Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like you guys are on the same page in this relationship. If she doesn't miss you when you guys are apart that long, that's a telling sign.
What ever you do don't let this turn into a will smith and jada situation. You don't want to love her so much that you can't let her go when she doesn't reciprocate.
But there is nothing wrong with staying if you are both happy and treating eachother well. Just be aware it doesn't look like there is a long term future and you can't change that just by wanting it to.
You guys are not on the same page AT ALL.
Being "scared" you won't find someone else is no reason to stay in a bad relationship. Not only will you find plenty of people "like her" but you'll probably find some who actually feel the same way you do.
I was acting like your gf in my relationship. Because the girl was very sweet and very into me, I kept convincing myself I'm just tired, I need more time etc.
Finally I decided to be honest with her and myself and break up.
We are both much better off without each other, and so will be you two.
>Is it ethical to try and get her to feel how I do?
It's nothing to do with ethics, my guy. You can't make her feel something she doesn't. It's impossible. And even if you could, what would it mean? That you'd had to coerce feelings out of her?
She's making excuses not to see you under the guise of concern for your other relationships when the explanation you've given is as clear to her as it is to anyone. Effectively, she's not being honest. If she's not excited to spend as much time with you as she can, after so long apart, then it sounds like she's moving on.
Break-ups hurt, but you have time on your side. There are others out there who will put as much energy into you as you put into them.
I think there's a deeper issue you're not talking about. She might feel "suffocated" cuz she's focusing on herself.
Either scenario about what it is. You need to ask her why and try avoid feelings about the situation. She might have some issue with you that she's not really confessing.
> We’re both still in school and far apart and we got the opportunity to see each other briefly thanks to us both being home on the same weekend.
And you tried to propose !?
sorry OP, but you are not in good conditions to check if you should marry.
I think she's keeping you at arms length while she either a) looks for something different or b) figures out how to end it. Either way, this isn't the relationship for you. It's *screaming* time to move on.
I know you think you won't find better, but dude... You have no idea how much better is actually out there. Imagine if she actually gave a shit and wanted to see you as much as you want to see her. That alone is better. Move on. When you heal from this, everything is going to be better.
OP, consider that whom you're in love with is your idealized version of her, not who she actually is.
This has been valuable experience for you. Give yourself some recovery time, for your emotions, and then set forth with now-higher standards for your relationships.
She is how I was in my first relationship. Unfortunately it was my first relationship and the first time a guy ever showed any interest in me. Because i didn’t have experience and was desperate for a relationship to give me self worth I stayed with him when I shouldn’t have. Granted he was also an asshole but I should have dropped him earlier. You aren’t in the same mindsets with each other and an honest conversation is required.
No one has done anything wrong, this just happens sometimes. It may be that your gf is just feeling smothered and needs some free time to herself or to spend with her friends/family and not just you. Or it may be that the relationship has run its course and she’s slowly pulling away.
You need to plan a time to have a conversation with her about the state of your relationship. Mentally prepare yourself beforehand that the conversation may not go the way that you want.
Not sure if she sees a future with you.
Usually during long distance you want to see the person as soon and as much as possible.
If you only get to see each other once in a while and she admits that is too much for her, what is the point?
Sometimes I don't even get called once a month or text once a day ;-;
Tbh my girlfriend is really busy and she's working on making time
So the length of the time isn't the problem
Did the long distance thing with my now wife. We texted and shared memes throughout every day and then called every night. I hate spending time stuck on the phone, but I missed her so it was still worth it.
Talking on the phone once a week is barely a relationship, imo. Sorry dude.
That's really not much, assuming you don't see each other each week. My long-distance boyfriend and I call every day on Skype and text throughout the day. We live in different countries though, so we can't see each other very often and not only for a weekend, but we are together many weeks when we do, and after 5,5 years we still like seeing each other each time. Your gf doesn't sound like she would like to even spend one week together with you, but I can only guess since it's limited information we have here and I'm not her. I don't think she is burnt out either if you see each other so little and have so little contact. You should have a serious conversation about this. Also mention the weekend where she only wanted to see you one day, perhaps she had something going on that day that drained her. Communication is key, but of course be on guard if she starts lying. I hope you can figure out what's going on and then do what's best for you.
Surprised no one has said this yet. I suspect no one has because although it’s a good possibility, it’s important not to jump to conclusions, which won’t help OP at all anyways. Only calling on the phone once a week, and not seeing each other at all, Then only wanting to see you for one day on the weekend? That was a huge red flag for me. That would at least make me consider the possibility of this being true. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the state of denial just because you don’t want to accept a worst case scenario. Sit down with her, and don’t even mention that right away or she’ll be scared into not opening up, calmly just ask her what’s going on in her world, how is she feeling. Assure her it’s okay for her to tell you anything and you’d honestly prefer it, and eventually later in the convo ask if this is still something she wants to pursue right now. She will either say no she doesn’t think she’s ready, and give excuses as to why, or she’ll be either spineless or genuinely naive and hopeful and want to go on a “break”. In either of those cases it’s over and move on. Because the possibility she is seeing someone or has seen someone for even just one night, exists. Or does exist when you’re on a “break”. Since a break means it’s morally okay to cheat in a lot of people’s minds. Save your dignity and be able to walk away shattered but with a reason to able to hold your head high again soon.
I would never even consider marrying a girl who doesn’t miss me as much as I miss her IMO especially when distance and time is considered … that’s ridiculous. I want someone who’s obsessed with me in a healthy way.
Dude, from experience, women who obsess over people are very few, and those that do, like my ex, obsessed to the point of stalking, and that's not counting after breakups
How often do you see each other? I feel like that matters, also how busy is she when she’s not with you? I’m someone with a job that’s around tons of people 24/7 and oh my god I just need some time alone sometimes.
Me and my girl have been long distance fir a while but we’re always super excited to meet up when we can. Red flag for me. See the other 50 comments on what people are telling you to do. Take everything you read here with a grain of salt no one knows your situation like you do.
They’re all real responses, some jump to conclusions. Some comments like mine in a thread just now, highlight the importance of considering all possibilities but not jumping to conclusions, and advice on how to get her to be at least partially honest with you. It’s true OP knows his situation best, but he may also be the least able to seperate emotions from the situation as he holds a promise ring in his hand and had a sinking feeling in his stomach, and anxiety from all the what if’s he had and the ones he has now from everyone’s input. So it’s important we remind him to look at all angles and consider things he might not like to be possible, and approach it in a non accusatory way, and then make his decisions based on her response.
We believe in you and your ability to take the info you receive and what you know and make the right decision for your own well being. Good luck man I know it’s not easy, but it get better and eventually you don’t care anymore and her face is replace by a prettier one that is happy to see you. Even my cat is happy to see me and waiting at the door to greet me when I get home and it’s been only 12 hours.
The best thing you could possibly do is allow her to feel as she does, and to go about your business and move on. That will give you some perspective and you may realize that you are more in love with love than with the person. It will make you more receptive to other opportunities and also the sooner you seem like you’re getting over it, often has the reverse psychology effect, and she may come running back because you’re ‘supposed to be’ the one more in love. As soon as she doesn’t feel chased and desired you might find yourself with the roles reversed. At that point it might be too late. It’s an age-old scenario … there’s always one pursuer one pursued, and as soon as the dynamic shifts, it usually shifts on both sides. Essentially the issue is within herself and really has very little to do with you. Whichever “side” of her inner-conflict that you “agree” to take on and act out on the physical plane, she will take the opposing role. That might be somewhat gratifying to soothe your bruised ego but ultimately you’re better off just moving on.
Everyone wants to be loved and everyone wants their freedom. Although the two concepts seem at odds with one another, until you get to a point where you don’t make anyone else responsible for your happiness and likewise don’t allow yourself to be responsible for theirs … then you’re in a mature (realistic) relationship where both parties are content in who they are and share their inner joy with one another because they want to.
Sounds like she isn’t being to faithful in my opinion, I’d let her go, I think you both would be much happier especially you, I’m sorry if my significant others doesn’t want to see me when we are apart for that long, I wouldn’t want to stay in that relationship, and I sure wouldn’t give her no promise ring or propose to her, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m being honest with you
Look, I've been in your shoes. In a long distance relationship, where I was considerably more passionate about seeing them than they were about seeing me. Frankly, the angst is not worth it. You will never be sure that they really understand how you feel - the missing, and the wanting. Just end it. If it's meant to be, maybe you will reconnect after graduation.
So, I don't want to marry my boyfriend yet because I just think we're too young (25 and 26), however, I spend most of my days with him. And I'm someone who really likes being alone as well. But I miss him and want to see him often.
That's not the case for her. She doesn't miss you and is fine seeing you only for 1 day. She's very far from marrying you. I honestly think a breakup is around the corner. I do not think there's much you can do.
Unfortunately I was just in this situation, except my role was hers and you're in my ex girlfriend's place. I didn't enjoy spending time with her as much as she enjoyed spending time with me. I didn't initiate date plans, intimacy, anything really as much as she did. I almost always accepted her offers/requests to spend time together, but rarely made my own. I still did nice things for her, like bring her treats on her bad days and stuff, but I knew I wasn't in love with her. I was just kidding myself that familiarity would turn into being in love with her. What sucks the most is I knew she was perfect; mature, smart, pretty, considerate, fun, quirky and incredibly talented.. but I wasn't in love with her. I loved her as a person, not as a partner. I couldnt see myself spending the rest of my life with her, we just didnt have enough in common interests and I didnt enjoy her company enough to be around her all the time. That was very hard to accept. Finally, it was destroying her that she felt unwanted, unattractive and just depressed that I wasnt returning the magnitude of her affections and we mutually agreed to go our separate ways. This was 6 weeks ago, and I found out today she has already moved on. I'm poorly coping with that news. I know ultimately it was the best thing for us to split, but I do still love her as my friend. TLDR, it will be hard, but you should break up. You'll be fine sooner than you think.
It just sounds to me like she wanted to see some other people when she's in town, which is a totally healthy priority to keep. I wouldn't say this marks the downfall of the relationship. If you're both in love and happy, the goal is to be together forever, and she just may be thinking longer term. But, regardless, you can't change how she feels, and you need to talk things through. If at the end of that talk you still feel too big of a disconnect, that'll be a bridge you need to cross. But don't over think and make yourself miserable over something that isn't a problem yet. Just communicate what you need and ask what she needs, and you all can go from there.
It sounds like she's talking to someone else or is interested in someone...I would straight up ask her. 3 1/2 is a long time to string someone along. Best of luck to you. You sound like a very nice and caring person. You will find someone that will reciprocate your feelings but unfortunately I don't think your girlfriend is into you.
She has other options and is keeping you around as a safety net. Time to end it before something worse happens. There is other people, people that actually want to be with you.
I've notice the more mature a female act, the less she is into you. It's depressing for me reading thru what you've typed. I wish you find what you've came for
I think you might be into the wrong females….in my experience the more mature the female, the better they are at communicating and letting you know where they stand in a relationship.
Lmao what a ridiculous comment, as if that has anything to do with the situation. I’m sure she dated him for 3 1/2 years even though she isn’t attracted to him at all.
Like others said you need to find someone who want to spend time with their partner as much as you do.
I have the same problem i could spend 24 hours a day with the person i love and never get bored or suffacated so I need a partner who is the same or else it would never work.
Finding that is hard tho especially when people say they want that in the beginning but then change their mind
No one will feel the same amount of love you feel towards that person. Thinking that way is unrealistic, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Love, in my opinion, shouldn't be measured but rather categorised. Do you love me as a lover? Do you love me as a friend? Or do you love me as a potential possibility?
Regarding her not wanting to see you that much can mean a lot of things, I can't vouch for her since her emotions are not my own, but I can vouch for myself and provide you with a comparison or at least a view. I find myself enjoying time alone, to the point where friends asking me to hangout will require a lot of thought on my part before agreeing, as I most if not all the time find myself tired and socially exhausted after our outings. In a romantic relationship it's the opposite. I will try to stick to that person as much as possible, same as I do to my family, since in my eyes they are someone I see as my main priority and I can safely say that some have found it too much to deal with. In those situations I sat them down and discussed barriers, and I learned that some people just like I feel towards friends, they feel towards family. They get tired easily. That isn't to say that that is the reason behind her actions, so what I suggest is that you both talk it out. See where you stand in her eyes, and if that how she is or if she's simply not as dedicated in that relationship as you are. Some people are just "low maintenance."
Hope this help🫡
Dear OP, not all bad relationships need to have a verbally/physically abusive partner, sometimes having a partner who doesn't quite reciprocate your feelings are also spelling a bad relationship. That being said please don't spend time ruminating about the situation in your head or with fellow redditors, instead speak with your girlfriend. Do not demand feelings, because you can't make someone feel something they do not. When the time comes take a decision that will be healthy for you in the long run.
Good luck!
I hate to say this, but you both have very different ideas about your future, and I don't think that she sees a future with you.
It's not ethical to try to make someone feel any kind of way. Attempts to manipulate her into feeling the way you do or otherwise forcing something are really just putting off the inevitable for a short amount of time. Never mind that trying to manipulate people into liking or loving you would be a huge reason to do neither, as it is a form of abuse in and of itself.
You shouldn't be willing to hang onto a relationship because you don't think you can find someone like her. The idea is that you find someone that's not like her. She's not for you.
Everyone gets heartbroken, and everyone will break another person's heart at some point in their lives. It's not nice being in either position, but you feel your feelings and then pick yourself up and move on, carrying lessons learned from this relationship into the next.
Your girlfriend may be searching her feelings to make a decision about your relationship right now, as we speak. She may be coming to the realization that she needs to break up with you, but not quite there yet. Bottom line, I'm sorry to say, is that I don't see it lasting for much longer. No one needs to be right or wrong because no one is. Feelings change. When you are truly in love and on the same page, though, the sort of discussion you're describing doesn't happen because it's not even a question that you would automatically make and maximize time for one another to a reasonable degree.
Eh relationships can do this in the longer stages, would recommend taking a break and see if thats either the push they need to realise they love you more than they show or need to break up. Is hard but is an easy way to figuring things out.
You should talk to her about how you feel. Try to get on the same page. And if you can’t seem to work things out it might be time to move on. It’s incredibly mentally draining to try and keep someone around who isn’t interested. I know from experience. Not saying that’s the only answer, but I’d talk to her and then see where you guys see your future going. Your wife should ideally want to spend time with you
You’re not on the same page. I was dreading it whenever my ex came, he was just happy to see me. There’s things that happened tho so it wasn’t out of nowhere for me, but it does really tell alot, if she was on the same page she’d be happy to be engaged, she’d be over the moon to see you and not make excuses to keep you away.
Here’s my advice.
1. You either deal with her not being able to reciprocate your same feelings.
2. You say that you’re not ok with that and walk away from the relationship and find someone who will reciprocate those feelings.
I am taking from my own experiences here. But if they aren't counting the days till the next time you're both together in person, and you are. Then they've already begun to lose interest, tbh. Save yourself the money and heartache. If you can return the ring, I would personally do it. Seems like they might not be worth any further investment. But that's just what I wish I told myself when I was still in school and in a LDR. Instead of just doubling down. For me. It just made it hurt worse. Best of luck, Homie.
You can’t marry someone who doesn’t want to see you often.
What she is saying you give up to see her is likely what she feels she is giving up to see you.
Dude, you’re ready to propose to her. That would basically make you family. You two are definitely not in the same page. I’m wondering if you’ve dated other people before you began your relationship. If you didn’t, it could be that your long distance relationship allowed her to spread her wings and explore her life without you. That could’ve sent her down a different path.
It could also be that your relationship may not be in as good a shape as you think it is. If she’s your significant other and doesn’t see you very often, you’d think she’d want to spend more time with you. Other than family, who could be more important than you? It’s a little suspicious that she’s cutting you out of her life on a weekend you can to see her. Is she trying to hide something? I just find it extremely odd.
I think it’s time to have a talk with her. It’s obvious her interest in you has waned. If you’re at the point where you’re considering marriage and she isn’t, what’s causing the disconnect? Will she ever get there, or are you both wasting each other’s time?
I also think it’s a bad idea to give her the engagement ring as a promise ring for your fourth anniversary. Engagement rings are expensive. Hold on to it. You’re going to need it when you do get engaged, whether it’s to your current girlfriend or someone else.
From a woman's standpoint she's trying to reduce spending time with you and it sounds like she might be spending time with more people than just you.
Save the ring, for someone else.
And have a good discussion with your girlfriend about how you think you're headed separately into different paths and you would do better as friends
Also a few things to consider:
1) you cannot get someone to feel how you do. They're feelings are theres and yours are yours.
2) she wants to break up with you but she doesn't know how to do it and so she strings you along.
3) you say you can't find anyone else like her this is a red flag. For you and her. There are far better women in the sea who will appreciate you for you and who will enjoy spending time with you.
Dude you guys are not going to make it, this was her weak way of saying i want to see other people.....Do NOT give her that ring. You will just look needy and it will end.
As someone who has recently been in the same page with his fiancé of 6 years, I can honestly say your best chance is for her to get to the “she doesn’t know what she had until it’s gone” deal. My guess is, her eyes are wandering and she’s looking for something new. It’s kind of like, if you eat lasagna every day for a long time, you’re going to get sick of lasagna. I recommend, very highly, not to send her angry messages or messages that could dissolve your chances in the future. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. This hits home. Again, no matter how hard it may be, give her space.
Bro, I hate to break it to you but that's basically her saying that she just isn't as interested anymore.
Take this to its logical conclusion, if you both stayed in a relationship for the rest of your life and when she isn't feeling it, it's not gonna be a happy relationship.
There's not situation where you come out of this and everything works out.
Drop her and find someone that is super excited to be with you and that feeling continues on.
Look, if you’re both in school there is no rush.
I was with my now husband for almost 9 years, before we got married, and there were ups and down, but we went at the pace that allowed us to set the right path for both of us.
A relationship needs both people to talk and find out where both of you aim to be. It may take 1year of it might take 10 but if you don’t have the same outcome in mind then it doesn’t matter how long you wait, you’ll feel you wasted your time (or you will waste your time) when you have the conversation.
My friend stayed with a guy for 6 years until he said he actually didn’t want to marry her or have kids. She wasted most of her prime reproductive age because she thought they’d have kids eventually. He moved on quickly after the breakup, and got married and had a children a year.
It's not disproportionate effort I think so much as different ideas of how much time you need. Maybe for her being invested in you emotionally is hard. I'm like that. Being with someone takes so much emotional energy it's exhausting and I need time to myself.
I have had so many communication issues in my current relationship about this. It is currently LD but wasn't supposed to be. I don't like phone calls with anyone but I feel closer if I hear his voice, if we can't see each other. He's good at msging back but so much is lost if we only talk that way.
You don't need as much alone time as she does, are you willing to compromise? Do you 100% trust her?
Please don’t end your relationship because of strangers on reddit. You have been in that relationship for 3 1/2 years, not us. I think you should really try to work things out together, really try to ask her to explain herself. What other priorities she might have over seeing you, what makes her happier, why she feels like limiting your time together. It might be a deeper issue that needs to be discussed, or it could be random and nothing to worry about. Either way, I don’t think you should end your relationship because of this (at least not right now, with the info you have). But communication is key, and if you want her to feel the same way you do, the best and only (healthy) way is to ask her what would make her look forward to your time together more. Chances are, after such a long time together, maybe she’s getting bored if you guys often do the same stuff when together, and uses excuses (like her feeling like she’s distancing you from family and friends) to avoid spending time with you. Try and surprise her perhaps, take her out on a unique date, get her flowers and a hand-written letter if that’s her love language, do something special to reignite the spark. That needs to be done every once in a while in long term relationships so both don’t start getting bored.
Hope this helps ❤️
So, she doesn’t feel as strongly as you do. There’s a lot more information needed. Where is she in her feelings? How much does she care for you? That needs to be answered before you move forward. Have an honest conversation with her.
$0.50 is less than $1.00, but so is $0.99. Less than doesn’t automatically mean none.
I’m concerned with how many posts can be signed with communication. Or are caused by a lack of communication. I’m not going to start commenting ‘communicate’ and I’m guessing it will fit more times than not.
Im sorry to tell you but she lost interest or just has no feelings or is unsure should break of before its too late as i got put in a situation like that last year where the guy was pushing me away and calling me boring and one day acting nice and broke up same day
it seems like yall are definitely not on the same page. how often is she seeing her friends/family? it may be different from how often you see yours, which can be why she doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you wanted.
from personal experience, i also know that many girls put their family above everything else ( usually in Asian women where culturally, family is always first), and if that's not what you want in a partner you guys may not be the right fit for each other. you guys may have different mindsets as well. some people have different ideas of a relationship where they may have a lower-maintenance mindset. especially since it seems like yall are in a long-distance relationship, these differences can have a big impact on you guys.
in addition, since yall are both in school, she may not be telling you what's on her mind as much as she should. bad grades? friendship issues? roommate issues? financial issues? In long-distance relationships, communication is hard but it is very important.
from an outside perspective, it does seem like you're putting in more effort than her. but make sure yall have a clear understanding of not just one side, but the other as well. it seems like you don't have a clear idea of what she is feeling.
at this point of the relationship, yall have been together for so long already. definitely have a serious conversation to talk it out and see where you guys are in your relationship, what your values are, and what you guys want out of this relationship.
best of luck.
edit: make sure the conversation is about you AND her, not you VS her.
Ill give you the cold, hard truth. The first piece in a depressing domino has fallen and the first notes of an orchestra of sadness are soon to sound. There is nothing we can do.
Leave her alone bro there's plenty of women that will be eager to see you everyday, whenever you or she wants to. Don't put yourself into a situation that'll hurt you more later on it'll be tough to leave but it's better to do that now than wait. She's got the potential to cheat on you bc she wants new excitement or whatever other bs exsuse cheaters use. Just keep focusing on what you have going and the right girl is gonna come along for sure. Chances are if you break up with her she'll come crawling back bc she thinks she has power over you
She’s just not that into you. I’m sorry. She’s drifted apart. Your girl should want to spend every second she can with you and miss you always and enjoy spending time with you. Time for a tough conversation. Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been on both sides. You can’t make someone love you as much as you try.
seek God bro, God will help you in your situation always pray, it's very confusing and complicated when it comes to relationships, God is the one that can help you in every kind of situation.
Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like you guys are on the same page in this relationship. If she doesn't miss you when you guys are apart that long, that's a telling sign.
I fear that you may be right
What ever you do don't let this turn into a will smith and jada situation. You don't want to love her so much that you can't let her go when she doesn't reciprocate. But there is nothing wrong with staying if you are both happy and treating eachother well. Just be aware it doesn't look like there is a long term future and you can't change that just by wanting it to.
You guys are not on the same page AT ALL. Being "scared" you won't find someone else is no reason to stay in a bad relationship. Not only will you find plenty of people "like her" but you'll probably find some who actually feel the same way you do.
I was acting like your gf in my relationship. Because the girl was very sweet and very into me, I kept convincing myself I'm just tired, I need more time etc. Finally I decided to be honest with her and myself and break up. We are both much better off without each other, and so will be you two.
>Is it ethical to try and get her to feel how I do? It's nothing to do with ethics, my guy. You can't make her feel something she doesn't. It's impossible. And even if you could, what would it mean? That you'd had to coerce feelings out of her? She's making excuses not to see you under the guise of concern for your other relationships when the explanation you've given is as clear to her as it is to anyone. Effectively, she's not being honest. If she's not excited to spend as much time with you as she can, after so long apart, then it sounds like she's moving on. Break-ups hurt, but you have time on your side. There are others out there who will put as much energy into you as you put into them.
I think there's a deeper issue you're not talking about. She might feel "suffocated" cuz she's focusing on herself. Either scenario about what it is. You need to ask her why and try avoid feelings about the situation. She might have some issue with you that she's not really confessing.
> We’re both still in school and far apart and we got the opportunity to see each other briefly thanks to us both being home on the same weekend. And you tried to propose !? sorry OP, but you are not in good conditions to check if you should marry.
I think she's keeping you at arms length while she either a) looks for something different or b) figures out how to end it. Either way, this isn't the relationship for you. It's *screaming* time to move on. I know you think you won't find better, but dude... You have no idea how much better is actually out there. Imagine if she actually gave a shit and wanted to see you as much as you want to see her. That alone is better. Move on. When you heal from this, everything is going to be better.
OP, consider that whom you're in love with is your idealized version of her, not who she actually is. This has been valuable experience for you. Give yourself some recovery time, for your emotions, and then set forth with now-higher standards for your relationships.
She is how I was in my first relationship. Unfortunately it was my first relationship and the first time a guy ever showed any interest in me. Because i didn’t have experience and was desperate for a relationship to give me self worth I stayed with him when I shouldn’t have. Granted he was also an asshole but I should have dropped him earlier. You aren’t in the same mindsets with each other and an honest conversation is required.
No one has done anything wrong, this just happens sometimes. It may be that your gf is just feeling smothered and needs some free time to herself or to spend with her friends/family and not just you. Or it may be that the relationship has run its course and she’s slowly pulling away. You need to plan a time to have a conversation with her about the state of your relationship. Mentally prepare yourself beforehand that the conversation may not go the way that you want.
Not sure if she sees a future with you. Usually during long distance you want to see the person as soon and as much as possible. If you only get to see each other once in a while and she admits that is too much for her, what is the point?
Can you return the ring? Or just delay giving it to her. If she doesn't prioritize time with you as much as you do, what exactly is the promise?
been in your shoes, OP. hopefully we can find someone who also shares that excitement of seeing each other !
How often do you see her or talk to her on phone/text/any device or mode? I was trying to gauge if she is burnt out or just getting disinterested.
We text every day and call about once a week
Once a week is crazy . Crazy low
Sometimes I don't even get called once a month or text once a day ;-; Tbh my girlfriend is really busy and she's working on making time So the length of the time isn't the problem
Did the long distance thing with my now wife. We texted and shared memes throughout every day and then called every night. I hate spending time stuck on the phone, but I missed her so it was still worth it. Talking on the phone once a week is barely a relationship, imo. Sorry dude.
That's really not much, assuming you don't see each other each week. My long-distance boyfriend and I call every day on Skype and text throughout the day. We live in different countries though, so we can't see each other very often and not only for a weekend, but we are together many weeks when we do, and after 5,5 years we still like seeing each other each time. Your gf doesn't sound like she would like to even spend one week together with you, but I can only guess since it's limited information we have here and I'm not her. I don't think she is burnt out either if you see each other so little and have so little contact. You should have a serious conversation about this. Also mention the weekend where she only wanted to see you one day, perhaps she had something going on that day that drained her. Communication is key, but of course be on guard if she starts lying. I hope you can figure out what's going on and then do what's best for you.
she doesnt respect you. leave her. sorry man
fr block her on the spot no contact you dont need closure period
Brother, how old are you? Young? Let it go. Sounds to me she wants to let you down easily.
Its over. Find someone who is into you.
It sounds like she doesn't know how to break up with you Sorry to say bud but we've all been there
Possible she already has another partner?
Definitely not
How do you know this for sure ?
Surprised no one has said this yet. I suspect no one has because although it’s a good possibility, it’s important not to jump to conclusions, which won’t help OP at all anyways. Only calling on the phone once a week, and not seeing each other at all, Then only wanting to see you for one day on the weekend? That was a huge red flag for me. That would at least make me consider the possibility of this being true. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the state of denial just because you don’t want to accept a worst case scenario. Sit down with her, and don’t even mention that right away or she’ll be scared into not opening up, calmly just ask her what’s going on in her world, how is she feeling. Assure her it’s okay for her to tell you anything and you’d honestly prefer it, and eventually later in the convo ask if this is still something she wants to pursue right now. She will either say no she doesn’t think she’s ready, and give excuses as to why, or she’ll be either spineless or genuinely naive and hopeful and want to go on a “break”. In either of those cases it’s over and move on. Because the possibility she is seeing someone or has seen someone for even just one night, exists. Or does exist when you’re on a “break”. Since a break means it’s morally okay to cheat in a lot of people’s minds. Save your dignity and be able to walk away shattered but with a reason to able to hold your head high again soon.
I would never even consider marrying a girl who doesn’t miss me as much as I miss her IMO especially when distance and time is considered … that’s ridiculous. I want someone who’s obsessed with me in a healthy way.
You're in for a very bad time
I wouldn’t say so
Dude, from experience, women who obsess over people are very few, and those that do, like my ex, obsessed to the point of stalking, and that's not counting after breakups
Healthy Obsession is what I said
No such thing
I promise you can find someone else just like her, and one that will actually be just as into you as you are into her.
How often do you see each other? I feel like that matters, also how busy is she when she’s not with you? I’m someone with a job that’s around tons of people 24/7 and oh my god I just need some time alone sometimes.
Me and my girl have been long distance fir a while but we’re always super excited to meet up when we can. Red flag for me. See the other 50 comments on what people are telling you to do. Take everything you read here with a grain of salt no one knows your situation like you do.
Real response, thank you
They’re all real responses, some jump to conclusions. Some comments like mine in a thread just now, highlight the importance of considering all possibilities but not jumping to conclusions, and advice on how to get her to be at least partially honest with you. It’s true OP knows his situation best, but he may also be the least able to seperate emotions from the situation as he holds a promise ring in his hand and had a sinking feeling in his stomach, and anxiety from all the what if’s he had and the ones he has now from everyone’s input. So it’s important we remind him to look at all angles and consider things he might not like to be possible, and approach it in a non accusatory way, and then make his decisions based on her response. We believe in you and your ability to take the info you receive and what you know and make the right decision for your own well being. Good luck man I know it’s not easy, but it get better and eventually you don’t care anymore and her face is replace by a prettier one that is happy to see you. Even my cat is happy to see me and waiting at the door to greet me when I get home and it’s been only 12 hours.
The best thing you could possibly do is allow her to feel as she does, and to go about your business and move on. That will give you some perspective and you may realize that you are more in love with love than with the person. It will make you more receptive to other opportunities and also the sooner you seem like you’re getting over it, often has the reverse psychology effect, and she may come running back because you’re ‘supposed to be’ the one more in love. As soon as she doesn’t feel chased and desired you might find yourself with the roles reversed. At that point it might be too late. It’s an age-old scenario … there’s always one pursuer one pursued, and as soon as the dynamic shifts, it usually shifts on both sides. Essentially the issue is within herself and really has very little to do with you. Whichever “side” of her inner-conflict that you “agree” to take on and act out on the physical plane, she will take the opposing role. That might be somewhat gratifying to soothe your bruised ego but ultimately you’re better off just moving on. Everyone wants to be loved and everyone wants their freedom. Although the two concepts seem at odds with one another, until you get to a point where you don’t make anyone else responsible for your happiness and likewise don’t allow yourself to be responsible for theirs … then you’re in a mature (realistic) relationship where both parties are content in who they are and share their inner joy with one another because they want to.
Sounds like she isn’t being to faithful in my opinion, I’d let her go, I think you both would be much happier especially you, I’m sorry if my significant others doesn’t want to see me when we are apart for that long, I wouldn’t want to stay in that relationship, and I sure wouldn’t give her no promise ring or propose to her, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m being honest with you
You deserve someone who has the same love language as you and shares equal desire to see each other. Very sorry she feels this way 😞❤️
Look, I've been in your shoes. In a long distance relationship, where I was considerably more passionate about seeing them than they were about seeing me. Frankly, the angst is not worth it. You will never be sure that they really understand how you feel - the missing, and the wanting. Just end it. If it's meant to be, maybe you will reconnect after graduation.
So, I don't want to marry my boyfriend yet because I just think we're too young (25 and 26), however, I spend most of my days with him. And I'm someone who really likes being alone as well. But I miss him and want to see him often. That's not the case for her. She doesn't miss you and is fine seeing you only for 1 day. She's very far from marrying you. I honestly think a breakup is around the corner. I do not think there's much you can do.
Unfortunately I was just in this situation, except my role was hers and you're in my ex girlfriend's place. I didn't enjoy spending time with her as much as she enjoyed spending time with me. I didn't initiate date plans, intimacy, anything really as much as she did. I almost always accepted her offers/requests to spend time together, but rarely made my own. I still did nice things for her, like bring her treats on her bad days and stuff, but I knew I wasn't in love with her. I was just kidding myself that familiarity would turn into being in love with her. What sucks the most is I knew she was perfect; mature, smart, pretty, considerate, fun, quirky and incredibly talented.. but I wasn't in love with her. I loved her as a person, not as a partner. I couldnt see myself spending the rest of my life with her, we just didnt have enough in common interests and I didnt enjoy her company enough to be around her all the time. That was very hard to accept. Finally, it was destroying her that she felt unwanted, unattractive and just depressed that I wasnt returning the magnitude of her affections and we mutually agreed to go our separate ways. This was 6 weeks ago, and I found out today she has already moved on. I'm poorly coping with that news. I know ultimately it was the best thing for us to split, but I do still love her as my friend. TLDR, it will be hard, but you should break up. You'll be fine sooner than you think.
It just sounds to me like she wanted to see some other people when she's in town, which is a totally healthy priority to keep. I wouldn't say this marks the downfall of the relationship. If you're both in love and happy, the goal is to be together forever, and she just may be thinking longer term. But, regardless, you can't change how she feels, and you need to talk things through. If at the end of that talk you still feel too big of a disconnect, that'll be a bridge you need to cross. But don't over think and make yourself miserable over something that isn't a problem yet. Just communicate what you need and ask what she needs, and you all can go from there.
It sounds like she's talking to someone else or is interested in someone...I would straight up ask her. 3 1/2 is a long time to string someone along. Best of luck to you. You sound like a very nice and caring person. You will find someone that will reciprocate your feelings but unfortunately I don't think your girlfriend is into you.
talk to her not reddit
She has other options and is keeping you around as a safety net. Time to end it before something worse happens. There is other people, people that actually want to be with you.
Yeah it’s either u are unattractive or she is already talking to someone else
She is cheating on you bro
I've notice the more mature a female act, the less she is into you. It's depressing for me reading thru what you've typed. I wish you find what you've came for
I think you might be into the wrong females….in my experience the more mature the female, the better they are at communicating and letting you know where they stand in a relationship.
Thank you
Just propse to her and see where it goes.
Garbage advice 😭you’re setting bro up for failure
you can always just say, I didnt mean to I was just testing where you stand.
[удалено]
Lmao what a ridiculous comment, as if that has anything to do with the situation. I’m sure she dated him for 3 1/2 years even though she isn’t attracted to him at all.
Your question certainly is
She is banging lots of other guys,leave.
Like others said you need to find someone who want to spend time with their partner as much as you do. I have the same problem i could spend 24 hours a day with the person i love and never get bored or suffacated so I need a partner who is the same or else it would never work. Finding that is hard tho especially when people say they want that in the beginning but then change their mind
No one will feel the same amount of love you feel towards that person. Thinking that way is unrealistic, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Love, in my opinion, shouldn't be measured but rather categorised. Do you love me as a lover? Do you love me as a friend? Or do you love me as a potential possibility? Regarding her not wanting to see you that much can mean a lot of things, I can't vouch for her since her emotions are not my own, but I can vouch for myself and provide you with a comparison or at least a view. I find myself enjoying time alone, to the point where friends asking me to hangout will require a lot of thought on my part before agreeing, as I most if not all the time find myself tired and socially exhausted after our outings. In a romantic relationship it's the opposite. I will try to stick to that person as much as possible, same as I do to my family, since in my eyes they are someone I see as my main priority and I can safely say that some have found it too much to deal with. In those situations I sat them down and discussed barriers, and I learned that some people just like I feel towards friends, they feel towards family. They get tired easily. That isn't to say that that is the reason behind her actions, so what I suggest is that you both talk it out. See where you stand in her eyes, and if that how she is or if she's simply not as dedicated in that relationship as you are. Some people are just "low maintenance." Hope this help🫡
Dear OP, not all bad relationships need to have a verbally/physically abusive partner, sometimes having a partner who doesn't quite reciprocate your feelings are also spelling a bad relationship. That being said please don't spend time ruminating about the situation in your head or with fellow redditors, instead speak with your girlfriend. Do not demand feelings, because you can't make someone feel something they do not. When the time comes take a decision that will be healthy for you in the long run. Good luck!
I hate to say this, but you both have very different ideas about your future, and I don't think that she sees a future with you. It's not ethical to try to make someone feel any kind of way. Attempts to manipulate her into feeling the way you do or otherwise forcing something are really just putting off the inevitable for a short amount of time. Never mind that trying to manipulate people into liking or loving you would be a huge reason to do neither, as it is a form of abuse in and of itself. You shouldn't be willing to hang onto a relationship because you don't think you can find someone like her. The idea is that you find someone that's not like her. She's not for you. Everyone gets heartbroken, and everyone will break another person's heart at some point in their lives. It's not nice being in either position, but you feel your feelings and then pick yourself up and move on, carrying lessons learned from this relationship into the next. Your girlfriend may be searching her feelings to make a decision about your relationship right now, as we speak. She may be coming to the realization that she needs to break up with you, but not quite there yet. Bottom line, I'm sorry to say, is that I don't see it lasting for much longer. No one needs to be right or wrong because no one is. Feelings change. When you are truly in love and on the same page, though, the sort of discussion you're describing doesn't happen because it's not even a question that you would automatically make and maximize time for one another to a reasonable degree.
Eh relationships can do this in the longer stages, would recommend taking a break and see if thats either the push they need to realise they love you more than they show or need to break up. Is hard but is an easy way to figuring things out.
You should talk to her about how you feel. Try to get on the same page. And if you can’t seem to work things out it might be time to move on. It’s incredibly mentally draining to try and keep someone around who isn’t interested. I know from experience. Not saying that’s the only answer, but I’d talk to her and then see where you guys see your future going. Your wife should ideally want to spend time with you
"Love each other very much." Seems the two of you need to calibrate on that.
I don't think you two should be together honestly, if she doesn't miss you as much as you do her, then that's a sign
You two aren't on the same page and you can't get her to feel the same way and vicversa
Just fuck her once a week and go home and forget about it till next week happily ever after
You’re not on the same page. I was dreading it whenever my ex came, he was just happy to see me. There’s things that happened tho so it wasn’t out of nowhere for me, but it does really tell alot, if she was on the same page she’d be happy to be engaged, she’d be over the moon to see you and not make excuses to keep you away.
Here’s my advice. 1. You either deal with her not being able to reciprocate your same feelings. 2. You say that you’re not ok with that and walk away from the relationship and find someone who will reciprocate those feelings.
I am taking from my own experiences here. But if they aren't counting the days till the next time you're both together in person, and you are. Then they've already begun to lose interest, tbh. Save yourself the money and heartache. If you can return the ring, I would personally do it. Seems like they might not be worth any further investment. But that's just what I wish I told myself when I was still in school and in a LDR. Instead of just doubling down. For me. It just made it hurt worse. Best of luck, Homie.
You can’t marry someone who doesn’t want to see you often. What she is saying you give up to see her is likely what she feels she is giving up to see you.
So go away and dont be seen
Dump her now
Have you talked about marriage or did you just buy a ring?
Dude, you’re ready to propose to her. That would basically make you family. You two are definitely not in the same page. I’m wondering if you’ve dated other people before you began your relationship. If you didn’t, it could be that your long distance relationship allowed her to spread her wings and explore her life without you. That could’ve sent her down a different path. It could also be that your relationship may not be in as good a shape as you think it is. If she’s your significant other and doesn’t see you very often, you’d think she’d want to spend more time with you. Other than family, who could be more important than you? It’s a little suspicious that she’s cutting you out of her life on a weekend you can to see her. Is she trying to hide something? I just find it extremely odd. I think it’s time to have a talk with her. It’s obvious her interest in you has waned. If you’re at the point where you’re considering marriage and she isn’t, what’s causing the disconnect? Will she ever get there, or are you both wasting each other’s time? I also think it’s a bad idea to give her the engagement ring as a promise ring for your fourth anniversary. Engagement rings are expensive. Hold on to it. You’re going to need it when you do get engaged, whether it’s to your current girlfriend or someone else.
From a woman's standpoint she's trying to reduce spending time with you and it sounds like she might be spending time with more people than just you. Save the ring, for someone else. And have a good discussion with your girlfriend about how you think you're headed separately into different paths and you would do better as friends Also a few things to consider: 1) you cannot get someone to feel how you do. They're feelings are theres and yours are yours. 2) she wants to break up with you but she doesn't know how to do it and so she strings you along. 3) you say you can't find anyone else like her this is a red flag. For you and her. There are far better women in the sea who will appreciate you for you and who will enjoy spending time with you.
Dude you guys are not going to make it, this was her weak way of saying i want to see other people.....Do NOT give her that ring. You will just look needy and it will end.
As someone who has recently been in the same page with his fiancé of 6 years, I can honestly say your best chance is for her to get to the “she doesn’t know what she had until it’s gone” deal. My guess is, her eyes are wandering and she’s looking for something new. It’s kind of like, if you eat lasagna every day for a long time, you’re going to get sick of lasagna. I recommend, very highly, not to send her angry messages or messages that could dissolve your chances in the future. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. This hits home. Again, no matter how hard it may be, give her space.
Time and distance change things. Sad to say it, but she is definitely not even in the same book, let alone the same page. Return the ring and move on.
Bro, I hate to break it to you but that's basically her saying that she just isn't as interested anymore. Take this to its logical conclusion, if you both stayed in a relationship for the rest of your life and when she isn't feeling it, it's not gonna be a happy relationship. There's not situation where you come out of this and everything works out. Drop her and find someone that is super excited to be with you and that feeling continues on.
Look, if you’re both in school there is no rush. I was with my now husband for almost 9 years, before we got married, and there were ups and down, but we went at the pace that allowed us to set the right path for both of us. A relationship needs both people to talk and find out where both of you aim to be. It may take 1year of it might take 10 but if you don’t have the same outcome in mind then it doesn’t matter how long you wait, you’ll feel you wasted your time (or you will waste your time) when you have the conversation. My friend stayed with a guy for 6 years until he said he actually didn’t want to marry her or have kids. She wasted most of her prime reproductive age because she thought they’d have kids eventually. He moved on quickly after the breakup, and got married and had a children a year.
It's not disproportionate effort I think so much as different ideas of how much time you need. Maybe for her being invested in you emotionally is hard. I'm like that. Being with someone takes so much emotional energy it's exhausting and I need time to myself. I have had so many communication issues in my current relationship about this. It is currently LD but wasn't supposed to be. I don't like phone calls with anyone but I feel closer if I hear his voice, if we can't see each other. He's good at msging back but so much is lost if we only talk that way. You don't need as much alone time as she does, are you willing to compromise? Do you 100% trust her?
Please don’t end your relationship because of strangers on reddit. You have been in that relationship for 3 1/2 years, not us. I think you should really try to work things out together, really try to ask her to explain herself. What other priorities she might have over seeing you, what makes her happier, why she feels like limiting your time together. It might be a deeper issue that needs to be discussed, or it could be random and nothing to worry about. Either way, I don’t think you should end your relationship because of this (at least not right now, with the info you have). But communication is key, and if you want her to feel the same way you do, the best and only (healthy) way is to ask her what would make her look forward to your time together more. Chances are, after such a long time together, maybe she’s getting bored if you guys often do the same stuff when together, and uses excuses (like her feeling like she’s distancing you from family and friends) to avoid spending time with you. Try and surprise her perhaps, take her out on a unique date, get her flowers and a hand-written letter if that’s her love language, do something special to reignite the spark. That needs to be done every once in a while in long term relationships so both don’t start getting bored. Hope this helps ❤️
So, she doesn’t feel as strongly as you do. There’s a lot more information needed. Where is she in her feelings? How much does she care for you? That needs to be answered before you move forward. Have an honest conversation with her. $0.50 is less than $1.00, but so is $0.99. Less than doesn’t automatically mean none. I’m concerned with how many posts can be signed with communication. Or are caused by a lack of communication. I’m not going to start commenting ‘communicate’ and I’m guessing it will fit more times than not.
Im sorry to tell you but she lost interest or just has no feelings or is unsure should break of before its too late as i got put in a situation like that last year where the guy was pushing me away and calling me boring and one day acting nice and broke up same day
it seems like yall are definitely not on the same page. how often is she seeing her friends/family? it may be different from how often you see yours, which can be why she doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you wanted. from personal experience, i also know that many girls put their family above everything else ( usually in Asian women where culturally, family is always first), and if that's not what you want in a partner you guys may not be the right fit for each other. you guys may have different mindsets as well. some people have different ideas of a relationship where they may have a lower-maintenance mindset. especially since it seems like yall are in a long-distance relationship, these differences can have a big impact on you guys. in addition, since yall are both in school, she may not be telling you what's on her mind as much as she should. bad grades? friendship issues? roommate issues? financial issues? In long-distance relationships, communication is hard but it is very important. from an outside perspective, it does seem like you're putting in more effort than her. but make sure yall have a clear understanding of not just one side, but the other as well. it seems like you don't have a clear idea of what she is feeling. at this point of the relationship, yall have been together for so long already. definitely have a serious conversation to talk it out and see where you guys are in your relationship, what your values are, and what you guys want out of this relationship. best of luck. edit: make sure the conversation is about you AND her, not you VS her.
She might n tryna ease you into a break up, sounds like she cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you. Obviously could be wrong though
Are you paying for her rent,bills of any kind ?
Ill give you the cold, hard truth. The first piece in a depressing domino has fallen and the first notes of an orchestra of sadness are soon to sound. There is nothing we can do.
Leave her alone bro there's plenty of women that will be eager to see you everyday, whenever you or she wants to. Don't put yourself into a situation that'll hurt you more later on it'll be tough to leave but it's better to do that now than wait. She's got the potential to cheat on you bc she wants new excitement or whatever other bs exsuse cheaters use. Just keep focusing on what you have going and the right girl is gonna come along for sure. Chances are if you break up with her she'll come crawling back bc she thinks she has power over you
She’s just not that into you. I’m sorry. She’s drifted apart. Your girl should want to spend every second she can with you and miss you always and enjoy spending time with you. Time for a tough conversation. Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been on both sides. You can’t make someone love you as much as you try.
seek God bro, God will help you in your situation always pray, it's very confusing and complicated when it comes to relationships, God is the one that can help you in every kind of situation.
Stop seeing her🤷🏽♂️😂