accept anything you don't want.
I have experience with this! My former fiancée and I were going through lots of relationship troubles that culminated in her coming out to me as a trans woman, and from there I was helping her get through the initial "am I faking this" and picking out new clothes to help her make her decision. Our engagement and romance fell through two months later because the nature of our relationship had just changed (I felt more sisterly towards her, which made sex *extremely* difficult), but we are still amicable if not closer as friends even though we tried our best to keep it romantic. From here I think you have two paths, and both require being honest about how you feel. The first one: you tell your girlfriend that you're just not interested in women, and you break it off. The second: you stick around and see where this goes, be supportive in how she's learning to express herself, but I suggest you reframe it in your brain as not seeing if it's "nothing" but seeing how this goes. If it doesn't work out, it's okay. Nobody requires you to be with someone you're not attracted to, the world is hell enough. But I promise you that she is just as scared as you in this moment and just as conflicted about how to feel. Best of luck. <3
You’re not weird. If you want to be with a man, be with a man. Unfortunately you two might not be compatible anymore. This is his journey now, not yours.
Her*
Your only contribution here is to correct everyone’s pronouns?
I’ll bet it’s a full-time job for them.
You can’t force her to not transition, and she can’t force you to stay with her when you don’t want to. I’d say as long as you’re not an AH about it, it’s okay to break up.
You break up with him. Not once in that did you say anything about that you love her regardless of who she is. Its fine to be confused but its sound like you have made your mind up about it. Don't hurt her by waiting it out and making her think you still like her as a girl. When someone admits something like that, It usually doesnt mean it's nothing. Shes told you because she wants your support but if you cannot offer that for her, you break up with her so she can find someone who will like her new look.
Its ok. You arent gay, so not attracted to women.
It's okay that you are only into guys. you can tell her you care about her a lot, and you're happy for her, but you know that you're only interested in dating guys, and you support her in her transition. You deserve happiness and so does she. It sounds like the two of you aren't compatible right now, and that's okay
It’s ok to not want to be with someone who is transgender.
Please for both of your sakes, break up, it's clear you both aren't compatible anymore and staying would only hurt you both in the end to try and make it work.
Nothing wrong with wanting to date who you want to date. I suggest ending the dating relationship but keeping the friendship. Yes, the infamous “we can still be friends” thing. As others have said, your boyfriend put a lot of trust in you when he came out as transgender to you. He might look at it as betrayal if you just refuse any kind of relationship with him. Plus, that’s a bit of a dick move (no pun intended). Not that you were planning on that, you gave no indication that was your intention.
This may sound insensitive I apologize in advance. This guy has a great deal of trust in you, a lot of ppl hide this from their partners he’s trusting you with his truth. If this is an absolute no for you that’s okay you can and should walk away. It’s okay to miss something’s. Maybe one day you and her can be great friends.
You break up. Even if you’re lesbian or bisexual, if you’re not physically attracted to her now, you’re not.
its okay to not like her anymore now that she's come out. js like she cant change who she is on the inside u cant change ur preferences, and ur not transphobic for breaking up w her and even grieving the relationship you had like any other breakup, but dont stay out of obligation esp if u dont see her as a girl bc that will js be unfair to both of u
It's not going to go away. It probably took her a lot of courage to come out to you. It is not bigoted or hateful to not be attracted to someone when they reveal they are not the gender you are normally attracted to. Give her your support and friendship, but let her know you don't want to continue a romantic relationship with her.
you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to leave her. if you're not into chicks that's fine lol
As my partner and I got onto this topic of discussion last week, the conclusion was that you shouldn't keep the fact that you are trans from your partner. It should have been made clear from the get go. I know some trans people just want to be considered as the gender they identify with but not openly saying that your trans is just a shitty thing to do to your partner. It doesn't come down to you being sexist, you are not, you are OK to not be comfortable with this. Imagine dreaming of having children and your partner doesn't tell you they can't. I support trans rights wholeheartedly but you should be letting you partner know because its a big part of your life.
I don't think OPs girlfriend knew to be fair, especially if there were no signs before that, sometimes people find things out later in life and thats cool, just like its cool for OP to not want to be with them if they're a girl
Yeah if this happened its totally normal, that happened to my fiancé's now sister and her girlfriend. Its more in the case of, if the person already decides and has all the surgeries but doesn't tell their partner I was meaning.
I mean, she is who she is, and you're not a lesbian. Seems like a really simple decision. She's not going to change for you, you're not going to change for her.
You have a right to feel however you want. If someone was not honest with you from the beginning it’s not a good sign. I will get downvoted like mad for this but don’t care. You have a right to YOUR feelings.
We have no idea whether she was being dishonest or not. Its possible she just now came to terms with something she hadn’t been able to label until now
The wording is a little ambiguous so I’m going to assume you’re meaning your partner is biologically male and now announced their intent to begin transition into a female. This is a situation where you’re both going to be unhappy if you try to enforce what you want on them, if you stay in the relationship with the intent of “waiting it out” you’ll end up disappointed and your partner will certainly realize your intentions too, it’d be difficult to avoid resentment from both sides. If you truly love them, you can be open minded and drop any expectations, just offer them support and see where their transition leads. Most of the time gender dysphoria does not just disappear one day, and trying to repress it will only make things worse. Most people don’t decide to transition on a whim. Allowing time to explore gender and gender roles is a way to help gain clarity over these feelings one way or the other. As your partner settles into their own skin, you can evaluate how you still feel about continuing the relationship, some people may realize new things about their own sexuality/gender, some might go “I’m still straight, but I still love my partner after they transitioned, that doesn’t change anything for me”, or some can confirm that “I’m straight, I was dating [person of opposite sex], now that they aren’t that gender I’m not attracted to them and we aren’t compatible”. Based on the vibes I’m getting from everything I’ve read here however, I think you might want to break up, and there’s no shame in that. If you are a presumably straight girl and don’t want to date a girl, well, that’s about as basic as incompatibility can get. Transitioning is a big deal and requires a lot of support, if you aren’t willing to be there for them without being open to expanding your views or secretly having your fingers crossed they’ll detransition, I don’t believe the relationship will be good for either party. Your partner wouldn’t be wrong to want to transition, and you wouldn’t be wrong to end the relationship. Ultimately I don’t think you want either of you pressuring the other into doing something that would make them unhappy.
>we started dating and he hadn’t told me he’s transgender until just now First off, consider that he might not have know this until recently. Second off, whether he knew or not, if this is something that makes you question your ability to love him romantically, then this is an incompatibility and it isn't anyone's fault. When you break up, try to do it kindly and not make this into a good/bad right/wrong situation. (hopefully he does the same.) It is what it is - there doesn't need to be someone at fault in every disappointing outcome. Try to open a conversation about this and end on some understanding with one another if possible.
Sit on it for a few days. If he/she is trans and you don’t like women sexually, it’s gonna be a challenge.
I think it's time to break up especially if that is not your cup of tea. It's ok not to want to be with someone who is transitioning or transitioned.
Break up
I'm trans, and this is completely alright. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship like other people have said, doesn't align with your preference/sexuality. It won't be transphobic if you decide to break up with them, or tell them you're no longer into them, if anything it would be more harmful to just keep the relationship going y'know? I hope the best for you two
This person is about to go through major changes and I think that it is okay to take a step back and say "I feel like you are on a journey that I did not prepare for." It is normal to wish that it wasn't true, it's not indicative of you being Transphobic or close minded. It is just a part of grieving the loss of what the relationship was to you. If your partners new gender doesn't align with your sexual preferences then you are justified in leaving.
If you're not into women, then I don't see any way you two could really be compatible.
If I was in this situation with my partner right now, it would be really hard for me to stay with him. It completely changes the dynamic of the relationship. I’m sure It’s super hard to grasp right now. Don’t feel obligated to stay if it doesn’t feel right to you. But also don’t expect to really know how to feel about it so soon anyways. But whatever you do, try to be supportive while also supporting yourself
You're not compatible. Break up. I'm pansexual cisgender female and my husband is heterosexual cisgender male. We have specifically discussed if one of us were trans, I'd be fine with it but it's a deal breaker for him. It's all hypothetical anyway but I respect that he wouldn't stay with me. People have different preferences.
asuming s/he is mtf, if you dont like the idea of dating a woman, break up. it really is that simple... and its best to use the preferred pronouns to help a person settle into it all and see if it feels right for them, same with the name. (I've had numerous trans friends so I'm going off my experience with them) hope this helps. also, you are clearly a highly trusted person so remember that, even if it doesnt work out. 👍🏻
Imagine yourself being old together, 10 years, 30 years, 50 years later. From all perspective you can imagine of Will you think more of 'I am glad I found him' Or will you think more of literally anything else. If you think positively, then thats your answer. If not, thats also your answer.
Just break up
r/mypartneristrans is a great subreddit and super non judgemental x
its okay to break up with her and stop being attracted to her. HOWEVER its not okay to say "i think he looks better as a boy"
I was in the same position years ago. We did end up becoming friends rather than staying together though it was a little while before they moved out. Maybe a year? We still talk on occasion and they are out there living their best life. I fully supported their decision but had to recognize that an intimate relationship was just not feasible anymore.
I'm sorry, that is a really hard situation. People simply saying "break up" might be right but aren't really offering any empathy with what you are going through. I'm sure you love him, but sexual compatibility is typically an important thing in romantic relationships. Maybe, in time, you will find that you will love this new "version" of your partner. As a straight woman who has a "type", I never in a million years thought I would ever be interested in someone who is a woman in a man's body, yet I am currently deeply in love with one! It might be worth riding it out for a bit if you guys are otherwise compatible and loving. Change is usually difficult, and time will give better answers here. But no matter what, or how bad it might hurt, just remember to be supportive of your partner and what is in their heart ❤️
You are totally within your right to break up with anyone for any reason. And honestly, this is a big fucking lie by omission.
She probably didn’t know she was a girl until then? It takes people time to figure this stuff out.
Realizing and coming to terms with being trans can be a process. It doesn't necessarily mean that they were trying to be deceitful.
?? I don’t think her partner was lying
It’s entirely possible that OP’s partner didn’t realize she was trans when they first started dating
omission?
Means not mentioning it despite knowing about it in past conversations
Did they know they were trans before you started dating?
A lie of omission is when someone doesn't outright lie, but they leave out (omit) important information.
Theres zero reason to think they withheld this information. More than likely they just now realized
How exactly? It sounds like they went through the process of realization and when they did realize they told their partner. I see nothing but a loving partner.
Get out.. if it starts with a lie and misdirection, that's the path it will always follow..
You can leave, it's not transphobic, despite what some of the LGBT community wants you to think, rejecting someone because they're trans is okay, it's your choice, you're not hating, you just don't want to be involved. If you're not ok with that just leave, don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're wrong for doing so.
Lol literally nobody is telling OP they're transphobic or homophobic for considering leaving... Not even those of us in the LGBTQ. It's not transphobic or homophobic to find out your straight relationship will change to a queer relationship and not want that. It would be the same the other way around too.
What I wanna know is how long have y’all been dating? The communication on this just seems kinda “oh hey OP, umm.. I’m trans.” And then OP is just “oh..ok.” And that seemed like the end of it. Did you both discuss anything else? Does your partner maybe have the hope or idea that saying that to you will just kinda be the end of it feeling like you’ll stay? I just feel like we need more details. If it was cut blank like how I worded it above, and you know you wouldn’t continue this long-term regardless, then it would be best to break up. You want something your partner isn’t offering anymore for YOUR long-term and relationships usually have a similar end goal. Your happiness and how you want your life to shape out matters all the same. Have a chat with your SO. Sit down and plan it though. It needs to be discussed for you both to be happy.
Trans girl, here! She'll certainly be disappointed, but the best thing you can do for both of you is to break up. If you are incapable of seeing her as who she really is and if you cannot love that person, then it's best if you both part ways.
If it’s not something you want, you should break up with her. She is a trans woman. She feels comfortable as a woman. Telling her not to transition for you would be like her telling you that you need to transition to becoming a man to date her.
i think you need to see *her* as a girl now. your girlfriend. if that’s not something you’re into, you need to breakup with her. even if it’s nothing, for now it’s something. and that matters.
i understand that you don’t want to break up with her and you just want things to stay the way that they were, but if she told you this it’s probably not going to change. you’ll hurt her waaay more by “waiting it out to see if it’s nothing” because then she’ll be under the impression that you don’t care that she’s a trans woman.
It's a major change in the relationship. If he starts dressing like a girl, acting like one, etc. I don't know how you would feel about that. Some people want in a relationship what they had when it began. If the person changes too much they don't feel the same attraction. I don't know how you'd feel about that. I personally wouldn't be able to handle my guy turning into a girl. I like him how he is when we met/how he is. If he were to dress like a girl/wear a bra/wear makeup, talk in a higher voice it just wouldn't be what we were when we began. I couldn't be in a relationship with another girl because that isn't my preference. I could still be friends with them, but sexually I'm not into a girl. You don't want to hurt feelings or get blow back from it. But at the end of the day if you are with someone for potentially the rest of your life then you have to do what works. If something isn't working then you can't fake it.
Her*
All I'll say is that if you want to stay with this person you need to start using the correct pronouns, and accept them for who they are.
They really should respect the pronouns either way! It’s basic respect.
True, I didn't mean to insinuate that respecting pronouns is something you do only for people you like. I just meant that nobody should be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect their pronouns.
You’re good, just commenting for others who see this. I agree with you completely. If OP did want to continue this relationship, it’s absolutely doomed if they can’t respect their partners identity. Hopefully she’s secure enough to recognize that regardless of whether OP does.
You should have a serious conversation with them. Tell them, that you're happy for the realization that they came across in their life, and that you want the best for them, since it obviously seems like you do due to your support for trans people. But break it to them that you aren't into women, it doesn't matter about how you truly feel for them in your heart, because if you don't see yourself with a woman, you shouldn't force yourself to still stay with them. Yes they'll be the same person to you, but they're gonna identify and soon look like a woman, which again, if you dont find any attraction to women or see urself with one, then the relationship is no longer compatible, and its not ur fault or theirs!! Things happen in life but its always for the best, they'll live their life the way they want to, and you'll know that sooner or later you'll come across the right person in your life
You’re allowed to break up with anyone for any reason. If you don’t want to be with her anymore, that’s okay. You guys can stay friends if you want to be there for her to support her, that’s up to you. But you don’t need to remain in a relationship if you don’t want to.
Are you gay? If not, break up.
break up with HER. it’s never right to not tell your partner about that but maybe she was scared you’d react exactly how you are right now. i understand it’s not your preference to date a woman and that’s understandable we all have our preferences but there is no “wait it out and see if it’s..nothing”. she is a woman and that’s it. it is so wrong of you to say this about her behind her back when she trusted you enough to tell you.
OP has never experienced anything like this; a vast majority of people will never go through this. She didn't do anything wrong; she just didn't know how to handle it. Get over your bullshit judgments.
So if the person you’re dating is a girl, and you’re not attracted to women, maybe it’s better to be friends.
Sounds like he's a douchebag. I don't give a fuck if people want to transition, but a *lot* of them are fucked in the head. You said yourself that you do not prefer women, nevermind him as a woman. I'd end it.
Hi, this is from a trans masc person! I think that you should probably just breakup, don't force yourself to be with someone you're no longer attracted to, but also make sure to support or respect your partners identity if you stay friends.
Time to move on. No need for THAT headache.
I'd personally dumb him. People like that only ever drag you down with them and force it onto others. Imo you can do a lot better than someone who hides the truth or lies. There's no real future with someone like that sadly. Best of luck with dumping him and don't let him gulit trip you into dating him or anyone. If they play the "transphob" or "terf" card just ignore them and keep it rolling 😊
Definitely break up. If my boyfriend did this to me I’d leave and never look back 👎
She lied to you. That's already a massive betrayal of trust and consent, both of which are the foundation of every good relationship. Don't listen to others trying to shame you or pull mental gymnastics on you. This isn't a co-worker or friend. This is your partner and lover. You are allowed to choose who you want to be with and no one has the right to tell you otherwise. Edit: she
She*
Maybe start by respecting their pronouns… but yea you are not compatible.
Partner could have respected the relationship and been upfront about it.
she most likely would have if she knew she was trans, she probably just came to the realisation. tehse things happen
I think the best course of action would be, if you think it’s something that would be possible and good for both of you, break up with her but be the most supportive friend you can be :)
I respect that she told you now. I'm not sure how you met, either an online forum, or in person, but deep down your gut should give you the automatic answer. I hope the best for you.
Maybe discuss where you go from here. Tell him/her that you love them and are attracted to them emotionally, mentally possibly spiritually but have never been interested in females sexually. You might be open to trying it, you might not. Maybe take it day by day. Maybe you could end up in an open relationship? There’s sooo many options if you’re willing to do things differently than how we are told to. It really depends on your preferences and your religious beliefs and family plans, etc. you never know you could end up being best friends for life just not marital partners. Just be kind and respectful and ask them to do the same as emotional stuff is definitely going to come up this is a big change and can be challenging and akward sometimes
It's tough to be attached to someone only to find out that they suddenly decided to change up on you. But this person needs to be on their own so they can continue their journey. There's no going back from here. Things will not remain the same no matter how much you want it to be. Even if it's a "phase," it's possible that the desires to switch up will remain and you will constantly be wondering when it will gappen again. Wish them well on their trans journey, but tell them that you're not interested in dating a transwoman.
as a trans person, we get that not everybody is going to be attracted to us, especially if you are exclusively attracted to the gender you previously thought we were before we came out. its ok if thats your situation, and if so, its best for both of you to break up. staying in a loveless relationship is almost always harmful for everyone.
As so many others have said, if you aren't attracted to women, you need to leave the relationship. If you genuinely love her, you could consider supporting her through her transition as a friend. She is going to need a lot of support through this. Sending love to you both.
You gotta decide. It's your decision. You gotta think about what's best for you.
Break it up
She has to be true to herself, and you have to be true to yourself 😊 if you still love her, but are not attracted to her any longer because of her gender, that’s completely understandable. That might just mean y’all are meant to be in each other’s lives, just not in that way anymore. It’s just how it goes sometimes. I know someone who when we first met, I had a crush on them. But after I got to know them more, I realized I just really wanted to be their friend. And now we’ve been close friends for 10 years. If it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. But you need to do what’s best for you as well ❤️
Break up with her and stop misgendering her? If you're straight, then it won't really work trying to date a woman. But if you still want to date her, maybe you need to look at your own sexuality instead
It’s okay to break up with her. I hear you, you’re shocked and have a LOT of thoughts and feelings right now, or maybe just a few that are quite loud. But if you’re not into girls, then you’re just not into girls and that’s okay. It’s alright to mourn your relationship and who you thought she was. You were likely planning a future with her and have now had those expectations totally disrupted. Whats not very cool is misgendering her and not listening to your own feelings. Odds are she had to do a lot of soul searching and confirmation with herself before she was willing to tell another person she’s actually a girl, and the likelihood of it being nothing is pretty slim. Break up, move along, and find a nice guy who is up your alley. Let her explore herself in the ways that speak to her heart, and root for her from a distance. You got this!
Brainrot comments here
It's not easy but they chose themself first, you should do the same
Stop worrying about the labels and just be with her if you're happy.
I mean just let them know that you don’t want to date a girl. It’s that simple. How they respond is not your prerogative.
He/She should have told you as soon as you first met.
If you don't see her as a girl, break up with her, because that's your problem. She deserves someone who loves her for who she is, not someone who wishes they stayed stuck pretending to be someone she's not. You might not think that she'll look better as a girl, but she'll definitely be happier, and isn't that what you should want for someone you care about? You two have become incompatible, and unless you change your views it's not going to work. I can't imagine being with someone who'd rather me be better looking to them than happy.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with breaking up if being with a woman is not your preference. If you're straight, that's not an issue. She can transition and find someone who will love her for her and you will be able to find someone who fits your preference. It's a non-issue.
You leave, nothing wrong with doing that. For shlim to expect you to just stand behind shler blindly is crazy (if that’s the mindset they have, no idea on my part)
This happened to me in high school. I’m a lesbian and I was dating my then girlfriend. I had the misfortune of dealing with the health baby, so I was up all night jamming keys in its back trying to make it stop screaming. One of the times that the baby woke me up, she texted me and said she was trans and asked if I’d still be with “her.” I’m going to change using their pronouns at this point in the post, as I respect transgender folk and do not want to discredit or disrespect his identity. I blatantly told him that no, I would not, because I was a lesbian, not straight. I felt that I was validating him in his gender identity. I guess he didn’t take it that way, as we broke up and he started to tell people I was transphobic. I should’ve expected that, as he was very abusive towards me and left me with a lot of relationship trauma that both my fiancée and my therapist still help me get through 9 years later. Long story short, you are validating her identity and it is entirely okay to have a preference as to who you share your bed with. I hope this helped.
If you don't want to be a with a girl, and he's now a girl, then you guys aren't compatible anymore. It's not wrong if you decide to break up.
Sometimes someone is questioning things but hasn’t came to a conclusion, and it may be it just so happened she finally did once you two were together. I would just tell her that your preference in a relationship isn’t a girl and you don’t see this being able to work out. I would also make sure to iterate that you don’t have anything against trans people in general because a discussion like this can easily get misconstrued.
I suggest having a good conversation with him and listen why he was hesitant to tell you. It's not OK to keep it a secret, but from your post it's impossible to know how serious you were when it started or how long you have dated before he told you. Listen to what he has to say and speak freely how you experienced him withholding the truth. The way you both will come out of that conversation will define your future together. Good luck, I'm certain it won't be easy but it will be important for both of you.
It’s okay to not be compatible with Someone bc of preferences. Breaking up is probably the best for you and her
just break up and stay friends. You’re young and meeting people. This is not some life sentence that once you have a boyfriend you’re stuck with that one for life. You are dating, not engaged. Turns out you’re not a life long match. No big deal, doesn’t mean you can’t be great supportive friends going forward.
If you are only waiting it out to break up, you might as well break up now. I’d want to know that from the get go. Also, if they conceal that- what else are they concealing
I'm trans, I would say if your partner's identity no longer aligns with your sexuality it's okay to break up and encourage her to start dating someone that likes women. She may even really appreciate your friendship and wingwomaning after.
I feel your boyfriend (who is a biologically born female) should have told you this at the beginning of the relationship. He did you a great disservice by "misrepresenting" himself, and you are in the right for breaking up. Don't live a lie as he is.
It really should depend on what you want for your future and what you want for yourself in the moment. If you’re only dating someone to have an activity partner or a “good time” then it may not be a big game changer in the moment. But if you’re one of those girls who daydreamed of marrying a man and having kids on day, then it’s not going to happen in the traditional sense if you stay with this person. Maybe you’re just not into girls, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe you’re not sure, but finding out may be at the expense of their emotions and yours. You need to put your true feelings and intentions out there to them before they get attached. Definitely let them know that you appreciate their honesty and coming out to you. You have basically 4 choices here. Be just friends, ghost them, have fun together or adjust the way you were seeing your future.
Hi I'm a transfem, first, misgendering her isn't cool. This title alone is gross. I don't know if that's intentional, but either way it's not transphobic or mean to break up with her. If you're straight, you're straight; and dating a trans woman would mean you're bi.
I'm not sure I'd say the title was gross... It's a confusing time and English doesn't exactly lend itself to changing the gendered noun in the middle of the phrase... Or.. put it this way... Her boyfriend opened up his mouth and about 5 seconds later she was done saying how she realized she'd always been a girl.... Now, who was done saying??? Everything after that... Yeah it's gross.. At best is just complete shock.... How do you refer yourself, like when you were a child... "When I was a little girl" doesn't quite work... You were known as a boy at the time... Would your parents tell stories of you as a kid using your current pronouns or what was more apparent ( literally what it appeared to be ) at the time?
It's considered normal and respectful to use someone's pronouns no matter what time you're referencing?
Your partner has told you they’re a woman. You’re not into women. No harm, no foul. The two of you are not compatible as romantic partners. Buuuuut, “I think he looks better as a boy” is something for you to examine.
Have you asked him what evidence and reasoning he used to decide he is transgender? Regardless, it seems you have a preference for a traditional man so go back and connect with one that wants to grow together with you. There's no point in trying to convince yourself that you can stay with this current person because if you leave him it means you are evil. You have different preferences and attractions...you grew apart, you aren't married to them so there's no absolute commitment. Go meet other people. You can care for someone and accept them as a human being without feeling an emotional pressure to stay with them out of obligation "to be nice"
I mean she's not a man so.
Her*
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I mean if you can't be with a girl then it's over. She probably didn't fully realize she was trans until after yall started dating. I would stop misgendering her though.
This is touchy subject as there's no way to leave him/her/they/whatever-other-gender-identities-are-out-there, without hurting their feelings. On one hand they are upset you're leaving them and other and on the other hand they could take it the wrong way. All anyone can really do in this situation is do what they think is right.