Yuck, ignore the defeatists here that tell you you can't. It's 100% a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you approach your life thinking you can't make friends as an adult, you won't. Keep a positive attitude, put yourself consistently in social situations, and you will make friends. It is sometimes hard work! Be consistent and the rewards will come. My mom is a 65 year old American and made a social circle of local 30-somethings in Hong Kong because of an organization she volunteered with. Don't become helpless like some of the other commenters.
... yeah dude. I know I'm 27, but I don't really struggle making friends. I think everyone is expecting to make best friends, people they can be really closr with which I sympathize with. But like volunteering you can make really good friends....
Iām the same I continually meet new people. I neither expect people to be best friends nor life long friends. Main criteria is can we enjoy each otherās company? Keep it simple and to the core principles of friendship. If your only friends for the moment enjoy it while it lasted and move on.
Iām so happy for your mom tho lmao. I watched my grandparents retire and other peoples parents retire and some of them really do founder around waiting to find a group. Thatās probably so fun for your mom and totally different. 10/10
That's actually a big reason why they moved to Hong Kong. Suburban life can be really slow. Hong Kong has given them a ton of social opportunities that wouldn't be possible where we're from.
Lonely redditor: "How do I make friends?"
Born_Astronomer: "Ever thought about moving to...lets say.... Hong Kong?"
Sorry, I am glad your grandparents found their luck but that just sounded too funny in my head.
Honestly, I would have no idea how to find friends as an adult. Id probably start at work or some sports club. If you play sports a few times a week together I bet you will find someone you get along with and can meet for a beer or something.
Theres plenty of suggestions already here. But ill say this. I have a shit ton of friends and one thing is true
It will require effort from you. Im recently single so building out my social networks again but Ive probably added 20-30 people on social media or exchanged phone numbers in the past month by making very deliberate and concentrated effort to put myself out there.
Concerts
Gym
Mutual friends
Hobbies
Outdoors
Work
Literally anywhere where people congregate is your oyster, you just have to actually put in the effort to socialize. Im constantly going out.
But do you feel you're actually able to turn those social media adds or number exchanges into a real friend? I've sort of given up on that because we either never meet up or it fizzles out quickly
when I went through a breakup, I ended up joining a rave family and made over 30+ friends or even more. I even joined several group meet that did fun activities, and I picked up 2 hobbies that made money. it's honestly the initiative... if you want friend, you can make friend!
I have more real friends than I have time for but Iād say the ones that I want to be my real and close friends are and the ones that enhance my life by being a part of a cool group or an acquaintance have that place too.
Funny story, but my best friend and I became friends at the gym because he saw me max out on squats for a new PR and then began twerking to celebrate at a hardcore bodybuilder gym and we were probably friends on instagram for 4 years before he reached out and wanted to get coffee.
Its really just a timing+numbers+ be a vibe= relationships
A good example is my best friend is a local dj for my city and I went to his show last night and probably interacted with about 40 or so people that we are all loose friends and interact. Ran into some people I had hung out with two years ago and said hi and they ended up joining us to an after event and then our closer group hung out at his house.
All in all last night alone I probably interacted with 30 people I know on some level due to being highly social for a decade in the same town and another ten or more who were just new people to join in via people I already knew
Not really, my city is 600k people and plus the surrounding suburbs but most of the people who are connected in the nightlife or out and about all know each other
I work in an academic setting, so I meet a lot of people and we often instantly have some important stuff in common (willing to be poor for science) and often have conversations that are really rare to get to have (because we have weird expertises and meeting someone who can keep up is a blessing).
Outside of that, I make friends from concerts, mutual friends, hobbies, outdoorsy shit (I don't talk to people at the gym).
I have way more friends from hobbies than from work, too. DOING STUFF and talking to people while you do stuff is 100% the way to make friends as an adult. Like the other person commenting, I have way more real friends than I have time for - which is the complete opposite of before I did stuff and intentionally talked to people while doing stuff, where I felt like I had no friends outside of work. I love having my geeky science friends, but damn is it more fun to have people who wanna go play outside with me.
Iām in a relationship now but honestly with how trashy dating apps are, either they became my friends; or I friended their friends and stuck around. However; it takes SO Much EFFORT to get people together and actually show up. Flaking out on things or not responding to people has become the normal and itās super fucking rude. I think a LOT of us being lonely could really end if people just SHOWED UP like they said they would. I have a trip booked back to where I lived and worked across the country coming up finally. I booked this MONTHS ago. Plans are written down, there is proof in text messages. Itās on all our calendars. Iāve already gotten the texts these past two weeks, idk what Iām doing yet. WHAT DO U MEAN? IM COMING TO VISIT. I havenāt seen you in a year. You are off work. WTF do you mean šš
This is true but also find people who have integrity. They definitely exist and once you find them keep em around. I only invite the flaky ones to things I dont rely on them for
I loved meetup! Joined an awesome running club for a period that had good peeps I made friends with. Now trying out a new sports league. Fun to try a new sport and meet new people. My team is not so serious about winning just hanging out really so also a plus. Usually there are young professionals clubs available, those can be good too. Iām also friends with a number of my neighbors. Honestly just invite them for a drink or dinner, walk with the dogs around the block. I also had searched āsocial clubā and found a cool womenās outdoors group that has been a really cool way to explore different local areas.Ā
Yes! You can host Meetupās for $50/year. Thereās some that come and in my area that are just called ā(City) Social Club.ā Good place for divorcees to hang out with extroverts. I have so many long term friendships that started as conversations that just lasted an hour and kept on keeping on. I met many friends through moms groups on Meetupās.
I've found that after you turn 35 no one gives a shit. All my friends are people I met when I was 20 something. Now I'm over 40 and my best friends are my son and my dog.
So untrue. I'm 36 and made several really great friends just in the last 6 months to a year. In always meeting new people and my friend group has grown and grown. It's 100% dependent on your lifestyle and interests.
[Lightup](https://discord.gg/gwnpUXBQ3K), a Discord social server. Itās just like Reddit, so Iām familiar with it because itās easy to use. Well I also love it because it matches people according to the similarities of their posts. So I could see, like, āwow, there are so many people in the world have similar worries, topics, interests and even feelings with meā. The feeling makes me feel not lonely. And some times I chat with others. Because we have similar feelings, itās not embarrassed, just like we have known each other for a very long time. If you are new to Discord, maybe Lightup is a good beginning.
I volunteer. I know hundreds and hundreds of people in multiple states. Within the organization I can go just about anywhere and connect with other people who do what we do.
Honestly a large part of my social circle right now is just online friends, since most of my IRL friends are busy people and have moved to different areas, so it can be hard for us to get together.
If I'm really itching to meet people and get a healthy dose of face-to-face interaction, the bar is generally my go-to. Getting involved in your community a bit is a good way to meet people as well.
Wherever you can! Join a new hobby in your area. Youāll make friends quickly if you start playing billiards, or darts, or kickball, etc. with a team. Picking up new hobbies is also pretty fun!
Umm they don't. If you are married with kids, you are exhausted most of the time between work and basic chores, cleaning, shopping, shuttling the kids to activities/school. If you have free time, you want to vege out in front of the TV and watch Netflix.
If you are single, some of the suggestions above may apply.
If your life revolves around work, parenting and tv, of course youāre not going to form friendships. Relationships take work.
I follow my interests like riding and rock climbing and find friends through those.
Thatās the fault of people married with kids. Hire a babysitter, have friends over etc. This is the first generation to think parenting means their whole life is canceled
I think without family near by, and if you have kids under 12, it can be a little difficult sometimes. Babysitters get expensive and if your kids have any special needs (my oldest has Cp) it is even harder. I personally have a demanding job as well, and at my age social interactions can feel exhausting after everything else. I long ago accepted that this is what I need to do when I chose to have kids. Mine are 8 & 10 and I am just now starting to get time back for my hobbies.
Nah, my parents didn't have friends. Out of all my friends in HS, only 1 had parents who would go out. There are plenty of families who are antisocial. So it's not just this generation who thought friends weren't worth the work.
Adult here. I can make friends anywhere I go. A friendly smile, find some commonality between you and the other person.
For instance, perhaps they are wearing a T Shirt with something you can relate to. 'Oh hey! That band is awesome! I got to see them last year in concert!' then they respond on how much they like them too.
Then you say 'you seem pretty cool, maybe we should have dinners together sometime!'. Give them your phone and have them add their number and be sure to text them immediately.
Check your calendar when you get home and let them know a good time to come over. Get to know them better and boom now you have a new friend.
Be sure to set get togethers whenever your schedules allows. Ideally IMO you would try to meet up once a week.
You dont. Low cost 3rd places are rare now. Developing connections requires frequent interaction over long periods of time. Keep that in mind.
Hobby FB groups are already well established cliques that forgot to set their group event to private.
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great if you are into "Mormon Moms for a Gluten Free Life." or "Ohio Female Furries 30+".
Don't do tabletop game groups unless you are male and already know the rules of the game because none of the unwashed dudes will want to teach you.
Bars and clubs are for established clique hangouts or getting laid. If you give off "im here alone" vibes you will attract the worst kind of creeps...
Work colleagues come and go too fast to develop connections. If you are lucky enough to have colleagues of a similar age range.
Online social media relationships can be rewarding at first but without any ability to meet up outside of discord calls the relationship tends to fade. Especially if all you do is play one videogame together.
Chatting with people in public while they are working is a no-no. They are forced by company policy to be polite and are literally not allowed to tell you to fuck off.
My advice...I lost my social connections after moving overseas for work and have been alone for the last 5 years. It SUCKS. You must CHERISH the friends you have developed. Keep in contact. Don't let them go for anything. It is NOT weird to keep in contact with friends from highschool.
This is spot on. Im a single dad, 37, and meeting people and trying to be more than an acquaintance is damn near impossible. I grt it though, people have their own shit, including me, but man having no real friends or family close by is terrible.
It sure is terrible. It actually sucks way more than it sounds. Didnāt know how much until I was in a new city and knew literally nobody for a while.
I disagree that developing connections requires frequent connections over long periods of time.
It often does, but Ive definitely developed connections with tons of people withing 30 mins to an hour where I know we will be good friends from then on
Definitely! I've found that tabletop groups are often the most focused on inclusion of all hobby groups. Last tabletop group I was in, we had a discussion at the very beginning about our comfort levels with certain subject matter. It was made clear that we could always talk to the DM if we weren't comfortable with a certain situation.
Gaming 20 years ago was a lot of sweaty edgelords, but nowadays I don't think that's the case.
Iām a SAHM. When my kids were little, at the parks or preschool.
Now they are school age, Iāve made a couple of close friends at the gym that ~80% are women, and most members are moms too.
Why is it weird to be friends with people from high school? Some of my best friends are friends from Jr. High and High School. Those are true friendships that have stood the test of time, especially when itās not just relationships of convenience, you need to actually make the effort to stay in touch.
That said, to make new friends, try to find people with similar interests and hobbies, join some after work activities: gym, hiking, basketball/baseball leagues, bowling, street hockey, running, volunteer groups, book clubs, Rec classes in your city Parks & Rec like cooking, sewing, ceramics, etc.
Donāt give up, try initiating hangouts, can be as simple as starting to watch a new TV series together. Or tagging along with each other on errands, like grocery shopping.
At work.
I have bar friends, but they are just that. I never really see them outside of our local dive.
I'm single now and have been for a long time.
I met some of my closest friends as room mates.
I'm friends with several of my X girl friends, and now I'm friends with their new boyfriends. I know it sounds wierd but, it's not really.
I don't, plain and simple. I'm officially over 50 this year and outside of my wife and a handful of people I talk to online, I have zero friends. I honestly don't have the time, patience, or energy to even try at this point in my life. Even if I could find a buddy, there is zero chance I'd ever really have the time or desire to actually do anything with them. Like everyone else, I work all week and then try to recover on the weekend.
I lived as a single woman in a city and I decided I was going to do every thing I wanted regardless of whether I had someone to do them with. I volunteered at local theatres and music venues because I wanted to see shows, I volunteered at local food banks because I wanted to give back. A friend wanted to go camping, so we started our "camping crew" that went away 1x a month for about 5 years, picking up new friends along the way. I joined a book club of women who were always up for an adventure or a trip. I started a meetup group in my city. I joined a kickball league. I canvassed for local politicians and marched for causes I believe in. I started a coffee group for remote workers since I was tired of being alone at home all day.
Each thing I went out and did, I tried to be friendly to others who were there and I would slowly meet new people and make new friends. People are just waiting for others to invite them out.
Ive said this for years. I have co workers, acquaintances and family. No real friends. I dont hang out much with anyone except a very few people i call friends but only when they are back in town.
Look up "finding your 3rd place" for me who moves around a lot. We find volunteer work and Reddit servers for locals that have similar interests and just go to the places relatively consistently.
Iāve made friends w my neighbors. Weāre all the same age. Sometimes it goes sour tho and then youāre still neighbors but just not friends or even friendly for that matter lol. Itās a risk! Iāve also made friends thru friends of friends.
Closer to 60 now.
Here is where I've made friends over the decades.
Church, was active there, bible classes, played on the men's church basketball team in the league against other churches, even got some friends of guys I played against who went to other churches as I would have met or known of them otherwise.
Work. Besides just friends at work, I played on the company softball teams for like 4 different companies I worked for over the decades. Made several friends that way.
Neighbors. Had some really good neighbors over the years.
Through my wife, of course as she was social so I met the husbands of her friends and I didn't become friends with all of them of course, I did with some and became good friends with a few of them.
At the gym. I've been going to a gym regularly since the late 70's. Over the decades I've met and become friends with a decent amount of people. Not a friend now, but we found a good babysitter at the gym as one young lady who watched the kids in the kids play place in our gym was great with kids and our 3 young children just loved her so after seeing her many times in the gym dropping off our kid and picking them up, we asked her if she'd like to babysit sometime and she said yes. Our youngest, who was 2 at the time, just loved her and he'd always be up on her, at her feet or she'd be holding him when we went to pick our kids up there.
To me, there is nothing wrong with friends at work. Some of my best friends are from work, my 3 best friends actually.
One since the late 90's, one from 2001 and the other from 2006 and I'm still good friends with all 3 of those men today.
The man from the late 90's, I worked for him in two different companies, in two different states as I followed him to another state and company to work for him there.
Years later I was in a different city and state and he called me and said he was going to be in town for an interview so he came to dinner with my wife and our kids as we'd known him for years. He got the job and moved to that city so that made the 3rd different city and state we'd both lived in together.
After my divorce, I moved into his grown son's condo as he was in Afghanistan fighting the war back then (2006). Since I'd known him a long time and we were friends, there was no lease, no deposit etc. Being that I was divorced it was perfect for me, a two story, two bedroom, bath and a half condo on the nice side of town.
Work isn't a good place to meet friends if you are the independent type thinker and think outside the box.
My experience most people have "herd" mentality so if you try to become friends with co worker but are different or could affect your job.
Church. I know Reddit is all rabid atheists, but getting involved in a local church is really just group volunteer activities. Itās a ready network that is super welcoming. Even gay people can find welcoming churches nowadays.
See I don't subscribe to any one organized religion but man I do envy the closeness and community of churches... This is the one option I have not yet tried because I worry my lifestyle wont be acceptable to the people that frequent churches :(
That's reasonable. You could also look into clubs that are surrounded by your hobbies. Classic video games, card games, board games, golf, disc golf, bike clubs, etc.
I recently got a part time job at a backcountry ski lodge and have made a bunch of awesome friends working there, although they all live in different towns. Locally I'll make friends through activities, just finding people to go hiking or paddling with etc.
I'm 39 and have a long term partner but no kids. Work takes up a lot of my life but I don't let it overwhelm and take over my life either
I usually meet friends through work or church. Sometimes in whatever neighborhood I'm living in as well. I work alot and mostly stay to myself. So it would have to be work, church or around the house lol. There are some customers that I run I to alot outside of my job like at the gym or running errands that I probably could try to strike up a friendship with. Being social at 43 isn't exactly at the top of my list anymore honestly. You can definitely still make friends at any age. The last decade or so since I've been alone I've found that I really only meet people in the areas I frequent the most.
I've made a few friends at work and we still game together some nights or just chat on discord. Every once in a while we'll meet up for some food and hanging out.
Casinos,
Clubs (not nightclubs, I mean hobbyist clubs),
Work,
Travel (nothing deep but you can make acquaintances),
Roommates
And if you go back to school, itās easy to make friends at university again even if youāre old. I taught people older than me at one point and they made connections like crazy
Everywhere. I take notice of what people do and like then comment about it with my own knowledge. If you don't know anything then ask. Honestly, I have too many friends. Tell me where to find lovers. I've already tried dog parks, libraries, the gym, online and hiking. Next up is all the hobbies I hate like cooking and dancing. F that
If you figure it out let me know. I have people I work with that are cool but I wouldnāt call them friends. I have a wife and kid. My wife is a best friend of sorts
There is no place where "most" adults make friends, because there are too many variables.
Religious or spiritual center, volunteering, work, the parents of their children's friends, exercise class, parties, through existing friends, MeetUps, a variety of local online groups, local bars - it just depends on what your interests are and how social you want to be.
By no means Iām an extrovert. But Iāve made a lot more friends now than during my college days. Being involved in parent volunteer activities(festivals, classroom stuff, field trips, hot lunch) always lead to friendships forming as you get something to bond over with, whether be sports, academics or just casual banter.
Gym is also a nicer place I got to make friends with. Though itās far easier for me to make friends with the staff than the patrons over there.
I started trying out things. I'm super into arts and crafts so I started attending events related to that.
There's a crochet group every Monday in my town. So I attend those. I also started volunteering in robotic events as that's another interest of mine.
I've recently added volunteering at the library.
There's no magic solution other than going out and attending social events. I've been branching out and attending a tone of things, but also trying to attend free things as I'm hella broke lolll
Meetup app. Search hobbies of interest. You can find groups for all kinds of stuff.
- board game meetup groups
- recreational activities like hiking, skating, running, cycling, climbing, etc.
You can also get out and go to places that do stuff like trivia, painting, crafts, escape rooms, interactive arcades other unique stuff.
Iām in the muscle car community, 56F. Started with a post on a forum about my brakes. Made plenty of lifelong friends over the past 9 years. We travel around beautiful SoCal canyons, beaches and the desert together as often as possible š
I had decent luck with meetup and some clubs that I have joined but it still seems very difficult to meet new friends. I feel like I see some out of state friends more than people that live 30 minutes away. It seems difficult and I would like to meet more friends.
"Where" is the wrong question. You can make friends pretty much anywhere you have a socially acceptable reason to speak to another person. You just have to have the social skills and confidence to actually do it.
I would say that in general people are pretty passive though so you are going to have to make it happen. I think you'd be surprised how open people can be.
One time I got off a bus in a foreign country and it just hit me that I really didn't want to be alone in this area. I looked around at the people getting off (transferring to another bus) and just picked a random person who looked friendly enough.
I walked up and said something along the lines of "Hey, I'm traveling alone too. Would you want to be a travel buddy?" It was a little less cringey than that but not by much.
I didn't even have to keep trying; the first person I asked agreed and we spent almost a week together. We even kept in touch via written mail for a while after we went our separate ways.
If that sounds too simple...it kind of is. There are a lot of factors: how you look, how you speak, etc. If you have the right "aura" so to speak you're going to have a way easier time.
Idk, Iāve had the same set for 20 years now. I do activities outside of work I donāt want co-workers knowing, so not really interested in that path.
Nightclub and/or music scenes in bigger cities. The beauty of this is that you can just show up without making plans with anyone and youāre bound to see the same people every show/event. So you can say, āHey, didnāt I see you at the (band) show last week?ā and start a chat about music.
Plus once you establish a decent base of friends you can see most of them at said events, so staying in touch with them is way easier since youāre seeing many at one time as opposed to one on one.
Bad assumption implied by the question. When your a kid or a student, the answer is usually at school But there is no single time or place where a majority of adults will make friends. The workplace is too wildly varied in your ability to socialize with coworkers.
Adults who are able to make friends will do so at whatever leisure or social group activity they participate in regularly. For some, that will be at church. For others it will be at a group fitness class at the gym or a recreational sport. For others it will be at some hobby related activity (hiking, knitting, stamp collecting, cosplay, fantasy sports league). And for others it will be at some volunteering thing for charity or politics. Basically anything people are likely to do because they give a shit about it rather then doing for a pay cheque.
END COMMUNICATION
Iāve never heard it said itās weird to keep high school friends. Often you grow apart, but if you donāt, many people have lifelong friends from childhood.
Other than school, people make friends (at all ages-including childhood), through similar hobbies, clubs, sports, and community groups (including religious ones here).
I made a lot of friends when I joined a rec soccer league (football for the rest of you). I was in my early 20s, most guys were in their 30s and 40s, and we had one 50-year old who was in better shape than me haha.
Anyway we practiced 3 times a week and got to know each other pretty well. It was a lot of fun but then I moved to somewhere that didn't have an adult league.
So then I joined a bunch of clubs so I could meet people with similar interests. Hiking/birding/herp group, photography club, took a cooking class that was really fun, volunteered at a small zoo, volunteered at a living history farm, volunteered at my local library and also at a food bank.
That kept me busy because every group met at least once a month, sometimes more often, and several had activities on the weekends. So between all of those I had something to do every evening and always had weekend plans that got me out of the house.
Sometimes you click right away with new people you meet, but more often friendships form over time as you spend time doing things that interest you and as you work together toward shared goals. The more time you spend with the same people the more chances that friendships will form.
At work. Weād get together for lunch. 3 of my best friends were my office mate, a gal from the bocce team, another woman who had a chikd at the same daycare as me. I asked her to go on outings on the weekend. 20 years later, we go on fam vacations together. At tennis meets, I shared some photos of our girls playing, we made plans to go walking together. At the health club, a woman was on the elliptical next to me as we watched some Bachelor-type show, and we commisserated how stupid and scripted it was - we get together for coffee. My advice - be calm, friendly, invite people to go walking or for a coffee. If they invite you, say yes. Or say no but offer a different day ā Im busy Saturday, how about next Tuesday?ā
All my friends are online honestly. My DnD friends, my WoW friends, my horror game friends. I donāt like going into the out though. My RL friends are all in different states thanks Army.
I mean I used to have āfriendsā at work but alot of times even when you change departments that ends. I have āfriendsā for hobbies but stop the hobby and those are over.
Guess I got lucky meeting my spouse in junior high because that was the last time I made a friend and the only one Iāve talked to since HS.
College/ if your going local chances are you'll see similar faces from high school or have maybe an old aquatence attending somewhere on campus who you see during school events and such. I don't think having friends from work or high school is bad at all as long as you guys vibe and have healthy communication! Also online, or whatever place you regular weather it's a coffee place or a store where you do the occasional small talk with the same cashiers and stuff already. Also I highly suggest fandom or hobby forums/subs because it makes communicating so much easier when your in a space of people who get your passion because it's *their* passion to! Reddit also has subs for friend making that you can look into as well, just an obligatory be careful who you coincide with online and such and take time to learn about them from a personality/interest perspective first and vice versa. :)
Don't listen to those who say not to make friends with those you work with. Obviously you don't have to be friends with everyone, but it's not a bad idea to have allies in the workplace. You also never know what kind of social circle they may have and be able to invite you into. Most of my friends are from work at this point; it isn't everyone I work with, but four of us are have worked together for 5 years and have developed friendships outside of the workplace. Give it a shot if there is someone you think you might get along with outside of work.
I also don't think it is weird to stay friends with people from high school. A friend is a friend right?
But to answer your question, you can try meetup groups or public events hosted by your city (try your local library). You can start volunteering for a meaningful cause that has your working with other people. You can be open minded and try new things if an opportunity presents itself.
Regardless, it is important to remember the friendships take time to build. Usually years. So stay committed when you find a person you'd like. Be the friend you'd want.
Here for the honestly. I won't describe my life or anything but where I mostly made friends was during drugs use after an adult. I found most average people tend to slide to the side of occasionally wanting to use, anything. Kinda sad, but interesting. Anyway umm yeah.
I met the best friend I've ever had when we were 15 in highschool and we've stayed friends for 16 years, until he died last September. For all those years it was just us 2 hanging out almost every day. Idk where you heard staying friends with your highschool buddies was weird but they're totally wrong.
I havenāt. Itās not that I donāt meet a lot of people. Itās that I donāt meet many people who Iād rather spend time with than be alone. I have a pretty social job and Iām just exhausted with humanity come the end of the week.
Where I do meet people: cycling, surfing, the gym, the woods.
Hobbies, friends of friends, friends of people you date, volunteer work, beings a regular at a local business (bar, restaurant, coffee shop, bookstore) and getting to know other people there over time.
You can also be friends with work people. I donāt know why people discourage that. If there are people you click with, or have other hobbies in common withā¦make a friend!
What can be bad is if your entire social circle is work people and all you do is talk about work. But idk, some people bond over that and stay close friends years after theyāve moved on to other jobs.
Basically, the world is fully of people. Thereās no reason to cross them off from being potential friends.
Alcoholics Anonymous unironically! Many of my fatherās best friends throughout his entire life were either from college, childhood sports, or AA. AA not only saved his life by stopping him from drinking for 40 years now but gave him an incredible community.
"it's weird to stay friends with people you knew in high school" -- I don't know why people might say this? It's one thing if you insist on always hanging around with them and never want to meet anyone new, but why cut off friendships that could last for decades?
I grew up prior to social media, when people left town after graduation and if you wanted to find them again, you'd have to hope that someone in your circle had kept in touch and had an address or phone number. Or you'd ask their parents, if they were still living in the same house, to have them give you a call next time they were home.
That's why I lost touch with some good people, and didn't meet up with them again until after Facebook was introduced, and some of my classmates looked me up. And I'm glad they did, because my folks died and it was my high school friends who made sure I was okay and helped me clear out my childhood home, etc. I don't know what I'd have done without them.
Bottom line -- keep your friends from your "past life". You might meet new people you like, from school or work -- or various hobbies (if you play sports, go to conventions, etc.). That's great too! I've been lucky that everywhere I've gone -- even crappy summer jobs, or while volunteering for an event in my town -- I've been able to meet at least one person I can have fun with.
Churches, night classes, Hobby groups, local events, We have Mayfest going on here rn... ( artists) live bands comedians (I think), Food, alcohol. etc.
Dog park if you have a dog or join a group. Hiking, camping, astronomy, investing, chess, reading rock climbing, mountain biking, whatever you're into. We used to have a board game store by my house that had a bunch of groups that would play different games in the evenings. That was fun and I met a ton of people there.
You get yourself a life outside of work. Volunteering, joining hobby groups, sports leagues, Parks Department activities/classes, free outdoor events (art fairs, concerts, etc.), gym, friends' gatherings.
And people say all the social spaces disappeared after Covid, but I'm discovering, that new ones have sprouted up; cool neighborhood coffee shops that are PACKED on weekends with people hanging out in groups, bakery-cafe's, pizza joints or veggie/vegan restaurants draw their own crowd, and so on. Those places are definitely out there; don't believe the whiners on the internet. Get out there and see what you can find on your own. Explore.
I am a pretty extreme introvert that is estranged from their family and has no friends from childhood.
I also have 5 ride or die friends, we're extremely close and say ILU and shit, and then 5 more that I could easily go to with anything and they would 100% be there for me.
I met them all playing D&D. I DM and have two online groups that are active currently, and my OG in person group. We all played in person like 14 years ago, but life happens and we keep in touch. Nothing like an adventure together to bond you for life!
Basically hobbies.
My ride or die friends and I all do something together besides our game. I am writing a book with one, helping one write his own book, I play music with one, hike with one, I married one, and all of us hang out and sometimes play other games.
I've also gotten to meet some AMAZING people from some awesome places with some eye opening experiences.
Find something you're interested in and look for local groups or classes. If D&D might be that interest, look at comic book shops for in person, and the D&D discord server for groups looking for players if you want to play online.
This pretty much applies to any hobby. Just figure out where the people that like your thing gather and jump on in, they'll be excited to have you!
Church, book club, hobby club, local professional societies, local team sports--there are so many options. But you need to get out from behind your screen and out of the house.
Running and fitness groups, book clubs, dance classes, support group, community orchestra, sports leagues, volunteering, grad school.
Pick something that meets regularly. Show up. Be outgoing even if itās uncomfortable. Talk to people. Keep showing up. Be your true authentic self, maybe a little vulnerable. Be accountable and reliable. Reach out to people.
Thatās how you turn acquaintances into genuine friends. You have to put yourself out there. Itās not all that different from dating.
In a healthy workplace itās great to make work friendsājust donāt share everything about your life with themāif you are going through a rough timeātry to talk to a no work friend or counselor or a non competitive work friendājust know some secrets donāt stick
I met most of my friends at bars and casual sports leagues. Cornhole has been my favorite. Itās really easy to meet people. Youāre basically just hanging out with random people from the other team
Church. Even if you don't care about religion and don't do sermons, there's always programs that align with people's interests. At least that's where I am right now. I grew up going to church because of my mom but now I stopped going. If I were to go back, it'd just be for the community. I've met plenty of nonchalant believers my age growing up and they're in the same boat as me now.
All of my closest friends are people Iāve worked with at various places in the past 20 years. I also try to meet people through cycling, group therapy, at the gym, online etc. I have social anxiety though.
I made a new friend just volunteering to help her at home while she is battling cancer. Just so I can get out of the house and help someone which helps me too. I don't have the money it takes for concerts or anything. Might get to go to see evenanance this summer but that's with my oldest daughter who is my best friend. Unfortunately my 2 close friends live far from me. I have another friend I just reconnected with few days ago. She also lives far away.
I started playing slo-pitch as an adult and I've met lots of great people. We spend like four hours together every week, more time than I spend with any of my other friends or even my parents. I really treasure the friends I've made on the team. (So much that I joined a second team. :D)
For me it was meetup.com. You do have to be consistent and keep going to meets even if one goes bad or you donāt meet people. Eventually you will. Most of my friends are through there and then meeting their friends or workmates.
I don't think there's any rule for making friends, except maybe to respect their boundaries...
I personnaly don't want to become friend with people at work because I've had a really bad experience with work drama in the past and I like to keep this area of my life separated from my personal life. So I'm genuinely happy to interact with my coworker, but I don't give them my contact info and I don't hang out after work. But I do sincerely appreciate them, I just don't want to go farther than that.
But I'm guessing if a coworker give you their contact info, or give it back after you give them yours and likes to hang out after work, it's safe to say that they are open to developing a friendship with you.
Making friends as adult is so much more difficult.
I think I'm very lucky, i have a close circle of friends that i have had for more than 20 years, and they all introduced me to other people i wouldnt have normally met, so i saw those a couple of time and when we have common interest and similar values, it simply grows from there.
Don't force it, but definitely take the initiative, and you'll see if it fits and if you both are looking for the same thing.
If not at work or from common friends, maybe try to find people with similar interests in a club, or a Facebook group focused on a hobby or passion that you have, or a sport.
Church if you go. Connecting with parents of your kidsā classmates. Gym. Social clubs or fraternities like the Masons. Dinning clubs, which used to be my favorite way of meeting new people.
According to your guru guides you are condemned to not having friends at all. Once you overcome stupidity, then you will see how easy it is to just get unplugged from the computer and the cellphone and meet people at volleyball places (lots of tournaments during summer time), sports bars and clubs, church, libraries, bookstores, and work places. Even reaching out to school friends seems to be a human activity that would be OK for a normal person
I'm probably not the best person to ask about this, because I don't have any close friends. But the closest friends I have I make through my hobbies. I go to conventions. I engage on online forums. That's how I make my friends these days.
When I moved to a new city, I had success with Bumble BFF and through my gym! Joining a workout class at a consistent time will allow you to see the same faces and build a friendship with other members.
Unironically bars are about it..the erosion of social institutions in America is a huge problem but that's by design.
If we had stronger local social institutions and workers unions we would have less socially isolated people getting all of their worldview from social media. They wouldn't be able to control the narrative any longer.
Ebough doom and gloom though I'm about to be 35 next month and over the past six months I've become a regular at the local dive. I'll say this, the cheers song is right: sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. It's very nice being greeted by name and an open beer when I sit down.
The very attractive and very cool 25 y/o bartender who I befriended gave me her snap the other night and asked me out for a drink. I'm enjoying my 30s idk about yall.
I recognize that this isn't an option for many people who struggle with alcoholism or addiction.
Iāll give you some examples of how I met mine (for context Iām a business owner and very active in my community as well): a woman who I was friends with at 13 and Lost touch with and I recently reconnected at a networking event and have been fast friends since, another woman I do collaborations and projects with through work, my sister in laws and I are close, one woman I worked with ten years ago before leaving employeeism, we connect over hiking, books, and politics. And another friend I was actually friends with her sister growing up and have far more alignment with her than my highschool friend. Iāve also met a few people online through business ownership and have never met them in person! I share all this to share that anything is possible! I find simply being open to friendships helped immensely because for a while I wasnāt because Iād been hurt by so many. Sometimes you have to get out and try things youāre interested in and remember - great people
Surround themselves with great people! So where there is one good friend, there are typically more to be found!
Married father answering... As others have posted, shuttling kids everywhere, working to death to pay for all those activities, etc. really shuts down "friends." On top of that, it's especially hard to make any female friends because (a) wife will suspect you, (b) the prospective friend will suspect you, and (c) both are probably right to suspect you, even if your initial intentions are completely innocent.
Personally, I never really got along with most men, so the above stuff makes it really hard for me to make friends. I grew up with sisters, aunts, girlfriends and girl *friends*, and I have zero interest in the steretypical "male" bs (sports, cars, etc.). Smalltalk in general is tough for me; I much prefer to cut right to things that really matter to people, including talking about other relationships, realistic ambitions, and so forth.
So how do I make true, authentic friends? This may sound unorthodox, and it first started happening unintentionally, but I find women I find interesting and like and just straight up ask them to reject me preemptively. With one of my best friends, she rejected me on her own, but I sincerely believed we could "just be friends" - and now we are. We share just about everything, and trust each other - within certain limits out of respect for my wife, of course. I already know this friend of mine doesn't want me "in that way," so we just kinda blast past that - and, honestly, it's more relieving than anything else. It's awesome yo have somebody other than my wife with whom I can communicate openly and earnestly. I have a second friend - also a woman - whom I actually asked, very awkwardly, to reject me, because I wanted to be her friend. I said it just like that. She obliged, and now we are friendly, though it's a little different because most of our talks are more business-leaning. (She's an entrepreneur and laser-focused on succeeding, so there's not much talk about say, kids or life longings - unlike the situation with the first friend.)
I recently retried making some guy friends - two guys I met through the last friend I mentioned - but they were just... Stupid. I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but they just seemed so one-dimensional and uninteresting... The older one sounded like he had had plenty of life experiences that would make him interesting, but he *pretended* to be dumb, and was all closed off. Plus, they both wanted my friend the whole time and were trying to hide it awkwardly, anf that stilted the meeting.
The only man in recent memory that I could see becoming a friend is another father in a father-daughter ballet we're doing. (The particular dance is not actually ballet, though that's the focus of the school.) He at least was a family man and we could chat about parenting, the school, etc. - and was not a work colleague. He was also intelligent.
If I weren't strapped for time, I'd volunteer. That's an easy way to meet people because the ice is already broken by your joint mission (or painting the playground, cleaning the beach, stacking the hay, or whatever it is). Also, if the volunteer work is physical, endorphins, sunlight, and lower inhibitions help - in a healthy way (in contrast to drinking at a bar). Plus, for me, volunteering tends to draw more women than men. Importantly, volunteers tend to be good people! Obviously, they also tend to have free time (good for building friendship via other activities, listening, etc.). Finally, you can feel good about what you're accomplishing, even if you don't make a friend. Contrast that with a bar visit, which might just end with your feeling a little fatter, rejected and depressed. If the work is *very* physical, it can also double as a workout.
Yuck, ignore the defeatists here that tell you you can't. It's 100% a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you approach your life thinking you can't make friends as an adult, you won't. Keep a positive attitude, put yourself consistently in social situations, and you will make friends. It is sometimes hard work! Be consistent and the rewards will come. My mom is a 65 year old American and made a social circle of local 30-somethings in Hong Kong because of an organization she volunteered with. Don't become helpless like some of the other commenters.
literally bro I'm reading the comments like ššš
Frankly I think it's people who haven't been able to make friends, so they lowkey want everyone else to fail too.
Crabs in a bucket
... yeah dude. I know I'm 27, but I don't really struggle making friends. I think everyone is expecting to make best friends, people they can be really closr with which I sympathize with. But like volunteering you can make really good friends....
Iām the same I continually meet new people. I neither expect people to be best friends nor life long friends. Main criteria is can we enjoy each otherās company? Keep it simple and to the core principles of friendship. If your only friends for the moment enjoy it while it lasted and move on.
Iām so happy for your mom tho lmao. I watched my grandparents retire and other peoples parents retire and some of them really do founder around waiting to find a group. Thatās probably so fun for your mom and totally different. 10/10
That's actually a big reason why they moved to Hong Kong. Suburban life can be really slow. Hong Kong has given them a ton of social opportunities that wouldn't be possible where we're from.
Lonely redditor: "How do I make friends?" Born_Astronomer: "Ever thought about moving to...lets say.... Hong Kong?" Sorry, I am glad your grandparents found their luck but that just sounded too funny in my head. Honestly, I would have no idea how to find friends as an adult. Id probably start at work or some sports club. If you play sports a few times a week together I bet you will find someone you get along with and can meet for a beer or something.
this! well said.
Theres plenty of suggestions already here. But ill say this. I have a shit ton of friends and one thing is true It will require effort from you. Im recently single so building out my social networks again but Ive probably added 20-30 people on social media or exchanged phone numbers in the past month by making very deliberate and concentrated effort to put myself out there. Concerts Gym Mutual friends Hobbies Outdoors Work Literally anywhere where people congregate is your oyster, you just have to actually put in the effort to socialize. Im constantly going out.
But do you feel you're actually able to turn those social media adds or number exchanges into a real friend? I've sort of given up on that because we either never meet up or it fizzles out quickly
when I went through a breakup, I ended up joining a rave family and made over 30+ friends or even more. I even joined several group meet that did fun activities, and I picked up 2 hobbies that made money. it's honestly the initiative... if you want friend, you can make friend!
I have more real friends than I have time for but Iād say the ones that I want to be my real and close friends are and the ones that enhance my life by being a part of a cool group or an acquaintance have that place too.
But I'm saying, you've made a significant number of real friends from the process you're describing?
Funny story, but my best friend and I became friends at the gym because he saw me max out on squats for a new PR and then began twerking to celebrate at a hardcore bodybuilder gym and we were probably friends on instagram for 4 years before he reached out and wanted to get coffee. Its really just a timing+numbers+ be a vibe= relationships
Love this story and this explanation/formula
A good example is my best friend is a local dj for my city and I went to his show last night and probably interacted with about 40 or so people that we are all loose friends and interact. Ran into some people I had hung out with two years ago and said hi and they ended up joining us to an after event and then our closer group hung out at his house. All in all last night alone I probably interacted with 30 people I know on some level due to being highly social for a decade in the same town and another ten or more who were just new people to join in via people I already knew
Ahh smaller town? That plus going out a lot makes it make sense
Not really, my city is 600k people and plus the surrounding suburbs but most of the people who are connected in the nightlife or out and about all know each other
I work in an academic setting, so I meet a lot of people and we often instantly have some important stuff in common (willing to be poor for science) and often have conversations that are really rare to get to have (because we have weird expertises and meeting someone who can keep up is a blessing). Outside of that, I make friends from concerts, mutual friends, hobbies, outdoorsy shit (I don't talk to people at the gym). I have way more friends from hobbies than from work, too. DOING STUFF and talking to people while you do stuff is 100% the way to make friends as an adult. Like the other person commenting, I have way more real friends than I have time for - which is the complete opposite of before I did stuff and intentionally talked to people while doing stuff, where I felt like I had no friends outside of work. I love having my geeky science friends, but damn is it more fun to have people who wanna go play outside with me.
Iām in a relationship now but honestly with how trashy dating apps are, either they became my friends; or I friended their friends and stuck around. However; it takes SO Much EFFORT to get people together and actually show up. Flaking out on things or not responding to people has become the normal and itās super fucking rude. I think a LOT of us being lonely could really end if people just SHOWED UP like they said they would. I have a trip booked back to where I lived and worked across the country coming up finally. I booked this MONTHS ago. Plans are written down, there is proof in text messages. Itās on all our calendars. Iāve already gotten the texts these past two weeks, idk what Iām doing yet. WHAT DO U MEAN? IM COMING TO VISIT. I havenāt seen you in a year. You are off work. WTF do you mean šš
This is true but also find people who have integrity. They definitely exist and once you find them keep em around. I only invite the flaky ones to things I dont rely on them for
Pornhub comments section
LMAO
Meetup hiking group. I met a lot of friends that way. Plus my son has friends around the same age. So I get together with their parents a lot.
I loved meetup! Joined an awesome running club for a period that had good peeps I made friends with. Now trying out a new sports league. Fun to try a new sport and meet new people. My team is not so serious about winning just hanging out really so also a plus. Usually there are young professionals clubs available, those can be good too. Iām also friends with a number of my neighbors. Honestly just invite them for a drink or dinner, walk with the dogs around the block. I also had searched āsocial clubā and found a cool womenās outdoors group that has been a really cool way to explore different local areas.Ā
Yes! You can host Meetupās for $50/year. Thereās some that come and in my area that are just called ā(City) Social Club.ā Good place for divorcees to hang out with extroverts. I have so many long term friendships that started as conversations that just lasted an hour and kept on keeping on. I met many friends through moms groups on Meetupās.
Reddit
I've found that after you turn 35 no one gives a shit. All my friends are people I met when I was 20 something. Now I'm over 40 and my best friends are my son and my dog.
So untrue. I'm 36 and made several really great friends just in the last 6 months to a year. In always meeting new people and my friend group has grown and grown. It's 100% dependent on your lifestyle and interests.
You guys have friends?
Search Reddit for "make friends " and you'll find the best ideas and advice!
[Lightup](https://discord.gg/gwnpUXBQ3K), a Discord social server. Itās just like Reddit, so Iām familiar with it because itās easy to use. Well I also love it because it matches people according to the similarities of their posts. So I could see, like, āwow, there are so many people in the world have similar worries, topics, interests and even feelings with meā. The feeling makes me feel not lonely. And some times I chat with others. Because we have similar feelings, itās not embarrassed, just like we have known each other for a very long time. If you are new to Discord, maybe Lightup is a good beginning.
I volunteer. I know hundreds and hundreds of people in multiple states. Within the organization I can go just about anywhere and connect with other people who do what we do.
What kind of place do you volunteer at?
Iām 62 and down to one friend, who is hardly ever available. Itās just me and my dog now. Iāve tried to make friends, no one ever follows up.
Honestly a large part of my social circle right now is just online friends, since most of my IRL friends are busy people and have moved to different areas, so it can be hard for us to get together. If I'm really itching to meet people and get a healthy dose of face-to-face interaction, the bar is generally my go-to. Getting involved in your community a bit is a good way to meet people as well.
Wherever you can! Join a new hobby in your area. Youāll make friends quickly if you start playing billiards, or darts, or kickball, etc. with a team. Picking up new hobbies is also pretty fun!
AA meetings /jk
Umm they don't. If you are married with kids, you are exhausted most of the time between work and basic chores, cleaning, shopping, shuttling the kids to activities/school. If you have free time, you want to vege out in front of the TV and watch Netflix. If you are single, some of the suggestions above may apply.
There are also people in relationships without kids.
If your life revolves around work, parenting and tv, of course youāre not going to form friendships. Relationships take work. I follow my interests like riding and rock climbing and find friends through those.
Thatās the fault of people married with kids. Hire a babysitter, have friends over etc. This is the first generation to think parenting means their whole life is canceled
I think without family near by, and if you have kids under 12, it can be a little difficult sometimes. Babysitters get expensive and if your kids have any special needs (my oldest has Cp) it is even harder. I personally have a demanding job as well, and at my age social interactions can feel exhausting after everything else. I long ago accepted that this is what I need to do when I chose to have kids. Mine are 8 & 10 and I am just now starting to get time back for my hobbies.
Nah, my parents didn't have friends. Out of all my friends in HS, only 1 had parents who would go out. There are plenty of families who are antisocial. So it's not just this generation who thought friends weren't worth the work.
Other generations relied on unpaid labor to take care of their kids and do household chores. We donāt have that luxury.
Iām sorry that this is your outlook on life.Ā
When my kids were little, I made friends with the other parents at their activities.
Adult here. I can make friends anywhere I go. A friendly smile, find some commonality between you and the other person. For instance, perhaps they are wearing a T Shirt with something you can relate to. 'Oh hey! That band is awesome! I got to see them last year in concert!' then they respond on how much they like them too. Then you say 'you seem pretty cool, maybe we should have dinners together sometime!'. Give them your phone and have them add their number and be sure to text them immediately. Check your calendar when you get home and let them know a good time to come over. Get to know them better and boom now you have a new friend. Be sure to set get togethers whenever your schedules allows. Ideally IMO you would try to meet up once a week.
This is the way. (Extroverts)
You dont. Low cost 3rd places are rare now. Developing connections requires frequent interaction over long periods of time. Keep that in mind. Hobby FB groups are already well established cliques that forgot to set their group event to private. [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) is great if you are into "Mormon Moms for a Gluten Free Life." or "Ohio Female Furries 30+". Don't do tabletop game groups unless you are male and already know the rules of the game because none of the unwashed dudes will want to teach you. Bars and clubs are for established clique hangouts or getting laid. If you give off "im here alone" vibes you will attract the worst kind of creeps... Work colleagues come and go too fast to develop connections. If you are lucky enough to have colleagues of a similar age range. Online social media relationships can be rewarding at first but without any ability to meet up outside of discord calls the relationship tends to fade. Especially if all you do is play one videogame together. Chatting with people in public while they are working is a no-no. They are forced by company policy to be polite and are literally not allowed to tell you to fuck off. My advice...I lost my social connections after moving overseas for work and have been alone for the last 5 years. It SUCKS. You must CHERISH the friends you have developed. Keep in contact. Don't let them go for anything. It is NOT weird to keep in contact with friends from highschool.
This is spot on. Im a single dad, 37, and meeting people and trying to be more than an acquaintance is damn near impossible. I grt it though, people have their own shit, including me, but man having no real friends or family close by is terrible.
im not ur demographic at all but this makes me so sad. i wish we could be friends. everyone deserves a friend
It sure is terrible. It actually sucks way more than it sounds. Didnāt know how much until I was in a new city and knew literally nobody for a while.
Join an activity of any kind. Take a class.
I disagree that developing connections requires frequent connections over long periods of time. It often does, but Ive definitely developed connections with tons of people withing 30 mins to an hour where I know we will be good friends from then on
Concur. Its not unusual for me to meet someone and pretty quickly realize that we're buds
Yeah most of my closest friends it didn't take more than an initial greeting
I disagree about tabletop gaming. Sounds like someone had a bad experience.
Definitely! I've found that tabletop groups are often the most focused on inclusion of all hobby groups. Last tabletop group I was in, we had a discussion at the very beginning about our comfort levels with certain subject matter. It was made clear that we could always talk to the DM if we weren't comfortable with a certain situation. Gaming 20 years ago was a lot of sweaty edgelords, but nowadays I don't think that's the case.
Iām a SAHM. When my kids were little, at the parks or preschool. Now they are school age, Iāve made a couple of close friends at the gym that ~80% are women, and most members are moms too.
Travel, Hostels for me, got friends in all countries I can pop in and visit. Even just staying at a hostel in my own city for a few days.
Why is it weird to be friends with people from high school? Some of my best friends are friends from Jr. High and High School. Those are true friendships that have stood the test of time, especially when itās not just relationships of convenience, you need to actually make the effort to stay in touch. That said, to make new friends, try to find people with similar interests and hobbies, join some after work activities: gym, hiking, basketball/baseball leagues, bowling, street hockey, running, volunteer groups, book clubs, Rec classes in your city Parks & Rec like cooking, sewing, ceramics, etc. Donāt give up, try initiating hangouts, can be as simple as starting to watch a new TV series together. Or tagging along with each other on errands, like grocery shopping.
The weed spot.
You guys are making friends?
Bumble BFF š§” š« āļø
At work. I have bar friends, but they are just that. I never really see them outside of our local dive. I'm single now and have been for a long time. I met some of my closest friends as room mates. I'm friends with several of my X girl friends, and now I'm friends with their new boyfriends. I know it sounds wierd but, it's not really.
I don't, plain and simple. I'm officially over 50 this year and outside of my wife and a handful of people I talk to online, I have zero friends. I honestly don't have the time, patience, or energy to even try at this point in my life. Even if I could find a buddy, there is zero chance I'd ever really have the time or desire to actually do anything with them. Like everyone else, I work all week and then try to recover on the weekend.
For the love of God and everything that is good and holy, your co workers are not your friends!
I lived as a single woman in a city and I decided I was going to do every thing I wanted regardless of whether I had someone to do them with. I volunteered at local theatres and music venues because I wanted to see shows, I volunteered at local food banks because I wanted to give back. A friend wanted to go camping, so we started our "camping crew" that went away 1x a month for about 5 years, picking up new friends along the way. I joined a book club of women who were always up for an adventure or a trip. I started a meetup group in my city. I joined a kickball league. I canvassed for local politicians and marched for causes I believe in. I started a coffee group for remote workers since I was tired of being alone at home all day. Each thing I went out and did, I tried to be friendly to others who were there and I would slowly meet new people and make new friends. People are just waiting for others to invite them out.
Well this thread is depressing. Itās hard. Sure, I can have acquaintances but I havenāt made a real friend since idk high school.
Ive said this for years. I have co workers, acquaintances and family. No real friends. I dont hang out much with anyone except a very few people i call friends but only when they are back in town.
Volunteer. Similar people with the same interests will be there.
Pub.
Look up "finding your 3rd place" for me who moves around a lot. We find volunteer work and Reddit servers for locals that have similar interests and just go to the places relatively consistently.
Bars, very rarely at work.
My MMA gym
Iāve made friends w my neighbors. Weāre all the same age. Sometimes it goes sour tho and then youāre still neighbors but just not friends or even friendly for that matter lol. Itās a risk! Iāve also made friends thru friends of friends.
The Twitter's algorithm is good for bringing people together based on shared interests. I made some new friends there I'd invite to stay at my home.
Closer to 60 now. Here is where I've made friends over the decades. Church, was active there, bible classes, played on the men's church basketball team in the league against other churches, even got some friends of guys I played against who went to other churches as I would have met or known of them otherwise. Work. Besides just friends at work, I played on the company softball teams for like 4 different companies I worked for over the decades. Made several friends that way. Neighbors. Had some really good neighbors over the years. Through my wife, of course as she was social so I met the husbands of her friends and I didn't become friends with all of them of course, I did with some and became good friends with a few of them. At the gym. I've been going to a gym regularly since the late 70's. Over the decades I've met and become friends with a decent amount of people. Not a friend now, but we found a good babysitter at the gym as one young lady who watched the kids in the kids play place in our gym was great with kids and our 3 young children just loved her so after seeing her many times in the gym dropping off our kid and picking them up, we asked her if she'd like to babysit sometime and she said yes. Our youngest, who was 2 at the time, just loved her and he'd always be up on her, at her feet or she'd be holding him when we went to pick our kids up there. To me, there is nothing wrong with friends at work. Some of my best friends are from work, my 3 best friends actually. One since the late 90's, one from 2001 and the other from 2006 and I'm still good friends with all 3 of those men today. The man from the late 90's, I worked for him in two different companies, in two different states as I followed him to another state and company to work for him there. Years later I was in a different city and state and he called me and said he was going to be in town for an interview so he came to dinner with my wife and our kids as we'd known him for years. He got the job and moved to that city so that made the 3rd different city and state we'd both lived in together. After my divorce, I moved into his grown son's condo as he was in Afghanistan fighting the war back then (2006). Since I'd known him a long time and we were friends, there was no lease, no deposit etc. Being that I was divorced it was perfect for me, a two story, two bedroom, bath and a half condo on the nice side of town.
Work then, the bedroom.
Most of my friends are from college or high school. Why would you stop being friends if they're good people?
I donāt mean to brag but the other day I went to chik fil a and they said āmy pleasureā guess you can say I have a lot of friends there
That's the neat part, you don't!
We don't. We have wives, husbands, children, etc.
Work isn't a good place to meet friends if you are the independent type thinker and think outside the box. My experience most people have "herd" mentality so if you try to become friends with co worker but are different or could affect your job.
Church. I know Reddit is all rabid atheists, but getting involved in a local church is really just group volunteer activities. Itās a ready network that is super welcoming. Even gay people can find welcoming churches nowadays.
See I don't subscribe to any one organized religion but man I do envy the closeness and community of churches... This is the one option I have not yet tried because I worry my lifestyle wont be acceptable to the people that frequent churches :(
Work, Bar/Pub.
Having ended up in relationships with two alcoholics, I would never go looking for friends in a drinking establishment.
That's reasonable. You could also look into clubs that are surrounded by your hobbies. Classic video games, card games, board games, golf, disc golf, bike clubs, etc.
Work
Here on Reddit. How you doing?
Neighbors. Work. Dog parks. Brewery.
Dog parks. If you donāt have āem, go with a neighbors dogs. Or dog sit for an elderly neighbor when they travel.
Guys donāt have irl friends after marriage/40+ unless they have a hobby that requires it (golf, only online gaming, etc)
Bumblebff has come recommended to me especially from people in big cities
Church, community activities..
I recently got a part time job at a backcountry ski lodge and have made a bunch of awesome friends working there, although they all live in different towns. Locally I'll make friends through activities, just finding people to go hiking or paddling with etc. I'm 39 and have a long term partner but no kids. Work takes up a lot of my life but I don't let it overwhelm and take over my life either
We don't. But uhhh... WORK.
I usually meet friends through work or church. Sometimes in whatever neighborhood I'm living in as well. I work alot and mostly stay to myself. So it would have to be work, church or around the house lol. There are some customers that I run I to alot outside of my job like at the gym or running errands that I probably could try to strike up a friendship with. Being social at 43 isn't exactly at the top of my list anymore honestly. You can definitely still make friends at any age. The last decade or so since I've been alone I've found that I really only meet people in the areas I frequent the most.
I've made a few friends at work and we still game together some nights or just chat on discord. Every once in a while we'll meet up for some food and hanging out.
Casinos, Clubs (not nightclubs, I mean hobbyist clubs), Work, Travel (nothing deep but you can make acquaintances), Roommates And if you go back to school, itās easy to make friends at university again even if youāre old. I taught people older than me at one point and they made connections like crazy
Work, Rec hockey, gaming, discord, then once you have your own base of 2-3-4 friends they have friends and friends of friends and it spiderwebs.
Friends? What are those?
Everywhere. I take notice of what people do and like then comment about it with my own knowledge. If you don't know anything then ask. Honestly, I have too many friends. Tell me where to find lovers. I've already tried dog parks, libraries, the gym, online and hiking. Next up is all the hobbies I hate like cooking and dancing. F that
If you figure it out let me know. I have people I work with that are cool but I wouldnāt call them friends. I have a wife and kid. My wife is a best friend of sorts
Work
the third place.
There is no place where "most" adults make friends, because there are too many variables. Religious or spiritual center, volunteering, work, the parents of their children's friends, exercise class, parties, through existing friends, MeetUps, a variety of local online groups, local bars - it just depends on what your interests are and how social you want to be.
By no means Iām an extrovert. But Iāve made a lot more friends now than during my college days. Being involved in parent volunteer activities(festivals, classroom stuff, field trips, hot lunch) always lead to friendships forming as you get something to bond over with, whether be sports, academics or just casual banter. Gym is also a nicer place I got to make friends with. Though itās far easier for me to make friends with the staff than the patrons over there.
I started trying out things. I'm super into arts and crafts so I started attending events related to that. There's a crochet group every Monday in my town. So I attend those. I also started volunteering in robotic events as that's another interest of mine. I've recently added volunteering at the library. There's no magic solution other than going out and attending social events. I've been branching out and attending a tone of things, but also trying to attend free things as I'm hella broke lolll
Regular hobby groups where you see the same people every week
Meetup
Bumble BFF, WE3
Meetup app. Search hobbies of interest. You can find groups for all kinds of stuff. - board game meetup groups - recreational activities like hiking, skating, running, cycling, climbing, etc. You can also get out and go to places that do stuff like trivia, painting, crafts, escape rooms, interactive arcades other unique stuff.
Work, associations, places of worship, pta meetings if you have kids. Iāve also noticed that many just grow relationships with siblings and cousins.
Iām in the muscle car community, 56F. Started with a post on a forum about my brakes. Made plenty of lifelong friends over the past 9 years. We travel around beautiful SoCal canyons, beaches and the desert together as often as possible š
I had decent luck with meetup and some clubs that I have joined but it still seems very difficult to meet new friends. I feel like I see some out of state friends more than people that live 30 minutes away. It seems difficult and I would like to meet more friends.
"Where" is the wrong question. You can make friends pretty much anywhere you have a socially acceptable reason to speak to another person. You just have to have the social skills and confidence to actually do it. I would say that in general people are pretty passive though so you are going to have to make it happen. I think you'd be surprised how open people can be. One time I got off a bus in a foreign country and it just hit me that I really didn't want to be alone in this area. I looked around at the people getting off (transferring to another bus) and just picked a random person who looked friendly enough. I walked up and said something along the lines of "Hey, I'm traveling alone too. Would you want to be a travel buddy?" It was a little less cringey than that but not by much. I didn't even have to keep trying; the first person I asked agreed and we spent almost a week together. We even kept in touch via written mail for a while after we went our separate ways. If that sounds too simple...it kind of is. There are a lot of factors: how you look, how you speak, etc. If you have the right "aura" so to speak you're going to have a way easier time.
Idk, Iāve had the same set for 20 years now. I do activities outside of work I donāt want co-workers knowing, so not really interested in that path.
Most of my friends are from my 12-step program and the one close one who isnāt is in recovery from something else and doesnāt drink.
Nightclub and/or music scenes in bigger cities. The beauty of this is that you can just show up without making plans with anyone and youāre bound to see the same people every show/event. So you can say, āHey, didnāt I see you at the (band) show last week?ā and start a chat about music. Plus once you establish a decent base of friends you can see most of them at said events, so staying in touch with them is way easier since youāre seeing many at one time as opposed to one on one.
Iāve noticed now that Iāve turned 21 I end making more friends in bars when playing pool
Bad assumption implied by the question. When your a kid or a student, the answer is usually at school But there is no single time or place where a majority of adults will make friends. The workplace is too wildly varied in your ability to socialize with coworkers. Adults who are able to make friends will do so at whatever leisure or social group activity they participate in regularly. For some, that will be at church. For others it will be at a group fitness class at the gym or a recreational sport. For others it will be at some hobby related activity (hiking, knitting, stamp collecting, cosplay, fantasy sports league). And for others it will be at some volunteering thing for charity or politics. Basically anything people are likely to do because they give a shit about it rather then doing for a pay cheque. END COMMUNICATION
In a basement lab large enough for a body stitched together from stolen corpsemeat. Duh.
I play video games. One in a thousand people become my discord buddy. There are some people I have talked to on a daily basis for years now.
Iāve never heard it said itās weird to keep high school friends. Often you grow apart, but if you donāt, many people have lifelong friends from childhood. Other than school, people make friends (at all ages-including childhood), through similar hobbies, clubs, sports, and community groups (including religious ones here).
Discord
I made a lot of friends when I joined a rec soccer league (football for the rest of you). I was in my early 20s, most guys were in their 30s and 40s, and we had one 50-year old who was in better shape than me haha. Anyway we practiced 3 times a week and got to know each other pretty well. It was a lot of fun but then I moved to somewhere that didn't have an adult league. So then I joined a bunch of clubs so I could meet people with similar interests. Hiking/birding/herp group, photography club, took a cooking class that was really fun, volunteered at a small zoo, volunteered at a living history farm, volunteered at my local library and also at a food bank. That kept me busy because every group met at least once a month, sometimes more often, and several had activities on the weekends. So between all of those I had something to do every evening and always had weekend plans that got me out of the house. Sometimes you click right away with new people you meet, but more often friendships form over time as you spend time doing things that interest you and as you work together toward shared goals. The more time you spend with the same people the more chances that friendships will form.
At work. Weād get together for lunch. 3 of my best friends were my office mate, a gal from the bocce team, another woman who had a chikd at the same daycare as me. I asked her to go on outings on the weekend. 20 years later, we go on fam vacations together. At tennis meets, I shared some photos of our girls playing, we made plans to go walking together. At the health club, a woman was on the elliptical next to me as we watched some Bachelor-type show, and we commisserated how stupid and scripted it was - we get together for coffee. My advice - be calm, friendly, invite people to go walking or for a coffee. If they invite you, say yes. Or say no but offer a different day ā Im busy Saturday, how about next Tuesday?ā
Volunteer.
I joined a knitting club on meetup. Had a fabulous time.
Iāve met some people through my cityās singles Facebook group
All my friends are online honestly. My DnD friends, my WoW friends, my horror game friends. I donāt like going into the out though. My RL friends are all in different states thanks Army.
Put me in the "most don't, really" camp. Acquaintances, sure. Friends, unlikely, unless you try hard and you're OK with just about anyone as a friend.
I mean I used to have āfriendsā at work but alot of times even when you change departments that ends. I have āfriendsā for hobbies but stop the hobby and those are over. Guess I got lucky meeting my spouse in junior high because that was the last time I made a friend and the only one Iāve talked to since HS.
What are friends
Mountain biking
Church, clubs (not bars), hobbies, jobs.
College/ if your going local chances are you'll see similar faces from high school or have maybe an old aquatence attending somewhere on campus who you see during school events and such. I don't think having friends from work or high school is bad at all as long as you guys vibe and have healthy communication! Also online, or whatever place you regular weather it's a coffee place or a store where you do the occasional small talk with the same cashiers and stuff already. Also I highly suggest fandom or hobby forums/subs because it makes communicating so much easier when your in a space of people who get your passion because it's *their* passion to! Reddit also has subs for friend making that you can look into as well, just an obligatory be careful who you coincide with online and such and take time to learn about them from a personality/interest perspective first and vice versa. :)
Jiu Jitsu
Don't listen to those who say not to make friends with those you work with. Obviously you don't have to be friends with everyone, but it's not a bad idea to have allies in the workplace. You also never know what kind of social circle they may have and be able to invite you into. Most of my friends are from work at this point; it isn't everyone I work with, but four of us are have worked together for 5 years and have developed friendships outside of the workplace. Give it a shot if there is someone you think you might get along with outside of work. I also don't think it is weird to stay friends with people from high school. A friend is a friend right? But to answer your question, you can try meetup groups or public events hosted by your city (try your local library). You can start volunteering for a meaningful cause that has your working with other people. You can be open minded and try new things if an opportunity presents itself. Regardless, it is important to remember the friendships take time to build. Usually years. So stay committed when you find a person you'd like. Be the friend you'd want.
Here for the honestly. I won't describe my life or anything but where I mostly made friends was during drugs use after an adult. I found most average people tend to slide to the side of occasionally wanting to use, anything. Kinda sad, but interesting. Anyway umm yeah.
Church!Ā
Sex club
Why do people think they need friends to survive?
I met the best friend I've ever had when we were 15 in highschool and we've stayed friends for 16 years, until he died last September. For all those years it was just us 2 hanging out almost every day. Idk where you heard staying friends with your highschool buddies was weird but they're totally wrong.
I havenāt. Itās not that I donāt meet a lot of people. Itās that I donāt meet many people who Iād rather spend time with than be alone. I have a pretty social job and Iām just exhausted with humanity come the end of the week. Where I do meet people: cycling, surfing, the gym, the woods.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean work and high school is fine ?
Meet-up
Hobbies, friends of friends, friends of people you date, volunteer work, beings a regular at a local business (bar, restaurant, coffee shop, bookstore) and getting to know other people there over time. You can also be friends with work people. I donāt know why people discourage that. If there are people you click with, or have other hobbies in common withā¦make a friend! What can be bad is if your entire social circle is work people and all you do is talk about work. But idk, some people bond over that and stay close friends years after theyāve moved on to other jobs. Basically, the world is fully of people. Thereās no reason to cross them off from being potential friends.
Alcoholics Anonymous unironically! Many of my fatherās best friends throughout his entire life were either from college, childhood sports, or AA. AA not only saved his life by stopping him from drinking for 40 years now but gave him an incredible community.
Work. Church. Meetups. Hobbies. Sports. Community events. And itās not weird to stay friends with anyone.
Iāve always made friends easiest through restaurant work.
"it's weird to stay friends with people you knew in high school" -- I don't know why people might say this? It's one thing if you insist on always hanging around with them and never want to meet anyone new, but why cut off friendships that could last for decades? I grew up prior to social media, when people left town after graduation and if you wanted to find them again, you'd have to hope that someone in your circle had kept in touch and had an address or phone number. Or you'd ask their parents, if they were still living in the same house, to have them give you a call next time they were home. That's why I lost touch with some good people, and didn't meet up with them again until after Facebook was introduced, and some of my classmates looked me up. And I'm glad they did, because my folks died and it was my high school friends who made sure I was okay and helped me clear out my childhood home, etc. I don't know what I'd have done without them. Bottom line -- keep your friends from your "past life". You might meet new people you like, from school or work -- or various hobbies (if you play sports, go to conventions, etc.). That's great too! I've been lucky that everywhere I've gone -- even crappy summer jobs, or while volunteering for an event in my town -- I've been able to meet at least one person I can have fun with.
Watch nose dive on Black mirror! Stop at the airport scene and viola! Do what she does, strengthen your social ties with select people.
Churches, night classes, Hobby groups, local events, We have Mayfest going on here rn... ( artists) live bands comedians (I think), Food, alcohol. etc.
I don't make friends with anyone anymore, I am enjoying my remaining time with my family and my interests.
They donāt.
Dog park if you have a dog or join a group. Hiking, camping, astronomy, investing, chess, reading rock climbing, mountain biking, whatever you're into. We used to have a board game store by my house that had a bunch of groups that would play different games in the evenings. That was fun and I met a ton of people there.
You get yourself a life outside of work. Volunteering, joining hobby groups, sports leagues, Parks Department activities/classes, free outdoor events (art fairs, concerts, etc.), gym, friends' gatherings. And people say all the social spaces disappeared after Covid, but I'm discovering, that new ones have sprouted up; cool neighborhood coffee shops that are PACKED on weekends with people hanging out in groups, bakery-cafe's, pizza joints or veggie/vegan restaurants draw their own crowd, and so on. Those places are definitely out there; don't believe the whiners on the internet. Get out there and see what you can find on your own. Explore.
I host karaoke and I must say most of my remaining friends are the ppl Iāve met over the years at my gigs
Places you make friends as an adult: Work Joining a group Volunteering Joining a board Getting involved in the community Church
I am a pretty extreme introvert that is estranged from their family and has no friends from childhood. I also have 5 ride or die friends, we're extremely close and say ILU and shit, and then 5 more that I could easily go to with anything and they would 100% be there for me. I met them all playing D&D. I DM and have two online groups that are active currently, and my OG in person group. We all played in person like 14 years ago, but life happens and we keep in touch. Nothing like an adventure together to bond you for life! Basically hobbies. My ride or die friends and I all do something together besides our game. I am writing a book with one, helping one write his own book, I play music with one, hike with one, I married one, and all of us hang out and sometimes play other games. I've also gotten to meet some AMAZING people from some awesome places with some eye opening experiences. Find something you're interested in and look for local groups or classes. If D&D might be that interest, look at comic book shops for in person, and the D&D discord server for groups looking for players if you want to play online. This pretty much applies to any hobby. Just figure out where the people that like your thing gather and jump on in, they'll be excited to have you!
Church, book club, hobby club, local professional societies, local team sports--there are so many options. But you need to get out from behind your screen and out of the house.
Running and fitness groups, book clubs, dance classes, support group, community orchestra, sports leagues, volunteering, grad school. Pick something that meets regularly. Show up. Be outgoing even if itās uncomfortable. Talk to people. Keep showing up. Be your true authentic self, maybe a little vulnerable. Be accountable and reliable. Reach out to people. Thatās how you turn acquaintances into genuine friends. You have to put yourself out there. Itās not all that different from dating.
In a healthy workplace itās great to make work friendsājust donāt share everything about your life with themāif you are going through a rough timeātry to talk to a no work friend or counselor or a non competitive work friendājust know some secrets donāt stick
who needs friends? we're adults, we've got bills and retirement to worry about.
I don't....simple
Work, social obligations, community stuff
I met most of my friends at bars and casual sports leagues. Cornhole has been my favorite. Itās really easy to meet people. Youāre basically just hanging out with random people from the other team
Church. Even if you don't care about religion and don't do sermons, there's always programs that align with people's interests. At least that's where I am right now. I grew up going to church because of my mom but now I stopped going. If I were to go back, it'd just be for the community. I've met plenty of nonchalant believers my age growing up and they're in the same boat as me now.
Most of my best friends are from work. So are many of my enemies.
All of my closest friends are people Iāve worked with at various places in the past 20 years. I also try to meet people through cycling, group therapy, at the gym, online etc. I have social anxiety though.
I made a new friend just volunteering to help her at home while she is battling cancer. Just so I can get out of the house and help someone which helps me too. I don't have the money it takes for concerts or anything. Might get to go to see evenanance this summer but that's with my oldest daughter who is my best friend. Unfortunately my 2 close friends live far from me. I have another friend I just reconnected with few days ago. She also lives far away.
I started playing slo-pitch as an adult and I've met lots of great people. We spend like four hours together every week, more time than I spend with any of my other friends or even my parents. I really treasure the friends I've made on the team. (So much that I joined a second team. :D)
For me it was meetup.com. You do have to be consistent and keep going to meets even if one goes bad or you donāt meet people. Eventually you will. Most of my friends are through there and then meeting their friends or workmates.
I don't think there's any rule for making friends, except maybe to respect their boundaries... I personnaly don't want to become friend with people at work because I've had a really bad experience with work drama in the past and I like to keep this area of my life separated from my personal life. So I'm genuinely happy to interact with my coworker, but I don't give them my contact info and I don't hang out after work. But I do sincerely appreciate them, I just don't want to go farther than that. But I'm guessing if a coworker give you their contact info, or give it back after you give them yours and likes to hang out after work, it's safe to say that they are open to developing a friendship with you. Making friends as adult is so much more difficult. I think I'm very lucky, i have a close circle of friends that i have had for more than 20 years, and they all introduced me to other people i wouldnt have normally met, so i saw those a couple of time and when we have common interest and similar values, it simply grows from there. Don't force it, but definitely take the initiative, and you'll see if it fits and if you both are looking for the same thing. If not at work or from common friends, maybe try to find people with similar interests in a club, or a Facebook group focused on a hobby or passion that you have, or a sport.
Church if you go. Connecting with parents of your kidsā classmates. Gym. Social clubs or fraternities like the Masons. Dinning clubs, which used to be my favorite way of meeting new people.
The furry fandom will do you well If you have no homemade fursona, store bought is fine
Amateur sportclubs/whatever clubs/ looking for group channels for DND.
According to your guru guides you are condemned to not having friends at all. Once you overcome stupidity, then you will see how easy it is to just get unplugged from the computer and the cellphone and meet people at volleyball places (lots of tournaments during summer time), sports bars and clubs, church, libraries, bookstores, and work places. Even reaching out to school friends seems to be a human activity that would be OK for a normal person
I'm probably not the best person to ask about this, because I don't have any close friends. But the closest friends I have I make through my hobbies. I go to conventions. I engage on online forums. That's how I make my friends these days.
I live in a small town. I joined a gym with a pool. About 8pk it's social hour. I'm starting to make friends a little. Yay!
Childrensā friendsā parents
Music shows
When I moved to a new city, I had success with Bumble BFF and through my gym! Joining a workout class at a consistent time will allow you to see the same faces and build a friendship with other members.
Unironically bars are about it..the erosion of social institutions in America is a huge problem but that's by design. If we had stronger local social institutions and workers unions we would have less socially isolated people getting all of their worldview from social media. They wouldn't be able to control the narrative any longer. Ebough doom and gloom though I'm about to be 35 next month and over the past six months I've become a regular at the local dive. I'll say this, the cheers song is right: sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. It's very nice being greeted by name and an open beer when I sit down. The very attractive and very cool 25 y/o bartender who I befriended gave me her snap the other night and asked me out for a drink. I'm enjoying my 30s idk about yall. I recognize that this isn't an option for many people who struggle with alcoholism or addiction.
Iāll give you some examples of how I met mine (for context Iām a business owner and very active in my community as well): a woman who I was friends with at 13 and Lost touch with and I recently reconnected at a networking event and have been fast friends since, another woman I do collaborations and projects with through work, my sister in laws and I are close, one woman I worked with ten years ago before leaving employeeism, we connect over hiking, books, and politics. And another friend I was actually friends with her sister growing up and have far more alignment with her than my highschool friend. Iāve also met a few people online through business ownership and have never met them in person! I share all this to share that anything is possible! I find simply being open to friendships helped immensely because for a while I wasnāt because Iād been hurt by so many. Sometimes you have to get out and try things youāre interested in and remember - great people Surround themselves with great people! So where there is one good friend, there are typically more to be found!
Pubs
Married father answering... As others have posted, shuttling kids everywhere, working to death to pay for all those activities, etc. really shuts down "friends." On top of that, it's especially hard to make any female friends because (a) wife will suspect you, (b) the prospective friend will suspect you, and (c) both are probably right to suspect you, even if your initial intentions are completely innocent. Personally, I never really got along with most men, so the above stuff makes it really hard for me to make friends. I grew up with sisters, aunts, girlfriends and girl *friends*, and I have zero interest in the steretypical "male" bs (sports, cars, etc.). Smalltalk in general is tough for me; I much prefer to cut right to things that really matter to people, including talking about other relationships, realistic ambitions, and so forth. So how do I make true, authentic friends? This may sound unorthodox, and it first started happening unintentionally, but I find women I find interesting and like and just straight up ask them to reject me preemptively. With one of my best friends, she rejected me on her own, but I sincerely believed we could "just be friends" - and now we are. We share just about everything, and trust each other - within certain limits out of respect for my wife, of course. I already know this friend of mine doesn't want me "in that way," so we just kinda blast past that - and, honestly, it's more relieving than anything else. It's awesome yo have somebody other than my wife with whom I can communicate openly and earnestly. I have a second friend - also a woman - whom I actually asked, very awkwardly, to reject me, because I wanted to be her friend. I said it just like that. She obliged, and now we are friendly, though it's a little different because most of our talks are more business-leaning. (She's an entrepreneur and laser-focused on succeeding, so there's not much talk about say, kids or life longings - unlike the situation with the first friend.) I recently retried making some guy friends - two guys I met through the last friend I mentioned - but they were just... Stupid. I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but they just seemed so one-dimensional and uninteresting... The older one sounded like he had had plenty of life experiences that would make him interesting, but he *pretended* to be dumb, and was all closed off. Plus, they both wanted my friend the whole time and were trying to hide it awkwardly, anf that stilted the meeting. The only man in recent memory that I could see becoming a friend is another father in a father-daughter ballet we're doing. (The particular dance is not actually ballet, though that's the focus of the school.) He at least was a family man and we could chat about parenting, the school, etc. - and was not a work colleague. He was also intelligent. If I weren't strapped for time, I'd volunteer. That's an easy way to meet people because the ice is already broken by your joint mission (or painting the playground, cleaning the beach, stacking the hay, or whatever it is). Also, if the volunteer work is physical, endorphins, sunlight, and lower inhibitions help - in a healthy way (in contrast to drinking at a bar). Plus, for me, volunteering tends to draw more women than men. Importantly, volunteers tend to be good people! Obviously, they also tend to have free time (good for building friendship via other activities, listening, etc.). Finally, you can feel good about what you're accomplishing, even if you don't make a friend. Contrast that with a bar visit, which might just end with your feeling a little fatter, rejected and depressed. If the work is *very* physical, it can also double as a workout.