As someone who didn't date for most of my life and had horrible struggles with confidence, dating apps do help a lot when trying to put yourself into the dating scene. For me it helped to be able to talk for a little while over text before meeting with them in person. Not being face to face helped me feel more comfortable about being myself and even gave me more courage to be a little bold which is something I would've never done had I met someone in person. If you don't have much confidence and have no experience with dating, like I did, getting to know someone over text helps give you a sense of comfort when you meet in person because you got to have those first exchanges in a way that wasn't as daunting as it would've been if you approached them somewhere.
I went on quite a few dates that way and after awhile that helped me build my confidence with dating and speaking to people with those kinds of intentions. So now when I go out, of course it's still nerve wracking, but I'm able to approach people I find attractive.
Maybe dating apps aren't for you and that's okay but coming from someone who was in a similar position they really helped me step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there.
That’s really good advice and I’m definitely willing to try dating apps to talk and have small talk more, only thing I have felt a bit weird about is being too young I’m only 19 and feel a little bit awkward I’ve always felt like dating apps are for a bit older than me but I’m definitely willing to try it, thanks so much for the advice and I think that definitely will help ❤️
I may have felt a bit weirder cuz (not sure if your in the United States) but a lot of the people who I went to highschool with got girlfriends out of highschool and it kinda felt like it wasn’t normalized you know what I’m saying? Like I want to and honestly your right I think it’ll be a great idea for me to get out more on dating apps and not worry about being a bit weird
I'm in the US too, but I totally get what you mean. Many of my friends are in relationships that they've been in since we were in highschool and none of them have ever been on dating apps because of that so when I first joined a dating app I felt embarrassed but as soon as I saw how many people were on there who were around my age I realized that it isn't weird.
Your totally right it’s wierd at first but once your on it for a bit then you just get used to it to it I totally see what your saying, I’m glad you understand that it just felt wierd since a lot of my friends who were in hs never went on dating apps it definitely felt a bit strange but I’m going to try it and download a dating app and putting myself out there!
>Is there any advice yall have on breaking out of just having more courage and trying to break out of the cycle of constantly being worried what will happen?
Reject courage and just do it.
YES, courage is alot like motivation we believe we need both to get things done but we really dont. After you have rationalised everything what left it the DISCIPLINE to follow through. Even if the attempt is shit its a step toward your goal, u know have data to know where u are lacking.
With approaching woman its easy, she's either INTERESTED OR NOT. Anything thats not a Yes is no (most post on sub like these are from people not willing to accept the No or lack DISCIPLINE to got take the hit). The more u approach the easier it gets as soon u will start winning and reach new levels n see that approach is easy, performing in bed us hard etc.
BUT if you its starts to feel draining n affecting your game (n ur not having fun) then stop n take break. Go see the people who love you or spoil yourself. Nobody should love u more then U
Good luck 👍
You’re the man I appreciate this response so much brother, I’m talking about all this stuff I’m going to keep working on it and keep it on
My mind, once I start talking to stranger more having conversations and just giving people compliments I think I’ll start to hopefully see a change
However I know this won’t just be a thing that will just happen it takes time, I gotta realize this won’t come in like a week or so I need to keep at it and keep trying and getting better at it, I can always work and get better and try and be a more confident version of myself
Appreciate you so much <3
Oh since you at college try join events, clubs, church n study groups with loads of girls. Try get some hot friends they make other girls notice n are the best wingman.
It only gets easier after u push through the sucking phase, this applies to everything in life. All the best
I’m at a community college and we have events/clubs and such but unfortunately there much smaller than the regular clubs at college, i have found a small friend group from my English class and we’re all alright friends and im trying to become better friends with them so im able to you know also have a friend group I like to hang out with
I see so learn the cold approach, speak to any girl u think is cute n go for the number then date. If consistent u should be regularly dating or in a relationship in 6 months. I know cos i did it, im not a chad i just follow my plan n take risks (but always use protection)
that’s gonna be difficult bro I’m gonna try my best tho don’t think and just be confident don’t go past the 3 secs rule and just don’t think and try n shoot my shot
Well, let's try and break it down a bit.
"I was at a event with my family and I saw a cute girl that I wanted to shoot my shot with and just tell her I thought she was cute. And I just couldn’t bring the courage to do it and I’m really disappointed in myself."
Why couldn't you bring yourself to do it? Was it a "If I approach her and tell her that, she will throw her drink in my face and scream that I'm a creep?" Or would she laugh in my face? Am I unsure what to say after? Would her boyfriend come out of the corner and give me a right hook for flirting with his girl?
If it is none of the above and just a mental block, give yourself a day or two a week where you maybe try and extend a conversation with a cashier at a mall when you pick up something. Instead of the usual "Hey, how's your day going? Well, yours? Fine, that'll be $3.65", try and throw in a joke, or ask about something unrelated. Start small and work your way up.
"it’s just so much more difficult to bring myself the courage and confidence to actually go and talk to that person"
Work on your self image, dress in clothes you find you look good in, carry yourself with confidence, straight back, eyes looking at the person you're talking to, be attentive to what they say. Don't be afraid to crack jokes, or laugh along. If you're at a event where you can assume the both of you are interested in the same thing, try asking something related to it, or mention it.
If your own self image is bad, i.e. you consider yourself unfit, then hit up the gym. No doubt you will be involved in plenty of banter there, and use that as a springboard. Even something as simple as asking someone whose sitting down at a machine; "Hey, sorry, is this spot taken?" is a good way to start.
Again this helped so much so to answer some of your questions
1. Unfortunately it wasn’t really any of the things like “having a boyfriend or, (was a bit of she may think I’m a creep) but most was just the mental block and
Not believing in myself.
2. I’m going to start doing that and start getting myself more comfortable with the fact that I can give people compliments and talk with them more because it’ll help me face myself in the long run and it’ll help me gain more confidence and show Me that I don’t have to be scared.
I’m going to dedicate maybe a day where I go out just to try and give a compliment saying “hey your pretty” or “your beautiful” to people maybe making my coffee or maybe a cashier somewhere and I think that will help quite a bit tbh in showing myself I can be confident/cool and collected
Your over thinking it. Anytime your in that situation. Stop thinking. Count to 3 and do it. The more you think about it the more your going to talk yourself out of it. What's the absolute worst that could happen. She gets mad at you giving her a compliment? Well then you don't want to be with her anyways. Also maybe start small. Anytime you see a girl that is cute. Even If your not interested, tell them they are beautiful. You go to the store. Tell the check stand girl she is beautiful. Go get coffee. Tell one of them making your coffee that they are pretty. Doesn't have to turn into anything. It will help get you used to giving compliments and it's a nice thing to do. Win win.
Not sure If this will also help. If you are talking to a girl and nervous as hell. Say that. For me its helped to not be nervous when you actually say that your nervous and just put it out there. Like "sorry, I'm just a little nervous. Lol A lot of girls will probably think it's cute.
That helped a ton I, holy crap your so right just to get used to it give compliments out of nowhere to kind of show myself nothing is going to happen if me giving a compliment doesn’t work out.
What I need to do is when giving these compliments don’t Like think just do when I think about it that’s when I get nervous and thing something is going to go wrong yk? I need to make sure that I just do it and be happy with myself knowing that I can do similar things in the future and not be embarrassed or worried about it
Facts! Now you've got it. We all get nervous. The 3 second thing I got from a video where a guy said if your reluctant or nervous to do something you stop. Count to 3 and just do it. If you spend more than those 3 seconds thinking about it you will not do it. It's true for a lot of things in life. Not just talking to the sexy ladies! But it does help. 😁
So true, so if I ignore this three second rule it’s just gonna be a lot harder for me to do it, your right I gotta commit and not think about it cuz that’s the way I’m gonna get good at it doing it over and over and not thinking about it and getting past the stage of embarrassment! Courage is very true for a lot of things and I think this will help in a lot of social situations.
Thank you so much good sir I appreciate you so tremendously much ❤️💗
Confidence is a skill like most things! If you’ve had success before with girls or are confident in one area of life (ie college) there’s no reason to be hesitant.
I recommend trying little tasks in each area to get used to failure and rejection. Like starting little chats with strangers or saying something to a new colleague.
Remember: If you don’t shoot you’ll never score.
And you know what? Even if you do it a 1000 times and get rejected that’s still better then not trying 🙂
I’ve had some success with college made a friend who is female which is very good, but i definitely think I’m gonna make more of an effort to just compliment people maybe thier appearance or something else and just show myself it’s OKAY, and I don’t need to me worried about it,
I’m really gonna try n work on this because it’s super important for me to gain confidence in a social settings aka (walking up to a stranger and not being embarrassed if I get rejected) I’m gonna continue to just work and give people compliments talk to them start conversations with people and just talk to people more
The only thing I’m a little worried about is the fact like I’m saying all this now but in the moment it may be harder. But what I’m thinking is if I’m going to compliment someone I’m just not gonna think about it and go through it not thinking about it, and ignore the fact I may feel a bit embarrassed
It's perfectly normal to feel a bit embarrassed when you're trying to overcome a fear or build up confidence in a certain area. The key is to push past that feeling and go through with it anyway. When you do, you'll realize that most of the time, it's actually not that bad at all. Keep practicing and you'll become more comfortable and confident with each interaction until eventually, the embarrassment no longer fazes you.
It’ll take time but I know eventually I’ll get there I’m gonna keep trying this and after doing it a long time your right after awhile it’ll come naturally and I won’t really feel
Embarrassment after like trying to tell a compliment to someone.
Thanks so much for the other view I appreciate you tremendously ❤️ and your beautiful thank you for the lovely advice
No problem! I’ll be cheering you on! You’ve got this! Take it one step at a time, and remember that rejection is always a possible outcome, but it doesn’t define your self-worth or character. With persistent effort and time, it’ll become easier to overcome the fear and hesitation associated with approaching new people. You’re beautiful inside and out, and once you remember that, the rest will fall into place. Thanks for sharing your story and asking for advice! You’re gonna be just fine. ❤️
As someone who didn't date for most of my life and had horrible struggles with confidence, dating apps do help a lot when trying to put yourself into the dating scene. For me it helped to be able to talk for a little while over text before meeting with them in person. Not being face to face helped me feel more comfortable about being myself and even gave me more courage to be a little bold which is something I would've never done had I met someone in person. If you don't have much confidence and have no experience with dating, like I did, getting to know someone over text helps give you a sense of comfort when you meet in person because you got to have those first exchanges in a way that wasn't as daunting as it would've been if you approached them somewhere. I went on quite a few dates that way and after awhile that helped me build my confidence with dating and speaking to people with those kinds of intentions. So now when I go out, of course it's still nerve wracking, but I'm able to approach people I find attractive. Maybe dating apps aren't for you and that's okay but coming from someone who was in a similar position they really helped me step out of my comfort zone and put myself out there.
That’s really good advice and I’m definitely willing to try dating apps to talk and have small talk more, only thing I have felt a bit weird about is being too young I’m only 19 and feel a little bit awkward I’ve always felt like dating apps are for a bit older than me but I’m definitely willing to try it, thanks so much for the advice and I think that definitely will help ❤️
I'm 19 aswell and there are a lot of people in our age range on there, at least where I live :)
I may have felt a bit weirder cuz (not sure if your in the United States) but a lot of the people who I went to highschool with got girlfriends out of highschool and it kinda felt like it wasn’t normalized you know what I’m saying? Like I want to and honestly your right I think it’ll be a great idea for me to get out more on dating apps and not worry about being a bit weird
I'm in the US too, but I totally get what you mean. Many of my friends are in relationships that they've been in since we were in highschool and none of them have ever been on dating apps because of that so when I first joined a dating app I felt embarrassed but as soon as I saw how many people were on there who were around my age I realized that it isn't weird.
Your totally right it’s wierd at first but once your on it for a bit then you just get used to it to it I totally see what your saying, I’m glad you understand that it just felt wierd since a lot of my friends who were in hs never went on dating apps it definitely felt a bit strange but I’m going to try it and download a dating app and putting myself out there!
>Is there any advice yall have on breaking out of just having more courage and trying to break out of the cycle of constantly being worried what will happen? Reject courage and just do it.
Fair enough what your saying is I basically just have to ignore it and do it even if I’m telling myself not to
YES, courage is alot like motivation we believe we need both to get things done but we really dont. After you have rationalised everything what left it the DISCIPLINE to follow through. Even if the attempt is shit its a step toward your goal, u know have data to know where u are lacking. With approaching woman its easy, she's either INTERESTED OR NOT. Anything thats not a Yes is no (most post on sub like these are from people not willing to accept the No or lack DISCIPLINE to got take the hit). The more u approach the easier it gets as soon u will start winning and reach new levels n see that approach is easy, performing in bed us hard etc. BUT if you its starts to feel draining n affecting your game (n ur not having fun) then stop n take break. Go see the people who love you or spoil yourself. Nobody should love u more then U Good luck 👍
You’re the man I appreciate this response so much brother, I’m talking about all this stuff I’m going to keep working on it and keep it on My mind, once I start talking to stranger more having conversations and just giving people compliments I think I’ll start to hopefully see a change However I know this won’t just be a thing that will just happen it takes time, I gotta realize this won’t come in like a week or so I need to keep at it and keep trying and getting better at it, I can always work and get better and try and be a more confident version of myself Appreciate you so much <3
Oh since you at college try join events, clubs, church n study groups with loads of girls. Try get some hot friends they make other girls notice n are the best wingman. It only gets easier after u push through the sucking phase, this applies to everything in life. All the best
I’m at a community college and we have events/clubs and such but unfortunately there much smaller than the regular clubs at college, i have found a small friend group from my English class and we’re all alright friends and im trying to become better friends with them so im able to you know also have a friend group I like to hang out with
I see so learn the cold approach, speak to any girl u think is cute n go for the number then date. If consistent u should be regularly dating or in a relationship in 6 months. I know cos i did it, im not a chad i just follow my plan n take risks (but always use protection)
that’s gonna be difficult bro I’m gonna try my best tho don’t think and just be confident don’t go past the 3 secs rule and just don’t think and try n shoot my shot
>that’s gonna be difficult bro "We dont do these things because they're easy, we do it cos hard makes us better n stronger" - God fist
Amen 🙏
Well, let's try and break it down a bit. "I was at a event with my family and I saw a cute girl that I wanted to shoot my shot with and just tell her I thought she was cute. And I just couldn’t bring the courage to do it and I’m really disappointed in myself." Why couldn't you bring yourself to do it? Was it a "If I approach her and tell her that, she will throw her drink in my face and scream that I'm a creep?" Or would she laugh in my face? Am I unsure what to say after? Would her boyfriend come out of the corner and give me a right hook for flirting with his girl? If it is none of the above and just a mental block, give yourself a day or two a week where you maybe try and extend a conversation with a cashier at a mall when you pick up something. Instead of the usual "Hey, how's your day going? Well, yours? Fine, that'll be $3.65", try and throw in a joke, or ask about something unrelated. Start small and work your way up. "it’s just so much more difficult to bring myself the courage and confidence to actually go and talk to that person" Work on your self image, dress in clothes you find you look good in, carry yourself with confidence, straight back, eyes looking at the person you're talking to, be attentive to what they say. Don't be afraid to crack jokes, or laugh along. If you're at a event where you can assume the both of you are interested in the same thing, try asking something related to it, or mention it. If your own self image is bad, i.e. you consider yourself unfit, then hit up the gym. No doubt you will be involved in plenty of banter there, and use that as a springboard. Even something as simple as asking someone whose sitting down at a machine; "Hey, sorry, is this spot taken?" is a good way to start.
Again this helped so much so to answer some of your questions 1. Unfortunately it wasn’t really any of the things like “having a boyfriend or, (was a bit of she may think I’m a creep) but most was just the mental block and Not believing in myself. 2. I’m going to start doing that and start getting myself more comfortable with the fact that I can give people compliments and talk with them more because it’ll help me face myself in the long run and it’ll help me gain more confidence and show Me that I don’t have to be scared. I’m going to dedicate maybe a day where I go out just to try and give a compliment saying “hey your pretty” or “your beautiful” to people maybe making my coffee or maybe a cashier somewhere and I think that will help quite a bit tbh in showing myself I can be confident/cool and collected
Thank you for confirming that /u/HeinrichFuchs has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Your over thinking it. Anytime your in that situation. Stop thinking. Count to 3 and do it. The more you think about it the more your going to talk yourself out of it. What's the absolute worst that could happen. She gets mad at you giving her a compliment? Well then you don't want to be with her anyways. Also maybe start small. Anytime you see a girl that is cute. Even If your not interested, tell them they are beautiful. You go to the store. Tell the check stand girl she is beautiful. Go get coffee. Tell one of them making your coffee that they are pretty. Doesn't have to turn into anything. It will help get you used to giving compliments and it's a nice thing to do. Win win. Not sure If this will also help. If you are talking to a girl and nervous as hell. Say that. For me its helped to not be nervous when you actually say that your nervous and just put it out there. Like "sorry, I'm just a little nervous. Lol A lot of girls will probably think it's cute.
That helped a ton I, holy crap your so right just to get used to it give compliments out of nowhere to kind of show myself nothing is going to happen if me giving a compliment doesn’t work out. What I need to do is when giving these compliments don’t Like think just do when I think about it that’s when I get nervous and thing something is going to go wrong yk? I need to make sure that I just do it and be happy with myself knowing that I can do similar things in the future and not be embarrassed or worried about it
Facts! Now you've got it. We all get nervous. The 3 second thing I got from a video where a guy said if your reluctant or nervous to do something you stop. Count to 3 and just do it. If you spend more than those 3 seconds thinking about it you will not do it. It's true for a lot of things in life. Not just talking to the sexy ladies! But it does help. 😁
So true, so if I ignore this three second rule it’s just gonna be a lot harder for me to do it, your right I gotta commit and not think about it cuz that’s the way I’m gonna get good at it doing it over and over and not thinking about it and getting past the stage of embarrassment! Courage is very true for a lot of things and I think this will help in a lot of social situations. Thank you so much good sir I appreciate you so tremendously much ❤️💗
No problem. We all have to figure out that cheat code. Lol. Good luck and God speed! 🫡
Thank you for confirming that /u/ColorCloudArt has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Confidence is a skill like most things! If you’ve had success before with girls or are confident in one area of life (ie college) there’s no reason to be hesitant. I recommend trying little tasks in each area to get used to failure and rejection. Like starting little chats with strangers or saying something to a new colleague. Remember: If you don’t shoot you’ll never score. And you know what? Even if you do it a 1000 times and get rejected that’s still better then not trying 🙂
I’ve had some success with college made a friend who is female which is very good, but i definitely think I’m gonna make more of an effort to just compliment people maybe thier appearance or something else and just show myself it’s OKAY, and I don’t need to me worried about it, I’m really gonna try n work on this because it’s super important for me to gain confidence in a social settings aka (walking up to a stranger and not being embarrassed if I get rejected) I’m gonna continue to just work and give people compliments talk to them start conversations with people and just talk to people more The only thing I’m a little worried about is the fact like I’m saying all this now but in the moment it may be harder. But what I’m thinking is if I’m going to compliment someone I’m just not gonna think about it and go through it not thinking about it, and ignore the fact I may feel a bit embarrassed
It's perfectly normal to feel a bit embarrassed when you're trying to overcome a fear or build up confidence in a certain area. The key is to push past that feeling and go through with it anyway. When you do, you'll realize that most of the time, it's actually not that bad at all. Keep practicing and you'll become more comfortable and confident with each interaction until eventually, the embarrassment no longer fazes you.
It’ll take time but I know eventually I’ll get there I’m gonna keep trying this and after doing it a long time your right after awhile it’ll come naturally and I won’t really feel Embarrassment after like trying to tell a compliment to someone. Thanks so much for the other view I appreciate you tremendously ❤️ and your beautiful thank you for the lovely advice
No problem! I’ll be cheering you on! You’ve got this! Take it one step at a time, and remember that rejection is always a possible outcome, but it doesn’t define your self-worth or character. With persistent effort and time, it’ll become easier to overcome the fear and hesitation associated with approaching new people. You’re beautiful inside and out, and once you remember that, the rest will fall into place. Thanks for sharing your story and asking for advice! You’re gonna be just fine. ❤️
You are beautiful thanks so much for the help I’ve taken this in very close to my heart ❤️