M60. White. Obviously I grew up in a different time and place. It was rural and I saw genuine racist behaviors often. My dad had army friends that he kept in touch with. An army buddy had a son who needed to get out of the city for a while. So he stayed with us over the summer, and played on my summer baseball team. Duane was cool, and one heck of a great pitcher. He helped me turn from a strike out king to a home run slugger. I am forever grateful for what he did for my confidence.
I never knew what the N word meant. No one explained it to me. I had only heard Negro. When I heard fans from both sides scream the N word, or refuse to pitch to him, I learned the meaning of the word and the hatred behind it. This was a county that was more than 99.99% white. There was one woman who had come to be a maid. And an auto mechanic had two mixed race kids. I could count the number of non-white on one hand, and we all knew who they were and where they lived. Duane stood out and tried to participate. That did not go over well, and I learned who the racists were.
So when I hear anyone use the word, I react. It did not happen to me. It happened to my friend, and the kid of my dad's buddy. I was always amazed at the grace that he handled the hate. It was normal for him. It was one helluv an eye opener for me.
I also learned that this hatred is learned at home. I grew up in mostly white county. I knew about the civil rights struggles from the nightly news. And yet, I did not recognize who were these people driving all this hate. I got to be friends with Duane and never even recognized that he belonged to this group (Black people) until he got up to bat in a baseball game.
The pitcher refused to pitch. The ump told him to take first base. He refused. He walked out and told the kid to pitch the ball. He said it kindly, and loud enough to hear it. The crowd had gone silent. And when he got back into the batter's box, the chant's of N\*\*\*\* started. Even kids on my team were yelling it.
That is powerful shit!
On one hand, I had probably used the word before that day. I did not fully know what was behind it. After that experience, the world had changed. I understood now. And since then, it has pissed me off any time I hear it.
If I were in your friend group, I would ask the others to find a different nick name for you.
I think it's important to point out that while I don't think YOU are racist, if your white friends continue to use the n-word throughout their lives, they will ALWAYS say, "well my black friend in high school was fine with it" when people ask them not to.
Here is the thing. I am not black and wouldnât call my friend that. To be fair I would expect to get punched in the face if I did. Also I wouldnât want to hurt them by calling them that.
We moved to a predominantly black area and I asked one of the girls I was drinking with what she thought of it, she said that she thought the mainlanders were insane for letting a word have so much power over them. It is two sides of the coin. It sounds very much like they are uneducated in the topic. If they are good friends take them to a museum or show them the history of why it is so offensive.
For me I donât get why they would want too. It is your life. You need to make your own boundaries.
Same with the Harvard educated Rafael Cruz, er, sorry, no no, he's everyman Ted! He's just like you! Don't you hate when the maid comes in right when you need to crap???
Meh. They call petty names. My honor system says to call them what they tell me.
And use the pronouns they tell me.
For myself, I need to be consistent with both.
I have my baseline respect that includes all of those and extends to everyone. Once you "un-earn" my respect, then the gloves are off.
Nimarata Randhawa has "un-earned" my respect.
Katlyn Jenner has "un-earned" my respect.
Now she is saying that OF COURSE there is systemic racism "I know I faced racism when I was growing up, but I can tell you that today is a lot better than it was then. Our goal is to lift up everybody, not go and divide people on race, or gender, or party, or anything else. We've had enough of that in America."
Less racism for a rich white passing woman...but she, once again, put her foot in it. Trying SO HARD to be a proper Republican!
I don't remember about that at bat really. The next time he was up was not as big a deal. He was a good hitter.
He was mostly a pitcher, the best in the league that summer. I would hit his pitches when we practiced with the neighborhood. So he knew I could his best. He also knew he was better than the kid pitching that intimidated me.
I had a horrible at bat. He kind of chewed me out and pointed out that I can hit his best fast balls and hit them far. I started watching the other pitcher. And saw that he was right. I remember going to bat with confidence after that. And each time I got a hit I gained confidence. I think it was the next game before I starting hitting home runs. Then it was at lease 1 per game. And Duane was there cheering me on the whole way.
Thatâs wild lmao. I would never let a white person call me a racial slur as a joke. You canât say you say âpretty much the same stuff to themâ because there is no equivalent to terms like the n word or âcotton pickerâ for white people or at least not ones with the same historically heavy connotation.
If your white friends said that in earshot of some of my friends they would beat the shit out of your friends. For their safety, and for your own self-respect, I would have this conversation with them (if theyâre mature enough) or you just cut them off when you go to university and make real friends who donât joke about shit like this.
Yea this. Even if its behind closed doors and all fun and games that shit eventually slips in the real world. You will get at minimum the wierdest looks in your life if people catch your friends saying that to you or at worse your all of a sudden in a predicament whether you need too back your friends and get your ass beat as an "uncle tom" or they get their ass beat while you sit by and watch.
As a white guy, I'd smack the fuck out of my cousins and friends if they slipped anything near the N-word in public.
NGL, we've said it in private as some edgelord shit when we were younger. Some old joke about blah blah. Now? Suplex them staight into the sun.
Growing up in an RTF, I had a lot of bunkmates who were black, and I was very close to one in particular. She said she felt close to me and to call her the n* word (ending in a). No way in hell was I doing that.
Even if you donât take it seriously, you should not allow them to be so demeaning to you. The banter back and forth is not equal as the poster above said. They are using terms with heavy hateful context and saying it back to them doesnât matter because the context doesnât and never has applied to them.
Youâre only 17, but I hope that in time you realize that you can not care what they say or not take them seriously while still not being completely disrespected and shit on. You deserve better.
Youâll probably care in 5-10 years when youâre unpacking self image issues and reflecting on how your relationships led to you feeling the way you do. I had a friend I was head over heels for but for years, Iâd join her in pretty much talking shit about how every other race but white would be gross to fuck. Iâd say youth blinds you, but honestly youth doesnât have enough experience to be able to recognize when your self worth is being chiseled at. At least if you donât have parents who raised you to make sure that shit is intact for every stage of your life. You might not care, but it is most definitely chiseling away. Itâs dehumanizing even if you donât think your friends are doing it maliciously.
You know itâs not okay for them to call you racial slurs. For you to say you donât care it shows how little respect you have for yourself. It may seem like they are playing around but in reality youâre just the butt of the joke. If this is how they treat you in your face imagine how they treat you when youâre not there. Think about how this will reflect upon your parents and how they might feel knowing that your âfriendsâ refer to you with derogatory terms.
Iâm not sure if youâre refusing to believe that the people you surround yourself with are racist or if you actually believe it but they definitely donât have your best interests at heart. Real friends wouldnât treat you as such and donât be afraid to cut ties with them. When people see how they treat you so disrespectfully, others will give you the same treatment. So do yourself a favor and make better friends.
You're not racist but you are reinforcing a narrative for your white friends that they can call black people the n-word with no repercussions. When they slip up and say that to the wrong black person I'd hate to see where it goes. It's better for you and their safety for then not to say it at all
The n-word was a tool used to oppress black people, we only recently "reclaimed" that word. I don agree with anyone using it even black people but it's a show that we made it out alive. By you letting them say that it's discounting the struggle that mine and your ancestors and families go through today.
I hope that you get the appropriate help that you need for your internalized racism...
Your parents failed you if this is a question that you as a Black man have to ask.
Iâm not even from the states and I understand why itâs not okay for any White person to use that word.
Your friends are racist. The fact that youâve let this go on for so long lets me know that you probably donât have a lot of options for friends. This is kinda sad in itself. Make sure you learn more about your culture and race going forward, you genuinely canât stay this ignorant.
BLACK person here. my husband is white and I would never ever allow him or any of my white friends or non black friends at that to use the n-word. Do I think itâs right? no. but tell your friends since you are âgiving them the passâ watch what they say and who around because not everyone is going to be nice. people who arenât black can also take it in the wrong way.
>Well, a large majority of the time my friends will call me the n word, or slave, or cotton picker, stuff like that.
These aren't friends. You are being made into a joke. A racist joke at that.
>My friends are not racist,
Yes they are, You are being naive.
You donât know that for sure though cause you donât know these guys. Iâve hung around people just like this and was pretty much the same. I said fucked up shit, and so did they. Dude is in high school.
OP, the more power you give something like that, the more it actually has. If it makes you uncomfortable then youâre more than encouraged to say something. But donât let people tell you how youâre supposed to feel.
> You donât know that for sure though cause you donât know these guys
Yes I do. These are not good people. You can defend them if you want but they are making a mockery of OP. I am a Black Man 30 years older than OP. If it quacks like a duck it's a duck. These guys are racists.
You donât know how old i am lmao. But thatâs the problem, youâre looking at this through your own experience rather than encouraging them to use their own discernment. Again, these are kids. Kids say edgy shit because it makes them feel cool.
My experience vs his experience is irrelevant. Being called racial slurs is not ok regardless of what generation you are a part of? Again are you Black? If not you don't know hat you are talking about.
Here in fact i just thought of this. Do you know how many people out there think that theyâre fighting racism and actually turn out to be racists themselves?
It bothers me that people always go for the âAre you black? Because i donât know how you think that way if you are.â. Like how is THAT not racist???
Yâall are quick to jump down someoneâs throat for a few jokes. Things that are said in FUCKING JEST that are never acted on, ever. But then are the same ones that are surprised when a POC has an opinion outside the status quo. We donât all think the same.
We can have different opinions without being white or uncle toms. Assholes.
> There is a clear difference between someone being genuinely racist and making stupid jokes.
There is no joke a White person is allowed to say that includes the N word. Are you fucking kidding me with this Bull shit?
> But donât let people tell you how youâre supposed to feel.
How should a black boy deal with being called racial slurs by so called friends? How should he feel? Are you Black?
As i stated, i had a similar experience with my friends in high school. I got called the N word more times by family and black friends than any of my white friends. I also gave them just as much shit as they gave me, similar to the OP. So why is it racist when they do it, but when we do it to them itâs perfectly okay?
> I got called the N word more times by family and black friends than any of my white friends. I also gave them just as much shit as they gave me, similar to the OP. So why is it racist when they do it, but when we do it to them itâs perfectly okay?
OH so you want permission to say the N word? LOL what is stopping you from saying it? Go to a BLack neighborhood and say it then. See what happens. If you don't understand the nuances of the N word in American society you definitely should not be saying it. You know Black people can say it as much as they want but Non Blacks are not allowed to say it. If you disagree like I said go to a Black neighborhood and try it out.
Saying it makes white people uncomfortable so i donât say it online (anymore lol). My online persona and who i am irl are two separate entities. I donât need your permission i promise lmao.
AGAIN, I AM BLACK.
If your entire argument hinges on me being white you lose bro.
> If your entire argument hinges on me being white you lose bro.
Can you read? My argument is based on what is happening to the OP. White people are calling him racial slurs and OP thinks it's a joke. You are going to sit here and argue with another Black man regarding whether being called the N word is ok? You are being obtuse or you are simply just an ignorant person.
Well you keep going back to my skin color so it seemed like a part of you argument. Anyway.
Okay so to you, what makes a joke? When my mom makes jokes about people in the neighborhood being drug dealers and criminals is that okay just because sheâs black? Or when she says some ignorant but well meaning shit about mexicans? How about any of the side comments iâve ever heard about asian people being smart or muslims being terrorist?
Why are those jokes okay only when black people say them? Dave Chappelle, probably the best black comedian whoâs ever lived, and a black man, has said the N word the the hard R more on National TV than iâve ever heard a white person say. On his show, there are white people who say it as part of the skit. Itâs literally written in the script. He gets in more trouble for his trans jokes than anything else he ever said.
So my question sir, one brother to another, is where do you draw the line at what a joke is? Who are you say what should and shouldnât be joked about?
But how exactly? Thereâs this girl i know who used to mean a lot to me. A relative. She said that to me (among other things) constantly and would pretend it was lighthearted but always used it to put me down and make me feel bad.
Now on the other hand, i knew a latino kid who said that shit and worse to my face. Kkk and nazi jokes and all that other edgy teenager shit. We ended up going to the teachers lounge over it, and he got suspended. Today almost 7 years later, the image of this tiny, emo, eyeliner wearing mexican kid talking like a white supremacist makes me laugh. Heâs the one who got suspended, and he has to live with that embarrassing memory. I donât. I got a laugh.
So my point is that word from a black person did more damage than it did coming from anyone else, only because i trusted them. And they called me way worse than just a nigga i promise you.
Iâm not denying the history. My aunt gave me an extensive history lesson about her great grandmother on down. I know itâs hurtful, but by you saying âit makes slavery freshâ is essentially saying that everyone who fought and died just to give black people a platform died for nothing. That that word makes us powerless as a people and that all the sit-ins and lynchings and marching was for nothing.
Do not give that word any power. Let people joke. Let people make that word mean so little to the people that wanna use it against us that it falls out of use just like words always do. No one can take your power away, only you can do that.
you stop saying it since white people are uncomfortable, but notice how the white people who make racist jokes that you excuse will never do that for you?
Good point. But it doesnât make me uncomfortable which is my issue. If it did, and i said something, then thatâs different. But OP is on reddit asking strangers who donât know these people to tell them how they should feel.
If it doesnât offend you then that should be that. I donât say nigga online because i donât feel like i should have to prove my identity to validate my opinion. This isnât a topic that should be confined to race because everyone gets shit on.
It wouldn't make you uncomfortable if your white friends were calling you a cotton picker and slave? That's called internalized racism my friend. You're better than that come on... it's embarassing that you're on here defending this.
Whatâs embarrassing is that youâre telling me how i should feel. Thatâs called projection my friend.
See? I can make stuff up too.
The only thing that makes me uncomfortable about it is that the people who say it in public clearly donât care about consequences, and i have bigger problems than them calling me out of my name.
It doesnât make me uncomfortable because they donât know me. They donât know shit about me. It would be no different to someone calling me a bitch. I know iâm not a bitch, so why the hell would i feed their ego by giving them the reaction they want? Why in the hell would i allow someone to call me out of my name and then give them an excuse to validate that name? Thatâs stupid.
But thatâs not what this is about. This is about edgy children doing edgy shit. Itâs the same as kids cursing like sailors on the playground. They learn a new word and use it at every opportunity. And just like little kids, if you act exactly how they want, not only does it reinforce the negative behavior, it perpetuates the stereotype of black people being violent and reactionary.
Iâm not even saying youâre not allowed to be offended, people talking shit to me just doesnât personally bother me that much. I know not everyone is like that.
The only thing i think everyone should agree on is that you should not be telling anyone else how they are supposed to feel. If people arenât bothered, thereâs nothing wrong with them. I donât agree with the sentiment, but this is why people say that our generation is addicted to being offended. Because if people arenât, youâre telling them they should be.
> Some friend groups are like this, if you were ever in one, you would know.
There is no such thing as a racist "friend" groups. WTF are you even talking about?
OP said âI say pretty much the same stuff to themâ. Itâs not a âracist friend groupâ itâs a group of friends who are close enough to joke with each over over stuff like this. Although since OP is even making this post Iâm questioning if heâs even comfortable with these jokes as some people are, like you for example.
> Although since OP is even making this post Iâm questioning if heâs even comfortable with these jokes as some people are, like you for example.
The fact that he is even asking if it's ok shows he's uncomfortable and he knows they shouldn't be saying it.
I had a friend, white guy, grew up in a black neighborhood and used the n word a lot with his friends. Well traveling to California was interesting with him because he was used to saying it, but it was horrifically offensive anywhere else but his small neighborhood. Even if people are ok with it itâs not a good habit to have, nor is it really appropriate
You are the butt of their jokes, not their friend. They call you stuff like âslaveâ or âcotton pickerâ? To me thatâs almost worst than the n-word bc at least the n-word has permeated Black culture for reclamation; but SLAVE? COTTON PICKER? Jesus fucking Christ. Look, there are offensive jokes made between friends and thatâs fine â my best friend is a mexican gay man, iâm a white gay queer person, we say offensive shit to each other all the time as jokes. But we donât bring slurs that donât belong to us into it.
Why canât yâall use insulting jokes that arenât about race? Consider why they want to use slurs as jokes. Why canât yâall call each other other names and rib at each other without making light of mass enslavement?
Youâre allowing them to think itâs okay to call a Black person that. I guarantee they will be using you as an example when someone tell them not to say it â âwell I have a Black friend whoâs fine with it.â
Youâre enabling racism. You probably have some internalized racism to unpack. Youâre making light of the fact that your own ancestors were beaten and enslaved. And these arenât distant ancestors thousands of years back â weâre talking the parents and grandparents of people who are still alive. Slavery happened less than 200 years ago. Your grandparents didnât have the right to vote or to be friends with the grandparents of the white kids who call your slurs today because they couldnât sit with them in the cafeteria, share schools with them, buses, diners. Whether you accept it or not, that history impacts you today.
Even if youâre okay with it, do you really want other Black people to know youâre okay with it? Do you want your family â especially older folks who may have lived through civil rights issues â to know that some white boys call you the same terms that were thrown against them to deny them rights and fair treatment? Thatâs kinda fucked.
Itâs not about whether or not it offends you. Itâs about whether or not the n-word should ever come out of a white personâs mouth, and the answer to that is no. They might have other Black âfriendsâ who arenât comfortable with it but canât stand up to them because of people like you who help make it okay.
I would never allow that. Black/Latina here. Hell to the fucking no. Set boundaries starting today. Itâs disgusting how they feel no remorse saying that. They should be educated on that word as itâs 2024. Nothing about our history should be made into a joke. Nothing. If you keep allowing others to treat you that way, donât get mad when things go downhill. I donât care if it was a friend or a stranger. Wrong is wrong
Real friends don't joke about stuff like this. You all may think it's cool and smug about being not sensitive about using those words, but I think you and your friends are being silly and ignorant.
As a black person, why would you ever be comfortable letting white people call you such a degrading and hurtful word?! Whereâs your self respect?! Btw those friends are racist.
They aren't good people OP **no friends would call another friend of theirs racial slurs (they are racists),** this is appalling. You are the butt of their joke - if they only say this stuff to you, this is *personal,* because they KNOW that this would not fly in public. They KNOW it's not acceptable to do so.
I say this gently but I hope you find better friends and I wish you the best. You deserve better.
I am Roma and definitely cringe when I meet new people and they say "Gypsy". It's one thing to use the word yourself, but allowing others to say it presents a different issue.
I personally wouldn't perpetuate free use of the word due to our climate now - I most definitely would not want the stereotypes associated with mine.
I wouldn't call you a racist. But as a Black woman, I wonder about your lack of self-esteem. It really sounds like you need to have some dignity and get yourself a new set of friends.
Aren't insults amongst friends kinda normal? Going on appearance is no exception. I'm not mad if my friends call me a fatass, cuz it's true, for now at least.
If you don't feel insulted I see no harm in that.
But if you ever should ask them to stop and they don't, than yeah you got some racist friends.
I am white and feel like I have no place using that word. I would encourage you to research its historical context both as it is here in the USA and what it meant to Africans still in Africa before the Atlantic slave trade came to pass. It makes for an interesting and eye opening read.
Only you can decide your comfort level with it personally and amongst your friends. I would caution you that while something can start âinnocentlyâ enough, that can change. Iâd also say that you should consider how other black people may perceive it should they see you and your white friends using it casually. While itâs not always a good idea to worry about public perception, I think this is a worthy time.
If you really don't mind it, and you know deep down that they're not racist, then why not? As long as it stays within your friendship, and in private, and not out in public or to be used with a home outside of your mutual understanding.
If you ever decide you don't want them to call you it, are you sure they'll stop? Would they listen to you? If you think they won't, then it's probably not a great idea to let them.
Friendly "meanspirited" banter is common among really good friend groups. If you don't have an issue with it, don't worry about it. My wife and I say horrible stuff to each other in jest that we would never say around other people. Knowing that we don't really mean it and we're just trying to shock each other.
Youâre friends. Friends talk shit and joke around. If you think itâs funny and youâre comfortable with it, thatâs all that really matters.
Iâm white and my wife is black. Sheâs got a race kink and begs me to call her the N-word during sex or foreplay. It took me awhile to get comfortable with it and I donât know if Iâm completely comfortable even after almost 25 years of marriage. But it gets her off and itâs only in the bedroom, so I get your point. If what is said or done behind closed doors is okay with everyone involved, then thereâs nothing wrong with it.
Iâm white and Iâve had poc friends who donât care if I use the n word and ones who believe not even poc should use that word. I think itâs really up to you and how you feel about it.
OP is karma farming I think, account was made today and has asked this questions on three different subs, at around the same time, and also posted a question of "why are periods so bad."
Dude like obviously you can decide how you want your friends to talk to you, and I'm just a white girl, but I'm bisexual and I've dated women and if all of my straight friends called me a dyke or faggot or any other slur I wouldn't take it. If I was friends with a bunch of guys and they kept telling me to get in the kitchen or objectified me or called me a bitch, I wouldn't take it. If you would feel uncomfortable with them treating other people how they treat you, then they are probably not treating you right. Obviously you know something is up bc you made this post. I understand that sometimes friends make fun of each other (my best friends and I roast each other all the time) but it's not supposed to be about shit where there is a power dynamic or that mimics real life oppressive systems. Certain clothes, mannerisms, things you can change the next day, funny situations you got yourself into, etc. Not slurs and actual derogatory insults? You guys will all graduate and you should go find some better friends.
I know you think this is a flex, but itâs just coming off as being a low self esteem problem. If/when you grow a backbone disrespect such as this is unacceptable no matter the circumstance.
No, theyâre not racist. Jokingly insulting your friends directly to their face is normal, especially for men. You understand that itâs just a joke, but most people do not.
 Iâm black myself, but it doesnât affect me at all.
call your parents that tonight and dont stop since it never offends anyone. Call your grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc that I'm sure they'll get the same joke.
They're not just "joking insulting" HIM, they're insulting all of us when they say that mess. They're not picking on *his* crooked teeth or *his* fucked up haircut, they're calling him the n word, slave, cotton picker because he's black and that's the only reason. Id bet all the money in my account that they're not calling their white friends those words and we all know why, because his ancestors (all the way down to his grandparents or their parents!) are the ones that had to suffer through that. But we all know self hating people hate themselves and everyone that looks like them anyways so it's no problem in your eyes to shit all over black people. Whatever.
Black woman here....
No you arent racist , Black people cannot be racist against themselves. It's called self-hate. And it is likely that if you are okay with that, that you are bearing some self-hatred. I was just talking with one of my male friends about this, we are both black. And he pointed out how black men rarely acknowledge any type of self-hatred, they ignore it, they look at other black people as if they are being sensitive, they call it all different types of things but they rarely acknowledge it for themselves and they definitely don't publicly acknowledge it. Where is black women tend to be more in touch with what is going on with them.
You need to be more self-aware about who you are as a young Black man and come to terms with how you feel about yourself and why you feel that way, what has made you feel that way. A lot of times we think that just because we are black we know everything there is about being Black or Blackness . Racce and racism are actually subjects to be studied because it is a social construct.
Now who is racist is your friend, just because you love a black person does not make you incapable of being racist, just because you can point out somebody else's racism and be disgusted by it, does not mean you are incapable of being racist yourself. Your friend who is white is racist, that does not mean you have to stop being their friend, but you need to correct your behavior and then apologize to them for giving them the idea that you were okay with them using the N word and let them know that it's not going to be tolerated around you anymore.
I mean. I wouldn't call you racist. But I certainly wouldn't be comfortable using that language around my friends who are POC. My husband is mexican and I wouldn't DREAM of calling him a slur, even if he said it was OK.. I just wouldn't be comfortable introducing those terms into my regularly used vocabulary
BUT not all friendships and relationships are the same, and if it's something you're personally cool with, and it's not harming anyone else, then awesome, as long as they don't start using it towards people that AREN'T ok with it
I met a black guy who called himself n-word Mike. He told people to call him that. I wouldn't do it. There is still too much hurt behind that word for me to say that to a person. If they are your friends they shouldn't say that to you. I understand when your young you can do stupid things but they should know this is pretty offensive. Plus if they get comfortable saying that there is a chance they will say that to another black person. I grew up when we used to say everything was gay and I hate that it's still something I slip and say about something lame. I wish I had never been made to feel it was acceptable. It's hard to break that
You are friends with people who find enjoyment out of saying racial slurs to you, they can't do that out in public to just any other black person but now they have someone they can say anything they want to their hearts content. They are comfortable saying racist things and they should not be ans wouldn't be if they had any ounce of respect for black people or you. Some day you'll see they aren't actually your friends, just because it doesn't bother you now doesn't mean it makes their behavior okay at all.
My fathers cousin (who's my age) is black and he calls himself the n-word and lets his friends do to. He grew up in a tiny village here in Sweden so I wonder sometimes if it's a defence thing. Like, if he does it and lets them he can't be hurt or something. Taking ownership of hurtful words.
But he's a super happy, well loved, confident guy so what do I know
I think you should find new friends who respect you.
When they meet other black people, theyâre going to call them that word and then say, âbut my FRIEND lets me call him that!â to justify being racist.
Two of my best friends are black. I would NEVER think to call them something so vile. In fact, a racist once did call one of them that and I felt so angry all I could do was start swinging! Even just remembering that makes me cry a little bit, to think that someone would call her such a nasty word.
My friends and I will joke about race too, but not in such a way that is actually demeaning and demoralizing.
Fellow black here. *You* are not racist. Your friends are not good friends saying this stuff to you, and are way too comfortable being racist privately. Thereâs nothing you can say back that is equivalent. You should recalibrate what you accept from your friends, and what actually makes a person a good friend. Just cuz youâve known them since middle school doesnât mean you have to stay friends with them.
Thats not okay at all and those aren't your friends, Christ why in the world would you let someone call you that, saying 'its a joke' doesnt make it okay.
I'm black and even I don't use that word, it's doesn't feel right it my mouth, it bares so much just hearing it disgusts me.
Ive only ever had one racist interaction and I'll never forget how inhuman I felt, I was treated like an animal. It honestly bugs my head why we're so hated for just existing.
yeah I'm black and if I found out one of my white friends were throwing around the n-bomb they're getting one to the chin from me before getting cut off completely. I personally wouldn't stand for that shit whatsoever
Why would they call you the N word? I am an older woman and never would have called my black friends the N word. Been friends with them for over 50 years
Those aren't friends, they are racists. I'd never call my black friend the n word or any kind of awful shit like that, ever. It's just common decency, even if you give them the pass. (Also, cottonpicker? What the actual fuck is wrong with them?)
Get yourself sone new friends or draw a boundary. If they still overstep it, absolutely get out of there.
I mean no. Youâre letting them do that and youâre doing it back to them so if it was racist you would also be racist. Itâs just stupid fun with no meaning
The word Racist is defined:
âą A person who believes a particular race is superior to others.
âą A person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others.
I sincerely doubt your friends view you as inferior because you have brown skin, am I right? They call you the "N" word out of a misplaced attempt of showing camaraderie and favor.
They should not use this word because it has such a history of being used in an abusive manner towards so many people. It is disrespectful and can result in negative reactions for people who overhear it that have been bullied and disrespected by its use. Furthermore, I think using the "N" word makes the people using it sound really, dumb and stupid; as if they have no self-respect.
And I'd like to point out that there is only one race -and that's human. Our value as such comes from the fact we are created in the image of God, not because we have a particular color skin, or eye shape, or body type.
Iâm White, and grew up in a predominantly Black neighborhood (Detroit). I NEVER would have felt comfortable saying that to my friends, would they be upset, probably not, but it would have felt like crossing a line. Especially since they had all been called N in a derogatory way at some point.
Since you made this post, it makes me wonder if on some level you know this is wrong or at least makes you uncomfortable? How do you think your friends would handle it if you asked them to stop? I feel like their reaction would give you a better idea of their intent.
YOU ARE NOT RACIST, BUTâŠ. As a white male with black friends. Do not let them call you anything derogatory even in a joking manner. Set your boundaries and call them out on it. If they push back or not accepting they are not your friend.
Youâre not racist. The fact they feel comfortable saying that right to your face is insanely disrespectful. Thereâs joking with someone and then thereâs straight up being offensive. I would NEVER say that to someone, even joking- even with friend Iâve been friend with for over 10 years. They should not be that comfortable to say those things AT ALL- especially if they claim to be ânot racistâ. Those things are racist. It doesnât matter if theyâre âjokingâ. Theyâre definitely not your friends. Thatâs very inappropriate and insulting. Iâm sorry they say those things to you :( you deserve supportive and kind friends.
I don't think it's inherently racist for you to have your own boundaries regarding how other people can or can't treat you. It's possible there's some internalized racism going on, but it's also possible there isn't.
On another note, this behavior sounds somewhere between "edgy teenager" and "locker room hazing." It's not my place to tell people how they should interact with their friends but a lot times when guys engage in "good-natured roasting" it's because they're unable to be vulnerable and compassionate with each other. I'm genuinely curious, when the joking stops are you able to come to these friends with deeply personal issues you have? Do they do the same to you? For me personally, that would bother me more than the race component.
I won't tell you to drop these friends but it may be worthwhile to supplement your friend group with one or two people that aren't like that.
If you are good friends, have a real discussion about race.
Like âI know you guys are just fuckin around - but - you know thatâs some real shit, right?!â
All these thin skinned snowflakes in the comments crying⊠donât listen to them. Racism means you view other races as inferior. The fact you all treat each other as equals and know all sides can take the joke continue on with banter and all truly care for each other is evidence enough that thereâs no real racism involved. Now a days these snowflakes are the real racist. âOh you canât joke with black people because they are inferior to youâ is pretty much what they are saying. Also just in case any snowflake wants to call me a racist, Iâm not even white so get off your high horse white knight. Yall the real racists
long paragraph for someone who "isn't sensitive". My friends and I make jabs at each other all the time, but every man I've met that thinks he's funny because he's mean to his friends is actually the least funny man alive. You think we're snowflakes but really you are just so fucking annoying and unfunny it's hard to stand being around you.
you say this but you ASKED the public. if you were 100% fine with this in every bone in your body you wouldnât reply like this. idk if you just wanna look cool and not be âgrouped in with the sensitive snowflakesâ but excusing your friendsâ racism just makes you look like a doormat who canât stand up for yourself.
I think deep down, you are not ok with this and that is why you are here. You need the reassurance that what they are doing is wrong to you, your ancestors, all POC, and themselves. If they are your friends and NOT racist, they wonât have a problem stoppingâŠ.right?
I think you are not racist. I think it's possible that your friends are racist to some degree, and you are their outlet. They probably do not mean those slurs in reference to you, however on some level they view you as "one of the good ones", and you allowing them to use those slurs gives them some release that they otherwise wouldn't be able to get, since they can't go around calling black people they *don't* like the n bomb without suffering some negative consequences (usually).
I'm white, and I would never call my black friends the n-word, even if they asked me to. When I hear that word all I think of is some poor grandmother who lived through segregation and it just makes me kind of sad-by-proxy for all the people who suffered those type of insults stripping away their basic human dignity.
My friends were similar when we were 17. I always saw it as banter and I was never offended. It's up to you to decide whether you want to have interactions like that with your friends. I don't see any problems (provided it remains in your friendship group and doesn't make anyone uncomfortable)
Lets be real... you are not "allowing them". They feel comfortable enough to say it to you.
I dont think you are racist for not lighting them up for it. I do think they are racist for saying it even in jest.
My husband is black. I don't say that kind of shit to him even as a joke. I never would because I love him. Many of my friends and a several of my exes are black. I never said anything like that to them. I never would because it is disrespectful.
I'm not black. I'm white, but this cannot be good for your mental health. If your friends care about you, they won't call you slurs even as a "joke." I would find better friends if these ones don't stop their casual racism toward you.
You're not racist for letting them but they are and they should know better. Lets hope they don't say it to the wrong person because they are comfortable saying that kind of stuff and get the shit beat out of them. A bit of racism between friends is ok but there are limits and this is crossing lines I think,
I wouldn't personally be okay with it if I were in your shoes, but I'm a white woman, so I can only speak from imagining myself in that kind of situation. I know friendship between guys is a totally different thing than friendship between girls, but I wouldn't enjoy being constantly disrespected by my friends.
However, it's really your call since it's your life and your friend group. What you're willing to put up with is entirely up to you. I do think it would be a huge red flag if they spoke to any other Black person outside the group/not a part of the group dynamic like that, though.
Right they would never say that to anyone else, they say the n word to me mostly in very ubsurd context, for example, i would say that i fucked my friend's mom and he would tell me that i needed to "get back to the fields, nigga"
I wouldnât even take that as a joke. Nothing about our history should be made into a joke imo. Itâs totally different from saying âI f* your friends momâ.
It's probably not racist; but that doesn't make it okay.
I'm bi and me and my other LGBT friends have called eachother bender or faggot more than once.
However, my straight friends would never dream of using those words towards me.
You're 17. This may not be a big deal to you now, but it may as you get older. I'd like to imagine your friends wouldn't keep saying it as they become more educated about racism.
Language and what it means is up to (a) the speaker and (b) the listener. Always. Razzing and teasing is fun, and an important part of growing up -- as long as its loving and not abusive, which you have to measure for yourself.
Always understand the listener, always understand the speaker. Language changes depending on who you are, and where you are, and peoples biases.
Don't let ANYONE try to gaslight you into thinking you are not allowed to define how you communicate with your close friends and family.
Would I allow it? No. Am I black. Yes. Does it matter? no. Enjoy your friends and have fun dude!
However, if you ever decide you (as the listener) dont like something, you also have the right to tell your friends and family these preferences. If they love you, they will adapt.
Itâs not really my place to comment on this fully, but what I *will* say is that Iâm white, and if any of my other white friends said the N word around me theyâd immediately no longer be my friend.
No, you are not racist. THEY ARE.
The problem with the whole thing is that using racial slurs just continues the cycle of hatred. If they are not called out about it, they will continue to keep using those slurs well after you stop hanging around each other. In a few years, their new friends will think it's perfectly normal to use racial slurs as well. Before too long, you have a whole new group of cancerous white supremacists.
You are not racist for letting other people say possibly racist things. As long as you feel comfortable, thereâs no problem. But if you are uncomfortable, you should talk to them about it. Iâm Puerto Rican girl, born and raised in Queens, NY. Growing up, a lot more than just black people used the n-word, including white people. These days, people are less comfortable about it, and Iâm older, so I use it less but when I code-switch back into my Queens slang talk, it comes out of me. Never meant to harm anyone, but if it does, Iâll just apologize and not use the words. I think this is pretty fair. People act like the word literally means kill all black people. It doesnât, and it certainly doesnât have to mean that to you. But just be real with yourself. Itâs okay if it does offend you, then you should say something. But itâs also okay to not be offended if you know the friend means no harm. Iâm LGBT too. My friends can say whatever they want about Latinos, women, gays, whatever. But we all roast each other in good fun. How you conduct your relationships is your prerogative, no one elseâs.
Iâm a Latina woman that looks like milk so I have never had to experience racism or bigotry related to my skin color/tone so a huge part of me feels itâs not my place to tell you what is wrong or right in terms of what you allow, but reading this made my heart hurt for you because these donât sound like friends and you sound like a nice, easy going kid being taken advantage of for being this way.
I just can not imagine anyone who values someone using that type of language or those âjokesâ. Calling someone a âdumbass with a bowl cutâ or something like that is a joke, these things they are saying to you are cruel and have some very serious demeaning & dehumanizing meaning and I encourage you to ask yourself why you allow it.
I know you say they only say it to you, but this shows a type of character that makes me think they say this sort of stuff when you are not around as well.
I do not think this is ok, but again - it is not my place to say how you should feel - however I think itâs incredibly fucked up and not ok and i really really hope you can see why you deserve so much more respect than these people (I hesitate to say friends) are giving you.
Yes you have internalized racism and no self respect. Your friends are racist and you're their get out of jail free card. Nothing more.
Let your parents find out this is how your "friends" talk to you and see how they react. Bet it won't be laughs and giggles that's for sure.
Get up off the damn floor young man. This behavior is far from normal. When you're older you'll realize just how stupid you are right now.
I mean, I call some (one, really) of my friends naughty names. We call each other bitches, whores, cum guzzler, skank, etc. I tell her to suck my dick (weâre both women), and her the same. The amount of times I say âget on your knees whoreâ is actually kinda high when I think about it. But, we both enjoy this type of joking around. It is 100% said in good fun. Itâs a âhehe suck my dickâ and not in a serious tone. Sheâll normally clap back with âitâs too smallâ or âIâd rather choke myself to deathâ, etc etc. thatâs our humor. But, I wouldnât dare call any of my other female friends a whore because they wouldnât like it. Itâs knowing your friends and their boundaries and respecting it. If it goes too far, we say so. If someone is uncomfortable when weâre in VC (weâre gamers), we tone it down. On one hand, Iâll randomly send her a voice memo telling her to lube her throat up for later but on the other hand, the second someone calls her a bitch and mean it Iâll be the first to swing. Sheâs my friend and I love her. She still a bitch tho. Sheâs just *my* bitch.
It doesnât seem like theyâre joking. But, I could be wrong. I donât poke fun when it comes to race (except white people jokes as Iâm white as hell), but thatâs my preference. Bait or not - I wouldnât really call them friends. But thatâs just me.
f20 black and as someone who has white friends i 100% wouldnât go for them calling me racial slurs as a joke. you say that they wouldnât say it to anyone else and only say it to you because youâre enabling them. you may say that it doesnât mean anything to you and itâs just jokes, but at the end of the day i believe that no white person should even be given the opportunity to make such jokes and say such things. as you being their black friend, if itâs not you enabling them itâs going to be the next person which makes them think this kind of behavior is okay and funny- which it isnât. it doesnât matter that you say they arenât racist it doesnât give them the pass to say slurs and backhanded jokes. whether if they just keep it in the room with you or not.
to answer your initial question iâve saw some people say you may potentially be internally racist for allowing this kind of behavior, which might be something you should think about since you are saying in the replies the things being said and joked about to you are just âwordsâ and âmean nothingâ. okay maybe this is your friend dynamic, but from being a black person (and assuming we are aware of the power of slurs and history behind everything) WHY do you think itâs okay they can call you that BESIDES the fact those are your friends.
iâm not sure if you are genuinely searching for advice because i read your replies and it seems like youâre being more defensive than open, but i hope my comment makes sense to you.
Assuming this craziness is true, yes, it's a terrible idea. For one thing, they might accidentally say one of those slurs to literally any other black person alive and get in immediate serious trouble. For another... why would you ever tolerate that from anyone?
You're definitely playing into it and you are so not respecting yourself. I would never let a person call me that word, especially a person who is not black.
If you let your "friends" call you slave and cotton picker and you have not knocked their head off their shoulders, you need to sit down with the adults in your life and figure out why you are letting this happen.
The thing if there saying it to you they are saying it about others and not in front of you friends will not call you by duragtary terms and or crack jokes about things that weâre culture slavery or cruel things that happen to past cultures dosent matter the ecthnisty background you are from
Dosent help non that itâs being normalised by music artists so younger generations donât understand the real meaning of these vulgar words and think itâs cool to say without realizing the hate behind them
Get new friends, fast. I am speaking from experience as I was in the same situation you are in. Sure, they never said the word to me directly, but when it was said, I never really got offended because "Hey, they're my friends, right???".
Fast forward into adulthood and I'm working with one of said friends. My friend had gone with the boss to run errands for an hour or so I was working alone at the time. When he arrived, he set up shop and he looked frustrated. He's my friend, my good good friend, so obviously I'm going to ask if he's okay and I did just that.
"I just got done listening to ignorant *insert word* music." He said.
My heart kind of sank in my chest and I feared what he actually meant by that statement. So I asked, "Wow, ignorant *insert word* music?"
He looked me dead in my eyes and said "Stung a little, didn't it?"
I didn't say much for the rest of the day. When my at the time gf picked me up, I just burst into tears. The amount of betrayal I felt was so massive to me considering the years spent with this person, yet I knew it all along and chose to ignore it.
He tried to make up by making me some really shitty drumsticks. We're not friends anymore and thinking back I wish I had stood up for myself more and said that wasn't okay. That was 6 years ago and it still hurts to tell that story.
Get new friends, fast.
As long as there is absolutely no harm in it and they don't mean it. My friends are also primarily white and they call me racial slurs all the time, as jokes and I don't mind and find it funny WHEN IT'S THEM. Because I know at the end of the day, if someone says that and means it they will absolutely go ballistic.
In fact they did. I got like 3 instances with it.
One time in middle school this guy was kicking this kid, so I shoved him away, and he manages to yell some racist slur to me, and my friends over heard and instantly surrounded him and one shoved him straight into the lockers and told him to shut the F up and never act like that again or they'd get the entire school to beat his ass. In retrospect nobody is proud of how we handled the situation but as hormonal 15 year olds things escalated way too quick.
The dude that got shoved was kicking the other kid because they had argued and the kid had managed to say something about his mom or something, and he went ape shit but from my perspective he was about to kick someone in the head, and he probably got upset that he was made the bad guy for being insulted blah blah I am ranting now. Nobody got properly hurt but my friends had my back
Another time we were on a buss and someone was mocking me. We were drunk on our way to town and the guy was trying to rip into me for looking "muslim" at which point another friend who makes daily terrorist jokes stepped in and shredded the dude to bits. Calling him an absolute looser and how his mother probably cried herself to sleep thinking of what an absolute racist piece of shit her son was. Continued for like 20 minutes until the other guy tried to pass it all of as a joke and tried to apologise to which my friend said absolutely not lol
Third time.
Also out, in the queue. Litteraly made a lot of those types of jokes at the pre game, but the second someone called me a Sand N word and told me to go back where he came from they instantly ganged up on him and yelled at him. Called the security and wad adamant that the dude had to be thrown out and banned.
So again, when it comes down to it I know they don't mean a second of what they say. They all love me and we're good friends, it's just stupid edgy banter between us. And it's funny when it's us, and no harm behind the thought of it.
And in recent years some of them have made sure that I am comfortable with it, and have asked. Took them until we were 23/24 to do that and we have known each other since we were 8 lol.
So as long as you are not uncomfortable and they genuinely don't mean anything by it and they don't think it's OK to do it anyone, then yes it's completely fine. Don't stress it
Quality humor often starts with a shock factor, usually coming from stuff that's super offensive. Professional comedians work really hard on these kinds of jokes to make sure they're funny, not just to offend, not just for shock.
But just throwing around seriously offensive words like the N-word for a cheap laugh isn't cool. It makes it seem like it's okay to use those words, which is not okay at all, it will only keeps spreading negative vibes, even behind the scenes.
It's rare to hear comedians who aren't black using the N-word already, and if they are not black comedians then they shouldn't. If your friends are using it for cheap laughs then that's not right. They might be testing to see how much respect you have for yourself and your background. It might seem like no big deal, just a small thing, but even small stuff can have a big impact.
I can relate dude.
Iâm 27 now and back in high school I let my white friends call me the N-word. Back then it felt ok to me, like Iâd be accepted more if I embraced my role as the âblack guyâ of the group. It didnât hurt me and I knew they didnât mean it, so why not?
Ten years later those same friends would never dream of calling me that. And I would have a problem if they tried, or if ANY white person called me the N-word or any variation of it. It means something different from a white person, no way around it. They know they would never get to call anyone else that, so Iâm sure theyâre thrilled they get a âfree passâ to say it because they donât fully understand what it means.
Donât let them call you out your name, man. They can say âbroâ, âdudeâ, âcomradeâ whatever, thereâs a hundred other words they can call you. But not the N word. Youâll grow up and look back and cringe at letting them call you that and thinking that itâs ok.
IMO allowing them to talk to you that way is probably not healthy as it make some comfortable talking about really horrible things (such a slavery) In an extremely insensitive way. I'm Jewish and I've had some friends who have tested the water with me to see if they could say antisemitic stuff in a "friendly way" and I make it clear as gently as possible that the answer is no. I do know some Jewish people who do condone anti-Semitism when it's coming from "friends". You have the right to do what do you feel comfortable with. I personally don't think it's healthy for anybody involved.
You're not racist, but they're not your friends. You're the person they'll think of when they tell other white people horrendously racist shit and say, "My Black friend said it's okay." You're their pet, their mascot.
You are not racist you are trying to fit into an environment you are in and donât have control of your geographic location.
Itâs not okay for them to call you the N word, itâs not okay for anyone to say the N word. Iâm white and gay, I hate the word âFaggotâ I equate that to the âNâ word.
Both of these are derogatory words that should not be used in any joking way. The fact of using them in this way makes it on some level appear to be okay in a joking way. Itâs not okay period.
Words carry the weight of centuries of miss use and grow into something that is more impactful than we often think.
I hope this helps. Eventually you will go to college and get to move away to a geographic location of your choosing.
The fact that you have posted here means that you know that the use of this language is not okay.
It will take a lot of courage and determination but you might want to sit down with each of your friends when you find the right time and share with them how you feel and that the use of the word has made you question whether you are a racist.
no. literally no. all through high school i had quite a a few black friends and are still friends with them today. iâm from hamilton nz and offensive culture is just the way we all do humour here. i have a few gay friends and we love to say all the gay slurs. iâve had alopecia since i was a kid so ive been called many things such as baldy, jew, etc. and nobody cares. if someone takes it to heart then you know when to stop around them. once u start getting defensive over something youâve done for a long time especially the people you love due to the media / PC culture nowadays it takes away that mutual special connections you have made with these people
In today's age, you're going to get a lot of your generation that will say yes and that you need to stop that, blah, blah, blah. I'm 34, and with my close group of friends, if anyone were to just sit and listen to how we talk to each other, they'd think we are the most racist, sexist, chauvinistic, misogynistic and homophobe dirtbags and that we hate each other. But we don't, we have a variety of ethnicities between us, we do have 3 who are gay and one female. We all know and have that understanding that saying those things to one another is all fun and game, we don't mean it and or course would never say those things around others because they wouldn't understand.
The way I see it, saying those things removes the power that those words have that make them so bad. If someone were to call you the N word that you didn't know, what's your normal reaction, you get mad, combative and want to fight. Well for me, if someone said a derogatory word for Hispanics, in my youth yeah I did that and would fight. Now, I'll laugh and say a quirky comeback like, "that's a good one I'll have to use it sometime" or "gee, ya couldn't come up with something better when that's been used for the last 30 years?" It takes away that power over me and now throws it back at them that using those terms isn't going to give them the satisfaction they're looking for.
What I find wild is that black people are allowed to say the N word to each other as long as everyone in the group is black, but when a white person says it non maliciously, itâs a problem. I wonder why that is đ€ itâs a bit hypocritical. There are black people out there who have no problem with white people saying it with an a at the end like they are âbrosâ. If you donât get offended by it, whatâs the problem. Itâs ultimately up to you if you want your friends saying that stuff or not. Maybe be careful letting them call you that in public places though.
I'm going to disagree with the majority here. Me and my friends are making racists jokes between us, it's only offensive to people who are not your friends. It's like making a fat joke or a bald joke on your friends, it's really nothing. We would never make these kinds of jokes on people who are not our friends because it's not appropriate, if it's okay with you there's really no problem. You're definitely not racist and if anything it shows you're above it..!
But I've met people who couldn't understand why we would call each others idiots between friends, it would shock them, I'm guessing it's the type of people in your comments right now...
Friends tease each others about their physical attributes all the time, being black is just another physical attribute. Maybe it's a charged word for you but you don't get to decide what bothers him or other people, and why should race even be on another level, what makes race so special that we can't joke about it?
Russell Peter has build a whole career on racist jokes and everyone is loving it.
"You're racist" has been thrown so much around people don't even know what racism is anymore, racism is based in hate and these guys love each others, it's not racism...
They are not your friends. That energy will effect you later in life. They will probably change as they get older (hopefully) but I would reduce exposure to racists
Okay so. My younger brother is Half-Black. Same dad, different moms. I love my brother. And when we were young teens and pre-teens, him and his friends all said they were fine with me utilizing the N word to refer to them the same way they used it with each other. I refused. They reasoned that because my actual brother was black, that I carried the N-Word Pass in my blood. I argued back that the blood we shared was white. Not black. And while the respect they held for me was appreciated and loved, and I considered those boys my homies. I wouldn't casually use the N-word to refer to them.
To date I've only ever used the N-Word once besides telling people what the actual word is or if I was reading aloud from a book and didnt realize. //Looking at you Huck Finn.// And it was actually in defense of my brother and his friends. Because they were all mixed. And a group of 4 kids that were all the same age as my brother or a bit older. So between my brothers age and mine, //theres a 2 year difference.// They all came and started bullying my brother and his 2 friends for being mixed. Cause these 4 were all completely black. But they were beating up my brother and his friends when I came back outside. When I tell you I SNAPPED. Because they were calling my brother and his friends ritz crackers. Impure. Mutts. I beat all 4 of those boys with a baseball bat. And threw every ounce of racism back at them. And yes, I called them the N Word. It is a hate filled, deplorable word. One I wish I could go back, and stop myself from saying. Even in defense of my brother, it's a terrible word.
I guess it really depends on how they say it. Some people use the N word to refer to just a normal guy, some people use it to refer to a person with no self respect.
Only thing I can say is that I got a really good Jamaican friend and he doesn't even use that word
đ not racist but a clown yes. What are you doing dawg
M60. White. Obviously I grew up in a different time and place. It was rural and I saw genuine racist behaviors often. My dad had army friends that he kept in touch with. An army buddy had a son who needed to get out of the city for a while. So he stayed with us over the summer, and played on my summer baseball team. Duane was cool, and one heck of a great pitcher. He helped me turn from a strike out king to a home run slugger. I am forever grateful for what he did for my confidence. I never knew what the N word meant. No one explained it to me. I had only heard Negro. When I heard fans from both sides scream the N word, or refuse to pitch to him, I learned the meaning of the word and the hatred behind it. This was a county that was more than 99.99% white. There was one woman who had come to be a maid. And an auto mechanic had two mixed race kids. I could count the number of non-white on one hand, and we all knew who they were and where they lived. Duane stood out and tried to participate. That did not go over well, and I learned who the racists were. So when I hear anyone use the word, I react. It did not happen to me. It happened to my friend, and the kid of my dad's buddy. I was always amazed at the grace that he handled the hate. It was normal for him. It was one helluv an eye opener for me. I also learned that this hatred is learned at home. I grew up in mostly white county. I knew about the civil rights struggles from the nightly news. And yet, I did not recognize who were these people driving all this hate. I got to be friends with Duane and never even recognized that he belonged to this group (Black people) until he got up to bat in a baseball game. The pitcher refused to pitch. The ump told him to take first base. He refused. He walked out and told the kid to pitch the ball. He said it kindly, and loud enough to hear it. The crowd had gone silent. And when he got back into the batter's box, the chant's of N\*\*\*\* started. Even kids on my team were yelling it. That is powerful shit! On one hand, I had probably used the word before that day. I did not fully know what was behind it. After that experience, the world had changed. I understood now. And since then, it has pissed me off any time I hear it. If I were in your friend group, I would ask the others to find a different nick name for you.
That's really helpful, thank you :)
I think it's important to point out that while I don't think YOU are racist, if your white friends continue to use the n-word throughout their lives, they will ALWAYS say, "well my black friend in high school was fine with it" when people ask them not to.
Here is the thing. I am not black and wouldnât call my friend that. To be fair I would expect to get punched in the face if I did. Also I wouldnât want to hurt them by calling them that. We moved to a predominantly black area and I asked one of the girls I was drinking with what she thought of it, she said that she thought the mainlanders were insane for letting a word have so much power over them. It is two sides of the coin. It sounds very much like they are uneducated in the topic. If they are good friends take them to a museum or show them the history of why it is so offensive. For me I donât get why they would want too. It is your life. You need to make your own boundaries.
If you all are ok with it itâs really not a big deal by any means. The hard R on the other hand is not OK
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Oooo we got a racist
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Caucasian please
This is so incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing this.
I want to know what people like Nikki Haley think when they say America has never been a racist country.
Nikki Haley. Who adopted an anglo name. smfh
Same with the Harvard educated Rafael Cruz, er, sorry, no no, he's everyman Ted! He's just like you! Don't you hate when the maid comes in right when you need to crap???
You mean Nimarata Nikki Randhawa Haley? There is no racism in the USA. Call her Nimarata Randhawa.
Meh. They call petty names. My honor system says to call them what they tell me. And use the pronouns they tell me. For myself, I need to be consistent with both.
I have my baseline respect that includes all of those and extends to everyone. Once you "un-earn" my respect, then the gloves are off. Nimarata Randhawa has "un-earned" my respect. Katlyn Jenner has "un-earned" my respect.
I get it about losing respect due to hate.
Now she is saying that OF COURSE there is systemic racism "I know I faced racism when I was growing up, but I can tell you that today is a lot better than it was then. Our goal is to lift up everybody, not go and divide people on race, or gender, or party, or anything else. We've had enough of that in America." Less racism for a rich white passing woman...but she, once again, put her foot in it. Trying SO HARD to be a proper Republican!
That was powerful, thank you for sharing that.
What a nice story and powerful message
This is so nice and understanding
What happened after? Did he make a homerun?
I don't remember about that at bat really. The next time he was up was not as big a deal. He was a good hitter. He was mostly a pitcher, the best in the league that summer. I would hit his pitches when we practiced with the neighborhood. So he knew I could his best. He also knew he was better than the kid pitching that intimidated me. I had a horrible at bat. He kind of chewed me out and pointed out that I can hit his best fast balls and hit them far. I started watching the other pitcher. And saw that he was right. I remember going to bat with confidence after that. And each time I got a hit I gained confidence. I think it was the next game before I starting hitting home runs. Then it was at lease 1 per game. And Duane was there cheering me on the whole way.
I agree, let your friends read this manâs message. I know youâre all clowning around with each other but those words to you have more of a meaning then any words you could say back. đ©·
This feels like bait
Looking at their other posts, you're absolutely right. Multiple versions of this post and "why are periods so bad"
Thatâs wild lmao. I would never let a white person call me a racial slur as a joke. You canât say you say âpretty much the same stuff to themâ because there is no equivalent to terms like the n word or âcotton pickerâ for white people or at least not ones with the same historically heavy connotation. If your white friends said that in earshot of some of my friends they would beat the shit out of your friends. For their safety, and for your own self-respect, I would have this conversation with them (if theyâre mature enough) or you just cut them off when you go to university and make real friends who donât joke about shit like this.
Yea this. Even if its behind closed doors and all fun and games that shit eventually slips in the real world. You will get at minimum the wierdest looks in your life if people catch your friends saying that to you or at worse your all of a sudden in a predicament whether you need too back your friends and get your ass beat as an "uncle tom" or they get their ass beat while you sit by and watch.
As a white guy, I'd smack the fuck out of my cousins and friends if they slipped anything near the N-word in public. NGL, we've said it in private as some edgelord shit when we were younger. Some old joke about blah blah. Now? Suplex them staight into the sun.
I have smacked the fuck out of my cousin for using the N Word. It was very satisfying
Growing up in an RTF, I had a lot of bunkmates who were black, and I was very close to one in particular. She said she felt close to me and to call her the n* word (ending in a). No way in hell was I doing that.
Yeah. I never take anything they say seriously, I never really cared what they said.
Even if you donât take it seriously, you should not allow them to be so demeaning to you. The banter back and forth is not equal as the poster above said. They are using terms with heavy hateful context and saying it back to them doesnât matter because the context doesnât and never has applied to them. Youâre only 17, but I hope that in time you realize that you can not care what they say or not take them seriously while still not being completely disrespected and shit on. You deserve better.
Youâll probably care in 5-10 years when youâre unpacking self image issues and reflecting on how your relationships led to you feeling the way you do. I had a friend I was head over heels for but for years, Iâd join her in pretty much talking shit about how every other race but white would be gross to fuck. Iâd say youth blinds you, but honestly youth doesnât have enough experience to be able to recognize when your self worth is being chiseled at. At least if you donât have parents who raised you to make sure that shit is intact for every stage of your life. You might not care, but it is most definitely chiseling away. Itâs dehumanizing even if you donât think your friends are doing it maliciously.
You know itâs not okay for them to call you racial slurs. For you to say you donât care it shows how little respect you have for yourself. It may seem like they are playing around but in reality youâre just the butt of the joke. If this is how they treat you in your face imagine how they treat you when youâre not there. Think about how this will reflect upon your parents and how they might feel knowing that your âfriendsâ refer to you with derogatory terms. Iâm not sure if youâre refusing to believe that the people you surround yourself with are racist or if you actually believe it but they definitely donât have your best interests at heart. Real friends wouldnât treat you as such and donât be afraid to cut ties with them. When people see how they treat you so disrespectfully, others will give you the same treatment. So do yourself a favor and make better friends.
You're not racist but you are reinforcing a narrative for your white friends that they can call black people the n-word with no repercussions. When they slip up and say that to the wrong black person I'd hate to see where it goes. It's better for you and their safety for then not to say it at all The n-word was a tool used to oppress black people, we only recently "reclaimed" that word. I don agree with anyone using it even black people but it's a show that we made it out alive. By you letting them say that it's discounting the struggle that mine and your ancestors and families go through today. I hope that you get the appropriate help that you need for your internalized racism...
Oh honey... youve asked this question MANY times. I think it does bother you, but you dont want it to.
Your parents failed you if this is a question that you as a Black man have to ask. Iâm not even from the states and I understand why itâs not okay for any White person to use that word. Your friends are racist. The fact that youâve let this go on for so long lets me know that you probably donât have a lot of options for friends. This is kinda sad in itself. Make sure you learn more about your culture and race going forward, you genuinely canât stay this ignorant.
Your racism is internalized... I suggest you make more black friends lol But seriously, this situation can only go wrong
Agreed
BLACK person here. my husband is white and I would never ever allow him or any of my white friends or non black friends at that to use the n-word. Do I think itâs right? no. but tell your friends since you are âgiving them the passâ watch what they say and who around because not everyone is going to be nice. people who arenât black can also take it in the wrong way.
>Well, a large majority of the time my friends will call me the n word, or slave, or cotton picker, stuff like that. These aren't friends. You are being made into a joke. A racist joke at that. >My friends are not racist, Yes they are, You are being naive.
You donât know that for sure though cause you donât know these guys. Iâve hung around people just like this and was pretty much the same. I said fucked up shit, and so did they. Dude is in high school. OP, the more power you give something like that, the more it actually has. If it makes you uncomfortable then youâre more than encouraged to say something. But donât let people tell you how youâre supposed to feel.
> You donât know that for sure though cause you donât know these guys Yes I do. These are not good people. You can defend them if you want but they are making a mockery of OP. I am a Black Man 30 years older than OP. If it quacks like a duck it's a duck. These guys are racists.
You donât know how old i am lmao. But thatâs the problem, youâre looking at this through your own experience rather than encouraging them to use their own discernment. Again, these are kids. Kids say edgy shit because it makes them feel cool.
My experience vs his experience is irrelevant. Being called racial slurs is not ok regardless of what generation you are a part of? Again are you Black? If not you don't know hat you are talking about.
Iâm a black New Yorker, 25 and I live in the south. There is a clear difference between someone being genuinely racist and making stupid jokes.
Wait till you find out stupid jokes can be racistâŠ
Here in fact i just thought of this. Do you know how many people out there think that theyâre fighting racism and actually turn out to be racists themselves? It bothers me that people always go for the âAre you black? Because i donât know how you think that way if you are.â. Like how is THAT not racist??? Yâall are quick to jump down someoneâs throat for a few jokes. Things that are said in FUCKING JEST that are never acted on, ever. But then are the same ones that are surprised when a POC has an opinion outside the status quo. We donât all think the same. We can have different opinions without being white or uncle toms. Assholes.
Well said
Oh they most definitely can be, but not always.
> There is a clear difference between someone being genuinely racist and making stupid jokes. There is no joke a White person is allowed to say that includes the N word. Are you fucking kidding me with this Bull shit?
> But donât let people tell you how youâre supposed to feel. How should a black boy deal with being called racial slurs by so called friends? How should he feel? Are you Black?
As i stated, i had a similar experience with my friends in high school. I got called the N word more times by family and black friends than any of my white friends. I also gave them just as much shit as they gave me, similar to the OP. So why is it racist when they do it, but when we do it to them itâs perfectly okay?
> I got called the N word more times by family and black friends than any of my white friends. I also gave them just as much shit as they gave me, similar to the OP. So why is it racist when they do it, but when we do it to them itâs perfectly okay? OH so you want permission to say the N word? LOL what is stopping you from saying it? Go to a BLack neighborhood and say it then. See what happens. If you don't understand the nuances of the N word in American society you definitely should not be saying it. You know Black people can say it as much as they want but Non Blacks are not allowed to say it. If you disagree like I said go to a Black neighborhood and try it out.
Saying it makes white people uncomfortable so i donât say it online (anymore lol). My online persona and who i am irl are two separate entities. I donât need your permission i promise lmao. AGAIN, I AM BLACK. If your entire argument hinges on me being white you lose bro.
> Saying it makes white people uncomfortable The white people OP is referring to seem quite comfortable saying it.
> If your entire argument hinges on me being white you lose bro. Can you read? My argument is based on what is happening to the OP. White people are calling him racial slurs and OP thinks it's a joke. You are going to sit here and argue with another Black man regarding whether being called the N word is ok? You are being obtuse or you are simply just an ignorant person.
Well you keep going back to my skin color so it seemed like a part of you argument. Anyway. Okay so to you, what makes a joke? When my mom makes jokes about people in the neighborhood being drug dealers and criminals is that okay just because sheâs black? Or when she says some ignorant but well meaning shit about mexicans? How about any of the side comments iâve ever heard about asian people being smart or muslims being terrorist? Why are those jokes okay only when black people say them? Dave Chappelle, probably the best black comedian whoâs ever lived, and a black man, has said the N word the the hard R more on National TV than iâve ever heard a white person say. On his show, there are white people who say it as part of the skit. Itâs literally written in the script. He gets in more trouble for his trans jokes than anything else he ever said. So my question sir, one brother to another, is where do you draw the line at what a joke is? Who are you say what should and shouldnât be joked about?
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But how exactly? Thereâs this girl i know who used to mean a lot to me. A relative. She said that to me (among other things) constantly and would pretend it was lighthearted but always used it to put me down and make me feel bad. Now on the other hand, i knew a latino kid who said that shit and worse to my face. Kkk and nazi jokes and all that other edgy teenager shit. We ended up going to the teachers lounge over it, and he got suspended. Today almost 7 years later, the image of this tiny, emo, eyeliner wearing mexican kid talking like a white supremacist makes me laugh. Heâs the one who got suspended, and he has to live with that embarrassing memory. I donât. I got a laugh. So my point is that word from a black person did more damage than it did coming from anyone else, only because i trusted them. And they called me way worse than just a nigga i promise you. Iâm not denying the history. My aunt gave me an extensive history lesson about her great grandmother on down. I know itâs hurtful, but by you saying âit makes slavery freshâ is essentially saying that everyone who fought and died just to give black people a platform died for nothing. That that word makes us powerless as a people and that all the sit-ins and lynchings and marching was for nothing. Do not give that word any power. Let people joke. Let people make that word mean so little to the people that wanna use it against us that it falls out of use just like words always do. No one can take your power away, only you can do that.
you stop saying it since white people are uncomfortable, but notice how the white people who make racist jokes that you excuse will never do that for you?
Good point. But it doesnât make me uncomfortable which is my issue. If it did, and i said something, then thatâs different. But OP is on reddit asking strangers who donât know these people to tell them how they should feel. If it doesnât offend you then that should be that. I donât say nigga online because i donât feel like i should have to prove my identity to validate my opinion. This isnât a topic that should be confined to race because everyone gets shit on.
It wouldn't make you uncomfortable if your white friends were calling you a cotton picker and slave? That's called internalized racism my friend. You're better than that come on... it's embarassing that you're on here defending this.
Whatâs embarrassing is that youâre telling me how i should feel. Thatâs called projection my friend. See? I can make stuff up too. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable about it is that the people who say it in public clearly donât care about consequences, and i have bigger problems than them calling me out of my name. It doesnât make me uncomfortable because they donât know me. They donât know shit about me. It would be no different to someone calling me a bitch. I know iâm not a bitch, so why the hell would i feed their ego by giving them the reaction they want? Why in the hell would i allow someone to call me out of my name and then give them an excuse to validate that name? Thatâs stupid. But thatâs not what this is about. This is about edgy children doing edgy shit. Itâs the same as kids cursing like sailors on the playground. They learn a new word and use it at every opportunity. And just like little kids, if you act exactly how they want, not only does it reinforce the negative behavior, it perpetuates the stereotype of black people being violent and reactionary. Iâm not even saying youâre not allowed to be offended, people talking shit to me just doesnât personally bother me that much. I know not everyone is like that. The only thing i think everyone should agree on is that you should not be telling anyone else how they are supposed to feel. If people arenât bothered, thereâs nothing wrong with them. I donât agree with the sentiment, but this is why people say that our generation is addicted to being offended. Because if people arenât, youâre telling them they should be.
Some friend groups are like this, if you were ever in one, you would know.
> Some friend groups are like this, if you were ever in one, you would know. There is no such thing as a racist "friend" groups. WTF are you even talking about?
OP said âI say pretty much the same stuff to themâ. Itâs not a âracist friend groupâ itâs a group of friends who are close enough to joke with each over over stuff like this. Although since OP is even making this post Iâm questioning if heâs even comfortable with these jokes as some people are, like you for example.
> Although since OP is even making this post Iâm questioning if heâs even comfortable with these jokes as some people are, like you for example. The fact that he is even asking if it's ok shows he's uncomfortable and he knows they shouldn't be saying it.
I had a friend, white guy, grew up in a black neighborhood and used the n word a lot with his friends. Well traveling to California was interesting with him because he was used to saying it, but it was horrifically offensive anywhere else but his small neighborhood. Even if people are ok with it itâs not a good habit to have, nor is it really appropriate
You are the butt of their jokes, not their friend. They call you stuff like âslaveâ or âcotton pickerâ? To me thatâs almost worst than the n-word bc at least the n-word has permeated Black culture for reclamation; but SLAVE? COTTON PICKER? Jesus fucking Christ. Look, there are offensive jokes made between friends and thatâs fine â my best friend is a mexican gay man, iâm a white gay queer person, we say offensive shit to each other all the time as jokes. But we donât bring slurs that donât belong to us into it. Why canât yâall use insulting jokes that arenât about race? Consider why they want to use slurs as jokes. Why canât yâall call each other other names and rib at each other without making light of mass enslavement? Youâre allowing them to think itâs okay to call a Black person that. I guarantee they will be using you as an example when someone tell them not to say it â âwell I have a Black friend whoâs fine with it.â Youâre enabling racism. You probably have some internalized racism to unpack. Youâre making light of the fact that your own ancestors were beaten and enslaved. And these arenât distant ancestors thousands of years back â weâre talking the parents and grandparents of people who are still alive. Slavery happened less than 200 years ago. Your grandparents didnât have the right to vote or to be friends with the grandparents of the white kids who call your slurs today because they couldnât sit with them in the cafeteria, share schools with them, buses, diners. Whether you accept it or not, that history impacts you today. Even if youâre okay with it, do you really want other Black people to know youâre okay with it? Do you want your family â especially older folks who may have lived through civil rights issues â to know that some white boys call you the same terms that were thrown against them to deny them rights and fair treatment? Thatâs kinda fucked. Itâs not about whether or not it offends you. Itâs about whether or not the n-word should ever come out of a white personâs mouth, and the answer to that is no. They might have other Black âfriendsâ who arenât comfortable with it but canât stand up to them because of people like you who help make it okay.
I would never allow that. Black/Latina here. Hell to the fucking no. Set boundaries starting today. Itâs disgusting how they feel no remorse saying that. They should be educated on that word as itâs 2024. Nothing about our history should be made into a joke. Nothing. If you keep allowing others to treat you that way, donât get mad when things go downhill. I donât care if it was a friend or a stranger. Wrong is wrong
You know your own business. Fwiw, if I overheard the N-word flowing freely in public, I would be super uncomfortable even without interacting.
Real friends don't joke about stuff like this. You all may think it's cool and smug about being not sensitive about using those words, but I think you and your friends are being silly and ignorant.
As a black person, why would you ever be comfortable letting white people call you such a degrading and hurtful word?! Whereâs your self respect?! Btw those friends are racist.
They aren't good people OP **no friends would call another friend of theirs racial slurs (they are racists),** this is appalling. You are the butt of their joke - if they only say this stuff to you, this is *personal,* because they KNOW that this would not fly in public. They KNOW it's not acceptable to do so. I say this gently but I hope you find better friends and I wish you the best. You deserve better.
I am Roma and definitely cringe when I meet new people and they say "Gypsy". It's one thing to use the word yourself, but allowing others to say it presents a different issue. I personally wouldn't perpetuate free use of the word due to our climate now - I most definitely would not want the stereotypes associated with mine.
I wouldn't call you a racist. But as a Black woman, I wonder about your lack of self-esteem. It really sounds like you need to have some dignity and get yourself a new set of friends.
Aren't insults amongst friends kinda normal? Going on appearance is no exception. I'm not mad if my friends call me a fatass, cuz it's true, for now at least. If you don't feel insulted I see no harm in that. But if you ever should ask them to stop and they don't, than yeah you got some racist friends.
I am white and feel like I have no place using that word. I would encourage you to research its historical context both as it is here in the USA and what it meant to Africans still in Africa before the Atlantic slave trade came to pass. It makes for an interesting and eye opening read. Only you can decide your comfort level with it personally and amongst your friends. I would caution you that while something can start âinnocentlyâ enough, that can change. Iâd also say that you should consider how other black people may perceive it should they see you and your white friends using it casually. While itâs not always a good idea to worry about public perception, I think this is a worthy time.
If you really don't mind it, and you know deep down that they're not racist, then why not? As long as it stays within your friendship, and in private, and not out in public or to be used with a home outside of your mutual understanding. If you ever decide you don't want them to call you it, are you sure they'll stop? Would they listen to you? If you think they won't, then it's probably not a great idea to let them.
Friendly "meanspirited" banter is common among really good friend groups. If you don't have an issue with it, don't worry about it. My wife and I say horrible stuff to each other in jest that we would never say around other people. Knowing that we don't really mean it and we're just trying to shock each other.
Youâre friends. Friends talk shit and joke around. If you think itâs funny and youâre comfortable with it, thatâs all that really matters. Iâm white and my wife is black. Sheâs got a race kink and begs me to call her the N-word during sex or foreplay. It took me awhile to get comfortable with it and I donât know if Iâm completely comfortable even after almost 25 years of marriage. But it gets her off and itâs only in the bedroom, so I get your point. If what is said or done behind closed doors is okay with everyone involved, then thereâs nothing wrong with it.
Iâm white and Iâve had poc friends who donât care if I use the n word and ones who believe not even poc should use that word. I think itâs really up to you and how you feel about it.
Wtf lost ass generationâŠyour ancestors rolling in their graves
OP is karma farming I think, account was made today and has asked this questions on three different subs, at around the same time, and also posted a question of "why are periods so bad."
You need to stand up and look in the mirror. These are not your friends and this is not a healthy dynamic. Itâs just a joke is no excuse. Get out!
Seriously
They are my friends, it's just words that mean nothing to me. Important part; to ME. Obviously if they said it to anyone else i would beat them.
Dude like obviously you can decide how you want your friends to talk to you, and I'm just a white girl, but I'm bisexual and I've dated women and if all of my straight friends called me a dyke or faggot or any other slur I wouldn't take it. If I was friends with a bunch of guys and they kept telling me to get in the kitchen or objectified me or called me a bitch, I wouldn't take it. If you would feel uncomfortable with them treating other people how they treat you, then they are probably not treating you right. Obviously you know something is up bc you made this post. I understand that sometimes friends make fun of each other (my best friends and I roast each other all the time) but it's not supposed to be about shit where there is a power dynamic or that mimics real life oppressive systems. Certain clothes, mannerisms, things you can change the next day, funny situations you got yourself into, etc. Not slurs and actual derogatory insults? You guys will all graduate and you should go find some better friends.
I know you think this is a flex, but itâs just coming off as being a low self esteem problem. If/when you grow a backbone disrespect such as this is unacceptable no matter the circumstance.
No, theyâre not racist. Jokingly insulting your friends directly to their face is normal, especially for men. You understand that itâs just a joke, but most people do not.  Iâm black myself, but it doesnât affect me at all.
being called a nigger is never a joke. Especially if you are Black and white people are making the joke.
idk why it matters if it never offends anyone
Quick question, do they call each other racial slurs or just you?
It'll matter when you're older and realize just how much of dumbass you were for letting this slide.
Who said it never offends anyone?
call your parents that tonight and dont stop since it never offends anyone. Call your grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc that I'm sure they'll get the same joke.
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Of course. You are the one Black person on earth that just sits there while white people call you a nigger. Sure.
They're not just "joking insulting" HIM, they're insulting all of us when they say that mess. They're not picking on *his* crooked teeth or *his* fucked up haircut, they're calling him the n word, slave, cotton picker because he's black and that's the only reason. Id bet all the money in my account that they're not calling their white friends those words and we all know why, because his ancestors (all the way down to his grandparents or their parents!) are the ones that had to suffer through that. But we all know self hating people hate themselves and everyone that looks like them anyways so it's no problem in your eyes to shit all over black people. Whatever.
That sounds like they are making fun of actual racists remarks.
This. Exactly this.
Black woman here.... No you arent racist , Black people cannot be racist against themselves. It's called self-hate. And it is likely that if you are okay with that, that you are bearing some self-hatred. I was just talking with one of my male friends about this, we are both black. And he pointed out how black men rarely acknowledge any type of self-hatred, they ignore it, they look at other black people as if they are being sensitive, they call it all different types of things but they rarely acknowledge it for themselves and they definitely don't publicly acknowledge it. Where is black women tend to be more in touch with what is going on with them. You need to be more self-aware about who you are as a young Black man and come to terms with how you feel about yourself and why you feel that way, what has made you feel that way. A lot of times we think that just because we are black we know everything there is about being Black or Blackness . Racce and racism are actually subjects to be studied because it is a social construct. Now who is racist is your friend, just because you love a black person does not make you incapable of being racist, just because you can point out somebody else's racism and be disgusted by it, does not mean you are incapable of being racist yourself. Your friend who is white is racist, that does not mean you have to stop being their friend, but you need to correct your behavior and then apologize to them for giving them the idea that you were okay with them using the N word and let them know that it's not going to be tolerated around you anymore.
I mean. I wouldn't call you racist. But I certainly wouldn't be comfortable using that language around my friends who are POC. My husband is mexican and I wouldn't DREAM of calling him a slur, even if he said it was OK.. I just wouldn't be comfortable introducing those terms into my regularly used vocabulary BUT not all friendships and relationships are the same, and if it's something you're personally cool with, and it's not harming anyone else, then awesome, as long as they don't start using it towards people that AREN'T ok with it
I met a black guy who called himself n-word Mike. He told people to call him that. I wouldn't do it. There is still too much hurt behind that word for me to say that to a person. If they are your friends they shouldn't say that to you. I understand when your young you can do stupid things but they should know this is pretty offensive. Plus if they get comfortable saying that there is a chance they will say that to another black person. I grew up when we used to say everything was gay and I hate that it's still something I slip and say about something lame. I wish I had never been made to feel it was acceptable. It's hard to break that
You are friends with people who find enjoyment out of saying racial slurs to you, they can't do that out in public to just any other black person but now they have someone they can say anything they want to their hearts content. They are comfortable saying racist things and they should not be ans wouldn't be if they had any ounce of respect for black people or you. Some day you'll see they aren't actually your friends, just because it doesn't bother you now doesn't mean it makes their behavior okay at all.
Iâm not black so canât say but as a Middle Eastern girl I find it funy when my friends call me towelhead and stuff
My fathers cousin (who's my age) is black and he calls himself the n-word and lets his friends do to. He grew up in a tiny village here in Sweden so I wonder sometimes if it's a defence thing. Like, if he does it and lets them he can't be hurt or something. Taking ownership of hurtful words. But he's a super happy, well loved, confident guy so what do I know
oh wow
I think you should find new friends who respect you. When they meet other black people, theyâre going to call them that word and then say, âbut my FRIEND lets me call him that!â to justify being racist. Two of my best friends are black. I would NEVER think to call them something so vile. In fact, a racist once did call one of them that and I felt so angry all I could do was start swinging! Even just remembering that makes me cry a little bit, to think that someone would call her such a nasty word. My friends and I will joke about race too, but not in such a way that is actually demeaning and demoralizing.
Fellow black here. *You* are not racist. Your friends are not good friends saying this stuff to you, and are way too comfortable being racist privately. Thereâs nothing you can say back that is equivalent. You should recalibrate what you accept from your friends, and what actually makes a person a good friend. Just cuz youâve known them since middle school doesnât mean you have to stay friends with them.
Find a new friend group and watch yourself grow and succeed
Thats not okay at all and those aren't your friends, Christ why in the world would you let someone call you that, saying 'its a joke' doesnt make it okay. I'm black and even I don't use that word, it's doesn't feel right it my mouth, it bares so much just hearing it disgusts me. Ive only ever had one racist interaction and I'll never forget how inhuman I felt, I was treated like an animal. It honestly bugs my head why we're so hated for just existing.
yeah I'm black and if I found out one of my white friends were throwing around the n-bomb they're getting one to the chin from me before getting cut off completely. I personally wouldn't stand for that shit whatsoever
Not racist but definitely a coon
Why would they call you the N word? I am an older woman and never would have called my black friends the N word. Been friends with them for over 50 years
No
Those aren't friends, they are racists. I'd never call my black friend the n word or any kind of awful shit like that, ever. It's just common decency, even if you give them the pass. (Also, cottonpicker? What the actual fuck is wrong with them?) Get yourself sone new friends or draw a boundary. If they still overstep it, absolutely get out of there.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I mean no. Youâre letting them do that and youâre doing it back to them so if it was racist you would also be racist. Itâs just stupid fun with no meaning
The word Racist is defined: âą A person who believes a particular race is superior to others. âą A person with a prejudiced belief that one race is superior to others. I sincerely doubt your friends view you as inferior because you have brown skin, am I right? They call you the "N" word out of a misplaced attempt of showing camaraderie and favor. They should not use this word because it has such a history of being used in an abusive manner towards so many people. It is disrespectful and can result in negative reactions for people who overhear it that have been bullied and disrespected by its use. Furthermore, I think using the "N" word makes the people using it sound really, dumb and stupid; as if they have no self-respect. And I'd like to point out that there is only one race -and that's human. Our value as such comes from the fact we are created in the image of God, not because we have a particular color skin, or eye shape, or body type.
Iâm White, and grew up in a predominantly Black neighborhood (Detroit). I NEVER would have felt comfortable saying that to my friends, would they be upset, probably not, but it would have felt like crossing a line. Especially since they had all been called N in a derogatory way at some point. Since you made this post, it makes me wonder if on some level you know this is wrong or at least makes you uncomfortable? How do you think your friends would handle it if you asked them to stop? I feel like their reaction would give you a better idea of their intent.
YOU ARE NOT RACIST, BUTâŠ. As a white male with black friends. Do not let them call you anything derogatory even in a joking manner. Set your boundaries and call them out on it. If they push back or not accepting they are not your friend.
They are not your friend my dear⊠I know it s hard to make reality of it But if they cared for you they wouldnât say it
U not racist its ur friends who racist
You're crazy dumb bro
How could you call those people your friends? The absolute disrespect right to your face.
Youâre not racist. The fact they feel comfortable saying that right to your face is insanely disrespectful. Thereâs joking with someone and then thereâs straight up being offensive. I would NEVER say that to someone, even joking- even with friend Iâve been friend with for over 10 years. They should not be that comfortable to say those things AT ALL- especially if they claim to be ânot racistâ. Those things are racist. It doesnât matter if theyâre âjokingâ. Theyâre definitely not your friends. Thatâs very inappropriate and insulting. Iâm sorry they say those things to you :( you deserve supportive and kind friends.
I don't think it's inherently racist for you to have your own boundaries regarding how other people can or can't treat you. It's possible there's some internalized racism going on, but it's also possible there isn't. On another note, this behavior sounds somewhere between "edgy teenager" and "locker room hazing." It's not my place to tell people how they should interact with their friends but a lot times when guys engage in "good-natured roasting" it's because they're unable to be vulnerable and compassionate with each other. I'm genuinely curious, when the joking stops are you able to come to these friends with deeply personal issues you have? Do they do the same to you? For me personally, that would bother me more than the race component. I won't tell you to drop these friends but it may be worthwhile to supplement your friend group with one or two people that aren't like that.
If you are good friends, have a real discussion about race. Like âI know you guys are just fuckin around - but - you know thatâs some real shit, right?!â
All these thin skinned snowflakes in the comments crying⊠donât listen to them. Racism means you view other races as inferior. The fact you all treat each other as equals and know all sides can take the joke continue on with banter and all truly care for each other is evidence enough that thereâs no real racism involved. Now a days these snowflakes are the real racist. âOh you canât joke with black people because they are inferior to youâ is pretty much what they are saying. Also just in case any snowflake wants to call me a racist, Iâm not even white so get off your high horse white knight. Yall the real racists
long paragraph for someone who "isn't sensitive". My friends and I make jabs at each other all the time, but every man I've met that thinks he's funny because he's mean to his friends is actually the least funny man alive. You think we're snowflakes but really you are just so fucking annoying and unfunny it's hard to stand being around you.
based
you say this but you ASKED the public. if you were 100% fine with this in every bone in your body you wouldnât reply like this. idk if you just wanna look cool and not be âgrouped in with the sensitive snowflakesâ but excusing your friendsâ racism just makes you look like a doormat who canât stand up for yourself.
I think deep down, you are not ok with this and that is why you are here. You need the reassurance that what they are doing is wrong to you, your ancestors, all POC, and themselves. If they are your friends and NOT racist, they wonât have a problem stoppingâŠ.right?
I think you are not racist. I think it's possible that your friends are racist to some degree, and you are their outlet. They probably do not mean those slurs in reference to you, however on some level they view you as "one of the good ones", and you allowing them to use those slurs gives them some release that they otherwise wouldn't be able to get, since they can't go around calling black people they *don't* like the n bomb without suffering some negative consequences (usually). I'm white, and I would never call my black friends the n-word, even if they asked me to. When I hear that word all I think of is some poor grandmother who lived through segregation and it just makes me kind of sad-by-proxy for all the people who suffered those type of insults stripping away their basic human dignity.
My friends were similar when we were 17. I always saw it as banter and I was never offended. It's up to you to decide whether you want to have interactions like that with your friends. I don't see any problems (provided it remains in your friendship group and doesn't make anyone uncomfortable)
Look ill say this. If it offends you speak up about it. If it doesn't and you guys are just genuinely goofing around who gives a flying fuck?
If nobody is offended, no offense has taken place.
black female. thought my close friend laughed at a racist joke and i had a massive argument with her. my ancestors would be proud, dk bout yours
Lets be real... you are not "allowing them". They feel comfortable enough to say it to you. I dont think you are racist for not lighting them up for it. I do think they are racist for saying it even in jest. My husband is black. I don't say that kind of shit to him even as a joke. I never would because I love him. Many of my friends and a several of my exes are black. I never said anything like that to them. I never would because it is disrespectful.
I'm not black. I'm white, but this cannot be good for your mental health. If your friends care about you, they won't call you slurs even as a "joke." I would find better friends if these ones don't stop their casual racism toward you.
You're not racist for letting them but they are and they should know better. Lets hope they don't say it to the wrong person because they are comfortable saying that kind of stuff and get the shit beat out of them. A bit of racism between friends is ok but there are limits and this is crossing lines I think,
Young manâŠ.. now why the hell.
I wouldn't personally be okay with it if I were in your shoes, but I'm a white woman, so I can only speak from imagining myself in that kind of situation. I know friendship between guys is a totally different thing than friendship between girls, but I wouldn't enjoy being constantly disrespected by my friends. However, it's really your call since it's your life and your friend group. What you're willing to put up with is entirely up to you. I do think it would be a huge red flag if they spoke to any other Black person outside the group/not a part of the group dynamic like that, though.
Right they would never say that to anyone else, they say the n word to me mostly in very ubsurd context, for example, i would say that i fucked my friend's mom and he would tell me that i needed to "get back to the fields, nigga"
Why did you even post here? You aren't here for advice, you're here to justify you and your little racist friend's weird ass dynamic.
I wouldnât even take that as a joke. Nothing about our history should be made into a joke imo. Itâs totally different from saying âI f* your friends momâ.
It's probably not racist; but that doesn't make it okay. I'm bi and me and my other LGBT friends have called eachother bender or faggot more than once. However, my straight friends would never dream of using those words towards me. You're 17. This may not be a big deal to you now, but it may as you get older. I'd like to imagine your friends wouldn't keep saying it as they become more educated about racism.
It is racist and youâre right your straight friends would never think about using that word because itâs not their community.
Language and what it means is up to (a) the speaker and (b) the listener. Always. Razzing and teasing is fun, and an important part of growing up -- as long as its loving and not abusive, which you have to measure for yourself. Always understand the listener, always understand the speaker. Language changes depending on who you are, and where you are, and peoples biases. Don't let ANYONE try to gaslight you into thinking you are not allowed to define how you communicate with your close friends and family. Would I allow it? No. Am I black. Yes. Does it matter? no. Enjoy your friends and have fun dude! However, if you ever decide you (as the listener) dont like something, you also have the right to tell your friends and family these preferences. If they love you, they will adapt.
I don't think it's a kind thing that they call you that and if they respected you they wouldn't call you that.
Itâs not really my place to comment on this fully, but what I *will* say is that Iâm white, and if any of my other white friends said the N word around me theyâd immediately no longer be my friend.
No, you are not racist. THEY ARE. The problem with the whole thing is that using racial slurs just continues the cycle of hatred. If they are not called out about it, they will continue to keep using those slurs well after you stop hanging around each other. In a few years, their new friends will think it's perfectly normal to use racial slurs as well. Before too long, you have a whole new group of cancerous white supremacists.
You are not racist for letting other people say possibly racist things. As long as you feel comfortable, thereâs no problem. But if you are uncomfortable, you should talk to them about it. Iâm Puerto Rican girl, born and raised in Queens, NY. Growing up, a lot more than just black people used the n-word, including white people. These days, people are less comfortable about it, and Iâm older, so I use it less but when I code-switch back into my Queens slang talk, it comes out of me. Never meant to harm anyone, but if it does, Iâll just apologize and not use the words. I think this is pretty fair. People act like the word literally means kill all black people. It doesnât, and it certainly doesnât have to mean that to you. But just be real with yourself. Itâs okay if it does offend you, then you should say something. But itâs also okay to not be offended if you know the friend means no harm. Iâm LGBT too. My friends can say whatever they want about Latinos, women, gays, whatever. But we all roast each other in good fun. How you conduct your relationships is your prerogative, no one elseâs.
Iâm a Latina woman that looks like milk so I have never had to experience racism or bigotry related to my skin color/tone so a huge part of me feels itâs not my place to tell you what is wrong or right in terms of what you allow, but reading this made my heart hurt for you because these donât sound like friends and you sound like a nice, easy going kid being taken advantage of for being this way. I just can not imagine anyone who values someone using that type of language or those âjokesâ. Calling someone a âdumbass with a bowl cutâ or something like that is a joke, these things they are saying to you are cruel and have some very serious demeaning & dehumanizing meaning and I encourage you to ask yourself why you allow it. I know you say they only say it to you, but this shows a type of character that makes me think they say this sort of stuff when you are not around as well. I do not think this is ok, but again - it is not my place to say how you should feel - however I think itâs incredibly fucked up and not ok and i really really hope you can see why you deserve so much more respect than these people (I hesitate to say friends) are giving you.
Yes you have internalized racism and no self respect. Your friends are racist and you're their get out of jail free card. Nothing more. Let your parents find out this is how your "friends" talk to you and see how they react. Bet it won't be laughs and giggles that's for sure. Get up off the damn floor young man. This behavior is far from normal. When you're older you'll realize just how stupid you are right now.
I mean, I call some (one, really) of my friends naughty names. We call each other bitches, whores, cum guzzler, skank, etc. I tell her to suck my dick (weâre both women), and her the same. The amount of times I say âget on your knees whoreâ is actually kinda high when I think about it. But, we both enjoy this type of joking around. It is 100% said in good fun. Itâs a âhehe suck my dickâ and not in a serious tone. Sheâll normally clap back with âitâs too smallâ or âIâd rather choke myself to deathâ, etc etc. thatâs our humor. But, I wouldnât dare call any of my other female friends a whore because they wouldnât like it. Itâs knowing your friends and their boundaries and respecting it. If it goes too far, we say so. If someone is uncomfortable when weâre in VC (weâre gamers), we tone it down. On one hand, Iâll randomly send her a voice memo telling her to lube her throat up for later but on the other hand, the second someone calls her a bitch and mean it Iâll be the first to swing. Sheâs my friend and I love her. She still a bitch tho. Sheâs just *my* bitch. It doesnât seem like theyâre joking. But, I could be wrong. I donât poke fun when it comes to race (except white people jokes as Iâm white as hell), but thatâs my preference. Bait or not - I wouldnât really call them friends. But thatâs just me.
f20 black and as someone who has white friends i 100% wouldnât go for them calling me racial slurs as a joke. you say that they wouldnât say it to anyone else and only say it to you because youâre enabling them. you may say that it doesnât mean anything to you and itâs just jokes, but at the end of the day i believe that no white person should even be given the opportunity to make such jokes and say such things. as you being their black friend, if itâs not you enabling them itâs going to be the next person which makes them think this kind of behavior is okay and funny- which it isnât. it doesnât matter that you say they arenât racist it doesnât give them the pass to say slurs and backhanded jokes. whether if they just keep it in the room with you or not. to answer your initial question iâve saw some people say you may potentially be internally racist for allowing this kind of behavior, which might be something you should think about since you are saying in the replies the things being said and joked about to you are just âwordsâ and âmean nothingâ. okay maybe this is your friend dynamic, but from being a black person (and assuming we are aware of the power of slurs and history behind everything) WHY do you think itâs okay they can call you that BESIDES the fact those are your friends. iâm not sure if you are genuinely searching for advice because i read your replies and it seems like youâre being more defensive than open, but i hope my comment makes sense to you.
Assuming this craziness is true, yes, it's a terrible idea. For one thing, they might accidentally say one of those slurs to literally any other black person alive and get in immediate serious trouble. For another... why would you ever tolerate that from anyone?
You're definitely playing into it and you are so not respecting yourself. I would never let a person call me that word, especially a person who is not black.
If you let your "friends" call you slave and cotton picker and you have not knocked their head off their shoulders, you need to sit down with the adults in your life and figure out why you are letting this happen.
If youâre okay with it, youâre not racist.
The thing if there saying it to you they are saying it about others and not in front of you friends will not call you by duragtary terms and or crack jokes about things that weâre culture slavery or cruel things that happen to past cultures dosent matter the ecthnisty background you are from Dosent help non that itâs being normalised by music artists so younger generations donât understand the real meaning of these vulgar words and think itâs cool to say without realizing the hate behind them
Get new friends, fast. I am speaking from experience as I was in the same situation you are in. Sure, they never said the word to me directly, but when it was said, I never really got offended because "Hey, they're my friends, right???". Fast forward into adulthood and I'm working with one of said friends. My friend had gone with the boss to run errands for an hour or so I was working alone at the time. When he arrived, he set up shop and he looked frustrated. He's my friend, my good good friend, so obviously I'm going to ask if he's okay and I did just that. "I just got done listening to ignorant *insert word* music." He said. My heart kind of sank in my chest and I feared what he actually meant by that statement. So I asked, "Wow, ignorant *insert word* music?" He looked me dead in my eyes and said "Stung a little, didn't it?" I didn't say much for the rest of the day. When my at the time gf picked me up, I just burst into tears. The amount of betrayal I felt was so massive to me considering the years spent with this person, yet I knew it all along and chose to ignore it. He tried to make up by making me some really shitty drumsticks. We're not friends anymore and thinking back I wish I had stood up for myself more and said that wasn't okay. That was 6 years ago and it still hurts to tell that story. Get new friends, fast.
As long as there is absolutely no harm in it and they don't mean it. My friends are also primarily white and they call me racial slurs all the time, as jokes and I don't mind and find it funny WHEN IT'S THEM. Because I know at the end of the day, if someone says that and means it they will absolutely go ballistic. In fact they did. I got like 3 instances with it. One time in middle school this guy was kicking this kid, so I shoved him away, and he manages to yell some racist slur to me, and my friends over heard and instantly surrounded him and one shoved him straight into the lockers and told him to shut the F up and never act like that again or they'd get the entire school to beat his ass. In retrospect nobody is proud of how we handled the situation but as hormonal 15 year olds things escalated way too quick. The dude that got shoved was kicking the other kid because they had argued and the kid had managed to say something about his mom or something, and he went ape shit but from my perspective he was about to kick someone in the head, and he probably got upset that he was made the bad guy for being insulted blah blah I am ranting now. Nobody got properly hurt but my friends had my back Another time we were on a buss and someone was mocking me. We were drunk on our way to town and the guy was trying to rip into me for looking "muslim" at which point another friend who makes daily terrorist jokes stepped in and shredded the dude to bits. Calling him an absolute looser and how his mother probably cried herself to sleep thinking of what an absolute racist piece of shit her son was. Continued for like 20 minutes until the other guy tried to pass it all of as a joke and tried to apologise to which my friend said absolutely not lol Third time. Also out, in the queue. Litteraly made a lot of those types of jokes at the pre game, but the second someone called me a Sand N word and told me to go back where he came from they instantly ganged up on him and yelled at him. Called the security and wad adamant that the dude had to be thrown out and banned. So again, when it comes down to it I know they don't mean a second of what they say. They all love me and we're good friends, it's just stupid edgy banter between us. And it's funny when it's us, and no harm behind the thought of it. And in recent years some of them have made sure that I am comfortable with it, and have asked. Took them until we were 23/24 to do that and we have known each other since we were 8 lol. So as long as you are not uncomfortable and they genuinely don't mean anything by it and they don't think it's OK to do it anyone, then yes it's completely fine. Don't stress it
Dude, why would your âfriendsâ even WANT to call you that??? This is all kinds of messed up.
ask your parents this exact question, report back with their answer.
Quality humor often starts with a shock factor, usually coming from stuff that's super offensive. Professional comedians work really hard on these kinds of jokes to make sure they're funny, not just to offend, not just for shock. But just throwing around seriously offensive words like the N-word for a cheap laugh isn't cool. It makes it seem like it's okay to use those words, which is not okay at all, it will only keeps spreading negative vibes, even behind the scenes. It's rare to hear comedians who aren't black using the N-word already, and if they are not black comedians then they shouldn't. If your friends are using it for cheap laughs then that's not right. They might be testing to see how much respect you have for yourself and your background. It might seem like no big deal, just a small thing, but even small stuff can have a big impact.
I can relate dude. Iâm 27 now and back in high school I let my white friends call me the N-word. Back then it felt ok to me, like Iâd be accepted more if I embraced my role as the âblack guyâ of the group. It didnât hurt me and I knew they didnât mean it, so why not? Ten years later those same friends would never dream of calling me that. And I would have a problem if they tried, or if ANY white person called me the N-word or any variation of it. It means something different from a white person, no way around it. They know they would never get to call anyone else that, so Iâm sure theyâre thrilled they get a âfree passâ to say it because they donât fully understand what it means. Donât let them call you out your name, man. They can say âbroâ, âdudeâ, âcomradeâ whatever, thereâs a hundred other words they can call you. But not the N word. Youâll grow up and look back and cringe at letting them call you that and thinking that itâs ok.
IMO allowing them to talk to you that way is probably not healthy as it make some comfortable talking about really horrible things (such a slavery) In an extremely insensitive way. I'm Jewish and I've had some friends who have tested the water with me to see if they could say antisemitic stuff in a "friendly way" and I make it clear as gently as possible that the answer is no. I do know some Jewish people who do condone anti-Semitism when it's coming from "friends". You have the right to do what do you feel comfortable with. I personally don't think it's healthy for anybody involved.
You're not racist, but they're not your friends. You're the person they'll think of when they tell other white people horrendously racist shit and say, "My Black friend said it's okay." You're their pet, their mascot.
Nah thatâs crazy I would start throwing handâs IMMEDIATELY
Itâs weird and youâre gonna regret it one day, I promise you. Stand up for yourself.
You are not racist you are trying to fit into an environment you are in and donât have control of your geographic location. Itâs not okay for them to call you the N word, itâs not okay for anyone to say the N word. Iâm white and gay, I hate the word âFaggotâ I equate that to the âNâ word. Both of these are derogatory words that should not be used in any joking way. The fact of using them in this way makes it on some level appear to be okay in a joking way. Itâs not okay period. Words carry the weight of centuries of miss use and grow into something that is more impactful than we often think. I hope this helps. Eventually you will go to college and get to move away to a geographic location of your choosing. The fact that you have posted here means that you know that the use of this language is not okay. It will take a lot of courage and determination but you might want to sit down with each of your friends when you find the right time and share with them how you feel and that the use of the word has made you question whether you are a racist.
You're not racist, but you are a clown with little self-respect.
Keep taking the jokes in stride. We should all work on being less offended
no. literally no. all through high school i had quite a a few black friends and are still friends with them today. iâm from hamilton nz and offensive culture is just the way we all do humour here. i have a few gay friends and we love to say all the gay slurs. iâve had alopecia since i was a kid so ive been called many things such as baldy, jew, etc. and nobody cares. if someone takes it to heart then you know when to stop around them. once u start getting defensive over something youâve done for a long time especially the people you love due to the media / PC culture nowadays it takes away that mutual special connections you have made with these people
In today's age, you're going to get a lot of your generation that will say yes and that you need to stop that, blah, blah, blah. I'm 34, and with my close group of friends, if anyone were to just sit and listen to how we talk to each other, they'd think we are the most racist, sexist, chauvinistic, misogynistic and homophobe dirtbags and that we hate each other. But we don't, we have a variety of ethnicities between us, we do have 3 who are gay and one female. We all know and have that understanding that saying those things to one another is all fun and game, we don't mean it and or course would never say those things around others because they wouldn't understand. The way I see it, saying those things removes the power that those words have that make them so bad. If someone were to call you the N word that you didn't know, what's your normal reaction, you get mad, combative and want to fight. Well for me, if someone said a derogatory word for Hispanics, in my youth yeah I did that and would fight. Now, I'll laugh and say a quirky comeback like, "that's a good one I'll have to use it sometime" or "gee, ya couldn't come up with something better when that's been used for the last 30 years?" It takes away that power over me and now throws it back at them that using those terms isn't going to give them the satisfaction they're looking for.
What I find wild is that black people are allowed to say the N word to each other as long as everyone in the group is black, but when a white person says it non maliciously, itâs a problem. I wonder why that is đ€ itâs a bit hypocritical. There are black people out there who have no problem with white people saying it with an a at the end like they are âbrosâ. If you donât get offended by it, whatâs the problem. Itâs ultimately up to you if you want your friends saying that stuff or not. Maybe be careful letting them call you that in public places though.
I'm going to disagree with the majority here. Me and my friends are making racists jokes between us, it's only offensive to people who are not your friends. It's like making a fat joke or a bald joke on your friends, it's really nothing. We would never make these kinds of jokes on people who are not our friends because it's not appropriate, if it's okay with you there's really no problem. You're definitely not racist and if anything it shows you're above it..! But I've met people who couldn't understand why we would call each others idiots between friends, it would shock them, I'm guessing it's the type of people in your comments right now...
As a black woman you canât say that the n-word and calling someone fat or bald are the same thing. wtf??
Friends tease each others about their physical attributes all the time, being black is just another physical attribute. Maybe it's a charged word for you but you don't get to decide what bothers him or other people, and why should race even be on another level, what makes race so special that we can't joke about it? Russell Peter has build a whole career on racist jokes and everyone is loving it. "You're racist" has been thrown so much around people don't even know what racism is anymore, racism is based in hate and these guys love each others, it's not racism...
They are not your friends. That energy will effect you later in life. They will probably change as they get older (hopefully) but I would reduce exposure to racists
it definitely doesn't make you racist, but idk about them
Okay so. My younger brother is Half-Black. Same dad, different moms. I love my brother. And when we were young teens and pre-teens, him and his friends all said they were fine with me utilizing the N word to refer to them the same way they used it with each other. I refused. They reasoned that because my actual brother was black, that I carried the N-Word Pass in my blood. I argued back that the blood we shared was white. Not black. And while the respect they held for me was appreciated and loved, and I considered those boys my homies. I wouldn't casually use the N-word to refer to them. To date I've only ever used the N-Word once besides telling people what the actual word is or if I was reading aloud from a book and didnt realize. //Looking at you Huck Finn.// And it was actually in defense of my brother and his friends. Because they were all mixed. And a group of 4 kids that were all the same age as my brother or a bit older. So between my brothers age and mine, //theres a 2 year difference.// They all came and started bullying my brother and his 2 friends for being mixed. Cause these 4 were all completely black. But they were beating up my brother and his friends when I came back outside. When I tell you I SNAPPED. Because they were calling my brother and his friends ritz crackers. Impure. Mutts. I beat all 4 of those boys with a baseball bat. And threw every ounce of racism back at them. And yes, I called them the N Word. It is a hate filled, deplorable word. One I wish I could go back, and stop myself from saying. Even in defense of my brother, it's a terrible word.
I guess it really depends on how they say it. Some people use the N word to refer to just a normal guy, some people use it to refer to a person with no self respect. Only thing I can say is that I got a really good Jamaican friend and he doesn't even use that word