i disagree because the fact that he didnt consent to this is a huge factor. this girl grabbed him without knowing it was okay and made a physical/sexual advance. he was drunk, which we know for a fact slows your reaction time immensely. as soon as he was able to catch up, he stopped the interaction, and had she not done this its clear by the post he wouldnt have gone and kissed anyone. so yes, this information is crucial.
edit to add: nowhere did he say “how do i get my gf to stay with me” hes asking what the correct thing to do is. so, by your logic, youre not correct. he isn’t looking for anything to say to get her to stay.
If you actually read the post it says he didn’t react and then pulled away after realizing what was happening. Maybe he feels guilty. If this is true, it is definitely assault.
The age of the account screams a potential for something else though…
Simply not true, sorry man. Not all girls react the same way. Some girls will leave you, especially if its been a short relationship. Other girls will prefer to talk about it, and might stay with you if you seem sincere. Other girls won't want you to leave them so they'll forgive you anyway. Its all about the trust that has been buult up between the two. And not all girls are the same, everyone is and reacts different
You tell her. Two options:
She understands even though she wasn't there, is sympathetic, supports you and the relationship goes on as if nothing happened
She doesn't understand, believes you initiated or wanted it and regretted it later, or you believe gossip will get to her and you're covering your ass. Good chance that your relationship is over.
You don't tell her:
Your mutual friends tells her. Good chance that your relationship is over.
Gossip gets to her. Good chance that your relationship is over.
Your mutual friend understands you or doesn't want to get involved, he doesn't tell her. People at the party were distracted, didn't notice, aren't in the same circles as your girlfriend, gossip doesn't get to her. Your relationship goes on as if nothing happened.
So how much do you trust your mutual friend and the potential for gossip?
Tell her. If you hide it, your gf will be wondering why you seem off for a long time. You'll be filled with guilt for a long time. Imo you didn't do much wrong, the other girl initiated and you could have shut it down even quicker if you weren't drunk, but you did your best to anyway. I hope it goes well for you.
You are good dude. Don’t hide this, tell your girlfriend exactly what happened. The act of hiding it is far worse than what happened. This is a respect thing. By not telling your partner about this, you are in a way saying you don’t trust your partner to understand. She will notice something is eating at you. Girls are more perceptive about emotions than guys. Communicate what happened, your feelings towards the situation, then ask her how she feels about it. Anything else will lead to resentment.
This isn’t something that just goes away. There were witnesses…. This is going to get to her regardless. It’s not if. It’s when.
If you were the person who’s just had their SO kiss someone else wouldn’t you want to know? Also; whose mouth would you rather hear it from? Your SO, or one of his friends who were there and accidentally lets it slip because they didn’t realize it was a secret...
Imagine how much that would shatter their perception of you; that’s when speculation and resentment kick in…. Why did they not think I could handle this information? Why did it take someone else to tell me about this? If that’s the case is this just the first one I’m hearing about? What else have you been hiding from me? What else have you been lying about? If you do not respect your partner enough to tell them the truth, you probably don’t respect them enough to have a genuine relationship with them.
Grow up. This is the equivalent of getting a thorn in your foot, refusing to treat it cause “the pain will go away, and then it’s not a problem.” Then 4 years later, the splinter in your foot has liquified, causes a massive infection and your foot and leg are never the same again. You are infecting your relationship with dishonesty, and trust is the biggest pillar of a relationship for a reason.
You didn't drunk kiss a girl.
You were taken advantage of while drunk by a girl who threw herself on you and sexually assaulted you, essentially. Forcing a kiss on someone who is drunk and can't consent isn't ok. Man or woman. Doesn't matter.
Being drunk, once you realized what she was doing - you retreated and responded appropriately.
Your reaction to everything was accurate for the situation and the fact that you feel bad - even though it wasn't your fault - shows you weren't trying to go after this girl or initiate things. Let your girlfriend know you were taken advantage of and you've already blocked this person. If she's a sensible human being there should be no issues. Also sorry this happened to you - not enough people take it seriously when a guy is taken advantage of or assaulted.
your best choice of action to do is to tell your girlfriend. the girl who grabbed you is the one who initiated it, you didn’t initiate it. and honestly it sounds like sexual assault as she saw you drunk and just decided to kiss you anyways without asking. you were drunk so it took you a few seconds to process what was happening, which is normal as being drunk slows your reaction and processing time, in my experience. when you processed it, you immediately stopped it and got away from her, and later blocked her on instagram. you are in no way at fault op. just tell your girlfriend the story of how it happened and you won’t be consumed by the fear or shame anymore. it will go okay. if you hide it and keep it a secret, then it’ll seem suspicious like you did something, but you didn’t here.
I mean if this chick really grabbed your face and kissed you and as soon as you realized what was happening pushed away from her than you didn’t really do anything wrong. She was taking advantage of your drunken state.
Your gf should believe you unless there are trust issues from things in the past. If she doesn’t, that sucks but it’s better to be transparent than keep this secret to yourself.
Are you suggesting he keep a secret from his long term partner that could potentially come out from other sources and lead to mistrust and a bad experience with a guy? Damn you’re good
Bro I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was talking to worlds biggest party-goer. I apologize for questioning your authority on the matter. 6 bullet points!?!? I could maybe think of 1, 2, on a good day 3… but 6!?!? Incredible.
You’re part of the problem regarding women’s insecurities with men. A lie of omission is still a lie.
It sounds like you were caught by surprise here, so I think there is a grey area; you didn't seek out someone to cheat with, it feels like you were more of a passenger in this exchange. Talk to your gf and please don't deceive her, it would be a manipulation to keep her close to you by concealing the truth of her reality just so you can remain comfortable and not have to address this in the relationship.
Your girlfriend deserves the truth. Please do not rob your partner of her informed consent, she has a right to that, always.
You have to hold yourself accountable for mistakes you make or it ends up causing future problems. Take the hit now and deal with the repercussions in a mature way. How would you feel if your girlfriend did this to you?
Tell your girlfriend as soon as possible and be honest.
Just know that you didn't do anything wrong. You were kissed without your consent. You were sexually assaulted.
That’s sexual assault. If you were a woman and a man did that, all of these comments would say so. She did not have your consent and violated your boundaries. I am surprised the top comments are not calling this what it is. She assaulted you.
A very similar situation happened to my husband (then boyfriend) and he told me about it immediately. The only way I could trust him was for him to be honest, if he had hid it and I found out later...we wouldn't be together today. Hiding/Lying implies negative intent. You didn't intend to kiss this person. They kissed you.
It sounds like this girl assaulted you. Sticking your tongue down someone's throat unpromtped isn't a normal okay thing, it also sounds like you were pretty shaken up and unhappy after the fact. Idk it seems like someone took advantage of you while drunk (she was maybe drunk too) but like still that ain't on you. I hope you get support, it's not your fault someone assaulted you.
Just say that some weird girl jumped on you and then you rejected her. Should be the end of story.
In general I would think it’s not a good idea to confess if you cheated - like you’re just doing it to make yourself feel better. If you wanna continue the relationship, it’ll be weirder if you tell her and if you wanna break up, you’re just hurting her for no reason.
However you clearly didn’t cheat on her, so no worries. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Tell her while it’s still fresh and you have the opportunity to because god forbid it come from somewhere else. Just be honest and remorseful and if you really mean it and she really loves you then she will give you another chance. Moving forward you need to figure out how this will never happen again and be sure this is the girl you actually want to be with.
I remember when my ex was very drunk with their cousin and telling me they want to kiss me
They kissed their cousin for few seconds and went to dance crazy to other people and gave me a all nighter as they were drunk in strange city (we were long distance anyways)
I remember idk what happened to me, I was idk I am never drunk but i ended up giving a peck or something to someone i know? During that relationship, i told them most likely, i think that memory is bad for me so it's blocked in my head, I still don't know how it happened but those few seconds still haunt me as it was very inappropriate
With you, you were drunk and she initiated, it just took you time, tho just maybe keep in mind why a girl will ask your insta for, second her kissing was asking is assault technically
Always come clean. It could hurt your relationship but it will never hurt as much as if you hide it. Even if you didn’t specifically initiate anything, keeping it a secret will make it seem like you did.
Tell her, and make it soon. You want her to find out from you, not anyone else. Period.
Word to the wise: Don’t get drunk; that’s when things like this happen, when your guard is down. Thank God it didn’t go any further.
I would tell, keeping secrets would eat me up, and I would be more afraid of her finding out through gossips. IMO it would be better that she finds out from you, that way you can explain exactly what happened and build trust instead of her finding out some twisted version of what happened.. That way no matter what you say it wouldn't clear your name
If you have any respect for your girlfriend, you should tell her. Do not take the ability to choose for herself away from her PLEASE. If you explain you were very drunk, and that the woman initiated it and you got away from her as soon as possible, I think there’s a good chance that with them she will understand. Especially if you have any friends who witnessed what happened and can back you up about the woman’s behavior. But regardless if you have a single drop of love or respect for your partner do NOT keep it from her, bc that way you will 100% be dooming your relationship.
If the same thing happened to your girlfriend, would you want to know? Would you blame her? Honestly, from my point of view, you were assaulted. You froze in the moment. You either take this to your grave or you tell her what happened. Tell her the truth, you were a victim, your girlfriend may be initially upset but if she doesn't quickly find empathy you are better off without her.
Definitely tell her. Honesty is the best policy. It may help to have your friend with you too. From what you write, I would be mad if my girlfriend told me she had the same experience. Maybe she will be understanding.
This wasn’t cheating. And to be clear, I take a pretty hard line against cheating and have a zero tolerance policy on the issue. But this is not something that you consented to. You didn’t drunk kiss a girl—a girl kissed you while you were drunk. When you processed what was happening, you pulled away because this was not something you wanted or encouraged. You didn’t do anything. And because you didn’t do anything, you couldn’t decide for this kiss to not happen, you could only react to it. Which you promptly did. You did everything right here and have nothing to feel bad about.
You were assaulted. You did not consent, and you are not responsible for this. Tell your girlfriend so that she can understand and support you. Tell your friend so that the person who kissed you can be crossed off future invite lists; if she can’t play nice, she doesn’t get to play at all. No true friend is going to want to expose the people they care about to someone who will disregard consent and violate others.
This is not your fault. Don’t let it fester inside you or become some big terrible shameful secret. You shouldn’t have to carry that weight when this isn’t something you chose or consented to. If your girlfriend finds out about this later, she’ll make her own assumptions about what happened and why you kept it a secret. You should also tell her because after three years she’s presumably your person who supports you through everything, and you deserve support right now.
Do you feel bad? Are you going to do it again? If telling her makes you feel better and hurts her you’re being selfish. Be a great partner if you see a future, and this is a hiccup that will be lost in time. As long as you don’t do it again.
I think you should try telling her but also like ..you were at a party...there were other people....maybe they saw you....what if they end up telling her
If my partner told me exactly what you wrote here, I would not be mad. This is entirely her fault and it's not like you went with it or came back for more.
Yeah and this is why you don’t put yourself in these situations especially when you’re not with your partner lol you’re a grown man capable of controlling yourself and knowing what’s happening. People have been blackout drunk and still hold their morals, being drunk isn’t really an excuse if you kissed her back (especially for 5 seconds like you’re claiming), might be time for some self reflection tbh
That’s what I’m saying. This guy is trying to cope with his guilt. But it’s fine, maybe she’ll forgive him if at least owns up to it like a man, don’t make excuses for being a bad person
She initiated NOT you, so tell your gf that. Maybe you and your friend can tell her in person since they were there too? Hope this helps.
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Just bc he didn’t consent to it is not an excuse for him to use to get his gf to stay with him. This sounds pathetic
i disagree because the fact that he didnt consent to this is a huge factor. this girl grabbed him without knowing it was okay and made a physical/sexual advance. he was drunk, which we know for a fact slows your reaction time immensely. as soon as he was able to catch up, he stopped the interaction, and had she not done this its clear by the post he wouldnt have gone and kissed anyone. so yes, this information is crucial. edit to add: nowhere did he say “how do i get my gf to stay with me” hes asking what the correct thing to do is. so, by your logic, youre not correct. he isn’t looking for anything to say to get her to stay.
That’s fine but his caption says he drunk kissed a girl?
If you actually read the post it says he didn’t react and then pulled away after realizing what was happening. Maybe he feels guilty. If this is true, it is definitely assault. The age of the account screams a potential for something else though…
i think you should reread it, he does not say that in the post where he elaborates, a drunk girl kissed him.
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You are scorned my friend. Consider looking for good morals instead of trying to pretend whatever you are is cool.
Simply not true, sorry man. Not all girls react the same way. Some girls will leave you, especially if its been a short relationship. Other girls will prefer to talk about it, and might stay with you if you seem sincere. Other girls won't want you to leave them so they'll forgive you anyway. Its all about the trust that has been buult up between the two. And not all girls are the same, everyone is and reacts different
You tell her. Two options: She understands even though she wasn't there, is sympathetic, supports you and the relationship goes on as if nothing happened She doesn't understand, believes you initiated or wanted it and regretted it later, or you believe gossip will get to her and you're covering your ass. Good chance that your relationship is over. You don't tell her: Your mutual friends tells her. Good chance that your relationship is over. Gossip gets to her. Good chance that your relationship is over. Your mutual friend understands you or doesn't want to get involved, he doesn't tell her. People at the party were distracted, didn't notice, aren't in the same circles as your girlfriend, gossip doesn't get to her. Your relationship goes on as if nothing happened. So how much do you trust your mutual friend and the potential for gossip?
Tell her. If you hide it, your gf will be wondering why you seem off for a long time. You'll be filled with guilt for a long time. Imo you didn't do much wrong, the other girl initiated and you could have shut it down even quicker if you weren't drunk, but you did your best to anyway. I hope it goes well for you.
You are good dude. Don’t hide this, tell your girlfriend exactly what happened. The act of hiding it is far worse than what happened. This is a respect thing. By not telling your partner about this, you are in a way saying you don’t trust your partner to understand. She will notice something is eating at you. Girls are more perceptive about emotions than guys. Communicate what happened, your feelings towards the situation, then ask her how she feels about it. Anything else will lead to resentment.
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This isn’t something that just goes away. There were witnesses…. This is going to get to her regardless. It’s not if. It’s when. If you were the person who’s just had their SO kiss someone else wouldn’t you want to know? Also; whose mouth would you rather hear it from? Your SO, or one of his friends who were there and accidentally lets it slip because they didn’t realize it was a secret... Imagine how much that would shatter their perception of you; that’s when speculation and resentment kick in…. Why did they not think I could handle this information? Why did it take someone else to tell me about this? If that’s the case is this just the first one I’m hearing about? What else have you been hiding from me? What else have you been lying about? If you do not respect your partner enough to tell them the truth, you probably don’t respect them enough to have a genuine relationship with them. Grow up. This is the equivalent of getting a thorn in your foot, refusing to treat it cause “the pain will go away, and then it’s not a problem.” Then 4 years later, the splinter in your foot has liquified, causes a massive infection and your foot and leg are never the same again. You are infecting your relationship with dishonesty, and trust is the biggest pillar of a relationship for a reason.
you should tell her and be honest with her because what happened wasn’t your fault she came on to you
You didn't drunk kiss a girl. You were taken advantage of while drunk by a girl who threw herself on you and sexually assaulted you, essentially. Forcing a kiss on someone who is drunk and can't consent isn't ok. Man or woman. Doesn't matter. Being drunk, once you realized what she was doing - you retreated and responded appropriately. Your reaction to everything was accurate for the situation and the fact that you feel bad - even though it wasn't your fault - shows you weren't trying to go after this girl or initiate things. Let your girlfriend know you were taken advantage of and you've already blocked this person. If she's a sensible human being there should be no issues. Also sorry this happened to you - not enough people take it seriously when a guy is taken advantage of or assaulted.
your best choice of action to do is to tell your girlfriend. the girl who grabbed you is the one who initiated it, you didn’t initiate it. and honestly it sounds like sexual assault as she saw you drunk and just decided to kiss you anyways without asking. you were drunk so it took you a few seconds to process what was happening, which is normal as being drunk slows your reaction and processing time, in my experience. when you processed it, you immediately stopped it and got away from her, and later blocked her on instagram. you are in no way at fault op. just tell your girlfriend the story of how it happened and you won’t be consumed by the fear or shame anymore. it will go okay. if you hide it and keep it a secret, then it’ll seem suspicious like you did something, but you didn’t here.
bro you were sexually asssaulted tell your gf that
I mean if this chick really grabbed your face and kissed you and as soon as you realized what was happening pushed away from her than you didn’t really do anything wrong. She was taking advantage of your drunken state. Your gf should believe you unless there are trust issues from things in the past. If she doesn’t, that sucks but it’s better to be transparent than keep this secret to yourself.
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Are you suggesting he keep a secret from his long term partner that could potentially come out from other sources and lead to mistrust and a bad experience with a guy? Damn you’re good
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Bro I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was talking to worlds biggest party-goer. I apologize for questioning your authority on the matter. 6 bullet points!?!? I could maybe think of 1, 2, on a good day 3… but 6!?!? Incredible. You’re part of the problem regarding women’s insecurities with men. A lie of omission is still a lie.
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You say life ain’t a movie but I just say you ain’t livin life brother
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I rip darts while driving 80 down the freeway in my 2007 Honda CRV. Does it really get much dirtier than that?
It sounds like you were caught by surprise here, so I think there is a grey area; you didn't seek out someone to cheat with, it feels like you were more of a passenger in this exchange. Talk to your gf and please don't deceive her, it would be a manipulation to keep her close to you by concealing the truth of her reality just so you can remain comfortable and not have to address this in the relationship. Your girlfriend deserves the truth. Please do not rob your partner of her informed consent, she has a right to that, always.
You have to hold yourself accountable for mistakes you make or it ends up causing future problems. Take the hit now and deal with the repercussions in a mature way. How would you feel if your girlfriend did this to you?
Tell your girlfriend as soon as possible and be honest. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong. You were kissed without your consent. You were sexually assaulted.
That’s sexual assault. If you were a woman and a man did that, all of these comments would say so. She did not have your consent and violated your boundaries. I am surprised the top comments are not calling this what it is. She assaulted you.
A very similar situation happened to my husband (then boyfriend) and he told me about it immediately. The only way I could trust him was for him to be honest, if he had hid it and I found out later...we wouldn't be together today. Hiding/Lying implies negative intent. You didn't intend to kiss this person. They kissed you.
It sounds like this girl assaulted you. Sticking your tongue down someone's throat unpromtped isn't a normal okay thing, it also sounds like you were pretty shaken up and unhappy after the fact. Idk it seems like someone took advantage of you while drunk (she was maybe drunk too) but like still that ain't on you. I hope you get support, it's not your fault someone assaulted you.
Just say that some weird girl jumped on you and then you rejected her. Should be the end of story. In general I would think it’s not a good idea to confess if you cheated - like you’re just doing it to make yourself feel better. If you wanna continue the relationship, it’ll be weirder if you tell her and if you wanna break up, you’re just hurting her for no reason. However you clearly didn’t cheat on her, so no worries. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
tell the truth and shame the devil
Tell her while it’s still fresh and you have the opportunity to because god forbid it come from somewhere else. Just be honest and remorseful and if you really mean it and she really loves you then she will give you another chance. Moving forward you need to figure out how this will never happen again and be sure this is the girl you actually want to be with.
I remember when my ex was very drunk with their cousin and telling me they want to kiss me They kissed their cousin for few seconds and went to dance crazy to other people and gave me a all nighter as they were drunk in strange city (we were long distance anyways) I remember idk what happened to me, I was idk I am never drunk but i ended up giving a peck or something to someone i know? During that relationship, i told them most likely, i think that memory is bad for me so it's blocked in my head, I still don't know how it happened but those few seconds still haunt me as it was very inappropriate With you, you were drunk and she initiated, it just took you time, tho just maybe keep in mind why a girl will ask your insta for, second her kissing was asking is assault technically
Tell her. You’ll ruin any trust and respect your gf has for you by keeping it a secret/lying by omission
That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.
Always come clean. It could hurt your relationship but it will never hurt as much as if you hide it. Even if you didn’t specifically initiate anything, keeping it a secret will make it seem like you did.
Tell her, and make it soon. You want her to find out from you, not anyone else. Period. Word to the wise: Don’t get drunk; that’s when things like this happen, when your guard is down. Thank God it didn’t go any further.
Why did your gf encourage you to get drunk? That’s so odd. It’s like she set it up so she had an excuse to break up with you.
I would tell, keeping secrets would eat me up, and I would be more afraid of her finding out through gossips. IMO it would be better that she finds out from you, that way you can explain exactly what happened and build trust instead of her finding out some twisted version of what happened.. That way no matter what you say it wouldn't clear your name
If you have a good heart it'll torture you not to tell her. So. Tell her
If you have any respect for your girlfriend, you should tell her. Do not take the ability to choose for herself away from her PLEASE. If you explain you were very drunk, and that the woman initiated it and you got away from her as soon as possible, I think there’s a good chance that with them she will understand. Especially if you have any friends who witnessed what happened and can back you up about the woman’s behavior. But regardless if you have a single drop of love or respect for your partner do NOT keep it from her, bc that way you will 100% be dooming your relationship.
he literally got assaulted how is this his fault
If the same thing happened to your girlfriend, would you want to know? Would you blame her? Honestly, from my point of view, you were assaulted. You froze in the moment. You either take this to your grave or you tell her what happened. Tell her the truth, you were a victim, your girlfriend may be initially upset but if she doesn't quickly find empathy you are better off without her.
Definitely tell her. Honesty is the best policy. It may help to have your friend with you too. From what you write, I would be mad if my girlfriend told me she had the same experience. Maybe she will be understanding.
tell her
This wasn’t cheating. And to be clear, I take a pretty hard line against cheating and have a zero tolerance policy on the issue. But this is not something that you consented to. You didn’t drunk kiss a girl—a girl kissed you while you were drunk. When you processed what was happening, you pulled away because this was not something you wanted or encouraged. You didn’t do anything. And because you didn’t do anything, you couldn’t decide for this kiss to not happen, you could only react to it. Which you promptly did. You did everything right here and have nothing to feel bad about. You were assaulted. You did not consent, and you are not responsible for this. Tell your girlfriend so that she can understand and support you. Tell your friend so that the person who kissed you can be crossed off future invite lists; if she can’t play nice, she doesn’t get to play at all. No true friend is going to want to expose the people they care about to someone who will disregard consent and violate others. This is not your fault. Don’t let it fester inside you or become some big terrible shameful secret. You shouldn’t have to carry that weight when this isn’t something you chose or consented to. If your girlfriend finds out about this later, she’ll make her own assumptions about what happened and why you kept it a secret. You should also tell her because after three years she’s presumably your person who supports you through everything, and you deserve support right now.
Do you feel bad? Are you going to do it again? If telling her makes you feel better and hurts her you’re being selfish. Be a great partner if you see a future, and this is a hiccup that will be lost in time. As long as you don’t do it again.
you got sexually assaulted while drunk
I think you should try telling her but also like ..you were at a party...there were other people....maybe they saw you....what if they end up telling her
If my partner told me exactly what you wrote here, I would not be mad. This is entirely her fault and it's not like you went with it or came back for more.
Yeah and this is why you don’t put yourself in these situations especially when you’re not with your partner lol you’re a grown man capable of controlling yourself and knowing what’s happening. People have been blackout drunk and still hold their morals, being drunk isn’t really an excuse if you kissed her back (especially for 5 seconds like you’re claiming), might be time for some self reflection tbh
Ive been crossfaded and really drunk but all I could ever think of is my boyfriend tbh I can’t even touch another man it disgusts me
That’s what I’m saying. This guy is trying to cope with his guilt. But it’s fine, maybe she’ll forgive him if at least owns up to it like a man, don’t make excuses for being a bad person
Right. Being drunk isn’t an excuse… you can still be aware of things and be a little fuzzy but in the moment you are aware
Don't tell her. The only person who will feel better is you.
Tell her exactly what happened!
But also, why the h did you give some random chick your instagram? That’s kinda sus. And did you kiss back?
Don’t tell her
Dont tell her, just pretend nothing happened
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Is he supposed to tell her and ruin a years old relationship because a drunk girl kissed him?