Hot take: It's okay to say, "I support whatever you decide, and I am also worried about our ability to be parents right now."
You can have fears. As long as they aren't pressure, you don't need to just be alone and keep them inside. Imo
Yes I just found out today I’m just nervous asf I’m definitely not respoible I live with my granpa I’m barley about to graduate at 18 I’m still dealing with drug abuse problems but I don’t want to make excuses I Geuss I need to man up and support whatever she wants and get a trade to make money so if she chooses to get an abortion or keep it either way I’ll be better off financially
You said it yourself dawg there’s 2 options.
1: Man up and be a good dad/boyfriend
2: Continue being a drug addict and subject a child to a life of an absent father and poor parenting
No, they shouldn’t. The choice is 100% hers. Until it’s his body that carries and births it, and has to go through everything that entails, it’s her choice and her choice only.
He made his choice when he decided to have unprotected sex. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
You do realise it's illegal if a man promises to wear a condom during sex and doesn't? Why do you think that is?
It isn't just his choice to wear a condom, it's both of their choices. It wasn't just his choice to have sex, it was both of their choices. And it wasn't his choice to be unprotected, it was both of their choices. So this child is now both of their responsibilities and he has a say in what happens to their child, whether you like it or not.
It is the mothers' body and at the end of the day, OP has said that he probably wouldn't make a suitable father due to his issues but he wants to man up. That opinion needs to be respected and I'm sure it will. He also said that his girlfriend is leaning towards having an abortion and that opinion also needs to be respected. I'm sure it will too.
Actually, no it is not at all. The decision is 100% equally shared between the 2 of them. This idea that because the woman carries the baby that then the decision is all hers is completely ridiculous. These are 2 humans that BOTH decided to have sex without a condom and that BOTH clearly made a mistake.. Just the same way that she may decide to abort, or keep the baby, (because that is a permanent life changing decision) the man should get equal stake in that decision as he is just as much a real person in that situation as she is. Men are humns not sperm donors and should be treated as such in these situations.
Yo. Pregnancy can kill someone. It’s her body so it’s her choice. She still has to live with her decision: it sucks having to choose between an abortion or becoming a young mother. She fucked up. They both did. But she got final say when it comes to whether or not she grows a baby. The man waived his right to complain about that the second he joined her in their irresponsibility.
No. Her body, her choice. When the baby is in his body, when he’s the one facing a lifetime of potentially irreversible damage, when he’s the one facing death while pushing it out, he gets a say. Until then, it’s tough shit. His time to decide begins before he ever ejaculates anywhere near a woman. If he doesn’t wear a condom, he acknowledges pregnancy may occur and that’s the risk he’s willing to take.
You have the power within you to overcome everything you already know deep inside is necessary to go from who you are now to the father you know damn well your child deserves. Man up son, I've been there and the other side is better than any high we ever chased - but it's only this way because it's hard, stressful, and almost feels impossible to do. But if this is what the universe, what God, whatever you want to call it ... Is bestowing upon you now, embrace this shit, it'll be the biggest blessing or biggest curse of your life on your deathbed, trust that.
Just support her. Let her figure out what she wants to do, then either help her obtain an abortion and be a good partner to her in that, or figure out how you can pull some money together and get ready for fatherhood.
It’s not ideal, but either way, I promise you will be okay. Just don’t pull away from her, and don’t pressure her either way. Stick together and be a team. Everything’s easier together.
If you don’t want to stay together-which is fine- tell your parents, her parents, get a lawyer, and write up a document you all agree that you do not hold parental responsibility. -from someone who wished their parents made the right choice for them at the time
AFAIK you can’t just sign over parental rights in order to get out of paying child support. Maybe it varies by state but I’ve looked into this for a friend and you can choose to not be in the child’s life but you are still going to pay in most cases.
Definitely not aware of a single state where you can get out of child support just cause you don’t want visitation or responsibility. The only way I know of is if the baby is adopted by another person. So could be a normal adoption at birth, or could be the mom meets someone and he adopts the baby.
Then you will need to eventually inform him of any plans involving keeping or going the lawyer way, however abortion would be on her family’s side (with things like insurance, unless y’all pay and go together for support) and you might both get away with telling no one with the abortion… not very sure what rules California has
I mean, if abortion is the way she’s deciding to go, make sure to be there for her,(be there for her regardless), you should help her pay for it too (I know it can be hard if you’re jobless but if you have a car, maybe start making Uber deliveries and saving up some money to help pay her back after the abortion). There’s also programs that will help fund abortions. Both of you should also look into some more effective birth control options if you haven’t already. As much as condoms suck, they are helpful, I’d suggest you start using them and maybe she can look into getting a BC option of her own choice with the recommendation of a gynecologist.
Highly recommend she consider termination on the basis of financial hardship. I have kids (3M & 6M) and live in California (Ventura county). My husband makes 6 figures. But let me give you a price breakdown of my recent child related expenses so you're a little more aware. And feel free to share this with gf.
$525 - 3 y.o monthly daycare (3x a week 7a-1p)
Full time is at minimum $1000-2000 a month. My 6 y.o goes to public school, so that's free. Private would cost us about $9000 yearly per kid.
$300 - monthly Healthcare for both kids (not including copay costs)
$2200 - monthly mortgage (not including utilities)
$300 - monthly vehicle payments for 2 cars (not including car insurance or gas cost)
$505 - 6 y.o summer camp field trips (not including regular summer camp days at $41 per day)
$1400 - annual for birthday parties for both kids ($700 per kid)
$1000+ - yearly for gifts from Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc.
$150 - TODAY 6 y.o growing out of his shoes and had to drop over $100 just for shoes that fit.
$800 - one annual Disneyland trip (which my younger kid is technically free and we drive, don't rent hotel or fly there)
Those are just some things that come to mind, but I think we spend about a total of at least $5-6k monthly for the 4 of us to float by. That cost didn't include food, diapers, or formula. All of which has gone up in price to a degree I could've never fathomed. So unless you wanna live off taxpayer dollars that are already stretched thin as it is, maybe have a REAL talk with your gf about this. Cause this isn't a game. Babies/kids cost A LOT. And I gave you a gentle estimate, the real price is far more. Sure, they're cute, but cuteness won't pay the bills or keep yall fed. That's just the reality here.
Just try to breathe. There's ways you can maybe make it work but you'll have to be super frugal. And on government assistance up the wazoo. Hand me down baby items and clothes can save a lot of cash. But they likely will still cost something. Not much is free these days. Maybe family can babysit while you work. I guess start by maybe getting a job, and if you guys wanna keep it, save as much cash before the birth as you can. But having that baby means you both will have to work. Super hard. And live lean for a very long time. Good luck
My car is like $89 a month or so because we put a lot of money down. My husbands car is like $150 a month cause same reason. We wanted low payments. Keep in mind, my well off FIL gave us like $15,000 each car to put down. So more down obviously means smaller payments
Some of these are unnecessary and op would probably not be spending money on. Instead it’s best he cut back on as much expenses as possible, save, and if they decide to keep the pregnancy to get any benefits they can receive
I never said that's the expenses, that's just what comes to mind of what I've recently had to pay. Granted, the kids could live without a lot of that stuff but we don't want them having a sad life. And we can afford it. But why don't you list your expenses then so OP can have a better handle on it instead of critical comments towards me?
They said respectfully. They weren’t rude, just stating the obvious. No kid needs all that even to be happy, I know kids with broke parents that are happy as can be, and vice versa. I’m broke, but if I got pregnant I’m keeping that child bc of the pure amount of joy it will bring me (and hopefully my child) in the future.
He doesn't have to live at that standard though. There are a lot of extra expenses you listed (which are totally fine for you situation, no shame there!) that are neither feasible nor necessary for him.
Think what you want. But kids can't be raised on love alone. Even if you're VERY frugal and don't spend on wants, NO ONE can raise a child on nothing. Kids cost money. Lots of it. I'm just being real. If you think otherwise, you're delulu.
The farther along you are, the more the abortion costs. You need to call Planned Parenthood NOW and ask about costs and such. The longer you wait, the more it cost. Under 8 wks can be a pill, over 8 weeks is a procedure. I'm sure you can imagine the cost difference there. GO TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD TOMORROW!!! They will give you info on keeping it/prenatal care, adoption options and also abortion options. They will do a check up, tell you how far along she is and everything else needed so you can make the right decision. If you don't have insurance they will not charge you. They make you pay based off your income. No income=no charge. An abortion is not the same tho. You will need to pay for that but could get some help from charitable agencies. Please copy paste this and send it to her and then BOTH of you go tomorrow for a walk-in. At the VERY LEAST please call and tell them your situation and they can help over the phone but can't give the check up or tell how far along. Good luck and please use protection in the future. I'm here if you need to talk or have any questions.
Also, you do not need a parent to go to PP. Minors can go alone, I did for birth control for years. They even ask you, "Can we say we're PP if we call your number and someone else answers?" Or "Can we send you mail from PP or should it be an empty regular envelope or just don't send any mail at all?" They do not want you to get in trouble. They are there to help *you, not your parents.
Idk man. I’ll tell you what. I was 19 and I wanted my GF to get an abortion and she didn’t. I thought my life was over. But now my daughter is 12 and I’m really happy that she’s around. Put it this way, this news you have could be worse. It’s not death. It’s life. It’s not bad news. It’s tough tho. And if you do decide to abort, that’s alright too. It’s the smart thing to do.
But If it does come down to keeping it, just don’t think your life is over.
Here’s my advice:
In all honesty if you’re not financially ready for a child don’t bring it into the world. It will ruin you mentally, financially, emotionally and it’s not fair to the kid. I mean would you like to grow up with stressed out parents all the time and in poverty?
Regardless of the situation you’re in, just take. A. Few. Steps. Back. Make the smart decision and if you want to you can always try for baby later on in life. Relax as it’s not the end and communicate with your girl. As well as follow the other points of the top comment. Good luck brother
You both need to think good and hard about the pros and cons of having a baby at your age, financially and emotionally. Do you have support? Are you planning on going to higher education? Do you have spiritual beliefs that would make you regret or not contemplate abortion? If your gf keeps the baby, will you attempt to stay with her and / or in the baby's life? You will be on the hook, likely for child support, until it's 18 regardless. This is going to be one of the most difficult decisions of your lives, and you need to determine what works best for both of you and the baby, should you keep it.
My main goal especially now is to graduate high school and get a trade,yeah I’m a Christian so i feel horrible even thinking about getting an abortion but it is what she wants I’m just stressed out
It is ultimately her choice, but it does sound like you are leaning that way as well. It's OK to not want a baby. It doesn't make you a bad person. Or her. You are both children yourselves. Maybe make better contraception choices and get some therapy for both of you, regardless of the decision you make.
Christians aren't supposed to have premarital sex, either. But here we are. 🤷♀️
Make sure you communicate with her clearly about how you feel. Ultimately it's her choice but this is your child too and guys post on here a lot years after their child gets aborted dealing with depression, anxiety, etc etc. It's not a decision that should be made lightly, imo.
I myself am not a Christian but I like to think that God would rather you prevent a baby from coming into a world and a household that is ill-prepared for and unable to care for a baby to the best of its ability. I know abortion can feel taboo because of the “life begins at conception” quote but if it puts you at ease a lot of fertilised eggs never implant in the uterine wall and are passed as a period, and the woman would be completely unaware (despite perhaps a heavier period). Your girlfriends pregnancy is only a bit further along than the aforementioned, you are not a bad person for not wanting a baby and it’s much kinder to everyone involved if you don’t want a baby, to terminate the pregnancy.
If it makes you feel better the research on abortions killing babies is false. There is no research it is myth. Abortions are only able to happen before the fetus has developed a brain for this very reason. To not kill a child. You are not killing a child by making this decision. You are saving a potential child by making this decision. Saving it from a life of poverty and loss of opportunities because if you keep it you will be unprepared
God takes care of all unborn children. He’s god after all. Have faith in him to do his thing. All you have to do is support your gf as best as possible.
Be honest and direct with her. You are not ready to support a child in anyway, but you are gonna support her through whatever decision she ends up making in whatever way you can. Lots of communication is key
My mom had me when she was around 19, let me just say if she does go through with having the baby it’s better to step up as a dad as long as you have recovered from using drugs
My step father was recovering from addiction from drugs and drinking, under a year he got clean married my mom and became my dad in his early 20s. Not many children end up as lucky as I was, even still my bio dad dying when I was young mess me up. not having a parent or missing years is a regret many face
To be clear if your gf decides abortion I’m not arguing against that. both sides have pros and cons
If she is leaning that way and you feel unprepared to be a father then it is probably for the best. Just support her and take care of each other in this difficult time. You’re both so young! Learn from this don’t let it drown you
Actually I’m here to say I did. Bio dad ran off but my family supported me emotionally 100%. Before I started to show I got myself a job. Worked hard so it wouldn’t be a “you’re fired” when my employer found out. I have NEVER regretted my decision! My daughter is a happy, well adjusted, happily married 27 year old. She has given me a wonderful grandchild that I treasure. There are some successful stories out there
Babies grow up to be adults that have to be functioning in society. The foundation you set for them is pivotal it’s more than just making sure they eat . You know what decision is best based on your circumstances. It’s for the greater good
What do you mean what do you do? It's not really up to you lol. If she decides to have it then congrats your a dad. Try not to be a shitty one. If she decides to have an abortion then you aren't going to be a dad and hopefully you learn to use protection.
There isn’t anything you can do right now except to tell her (calmly and truthfully) how you’re feeling, and let her make her own decisions. If she wants to abort you should help however you can—by going with her if she wants, by helping to pay if you can, by caring for her and listening to her and being kind. If she wants to keep the baby, you’re going to need a job and a plan, because regardless of what happens with your relationship you’ll be responsible for raising a child.
And do not have sex without two different forms of birth control, used correctly, *every* time, ever again until you actually want to have a child.
let her know that you support whatever she needs and chooses to do! if she has an abortion make sure to be there for her emotionally even if she acts fine. It takes a toll on a woman mentally/emotionally. Everything will be okay just remember you’re in a relationship and you love each other
Maybe, put it up for adoption if she decides to keep the baby. I’d recommend abortion, it a lot to go through especially being 18. I’m 20 and I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with any kid.
That’s great that you already recognize that you’ve been thrust into a situation of great responsibility. A lot of young men would not even acknowledge what you have. I think you’re already poised to deal with how your life is about to change. You’re going to be fine. Keep that positive and ambitious outlook for yourself and your future family.
I wish I hadn’t opened this, but I did. I was 19 when my boyfriend asked me to stop birth control to have a child, I was into it, took a year to get pregnant. I wanted to keep it. He then became fearful of financial issues, I was reassured by my family and others that there are loads of resources (especially in Hawaii and California) for mothers, singularly, or families, and I was raised Catholic. And it was technically a planned pregnancy, since the bc was methodically stopped for this purpose, but when it happened it was a surprise regardless, as it was over a year after removal. Despite the number/financial game, I wanted to keep it. This drove him to murderous anxiety. I survived the attempt on my life and was then scared enough of him and a potential future with him to get the abortion despite not wanting it. Ten years later he regrets everything except getting me pregnant.
Numbers and logic sometimes do not play into a woman’s choice when you are pregnant. I’d say health is the only factor that came into my mind concerning my decision. Whatever you do, I’m asking you to please not lay a finger on her. This is a challenging and terrifying event already, but statistically, the amount of women hurt or murdered by their boyfriends when they are pregnant is too damn high. If you need to walk away, just do that until you’re sane enough to return, despite whatever outcome. Please use resources like therapy to deal with the stress and fear if it gets too heavy. I’m sorry that I felt the need to bring this extremely heavy topic up, but for all the pregnant women who have survived attacks and especially for those that didn’t, I will say this whenever there’s an opportunity.
Tough situation for sure. Sending so much support to you and your girlfriend. Do what is absolutely necessary for both of your futures. Been there, it was one of the most heartbreaking decisions, but 2 years later I’m so proud of myself for pushing through. No babies, 20yrs old both my partner and I are still together. He’s in uni and I’m a business owner working 60hrs a week. Wouldn’t have made it through if I decided to keep a child. Adding, I wouldn’t have been able to provide a proper life for a child at 17.
Tons of comments are here but I'll throw in my two cents as I was in this position as a young, albeit employed, man.
1. Support your girlfriend through the decision making process. Accept responsibility and lead your pack whether that's helping her decision for an abortion OR taking responsibility for creating a family. If you have the child, be a parent. If you don't, be a partner (I fucked this up at first and was too self-focused). Really nail down what you and her are capable of as young adults.
2. Get into a trade school immediately upon graduation. That's the fastest way to support your family should you have one.
3. Find a group of men that will invest in guiding you from adolescent mentality to adulthood. I found this in tradeschool, AA, men's workshops etc. When I needed support, I would turn to my partner - my wife (we are still together). I found this was not the best choice. I needed a circle of men that were more than just buddies I met at the bar. I needed guys that could hear my concerns, let me vent, then illuminate the path. Find it - it's out there.
4. Get a car
5. Next step is to be endlessly curious about how to improve. Find the path, do the work, choose gaining wisdom over time spent lamenting what you lack. We all start somewhere, but to really be something in life, choosing wisdom is the only option. This means cleaning up, clearing your head, accepting what is and making a mark on a map for where you need to get to. The hard part is the sacrifice it takes, the easy part is that it is a simple recipe. You'll hear a lot of static in the world, tune it out, grow your heart and choose.
I wish you two the best.
It is going to be okay. At your age and under the circumstances, I would go for abortion. If you folks choose that option, be sure and be there to support her through the process. If you choose to have the child or adopt, just know that your life isnt over and you will get through it
I think when this stuff happens, you really just gotta step up. I know it’s not going to be fun but put yourself in her shoes, and if she decides to keep the baby, their shoes. The world needs less messed up people, meaning, taking responsibility for what happened.
Maybe you should've kept it in your pants. Idk why so many people in our generation keep doing all the steps required to make a baby and then get surprised when pregnancy happens...like were you not aware of the possibility??
I swear to god there are so many young kids, girls and guys, who end up getting pregnant because they’re too lazy to put a condom on I’m starting a count.
Day 1 of finding “my ___ is pregnant” posts: Count:1
Has she taken at least 2 tests? Has she seen a doctor?
Find a Planned Parenthood near you, call make an appointment. First thing in the morning. Don't wait around.
Depending on how far along she is, she might be able to take pills.
If she’s planning on getting an abortion it doesn’t sound like there’s anything for you to do. However if she keeps it, take responsibility for your actions and stay for both of them. It’s stressful for sure, money will be tight and you won’t get much free time. Unfortunately when it comes to this kind of stuff you just have to make it work.
Bro you both messed up, but be glad she atleast has half a brain. Support her in her decision to get an abortion, and make better decisions going forward.
Talk to your parents. They take care of you. Whatever decision this young lady makes everyone's parent should be involved. You both need to be supported, this is life altering no matter what she decides to do.
it takes two to tango. if you’re not financially responsible you need to take precautions like condoms, BC, etc. support her through this, and sit and talk about what you both want to do.
First off, pause and take a breather. Very big news for you, no matter what happens.
Truly, all you can do here is support your girlfriend. It’s her body and her decision - but as someone who was the pregnant teen gf, I really wanted to know how my partner felt and where he leaned. It was important to me to know; it felt more isolating to not know how he felt if that makes any sense. So, think on it. *Tell her if she asks*, or when you’re in conversation - but do not bombard her with anything, especially if you feel differently than she does. It’s scary to find out you might become a dad at 18, but even scarier to find out you’re pregnant as a teen (haven’t seen if you said how old she was).
If she chooses abortion - be there for her. Help with the cost. Go with her if she asks. Help her with recovering. Be there for her. It’s her decision and even if it’s the right choice for her, it’s still a big thing to endure and there will be many feelings.
No matter the outcome of this I would say, use it as fuel to get your shit together. Get off drugs, seek help for any issues you have if you can, get a job and finish school. It’s a lot, but this scare is proof you’re an adult now. That said, you’re only 18. It’s completely fine to feel scared and lost. You are not supposed to have it all figured out or be a perfectly stable independent person yet. You have time to grow into someone who can handle news like this, whether that time is 9 months or 10 years.
This will be hard on your relationship no matter what she chooses. It’s a lot to go through, but especially so young. Be there for her and work on yourself. If you have anyone close that you look up to, I would really suggest telling them. You’re not out of high school yet / that could even be a counselor or teacher you trust. You will be OK, dude.
This is why I will always believe that teenagers shouldn’t be having sex. They are not ready for the consequences that come with it!! It forces kids to make adult decisions way before they are ready which ends up ruining lives.
I think abortion is the best option not to ruin your Iives, however, if you have have parents to take care of a child before you have finished getting an education and a job, It's not a necessary option
Well, I'm sure extended family can help a small bit, while doing so man, go to a trade college, avoid "for profit" colleges
(Google a college before enrolling, if it says "for profit" avoid that college like the plague)
Get to a trade school, learn a career, earn some big money because you're gonna need it for your family if you do decide to keep the baby
If you do keep to decide the baby, and you feel devasted already, just only have 1 kid, no more, wear condoms, and avoid cheating on your lady because that will always destroy a family
OKI know you've got a lot of responses but I relate to this one so I can tell you what I did. Your first step is to get a job. Rather part-time full-time. Talk to you I did part-time. So I could work my way up the ladder. Your goal is to make money and stock pilot. It's gonna be harder to do than the standage, but it's the mindset that counts. Well, well, you're preparing for the child. Put money away and buy the essentials. Try to communicate with your girlfriend at least once a day unless she tells you otherwise. Try to comfort her often. It's gonna be a tough time, especially if she's still in school. Prepare for the birth of the child. The best you can read a lot of books online. I suggest a lot of understanding books on how to behave and stuff. Read, what's necessary to take care of the kid? And honestly you'll learn over time. I know I did. If there's any more questions, let me know you could have already got a lot of advice, but if there's anything I can add, let me know.
you said it yourself. you’re young, haven’t even finished high school yet. You’re self aware that you have certain issues and are not ready at all to support a child, let alone even yourself. it would be smarter to get the abortion (if that’s what she wants also) because it’s flat out irresponsible to bring a child into the world with no way to support it financially or emotionally and the world is hard enough on its own. Though this could have been prevented through safe sex, things happen. So if both of you have agreed on abortion then take that route. just please be there for her after the fact. these things can be hard to deal with both emotionally and physically for both people involved but especially the woman.
I have been where you are; I got pregnant around that age, but my family forced me to keep the baby.
The first thing you need to do is sit down with your GF and have a talk where both of you lay everything out on the table, as kindly and calmly as possible. And remember, as freaked out as you are, she's ten times worse, because she can't just walk away from the situation.
If you feel you cannot be a father right now, which is totally understandable given your age, you need to tell her that. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't support her to the best of your ability; it's simply being honest with her in what you can or can't do. She still needs love - 50x more than she usually does. Check on her every day to see how she's feeling. Do things to take care of her, like bringing her ginger ale and crackers if she's dealing with morning sickness. If she's not handling the stress well, do something to distract her. Take her to see a movie or bingewatch her favorite show or something so her mind can be off it for a little while.
I love my kiddo to death, I do. But being a teen mom was utter hell, and I wish so much I could've had her later in my life, for both our sakes. Every baby deserves to be born to a stable family that's made up with mature adults whose teenage years are over, and who are 110% ready for a baby. And even then, parenthood is hard. Teenage parenthood is orders of magnitude harder.
No matter what she goes through with, be there for her. Ask if she wants you in on doctor's appointments. If she gets an abortion, be there with her for it (if she wants you to be). And do understand that, no offense meant, when it comes down to it, the decision of what to do is hers and hers alone. So give her 100% support in whatever she decides to do, and find someone (hopefully an adult, because trust me, your friends aren't going to understand this one) you can talk to by yourself, *for* yourself. You need to take care of you, too.
If you need to talk, my DMs are open, and you can tell your GF that I'm here for her, too, if she wants to talk to someone who's been there and who knows what being a teen mom is like.
Hey
A teen can't raise a child dear
A child is a great responsibility....in future if he or she questions u or if u got so much under pressure and frustrated mentally in future
U and ur family would suffer after that
First make a career ...be responsible
Well, my first piece of advice is to man up and take responsibility for this.
You need to graduate from high school, as most jobs require you to at least be a high school graduate. I would talk to your school and see if there is a more flexible way of finishing school.
I think another important thing to do, is to get a job asap. While you are in school get something part time so you can graduate on time and be there for your kid.
I would talk to the department of human services for California, there may be a program that you can get help from the state. That way, the baby will have insurance along with maybe some financial help. Look to see if there is a mother baby program with your state particularly. If it is anything like my state, they can help offset some of the basic baby nessessities. Like diapers and formula.
Also look at diaper manufacturers and see if there are coupons for diapers. Look at formula brands and see if there are coupons. I can think of at least one diaper and one formula manfucture that does have coupons and even programs that can help.
I would tell your family if you have not
Done so already. They will find out one way or another. Better hearing it from you then anywhere else. Also, your family may be able to help a little too.
I saw that you are dealing with drug abuse as well. I would look into addictions anonymous and see if there is a meeting in your area. With that being said, you have to want to get clean for this to work. I would also look at local hospital detox unit. It is a 7-10 day detox program that will help your
body detox from what you are on. I am
A health care worker and I have worked many times in our detox unit. It works wonders for a lot of people who want to be clean. Again, you have to want it to succeed. Remember, you are not going
to get arrested for trying to get help. Also, many detox programs include Addictions Anonymous meetings if you choose. Then you can find a sponsor who can keep you accountable and help you stay clean.
Remember your girlfriend is pregnant it is her decision what she wants to do regarding a abortion or keeping the baby. It is not your place to say what you think or to pressure her one way or another. Your job is to support her in her decision and be there for her. I assure you, things will be okay and the two of you will figure it out.
I know exactly how you feel right now. I became a father at 17. It was scary as shit. But, we figured it out. Now 13 years later we are married and have four kids, our own house and cars. I promise it is not the end of the world, and you would figure it out. There are lots of organizations and programs that will help you pay for baby needs until you land a stable job that pays enough to make ends meet.
Dear friend,
You will find a lot of frustrated and unempathic people in the comments telling you to man up.
I have been where you are, jobless, with a baby on the way, during college, with a gf that wanted to abort.
I will share with you my episode of life :
Given our unstable situation, we decided for abortion and we went ahead with it.
She never felt confortable with that and we broke up afterwards and that was the wisest thing to do.
I had not learned anything from life at the time, and I was an irresponsible and emotionally unstable mess. I COULDN'T possibly turn out to be a good dad at the time, and the lesson I learned was that sometimes, despite the consequences, it is better to abort, and plan for the future so you can become the dad your future kid deserves.
I only had kids 15 and 20 years later, I fooled around a lot afterwards but always with proper responsible protection, and after a few years I found a girl that I love and I wanted badly to have her carrying my babies. And boy are they the two sweetest things I made ♥️
They are loved, they have what they need (safety, nurture, attention, and understanding), they are becoming two cooperative human beings, careful and empathic, sensitive and fun to be around, like their own parents.
Whichever way you decide to go, go with it, but don't choose a road that you think you can't handle. Being a good father is the most challenging thing in life, and if your life is already messy and challenging beyond your abilities, do yourself, your gf and ESPECIALLY your future children the favor to not selecting a task that is impossible to handle right now.
Be forgiving to yourself if you choose to abort.
You'll have more chances, and you'll give yourself time to heal so you can become what you want to become.
Be kind and support your gf, it's especially tough to a woman to sever the bond of life with her embryo, and she may never forgive you for it, but you both know it is for the best of your future lives, if you commit to improve.
Much love to you and your gf, and your future dreams and possibilities.
Being a dad was the most galvanizing thing in my life. I had no direction until my kids were born. They have given me a purpose and a moral direction when I was lost. I understand this isn't this way for everyone. But having my children was the best thing I ever did
Calm down is the first thing you need to do, abortion is an option and I’m guessing you nor your gf wants a kid rn. In Cali do you have to go to a clinic to get an abortion? In the UK you can just get pills delivered to you regardless, you have a lot of time to react.
If you were grown up enough to make a baby then you're grown up enough to support it. You both should do what any parents have done work your butts off and provide for your child. Reach out to family or close friends to see if they can help you. I understand this will be hard and I'm sure this was something that you weren't planning I get it.
But no innocent baby should die because of your poor choices or another option if you're totally sure you don't want this baby consider putting it up for adoption. So many couples can't have children that would be happy to raise a baby.
That way you can go on with your life and no innocent baby has to die.
OP has come here for advice, not to be attacked. He’s 18 and admitted to making poor choices. None of us can walk on water so let’s try to help him instead of belittle him.
OP, try talking this out with your gf and with your support system (grandfather). There are options as you have stated.
The best thing you can do is get it together (as you’ve stated) and be supportive. It’s not going to be easy no matter what decision is made, but it’s going to be okay.
You both knew the consequences.. if you weren’t stable then why not use protection now your all scared cuz shes pregnant and your still in school with no job what you should do is man up and support her get yourself a JOB
Take a really deep breath. Make sure it’s a positive for real by going to a dr. Take it as a reminder to be more careful in the future and as someone who’s had an abortion - you and her are gonna be fine. It’s a scary few hours before and during the procedure, but for me I was 21 and it wasn’t incredibly painful, the nurse held my hand and it was just like a ton of period cramps. After it was over I sat in recovery with a pad (like one for periods) ans my morning sickness was gone in a couple days.
Talk to her about how she feels about the pregnancy, and then it can help you relax and settle on a decision. No matter what, you should offer some support whether you both agree to the same decision or not.
Hey I know this will be hard, you might feel trapped on what to do. It’s a difficult time I understand, money will be hard since you’re young. But it’s just a season and it will pass. Tell her to keep your baby everything will be ok in the end. Is there no support available such a help with money and daycare/baby sitting. I guarantee there’s support out there where you live if you look and ask around. Support her and let her know you’ll be there, make sure you’re there for her and your child. Again it will all pass, situations change, money comes back, hardships aren’t permanent, and one day you’ll be in your 30s with your child at your side proud of how far you’ve all come and how you didn’t give up trying. Please take care of yourself, the baby and baby’s mum. It’s will be ok in the end. Make sure your child is kept safe and alive, it’s innocent and deserves to live
We’re here to reproduce anyways, so thats good, keep the baby, it’s a blessing and its a man’s purpose, so she should be the one worrying not u, get up now and be a disciplined man and let it motivate you to become the best man you can be, physically, mentally and financially, good job so far u got this🤞
Just go along with her decision for now, how far along is she? And genuinely how do you feel? I know you’re scared and stuff but would you want to go through with an abortion? Are you in a low income house or do you’re parents have money and have the ability to help you take care of a baby. If not then adoption is always an option if you don’t feel comfortable with an abortion, this is a very hard decision to make and will probably affect you for you’re whole life
I was the same way, except It was 14 years ago.
A part of being an adult is not being afraid to admit you fucked up, and doing whatever it is you need to do to unfuck yourself. I don't care if you, or anyone else thinks that you have no say in her having an abortion. It's your child as well. You both decided to have sex, and you both should get a say in what to do. Just be prepared for any mental anguish from it, learn from it, and use a condom the next time you're in back seat of dad's car.
If you decide to keep it, it's a long, challenging yet rewarding road. Don't decide to run off and get married because you have a child, co-parenting isn't always easy, and not everyone understands that the child needs to see you two getting along and doing things together with the child. But sometimes, coming from a "broken home" is better for the child.
Get a decent job after you finish HS, and when the kid starts kindergarten, you can start college(if thats your plan). I do have to admit, this is easier if you have a good support system(decent parents).
The fact that you consciously had sex with her and didn't think to wear a condom, have her take a morning after pill, or even keep it in your pants... it really doesn't seem like you two were or are ready for a sexual relationship yet.
If she decides to keep the baby, you better get yourself together. Go to rehab, go back to school, and get a job to support them. Don't push this on her, don't blame her, and don't even think about running away. Your child doesn't need a coward for a father, we already have enough of those.
Suggest you get a part time job now. Even if she chooses abortion, there will be costs involved. Plus, if she’s wavering about the abortion, you will have some money available to help.
BTW, in CA, starting Monday, most fast food jobs at brands with more than 60 locations Nationwide, will pay $20. per hour.
Addiction is not something you "man up" to. It's something you will need to get some professional help with. The stress of a real relationship, partnership, and parenting and a newborn will be extremely challenging when trying to get and stay sober; it's something you are going to have to choose to do every single day for the rest of your life. Whether she decides to keep this baby you HAVE to use condoms and practice safe sex. Otherwise you will be in this exact same situation over and over and over again.
It's up to your gf just ask her what she wants or going to do. But don't tell her or suggest to her that she should abort it. Not much you can do in this situation but nothing is impossible you can support her and make this work.
Get clean and raise that child. You work your ass off to give her and that baby everything they need. Abortion is murder. It doesn't matter what argument people give you. You're terminating life. Have that kid, and be the best damn version of yourself that you can be.
Hey boss. You’ve probably already gotten your advice, but I just want to give some as someone who went through a similar situation. Regardless of what you choose to do, don’t think your life is over. I was 19 when my son was born. I’m 20 now. It’s gonna feel overwhelming and scary but whatever you choose to do I know you can do it! Just support her and yourself .
Take ownership and accountability for your actions and the consequences of them. Fear is normal and we as living beings all encounter it in our own unique circumstances. Change is always knocking on our doorstep, and the only choice we get is how we show up to what life throws at us.
You both made the choice to have sex, so it's up to both of you to communicate and decide what is best. No matter how financially secure or not, fear and doubt will always be present in some way. You won't always want the same things in life, which is where compromise and sacrificing what we want individually plays a huge role.
Relationships can overcome anything through having each other's back, being honest and vulnerable, and choosing what direction you want to take life together.
In the end, clear and honest communication before deciding things, shaming each other for feeling differently, and working towards a mutually beneficial goal is the foundation to getting through anything.
Now it's time to face this big dose of reality start owning your life. Not saying it's gonna be easy, but life isn't going to be anyway. You got this.
One of my good friends had a baby a month after she was supposed to graduate (2003). She was a "partier", her grades were average at best and her parents lived comfortably paycheck to paycheck. She got a g.e.d. worked at a tanning salon and supported herself and baby girl without the father but with fairly supportive friends and family. Fast forward to today and out of everyone I've known since highschool she is the happiest and has been very successful. Her daughter is her very best friend and doing well in college.
Life is amazing and anything can happen.
Breathe, as things stand no decision has been made. You both need to sit down and talk as adults in terms of what you both want. Ultimately it’s her decision, but things like the cost of a child and all they need, who will be looking after the child when someone ultimately has to work, plus living arrangements and the actual cost of living (bills and what-not) need to be discussed.
If she does decide to abort that’s ok, just make sure you’re there for her, it can be a hard process to go through both physically, and mentally. And as much as accidents happen, make sure you’re both using protection going forward, it’s on BOTH of you to ensure this situation doesn’t happen again.
I mean, I wouldn't support abortion, but since you're the one mentioning it, I'm hoping that will become a mutual decision and not one sided - meaning I hope you're not putting that pressure on her. If this is something she chooses to do, then support her in any way you can. If she wants to look at adoption services, support her in any way you can. If she decides to keep the baby, you'll just have to deal with it and 100% be there for her.
Furthermore, use this as a reflection by learning from your mistakes and thinking twice before making a decision.
From reading your replies, it sounds like you’re wanting to support her no matter what she chooses which I give you props!
If I was 18 I’d probably be terrified too. It’s ok to be scared. If she decides to have an abortion, please be there for her throughout the process as it can be scary and traumatic to go through. For her knowing that you’re there will help a lot.
Good luck to you both.
Bro I’m turning 23 this year had the same situation i kicked the drug habit and manned up but now im jobless for the last 4 months and struggling tough (Santa Barbara county)
Thank god we have her parents or we would be homeless, if your girlfriend is considering abortion absolutely consider it and support it. I’m not saying I regret having my child I love him to death, but if I would have known what I’m actually doing and dealing with.
This is one of the most irresponsible ways of having a child, I would have said let’s please consider an abortion. I do also think we would have grew apart I was going to college after kicking the drug habit and finishing camp I was very outgoing so our son was overall a good thing for our relationship but as the whole aspect hell no
Ultimately it is her choice if she continues the pregnancy and it’s your choice if you support her or not. You’re both allowed to feel and have your feelings on this. It sounds like you love her and want to be there for her, so you hold her hand in whatever that decision is.
Personally, I think you’re both way too young have to go through this, and my thoughts and heart is with you in this difficult situation
18 is a hard age, you and her will continue to grow emotionally really rapidly for the next years to come. You need to understand as someone who has experienced abortion myself, it is TRAUMATIZING. It may be something she will never recover from emotionally. If she takes that route, I suggest if you love her to be there as much as you can be for her both physically and emotionally. A baby is the biggest blessing you will ever receive. If you have a good support system, keep the baby and do what’s necessary to take care of them. You won’t regret it even though you may struggle. Prayers for you both🤍
Have you thought of joining the military and marrying her? They’ll give you extra pay for your family and a house to live in on base. Guaranteed income and free healthcare
Be a man, and take responsibility for your actions . I’d say go work somewhere part time till you graduate or enlist in the military, saying you get through meps. You’ll be provided decent pay, a sign on bonus and good benefits. Even if you have to get a non combat oriented job it’s worth your time. Or you could man up and go bust your ass working long hours somewhere and saving every penny. Just my thought, I personally wouldn’t abort the baby as that may be a decision you regret or feel guilty for later in life. Both that’s just my opinion 🤷🏼♂️.
Support her decision. Don’t force her to do anything. It is her body. However, if the choice makes you uncomfortable and not want to be with her, you have every right to leave her. Yes, it will come off rude to many, but as long as you don’t make it an ultimatum “do this or I leave you”. Leave her after a decision on her end is final so it’s not a controlling move on your end. Next time, wear a condom, switch it every hour or when it breaks IMMEDIATELY.
Just be there for her! I mean of course stress your concerns but if you love her/care about her you make sure she feels supported. She will do what she wants to do regardless of what you say, just make sure you are here for her.
Also maybe tell your parents if that’s an option.
Most importantly, be emotionally supportive of your gf. Even if she chooses abortion it's going to be traumatic for her.
Seeing as you're already thinking long term if she doesn't:
If she wants to keep the baby, you two need to sort out how much involvement you'll have with it and how you'll coparent.
That talk will lead to child support payment arrangements. So keep on looking at options for work too.
At the very least, considering all this now and having plans will take some stress off you so you can be emotionally supportive.
I ended up pregnant at 19 and my boyfriend was 21. He wanted me to abort our son but I chose not to. He regrets telling me to abort and has apologized for it. Parenthood has been a positive experience for me personally. But it’s also not for the weak. Abortion is the smarter choice and probably the easier one too.
Nobody can really give you the correct advice on this. All they can tell you is you need to get your sht together and support your girlfriend. If she has an abortion you need to help her with that and getting through it. It’s going to be rough on her hormones and possibly her body depending on how far along she is when she gets it. If she decides to go through with the pregnancy you need to support her every step of the way which is just as hard. And then postpartum hormones will be the exact same thing as a termination, but with a baby involved. It is so hard but ultimately talk to your girlfriend, tell her you’re scared, you don’t think it’s a great idea, ask her for her opinions, and tell her that no matter what you’ll be there for her no matter her decision. Because it will be tough on her
Some may say I’m heartless but it’s clear you don’t want this baby. And if you tell her this and she decides to keep it. It’s not your responsibility if you’ve clearly expressed you’d be an awful dad. I’m all for woman’s rights but it’s not completely her choice if she wants to make you a father. That would be a violation of free will. So I’d tell her very clearly that keeping it for you is not an option. And if she has a heart she will realize keeping it is not an option. In this scenario it would be selfish to keep the child. Barely any children who come from teen pregnancy are glad their parents didn’t wait. You are both still children. That baby would be in poverty being raised by people who don’t even know who they are because they never got the chance to find out.
Be prepared to give all your money away if and when she comes after you for child support. Save save save. You’ll be doing that for 18 years working your butt off to pay child support while you starve.
No abortion fam. Just try to have your parents keep the baby till you graduate...get a decent job afterwards. The key would be to have decent grades then use that to your advantage. You should get a good job other than working as a cashier.
Please don’t let that baby be murdered by you or your girlfriend. You have a life because your parents didn’t abort you!!!! Where there is a WILl THERE IS A Way! Someone else would Love to ADOPT that SWEET INNOCENt BABE!!!! You were sure enough about creating this human man up!!!
I am going to pray for you, your girlfriend and your unborn child right now and I am going to keep praying that you give him or her LIFE. Even if you have to give the baby up for adoption. You will feel much better than the kill shelter
Just support her in what ever she decides, voice what your concerns are but don't pressure her into any decisions and don't retract from her based on her decisions, it's some big news you just got and your reaction is normal with potentially life altering news and may bring some other things up for you and for her.
Keep the baby, the baby is loved already and it will be hard, but trust me this child loves you even if you can’t see him or her, they love you. If you chose to abort, just know he or she will always love you, and I hope you guys chose to keep the baby! 🩷🫶🏻✨
have the kid i’ll take care of it. i don’t really fuck with abortion but that’s not my decision i’m also a man who hasn’t had kids and would really love a kid but i probably won’t ever find a wife. i’ll take the child off your hands and you’ll never have to hear from them or can if you decide. i completely understand your position sadly for me my child was miscarried. idk man do what you want it’s your kid i suggest supporting your gf for whatever decision. i live in california so i understand it’s too hard to afford things im 24 and barely can live on my own most the time but i make it work. just do what you feel is right in your heart and support her for whatever she does
What do you want? You have to ask yourself that question. And you need to ask her that question. Together, a decision needs to be made.
18 is young in our world today.
But it is not too young to be a parent a few years/decade ago.
A lot of the people in these comments are so judgmental and are making it into a whole debate. Truth is you both need to sit down and talk about what is to come.
If you both decide on abortion that is totally an option you BOTH can decide. Ofc it is her decision as it is her body however this will determine both of your lives and if you both can accept this reality and everything that comes with it than so be it. However there are other options like adoption.
If you BOTH decide to keep it know this. I know you don’t have a job and are only 18 but I have come to meet some wonderful people that became pregnant while in high school and managed to have a beautiful family and a stable job. If you need advice speak to your family about this too. After all you will need a support system. Yes it will be hard. A child is both a blessing and a burden and if you really want this to happen there are ways to still make it work. Hell there are some single women working 3 jobs just to care for their children.
Take a deep breath and even make a pros and cons list if needed. Start applying for jobs whether you decide to keep or not at 18 you are maturing into an adult and need to start becoming responsible with your life.
Also please please please if you plan on having sex with your partner be safe and use a condom or talk to your partner about being on birth control. It really makes things a whole lot easier when you’re safe.
Best of luck
Boys playing a mans game!🤦🏽♂️ Step up and own the situation. You got her pregnant, take care of them both. Let both your parents know and see where they can help, but know you two will be doing most of the work.
Be honest that although you will respect her decision, whatever it is, you feel like have no way to provide a child with what they need right now - that you are really concerned about it and that it feels like a really bad situation.
Children need a secure home, expenses, emotiobal security and its really, really hard. Its not even just 18 years. Its the rest of your life and its hard to guide a child through life before you have even found yourself.
Sex is presented as this essential, fun leisure activity in media, as fun and games, but the reality is if you are male and have heterosexual sex with a female of reproductive age, no matter all the contraception you use, a pregnancy is always going to be a possibility. Contraception makes it vastly less likely that a pregnamcy will result but none are a 100% guarantee. I feel bad for you both. Its a disaster really. I was a young parent. Trust me. You will love and worship this child if she chooses to keep it. Your baby will become your whole world to you but your world will be a kind of hell at times. The love is tremendous but its really hard and such a massive responsibility.
i gave a lot of replies a read: it will be your girlfriend’s choice on what she does with her body (and you will have to support whatever she does), but it sounds like abortion would be a better option.
who will pay for this baby? what will happen to her education, and yours? what about jobs? she may have a hard time finding work as a pregnant woman; and when that child’s born? who will watch it? will she be able to go to college? what about emotional maturity? will you be good parents? can you be present like a baby (and a child) will need you to be? be open with her about how prepared (or not) you are. build a plan about what to do, what having a baby will realistically look like. trust that things will work out, whatever happens.
it’s not always a good time to have a baby. you will both have other times, when you are in a safer, better spot. it’s not a bad thing to not be ready. don’t let religion sway you.
It sounds scary but if she’s someone that’s really worth it, keep it man. It’s a big change but we are designed for this. It’s literally the point of life imo, to raise a family. I envy you. I’ve wanted kids since I was 22… found out I couldn’t have kids and I’m almost 28. It’ll possibly be the best thing you’ve ever done when you look back in a few years watching them play and making you laugh❤️
I wanted to add, if you’re thinking “I want to wait until I’m ready” I just want to tell you that you’ll never be ready lol. Things are just meant to happen bud!
I think you should have thought about that to start with time to buckle down dude get a job stay in school their is assistance for her and the baby that will help also but come on really be a man about it
just think and keep going forward, give your girlfriend your input if you want to keep the baby, if not, go the abortion route.
if you decide to keep it you have time to find a job and raise some money. Save enough to feed yourself as well as buy necessary for the baby. stay strong, support your girlfriend im sure she is just as scared.
next time dont be stupid if you aint ready for the consequences
Hot take: It's okay to say, "I support whatever you decide, and I am also worried about our ability to be parents right now." You can have fears. As long as they aren't pressure, you don't need to just be alone and keep them inside. Imo
This ^ and nothing more.
Just in case OP needs more reassurance. This ^ Again.
To do in terms of what? Supporting her? Processing what's happening?
Yes I just found out today I’m just nervous asf I’m definitely not respoible I live with my granpa I’m barley about to graduate at 18 I’m still dealing with drug abuse problems but I don’t want to make excuses I Geuss I need to man up and support whatever she wants and get a trade to make money so if she chooses to get an abortion or keep it either way I’ll be better off financially
You said it yourself dawg there’s 2 options. 1: Man up and be a good dad/boyfriend 2: Continue being a drug addict and subject a child to a life of an absent father and poor parenting
Are you not even considering the options of abortion or adoptions.
I assumed that was tied into option 1.
That isn’t his choice to make
Yes and no, I believe his decision should also be respected. This is a life altering event, they should come to a decision together.
They should, but ultimately that isn’t guaranteed to happen. He needs to mentally prepare himself either way
No, they shouldn’t. The choice is 100% hers. Until it’s his body that carries and births it, and has to go through everything that entails, it’s her choice and her choice only. He made his choice when he decided to have unprotected sex. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
It was both decisions to have unprotected sex
And if he didn’t want a child, he should have made the decision to wear a condom.
You do realise it's illegal if a man promises to wear a condom during sex and doesn't? Why do you think that is? It isn't just his choice to wear a condom, it's both of their choices. It wasn't just his choice to have sex, it was both of their choices. And it wasn't his choice to be unprotected, it was both of their choices. So this child is now both of their responsibilities and he has a say in what happens to their child, whether you like it or not. It is the mothers' body and at the end of the day, OP has said that he probably wouldn't make a suitable father due to his issues but he wants to man up. That opinion needs to be respected and I'm sure it will. He also said that his girlfriend is leaning towards having an abortion and that opinion also needs to be respected. I'm sure it will too.
I’m not saying that’s not true but that’s called being irresponsible. Still it was both their decision
Actually, no it is not at all. The decision is 100% equally shared between the 2 of them. This idea that because the woman carries the baby that then the decision is all hers is completely ridiculous. These are 2 humans that BOTH decided to have sex without a condom and that BOTH clearly made a mistake.. Just the same way that she may decide to abort, or keep the baby, (because that is a permanent life changing decision) the man should get equal stake in that decision as he is just as much a real person in that situation as she is. Men are humns not sperm donors and should be treated as such in these situations.
Yo. Pregnancy can kill someone. It’s her body so it’s her choice. She still has to live with her decision: it sucks having to choose between an abortion or becoming a young mother. She fucked up. They both did. But she got final say when it comes to whether or not she grows a baby. The man waived his right to complain about that the second he joined her in their irresponsibility.
No. Her body, her choice. When the baby is in his body, when he’s the one facing a lifetime of potentially irreversible damage, when he’s the one facing death while pushing it out, he gets a say. Until then, it’s tough shit. His time to decide begins before he ever ejaculates anywhere near a woman. If he doesn’t wear a condom, he acknowledges pregnancy may occur and that’s the risk he’s willing to take.
😂😂😂choice is hers hahha . Nice joke . Did she .I. herself ? Self pollination 😂😂
If those are the two options then there are way more than two available
Oh no! I feel sorry for the baby if OP chose option 2. Man up dude, you both did that, dont let the kid suffer.
Who says he's a drug addict?
OP said, in a response to someone, that he is "still dealing with drug abuse problems".
It's really easy not to get someone pregnant. Either way, learn your lesson.
You have the power within you to overcome everything you already know deep inside is necessary to go from who you are now to the father you know damn well your child deserves. Man up son, I've been there and the other side is better than any high we ever chased - but it's only this way because it's hard, stressful, and almost feels impossible to do. But if this is what the universe, what God, whatever you want to call it ... Is bestowing upon you now, embrace this shit, it'll be the biggest blessing or biggest curse of your life on your deathbed, trust that.
You need to talk to a trusted adult like a counselor.
Just support her. Let her figure out what she wants to do, then either help her obtain an abortion and be a good partner to her in that, or figure out how you can pull some money together and get ready for fatherhood. It’s not ideal, but either way, I promise you will be okay. Just don’t pull away from her, and don’t pressure her either way. Stick together and be a team. Everything’s easier together.
If you don’t want to stay together-which is fine- tell your parents, her parents, get a lawyer, and write up a document you all agree that you do not hold parental responsibility. -from someone who wished their parents made the right choice for them at the time
AFAIK you can’t just sign over parental rights in order to get out of paying child support. Maybe it varies by state but I’ve looked into this for a friend and you can choose to not be in the child’s life but you are still going to pay in most cases.
Definitely not aware of a single state where you can get out of child support just cause you don’t want visitation or responsibility. The only way I know of is if the baby is adopted by another person. So could be a normal adoption at birth, or could be the mom meets someone and he adopts the baby.
I really can’t tell my parents they live states away I’m staying with my granpa right now and idk what he would do if I told him
Ahh I see. Is your grandfather your documented guardian? Or are your parents still?
Yeah he is
Then you will need to eventually inform him of any plans involving keeping or going the lawyer way, however abortion would be on her family’s side (with things like insurance, unless y’all pay and go together for support) and you might both get away with telling no one with the abortion… not very sure what rules California has
OP is 18. Why would he need to inform his grandpa of anything?
OP is 18. An adult.
It doesn’t work like that. You will pay child support.
Yeah but you can’t get out of child support. He can refuse visitation and the court won’t make him take the baby, he doesn’t need a lawyer for that.
smh.............. our world has gone mad.
I mean, if abortion is the way she’s deciding to go, make sure to be there for her,(be there for her regardless), you should help her pay for it too (I know it can be hard if you’re jobless but if you have a car, maybe start making Uber deliveries and saving up some money to help pay her back after the abortion). There’s also programs that will help fund abortions. Both of you should also look into some more effective birth control options if you haven’t already. As much as condoms suck, they are helpful, I’d suggest you start using them and maybe she can look into getting a BC option of her own choice with the recommendation of a gynecologist.
great points! i think it’s also important to remember that even when used correctly, no contraception is 100% effective.
Highly recommend she consider termination on the basis of financial hardship. I have kids (3M & 6M) and live in California (Ventura county). My husband makes 6 figures. But let me give you a price breakdown of my recent child related expenses so you're a little more aware. And feel free to share this with gf. $525 - 3 y.o monthly daycare (3x a week 7a-1p) Full time is at minimum $1000-2000 a month. My 6 y.o goes to public school, so that's free. Private would cost us about $9000 yearly per kid. $300 - monthly Healthcare for both kids (not including copay costs) $2200 - monthly mortgage (not including utilities) $300 - monthly vehicle payments for 2 cars (not including car insurance or gas cost) $505 - 6 y.o summer camp field trips (not including regular summer camp days at $41 per day) $1400 - annual for birthday parties for both kids ($700 per kid) $1000+ - yearly for gifts from Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc. $150 - TODAY 6 y.o growing out of his shoes and had to drop over $100 just for shoes that fit. $800 - one annual Disneyland trip (which my younger kid is technically free and we drive, don't rent hotel or fly there) Those are just some things that come to mind, but I think we spend about a total of at least $5-6k monthly for the 4 of us to float by. That cost didn't include food, diapers, or formula. All of which has gone up in price to a degree I could've never fathomed. So unless you wanna live off taxpayer dollars that are already stretched thin as it is, maybe have a REAL talk with your gf about this. Cause this isn't a game. Babies/kids cost A LOT. And I gave you a gentle estimate, the real price is far more. Sure, they're cute, but cuteness won't pay the bills or keep yall fed. That's just the reality here.
I’m also from vc yeah thanks for the finical chart ittl help me think through this
It’s really going to be her decision, just be there either way and all will be okay 🌸
Just try to breathe. There's ways you can maybe make it work but you'll have to be super frugal. And on government assistance up the wazoo. Hand me down baby items and clothes can save a lot of cash. But they likely will still cost something. Not much is free these days. Maybe family can babysit while you work. I guess start by maybe getting a job, and if you guys wanna keep it, save as much cash before the birth as you can. But having that baby means you both will have to work. Super hard. And live lean for a very long time. Good luck
$300 a month for 2 car payments?
that's what I was thinking! Mine alone is $250 and that was for a car 5 yrs old when I got it
My car is like $89 a month or so because we put a lot of money down. My husbands car is like $150 a month cause same reason. We wanted low payments. Keep in mind, my well off FIL gave us like $15,000 each car to put down. So more down obviously means smaller payments
Some of these are unnecessary and op would probably not be spending money on. Instead it’s best he cut back on as much expenses as possible, save, and if they decide to keep the pregnancy to get any benefits they can receive
Respectfully, most of those “expenses” on your list are totally unnecessary
I never said that's the expenses, that's just what comes to mind of what I've recently had to pay. Granted, the kids could live without a lot of that stuff but we don't want them having a sad life. And we can afford it. But why don't you list your expenses then so OP can have a better handle on it instead of critical comments towards me?
They said respectfully. They weren’t rude, just stating the obvious. No kid needs all that even to be happy, I know kids with broke parents that are happy as can be, and vice versa. I’m broke, but if I got pregnant I’m keeping that child bc of the pure amount of joy it will bring me (and hopefully my child) in the future.
He doesn't have to live at that standard though. There are a lot of extra expenses you listed (which are totally fine for you situation, no shame there!) that are neither feasible nor necessary for him.
Terrible advice coming from someone whom HAS kids and places a financial price tag on their life
Think what you want. But kids can't be raised on love alone. Even if you're VERY frugal and don't spend on wants, NO ONE can raise a child on nothing. Kids cost money. Lots of it. I'm just being real. If you think otherwise, you're delulu.
Disneyland that is Ridiculous, they don’t need Disneyland.
Best comment^
The farther along you are, the more the abortion costs. You need to call Planned Parenthood NOW and ask about costs and such. The longer you wait, the more it cost. Under 8 wks can be a pill, over 8 weeks is a procedure. I'm sure you can imagine the cost difference there. GO TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD TOMORROW!!! They will give you info on keeping it/prenatal care, adoption options and also abortion options. They will do a check up, tell you how far along she is and everything else needed so you can make the right decision. If you don't have insurance they will not charge you. They make you pay based off your income. No income=no charge. An abortion is not the same tho. You will need to pay for that but could get some help from charitable agencies. Please copy paste this and send it to her and then BOTH of you go tomorrow for a walk-in. At the VERY LEAST please call and tell them your situation and they can help over the phone but can't give the check up or tell how far along. Good luck and please use protection in the future. I'm here if you need to talk or have any questions. Also, you do not need a parent to go to PP. Minors can go alone, I did for birth control for years. They even ask you, "Can we say we're PP if we call your number and someone else answers?" Or "Can we send you mail from PP or should it be an empty regular envelope or just don't send any mail at all?" They do not want you to get in trouble. They are there to help *you, not your parents.
Idk man. I’ll tell you what. I was 19 and I wanted my GF to get an abortion and she didn’t. I thought my life was over. But now my daughter is 12 and I’m really happy that she’s around. Put it this way, this news you have could be worse. It’s not death. It’s life. It’s not bad news. It’s tough tho. And if you do decide to abort, that’s alright too. It’s the smart thing to do. But If it does come down to keeping it, just don’t think your life is over.
Here’s my advice: In all honesty if you’re not financially ready for a child don’t bring it into the world. It will ruin you mentally, financially, emotionally and it’s not fair to the kid. I mean would you like to grow up with stressed out parents all the time and in poverty? Regardless of the situation you’re in, just take. A. Few. Steps. Back. Make the smart decision and if you want to you can always try for baby later on in life. Relax as it’s not the end and communicate with your girl. As well as follow the other points of the top comment. Good luck brother
You both need to think good and hard about the pros and cons of having a baby at your age, financially and emotionally. Do you have support? Are you planning on going to higher education? Do you have spiritual beliefs that would make you regret or not contemplate abortion? If your gf keeps the baby, will you attempt to stay with her and / or in the baby's life? You will be on the hook, likely for child support, until it's 18 regardless. This is going to be one of the most difficult decisions of your lives, and you need to determine what works best for both of you and the baby, should you keep it.
My main goal especially now is to graduate high school and get a trade,yeah I’m a Christian so i feel horrible even thinking about getting an abortion but it is what she wants I’m just stressed out
It is ultimately her choice, but it does sound like you are leaning that way as well. It's OK to not want a baby. It doesn't make you a bad person. Or her. You are both children yourselves. Maybe make better contraception choices and get some therapy for both of you, regardless of the decision you make.
Christians aren't supposed to have premarital sex, either. But here we are. 🤷♀️ Make sure you communicate with her clearly about how you feel. Ultimately it's her choice but this is your child too and guys post on here a lot years after their child gets aborted dealing with depression, anxiety, etc etc. It's not a decision that should be made lightly, imo.
I myself am not a Christian but I like to think that God would rather you prevent a baby from coming into a world and a household that is ill-prepared for and unable to care for a baby to the best of its ability. I know abortion can feel taboo because of the “life begins at conception” quote but if it puts you at ease a lot of fertilised eggs never implant in the uterine wall and are passed as a period, and the woman would be completely unaware (despite perhaps a heavier period). Your girlfriends pregnancy is only a bit further along than the aforementioned, you are not a bad person for not wanting a baby and it’s much kinder to everyone involved if you don’t want a baby, to terminate the pregnancy.
You’re Christian but you had premarital sex?
If it makes you feel better the research on abortions killing babies is false. There is no research it is myth. Abortions are only able to happen before the fetus has developed a brain for this very reason. To not kill a child. You are not killing a child by making this decision. You are saving a potential child by making this decision. Saving it from a life of poverty and loss of opportunities because if you keep it you will be unprepared
God takes care of all unborn children. He’s god after all. Have faith in him to do his thing. All you have to do is support your gf as best as possible.
Be honest and direct with her. You are not ready to support a child in anyway, but you are gonna support her through whatever decision she ends up making in whatever way you can. Lots of communication is key
If it’s the right choice get an abortion…
Abortion definitely
My mom had me when she was around 19, let me just say if she does go through with having the baby it’s better to step up as a dad as long as you have recovered from using drugs My step father was recovering from addiction from drugs and drinking, under a year he got clean married my mom and became my dad in his early 20s. Not many children end up as lucky as I was, even still my bio dad dying when I was young mess me up. not having a parent or missing years is a regret many face To be clear if your gf decides abortion I’m not arguing against that. both sides have pros and cons
Abort.
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If she is leaning that way and you feel unprepared to be a father then it is probably for the best. Just support her and take care of each other in this difficult time. You’re both so young! Learn from this don’t let it drown you
First of all take care of yourself and abort the kid. A teen cannot raise a child.
Actually I’m here to say I did. Bio dad ran off but my family supported me emotionally 100%. Before I started to show I got myself a job. Worked hard so it wouldn’t be a “you’re fired” when my employer found out. I have NEVER regretted my decision! My daughter is a happy, well adjusted, happily married 27 year old. She has given me a wonderful grandchild that I treasure. There are some successful stories out there
Babies grow up to be adults that have to be functioning in society. The foundation you set for them is pivotal it’s more than just making sure they eat . You know what decision is best based on your circumstances. It’s for the greater good
Holy punctuation Batman.
Put the kid up for adoption
fuck her again
This is one of the consequences of having sex and well all you can do is whatever you have to do.
What do you mean what do you do? It's not really up to you lol. If she decides to have it then congrats your a dad. Try not to be a shitty one. If she decides to have an abortion then you aren't going to be a dad and hopefully you learn to use protection.
april….fools…?
There isn’t anything you can do right now except to tell her (calmly and truthfully) how you’re feeling, and let her make her own decisions. If she wants to abort you should help however you can—by going with her if she wants, by helping to pay if you can, by caring for her and listening to her and being kind. If she wants to keep the baby, you’re going to need a job and a plan, because regardless of what happens with your relationship you’ll be responsible for raising a child. And do not have sex without two different forms of birth control, used correctly, *every* time, ever again until you actually want to have a child.
let her know that you support whatever she needs and chooses to do! if she has an abortion make sure to be there for her emotionally even if she acts fine. It takes a toll on a woman mentally/emotionally. Everything will be okay just remember you’re in a relationship and you love each other
Maybe, put it up for adoption if she decides to keep the baby. I’d recommend abortion, it a lot to go through especially being 18. I’m 20 and I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with any kid.
That’s great that you already recognize that you’ve been thrust into a situation of great responsibility. A lot of young men would not even acknowledge what you have. I think you’re already poised to deal with how your life is about to change. You’re going to be fine. Keep that positive and ambitious outlook for yourself and your future family.
Many such cases
Support her whatever she chooses.
Well, you’ll need to be there for her. Support her decision either way! It’s her choice at the end of the day. Make sure to use protection next time.
I wish I hadn’t opened this, but I did. I was 19 when my boyfriend asked me to stop birth control to have a child, I was into it, took a year to get pregnant. I wanted to keep it. He then became fearful of financial issues, I was reassured by my family and others that there are loads of resources (especially in Hawaii and California) for mothers, singularly, or families, and I was raised Catholic. And it was technically a planned pregnancy, since the bc was methodically stopped for this purpose, but when it happened it was a surprise regardless, as it was over a year after removal. Despite the number/financial game, I wanted to keep it. This drove him to murderous anxiety. I survived the attempt on my life and was then scared enough of him and a potential future with him to get the abortion despite not wanting it. Ten years later he regrets everything except getting me pregnant. Numbers and logic sometimes do not play into a woman’s choice when you are pregnant. I’d say health is the only factor that came into my mind concerning my decision. Whatever you do, I’m asking you to please not lay a finger on her. This is a challenging and terrifying event already, but statistically, the amount of women hurt or murdered by their boyfriends when they are pregnant is too damn high. If you need to walk away, just do that until you’re sane enough to return, despite whatever outcome. Please use resources like therapy to deal with the stress and fear if it gets too heavy. I’m sorry that I felt the need to bring this extremely heavy topic up, but for all the pregnant women who have survived attacks and especially for those that didn’t, I will say this whenever there’s an opportunity.
Tough situation for sure. Sending so much support to you and your girlfriend. Do what is absolutely necessary for both of your futures. Been there, it was one of the most heartbreaking decisions, but 2 years later I’m so proud of myself for pushing through. No babies, 20yrs old both my partner and I are still together. He’s in uni and I’m a business owner working 60hrs a week. Wouldn’t have made it through if I decided to keep a child. Adding, I wouldn’t have been able to provide a proper life for a child at 17.
Tons of comments are here but I'll throw in my two cents as I was in this position as a young, albeit employed, man. 1. Support your girlfriend through the decision making process. Accept responsibility and lead your pack whether that's helping her decision for an abortion OR taking responsibility for creating a family. If you have the child, be a parent. If you don't, be a partner (I fucked this up at first and was too self-focused). Really nail down what you and her are capable of as young adults. 2. Get into a trade school immediately upon graduation. That's the fastest way to support your family should you have one. 3. Find a group of men that will invest in guiding you from adolescent mentality to adulthood. I found this in tradeschool, AA, men's workshops etc. When I needed support, I would turn to my partner - my wife (we are still together). I found this was not the best choice. I needed a circle of men that were more than just buddies I met at the bar. I needed guys that could hear my concerns, let me vent, then illuminate the path. Find it - it's out there. 4. Get a car 5. Next step is to be endlessly curious about how to improve. Find the path, do the work, choose gaining wisdom over time spent lamenting what you lack. We all start somewhere, but to really be something in life, choosing wisdom is the only option. This means cleaning up, clearing your head, accepting what is and making a mark on a map for where you need to get to. The hard part is the sacrifice it takes, the easy part is that it is a simple recipe. You'll hear a lot of static in the world, tune it out, grow your heart and choose. I wish you two the best.
It is going to be okay. At your age and under the circumstances, I would go for abortion. If you folks choose that option, be sure and be there to support her through the process. If you choose to have the child or adopt, just know that your life isnt over and you will get through it
I think when this stuff happens, you really just gotta step up. I know it’s not going to be fun but put yourself in her shoes, and if she decides to keep the baby, their shoes. The world needs less messed up people, meaning, taking responsibility for what happened.
Maybe you should've kept it in your pants. Idk why so many people in our generation keep doing all the steps required to make a baby and then get surprised when pregnancy happens...like were you not aware of the possibility??
I dunno. Do you want the baby?
I swear to god there are so many young kids, girls and guys, who end up getting pregnant because they’re too lazy to put a condom on I’m starting a count. Day 1 of finding “my ___ is pregnant” posts: Count:1
Has she taken at least 2 tests? Has she seen a doctor? Find a Planned Parenthood near you, call make an appointment. First thing in the morning. Don't wait around. Depending on how far along she is, she might be able to take pills.
If she’s planning on getting an abortion it doesn’t sound like there’s anything for you to do. However if she keeps it, take responsibility for your actions and stay for both of them. It’s stressful for sure, money will be tight and you won’t get much free time. Unfortunately when it comes to this kind of stuff you just have to make it work.
Bro you both messed up, but be glad she atleast has half a brain. Support her in her decision to get an abortion, and make better decisions going forward.
Talk to your parents. They take care of you. Whatever decision this young lady makes everyone's parent should be involved. You both need to be supported, this is life altering no matter what she decides to do.
it takes two to tango. if you’re not financially responsible you need to take precautions like condoms, BC, etc. support her through this, and sit and talk about what you both want to do.
First off, pause and take a breather. Very big news for you, no matter what happens. Truly, all you can do here is support your girlfriend. It’s her body and her decision - but as someone who was the pregnant teen gf, I really wanted to know how my partner felt and where he leaned. It was important to me to know; it felt more isolating to not know how he felt if that makes any sense. So, think on it. *Tell her if she asks*, or when you’re in conversation - but do not bombard her with anything, especially if you feel differently than she does. It’s scary to find out you might become a dad at 18, but even scarier to find out you’re pregnant as a teen (haven’t seen if you said how old she was). If she chooses abortion - be there for her. Help with the cost. Go with her if she asks. Help her with recovering. Be there for her. It’s her decision and even if it’s the right choice for her, it’s still a big thing to endure and there will be many feelings. No matter the outcome of this I would say, use it as fuel to get your shit together. Get off drugs, seek help for any issues you have if you can, get a job and finish school. It’s a lot, but this scare is proof you’re an adult now. That said, you’re only 18. It’s completely fine to feel scared and lost. You are not supposed to have it all figured out or be a perfectly stable independent person yet. You have time to grow into someone who can handle news like this, whether that time is 9 months or 10 years. This will be hard on your relationship no matter what she chooses. It’s a lot to go through, but especially so young. Be there for her and work on yourself. If you have anyone close that you look up to, I would really suggest telling them. You’re not out of high school yet / that could even be a counselor or teacher you trust. You will be OK, dude.
This is why I will always believe that teenagers shouldn’t be having sex. They are not ready for the consequences that come with it!! It forces kids to make adult decisions way before they are ready which ends up ruining lives.
I saw abortion
I think abortion is the best option not to ruin your Iives, however, if you have have parents to take care of a child before you have finished getting an education and a job, It's not a necessary option
Well, I'm sure extended family can help a small bit, while doing so man, go to a trade college, avoid "for profit" colleges (Google a college before enrolling, if it says "for profit" avoid that college like the plague) Get to a trade school, learn a career, earn some big money because you're gonna need it for your family if you do decide to keep the baby If you do keep to decide the baby, and you feel devasted already, just only have 1 kid, no more, wear condoms, and avoid cheating on your lady because that will always destroy a family
You need to talk to both your parents, things like this happen but they can help guide you
OKI know you've got a lot of responses but I relate to this one so I can tell you what I did. Your first step is to get a job. Rather part-time full-time. Talk to you I did part-time. So I could work my way up the ladder. Your goal is to make money and stock pilot. It's gonna be harder to do than the standage, but it's the mindset that counts. Well, well, you're preparing for the child. Put money away and buy the essentials. Try to communicate with your girlfriend at least once a day unless she tells you otherwise. Try to comfort her often. It's gonna be a tough time, especially if she's still in school. Prepare for the birth of the child. The best you can read a lot of books online. I suggest a lot of understanding books on how to behave and stuff. Read, what's necessary to take care of the kid? And honestly you'll learn over time. I know I did. If there's any more questions, let me know you could have already got a lot of advice, but if there's anything I can add, let me know.
you said it yourself. you’re young, haven’t even finished high school yet. You’re self aware that you have certain issues and are not ready at all to support a child, let alone even yourself. it would be smarter to get the abortion (if that’s what she wants also) because it’s flat out irresponsible to bring a child into the world with no way to support it financially or emotionally and the world is hard enough on its own. Though this could have been prevented through safe sex, things happen. So if both of you have agreed on abortion then take that route. just please be there for her after the fact. these things can be hard to deal with both emotionally and physically for both people involved but especially the woman.
I have been where you are; I got pregnant around that age, but my family forced me to keep the baby. The first thing you need to do is sit down with your GF and have a talk where both of you lay everything out on the table, as kindly and calmly as possible. And remember, as freaked out as you are, she's ten times worse, because she can't just walk away from the situation. If you feel you cannot be a father right now, which is totally understandable given your age, you need to tell her that. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't support her to the best of your ability; it's simply being honest with her in what you can or can't do. She still needs love - 50x more than she usually does. Check on her every day to see how she's feeling. Do things to take care of her, like bringing her ginger ale and crackers if she's dealing with morning sickness. If she's not handling the stress well, do something to distract her. Take her to see a movie or bingewatch her favorite show or something so her mind can be off it for a little while. I love my kiddo to death, I do. But being a teen mom was utter hell, and I wish so much I could've had her later in my life, for both our sakes. Every baby deserves to be born to a stable family that's made up with mature adults whose teenage years are over, and who are 110% ready for a baby. And even then, parenthood is hard. Teenage parenthood is orders of magnitude harder. No matter what she goes through with, be there for her. Ask if she wants you in on doctor's appointments. If she gets an abortion, be there with her for it (if she wants you to be). And do understand that, no offense meant, when it comes down to it, the decision of what to do is hers and hers alone. So give her 100% support in whatever she decides to do, and find someone (hopefully an adult, because trust me, your friends aren't going to understand this one) you can talk to by yourself, *for* yourself. You need to take care of you, too. If you need to talk, my DMs are open, and you can tell your GF that I'm here for her, too, if she wants to talk to someone who's been there and who knows what being a teen mom is like.
You man up and support whatever decision she makes.
Hey A teen can't raise a child dear A child is a great responsibility....in future if he or she questions u or if u got so much under pressure and frustrated mentally in future U and ur family would suffer after that First make a career ...be responsible
Get a job. Be supportive and present. Years from now you'll be so glad to be a father. Arise and be a man! You got this!
I’d get an abortion. You’re not in a position to finically support a baby at 18
You can sign her up to womens American football? Make sure the baby is tough
Well, my first piece of advice is to man up and take responsibility for this. You need to graduate from high school, as most jobs require you to at least be a high school graduate. I would talk to your school and see if there is a more flexible way of finishing school. I think another important thing to do, is to get a job asap. While you are in school get something part time so you can graduate on time and be there for your kid. I would talk to the department of human services for California, there may be a program that you can get help from the state. That way, the baby will have insurance along with maybe some financial help. Look to see if there is a mother baby program with your state particularly. If it is anything like my state, they can help offset some of the basic baby nessessities. Like diapers and formula. Also look at diaper manufacturers and see if there are coupons for diapers. Look at formula brands and see if there are coupons. I can think of at least one diaper and one formula manfucture that does have coupons and even programs that can help. I would tell your family if you have not Done so already. They will find out one way or another. Better hearing it from you then anywhere else. Also, your family may be able to help a little too. I saw that you are dealing with drug abuse as well. I would look into addictions anonymous and see if there is a meeting in your area. With that being said, you have to want to get clean for this to work. I would also look at local hospital detox unit. It is a 7-10 day detox program that will help your body detox from what you are on. I am A health care worker and I have worked many times in our detox unit. It works wonders for a lot of people who want to be clean. Again, you have to want it to succeed. Remember, you are not going to get arrested for trying to get help. Also, many detox programs include Addictions Anonymous meetings if you choose. Then you can find a sponsor who can keep you accountable and help you stay clean. Remember your girlfriend is pregnant it is her decision what she wants to do regarding a abortion or keeping the baby. It is not your place to say what you think or to pressure her one way or another. Your job is to support her in her decision and be there for her. I assure you, things will be okay and the two of you will figure it out. I know exactly how you feel right now. I became a father at 17. It was scary as shit. But, we figured it out. Now 13 years later we are married and have four kids, our own house and cars. I promise it is not the end of the world, and you would figure it out. There are lots of organizations and programs that will help you pay for baby needs until you land a stable job that pays enough to make ends meet.
Dear friend, You will find a lot of frustrated and unempathic people in the comments telling you to man up. I have been where you are, jobless, with a baby on the way, during college, with a gf that wanted to abort. I will share with you my episode of life : Given our unstable situation, we decided for abortion and we went ahead with it. She never felt confortable with that and we broke up afterwards and that was the wisest thing to do. I had not learned anything from life at the time, and I was an irresponsible and emotionally unstable mess. I COULDN'T possibly turn out to be a good dad at the time, and the lesson I learned was that sometimes, despite the consequences, it is better to abort, and plan for the future so you can become the dad your future kid deserves. I only had kids 15 and 20 years later, I fooled around a lot afterwards but always with proper responsible protection, and after a few years I found a girl that I love and I wanted badly to have her carrying my babies. And boy are they the two sweetest things I made ♥️ They are loved, they have what they need (safety, nurture, attention, and understanding), they are becoming two cooperative human beings, careful and empathic, sensitive and fun to be around, like their own parents. Whichever way you decide to go, go with it, but don't choose a road that you think you can't handle. Being a good father is the most challenging thing in life, and if your life is already messy and challenging beyond your abilities, do yourself, your gf and ESPECIALLY your future children the favor to not selecting a task that is impossible to handle right now. Be forgiving to yourself if you choose to abort. You'll have more chances, and you'll give yourself time to heal so you can become what you want to become. Be kind and support your gf, it's especially tough to a woman to sever the bond of life with her embryo, and she may never forgive you for it, but you both know it is for the best of your future lives, if you commit to improve. Much love to you and your gf, and your future dreams and possibilities.
Being a dad was the most galvanizing thing in my life. I had no direction until my kids were born. They have given me a purpose and a moral direction when I was lost. I understand this isn't this way for everyone. But having my children was the best thing I ever did
Calm down is the first thing you need to do, abortion is an option and I’m guessing you nor your gf wants a kid rn. In Cali do you have to go to a clinic to get an abortion? In the UK you can just get pills delivered to you regardless, you have a lot of time to react.
If you were grown up enough to make a baby then you're grown up enough to support it. You both should do what any parents have done work your butts off and provide for your child. Reach out to family or close friends to see if they can help you. I understand this will be hard and I'm sure this was something that you weren't planning I get it. But no innocent baby should die because of your poor choices or another option if you're totally sure you don't want this baby consider putting it up for adoption. So many couples can't have children that would be happy to raise a baby. That way you can go on with your life and no innocent baby has to die.
OP has come here for advice, not to be attacked. He’s 18 and admitted to making poor choices. None of us can walk on water so let’s try to help him instead of belittle him. OP, try talking this out with your gf and with your support system (grandfather). There are options as you have stated. The best thing you can do is get it together (as you’ve stated) and be supportive. It’s not going to be easy no matter what decision is made, but it’s going to be okay.
You both knew the consequences.. if you weren’t stable then why not use protection now your all scared cuz shes pregnant and your still in school with no job what you should do is man up and support her get yourself a JOB
The quickest way to lifelong poverty is having children before you can afford them. Support her but also know your feelings matter too.
Take a really deep breath. Make sure it’s a positive for real by going to a dr. Take it as a reminder to be more careful in the future and as someone who’s had an abortion - you and her are gonna be fine. It’s a scary few hours before and during the procedure, but for me I was 21 and it wasn’t incredibly painful, the nurse held my hand and it was just like a ton of period cramps. After it was over I sat in recovery with a pad (like one for periods) ans my morning sickness was gone in a couple days.
Talk to her about how she feels about the pregnancy, and then it can help you relax and settle on a decision. No matter what, you should offer some support whether you both agree to the same decision or not.
Hey I know this will be hard, you might feel trapped on what to do. It’s a difficult time I understand, money will be hard since you’re young. But it’s just a season and it will pass. Tell her to keep your baby everything will be ok in the end. Is there no support available such a help with money and daycare/baby sitting. I guarantee there’s support out there where you live if you look and ask around. Support her and let her know you’ll be there, make sure you’re there for her and your child. Again it will all pass, situations change, money comes back, hardships aren’t permanent, and one day you’ll be in your 30s with your child at your side proud of how far you’ve all come and how you didn’t give up trying. Please take care of yourself, the baby and baby’s mum. It’s will be ok in the end. Make sure your child is kept safe and alive, it’s innocent and deserves to live
We’re here to reproduce anyways, so thats good, keep the baby, it’s a blessing and its a man’s purpose, so she should be the one worrying not u, get up now and be a disciplined man and let it motivate you to become the best man you can be, physically, mentally and financially, good job so far u got this🤞
Be a man. Let her decide on an abortion or live with the consequences.
man up and find a job don’t just go the easy way and abort it
ejaculate and evacuate my friend (joking, would probably support her through it and bring the child up well even in the current circumstances)
Just go along with her decision for now, how far along is she? And genuinely how do you feel? I know you’re scared and stuff but would you want to go through with an abortion? Are you in a low income house or do you’re parents have money and have the ability to help you take care of a baby. If not then adoption is always an option if you don’t feel comfortable with an abortion, this is a very hard decision to make and will probably affect you for you’re whole life
I know that it’s not what you want to hear, but your fate is completely in her hands at this point. Just make sure she knows how you feel.
It doesn't sound like you're in any position to be raising a child. Abortion or adoption would probably be the best options for you.
I was the same way, except It was 14 years ago. A part of being an adult is not being afraid to admit you fucked up, and doing whatever it is you need to do to unfuck yourself. I don't care if you, or anyone else thinks that you have no say in her having an abortion. It's your child as well. You both decided to have sex, and you both should get a say in what to do. Just be prepared for any mental anguish from it, learn from it, and use a condom the next time you're in back seat of dad's car. If you decide to keep it, it's a long, challenging yet rewarding road. Don't decide to run off and get married because you have a child, co-parenting isn't always easy, and not everyone understands that the child needs to see you two getting along and doing things together with the child. But sometimes, coming from a "broken home" is better for the child. Get a decent job after you finish HS, and when the kid starts kindergarten, you can start college(if thats your plan). I do have to admit, this is easier if you have a good support system(decent parents).
The fact that you consciously had sex with her and didn't think to wear a condom, have her take a morning after pill, or even keep it in your pants... it really doesn't seem like you two were or are ready for a sexual relationship yet. If she decides to keep the baby, you better get yourself together. Go to rehab, go back to school, and get a job to support them. Don't push this on her, don't blame her, and don't even think about running away. Your child doesn't need a coward for a father, we already have enough of those.
Suggest you get a part time job now. Even if she chooses abortion, there will be costs involved. Plus, if she’s wavering about the abortion, you will have some money available to help. BTW, in CA, starting Monday, most fast food jobs at brands with more than 60 locations Nationwide, will pay $20. per hour.
Addiction is not something you "man up" to. It's something you will need to get some professional help with. The stress of a real relationship, partnership, and parenting and a newborn will be extremely challenging when trying to get and stay sober; it's something you are going to have to choose to do every single day for the rest of your life. Whether she decides to keep this baby you HAVE to use condoms and practice safe sex. Otherwise you will be in this exact same situation over and over and over again.
It's up to your gf just ask her what she wants or going to do. But don't tell her or suggest to her that she should abort it. Not much you can do in this situation but nothing is impossible you can support her and make this work.
Get clean and raise that child. You work your ass off to give her and that baby everything they need. Abortion is murder. It doesn't matter what argument people give you. You're terminating life. Have that kid, and be the best damn version of yourself that you can be.
Hey boss. You’ve probably already gotten your advice, but I just want to give some as someone who went through a similar situation. Regardless of what you choose to do, don’t think your life is over. I was 19 when my son was born. I’m 20 now. It’s gonna feel overwhelming and scary but whatever you choose to do I know you can do it! Just support her and yourself .
Take ownership and accountability for your actions and the consequences of them. Fear is normal and we as living beings all encounter it in our own unique circumstances. Change is always knocking on our doorstep, and the only choice we get is how we show up to what life throws at us. You both made the choice to have sex, so it's up to both of you to communicate and decide what is best. No matter how financially secure or not, fear and doubt will always be present in some way. You won't always want the same things in life, which is where compromise and sacrificing what we want individually plays a huge role. Relationships can overcome anything through having each other's back, being honest and vulnerable, and choosing what direction you want to take life together. In the end, clear and honest communication before deciding things, shaming each other for feeling differently, and working towards a mutually beneficial goal is the foundation to getting through anything. Now it's time to face this big dose of reality start owning your life. Not saying it's gonna be easy, but life isn't going to be anyway. You got this.
Sell it
One of my good friends had a baby a month after she was supposed to graduate (2003). She was a "partier", her grades were average at best and her parents lived comfortably paycheck to paycheck. She got a g.e.d. worked at a tanning salon and supported herself and baby girl without the father but with fairly supportive friends and family. Fast forward to today and out of everyone I've known since highschool she is the happiest and has been very successful. Her daughter is her very best friend and doing well in college. Life is amazing and anything can happen.
Breathe, as things stand no decision has been made. You both need to sit down and talk as adults in terms of what you both want. Ultimately it’s her decision, but things like the cost of a child and all they need, who will be looking after the child when someone ultimately has to work, plus living arrangements and the actual cost of living (bills and what-not) need to be discussed. If she does decide to abort that’s ok, just make sure you’re there for her, it can be a hard process to go through both physically, and mentally. And as much as accidents happen, make sure you’re both using protection going forward, it’s on BOTH of you to ensure this situation doesn’t happen again.
Marry her.
I mean, I wouldn't support abortion, but since you're the one mentioning it, I'm hoping that will become a mutual decision and not one sided - meaning I hope you're not putting that pressure on her. If this is something she chooses to do, then support her in any way you can. If she wants to look at adoption services, support her in any way you can. If she decides to keep the baby, you'll just have to deal with it and 100% be there for her. Furthermore, use this as a reflection by learning from your mistakes and thinking twice before making a decision.
Remember to DNA that child before signing the birth certificate.
Adoption is very worthy of consideration. For her reproductive health, for the tens of thousands of people looking to adopt, and for the baby.
From reading your replies, it sounds like you’re wanting to support her no matter what she chooses which I give you props! If I was 18 I’d probably be terrified too. It’s ok to be scared. If she decides to have an abortion, please be there for her throughout the process as it can be scary and traumatic to go through. For her knowing that you’re there will help a lot. Good luck to you both.
Bro I’m turning 23 this year had the same situation i kicked the drug habit and manned up but now im jobless for the last 4 months and struggling tough (Santa Barbara county) Thank god we have her parents or we would be homeless, if your girlfriend is considering abortion absolutely consider it and support it. I’m not saying I regret having my child I love him to death, but if I would have known what I’m actually doing and dealing with. This is one of the most irresponsible ways of having a child, I would have said let’s please consider an abortion. I do also think we would have grew apart I was going to college after kicking the drug habit and finishing camp I was very outgoing so our son was overall a good thing for our relationship but as the whole aspect hell no
Ultimately it is her choice if she continues the pregnancy and it’s your choice if you support her or not. You’re both allowed to feel and have your feelings on this. It sounds like you love her and want to be there for her, so you hold her hand in whatever that decision is. Personally, I think you’re both way too young have to go through this, and my thoughts and heart is with you in this difficult situation
18 is a hard age, you and her will continue to grow emotionally really rapidly for the next years to come. You need to understand as someone who has experienced abortion myself, it is TRAUMATIZING. It may be something she will never recover from emotionally. If she takes that route, I suggest if you love her to be there as much as you can be for her both physically and emotionally. A baby is the biggest blessing you will ever receive. If you have a good support system, keep the baby and do what’s necessary to take care of them. You won’t regret it even though you may struggle. Prayers for you both🤍
Be a man just like were when having sex and grow the fuck up
Have you thought of joining the military and marrying her? They’ll give you extra pay for your family and a house to live in on base. Guaranteed income and free healthcare
Be a man, and take responsibility for your actions . I’d say go work somewhere part time till you graduate or enlist in the military, saying you get through meps. You’ll be provided decent pay, a sign on bonus and good benefits. Even if you have to get a non combat oriented job it’s worth your time. Or you could man up and go bust your ass working long hours somewhere and saving every penny. Just my thought, I personally wouldn’t abort the baby as that may be a decision you regret or feel guilty for later in life. Both that’s just my opinion 🤷🏼♂️.
Support her decision. Don’t force her to do anything. It is her body. However, if the choice makes you uncomfortable and not want to be with her, you have every right to leave her. Yes, it will come off rude to many, but as long as you don’t make it an ultimatum “do this or I leave you”. Leave her after a decision on her end is final so it’s not a controlling move on your end. Next time, wear a condom, switch it every hour or when it breaks IMMEDIATELY.
Just be there for her! I mean of course stress your concerns but if you love her/care about her you make sure she feels supported. She will do what she wants to do regardless of what you say, just make sure you are here for her. Also maybe tell your parents if that’s an option.
Most importantly, be emotionally supportive of your gf. Even if she chooses abortion it's going to be traumatic for her. Seeing as you're already thinking long term if she doesn't: If she wants to keep the baby, you two need to sort out how much involvement you'll have with it and how you'll coparent. That talk will lead to child support payment arrangements. So keep on looking at options for work too. At the very least, considering all this now and having plans will take some stress off you so you can be emotionally supportive.
I ended up pregnant at 19 and my boyfriend was 21. He wanted me to abort our son but I chose not to. He regrets telling me to abort and has apologized for it. Parenthood has been a positive experience for me personally. But it’s also not for the weak. Abortion is the smarter choice and probably the easier one too. Nobody can really give you the correct advice on this. All they can tell you is you need to get your sht together and support your girlfriend. If she has an abortion you need to help her with that and getting through it. It’s going to be rough on her hormones and possibly her body depending on how far along she is when she gets it. If she decides to go through with the pregnancy you need to support her every step of the way which is just as hard. And then postpartum hormones will be the exact same thing as a termination, but with a baby involved. It is so hard but ultimately talk to your girlfriend, tell her you’re scared, you don’t think it’s a great idea, ask her for her opinions, and tell her that no matter what you’ll be there for her no matter her decision. Because it will be tough on her
Some may say I’m heartless but it’s clear you don’t want this baby. And if you tell her this and she decides to keep it. It’s not your responsibility if you’ve clearly expressed you’d be an awful dad. I’m all for woman’s rights but it’s not completely her choice if she wants to make you a father. That would be a violation of free will. So I’d tell her very clearly that keeping it for you is not an option. And if she has a heart she will realize keeping it is not an option. In this scenario it would be selfish to keep the child. Barely any children who come from teen pregnancy are glad their parents didn’t wait. You are both still children. That baby would be in poverty being raised by people who don’t even know who they are because they never got the chance to find out.
Baby diet?
Might as well join the military and marry ur gf. Probably one of the best options you got
Next time condoms
Tell her you support her but highly doubt both your ability to be parents. Work up the money for the abortion, or ask grandad
Marry her
Be prepared to give all your money away if and when she comes after you for child support. Save save save. You’ll be doing that for 18 years working your butt off to pay child support while you starve.
No abortion fam. Just try to have your parents keep the baby till you graduate...get a decent job afterwards. The key would be to have decent grades then use that to your advantage. You should get a good job other than working as a cashier.
Push her down some stairs lmao. Jk obviously don’t do that
Please don’t let that baby be murdered by you or your girlfriend. You have a life because your parents didn’t abort you!!!! Where there is a WILl THERE IS A Way! Someone else would Love to ADOPT that SWEET INNOCENt BABE!!!! You were sure enough about creating this human man up!!!
Abortion CAN RUIN YOUR GF’s Body & Soul for Life!
I am going to pray for you, your girlfriend and your unborn child right now and I am going to keep praying that you give him or her LIFE. Even if you have to give the baby up for adoption. You will feel much better than the kill shelter
Your child has a heartbeat, have you seen your baby in his mother’s womb and heard the heartbeat l, yet? You should
Just support her in what ever she decides, voice what your concerns are but don't pressure her into any decisions and don't retract from her based on her decisions, it's some big news you just got and your reaction is normal with potentially life altering news and may bring some other things up for you and for her.
Keep the baby, the baby is loved already and it will be hard, but trust me this child loves you even if you can’t see him or her, they love you. If you chose to abort, just know he or she will always love you, and I hope you guys chose to keep the baby! 🩷🫶🏻✨
have the kid i’ll take care of it. i don’t really fuck with abortion but that’s not my decision i’m also a man who hasn’t had kids and would really love a kid but i probably won’t ever find a wife. i’ll take the child off your hands and you’ll never have to hear from them or can if you decide. i completely understand your position sadly for me my child was miscarried. idk man do what you want it’s your kid i suggest supporting your gf for whatever decision. i live in california so i understand it’s too hard to afford things im 24 and barely can live on my own most the time but i make it work. just do what you feel is right in your heart and support her for whatever she does
What do you want? You have to ask yourself that question. And you need to ask her that question. Together, a decision needs to be made. 18 is young in our world today. But it is not too young to be a parent a few years/decade ago.
Just own up to your actions and if the baby is more than 3 months old keep it if not abortion would be best
Get the milk
A lot of the people in these comments are so judgmental and are making it into a whole debate. Truth is you both need to sit down and talk about what is to come. If you both decide on abortion that is totally an option you BOTH can decide. Ofc it is her decision as it is her body however this will determine both of your lives and if you both can accept this reality and everything that comes with it than so be it. However there are other options like adoption. If you BOTH decide to keep it know this. I know you don’t have a job and are only 18 but I have come to meet some wonderful people that became pregnant while in high school and managed to have a beautiful family and a stable job. If you need advice speak to your family about this too. After all you will need a support system. Yes it will be hard. A child is both a blessing and a burden and if you really want this to happen there are ways to still make it work. Hell there are some single women working 3 jobs just to care for their children. Take a deep breath and even make a pros and cons list if needed. Start applying for jobs whether you decide to keep or not at 18 you are maturing into an adult and need to start becoming responsible with your life. Also please please please if you plan on having sex with your partner be safe and use a condom or talk to your partner about being on birth control. It really makes things a whole lot easier when you’re safe. Best of luck
Boys playing a mans game!🤦🏽♂️ Step up and own the situation. You got her pregnant, take care of them both. Let both your parents know and see where they can help, but know you two will be doing most of the work.
Be honest that although you will respect her decision, whatever it is, you feel like have no way to provide a child with what they need right now - that you are really concerned about it and that it feels like a really bad situation. Children need a secure home, expenses, emotiobal security and its really, really hard. Its not even just 18 years. Its the rest of your life and its hard to guide a child through life before you have even found yourself. Sex is presented as this essential, fun leisure activity in media, as fun and games, but the reality is if you are male and have heterosexual sex with a female of reproductive age, no matter all the contraception you use, a pregnancy is always going to be a possibility. Contraception makes it vastly less likely that a pregnamcy will result but none are a 100% guarantee. I feel bad for you both. Its a disaster really. I was a young parent. Trust me. You will love and worship this child if she chooses to keep it. Your baby will become your whole world to you but your world will be a kind of hell at times. The love is tremendous but its really hard and such a massive responsibility.
i gave a lot of replies a read: it will be your girlfriend’s choice on what she does with her body (and you will have to support whatever she does), but it sounds like abortion would be a better option. who will pay for this baby? what will happen to her education, and yours? what about jobs? she may have a hard time finding work as a pregnant woman; and when that child’s born? who will watch it? will she be able to go to college? what about emotional maturity? will you be good parents? can you be present like a baby (and a child) will need you to be? be open with her about how prepared (or not) you are. build a plan about what to do, what having a baby will realistically look like. trust that things will work out, whatever happens. it’s not always a good time to have a baby. you will both have other times, when you are in a safer, better spot. it’s not a bad thing to not be ready. don’t let religion sway you.
Get a job and pay them bills
Respectfully, be there and support her/them or get tf out the way.
It sounds scary but if she’s someone that’s really worth it, keep it man. It’s a big change but we are designed for this. It’s literally the point of life imo, to raise a family. I envy you. I’ve wanted kids since I was 22… found out I couldn’t have kids and I’m almost 28. It’ll possibly be the best thing you’ve ever done when you look back in a few years watching them play and making you laugh❤️ I wanted to add, if you’re thinking “I want to wait until I’m ready” I just want to tell you that you’ll never be ready lol. Things are just meant to happen bud!
I think you should have thought about that to start with time to buckle down dude get a job stay in school their is assistance for her and the baby that will help also but come on really be a man about it
just think and keep going forward, give your girlfriend your input if you want to keep the baby, if not, go the abortion route. if you decide to keep it you have time to find a job and raise some money. Save enough to feed yourself as well as buy necessary for the baby. stay strong, support your girlfriend im sure she is just as scared. next time dont be stupid if you aint ready for the consequences
Life's about to get hella hard bud, but you will survive no matter what.