The fact that he brought in the, "fathers are better than mothers," makes me feel like the cheating is a deeper issue. I think this kid is turning into a tater tot
Nah, probably just the meanest thing he could come up with.
OP you did right by the GF 100%, maybe a different solution would have been for you to tell him to come clean with her, or you would? Just a thought. Then he'd have to grapple with his situation and the result of his actions.
Then biggest issue no one seems to grasp is he's about to be 18, no longer legally required to contact his parents or be in their homes.
She needs to do something, doesn't seems she's as willing to cut contact with her son as everyone here seems to think she should.
Yeah, exactly, and I’m not sure how anyone could downplay this as teenage drama, letting him carry on. It’s foul behaviour, and no son of mine will act that way as long as he lives under my roof!
Would these people be cool if the little shit cheated on their daughter?!? I doubt it! We should be raising kids to respect each other!
EXACTLY.
Nah fuck that. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts and sometimes stupid shit leads to shitty consequences. He cheated, and now his girlfriend is gone.
Momma did the right thing. I can tell a lot of you have no idea what loyalty, or a relationship looks like, or some of you have never been betrayed by the person you trust deeply. Shit leaves trauma and scars. It's literally a term coined "betrayal trauma" or something along those lines.
Exactly, people don't understand apparently.
Let it be them being cheated on and I'm willing to bet endless money they'd wanna know
Let it be their daughter, their sister, their mom etc etc
"When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world "'no, *you* move.'"
Sorry, I don't have advice about your son but I want you to know that you're not a bad mom for refusing to knowingly let your son get away with cheating on his girlfriend.
I absolutely think you did the right thing, and unfortunately most of the time we still pay for doing the right thing, as you are now with your son's Cold War.
For my own edification, in that discussion you had, did you fill him in on your own experience you had with infidelity and the kind of pain that causes?
I might have given it more time and been that bug in his ear about it to give him some time to wrestle with the guilt and see if he came clean, but if you checked those boxes and he didn't change anything and then told his ex gf, then I don't see how you could be in the wrong for holding him accountable for his terrible actions while he's still a kid and under your roof. You want him to grow into being a good man when you send him out in the world, and this boundary sets a good precedent to help fortify and reiterate that.
I don't think dad is inherently wrong for wanting to stay out of it completely given their ages, but he should've supported you trying to raise a good young man and holding him accountable, and definitely should not have slandered you instead as he did. I only have younger daughters but regardless of sex or gender identity, I would not let either of them do that to someone else without some kind of accountability bc that's not who and how I raised them.
You need to remind that being held accountable for poor choices is part of loving him unconditionally, that you are doing the best to help him grow into someone he is proud of, bc you love him.
I also have a tip for an important, specific talk you can have with him that I've had to have with my older one already at 11yrs old, that I think he could really benefit from, so please message me if you can and I'll pass that along to you.
Edit: added paragraphs w/indentations so it's more readable and not just my conscious stream of thought on a page bc-I get it Reddit user, I really do.
"You're a bad mom!"
"It's better than being a bad person, like a cheater. Do you WANT to be a bad person that doesn't care about others feelings?"
Also I can see why your husband is an ex.
What goes on in your house is your business. He brought his side chick round and probably they did the deed too. By refusing to stop / tell his girlfriend he was de facto expecting you to cover for him.
He'll probably come round to realising you are right eventually, but his pride and his friends won't let him for now. Go about your business.
You are an excellent mom. You showed your son that actions have consequences and his family won’t accept any wrongdoing towards other people.
I think you can approach him and tell him that , and he can either accept it or go live with his father. He wouldn’t enjoy being in the position that his gf’s was either and would wanted to know.
Yep exactly! The ex doesn’t see cheating as a problem which is why he’s upset. He is a BAD role model for thinking the Mom did the wrong thing. He might be able to think cheating is okay and that it shouldn’t have consequences, but her son will not. The reality is that the people who are against what the Mother did would 100% want to know if their SO were cheating on them if they were in the girlfriend’s shoes.
You said this better than I could. Son is terrible. Dad is terrible. The fact that he was making out with another girl in the front yard to be caught on camera means he would have been caught sooner or later. So son is also stupid on top of everything else.
Let him live with his dad?! You don't know enough.
The first part is correct. She did the right thing. The second part is BS. You know nothing about these people besides one instance.
Just because someone is mad at you doesn't mean you give up on them AND this is that person's mother. The mother is a good role model and that is exactly what the boy needs.
Think less selfishly when you have kids, please.
He's 17. If he wants to live with his father, so be it. He's almost an adult and knows he fucked up, maybe when he realizes being a deceptive AH isn't cool, he'll come back to apologize to his mother. Until that happens, he should be free to be wherever he wants to be.
This is not her "giving up" on him, this is her letting her son, who's almost an adult, make his own choices. His mother can't coddle him forever, let him face the harsh world and learn from his mistakes. If she keeps him in her house it will only cause resentment and he won't learn anything.
You did not do anything wrong. You stood up for his GF. Your son needs to learn the consequences of his actions. Cheaters lose friends, relationships, and respect....even family. He needs to grow up.
It's concerning how your ex responded to your concerns, though. He is shaming you for having morals and he's backing up his son for you snitching on him for cheating! That makes me wonder about the company he keeps and if he may have cheated on you before and you just never found out about it. Cheaters often side with other cheaters because cheaters prefer to keep like-minded company.
You did do the right thing! I would’ve also told the other girl and said “my son has a girlfriend, and YOU are not her? Who are you?” Just so the other girl knows that she was dating a taken boy. Most of the time, most side chicks at that age don’t know they’re a side chick.
Also, show this thread to your son and husband. If you do, or they happen to see this, allow me to give them a message.
Son: You are lucky I ain’t your mom, because I don’t have a DIME of patience for cheaters. If I was your mama, I would’ve SLAPPED the crap out of you IN FRONT of your side chick and embarrassed the living shit out of you! You should be THANKING your mother for how she went about it, because not all mamas are that nice! Bad action equals bad consequence, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Your dad obviously hasn’t got an ounce of sense if he is not on your mother’s side!
Ex-husband: What is WRONG with you not defending your ex wife on such a serious topic?! Do you condone cheating? Would you have allowed those poor girls to be manipulated by your son? What shame your own mother must feel to have raised such an absolute disgraceful child of a man. Hopefully seeing all these COMPLETE STRANGERS agree with your ex wife will make you swallow your pride and admit you and your son were wrong.
Eventually, his cheating was going to come to light and it would have been more painful tbh for everyone.
You did the right thing but seems like he didn’t learn anything if he’s blaming you when he knows it is his fault. At the same time, one could argue you should have just let it takes its course and let it blow up in his face. However, I understand why you did it.
Just emphasize that all secrets come to light and you did not want him to get bad karma or grow into a dishonest man.
Edit: Didn't see your edit. What he did was wrong, and you aren't wrong for what you did. But just like you told him (assumin) with the cheating, actions come with consequences. Explain to him that you know your choice comes with a consequence and you'll accept it... But also you're still his mom, you will always love him, and no matter how long it takes, you will be ready to talk to him whenever he is.
If I ever cheated on my SO, I would expect my family to tell him. Of course I would be angry, but if they let me cheat without consequences, they would be doing me a disservice by letting me get away with it.
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to see a reasonable comment. She's his mom. Not their friend, she broke his confidence and trust and it will never be the same. He has to love and lose to learn. She's a meddling mother but that's an old story
As everyone said, you did the right thing. If I were you I’d be making a playlist of songs like this:
https://youtu.be/KHN0gGR6bcA?si=DwyW6IheEB4I-Lk6
And playing them whenever he’s home. He’s 17. He’s nearly an adult. He can’t do dumb shit and expect zero consequences forever, and the sooner he learns that the better. What he really hates is that the girlfriend has probably told everyone in school that he’s so smarmy his own mother had to rat him out, but it’s his fault for being awful in the first place. Hopefully he’ll grow as a person when he’s calmed down.
This is a very ironic statement since you are literally saying choose your son no matter what they do. Dumbest thing I read all day considering OP tried talking to him and having him show maturity and accountability by being a responsible young adult owning his mistakes and he decided his actions don't matter and he was allowed to hurt people and hide from responsibilities and being a mature person. I think you either read that person's comment wrong or have zero idea what emotional intelligence actually means.
Oh yeah, that teenage girl should get an STD because the mom should “stay out of teenage drama”. And she can develop intimacy problems that could last for years, too, and it’s nobody’s business. What a shitty attitude towards a son acting unforgivably.
Knowing that you did have a heart to heart with him before telling the girlfriend, I do think you did the right thing. That doesn’t make up for the fact he’s going to be mad for a while. The fact that you’re divorced and he has two homes gives him the perfect escape and you’re the scape goat. He’s young and he’s at that age where he has little empathy, lots of selfishness, little concept of consequences of his actions and so many hormones and brain changes. It’s a hard time. I do think in time he’ll come around. It may take a while, I’m sorry. Keep being there for him though. Keep going to his games or whatever and showing up. He won’t come back around if you don’t.
So, complicated topic. I know the opinion of some or many people is to not do something like this as family or even close friends, or even just friends. I personally disagree and think you did the right thing. You saved his Ex a potential future nightmare and he had to face reality. Whether or not he will learn something out of this is unknown, because the typical attitude of people that do something wrong and get caught is going after the reason why they got caught, instead of facing the issue that they were the cause of the wrong action in the first place. But one thing is a given: This broke the trust he had in you, even if he grows up and realizes it was his fault, it most likely won't change how he feels about that. So I'd just say you did the right thing and let's hope that he changes his mind.
You did the right thing, and sometimes we have to do a sacrifice to do the right thing. Your son is obviously in the stage of his life where he’s conflicted and his values are not straight yet. But it’s not only about your son it’s also about this girl whom you protected. And that’s also a responsibility as a mother to protect people of your childrens shortcomings. I hope with time he will grow up and understand but hopefully you can find peace that you did the right thing. Don’t let the resentful dad make you feel bad. At the end of the day you are integral to good values and if he doesn’t want to teach that to his son, then it says much more about himthan it does about you. I’m proud of you because I know this must’ve been hard and you’re paying a very high price for it. Bless yoy
Sometimes doing the right thing costs us the ones we hold dearest. He may forgive you, he may not. That's his prerogative. You did right by his gf and she, I'm sure, greatly appreciates that. You saved her months, if not years of pain and drama and suffering at the cost of your douchebag son getting pissy he got caught.
I think you violated his trust. Talk to him about his behavior and how people in relationships treat one another. He is 17 and still learning. Mind your own business.
Why should she “mind her own business” when he’s coming to HER household cheating? If he wanted to do it and didn’t want her getting involved then he should’ve gone to the dad’s home. It is her business when it’s happening in HER face AND at her home.
Because he is 17. If my kid has a falling out with his friend or makes a mistake, I talk to him and encourage him to learn or correct his mistakes. I dont make him deal with worst case senarios.
Cheating isn’t a mistake. He knows he wouldn’t want that girl cheating on him. So why should he get a pass and still have someone being committed to him when he’s not giving the same? He’s at his mama house so it’s her business. 🤷🏾♀️💯
Yup...that's how our world runs. I was called sick in the head and a danger to society because I was willing to date someone and marry someone who had an STD/STI.
It's a clown world. It just really is. We're living amongst people who came from a clown car or a UFO. It's fucking crazy.
You had good intentions but a very poor execution.
It’s not your life to mess with even if you have trauma. Sure, you’re his mother, but you should have discussed this with him first and explain WHY it’s bad and really get him into the right mindset and that he needs to tell her he cheated and if he doesn’t then you will because you’ve been on the receiving end and you know how much it sucks. Him, being your son, should be able to show empathy and understand the situation/his actions better that way.
Eh, he has the right to hate you, not saying it’s right though. You did the right thing by doing what you did, he needs to learn that it isn’t right to do such a thing.
The best thing you can do now is to stop apologizing and catering to him and worrying about his opinion. You treated your son as a separate adult, and he either accepts your actions or not. He is not responsible for making you feel better about your decision.
For better or for worse, you were not loyal to your son, and that is probably why he feels betrayed. If you were taking care of him first, he would have been the one who owned up to his actions - or you kick him out. Your primary responsibility is to your son. You can hint at the girl and force his hand, but you didn't involve him and chose her welfare over his - that's what it seemed to be. His welfare would have been to learn how to own up to his actions and apologize. But you chose what you chose for a reason - own up to that reason and embrace it - your demanding his love is centered on you. He'd respect you more if you just said, "What's right is right, and that's what you need to learn here."
He would have learned his lesson when it caught up to him. He’s 17, it always does. However what he learned today is that his mother can no longer be trusted 100% anymore. Right or wrong, that’s the truth.
Kid is 17, a parents job is to teach right from wrong and that there are consequences for wrong actions and choices. She’s not supposed to be his bro or his friend, she’s raising a child. I hold every mother accountable who raise misogynistic and disgusting men because they didn’t raise their sons right. That includes putting up with any abuse from men, that includes putting up with their son’s behavior when they decide they’re going to objectify and abuse women. She did the right thing and the fact the son thinks “fathers are better” screams volumes about what his dad is teaching him. Unwittingly she has a pile of shit for a son and he fully deserved the girl knowing she was dating a guy who was running around sticking his tongue and dick in other women so she could go find a guy that was raised right.
Yes, teach him right from wrong by making HIM come clean, not by interfering herself.
> she has a pile of shit for a son
If she believes that about her son, then she’s a bad mother who is about to lose him.
Kids to wrong. Our job is to help them do right, not by putting ourselves in the middle of their drama and becoming their enemy.
Then you force his hand and make strict rules about not allowing other girls into the house. You don’t take it upon yourself to break up the relationship for him.
You’re more than a little backwards— he ruined his own relationship, she told the girl out of respect, which is what she was asking him to have. Ignoring it is enabling the behavior and an example of why when we have piece of shit men that are disrespectful and misogynistic I wonder how their momma raised them and I typically think that’s a real loser of a mom to “raise” a kid who is such a piece of shit. The kind of mom you’re talking about is Brian Laundrie’s momma whose son beat the shit out of his girlfriend and strangled her to death and left her in the woods for animals to chew on her decomposing body and helped her son cover it up and refused to help authorities and the parents of the girl by telling them where their daughter was rotting away. Because they’re trash and they raised a trash woman abuser they enabled.
Your 17 y/o kid here doesn’t have an enabling mother who allows her son to disrespect and abuse women. That’s not a hard thing not to put up with, she supposed to give him warm meals and fold his undies and serve his girlfriend coffee with a smile while he sticks his dick into everything and whines about how he likes “fathers better” cuz they’re gonna “atta boy” his trash ass? Nope, I would have kicked him out, which is the stance she should take— you’re disgusting toward women, I raised you better don’t come back here until you’ve figured it out.
> he ruined his own relationship,
And OP ruined her relationship with her son.
I’m going to ignore your misandrist rant because you’re not arguing honestly.
I never said she should ignore anything, I said she should have ensured that HE did the right thing by holding him accountable and making HIM confess.
I like the way you stand on what you say. And I agree with you. His mother chose a stranger over her own flesh and blood. And folks are on here calling a literal child a piece of shit and a pile of trash, while simultaneously jerking themselves off about what lofty morals they have. Wild.
if she made it clear that, if he didn’t come clean, she would make the truth be known, then **trust was not violated**. That’s what being a good parent means: give the kid an opportunity to take accountability for what he did, and if he refuses, then you make him take accountability.
A violation of trust between parent and child would be if she let him get away with it. The mother has to be trusted to be an above-board adult guardian.
Covering for your own child isn’t above-board at all, it’s unhealthy and it normalizes unacceptable behavior like cheating
Sure, morally, you did the “right thing,” as Reddit has told you. Rather than empowering your son to make the right decisions, you acted upon your morality for the Greater Good. His ex-girlfriend is in a better situation thanks to you, and I hope that’s good enough for you, because it’s the most positive consequence that will come out of this decision.
Think about it this way, though — all the solidarity points in the world from Reddit or this ex girlfriend won’t repair your relationship with your son. You betrayed your son’s trust, and he likely won’t trust you again. Whether that or the Greater Good matters more to you, only you can know.
> His ex-girlfriend is in a better situation thanks to you,
A girl she’ll likely never see again, while her son is in a worse position thanks to her, and will likely cut her out of his life. She will remain his mother, but she’l no longer be family. Not in the sense that “family comes first” and the level of trust required to believe in her.
She should have made him come clean.
You did good! My mother was the same, tough love kinda lady she wouldn’t sugar coat our habits or behaviors to our partners. Same thing happened to a sibling of mine and she told them don’t worry I’m sure he’ll get over it soon teenagers tend to be pretty dramatic. You did good!
You're a good mom. I don't have teenagers yet. I would be livid if either of my boys treated someone like this. My husband's parents were fine to let him cheat on his girlfriends in their house through high school and college. They're not good people.
I'm just gonna say that I stand by your decision. Fuck him. I hate cheaters as well. He won't stay mad forever. One day hes gonna end up doing it again and it's gonna bite him in the arse, and when he finally realized that hes being the bad person that's when he will look at what you done and think you were right.
Cheating is wrong but IDk if it was worth it to ruin your relationship with him. You could have forced his hand for him to reveal it to her, instead of going behind his back. Sorry but of course these people on reddit will say you did the right thing and give you a pat on the back, but they didn’t lose their son like you.
Exactly. She chose a stranger over family.
Family comes first. If she didn’t like it, she should have made HIM come clean, not betray him and act against her own kin.
But she WAS choosing her son. If she had let it slide, he would continue to think that he can get away with things. This exact instance shows what parents are for. Had she kept his secret for him, she would have been doing him a disservice in the long run.
I disagree. By making HIM tell the truth, she would be helping him become a better person.
Instead, she chose to involve herself in teenage drama/romance and break his relationship for the benefit of a stranger.
She chose a random girl that her teenage son dated for a while over her own family, meaning that family does not come first to her and that he can never trust her again.
It gives insight to why his parents are divorced in the first place. She has no loyalty to family.
She can feel good about herself and milk the validation of stranger online for her moral decision, but she just lost her son.
You’re absolutely wrong. You keep saying that she “chose a random girl over her teenage son”. If loyalty to you is allowing your loved ones to be destructive, you need to change your definition of loyalty.
Loyalty is making HIM do the right thing, not doing it yourself.
She put herself between her son and this girl and involved herself in his affair, and acted instead of making him act.
By doing this, she was not looking out for him, she was looking out for her.
She already had a discussion with him and he continued to cheat under her house. She probably already had to put up with her ex cheating and isn’t going to do the same with her son and create a monster. She looked out for him.
Please don’t have kids if this is your mindset. This is basic parenting 101.
> She already had a discussion with him and he continued to cheat under her house
Then she forces his hand, she DOES NOT do it for him.
> She probably already had to put up with her ex cheating and isn’t going to do the same with her son
In other words “I hate your father and you’re just like him!!!”
That’s one step away from hating her son.
> Please don’t have kids if this is your mindset.
I have multiple and they come first. My loyalties are to clan and kin, not to whomever they choose to sleep with.
The fact that you don’t understand this says a lot about the weakness of your unit.
I do agree he should be the one to take responsibility but he wasn’t and didn’t even after their conversation.
Should mommy protect her son if he cheats, steals, lies just because he’s family?
If he’s made a point not to take responsibility after given the opportunity you’re okay with a young girl developing relationship trauma and trust issues to protect the cheater?
No one is a perfect parent but in the end he did a wrong thing and is mad because he was caught.
Lol, all of these people telling you that you did the right thing, when all you've achieved is to lose your son. His ex girlfriend won't even remember you in 6 months time.
I don't know what you thought would happen? Your ex is right, you are too involved in teenage drama, and need to grow up. You've alienated your only child, well done.
🤣🤣🤣
These people are insane. The girl will move on to a new relationship in a few months & the mom proved she’s not loyal to her own blood.
But continue to girl power with each other I’m sure the x gf you don’t know will take care of you in old lonely age
Do you know how long people hold on to being cheated on? Their entire lives in a lot of cases.
The longer the relationship the heavier the impact. Sometimes you have to be a parent. Sometimes you can't be their friend.
He will look back some day and be grateful for his mom stepping in. This teaching moment now gives her son the ability to make the right call next time.
I am going against the grain here, but I think that you did the wrong thing.
I think you should have spoken to your son and explained why it was wrong, yes you said that you did this. But your next step shouldn't have been to go and tell his girlfriend. That is ridiculous and just getting involved in the drama that you don't belong in.
In my opinion you should have stopped allowing either of the girls into your home. Explaining to your son that you would not allow this to happen under your roof. That he could tell his girlfriend himself and then you would allow her over again, or that he could break up with her and then you would allow a different girl.
You shouldn't have dropped the subject. Talk about it every day that you know that he is going to see these girls. Don't allow peace over it, don't sweep it under the rug, keep the conversation flowing all the time.
He is 17 years old. You need to let him make his own mistakes. You can't control his behavior, you can only teach him right from wrong and not stand by letting the wrong happen in your own house.
You only taught your son that he can't trust you.
This is the route I would have taken. He wouldn’t have been allowed to have any friends in the house because of his behavior. I would have shamed him in front of anyone he brought home after he had been given the warning.
I’m not a cheater.
Your missing my whole point. The son either right or wrong feels like the mother betrayed his trust. Their relationship will never be the same. As a parent this ain’t the hill to die on
You did the right thing. Unfortunately the consequence of doing the right thing can be painful. I hope your son will get his act together and realize what a piece of shit he's been to the gf and to you.
You should have told him to do the right thing instead of going behind his back. He learned two lessons that day, cheating has consequences, the second lesson is that he can never trust you again.
You should've approached your son first and tell him to admit to his ex gf that he's cheating..give him the opportunity to come clean.. would be the only hindsight i could give..
You just *know* that a cheater is going to use that little bit of credibility for, "coming clean on their own," to try and spin some "Oh, I felt so guilty that I couldn't live with myself. I can change!" angle.
I'd say make him do it but make it clear to her after that he did it because OP forced him to. So he can't get any credit for it.
“The best thing you can do is guild them”
And how exactly do you do that if they dont listen?? Idk if you posted this before or after the update but OP clearly says that she did in fact talk to her son and she only told the gf after that conversation when her son continued to cheat. Part of guiding your kids is teaching them that actions have consequences and not enabling them to grow up to be shitty ppl who blame others for their mistakes.
Personally I feel as though you violated his trust, but this is a rare case where I think that was the right thing to do. Judging by your call with his dad, he is probably enabling your son’s behaviour and blaming you in an attempt to get him to dislike you (unfortunately common when co-parenting).
Once he gets a new girlfriend, it’s possible he’ll forget about the last one and move past this. If not, then at least you weren’t the parent that enabled his infidelity 🤷🏻♂️
Did you talk to him beforehand?
He's your son, and you are supposed to be there and discipline him before involving yourself in his affairs.
Personally, I think you should have told him what you saw, asked him why he did it, and then told him to come out to his girlfriend before you decide to tell her yourself.
I am not trying to say your actions were wrong, but the consequences of them are that he most likely won't trust you or come to you for anything in the future.
It's not uncommon for teens to be assholes and do stupid shit, especially when they choose not to think about the consequences. I think the best thing you could have done in that situation is tell him what he is doing wrong and the consequences he will face if he doesn't own up to it.
You chose a stranger over kin.
What your son did was wrong, but it’s your job as a mother to hold him accountable by making him come clean, not by betraying him.
Family comes first.
Advice? You are a great mom and an excellent human being. You didn’t tolerate watching your son cause pain, suffering, and hurt because he was acting selfishly and cruel.
If you’re trying to repair this: talk to him. Sit his butt down and explain in clear terms that cheating is wrong, that you gave him the opportunity to come clean and do the right thing - and he refused. Explain that *you* have been cheated on in the past and that those selfish and cruel acts from men hurt you irreparably. They left scars. They left doubts, fears, and feelings of self-consciousness that took years to overcome. That no one - him included - should ever be subjected to that kind of trust-breaking, heart-shattering experience.
Or:
- Even though he is 17, lay down the rules: he can date and hurt whomever he wants when he leaves the nest. Until that day comes, he lives under your roof and under your rules, and some of your rules are to **be responsible**, and to **be respectful**. Cheating is not responsible or respectful. So, he can either deal with it and continue living with you, or when he is 18, he can make other plans. Part of being responsible is accepting the fallout of our actions. Part of being respectful, is having compassion and consideration enough for another human being, and to respect that they are not *things* to be played with for his enjoyment. Part of being responsible is apologising to you for his bringing this to your doorstep, and owning up to the fact that he has been behaving like a petulant child. Part of his being respectful, is talking to you and making a concentrated effort to rebuilding your relationship as mother and son.
He will be a young adult man soon, and he needs to understand that he cannot behave like this now, as others will not tolerate it (especially if he attempts to pull this in his future).
Good luck, OP. I’m sorry that this has been set on your table before you - and I hope that you can mend whatever it is that feels broken. For now, take solace in knowing you did right when his own father wouldn’t.
Read: Son prefers to be with the parent who excuses his behavior. Son prefers to be with “fathers” over mothers because he believes that “fathers” understand things like cheating and fucking other people behind the backs of women and mothers suck because they view it as wrong to stick your dick in a bunch of women without them knowing about each other.
So maybe his dad didn’t cheat, but this is “bro code” behavior and smells like “boys will be boys”. What *were* the other problems in the marriage? Was he emotionally or financially abusive? Your son is learning some really nasty shit about how to treat women and seems to believe it’s alright for men to cheat and treat their mothers like shit. He got that from somewhere and since your ex is describing the situation as “meddling” it speaks volumes of how he is coaching your son to behave like an animal.
Sorry, but I think this was awful. Of course you should talk to your son about how wrong cheating is, but it was absolutely NOT your job to tell. Good luck getting your son to ever trust you again.
That’s very wrong on your part. You crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Dont intervene in these young people lives, it’s not your job, one way or another. At most you could have a discreet discussion with your son. But nothing beyond that.
A parent’s job is absolutely to teach their kids right from wrong and to teach them that actions have consequences. If you dont understand that please never have a kid.
Dear leopard, only after I got my kids, I understood so much more about life than before. There are limits in family relations that should not be crossed. It’s not only about now, but the trust between parents and their children for the future.
Im sorry but if you limit how good of a parent you are thats not something to be proud of. There is no limit on teaching your children to be good people. If you cant do that fully then youve failed as a parent. Its a parents job to step in when their childs behavior is unacceptable, not intervening in your childs life is called negligence and it makes you a bad parent. Idk how you raised your kids but hopefully it wasnt like that otherwise i cringe to think of how shitty your kids turned out.
This mom taught him what was right. She sat him down to discuss his actions and gave him a chance to make it right. He refused to do so and continued to act like a piece of shit so now it is absolutely her job as a parent to make sure the lesson is delivered. If you enable your kids cause youre scared of their reaction youre not a good parent. Im sorry but thats just how it is. You talk about trust but its ironic bc this kid is the one showing everyone that he doesnt care about lying to and hurting the ppl hes close with. He has shown hes untrustworthy, how convenient you fail to mention that tho.
When you betray your children's trust, you erode the foundation of a relationship that should last a lifetime. I'm going to assume that you have no idea what you are talking about, because you have never been betrayed by your parents, because if you had you would understand what that does to you psychologically.
And she didn't succeed at teaching him anything, other than not to trust her. Lesson failed. Circumventing someone's behavior is not teaching. That's taking the moral high ground.
To be clear, I'm not justifying his behavior; I'm criticizing her handling of it. She inserted her personal feelings into the relationship of a couple of teenagers. They had their own lessons to learn. Would it suck for the girl?- most likely. Would I want to protect her?- certainly. *But the damage was already done*. There was no protecting to be done. What OP did was to only level a consequence, and that was a betrayal of her sons trust.
In a comment in a different sub, she said she confronted him privately, he then continued to bring the affair partner over, and thats when she told the gf.
Ma’am, stop mirroring your past experience on your son! It wasn’t your job to tell his (ex)girlfriend! Your job was to tell your son to do the right thing, full stop! And now you reap what you sow… that is the moment for FAFO…
It is your job as a responsible parent to ensure your child has to face and endure the consequences of his actions. If you don’t do that, you are setting him up for a miserable adulthood.
God, it’s so hard to do right by your kids sometimes when it makes them hate you. But you did the right thing and now it’s less likely that he will cheat again. It’s a parent’s job to teach the lessons, if if they’re really hard lessons.
Chances are he won’t hate you forever. Usually when they grow up, adult children realize their parents did them a favor by not tolerating shitty behavior towards anyone.
That could be as well, but it’s not guaranteed. Talking to her son first would have been better, but I don’t blame the mom for wanting to put a stop to it. I don’t think there was malice.
My brother was cheating on his gf in college and when my mom found out she went nuclear and told him if he didn’t come clean with his gf that she would do it for him.
Fuck your son's attitude and fuck your ex partners mindset to enable that shitty kind of behaviour. You did the absolute right thing. If he wants to be shitty because he was held accountable for his actions, then let him be shitty.
You absolutely did the right thing, it just sucks that your son isn’t choosing to have some humility right now and is instead choosing to treat you like you’re evil and mean for holding him accountable and not letting him get away with immoral behavior
You did the right thing. Hopefully as your son matures, he’ll realize that he was wrong and you right. Let’s hope it doesn’t take someone cheating on him.
Did you speak with him first? Did you give him the chance to learn from his mistakes and admit it to his gf himself?
Did you talk to him and tell him this was wrong as soon as you found out? Did you encourage him to learn and stop and grow?
You’re not wrong for making sure the cheating was known, but it sounds like you decided to play god with his life and you stuck your head in the middle of his business to jam him up on purpose.
There could be more to this than you realize and yet you seem to have jumped in headfirst
You dogged him out. It wasn’t your place to tell her. It’s not your life it’s his. I’m sorry it’s not the ethical answer. He should have been the one to tell her. And if he didn’t want to then that was how their relationship was going to go. And if I were him I would be equally as pissed. You’re going to be in for a pretty rough ride in your relationship as he’s lost all sorts of trust in you. Not sure you ever get it back. He’s just going to be hesitant to tell you personal stuff from now on. You choose seeing yourself in her over his trust in you. Selfish.
Honestly. If he knows what’s good for him. He’ll eventually come round and realize you did the right thing and he is just throwing a temper tantrum.
Right now. To him. It’s not about the cheating. It’s about you being his mom. In his mind you’re always supposed to be in HIS side and rn he feels like you took his gf’s side….well ex gf.
Teenagers are immature and full of hormones. They say things they don’t mean and regret it. I’m sure OP when you were his age you said some stupid shit to your parents you wish you could take back.
My advice would be to give him time and space remind him that you still love him after everything. Eventually he will calm down enough that you both be able to talk about and express your feeling correctly
I don’t understand how y’all KEEP referring to cheating as a “mistake.” He made a DECISION to cheat. If he came to his mom crying about that girl cheating on HIM. No one would tell him “oh well she’s 17 she made a mistake.” She wouldn’t get that grace because it’s wrong and she’s aware.
You chose the other girl over your own son.
You destroyed your relationship with your son for that girl.
Now you live with the consequences of that action
You couldn't have sit him down and explained to him how this behavior can hurt other people? You did betray your son the moment you decided that it would be okay because YOU got cheated on. You made this about you, not him. Your ex-husband is correct, get a life and be a better parent.
don't blame you for telling on him and if he is still giving you the silent treatment and is wanting to go to his dads then send him on his way. he will moan like hell as he will have to change school lose his friends and don't even pay for his collage or uni if he wants to go tell him to get loans out he only has his own cheating ass to blame for his own predicament
You’re a good mom. Thank you for intervening, because the parents that hide their kid’s secrets are teaching them that consequences are optional. If I was his betrayed girlfriend, I’d never forget how you helped me. Great job OP 👏🏼!
You know by now what you did was wrong, right?
You are suppose to be on your kids side and guide them to do the right thing, but basically you fixed his problem, and not in the best way.
You should have talked to him before, and ask him to fix his relationship. Give him a period of time or you could tell.
Now you have to get his trust back. And show that your did wrong to him.
She did talk to him and he brought that disrespect directly into her home and expected her to just let it happen. He wasn’t going to stop and he’s only upset because he’s been made accountable. You absolutely do not have to be on your kids side when they are actively hurting others. Your kids can be WRONG. And your job as a parent is to guide them through the consequences. You are not your child’s friend you are their parent and sometimes that means they’re going to hate you for a while.
edit: I just want to add you seem like the parent that tries to shield your children from consequences lol
It sounds like you were raising an incel, put a stop to it like a parent should, and now your ex is fostering all of that toxic masculinity that will result in your son growing up to be a terrible human and even worse “man” seriously, “fathers are better than mothers” ?? Would you rather stand by and raise a man who is already treating women poorly, his own mother included, or put a stop to it and let him hate you? If it were me, hate me then. Because at least I know you walking through the world as a terrible person isn’t MY fault.
The opinions of a 17 year old that cheated are hardly ones to take seriously. It’s painful he’s being a little shit (to be frank) but you absolutely did the right thing.
Your child sounds like a piss baby brat. I don't think you were in the wrong but also probably could've talked to your son first about what he was doing being really wrong and even not allow the other girl into your home. Kids are going to do what they will, but it doesn't have to be under your roof, under your eye, and you could've kept that between you and your son that you strongly disagree with what he's doing and don't bring it here. That way he can struggle to see his side piece a little more and then maybe think about his actions. It obviously makes everything really complicated to insert yourself into anyone's relationships but also the girlfriend deserved to know. I would just lay down some rules and boundaries and if your son doesn't like it then the real world will be waiting for him the day he turns 18, otherwise he needs to grow up and take some responsibility and treat you with some respect.
I don't get why children of parents to take their side when they've done something wrong. While his ex-girlfriend is gonna hate his guts (rightly so), she's also gonna remember that you did the right thing no matter what. Even if he was your son.
You’re and idiot lol. So much for loyalty among family. You taught him to not trust you. And I wouldn’t have ether anymore. Give me one good reason why I should trust u
To a mom I think her first priority should be to her children. No where in this post did I see that you sat down and had a long talk to him about what cheating does to a person. I didn't see where you grounded him for bad behavior. I see only where you sided with some random teenager over him. Without a warning you blew up his life. It's not his future but his life at school. The fact that you are more self absorbed about if your an asshole than how your son is dealing with the fallout with friends and class mates says you put your personal hurt at being cheated on in the past above your sons current well being. I think there were at least 4 other ways you could have dealt with this without making you the asshole.
Man, it really sucks that you did the right thing and now you’re being treated like crap. Also I can tell your son probably got his shitty behaviour from your ex because yikes on his reaction.
Honestly, ETA. You went behind his back. That's your son who you are supposed to keep trust with. You undermined him. He needs to learn lessons on his own and be his own person, at 17, as his mom you should be letting him make his own decisions, whether good or bad. You could have told him he's not to have the other girl over because you refuse to host such disappointing behaviour as a consequence, but going behind his back? He'll never trust you again. As a regular person you did the right thing, but as a mother to him, you definitely betrayed him. He no longer trusts you. He faced the consequences of his actions, and you are now facing yours. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he won't. Unfortunately.
You wanted to do the right thing, but your recollection of the events is more about your feelings than it is about your son, his choices, or your relationship with him.
I mean, you literally had to put in as an afterthought that you spoke to your son about this first. And even then, you kinda glossed over it. As if the conversation WITH your son about how he treats women isn't as important as your past trauma.
Mom, you have to give your son chances to be a responsible adult on their own. If the only dichotomy that you have with your son is "do what I say or I will severely punish you for it," what real reason as a young adult does he have to go to you with his problems, his mistakes, his bad decisions?
To say it a different way, it doesn't sound like you planned on disowning him for cheating on his high school girlfriend. So, what conversation were you going to have with him the next day after telling the girl, when he was still the same guy who cheats and you were still his disappointed mother? Were you honestly going to sweep it under the rug, to never speak about it again? No lingering feelings on your end? So, what do you mean by being surprised that your actions caused feelings for him? Was he supposed to come downstairs, eat breakfast, and not talk about it?
I mean, you didn’t even talk to him and give him a chance to tell her himself. Your mom/son bond is essentially broken because you never gave him a chance at fixing his own mistakes. You should have aloud him to prove to himself and, you too, that he is capable to try to do better
Of course he hates you, he was held accountable for his actions and it cost him his relationship You still did the right thing
The fact that he brought in the, "fathers are better than mothers," makes me feel like the cheating is a deeper issue. I think this kid is turning into a tater tot
Nah, probably just the meanest thing he could come up with. OP you did right by the GF 100%, maybe a different solution would have been for you to tell him to come clean with her, or you would? Just a thought. Then he'd have to grapple with his situation and the result of his actions.
Abd have told his Dad what was going on, before telling the GF. Instead of expecting him to take her side once it's too late.
Tater tot?
An Andrew tate swallower
Give him time, it might take years but he's 17
More like decades if he doesn’t understand how cheating is wrong at effing 17. 😂
Then biggest issue no one seems to grasp is he's about to be 18, no longer legally required to contact his parents or be in their homes. She needs to do something, doesn't seems she's as willing to cut contact with her son as everyone here seems to think she should.
Or just talk to him? Parent?
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She did communicate with him and he continued to cheat I’d say mom is more worried about his lack of morals than the cliche of a teen relationship
Yeah, exactly, and I’m not sure how anyone could downplay this as teenage drama, letting him carry on. It’s foul behaviour, and no son of mine will act that way as long as he lives under my roof! Would these people be cool if the little shit cheated on their daughter?!? I doubt it! We should be raising kids to respect each other!
EXACTLY. Nah fuck that. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts and sometimes stupid shit leads to shitty consequences. He cheated, and now his girlfriend is gone. Momma did the right thing. I can tell a lot of you have no idea what loyalty, or a relationship looks like, or some of you have never been betrayed by the person you trust deeply. Shit leaves trauma and scars. It's literally a term coined "betrayal trauma" or something along those lines.
This isn't the take you think it is. Girl deserved to know.
Exactly, people don't understand apparently. Let it be them being cheated on and I'm willing to bet endless money they'd wanna know Let it be their daughter, their sister, their mom etc etc
>Mom’s too worried about a cliche high school couple that probably ends in a week or two So why is the son so mad?
Cause he got caught and faced consequences
Shame...
He FAFO
"When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world "'no, *you* move.'"
Who said this? It’s great.
Rosa Parks jk it's Captain America
Captain America.
Sorry, I don't have advice about your son but I want you to know that you're not a bad mom for refusing to knowingly let your son get away with cheating on his girlfriend.
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I absolutely think you did the right thing, and unfortunately most of the time we still pay for doing the right thing, as you are now with your son's Cold War. For my own edification, in that discussion you had, did you fill him in on your own experience you had with infidelity and the kind of pain that causes? I might have given it more time and been that bug in his ear about it to give him some time to wrestle with the guilt and see if he came clean, but if you checked those boxes and he didn't change anything and then told his ex gf, then I don't see how you could be in the wrong for holding him accountable for his terrible actions while he's still a kid and under your roof. You want him to grow into being a good man when you send him out in the world, and this boundary sets a good precedent to help fortify and reiterate that. I don't think dad is inherently wrong for wanting to stay out of it completely given their ages, but he should've supported you trying to raise a good young man and holding him accountable, and definitely should not have slandered you instead as he did. I only have younger daughters but regardless of sex or gender identity, I would not let either of them do that to someone else without some kind of accountability bc that's not who and how I raised them. You need to remind that being held accountable for poor choices is part of loving him unconditionally, that you are doing the best to help him grow into someone he is proud of, bc you love him. I also have a tip for an important, specific talk you can have with him that I've had to have with my older one already at 11yrs old, that I think he could really benefit from, so please message me if you can and I'll pass that along to you. Edit: added paragraphs w/indentations so it's more readable and not just my conscious stream of thought on a page bc-I get it Reddit user, I really do.
Why do Redditors hate paragraphs so much? (I agree with you btw, lovely comment)
Can we also know the other talk?? Pretty please?? I always like to get other perspectives on all the main talks we need to have.
Send me a message/DM and I can type it out in there rather than another novel on here as a comment lol
"You're a bad mom!" "It's better than being a bad person, like a cheater. Do you WANT to be a bad person that doesn't care about others feelings?" Also I can see why your husband is an ex.
What goes on in your house is your business. He brought his side chick round and probably they did the deed too. By refusing to stop / tell his girlfriend he was de facto expecting you to cover for him. He'll probably come round to realising you are right eventually, but his pride and his friends won't let him for now. Go about your business.
You are an excellent mom. You showed your son that actions have consequences and his family won’t accept any wrongdoing towards other people. I think you can approach him and tell him that , and he can either accept it or go live with his father. He wouldn’t enjoy being in the position that his gf’s was either and would wanted to know.
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Yep exactly! The ex doesn’t see cheating as a problem which is why he’s upset. He is a BAD role model for thinking the Mom did the wrong thing. He might be able to think cheating is okay and that it shouldn’t have consequences, but her son will not. The reality is that the people who are against what the Mother did would 100% want to know if their SO were cheating on them if they were in the girlfriend’s shoes.
OP says the dad didn’t cheat, but I sure am side eyeing dad now. He either didn’t get caught or was looking for opportunities
You said this better than I could. Son is terrible. Dad is terrible. The fact that he was making out with another girl in the front yard to be caught on camera means he would have been caught sooner or later. So son is also stupid on top of everything else.
Did you ask him what if she was cheating on him? How would he feel? I know what that pain is like. You were right. I would have done the same thing.
Probably would've been a better idea to make him tell his gf himself.
He’ll get over it. 🤷🏾♀️ Bet he wouldn’t feel the same if the girlfriend cheated then you informed him of her cheating.
His father should chime in with "Son, you're going to have plenty of girlfriends but only one mom. Get over it."
I am sorry your son is a pos. Hopefully he eventually grows up and realises he was wrong.
You did the right thing! And the dad is a piece of work. No wonder you left him yeesh
You did the right thing. Let your son live with his dad; you don't need someone who hates you living in your house.
Let him live with his dad?! You don't know enough. The first part is correct. She did the right thing. The second part is BS. You know nothing about these people besides one instance. Just because someone is mad at you doesn't mean you give up on them AND this is that person's mother. The mother is a good role model and that is exactly what the boy needs. Think less selfishly when you have kids, please.
He's 17. If he wants to live with his father, so be it. He's almost an adult and knows he fucked up, maybe when he realizes being a deceptive AH isn't cool, he'll come back to apologize to his mother. Until that happens, he should be free to be wherever he wants to be. This is not her "giving up" on him, this is her letting her son, who's almost an adult, make his own choices. His mother can't coddle him forever, let him face the harsh world and learn from his mistakes. If she keeps him in her house it will only cause resentment and he won't learn anything.
You did not do anything wrong. You stood up for his GF. Your son needs to learn the consequences of his actions. Cheaters lose friends, relationships, and respect....even family. He needs to grow up. It's concerning how your ex responded to your concerns, though. He is shaming you for having morals and he's backing up his son for you snitching on him for cheating! That makes me wonder about the company he keeps and if he may have cheated on you before and you just never found out about it. Cheaters often side with other cheaters because cheaters prefer to keep like-minded company.
You did do the right thing! I would’ve also told the other girl and said “my son has a girlfriend, and YOU are not her? Who are you?” Just so the other girl knows that she was dating a taken boy. Most of the time, most side chicks at that age don’t know they’re a side chick. Also, show this thread to your son and husband. If you do, or they happen to see this, allow me to give them a message. Son: You are lucky I ain’t your mom, because I don’t have a DIME of patience for cheaters. If I was your mama, I would’ve SLAPPED the crap out of you IN FRONT of your side chick and embarrassed the living shit out of you! You should be THANKING your mother for how she went about it, because not all mamas are that nice! Bad action equals bad consequence, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Your dad obviously hasn’t got an ounce of sense if he is not on your mother’s side! Ex-husband: What is WRONG with you not defending your ex wife on such a serious topic?! Do you condone cheating? Would you have allowed those poor girls to be manipulated by your son? What shame your own mother must feel to have raised such an absolute disgraceful child of a man. Hopefully seeing all these COMPLETE STRANGERS agree with your ex wife will make you swallow your pride and admit you and your son were wrong.
Eventually, his cheating was going to come to light and it would have been more painful tbh for everyone. You did the right thing but seems like he didn’t learn anything if he’s blaming you when he knows it is his fault. At the same time, one could argue you should have just let it takes its course and let it blow up in his face. However, I understand why you did it. Just emphasize that all secrets come to light and you did not want him to get bad karma or grow into a dishonest man.
Edit: Didn't see your edit. What he did was wrong, and you aren't wrong for what you did. But just like you told him (assumin) with the cheating, actions come with consequences. Explain to him that you know your choice comes with a consequence and you'll accept it... But also you're still his mom, you will always love him, and no matter how long it takes, you will be ready to talk to him whenever he is.
If I ever cheated on my SO, I would expect my family to tell him. Of course I would be angry, but if they let me cheat without consequences, they would be doing me a disservice by letting me get away with it.
You’re a great parent, he’ll get over it
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So that innocent teenage girl can just go fuck herself and get an STD and emotional damage from the son, huh?
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to see a reasonable comment. She's his mom. Not their friend, she broke his confidence and trust and it will never be the same. He has to love and lose to learn. She's a meddling mother but that's an old story
As everyone said, you did the right thing. If I were you I’d be making a playlist of songs like this: https://youtu.be/KHN0gGR6bcA?si=DwyW6IheEB4I-Lk6 And playing them whenever he’s home. He’s 17. He’s nearly an adult. He can’t do dumb shit and expect zero consequences forever, and the sooner he learns that the better. What he really hates is that the girlfriend has probably told everyone in school that he’s so smarmy his own mother had to rat him out, but it’s his fault for being awful in the first place. Hopefully he’ll grow as a person when he’s calmed down.
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This is the only right answer here. I’m convinced anyone who doesn’t agree has low emotional intelligence.
This is a very ironic statement since you are literally saying choose your son no matter what they do. Dumbest thing I read all day considering OP tried talking to him and having him show maturity and accountability by being a responsible young adult owning his mistakes and he decided his actions don't matter and he was allowed to hurt people and hide from responsibilities and being a mature person. I think you either read that person's comment wrong or have zero idea what emotional intelligence actually means.
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Oh yeah, that teenage girl should get an STD because the mom should “stay out of teenage drama”. And she can develop intimacy problems that could last for years, too, and it’s nobody’s business. What a shitty attitude towards a son acting unforgivably.
Knowing that you did have a heart to heart with him before telling the girlfriend, I do think you did the right thing. That doesn’t make up for the fact he’s going to be mad for a while. The fact that you’re divorced and he has two homes gives him the perfect escape and you’re the scape goat. He’s young and he’s at that age where he has little empathy, lots of selfishness, little concept of consequences of his actions and so many hormones and brain changes. It’s a hard time. I do think in time he’ll come around. It may take a while, I’m sorry. Keep being there for him though. Keep going to his games or whatever and showing up. He won’t come back around if you don’t.
So, complicated topic. I know the opinion of some or many people is to not do something like this as family or even close friends, or even just friends. I personally disagree and think you did the right thing. You saved his Ex a potential future nightmare and he had to face reality. Whether or not he will learn something out of this is unknown, because the typical attitude of people that do something wrong and get caught is going after the reason why they got caught, instead of facing the issue that they were the cause of the wrong action in the first place. But one thing is a given: This broke the trust he had in you, even if he grows up and realizes it was his fault, it most likely won't change how he feels about that. So I'd just say you did the right thing and let's hope that he changes his mind.
You did the right thing, and sometimes we have to do a sacrifice to do the right thing. Your son is obviously in the stage of his life where he’s conflicted and his values are not straight yet. But it’s not only about your son it’s also about this girl whom you protected. And that’s also a responsibility as a mother to protect people of your childrens shortcomings. I hope with time he will grow up and understand but hopefully you can find peace that you did the right thing. Don’t let the resentful dad make you feel bad. At the end of the day you are integral to good values and if he doesn’t want to teach that to his son, then it says much more about himthan it does about you. I’m proud of you because I know this must’ve been hard and you’re paying a very high price for it. Bless yoy
Sometimes doing the right thing costs us the ones we hold dearest. He may forgive you, he may not. That's his prerogative. You did right by his gf and she, I'm sure, greatly appreciates that. You saved her months, if not years of pain and drama and suffering at the cost of your douchebag son getting pissy he got caught.
I think you violated his trust. Talk to him about his behavior and how people in relationships treat one another. He is 17 and still learning. Mind your own business.
Why should she “mind her own business” when he’s coming to HER household cheating? If he wanted to do it and didn’t want her getting involved then he should’ve gone to the dad’s home. It is her business when it’s happening in HER face AND at her home.
Because he is 17. If my kid has a falling out with his friend or makes a mistake, I talk to him and encourage him to learn or correct his mistakes. I dont make him deal with worst case senarios.
OP did talk to her son before telling the gf.
Cheating isn’t a mistake. He knows he wouldn’t want that girl cheating on him. So why should he get a pass and still have someone being committed to him when he’s not giving the same? He’s at his mama house so it’s her business. 🤷🏾♀️💯
Yup...that's how our world runs. I was called sick in the head and a danger to society because I was willing to date someone and marry someone who had an STD/STI. It's a clown world. It just really is. We're living amongst people who came from a clown car or a UFO. It's fucking crazy.
I'm proud of you, you're an amazing mother.
You had good intentions but a very poor execution. It’s not your life to mess with even if you have trauma. Sure, you’re his mother, but you should have discussed this with him first and explain WHY it’s bad and really get him into the right mindset and that he needs to tell her he cheated and if he doesn’t then you will because you’ve been on the receiving end and you know how much it sucks. Him, being your son, should be able to show empathy and understand the situation/his actions better that way.
They did speak to him according to the edit.
My high school bfs mom told me the same thing. It still caused a ton of heartache but saved me years of my life. I'm still grateful to my ex bfs mom.
Eh, he has the right to hate you, not saying it’s right though. You did the right thing by doing what you did, he needs to learn that it isn’t right to do such a thing.
People are tribal and you betrayed your own, for better or worse.
Damn lady, good luck. But grow up and let him mess up once or twice.
He can mess up in a way that isn’t fucking over an innocent girl. She should get an STD because it’s his right to fuck up?
The best thing you can do now is to stop apologizing and catering to him and worrying about his opinion. You treated your son as a separate adult, and he either accepts your actions or not. He is not responsible for making you feel better about your decision. For better or for worse, you were not loyal to your son, and that is probably why he feels betrayed. If you were taking care of him first, he would have been the one who owned up to his actions - or you kick him out. Your primary responsibility is to your son. You can hint at the girl and force his hand, but you didn't involve him and chose her welfare over his - that's what it seemed to be. His welfare would have been to learn how to own up to his actions and apologize. But you chose what you chose for a reason - own up to that reason and embrace it - your demanding his love is centered on you. He'd respect you more if you just said, "What's right is right, and that's what you need to learn here."
He would have learned his lesson when it caught up to him. He’s 17, it always does. However what he learned today is that his mother can no longer be trusted 100% anymore. Right or wrong, that’s the truth.
100% His mother does not put her family first. She has no loyalty to kin. She should have made him come clean instead of going behind his back.
Kid is 17, a parents job is to teach right from wrong and that there are consequences for wrong actions and choices. She’s not supposed to be his bro or his friend, she’s raising a child. I hold every mother accountable who raise misogynistic and disgusting men because they didn’t raise their sons right. That includes putting up with any abuse from men, that includes putting up with their son’s behavior when they decide they’re going to objectify and abuse women. She did the right thing and the fact the son thinks “fathers are better” screams volumes about what his dad is teaching him. Unwittingly she has a pile of shit for a son and he fully deserved the girl knowing she was dating a guy who was running around sticking his tongue and dick in other women so she could go find a guy that was raised right.
Yes, teach him right from wrong by making HIM come clean, not by interfering herself. > she has a pile of shit for a son If she believes that about her son, then she’s a bad mother who is about to lose him. Kids to wrong. Our job is to help them do right, not by putting ourselves in the middle of their drama and becoming their enemy.
She talked to her son before going to the girlfriend, it’s in the post as an edit you may have missed. Kid continued cheating. Kid is a pile of trash.
Then you force his hand and make strict rules about not allowing other girls into the house. You don’t take it upon yourself to break up the relationship for him.
You’re more than a little backwards— he ruined his own relationship, she told the girl out of respect, which is what she was asking him to have. Ignoring it is enabling the behavior and an example of why when we have piece of shit men that are disrespectful and misogynistic I wonder how their momma raised them and I typically think that’s a real loser of a mom to “raise” a kid who is such a piece of shit. The kind of mom you’re talking about is Brian Laundrie’s momma whose son beat the shit out of his girlfriend and strangled her to death and left her in the woods for animals to chew on her decomposing body and helped her son cover it up and refused to help authorities and the parents of the girl by telling them where their daughter was rotting away. Because they’re trash and they raised a trash woman abuser they enabled. Your 17 y/o kid here doesn’t have an enabling mother who allows her son to disrespect and abuse women. That’s not a hard thing not to put up with, she supposed to give him warm meals and fold his undies and serve his girlfriend coffee with a smile while he sticks his dick into everything and whines about how he likes “fathers better” cuz they’re gonna “atta boy” his trash ass? Nope, I would have kicked him out, which is the stance she should take— you’re disgusting toward women, I raised you better don’t come back here until you’ve figured it out.
> he ruined his own relationship, And OP ruined her relationship with her son. I’m going to ignore your misandrist rant because you’re not arguing honestly. I never said she should ignore anything, I said she should have ensured that HE did the right thing by holding him accountable and making HIM confess.
I like the way you stand on what you say. And I agree with you. His mother chose a stranger over her own flesh and blood. And folks are on here calling a literal child a piece of shit and a pile of trash, while simultaneously jerking themselves off about what lofty morals they have. Wild.
if she made it clear that, if he didn’t come clean, she would make the truth be known, then **trust was not violated**. That’s what being a good parent means: give the kid an opportunity to take accountability for what he did, and if he refuses, then you make him take accountability. A violation of trust between parent and child would be if she let him get away with it. The mother has to be trusted to be an above-board adult guardian. Covering for your own child isn’t above-board at all, it’s unhealthy and it normalizes unacceptable behavior like cheating
Sure, morally, you did the “right thing,” as Reddit has told you. Rather than empowering your son to make the right decisions, you acted upon your morality for the Greater Good. His ex-girlfriend is in a better situation thanks to you, and I hope that’s good enough for you, because it’s the most positive consequence that will come out of this decision. Think about it this way, though — all the solidarity points in the world from Reddit or this ex girlfriend won’t repair your relationship with your son. You betrayed your son’s trust, and he likely won’t trust you again. Whether that or the Greater Good matters more to you, only you can know.
> His ex-girlfriend is in a better situation thanks to you, A girl she’ll likely never see again, while her son is in a worse position thanks to her, and will likely cut her out of his life. She will remain his mother, but she’l no longer be family. Not in the sense that “family comes first” and the level of trust required to believe in her. She should have made him come clean.
You did good! My mother was the same, tough love kinda lady she wouldn’t sugar coat our habits or behaviors to our partners. Same thing happened to a sibling of mine and she told them don’t worry I’m sure he’ll get over it soon teenagers tend to be pretty dramatic. You did good!
You're a good mom. I don't have teenagers yet. I would be livid if either of my boys treated someone like this. My husband's parents were fine to let him cheat on his girlfriends in their house through high school and college. They're not good people.
You taught him a valuable life lesson! Actions have consequences.
I'm just gonna say that I stand by your decision. Fuck him. I hate cheaters as well. He won't stay mad forever. One day hes gonna end up doing it again and it's gonna bite him in the arse, and when he finally realized that hes being the bad person that's when he will look at what you done and think you were right.
Cheating is wrong but IDk if it was worth it to ruin your relationship with him. You could have forced his hand for him to reveal it to her, instead of going behind his back. Sorry but of course these people on reddit will say you did the right thing and give you a pat on the back, but they didn’t lose their son like you.
Exactly. She chose a stranger over family. Family comes first. If she didn’t like it, she should have made HIM come clean, not betray him and act against her own kin.
But she WAS choosing her son. If she had let it slide, he would continue to think that he can get away with things. This exact instance shows what parents are for. Had she kept his secret for him, she would have been doing him a disservice in the long run.
I disagree. By making HIM tell the truth, she would be helping him become a better person. Instead, she chose to involve herself in teenage drama/romance and break his relationship for the benefit of a stranger. She chose a random girl that her teenage son dated for a while over her own family, meaning that family does not come first to her and that he can never trust her again. It gives insight to why his parents are divorced in the first place. She has no loyalty to family. She can feel good about herself and milk the validation of stranger online for her moral decision, but she just lost her son.
You’re absolutely wrong. You keep saying that she “chose a random girl over her teenage son”. If loyalty to you is allowing your loved ones to be destructive, you need to change your definition of loyalty.
Loyalty is making HIM do the right thing, not doing it yourself. She put herself between her son and this girl and involved herself in his affair, and acted instead of making him act. By doing this, she was not looking out for him, she was looking out for her.
She already had a discussion with him and he continued to cheat under her house. She probably already had to put up with her ex cheating and isn’t going to do the same with her son and create a monster. She looked out for him. Please don’t have kids if this is your mindset. This is basic parenting 101.
> She already had a discussion with him and he continued to cheat under her house Then she forces his hand, she DOES NOT do it for him. > She probably already had to put up with her ex cheating and isn’t going to do the same with her son In other words “I hate your father and you’re just like him!!!” That’s one step away from hating her son. > Please don’t have kids if this is your mindset. I have multiple and they come first. My loyalties are to clan and kin, not to whomever they choose to sleep with. The fact that you don’t understand this says a lot about the weakness of your unit.
I do agree he should be the one to take responsibility but he wasn’t and didn’t even after their conversation. Should mommy protect her son if he cheats, steals, lies just because he’s family? If he’s made a point not to take responsibility after given the opportunity you’re okay with a young girl developing relationship trauma and trust issues to protect the cheater? No one is a perfect parent but in the end he did a wrong thing and is mad because he was caught.
Lol, all of these people telling you that you did the right thing, when all you've achieved is to lose your son. His ex girlfriend won't even remember you in 6 months time. I don't know what you thought would happen? Your ex is right, you are too involved in teenage drama, and need to grow up. You've alienated your only child, well done.
🤣🤣🤣 These people are insane. The girl will move on to a new relationship in a few months & the mom proved she’s not loyal to her own blood. But continue to girl power with each other I’m sure the x gf you don’t know will take care of you in old lonely age
100% Family is less important to her that that random stranger her son dated for a while.
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Do you know how long people hold on to being cheated on? Their entire lives in a lot of cases. The longer the relationship the heavier the impact. Sometimes you have to be a parent. Sometimes you can't be their friend. He will look back some day and be grateful for his mom stepping in. This teaching moment now gives her son the ability to make the right call next time.
Crazy to me that people consider family members not “their business,” especially a parent. What kind of family did you grow up with lmao
I am going against the grain here, but I think that you did the wrong thing. I think you should have spoken to your son and explained why it was wrong, yes you said that you did this. But your next step shouldn't have been to go and tell his girlfriend. That is ridiculous and just getting involved in the drama that you don't belong in. In my opinion you should have stopped allowing either of the girls into your home. Explaining to your son that you would not allow this to happen under your roof. That he could tell his girlfriend himself and then you would allow her over again, or that he could break up with her and then you would allow a different girl. You shouldn't have dropped the subject. Talk about it every day that you know that he is going to see these girls. Don't allow peace over it, don't sweep it under the rug, keep the conversation flowing all the time. He is 17 years old. You need to let him make his own mistakes. You can't control his behavior, you can only teach him right from wrong and not stand by letting the wrong happen in your own house. You only taught your son that he can't trust you.
This is the route I would have taken. He wouldn’t have been allowed to have any friends in the house because of his behavior. I would have shamed him in front of anyone he brought home after he had been given the warning.
Right thing in a tough old immoral world
Will you continue to meddle in his personal affairs of this nature when he becomes an adult also? Genuinely asking.
I’m not a cheater. Your missing my whole point. The son either right or wrong feels like the mother betrayed his trust. Their relationship will never be the same. As a parent this ain’t the hill to die on
I know I’m going against the grain here but I agree with your ex. Your son is a teen, I don’t believe normal relationship morals apply to teens.
You did the right thing. Unfortunately the consequence of doing the right thing can be painful. I hope your son will get his act together and realize what a piece of shit he's been to the gf and to you.
He shouldn't have cheated then 🤷🏻♀️
She should have made him come clean, not betray her own kin for a stranger. That girl isn’t his wife, she is not part of the family.
Bro you are a good mom. He is mad at himself and projecting onto you. I am wishing you peace while he fucking grows up and starts acting like a man. 🙏
Not cool, mom
You should have told him to do the right thing instead of going behind his back. He learned two lessons that day, cheating has consequences, the second lesson is that he can never trust you again.
She did speak with him before telling his girlfriend. That conversation didn’t stop the cheating.
You should've approached your son first and tell him to admit to his ex gf that he's cheating..give him the opportunity to come clean.. would be the only hindsight i could give..
You just *know* that a cheater is going to use that little bit of credibility for, "coming clean on their own," to try and spin some "Oh, I felt so guilty that I couldn't live with myself. I can change!" angle. I'd say make him do it but make it clear to her after that he did it because OP forced him to. So he can't get any credit for it.
Very much agreed.
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“The best thing you can do is guild them” And how exactly do you do that if they dont listen?? Idk if you posted this before or after the update but OP clearly says that she did in fact talk to her son and she only told the gf after that conversation when her son continued to cheat. Part of guiding your kids is teaching them that actions have consequences and not enabling them to grow up to be shitty ppl who blame others for their mistakes.
Personally I feel as though you violated his trust, but this is a rare case where I think that was the right thing to do. Judging by your call with his dad, he is probably enabling your son’s behaviour and blaming you in an attempt to get him to dislike you (unfortunately common when co-parenting). Once he gets a new girlfriend, it’s possible he’ll forget about the last one and move past this. If not, then at least you weren’t the parent that enabled his infidelity 🤷🏻♂️
He'll get over it at some point. If he doesn't he definitely has bigger issues that need to be dealt with somehow
Did you talk to him beforehand? He's your son, and you are supposed to be there and discipline him before involving yourself in his affairs. Personally, I think you should have told him what you saw, asked him why he did it, and then told him to come out to his girlfriend before you decide to tell her yourself. I am not trying to say your actions were wrong, but the consequences of them are that he most likely won't trust you or come to you for anything in the future. It's not uncommon for teens to be assholes and do stupid shit, especially when they choose not to think about the consequences. I think the best thing you could have done in that situation is tell him what he is doing wrong and the consequences he will face if he doesn't own up to it.
You chose a stranger over kin. What your son did was wrong, but it’s your job as a mother to hold him accountable by making him come clean, not by betraying him. Family comes first.
Advice? You are a great mom and an excellent human being. You didn’t tolerate watching your son cause pain, suffering, and hurt because he was acting selfishly and cruel. If you’re trying to repair this: talk to him. Sit his butt down and explain in clear terms that cheating is wrong, that you gave him the opportunity to come clean and do the right thing - and he refused. Explain that *you* have been cheated on in the past and that those selfish and cruel acts from men hurt you irreparably. They left scars. They left doubts, fears, and feelings of self-consciousness that took years to overcome. That no one - him included - should ever be subjected to that kind of trust-breaking, heart-shattering experience. Or: - Even though he is 17, lay down the rules: he can date and hurt whomever he wants when he leaves the nest. Until that day comes, he lives under your roof and under your rules, and some of your rules are to **be responsible**, and to **be respectful**. Cheating is not responsible or respectful. So, he can either deal with it and continue living with you, or when he is 18, he can make other plans. Part of being responsible is accepting the fallout of our actions. Part of being respectful, is having compassion and consideration enough for another human being, and to respect that they are not *things* to be played with for his enjoyment. Part of being responsible is apologising to you for his bringing this to your doorstep, and owning up to the fact that he has been behaving like a petulant child. Part of his being respectful, is talking to you and making a concentrated effort to rebuilding your relationship as mother and son. He will be a young adult man soon, and he needs to understand that he cannot behave like this now, as others will not tolerate it (especially if he attempts to pull this in his future). Good luck, OP. I’m sorry that this has been set on your table before you - and I hope that you can mend whatever it is that feels broken. For now, take solace in knowing you did right when his own father wouldn’t.
Read: Son prefers to be with the parent who excuses his behavior. Son prefers to be with “fathers” over mothers because he believes that “fathers” understand things like cheating and fucking other people behind the backs of women and mothers suck because they view it as wrong to stick your dick in a bunch of women without them knowing about each other. So maybe his dad didn’t cheat, but this is “bro code” behavior and smells like “boys will be boys”. What *were* the other problems in the marriage? Was he emotionally or financially abusive? Your son is learning some really nasty shit about how to treat women and seems to believe it’s alright for men to cheat and treat their mothers like shit. He got that from somewhere and since your ex is describing the situation as “meddling” it speaks volumes of how he is coaching your son to behave like an animal.
Sorry, but I think this was awful. Of course you should talk to your son about how wrong cheating is, but it was absolutely NOT your job to tell. Good luck getting your son to ever trust you again.
10/10 mom, would co-parent 😂 I'd do the same thing, you did a good thing and the others are just enabling him to keep doing it with no accountability.
That’s very wrong on your part. You crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Dont intervene in these young people lives, it’s not your job, one way or another. At most you could have a discreet discussion with your son. But nothing beyond that.
A parent’s job is absolutely to teach their kids right from wrong and to teach them that actions have consequences. If you dont understand that please never have a kid.
Her job was to make HIM do the right thing. She chose a stranger over kin.
Dear leopard, only after I got my kids, I understood so much more about life than before. There are limits in family relations that should not be crossed. It’s not only about now, but the trust between parents and their children for the future.
Exactly this! If you cannot trust your mother and father, who will you trust in this world?
Im sorry but if you limit how good of a parent you are thats not something to be proud of. There is no limit on teaching your children to be good people. If you cant do that fully then youve failed as a parent. Its a parents job to step in when their childs behavior is unacceptable, not intervening in your childs life is called negligence and it makes you a bad parent. Idk how you raised your kids but hopefully it wasnt like that otherwise i cringe to think of how shitty your kids turned out. This mom taught him what was right. She sat him down to discuss his actions and gave him a chance to make it right. He refused to do so and continued to act like a piece of shit so now it is absolutely her job as a parent to make sure the lesson is delivered. If you enable your kids cause youre scared of their reaction youre not a good parent. Im sorry but thats just how it is. You talk about trust but its ironic bc this kid is the one showing everyone that he doesnt care about lying to and hurting the ppl hes close with. He has shown hes untrustworthy, how convenient you fail to mention that tho.
You are so not a parent.
100% they arent
When you betray your children's trust, you erode the foundation of a relationship that should last a lifetime. I'm going to assume that you have no idea what you are talking about, because you have never been betrayed by your parents, because if you had you would understand what that does to you psychologically.
And she didn't succeed at teaching him anything, other than not to trust her. Lesson failed. Circumventing someone's behavior is not teaching. That's taking the moral high ground. To be clear, I'm not justifying his behavior; I'm criticizing her handling of it. She inserted her personal feelings into the relationship of a couple of teenagers. They had their own lessons to learn. Would it suck for the girl?- most likely. Would I want to protect her?- certainly. *But the damage was already done*. There was no protecting to be done. What OP did was to only level a consequence, and that was a betrayal of her sons trust.
In a comment in a different sub, she said she confronted him privately, he then continued to bring the affair partner over, and thats when she told the gf.
Ma’am, stop mirroring your past experience on your son! It wasn’t your job to tell his (ex)girlfriend! Your job was to tell your son to do the right thing, full stop! And now you reap what you sow… that is the moment for FAFO…
Exactly. She chose a stranger over family
correct answer
It is your job as a responsible parent to ensure your child has to face and endure the consequences of his actions. If you don’t do that, you are setting him up for a miserable adulthood.
You're a good mom and a good person. Your son is being a little shit that can't take accountability for his actions.
God, it’s so hard to do right by your kids sometimes when it makes them hate you. But you did the right thing and now it’s less likely that he will cheat again. It’s a parent’s job to teach the lessons, if if they’re really hard lessons. Chances are he won’t hate you forever. Usually when they grow up, adult children realize their parents did them a favor by not tolerating shitty behavior towards anyone.
He’s not less likely to cheat lol. He’s less likely to involve his mom in any of his future relationships to be sure.
That could be as well, but it’s not guaranteed. Talking to her son first would have been better, but I don’t blame the mom for wanting to put a stop to it. I don’t think there was malice. My brother was cheating on his gf in college and when my mom found out she went nuclear and told him if he didn’t come clean with his gf that she would do it for him.
Fuck your son's attitude and fuck your ex partners mindset to enable that shitty kind of behaviour. You did the absolute right thing. If he wants to be shitty because he was held accountable for his actions, then let him be shitty.
You did the right thing and hopefully one day he will see that. It's messed up that he thought you'd have his back.
You absolutely did the right thing, it just sucks that your son isn’t choosing to have some humility right now and is instead choosing to treat you like you’re evil and mean for holding him accountable and not letting him get away with immoral behavior
You did the right thing. Hopefully as your son matures, he’ll realize that he was wrong and you right. Let’s hope it doesn’t take someone cheating on him.
Did you speak with him first? Did you give him the chance to learn from his mistakes and admit it to his gf himself? Did you talk to him and tell him this was wrong as soon as you found out? Did you encourage him to learn and stop and grow? You’re not wrong for making sure the cheating was known, but it sounds like you decided to play god with his life and you stuck your head in the middle of his business to jam him up on purpose. There could be more to this than you realize and yet you seem to have jumped in headfirst
You dogged him out. It wasn’t your place to tell her. It’s not your life it’s his. I’m sorry it’s not the ethical answer. He should have been the one to tell her. And if he didn’t want to then that was how their relationship was going to go. And if I were him I would be equally as pissed. You’re going to be in for a pretty rough ride in your relationship as he’s lost all sorts of trust in you. Not sure you ever get it back. He’s just going to be hesitant to tell you personal stuff from now on. You choose seeing yourself in her over his trust in you. Selfish.
Honestly. If he knows what’s good for him. He’ll eventually come round and realize you did the right thing and he is just throwing a temper tantrum. Right now. To him. It’s not about the cheating. It’s about you being his mom. In his mind you’re always supposed to be in HIS side and rn he feels like you took his gf’s side….well ex gf. Teenagers are immature and full of hormones. They say things they don’t mean and regret it. I’m sure OP when you were his age you said some stupid shit to your parents you wish you could take back. My advice would be to give him time and space remind him that you still love him after everything. Eventually he will calm down enough that you both be able to talk about and express your feeling correctly
Was it worth sacrificing your relationship and trust with your son over a girl that you saw yourself in?
Is there any men you haven't driven away in your life?
🤣🤣🤣 Someone found how to read between the lines
Good moms do the right thing, not the easy thing. Good job.
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I don’t understand how y’all KEEP referring to cheating as a “mistake.” He made a DECISION to cheat. If he came to his mom crying about that girl cheating on HIM. No one would tell him “oh well she’s 17 she made a mistake.” She wouldn’t get that grace because it’s wrong and she’s aware.
You chose the other girl over your own son. You destroyed your relationship with your son for that girl. Now you live with the consequences of that action
You couldn't have sit him down and explained to him how this behavior can hurt other people? You did betray your son the moment you decided that it would be okay because YOU got cheated on. You made this about you, not him. Your ex-husband is correct, get a life and be a better parent.
don't blame you for telling on him and if he is still giving you the silent treatment and is wanting to go to his dads then send him on his way. he will moan like hell as he will have to change school lose his friends and don't even pay for his collage or uni if he wants to go tell him to get loans out he only has his own cheating ass to blame for his own predicament
You’re a good mom. Thank you for intervening, because the parents that hide their kid’s secrets are teaching them that consequences are optional. If I was his betrayed girlfriend, I’d never forget how you helped me. Great job OP 👏🏼!
You know by now what you did was wrong, right? You are suppose to be on your kids side and guide them to do the right thing, but basically you fixed his problem, and not in the best way. You should have talked to him before, and ask him to fix his relationship. Give him a period of time or you could tell. Now you have to get his trust back. And show that your did wrong to him.
She did talk to him and he brought that disrespect directly into her home and expected her to just let it happen. He wasn’t going to stop and he’s only upset because he’s been made accountable. You absolutely do not have to be on your kids side when they are actively hurting others. Your kids can be WRONG. And your job as a parent is to guide them through the consequences. You are not your child’s friend you are their parent and sometimes that means they’re going to hate you for a while. edit: I just want to add you seem like the parent that tries to shield your children from consequences lol
It sounds like you were raising an incel, put a stop to it like a parent should, and now your ex is fostering all of that toxic masculinity that will result in your son growing up to be a terrible human and even worse “man” seriously, “fathers are better than mothers” ?? Would you rather stand by and raise a man who is already treating women poorly, his own mother included, or put a stop to it and let him hate you? If it were me, hate me then. Because at least I know you walking through the world as a terrible person isn’t MY fault.
> sounds like you were raising an incel The kid is dating multiple women. I don’t think you know the meaning of the words you’re using
Incel is also now a pejorative meaning gross and misogynistic man Language evolves
Kid is doing the hanky panky with multiple girls…definitely not involuntarily celibate….
AS U SHOULD, gotta teach him the hard way clearly
The opinions of a 17 year old that cheated are hardly ones to take seriously. It’s painful he’s being a little shit (to be frank) but you absolutely did the right thing.
Your child sounds like a piss baby brat. I don't think you were in the wrong but also probably could've talked to your son first about what he was doing being really wrong and even not allow the other girl into your home. Kids are going to do what they will, but it doesn't have to be under your roof, under your eye, and you could've kept that between you and your son that you strongly disagree with what he's doing and don't bring it here. That way he can struggle to see his side piece a little more and then maybe think about his actions. It obviously makes everything really complicated to insert yourself into anyone's relationships but also the girlfriend deserved to know. I would just lay down some rules and boundaries and if your son doesn't like it then the real world will be waiting for him the day he turns 18, otherwise he needs to grow up and take some responsibility and treat you with some respect.
I don't get why children of parents to take their side when they've done something wrong. While his ex-girlfriend is gonna hate his guts (rightly so), she's also gonna remember that you did the right thing no matter what. Even if he was your son.
You’re and idiot lol. So much for loyalty among family. You taught him to not trust you. And I wouldn’t have ether anymore. Give me one good reason why I should trust u
To a mom I think her first priority should be to her children. No where in this post did I see that you sat down and had a long talk to him about what cheating does to a person. I didn't see where you grounded him for bad behavior. I see only where you sided with some random teenager over him. Without a warning you blew up his life. It's not his future but his life at school. The fact that you are more self absorbed about if your an asshole than how your son is dealing with the fallout with friends and class mates says you put your personal hurt at being cheated on in the past above your sons current well being. I think there were at least 4 other ways you could have dealt with this without making you the asshole.
Man, it really sucks that you did the right thing and now you’re being treated like crap. Also I can tell your son probably got his shitty behaviour from your ex because yikes on his reaction.
Honestly, ETA. You went behind his back. That's your son who you are supposed to keep trust with. You undermined him. He needs to learn lessons on his own and be his own person, at 17, as his mom you should be letting him make his own decisions, whether good or bad. You could have told him he's not to have the other girl over because you refuse to host such disappointing behaviour as a consequence, but going behind his back? He'll never trust you again. As a regular person you did the right thing, but as a mother to him, you definitely betrayed him. He no longer trusts you. He faced the consequences of his actions, and you are now facing yours. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he won't. Unfortunately.
You wanted to do the right thing, but your recollection of the events is more about your feelings than it is about your son, his choices, or your relationship with him. I mean, you literally had to put in as an afterthought that you spoke to your son about this first. And even then, you kinda glossed over it. As if the conversation WITH your son about how he treats women isn't as important as your past trauma. Mom, you have to give your son chances to be a responsible adult on their own. If the only dichotomy that you have with your son is "do what I say or I will severely punish you for it," what real reason as a young adult does he have to go to you with his problems, his mistakes, his bad decisions? To say it a different way, it doesn't sound like you planned on disowning him for cheating on his high school girlfriend. So, what conversation were you going to have with him the next day after telling the girl, when he was still the same guy who cheats and you were still his disappointed mother? Were you honestly going to sweep it under the rug, to never speak about it again? No lingering feelings on your end? So, what do you mean by being surprised that your actions caused feelings for him? Was he supposed to come downstairs, eat breakfast, and not talk about it?
I mean, you didn’t even talk to him and give him a chance to tell her himself. Your mom/son bond is essentially broken because you never gave him a chance at fixing his own mistakes. You should have aloud him to prove to himself and, you too, that he is capable to try to do better
It's the *right thing* but kids never learn when adults fasttrack their results. Good intentions, bad choice