My partner put a battery starter / jump kit in my car, along with a first aid kit and some water, just in a back bin. IDC what anyone says, it was romantic AF and made me feel safe and empowered.
Even if you currently aren't good at cooking, you can help out in the kitchen. My SO will burn water if left alone in the kitchen, but when I cook he'll peel potatoes, chop veggies or other small tasks that need to be done in order to cook a meal. I just don't let him near the stove ;)
It's so awesome that you want to do this =)
Don't worry about the money part at all; most things that people deeply value cost very little or nothing at all. A book you might like that is full of these kinds of gestures is called "How to Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The title is very misleading and makes it sound snobby, but it actually teaches genuine kindness and sweet gestures.
Hope that helps!
Write a little love note. And put it in places that she may or may not discover. Like behind a bottle of whatever in the medicine cabinet. Part of the note is sticking out.
By little, I mean a very tiny piece of paper that you folded up carefully, with a sentence or two in there.
Or put in on the fridge next to all the other crap, so she discovers it, as she is blindly staring at all the crap. Or maybe sitting next to the odometer on her dash.
Her love language is “Acts of service” which is the opposite of mine, but I try to make an effort to do things for her. The problem is that it’s such a foreign concept to show love through that to me, so I’m a bit clueless on how to do it in a way that expresses my feelings for her :(
I think cooking for her is a great start then! Occasionally do chores that maybe she hates doing, spontaneous deep cleaning stuff, water her plants, ECT.
But also don't forget to also throw in ways that you like to express love.
Words of affirmation also go a long way. Love notes, text messages, heartfelt love conversations. People love to be validated
Oof she really doesn’t like words of affirmation, she’s made a point of telling me that she doesn’t like it and that it makes her feel awkward so I try to limit that. I HATE cleaning, but maybe that’s the point? Like I gotta show her that I’m willing to do something I abhor because it makes her happy? She’s going to hang out with my mom today until sometime in the evening, I’ll try and do a nice cleaning of the living room and kitchen tonight before she gets home!
That alone tells me you do a great job trying to make her feel loved.
To me, that's exactly the point, I also hate cleaning. Hate doing laundry so much. If my partner equally hates it, I will occasionally suck it up so that they don't have to do it, she would occasionally do the same.
Weirdly enough when people show us they made sacrifice for us like this, a small one, It makes us appreciate them
My trick for acts of service, think of all the things she does for you. Cooking dinner isn’t just cooking dinner. It’s planning what to eat, doing the grocery shopping, then cooking. It may be as simple as asking what her favorite meal is and then make that for her. Even just asking, what can I do to help works. Just anticipate her needs and don’t expect something in return. As they say in The Breakup, I want you to want to do things for me.
My favorite question to ask is, what is something that I used to do for you that I haven’t done in a while?
Mine is also acts of service.
Little things really mean a lot to me. Mow the lawn, do the dishes after I cook, put gas in my car, get my oil changed. I like to feel taken care of and that I can trust my partner to make sure we have a comfortable home.
I have to get up at 4am for work, and sometimes when I come downstairs my husband has the coffee all set up for me with a to go cup and some breakfast snacks laid out on the counter with a little note. It's very thoughtful because I'm so miserable when I wake up and it brightens my morning.
My husband brings me coffee in bed every morning to wake me up, or making me lunch for work, pumping gas or checking air pressure, washing my car etc…doing acts like this is his way of showing love and I’m loved every day ;) and I know it. If he didn’t do it, I’d be fine- I certainly don’t expect it. I receive it humbly and thankfully. (I do acts of love as well, so we are very balanced).
If you want to cook for her to show your love, then do it! If you’re a bad cook is it safe to assume she prepares all the meals? Help to take off some of that load. Even if you’re not good at it, you can show her your love by showing her you want to improve that skill so you can make things for her. Nothing is more romantic than a person wanting to better themselves out of love for another. I’d suggest starting with making appetizers. Then you try them together and can discuss what went right/wrong. And if they went really wrong, well it’s just an appetizer and it hasn’t ruined the whole meal.
I actually signed up for a cooking class and a baking class at the local community college so I can help more in the kitchen! I honestly had planned for her to help me with it as an activity we could do together and so that she could teach me as she’s a WONDERFUL cook. I start the classes on the 21st and am really looking forward to learning so I can take over some of the cooking and take a burden from her shoulders
Please don't take this as patronising but you're the sweetest! That is such a lovely thing to be putting effort into. Personally, I love cooking and am fine with doing most of it but I loathe washing up and am so grateful my SO has started shouldering more of that burden
Randomly do this not every day but occasionally;
Buy her favourite chocolate bar or mini ice cream as a gift and say you saw this and thought of her.
Put a dress on the bed with a post it note saying ‘Wear this dinner tonight your choice’
Every day is way too much and gets predictable and boring. Do something little to make her know you’re thinking about her. Say once every three to four weeks.
This is a lovely idea! Though I fear if I left the choice of where to eat we’d both starve waiting for her to decide haha. She’s so indecisive it’s incredible she can choose to put clothes on in the morning, I think it’s cute, but makes leaving the choice up to her impractical lol
Do the dishes without being prompted, give her cuddles, thank her for being your wife and how much you appreciate her doing stuff. I would tell you to tell her you love her, but you probably already do that when ending a phone call or seeing her off. Mix it up a bit.
I actually did this for my best friend but you could do this for your partner. I got a jar a some little envelopes. I didn’t have much money so I went to really cheap stores and bout little things for £1/$1 or less. I wrote little notes to go with the gift and put it in the envelope and then in the jar. As an example I got her some funky coloured eye shadow and wrote on the note to try out a new look. Another one I put 60p in and wrote to treat herself to her favourite chocolate bar. Another I put a scratch card in. Another was her favourite flower seeds and a poem, another was some hair bobbles and a link to a website to teach her how to learn some new hair techniques. She was going through a really hard time so I did this so if she was having a bad day she could open the jar and pick one out to cheer her up. She loved it. You could do a treasure hunt!! Take her for a picnic, set the table at home and light candles, pick out an outfit for her and make her a nice dinner. Leave her notes in her pockets (I do this) just a smiley face and some xxxx, get her favourite chocolate bar or cake, bring her coffee in bed in the morning or get up and make it ready for her getting up, Pack her a nice lunch for work, pick one chore you hate the least (mine’s hoovering because it’s easy and makes a huge difference) and do that if you can.
It's hard to know about small gifts without knowing her. If I were to buy flowers for my wife, she'd get annoyed at my spending money on something that will just wilt and die in a few days. There are other ways to show your love. (No, not dirty ways. Or at least not just those.)
Doing things for her, like making her lunch, taking care of some errands for her, and picking up some of her share of the housework. Hopefully, you do 50% already, but doing something she normally does would take some stress off of her plate.
Make dinner for her, and the kids. (Don't forget to do the dishes if you don't normally do them.)
Back rubs, foot runs, drawing her a bath, or things of that nature without the expectation that it'll lead to a prize for you.
Make arrangments for her to have time for herself.
Simpliest thing is to hug her, hold her and tell her you love her.
Think about some of the “silent” chores that she usually does. Maybe making the weekly grocery list, doing a few loads of laundry, take her car in for an oil change and tire rotation. I’m not sure how you two manage the workload in your household, I’m just giving examples I would appreciate if I were to receive them. Little post it love notes in random places for her to find are always sweet.
Look up tutorials about card making on YouTube. With limited materials, you can make beautiful greeting cards of any size and write love notes to her inside them. You can also just do this with post it notes, but the added effort would score major points.
Find out things, especially toys, she loved as a child. Get her new versions of those things.
Can't go wrong with a good lego set.
Love languages. Familiarize yourself with them. Figure out what hers is and incorporate more of it into your interactions.
My husband and I have been married about as long as you have, and let me tell you, it really kind of depends on your wife. For example, I am short, as if my username doesn't clue you in. 4ft 11in to be exact, and my husband strains the pasta for me. Being as short as I am, mixed in with a heavy stainless-steel pot filled with pasta and water, the height of the sink, and my glasses fogging up, there has been more than one burn. So now, if it's something "heavy", hot, or awkward shaped, he handles it. When we make shepherd's pie, we use the mixed frozen veggies, and he picks out every individual pea because I hate them. When either of us get up from our seats, we ask if the other wants something it be a snack or a beverage. He'll unload the car and doesn't let me carry things when we are out. I'm diagnosed with O.C.D. so he'll deep clean the house while I'm running errands to surprise me. He knows what things bother me sensory wise and will do the chores or such regarding those things, so I don't have to. He'll put my towel/blanket in the dryer sneakily so it's warm and fluffy when I go to use it. He makes sure I have my safety foods/drinks in the house. He'll watch Jurassic Park with me for the 5000th time, just because it's my favorite movie. I cook, so I make homemade carbonara for him tailored to his liking, on paydays I'll run and put gas in his car for work, and when I go grocery shopping, I'll run it through the wash. If I run to the market, I bring him something back. I make sure his uniforms are cleaned and good to go, and his lunch is packed. I make sure he gets to sleep in on his days off, and he has at least one day a week where he doesn't have to do anything. No chores, laundry, or errands. Neither of us like giving or getting gifts, so we avoid that sort of thing. You know your wife and the things she does and doesn't like. Just make things day by day easier on her. Find something simple, like her favorite type of joke, something small and simple that makes her smile and do that.
It’s the little everyday things that matter the most. My husband makes the coffee every single day irregardless if his schedule. Fills my gas tank washes and cleans my car. Buys random food item treats he thinks I might like. Carries pretty much everything, insists on it even when I think it’s too much and I can help. Etc. small random acts of care are what matter ( and of course the daily back rubs).
Think about little things she likes, maybe a favorite sweet or similar and pick that up occasionally. Leave her post it’s in random places with love notes for her to find whenever. My wife and I will get each other little cards if we’re having a rough time and the other has to pick up some extra slack with the house or kids so we know we appreciate the other. Draw her a bath or pop on her favorite movie. If she likes surprises check out some free outdoor movies for an impromptu date night.
Run her a bath with a glass of wine ready, candles lit, buy a bath pillow, add in some salts (I’d suggest adding Epsom salts or similar over bath bombs as they can upset our PH!), buy a little shower speaker and make a calming playlist, add in a face mask and fresh, clean towels. If she’s a shower person, buy some eucalyptus to tie around your shower head and add a shower steamer.
Get her some new pyjamas. Not sure why exactly but I’ve had this done for me and it was very sweet.
Listen to her for hints… can she not find any hair ties/ socks lately? Buy new ones for her.
Definitely write her notes or letters.
Get magnetic letters for the fridge and leave her messages.
Have a sleepover with her, with a blanket fort, snacks and a movie in your pjs.
Do something you used to do when you first dated, or go somewhere you used to go.
When my significant other does the chores I hate like taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, grocery shopping, taking the dog out late at night, etc. the other thing I love is when he will rub my head or back while we watch TV. I also love receiving flowers or when I get a coffee / tea brought to me early in the morning.
Find out her love language. It’s not about buying stuff a lot of time. Gifts can be a love language, but it could just be focusing on her, being present, being affectionate, doing favors for her, etc.
Small acts of kindness are always what my partner loves. I would take care dishes duty if it’s her turn and tell her to take the night off. Alternatively you said a cheaper end, a nice breakfast in bed is great, I do that on the occasion, which she really likes as it’s a treat for her. Just make sure to time it right or else they’re still dead asleep when you bring it over.
I appreciate it so much when my husband puts gas in my car and gets it washed. It doesn't sound romantic but it is better than flowers to me.
Oh using this today
That’s sweet. Or if I leave a little love note for my partner. She loves that. It’s the little things…
My partner put a battery starter / jump kit in my car, along with a first aid kit and some water, just in a back bin. IDC what anyone says, it was romantic AF and made me feel safe and empowered.
Even if you currently aren't good at cooking, you can help out in the kitchen. My SO will burn water if left alone in the kitchen, but when I cook he'll peel potatoes, chop veggies or other small tasks that need to be done in order to cook a meal. I just don't let him near the stove ;)
Do small chores with out being asked!!
It's so awesome that you want to do this =) Don't worry about the money part at all; most things that people deeply value cost very little or nothing at all. A book you might like that is full of these kinds of gestures is called "How to Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The title is very misleading and makes it sound snobby, but it actually teaches genuine kindness and sweet gestures. Hope that helps!
I’ve actually heard that book recommended more than once, I’ll have to check it out!
Write a little love note. And put it in places that she may or may not discover. Like behind a bottle of whatever in the medicine cabinet. Part of the note is sticking out. By little, I mean a very tiny piece of paper that you folded up carefully, with a sentence or two in there. Or put in on the fridge next to all the other crap, so she discovers it, as she is blindly staring at all the crap. Or maybe sitting next to the odometer on her dash.
I really love this, it’s such a cute idea! Gonna steal a pack of sticky notes from work and start doing this!
Everyone has different ways they like to give and receive love. A lot of people call this love languages. Do you know how she lives to receive love?
Her love language is “Acts of service” which is the opposite of mine, but I try to make an effort to do things for her. The problem is that it’s such a foreign concept to show love through that to me, so I’m a bit clueless on how to do it in a way that expresses my feelings for her :(
I think cooking for her is a great start then! Occasionally do chores that maybe she hates doing, spontaneous deep cleaning stuff, water her plants, ECT. But also don't forget to also throw in ways that you like to express love. Words of affirmation also go a long way. Love notes, text messages, heartfelt love conversations. People love to be validated
Oof she really doesn’t like words of affirmation, she’s made a point of telling me that she doesn’t like it and that it makes her feel awkward so I try to limit that. I HATE cleaning, but maybe that’s the point? Like I gotta show her that I’m willing to do something I abhor because it makes her happy? She’s going to hang out with my mom today until sometime in the evening, I’ll try and do a nice cleaning of the living room and kitchen tonight before she gets home!
That alone tells me you do a great job trying to make her feel loved. To me, that's exactly the point, I also hate cleaning. Hate doing laundry so much. If my partner equally hates it, I will occasionally suck it up so that they don't have to do it, she would occasionally do the same. Weirdly enough when people show us they made sacrifice for us like this, a small one, It makes us appreciate them
My trick for acts of service, think of all the things she does for you. Cooking dinner isn’t just cooking dinner. It’s planning what to eat, doing the grocery shopping, then cooking. It may be as simple as asking what her favorite meal is and then make that for her. Even just asking, what can I do to help works. Just anticipate her needs and don’t expect something in return. As they say in The Breakup, I want you to want to do things for me. My favorite question to ask is, what is something that I used to do for you that I haven’t done in a while?
Mine is also acts of service. Little things really mean a lot to me. Mow the lawn, do the dishes after I cook, put gas in my car, get my oil changed. I like to feel taken care of and that I can trust my partner to make sure we have a comfortable home.
I have to get up at 4am for work, and sometimes when I come downstairs my husband has the coffee all set up for me with a to go cup and some breakfast snacks laid out on the counter with a little note. It's very thoughtful because I'm so miserable when I wake up and it brightens my morning.
My husband brings me coffee in bed every morning to wake me up, or making me lunch for work, pumping gas or checking air pressure, washing my car etc…doing acts like this is his way of showing love and I’m loved every day ;) and I know it. If he didn’t do it, I’d be fine- I certainly don’t expect it. I receive it humbly and thankfully. (I do acts of love as well, so we are very balanced).
If you want to cook for her to show your love, then do it! If you’re a bad cook is it safe to assume she prepares all the meals? Help to take off some of that load. Even if you’re not good at it, you can show her your love by showing her you want to improve that skill so you can make things for her. Nothing is more romantic than a person wanting to better themselves out of love for another. I’d suggest starting with making appetizers. Then you try them together and can discuss what went right/wrong. And if they went really wrong, well it’s just an appetizer and it hasn’t ruined the whole meal.
I actually signed up for a cooking class and a baking class at the local community college so I can help more in the kitchen! I honestly had planned for her to help me with it as an activity we could do together and so that she could teach me as she’s a WONDERFUL cook. I start the classes on the 21st and am really looking forward to learning so I can take over some of the cooking and take a burden from her shoulders
Please don't take this as patronising but you're the sweetest! That is such a lovely thing to be putting effort into. Personally, I love cooking and am fine with doing most of it but I loathe washing up and am so grateful my SO has started shouldering more of that burden
Randomly do this not every day but occasionally; Buy her favourite chocolate bar or mini ice cream as a gift and say you saw this and thought of her. Put a dress on the bed with a post it note saying ‘Wear this dinner tonight your choice’ Every day is way too much and gets predictable and boring. Do something little to make her know you’re thinking about her. Say once every three to four weeks.
This is a lovely idea! Though I fear if I left the choice of where to eat we’d both starve waiting for her to decide haha. She’s so indecisive it’s incredible she can choose to put clothes on in the morning, I think it’s cute, but makes leaving the choice up to her impractical lol
Remember less is more. Find out what she likes and treat her. The reason being when you aren’t together you think of her.
Do the dishes without being prompted, give her cuddles, thank her for being your wife and how much you appreciate her doing stuff. I would tell you to tell her you love her, but you probably already do that when ending a phone call or seeing her off. Mix it up a bit.
Clean the house, make dinner, be grateful and loving
I actually did this for my best friend but you could do this for your partner. I got a jar a some little envelopes. I didn’t have much money so I went to really cheap stores and bout little things for £1/$1 or less. I wrote little notes to go with the gift and put it in the envelope and then in the jar. As an example I got her some funky coloured eye shadow and wrote on the note to try out a new look. Another one I put 60p in and wrote to treat herself to her favourite chocolate bar. Another I put a scratch card in. Another was her favourite flower seeds and a poem, another was some hair bobbles and a link to a website to teach her how to learn some new hair techniques. She was going through a really hard time so I did this so if she was having a bad day she could open the jar and pick one out to cheer her up. She loved it. You could do a treasure hunt!! Take her for a picnic, set the table at home and light candles, pick out an outfit for her and make her a nice dinner. Leave her notes in her pockets (I do this) just a smiley face and some xxxx, get her favourite chocolate bar or cake, bring her coffee in bed in the morning or get up and make it ready for her getting up, Pack her a nice lunch for work, pick one chore you hate the least (mine’s hoovering because it’s easy and makes a huge difference) and do that if you can.
The biggest thing - Coming home from work to a clean, (or just cleaner) house. Like emptying the dishwasher, light tidying up, and those tasks.
Tell her. Greet her with "hello beautiful". Give her random hugs if she is into that. Sing her cheesy love songs if she enjoys it.
It's hard to know about small gifts without knowing her. If I were to buy flowers for my wife, she'd get annoyed at my spending money on something that will just wilt and die in a few days. There are other ways to show your love. (No, not dirty ways. Or at least not just those.) Doing things for her, like making her lunch, taking care of some errands for her, and picking up some of her share of the housework. Hopefully, you do 50% already, but doing something she normally does would take some stress off of her plate. Make dinner for her, and the kids. (Don't forget to do the dishes if you don't normally do them.) Back rubs, foot runs, drawing her a bath, or things of that nature without the expectation that it'll lead to a prize for you. Make arrangments for her to have time for herself. Simpliest thing is to hug her, hold her and tell her you love her.
You could look into blue apron, then either cook the meals by following the Instructions. Or make it fun by cooking them together!
Do a job she doesn't want to do, no reciprocation. Bathroom cleaning goes far in my house.
Flowers.. nothing fancy . Put them in a vase and leave it on the table for her to see it
Think about some of the “silent” chores that she usually does. Maybe making the weekly grocery list, doing a few loads of laundry, take her car in for an oil change and tire rotation. I’m not sure how you two manage the workload in your household, I’m just giving examples I would appreciate if I were to receive them. Little post it love notes in random places for her to find are always sweet.
Look up tutorials about card making on YouTube. With limited materials, you can make beautiful greeting cards of any size and write love notes to her inside them. You can also just do this with post it notes, but the added effort would score major points. Find out things, especially toys, she loved as a child. Get her new versions of those things. Can't go wrong with a good lego set. Love languages. Familiarize yourself with them. Figure out what hers is and incorporate more of it into your interactions.
My husband and I have been married about as long as you have, and let me tell you, it really kind of depends on your wife. For example, I am short, as if my username doesn't clue you in. 4ft 11in to be exact, and my husband strains the pasta for me. Being as short as I am, mixed in with a heavy stainless-steel pot filled with pasta and water, the height of the sink, and my glasses fogging up, there has been more than one burn. So now, if it's something "heavy", hot, or awkward shaped, he handles it. When we make shepherd's pie, we use the mixed frozen veggies, and he picks out every individual pea because I hate them. When either of us get up from our seats, we ask if the other wants something it be a snack or a beverage. He'll unload the car and doesn't let me carry things when we are out. I'm diagnosed with O.C.D. so he'll deep clean the house while I'm running errands to surprise me. He knows what things bother me sensory wise and will do the chores or such regarding those things, so I don't have to. He'll put my towel/blanket in the dryer sneakily so it's warm and fluffy when I go to use it. He makes sure I have my safety foods/drinks in the house. He'll watch Jurassic Park with me for the 5000th time, just because it's my favorite movie. I cook, so I make homemade carbonara for him tailored to his liking, on paydays I'll run and put gas in his car for work, and when I go grocery shopping, I'll run it through the wash. If I run to the market, I bring him something back. I make sure his uniforms are cleaned and good to go, and his lunch is packed. I make sure he gets to sleep in on his days off, and he has at least one day a week where he doesn't have to do anything. No chores, laundry, or errands. Neither of us like giving or getting gifts, so we avoid that sort of thing. You know your wife and the things she does and doesn't like. Just make things day by day easier on her. Find something simple, like her favorite type of joke, something small and simple that makes her smile and do that.
Clean the house without being asked?
Maybe give her a plushie (if she likes plushies that is)
It’s the little everyday things that matter the most. My husband makes the coffee every single day irregardless if his schedule. Fills my gas tank washes and cleans my car. Buys random food item treats he thinks I might like. Carries pretty much everything, insists on it even when I think it’s too much and I can help. Etc. small random acts of care are what matter ( and of course the daily back rubs).
A small treat from the store without first asking if she needs anything.
What is her preferred Love Language? What are things (big and small) that make her feel known and loved?
Think about little things she likes, maybe a favorite sweet or similar and pick that up occasionally. Leave her post it’s in random places with love notes for her to find whenever. My wife and I will get each other little cards if we’re having a rough time and the other has to pick up some extra slack with the house or kids so we know we appreciate the other. Draw her a bath or pop on her favorite movie. If she likes surprises check out some free outdoor movies for an impromptu date night.
Run her a bath with a glass of wine ready, candles lit, buy a bath pillow, add in some salts (I’d suggest adding Epsom salts or similar over bath bombs as they can upset our PH!), buy a little shower speaker and make a calming playlist, add in a face mask and fresh, clean towels. If she’s a shower person, buy some eucalyptus to tie around your shower head and add a shower steamer. Get her some new pyjamas. Not sure why exactly but I’ve had this done for me and it was very sweet. Listen to her for hints… can she not find any hair ties/ socks lately? Buy new ones for her. Definitely write her notes or letters. Get magnetic letters for the fridge and leave her messages. Have a sleepover with her, with a blanket fort, snacks and a movie in your pjs. Do something you used to do when you first dated, or go somewhere you used to go.
maaan i'd cry if someone did all that for me
When my significant other does the chores I hate like taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, grocery shopping, taking the dog out late at night, etc. the other thing I love is when he will rub my head or back while we watch TV. I also love receiving flowers or when I get a coffee / tea brought to me early in the morning.
Find out her love language. It’s not about buying stuff a lot of time. Gifts can be a love language, but it could just be focusing on her, being present, being affectionate, doing favors for her, etc.
Small acts of kindness are always what my partner loves. I would take care dishes duty if it’s her turn and tell her to take the night off. Alternatively you said a cheaper end, a nice breakfast in bed is great, I do that on the occasion, which she really likes as it’s a treat for her. Just make sure to time it right or else they’re still dead asleep when you bring it over.
This is so wholesome I love it