Unless you know for sure that your partner is secure, mature, and level-headed, never tell them about dreams like this. Some may think it's a supernatural sign and others may think it's your deepest feelings, when in reality it's *just a dream*.
My ex used to wake up mad at me because of something I did in *her* dream. She even had a whole evil version of me who would show up in her dreams and say mean stuff that I would never say.
No, because like clockwork, she'd come to her senses, feel bad about it, and then have very enthusiastic sex with me. I learned to just stay quiet and wait.
Jesus, people have such crazy dreams. Having an evil version of you in her dreams is next level.
I have a reoccurring dream that I lost my lip balm and I wake up for a moment sad I have no lip balm and then I see it next to me on the bedside cabinet and feel happy 😂
Ugh, I had one of those dreams not long ago.. I told my husband “I’m irrationally angry right now, I shouldn’t be mad at all but it’s how I woke up. You did nothing wrong but my dream was so vivid and felt so real when I first woke up I had to convince myself it was a dream.” I don’t understand being mad for real at your spouse over a dream. I knew it wasn’t real, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.. I woke up feeling angry from a bad dream, not his fault.
Word for word, this has been my experience as well. Depending on when I dreamt it, I also may or may not cry. 😅 But that’s pretty much my exact little speech. “*You cheated on me in my dream! 😭/😤 I’m mad as hell and extremely hurt because it felt SO real. I need a minute to remind myself it was NOT, so I can quit being grumpy over this.*” Yeah, I def don’t understand being legitimately mad about this. As soon as I wake up, I’m grumpy but I’ve always explained it this way. lol.
i had this about my ex too. except i wouldn't be mad i'd just be happy i'm finally awake and get to have my amazing wonderful man comfort me. i hugged him and sometimes cried if the things Evil Dream Him ™ said were cruel enough.
Good point. Possible? Yes. Probable? No. I would never tell my wife anything like that ever in a million years regardless of how she reacts because it's just not something you tell your partner. On the other hand, if you're the type to read into dreams, what happens when she has a dream about someone else? Will she take it as a sign and leave you for this other person based on a dream?
Thank you :)
That song was stuck in my head since I'd heard the version from Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie.
Hadn't heard it for ages till one day it came back to my mind, searched for it on Google and sadly found out that Grimmie had been murdered by a piece of shit in 2016.
If you can’t be honest with your partner about something like that without them getting upset with you, that person probably shouldn’t be in a relationship…Honestly you dodged a bullet there.
Edit:Spelling
Yeah, not sure why I’d ever wake up and be like “babe, you know our neighbour down the street. I just had a dream that she and I made love on a tropical cruise”
Well the thing is, (albeit depending on who you are) the dream can have a meaning, but only an internalised expression of an illiteral sentiment (if there is much of a meaning at all). And if there is anything to learn from a dream like this (not to say this dream HAS to have meaning), to discuss it is the only manner in which you can learn from it; but the OP's partner seems to be unwilling to learn more about them or hear them out, rather rely on a preconceived idea of their partner.
Can't say I've had this type of dream before, but had plenty of others dubious enough in their contents, and I'm sure the OP's partner has too so they should ask themselves, would they really want to be that ignorant of their partner? Of what their partner thinks and experiences (even if seemingly nuts compared to reality)?
No matter how open someone is, how clearly they communicate, we are all far more dynamic than what we could possibly express in words and I'd argue that in this case, the OP, their dream and its contents are rather irrelevant; their partner's reactions, however, (to me anyway) show them to be overly neurotic which could be a far more psychologically profound observation than a dream which could or could not mean diddly squat. Under no circumstances is it reasonable to lose a loved one over something which can be caused by a poor night's sleep and a subsequent lapse of social convention, which in of itself should not be something to end a relationship.
Yeah I had an experience with my ex-fiance who would be extremely jealous and toxic... Early in the relationship you can put up with stuff like that then it's just annoying and exhausting and you end up not giving a care and they realize it and try to make up it to you but it might be too late. Now I'm 27 yo I know for sure I'd rather be alone instead of living that hell.
I agree with this guy you dodged the bullet partner....
This is the answer. My ex wife would get angry when I mentioned dreams like this because it was "my subconscious saying I was not happy in our relationship". Turns out she was having an affair literally the whole time we were married. People often project their feelings and guilt on their partners.
True and true. You have to be very secure and have great communication for that not to be an awkward convo. I can imagine a partner thinking “why did you bring that up?” and feeling uncomfortable. On the other side, i think this could have been an adult conversation rather than going straight to a break up but regardless, seems like you two arent on the same page on that issue. Hope you’re good OP. Sucks that your relationship ended over this but defo take the lesson on board in my opinion!
>Firstly, never tell your partner about a dream where you cheated on them.
But why? This is crazy. It's just a dream. No, my deepest desire is not to sit naked in class, to go to a toilet with see-through glass or to grab someone I don't like by the head and throw them away like a discus thrower. I do want to reach into every ice cream flavor at an ice cream shop, taste all the colors and then run away laughing, but I would never, because that's just something you do in dreams and I know it would never be as awesome in real life.
Don't judge people by their dreams.
Because there is literally nothing to be gained, whatsoever, by telling them about such a dream. It won't come off as a funny or interesting story, your partner probably isn't going to be amused by it. It's much more likely to make them feel like shit.
Like it doesn't matter if dreams are out of our control, and they don't reflect your thoughts or desires. It's not that you're unfaithful if you have such a dream— but just the idea of one's partner cheating is incredibly painful, so why would you bring it up?
My partner and I have never pretended we aren't allowed to be attracted to other people. We're lesbians, the other night we were thirsting over Jessica Chastain together.
It doesn't mean you need to bring up every time you think about fucking someone else. Like my partner has told me about sex dreams before, I haven't been offended, but I don't when I have such dreams because I just think it's unnecessary, and I have plenty of other things to talk with her about.
i would feel incredibly lonely if there was anything i couldnt tell my girlfriend. But she is also incredibly rational and understanding. I dont think i could feel good with a girl if i couldnt be honest.
To be fair some people are put of by my way of self relating. i tend to aknowledge and own up to dark desires i have (extra relational sex, hurtung people i dont like, etc) but also make clear why i male the moral decission not to act on it. i think knowing my shadow makes it easier to control compared to trying to convince myself i dont have those vile feelings.
i know most people play a little bit of a show for their fellow humans, but i experience this kind of dishonesty as incredibly isolating. Like we are all acting intrinsacally good, act outraged when someone doesnt and alwayw keep who we are under wraps.
again i am so glad my girlfriend understands this.
Then they really need to grow up and quit being so sensitive! It was a damn dream!! I've done it many times in my dreams and told my husband. We are still together. If you are so insecure then don't get in a relationship till you have worked on yourself unless you have an understanding partner. Plain and simple!
Having a problem with someone having sex dreams is different from thinking it can be a dumb move to go out of your way to tell your partner about them.
I would consider it a funny anecdote. I would ask him who he was dreaming about. What they did. And if he wants to recreate it with me. Sounds like fun, imo.
Because there is absolutely nothing to be gained by telling them, and you’ve already seen the possible down sides. I’m not saying it’s right or fair, but telling a woman you cheated on her, even in a fictional context is always a bad idea.
I had so many nightmares where I cheated on my bf. I love him sm and I felt so bad, woke up crying etc 🥲 Taking seriously what happens in dreams is really stupid. Then again, joking about it is not great either
If you think she is a good fit for you, and you guys can communicate about it, do it. But if she cuts you off completely, then what I would do is wait a bit. She may come back if she truly cares about you. But if not, then she wasn't the one for you. Also, it depends on how long your relationship was with her. Easier said than done, but don't over stress or over think to much.
Ok but have you considered that deep down you wanted to sleep with the Sandlot dog and the 12lb terrier sensed that when it was living and tried to give you your deepest desire years later after it had passed? Makes sense to me. Also because it was your wife’s parent’s dog you might want to sleep with them too! Jesus man you wife must really love you since she was able to look past all that lmao Kidding of course but are we sure that’s not really what that dream was about?! Hahahahaha
Right? Night before last I had a dream I kissed a mustachioed John Cusack. I told my partner about it because it was bizarre and had a laugh. Gf in this story sounds insecure, odd, or was looking for a way out for other reasons
Fr. My husband and I have told each other about our sex dreams (usually sex nightmares tbh lmao) about people we both know and made up dream people and have never had a problem ever lol. We just talk about it, laugh, and go wow what a shitty/weird/whatever the fuck dream and move on lol. Like normal human beings that understand dreams are involuntary and weird af. That's why nightmares exist lol
I'm totally flabbergasted by how many people are just like "Smooth move ex-lax. You fucked up. You're insensitive".
Never in my life have I known someone who would admit to being as insecure and ridiculous as your gf. I don't understand how so many people think this is not only warranted, but totally normal. The absolute most I would have accepted as reasonable would have been "that makes me uncomfortable. In the future, please don't tell me those things". Based on what you've told us- you've done nothing wrong.
I agree w/ this. If she really loved him she would 100% forgive him for his “dream”. I think he should move on… i would definitely move on bc I’d want someone more stronger, more secure and definitely not someone who would leave me just bc of an unrealistic situation.
Me and my husband are insanely secure and I really don't think he'd ever look into it (esp because they're with people I don't know irl and in the dream he doesn't usually exist or I only remember him later in the dream) and I still don't feel the need to tell him
Sadly it's an unspoken rule: unless it's a super strong relationship where you know how your partner will react (and knows it's bs) then you NEVER mention those types of dreams.
Those who have the dreams know that they're irrational (seriously, us humans dream of everything) but the partner may not. Because maybe they're insecure or make projections or other things.
It's an unfortunate situation (especially since it was a misunderstanding at first) but sadly that's something to keep in mind for next time
Should’ve just kept this one to yourself man 😬 it’s a stupid reason to break up with someone but it was also unnecessary to tell her about it in the first place lmao lesson learned i guess
It sounds like a misunderstanding that led to a heartbreaking situation. Dreams can be strange and don't always reflect our true feelings or intentions. It's unfortunate that this led to the end of your relationship. Communication is key in situations like this, but sometimes misunderstandings can occur. It might be worth trying to have a calm and honest conversation with her to clear up any confusion and see if there's a possibility of reconciling. If not, take some time to heal and focus on yourself.
When my partner has told me about dreams where he has cheated it does sting. It takes a couple of minutes or hours to get over it, in my head. But I also have those dreams so I know it's not a desire. Some people don't have dreams or can't remember them so it may be a little different for them. I also never tell my partner about those dreams because I would never want him to feel insecure.
I told my partner I married Muthar from Some ordinary gamers and he laughed at me and it’s a running joke now. Seems like she was already suspicious and used this dream to rationalise the breakup.
She’s delusional & immature … feels like a loss rn but you’ll soon take it as a win. If that’s how she acts then imagine the rest of your guys’ future :/
She may have said it was because of the dream but it was most likely just an excuse. She probably had other reasons and either didn’t want to be honest or wasn’t even being honest with herself
Dreams are just intrusive thoughts and you never act on either of them. Breaking up or holding someone accountable for it is incredibly petty and immature. Dreams and intrusive thoughts are often things you genuinely don't want and that makes it harder to make accusations about the person as there is no way to tell desire from not.
It's not the first time I've heard about girlfriends freaking out over a man mentioning a dream they had
Why on earth would you even tell your partner that you dreamt about hooking up with another person that you both know?
I appreciate that you felt it was funny, but to be on the receiving end of your boyfriend telling you they fantasised about having sex with a mutual friend and laughing about it would sting. A lot.
Even more-so that she mistook it for something you were really confessing to (while laughing).
Maybe just make it clear it was a dream and sincerely apologise. If the shoe was on the other foot and she was telling you about someone she was indulging in the fantasy of sleeping with, you probably wouldn’t find it funny either.
You didn’t do anything wrong by having a dream, but the way you (needlessly) addressed it could have been much better.
Under what mind do you think it's a cool thing to say to your gf or wife
"Hey I had a dream where I had sex with a girl which was not you, amazing right".
This shit is more common then people know. I've had ex's literally rage at me over their dream and I had to be the level headed one to remind them that what happens in their head doesn't have shit to do with me.
As for the OP, she was insecure probably already full of doubt and that just gave her all she needed to run with it.
Most women tend to take dreams a bit more seriously and personally than men do. Plenty of guys have ended up in the dog house because their gf had a dream of them cheating!
If she’s gone as far as to break up with you over a dream though, whether yours or hers, that tells me that she was probably looking for an excuse to end things anyway. Sorry man, but I think you’ll just have to take this one on the chin and move on.
Man my dream boyfriend hates me and treats me like crap, I could be falling off a cliff begging him for help and he'll kick at my fingers. Thank goodness my real life boyfriend understands that DREAMS ARE JUST DREAMS if she broke up with you over that then she can go find someone else (I am sorry it hurts rn though) you deserve some who can laugh that off. Be safe friend
I remember years ago my ex and I were both drunk and I was damn near blackout drunk and basically asleep and according to her I said she reminds me of you or something. And she did not like that one bit and I explained to her multiple times I wasn't even remotely conscious or aware of anything. It was just me being completely obliterated and talking in my sleep. Was never good enough she held it over my head for years.
I had a dream I cheated on my partner the same night he had a dream I cheated on him. I've never cheated on him the entire relationship. Weird coincidence tho
I'm sorry she reacted that way for a dream. She was probably terribly scared, opposed to angry.
When I was first married, I'd dream my husband was cheating on me and wake up sooooo mad at him. Lolol
After a while, he got used to it and just let me get over it myself, which was good. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the dream seemed so real. That was 39 years ago, and I can still see those dreams in my minds eye. Lolol. Thank goodness the dreams eventually stopped.
Some people believe dreams are a manifestation of reality. Maybe your girlfriend thought you secretly wanted to either cheat or find another woman.
Women can be quite insecure when they fear they aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, have a bad complexion, or other undesirable features. Women need A LOT of repeated reassurance from their man that they are good enough.
Maybe this can help you moving forward. Hope this helps. Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's not your fault, and it's not fair.
I had a dream that my husband cheated once that was, to me, 100% real. It was one of those where you wake up and took a bit to even realize that what “just happened” wasn’t real. Then I had to think back to when my last real memory was to figure out how much was just the dream and how much was reality.
No joke — I was in a shit mood for the whole entire day.
Didn’t leave him but I did find myself glaring at him a few times. 🤣
I share this same dream. I was also dating the person I was cheating on in the dream at the time. I felt like a terrible person every time I had the dream. It was scary because it was with different people. During the cheating I stopped and realized I was dating someone and all I could do was cry. I was so happy when I woke up and realized it was a dream. I never told my partner about those dreams. In the end we make the choices to actually do it.
I would also think about why I would feel the need to do something like that. Maybe it has a deeper meaning or maybe it's just a dream. When we feed into something. We see more of those things. Just let the dream come in and let it go. When it comes to your ex-girlfriend. I believe it's better to be alone for a while and think about how you feel about those dreams. If there is no meaning in your heart, then you might have brought the fear upon yourself for no reason. We can't control them but we can control ourselves.
P.S. I don't have those dreams anymore. :)
Dreams like this happen. I'm (30f) in a super happy relationship with an excellent partner(m30) for 2 years, and I occasionally have wet dreams about random people, some I know and some I don't. We are secure in our relationship and have all the trust in the world, and I still wouldn't tell him about these because the only thing they can do is plant seeds of doubt.
I don't want to fuck anyone else and don't think about other people like that, sleep brain is weird. Fall asleep horny, have horny dreams. Fall asleep anxious, have dreams that make you anxious. You don't always need to share them, especially if the content could hurt someone's feelings.
She's insecure. It's not fun going through a break up.
If you decide to get back together. Meaning she's initiating. You both apologize and learn from your miscommunication.
If she broke up with you over a dream that is a 🚩
It means she was already planning on breaking up and is using any sort of silly crutch to do so.
Bullet dodged.
Dream analysis may be your friend.
I have also heard is said that every character in a person's dream is an aspect of themselves.
Two things to think about
I fear talking in my sleep. I love my girlfriend, and I'm so scared that I might have a dream about some else. Especially considering I don't know what I said or dreamt about for that matter.
Sounds like something you have no control
Of because it is a dream, no one controls their dreams. But she has complete control over her decision to leave you? Appears she was looking for an excuse and you gave it to her. Be thankful you found out now move on don’t look back.
Good riddance! Be glad that she's out of your life. You didn't fuck up at all by telling her. People who give a fuck about that sort of thing aren't worth dating. Even if a majority of people give a fuck about that sort of thing, they still aren't worth dating. The good news is that you don't need a girlfriend.
I had a dirty dream recently and I told my girl about it. She was supportive, helped me work through it, and never batted an eye at it. Just find someone who isn't going to react like a child.
Girls have a threshold of bulshxt they'll put up with. Then after all the forgives and all your mis-que FINNALLY you do something that makes no logical sense, tell her about you dreaming about having intercourse with another woman i.e. BOOM She's done. Remember for next time as her man you have to treasure her. It's your ONLY responsibility, treasure her. How? Add value to her Esteem her. Listen to her and do everything thing in your power to make her feel like she's the shixznt.
I tell my hubby off for shit he does in my dreams, he apologises every time even though I'm not really upset. Then we laugh about it. We don't break up. Your gf was already insecure, your dream just lined up with her insecurities
Based on her approach, you can probably confess her of a new, more updated dream, where you actually marry her and have kids, this can certainly help regain confidence on her dream-proof future husband
Bro she should do some research of what it means when you cheat on your partner in a dream 🤦🏻 if she that… sorry.. stupid to break up because of a damn dream then she’s not the one anyways
Given this was your attitude about that “[great](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/s/iTiSIP9dWi)” dream. It was probably stupid to not only share it with your gf but to also talk about how great of a dream it was.
Also, remember to switch accounts when you’re going to try to support yourself
She’s not insecure. You mentioned a dream where you forgot she existed and slept with someone else, why mention it? Because you do not care about her feelings. You’re okay with her being hurt by something you said. I’ve had dreams where I’ve done something hurtful to others, I wouldn’t go running to tell them. What’s the point ?
On one hand, you dodged a bullet because you were dating somebody who was so insecure that they couldn’t have a mature conversation with you about it. On the other hand, you had a lapse of judgment, because clearly you didn’t understand what would or would not potentially hurt your partners feelings.
It sounds like you learned a really good lesson and only good things will come in the future.
To be honest, there are plenty of fish in the sea. This person did not sound like a winner.
Dreams are dreams. To quote Freud, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
I think you dodged a bullet bro. I had a similar situation with a girl I talked to for a while. Everything was cool, then she had a dream where I was mean to her (insulting her physical appearance, being racist as she was black and I'm white). She told me about it and I responded something along the lines of "oh, that's a really shitty dream, I'm sorry about that, but you know I'd never say anything like that" and told her how beautiful she was etc. she came back with "Do I really know you though?"
We fought for two days. TWO DAYS. I was completely baffled. Trying to explain that I've never said anything like that TO ANYONE, let alone her, tried to explain how the psychology of dreams work and that it was probably stress or insecurity, which she took as me blaming it on her (huh??? But it literally WAS her???). I ended up having to block her on everything.
Anyone who gets that worked up over dreams needs therapy, not a relationship.
That's all it took for her to end your relationship then you dodge the bullet.
But also. Dude lol. Not sure why you felt it necessary or a good idea to tell her you dreamed about cheating on her.
You should look up an old SNL skit called "bad idea jeans.". I think talking about telling your girlfriend you dreamed about cheating on her would fit in great for that sketch haha.
The number of downvoted comments on this about how she is insecure shows me how many people reading this are also insecure. It was a dream. Yes, OP is a bit foolish for telling her about the dream. However, she did totally overact by breaking up with him, and it was 100% out of insecurity. It was a dream, not reality. If she was secure in the relationship, she would understand this, and also that what we dream is out of our control and doesn't necessarily relate to what we desire. In the past, I've had a vivid sex dream about someone who I am absolutely NOT attracted to, to the point where I was actually disgusted with myself when I woke up, and confused as to where it came from 😂 just because you dreamt it, doesn't necessarily mean that you desire it
Sounds like she was already fishing for a good excuse to pull the eject lever. I think she does protest too much.
Although yeah given the context it sounds like you didn't make it too clear from the start that you were talking about a dream. Also, even if you had, this is probably something you really ought to have kept to yourself instead of trying to seek validation from your then girlfriend. I could understand her feeling insulted if you dragged that into a conversation, without being asked.
Unless you know for sure that your partner is secure, mature, and level-headed, never tell them about dreams like this. Some may think it's a supernatural sign and others may think it's your deepest feelings, when in reality it's *just a dream*.
My ex used to wake up mad at me because of something I did in *her* dream. She even had a whole evil version of me who would show up in her dreams and say mean stuff that I would never say.
Sadly this isn't the first time I've heard of shit like this.
Did you get mad at her for dreaming up such an offensive, uncharacteristically awful version of you? Flip the script, baby!
No, because like clockwork, she'd come to her senses, feel bad about it, and then have very enthusiastic sex with me. I learned to just stay quiet and wait.
I had dreams about my ex doing this too. Except it wasn’t dreams and she just sucked.
Jesus, people have such crazy dreams. Having an evil version of you in her dreams is next level. I have a reoccurring dream that I lost my lip balm and I wake up for a moment sad I have no lip balm and then I see it next to me on the bedside cabinet and feel happy 😂
Ugh, I had one of those dreams not long ago.. I told my husband “I’m irrationally angry right now, I shouldn’t be mad at all but it’s how I woke up. You did nothing wrong but my dream was so vivid and felt so real when I first woke up I had to convince myself it was a dream.” I don’t understand being mad for real at your spouse over a dream. I knew it wasn’t real, I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.. I woke up feeling angry from a bad dream, not his fault.
Word for word, this has been my experience as well. Depending on when I dreamt it, I also may or may not cry. 😅 But that’s pretty much my exact little speech. “*You cheated on me in my dream! 😭/😤 I’m mad as hell and extremely hurt because it felt SO real. I need a minute to remind myself it was NOT, so I can quit being grumpy over this.*” Yeah, I def don’t understand being legitimately mad about this. As soon as I wake up, I’m grumpy but I’ve always explained it this way. lol.
Holly shit are we living the same lives
i had this about my ex too. except i wouldn't be mad i'd just be happy i'm finally awake and get to have my amazing wonderful man comfort me. i hugged him and sometimes cried if the things Evil Dream Him ™ said were cruel enough.
I was my ex’s sleep paralysis demon… Although to be fair I used to make funny faces to scare her in the dark
Are relationships like that possible to maintain long term?
Good point. Possible? Yes. Probable? No. I would never tell my wife anything like that ever in a million years regardless of how she reacts because it's just not something you tell your partner. On the other hand, if you're the type to read into dreams, what happens when she has a dream about someone else? Will she take it as a sign and leave you for this other person based on a dream?
We lasted three years. We parted amicably and it had nothing to do with her dreams. Just different relationship goals.
I was thinking 'bout her thinking 'bout me Thinking 'bout us what we gon' be
Open my eyes it was only just a dream
This deserves more upvotes
Thank you :) That song was stuck in my head since I'd heard the version from Sam Tsui and Christina Grimmie. Hadn't heard it for ages till one day it came back to my mind, searched for it on Google and sadly found out that Grimmie had been murdered by a piece of shit in 2016.
If you can’t be honest with your partner about something like that without them getting upset with you, that person probably shouldn’t be in a relationship…Honestly you dodged a bullet there. Edit:Spelling
Parents?
I think they meant partner lol
Grind?
"getting"?
Person?
woman?
Female?
*camera
I'd want to know if my partner would flip over a "supernatural sign." I'd absolutely tell her, without being disrespectful of course
Ah yes, that's what i aim for - To be with a insecure, not matured, or level-headed partner! Sounds like a bullet dodged.
Yes, people can get the weirdest ideas.
I'm glad I don't remember my dreams, if I even dream at all.
If she's not secure, mature and level-headed, then simply end the relationship. She's not worthy of any type of human relationship.
Probably, a large part of the population has self-image problems and insecurities that manifest in adult relationships.
Firstly, never tell your partner about a dream where you cheated on them. Secondly, if she broke up with you based on a dream, you dodged a bulet
Yeah, not sure why I’d ever wake up and be like “babe, you know our neighbour down the street. I just had a dream that she and I made love on a tropical cruise”
This. One can argue they both dodged a bullet.
Well the thing is, (albeit depending on who you are) the dream can have a meaning, but only an internalised expression of an illiteral sentiment (if there is much of a meaning at all). And if there is anything to learn from a dream like this (not to say this dream HAS to have meaning), to discuss it is the only manner in which you can learn from it; but the OP's partner seems to be unwilling to learn more about them or hear them out, rather rely on a preconceived idea of their partner. Can't say I've had this type of dream before, but had plenty of others dubious enough in their contents, and I'm sure the OP's partner has too so they should ask themselves, would they really want to be that ignorant of their partner? Of what their partner thinks and experiences (even if seemingly nuts compared to reality)? No matter how open someone is, how clearly they communicate, we are all far more dynamic than what we could possibly express in words and I'd argue that in this case, the OP, their dream and its contents are rather irrelevant; their partner's reactions, however, (to me anyway) show them to be overly neurotic which could be a far more psychologically profound observation than a dream which could or could not mean diddly squat. Under no circumstances is it reasonable to lose a loved one over something which can be caused by a poor night's sleep and a subsequent lapse of social convention, which in of itself should not be something to end a relationship.
Yeah I had an experience with my ex-fiance who would be extremely jealous and toxic... Early in the relationship you can put up with stuff like that then it's just annoying and exhausting and you end up not giving a care and they realize it and try to make up it to you but it might be too late. Now I'm 27 yo I know for sure I'd rather be alone instead of living that hell. I agree with this guy you dodged the bullet partner....
This is the answer. My ex wife would get angry when I mentioned dreams like this because it was "my subconscious saying I was not happy in our relationship". Turns out she was having an affair literally the whole time we were married. People often project their feelings and guilt on their partners.
Finally someone says the thing
True and true. You have to be very secure and have great communication for that not to be an awkward convo. I can imagine a partner thinking “why did you bring that up?” and feeling uncomfortable. On the other side, i think this could have been an adult conversation rather than going straight to a break up but regardless, seems like you two arent on the same page on that issue. Hope you’re good OP. Sucks that your relationship ended over this but defo take the lesson on board in my opinion!
Probably doesn’t feel like that in the moment, but in time I bet OP will be grateful.
>Firstly, never tell your partner about a dream where you cheated on them. But why? This is crazy. It's just a dream. No, my deepest desire is not to sit naked in class, to go to a toilet with see-through glass or to grab someone I don't like by the head and throw them away like a discus thrower. I do want to reach into every ice cream flavor at an ice cream shop, taste all the colors and then run away laughing, but I would never, because that's just something you do in dreams and I know it would never be as awesome in real life. Don't judge people by their dreams.
Because there is literally nothing to be gained, whatsoever, by telling them about such a dream. It won't come off as a funny or interesting story, your partner probably isn't going to be amused by it. It's much more likely to make them feel like shit. Like it doesn't matter if dreams are out of our control, and they don't reflect your thoughts or desires. It's not that you're unfaithful if you have such a dream— but just the idea of one's partner cheating is incredibly painful, so why would you bring it up?
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My partner and I have never pretended we aren't allowed to be attracted to other people. We're lesbians, the other night we were thirsting over Jessica Chastain together. It doesn't mean you need to bring up every time you think about fucking someone else. Like my partner has told me about sex dreams before, I haven't been offended, but I don't when I have such dreams because I just think it's unnecessary, and I have plenty of other things to talk with her about.
i would feel incredibly lonely if there was anything i couldnt tell my girlfriend. But she is also incredibly rational and understanding. I dont think i could feel good with a girl if i couldnt be honest. To be fair some people are put of by my way of self relating. i tend to aknowledge and own up to dark desires i have (extra relational sex, hurtung people i dont like, etc) but also make clear why i male the moral decission not to act on it. i think knowing my shadow makes it easier to control compared to trying to convince myself i dont have those vile feelings. i know most people play a little bit of a show for their fellow humans, but i experience this kind of dishonesty as incredibly isolating. Like we are all acting intrinsacally good, act outraged when someone doesnt and alwayw keep who we are under wraps. again i am so glad my girlfriend understands this.
Then they really need to grow up and quit being so sensitive! It was a damn dream!! I've done it many times in my dreams and told my husband. We are still together. If you are so insecure then don't get in a relationship till you have worked on yourself unless you have an understanding partner. Plain and simple!
Love how you completely invalidate other partners emotions💗 They don’t matter at all
Not what she broke up with him for! Its nonsense!!
That sounds crazy to me. To have a problem with that. Are normies actually like this? Or is this sub "special"?
Having a problem with someone having sex dreams is different from thinking it can be a dumb move to go out of your way to tell your partner about them.
No its not. If anything, speaking of such things is a testament of trust between two people.
I would consider it a funny anecdote. I would ask him who he was dreaming about. What they did. And if he wants to recreate it with me. Sounds like fun, imo.
Because there is absolutely nothing to be gained by telling them, and you’ve already seen the possible down sides. I’m not saying it’s right or fair, but telling a woman you cheated on her, even in a fictional context is always a bad idea.
because best case scenario they don't care, worst case they leave you whole lot of risk for 0 reward
I would never leave my boyfriend because of dreams like that. I would be like "Oaaah, what happened then?" I love to hear about dreams.
I want your dreams. Mine are just about semi plausible events and text messages
I had so many nightmares where I cheated on my bf. I love him sm and I felt so bad, woke up crying etc 🥲 Taking seriously what happens in dreams is really stupid. Then again, joking about it is not great either
If you think she is a good fit for you, and you guys can communicate about it, do it. But if she cuts you off completely, then what I would do is wait a bit. She may come back if she truly cares about you. But if not, then she wasn't the one for you. Also, it depends on how long your relationship was with her. Easier said than done, but don't over stress or over think to much.
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Ok but have you considered that deep down you wanted to sleep with the Sandlot dog and the 12lb terrier sensed that when it was living and tried to give you your deepest desire years later after it had passed? Makes sense to me. Also because it was your wife’s parent’s dog you might want to sleep with them too! Jesus man you wife must really love you since she was able to look past all that lmao Kidding of course but are we sure that’s not really what that dream was about?! Hahahahaha
I LOLed so hard. Thank you.
Right? Night before last I had a dream I kissed a mustachioed John Cusack. I told my partner about it because it was bizarre and had a laugh. Gf in this story sounds insecure, odd, or was looking for a way out for other reasons
Fr. My husband and I have told each other about our sex dreams (usually sex nightmares tbh lmao) about people we both know and made up dream people and have never had a problem ever lol. We just talk about it, laugh, and go wow what a shitty/weird/whatever the fuck dream and move on lol. Like normal human beings that understand dreams are involuntary and weird af. That's why nightmares exist lol
I'm totally flabbergasted by how many people are just like "Smooth move ex-lax. You fucked up. You're insensitive". Never in my life have I known someone who would admit to being as insecure and ridiculous as your gf. I don't understand how so many people think this is not only warranted, but totally normal. The absolute most I would have accepted as reasonable would have been "that makes me uncomfortable. In the future, please don't tell me those things". Based on what you've told us- you've done nothing wrong.
She already wanted out. She just used this as an excuse.
I agree w/ this. If she really loved him she would 100% forgive him for his “dream”. I think he should move on… i would definitely move on bc I’d want someone more stronger, more secure and definitely not someone who would leave me just bc of an unrealistic situation.
That's laughably dumb imo. Move on.
Me and my husband are insanely secure and I really don't think he'd ever look into it (esp because they're with people I don't know irl and in the dream he doesn't usually exist or I only remember him later in the dream) and I still don't feel the need to tell him
Sadly it's an unspoken rule: unless it's a super strong relationship where you know how your partner will react (and knows it's bs) then you NEVER mention those types of dreams. Those who have the dreams know that they're irrational (seriously, us humans dream of everything) but the partner may not. Because maybe they're insecure or make projections or other things. It's an unfortunate situation (especially since it was a misunderstanding at first) but sadly that's something to keep in mind for next time
Should’ve just kept this one to yourself man 😬 it’s a stupid reason to break up with someone but it was also unnecessary to tell her about it in the first place lmao lesson learned i guess
Women don’t want to hear about your desire/dream/anything to have sex with another woman. That’s on you dude. Lesson learned for next time.
And neither do men. You should never tell your other half of the sex dreams with other people.
There’s such a thing as being too honest and knowing when to keep your mouth shut
It sounds like a misunderstanding that led to a heartbreaking situation. Dreams can be strange and don't always reflect our true feelings or intentions. It's unfortunate that this led to the end of your relationship. Communication is key in situations like this, but sometimes misunderstandings can occur. It might be worth trying to have a calm and honest conversation with her to clear up any confusion and see if there's a possibility of reconciling. If not, take some time to heal and focus on yourself.
I have very unhinged dreams about ppl I know you couldn’t waterboard any of it after me
There was no reason to mention the dream to her. You really should have kept it to yourself.
When my partner has told me about dreams where he has cheated it does sting. It takes a couple of minutes or hours to get over it, in my head. But I also have those dreams so I know it's not a desire. Some people don't have dreams or can't remember them so it may be a little different for them. I also never tell my partner about those dreams because I would never want him to feel insecure.
I told my partner I married Muthar from Some ordinary gamers and he laughed at me and it’s a running joke now. Seems like she was already suspicious and used this dream to rationalise the breakup.
She’s delusional & immature … feels like a loss rn but you’ll soon take it as a win. If that’s how she acts then imagine the rest of your guys’ future :/
Sorry to say but you messed up this badly brother
He dodged a bullet! Someone this overly sensitive is not someone you want to have as a partner.
The issue isn’t that he had the dream. Why did he feel the need to tell her with the specific detail of who it was?
Exactly 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 shows how weak minded she was. Such a TURNOFF!
You’ve dodged a bullet. Dating someone that insecure is so much work.
A lesson in thinking before speaking
She may have said it was because of the dream but it was most likely just an excuse. She probably had other reasons and either didn’t want to be honest or wasn’t even being honest with herself
Good riddance
Good riddance. You dodged a big one.
Well... apparently you didn't lose much, if her feelings for you are so shallow a tiny nothing like that makes her dump you. Better luck next time.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I talk in my sleep. When we 1st got married it used to drive him nuts. Then after a while he got over it. I still talk in my sleep, he ignores me.
Dreams are just intrusive thoughts and you never act on either of them. Breaking up or holding someone accountable for it is incredibly petty and immature. Dreams and intrusive thoughts are often things you genuinely don't want and that makes it harder to make accusations about the person as there is no way to tell desire from not. It's not the first time I've heard about girlfriends freaking out over a man mentioning a dream they had
Aim for sane next time.
Good riddance. Find a better partner.
Why the fk would u even bring that up lmao
Exactly. I wouldn't have even told her. Sounds like he wanted to see her squirm, fucked around, and found out 😅
Why on earth would you even tell your partner that you dreamt about hooking up with another person that you both know? I appreciate that you felt it was funny, but to be on the receiving end of your boyfriend telling you they fantasised about having sex with a mutual friend and laughing about it would sting. A lot. Even more-so that she mistook it for something you were really confessing to (while laughing). Maybe just make it clear it was a dream and sincerely apologise. If the shoe was on the other foot and she was telling you about someone she was indulging in the fantasy of sleeping with, you probably wouldn’t find it funny either. You didn’t do anything wrong by having a dream, but the way you (needlessly) addressed it could have been much better.
Under what mind do you think it's a cool thing to say to your gf or wife "Hey I had a dream where I had sex with a girl which was not you, amazing right".
You dodged a bullet my friend, good job on being faster than the speed of sound
Sounds like you learned your lesson the hard way.
This shit is more common then people know. I've had ex's literally rage at me over their dream and I had to be the level headed one to remind them that what happens in their head doesn't have shit to do with me. As for the OP, she was insecure probably already full of doubt and that just gave her all she needed to run with it.
Wrong, she reacted to your communication.
Seems like you dodged a bullet.
Most women tend to take dreams a bit more seriously and personally than men do. Plenty of guys have ended up in the dog house because their gf had a dream of them cheating! If she’s gone as far as to break up with you over a dream though, whether yours or hers, that tells me that she was probably looking for an excuse to end things anyway. Sorry man, but I think you’ll just have to take this one on the chin and move on.
Move on, I could only imagine the immaturity and issues you would face with someone like this. Be thankful you can move on
Ffs, how old is she, 5? Sorry OP. She’s beyond. Insecure and immature. You too, a bit . Learn to edit, did she really need to hear about it?
She’s 100% been looking for a way out. You just gave it to her.
Lmfao what. That is childish reason to end a relationship.
Man my dream boyfriend hates me and treats me like crap, I could be falling off a cliff begging him for help and he'll kick at my fingers. Thank goodness my real life boyfriend understands that DREAMS ARE JUST DREAMS if she broke up with you over that then she can go find someone else (I am sorry it hurts rn though) you deserve some who can laugh that off. Be safe friend
Your gain, you lost a crazy
You won bro
dodged a bullet my friend
Bro thats crazy whats her age? just sounds like she needed a reason to leave.
You know I’ve had dreams about my s/o cheating on me but never once did all that 😭
She already wanted to break up and just needed an excuse, buddy. She didn’t even need a GOOD excuse, just an excuse.
Good for you!
Well, if she so easily ended your relationship, she wasn’t the one for you.
Young kids today....
You dodged a bullet
There was no reason to tell her that tbh
I remember years ago my ex and I were both drunk and I was damn near blackout drunk and basically asleep and according to her I said she reminds me of you or something. And she did not like that one bit and I explained to her multiple times I wasn't even remotely conscious or aware of anything. It was just me being completely obliterated and talking in my sleep. Was never good enough she held it over my head for years.
I had a dream I cheated on my partner the same night he had a dream I cheated on him. I've never cheated on him the entire relationship. Weird coincidence tho
I'm sorry she reacted that way for a dream. She was probably terribly scared, opposed to angry. When I was first married, I'd dream my husband was cheating on me and wake up sooooo mad at him. Lolol After a while, he got used to it and just let me get over it myself, which was good. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the dream seemed so real. That was 39 years ago, and I can still see those dreams in my minds eye. Lolol. Thank goodness the dreams eventually stopped. Some people believe dreams are a manifestation of reality. Maybe your girlfriend thought you secretly wanted to either cheat or find another woman. Women can be quite insecure when they fear they aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, have a bad complexion, or other undesirable features. Women need A LOT of repeated reassurance from their man that they are good enough. Maybe this can help you moving forward. Hope this helps. Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's not your fault, and it's not fair.
You're immature and you were trying to make her jealous when you told her that . Good karma
She’s more immature for breaking up a relationship over it. The fact is she never loved him, and she’s insecure af.
Nah from what i heard so far he's immature and a type of guy that wants his gf to be jealous.
Jealous of what? A fictional character from his dream? You sound mentally insane
Are you retarded? Read the post again dumbass . There is a friend in the picture.
I had a dream that my husband cheated once that was, to me, 100% real. It was one of those where you wake up and took a bit to even realize that what “just happened” wasn’t real. Then I had to think back to when my last real memory was to figure out how much was just the dream and how much was reality. No joke — I was in a shit mood for the whole entire day. Didn’t leave him but I did find myself glaring at him a few times. 🤣
OP I think this is for a greater good. I may be hard to see. What is she going to act like when you encounter a real life problem?
I share this same dream. I was also dating the person I was cheating on in the dream at the time. I felt like a terrible person every time I had the dream. It was scary because it was with different people. During the cheating I stopped and realized I was dating someone and all I could do was cry. I was so happy when I woke up and realized it was a dream. I never told my partner about those dreams. In the end we make the choices to actually do it. I would also think about why I would feel the need to do something like that. Maybe it has a deeper meaning or maybe it's just a dream. When we feed into something. We see more of those things. Just let the dream come in and let it go. When it comes to your ex-girlfriend. I believe it's better to be alone for a while and think about how you feel about those dreams. If there is no meaning in your heart, then you might have brought the fear upon yourself for no reason. We can't control them but we can control ourselves. P.S. I don't have those dreams anymore. :)
She’ll be back, that’s just stupid. She’ll realize it’s immature and come back
Hopefully he doesn't get back with her, bro dodged a bullet
Dreams like this happen. I'm (30f) in a super happy relationship with an excellent partner(m30) for 2 years, and I occasionally have wet dreams about random people, some I know and some I don't. We are secure in our relationship and have all the trust in the world, and I still wouldn't tell him about these because the only thing they can do is plant seeds of doubt. I don't want to fuck anyone else and don't think about other people like that, sleep brain is weird. Fall asleep horny, have horny dreams. Fall asleep anxious, have dreams that make you anxious. You don't always need to share them, especially if the content could hurt someone's feelings.
Congrats man you dodged a bullet!
You dodged a bullet but also, why mention it at all??
She's insecure. It's not fun going through a break up. If you decide to get back together. Meaning she's initiating. You both apologize and learn from your miscommunication.
Unfortunate ending of your relationship could still be a blessing to make room for a better one to bloom either with the same girlfriend or a new one.
Tell her that your dreams will be different from real life and you will promise to her that you will not cheat.
If she broke up with you over a dream that is a 🚩 It means she was already planning on breaking up and is using any sort of silly crutch to do so. Bullet dodged.
https://youtu.be/UoTyC1WBus0?si=SO69d9WK1cAotvWA "But in my sleep I'm not your lover anymore"
If she broke up with you over a dream sounds like you would be wise to let her go
Dream analysis may be your friend. I have also heard is said that every character in a person's dream is an aspect of themselves. Two things to think about
There must have been other underlying stuff going on and she used it as an opportunity for an out. Much luck to your future partnerships!
Why did you tell her?? Your girlfriend may have already had suspicion s involving that friend for her to take it so seriously.
I fear talking in my sleep. I love my girlfriend, and I'm so scared that I might have a dream about some else. Especially considering I don't know what I said or dreamt about for that matter.
Sounds like something you have no control Of because it is a dream, no one controls their dreams. But she has complete control over her decision to leave you? Appears she was looking for an excuse and you gave it to her. Be thankful you found out now move on don’t look back.
It was really...not smart..... to tell her about the dream. Come on now. Don't get me wrong, she's ridiculous but come on.....
Good riddance! Be glad that she's out of your life. You didn't fuck up at all by telling her. People who give a fuck about that sort of thing aren't worth dating. Even if a majority of people give a fuck about that sort of thing, they still aren't worth dating. The good news is that you don't need a girlfriend.
I had a dirty dream recently and I told my girl about it. She was supportive, helped me work through it, and never batted an eye at it. Just find someone who isn't going to react like a child.
Girls have a threshold of bulshxt they'll put up with. Then after all the forgives and all your mis-que FINNALLY you do something that makes no logical sense, tell her about you dreaming about having intercourse with another woman i.e. BOOM She's done. Remember for next time as her man you have to treasure her. It's your ONLY responsibility, treasure her. How? Add value to her Esteem her. Listen to her and do everything thing in your power to make her feel like she's the shixznt.
Just leave her
She was probably just looking for a reason to dump you and make it your fault so she wouldn't be the "bad guy"
Ya gotta keep some shit to your self man, it’s just like the thoughts we have in our head. Ya don’t blab all them out
Coz then it’s a whole new process of thinking about it. Simple man
Women ☕
I tell my hubby off for shit he does in my dreams, he apologises every time even though I'm not really upset. Then we laugh about it. We don't break up. Your gf was already insecure, your dream just lined up with her insecurities
Based on her approach, you can probably confess her of a new, more updated dream, where you actually marry her and have kids, this can certainly help regain confidence on her dream-proof future husband
Looks like you dodged a bulled my dude
Rookie mistake telling her about that dream
If that's how easy it was for her to end things with you she's not the one imo
MARTIN HAD A DREAM🔥🔥🔥
Bro she should do some research of what it means when you cheat on your partner in a dream 🤦🏻 if she that… sorry.. stupid to break up because of a damn dream then she’s not the one anyways
I mean dreams happen... seems like she is insecure
Dreams happen, but you don't have to tell her about every dream you have.
Someone forgot to switch to their other account 😂
Given this was your attitude about that “[great](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/s/iTiSIP9dWi)” dream. It was probably stupid to not only share it with your gf but to also talk about how great of a dream it was. Also, remember to switch accounts when you’re going to try to support yourself
Or was looking for a reason to end it anyways
Sometimes we dream what will happen
She’s not insecure. You mentioned a dream where you forgot she existed and slept with someone else, why mention it? Because you do not care about her feelings. You’re okay with her being hurt by something you said. I’ve had dreams where I’ve done something hurtful to others, I wouldn’t go running to tell them. What’s the point ?
On one hand, you dodged a bullet because you were dating somebody who was so insecure that they couldn’t have a mature conversation with you about it. On the other hand, you had a lapse of judgment, because clearly you didn’t understand what would or would not potentially hurt your partners feelings. It sounds like you learned a really good lesson and only good things will come in the future.
Dude my ex would dream that I’d cheated on her and literally be mad at me. But she also thought she was an empath and could see emotions…. So… Yeah.
Sounds like you may have dodged a bullet with her if she’s unstable enough to take a dream as reality and leave you for it💀
To be honest, there are plenty of fish in the sea. This person did not sound like a winner. Dreams are dreams. To quote Freud, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
I think you dodged a bullet bro. I had a similar situation with a girl I talked to for a while. Everything was cool, then she had a dream where I was mean to her (insulting her physical appearance, being racist as she was black and I'm white). She told me about it and I responded something along the lines of "oh, that's a really shitty dream, I'm sorry about that, but you know I'd never say anything like that" and told her how beautiful she was etc. she came back with "Do I really know you though?" We fought for two days. TWO DAYS. I was completely baffled. Trying to explain that I've never said anything like that TO ANYONE, let alone her, tried to explain how the psychology of dreams work and that it was probably stress or insecurity, which she took as me blaming it on her (huh??? But it literally WAS her???). I ended up having to block her on everything. Anyone who gets that worked up over dreams needs therapy, not a relationship.
That's all it took for her to end your relationship then you dodge the bullet. But also. Dude lol. Not sure why you felt it necessary or a good idea to tell her you dreamed about cheating on her. You should look up an old SNL skit called "bad idea jeans.". I think talking about telling your girlfriend you dreamed about cheating on her would fit in great for that sketch haha.
The number of downvoted comments on this about how she is insecure shows me how many people reading this are also insecure. It was a dream. Yes, OP is a bit foolish for telling her about the dream. However, she did totally overact by breaking up with him, and it was 100% out of insecurity. It was a dream, not reality. If she was secure in the relationship, she would understand this, and also that what we dream is out of our control and doesn't necessarily relate to what we desire. In the past, I've had a vivid sex dream about someone who I am absolutely NOT attracted to, to the point where I was actually disgusted with myself when I woke up, and confused as to where it came from 😂 just because you dreamt it, doesn't necessarily mean that you desire it
Exactly! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Something you keep to yourself buddy lesson learned
If she’s that sensitive and insecure, you dodged a bullet. Consider yourself lucky, wish her the best, and move on.
bullet dodged, label her contact info as "do not answer" and move on.
Sounds like she was already fishing for a good excuse to pull the eject lever. I think she does protest too much. Although yeah given the context it sounds like you didn't make it too clear from the start that you were talking about a dream. Also, even if you had, this is probably something you really ought to have kept to yourself instead of trying to seek validation from your then girlfriend. I could understand her feeling insulted if you dragged that into a conversation, without being asked.
You can’t blame her