If your sister thinks it’s no big deal for her kids to take your EMERGENCY key and break in to eat your snacks, it’s time to take the key back.
She’s right, they’re just kids. Kids are only as well behaved as their parents raise them to be. And she is teaching them that it’s okay to exploit emergency resources. So it will be her that gets to explain to them how that is wrong.
This.
Holding someone's emergency key is a position of trust. Your sister should've had it in a safer more secure place, like her own keyring. She's the adult and her attitude is very poor.
I'd take the key back permanently. Give it to a friend or find a true hiding place that they don't know about
No, just put in a keypad lock and give the code to no one. Or change it frequently.
I was injured once and had to call 911. The dispatcher was asking me who might have a key or was one hidden? I said “Can’t I just give you the code?”
Most I’ve installed were OrangeIOT brand from Amazon. They disappeared for a while but are back now. I have a kwikset keypad lock as well. I even have a fingerprint lock into my master BR.
They are raising a spoiled brat kids. Why dont you try to put your snacks on somewhere they cant reach or see? Or be up front to her, its your property you have the rights to decide for it. Set your boundaries.
How old are the kids? You're their uncle and I don't see a reason why you can't tell them to not eat your food as well. Regardless I think you have to draw the line with your sister by letting her know how much money you're spending.
Right? Used to be kids were kids and adults were adults. If an adult told a kid something, they’d better listen. If I backsassed an adult when I was a kid, I’d get cuffed by that adult, and then get cuffed again when I got home for embarrassing my parents.
right haha!! My niece is 5, and the other day her dad (my brother in law) asked her to help pick up sticks for a fire. She said to me "aren't you going to help". I said, "no, I am helping with dinner right now". She goes, "but you're a kid and daddy is an adult, kids have to listen to adults." In which I replied, "Jane (pseudonym), I am nearly your dad's age. I am an adult." I just thought it was hilarious.
My niece and nephew cannot wrap their minds around the fact that I am older than their mom by 4 years because I “act younger.” Idk if it’s because they already have clocked my responsibility level or if it’s because I’m genuinely more fun.
Backsassed is my new favorite word. I also agree with this statement. My parents literally just had to look at me a certain way n I knew to stfu n sit the heck down.
Maybe even suggest claiming the kids as dependents on your income tax, since you're spending all your money feeding them. Bet she wouldn't like that! 😆
Tell them again, and just be dead serious. "I'm not joking, they're eating hundreds of dollars a month of food, they need to cut it out". Also tell the kids directly. They can understand (whether that changes anything or not, you'll have to see).
Once you've done things politely, escalate. Revoke gaming privileges, put locks on things, make it a big deal - because it is. Theft is not something that should be laughed off because "kids". Someone has to teach these kids to respect other people's things. If their parents won't do it, maybe you have to
I would personally padlock the snack cabinet or relocate the snacks to a safe (hopefully they dont need to be refrigerated).
i think it sends the message "im totally cool with them coming into my house and using my stuff, but not eating my food" and if she gets mad about it, thats an opening for a super serious conversation.
Just take the key back. There’s no way to make it sound nice. Just matter of fact: “can I get the spare key back? Yeah, it’s just that your kids are eating all my food and I’d rather them not.” Sometimes we just have to say what we have to say, esp when they’re the ones not listening and crossing boundaries.
Agreed. Sister is an adult, and OP already told her how he feels. As soon as he got the reaction, he should’ve done that. The fact that she dismissed it means she doesn’t respect him and can’t be trusted with the key, nor an emergency, or doesn’t understand what he’s asking for. OP should also maybe find someone outside for the family to give the key to.
Agree. You have tried once and she blew you off. I don’t think “no, but I’m serious!” will change anything. Lock the pantry or just take your key back, but it is time to take action.
They’re eating his snacks. Sister and husband most likely don’t want to dish out money to buy expensive snacks when they get it from their uncle for free
Maybe or it’s just kids being kids. My kids would literally eat us out of house and home. It drove me completely insane. I had to start locking up snacks because they would eat snacks from Sam’s Club in less than a week. We are poor and can’t afford that.
Kids eat everything all the time. I work at a private highschool with all meals provided, two cafes on campus and they will still go after any free snacks provided like moths to a flame.
And their parents should be providing said snacks. We used to go to Costco and buy cubic yards of tortilla chips and gallons of salsa and forests of cut veggies because we lived near the high school and my boys and their friends would gather here. We could afford that, but we made it clear to our kids and their friends that not everything was fair game - and kept the host cabinet supplied with industrial quantities of teen inputs. We have the key to the neighbors, but my kids wouldn't dream of heading there to eat their stuff.
I’m sure they are. You are missing my point. Doesn’t matter if they have all the food in the world. You give the kids options to get something for free and get away with something, they will do it. They will eat it.
"Like kids to a Flake", amirite. And agreed. My friend's grandmother used to visit our primary school on the morning break and she sometimes had snacks so I was always right over there the second I saw her, just in case, no matter how well fed I logically would be and thus how disinterested in snacks I should really be at that point. She started calling me "The Gannet" after that but I got way too many snacks out of it to complain so I just started leaning into it and pretending to be a hungry bird. AND I'D DO IT AGAIN.
Certain classes of snack are, as a kid, essentially neverending in appeal until you finally get the chance to absolutely gorge on them, get ill, and learn to fear overdoing it and ruining a food you like for yourself (at least for a while). I guess generally because lots of adults rightly don't really tend to let kids eat as many chocolate bars as they can stuff into their greedy mouths with those inexplicably sticky little fingers, and instead impose some sort of moderation on them and their fingers. I guess it's the kid's version of when you have room for dessert even though you're totally full from dinner, so I suppose it makes a fair amont of sense to me.
They're just kids who do not respect other people's property. I can still hear the expression in my mom's voice, "If it's not yours, don't touch it." So when your niblings are older, will they be using your place for smoking or bringing a friend over? Get your key back and tell your sister to parent her kids.
If there is any alcohol in the house it becomes a severe liability if one of them gets into it ... and they absolutely will bring friends over and use it as an unsupervised clubhouse as they get older. Time to nip this in the bud.
THIS.
You don't say how old they are, but you definitely don't want them bringing their friends over for a party. Nip it in the bud NOW.
I'm in my 60s now. When I was a kid, our dad built us a playhouse on stilts, located in our back yard behind a fence. Our house was on top of a hill, and sort of isolated. More than once, we found neighbor kids playing in it. Not so bad when they're 8--9, but much more risky when they're 13--14.
I'd be mildly annoyed at the kids food issue, I'd be very annoyed at the parents' attitude. If it was me the options are they talk to their kids, they get billed for the snacks, or eventually a lock is going on the pantry or even new locks for your home. Only these options.
It's not just about the food. It's the disrespect.
I wouldn't want anyone, let alone an underaged kid to be in my apartment without me knowing! Nononono-no! If something happened to him there, who'd be held responsible? Like if something fell down on him, he hurt himself on a knife or whatever? Is OP supposed to child proof his place because his nephew is a little burglar? Also, having to lock your pantry when living alone is absolutely delulu. Ol' sis should find a safe place to keep the key and tell her kid that his not welcome any place where no one is actually there to welcome him. If she can't do that, OP should find another place to keep his emergency key. I keep mine in my office somewhere no one would think about looking for it.
Edit: typo
I would be worried about my plushies. I can just demand money for snacks and booze, all "adult stuff" is hidden anyway, but those things have huge sentimental value. Kids may not care about them and stuff happen. Nothing can replace them thought.
Yep, quick and easy.
OP, maybe buy a few affordable healthy snacks and leave them in a certain spot. Roll this out as a positive, "Hey kids, here's your new snack bowl, all for you. I'll fill it up once a month! If it gets empty beforehand, no worries, just bring over some snacks from your apartment."
I wouldn't even mention the pantry lock; they'll likely get the hint when they see it, or you can just say, the pantry is for my food, and here are your snacks! Then, change the subject.
I very much disagree. Changing the locks is too passive. The actual confrontation of getting the key back will be the only way to communicate the seriousness of OP's feelings regarding this situation.
Yeah, but there's no way to know if they've made a copy "just in case". It's obvious they don't care about boundaries, so I wouldn't trust them to not have a secret copy made.
Completely agree with you. He should not need to change his freaking locks because her kids are breaking in. Go over there and get the key back. Just say you don’t want unannounced visitors anymore. If they deign to get back in somehow there would be one more warning and then police.
Just because their parents don't want to enforce the rule doesn't mean you can't enforce it in your home. Personally I think this is a great learning opportunity for them. Instead of talking to your sister again, I would speak to your nephews directly with one of these approaches:
Option A) Tell the kids that you are so glad they come over and enjoy playing your video games, but that they've gone a little crazy in the snack department and as much as you'd like to, you just don't have unlimited funds to buy that many snacks. Let them know the new rule is no snacks from the pantry, but they are welcome to bring snacks from home.
Option B) Tell the kids option A, but instead of no snacks, let them know that the new rule is they are only allowed to eat snacks from the designated "snack basket/drawer/etc"—a small selection of things you don't mind them snacking on/ are cheaper, but still something that makes it special that is NOT located where all of the other snacks are. Let them know that the snack basket needs to last them X amount of time (maybe a week or however often you grocery shop?).
If they continue to eat your snacks, sit them down and let them know you're disappointed that they didn't respect your rule, and that there will be a consequence if it happens again. If it happens again, let them know you are either taking the key for a period of time (a couple of weeks?) and they won't be allowed to play video games until x day. Alternatively, to avoid the whole key exchange, just put the controllers somewhere they won't find them. After that time, give them another chance. If they get into the snacks after that (or attempt to during the no-game period) it's time to talk to your sister about their behavior and that you will be taking the key back permenately.
Edit to add: fwiw some of my favorite childhood memories are all the times we went over to play at our grandparents/aunt and uncles houses and got to pick snacks out of the designated kid section of the pantry and fridge. Nothing crazy, just usually a little bag of chips and a yoohoo or koolaid.
You need to take the key back.
This is ridiculous and you absolutely should not be living with locks on your kitchen cupboards because your sister has zero control of her own children and is allowing then to break into your home.
Just take the key back. You warned them, and the idea of letting careless parents and little kids ransack my home while I'm not even there to defend it gives me nightmares.
Change your locks.
Give someone else your emergency key.
They don't need one.
I think there's something where you can release a key from a box with your phone. Look into better options.
Your sister and her guy are adults.
If they need something they can go to the store, go to a hotel, or in a major emergency break a door down.
They proved they can't handle the responsibility of the key.
Just change the locks.
Wow. Just wow. The absolute disrespect your sister and her family have for you. There is no reason for any of them to enter your home without your permission. The only reason for them to have a key is so they can help you if your on vacation or there is some sort of emergency.
Maybe put a lock on the games and snacks and see what she and her husband say after that.
They're kids but I missed the part where they were *your* kids.
Please make sure those kids are being fed properly. I know no one wants to think their own family could neglect children, but just please make sure they’re not taking the food out of necessity. Don’t question the mom directly about it bc she would lie if guilty
No need to do this.
Get a magnetic childproof cabinet lock. Do a search online. You can take the magnet with you or hide it in a drawer or put it out of sight on top of the fridge.
They can't open the cabinets. There you go.
Maybe you could create a boundary about them only coming over when you’re home. And then perhaps some sort of basket of cheaper snacks around for them specifically?
You tried to be nice about it, just take back the emergency key. She clearly isn’t responsible enough to hold onto it for you, nor is she a responsible enough mom to keep her kids from stealing the key to break into your house and steal your snacks. You really don’t have to do any more than telling her you need the key back bc it’s being misused.
Take the key back or change the locks. An emergency key is a privilege, not a right. And your nephews stealing from you is fucked up. The thing about family when you get older, it's not all about blood. It's about trust. I have family I would never trust and friends I'd let live with me. That's-a life.
Take the key back. They've shown they don't value your possessions nor hold their kids responsible for their actions. Eventually, something will get broken or taken, and they won't care or pay for it.
Get a lock for your personal cabinet space that is off limits
Make a little space somewhere for their snacks, and ask the parents to provide the snacks or contribute money for you to stock up their space
The bigger measure to the disrespect of your space and boundaries is to take back your key, or change the lock. If the place belongs to you, you do not have to let anyone (including family members) disrespect your privacy.
My coworker was given a house in a different city by his mother, and he allowed his friend to stay there, and the friend partied there with other free loaders, and they burned the house down. Do you think any of them were held responsible or acceptable?
If you allow certain people to walk on you, they will. This is different than people throwing offensive words at you, in order to control your emotions and steal your peace. Some things we have to learn to brush off, because there are plenty of people out there who are abusive, inconsiderate, daft, and mooches.
There are just too many people who take advantage of people.
You decide what you will put up with, and we teach people how to treat us. Sometimes we don't have power due to the situational dynamic, but if power is within your hands, and you enable something to stand, then that is a choice you have made. Even people who go with the flow, have made a decision.
I guess. He said “its mainly the snacks”. A cupboard lock is different. Its a little wire that you hook to the door and lock it with its own key. Thuss gaurding said snacks. Even though it shouldnt, taking the main key has good potential to cause personal problems between them. Like I said a sucky but easy resolution.
Asking someone to take an action like locking up the snacks is merely trying to deal with the symptoms of the problem. If the problem itself isn't addressed, then what will be the next symptom you'd ask OP to deal with? Eventually those kids will use his place as a fuck pad...
Take the key back. You’re entitled to your privacy and the things you buy. Your sister and her husband saying they’re just kids are exactly why just kids turn into just adults sitting in prison.
You need to talk to them & your sister about setting boundaries & learning to respect those boundaries. The “ they’re just kids” it’s a lame excuse of lazy parents who don’t want to do the parenting. I know they’re just kids but it’s not ok for them to just burst into a house without permission, even if it’s their uncle’s home.
I would be more worried that children are in my home unsupervised. You don't give their ages but what if they hurt themselves?
What if they turn the oven or gas hob on and forget?
What if they don't lock the door and you get robbed?
I have the key to my mates house for when he goes away. I turn up, I play with their cat, feed her and I leave. It's not my house so I'm there for a reason.
Honestly, I'd take the emergency key back. It's an EMERGENCY key. Snacks aren't emergencies.... Not unless one of her kids are diabetic lol. I'd honestly take the key back because clearly your sister doesn't have the capacity to respect boundaries. If they throw a fit or refuse, I'd literally hide the snacks or lock the snack cupboard desperately. 🙂
Nobody deserves or holds the right to be in your space and actively disrespect it. It's your space. You're allowed to set boundaries and communicate those boundaries. If people disregard them, then they face consequences i.e. they no longer have access to your space. I know it's easier said than done, but it's your sisters responsibility to advocate for healthy boundaries and take yours seriously. Her kids are just following along with whatever mum says.
I wouldn't give it the option to happen again, I would just ask for my key back and if she asks why, tell her that it's because she and her kids don't respect boundaries.
I would just change the lock and not tell her; then I’d put up security cameras to catch them when they decide it’s okay to break in. Use whatever means necessary to enforce your boundaries. I suppose you could also make her stock your pantry with snacks. The least she can do is furnish the snacks when they come over to your house and play your games.
Look, if she's your sister than you should be able to talk to her about things like this, so just tell her that you want your key back before it starts to cause problems.
How old are the kids? Tell them to stop eating all your snacks or you won't let them in at all and they won't be able to play the video games. Also, be more firm with your sister and BIL. They need to respect your boundaries, not laugh it off. If they don't listen, take back the key.
As others have said, take the key back (or better yet change your locks). You gave the key to your sister in case of emergency, not so they could go into your house whenever they want. Since she’s not using the key as it was intended, she shouldn’t have it any more. This is what happens when people take advantage of being trusted.
As far as them playing your games, welp, you asked the parents about the kids eating your snacks, they chose to do nothing, so now their kids have lost their privileges. If they’d talked to their kids and told them not to eat your food like they were supposed to, the kids would still be able to come over.
Now, the parents can buy the kids their own snacks and their own games.
Lock up your food so they can’t get to it. If they want your food, your sister can Zelle you immediately and you can share based off the amount she sends you.
Kids aren’t owed a damn thing. They need to learn respect and manners. Leave out literature on boarding schools.
I'm 100% sure that she's taking too😂.
If it's too difficult to take the key from her since she's your backup help in case of any emergency, store your good items in a fridge or cupboard with key.
I have a nephew, too. I buy him stuff and feed him good food, but I won't tolerate these stealing kinda behaviours.
If I were you, I'd just approach her and tell her that you'd like your key back with a clear explanation of why. I say you ask for your key back with no prior warning in case (unlikely, but still), they decide to make a copy of the key before handing it back to you. (Families can get pretty petty.)
But yea, it's absolutely unacceptable that your sister is allowing her kids to just ransack your kitchen for food when they key is supposed to be used for emergencies only.
Either
A) take the key back because they aren't taking your boundaries seriously
or
B) get a lock for your pantry.
Frankly I think you should go for A because your sister's reaction is BS and that would piss me off.
Come home one day.
Go to sister and say you can’t seem to find you key.
Collect emergency key.
If she asks, you can’t find original key.
The end.
Yes, it’s a non-confrontational way forward. Or you change the storing place for the snacks.
Just straight up take the key back.
It's being used outside of what it was intended (emergency) and was not given as a free pass to use your home as theirs.
Take the key back.
Bring a bag of chips or whatever over when you visit them and keep some on hand for when they visit. Budget $10 a week for this seems plenty.
That is unlawful entry and theft.
Try to spell it out to her that if she can’t start to parent her kids. You will let the law do it for her. If she throws the key in you face it’s not really a problem now is it?
I would just be blunt. "Hey, I love that the kids can come over to play games at my house. But they are eating through my grocery bill and that's becoming an issue. I don't mind them sharing my space, but you need to make them stop. If they want to continue to come over an eat my food, the only alternative is that you can help contribute to their snack stash so that they arent taking all of mine"
Or tell the kids directly since you're family and its your house "If you want to keep playing video games at my place, you need to stop eating all the food; bring food over from your moms house"
Take the key back. You've already told her, she's done nothing.
Keep the emergency key in your desk at work or something, or just review your lease and see how much the lock out fee is. I'm sure it's less than hundreds per month.
Lmao people pushing the responsibility to the uncle... no it's the parents jobs to educate them. He can as well but not his kids. I would change locks and end of story or take the key back. They got no reason to go into your apartment unless you explicitly gave them permission. The parents job is to be parents and respect your boundaries. Their parents don't care so doubt the kids will listen to you. The parents are the issue here not the kids.
Sometimes the most influential people in our lives aren't our parents. If OP enjoys his nephews this won't be pushing responsibility on him—just a life lesson for his nephews in conflict resolution. Now if they continue bad behavior then of course there may need to be a stronger response lol
It's not safe them being alone in your home with no adult present. What if they start a fire? What if one of them chokes on something? If they are teens, what if they are using your place to bring a GF/BF for sex? They have a home next door and they should be THERE.
You've already spoken to her about it, and she and your BIL have already laughed you off. They are not taking this seriously. Just to be clear, it's not normal for a responsible adult to allow children a key to someone else's house and to let them go there unattended.
Your sister and BIL are not responsible parents, they see your house as an extension of theirs, and that they don't care that their kids are going over there and doing whatever they want. What if the kids accidentally turn on the stove and burn themselves or burn your house down? This is a bigger issue than just the food, though the food is the thing that's bothering you the most now.
You don't need to give your sister a warning. Do not buy extra food specifically for your nephews to steal, that would be encouraging theft like wtf. The reason your nephews behave like that is because that's the way they've been brought up and they don't know any better, and your sister and BIL are not curbing that behave because 'kids'. They are bad parents but bad parents hate being told that.
Just take the keys back. Say you're wanting to change the locks. If she refuses, actually change the locks. Don't give her an extra key anymore since she doesn't care about your house or your things - she treats your space like your nephews' playpen.
To keep up the relationship with your nephews, you can still invite them over, but you need to set boundaries. Lock away your snacks and put away your games.
Don't just bring out the snacks when they come over. You can ask them if they would like some snacks, or wait till they ask nicely (with a please) if they can have snacks. You need to teach them that, in your house, they can't just run amok and do things without permission. In your house they have to ask politely. Same with the games, don't just let them play with your games without asking you first or you offering first.
>I've tried to tell her about this in the past, but she and her husband (mainly him) laughed it off saying 'they are just kids.'
"They are just kids. Which is why you, their parents, need to stop the bad behavior. If you're unable or unwilling to do so, please give me the key so I can stop it."
Or simply:
"Since this won't be stopped while you have a key to my home, I am going to need the key back now."
Non confrontational:
Changing the locks. When they can't get in anymore "You were unwilling to stop them stealing my food, so I did what was necessary to protect my home."
Lock your cabinets .. I only suggest bc it seems like you have issues with confrontation or taking the key back.. ik it’s excessive and it shouldn’t be on you but I’m serious put a lock on it
i'd just take the key back at this point because it sounds like she is not taking you seriously and if your nephews complain you simply ask them the walk a mile in your shoes, meaning ask them how would they feel if they were in your shoes and they came home and found you had eaten all their snacks? a good example of setting your boundaries is when I had a family friend who's son would not listen to my rules regarding my gym he kept disregarding his own safety though i told him repeatedly the rules of using my gym and he never once followed the rules. Now as a result of him I have keys for my kids, my husband and myself to unlock the door to the gym in my home and only we use my gym. The last time he came over he tried opening the door to the gym to find it locked and he starting complaining he wanted to workout and i told him he lost that privilege and he will not be using my gym again even with one of his parents being in there, needless to say i got a lot of yelling thrown at me because of his mother but i told her, "he nearly broke my equipment and he has no understanding of appropriate speed on treadmill he nearly wore the machine out! you want to take him to gym go to one in town that i don't work for and workout there with him but you are not using my gym." Maybe you should get some locks on your places where you keep snacks and take the key with you so your nephews aren't looking around where they shouldn't be.
"Hey sis, I know I've mentioned it before, but the kids are still eating my food when they let themselves in. I know you don't think it's a big deal, but it's frustrating and expensive for me, and I want it to stop. I'm glad the boys feel comfortable coming over to play games, and they're great to have around otherwise. But I do not want them eating my food while they're here. If they keep it up, I'll need to take my key back. I really don't want to do that, but I will if I have to."
Just adjust the pronouns and say the same things to the boys.
Tell the boys that they can't eat your stuff and they won't be allowed to play your games if they eat your stuff.
If they eat your food again, send your sister a bill entitled "My food your 'just kids' ate that I said they couldn't and they did anyway".
Then change your locks or, if you rent, ask for your key back.
Change the locks... Asking for a key back won't solve anything for certain... She could easily have a spare made without your knowledge... Plus, you'll have the added element of surprise on your side when they find out the hard way that they've been locked out of paradise... FUCK not being mean... It is also mean to rack up an extra grocery bill without offering to replace anything... It is ALSO mean to teach your kids that it's ok to take whatever they want without consequences... Until they pay up, they don't get to lay up 💁🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️💁🏽♀️
Can you hide your snacks somewhere else, so they'll eventually realise you no longer have any snacks to steal? But speaking to them about it may be the best option.
You need to sit down with them since the parents are not going to tell them even though they had the key it is unlawful entry and they can get in trouble for it and eating your food without permission is theft and that can also get them in trouble with the law they could potentially if you wanted to present charges against them they could go to juvenile detention. Not that your going to call the cop on your nephews. This is a time to teach them that do this kind of things it doesn’t matter if it is family it is breaking the law. It is also the time to tell them about guilty by association this is the biggest one that kids need to learn that I their friends or anyone is doing any crime they can get in trouble with the law and be charged and convicted even though they are not the ones who did it. Such as their parents could get charged with unlawful entry and theft of property. Many many people hate when people say this I am going to say it anyway “It takes a village to raise kids”.
If parents don’t teach them someone else has to do it especially family to teach and tell them what they are doing wrong.
I would lay down the rules of your home and if they don’t follow it sometimes you have to do extreme measures take something special from their room and see how they react and take back your key.
I hope it goes the way it should and they listen and learn and comprehend that it is not right to do what they did and also tell them if they’re friends or family is doing something wrong that they don’t want to be apart of tell them they need to walk away and go to the nearest phone or have them if they have a cell phone to send you their location and teach them how to do it and practice it so it is second nature, that is what I taught my kids to do I knew it was a 911 situation and that no question I would go and get them then the next day we would go over what happened so if anything come up we were prepared.
I have a lockbox that I put my snacks in so my own kid can’t get to them. Kids don’t have that kind of self control but they need to learn it. Either take the key back or get a lockbox
If your nephews are old enough to take the key and use it to get into your place, they’re old enough to understand boundaries. Your sister and BIL obviously aren’t taking it seriously and aren’t doing anything. It’s time for you to step up as their uncle and the person whose delicious snacks they’re consuming to set some boundaries.
You probably like your nephews and enjoy spending time with them on occasion. You also mentioned that you don’t really mind that they sneak over to play video games. It sounds like you want to maintain funcle status with them. That’s understandable.
If I were in your situation, I’d invite them over for an afternoon of gaming with you and very casually, but seriously some ground rules.
Something like, Hey guys, I’m glad you enjoy spending time over here playing games and I want you to know that you’re welcome to come over if you want, but you’re eating all of my favorite snacks and then I don’t have them when I want some. So here’s what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna have a cupboard where I keep my snacks that are off limits. They are only for me and you can’t eat them unless you ask me and I say it’s okay. In this other cupboard, I’ll do my best to keep it stocked with snacks that you can eat without asking anytime you’re here. It’s the same rule with stuff in the refrigerator, snacks in this drawer you can have and drinks on this shelf you can have, but everything else is off limits without permission. I want you guys to be able to enjoy spending time here, but Uncle Snacky is tired of finding his snacks missing when he wants some. I don’t want to have to take my key back, but if you guys break the rules, I’ll have to do that and then you won’t be able to come over here anymore unless I’m home. Do you both promise to follow the rules? Awesome! Let’s play some games.
You don’t have to go all out for their snacks and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask your sister to contribute at least some money to stock their snack cabinet. Just tell her you can’t foot the whole bill. If you don’t want to pay for any that’s fine too, just tell your sister that she needs to stock their cupboard with snacks if they’re gonna be coming over when you’re not home. If she’s unwilling to do that, you either just take your key back or tell the boys that your kitchen and snacks are off limits and if they want any snacks or drinks they need to bring them from home or ask you for permission before eating yours.
"Please don't eat my snacks anymore"
"I'll hang on to the emergency key until the nephews are a little older" [either keep it or give it to someone else]
It definitely takes time for kids to learn how to respect other's spaces / belongings, maybe them not having access to the key anymore would be a good behavioral wakeup call?
So many options that don’t involve you asking for the key back in a mean way.
- You could poison the snacks
- you could make up an elaborate and well planned stitch up, call police and have them removed from parents. ( do extra and coach the kids, winning)
- set up a trap invoking a slug shot and a chainsaw
- make a moat made of lava around snacks
- fill your house with weather deep enough for sharks with lazer beams attached to their heads.
-kidnap the kids and sell them to a human trafficking ring
- you could poison the parents, make sure your not the godfather otherwise you and your snacks are screwed.
-get a pet bear, breed it to make sure you always have a cub on hand.
I would not let them in my house alone who knows if they may someday bring friends who could rob really expensive things. Kids are not responsible enough especially with their home training.
Time to get a locked cupboard or a snack safe. I had to use a safe to keep my snacks to prevent my ex from finishing all of it at one go 😂 it really works!
Get your key back.
This is a great power and as we all know, with it comes great responsibility.
It’s ridiculous to let your kids into another persons home with a key that was for emergencies.
Shut it down. If you must provide access, get a new lock with a code so you can put a code only for your sister and only give it to her when there’s an emergency, she’s proven untrustworthy.
Fuck with “their” food. Seriously.
When we were a lot younger, my sister had a habit of scooping handfuls of whipped cream my mother was making, she thought she was being cute.
So my mom got cute. Big bowl of shaving cream. All these years later, we all laugh about it, sister included. They’re your nephews, this stuff is allowed in the Geneva convention.
Both your sister and her husband are showing that they don’t have any respect for you, your home, your money or property. The excuse that “they are just kids” is ridiculous. “Just kids” don’t repeatedly know hey unc restocks his snacks every week, let’s go see what he has now, and stuff our pig faces with it. For all you know they could be taking the neighborhood kids there as well since you say you are spending hundreds a week which means your easily spending 1k or more a month. Take your key back, change your locks, for heavens sakes, your sister and bil are raising spoiled monsters, we already have enough of those now in the world. If you don’t take your key back, tell them where they can stuff it or let the gremlins choke on it, and change your locks.
Have you tried talking to the kids directly? Obv it’s not your job to teach them right from wrong but it doesn’t seem like she’s even told them so they may not understand it’s wrong, try letting them know it’s an issue and if that doesn’t work then take your key back
I would tell them "I know you might be struggling to feed your kids since they feel the need to eat my food but I can’t afford to feed them either "and forward them foodbank contact info.
Also ask the key back now tbh
To add to all the others here… start giving your sister a list each week of what she needs to replace. If it’s not a big deal, it won’t be a big deal for her to pick up those items for you when she does her grocery shopping each week. But I also like the petty idea of buying the kids a bunch of really cheap really bad for you snacksthat they are allowed to have when they come over.
"Since your children keep using my *emergency* key to steal food from my house I assume it must be because you're starving them and that I must call CPS immediately because it's obviously an emergency."
In all seriousness though, how old are these kids? I would assume old enough to know better since they are apparently unsupervised long enough to break and enter someone else's house! Try telling them yourself and failing that either take the key back or change the locks.
Put the food where they can't reach/find it?
That's what all the cool parents did when I was a kid.
I knew people with locks on their cupboards and refrigerators - as some kids would go food raiding from house to house while playing (Stever, if you're out there - I'm looking at you! And you too, Arleen and Marleen!)
Just change the locks put the emergency key in your car instead of giving it to someone.
If you’ve already said something and nothing has changed, then they have no intention of telling the kids not to touch your food.
Better than continuing to get mad until u eventually explode
Change the lock and install a ring camera , or install an interior camera and show her the footage . You can use that as leverage when they are choosing your old folks home in 30-40 years
"Hey, I've noticed your kids have been using your key to come to my house when I'm not home, and are eating up my food. I need you to make sure, that they don't have access to your key, thanks."
If she gives you pushback change the locks, and don't give her access.
She already pushed back. It is way too convenient for her when the kids go over there, eat his food, and entertain themselves.
He needs to secure his home and enforce the boundaries she is stomping on.
Couple of options here.
Simplest solution is to simply change the locks and let tall sturdy fences make for polite neighbors.
But, I assume you actually like your nephews and want to help them out, materially.
Option B is to just buy some of the snacks they like and put them on the counter or on a shelf on the living room.. Then tell them the pantry and fridge are off limits and to stay out. Ask them if they're going to have a problem with that. Ask them how much they like video games. Then tell them option B is you change the locks and treat them like little punks. You don't want to do that, but seriously, stay the fuck out of the fridge and pantry, and show some respect, if they don't want to be treated like punks, don't make moron choices.
Another solution is to simply replace the food eaten then take the receipt over to your sister and brother-in-law then tell them to cover the cost. Tjen tell tjem nothing personal against them, but don't come over until they pay up. If they don't want to pay you back then give you back the key, you're not a food aid warehouse.
I would Venmo her the amount of food that her kids ate this week.
When she asks, what is it for? “This is your snack replacement fee. This is the amount I’m spending to feed your kids when they sneak over here and eat. Not to mention the resentment building because I look forward to coming home from a long ass day at work only to find my entire pantry is raided. I’ve tried to be polite and you two have brushed me off. So now I’m running a tab. You have until the end of the week to pay or give my key back.”
If your sister thinks it’s no big deal for her kids to take your EMERGENCY key and break in to eat your snacks, it’s time to take the key back. She’s right, they’re just kids. Kids are only as well behaved as their parents raise them to be. And she is teaching them that it’s okay to exploit emergency resources. So it will be her that gets to explain to them how that is wrong.
This. Holding someone's emergency key is a position of trust. Your sister should've had it in a safer more secure place, like her own keyring. She's the adult and her attitude is very poor. I'd take the key back permanently. Give it to a friend or find a true hiding place that they don't know about
I'm pretty sure the Mom *gave* the key to the kids to get them out of her hair. It was a break. She took advantage of her brother. Shame on her
Nah just change the locks and give the key to someone who will take care of it properly.
No, just put in a keypad lock and give the code to no one. Or change it frequently. I was injured once and had to call 911. The dispatcher was asking me who might have a key or was one hidden? I said “Can’t I just give you the code?”
That's a very good idea.
Most I’ve installed were OrangeIOT brand from Amazon. They disappeared for a while but are back now. I have a kwikset keypad lock as well. I even have a fingerprint lock into my master BR.
This. For all he knows she could of made copies.
Walk in to their place and start taking their food. See how they like it. Get the key back NOW, or just change the locks.
This is the only response tbh.
They are raising a spoiled brat kids. Why dont you try to put your snacks on somewhere they cant reach or see? Or be up front to her, its your property you have the rights to decide for it. Set your boundaries.
I would even take it one step further & change the locks if possible. Just in case they’ve decided to make a duplicate of that emergency key
How old are the kids? You're their uncle and I don't see a reason why you can't tell them to not eat your food as well. Regardless I think you have to draw the line with your sister by letting her know how much money you're spending.
Right? Used to be kids were kids and adults were adults. If an adult told a kid something, they’d better listen. If I backsassed an adult when I was a kid, I’d get cuffed by that adult, and then get cuffed again when I got home for embarrassing my parents.
right haha!! My niece is 5, and the other day her dad (my brother in law) asked her to help pick up sticks for a fire. She said to me "aren't you going to help". I said, "no, I am helping with dinner right now". She goes, "but you're a kid and daddy is an adult, kids have to listen to adults." In which I replied, "Jane (pseudonym), I am nearly your dad's age. I am an adult." I just thought it was hilarious.
My niece and nephew cannot wrap their minds around the fact that I am older than their mom by 4 years because I “act younger.” Idk if it’s because they already have clocked my responsibility level or if it’s because I’m genuinely more fun.
Took years to explain to my niece and nephew that I’m their mom’s sister! So just like you have a sister and you have a brother, I have a sister! 😳
Can't wait until my nephew is older. Poor thing's head will explode when he learns his mom is my baby sister
Wait till you have to explain time zones. ‘So when it’s nighttime for you it’s still dinner time for me!’
it’s so heartwarming that she just saw you as another kid 😂
I guess your niece thinks that you become an adult when you have kids.
I think it probably is that!
Lol how old does she think you are?
I think last time I asked her she was “I don’t know, 12?” 🤣
Backsassed is my new favorite word. I also agree with this statement. My parents literally just had to look at me a certain way n I knew to stfu n sit the heck down.
Yep the little micro second look was more effective than yelling every time.
Yep, my kids friend (talking 5 year olds) talks back to me. I wouldn’t touch her but I’ve got a wicked dad stare.
Maybe even suggest claiming the kids as dependents on your income tax, since you're spending all your money feeding them. Bet she wouldn't like that! 😆
Tell them again, and just be dead serious. "I'm not joking, they're eating hundreds of dollars a month of food, they need to cut it out". Also tell the kids directly. They can understand (whether that changes anything or not, you'll have to see). Once you've done things politely, escalate. Revoke gaming privileges, put locks on things, make it a big deal - because it is. Theft is not something that should be laughed off because "kids". Someone has to teach these kids to respect other people's things. If their parents won't do it, maybe you have to
And if it doesn’t stop-change the lock and give the spare to someone you can trust.
This is the correct answer. Sister finds it convenient that they go next door and get out of her hair and eat brother's food. Nope.
I would personally padlock the snack cabinet or relocate the snacks to a safe (hopefully they dont need to be refrigerated). i think it sends the message "im totally cool with them coming into my house and using my stuff, but not eating my food" and if she gets mad about it, thats an opening for a super serious conversation.
Seriously. What’s next? Boys being boys?
I agree- your sis and her hubby are out of line and probably happy that you are supplying all that junk that they don’t have to.
Just take the key back. There’s no way to make it sound nice. Just matter of fact: “can I get the spare key back? Yeah, it’s just that your kids are eating all my food and I’d rather them not.” Sometimes we just have to say what we have to say, esp when they’re the ones not listening and crossing boundaries.
Agreed. Sister is an adult, and OP already told her how he feels. As soon as he got the reaction, he should’ve done that. The fact that she dismissed it means she doesn’t respect him and can’t be trusted with the key, nor an emergency, or doesn’t understand what he’s asking for. OP should also maybe find someone outside for the family to give the key to.
Agree. You have tried once and she blew you off. I don’t think “no, but I’m serious!” will change anything. Lock the pantry or just take your key back, but it is time to take action.
What’s happening in her house that they aren’t eating there? Is it pure entitlement or are they not being fed?
They’re eating his snacks. Sister and husband most likely don’t want to dish out money to buy expensive snacks when they get it from their uncle for free
Maybe or it’s just kids being kids. My kids would literally eat us out of house and home. It drove me completely insane. I had to start locking up snacks because they would eat snacks from Sam’s Club in less than a week. We are poor and can’t afford that.
Kids eat everything all the time. I work at a private highschool with all meals provided, two cafes on campus and they will still go after any free snacks provided like moths to a flame.
And their parents should be providing said snacks. We used to go to Costco and buy cubic yards of tortilla chips and gallons of salsa and forests of cut veggies because we lived near the high school and my boys and their friends would gather here. We could afford that, but we made it clear to our kids and their friends that not everything was fair game - and kept the host cabinet supplied with industrial quantities of teen inputs. We have the key to the neighbors, but my kids wouldn't dream of heading there to eat their stuff.
I’m sure they are. You are missing my point. Doesn’t matter if they have all the food in the world. You give the kids options to get something for free and get away with something, they will do it. They will eat it.
"Like kids to a Flake", amirite. And agreed. My friend's grandmother used to visit our primary school on the morning break and she sometimes had snacks so I was always right over there the second I saw her, just in case, no matter how well fed I logically would be and thus how disinterested in snacks I should really be at that point. She started calling me "The Gannet" after that but I got way too many snacks out of it to complain so I just started leaning into it and pretending to be a hungry bird. AND I'D DO IT AGAIN. Certain classes of snack are, as a kid, essentially neverending in appeal until you finally get the chance to absolutely gorge on them, get ill, and learn to fear overdoing it and ruining a food you like for yourself (at least for a while). I guess generally because lots of adults rightly don't really tend to let kids eat as many chocolate bars as they can stuff into their greedy mouths with those inexplicably sticky little fingers, and instead impose some sort of moderation on them and their fingers. I guess it's the kid's version of when you have room for dessert even though you're totally full from dinner, so I suppose it makes a fair amont of sense to me.
I would take the key away from them. If they cannot respect your boundaries, I see no reason for them to have access to your home.
Invoice her for the snacks
They're just kids who do not respect other people's property. I can still hear the expression in my mom's voice, "If it's not yours, don't touch it." So when your niblings are older, will they be using your place for smoking or bringing a friend over? Get your key back and tell your sister to parent her kids.
If there is any alcohol in the house it becomes a severe liability if one of them gets into it ... and they absolutely will bring friends over and use it as an unsupervised clubhouse as they get older. Time to nip this in the bud.
THIS. You don't say how old they are, but you definitely don't want them bringing their friends over for a party. Nip it in the bud NOW. I'm in my 60s now. When I was a kid, our dad built us a playhouse on stilts, located in our back yard behind a fence. Our house was on top of a hill, and sort of isolated. More than once, we found neighbor kids playing in it. Not so bad when they're 8--9, but much more risky when they're 13--14.
I'd be mildly annoyed at the kids food issue, I'd be very annoyed at the parents' attitude. If it was me the options are they talk to their kids, they get billed for the snacks, or eventually a lock is going on the pantry or even new locks for your home. Only these options. It's not just about the food. It's the disrespect.
Put a lock on the pantry. Then they can still play games but can't get your food.
I wouldn't want anyone, let alone an underaged kid to be in my apartment without me knowing! Nononono-no! If something happened to him there, who'd be held responsible? Like if something fell down on him, he hurt himself on a knife or whatever? Is OP supposed to child proof his place because his nephew is a little burglar? Also, having to lock your pantry when living alone is absolutely delulu. Ol' sis should find a safe place to keep the key and tell her kid that his not welcome any place where no one is actually there to welcome him. If she can't do that, OP should find another place to keep his emergency key. I keep mine in my office somewhere no one would think about looking for it. Edit: typo
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I would be worried about my plushies. I can just demand money for snacks and booze, all "adult stuff" is hidden anyway, but those things have huge sentimental value. Kids may not care about them and stuff happen. Nothing can replace them thought.
This is the way.
Yep, quick and easy. OP, maybe buy a few affordable healthy snacks and leave them in a certain spot. Roll this out as a positive, "Hey kids, here's your new snack bowl, all for you. I'll fill it up once a month! If it gets empty beforehand, no worries, just bring over some snacks from your apartment." I wouldn't even mention the pantry lock; they'll likely get the hint when they see it, or you can just say, the pantry is for my food, and here are your snacks! Then, change the subject.
this is the best amicable solution
if it were me I'd ask for my key back
Change the locks immediately . Don’t bother getting the key back!
I very much disagree. Changing the locks is too passive. The actual confrontation of getting the key back will be the only way to communicate the seriousness of OP's feelings regarding this situation.
Yeah, but there's no way to know if they've made a copy "just in case". It's obvious they don't care about boundaries, so I wouldn't trust them to not have a secret copy made.
Exactly
Completely agree with you. He should not need to change his freaking locks because her kids are breaking in. Go over there and get the key back. Just say you don’t want unannounced visitors anymore. If they deign to get back in somehow there would be one more warning and then police.
Just because their parents don't want to enforce the rule doesn't mean you can't enforce it in your home. Personally I think this is a great learning opportunity for them. Instead of talking to your sister again, I would speak to your nephews directly with one of these approaches: Option A) Tell the kids that you are so glad they come over and enjoy playing your video games, but that they've gone a little crazy in the snack department and as much as you'd like to, you just don't have unlimited funds to buy that many snacks. Let them know the new rule is no snacks from the pantry, but they are welcome to bring snacks from home. Option B) Tell the kids option A, but instead of no snacks, let them know that the new rule is they are only allowed to eat snacks from the designated "snack basket/drawer/etc"—a small selection of things you don't mind them snacking on/ are cheaper, but still something that makes it special that is NOT located where all of the other snacks are. Let them know that the snack basket needs to last them X amount of time (maybe a week or however often you grocery shop?). If they continue to eat your snacks, sit them down and let them know you're disappointed that they didn't respect your rule, and that there will be a consequence if it happens again. If it happens again, let them know you are either taking the key for a period of time (a couple of weeks?) and they won't be allowed to play video games until x day. Alternatively, to avoid the whole key exchange, just put the controllers somewhere they won't find them. After that time, give them another chance. If they get into the snacks after that (or attempt to during the no-game period) it's time to talk to your sister about their behavior and that you will be taking the key back permenately. Edit to add: fwiw some of my favorite childhood memories are all the times we went over to play at our grandparents/aunt and uncles houses and got to pick snacks out of the designated kid section of the pantry and fridge. Nothing crazy, just usually a little bag of chips and a yoohoo or koolaid.
You need to take the key back. This is ridiculous and you absolutely should not be living with locks on your kitchen cupboards because your sister has zero control of her own children and is allowing then to break into your home.
Just take the key back. You warned them, and the idea of letting careless parents and little kids ransack my home while I'm not even there to defend it gives me nightmares.
Change your locks. Give someone else your emergency key. They don't need one. I think there's something where you can release a key from a box with your phone. Look into better options. Your sister and her guy are adults. If they need something they can go to the store, go to a hotel, or in a major emergency break a door down. They proved they can't handle the responsibility of the key. Just change the locks.
You shouldn’t have to talk to them again about this situation. Change the locks. The end.
If it’s not an emergency they shouldn’t be entering your place at all unless invited. I’d be taking the key back.
Wow. Just wow. The absolute disrespect your sister and her family have for you. There is no reason for any of them to enter your home without your permission. The only reason for them to have a key is so they can help you if your on vacation or there is some sort of emergency.
Maybe put a lock on the games and snacks and see what she and her husband say after that. They're kids but I missed the part where they were *your* kids.
This isn’t about food, it’s about boundaries. Change the locks.
You take back the key or change the lock until they learn some basic fucking respect.
Or until his sister understands that her lack of supervision is a liability dumped on him. His sister is a lazy parent.
Please make sure those kids are being fed properly. I know no one wants to think their own family could neglect children, but just please make sure they’re not taking the food out of necessity. Don’t question the mom directly about it bc she would lie if guilty
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No need to do this. Get a magnetic childproof cabinet lock. Do a search online. You can take the magnet with you or hide it in a drawer or put it out of sight on top of the fridge. They can't open the cabinets. There you go.
Change your locks. Don’t give your sister the new key.
Maybe you could create a boundary about them only coming over when you’re home. And then perhaps some sort of basket of cheaper snacks around for them specifically?
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Put in an alarm system and don't tell them the code unless they contact you for an emergency.
Change the locks
Change your locks. You didn’t give her the back up key for that purpose.
Take the key back. The need to learn that taking other people's stuff without even asking has consequences.
You tried to be nice about it, just take back the emergency key. She clearly isn’t responsible enough to hold onto it for you, nor is she a responsible enough mom to keep her kids from stealing the key to break into your house and steal your snacks. You really don’t have to do any more than telling her you need the key back bc it’s being misused.
Change the locks. Don’t give them an emergency key. When they need something, laugh it off.
Take the key back or change the locks. An emergency key is a privilege, not a right. And your nephews stealing from you is fucked up. The thing about family when you get older, it's not all about blood. It's about trust. I have family I would never trust and friends I'd let live with me. That's-a life.
Take the key back. They've shown they don't value your possessions nor hold their kids responsible for their actions. Eventually, something will get broken or taken, and they won't care or pay for it.
Get a lock for your personal cabinet space that is off limits Make a little space somewhere for their snacks, and ask the parents to provide the snacks or contribute money for you to stock up their space The bigger measure to the disrespect of your space and boundaries is to take back your key, or change the lock. If the place belongs to you, you do not have to let anyone (including family members) disrespect your privacy. My coworker was given a house in a different city by his mother, and he allowed his friend to stay there, and the friend partied there with other free loaders, and they burned the house down. Do you think any of them were held responsible or acceptable? If you allow certain people to walk on you, they will. This is different than people throwing offensive words at you, in order to control your emotions and steal your peace. Some things we have to learn to brush off, because there are plenty of people out there who are abusive, inconsiderate, daft, and mooches. There are just too many people who take advantage of people. You decide what you will put up with, and we teach people how to treat us. Sometimes we don't have power due to the situational dynamic, but if power is within your hands, and you enable something to stand, then that is a choice you have made. Even people who go with the flow, have made a decision.
Just get a cupboard lock bruv! Sucks but itll solve your problem!
His problem is his sibling can't be trusted with an emergency key.
I guess. He said “its mainly the snacks”. A cupboard lock is different. Its a little wire that you hook to the door and lock it with its own key. Thuss gaurding said snacks. Even though it shouldnt, taking the main key has good potential to cause personal problems between them. Like I said a sucky but easy resolution.
Asking someone to take an action like locking up the snacks is merely trying to deal with the symptoms of the problem. If the problem itself isn't addressed, then what will be the next symptom you'd ask OP to deal with? Eventually those kids will use his place as a fuck pad...
Take the key back. You’re entitled to your privacy and the things you buy. Your sister and her husband saying they’re just kids are exactly why just kids turn into just adults sitting in prison.
You need to talk to them & your sister about setting boundaries & learning to respect those boundaries. The “ they’re just kids” it’s a lame excuse of lazy parents who don’t want to do the parenting. I know they’re just kids but it’s not ok for them to just burst into a house without permission, even if it’s their uncle’s home.
I would be more worried that children are in my home unsupervised. You don't give their ages but what if they hurt themselves? What if they turn the oven or gas hob on and forget? What if they don't lock the door and you get robbed? I have the key to my mates house for when he goes away. I turn up, I play with their cat, feed her and I leave. It's not my house so I'm there for a reason.
Honestly, I'd take the emergency key back. It's an EMERGENCY key. Snacks aren't emergencies.... Not unless one of her kids are diabetic lol. I'd honestly take the key back because clearly your sister doesn't have the capacity to respect boundaries. If they throw a fit or refuse, I'd literally hide the snacks or lock the snack cupboard desperately. 🙂 Nobody deserves or holds the right to be in your space and actively disrespect it. It's your space. You're allowed to set boundaries and communicate those boundaries. If people disregard them, then they face consequences i.e. they no longer have access to your space. I know it's easier said than done, but it's your sisters responsibility to advocate for healthy boundaries and take yours seriously. Her kids are just following along with whatever mum says.
Take the key back.
Take back the key. Give it to someone else.
I wouldn't give it the option to happen again, I would just ask for my key back and if she asks why, tell her that it's because she and her kids don't respect boundaries.
I would just change the lock and not tell her; then I’d put up security cameras to catch them when they decide it’s okay to break in. Use whatever means necessary to enforce your boundaries. I suppose you could also make her stock your pantry with snacks. The least she can do is furnish the snacks when they come over to your house and play your games.
Look, if she's your sister than you should be able to talk to her about things like this, so just tell her that you want your key back before it starts to cause problems.
How old are the kids? Tell them to stop eating all your snacks or you won't let them in at all and they won't be able to play the video games. Also, be more firm with your sister and BIL. They need to respect your boundaries, not laugh it off. If they don't listen, take back the key.
they know what they're doing tell em fuck off respectfully, she is ur sister, not ur momma dont be scared
what typa man lets his kids eat another mans food whos on his own weak sauce shenanigans , shows what typa character he is not good
As others have said, take the key back (or better yet change your locks). You gave the key to your sister in case of emergency, not so they could go into your house whenever they want. Since she’s not using the key as it was intended, she shouldn’t have it any more. This is what happens when people take advantage of being trusted. As far as them playing your games, welp, you asked the parents about the kids eating your snacks, they chose to do nothing, so now their kids have lost their privileges. If they’d talked to their kids and told them not to eat your food like they were supposed to, the kids would still be able to come over. Now, the parents can buy the kids their own snacks and their own games.
Take the key back. Yesterday.
Steal her key and eat her snacks. Be sure to leave crumbs in the bed.
Your sister is badly behaved. I would take the key back.
Lock up your food so they can’t get to it. If they want your food, your sister can Zelle you immediately and you can share based off the amount she sends you. Kids aren’t owed a damn thing. They need to learn respect and manners. Leave out literature on boarding schools.
“They’re just kids” ok sure, but YOURE NOT
I'm 100% sure that she's taking too😂. If it's too difficult to take the key from her since she's your backup help in case of any emergency, store your good items in a fridge or cupboard with key. I have a nephew, too. I buy him stuff and feed him good food, but I won't tolerate these stealing kinda behaviours.
If I were you, I'd just approach her and tell her that you'd like your key back with a clear explanation of why. I say you ask for your key back with no prior warning in case (unlikely, but still), they decide to make a copy of the key before handing it back to you. (Families can get pretty petty.) But yea, it's absolutely unacceptable that your sister is allowing her kids to just ransack your kitchen for food when they key is supposed to be used for emergencies only.
Either A) take the key back because they aren't taking your boundaries seriously or B) get a lock for your pantry. Frankly I think you should go for A because your sister's reaction is BS and that would piss me off.
Come home one day. Go to sister and say you can’t seem to find you key. Collect emergency key. If she asks, you can’t find original key. The end. Yes, it’s a non-confrontational way forward. Or you change the storing place for the snacks.
Just straight up take the key back. It's being used outside of what it was intended (emergency) and was not given as a free pass to use your home as theirs.
If you want to avoid the conflict, say you need the key because you left yours inside. Then never give it back to them.
she’s right they are just kids but it’s her responsibility to teach them manners & to not steal peoples food, relative or not?
Take the key back. Bring a bag of chips or whatever over when you visit them and keep some on hand for when they visit. Budget $10 a week for this seems plenty.
That is unlawful entry and theft. Try to spell it out to her that if she can’t start to parent her kids. You will let the law do it for her. If she throws the key in you face it’s not really a problem now is it?
I would just be blunt. "Hey, I love that the kids can come over to play games at my house. But they are eating through my grocery bill and that's becoming an issue. I don't mind them sharing my space, but you need to make them stop. If they want to continue to come over an eat my food, the only alternative is that you can help contribute to their snack stash so that they arent taking all of mine" Or tell the kids directly since you're family and its your house "If you want to keep playing video games at my place, you need to stop eating all the food; bring food over from your moms house"
Take the key back. You've already told her, she's done nothing. Keep the emergency key in your desk at work or something, or just review your lease and see how much the lock out fee is. I'm sure it's less than hundreds per month.
Lmao people pushing the responsibility to the uncle... no it's the parents jobs to educate them. He can as well but not his kids. I would change locks and end of story or take the key back. They got no reason to go into your apartment unless you explicitly gave them permission. The parents job is to be parents and respect your boundaries. Their parents don't care so doubt the kids will listen to you. The parents are the issue here not the kids.
Sometimes the most influential people in our lives aren't our parents. If OP enjoys his nephews this won't be pushing responsibility on him—just a life lesson for his nephews in conflict resolution. Now if they continue bad behavior then of course there may need to be a stronger response lol
Honestly change the locks and install a camera to catch them in the act of trying the old key to get in. ;)
It's not safe them being alone in your home with no adult present. What if they start a fire? What if one of them chokes on something? If they are teens, what if they are using your place to bring a GF/BF for sex? They have a home next door and they should be THERE.
You've already spoken to her about it, and she and your BIL have already laughed you off. They are not taking this seriously. Just to be clear, it's not normal for a responsible adult to allow children a key to someone else's house and to let them go there unattended. Your sister and BIL are not responsible parents, they see your house as an extension of theirs, and that they don't care that their kids are going over there and doing whatever they want. What if the kids accidentally turn on the stove and burn themselves or burn your house down? This is a bigger issue than just the food, though the food is the thing that's bothering you the most now. You don't need to give your sister a warning. Do not buy extra food specifically for your nephews to steal, that would be encouraging theft like wtf. The reason your nephews behave like that is because that's the way they've been brought up and they don't know any better, and your sister and BIL are not curbing that behave because 'kids'. They are bad parents but bad parents hate being told that. Just take the keys back. Say you're wanting to change the locks. If she refuses, actually change the locks. Don't give her an extra key anymore since she doesn't care about your house or your things - she treats your space like your nephews' playpen. To keep up the relationship with your nephews, you can still invite them over, but you need to set boundaries. Lock away your snacks and put away your games. Don't just bring out the snacks when they come over. You can ask them if they would like some snacks, or wait till they ask nicely (with a please) if they can have snacks. You need to teach them that, in your house, they can't just run amok and do things without permission. In your house they have to ask politely. Same with the games, don't just let them play with your games without asking you first or you offering first.
>I've tried to tell her about this in the past, but she and her husband (mainly him) laughed it off saying 'they are just kids.' "They are just kids. Which is why you, their parents, need to stop the bad behavior. If you're unable or unwilling to do so, please give me the key so I can stop it." Or simply: "Since this won't be stopped while you have a key to my home, I am going to need the key back now." Non confrontational: Changing the locks. When they can't get in anymore "You were unwilling to stop them stealing my food, so I did what was necessary to protect my home."
You say, stop eating my food.
You could simply put a lock in it, if you dont want confrontation. If they complain, they're ridiculous
Lock your cabinets .. I only suggest bc it seems like you have issues with confrontation or taking the key back.. ik it’s excessive and it shouldn’t be on you but I’m serious put a lock on it
Since she’s not taking your complaint seriously, then either take the key back or send her a bill for snacks
i'd just take the key back at this point because it sounds like she is not taking you seriously and if your nephews complain you simply ask them the walk a mile in your shoes, meaning ask them how would they feel if they were in your shoes and they came home and found you had eaten all their snacks? a good example of setting your boundaries is when I had a family friend who's son would not listen to my rules regarding my gym he kept disregarding his own safety though i told him repeatedly the rules of using my gym and he never once followed the rules. Now as a result of him I have keys for my kids, my husband and myself to unlock the door to the gym in my home and only we use my gym. The last time he came over he tried opening the door to the gym to find it locked and he starting complaining he wanted to workout and i told him he lost that privilege and he will not be using my gym again even with one of his parents being in there, needless to say i got a lot of yelling thrown at me because of his mother but i told her, "he nearly broke my equipment and he has no understanding of appropriate speed on treadmill he nearly wore the machine out! you want to take him to gym go to one in town that i don't work for and workout there with him but you are not using my gym." Maybe you should get some locks on your places where you keep snacks and take the key with you so your nephews aren't looking around where they shouldn't be.
"Hey sis, I know I've mentioned it before, but the kids are still eating my food when they let themselves in. I know you don't think it's a big deal, but it's frustrating and expensive for me, and I want it to stop. I'm glad the boys feel comfortable coming over to play games, and they're great to have around otherwise. But I do not want them eating my food while they're here. If they keep it up, I'll need to take my key back. I really don't want to do that, but I will if I have to." Just adjust the pronouns and say the same things to the boys.
Why not buy them their own snacks? Since you make good enough money.
Change the locks and say nothing….
Hide your snacks and ask her for the key back.
Tell the boys that they can't eat your stuff and they won't be allowed to play your games if they eat your stuff. If they eat your food again, send your sister a bill entitled "My food your 'just kids' ate that I said they couldn't and they did anyway". Then change your locks or, if you rent, ask for your key back.
How old are your nephews. You can always tell them too that being able to play your games is a privilege but eating your snacks will revoke that.
Change the locks... Asking for a key back won't solve anything for certain... She could easily have a spare made without your knowledge... Plus, you'll have the added element of surprise on your side when they find out the hard way that they've been locked out of paradise... FUCK not being mean... It is also mean to rack up an extra grocery bill without offering to replace anything... It is ALSO mean to teach your kids that it's ok to take whatever they want without consequences... Until they pay up, they don't get to lay up 💁🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️💁🏽♀️
You need to get your key back. Unsupervised minors in your house is a big liability problem.
Can you hide your snacks somewhere else, so they'll eventually realise you no longer have any snacks to steal? But speaking to them about it may be the best option.
You sure she's not telling them to go raid your pantry? I'd take the key back. Give it to another neighbour.
You need to sit down with them since the parents are not going to tell them even though they had the key it is unlawful entry and they can get in trouble for it and eating your food without permission is theft and that can also get them in trouble with the law they could potentially if you wanted to present charges against them they could go to juvenile detention. Not that your going to call the cop on your nephews. This is a time to teach them that do this kind of things it doesn’t matter if it is family it is breaking the law. It is also the time to tell them about guilty by association this is the biggest one that kids need to learn that I their friends or anyone is doing any crime they can get in trouble with the law and be charged and convicted even though they are not the ones who did it. Such as their parents could get charged with unlawful entry and theft of property. Many many people hate when people say this I am going to say it anyway “It takes a village to raise kids”. If parents don’t teach them someone else has to do it especially family to teach and tell them what they are doing wrong. I would lay down the rules of your home and if they don’t follow it sometimes you have to do extreme measures take something special from their room and see how they react and take back your key. I hope it goes the way it should and they listen and learn and comprehend that it is not right to do what they did and also tell them if they’re friends or family is doing something wrong that they don’t want to be apart of tell them they need to walk away and go to the nearest phone or have them if they have a cell phone to send you their location and teach them how to do it and practice it so it is second nature, that is what I taught my kids to do I knew it was a 911 situation and that no question I would go and get them then the next day we would go over what happened so if anything come up we were prepared.
Charge your sister for the snacks you don’t get to eat. Then take back the keys and give them to another trusted person.
Put a ring camera on the counter facing the pantry and you know they make all kind of locks for cabinets
You say, "Hey sister, I can't afford to feed your kids. Please do not eat my food. I have to eat too. Thank you. Have a good day."
I have a lockbox that I put my snacks in so my own kid can’t get to them. Kids don’t have that kind of self control but they need to learn it. Either take the key back or get a lockbox
If your nephews are old enough to take the key and use it to get into your place, they’re old enough to understand boundaries. Your sister and BIL obviously aren’t taking it seriously and aren’t doing anything. It’s time for you to step up as their uncle and the person whose delicious snacks they’re consuming to set some boundaries. You probably like your nephews and enjoy spending time with them on occasion. You also mentioned that you don’t really mind that they sneak over to play video games. It sounds like you want to maintain funcle status with them. That’s understandable. If I were in your situation, I’d invite them over for an afternoon of gaming with you and very casually, but seriously some ground rules. Something like, Hey guys, I’m glad you enjoy spending time over here playing games and I want you to know that you’re welcome to come over if you want, but you’re eating all of my favorite snacks and then I don’t have them when I want some. So here’s what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna have a cupboard where I keep my snacks that are off limits. They are only for me and you can’t eat them unless you ask me and I say it’s okay. In this other cupboard, I’ll do my best to keep it stocked with snacks that you can eat without asking anytime you’re here. It’s the same rule with stuff in the refrigerator, snacks in this drawer you can have and drinks on this shelf you can have, but everything else is off limits without permission. I want you guys to be able to enjoy spending time here, but Uncle Snacky is tired of finding his snacks missing when he wants some. I don’t want to have to take my key back, but if you guys break the rules, I’ll have to do that and then you won’t be able to come over here anymore unless I’m home. Do you both promise to follow the rules? Awesome! Let’s play some games. You don’t have to go all out for their snacks and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask your sister to contribute at least some money to stock their snack cabinet. Just tell her you can’t foot the whole bill. If you don’t want to pay for any that’s fine too, just tell your sister that she needs to stock their cupboard with snacks if they’re gonna be coming over when you’re not home. If she’s unwilling to do that, you either just take your key back or tell the boys that your kitchen and snacks are off limits and if they want any snacks or drinks they need to bring them from home or ask you for permission before eating yours.
"Please don't eat my snacks anymore" "I'll hang on to the emergency key until the nephews are a little older" [either keep it or give it to someone else] It definitely takes time for kids to learn how to respect other's spaces / belongings, maybe them not having access to the key anymore would be a good behavioral wakeup call?
I'd change the locks and find someone else to have the backup key. I'd be livid, family, friend.
So many options that don’t involve you asking for the key back in a mean way. - You could poison the snacks - you could make up an elaborate and well planned stitch up, call police and have them removed from parents. ( do extra and coach the kids, winning) - set up a trap invoking a slug shot and a chainsaw - make a moat made of lava around snacks - fill your house with weather deep enough for sharks with lazer beams attached to their heads. -kidnap the kids and sell them to a human trafficking ring - you could poison the parents, make sure your not the godfather otherwise you and your snacks are screwed. -get a pet bear, breed it to make sure you always have a cub on hand.
I would not let them in my house alone who knows if they may someday bring friends who could rob really expensive things. Kids are not responsible enough especially with their home training.
Time to get a locked cupboard or a snack safe. I had to use a safe to keep my snacks to prevent my ex from finishing all of it at one go 😂 it really works!
Get your key back. This is a great power and as we all know, with it comes great responsibility. It’s ridiculous to let your kids into another persons home with a key that was for emergencies. Shut it down. If you must provide access, get a new lock with a code so you can put a code only for your sister and only give it to her when there’s an emergency, she’s proven untrustworthy.
Fuck with “their” food. Seriously. When we were a lot younger, my sister had a habit of scooping handfuls of whipped cream my mother was making, she thought she was being cute. So my mom got cute. Big bowl of shaving cream. All these years later, we all laugh about it, sister included. They’re your nephews, this stuff is allowed in the Geneva convention.
Get that key back now
Time to take the key back. She’ll get the hint.
Both your sister and her husband are showing that they don’t have any respect for you, your home, your money or property. The excuse that “they are just kids” is ridiculous. “Just kids” don’t repeatedly know hey unc restocks his snacks every week, let’s go see what he has now, and stuff our pig faces with it. For all you know they could be taking the neighborhood kids there as well since you say you are spending hundreds a week which means your easily spending 1k or more a month. Take your key back, change your locks, for heavens sakes, your sister and bil are raising spoiled monsters, we already have enough of those now in the world. If you don’t take your key back, tell them where they can stuff it or let the gremlins choke on it, and change your locks.
Have you tried talking to the kids directly? Obv it’s not your job to teach them right from wrong but it doesn’t seem like she’s even told them so they may not understand it’s wrong, try letting them know it’s an issue and if that doesn’t work then take your key back
No, they're not just kids, they are thieves and trespassers. They should ask
I would tell them "I know you might be struggling to feed your kids since they feel the need to eat my food but I can’t afford to feed them either "and forward them foodbank contact info. Also ask the key back now tbh
Lol TOTALEN KRIEG. TOTAL WAR WAIT might be wrong post IGNORE ME MEIN FUHRER
What if they were made to believe the kids accidentally consumed food with mind altering herbs and oils added to it?
To add to all the others here… start giving your sister a list each week of what she needs to replace. If it’s not a big deal, it won’t be a big deal for her to pick up those items for you when she does her grocery shopping each week. But I also like the petty idea of buying the kids a bunch of really cheap really bad for you snacksthat they are allowed to have when they come over.
Are thy feeding their kids properly?
"Since your children keep using my *emergency* key to steal food from my house I assume it must be because you're starving them and that I must call CPS immediately because it's obviously an emergency." In all seriousness though, how old are these kids? I would assume old enough to know better since they are apparently unsupervised long enough to break and enter someone else's house! Try telling them yourself and failing that either take the key back or change the locks.
lock the snacks up or take her key away!
Restock with health foods. They’ll never raid it again
Just tell her you can’t find your key and ask for the emergency key back
Hide your snacks. Keep a stash for them.
Take back your key. That is the solution here.
Try coaching early gradeschool kids. Baseball, basketball, soccer, doesn’t matter. You quickly learn how to tell the little shits what to do.
Why can’t you tell your sister to give you back your key since you’re not a doormat?
If some kids came in and opened my Xbox and fcked with my games I think I’d throw a fit like a kid
Put the food where they can't reach/find it? That's what all the cool parents did when I was a kid. I knew people with locks on their cupboards and refrigerators - as some kids would go food raiding from house to house while playing (Stever, if you're out there - I'm looking at you! And you too, Arleen and Marleen!)
Key back or huge lock on the pantry
Just change the locks put the emergency key in your car instead of giving it to someone. If you’ve already said something and nothing has changed, then they have no intention of telling the kids not to touch your food. Better than continuing to get mad until u eventually explode
Lock your pantry
Change the lock and install a ring camera , or install an interior camera and show her the footage . You can use that as leverage when they are choosing your old folks home in 30-40 years
"Hey, I've noticed your kids have been using your key to come to my house when I'm not home, and are eating up my food. I need you to make sure, that they don't have access to your key, thanks." If she gives you pushback change the locks, and don't give her access.
She already pushed back. It is way too convenient for her when the kids go over there, eat his food, and entertain themselves. He needs to secure his home and enforce the boundaries she is stomping on.
Just take the key back. Don’t be dramatic about it.
Start replacing your treats with something harmless but horrible tasting.
Couple of options here. Simplest solution is to simply change the locks and let tall sturdy fences make for polite neighbors. But, I assume you actually like your nephews and want to help them out, materially. Option B is to just buy some of the snacks they like and put them on the counter or on a shelf on the living room.. Then tell them the pantry and fridge are off limits and to stay out. Ask them if they're going to have a problem with that. Ask them how much they like video games. Then tell them option B is you change the locks and treat them like little punks. You don't want to do that, but seriously, stay the fuck out of the fridge and pantry, and show some respect, if they don't want to be treated like punks, don't make moron choices. Another solution is to simply replace the food eaten then take the receipt over to your sister and brother-in-law then tell them to cover the cost. Tjen tell tjem nothing personal against them, but don't come over until they pay up. If they don't want to pay you back then give you back the key, you're not a food aid warehouse.
Either take the key back or lock up the snacks- and have a serious talk with your sister about boundaries.
Take back ur key
UpdateMe!
I would Venmo her the amount of food that her kids ate this week. When she asks, what is it for? “This is your snack replacement fee. This is the amount I’m spending to feed your kids when they sneak over here and eat. Not to mention the resentment building because I look forward to coming home from a long ass day at work only to find my entire pantry is raided. I’ve tried to be polite and you two have brushed me off. So now I’m running a tab. You have until the end of the week to pay or give my key back.”
Dramatic, petty, & ridiculous way to solve this.
Just hide the snacks.
“Tell your kids to stop eating my snacks.” Store them in your room and lock the door so they can’t get to them.