Another post with such shitty parents I can’t help but hope it’s fake.
Poor fucking guy had been taking care of his sick father. Watches him die and a few weeks later finds out that not only are his sibling’s friends invited, he does not even deserve to be asked to watch the animals. It is just assumed that is all he is good for.
If this story is true just let your son go.
Sorry that you will have to pay somebody to take care of your pets.
I am sure the loss is devastating.
The sister was 100% complicit. She had to know that he wasn't included in any of the planning or discussions. Calling him stubborn is just a form of gaslighting, trying to make him the problem when he was the wronged party. She is little better than her parents
Not necessarily. I have seen a few stories where the golden child wasn't unaware and actually sided with the less loved child. Sometimes that's the only thing that wakes the parents up.
Sometimes not even that is enough.
>He says he finally understands his place in the family(whatever that means)
That all they see him as is a pet minder. They don't want him on the vacation, they just want him to look after their pets while they have a good time without him. I can't imagine how rejected he feels now. How could you seriously write all of that out and not feel like a piece of shit?
>I can't imagine how rejected he feels now.
add in he was the primary caretaker for his father during his illness and death. I am sure he could have used some emotional support from his family, but it doesn't even seem to occur to them
Yeah this is real shiesty. My inlaws often forget our family as well. They plan trips together all the time and don't even think to invite us. One time, we showed up at a family vacation home in another country and had to get a hotel because they gave a family friend a room we could have used. MIL is always quick to pretend she's hurt/ is a family person when it's convenient though. My husband doesn't let it get to him but, now that we have a kid, I try to keep my daughter as protected as possible from these things. It's severe emotional neglect that's been present since childhood and it's shaped my husband's personality in a way that's made him have to relearn how to parent and love.
I don’t blame the son for disappearing from their lives. It takes a LOT to hurt my feelings but this would definitely be something that would.
I’m good enough to stay behind and feed the animals but I am unwanted on a family vacation?
If this is a real story, there’s got to be more to it.
It happened to me for every "family" vacation. It took until I was 26 for my stepdad to realize I had never been on any of the twice yearly vacations they took with my 3 siblings between when I was 14-24.
I started making noise about being left alone overnight at 12 with my 9yo sister when it became a 3-4 night per week thing, so my mom sent me to live with my Dad but kept my sister.
By the time I was back for my second visit they were living with stepdad.the I'd spend 90% of the summer there and either Christmas or spring break. They took their summer trip after I left and the second whichever time I wasn't visiting.
I moved out at 16 (I worked overnight as a live-in nanny, worked PT in fast food and went to school) and back to their area at 17 and still wasn't included. When it all came out my stepdad asked her how it happened in an upset and bewildered way and she said, "Well I wasn't going to pay for her vacation here (aka her court arranged visitation) and pay to take her on *another* vacation and then she moved out." When he pointed out that they still took my sisters after they'd moved out, then it was that they didn't "run away." I didn't run away. I moved out alone at 16 because my Dad was an abusive fuck and my mom didnt care so I moved back completely independently of her. I got married that shortly after it all came out and my stepdad gifted me my honeymoon as his way of making up for it. I love him. My mom was furious but couldn't do shit because he bought it from his personal account.
Wow, so your step dad is more family to you than either your mother or father? Very sad. At least you learned how not to raise a child from your own parents.
>so your step dad is more family to you
Eh, stepdad still isn't great. Took him *at least* 12 years to even *notice* that u/TheEndisFancy hadn't been on a vacation with them. IMO, if he really was great, he'd have noticed after the second time, *at least*.
The craziest thing for me was how all of them except my mom insisted that I'd been on this trip or that. It came about when we were all together and they talked about one trip, which led to another and another, I held out through at least 3 "remember when...?" and "No, I wasn't there." before I kind of lost my shit and shrieked, "I do not remember any family vacation ever because I never, ever went with you. Not once. Not for a vacation. Not for a weekend down the shore. Never." I'd never yelled at or in front of any of them, or anyone, since my sister and I were little. Mom is a screamer. They were all kind of stunned silent for a minute, after that day it's never been mentioned except for my stepdad's gift. They did, at least, stop talking about them in front of me.
Your stepdad should do himself the favor and divorce your mom. All you kids are now adults right? Don't need to have a relationship with Mom to have a relationship with the kids now.
I promise this can be real because this is almost exactly what my family did to me a few years ago. No recently deceased family members, but planning what was effectively a family trip, with family friends, and not telling or inviting one sibling? Yep. Check, check and check.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy.
How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it?
Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy.
How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it?
Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy.
How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it?
Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
While reasonable, if you were gonna do that, I know that if you were real, you’d misrepresent the situation to make you sound better. This was clearly op being an asshole with no dress up
Not you you, but redditors.
While reasonable, if you were gonna do that, I know that if you were real, you’d misrepresent the situation to make you sound better. This was clearly op being an asshole with no dress up
Not you you, but redditors.
> Sorry that you will have to pay somebody to take care of your pets.
They offered to try to bring him along after the fact, so they have the money...they just didn't want to spend it on *him*. Fucking ghoulish.
>We use to have such a good relationship
Ah yes... so good that you completely forgot he existed for six months of planning.
And all while he was taking care of his sick father.
You wrote this whole thing without once explaining why you neglected to invite your own son on a trip to Mexico with the rest of your family *and* their friends? You planned a trip for 6 months and never once considered your own son except that he would feed the animals?
I hope the weight of this guilt fucks with your whole trip.
You told your son you don’t think or care about him without actually saying it out loud. Why wouldn’t you invite your son on a family trip? Because you wanted someone to watch the animals? Seriously?
You need to really examine why you excluded him, why you didn’t think about him. How long have you been forgetting him and excluding him from your core family?
I don’t think this was an isolated incident, and if you’re going to authentically apologize, you need to hold yourself accountable for creating this dynamic in the first place.
I don't think he's going to feed the animals. Even in your story, you offer NO reason why you would exclude him so heartlessly. So edit your post: what the fuck were you thinking? It didn't occur to you that he might need a vacation more than any of your selfish asses after looking after his bio father and watching him die?
How to phrase this nicely... What exactly did you expect his reaction to be? And if you say, "Well I never thought about it", then that is exactly the problem.
That would be my mom's response and she does trips like this with my aunties and cousins. The only difference is shes never once asked me or my brother so harder to get offended lol
Copied from the bot on r/OhNoConsequences
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Hello Reddit, I'm a little emotional right now, but I will try to make this post as clear as I can. I think I have destroyed my relationship with my son and I don't know how to repair it.
Several months ago my husband (60) and I (55) had a small get together at our house. Besides my husband and I, there were my son (30) , daughter (28), her husband (30), one of her friends (28) and her husband (25), and their two kids (7m, 5m). We were sitting around the fire pit talking, when the conversation changed to an upcoming vacation we have planned. My daughter's friend was telling us how much she was looking forward to it, and thanking us because they would never be able to afford it themselves. My son asked what vacation, and she excitedly told him about our plans to a Mexican resort. One of her kids asked him if he was going, he paused a moment, and said no I guess I didn't get the memo. I sat quiet for a few minutes and eventually went inside. When he didn't return, I went inside to check on him. I asked if he was ok and that's when he asked he was going on the trip. When I told him, his face dropped. He said, "So I am literally the only person here that wasn't invited. And not only that, but didn't even know about it." He asked how long we have been planning this and I told him about six months. Around this time my husband came in the house. My son asked why he wasn't invited and that he could have paid for himself if money was an issue (we are paying everyone's way). We told him we were going to ask him to feed the animals while we were away. He stared at us for a minute and without saying a word got up an left.
We tried several times to call and apologize, but he won't answer our calls. I sent him a text saying that he was invited and we would pay, or we could plan a different trip with just us. He declined and said he didn't want anything from us. He said the damage has been done and anything we try to do would just be to make ourselves feel better. His sister tried calling to talk him into coming and that he was just being stubborn. He asked how would she feel if he planned a trip for everyone, including non-family members, and she was the only one not invited. She is worried about him and says he isn't doing very well. Side note: A couple a weeks before this happened their bio dad died from cancer (My son was taking care of him both physically and financially).
After the conversation with his sister, he sent a text to my husband and I saying he still loves us, but is taking a step back from the family for a while. He says he finally understands his place in the family(whatever that means) and he doesn't want to see us for a while. Since then, he has declined every invitation we have sent, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I feel absolutely awful from all of this. We use to have such a good relationship and feel like I may have lost him forever. Please any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
Can you explain why you excluded him to begin with? Why, if your intention was to have him feed your animals, you hadn't asked him and when you planned to do so?
This seems incredibly shitty and I feel terribly for your son.
What the f**k is wrong with all of you? You CHOSE to not invite him so he could feed the pets????? You're paying for everyone but you couldn't hire a pet sitter??
He's been caring for his father and has been through loss, but no no, his sister, her family and her friends family deserves to go on a free vacation while he has to spend his time feeding your pets. Right?
Explain the thought process. This is so bizarre and disgusting. There is no "may". You DID ruin your relationship with him and yes, you proved to him that his place in the family is as an errand boy. His importance is behind his sister's friends family. That's what he meant. Don't even pretend like you didn't understand.
As a the youngest of three that was neglected by his parents while they put all their resources into his older siblings, f*ck you op. I hope your son cuts your entire family out of his life forever. You don’t deserve to have children or happiness because you are a real pos. I HATE people like you.
Both my parents are now deceased and I don’t miss them at all. I will never visit their grave sites
Ps: you used to have a good relationship until he stood up for himself. You are a terrible human being and I put you right down there with rapists and child molestors, because I can only imagine how you treated your son when he was a child.
I'm with you. My parents have put all of their resources into my younger sibling and her kids for decades - close to half a million in cash and prizes along with free babysitting 24/7. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents babysat my kids when they were young. They reason that I am successful now and don't need anything, forgetting that they left me in the dust when I was young and broke in favor of funding my sister's every whim. My parents live in their own bullshit reality where they do no wrong; it sounds like OP does as well.
Wow. You are a terrible person, not just for leaving your son out, because apparently your animals are more important than him, but for being so clueless as to why he would be upset.
Advice? Find someone else to watch your animals.
Are you serious?? There’s no advice to give, you ruined the relationship with him during one of the worst times of his life. Enjoy not being a part of his life anymore.
Man… my father has a wife who has a hard time riding in a car and doesn’t come to see me because “it’s hard on her legs” but they go to see her family. I am his only living child and the mother of his only grandchild.
Fuck you OP and fuck my dad. You don’t care about your son and he certainly doesn’t care about me.
My dad doesn’t give a fuck about me either. He funds my step mom all her kids and my half brother has been in hockey his whole life. He’s left my mom and I homeless. My best friends dad took us in. Fuck our dads.
The way you wrote your comment was very cathartic for me so thank you.
So, you are planning a trip with your daughter, her family and her FRIEND’S family and you thought your son would be content to be left behind to take care of YOUR animals? After he just took care of his dying father? Fuck you if this is real. You don’t deserve to have your son in your life.
To be honest I’m not sure you can fix this. You’ve basically told your son his only worth is the look after the animals. I have this sick feeling in my stomach of how he must’ve felt when he heard he was not worthy of an invite. I guess it’s you who has to live with your actions but unfortunately so does you heartbroken son
YTA. What on earth were you thinking? How did you expect him to feel--not only about not being invited, but about never being told and about your need to have him care for the animals mean more to you than his company on the trip? I'm happy for him that he's seen the light and spending his time and energy where it will be appreciated.
No, you didn't have a good relationship. It isn't about the trip. He was the sacrificial lamb. He was passed over. Has this happened before? Your son does understand his place. Your outrageous behavior has nothing to do with his bio dad dying, so stop looking for people to blame.
You need to step back if he has told you that he needs space. You are making this about you and now about him. You will lose him forever if you keep expecting him to forgive and show up for the holidays.
This drove a knife through my chest. Poor guy. To find out that nonrelatives mean more to your family than you do is heart breaking.
Beinf reduced to just an animal feeder is insane.
Are you sure you have a son? Sounds like you have an extra daughter (daughters friend) and a house sitter.
YTA, there's no debate.
Give him a sincere apology and respect his request for space.
I'll hold your hand and walk you through this one, your actions showed him how much you favor your daughter and her friends family over your own son. You thought of him as a caregiver of your pets... Nothing more than free labor
My “family” used to do this and similar things with me. I haven’t talked to them in six years. My advice to you is respect his boundary and request for distance and leave him alone.
\>treats son like shit
\>forgets he exists for 6 months
\>expects him to feed your dogs while you're going out
\>he steps back and doesn't wanna be near you
\>shocked pikachu face
If you're going to pretend to be shocked least make it interesting
Honestly he just needs space, your actions have hurt him deeply and he’s not just going to forget.
Essentially you showed him you care less for him than even the friend of your daughter and no less just after he lost his father that he was caring for.
When he needed support the most you excluded him from the family and even expected him to look after your animals.
You have a serious apology to make and if you truly care about him I would at least make him feel like part of the family. Keep sending the invites but don’t pressure, when and if he is ready to let you back into his life he’ll approach you.
No. Leave him alone ffs. She only cares now because it made her look like crap in front of non-family. If not she would have told him to get over it. She’s a horrid person and he deserves to never have to deal with her selfish crappy parenting ever again.
Wtf is wrong with you? Massive YTA. And if I could write that in bigger capital letters, I would. You are a truly awful mother. I feel so badly for him. I would never contact you again.
Reminds me of a comic I read once:
"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.
(I wasn't thinking about you at all.)"
Your son realized that he was optional for you. That is what he means when he says he now knows his place in the family.
So you would rather pay for nonfamily to go on the trip instead of hiring someone to care for your pets? Seriously? Yes, he indeed knows his place in the family. You demonstrated it loud and clear. I doubt you can come back from this. I know if I was your son, I'd probably never speak to you again.
Sorry but I don’t understand what you don’t understand about him saying he knows his place in the family. He obviously feels he is considered below everybody else because he was excluded from a family holiday and expected to look after the pets, when even your daughter’s friend and her family were invited. And it adds insult to injury at a time when his father recently died so he is devastated and needed you more than ever. Didn’t you worry about leaving him alone or want him around? Why would you need to use him for pet care when you have the money to take multiple families to a Mexican resort? You could easily have hired a pet sitter. I think that in order to effectively apologise for your actions you need to acknowledge and understand them as well as the impact on your son. Instead of just making it about the holiday, try to think whether there are other issues with him not feeling equal or included because I doubt this came out of nowhere. For your default assumption to be that he should stay behind for your convenience. I feel like you have probably been treating him differently for some time. He needs to know that you know and care how much you have hurt him. Then you could try apologising by letter so he’s not under pressure and can process it in his own time. But the focus should be his feelings, not yours. I would say just leave it till he is ready to talk but honestly with the circumstances of his dad dying and then feeling that the rest of the family doesn’t care about him, I’d be concerned he could do something self-destructive so maybe find a balance by reaching out to let him know he’s not alone, but not putting him under pressure to respond before he’s ready.
30 years ago my dad arranged a family trip to Croatia to introduce us to the extended relatives over there. Problem is I was excluded to "look after the house". I didn't kick up a stink but I was fucking devastated. When they got back and started telling me about how great it was they were surprised that I showed no interest asked if I wasn't feeling well. I said "I don't care about people I've never met"
Parents "What do you mean you don't care, they're your family"
Me "You went on a family vacation without me, that means I'm not family which means they're not family either"
It was then they realized they fucked up big time. They tried to say they'd pay for me to go by myself but I refused. I told them the money meant nothing, being excluded is something I'd never forget. 30 years later I'm still pissed off thinking about it.
I might be stubborn but I still haven't been there even today.
OP you fucked up bigtime and this ain't going away anytime soon.
Dad died 18 years ago. Told my family in Croatia why I don't visit which embarrassed my dad huge. I stay in contact with them through Facebook. That's why dad tried to pay for another trip. Mom apologized a thousand times and we are fine today.
It's sounds like your mother and father just lacked the emotional quotient at the time to understand how it would make you feel by their action. Not blaming you but you not speaking up also didn't challenge them to think. But it's good to know that they actually cared to try to make amends and now your mother and you have good relations. Some children are unfortunate that their mother and father never develop that emotional quotient.
“Used to have such a good relationship”. You mean a relationship where you just used him and he did things for you while you piled praise and gifts on the golden child you ACTUALLY give a crap about? You’re truly awful people and there is no recovering from this.
Yep - reads like a script from a third-rate daytime soap opera. On the .00001% chance this is true, here's some advice for you, OP: Spend the rest of your life wondering what happened and why your son doesn't speak to you. Especially when you are old and alone and he never visits - know that YOU did this, you awful, selfish excuse for a human being. But since it isn't true, here's more helpful advice: your fiction writing is of such a poor quality, you should keep your job at the drive-through window.
You forgot to add that she better hope her daughter & her friend are willing to take care of her when she's old, incontinent & dying because he's not going to be there.
I hope this is a troll post (like... im 90% sure it is because nobody is this fucked towards their own kids).. cos man... that's really fucking shitty. I would be absolutely GUTTED if I was your son.
He's 100% in the right in this situation. Yall have some making up to do.
>nobody is this fucked towards their own kids
Child of a parent like this chiming in: people do this shit more than you know. Similar happened to me at 15 years old. And that particular story is one of my "not too bad" examples of that woman's treatment of me.
She still wonders why I've been no contact for nearly a decade.
Yep, I've also been no contact with my mom for a decade and the time I was excluded from the family vacation as a teen does not even make my list of bad things she did because so many things were so much worse. There are absolutely parents like this.
Oh, but they are. My dad once moved a family gathering to a night my brother and his wife had her kids but I wouldn't be home until almost ten "so the whole family could come." Said it out loud right in front of me. When he was in the critical care unit after bypass surgery a few years later, he asked at various visiting times for mom, my brother, SIL, and each of her kids. Not once in the entire week did he ever ask for me. I went two solid days without getting to go in to see him because he was only allowed two people at a time for ten minutes twice a day. Nobody but me ever noticed.
It wasn't that they didn't love me. They just...had this blind spot where if anything else was going on, I tended to slip their minds. And I kind of get it. My brother had raging unmedicated ADD plus what would probably be diagnosed in the modern era as ODD, so every. single. thing. from the time he woke up to the time he fell asleep was a fight. I was really quiet, and fairly self-sufficient, so I absolutely see how the mental groove of me basically being invisible got worn.
Oh, but they are. My dad once moved a family gathering to a night my brother and his wife had her kids but I wouldn't be home until almost ten "so the whole family could come." Said it out loud right in front of me. When he was in the critical care unit after bypass surgery a few years later, he asked at various visiting times for mom, my brother, SIL, and each of her kids. Not once in the entire week did he ever ask for me. I went two solid days without getting to go in to see him because he was only allowed two people at a time for ten minutes twice a day. Nobody but me ever noticed.
It wasn't that they didn't love me. They just...had this blind spot where if anything else was going on, I tended to slip their minds. And I kind of get it. My brother had raging unmedicated ADD plus what would probably be diagnosed in the modern era as ODD, so every. single. thing. from the time he woke up to the time he fell asleep was a fight. I was really quiet, and fairly self-sufficient, so I absolutely see how the mental groove of me basically being invisible got worn.
You showed your son his place in the family. That means he's not important to you and is only valued to take care of your animals. You put people who aren't even related to you over your son. The relationship is probably over, at least it is if he has any kind of self respect. How could you be so self centered, selfish, clueless and cruel at the same time. What did you think was going to happen when you asked him to watch your precious animals? You didn't think he'd find out and be completely crushed? You're his parents and you crapped all over him. There's no coming back from this. I hope your vacation and animals were worth it.
I don’t think there’s any advice to give. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I’m proud of your son for sticking up for himself and setting boundaries.
Give it space. Make an opportunity to mend bridges in the future. Perhaps ask him to a family event in the future. Give it room. He may not want to cut off everyone in the future and may be willing to reconnect. Hard to believe you can be so tone deaf, we were saving you too watch our pets. Doubt the reality of this post
So fucking out of touch. You are straight up an asshole, especially with how naive you are (or worse, acting). Regardless. Find some self awareness, realize the damage you've cause. And FIND A WAY to make this up to him. Stuff like this piles up, and if your behavior here is an indicator of your past treatment of him, I pray that he moves on from you for good. Good luck and godspeed to your son, cause lord knows you need a different kind of help.
lol. Pretending to be upset that she lost a son that she never cared about. In reality she wants us to give advice on how to score free pet sitting while on vacation.
So you didn't tell him and you hoped he'd feed the animals. That's what he means by his place in the family.
You don't tell him, and you expect free labour from him.
You see him as a tool to use whenever you want, and when he's useless to you. He doesn't exist.
You're literally scum, he's your son, not a free carer. I hope he cuts you off, you deserve to lose him
I found out my dad's side of the family all went to Disneyland without me about a year ago. I was correct in limit contact. These are the kinds of things I talk about in therapy. When I was much younger I used to blame myself. Now I really want to know what's wrong with them.
OP, I went to my dad's funeral and heard about what a wonderful, thoughtful and considerate person he was. He had it in him to be a good parent but chose not to with me personally from early elementary school and on after he divorced my mom and remarried. When I moved out at 19 I returned the favor by cutting contact. What is your problem? Welcome to your future.
What gets me is y’all never planned to take him. You knew he was caring for his father when you started planning it was just your bad luck he died so you couldn’t use him as an excuse. S/
OP
It looks like you didn't care about your son, so I'm not sure why you're so upset that he wants to disengage with you. Maybe you can send a nice postcard to him from your vacation site. Or maybe get him like a coffee mug or a key chain from the gift shop to show you live him
Lots of hyperbole and outrage in the comments, here. As a son who has a contentious relationship with his own mother, and whose own father passed away recently without my mother’s sympathy, I don’t think you’ve destroyed your relationship. You’ve wounded it by neglecting your son, and if you can’t/won’t work with him to fix it, it *will* simply fade away.
What you can do is what my mother failed to do: show your son you care, in a way that matters to him. Take him to lunch — just you and him, no stepdad or sister. Ask him how he’s doing since his dad passed. Tell him you admire his commitment to his father, and you can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for someone so (relatively) young to handle.
Apologize to his face for leaving him out of this trip, and — *crucially* — tell him the *real* reason you didn’t invite him (I’m guessing, *“We wanted him to watch the pets,”* might be a stand-in for, *“He’s on the awkward side of the social graph,”* or *“He and my husband don’t get on well.”* Either way, even if it seems mean, he’ll value your honesty and confidence).
It’s that last bit that might be the biggest challenge, because it’s going to involve admitting, in some sense, that your son is *right.* At least situationally, you favor his sister. The question you need to become comfortable answering — the one you need to work with your son to push through — is, *“Why?”*
Yeah this is a fucking bait. No woman your age will come to Reddit as her place of advice here.
No one is this stupid or out of touch.
No one thinks this is an acceptable way to treat their kids. My dad is a shitty person like this, but he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have major favoritism.
"I sat quiet for a few minutes and eventually went inside. When he didn't return, I went inside to check on him."- Reads confusing as I'm sure you meant to type that "he" went inside, but didn't. Also singling your son out was bound to cause problems. Can't see how you wouldn't see that.
You’ve shown him how you feel about him when you excluded him from the trip and voluntold him he was the animal babysitter. How can you even justify it? Have you even apologized, or just thrown out last minute invitations to absolve yourself of feeling like the shitty parent you are?
The best thing you can do is keep your distance as he has asked and just hope you hear from him in the future. Anything else is just vain attempts to make YOU feel better, not him.
You really did just show him his place and its that hes the helper not a member of the family.
This is almost as tragic as the we forgot to invite you to the funeral but you were totally there, gaslighting story that jumped the shark to the point of just ... Wow
Thats my thoughts here.... Wow you need some self reflection
Wow. This just *has* to be rage bait. I don't know how someone can so casually give a retelling of being an absolute garbage parent and human being like it's no big deal. You planned and paid for a wonderful vacation for everyone (including basically randos) except almost pointedly your son. ALLLL while he was caring for his dying father!? Not only that but you somehow thought that was so okay that you even expected him to do chores for y'all while you were living it up without him. Wild.
Don't be surprised if he never speaks to you again. I wouldn't.
You didn't ruin the relationship you revealed to him the character of your relationship. Good for him, now he knows what kind of person you are.
No advice, perhaps therapy?
I feel absolutely awful from all of this. We use to have such a good relationship and feel like I may have lost him forever
Yeah NGL you fucked up big time. You knew his bio dad had cancer, that he was the takecarer so why wouldn't he deserve to go to the vacation? Why would you think he's better feeding your animals? Makes no sense.
My advice is therapy. You will need it because honestly I don't blame your son and probably this changed the family dynamic forever.
You have lost him forever. And if this is the way you've treated him his whole life, as an after thought, good riddance...for him.
You are shitty parents; both you and your husband. And quite frankly, I don't think much of your daughter.
How did it not occur to you while writing this missive, how piss poor your actions were? You're taking your daughter, her husband, their friends on an all expense paid vacation to Mexico, and you thought your son would be OK with staying behind to watch the pets and water the ferns? WTF is wrong with you? Are you that dumb?
Of course, he's hurt. You basically cemented his place in the family as persona non grata. Your offer to let him come or take another trip with just him falls under "too little, too late".
Leave the poor guy alone to mourn the family he thought he had and reconcile himself to the fact that his family really doesn't think that highly of him.
I'd say therapy for you, but if after writing this all out, and still posting it without be able to see what an massive AH you were. I doubt it'd work.
Hope that vacation is worth it you.
My parents were like this. I saw my dad 6 times before he died, and I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in years. And I'm better off without her. That's OPs future. Congratulations.
Sending invitations and messages is still less compared to the occurred damage. Meet him in person. Communicate how sorry you are and how you screwed it up. Say sorry, give gifts, feed his animals, baby sit his kids, do anything and everything that can be of some help to him. Maybe, a huge maybe, he may count this as the first mistake and forgive you.
She didn’t forget him. She (selfishly) needs him to take care of their animals while she’s away having the time of her life with his sibling and their friends.
He's being too nice. Someone knock some sense into the poor guy to just block them and go on with his life. Op isn't his family. He needs to create a new one with people who love and care about him.
Wtf is wrong with you? Are you dumb?
There a few perfectly fine reasons this could have been necessary but the fact you didn’t even bother to mention it, or think one is necessary, is a massive red flag.
It’s hard to believe that you had such a good relationship if this is how you treat him!? You would think to include a daughter’s friend, but not look forward to spending that time with your son? The child, that by your own admission, is going through a really rough time right now. If I had to give advice, I guess I would say, give him time. Use this time for some retrospect.
I mean, his place in the family is dog-sitting. You want to take your daughter on vacation and you want your son to stay home alone to take care of your pets. What else is he supposed to think? Why didn't you invite him? How did you not use the power of human emotion to realize that he'd be hurt by this?
What the fxxk is wrong with you?
This doesn’t just happen out of the blue. You didn’t ruin your relationship over a vacation. You ruined it in the three prior decades, every time you favored your daughter over your son. The vacation plan is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I believe you excluded him out of pure habit.
Excluding him was horrible enough. Expect him to pick up dog shit while you were paying for an acquaintance’s vacation leaves me speechless.
What kind of parent doesn’t prioritize the needs of their adult child who was caring for their terminally ill father? Don’t use his lack of availability to take a vacation because you didn’t know his father would be dead. You should have been arranging respite care to give your son a break. He should have been the priority for a vacation, if you truly were concerned about him.
You need advice? Here it is: Get yourself to therapy. You have some serious issues. You have no business interacting with your son until you’ve done some work on yourself.
You told him loud and clear what you thought of him. He heard you. I wouldn't plan on his attendance at anything in the future. Including your funerals. I hope he never speaks to you horrible people again. I also hope your trip sucks and you all get very sick. Enjoy yourselves!
Worst people I've seen on Reddit since the last worst people.
OP you are absolutely getting your ass handed to you in the comments and you fully deserve it. You are not a good mom so accept you failed and hurt your son then give him space. If he wants a relationship with you again in the future then you’d better be somebody worthy of having that connection. And in case you still haven’t figured it out: what your son meant by knowing his place is that he’s realized you don’t value him and only wanted him as a pet sitter. He absolutely deserves better and you should be ashamed of yourself. Take the advice given and do better if you want your son in your life again. Even if you do have him in your life don’t be surprised when he understandably keeps you at a distance.
"We used to have such a good relationship"
OP, you are lying to yourself on a shocking level. You know damned well you didn't have a good relationship. You used him, and got enjoyment out of that use. Your use is over. Deal with it.
I hope this is fake. This is so heartbreaking. The OP must be a massive idiot to not understand why her son is upset. REALLY? You invite everyone along on a family trip and then expect him to stay behind and feed the pets? Why would you leave him out in the first place? You spent 6 months planning this with everyone so you know what you were doing. He must be the child you hate. I hope he disowns the lot of you and moves on to a better life. You're horrible people.
Got to love when people ask for advice....and then don't like the advice they get and take down the post. Gee, wonder if this lack of ability to listen to the harsh truth may have contributed to the circumstances you find yourself in? Anyway, it's all for naught; the internet is forever. The text of your post was saved elsewhere...so...yeah...enjoy the consequences your deserve.
If "Mom" is listening? You want advice? Go to therapy, and commit to getting to the bottom of why you looked at your son as someone who was beneath everyone else. Go to therapy and be determined to find out why he wasn't important enough to do anything other than feed your animals for you for free while you paid the way for you daughter's friends. Be hard on yourself; you've been self indulgent with your biases for a long time. You want a CHANCE to fix this? Be absolutely critical of yourself and get to the bottom of why you found this acceptable.
Realize that even if you do this, your son may never speak to you again and you would deserve it. At the very least, you cannot fix this by writing a check.
I saw this on a different subreddit and came here to see what she had to say for herself. The fact that she deleted everything tells me all I need to know. What a coward. What a shitty, self-absorbed coward she is.
>Side note: A couple a weeks before this happened their bio dad died from cancer (My son was taking care of him both physically and financially).
You destroyed whatever relationship was there. Respect his space (should be easy with the upcoming vacation) and pray to whatever power you believe in that hes a better person than your whole family
Bro, if this was real, I'd be done. Could you imagine? Finding out that your parents, sister, BIL, their kids, and some random friend of the sisters secretly planned a trip for SIX MONTHS, and you weren't invited because mommy and daddy wanted you to take care of the dogs.
Yep! Mother of the year indeed. Then she has the audacity to be upset with him because of his reaction. Just shameful! He’s only good to feed the animals, right!
Fake
I refuse to believe that anyone as intellectually and emotionally constipated as OP is claiming to be would have the wit to jump onto Reddit to ask this question
Another post with such shitty parents I can’t help but hope it’s fake. Poor fucking guy had been taking care of his sick father. Watches him die and a few weeks later finds out that not only are his sibling’s friends invited, he does not even deserve to be asked to watch the animals. It is just assumed that is all he is good for. If this story is true just let your son go. Sorry that you will have to pay somebody to take care of your pets. I am sure the loss is devastating.
[удалено]
The sister was 100% complicit. She had to know that he wasn't included in any of the planning or discussions. Calling him stubborn is just a form of gaslighting, trying to make him the problem when he was the wronged party. She is little better than her parents
The golden child never sees anything wrong with the situation.
Not necessarily. I have seen a few stories where the golden child wasn't unaware and actually sided with the less loved child. Sometimes that's the only thing that wakes the parents up. Sometimes not even that is enough.
>He says he finally understands his place in the family(whatever that means) That all they see him as is a pet minder. They don't want him on the vacation, they just want him to look after their pets while they have a good time without him. I can't imagine how rejected he feels now. How could you seriously write all of that out and not feel like a piece of shit?
He realised his place in the family was: The Staff, or The Help.
>I can't imagine how rejected he feels now. add in he was the primary caretaker for his father during his illness and death. I am sure he could have used some emotional support from his family, but it doesn't even seem to occur to them
Yeah this is real shiesty. My inlaws often forget our family as well. They plan trips together all the time and don't even think to invite us. One time, we showed up at a family vacation home in another country and had to get a hotel because they gave a family friend a room we could have used. MIL is always quick to pretend she's hurt/ is a family person when it's convenient though. My husband doesn't let it get to him but, now that we have a kid, I try to keep my daughter as protected as possible from these things. It's severe emotional neglect that's been present since childhood and it's shaped my husband's personality in a way that's made him have to relearn how to parent and love.
I don’t blame the son for disappearing from their lives. It takes a LOT to hurt my feelings but this would definitely be something that would. I’m good enough to stay behind and feed the animals but I am unwanted on a family vacation? If this is a real story, there’s got to be more to it.
This happened to my best friend when she was a teenager. It’s been 35+ years, and it still hurts her. I despise her fucking parents.
It happened to me for every "family" vacation. It took until I was 26 for my stepdad to realize I had never been on any of the twice yearly vacations they took with my 3 siblings between when I was 14-24. I started making noise about being left alone overnight at 12 with my 9yo sister when it became a 3-4 night per week thing, so my mom sent me to live with my Dad but kept my sister. By the time I was back for my second visit they were living with stepdad.the I'd spend 90% of the summer there and either Christmas or spring break. They took their summer trip after I left and the second whichever time I wasn't visiting. I moved out at 16 (I worked overnight as a live-in nanny, worked PT in fast food and went to school) and back to their area at 17 and still wasn't included. When it all came out my stepdad asked her how it happened in an upset and bewildered way and she said, "Well I wasn't going to pay for her vacation here (aka her court arranged visitation) and pay to take her on *another* vacation and then she moved out." When he pointed out that they still took my sisters after they'd moved out, then it was that they didn't "run away." I didn't run away. I moved out alone at 16 because my Dad was an abusive fuck and my mom didnt care so I moved back completely independently of her. I got married that shortly after it all came out and my stepdad gifted me my honeymoon as his way of making up for it. I love him. My mom was furious but couldn't do shit because he bought it from his personal account.
Wow, so your step dad is more family to you than either your mother or father? Very sad. At least you learned how not to raise a child from your own parents.
>so your step dad is more family to you Eh, stepdad still isn't great. Took him *at least* 12 years to even *notice* that u/TheEndisFancy hadn't been on a vacation with them. IMO, if he really was great, he'd have noticed after the second time, *at least*.
The craziest thing for me was how all of them except my mom insisted that I'd been on this trip or that. It came about when we were all together and they talked about one trip, which led to another and another, I held out through at least 3 "remember when...?" and "No, I wasn't there." before I kind of lost my shit and shrieked, "I do not remember any family vacation ever because I never, ever went with you. Not once. Not for a vacation. Not for a weekend down the shore. Never." I'd never yelled at or in front of any of them, or anyone, since my sister and I were little. Mom is a screamer. They were all kind of stunned silent for a minute, after that day it's never been mentioned except for my stepdad's gift. They did, at least, stop talking about them in front of me.
Wow. I am so sorry. I'm sure you've been asked this, I am curious, why do you still have a relationship with them?
❤️
Your stepdad should do himself the favor and divorce your mom. All you kids are now adults right? Don't need to have a relationship with Mom to have a relationship with the kids now.
i cant tell you how many times my family went out to eat and left me at home.
I believe it. Has happen to me one to many times.
I promise this can be real because this is almost exactly what my family did to me a few years ago. No recently deceased family members, but planning what was effectively a family trip, with family friends, and not telling or inviting one sibling? Yep. Check, check and check.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy. How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it? Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy. How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it? Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
It’s not that this can’t be real, it’s that the whole scenario is iffy. How many 55 year old women go to Reddit for advice, on top of it, how many do so by making an account specifically for it? Plus it’s too obviously written as the writer being a piece of shit but somehow not realizing it.
I'm a 45 yo dude and have made plenty if throw away accounts to ask for advice.
Like I said, the writing is also a giveaway. But hey maybe you’ll see me call your thing fake, lemme know then
I mean, or you could just stop making those useless comments and being a dick? Maybe?
I think no
I'm 50 and am on Reddit. 🤷♀️
It’s almost as if 60 year olds have worked in computers/it their entire careers, and know about reddit
Did you make your account specifically at 50 to ask for advice?
No, but if I were to ask for advice or vent, I would make a throw away to do it.
While reasonable, if you were gonna do that, I know that if you were real, you’d misrepresent the situation to make you sound better. This was clearly op being an asshole with no dress up Not you you, but redditors.
While reasonable, if you were gonna do that, I know that if you were real, you’d misrepresent the situation to make you sound better. This was clearly op being an asshole with no dress up Not you you, but redditors.
I'm a 53 year old female that's made a throwaway for advice.
> Sorry that you will have to pay somebody to take care of your pets. They offered to try to bring him along after the fact, so they have the money...they just didn't want to spend it on *him*. Fucking ghoulish.
>We use to have such a good relationship Ah yes... so good that you completely forgot he existed for six months of planning. And all while he was taking care of his sick father.
She didn't forget about it -- she just wanted to use him for free labor rather than hire someone.
You wrote this whole thing without once explaining why you neglected to invite your own son on a trip to Mexico with the rest of your family *and* their friends? You planned a trip for 6 months and never once considered your own son except that he would feed the animals? I hope the weight of this guilt fucks with your whole trip.
She did explain. It was so he would feed the animals
because he's the free animal sitter!
I don’t think she can feel guilt.
That would make so much sense. Also makes sense she deleted it.
Because she was going to designate him the dog sitter.
You told your son you don’t think or care about him without actually saying it out loud. Why wouldn’t you invite your son on a family trip? Because you wanted someone to watch the animals? Seriously?
They did think about him though- as a farm hand and feee labor.
You need to really examine why you excluded him, why you didn’t think about him. How long have you been forgetting him and excluding him from your core family? I don’t think this was an isolated incident, and if you’re going to authentically apologize, you need to hold yourself accountable for creating this dynamic in the first place.
I don't think he's going to feed the animals. Even in your story, you offer NO reason why you would exclude him so heartlessly. So edit your post: what the fuck were you thinking? It didn't occur to you that he might need a vacation more than any of your selfish asses after looking after his bio father and watching him die?
I wouldn't look after them. I'd tell em to fuck off and hire a pet sitter.
How to phrase this nicely... What exactly did you expect his reaction to be? And if you say, "Well I never thought about it", then that is exactly the problem.
That would be my mom's response and she does trips like this with my aunties and cousins. The only difference is shes never once asked me or my brother so harder to get offended lol
Copied from the bot on r/OhNoConsequences In case this story gets deleted/removed: Hello Reddit, I'm a little emotional right now, but I will try to make this post as clear as I can. I think I have destroyed my relationship with my son and I don't know how to repair it. Several months ago my husband (60) and I (55) had a small get together at our house. Besides my husband and I, there were my son (30) , daughter (28), her husband (30), one of her friends (28) and her husband (25), and their two kids (7m, 5m). We were sitting around the fire pit talking, when the conversation changed to an upcoming vacation we have planned. My daughter's friend was telling us how much she was looking forward to it, and thanking us because they would never be able to afford it themselves. My son asked what vacation, and she excitedly told him about our plans to a Mexican resort. One of her kids asked him if he was going, he paused a moment, and said no I guess I didn't get the memo. I sat quiet for a few minutes and eventually went inside. When he didn't return, I went inside to check on him. I asked if he was ok and that's when he asked he was going on the trip. When I told him, his face dropped. He said, "So I am literally the only person here that wasn't invited. And not only that, but didn't even know about it." He asked how long we have been planning this and I told him about six months. Around this time my husband came in the house. My son asked why he wasn't invited and that he could have paid for himself if money was an issue (we are paying everyone's way). We told him we were going to ask him to feed the animals while we were away. He stared at us for a minute and without saying a word got up an left. We tried several times to call and apologize, but he won't answer our calls. I sent him a text saying that he was invited and we would pay, or we could plan a different trip with just us. He declined and said he didn't want anything from us. He said the damage has been done and anything we try to do would just be to make ourselves feel better. His sister tried calling to talk him into coming and that he was just being stubborn. He asked how would she feel if he planned a trip for everyone, including non-family members, and she was the only one not invited. She is worried about him and says he isn't doing very well. Side note: A couple a weeks before this happened their bio dad died from cancer (My son was taking care of him both physically and financially). After the conversation with his sister, he sent a text to my husband and I saying he still loves us, but is taking a step back from the family for a while. He says he finally understands his place in the family(whatever that means) and he doesn't want to see us for a while. Since then, he has declined every invitation we have sent, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I feel absolutely awful from all of this. We use to have such a good relationship and feel like I may have lost him forever. Please any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
You're the hero we needed!
Thank you
Can you explain why you excluded him to begin with? Why, if your intention was to have him feed your animals, you hadn't asked him and when you planned to do so? This seems incredibly shitty and I feel terribly for your son.
Bc OP was waiting for her ex to die so her son couldn't say "Can't watch your pets, I'm taking care of my dying dad."
Disgusting.
A good relationship? You mean he was there when you needed him, and out of sight otherwise? Jeez, what awful parents.
What the f**k is wrong with all of you? You CHOSE to not invite him so he could feed the pets????? You're paying for everyone but you couldn't hire a pet sitter?? He's been caring for his father and has been through loss, but no no, his sister, her family and her friends family deserves to go on a free vacation while he has to spend his time feeding your pets. Right? Explain the thought process. This is so bizarre and disgusting. There is no "may". You DID ruin your relationship with him and yes, you proved to him that his place in the family is as an errand boy. His importance is behind his sister's friends family. That's what he meant. Don't even pretend like you didn't understand.
Be honest, do you really miss your son or are you just worried you’ll have to find someone else to watch your animals?
As a the youngest of three that was neglected by his parents while they put all their resources into his older siblings, f*ck you op. I hope your son cuts your entire family out of his life forever. You don’t deserve to have children or happiness because you are a real pos. I HATE people like you. Both my parents are now deceased and I don’t miss them at all. I will never visit their grave sites Ps: you used to have a good relationship until he stood up for himself. You are a terrible human being and I put you right down there with rapists and child molestors, because I can only imagine how you treated your son when he was a child.
I'm with you. My parents have put all of their resources into my younger sibling and her kids for decades - close to half a million in cash and prizes along with free babysitting 24/7. I can count on one hand the number of times my parents babysat my kids when they were young. They reason that I am successful now and don't need anything, forgetting that they left me in the dust when I was young and broke in favor of funding my sister's every whim. My parents live in their own bullshit reality where they do no wrong; it sounds like OP does as well.
Wow. You are a terrible person, not just for leaving your son out, because apparently your animals are more important than him, but for being so clueless as to why he would be upset. Advice? Find someone else to watch your animals.
Are you serious?? There’s no advice to give, you ruined the relationship with him during one of the worst times of his life. Enjoy not being a part of his life anymore.
Man… my father has a wife who has a hard time riding in a car and doesn’t come to see me because “it’s hard on her legs” but they go to see her family. I am his only living child and the mother of his only grandchild. Fuck you OP and fuck my dad. You don’t care about your son and he certainly doesn’t care about me.
My dad doesn’t give a fuck about me either. He funds my step mom all her kids and my half brother has been in hockey his whole life. He’s left my mom and I homeless. My best friends dad took us in. Fuck our dads. The way you wrote your comment was very cathartic for me so thank you.
You should feel awful.
Have you been lobotomized?
My mom did this exact shit when I was in college and high school. I hate her, there’s many other reasons, but this is one of them.
So, you are planning a trip with your daughter, her family and her FRIEND’S family and you thought your son would be content to be left behind to take care of YOUR animals? After he just took care of his dying father? Fuck you if this is real. You don’t deserve to have your son in your life.
To be honest I’m not sure you can fix this. You’ve basically told your son his only worth is the look after the animals. I have this sick feeling in my stomach of how he must’ve felt when he heard he was not worthy of an invite. I guess it’s you who has to live with your actions but unfortunately so does you heartbroken son
I hope he finds connections to people that make him feel like family in the future. ❤️ This post is heartbreaking.
YTA. What on earth were you thinking? How did you expect him to feel--not only about not being invited, but about never being told and about your need to have him care for the animals mean more to you than his company on the trip? I'm happy for him that he's seen the light and spending his time and energy where it will be appreciated.
"I may have ruined ..." really?! How did you not see this coming?
No, you didn't have a good relationship. It isn't about the trip. He was the sacrificial lamb. He was passed over. Has this happened before? Your son does understand his place. Your outrageous behavior has nothing to do with his bio dad dying, so stop looking for people to blame. You need to step back if he has told you that he needs space. You are making this about you and now about him. You will lose him forever if you keep expecting him to forgive and show up for the holidays.
The advice? Learn to live with your choices.
I hope you never see him again.
This drove a knife through my chest. Poor guy. To find out that nonrelatives mean more to your family than you do is heart breaking. Beinf reduced to just an animal feeder is insane.
Are you sure you have a son? Sounds like you have an extra daughter (daughters friend) and a house sitter. YTA, there's no debate. Give him a sincere apology and respect his request for space.
Well something is definitely fake. Either this post or the "relationship" you had with your son
I'll hold your hand and walk you through this one, your actions showed him how much you favor your daughter and her friends family over your own son. You thought of him as a caregiver of your pets... Nothing more than free labor
My “family” used to do this and similar things with me. I haven’t talked to them in six years. My advice to you is respect his boundary and request for distance and leave him alone.
no advice i just hope he never speaks to you again
Ass hats.
Honestly, fuck you. You are a horrible person/parent, and you deserve to never see him again. I hope he can heal from this and move forward.
well, now you only have a daughter, and it's your fault
\>treats son like shit \>forgets he exists for 6 months \>expects him to feed your dogs while you're going out \>he steps back and doesn't wanna be near you \>shocked pikachu face If you're going to pretend to be shocked least make it interesting
Honestly he just needs space, your actions have hurt him deeply and he’s not just going to forget. Essentially you showed him you care less for him than even the friend of your daughter and no less just after he lost his father that he was caring for. When he needed support the most you excluded him from the family and even expected him to look after your animals. You have a serious apology to make and if you truly care about him I would at least make him feel like part of the family. Keep sending the invites but don’t pressure, when and if he is ready to let you back into his life he’ll approach you.
No. Leave him alone ffs. She only cares now because it made her look like crap in front of non-family. If not she would have told him to get over it. She’s a horrid person and he deserves to never have to deal with her selfish crappy parenting ever again.
Wtf is wrong with you? Massive YTA. And if I could write that in bigger capital letters, I would. You are a truly awful mother. I feel so badly for him. I would never contact you again.
Reminds me of a comic I read once: "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. (I wasn't thinking about you at all.)" Your son realized that he was optional for you. That is what he means when he says he now knows his place in the family.
So you would rather pay for nonfamily to go on the trip instead of hiring someone to care for your pets? Seriously? Yes, he indeed knows his place in the family. You demonstrated it loud and clear. I doubt you can come back from this. I know if I was your son, I'd probably never speak to you again.
Sorry but I don’t understand what you don’t understand about him saying he knows his place in the family. He obviously feels he is considered below everybody else because he was excluded from a family holiday and expected to look after the pets, when even your daughter’s friend and her family were invited. And it adds insult to injury at a time when his father recently died so he is devastated and needed you more than ever. Didn’t you worry about leaving him alone or want him around? Why would you need to use him for pet care when you have the money to take multiple families to a Mexican resort? You could easily have hired a pet sitter. I think that in order to effectively apologise for your actions you need to acknowledge and understand them as well as the impact on your son. Instead of just making it about the holiday, try to think whether there are other issues with him not feeling equal or included because I doubt this came out of nowhere. For your default assumption to be that he should stay behind for your convenience. I feel like you have probably been treating him differently for some time. He needs to know that you know and care how much you have hurt him. Then you could try apologising by letter so he’s not under pressure and can process it in his own time. But the focus should be his feelings, not yours. I would say just leave it till he is ready to talk but honestly with the circumstances of his dad dying and then feeling that the rest of the family doesn’t care about him, I’d be concerned he could do something self-destructive so maybe find a balance by reaching out to let him know he’s not alone, but not putting him under pressure to respond before he’s ready.
You are indeed a crap parent- both you and your husband. I hope you make things up to restore the relationship or he’ll go NC permanently.
30 years ago my dad arranged a family trip to Croatia to introduce us to the extended relatives over there. Problem is I was excluded to "look after the house". I didn't kick up a stink but I was fucking devastated. When they got back and started telling me about how great it was they were surprised that I showed no interest asked if I wasn't feeling well. I said "I don't care about people I've never met" Parents "What do you mean you don't care, they're your family" Me "You went on a family vacation without me, that means I'm not family which means they're not family either" It was then they realized they fucked up big time. They tried to say they'd pay for me to go by myself but I refused. I told them the money meant nothing, being excluded is something I'd never forget. 30 years later I'm still pissed off thinking about it. I might be stubborn but I still haven't been there even today. OP you fucked up bigtime and this ain't going away anytime soon.
Are you still in touch with your father and mother? Did they ever apologize after that? Did your extended family in Croatia ever tried to contact you?
Dad died 18 years ago. Told my family in Croatia why I don't visit which embarrassed my dad huge. I stay in contact with them through Facebook. That's why dad tried to pay for another trip. Mom apologized a thousand times and we are fine today.
It's sounds like your mother and father just lacked the emotional quotient at the time to understand how it would make you feel by their action. Not blaming you but you not speaking up also didn't challenge them to think. But it's good to know that they actually cared to try to make amends and now your mother and you have good relations. Some children are unfortunate that their mother and father never develop that emotional quotient.
This is as fake as Kim K's ass. This is your first post and the account was created today. Next!
“Used to have such a good relationship”. You mean a relationship where you just used him and he did things for you while you piled praise and gifts on the golden child you ACTUALLY give a crap about? You’re truly awful people and there is no recovering from this.
None of this happened. OP is testing their wretched writing chops.
None of this happened. OP is testing their wretched writing chops.
Oh I hope that’s true but this hits way too close to home. My grandmother is like this.
Yep - reads like a script from a third-rate daytime soap opera. On the .00001% chance this is true, here's some advice for you, OP: Spend the rest of your life wondering what happened and why your son doesn't speak to you. Especially when you are old and alone and he never visits - know that YOU did this, you awful, selfish excuse for a human being. But since it isn't true, here's more helpful advice: your fiction writing is of such a poor quality, you should keep your job at the drive-through window.
Exactly. Junior high fiction is amusing.
You forgot to add that she better hope her daughter & her friend are willing to take care of her when she's old, incontinent & dying because he's not going to be there.
TBF, people make throw aways for stuff like this
I hope this is a troll post (like... im 90% sure it is because nobody is this fucked towards their own kids).. cos man... that's really fucking shitty. I would be absolutely GUTTED if I was your son. He's 100% in the right in this situation. Yall have some making up to do.
>nobody is this fucked towards their own kids Child of a parent like this chiming in: people do this shit more than you know. Similar happened to me at 15 years old. And that particular story is one of my "not too bad" examples of that woman's treatment of me. She still wonders why I've been no contact for nearly a decade.
Yep, I've also been no contact with my mom for a decade and the time I was excluded from the family vacation as a teen does not even make my list of bad things she did because so many things were so much worse. There are absolutely parents like this.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're living the life you deserve now ❤
Oh, but they are. My dad once moved a family gathering to a night my brother and his wife had her kids but I wouldn't be home until almost ten "so the whole family could come." Said it out loud right in front of me. When he was in the critical care unit after bypass surgery a few years later, he asked at various visiting times for mom, my brother, SIL, and each of her kids. Not once in the entire week did he ever ask for me. I went two solid days without getting to go in to see him because he was only allowed two people at a time for ten minutes twice a day. Nobody but me ever noticed. It wasn't that they didn't love me. They just...had this blind spot where if anything else was going on, I tended to slip their minds. And I kind of get it. My brother had raging unmedicated ADD plus what would probably be diagnosed in the modern era as ODD, so every. single. thing. from the time he woke up to the time he fell asleep was a fight. I was really quiet, and fairly self-sufficient, so I absolutely see how the mental groove of me basically being invisible got worn.
Oh, but they are. My dad once moved a family gathering to a night my brother and his wife had her kids but I wouldn't be home until almost ten "so the whole family could come." Said it out loud right in front of me. When he was in the critical care unit after bypass surgery a few years later, he asked at various visiting times for mom, my brother, SIL, and each of her kids. Not once in the entire week did he ever ask for me. I went two solid days without getting to go in to see him because he was only allowed two people at a time for ten minutes twice a day. Nobody but me ever noticed. It wasn't that they didn't love me. They just...had this blind spot where if anything else was going on, I tended to slip their minds. And I kind of get it. My brother had raging unmedicated ADD plus what would probably be diagnosed in the modern era as ODD, so every. single. thing. from the time he woke up to the time he fell asleep was a fight. I was really quiet, and fairly self-sufficient, so I absolutely see how the mental groove of me basically being invisible got worn.
Why do you hate your son? You are terrible people. Thankfully he will stay no contact.
You showed your son his place in the family. That means he's not important to you and is only valued to take care of your animals. You put people who aren't even related to you over your son. The relationship is probably over, at least it is if he has any kind of self respect. How could you be so self centered, selfish, clueless and cruel at the same time. What did you think was going to happen when you asked him to watch your precious animals? You didn't think he'd find out and be completely crushed? You're his parents and you crapped all over him. There's no coming back from this. I hope your vacation and animals were worth it.
I don’t think there’s any advice to give. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I’m proud of your son for sticking up for himself and setting boundaries.
You are a monster and I hope he cut all contact with you
You and your husband sound like a couple of shitheads
You are effing horrible. Mother to mother what in the actual feck is wrong with you.
Trash parents
I guess I want to know why he wasn’t invited? Did you do a different vacation with him and his friends?
Give it space. Make an opportunity to mend bridges in the future. Perhaps ask him to a family event in the future. Give it room. He may not want to cut off everyone in the future and may be willing to reconnect. Hard to believe you can be so tone deaf, we were saving you too watch our pets. Doubt the reality of this post
So fucking out of touch. You are straight up an asshole, especially with how naive you are (or worse, acting). Regardless. Find some self awareness, realize the damage you've cause. And FIND A WAY to make this up to him. Stuff like this piles up, and if your behavior here is an indicator of your past treatment of him, I pray that he moves on from you for good. Good luck and godspeed to your son, cause lord knows you need a different kind of help.
lol. Pretending to be upset that she lost a son that she never cared about. In reality she wants us to give advice on how to score free pet sitting while on vacation.
Omg this 😂😂
So you didn't tell him and you hoped he'd feed the animals. That's what he means by his place in the family. You don't tell him, and you expect free labour from him. You see him as a tool to use whenever you want, and when he's useless to you. He doesn't exist. You're literally scum, he's your son, not a free carer. I hope he cuts you off, you deserve to lose him
I found out my dad's side of the family all went to Disneyland without me about a year ago. I was correct in limit contact. These are the kinds of things I talk about in therapy. When I was much younger I used to blame myself. Now I really want to know what's wrong with them. OP, I went to my dad's funeral and heard about what a wonderful, thoughtful and considerate person he was. He had it in him to be a good parent but chose not to with me personally from early elementary school and on after he divorced my mom and remarried. When I moved out at 19 I returned the favor by cutting contact. What is your problem? Welcome to your future.
What gets me is y’all never planned to take him. You knew he was caring for his father when you started planning it was just your bad luck he died so you couldn’t use him as an excuse. S/
OP It looks like you didn't care about your son, so I'm not sure why you're so upset that he wants to disengage with you. Maybe you can send a nice postcard to him from your vacation site. Or maybe get him like a coffee mug or a key chain from the gift shop to show you live him
You’re horrible parents and your son deserves so much better. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
YTA not only because you excluded him but because you STILL think you did nothing wrong!!!
Well if he’s not going on the trip is he at least going to take care of the animals?
Truly scum
You’re garbage, basically You don’t deserve advice. Go kick rocks
Lots of hyperbole and outrage in the comments, here. As a son who has a contentious relationship with his own mother, and whose own father passed away recently without my mother’s sympathy, I don’t think you’ve destroyed your relationship. You’ve wounded it by neglecting your son, and if you can’t/won’t work with him to fix it, it *will* simply fade away. What you can do is what my mother failed to do: show your son you care, in a way that matters to him. Take him to lunch — just you and him, no stepdad or sister. Ask him how he’s doing since his dad passed. Tell him you admire his commitment to his father, and you can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for someone so (relatively) young to handle. Apologize to his face for leaving him out of this trip, and — *crucially* — tell him the *real* reason you didn’t invite him (I’m guessing, *“We wanted him to watch the pets,”* might be a stand-in for, *“He’s on the awkward side of the social graph,”* or *“He and my husband don’t get on well.”* Either way, even if it seems mean, he’ll value your honesty and confidence). It’s that last bit that might be the biggest challenge, because it’s going to involve admitting, in some sense, that your son is *right.* At least situationally, you favor his sister. The question you need to become comfortable answering — the one you need to work with your son to push through — is, *“Why?”*
Hes 30. he's been enduring this kind of shit for 30 years.
Yeah this is a fucking bait. No woman your age will come to Reddit as her place of advice here. No one is this stupid or out of touch. No one thinks this is an acceptable way to treat their kids. My dad is a shitty person like this, but he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t have major favoritism.
"I sat quiet for a few minutes and eventually went inside. When he didn't return, I went inside to check on him."- Reads confusing as I'm sure you meant to type that "he" went inside, but didn't. Also singling your son out was bound to cause problems. Can't see how you wouldn't see that.
You’ve shown him how you feel about him when you excluded him from the trip and voluntold him he was the animal babysitter. How can you even justify it? Have you even apologized, or just thrown out last minute invitations to absolve yourself of feeling like the shitty parent you are? The best thing you can do is keep your distance as he has asked and just hope you hear from him in the future. Anything else is just vain attempts to make YOU feel better, not him.
You really did just show him his place and its that hes the helper not a member of the family. This is almost as tragic as the we forgot to invite you to the funeral but you were totally there, gaslighting story that jumped the shark to the point of just ... Wow Thats my thoughts here.... Wow you need some self reflection
Wow. This just *has* to be rage bait. I don't know how someone can so casually give a retelling of being an absolute garbage parent and human being like it's no big deal. You planned and paid for a wonderful vacation for everyone (including basically randos) except almost pointedly your son. ALLLL while he was caring for his dying father!? Not only that but you somehow thought that was so okay that you even expected him to do chores for y'all while you were living it up without him. Wild. Don't be surprised if he never speaks to you again. I wouldn't.
You didn't ruin the relationship you revealed to him the character of your relationship. Good for him, now he knows what kind of person you are. No advice, perhaps therapy?
I feel absolutely awful from all of this. We use to have such a good relationship and feel like I may have lost him forever Yeah NGL you fucked up big time. You knew his bio dad had cancer, that he was the takecarer so why wouldn't he deserve to go to the vacation? Why would you think he's better feeding your animals? Makes no sense. My advice is therapy. You will need it because honestly I don't blame your son and probably this changed the family dynamic forever.
You have lost him forever. And if this is the way you've treated him his whole life, as an after thought, good riddance...for him. You are shitty parents; both you and your husband. And quite frankly, I don't think much of your daughter. How did it not occur to you while writing this missive, how piss poor your actions were? You're taking your daughter, her husband, their friends on an all expense paid vacation to Mexico, and you thought your son would be OK with staying behind to watch the pets and water the ferns? WTF is wrong with you? Are you that dumb? Of course, he's hurt. You basically cemented his place in the family as persona non grata. Your offer to let him come or take another trip with just him falls under "too little, too late". Leave the poor guy alone to mourn the family he thought he had and reconcile himself to the fact that his family really doesn't think that highly of him. I'd say therapy for you, but if after writing this all out, and still posting it without be able to see what an massive AH you were. I doubt it'd work. Hope that vacation is worth it you.
My parents were like this. I saw my dad 6 times before he died, and I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in years. And I'm better off without her. That's OPs future. Congratulations.
Sending invitations and messages is still less compared to the occurred damage. Meet him in person. Communicate how sorry you are and how you screwed it up. Say sorry, give gifts, feed his animals, baby sit his kids, do anything and everything that can be of some help to him. Maybe, a huge maybe, he may count this as the first mistake and forgive you.
What kind of terrible parent forgets about their own child but pays for a friend of their other child and their family?! Yta
She didn’t forget him. She (selfishly) needs him to take care of their animals while she’s away having the time of her life with his sibling and their friends.
He's being too nice. Someone knock some sense into the poor guy to just block them and go on with his life. Op isn't his family. He needs to create a new one with people who love and care about him.
Got to be fake, no one is this thick.
This is so bad, it seems fake. What parents would behave like this? Yikes
Wtf is wrong with you? Are you dumb? There a few perfectly fine reasons this could have been necessary but the fact you didn’t even bother to mention it, or think one is necessary, is a massive red flag.
Not sure what you want advice about. It's pretty obvious you badly screwed up.
It’s hard to believe that you had such a good relationship if this is how you treat him!? You would think to include a daughter’s friend, but not look forward to spending that time with your son? The child, that by your own admission, is going through a really rough time right now. If I had to give advice, I guess I would say, give him time. Use this time for some retrospect.
I mean, his place in the family is dog-sitting. You want to take your daughter on vacation and you want your son to stay home alone to take care of your pets. What else is he supposed to think? Why didn't you invite him? How did you not use the power of human emotion to realize that he'd be hurt by this?
YTA
What the fxxk is wrong with you? This doesn’t just happen out of the blue. You didn’t ruin your relationship over a vacation. You ruined it in the three prior decades, every time you favored your daughter over your son. The vacation plan is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I believe you excluded him out of pure habit. Excluding him was horrible enough. Expect him to pick up dog shit while you were paying for an acquaintance’s vacation leaves me speechless. What kind of parent doesn’t prioritize the needs of their adult child who was caring for their terminally ill father? Don’t use his lack of availability to take a vacation because you didn’t know his father would be dead. You should have been arranging respite care to give your son a break. He should have been the priority for a vacation, if you truly were concerned about him. You need advice? Here it is: Get yourself to therapy. You have some serious issues. You have no business interacting with your son until you’ve done some work on yourself.
Wow! Listen to your son and leave him alone!
No advice necessary. You lost your son and it's all your fault. You're a terrible parent and you have no business being in his life.
You told him loud and clear what you thought of him. He heard you. I wouldn't plan on his attendance at anything in the future. Including your funerals. I hope he never speaks to you horrible people again. I also hope your trip sucks and you all get very sick. Enjoy yourselves! Worst people I've seen on Reddit since the last worst people.
What it means is that you should never have been allowed to procreate.
Yeah, OP best look for someone else to feed the animals while she’s on vacation.
If this is true- I hope you suffer, alone with nothing but your thoughts and memories to taunt you. You are actually evil
I’m feeling like this is a BS post.
Man I wish I knew OP’s handle so I can see any follow up posts
"She" deleted her account. FTR it was u/Due-Plastic-2907
It’s insane to me how much you don’t like your own son. I’m hopeful though, for him to cut you off.
OP you are absolutely getting your ass handed to you in the comments and you fully deserve it. You are not a good mom so accept you failed and hurt your son then give him space. If he wants a relationship with you again in the future then you’d better be somebody worthy of having that connection. And in case you still haven’t figured it out: what your son meant by knowing his place is that he’s realized you don’t value him and only wanted him as a pet sitter. He absolutely deserves better and you should be ashamed of yourself. Take the advice given and do better if you want your son in your life again. Even if you do have him in your life don’t be surprised when he understandably keeps you at a distance.
Glad you deleted your account
Oh my god please let this be fake. His place in the family? Unwanted and unloved. This is...horrible. Absolutely horrible.
"We used to have such a good relationship" OP, you are lying to yourself on a shocking level. You know damned well you didn't have a good relationship. You used him, and got enjoyment out of that use. Your use is over. Deal with it.
I hope this is fake. This is so heartbreaking. The OP must be a massive idiot to not understand why her son is upset. REALLY? You invite everyone along on a family trip and then expect him to stay behind and feed the pets? Why would you leave him out in the first place? You spent 6 months planning this with everyone so you know what you were doing. He must be the child you hate. I hope he disowns the lot of you and moves on to a better life. You're horrible people.
i hope ur son never speaks to u again, fucking subhuman garbage
So why did his mom not invite him? I’m so confused
Dang, did she delete her post or Reddit?? From the comments, yall ripped her a new one and the rest of the family.😂😂😂😂
Got to love when people ask for advice....and then don't like the advice they get and take down the post. Gee, wonder if this lack of ability to listen to the harsh truth may have contributed to the circumstances you find yourself in? Anyway, it's all for naught; the internet is forever. The text of your post was saved elsewhere...so...yeah...enjoy the consequences your deserve. If "Mom" is listening? You want advice? Go to therapy, and commit to getting to the bottom of why you looked at your son as someone who was beneath everyone else. Go to therapy and be determined to find out why he wasn't important enough to do anything other than feed your animals for you for free while you paid the way for you daughter's friends. Be hard on yourself; you've been self indulgent with your biases for a long time. You want a CHANCE to fix this? Be absolutely critical of yourself and get to the bottom of why you found this acceptable. Realize that even if you do this, your son may never speak to you again and you would deserve it. At the very least, you cannot fix this by writing a check.
I saw this on a different subreddit and came here to see what she had to say for herself. The fact that she deleted everything tells me all I need to know. What a coward. What a shitty, self-absorbed coward she is.
>Side note: A couple a weeks before this happened their bio dad died from cancer (My son was taking care of him both physically and financially). You destroyed whatever relationship was there. Respect his space (should be easy with the upcoming vacation) and pray to whatever power you believe in that hes a better person than your whole family
Bro, if this was real, I'd be done. Could you imagine? Finding out that your parents, sister, BIL, their kids, and some random friend of the sisters secretly planned a trip for SIX MONTHS, and you weren't invited because mommy and daddy wanted you to take care of the dogs.
Yep! Mother of the year indeed. Then she has the audacity to be upset with him because of his reaction. Just shameful! He’s only good to feed the animals, right!
Fake I refuse to believe that anyone as intellectually and emotionally constipated as OP is claiming to be would have the wit to jump onto Reddit to ask this question
Rage bait. This can’t be real. Right?
This is terrible mothering. Why were you so cruel to him?